July 2, 2024 • 44 mins
In part 2 of the interview with ex-Senior Constable Damien Mullen, host Andy Fermo continues to explore the intense and often dangerous situations Damien faced as a police officer in remote areas. Damien shares harrowing stories of life-threatening encounters, including a riot and a deeply traumatic incident on a remote island. He discusses the emotional toll these experiences took on him, leading to a severe PTSD diagnosis. The episode delves into the struggles of accepting the diagnosis, dealing with the stigma, and the journey toward understanding and managing PTSD. Damien's story is a powerful testament to the resilience of first responders and the critical need for mental health support.
I the latter half of the episode Damien's recalls his encounters with violence and trauma in remote policing. He recounts a terrifying riot where he and a colleague had to run for their lives and a distressing case involving a young girl's suicide on a remote island. These experiences led to severe PTSD, which Damien initially struggled to recognise and accept. The episode further explores his journey through the diagnosis, the impact on his personal life, and the challenges of seeking treatment and support.
Key Takeaways
- The Reality of Remote Policing: Working in remote areas often involves facing life-threatening situations with limited resources and support.
- The Importance of Community Relationships: Building strong relationships with local communities can be crucial for safety and effective policing.
- Recognizing PTSD Symptoms: It is essential to acknowledge and recognize the signs of PTSD, even when they gradually creep in.
- The Stigma of Mental Health Issues: Overcoming the stigma associated with PTSD and seeking help is a significant challenge for first responders.
- Coping Mechanisms: Finding healthy coping mechanisms, such as community support and therapy, is vital for managing PTSD.
- The Impact on Family Life: PTSD can severely affect personal relationships and family life, requiring understanding and support from loved ones.
- The Role of Support Systems: Support from colleagues, family, and mental health professionals is crucial in the recovery process.
- Adapting to New Realities: Accepting the diagnosis and adapting to new realities is a critical part of the healing journey.
- The Importance of Self-Care: Developing a self-care plan tailored to individual needs is essential for long-term mental health and well-being.
- Hope and Recovery: Despite the challenges, it is possible to find hope and achieve recovery with the right support and resources.
Contact - Damien Mullen
Help Lines Open Arms (VVCS) | Lifeline | RedSix app
"RESPECT, NO POLITICS, WE'RE VOLUNTEERS"
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Claire Fermo (00:04):
Welcome to invisible injuries podcast,
aimed at bettering the wellbeing and mental health,
veterans, first responders intheir immediate support
experiencing post traumaticstress. By sharing the stories
of the lived experiences of ourpeers, the support staff and the
clinicians, it's our aim to makesure we can have a meaningful
(00:27):
connection with our audience,and give them the ideas for
their own self care plan. If youdo like what you're hearing,
subscribe to the channel andshare it with your friends.
Lastly, these stories may be atrigger for your post traumatic
stress. If your PTSD istriggered, we have links to
(00:48):
support in the description. Orif it's immediate, please call
lifeline on 1311 14. Here's yourhost, Andy fermo.
Andy Fermo (01:03):
Can you just share with us a little bit if
something happened? And itwasn't quite dealt with or he's
like had someone you go alongwith or pursue this? Because
that's all this is the policingright that bit and then it
flares up into this riot. Whathappens there with bloody a
short small amount of crew onlya few constables there and your
team lines
Damien Mullen (01:24):
up and all the time we had one time so me and
the sergeant we went to adisturbance. And it was one
family guests now the family andthey were a palapa drunk and now
throwing rocks it's a Burroughsthis heaps of rocks and rocks
everywhere in and they werethrowing rocks at each other.
They will find in a weekendbecause someone called him
(01:45):
disturbance. When obviously wealready have it. It's just the
two of us who are grm kiwi.
Alright think that down. I didnt doesn't have the two police
officers are think they went outon training or something. So I
think that I own two policeofficers in Barolo at the time.
And then we got caught in themiddle of it. And we were like,
there was fending for our lives.
One stage went on, we werebehind you Spence. And let's say
(02:09):
he's 67. And he's crouched downon credit stand behind this lock
wire fence. And we were stuckthere and in the guard about
house and people were there,we'll just start rocks. So
they're on the other side of thefence throwing rocks at us. And
what are you ever going to shootsomeone near some rocks that
Yeah, but yet if a rock which isrecovery ready and die, or
(02:32):
seriously injured,
Andy Fermo (02:34):
massive rock to the head who's
Damien Mullen (02:35):
gonna give you first aid, right? They, for some
reason, they just hated us atthat moment. And I remember him
saying to us, we're gonna get tothree we're going to run because
a cow was at the front of thehouse and softening had three
gotta run and whatever happens.
No, we just can't he can't getto three and we just ran as fast
as we could to the front of thehouse jumped in that car and the
car was smashed out. And yeah,it's just inside then. Then the
(02:58):
next day they apologise andbecause you've got that
relationship with them fun it'sforget
Andy Fermo (03:06):
caught caught in crossfire at the heat of the
moment
Damien Mullen (03:09):
and the family issues and alcohol and we all
have I was terrible. Here he wasa crazy place. But people have
to also great things as far asleading the country like anyone
that's listened to this, theirvoice overs are joined in
Northern Territory all the wayas well. And probably even to
Australia and country policingsome credible threnody claesson
(03:31):
Yeah, yeah,
Andy Fermo (03:32):
that's a bright ference and then so what was it
that brought you back to you hadgente experience what sort of
brought you was it a familything moving you back to vehicle
was like a posting that you didor
Damien Mullen (03:43):
what was one who turned jobs in Barlow, the Gobi.
Yeah. And then it was law. So itwas over Christmas. So deep blue
data pretty short before justbefore Christmas, I attended a
sitz case. And demo the title ofEllington of Baden just passed
away to Dan I was working overin 2010 off working during
(04:08):
Christmas Mr. Morris left withthe two kids to go back to
Victoria King she went toVictoria better thing the thing
Lincolnshire obviously I teachand I had time off universe at
this point I'll I'll just stayhere Mark yet. Follow them on
Did you had that those otherplate those three other police
(04:28):
officers started to other placeI've said why and why He's on
leave it in only one place thatdidn't go on they'd have a
montage so there was free tostay so we had a Christmas
together. We do get called inwas standing and abroad now on
Christmas Day. So hold on calledthe whole Christmas Bureau
because I will tell you I'mthird family day Yeah, so I sent
you guys hopefully on call.
Yeah. And then you got segmentswith a team and you guys shared
(04:50):
at the twain that someone doesChristmas day with you. Someone
else does Fox known. HerChristmas day we had that but it
was still got to have the faceblocked by the family Christmas
wick. With Dan Locke. We've gotthe lunch still even after being
called out to that job, thendang Boxing Day at night was
like 1130 at night. We're gonnacall it con phone call or that
(05:13):
sorry don't call far from get aphone call for a nine year old
dude that sells Bandol in Orlandwhich is an oil and just off day
interested cop in the Gulf copterrarium does the weed all and
so it's looking it's an all wayit is. I actually grew it before
we went here at the moment isonly one family lived in a I
(05:35):
think there's a five people thatdid on the island and according
to Wikipedia, but when I wentthen there was a family deed and
then there was another familythat me there's one they didn't
but it might have been twofamilies that did this and how
many people so got the phonecall letting Daddy that he She
hung herself and that dad foundher that Tom the eat is
(05:57):
obviously monitoring weather andwe couldn't get the bar down
there because they've lost itwasn't waters
Andy Fermo (06:05):
in and the tides the tides of massive issue. story,
Damien Mullen (06:10):
sir yeah. Yeah, yeah. And that the love is
obviously no laugh about thesituation. But that's the place
laugh and COVID Half our goalthat was boxing day had no and
then I had to obviously call outthe other two police officers
because we had to start runningshe'd had to tell all the
superintendents from Katherineand Darwin and joy but then we
(06:31):
had to do try and organise theone of the sea ranges which is
someone from the community tosee ranger to drop the police
boat to then pile and in themorning by first law. Yeah, so
all that we stayed outorganising everything to five
o'clock in the morning we leftversus me. One or the other. 20
constables are going to sayRanger who was driving the boat
(06:54):
we left we had to drive to CassBay which is maybe an hour or so
away to launch the boat to getout there. So we got out there
there was the family. The familyday when we arrived today, and
bananas Lord obviously saw at910 o'clock in the morning at
stake and water just had lowwater about a week maker's mark
(07:15):
around so we're going to dealwith the body we're going to
take photographs Everton willbring the body back the family
will come and Derby that's allon you baton so we've got their
hair in the end up where sheDonna was about in the sort of
(07:35):
scrobbling foxon Sure raw walkthere's the beach it's our
beautiful walk as far aspicturesque place out there
you've blocked Assange and thenthat you've waited half season
in this bit of the scrub landand up this you will remember
real lucky Hill trees never doneand sometimes things are lucky
so one of the family members hewill walk and he he said to me
(07:59):
he goes oh I'm gonna snap sobranches so that way if you need
to you can find your way back tothe house. And at this stage
we're just going to deal withbody and identity fraud and and
it was a call you know worse sohe's always setting branches so
it get out there and then we hadto do all we had to do with the
body who made a fair stretch andwe stretched it out back to the
(08:22):
boat and as we went to leave ona total you're going to be the
problem seemed out of war andthe tree or a went back out for
more I don't know isn't thissort of granted? Yes. Right. And
they'll lock all aids we'regonna we're going to type the
body bank they detected fromKatherine you're going to come
to the day on their way toborrow oil and they're going to
(08:44):
get the board back out. Chromeset out do whatever they need to
do on the crime scene and thenpick you up we're going to do
our sir on ours. Song sitting ona rock at this stage no one's on
the island the only two founderswere there and I left with the
body as well can send to thepolice so I'm the only one on
the call and there's just far inreception there's foreign Mr.
(09:11):
quani Oh, Sue is terriblethereby starting to get a GMO
moseys last render water and I'mlogged in under 40 hours five
hours data getting data withkind of off you know uncommon so
I made the decision to moreleave the ground saying and walk
back to the start today hence Iwas just lucky to did the
(09:36):
branches because all made me wayback to the house and then give
out to the house and then theirdogs so there was dogs there as
well. Because I didn't I thenthey started attacking me on
Zoom. So whilst we nearly packeasily fire on to one and I'm
(09:57):
working for myself in the houseand And then luckily enough they
left this font there so I wasable to call the station I've
called the station I said spoketo the surgeon local or just
making short Cassandra yetDallas now so what's the last
time that the sun was a badthird day? unlock a they still
(10:18):
come in he's got some bad newsfor you they're not coming
they've decided that they wantto rest and you're gonna stay
there and be prom sent down tothe tree and Allah you're no
one's flooding in me I've got nofood I had nothing I had no no
water may not however long hoursand since the night before is no
(10:43):
more II gotta police Come giveme some water and start I had
something but if you know thehouse that I'm talking about
like you know he's definitely aBedford and you drink water.
Yeah. Then so I was up all nightcrosshair card at a tree or that
area and they'll learn but thenI was on call Can you you know
(11:07):
if you can send me stuff clinicsthat have nice icons cool colour
deal with one note and on theall end on your own all come
down to subtle thing. You'll getthis EMI. He's an old school of
thought and nothing tiny bitbetter than it was. When you're
old school. Yeah, Sergeant,crusty Sergeant a really nice
(11:29):
guy too. But so that was theresponse. So I stayed out.
Obviously didn't sleep lastnight day. crops and garden farm
one and I took up a walk 11o'clock. did bring a sandwich
for me. So that was quite handy,fellas. Cheers. Cheers, fellas.
And then then I hadn't yethelped process the same and have
(11:50):
the news for a couple of days.
Waiting at home to room waitthat night. And then I started
to finish my statement. I know Ican then have led to knock off
and then shift. Yeah, the shift.
And there. There was no likewelfare though. There's our
flock fee and doctor. Youprocess and what you just saw on
(12:14):
your island? On an island? Justyourself? Yes. Thanks for
coming. Yeah, and then. Yeah.
And that along with that. You doother stuff as well. They come
to authority. We were going toleave that here. Let's go hard.
So it was a solid fair can eToro
Andy Fermo (12:37):
so that's just having an effect on you after
that, that that incident and acouple of other ones that you
just mentioned.
Damien Mullen (12:44):
So I didn't think so. No. Probably yes. But I
didn't think so. Then Excel Imean had the wild traded you
would probably leave that allwould have a bit of a of an
animosity or something to thesergeant or even to the
detectives detained it too tiredfrom the drop off. Okay, but no,
(13:05):
no, and I didn't think it hadany effect or just I just put
into the back of my mind andjoin the Victorian police force
so that they seem to desert wildname. Yeah. And that was only a
short course because I wasobviously already plays off so
all I have to do is just thelegislation, conversion and
topical soon so we moved toAugust posted out to Morwell
(13:26):
PlayStation so we've seen sothat is keep saying okay, yes, I
grew up in in more than theMornington Peninsula. Dan
Wonderland we didn't want to goback to where we were from opens
up many doors somewhere in yourmovie at least somewhere in the
middle my door back so we wantedsomething different and we got
other posted out to the mallwhile my wife got a job at the
(13:51):
secretary college knew where welived in wearable him for and
then voted but there was a lotso that was a it was a new star.
Placing was completely differentaround in terms of you, you
obviously still deal with somebad stuff, but it's just not as
regular what I remember massageand when I first caught that he
(14:14):
was fantastic. He passed thewhite balls there. flat cut and
rotted out clean adhering to myservice. But he was probably one
of the best side and say thatand he was a hard worker. And
I'd been there for a couple ofmonths. And I'd no rule wrists.
And guys, we need to have a chatand we'll call it universe. So
(14:37):
it brings me into his office andhe's you know this job that you
went to which was like someonegot punched and watch them I
just got punched who's fallenlike this. Not even assault is
in Detroit and that's anassault. But that's what we deal
with it realise that's what youdo with Dobby so I never go to
(14:57):
these jobs that I would arrestStay on because more Yo yo yo is
different with the NorthernTerritory yeah so monster hitter
and alright he deal withunlawful assault and someone
banned ponstel fans a lot nowover here
Unknown (15:14):
assistant when you've been sent D says
Damien Mullen (15:17):
yes the ones that have a hitter at night and the
different types of plays youknow if it was good and all of
that that determined place toget a lot done Northern
Territory plays there it wasbright then return plays force
is really good too. So I workeduniform so say two years at
Morales has to be a station likea 24 hour station then I did 12
(15:37):
months set D the data you lookat the comments so that's not
there. Yeah, you've got thedruggies in their city block
which is the big one they do thebig jobs this is like this squad
divisional to ask me that you dothe drug ease of use the journey
to walk the small area okay,sorry, higher level than normal
(15:58):
but no, it is too high it goesto a different area that
actually drives one Yeah, sothat was really exciting that
was good. But once again likethe whole is you do want to list
search warrants sonar nerd yethad experience with that sort of
stuff but it's soft andadrenaline rush lucky go there.
He never know when you knocksomeone's door down. What is on
(16:19):
the other side of that door?
Whether it's nothing orsomething so you always get that
real adrenaline rush. And thenyou get the dump and then the
next day you get the adrenalinerush. And you don't realise that
the Capes toll as well of thejob. Yeah, all these chemicals
and the adrenaline and thecortisol and all the stress
things. I've learned how to getback to normal I think that's
(16:39):
the issue with the place hasoccupied policing in your heart
area, your combat zones the Babualso where you live and then
this I don't know get posted toSo did that for a year. So I
went there for about three yearsdid more in more wild than went
to a small country station indrawn where we live. But it was
in the time where I started notreally noticing DNS, but
(17:07):
looking. Once I had my lastSchichten when Dan was talking
about it, it's all worth worthit drawn. And I was going really
well I was a very accomplished alot to police officer. I was
good at my job and law kickingstations. And then once again I
was injured my shoulder but hestill was through football so I
(17:30):
had to shoulder I was had toshoulder reconstruction again,
but that was paid by me you justthrough football. But when I was
coming back from injury Oh, I'lltake it off the Dan. And I did
some timing please.
prostitutions okay, just do some10 G's, and I was in court. So
this was his 23rd jantardeadnettle Feminine Yeah. So the
(17:51):
court and I know the guilty pleaso they I had to read out my job
was to read out there like aprecis of what then the incident
and I stood up and I went toread it out and the words just
landed into one blog I didn'tknow what was going on started
(18:12):
sweating furiously I couldn'tspace couldn't Ray and I stood
in a court I just damn assaultuh sat down was lucky that I was
in training that there's a placeprosecuted next to me that just
found a bit of paper and read inthat to her oh wait you can see
(18:33):
office know about say horn andloop fly there on a fan and that
was a tiny bit panic attack notlong at all didn't find the
drive for more while does thatstatic board house. Well,
listen, it's been 45 minutes orso kilometres to horn but cried
the whole way home. And I didn'teven know what else Hi, Phil. I
(18:54):
just this find an independent soI've got Corey Matoba Wallace.
She was obviously shocked and Iwent straight to the doctors and
I both described Covance someBellion have put on some aid to
process effects or some othertold you've got PTSD. And I'm on
(19:17):
pretarsal I didn't know whenPTSD was with the Streisand to
be one at a time, but I didn'tthrow it bolt burden and the
main thief to learn Yeah, but itwas what one person before that
there was signs, you know,Matthew, by a desk in the
absolutely no awareness. Andthen those signs were
Unknown (19:42):
at that time that time
Damien Mullen (19:43):
Yeah, it wasn't meant to look and blank block or
would wait. We used to laugh andand we're still very dantas
gonna walk you through ourfabulous food titles one off
programme we would oxycodoneslaves to have nightmares. Or at
least here's the key because alland drain it down but no one is
obviously that day or the babybent on want to open up a couple
of bad debts and stuff he'dVictoria and then and then or
(20:05):
just the haven't I made thevendor notes stood up as normal
and then I would think a lot ofinvalid while bringing up a lot
get the past for internetthrough Vaughn comments five so
there was no further mustard Iwouldn't sleep Kaduri for that
he could go to the farms beingpart of the county get rest of
it for sleep eating nothingmaybe Cory You got to keep the
(20:27):
draw his law firm sorry aboutsetting that guard when you've
thoughtful Yeah, and all wouldget that addicted today and let
me get my wife to go to anotherfarm for you to hear Alan you
can yelling at segments and daysyeah, I would give a walk
together at a pharmacy while weget all funds and then get
someone else to their topharmacy, nearly an old needle
(20:48):
three or four resident did go tobed to sleep for about hours
seminar town. And we just used achart while he was just talking
to Ron and Jared famosas It'scrazy to think that reading data
was such a big role but whenit's gradual, you're just
starting it just starts tobecome normal work at the end on
the wide range joke. And then Iwould like go to the doctors and
(21:13):
I was on Alma Shoal is reallybad to get an abandoned car in
an old site just take an endoand because it would not be here
and we thought this funny mathsong by your Draghi now would be
the right job but not realiseand walk into this was old
before I even went into panic inthe theatre you just like forget
(21:35):
indicators Yeah, you would takeall look the how awkward the
wanting a club that's unfair sosomething and they'll maintain
this embarrassed one year Idon't even go to the
presentation I would not go toold Mac excuses not to Derrida
anyway that there was the publicYeah, I would and you do it all
the note what all the debts Iwas normal thesis he would sit
(21:55):
sounds for you would turn placesyou will look and access all the
things I just assumed werenormal. Yeah. Yeah. When I was
gonna Airdrie every one of themand kill abroad on the 20th Jan,
and then that's when I firstfound out PTSD. Well,
Andy Fermo (22:17):
then, Melissa, Thanks for Thanks. First of all,
thanks for sharing that, becausethere's quite a lot in there
that you've just mentioned. Demon and, and not recognising
those signs. till afterwards.
It's gradual. That's the thingis while you're saying this,
it's creeping in. And then inthose things that you're doing,
just say for example, okay,that's meds or whatever it is,
(22:38):
is taking these, then I canstill function normally as part
of my duty, right? So you don'tthink of it in a different sort
of mindset about what it is andwhen you broke down, and
obviously that's that was atrigger for a lot of stuff.
You're driving home and cryingthat whole way is that since the
release of a lot of emotionsthat's coming out, what was what
(23:00):
was it like when you when theysaid you, you had diagnosed you
with this condition? Did youaccept it straightaway? What was
your thoughts there? And wereyou in denial? So
Damien Mullen (23:12):
from that moment, so I always try and ethnicity is
laid like this, with 2020 fours2017 Holmes still unpacking
period of time Mr. Fox from 2017But yet we that the gap here
with a diagnose V, but hewouldn't think of him as our
(23:33):
destiny but what he would havedied is sin. You've probably got
PTSD. We wrote thosedescriptions that Dan obviously
referred me on to thepsychiatrist in college was
footbed former diagnosis yes theden he was then in middle of his
life crazy because not only thegot PTSD you do work yen kava to
(23:56):
get some work injury are theygoing to always locked you
aren't sorry. I've heard a lotof how a lot of people some
people dark and people'sexperience their experiences
bullying their experiences notgetting their support from the
station and all that I gotsavour there was no lack of
support the side Yang one of thesides is on are in my wife as
(24:19):
well like here yeah there wasthis was on dance club from that
moment or we need to fight orflight for two years it was on
our view so when your neck yourframe is not working and you
only know what's going on andand then I started on the
medication train you up fromMargaret on belly and for for a
year straight and then can
Andy Fermo (24:39):
they come in every day and that's one of the sees
when you started yawning so wereyou still at that point until
you had your panic attack andit's starting to get prescribed
these meds were still on duty ordid they medically put you on
hold for lentil
Damien Mullen (24:54):
and have worked to so that 23 Jan so I was
working up to 20 the gel Yeah,and it was funny the weekend And
before those believe that wasMonday the weekend before that
who uploaded that weekend? I wasjust saying to lock my wife away
for a while to doll them off Ijust love this job isn't the
best job okay and prosecutionsnow means it from home goods
(25:15):
have been in your workplacewhere you can change jobs within
a Joel yeah from walk and haveloved this that was what
conversation today crucial isthe day full upon the mind and
templates a lot less forceAllison does still there. And I
have any resentment towardspolice force or donated never
(25:35):
regretted anything but the oldwork run up to them. But then
that day, I'd never been back ina police station or went home.
Then I was given to a saw lastspar with from that moment. From
what from at that size of thearray to 100. But who was
probably Nike? Or was probably70 to 100. Raleigh had 30 to go
(26:01):
off I just didn't realise I waskind of 71 So why spiralled out
in a row look, I was on here andI've never been back in a
PlayStation hints that day we'llbe drawing PlayStation on when
they filled out while I wentdesign got interviewed by an
investigator for my work coverfall because they they filled
(26:25):
out the word cover form or Inever knew anything about work
or forms. They did that behindthe scenes. So a lot was
happening behind the scenes thatI just looked very their
appointments thought they wouldjust happen. I'd wake up one day
and have you know, Aki gotanother appointment? Yes. Wasn't
a tool. Part of the work? Howare you go get them for an
(26:49):
independent medical examination,which is the psychiatrists in at
they foster a bunch of stuff toget the form of diagnosis. So
yeah, I'm sure that you got theinjury that you said that you've
had claimed while went there, Iknow Ray one better than
everybody. And they know any ofthe process where I went into
it. So I just went there mayonly say today because I go
(27:11):
through all your friend and thenI had trauma as a kid as well.
So that is cool border. Dan,they give you a report and send
you the report. They give it tothe worker bar in people what's
going on acid buy, does tutoriabut you also get sent a copy of
that report and I've writtenthat report. This is like a
couple of months out of the job.
Not really still no more PTSD.
(27:36):
And they in that report thatfirst psychiatrists said
compounded at full and this is2007 A, you will never work a
day in your life again. Heshouldn't even drive a car or
PTSD. And there are some jobs inthere that will stay at
subconscious findings. Was Hollytrue three months after I'd went
(27:58):
up with God who made him sick inJanuary I'm reading it all never
worked a day in my life againand I read this to care it's our
boy I'm doorstep no I have toread up on that got me yet and
that was the first anothersection with buy from
PlayStation or there was a morePlayStation or Playstation lock
(28:20):
warble would be one draw andsort of the small one where I
work and discharging mywireframe is such a small place
national police force in smallarea so he's out of here so
uncle off I'll come to our caststones. Take his stuff. Then I
overdosed and they the airbrushcame saga and restaurants will
(28:42):
mark our kids for rock taggingnext door now all my knickknacks
and I just heard fantastic datataken there while the indolence
has come rushing your hospitalnow to put in a software load
for bit Brouwers I didn't lasttoo long of date while the meds
that our talk had worn almostwas it couple of days. And then
(29:06):
they released me because I wasgood at telling them what they
needed to Yes, yeah. To get out.
And then from that motion islike a roller coaster of what
kind of falls this was
Andy Fermo (29:16):
bad for us to that went and because I think oh man
that's that's a lot that youjust shared man then and thanks
for sharing that because it'sthat type of experience. Yeah,
it's probably hold on. Let metake a moment so that we're
having shared that experience asone of them. There was something
that you mentioned before withthe report. They can't look that
(29:36):
sent you spiralling to thenthose other subsequent actions
right the overdose can you justshare a little bit more about
how that made you feel readingthat report because you go from
being a functional word, you'reon the job, you're doing your
job, you're loving it, you'retelling your wife, what else?
(29:57):
What other? What other rolesSome allow you to be able to do
this and this and thensomething's happened and
incident has happened where it'sunlocked everything so then
you're off work right you'veremoved from something that you
love so much and that ispassionate about then you get
this report that says thatDamien shouldn't be working
(30:19):
shouldn't be driving shouldn'tbe humour basically what I had
obviously there was that effectbut was at the time reading that
was
Damien Mullen (30:28):
he could still get an understatement right and
what could it mean give wouldn'talways it such a Wiseman
couldn't stand by sound Hall wastorn at first this year. You
might think it just seemed likeit was too wide. Yeah, and I was
just down from the dock to thisgarters to so called on one
(30:52):
different ice. It's uncertainit's pretty great oceans and no
one here not only one waters,it's addictive. You get in
January. He messes with thegrapes early on it's been
horrible and dark seeds andFriesland for long very adamant
suffer dimeric busting the Daniasecret Danny Stein you don't
(31:12):
function in tobacco that callthe machine can kill he does
fall he act that needs to startinto this a ball of art. I've
read that enough to deal withhim. The kid I'm sorry, I'm here
today on the back of the headcaught Yeah. But um, carried
(31:38):
later on later on Dan. One ofthe things I think a lot of pick
a spirit and the heart beats andBolton's your coaster. Yeah.
Just basically house asnowboard. Right.
Unknown (31:59):
Yeah. The stereo Todd.
Damien Mullen (32:02):
didn't just say in always four centimetres dirty
when pictures give us fake pushequation. And when we went to
the shops What did you feellike? You're the only one? Yeah,
that was willing right. Now Isanyone familiar? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Let's take a listen. Takethe strange of the lens.
Unknown (32:26):
Yeah, what do you do?
Yeah, yeah. To
Damien Mullen (32:29):
bring up some badges if you want to just push
them on and even call out inrestaurant in this article. And
widely barred boy wait.
Sir What did he eat it stoodout. Didn't sites. Where would I
(32:54):
want? Yes. Where he made mestruggling. is flowing. I don't
like the bold. Put them I thinkI think why.
Unknown (33:04):
Third? Yeah. Though.
The residual skills there from
Damien Mullen (33:08):
section three b part seems really good.
Obviously. She's off to say itout. Ya know. Thanks, club. It
sounds like he did respond.
Jason's fault. All right.
Thanks, Nick. For the whitecollars. Here. Thank you. Thank
you apply it to all waters toavoid ply. them shine. Lauren
(33:32):
might look because law I thinkthe next Sunday on the one.
Yeah. So one very last thing,solution quad Lynfield. One. But
what expand the Cynefin? S?
Andy Fermo (33:57):
Wait, that's right.
No, that's right. And obviously,this is the end if it does bring
up any of the stuff that youdon't want to talk about. And so
you mentioned before, yeah. Youwere doubts that from what you
were saying? They might is thatyeah, that was like an outlet,
right, which is I had anempathetic coach to be able to
go and do your outlet with yoursport that you're going in. But
(34:18):
besides that, you're not wantingto engage with society there for
that period. Right? Can youshare it? Can you share what
that was like on a daily becauseyou mentioned before that and it
is and and so that's the thing,right? So is people going what
are the follow up questions fromwhat are you doing today? What
do you do for work? Are youhaving a day off? All those
(34:38):
little things get to you after awhile as well? So how the fuck
do I respond to that? Withoutgoing? Am I going to get this
judge in bloody this judgement,right? So you talked about being
anxious and you can't even leavethe house? What was can you
share or speak to that a littlebit more?
Damien Mullen (34:56):
So, boy, Chris, That was that was pretty hot
what it is word dangerous is ourfirm that shops to network Vista
working was more acuity to lacethe site the gaps between Rachel
and Dina and Raven Yes One thingto keep to get me over and so
(35:21):
like I still won't change butcool yep he took him through our
community while the dark now theevening rolling consistently
like a lot of people wouldfitness they will and a status
you know when it shocks foreigncat when insects a toy and you
said if you miss that you willhave issues with House problem
(35:46):
International to ordering toomuch like big coin yeah so if I
knew like when it started numberone I don't know I was this was
the person who paved the way inthe shop name soft white Jeep in
niglet Princeton
Andy Fermo (35:59):
yes yeah they know that Damien's come to the shop
eight
Damien Mullen (36:02):
times to do the search a little bit so we're not
just we're about to go to thetune or wait to elope in June so
hard no alone playing footballwhile you do not know I will go
to the queue in the right timeso I have nothing to see many
tables and then do a quick workand aren't locked out. If dye
(36:26):
whitening does not even reallydo okay. things fail on average
Everdeen Belden the principle oflife a lot of work. You
contribute into the community inLebanon on Robert Bromley called
World Cup one crap I don't evendeserve to be walked in the
(36:47):
streets
Andy Fermo (36:49):
said you were gonna start to stop your meds and so
from what you're saying and whatI'm picking up on hearing is
that you you're serving thesentence on yourself there's no
I'm not deserving to be outthere who are taking away your
own freedoms right to be able togo and do this stuff in that at
that point in time. You become
Damien Mullen (37:05):
this system just this morning watching I was in a
real bad why firstly philosophyis frighten people and bring
fucky through but basically shesaid she gave me this advice and
said you get it had Peter thedebt associated with firstly was
fun is NAB dies from PTSD andvoid and constantly happening
(37:31):
then you become a system andsystem graduating the kids.
You're all right. EB Torreslisted three years for at least
two years work patterns and soyou're onward so you can't work
your tail it's important thatwhat is more of an isolate that
(37:55):
you've already got which at yeahsit down when censured for it
and all that give them foranything you thought in air
conditioned division then youalso feel as though when
somebody's watching you want theguidance taking photos so you
want to feel like small smilingcatching on small flaw yeah
(38:16):
yeah,
Unknown (38:16):
he's right in the system right it's
Damien Mullen (38:19):
meant to help you get small part where I was lucky
is not Cape he was multilitsmall section they knew he knew
the lake nice on the SAT and Ithink this day I knew what
people told about the doors andall that but knowing taking me
to the hospital yeah there wasthere condensing right yes this
(38:39):
stone end of the day not onlyand Mr. Bass forgive me but I
was just Yuki during you becomethis sense that when it gets to
the quarter your mind can't andwon't. Can't go to the place
that took place that's beenstuck down there often only
Andy Fermo (38:53):
they neglect me in a liability talk
Damien Mullen (38:56):
me into the film so you can't work your current
job. But then you can't breakthe narrative because I'm
working another job. And thenand then it gets to the point
where he like he just stopped toget to the end of the two years
then you're on patientbikeathon. He started me
sticking out to receive thepension of the The same goes for
(39:18):
Defence Force denote sort ofrecovering the motor recover but
you know, in a way he's what hegives you. Like if I recover if
I split back for sure security.
Clearly not don't have to findlove whilst hundreds of 1000s of
dollars for blocked to moneybecause I'm not working where I
should be working from gettingpromoted and all this other
(39:41):
stuff. They do have thatsafeguard and I'm gonna pay
attention so you totally hateus. Yeah. And you press Play Do
you bake in so just how I getbetter until
Unknown (39:53):
it puts in a really high position Hey,
Damien Mullen (39:55):
it's become you see that you become the system.
So like beliefs. Hold on, itreally gets me here. So unlock
when you go and down and youfeel unbanned here, things like
PTSD as well as a lot of thingsthat are out there that SNU
never get better yet. There's alot of negative stuff. Believing
that you need to get better,especially
Andy Fermo (40:16):
when you're right diamond should never bloody work
again. It shouldn't be drivingthe car and all that stuff. So
that's
Damien Mullen (40:21):
the system.
That's why she was talking. Soyeah, we had another two y ma so
you I wanted the start and one alock there. Nah, man, say and
then one in muddy the year afterall three said in a separate
ones. All Thoreau said I'llnever worked a day in my life
again. So that affirming what Ialready thought, because I
believed it from the from thefirst line. But I didn't have
(40:44):
any education behind me. Ididn't have anyone to speak to,
to say no, you him. You're going100% You can do this. And that
belief plays a key role inrecovery. So you become the
system. Yeah. And so some of thebest advice you gave has, yeah.
Try not to become the system.
And so who was who's this thatyou said this? My psychologist?
(41:06):
Yeah. Yeah. So Aaron, and andwithin just practising, we're
going to be Toria Yeah, apparenton Tuesday. So
Andy Fermo (41:12):
you'd already been suffering for a long time. And
they're not becoming the systemthat before she said that, you
can get better. But threereports of people saying that
and then this really asked me ifI can, but I can real, like a
kick to the guts amongst manythings to vet ledee be told that
and go what are we gonna do toget better from then
Damien Mullen (41:33):
it's the baking blocks. You're at home, you
know, talking to people becauseof work, have a process but then
you like, you feel like you're aburden on your kids and stuff.
So no one could come to ourhouse. As I said before I went
down and people were allowed itto come fast. I'll be look, I'd
freak out. That was the normalthing, lovely glass together.
(41:54):
But then once I went down PTSD,and that after the formal
diagnosis, no one was able tocome to our house or I couldn't
deal with that. So anxious. Ihad decided to not have panic
attacks. And so they don't heardMadonna's Doctor hospital. They
only use her quantlib. So shegraduated, one of the set. The
homicide does satisfy me. Hey,Brent seeks graduation, I could
(42:16):
a new dawn. I'm gonna have aDenver accent My wife bought a
new place for for me, so shegave it to me. So I wanted to
put a necklace around so thatshe could go to law. Yes. That's
working. couldn't work. Icouldn't leave the house. So I'm
like, I'm hiring more she'sgraduating her pride six or more
(42:37):
one girl says haven't gonethrough so on and so on. In the
community? Yes. Oh, you know, tohelping people to then return
home on their couch. shakinwhile my daughter's here
graduating in grade six, and mymenu off. He is that thinking
you're a bird. And thenobviously then that, that that's
(43:01):
the thing about suicide as somepeople would say, or it's a
selfish thing. But I would saythat a lot of people you see,
kids, you see that PTSD. It's anillness as well that people
think that they're doing it forthe benefit of others don't
they're actually trying to holdon to that given the situation.
I was moved back then. Yeah,well, I'm no longer here to Hong
(43:21):
Kong and this burden that'strained to sign in Layard. Now
fight back then that's what I'dsay felt. That's how I felt.
Yeah. For both I was baptisedinto my wife because of that.
I'm keeping her holding herback. On holding her son back on
hold my daughter back. They'llbe start wonder sorry. That's an
older that is pushing. There'llbe better off sorry in the long
(43:43):
run is on no longer have it.
Claire Fermo (43:49):
Join us next time for the next episode of the
invisible injuries podcast.
Don't forget to subscribe. Formore great content, follow us on
our socials on Instagram. Andyou can also visit our website
www dot invisibleinjuries.org.au where you can
access more content. Thank youfor listening to invisible
(44:10):
injury
Welcome to invisible injuries podcast,
aimed at bettering the wellbeing and mental health,
veterans, first responders intheir immediate support
experiencing post traumaticstress. By sharing the stories
of the lived experiences of ourpeers, the support staff and the
clinicians, it's our aim to makesure we can have a meaningful
(00:27):
connection with our audience,and give them the ideas for
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subscribe to the channel andshare it with your friends.
Lastly, these stories may be atrigger for your post traumatic
stress. If your PTSD istriggered, we have links to
(00:48):
support in the description. Orif it's immediate, please call
lifeline on 1311 14. Here's yourhost, Andy fermo.
Andy Fermo (01:03):
Can you just share with us a little bit if
something happened? And itwasn't quite dealt with or he's
like had someone you go alongwith or pursue this? Because
that's all this is the policingright that bit and then it
flares up into this riot. Whathappens there with bloody a
short small amount of crew onlya few constables there and your
team lines
Damien Mullen (01:24):
up and all the time we had one time so me and
the sergeant we went to adisturbance. And it was one
family guests now the family andthey were a palapa drunk and now
throwing rocks it's a Burroughsthis heaps of rocks and rocks
everywhere in and they werethrowing rocks at each other.
They will find in a weekendbecause someone called him
(01:45):
disturbance. When obviously wealready have it. It's just the
two of us who are grm kiwi.
Alright think that down. I didnt doesn't have the two police
officers are think they went outon training or something. So I
think that I own two policeofficers in Barolo at the time.
And then we got caught in themiddle of it. And we were like,
there was fending for our lives.
One stage went on, we werebehind you Spence. And let's say
(02:09):
he's 67. And he's crouched downon credit stand behind this lock
wire fence. And we were stuckthere and in the guard about
house and people were there,we'll just start rocks. So
they're on the other side of thefence throwing rocks at us. And
what are you ever going to shootsomeone near some rocks that
Yeah, but yet if a rock which isrecovery ready and die, or
(02:32):
seriously injured,
Andy Fermo (02:34):
massive rock to the head who's
Damien Mullen (02:35):
gonna give you first aid, right? They, for some
reason, they just hated us atthat moment. And I remember him
saying to us, we're gonna get tothree we're going to run because
a cow was at the front of thehouse and softening had three
gotta run and whatever happens.
No, we just can't he can't getto three and we just ran as fast
as we could to the front of thehouse jumped in that car and the
car was smashed out. And yeah,it's just inside then. Then the
(02:58):
next day they apologise andbecause you've got that
relationship with them fun it'sforget
Andy Fermo (03:06):
caught caught in crossfire at the heat of the
moment
Damien Mullen (03:09):
and the family issues and alcohol and we all
have I was terrible. Here he wasa crazy place. But people have
to also great things as far asleading the country like anyone
that's listened to this, theirvoice overs are joined in
Northern Territory all the wayas well. And probably even to
Australia and country policingsome credible threnody claesson
(03:31):
Yeah, yeah,
Andy Fermo (03:32):
that's a bright ference and then so what was it
that brought you back to you hadgente experience what sort of
brought you was it a familything moving you back to vehicle
was like a posting that you didor
Damien Mullen (03:43):
what was one who turned jobs in Barlow, the Gobi.
Yeah. And then it was law. So itwas over Christmas. So deep blue
data pretty short before justbefore Christmas, I attended a
sitz case. And demo the title ofEllington of Baden just passed
away to Dan I was working overin 2010 off working during
(04:08):
Christmas Mr. Morris left withthe two kids to go back to
Victoria King she went toVictoria better thing the thing
Lincolnshire obviously I teachand I had time off universe at
this point I'll I'll just stayhere Mark yet. Follow them on
Did you had that those otherplate those three other police
(04:28):
officers started to other placeI've said why and why He's on
leave it in only one place thatdidn't go on they'd have a
montage so there was free tostay so we had a Christmas
together. We do get called inwas standing and abroad now on
Christmas Day. So hold on calledthe whole Christmas Bureau
because I will tell you I'mthird family day Yeah, so I sent
you guys hopefully on call.
Yeah. And then you got segmentswith a team and you guys shared
(04:50):
at the twain that someone doesChristmas day with you. Someone
else does Fox known. HerChristmas day we had that but it
was still got to have the faceblocked by the family Christmas
wick. With Dan Locke. We've gotthe lunch still even after being
called out to that job, thendang Boxing Day at night was
like 1130 at night. We're gonnacall it con phone call or that
(05:13):
sorry don't call far from get aphone call for a nine year old
dude that sells Bandol in Orlandwhich is an oil and just off day
interested cop in the Gulf copterrarium does the weed all and
so it's looking it's an all wayit is. I actually grew it before
we went here at the moment isonly one family lived in a I
(05:35):
think there's a five people thatdid on the island and according
to Wikipedia, but when I wentthen there was a family deed and
then there was another familythat me there's one they didn't
but it might have been twofamilies that did this and how
many people so got the phonecall letting Daddy that he She
hung herself and that dad foundher that Tom the eat is
(05:57):
obviously monitoring weather andwe couldn't get the bar down
there because they've lost itwasn't waters
Andy Fermo (06:05):
in and the tides the tides of massive issue. story,
Damien Mullen (06:10):
sir yeah. Yeah, yeah. And that the love is
obviously no laugh about thesituation. But that's the place
laugh and COVID Half our goalthat was boxing day had no and
then I had to obviously call outthe other two police officers
because we had to start runningshe'd had to tell all the
superintendents from Katherineand Darwin and joy but then we
(06:31):
had to do try and organise theone of the sea ranges which is
someone from the community tosee ranger to drop the police
boat to then pile and in themorning by first law. Yeah, so
all that we stayed outorganising everything to five
o'clock in the morning we leftversus me. One or the other. 20
constables are going to sayRanger who was driving the boat
(06:54):
we left we had to drive to CassBay which is maybe an hour or so
away to launch the boat to getout there. So we got out there
there was the family. The familyday when we arrived today, and
bananas Lord obviously saw at910 o'clock in the morning at
stake and water just had lowwater about a week maker's mark
(07:15):
around so we're going to dealwith the body we're going to
take photographs Everton willbring the body back the family
will come and Derby that's allon you baton so we've got their
hair in the end up where sheDonna was about in the sort of
(07:35):
scrobbling foxon Sure raw walkthere's the beach it's our
beautiful walk as far aspicturesque place out there
you've blocked Assange and thenthat you've waited half season
in this bit of the scrub landand up this you will remember
real lucky Hill trees never doneand sometimes things are lucky
so one of the family members hewill walk and he he said to me
(07:59):
he goes oh I'm gonna snap sobranches so that way if you need
to you can find your way back tothe house. And at this stage
we're just going to deal withbody and identity fraud and and
it was a call you know worse sohe's always setting branches so
it get out there and then we hadto do all we had to do with the
body who made a fair stretch andwe stretched it out back to the
(08:22):
boat and as we went to leave ona total you're going to be the
problem seemed out of war andthe tree or a went back out for
more I don't know isn't thissort of granted? Yes. Right. And
they'll lock all aids we'regonna we're going to type the
body bank they detected fromKatherine you're going to come
to the day on their way toborrow oil and they're going to
(08:44):
get the board back out. Chromeset out do whatever they need to
do on the crime scene and thenpick you up we're going to do
our sir on ours. Song sitting ona rock at this stage no one's on
the island the only two founderswere there and I left with the
body as well can send to thepolice so I'm the only one on
the call and there's just far inreception there's foreign Mr.
(09:11):
quani Oh, Sue is terriblethereby starting to get a GMO
moseys last render water and I'mlogged in under 40 hours five
hours data getting data withkind of off you know uncommon so
I made the decision to moreleave the ground saying and walk
back to the start today hence Iwas just lucky to did the
(09:36):
branches because all made me wayback to the house and then give
out to the house and then theirdogs so there was dogs there as
well. Because I didn't I thenthey started attacking me on
Zoom. So whilst we nearly packeasily fire on to one and I'm
(09:57):
working for myself in the houseand And then luckily enough they
left this font there so I wasable to call the station I've
called the station I said spoketo the surgeon local or just
making short Cassandra yetDallas now so what's the last
time that the sun was a badthird day? unlock a they still
(10:18):
come in he's got some bad newsfor you they're not coming
they've decided that they wantto rest and you're gonna stay
there and be prom sent down tothe tree and Allah you're no
one's flooding in me I've got nofood I had nothing I had no no
water may not however long hoursand since the night before is no
(10:43):
more II gotta police Come giveme some water and start I had
something but if you know thehouse that I'm talking about
like you know he's definitely aBedford and you drink water.
Yeah. Then so I was up all nightcrosshair card at a tree or that
area and they'll learn but thenI was on call Can you you know
(11:07):
if you can send me stuff clinicsthat have nice icons cool colour
deal with one note and on theall end on your own all come
down to subtle thing. You'll getthis EMI. He's an old school of
thought and nothing tiny bitbetter than it was. When you're
old school. Yeah, Sergeant,crusty Sergeant a really nice
(11:29):
guy too. But so that was theresponse. So I stayed out.
Obviously didn't sleep lastnight day. crops and garden farm
one and I took up a walk 11o'clock. did bring a sandwich
for me. So that was quite handy,fellas. Cheers. Cheers, fellas.
And then then I hadn't yethelped process the same and have
(11:50):
the news for a couple of days.
Waiting at home to room waitthat night. And then I started
to finish my statement. I know Ican then have led to knock off
and then shift. Yeah, the shift.
And there. There was no likewelfare though. There's our
flock fee and doctor. Youprocess and what you just saw on
(12:14):
your island? On an island? Justyourself? Yes. Thanks for
coming. Yeah, and then. Yeah.
And that along with that. You doother stuff as well. They come
to authority. We were going toleave that here. Let's go hard.
So it was a solid fair can eToro
Andy Fermo (12:37):
so that's just having an effect on you after
that, that that incident and acouple of other ones that you
just mentioned.
Damien Mullen (12:44):
So I didn't think so. No. Probably yes. But I
didn't think so. Then Excel Imean had the wild traded you
would probably leave that allwould have a bit of a of an
animosity or something to thesergeant or even to the
detectives detained it too tiredfrom the drop off. Okay, but no,
(13:05):
no, and I didn't think it hadany effect or just I just put
into the back of my mind andjoin the Victorian police force
so that they seem to desert wildname. Yeah. And that was only a
short course because I wasobviously already plays off so
all I have to do is just thelegislation, conversion and
topical soon so we moved toAugust posted out to Morwell
(13:26):
PlayStation so we've seen sothat is keep saying okay, yes, I
grew up in in more than theMornington Peninsula. Dan
Wonderland we didn't want to goback to where we were from opens
up many doors somewhere in yourmovie at least somewhere in the
middle my door back so we wantedsomething different and we got
other posted out to the mallwhile my wife got a job at the
(13:51):
secretary college knew where welived in wearable him for and
then voted but there was a lotso that was a it was a new star.
Placing was completely differentaround in terms of you, you
obviously still deal with somebad stuff, but it's just not as
regular what I remember massageand when I first caught that he
(14:14):
was fantastic. He passed thewhite balls there. flat cut and
rotted out clean adhering to myservice. But he was probably one
of the best side and say thatand he was a hard worker. And
I'd been there for a couple ofmonths. And I'd no rule wrists.
And guys, we need to have a chatand we'll call it universe. So
(14:37):
it brings me into his office andhe's you know this job that you
went to which was like someonegot punched and watch them I
just got punched who's fallenlike this. Not even assault is
in Detroit and that's anassault. But that's what we deal
with it realise that's what youdo with Dobby so I never go to
(14:57):
these jobs that I would arrestStay on because more Yo yo yo is
different with the NorthernTerritory yeah so monster hitter
and alright he deal withunlawful assault and someone
banned ponstel fans a lot nowover here
Unknown (15:14):
assistant when you've been sent D says
Damien Mullen (15:17):
yes the ones that have a hitter at night and the
different types of plays youknow if it was good and all of
that that determined place toget a lot done Northern
Territory plays there it wasbright then return plays force
is really good too. So I workeduniform so say two years at
Morales has to be a station likea 24 hour station then I did 12
(15:37):
months set D the data you lookat the comments so that's not
there. Yeah, you've got thedruggies in their city block
which is the big one they do thebig jobs this is like this squad
divisional to ask me that you dothe drug ease of use the journey
to walk the small area okay,sorry, higher level than normal
(15:58):
but no, it is too high it goesto a different area that
actually drives one Yeah, sothat was really exciting that
was good. But once again likethe whole is you do want to list
search warrants sonar nerd yethad experience with that sort of
stuff but it's soft andadrenaline rush lucky go there.
He never know when you knocksomeone's door down. What is on
(16:19):
the other side of that door?
Whether it's nothing orsomething so you always get that
real adrenaline rush. And thenyou get the dump and then the
next day you get the adrenalinerush. And you don't realise that
the Capes toll as well of thejob. Yeah, all these chemicals
and the adrenaline and thecortisol and all the stress
things. I've learned how to getback to normal I think that's
(16:39):
the issue with the place hasoccupied policing in your heart
area, your combat zones the Babualso where you live and then
this I don't know get posted toSo did that for a year. So I
went there for about three yearsdid more in more wild than went
to a small country station indrawn where we live. But it was
in the time where I started notreally noticing DNS, but
(17:07):
looking. Once I had my lastSchichten when Dan was talking
about it, it's all worth worthit drawn. And I was going really
well I was a very accomplished alot to police officer. I was
good at my job and law kickingstations. And then once again I
was injured my shoulder but hestill was through football so I
(17:30):
had to shoulder I was had toshoulder reconstruction again,
but that was paid by me you justthrough football. But when I was
coming back from injury Oh, I'lltake it off the Dan. And I did
some timing please.
prostitutions okay, just do some10 G's, and I was in court. So
this was his 23rd jantardeadnettle Feminine Yeah. So the
(17:51):
court and I know the guilty pleaso they I had to read out my job
was to read out there like aprecis of what then the incident
and I stood up and I went toread it out and the words just
landed into one blog I didn'tknow what was going on started
(18:12):
sweating furiously I couldn'tspace couldn't Ray and I stood
in a court I just damn assaultuh sat down was lucky that I was
in training that there's a placeprosecuted next to me that just
found a bit of paper and read inthat to her oh wait you can see
(18:33):
office know about say horn andloop fly there on a fan and that
was a tiny bit panic attack notlong at all didn't find the
drive for more while does thatstatic board house. Well,
listen, it's been 45 minutes orso kilometres to horn but cried
the whole way home. And I didn'teven know what else Hi, Phil. I
(18:54):
just this find an independent soI've got Corey Matoba Wallace.
She was obviously shocked and Iwent straight to the doctors and
I both described Covance someBellion have put on some aid to
process effects or some othertold you've got PTSD. And I'm on
(19:17):
pretarsal I didn't know whenPTSD was with the Streisand to
be one at a time, but I didn'tthrow it bolt burden and the
main thief to learn Yeah, but itwas what one person before that
there was signs, you know,Matthew, by a desk in the
absolutely no awareness. Andthen those signs were
Unknown (19:42):
at that time that time
Damien Mullen (19:43):
Yeah, it wasn't meant to look and blank block or
would wait. We used to laugh andand we're still very dantas
gonna walk you through ourfabulous food titles one off
programme we would oxycodoneslaves to have nightmares. Or at
least here's the key because alland drain it down but no one is
obviously that day or the babybent on want to open up a couple
of bad debts and stuff he'dVictoria and then and then or
(20:05):
just the haven't I made thevendor notes stood up as normal
and then I would think a lot ofinvalid while bringing up a lot
get the past for internetthrough Vaughn comments five so
there was no further mustard Iwouldn't sleep Kaduri for that
he could go to the farms beingpart of the county get rest of
it for sleep eating nothingmaybe Cory You got to keep the
(20:27):
draw his law firm sorry aboutsetting that guard when you've
thoughtful Yeah, and all wouldget that addicted today and let
me get my wife to go to anotherfarm for you to hear Alan you
can yelling at segments and daysyeah, I would give a walk
together at a pharmacy while weget all funds and then get
someone else to their topharmacy, nearly an old needle
(20:48):
three or four resident did go tobed to sleep for about hours
seminar town. And we just used achart while he was just talking
to Ron and Jared famosas It'scrazy to think that reading data
was such a big role but whenit's gradual, you're just
starting it just starts tobecome normal work at the end on
the wide range joke. And then Iwould like go to the doctors and
(21:13):
I was on Alma Shoal is reallybad to get an abandoned car in
an old site just take an endoand because it would not be here
and we thought this funny mathsong by your Draghi now would be
the right job but not realiseand walk into this was old
before I even went into panic inthe theatre you just like forget
(21:35):
indicators Yeah, you would takeall look the how awkward the
wanting a club that's unfair sosomething and they'll maintain
this embarrassed one year Idon't even go to the
presentation I would not go toold Mac excuses not to Derrida
anyway that there was the publicYeah, I would and you do it all
the note what all the debts Iwas normal thesis he would sit
(21:55):
sounds for you would turn placesyou will look and access all the
things I just assumed werenormal. Yeah. Yeah. When I was
gonna Airdrie every one of themand kill abroad on the 20th Jan,
and then that's when I firstfound out PTSD. Well,
Andy Fermo (22:17):
then, Melissa, Thanks for Thanks. First of all,
thanks for sharing that, becausethere's quite a lot in there
that you've just mentioned. Demon and, and not recognising
those signs. till afterwards.
It's gradual. That's the thingis while you're saying this,
it's creeping in. And then inthose things that you're doing,
just say for example, okay,that's meds or whatever it is,
(22:38):
is taking these, then I canstill function normally as part
of my duty, right? So you don'tthink of it in a different sort
of mindset about what it is andwhen you broke down, and
obviously that's that was atrigger for a lot of stuff.
You're driving home and cryingthat whole way is that since the
release of a lot of emotionsthat's coming out, what was what
(23:00):
was it like when you when theysaid you, you had diagnosed you
with this condition? Did youaccept it straightaway? What was
your thoughts there? And wereyou in denial? So
Damien Mullen (23:12):
from that moment, so I always try and ethnicity is
laid like this, with 2020 fours2017 Holmes still unpacking
period of time Mr. Fox from 2017But yet we that the gap here
with a diagnose V, but hewouldn't think of him as our
(23:33):
destiny but what he would havedied is sin. You've probably got
PTSD. We wrote thosedescriptions that Dan obviously
referred me on to thepsychiatrist in college was
footbed former diagnosis yes theden he was then in middle of his
life crazy because not only thegot PTSD you do work yen kava to
(23:56):
get some work injury are theygoing to always locked you
aren't sorry. I've heard a lotof how a lot of people some
people dark and people'sexperience their experiences
bullying their experiences notgetting their support from the
station and all that I gotsavour there was no lack of
support the side Yang one of thesides is on are in my wife as
(24:19):
well like here yeah there wasthis was on dance club from that
moment or we need to fight orflight for two years it was on
our view so when your neck yourframe is not working and you
only know what's going on andand then I started on the
medication train you up fromMargaret on belly and for for a
year straight and then can
Andy Fermo (24:39):
they come in every day and that's one of the sees
when you started yawning so wereyou still at that point until
you had your panic attack andit's starting to get prescribed
these meds were still on duty ordid they medically put you on
hold for lentil
Damien Mullen (24:54):
and have worked to so that 23 Jan so I was
working up to 20 the gel Yeah,and it was funny the weekend And
before those believe that wasMonday the weekend before that
who uploaded that weekend? I wasjust saying to lock my wife away
for a while to doll them off Ijust love this job isn't the
best job okay and prosecutionsnow means it from home goods
(25:15):
have been in your workplacewhere you can change jobs within
a Joel yeah from walk and haveloved this that was what
conversation today crucial isthe day full upon the mind and
templates a lot less forceAllison does still there. And I
have any resentment towardspolice force or donated never
(25:35):
regretted anything but the oldwork run up to them. But then
that day, I'd never been back ina police station or went home.
Then I was given to a saw lastspar with from that moment. From
what from at that size of thearray to 100. But who was
probably Nike? Or was probably70 to 100. Raleigh had 30 to go
(26:01):
off I just didn't realise I waskind of 71 So why spiralled out
in a row look, I was on here andI've never been back in a
PlayStation hints that day we'llbe drawing PlayStation on when
they filled out while I wentdesign got interviewed by an
investigator for my work coverfall because they they filled
(26:25):
out the word cover form or Inever knew anything about work
or forms. They did that behindthe scenes. So a lot was
happening behind the scenes thatI just looked very their
appointments thought they wouldjust happen. I'd wake up one day
and have you know, Aki gotanother appointment? Yes. Wasn't
a tool. Part of the work? Howare you go get them for an
(26:49):
independent medical examination,which is the psychiatrists in at
they foster a bunch of stuff toget the form of diagnosis. So
yeah, I'm sure that you got theinjury that you said that you've
had claimed while went there, Iknow Ray one better than
everybody. And they know any ofthe process where I went into
it. So I just went there mayonly say today because I go
(27:11):
through all your friend and thenI had trauma as a kid as well.
So that is cool border. Dan,they give you a report and send
you the report. They give it tothe worker bar in people what's
going on acid buy, does tutoriabut you also get sent a copy of
that report and I've writtenthat report. This is like a
couple of months out of the job.
Not really still no more PTSD.
(27:36):
And they in that report thatfirst psychiatrists said
compounded at full and this is2007 A, you will never work a
day in your life again. Heshouldn't even drive a car or
PTSD. And there are some jobs inthere that will stay at
subconscious findings. Was Hollytrue three months after I'd went
(27:58):
up with God who made him sick inJanuary I'm reading it all never
worked a day in my life againand I read this to care it's our
boy I'm doorstep no I have toread up on that got me yet and
that was the first anothersection with buy from
PlayStation or there was a morePlayStation or Playstation lock
(28:20):
warble would be one draw andsort of the small one where I
work and discharging mywireframe is such a small place
national police force in smallarea so he's out of here so
uncle off I'll come to our caststones. Take his stuff. Then I
overdosed and they the airbrushcame saga and restaurants will
(28:42):
mark our kids for rock taggingnext door now all my knickknacks
and I just heard fantastic datataken there while the indolence
has come rushing your hospitalnow to put in a software load
for bit Brouwers I didn't lasttoo long of date while the meds
that our talk had worn almostwas it couple of days. And then
(29:06):
they released me because I wasgood at telling them what they
needed to Yes, yeah. To get out.
And then from that motion islike a roller coaster of what
kind of falls this was
Andy Fermo (29:16):
bad for us to that went and because I think oh man
that's that's a lot that youjust shared man then and thanks
for sharing that because it'sthat type of experience. Yeah,
it's probably hold on. Let metake a moment so that we're
having shared that experience asone of them. There was something
that you mentioned before withthe report. They can't look that
(29:36):
sent you spiralling to thenthose other subsequent actions
right the overdose can you justshare a little bit more about
how that made you feel readingthat report because you go from
being a functional word, you'reon the job, you're doing your
job, you're loving it, you'retelling your wife, what else?
(29:57):
What other? What other rolesSome allow you to be able to do
this and this and thensomething's happened and
incident has happened where it'sunlocked everything so then
you're off work right you'veremoved from something that you
love so much and that ispassionate about then you get
this report that says thatDamien shouldn't be working
(30:19):
shouldn't be driving shouldn'tbe humour basically what I had
obviously there was that effectbut was at the time reading that
was
Damien Mullen (30:28):
he could still get an understatement right and
what could it mean give wouldn'talways it such a Wiseman
couldn't stand by sound Hall wastorn at first this year. You
might think it just seemed likeit was too wide. Yeah, and I was
just down from the dock to thisgarters to so called on one
(30:52):
different ice. It's uncertainit's pretty great oceans and no
one here not only one waters,it's addictive. You get in
January. He messes with thegrapes early on it's been
horrible and dark seeds andFriesland for long very adamant
suffer dimeric busting the Daniasecret Danny Stein you don't
(31:12):
function in tobacco that callthe machine can kill he does
fall he act that needs to startinto this a ball of art. I've
read that enough to deal withhim. The kid I'm sorry, I'm here
today on the back of the headcaught Yeah. But um, carried
(31:38):
later on later on Dan. One ofthe things I think a lot of pick
a spirit and the heart beats andBolton's your coaster. Yeah.
Just basically house asnowboard. Right.
Unknown (31:59):
Yeah. The stereo Todd.
Damien Mullen (32:02):
didn't just say in always four centimetres dirty
when pictures give us fake pushequation. And when we went to
the shops What did you feellike? You're the only one? Yeah,
that was willing right. Now Isanyone familiar? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Let's take a listen. Takethe strange of the lens.
Unknown (32:26):
Yeah, what do you do?
Yeah, yeah. To
Damien Mullen (32:29):
bring up some badges if you want to just push
them on and even call out inrestaurant in this article. And
widely barred boy wait.
Sir What did he eat it stoodout. Didn't sites. Where would I
(32:54):
want? Yes. Where he made mestruggling. is flowing. I don't
like the bold. Put them I thinkI think why.
Unknown (33:04):
Third? Yeah. Though.
The residual skills there from
Damien Mullen (33:08):
section three b part seems really good.
Obviously. She's off to say itout. Ya know. Thanks, club. It
sounds like he did respond.
Jason's fault. All right.
Thanks, Nick. For the whitecollars. Here. Thank you. Thank
you apply it to all waters toavoid ply. them shine. Lauren
(33:32):
might look because law I thinkthe next Sunday on the one.
Yeah. So one very last thing,solution quad Lynfield. One. But
what expand the Cynefin? S?
Andy Fermo (33:57):
Wait, that's right.
No, that's right. And obviously,this is the end if it does bring
up any of the stuff that youdon't want to talk about. And so
you mentioned before, yeah. Youwere doubts that from what you
were saying? They might is thatyeah, that was like an outlet,
right, which is I had anempathetic coach to be able to
go and do your outlet with yoursport that you're going in. But
(34:18):
besides that, you're not wantingto engage with society there for
that period. Right? Can youshare it? Can you share what
that was like on a daily becauseyou mentioned before that and it
is and and so that's the thing,right? So is people going what
are the follow up questions fromwhat are you doing today? What
do you do for work? Are youhaving a day off? All those
(34:38):
little things get to you after awhile as well? So how the fuck
do I respond to that? Withoutgoing? Am I going to get this
judge in bloody this judgement,right? So you talked about being
anxious and you can't even leavethe house? What was can you
share or speak to that a littlebit more?
Damien Mullen (34:56):
So, boy, Chris, That was that was pretty hot
what it is word dangerous is ourfirm that shops to network Vista
working was more acuity to lacethe site the gaps between Rachel
and Dina and Raven Yes One thingto keep to get me over and so
(35:21):
like I still won't change butcool yep he took him through our
community while the dark now theevening rolling consistently
like a lot of people wouldfitness they will and a status
you know when it shocks foreigncat when insects a toy and you
said if you miss that you willhave issues with House problem
(35:46):
International to ordering toomuch like big coin yeah so if I
knew like when it started numberone I don't know I was this was
the person who paved the way inthe shop name soft white Jeep in
niglet Princeton
Andy Fermo (35:59):
yes yeah they know that Damien's come to the shop
eight
Damien Mullen (36:02):
times to do the search a little bit so we're not
just we're about to go to thetune or wait to elope in June so
hard no alone playing footballwhile you do not know I will go
to the queue in the right timeso I have nothing to see many
tables and then do a quick workand aren't locked out. If dye
(36:26):
whitening does not even reallydo okay. things fail on average
Everdeen Belden the principle oflife a lot of work. You
contribute into the community inLebanon on Robert Bromley called
World Cup one crap I don't evendeserve to be walked in the
(36:47):
streets
Andy Fermo (36:49):
said you were gonna start to stop your meds and so
from what you're saying and whatI'm picking up on hearing is
that you you're serving thesentence on yourself there's no
I'm not deserving to be outthere who are taking away your
own freedoms right to be able togo and do this stuff in that at
that point in time. You become
Damien Mullen (37:05):
this system just this morning watching I was in a
real bad why firstly philosophyis frighten people and bring
fucky through but basically shesaid she gave me this advice and
said you get it had Peter thedebt associated with firstly was
fun is NAB dies from PTSD andvoid and constantly happening
(37:31):
then you become a system andsystem graduating the kids.
You're all right. EB Torreslisted three years for at least
two years work patterns and soyou're onward so you can't work
your tail it's important thatwhat is more of an isolate that
(37:55):
you've already got which at yeahsit down when censured for it
and all that give them foranything you thought in air
conditioned division then youalso feel as though when
somebody's watching you want theguidance taking photos so you
want to feel like small smilingcatching on small flaw yeah
(38:16):
yeah,
Unknown (38:16):
he's right in the system right it's
Damien Mullen (38:19):
meant to help you get small part where I was lucky
is not Cape he was multilitsmall section they knew he knew
the lake nice on the SAT and Ithink this day I knew what
people told about the doors andall that but knowing taking me
to the hospital yeah there wasthere condensing right yes this
(38:39):
stone end of the day not onlyand Mr. Bass forgive me but I
was just Yuki during you becomethis sense that when it gets to
the quarter your mind can't andwon't. Can't go to the place
that took place that's beenstuck down there often only
Andy Fermo (38:53):
they neglect me in a liability talk
Damien Mullen (38:56):
me into the film so you can't work your current
job. But then you can't breakthe narrative because I'm
working another job. And thenand then it gets to the point
where he like he just stopped toget to the end of the two years
then you're on patientbikeathon. He started me
sticking out to receive thepension of the The same goes for
(39:18):
Defence Force denote sort ofrecovering the motor recover but
you know, in a way he's what hegives you. Like if I recover if
I split back for sure security.
Clearly not don't have to findlove whilst hundreds of 1000s of
dollars for blocked to moneybecause I'm not working where I
should be working from gettingpromoted and all this other
(39:41):
stuff. They do have thatsafeguard and I'm gonna pay
attention so you totally hateus. Yeah. And you press Play Do
you bake in so just how I getbetter until
Unknown (39:53):
it puts in a really high position Hey,
Damien Mullen (39:55):
it's become you see that you become the system.
So like beliefs. Hold on, itreally gets me here. So unlock
when you go and down and youfeel unbanned here, things like
PTSD as well as a lot of thingsthat are out there that SNU
never get better yet. There's alot of negative stuff. Believing
that you need to get better,especially
Andy Fermo (40:16):
when you're right diamond should never bloody work
again. It shouldn't be drivingthe car and all that stuff. So
that's
Damien Mullen (40:21):
the system.
That's why she was talking. Soyeah, we had another two y ma so
you I wanted the start and one alock there. Nah, man, say and
then one in muddy the year afterall three said in a separate
ones. All Thoreau said I'llnever worked a day in my life
again. So that affirming what Ialready thought, because I
believed it from the from thefirst line. But I didn't have
(40:44):
any education behind me. Ididn't have anyone to speak to,
to say no, you him. You're going100% You can do this. And that
belief plays a key role inrecovery. So you become the
system. Yeah. And so some of thebest advice you gave has, yeah.
Try not to become the system.
And so who was who's this thatyou said this? My psychologist?
(41:06):
Yeah. Yeah. So Aaron, and andwithin just practising, we're
going to be Toria Yeah, apparenton Tuesday. So
Andy Fermo (41:12):
you'd already been suffering for a long time. And
they're not becoming the systemthat before she said that, you
can get better. But threereports of people saying that
and then this really asked me ifI can, but I can real, like a
kick to the guts amongst manythings to vet ledee be told that
and go what are we gonna do toget better from then
Damien Mullen (41:33):
it's the baking blocks. You're at home, you
know, talking to people becauseof work, have a process but then
you like, you feel like you're aburden on your kids and stuff.
So no one could come to ourhouse. As I said before I went
down and people were allowed itto come fast. I'll be look, I'd
freak out. That was the normalthing, lovely glass together.
(41:54):
But then once I went down PTSD,and that after the formal
diagnosis, no one was able tocome to our house or I couldn't
deal with that. So anxious. Ihad decided to not have panic
attacks. And so they don't heardMadonna's Doctor hospital. They
only use her quantlib. So shegraduated, one of the set. The
homicide does satisfy me. Hey,Brent seeks graduation, I could
(42:16):
a new dawn. I'm gonna have aDenver accent My wife bought a
new place for for me, so shegave it to me. So I wanted to
put a necklace around so thatshe could go to law. Yes. That's
working. couldn't work. Icouldn't leave the house. So I'm
like, I'm hiring more she'sgraduating her pride six or more
(42:37):
one girl says haven't gonethrough so on and so on. In the
community? Yes. Oh, you know, tohelping people to then return
home on their couch. shakinwhile my daughter's here
graduating in grade six, and mymenu off. He is that thinking
you're a bird. And thenobviously then that, that that's
(43:01):
the thing about suicide as somepeople would say, or it's a
selfish thing. But I would saythat a lot of people you see,
kids, you see that PTSD. It's anillness as well that people
think that they're doing it forthe benefit of others don't
they're actually trying to holdon to that given the situation.
I was moved back then. Yeah,well, I'm no longer here to Hong
(43:21):
Kong and this burden that'strained to sign in Layard. Now
fight back then that's what I'dsay felt. That's how I felt.
Yeah. For both I was baptisedinto my wife because of that.
I'm keeping her holding herback. On holding her son back on
hold my daughter back. They'llbe start wonder sorry. That's an
older that is pushing. There'llbe better off sorry in the long
(43:43):
run is on no longer have it.
Claire Fermo (43:49):
Join us next time for the next episode of the
invisible injuries podcast.
Don't forget to subscribe. Formore great content, follow us on
our socials on Instagram. Andyou can also visit our website
www dot invisibleinjuries.org.au where you can
access more content. Thank youfor listening to invisible
(44:10):
injury
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