May 17, 2025 • 60 mins
Dr. Axa Yox reveals how calling something a "comfort zone" signals your brain that being unhappy is acceptable, keeping you trapped in unfulfilling patterns. She shares her journey from academic success through rock bottom moments to developing brain rewiring techniques that help people break free from self-sabotage and fear.
• Stop pretending and being a "good girl" – honesty with yourself is the first act of self-love
• Unhappiness is not comfortable, it's just familiar – our brain creates biochemical patterns we become addicted to
• Fear of failure is actually fear that no one will catch you when you fall
• Motivation doesn't work for lasting change – making your current situation unbearable does
• Our biochemistry works on three levels: hormones, initial assessment, and chosen response
• You can rewire your brain by shrinking negative reactions while amplifying positive ones
• The 30-day technique involves gradually increasing your tolerance to fearful situations
• Identify why you stay in toxic situations – usually it's about certainty versus uncertainty
• Life is shorter than we expect – the regrets of the dying include wishing for more happiness and authenticity
Check out Dr. Axa's book "Stop Calling it a Comfort Zone" on Amazon with a seasonal 90% discount. Connect with her on Facebook or LinkedIn to learn more about breaking free from what's holding you back.
Get ready to break free from obstacles and live life on your terms!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Cassandra (00:00):
Good day to all of my listeners and I'd like to
welcome you to Is your Way Inyour Way podcast.
And yeah, I'm your host.
My name is CassandraCrawley-Mayo and for many of you
, you are aware that my book, mynumber one bestseller, is
titled Is your Way In your Way.
And for those new listeners,let me tell you a little bit
(00:21):
about what this podcast is about.
It's like you're stuck.
It's like things that areholding you back from achieving
your dreams, even some of yourfinancial independence.
You know you're stuck becauseyou want to write a book too,
you want to get a promotion, youwant to get out of a toxic
relationship.
There's just so many things youwant to do, but you are holding
(00:43):
yourself back, and we're goingto talk about that.
We actually talk about topicsrelated to personal improvement,
business improvement, evenpersonal business development as
well, and so today I am soexcited about this topic.
Stop calling it a comfort zone,and who better to talk to us
(01:04):
about that is my special guest,dr Axa Yox.
Good day, doctor.
Dr. Axa (01:10):
How are you?
Good day, thank you.
Thank you for hosting me.
I'm perfect.
I'm in Miami, in sunny Miami.
Oh my gosh, right before theholiday season.
Cassandra (01:23):
I know, I can just imagine a little bit.
Dr. Axa (01:27):
Well now.
Cassandra (01:28):
I thank you for coming out the orange room
everybody.
She was in the orange room andshe's wearing orange today, so
she got the memo.
Dr. Axa (01:41):
It's meant to be right.
Cassandra (01:42):
Exactly, Exactly.
Now let me.
I'm going to share a little bitabout Dr Axa.
I'm not going to always saydoctor, but I might.
I'm not sure.
But you know what?
I want to read her bio a littlebit and what's interesting to
me about her is she actually hasa scientific background version
(02:03):
and then she has atransformational version.
But what I'm going to readtoday is her transformational
version and I believe you'regoing to see a little bit or
hear a little bit of how herscientific background may fall
into this.
But let me tell you she is adynamic force in personal
(02:24):
transformation.
Only two years ago she stood inthe shadows of her own fears.
Now she's living a testament tothe power of resilience,
self-love and bold reinvention.
This is going to be good.
During her journey throughadversity, this is going to be
(02:53):
good.
During her journey throughadversity, Axa developed an
innovative brain rewiringtechnique to conquer anxiety and
procrastination.
When she shares in hermotivational book, her heartfelt
story and practical insights,empowers others to overcome
challenges, embrace change andcreate the lives that you've
always imagined.
Her book is titled Stop Callingit a Comfort Zone, but
(03:16):
Uncomfortable to Be Comfortable.
In other words, she called it afull-filled F-O-L.
Full filled life.
Wow, I can't wait to get intothis, because this is what a lot
of it's all about is ourcomfort zone, and she's going to
explain based on the experiencethat she's had.
(03:37):
So she's got actually qualifiedto kind of talk about this
thing that we call comfort zone,and when this podcast is done,
I know you guys are gonna sayyou know what I'm getting ready
to get out of this comfort zone,whatever I wanna call it, but
I've been calling it a comfortzone.
Now, Dr Axa, if there was astatement on your website that
(04:00):
was intriguing to me, it said85% of people admit they live
unhappy lives because they'reafraid to leave their comfort
zone.
When I saw that, that was sostriking, because one of the
things I talk about is a nurse,a hospice nurse by the name of
Bonnie Ware, and Bonnie Waremade a decision that she wanted
(04:23):
to interview individuals whowere transitioning and once she
finished her interview, shecaptured what I called common
themes, and they were actuallyfive, but there are two that I
want to talk about and we'regoing to talk about the three
was the basic.
I wish I didn't work so hard.
I wish I would have spent moretime with family.
(04:43):
I wish I would have traveled.
But the two that got me wasthey said I wish I could have
been more happier, and the otherone was I wish I could have
been more true to myself, andthat, to me, just blew me away
and I'm like happier, what, what?
So I'm like so let's talk aboutthis for a minute.
So I'm like so let's talk aboutthis for a minute.
Dr. Axa (05:06):
So what is happiness for you?
Oh, that's a nice question,interesting, I believe.
Not stop to pretend.
That was the first breakthroughfor me, because we learn to
pretend so many times.
We are so conditioned to be agood girls and we need to break
(05:28):
that.
That's the first action ofself-love that you can ever do
to for yourself.
Stop being a good girl becauseyou it's a disservice, the best
disservice that you can do toyourself.
Why you are a good girl.
It doesn't mean that you needto be a bad or the poor or a
(05:51):
mean person, but the good girlor the good person as not
outstanding.
you just stop your progress andthe growth why you don't want to
achieve more.
Stand out.
Stop your progress and thegrowth.
Why you don't want to achievemore, stand up.
Because whatever we name and weassign some um association tool
(06:13):
, that's how we perceive thething.
If we say that we arecomfortable with being unhappy,
unhealthy and unfulfilled, wesignal our brain that being
unhappy for us it's comfortable.
We are fine to be unhappy, weare fine to be unhealthy and not
(06:35):
living the fulfilled life.
And then we are surprised thatour brain sabotages us because
we draw the line between whereit's fine with us, it's
comfortable, and what is thefear of?
Whatever fear you have, fear offailure.
You are not enough, people willnot like you.
(06:57):
Stop that.
Yes, because life is shorterthan we ever expect.
I believe many people wouldagree with that.
Yes, absolutely.
Why not to live it to thefullest, like as many emotions
and the feelings, and gather thememories?
(07:20):
Because at a certain point youare not going to have that
ability to create the memoriesand then that's all that you are
left with, right?
Cassandra (07:31):
I love that, I love that and that's why I'm on this
mission for us to start livingour best life on our own.
Because I am on this mission,because I don't for me, I don't
want any regrets.
I, know there was a ministerby the name of Dr Miles Monroe
who said the richest place inthe world was the graveyard.
(07:53):
Because that's what so manyunmet dreams are, and I am just
determined that I'm not going tomy grave.
Whenever I transition, I wantmy cup to be running over.
I do not want to say I wish.
I would have to say I wish Iwould have done this, I wish I
would have done that.
So we are definitely in tune.
So let me ask you what was yourlife like before you embarked
(08:15):
on this profound journey ofself-discovery, because I'm
certain you're going to talkabout, I can't wait to hear
about when you hit rock bottom?
Dr. Axa (08:27):
Oh that was a dark place.
My life was so structured.
I was in academia, so I knewperfectly how I start my day,
how what's the next, step bystep, and how I spend the
evenings.
Everything was so structuredand I love that being not in
control as being in control butstill a predictability of what
(08:50):
is the next to expect.
And then I did 12 inventionsand I decided that I'm ready for
the real life.
I quit academia to start my ownbusiness and I failed miserably
.
Not bad, I didn't hit the rockbottom.
I think I even broke it ReallyOkay.
(09:14):
Yeah, I was in a really verydark place because I went also
through kind of the familyissues as I lost my dad, then
another life-changingcircumstance in our family I
wish never happened my personaltrauma.
I went through very dark timesand that's the time when I was
(09:36):
trying like hitting the rockbottom and trying to emerge.
And every time when I would tryto escape that darkness I would
just come back and I realizedthat there is something that I'm
doing wrong.
The next time when I hit therock bottom, I said I need to
learn the lesson, otherwise I'mcoming back again and again.
(10:00):
And that's where I started torealize what are the habits and
the patterns that I follow,unconsciously, that bring me
back to that rock bottom?
Because many people leave, theyhit the rock bottom, they don't
realize it and they continueliving there.
(10:23):
Pretending is one of the worstthings that we can ever do to
ourselves.
We pretend we are happy, wepretend we don't want something
which we want.
We pretend, pretend, pretendbecause we are so conditioned to
be good people.
It's very beneficial for anyonebut yourself.
(10:45):
So if there is an option not tolive the fulfilled, it doesn't
exist.
This word I created kind of formyself, because I that's what I
realized we live fulfilled lifeas F-O-O-L Like.
We fool ourselves, we pretendwe are not very honest to
(11:08):
ourselves.
So we keep going and we keepliving the life which is so not
honest to ourselves.
Why we do that?
No one knows whether it's fear,whether it's environment, the
society, which keeps us in thisbox and it's easier to control
(11:29):
us.
That's why we have these valuesthat you have to be this, you
have to be this, opposed to whatserves you.
Cassandra (11:39):
Right.
So, axa, when you were growingup, did you always have a desire
to be in academia or or whereyou wanted to be?
That because someone in yourfamily like in growing up, what
was it that you wanted to do?
What did you aspire to do?
I know when we're young, peoplesay, what do you want to do
when you grow up we don't reallyknow.
(12:01):
But yet a little bit we maythink of some things like you
know, like I wanted to be ananesthesiologist and you know
stuff like that, but that neverhappened.
But did you want to always?
What was it about academia thatwas fascinating to you, or was
it not fascinating?
Dr. Axa (12:17):
The funniest thing that , since being a child, I always
was telling that I would becomeanything but a scientist.
That was the funniest thing.
Become anything but a scientist, that was the funniest thing.
I became a scientist.
I loved nature since I was achild.
I always loved animals, like towork with them, and then I
(12:37):
became a physiologist, like toknow everything that happens in
our body, that happens in ourbody, but I couldn't um, I
couldn't commit to working withthe animals because you have to
do run the experiments with them, and that was no way for me.
That's why I transitioned tomicrobiology, with the focus on
(12:58):
genetics, because I really lovewhat is the base of the life,
how to read and how to interpretanything.
That's why, every time whenthere is anything related to the
science, I know the base and ithelps me a lot.
That's kind of how I found howto rewire our brain and the
(13:18):
links that we have, and it isdescribed in my book as well.
But through going the like thestages in my life, though I
didn't want to be a scientist, Ibecame the scientist.
Then I quit academia and Ididn't.
I never wanted to be a businessperson, because somehow I
(13:40):
conditioned myself becausethat's what we are taught.
Being in business it's selfishand all the blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah things.
Right Now I'm going througheverything because I realized
that, first of all, business isnot a bad thing if you serve
people, and I love to talk topeople.
I'm so good with that.
(14:01):
I'm so good with that.
I love if I can bring the valueto somebody and make them to at
least to go one step forward tohelp them with whatever issue
they have.
Why not?
We are here to live, not thelegacy, because it's a huge word
(14:22):
, not for everyone, but still.
I have that mantra and I livesince many years with that do at
least one good thing per day.
Make just just for, for nothinglike really help one person per
day per day.
Cassandra (14:41):
Oh, that's awesome.
I love that.
I love that you know when youafter you, when you hit rock
bottom and it sounded like youdidn't hit it just one time,
there were several times.
How did you get out of that?
And because you talked about alittle bit of the science of you
and I told everybody in thebeginning that you have a
scientific version and perhapsyou use some of that scientific
(15:05):
knowledge that you have torewire your brain because, like
you indicated, when people hitrock bottom you have a choice
you can be bitter or you can bebetter about it.
You know, but you made.
There was something withinyourself that said you know what
?
I'm going to rise like aphoenix bird and I'm going to
(15:31):
thrive and not just survive.
So what did?
Did you have to rewire yourbrain?
And if so, how did you do that?
How did you change thosestories?
Dr. Axa (15:42):
Actually, I found the way how to make your comfort
zone so uncomfortable that youdon't even question whether you
want to stay there or not.
So that's the difference,because if you convince yourself
that you need to be comfortable, to be uncomfortable, the
(16:05):
chances that you will sabotageyourself are high enough,
because we have all these habitsbuilt for decades.
And then you just go back tothe biochemistry which your body
is used to and it's hard torewire once you are kind of
(16:25):
addicted, because we're addictedto our biochemistry.
Let's admit that.
That's why, if there is astress, we just right away, we
go for the fastest release thatwe build for ourselves as the
release method, whatever it is.
For some people they go for thefunny videos, or they meet
(16:46):
friends just to talk, or somepeople go with the sugar
addicted, or whatever.
But for me it was more themessage that I wanted to bring
to the world, especially forwomen who are in toxic
environment, whether it's therelationship, whether it's the
relationship, whether it's thework environment, whatever Toxic
(17:09):
that they tolerate In theirlife, to stop it.
That's my kind of the missionTo help as many women as it's
possible, because I was one ofthem and that's kind of
unfortunate that there are notso many motivational female
speakers who can really helpeach other, like to, to become a
(17:34):
community, to inspire and to topush each other to lift each.
But we are getting more andmore to that side to have more
females, female voices out therewho tell their stories, because
somehow females are morevulnerable and we feel ourselves
(17:59):
so weak that we don't want totalk about our story, we don't
want to share because it makesus to be even more weaker or to
be yeah, or maybe we don't wantto go back, but more you tell
(18:23):
your story, because I was reallyin very dark place and that's
100 my mission to stop and totell every woman you are worthy
of love.
Never tolerate the um, the toxicenvironment, whether it's work,
relationship, whatever.
Don't.
Don't do that to yourself.
(18:43):
You are more than enough.
Just step up and continue.
If it doesn't serve, youeliminate from your life.
Life is so short and you are soworthy of whatever life will
bring.
The bright side of the life,the bright side of the life.
Cassandra (19:03):
Don't limit yourself to whatever you have versus what
you can, right, and that's kindof where the comfort zone is.
You're coming from, like ourtitle.
Stop calling it a comfort zone,and I believe many of us stay
in a lot of things because we'recomfortable, right, I mean, or,
(19:25):
as you said, don't call it that, so stop calling it.
So what should we start callingit?
Because, you're right, toxicenvironments, toxic
relationships, toxic workplaces.
I always say other people canlook at their situation and tell
them what they should do, like,oh, I wouldn't be in that, I
(19:48):
wouldn't do that, right.
But for those who are in it,how do you work or talk with
individuals?
You know we can motivate themand inspire them.
How did you get out of yourcomfort zone?
Dr. Axa (20:04):
How did you get out of your comfort zone?
I just stopped pretending.
I admitted to myself that Ifailed.
I failed very bad.
No-transcript.
The truth frees you.
It helps you to be free.
(20:26):
And it's hard.
It's not very easy because,first of all, uh, when you are
at particular age, admittingthat you kind of failed through
so many decades and you are youyou already lived most of the
time, more or less like I don'tknow how long I will live, but
(20:49):
at least half I already lived.
And you are at that like pointwhere you can admit that most of
the time that you live, youpretended, you were not honest
to yourself and that's why youfailed.
But you have the choice to be,to change how.
(21:11):
You need to really realize whatis the bigger picture that you
want for yourself.
If what you have at thisparticular point is what you
want in the future, thencontinue.
If you are unhappy, you reallyneed to admit to yourself.
(21:32):
It's not very easy.
It's going to be hard, becausewe are so caught up in our brain
.
We keep pretending, we keepcomforting ourselves no, that's
okay.
Or okay, okay, one piece of thecake, it's okay, it will not
change.
So we compromise so many thingswhich are not serving us versus
(21:54):
what needs to be really done,and it's not very easy.
But what do we compromise?
This, this is what we tolerate.
What we tolerate, we choose.
If you admit that I don't likethis, but you tolerate that, do
you choose that?
Uncertainly, you choose not tochange it.
(22:17):
Don't get me wrong.
There are some things that wecannot change.
So we have to distinguish whatwe can control, what we cannot
control.
If you can change something,then change it.
If there is like weather, wecannot affect the weather, so
you cannot complain about theweather, just forget about it.
We cannot complain about thepolitics, environment or
(22:42):
anything, but we can change whatwe are able to change and
that's what we need to do,because life is really shorter
than you expect.
Maybe per 24 hours, we livefour or five hours a day.
The rest is like we, we sleep,we do the things that we cannot
(23:06):
skip and blah, blah, blah.
So per day, 24 hours, it's not24 hours.
We have only, let's say, five,six, seven, depending on the
person, that's right hours toexperience per day and we just
waste that time.
Why do we do that?
Because we are so conditionedthat those are the mandatory the
(23:30):
least, to do the least, like wehave, then we don't have the
time for ourselves.
Self-love versus self-sabotaging, and perfection trying to be
perfect.
So I found for myself to be,maybe for somebody else.
(23:51):
So are you trying to be perfect?
Or you just created the fancyword for to, not to admit to
yourself that you procrastinate?
Because if you're trying tomake it perfect, first of all,
it's impossible.
You just postpone executing,right?
So if we keep creating thefancy words to mask the actions
(24:19):
which are not serving us, westill stay in that loop of
self-sabotage not progressing,not living the fulfilled life.
And everything starts from justsit with yourself, have a pen
and paper and start to write,draw whatever helps you.
(24:43):
I always go with the boxes.
That helps me a lot of times.
Like I just draw the boxes, Iput the name for the boxes and
then I go with the arrows and Ijust draw the bigger picture
that I want to have.
So where I am and where I wantto be, and then I just figure
(25:07):
out what are the paths toachieve what I want to have.
But you have to admit thenegative sides as well.
If you just keep ignoring, theydon't disappear, they exist.
You cannot pretend that theyare not there, because if you
have, if you need to go from oneto ten, and you say, okay, I
have one, two, three, seven,eight, nine, and you ignore four
(25:31):
, five, six, four, five doesn'tcare that you ignore them, they
will just come and hit you.
They will come and hit you.
You ignore me because you don'tlike me.
I'll hit you even more becauseyou have to sit, you have to
solve the problem, and the moreproblem you solve, the stronger
(25:51):
you become.
Because for me, actually, Inever was scared to fail.
I don't know why.
To be honest, for me, thedefinition of failure always was
not trying, ah okay.
But if I try, I was never.
I was never scared to beembarrassed.
(26:12):
I have higher tolerance of that.
I can fail, I can ask the dumbquestions and I can do the
stupidest thing in theenvironment and people would be
embarrassed for me and I waslike why?
don't take yourself so seriously.
Leave it differently.
(26:33):
Like bring the energy, bringthe drive, become, yeah, the
disruptor.
Like stand out, show what ispossible.
Don't take things so seriously.
I know it doesn't serve it'slike give yourself grace.
Cassandra (26:51):
A few things you said is one that has been very
helpful for me is control.
If, like you indicated, theweather, if I can't it, you know
, if you know that that sitswell with me.
If it's something I can'tcontrol, you know, and like you
talked about politics and whathappened with the election and
(27:14):
all that, I'm like, well, Ican't control that, but I did my
part, you know.
And another thing you talkabout is like perfection,
procrastination and that and I'ma perfectionist, I'm really not
, but that's been my thing andI've admitted it and and I'm OK
with it.
And when I'm trying to beperfect, it's something that
(27:37):
says OK, miss Perfection, so ithelps me get things done,
because I will, I will dwell onsomething for hours until I can
get it just right, and then I'mwasting my day, you know.
And so I see that it's kind oflike I do things for protection,
(27:58):
you know, trying to protectmyself.
So you know, I'm like, ok, well, I don't want to do that.
Like I use comfort zone.
Well, you know, I may beembarrassed, as you indicated,
but you don't get embarrassed,like I can't do that, because
what they may say or what theymay do, you know.
(28:19):
So it has to be, for me,intentional, like we're talking
about rewiring your brain, likeyou use a couple of things.
If you can't control it, so beit.
You know it's no such thing asperfection.
It's no perfect person.
So know that, get over it anddo the best that you can.
We talked about self-sabotage.
(28:40):
It's like protecting yourselfbecause you think that you can't
do something.
You know.
So we're in this mode.
Like you said, we have to.
Everything has to be right, andit's no right, it's it's well.
Lately I'm wondering, when yousay things have to be right,
it's all about your perspective,I would say, and what I mean by
(29:03):
that is I want to use I'mreluctant about using this
example and I want to be.
I'm just going to say it.
It's just like the time whenthe guy shot the CEO of
UnitedHealth Care and there'ssome people that think it was
(29:23):
great, like he's a hero, andthen there's some like but you
don't need to kill anybody, youknow, and it's all about.
And then we, we, we get intothis tizzy like how can they do
that?
Why would somebody do that?
You know?
So that helps minimize mystress, because I don't know why
.
I believe what he did was wrong.
(29:45):
You don't kill anybody to justget to what you want.
So I think it's like you talkedabout the mindset and rewiring
the brain.
And another thing you said isyou talked about.
You said motivation does notwork.
Right, like to motivatesomebody.
So if motivation doesn't work,what does work?
Dr. Axa (30:12):
I think moving from the fear is the best motivation I
found for myself.
Because if you are in yourcomfort zone and you signal to
your brain that being unhappy iscomfortable for you, the
(30:32):
motivation will never work foryou.
Because you are comfortable,you admit it to yourself that
the level where you live it'sfine with you yourself, that the
level where you live it's finewith you.
So the motivation will notinspire you, it will just go
with the spikes.
You will go up, down, up anddown, and discipline sometimes
(30:56):
brings the burnout.
And that's, let's admit it,because many people we are not
disciplined since we were kidsand it's hard for us to follow
the discipline.
What worked for me that's allthat I can say it's just knowing
(31:18):
that where I was, I didn't wantto be in that spot and moving
anywhere was better, okay,failing was fine with me,
because I knew that unless Ifail, I will never learn what
are my limits, what I am capableof and what the world has to
(31:41):
offer me.
Because this is one point topicthat I love to explore as well,
because life is unfair and wehave to, we have to accept that
right, but we we talk about theunfairness of the life only when
it's not in our favor.
If, if everything is in ourfavor, we never say, oh, life is
(32:07):
unfair.
To somebody, we would say, butwe worked hard for that and it's
good, because life cannot befair.
Imagine you are as a student,you studied a lot and in the
morning you came for the examand the professor decided that
life has to be fair and then hewill just put a for everyone you
(32:30):
who worked hard, studied hard,and then somebody who was
partying, never went for theclasses and blah, blah, blah,
right.
Or if we worked hard for thepromotion, and then somebody who
didn't, they come.
So when there is unfairness,you can use it as unfair
advantage for yourself, becausethere is no uh evenness, like
(32:54):
sameness.
You can stand out.
This is how you can use theunfairness in the life to stand
out and to change.
Whatever is comfortable,uncomfortable, play, name
whatever you want.
We limit ourselves, even withthe words.
(33:16):
How do we call the comfort zone?
Like?
How to call it?
Call whatever you want.
No one limits you, right?
You have the vocabulary.
Open the dictionary and choosethe word.
Whatever you want, no onelimits you, right?
You have the vocabulary.
Open the dictionary and choosethe word, whatever you want,
call it whatever is fine withyou, which will serve you and
help you with the progress.
Motivation doesn't work for me,for me moving away from where I
(33:40):
was worked for me because itwas a nudge.
I didn't want to stay there.
I didn't want to stay there, Ididn't want to stay in my
so-called comfort zone, andthat's what helped me.
So just use your imagination,don't limit yourself.
And when you spoke about takinglife or killing how many people
(34:02):
we have they live in toxicrelationship.
The person really takes yourlife your energy, your life and
everything, but we somehow don'tcall it, uh, the person to be a
murderer right because themurder is just only simply like
when you murder somebody Right,why we don't call.
(34:26):
When people take your lifeslowly, like really mean to you
the toxic relationship.
We tolerate that, but we don'ttolerate when somebody kills the
other person, right?
And there is one thing that Iwant to mention as well.
So a fear of failure is notthat we are scared to fail, as
(34:51):
we are scared that there is noone to catch us, so it's not
that you are.
It's, uh, when you admit tolike there is no one close
enough for you, like to be therefor you even if you failed,
right To love you, like when youare at the lowest point, that's
(35:15):
when we are fearful of failure,exactly If you have the person
who loves you at your ups anddowns.
They'll be there for you.
They'll be there for you.
Cassandra (35:31):
Then you are not scared to fail right, right, you
know I like this, this umcalling it.
Stop calling it your comfortzone.
So what I'm hearing and whatI'm understanding is, like my
listeners, there are certainthings that they want to do, but
they're not.
You know they can't.
They're stuck, and many timesthey're stuck because of those
(35:54):
limiting beliefs or they'rethey're, but yet what you're
saying, what I'm hearing, is butthey are unhappy.
They're unhappy in that job orthey're unhappy in that
relationship, but they're in itbecause it's comfortable.
(36:16):
Like I get a paycheck everyevery two weeks or whatever, so
I don't, but I'd rather getweeks or whatever, so I don't,
but I'd rather get.
So they have to make a decision.
Would I rather stay insomething that I don't, like
that doesn't make me happy, orshould I get out?
It's like what you're saying isthey have to make that decision
(36:39):
.
How unhappy are you in thatdecision?
Like, like for me.
Like I wanted to write a bookand it was me that was stopping
me from writing the book.
And what happened for me is Iwas uncomfortable, and did I
wanna be uncomfortable all forthe rest of my life, knowing
that that was something that Ishould be doing because it was
gripping me?
And if I didn't do it, it wouldstill be gripping me.
(37:00):
So I guess it determines.
Like you said, stop calling ita comfort zone.
You need to start thinkingabout whether is this something
that's going to make you happy,and that's why my first question
was what's happiness, you know?
Is it going to rather beingsomething to make you happy or
unhappy.
So is that what we're talkingabout here?
(37:23):
Stop calling it the comfortzone, Because I'm trying to
figure out how can ourconversation help somebody get
unstuck and start doing what itis that they feel that they're
ordained to do?
Dr. Axa (37:38):
I believe if you are unhappy enough, you will move.
Okay, it depends also on thelevel of tolerance.
Obviously, some people don'ttolerate the tiny things.
Some people tolerate.
They have the big like the moretolerance.
But still, if you hit the rockbottom you will move for sure.
(38:05):
And if you are there for work,for the paycheck, there are so
many other ways to get the money.
So that's not why you are stuckwith the job.
No, you have to admit toyourself why you are working at
that work.
(38:25):
Because you think that you arenot good enough to do something
else.
You are scared to take otherrisks because there are so many
other ways to bring the money,to earn the money can you can go
and sweep the floor and behappier versus to be in the
(38:46):
office in the toxic relationshipwith your co-workers and and
feel that toxic um environmentevery single day.
So why you are doing what youare doing and it's not the as
surface answer as you might evenimagine why you are doing what
(39:06):
you are doing if you are in thatenvironment?
Simply because you are scaredto take the risk and to change.
So on.
Uncertainty is more fearful foryou versus the toxic environment
.
This is your dilemma likeuncertainty is your problem?
If that's the problem, then youhave to raise your tolerance to
(39:28):
uncertainty, and that's that'ssomething that you can do.
100.
You have to make certainty soboring for you that you would
crave for uncertainty.
Everything can be changed.
You have to just find a way,how to come to the point where
(39:51):
you would admit to yourself.
You will draw the line and saythat's enough, enough is enough.
When is enough is enough?
Right?
We all have been there.
Enough is enough.
Yeah, I don't continue.
The next day you find yourselfdoing the same shit again and
again Sorry for my language, butagain and again sabotaging
(40:12):
ourselves, going for the toxicwork environment, blah, blah,
blah.
This blah, blah, blah becomesour life and unfortunately we
live that every single daywithout stopping and admitting.
I don't want this anymore, butwe have so many daily routine
and the responsibilities beforeour family and all that we
(40:37):
cannot even admit to yourself.
Why do you go to that toxic jobIf it is only paycheck?
Find other way to get the money.
It's not the paycheck, that'snot true.
Cassandra (40:52):
That's not true.
Okay, that's good, that's good.
Let me ask you I want to talkabout you just to ready
anybody's behavior, and whywould one want to?
You made that statement.
What does that mean?
(41:12):
The biggest hack on how toready anybody's behavior.
Dr. Axa (41:18):
It's why people do what they do.
Okay, you have to understandwhat is the motive behind that.
Okay, the real motive not likethe same with the paycheck why
people do what they do.
It's not the money.
Is that the their tolerancetowards the unknown, not taking
(41:42):
the risk?
Why you sabotage?
You don't go to the toxicenvironment simply because you
tolerate that.
No, your tolerance towards theuncertainty is higher versus you
already know what to expect,even the worst, but you know the
(42:03):
worst.
Where is the limit that thethat worse is versus?
If you cross that limit, youdon't know what expect there.
But you have to trust yourselffirst.
What is the motive why peopledo what they do?
Once you find out what moves theperson, what is behind their
(42:25):
behavior, you will know whypeople do.
If I know that you value thecertainty the most, then I would
know what is your next step,because you would do everything
just to meet your need and to becertain, even if is not serving
you.
But you are certain.
(42:45):
That's all that I canexperience, and it is again the
fear of failure.
And it is not.
You are not fearful to fail,versus that there is no one to
catch you that's good, thatthat's good.
So normally everything is kindof the loop because by nature we
(43:08):
are not designed to be happy.
By nature we were designed tostay safe.
So our biochemistry versus isgood or bad it does.
It's secondary versus.
It is very predictable becausewe have only particular amount
of the biochemical molecules,like hormones and
(43:31):
neurotransmitters, and theytrigger particular emotions or
the emotion they trigger.
So the level for ourbiochemistry shift.
We have three levels.
So the first is we shift withthe hormones.
It is natural shift and no onecan influence that because
(43:54):
nature designed to keep us safe.
Then there is a second level,which is neurotransmitters when
our body assess the situationand it starts to produce
neurotransmitters.
When our body assess thesituation and it starts to
produce neurotransmitters togive you the information how you
have to react.
And this is the link towardsthe second level and the third
(44:17):
level, which is again theneurotransmitters.
This is where you can rewireyour brain because once you
assess the situation and youknow, let's say, you have the
negative emotions because youdon't like it, you still have
the option to change how youperceive the situation and start
to synthesize, like to produce,influence your body to shift
(44:43):
towards positive assessment andthe how to rewire your brain
between these three layers,which are designed by nature
every person goes through.
That is the first, which is thereaction of the body as the
hormones.
No one can influence that.
The second is neurotransmitters.
(45:04):
Once you assess the situationand you know it's not positive,
it's negative, I'm scared, I'mfearful and blah, blah, blah.
And then you have the optionokay, I'm fearful, but I choose
to act, to execute, to changesomething, and and between those
two layers.
(45:24):
This is where the magic happens, because once you break that
and you stop feeding this, onceyou have the negative, stop it
right away and start to multiplythe positive as many times and
at the same time, you justshrink the negative so much and
you feed the positive so well itstarts to nourish and to floor
(45:50):
all the possible things.
Then you start to replace thenegative then.
Then you go from your hormonesdirectly to the positive.
You are like okay I know thatemotion I'm fine yeah
Cassandra (46:04):
so are you saying in other, change the narrative in
your mind, right?
I mean right, it's kind of likeI'm like I'm always use myself
for an example.
Now I'm an entrepreneur, right,but I've always worked in
corporate and I'm like I don'tknow if I could do this.
And then I'm like, yeah, I can.
I did the same thing incorporate.
(46:25):
I was just working for somebody.
So now I'm working for myselfand I'll switch.
I remember talking to somebodyand you're having a down day or
you're mulling over somethingnegative and you say to yourself
how would I rather feel aboutthis situation?
And then you start thinkingabout well, how would I rather
(46:48):
feel about this situation?
I'd rather feel really good,I'd rather feel happy, I'd
rather feel that I'm in a goodplace.
I'd rather feel that I am doingwhat I'm ordained to do.
So, therefore, because of that,I get more energy, I'm happy,
I'm serving.
So if I think like that, thenthat negative stuff goes away,
because I'm so busy thinkingabout the positive, what it is
(47:11):
how I really want to feel abouta situation.
So that's kind of what you'resaying.
I believe and you willdefinitely correct me if I'm
wrong is how do we talked aboutrewiring the brain?
Dr. Axa (47:24):
yeah, that's you need to.
For me, once you admit thesituation and you see as it is,
it serves you because then youhave the option to react,
because being optimistic orpessimistic is the choice right,
but being realistic ismandatory.
(47:46):
You have have to be, because ifthere is a fire and you stay
there and you are optimistic, no, it will go away.
It will not go away.
You have to move.
So being realistic is mandatory.
You have to know where you are,what you are capable of and,
first of all, whatever you knowand you can do, it's not limited
(48:08):
.
You still can change something,learn something new.
You didn't know how to writeand read before, right, you went
for the first grade and youstarted from a.
He's like.
I disagree that.
That's my own opinion.
So you know this.
(48:29):
But don't limit yourself.
There are more things Once youfail.
Failure is just only the limit,like the border, of what you
knew and what is new for you andyou choose.
(48:54):
You stay on this side with whatyou knew and you are kind of
expert, or you extend yourexpertise and you say, okay, now
I want to try something else.
Yes, you try, you don't like,you go back and then you try
something else, you trysomething else.
Yes, you try, you don't like,you go back and then you try
something else, you trysomething else.
I was in academia for 15 years.
I was very successful, but thenI started to learn business and
(49:17):
then I realized that I'm quitegood because I anyway love to
talk to people.
Mm-hmm Right, I was trying uh,sales and uh, the business and
the marketing, simply because Iwanted to expand my, my
expertise and to see can I dothat?
(49:39):
because I was like I'm fromacademia, I don't know the sales
.
And then I caught myself and Iwas like you limit yourself, yes
, that's right.
And you never.
You never tried how you can saythat you don't know how to do
if you didn't try.
Cassandra (49:55):
Right, right.
So look, is there.
So and-day technique that gavewhat you say 100 successful
professionals to break free fromtheir comfort zone.
Dr. Axa (50:13):
Yeah, so actually the technique is this.
So, if you have the, your issueis the fear like fear of
unknown, right?
Is the fear like fear ofunknown, right?
So once you go through thetechnique of experiencing the
(50:34):
situation when you are fearful,but the fixed fearful you still
raise your tolerance becauseyour biochemistry changes Every
time when you have that feelingof the fear, your emotions, they
trigger the change in yourbiochemistry.
And first time when you arefearful, obviously you step back
(50:55):
because that's your naturalinstinct to protect you, to keep
you safe, right.
(51:21):
But step by step, when you gofor the fixed fearful emotions,
you still change yourbiochemistry and step by step,
gradually, you adopt, you raiseyour tolerance towards the
fearful biochemistry and nexttime when you experience that
fearful situation, your body isalready accustomed to that
biochemistry.
So you don't go back directlyto your so-called comfort zone
to protect yourself because youalready experienced, versus 30
days of fixed fearfulbiochemistry.
(51:46):
Still, your tolerance raisestowards that.
Okay, okay.
So why are flipping thecertainty and uncertainty and
experiencing something that youdon't, you are trying to avoid?
Then you raise your toleranceand that's how you change your.
(52:10):
You adapt to the emotions thatyou need to progress if you are
scared to fear, to feel fearful,then put yourself in the
situation where you will.
You can experience thatemotions, but you have to do it
gradually, all the time.
(52:32):
If you skip, you will not adaptyourself.
So that's the technique Step bystep, every single day, go for
the fixed emotions which willserve you in the future.
Cassandra (52:46):
Okay, so for my listeners, for those who want to
change jobs, get out of a toxicrelationship, want to write a
book, want to start a podcast,something that they're like I
indicated earlier, their soul ispulling them to do something,
but they're just stuck in doingit.
So, because of, probably, thefear of the unknown, so what
(53:06):
they need to do, so what you'resaying is they need to identify
what it is that they want to do.
That will make them happy,correct?
Dr. Axa (53:16):
They have to.
So, simply put it's you have tomake your life so known, so
certain, that you would be sickof certainty.
Then you will move, becauseonce you start, we have the need
for the known and unknown right.
(53:36):
If you keep your life socertain, your body will crave
for something new.
Otherwise are bored.
So make your life so certain,everything like cut every
variety which brings that uh,emotions of a new, then you will
(54:01):
board yourself to nearly deathand you will move and start to
experience the new emotionswhich will serve you in the
future.
Let's say you are scared, right, then you have to go for the
fixed emotions which willtrigger this fear and raise
(54:22):
gradually your tolerance.
Cassandra (54:24):
I I hope I explained it.
Yeah, I was trying to thinklike if somebody wanted to get
out of a toxic relationship,let's use that example and the
technique you would use for thatWalk, that person that's
(54:44):
listening through that situation, to help them get unstuck first
of all, 100.
Dr. Axa (54:53):
You need to identify why you stay in that toxic
relationship, because there iseven new term which exists.
It's economic marriage.
If you stay in the relationshipbecause of the financial
perspective, then you have tofind a way to become financially
(55:14):
independent.
If you stay in the relationshipbecause somehow, I don't know
how, you still love the personand you are addicted to a toxic
relationship, then you have towork your way out to understand
why you do what you do.
What need do you accomplishwith staying there?
(55:37):
If it is certainty?
If it is, what is that?
What do you meet by that?
What is the need that you meetby that thing with the person?
Mostly, I bet 80 90 is thefinancial situation.
That's why people don't quit.
So find your way to make themoney, to become financially
(56:02):
independent, to work your wayout of the relationship, because
it's not worthy to stay there.
It's scary but it's worthy it'sscary, I will not, uh, say no,
that's not scary.
It's scary every single day youwake up when you are
self-employed.
You know yourself, you don't,there is no certainty in your
(56:24):
life, especially if you are inthe very beginning.
But you bet on yourself, youtrust yourself that you will
work your way out, versusstaying there and then, within
after 10 years, regrets full ofregrets, and there is nearly
(56:51):
nothing that you can changeanymore because you, together
with staying in your toxicrelationship, please remember
one thing we age.
We don't become younger, right?
Yeah, you age.
So if you age, at least age inthe happy way, in the happy
place, right?
Cassandra (57:00):
Right, that's good.
That's good.
Yeah, how can my listeners getin touch with you, because some
of them may want to talk to youabout them being stuck, and you
can help them get unstuck byusing that technique?
How could they?
Dr. Axa (57:16):
get in touch with you.
They can contact me on facebookor linkedin.
I'm very active there and alsomy book is on amazon and I have
the landing page.
They can get the book, by theway, 90% off at the moment.
Yeah, it's the seasonal, yeah,seasonal kind of the sales to
(57:37):
try to help as many people asit's possible, because better
society and healthier andhappier society will live.
We all benefit from that.
Cassandra (57:48):
Absolutely.
Wow, that was good.
And, guys, you got to get thatbook.
Now it's a seasonal sale.
Yes, it's a seasonal sale.
Yeah, and Axa, I want to thankyou for your time, for your
wisdom that you've shared.
It's even helped myself.
I'm thinking about what am Inot doing?
Because I'm comfortable, andI'm going to get to that place
(58:09):
where I'm going to get sick andtired of being that way and that
way, right, and then I'm goingto move forward.
So thanks again, and mylisteners, please share this
podcast.
If you like the podcast, pleasesubscribe and hit like.
Please subscribe and hit like.
(58:30):
And again, this podcast will beon all social media platforms.
And stop calling it a comfortzone, guys, and do what you are
ordained to do, and you willhave even more meaning in your
life.
Thanks a bunch, dr Axa.
Thank you so much.
Good day to all of my listeners and I'd like to
welcome you to Is your Way Inyour Way podcast.
And yeah, I'm your host.
My name is CassandraCrawley-Mayo and for many of you
, you are aware that my book, mynumber one bestseller, is
titled Is your Way In your Way.
And for those new listeners,let me tell you a little bit
(00:21):
about what this podcast is about.
It's like you're stuck.
It's like things that areholding you back from achieving
your dreams, even some of yourfinancial independence.
You know you're stuck becauseyou want to write a book too,
you want to get a promotion, youwant to get out of a toxic
relationship.
There's just so many things youwant to do, but you are holding
(00:43):
yourself back, and we're goingto talk about that.
We actually talk about topicsrelated to personal improvement,
business improvement, evenpersonal business development as
well, and so today I am soexcited about this topic.
Stop calling it a comfort zone,and who better to talk to us
(01:04):
about that is my special guest,dr Axa Yox.
Good day, doctor.
Dr. Axa (01:10):
How are you?
Good day, thank you.
Thank you for hosting me.
I'm perfect.
I'm in Miami, in sunny Miami.
Oh my gosh, right before theholiday season.
Cassandra (01:23):
I know, I can just imagine a little bit.
Dr. Axa (01:27):
Well now.
Cassandra (01:28):
I thank you for coming out the orange room
everybody.
She was in the orange room andshe's wearing orange today, so
she got the memo.
Dr. Axa (01:41):
It's meant to be right.
Cassandra (01:42):
Exactly, Exactly.
Now let me.
I'm going to share a little bitabout Dr Axa.
I'm not going to always saydoctor, but I might.
I'm not sure.
But you know what?
I want to read her bio a littlebit and what's interesting to
me about her is she actually hasa scientific background version
(02:03):
and then she has atransformational version.
But what I'm going to readtoday is her transformational
version and I believe you'regoing to see a little bit or
hear a little bit of how herscientific background may fall
into this.
But let me tell you she is adynamic force in personal
(02:24):
transformation.
Only two years ago she stood inthe shadows of her own fears.
Now she's living a testament tothe power of resilience,
self-love and bold reinvention.
This is going to be good.
During her journey throughadversity, this is going to be
(02:53):
good.
During her journey throughadversity, Axa developed an
innovative brain rewiringtechnique to conquer anxiety and
procrastination.
When she shares in hermotivational book, her heartfelt
story and practical insights,empowers others to overcome
challenges, embrace change andcreate the lives that you've
always imagined.
Her book is titled Stop Callingit a Comfort Zone, but
(03:16):
Uncomfortable to Be Comfortable.
In other words, she called it afull-filled F-O-L.
Full filled life.
Wow, I can't wait to get intothis, because this is what a lot
of it's all about is ourcomfort zone, and she's going to
explain based on the experiencethat she's had.
(03:37):
So she's got actually qualifiedto kind of talk about this
thing that we call comfort zone,and when this podcast is done,
I know you guys are gonna sayyou know what I'm getting ready
to get out of this comfort zone,whatever I wanna call it, but
I've been calling it a comfortzone.
Now, Dr Axa, if there was astatement on your website that
(04:00):
was intriguing to me, it said85% of people admit they live
unhappy lives because they'reafraid to leave their comfort
zone.
When I saw that, that was sostriking, because one of the
things I talk about is a nurse,a hospice nurse by the name of
Bonnie Ware, and Bonnie Waremade a decision that she wanted
(04:23):
to interview individuals whowere transitioning and once she
finished her interview, shecaptured what I called common
themes, and they were actuallyfive, but there are two that I
want to talk about and we'regoing to talk about the three
was the basic.
I wish I didn't work so hard.
I wish I would have spent moretime with family.
(04:43):
I wish I would have traveled.
But the two that got me wasthey said I wish I could have
been more happier, and the otherone was I wish I could have
been more true to myself, andthat, to me, just blew me away
and I'm like happier, what, what?
So I'm like so let's talk aboutthis for a minute.
So I'm like so let's talk aboutthis for a minute.
Dr. Axa (05:06):
So what is happiness for you?
Oh, that's a nice question,interesting, I believe.
Not stop to pretend.
That was the first breakthroughfor me, because we learn to
pretend so many times.
We are so conditioned to be agood girls and we need to break
(05:28):
that.
That's the first action ofself-love that you can ever do
to for yourself.
Stop being a good girl becauseyou it's a disservice, the best
disservice that you can do toyourself.
Why you are a good girl.
It doesn't mean that you needto be a bad or the poor or a
(05:51):
mean person, but the good girlor the good person as not
outstanding.
you just stop your progress andthe growth why you don't want to
achieve more.
Stand out.
Stop your progress and thegrowth.
Why you don't want to achievemore, stand up.
Because whatever we name and weassign some um association tool
(06:13):
, that's how we perceive thething.
If we say that we arecomfortable with being unhappy,
unhealthy and unfulfilled, wesignal our brain that being
unhappy for us it's comfortable.
We are fine to be unhappy, weare fine to be unhealthy and not
(06:35):
living the fulfilled life.
And then we are surprised thatour brain sabotages us because
we draw the line between whereit's fine with us, it's
comfortable, and what is thefear of?
Whatever fear you have, fear offailure.
You are not enough, people willnot like you.
(06:57):
Stop that.
Yes, because life is shorterthan we ever expect.
I believe many people wouldagree with that.
Yes, absolutely.
Why not to live it to thefullest, like as many emotions
and the feelings, and gather thememories?
(07:20):
Because at a certain point youare not going to have that
ability to create the memoriesand then that's all that you are
left with, right?
Cassandra (07:31):
I love that, I love that and that's why I'm on this
mission for us to start livingour best life on our own.
Because I am on this mission,because I don't for me, I don't
want any regrets.
I, know there was a ministerby the name of Dr Miles Monroe
who said the richest place inthe world was the graveyard.
(07:53):
Because that's what so manyunmet dreams are, and I am just
determined that I'm not going tomy grave.
Whenever I transition, I wantmy cup to be running over.
I do not want to say I wish.
I would have to say I wish Iwould have done this, I wish I
would have done that.
So we are definitely in tune.
So let me ask you what was yourlife like before you embarked
(08:15):
on this profound journey ofself-discovery, because I'm
certain you're going to talkabout, I can't wait to hear
about when you hit rock bottom?
Dr. Axa (08:27):
Oh that was a dark place.
My life was so structured.
I was in academia, so I knewperfectly how I start my day,
how what's the next, step bystep, and how I spend the
evenings.
Everything was so structuredand I love that being not in
control as being in control butstill a predictability of what
(08:50):
is the next to expect.
And then I did 12 inventionsand I decided that I'm ready for
the real life.
I quit academia to start my ownbusiness and I failed miserably
.
Not bad, I didn't hit the rockbottom.
I think I even broke it ReallyOkay.
(09:14):
Yeah, I was in a really verydark place because I went also
through kind of the familyissues as I lost my dad, then
another life-changingcircumstance in our family I
wish never happened my personaltrauma.
I went through very dark timesand that's the time when I was
(09:36):
trying like hitting the rockbottom and trying to emerge.
And every time when I would tryto escape that darkness I would
just come back and I realizedthat there is something that I'm
doing wrong.
The next time when I hit therock bottom, I said I need to
learn the lesson, otherwise I'mcoming back again and again.
(10:00):
And that's where I started torealize what are the habits and
the patterns that I follow,unconsciously, that bring me
back to that rock bottom?
Because many people leave, theyhit the rock bottom, they don't
realize it and they continueliving there.
(10:23):
Pretending is one of the worstthings that we can ever do to
ourselves.
We pretend we are happy, wepretend we don't want something
which we want.
We pretend, pretend, pretendbecause we are so conditioned to
be good people.
It's very beneficial for anyonebut yourself.
(10:45):
So if there is an option not tolive the fulfilled, it doesn't
exist.
This word I created kind of formyself, because I that's what I
realized we live fulfilled lifeas F-O-O-L Like.
We fool ourselves, we pretendwe are not very honest to
(11:08):
ourselves.
So we keep going and we keepliving the life which is so not
honest to ourselves.
Why we do that?
No one knows whether it's fear,whether it's environment, the
society, which keeps us in thisbox and it's easier to control
(11:29):
us.
That's why we have these valuesthat you have to be this, you
have to be this, opposed to whatserves you.
Cassandra (11:39):
Right.
So, axa, when you were growingup, did you always have a desire
to be in academia or or whereyou wanted to be?
That because someone in yourfamily like in growing up, what
was it that you wanted to do?
What did you aspire to do?
I know when we're young, peoplesay, what do you want to do
when you grow up we don't reallyknow.
(12:01):
But yet a little bit we maythink of some things like you
know, like I wanted to be ananesthesiologist and you know
stuff like that, but that neverhappened.
But did you want to always?
What was it about academia thatwas fascinating to you, or was
it not fascinating?
Dr. Axa (12:17):
The funniest thing that , since being a child, I always
was telling that I would becomeanything but a scientist.
That was the funniest thing.
Become anything but a scientist, that was the funniest thing.
I became a scientist.
I loved nature since I was achild.
I always loved animals, like towork with them, and then I
(12:37):
became a physiologist, like toknow everything that happens in
our body, that happens in ourbody, but I couldn't um, I
couldn't commit to working withthe animals because you have to
do run the experiments with them, and that was no way for me.
That's why I transitioned tomicrobiology, with the focus on
(12:58):
genetics, because I really lovewhat is the base of the life,
how to read and how to interpretanything.
That's why, every time whenthere is anything related to the
science, I know the base and ithelps me a lot.
That's kind of how I found howto rewire our brain and the
(13:18):
links that we have, and it isdescribed in my book as well.
But through going the like thestages in my life, though I
didn't want to be a scientist, Ibecame the scientist.
Then I quit academia and Ididn't.
I never wanted to be a businessperson, because somehow I
(13:40):
conditioned myself becausethat's what we are taught.
Being in business it's selfishand all the blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah things.
Right Now I'm going througheverything because I realized
that, first of all, business isnot a bad thing if you serve
people, and I love to talk topeople.
I'm so good with that.
(14:01):
I'm so good with that.
I love if I can bring the valueto somebody and make them to at
least to go one step forward tohelp them with whatever issue
they have.
Why not?
We are here to live, not thelegacy, because it's a huge word
(14:22):
, not for everyone, but still.
I have that mantra and I livesince many years with that do at
least one good thing per day.
Make just just for, for nothinglike really help one person per
day per day.
Cassandra (14:41):
Oh, that's awesome.
I love that.
I love that you know when youafter you, when you hit rock
bottom and it sounded like youdidn't hit it just one time,
there were several times.
How did you get out of that?
And because you talked about alittle bit of the science of you
and I told everybody in thebeginning that you have a
scientific version and perhapsyou use some of that scientific
(15:05):
knowledge that you have torewire your brain because, like
you indicated, when people hitrock bottom you have a choice
you can be bitter or you can bebetter about it.
You know, but you made.
There was something withinyourself that said you know what
?
I'm going to rise like aphoenix bird and I'm going to
(15:31):
thrive and not just survive.
So what did?
Did you have to rewire yourbrain?
And if so, how did you do that?
How did you change thosestories?
Dr. Axa (15:42):
Actually, I found the way how to make your comfort
zone so uncomfortable that youdon't even question whether you
want to stay there or not.
So that's the difference,because if you convince yourself
that you need to be comfortable, to be uncomfortable, the
(16:05):
chances that you will sabotageyourself are high enough,
because we have all these habitsbuilt for decades.
And then you just go back tothe biochemistry which your body
is used to and it's hard torewire once you are kind of
(16:25):
addicted, because we're addictedto our biochemistry.
Let's admit that.
That's why, if there is astress, we just right away, we
go for the fastest release thatwe build for ourselves as the
release method, whatever it is.
For some people they go for thefunny videos, or they meet
(16:46):
friends just to talk, or somepeople go with the sugar
addicted, or whatever.
But for me it was more themessage that I wanted to bring
to the world, especially forwomen who are in toxic
environment, whether it's therelationship, whether it's the
relationship, whether it's thework environment, whatever Toxic
(17:09):
that they tolerate In theirlife, to stop it.
That's my kind of the missionTo help as many women as it's
possible, because I was one ofthem and that's kind of
unfortunate that there are notso many motivational female
speakers who can really helpeach other, like to, to become a
(17:34):
community, to inspire and to topush each other to lift each.
But we are getting more andmore to that side to have more
females, female voices out therewho tell their stories, because
somehow females are morevulnerable and we feel ourselves
(17:59):
so weak that we don't want totalk about our story, we don't
want to share because it makesus to be even more weaker or to
be yeah, or maybe we don't wantto go back, but more you tell
(18:23):
your story, because I was reallyin very dark place and that's
100 my mission to stop and totell every woman you are worthy
of love.
Never tolerate the um, the toxicenvironment, whether it's work,
relationship, whatever.
Don't.
Don't do that to yourself.
(18:43):
You are more than enough.
Just step up and continue.
If it doesn't serve, youeliminate from your life.
Life is so short and you are soworthy of whatever life will
bring.
The bright side of the life,the bright side of the life.
Cassandra (19:03):
Don't limit yourself to whatever you have versus what
you can, right, and that's kindof where the comfort zone is.
You're coming from, like ourtitle.
Stop calling it a comfort zone,and I believe many of us stay
in a lot of things because we'recomfortable, right, I mean, or,
(19:25):
as you said, don't call it that, so stop calling it.
So what should we start callingit?
Because, you're right, toxicenvironments, toxic
relationships, toxic workplaces.
I always say other people canlook at their situation and tell
them what they should do, like,oh, I wouldn't be in that, I
(19:48):
wouldn't do that, right.
But for those who are in it,how do you work or talk with
individuals?
You know we can motivate themand inspire them.
How did you get out of yourcomfort zone?
Dr. Axa (20:04):
How did you get out of your comfort zone?
I just stopped pretending.
I admitted to myself that Ifailed.
I failed very bad.
No-transcript.
The truth frees you.
It helps you to be free.
(20:26):
And it's hard.
It's not very easy because,first of all, uh, when you are
at particular age, admittingthat you kind of failed through
so many decades and you are youyou already lived most of the
time, more or less like I don'tknow how long I will live, but
(20:49):
at least half I already lived.
And you are at that like pointwhere you can admit that most of
the time that you live, youpretended, you were not honest
to yourself and that's why youfailed.
But you have the choice to be,to change how.
(21:11):
You need to really realize whatis the bigger picture that you
want for yourself.
If what you have at thisparticular point is what you
want in the future, thencontinue.
If you are unhappy, you reallyneed to admit to yourself.
(21:32):
It's not very easy.
It's going to be hard, becausewe are so caught up in our brain
.
We keep pretending, we keepcomforting ourselves no, that's
okay.
Or okay, okay, one piece of thecake, it's okay, it will not
change.
So we compromise so many thingswhich are not serving us versus
(21:54):
what needs to be really done,and it's not very easy.
But what do we compromise?
This, this is what we tolerate.
What we tolerate, we choose.
If you admit that I don't likethis, but you tolerate that, do
you choose that?
Uncertainly, you choose not tochange it.
(22:17):
Don't get me wrong.
There are some things that wecannot change.
So we have to distinguish whatwe can control, what we cannot
control.
If you can change something,then change it.
If there is like weather, wecannot affect the weather, so
you cannot complain about theweather, just forget about it.
We cannot complain about thepolitics, environment or
(22:42):
anything, but we can change whatwe are able to change and
that's what we need to do,because life is really shorter
than you expect.
Maybe per 24 hours, we livefour or five hours a day.
The rest is like we, we sleep,we do the things that we cannot
(23:06):
skip and blah, blah, blah.
So per day, 24 hours, it's not24 hours.
We have only, let's say, five,six, seven, depending on the
person, that's right hours toexperience per day and we just
waste that time.
Why do we do that?
Because we are so conditionedthat those are the mandatory the
(23:30):
least, to do the least, like wehave, then we don't have the
time for ourselves.
Self-love versus self-sabotaging, and perfection trying to be
perfect.
So I found for myself to be,maybe for somebody else.
(23:51):
So are you trying to be perfect?
Or you just created the fancyword for to, not to admit to
yourself that you procrastinate?
Because if you're trying tomake it perfect, first of all,
it's impossible.
You just postpone executing,right?
So if we keep creating thefancy words to mask the actions
(24:19):
which are not serving us, westill stay in that loop of
self-sabotage not progressing,not living the fulfilled life.
And everything starts from justsit with yourself, have a pen
and paper and start to write,draw whatever helps you.
(24:43):
I always go with the boxes.
That helps me a lot of times.
Like I just draw the boxes, Iput the name for the boxes and
then I go with the arrows and Ijust draw the bigger picture
that I want to have.
So where I am and where I wantto be, and then I just figure
(25:07):
out what are the paths toachieve what I want to have.
But you have to admit thenegative sides as well.
If you just keep ignoring, theydon't disappear, they exist.
You cannot pretend that theyare not there, because if you
have, if you need to go from oneto ten, and you say, okay, I
have one, two, three, seven,eight, nine, and you ignore four
(25:31):
, five, six, four, five doesn'tcare that you ignore them, they
will just come and hit you.
They will come and hit you.
You ignore me because you don'tlike me.
I'll hit you even more becauseyou have to sit, you have to
solve the problem, and the moreproblem you solve, the stronger
(25:51):
you become.
Because for me, actually, Inever was scared to fail.
I don't know why.
To be honest, for me, thedefinition of failure always was
not trying, ah okay.
But if I try, I was never.
I was never scared to beembarrassed.
(26:12):
I have higher tolerance of that.
I can fail, I can ask the dumbquestions and I can do the
stupidest thing in theenvironment and people would be
embarrassed for me and I waslike why?
don't take yourself so seriously.
Leave it differently.
(26:33):
Like bring the energy, bringthe drive, become, yeah, the
disruptor.
Like stand out, show what ispossible.
Don't take things so seriously.
I know it doesn't serve it'slike give yourself grace.
Cassandra (26:51):
A few things you said is one that has been very
helpful for me is control.
If, like you indicated, theweather, if I can't it, you know
, if you know that that sitswell with me.
If it's something I can'tcontrol, you know, and like you
talked about politics and whathappened with the election and
(27:14):
all that, I'm like, well, Ican't control that, but I did my
part, you know.
And another thing you talkabout is like perfection,
procrastination and that and I'ma perfectionist, I'm really not
, but that's been my thing andI've admitted it and and I'm OK
with it.
And when I'm trying to beperfect, it's something that
(27:37):
says OK, miss Perfection, so ithelps me get things done,
because I will, I will dwell onsomething for hours until I can
get it just right, and then I'mwasting my day, you know.
And so I see that it's kind oflike I do things for protection,
(27:58):
you know, trying to protectmyself.
So you know, I'm like, ok, well, I don't want to do that.
Like I use comfort zone.
Well, you know, I may beembarrassed, as you indicated,
but you don't get embarrassed,like I can't do that, because
what they may say or what theymay do, you know.
(28:19):
So it has to be, for me,intentional, like we're talking
about rewiring your brain, likeyou use a couple of things.
If you can't control it, so beit.
You know it's no such thing asperfection.
It's no perfect person.
So know that, get over it anddo the best that you can.
We talked about self-sabotage.
(28:40):
It's like protecting yourselfbecause you think that you can't
do something.
You know.
So we're in this mode.
Like you said, we have to.
Everything has to be right, andit's no right, it's it's well.
Lately I'm wondering, when yousay things have to be right,
it's all about your perspective,I would say, and what I mean by
(29:03):
that is I want to use I'mreluctant about using this
example and I want to be.
I'm just going to say it.
It's just like the time whenthe guy shot the CEO of
UnitedHealth Care and there'ssome people that think it was
(29:23):
great, like he's a hero, andthen there's some like but you
don't need to kill anybody, youknow, and it's all about.
And then we, we, we get intothis tizzy like how can they do
that?
Why would somebody do that?
You know?
So that helps minimize mystress, because I don't know why
.
I believe what he did was wrong.
(29:45):
You don't kill anybody to justget to what you want.
So I think it's like you talkedabout the mindset and rewiring
the brain.
And another thing you said isyou talked about.
You said motivation does notwork.
Right, like to motivatesomebody.
So if motivation doesn't work,what does work?
Dr. Axa (30:12):
I think moving from the fear is the best motivation I
found for myself.
Because if you are in yourcomfort zone and you signal to
your brain that being unhappy iscomfortable for you, the
(30:32):
motivation will never work foryou.
Because you are comfortable,you admit it to yourself that
the level where you live it'sfine with you yourself, that the
level where you live it's finewith you.
So the motivation will notinspire you, it will just go
with the spikes.
You will go up, down, up anddown, and discipline sometimes
(30:56):
brings the burnout.
And that's, let's admit it,because many people we are not
disciplined since we were kidsand it's hard for us to follow
the discipline.
What worked for me that's allthat I can say it's just knowing
(31:18):
that where I was, I didn't wantto be in that spot and moving
anywhere was better, okay,failing was fine with me,
because I knew that unless Ifail, I will never learn what
are my limits, what I am capableof and what the world has to
(31:41):
offer me.
Because this is one point topicthat I love to explore as well,
because life is unfair and wehave to, we have to accept that
right, but we we talk about theunfairness of the life only when
it's not in our favor.
If, if everything is in ourfavor, we never say, oh, life is
(32:07):
unfair.
To somebody, we would say, butwe worked hard for that and it's
good, because life cannot befair.
Imagine you are as a student,you studied a lot and in the
morning you came for the examand the professor decided that
life has to be fair and then hewill just put a for everyone you
(32:30):
who worked hard, studied hard,and then somebody who was
partying, never went for theclasses and blah, blah, blah,
right.
Or if we worked hard for thepromotion, and then somebody who
didn't, they come.
So when there is unfairness,you can use it as unfair
advantage for yourself, becausethere is no uh evenness, like
(32:54):
sameness.
You can stand out.
This is how you can use theunfairness in the life to stand
out and to change.
Whatever is comfortable,uncomfortable, play, name
whatever you want.
We limit ourselves, even withthe words.
(33:16):
How do we call the comfort zone?
Like?
How to call it?
Call whatever you want.
No one limits you, right?
You have the vocabulary.
Open the dictionary and choosethe word.
Whatever you want, no onelimits you, right?
You have the vocabulary.
Open the dictionary and choosethe word, whatever you want,
call it whatever is fine withyou, which will serve you and
help you with the progress.
Motivation doesn't work for me,for me moving away from where I
(33:40):
was worked for me because itwas a nudge.
I didn't want to stay there.
I didn't want to stay there, Ididn't want to stay in my
so-called comfort zone, andthat's what helped me.
So just use your imagination,don't limit yourself.
And when you spoke about takinglife or killing how many people
(34:02):
we have they live in toxicrelationship.
The person really takes yourlife your energy, your life and
everything, but we somehow don'tcall it, uh, the person to be a
murderer right because themurder is just only simply like
when you murder somebody Right,why we don't call.
(34:26):
When people take your lifeslowly, like really mean to you
the toxic relationship.
We tolerate that, but we don'ttolerate when somebody kills the
other person, right?
And there is one thing that Iwant to mention as well.
So a fear of failure is notthat we are scared to fail, as
(34:51):
we are scared that there is noone to catch us, so it's not
that you are.
It's, uh, when you admit tolike there is no one close
enough for you, like to be therefor you even if you failed,
right To love you, like when youare at the lowest point, that's
(35:15):
when we are fearful of failure,exactly If you have the person
who loves you at your ups anddowns.
They'll be there for you.
They'll be there for you.
Cassandra (35:31):
Then you are not scared to fail right, right, you
know I like this, this umcalling it.
Stop calling it your comfortzone.
So what I'm hearing and whatI'm understanding is, like my
listeners, there are certainthings that they want to do, but
they're not.
You know they can't.
They're stuck, and many timesthey're stuck because of those
(35:54):
limiting beliefs or they'rethey're, but yet what you're
saying, what I'm hearing, is butthey are unhappy.
They're unhappy in that job orthey're unhappy in that
relationship, but they're in itbecause it's comfortable.
(36:16):
Like I get a paycheck everyevery two weeks or whatever, so
I don't, but I'd rather getweeks or whatever, so I don't,
but I'd rather get.
So they have to make a decision.
Would I rather stay insomething that I don't, like
that doesn't make me happy, orshould I get out?
It's like what you're saying isthey have to make that decision
(36:39):
.
How unhappy are you in thatdecision?
Like, like for me.
Like I wanted to write a bookand it was me that was stopping
me from writing the book.
And what happened for me is Iwas uncomfortable, and did I
wanna be uncomfortable all forthe rest of my life, knowing
that that was something that Ishould be doing because it was
gripping me?
And if I didn't do it, it wouldstill be gripping me.
(37:00):
So I guess it determines.
Like you said, stop calling ita comfort zone.
You need to start thinkingabout whether is this something
that's going to make you happy,and that's why my first question
was what's happiness, you know?
Is it going to rather beingsomething to make you happy or
unhappy.
So is that what we're talkingabout here?
(37:23):
Stop calling it the comfortzone, Because I'm trying to
figure out how can ourconversation help somebody get
unstuck and start doing what itis that they feel that they're
ordained to do?
Dr. Axa (37:38):
I believe if you are unhappy enough, you will move.
Okay, it depends also on thelevel of tolerance.
Obviously, some people don'ttolerate the tiny things.
Some people tolerate.
They have the big like the moretolerance.
But still, if you hit the rockbottom you will move for sure.
(38:05):
And if you are there for work,for the paycheck, there are so
many other ways to get the money.
So that's not why you are stuckwith the job.
No, you have to admit toyourself why you are working at
that work.
(38:25):
Because you think that you arenot good enough to do something
else.
You are scared to take otherrisks because there are so many
other ways to bring the money,to earn the money can you can go
and sweep the floor and behappier versus to be in the
(38:46):
office in the toxic relationshipwith your co-workers and and
feel that toxic um environmentevery single day.
So why you are doing what youare doing and it's not the as
surface answer as you might evenimagine why you are doing what
(39:06):
you are doing if you are in thatenvironment?
Simply because you are scaredto take the risk and to change.
So on.
Uncertainty is more fearful foryou versus the toxic environment
.
This is your dilemma likeuncertainty is your problem?
If that's the problem, then youhave to raise your tolerance to
(39:28):
uncertainty, and that's that'ssomething that you can do.
100.
You have to make certainty soboring for you that you would
crave for uncertainty.
Everything can be changed.
You have to just find a way,how to come to the point where
(39:51):
you would admit to yourself.
You will draw the line and saythat's enough, enough is enough.
When is enough is enough?
Right?
We all have been there.
Enough is enough.
Yeah, I don't continue.
The next day you find yourselfdoing the same shit again and
again Sorry for my language, butagain and again sabotaging
(40:12):
ourselves, going for the toxicwork environment, blah, blah,
blah.
This blah, blah, blah becomesour life and unfortunately we
live that every single daywithout stopping and admitting.
I don't want this anymore, butwe have so many daily routine
and the responsibilities beforeour family and all that we
(40:37):
cannot even admit to yourself.
Why do you go to that toxic jobIf it is only paycheck?
Find other way to get the money.
It's not the paycheck, that'snot true.
Cassandra (40:52):
That's not true.
Okay, that's good, that's good.
Let me ask you I want to talkabout you just to ready
anybody's behavior, and whywould one want to?
You made that statement.
What does that mean?
(41:12):
The biggest hack on how toready anybody's behavior.
Dr. Axa (41:18):
It's why people do what they do.
Okay, you have to understandwhat is the motive behind that.
Okay, the real motive not likethe same with the paycheck why
people do what they do.
It's not the money.
Is that the their tolerancetowards the unknown, not taking
(41:42):
the risk?
Why you sabotage?
You don't go to the toxicenvironment simply because you
tolerate that.
No, your tolerance towards theuncertainty is higher versus you
already know what to expect,even the worst, but you know the
(42:03):
worst.
Where is the limit that thethat worse is versus?
If you cross that limit, youdon't know what expect there.
But you have to trust yourselffirst.
What is the motive why peopledo what they do?
Once you find out what moves theperson, what is behind their
(42:25):
behavior, you will know whypeople do.
If I know that you value thecertainty the most, then I would
know what is your next step,because you would do everything
just to meet your need and to becertain, even if is not serving
you.
But you are certain.
(42:45):
That's all that I canexperience, and it is again the
fear of failure.
And it is not.
You are not fearful to fail,versus that there is no one to
catch you that's good, thatthat's good.
So normally everything is kindof the loop because by nature we
(43:08):
are not designed to be happy.
By nature we were designed tostay safe.
So our biochemistry versus isgood or bad it does.
It's secondary versus.
It is very predictable becausewe have only particular amount
of the biochemical molecules,like hormones and
(43:31):
neurotransmitters, and theytrigger particular emotions or
the emotion they trigger.
So the level for ourbiochemistry shift.
We have three levels.
So the first is we shift withthe hormones.
It is natural shift and no onecan influence that because
(43:54):
nature designed to keep us safe.
Then there is a second level,which is neurotransmitters when
our body assess the situationand it starts to produce
neurotransmitters.
When our body assess thesituation and it starts to
produce neurotransmitters togive you the information how you
have to react.
And this is the link towardsthe second level and the third
(44:17):
level, which is again theneurotransmitters.
This is where you can rewireyour brain because once you
assess the situation and youknow, let's say, you have the
negative emotions because youdon't like it, you still have
the option to change how youperceive the situation and start
to synthesize, like to produce,influence your body to shift
(44:43):
towards positive assessment andthe how to rewire your brain
between these three layers,which are designed by nature
every person goes through.
That is the first, which is thereaction of the body as the
hormones.
No one can influence that.
The second is neurotransmitters.
(45:04):
Once you assess the situationand you know it's not positive,
it's negative, I'm scared, I'mfearful and blah, blah, blah.
And then you have the optionokay, I'm fearful, but I choose
to act, to execute, to changesomething, and and between those
two layers.
(45:24):
This is where the magic happens, because once you break that
and you stop feeding this, onceyou have the negative, stop it
right away and start to multiplythe positive as many times and
at the same time, you justshrink the negative so much and
you feed the positive so well itstarts to nourish and to floor
(45:50):
all the possible things.
Then you start to replace thenegative then.
Then you go from your hormonesdirectly to the positive.
You are like okay I know thatemotion I'm fine yeah
Cassandra (46:04):
so are you saying in other, change the narrative in
your mind, right?
I mean right, it's kind of likeI'm like I'm always use myself
for an example.
Now I'm an entrepreneur, right,but I've always worked in
corporate and I'm like I don'tknow if I could do this.
And then I'm like, yeah, I can.
I did the same thing incorporate.
(46:25):
I was just working for somebody.
So now I'm working for myselfand I'll switch.
I remember talking to somebodyand you're having a down day or
you're mulling over somethingnegative and you say to yourself
how would I rather feel aboutthis situation?
And then you start thinkingabout well, how would I rather
(46:48):
feel about this situation?
I'd rather feel really good,I'd rather feel happy, I'd
rather feel that I'm in a goodplace.
I'd rather feel that I am doingwhat I'm ordained to do.
So, therefore, because of that,I get more energy, I'm happy,
I'm serving.
So if I think like that, thenthat negative stuff goes away,
because I'm so busy thinkingabout the positive, what it is
(47:11):
how I really want to feel abouta situation.
So that's kind of what you'resaying.
I believe and you willdefinitely correct me if I'm
wrong is how do we talked aboutrewiring the brain?
Dr. Axa (47:24):
yeah, that's you need to.
For me, once you admit thesituation and you see as it is,
it serves you because then youhave the option to react,
because being optimistic orpessimistic is the choice right,
but being realistic ismandatory.
(47:46):
You have have to be, because ifthere is a fire and you stay
there and you are optimistic, no, it will go away.
It will not go away.
You have to move.
So being realistic is mandatory.
You have to know where you are,what you are capable of and,
first of all, whatever you knowand you can do, it's not limited
(48:08):
.
You still can change something,learn something new.
You didn't know how to writeand read before, right, you went
for the first grade and youstarted from a.
He's like.
I disagree that.
That's my own opinion.
So you know this.
(48:29):
But don't limit yourself.
There are more things Once youfail.
Failure is just only the limit,like the border, of what you
knew and what is new for you andyou choose.
(48:54):
You stay on this side with whatyou knew and you are kind of
expert, or you extend yourexpertise and you say, okay, now
I want to try something else.
Yes, you try, you don't like,you go back and then you try
something else, you trysomething else.
Yes, you try, you don't like,you go back and then you try
something else, you trysomething else.
I was in academia for 15 years.
I was very successful, but thenI started to learn business and
(49:17):
then I realized that I'm quitegood because I anyway love to
talk to people.
Mm-hmm Right, I was trying uh,sales and uh, the business and
the marketing, simply because Iwanted to expand my, my
expertise and to see can I dothat?
(49:39):
because I was like I'm fromacademia, I don't know the sales
.
And then I caught myself and Iwas like you limit yourself, yes
, that's right.
And you never.
You never tried how you can saythat you don't know how to do
if you didn't try.
Cassandra (49:55):
Right, right.
So look, is there.
So and-day technique that gavewhat you say 100 successful
professionals to break free fromtheir comfort zone.
Dr. Axa (50:13):
Yeah, so actually the technique is this.
So, if you have the, your issueis the fear like fear of
unknown, right?
Is the fear like fear ofunknown, right?
So once you go through thetechnique of experiencing the
(50:34):
situation when you are fearful,but the fixed fearful you still
raise your tolerance becauseyour biochemistry changes Every
time when you have that feelingof the fear, your emotions, they
trigger the change in yourbiochemistry.
And first time when you arefearful, obviously you step back
(50:55):
because that's your naturalinstinct to protect you, to keep
you safe, right.
(51:21):
But step by step, when you gofor the fixed fearful emotions,
you still change yourbiochemistry and step by step,
gradually, you adopt, you raiseyour tolerance towards the
fearful biochemistry and nexttime when you experience that
fearful situation, your body isalready accustomed to that
biochemistry.
So you don't go back directlyto your so-called comfort zone
to protect yourself because youalready experienced, versus 30
days of fixed fearfulbiochemistry.
(51:46):
Still, your tolerance raisestowards that.
Okay, okay.
So why are flipping thecertainty and uncertainty and
experiencing something that youdon't, you are trying to avoid?
Then you raise your toleranceand that's how you change your.
(52:10):
You adapt to the emotions thatyou need to progress if you are
scared to fear, to feel fearful,then put yourself in the
situation where you will.
You can experience thatemotions, but you have to do it
gradually, all the time.
(52:32):
If you skip, you will not adaptyourself.
So that's the technique Step bystep, every single day, go for
the fixed emotions which willserve you in the future.
Cassandra (52:46):
Okay, so for my listeners, for those who want to
change jobs, get out of a toxicrelationship, want to write a
book, want to start a podcast,something that they're like I
indicated earlier, their soul ispulling them to do something,
but they're just stuck in doingit.
So, because of, probably, thefear of the unknown, so what
(53:06):
they need to do, so what you'resaying is they need to identify
what it is that they want to do.
That will make them happy,correct?
Dr. Axa (53:16):
They have to.
So, simply put it's you have tomake your life so known, so
certain, that you would be sickof certainty.
Then you will move, becauseonce you start, we have the need
for the known and unknown right.
(53:36):
If you keep your life socertain, your body will crave
for something new.
Otherwise are bored.
So make your life so certain,everything like cut every
variety which brings that uh,emotions of a new, then you will
(54:01):
board yourself to nearly deathand you will move and start to
experience the new emotionswhich will serve you in the
future.
Let's say you are scared, right, then you have to go for the
fixed emotions which willtrigger this fear and raise
(54:22):
gradually your tolerance.
Cassandra (54:24):
I I hope I explained it.
Yeah, I was trying to thinklike if somebody wanted to get
out of a toxic relationship,let's use that example and the
technique you would use for thatWalk, that person that's
(54:44):
listening through that situation, to help them get unstuck first
of all, 100.
Dr. Axa (54:53):
You need to identify why you stay in that toxic
relationship, because there iseven new term which exists.
It's economic marriage.
If you stay in the relationshipbecause of the financial
perspective, then you have tofind a way to become financially
(55:14):
independent.
If you stay in the relationshipbecause somehow, I don't know
how, you still love the personand you are addicted to a toxic
relationship, then you have towork your way out to understand
why you do what you do.
What need do you accomplishwith staying there?
(55:37):
If it is certainty?
If it is, what is that?
What do you meet by that?
What is the need that you meetby that thing with the person?
Mostly, I bet 80 90 is thefinancial situation.
That's why people don't quit.
So find your way to make themoney, to become financially
(56:02):
independent, to work your wayout of the relationship, because
it's not worthy to stay there.
It's scary but it's worthy it'sscary, I will not, uh, say no,
that's not scary.
It's scary every single day youwake up when you are
self-employed.
You know yourself, you don't,there is no certainty in your
(56:24):
life, especially if you are inthe very beginning.
But you bet on yourself, youtrust yourself that you will
work your way out, versusstaying there and then, within
after 10 years, regrets full ofregrets, and there is nearly
(56:51):
nothing that you can changeanymore because you, together
with staying in your toxicrelationship, please remember
one thing we age.
We don't become younger, right?
Yeah, you age.
So if you age, at least age inthe happy way, in the happy
place, right?
Cassandra (57:00):
Right, that's good.
That's good.
Yeah, how can my listeners getin touch with you, because some
of them may want to talk to youabout them being stuck, and you
can help them get unstuck byusing that technique?
How could they?
Dr. Axa (57:16):
get in touch with you.
They can contact me on facebookor linkedin.
I'm very active there and alsomy book is on amazon and I have
the landing page.
They can get the book, by theway, 90% off at the moment.
Yeah, it's the seasonal, yeah,seasonal kind of the sales to
(57:37):
try to help as many people asit's possible, because better
society and healthier andhappier society will live.
We all benefit from that.
Cassandra (57:48):
Absolutely.
Wow, that was good.
And, guys, you got to get thatbook.
Now it's a seasonal sale.
Yes, it's a seasonal sale.
Yeah, and Axa, I want to thankyou for your time, for your
wisdom that you've shared.
It's even helped myself.
I'm thinking about what am Inot doing?
Because I'm comfortable, andI'm going to get to that place
(58:09):
where I'm going to get sick andtired of being that way and that
way, right, and then I'm goingto move forward.
So thanks again, and mylisteners, please share this
podcast.
If you like the podcast, pleasesubscribe and hit like.
Please subscribe and hit like.
(58:30):
And again, this podcast will beon all social media platforms.
And stop calling it a comfortzone, guys, and do what you are
ordained to do, and you willhave even more meaning in your
life.
Thanks a bunch, dr Axa.
Thank you so much.
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