Do you need feedback? Of course you do. We all do! But giving and receiving feedback whether it's from or to your child or co-parent can be challenging. Feedback can often feel like criticism and can even feel invalidating. This episode is all about giving and receiving feedback skillfully so that you or the other person doesn’t become defensive or shut down. Today’s episode welcomes back Leslie’s daughter Dale Rubury who shares how she moved from the defensive stance as a child to the open and willing stance as an adult.
Time Stamps:
- 3:18 Feedback is part of communication in all kinds of relationship
- 3:55 Defining Feedback as nonjudgmental information about their behavior that is intended to help someone grow
- 7:49 Why is feedback so important
- 9:00 The person receiving feedback has complete power over HOW they receive it
- 9:07 What is RODBT? Radically Open Dialectic Behavior Therapy Fact Sheet
- 12:55 The faith of parenting means you believe that the child heard you
- 16:18 Why some kids have more difficulty getting feedback than others
- 19:05 In public some kids will receive feedback differently than when they are at home. It may be known as masking (click here for more information)
- 21:18 Notice and name their reaction
- 21:25 "Did i just say something was invalidating to you"
- 22:20 Watch out when the child gives feedback to you the parent
- 23:30 It’s the parent’s job to model receiving feedback for the child
- 24:33 Give kids time and space to learn to accept feedback
- 27:40 “Is this a good time to give you feedback?”
- 33:03 Use the metaphor of a buffet
- 37:49 Tips on receiving feedback
- 38:34 Recovering from invalidation
- 40:19 Not everything has to be processed, sometimes it’s healthier to let some things go
Resources:
- Sign up here to be a parent guest on Is My Child a Monster? Podcast
- Radically Open DBT Fact Sheet
- Leslie’s Video: Stop Repeating Yourself
- Leslie’s Newsletter on I-Must-Have-Done-Something-Wrong Street
Leslie-ism: Growing as a parent is about being open to new ideas, open to learning, and open to feedback.
For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.
Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.