One of the more common questions parents ask is when do I give in and when do I stand firm. Todays special guest speaker is an expert on this question. Amy Kalasunas is a board certified Dialectic Behavior Therapist who, among other things, provides interventions for parents of struggling and complex young adults using DBT and SPACE, which stands for Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions. We talk all about how parents can make an effective decision as to when to accommodate to their child’s big emotions and intense behaviors and when it's not effective.
Time Stamps
15:05 Six ways that parents accommodate
- To avoid the big emotions and the intense behaviors
- When life goes on. The parent has to deal with their lives as they are and they can’t deal with the consequences of setting a limit
- Parents have their own history - their own childhood experiences which impact their current parenting
- When parents fear or are simply affected by the social judgments
- When not accommodating may lead to self-harming behaviors or Suicidal Ideation
19:35 How to decide whether or not to accommodate
- Do I have the bandwidth?
- Does my child know that I am going to do this
- Can my child do what I am asking?
22:25 Explanation of Three States of Mind - wise mind, emotion mind, reasonable mind
30:05 SPACE redefines what it means to support your child
- Validate
- Express confidence that they will be ok
- Stop talking - Put a period after #2 (kids are master debaters)
- Resist the urge to solve the problem
- Be a Broken record
34:00 Aim lower: Slice the salami thinner and set smaller realistic expectations
Leslie-ism: Check in with yourself about your own bandwidth when dealing with your child.
Resources:
DIalectic Behavior Therapy Resources DBTSelfHelp.com
Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions - SPACE Website
For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.
Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.