July 14, 2025 • 52 mins
Ever found yourself stuck in patterns you can't seem to break? Maybe it's procrastination, toxic relationships, or simply not pursuing dreams you know you want. What if these patterns aren't character flaws but symptoms of limiting beliefs formed during childhood?
In this transformative conversation with Blake Lefkoe, we explore how the invisible beliefs we formed as children continue to dictate our adult behaviors and emotions. Blake shares her remarkable journey from addiction and unfulfillment to creating a balanced, purposeful life through eliminating limiting beliefs using the Lefkoe Method—a powerful approach developed by her father.
The most common limiting belief? "I'm not good enough." This seemingly simple thought drives countless behaviors, from perfectionism to procrastination, overachievement to self-sabotage. But what makes the Lefkoe Method revolutionary is that these beliefs can be permanently eliminated—not just managed or talked through.
Blake explains the profound simplicity of the process: when we realize that events themselves don't have meaning (we assign meaning through our interpretations), we can free ourselves from the emotional and behavioral patterns these beliefs create. Clients often experience dramatic shifts in just a few sessions, with the belief completely gone—no daily maintenance or affirmations required.
Perhaps most powerful is Blake's practical tool you can start using today: When something upsets you, ask "What meaning am I giving this event?" and explore alternative interpretations. This simple practice reveals how our interpretations—not external reality—create our emotional responses.
Ready to break free from the beliefs holding you back? Connect with Blake through her website to discover how eliminating limiting beliefs could unlock your full potential and create lasting transformation in your life.
Get ready to break free from obstacles and live life on your terms!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Cassaandra (00:00):
Welcome to Is Your Way in Your Way podcast.
Many of you are aware that thename of my podcast is the name
of my book.
It's the Is your Way, in yourWay.
It's a self-discovery guide forwomen on how to restore
yourself, learn from theexperiences that you've had and
start becoming your true self,and this podcast is actually
about empowering women to unlocktheir full potential.
(00:22):
There are a lot of things thatkind of stop us.
We get stuck.
We know there's certain thingsthat we should be doing, but we
just can't seem to get out ofthem.
For example, like in maybe atoxic relationship, you may want
to write a book, you may wantto be a coach, you may want to
change jobs.
It's just a number of thingsthat's preventing you from what
(00:46):
I'm calling living your bestlife on your terms, and we talk
about topics related toinstances like self-improvement,
personal improvement, justsomething that I always am
prayerful that there will besomething on this podcast one of
my podcasts that will give youlike an epiphany, and you're
(01:08):
just like.
You know what I can do thisToday.
I'm going to stop the madnessand I'm going to start living my
best life on my terms, becausemany of you know what that looks
like.
You just haven't executed ityet, and my special guest
today's name is Blake Lefkoe,and we're going to talk about
breaking free from limitingbeliefs.
(01:30):
I am super excited about thisbecause I have, and had, so many
limiting beliefs, and that'swhy it took me forever to write
a book, and that's somethingthat I always wanted to do.
So let me introduce you tohello, blake Lefkoe.
How are you today?
Blake Lefkoe (01:46):
I'm wonderful.
Thanks so much for having me.
Cassaandra (01:49):
Yeah, I am so glad you are on, girl.
Hey, before I brought Blakeinto the orange room this is the
orange room, you know I wastelling her about some of my
limiting beliefs and she waslike, well, hey, why don't you
book a session with me?
So this will be veryinteresting.
So, as we go through thisprocess and this podcast today,
this is something that you maywant to do as well, because I
(02:11):
believe many of us have limitingbeliefs.
So, blake, before we delve intoour questions, I want to share
with the listeners a little bitabout your background.
I want to give them a littlehistory on you so they can say
what qualifies her to do whatshe's doing.
So let me just read a littlebit.
(02:32):
Blake is dedicated to helpingpeople transform their lives by
breaking free from the beliefsthat hold them back.
She is a facilitator of thelefkoe method, a powerful
process that was developed byher father that helps people
eliminate beliefs that keeppeople stuck and their unwanted
(02:55):
emotional and behavioralpatterns.
After going on her owntransformative journey,
overcoming addiction andrediscovering the method, she's
now passionate about guidingothers to live healthier,
happier lives, aligned withtheir true passion and values,
from helping clients breakunhealthy patterns to creating a
(03:17):
life of fulfillment for herself.
She is here to share her wisdomon living authentically and
with purpose, so let's againwelcome Blake.
Welcome again, blake.
Thank you, cassandra.
Hey, listen, before you startedthe Lefkoe method and we'll
(03:38):
talk about what that is andwhere that came from.
What was your life like, whatwas your backstory and where
that came from?
What was your life like?
What was?
Blake Lefkoe (03:46):
your backstory.
So as a child, I grew up in ahouse with two parents that were
in the personal growth,personal development field, and
that was just the conversationat dinner and that was what they
did.
They both worked in the houseand I kind of just do what a lot
of children do when they'rebrought up in something and I
just kind of rebelled against it.
I was like, well, I'm not gonnalook at my stuff, I'm just
(04:08):
gonna go out and live a reallyfun life and um, that kind of
fun, hedonistic life eventuallyturned into an uh, unfulfilling,
unsustainable life.
The drinking and the partyingbecame just more a part of life.
It became more of a darknessthan a light.
(04:30):
I woke up in my late teens.
I was a single mom just gettingout of another silly
relationship just unsustainable,not healthy and I was
bartending and I was drinking alot.
(04:51):
I was just not taking care ofmyself, not taking as good care
of myself as I could have been.
And, yeah, I literally woke upone morning and I was going
through a breakup and my backwas out and I couldn't be in the
ocean what really brings me themost joy and I was hungover,
been on this bender, and I waslike I just can't do this
(05:14):
anymore, like I'm unfulfilled.
This is unsustainable.
I deserve better.
My kid deserves better.
And I started a process totransform my life and one of the
main tools that I used was theLefkoe method and I was so
fortunate that I had this toolavailable to me and I was able
(05:37):
to start working on myself and,through eliminating beliefs, I
was able to break free of thesepatterns.
I got sober, I got out of therestaurant industry after three
decades, which is not theeasiest thing to do.
I was able to take all thetrainings and get certified and
start my own business.
(05:58):
And I do something now.
That is just immenselyfulfilling.
That is just immenselyfulfilling.
I get to help other people ontheir journeys and on their
paths and find what they lovedoing and how they're able to
have more of it in their lifeand to be free from the things
that they're doing that aren'tworking and they want less of.
I have been able to find abalance, which is something that
(06:23):
I never even understood andhave, but a balance of working
and being in the ocean andhaving time with my son and
having time for myself andtaking care of myself and doing
my work and really finding ahealthy balance that works for
(06:48):
me.
Cassaandra (06:49):
Now, do you call that?
Is that this thing they callwork-life balance?
Blake Lefkoe (06:55):
I would imagine.
So yeah.
Cassaandra (06:58):
So tell us what work , because we hear work-life
balance all the time.
I remember working and I wasburnt out and I was like I just
need some work-life balance.
What would you?
How would you define that?
Blake Lefkoe (07:12):
I make sure that I have time to get in the ocean
almost every day and, dependingon the because I do wind sports
and then I do sports where youdon't want wind, because I do
wind sports and then I do sportswhere you don't want wind so I
look at the forecast and I'mable to schedule my sessions
throughout the week According tothe ocean conditions.
(07:34):
I'm able to be off work when myson gets home from school.
I'm able to drive him to everybaseball practice and every
baseball game.
I'm able to have time for mypartner.
I'm start my sessions, you know, at 8 30 in the morning, so I
have time to stretch and do likea morning routine that you know
(07:57):
works for me and it's just,it's been really incredible to
just find balance in general tolearn when, oh yeah, today I've
got, you know, some more peoplewanted to see me.
So I'm gonna have more callsand I'm gonna skip today and
then tomorrow I'll take a littleextra time, whatever that looks
(08:19):
like.
Yeah, just having to everyoneand every part of me that needs
time and energy in my life tohave that for them.
Cassaandra (08:31):
Yeah, blake.
Now you know, when I first saidthat, you know this is for
women.
It's all about, you know,unlocking those barriers as
preventing individuals fromliving their best life, those
barriers that's preventingindividuals from living their
best life.
How do you know?
How do you help your clientfigure out what that looks like?
(08:51):
Like you talked about thebalance and how, how like, for
example, when you werebartending and drinking, and you
know that was probably all partof what you're doing today.
I'm sure that had a lot to dowith why you pivoted and started
doing what you're doing.
How did you know what your bestlife looked like?
Because, listening to you, yousound like you are living your
(09:15):
best life right now on yourterms.
So how did you know what thatwas?
And, by the way, audience, shelives in Hawaii, so that's why
she's able to go out there andsurf and get in that ocean, and
which is a beautiful place.
So tell us, how is one able tofigure that out?
Blake Lefkoe (09:32):
Yeah, so when my clients come to me, we first
establish a pattern.
So whether it's a behavioral oran emotional pattern, right?
So what's something you'redoing?
You don't want to be doingsomething, you're doing that.
You want to be doing something.
You're doing that.
You want to be doing that.
You're not.
There can be anxiety, fear,like you were talking about
toxic relationships.
(09:53):
Oh, I want to write a book, butI can't sit down.
Oh, I want to do this, but I'mnot.
I'm working all the time.
I keep saying I want to workless, but I don't.
So, whatever that pattern lookslike, okay.
And once that's reallyestablished, we look at what are
the beliefs that contribute tothat pattern.
So a good example of that isprocrastination, very common
(10:16):
pattern that people come to mewith.
So oftentimes, when peopleprocrastinate, they have beliefs
like I'm not good enough,nothing I do will be good enough
, mistakes and failures are bad,if I make a mistake, I'll be
rejected.
So you know beliefs like these.
And then we go through thisprocess and, one at a time,
(10:37):
actually eliminate the beliefsand and it's so profound because
there's no tricks there's no.
Oh, I have to remember to thinkthis way, or I have to switch
my perspective.
Oh, I have to remember to thinkthis way.
Or I have to switch myperspective or I have to
remember this tool or the skill,or I have to catch myself Like
you're literally nullifying thetriggers.
The beliefs actually go away andsometimes clients will be like
(10:58):
no, no, I know that's not true,because you know this and that,
or you know this, and.
But if you have to convinceyourself that you don't have a
belief, you have it, becausepeople don't have affirmations
in the morning that thinkthey're beautiful.
You don't have to tell yourselfI'm beautiful.
If you think that, it's justanytime.
(11:21):
You are putting energy towardstalking yourself out of a belief
, telling yourself it's true orwhy on some level you have that,
and when that belief goes away,there's no more energy spent
talking yourself out of it,because it's gone, it doesn't
exist anymore, and so that's oneof the really amazing things
about this work is it causespermanent, profound changes and
(11:46):
as the beliefs go away, thepatterns just shift organically.
You don't have to do anything.
And it's wild because sometimesthey shift in a way that people
don't even realize like peoplewill come in like, oh, how was
your week, you know?
and like, oh, you know it's goodthis, and that I'm like you
know how was your week, you know, and like, oh, you know it was
good this, and that I'm like youknow, do you notice anything?
(12:07):
And they're like, no, you knowit was, it was okay.
And I was like, well, you knowwere you?
Were you procrastinating?
Was it really hard for you tosit at your desk?
And they'll be like no, Iactually.
You know, I filled my courseand I did that advertising and I
sent out that email blast andyou know I posted on social
media every day for my businessand I did.
And then all of a suddenthey'll be like, oh my gosh, I
(12:28):
got so much done.
Oh wow, sometimes it's just sonatural that they don't even
they realize you gotta stopright now and they're like wow.
And there are people that alsocome in and they're like oh my
god, you're never gonna believehow much I got done and how easy
it was.
They couldn't believe it and itwas amazing.
But the shift it just happensso effortlessly.
(12:50):
And there's just such beauty inthat.
Cassaandra (12:54):
Yeah, oh my gosh, that sounds incredible.
Listen now.
You said your family.
You know they were big onpersonal growth and I understand
that the leftkoe method is fromyour dad.
It's your dad who founded this.
Is that correct?
Blake Lefkoe (13:12):
Yeah, so he created the belief process when
I was a child and my mom kind of.
Uh, he showed to my mom and shewas like this is why I've been
put on this earth.
So she's been working withclients for 35 years.
They have the Lefkoe Institute.
They have courses that teachpeople how to become a
(13:34):
facilitator.
Uh, they have a certificationprogram and, yeah, it's.
It's really kind of abittersweet thing for me because
when he died I was still in areally unhealthy relationship.
I was still drinking, I wasbartending, I really wasn't
doing much with my life, right,but the amazing thing was he had
(13:58):
worked on himself so much thathe was so proud of me and he
trusted that I would do whateverI needed to do to live the life
the way I thought it should belived.
And every time my mom would belike, oh, but she's drinking so
much and she's this, just trusther.
Just trust her.
Like he knew that everythingwould be fine and even when it
(14:21):
wasn't fine, it was still finefor him.
Cassaandra (14:24):
Okay.
Blake Lefkoe (14:26):
You know, he really loved me so
unconditionally.
Cassaandra (14:33):
Excuse us.
That's, that's my, that's my umand he wants to come in and I,
you know, just so you'll know,blake, my um audience, many of
them know him because every nowand then he decides that he
wants to intervene.
Yeah, I apologize.
Blake Lefkoe (14:58):
Yeah, so so he you know he he always loved me
unconditionally and gave mesupport, and I wish that I had
found this earlier because itwould have been amazing to talk
to him.
Yeah about this yes, there'sother processes that he's
created.
Uh, one of my favorite is likea stimulus process.
So every time this triggerhappens, you feel this emotion.
(15:21):
So anytime someone criticizesyou, you feel fear.
Anytime someone yells at you,you feel guilt, right, whatever
it is.
Yeah, really simple processthat that breaks that stimulus,
from that emotion.
Yeah easy from that.
So it's kind of kept creatingthese processes and he really he
(15:45):
didn't just walk the walk Likewhen he died.
Nothing triggered him, nothingupset him.
He really kind of got to thisidea of like the premise of the
work is that events haveconsequences.
Consequences are real, but theydon't have meaning.
(16:05):
Right, events in and ofthemselves don't have meaning
when we give them a meaning bycreating this belief.
That's what causes our emotion,that's what causes our thoughts
, that's what causes ourbehaviors.
And he got into this headspacewhere he was able to just not
give things meaning and theywere like you're dying of stage
(16:26):
four cancer.
And he was like okay, I don'tknow for sure, I don't know I'm
going to die tomorrow.
I don't know that I'm going todie in 10 years, like it just
doesn't mean anything.
I don't know anything becausethat is happening, there's
consequences, I might feel sick,I might have to do this
treatment.
He wasn't in denial, but hedidn't affect him emotionally.
And I remember when he wasdying and he looked at me and he
(16:48):
was like gosh, blake, I'm sosorry.
It's got to be so hard to watchsomeone you love suffer and
know that they're not going tobe here.
He was literally dying of cancer, comforting me Like, like that,
just the energetic kind oflevel he had reached.
Yeah, it was so inspiring.
(17:09):
You know, it's so amazing tojust see somebody yeah this to
to the extreme and and be ableto live a life where things just
didn't trigger him anymore.
Cassaandra (17:20):
Blake.
What inspired him to do what hedid?
Something I think maybetriggered that.
Blake Lefkoe (17:32):
He was really depressed a lot of his life.
My mom was his third wife.
He had a really traumatic, hardchildhood, Grew up in poverty
and I think he was.
He didn't remember a lot but Ithink he was in foster care for
a little while and had a dad whowould like had money and left
(17:52):
and just never supported him orhis mom and he was just very
needy and depressed.
And he got an airplane one dayand kind of took himself through
this process that he discovered, and he was able to eliminate a
belief and realized, oh my gosh, you know, my depression is a
(18:13):
source of my beliefs.
And he started getting rid ofthese beliefs and he was able to
, you know, get out ofdepression and what it was
amazing is my life.
I could not picture my daddepressed because he was so full
of light and life.
Just change the world and tohelp people, so I can't imagine
(18:37):
him being depressed.
And so he was a consultant andhe was doing really well and he
wasn't home and he was like Iwant to be there to watch my
daughter grow up.
And when he discovered thisprocess, he threw in the towel
and he started his own business.
And you know, in the beginning,starting the business being a
(18:59):
successful consultant, they wentbankrupt and all this craziness
, but he was my path and hestuck to it.
Yeah, to change so many lives.
Cassaandra (19:12):
Yeah, you know, I ask that because and and there
are always going to be trialsand tribulations in our lives
and I'm under the belief that weget stuck or we know there's
certain things that we want todo, but it's difficult and a lot
(19:35):
, I believe, has to do with ourchildhood.
Our childhood dictates who weare as an adult childhood.
Our childhood dictates who weare as an adult, and when I say
that I'm like it has to besomething to break that, I want
my audience to know.
If your dad did it, if you didit, if you were addicted and you
were not living a fulfilledlife and you knew what, you got
(19:56):
to a point where you were sickand tired and I know a lot of my
listeners are just sick andtired of being in some of these
situations that they're in butand that's why this podcast is
about, because you don't have tobe and I'm always hopeful that
there's someone on here likeyourself can talk through that
process and what are some thingsto mitigate those limiting
(20:20):
beliefs?
Blake Lefkoe (20:21):
you know so.
So the the process that I do isyou go back to your childhood,
right?
So, for example, the mostcommon belief that people have
in their first session that wework on is I'm not good enough
to go back to your childhood.
You know, you're four or five,six years old and all you want
to know is why, right, why isdad not home?
Why is this happening?
(20:42):
Why am I being criticized?
Why is and we don't have themental capacity to be like oh,
you know, my dad's an alcoholicand he doesn't have the
emotional intelligence or he'snot present enough to treat me
this way because he's drunk oryou know, my dad's working all
the time because he's trying topay for my food and my housing,
(21:04):
whatever Right, my dad doesn'tknow how to show love because
nobody showed him love.
My dad's shut down.
Whatever it is.
You know what it's me?
It's I'm not good enough, orthere's something wrong with me.
You know a report card and so tothink hey, great job on the A's
, you know what's report card.
And so to think, hey, great jobon the A's, you know what's
happening in math.
Math is really hard.
How can we support you to dobetter?
(21:25):
You're like what's wrong?
Like why did you get a C, whyisn't this an A Right?
You clean your room and they'relike, well, what about the
closet?
You go, oh, it's not goodenough.
So, whatever that looks like,and it's different for everybody
, but once you give those eventsthat meaning, that becomes your
(21:45):
truth, your thoughts, behaviors, right, and that, once you gave
it that meaning, then it wasyour truth and your life was
(22:05):
consistent with it, becausethose events aren't happening
anymore.
Right, our traumas are, for themost part, right, they're in
the past, but we're stilloperating basically as a victim
of those traumas, because we'recarrying the beliefs we formed
from those through our life.
And there's beliefs like I'm notsafe and feel anxiety and
(22:29):
they're no longer in thatabusive household, but they know
, but they still don't feel safeor they're now another abusive
household because they havebeliefs like I'm not worthy and
I'm not deserving andrelationships don't work and
trustworthy or whatever it is.
So by eliminating those beliefs, you literally give yourself
(22:49):
freedom from your traumas, fromyour childhood, from these
patterns that you've been living.
And when you get rid of thebeliefs, the patterns can change
and you can free yourself fromthose patterns, from those
emotions, from that negativetalk, that constant.
Cassaandra (23:08):
Yes.
Blake Lefkoe (23:08):
Good enough, and no one's going to like you and
da da da right, and it's just so, so freeing.
Yeah, because we're not in thatchildhood anymore.
No one's hitting, no one'sscreaming at us.
We're not experiencing thesethings, but we still have the
emotions because we form thebeliefs that we're still
(23:29):
carrying with us.
And one of my favorite thingsabout this work is
subconsciously, as children, weform beliefs like I'm not good
enough is subconsciously aschildren.
We form beliefs like I'm notgood enough.
Then what happens is, forexample, you know, you get
straight A's, you win thespelling bee, you make the
(23:52):
all-star team and you get thataffirmation.
You get that oh good job, honey, we're so proud of you, and you
go oh, I see, the way to begood enough is to achieve.
Cassaandra (23:58):
Yes.
Blake Lefkoe (23:59):
Then that becomes your life, and every time you
want to rest, you want to go onvacation, you want to do
something, you there's thatvoice and you go.
You have to achieve, you haveto achieve.
You have to achieve because youfeel like your survival depends
on it.
That's what makes you okay.
Get rid of the belief I'm notgood enough.
You can get rid of the beliefI'm not good enough.
(24:19):
You can get rid of the survivalstrategy.
What makes me good enough isachieving, being successful,
having people think well of me.
Whatever that is, it doesn'tmean you stop achieving.
It means you now have a choice.
What do you want to do?
Right, Like you're saying,living your true self, Like what
(24:41):
is authentic to me.
Is it more important for me togo to my kids baseball game or
to have that meeting?
And I don't know?
There's no right answer.
But you are now the freedom tochoose and that survival belief
is no longer running you.
Cassaandra (24:58):
Right.
Blake Lefkoe (25:00):
Just so free.
Yeah People their lives back.
Cassaandra (25:05):
Yeah, let's.
Let's talk about some examples.
I'm going to use myself for anexample.
I always, for years, wanted towrite a book and I struggled
with that.
I didn't.
It was like, ok, I don't wantpeople to know about me, you
(25:26):
know.
You know I don't want, and itwasn't that, it wasn't about not
being good enough, or maybe itis.
Maybe you'll say, that's it.
I'm like, well, what are theygoing to say about me?
You know, I don't want to putmy business out in the street,
and what I did was Iprocrastinated, you know.
Just like you know you talkedabout it.
Also, I'm a perfectionist.
(25:47):
Everything has to be just right, you know, and I don't want
anybody to see that I didn't dothis really good.
I was, and it took me, I know,10 to 12 years and then one day,
during COVID, I sat down and Istarted writing my book, and so
(26:07):
I'm not sure how I got overthose beliefs.
But I'd like for you to tell ushow.
When you say, just change yourbelief, how do you do that?
Do you just say I'm good enough, or this is going to help other
people?
Or how do people get out ofthat conundrum like over and
over and over?
You know that pattern.
Blake Lefkoe (26:29):
Well, first of all , congratulations, that's
amazing, thank you, that's ahuge accomplishment and it's
awesome that you were able to,like you know.
You say, get out of your ownway to do that, yeah, yeah.
So the process is pretty simple.
You first establish the beliefand sometimes, when people have
a really good survival strategy,they're like no, I don't have
(26:50):
that belief.
I know I'm good enough.
You're like okay, well, imaginethat you can't achieve anything
.
Imagine you have to stay in bed.
Cassaandra (26:58):
You can't go to work .
Blake Lefkoe (26:59):
How do you feel?
And they're like oh my God, Ifeel terrible about myself.
You can't go to work.
How do you feel?
And they're like oh my God, Ifeel terrible about myself.
So you get people in touch withthe fact that they have the
belief.
You find the source, go back toyour childhood.
You know where did that beliefcome from?
And then you come up withalternative interpretations.
(27:19):
So what's another way we couldexplain those events, right?
So it could be that I'm notgood enough.
It could be that my parentsdidn't go to parenting school
and they don't have the skillsand tools to parent me.
Could be that they're justparenting me the way that their
parents parented them, and it'sgot nothing to do with me.
They would parent any childthat way because that's how they
(27:41):
parent.
Doesn't mean anything about me,right?
I had a brother or sister.
They would probably be treatedthe same way.
Could be that maybe I wasn'tgood enough for them, but that
doesn't mean I won't be goodenough for anybody.
Could be that they hadunrealistic expectations and in
that house nobody was goodenough, but that doesn't mean I
(28:02):
won't be good enough anywhereelse, right?
So you just come up withwhatever feels good to you where
you're like.
Yes, that makes sense, thatcould also be those events Okay.
And once you come up with abunch, you realize that what you
said I'm not good enough is atruth.
It's not the truth, it's onepossible interpretation, it's
(28:23):
not the old one.
Then you kind of imagine goingback in time and you're in that
event, right, and I can see yourdad, I can see your report card
, I can see what you're wearing,I can see the room you're in
the furniture, right, you makeit very real, you can see it.
Where, in that event, is I'mnot good enough, right?
What does it look like?
(28:43):
Can you show me where it is?
Because people think they sawit and people have this moment
where they go.
Oh, my God, you can't see it.
All you can see is an event.
All you can see is my dadsaying something I can hear his
tone.
I can hear what he's saying, Ican see his look of
disappointment, but I can seeI'm not good enough, enough that
(29:04):
doesn't actually exist outthere in the world and that, for
a lot of people, is enough.
And then do another step wherewe talk about the no meaning
right.
Those events had consequences.
Never invalidate theconsequences of anything that
ever happened to a child,because it's hard, it's scary
right yeah, um, but you realizethat that event didn't mean
(29:31):
anything.
There's nothing I know for sureabout you, because that event
happened, doesn't?
mean anything about who you are.
Events don't have meaning.
I can't make you feel anything,so the feeling was caused by
the meaning you gave that event,not the event itself.
So you imagine a child andgiving that event a different
(29:53):
interpretation.
So whichever one you come upwith, that really resonates
right.
So, imagine oh, my parents haveunrealistic expectations.
It's insane to expect a childto be perfect, because nobody's
perfect, especially not children.
We make mistakes, we'relearning, we're figuring it out.
So imagine you know your dad'slike oh what's wrong with you?
How come you didn't get an A?
(30:14):
And you know you left yourshoes in the hallway and just
can't do anything right.
And you'll gosh, it is insanethat my dad has these
expectations of me.
He is just going to becontinually disappointed and
there's nothing I can do to live.
Gosh, that's nuts Settinghimself up to be displeased
(30:38):
constantly.
And as you imagine.
Giving the event a differentinterpretation, the feeling
completely shifts.
You realize that just becauseyou felt I'm not good enough,
that doesn't prove the belief istrue.
Cassaandra (30:53):
Yeah.
Blake Lefkoe (30:54):
Interpretation the feeling changes.
Cassaandra (30:56):
Right.
Blake Lefkoe (30:58):
Felt.
It doesn't prove it's true.
The feeling came from themeaning you gave the events, not
the events itself.
That's typically enough.
Every once in a while someonegets a little stuck and we do
one more step where I sayimagine you're switched at birth
and you grew up in a differenthouse.
You are still you.
Everything about you is the samesame wants and desires what you
(31:21):
like, what you don't like.
Right, you're you, but you grewup with two super supportive
parents and when you come homewith a bad grade, they go.
Yeah, math is hard.
How can we help you?
What do you need?
You need a tutor, can we?
What can we do to support you?
Because math is hard.
Numbers are great, you knowsometimes it makes sense to us.
(31:42):
You know, when you clean yourroom and you go, wow, great job,
but I'm going to teach you a.
And you clean your room and yougo, wow, great job, but I'm
going to teach you a trick room.
And you do this thing, it feelsso nice in here, right, like if
you just do this other littlething or whatever it is, you
know you're supported and you'renot criticized in a way where
it's teaching.
Hey, let me help you, let megive you this trick, let me show
(32:05):
you a great way to do this.
You do it whatever way worksfor you, but I'm going to just
teach you a little bit, becausethat's what parents are here for
.
And as you grow up in thisenvironment, do you still feel
I'm not good enough?
People say, no, of course, not.
Right, that's the truth aboutyou.
If that's who you are, youcan't change it.
We can't change facts, can'tchange the truth about you,
(32:27):
right?
Two plus two is four.
It doesn't matter what language, what color, where it is.
We can't change it.
It's a fact.
Right, you in a differentenvironment and that belief is
no longer the truth.
It doesn't even make senseanymore.
It'd be a fact about who youare.
Cassaandra (32:43):
Wow, You're like yeah.
Blake Lefkoe (32:45):
And then and through one of those three steps
, it just it's gone.
And you see the shift in people, like their energy changes,
their expression changes.
I had a client that like it wasso beautiful, it looked like
10,000 pounds rolled off hershoulders and she sat up
straighter and her whole facechanged and like I got all teary
(33:07):
eyed it was so moving and likeshe went back into her life
after eliminating this onebelief.
That completely shifted how sheshowed up for her, how she
interpreted things, because whenwe believe we're not good
enough, that's what we look foreverywhere.
Oh, I got fired.
(33:27):
There's another example.
Oh I didn't get the job.
There's another example.
Oh my kid talked back to me.
There's another exampleHusband's mad at me.
There it is again right.
Cassaandra (33:37):
Right.
Blake Lefkoe (33:38):
When you get rid of that belief, all of a sudden
those things start showing updifferently.
It's like you take off theglasses of the eye.
And now you're able to be likewow, my kids.
Really frustrated.
He doesn't have the skills andtools to express himself.
It doesn't mean he doesn'trespect me because I'm not good
enough.
He actually feels safe enoughin my presence to express
(34:00):
himself.
Okay, you know, it feelsdifferent.
Oh, I got I lost this job.
Yeah, Maybe there's somethingbetter out there for me.
Maybe I was stuck here in thisuniverse providing me with
opportunity.
And when you get rid of thesebeliefs, you literally create
space for other things to showup in the world and you're able
(34:23):
to perceive and experiencedifferently so how long does it
take you to work?
Cassaandra (34:30):
and maybe every individual is different because
we have these old patterns andso daily you probably say, okay,
you have to do this every day,you have to think about this
every day.
When you start saying I don'tknow if I can do that, then it's
time to shift.
You tell your clients, okay toshift and and put a different
(34:51):
perspective on it.
So another how does?
How do you sustain what you are?
Blake Lefkoe (34:57):
it's gone it's gone, really no, having to
remind yourself there's no.
Oh, I have to switch myperspective.
I have to think about thisdifferently.
When you eliminate a belief, itis gone and it is such a
powerful thing to experience,yeah, I mean.
Yeah, that's it like there.
There's no integration, there'sno.
(35:18):
Oh, I have to.
You know, and I've had clientssay, okay, I need a need, a
couple of weeks to let thissettle and I say whatever works
for you, but it's gone, it's notcoming back.
You know we can work again nextweek.
There's, there's, no like.
Your brain isn't, doesn't taketime to rewire itself.
You're just, you're creatingnew pathways and and sometimes
(35:41):
I'll, you know, say, hey, take aday, take two, and then
schedule with me.
And sometimes I'll say, hey,take a day, take two and then
schedule with me.
And within a day or two,they're always like, oh my God,
yeah, you're right, I want tojust work.
Cassaandra (35:49):
Next, week Wow, that is amazing, really incredible
thing.
Blake Lefkoe (35:53):
Another really incredible thing about this is
it's not like therapy.
You don't just come back, youknow what.
I mean Five sessions for a lotof patterns is enough.
You get to where you want to go.
You are.
You freed yourself from thispattern?
You're stuck in people thathave a lot of trauma, a lot of
(36:14):
patterns, addiction, depression.
It takes more and everyone'sdifferent.
I've I've had people withreally severe alcoholism
depression couldn't hold a job,couldn't hold relationship, and
we worked for I don't even knowthat we had 10 sessions.
(36:37):
Wow, and he kept it.
He came in one day and he waslike Blake, I have nothing to
work on.
Nothing stresses me out anymore.
My life is still chaotic, right, I'm like still, but I know
that it's going to be okay.
It doesn't.
It just doesn't stress me out.
Like I don't have to drink andeven like his relationship with
(36:58):
money changed.
We work on money.
Yeah, like I'm starting to savemoney and I'm you know this job
I would have walked out on.
I'm able to stay in and it'snot a problem anymore.
I'm actually like learning howto enjoy it.
And he said he ran into his exwife and she didn't even
recognize him.
She was just like your energyis so different you looked
(37:19):
different.
So you know everyone's different.
I have a client that we do fivebeliefs a session.
Easy, you do five sessions,five beliefs every session.
She comes in and eliminatesfive beliefs every, just super
fast.
Okay, it's like I want to doone belief and I want to talk a
(37:39):
lot and I want to just do thisand do that and I just I want to
do one belief and I'm happy andthat's enough for me and I'll
see you next week.
So everyone's different.
Um, but it is, it's not.
It's not a long-term thing.
Cassaandra (37:56):
Wow, you sound like a miracle worker.
Blake Lefkoe (38:02):
I think that is amazing that there's always more
stuff to work on.
Like I have a mentor that youknow we we trade every other
week.
I work with her, she works withme, and you find those little
idiosyncrasies and you know I'mstill feeling stuck here, I'm
still triggered by this, or Istill feel kind of needy here,
(38:24):
or there's resistance,resistance here.
So there's always more stuff todo.
But in terms of the bigpatterns, like where people are
really stuck, you get rid of thebeliefs contributing to those
patterns and those go away andI'll have clients that'll reach
back out and be like gosh, youknow I'm I'm experiencing anger
with my kids.
I'm like, yeah, well, let'swork on that and you get rid of
(38:44):
you.
You know I'm powerless and whatmakes me powerful is having
people listen to me or being incontrol.
Wow, there's a sense ofpowerlessness there.
So you get rid of the sense ofpowerless and the anger
dissipates and you're able toshow up.
Cassaandra (39:03):
So what you do can create lasting change oh,
absolutely that is amazing.
Oh my gosh.
Um, that, that's incredible.
That's incredible.
I could, um, let me ask you areyou able to work with your son
(39:26):
Like do you see things when yourson like patterns that, um, you
know, as he gets older, maystick, or?
Blake Lefkoe (39:36):
how, when I was little yeah, I think I was, I
don't know, six or seven yearsold and we went to this carnival
, yeah, and it was reallycrowded, and a woman put her
cigarette out on my arm and Istarted crying and she yelled at
me and she said watch whereyou're going.
(39:57):
So my parents took me, we left,we went to the parking lot and
I was crying and whateverhappened two months later,
however long.
We went to another event and Iwas crying and whatever happened
two months later, however long.
We went to another event and itwas crowded and I was terrified
and my parents, what's going on?
And I was like I don't likecrowds, crowds are dangerous, I
don't want to be here.
And my dad took me aside and hesaid okay, where did you get the
(40:20):
idea that crowds are dangerous?
And I said when that womanburned me with a cigarette he
said okay said okay, what'sanother?
And all we did was alternativeinterpretations, what's another
way?
Some crowds are dangerous.
Crowds where people are smokingcigarettes are dangerous.
That specific crowd wasn'tdangerous.
Something scary happened, butyou were right so we just with
(40:41):
other ways to describe thoseevents, and he said so, is it
the truth that all crowds aredangerous?
And I said yes, and the feardissipated and it was gone and I
didn't remember that thathappened.
They told me about it later,but I've never had it with
crowds.
Yeah, so I've done it with myson, not the whole process, not
(41:04):
the no meeting, but we were atthe store once and he was like
oh my gosh, I always makeeverybody late for everything
all the time.
Yeah, I could see how you feelthat.
And I was like well, what else?
And I was like you know, do youwear a watch?
He was like no, and I was likewell, maybe is it possible that
(41:31):
when you're younger and youdon't have a good sense of time,
you make people late for things.
But when you get older and youstart wearing a watch and you
have a better sense of time,that won't be true anymore.
And he's like yeah, yeah,totally.
And I was like do you makeeverybody late for things?
Like, are your teachers late?
But he was like well, no, and Iwas like and are we late to
everything all?
Cassaandra (41:47):
the time.
Blake Lefkoe (41:47):
He goes no, just some things some of the time and
I was like, okay, and whatabout this, and what about this?
And I was like, so is it thetruth that you make everybody
late for everything all the time?
No, that doesn't even makesense.
Wow, no, you can, you know youdo, you can do those little
things with, especially withkids, right, just give them
(42:09):
other ways to to hold that sureenough sure query to believe.
For 40 years takes takes a lotof time.
Cassaandra (42:18):
That's absolutely, absolutely but even people go.
Blake Lefkoe (42:21):
This is so deeply ingrained and I'm like, yeah,
you've had it for a long time,but that doesn't mean that we
can't get rid of it.
Yeah, that's good, justsomething that you know.
When you realize it's not outthere in the world, you go oh my
God, I can't see it.
I can't see it out in the world.
Where has it been for all theseyears?
Oh my God, it's been in my head.
I've been carrying that aroundwith me this whole time.
Cassaandra (42:45):
That's amazing.
So, blake, I could talk to youeven longer, but we can't Now
remember.
In the beginning I talked aboutmy listeners, and these are for
individuals to unlock.
You know their full potentialand their stuff, they, they.
Some may want to write a book,some may want to change jobs,
(43:08):
get out of a relationship.
Some may want to change jobs,get out of a relationship.
Could you, in this short periodof time because then I'm going
to ask you, how can they get,how can my listeners get in
touch with you?
But how can you talk to them tochange their perspective?
Like you know, because this ismy thing, I know that we're all
(43:32):
here for something, for a reason, and it doesn't mean that we
won't have trials andtribulations.
We will.
But I'm so gung ho aboutindividuals living their life as
it was ordained to live and alot of people I know, based on
doing your reading, how, in thebeginning, you were like, well,
I wasn't fulfilled, I didn'tfeel right, I knew something was
(43:54):
wrong, and I would love peopleto get out of that pattern, to
know.
Some of them know what it isthat they have to do and want to
do, but they're like stuck.
How would you talk to themabout, as we're wrapping up,
about how they could get unstuckand you can pick a certain
(44:16):
thing, sure well, I have.
Blake Lefkoe (44:18):
I have a tool that I I can give you, so the most
profound way that I have foundis just eliminating the beliefs
that keep you stuck and you giveyourself freedom, right, but a
really amazing tool and theyactually they teach a course in
this in the lefkoe institute.
It's called the occurringcourse and it's amazing, it's
(44:40):
called the freedom course.
It's like, it's such a neat.
So the idea is we giveeverything meaning all the time.
Cassaandra (44:48):
Okay.
Blake Lefkoe (44:48):
Right.
So you go to the store and youknow the woman there doesn't
smile at you and you go.
Oh she's.
She's mad at me.
I didn't know she doesn't likeme.
And now you're upset, Right,Stop.
Stop when you get upset and inthe beginning, start with little
things, break yourself into thebig ones, right?
(45:10):
What meaning am I giving thisevent?
I'm giving this, so the eventis she didn't smile.
That's the event.
That's what we can see.
That's actually real.
Okay, meaning I'm giving it.
I'm giving it a meaning thatshe's mad at me or she doesn't
(45:30):
like me, right?
What else could it mean?
Could mean she's having a badday.
Could mean she has a headache.
Could mean she's fighting withher husband.
Could mean her dog just died.
Could mean maybe she is upsetwith you, but that doesn't mean
you're not likable or there'ssomething wrong with you or that
you did something wrong, right,it doesn't mean anything.
And when you realize the meaningyou're giving that event is not
the truth, it's one possibleinterpretation that meaning
(45:54):
dissipates and then so does thefeeling, and you start doing
that with all kinds of things,especially after right.
Sometimes, in the moment it canbe difficult.
You can train yourself, butwhen you're in bed at night and
you can't sleep because you'relike, oh man, that guy cut me
off, yeah, such a whatever andthat thing you're thinking about
(46:16):
, that's keeping you awake rightwhat meaning am I giving that
event?
you know, my kids not listeningto me.
I'm giving it the meaning theydon't respect me yes so now I'm
angry.
Well, what else.
It means they respect me enoughto say how they feel, they feel
safe enough around me to talkback and to tell me what's going
(46:41):
on in their mind, right, right,this could mean that could mean
all these things.
Do I know for sure that theydon't respect me because of this
?
No, it doesn't mean anything,and when you can let go of the
meaning, the feeling changes.
Cassaandra (46:58):
Okay.
Blake Lefkoe (46:59):
You can do it with everything.
Right, the meaning we giveevents are what cause our
emotion, it's not the eventsthemselves.
One example right, you'rewalking down the street and you
see a man.
That is the event.
Give that event the meaning.
Oh my God, he could hurt me.
(47:20):
How do you feel it is real?
Why, on the street, you seethat same man and you go oh,
there's a big man here.
I'm nobody's gonna mess with me, because that guy's right here
yeah you feel safe right youwalk down the street, you see
that same man.
You go, man, he's pretty hot andhe's so excited yeah you walk
(47:46):
down the street and you go oh,there's a man there.
There's no feeling, right?
yes completely differentemotions from the exact same
event.
It's the meaning we give thatevent that causes our emotions.
Start touching yourself andseeing what meaning am I giving.
That's producing this negativeemotion.
(48:08):
And what else could it mean?
I got fired, yeah.
Could mean I'm not good enough.
Could mean there's somethingwrong with me.
Could mean there's somethingbetter coming and I was stuck in
this job and I would havemissed this opportunity, right?
Could mean this doesn'tactually align with what I'm
doing.
Could mean a million things.
(48:29):
We don't know for sure that itmeans anything about you, right,
that's good, and you give it adifferent meaning, that that
negative emotion just dissipates.
Cassaandra (48:41):
Wow, that's good, blake.
You're helping me too, I feellike even though you said it's
not therapy, but I'm feelingthis thing.
This is real good.
I'm putting myself in somesituations that I'm having these
limiting beliefs, so that'shelping me a lot and I
appreciate it.
How can my listeners get intouch with you?
Blake Lefkoe (49:05):
So my website and my email are just my name.
My email is BlakeLefkoe atgmailcom.
My website is Blake LefkoecomB-L-A-K-E-L-E -F, as in Frank
K-O-E.
Cassaandra (49:22):
Okay.
Blake Lefkoe (49:23):
And on the website you can click a link for a free
.
It says 15 minutes, but they'reusually 30, but a free
consultation.
Cassaandra (49:32):
Okay.
Blake Lefkoe (49:32):
Tell me what your patterns are, what's going on,
how I can help you know andanything you want I can help you
.
You can explain any questionsor doubts you have and it's just
time for you.
Whatever you need in that time,okay, and if you want to book a
session, then we go from there.
(49:53):
There's also a link to justbook an hour session.
If okay, then I know I wantthis.
Cassaandra (50:00):
Right, and and listeners.
All of this is going to also goin the show notes as well, and
I am confident, like that you'regoing to hear from some people,
because I think this session orI don't want to say session,
but this podcast, this type oftopic breaking free from
limiting beliefs is what we allhave.
(50:20):
We all have limiting beliefs,and if you're sick and tired of
them and you're ready tomitigate them so that you can
move forward in your life, thisis something that individuals
need to hear.
Blake Lefkoe (50:32):
Thank you, so much for having me, Cassandra.
This has been really fun.
Cassaandra (50:36):
Yeah, and I thank you.
And something, Blake I alwaystell my listeners bye for now.
And also to please share thispodcast with individuals that
you know that this will blessthem.
You know that they're stuckbecause they just can't get out
of their way, and this issomething that's going to really
(50:57):
help them get out of their way.
So again, Blake, thank you andbye for now.
Welcome to Is Your Way in Your Way podcast.
Many of you are aware that thename of my podcast is the name
of my book.
It's the Is your Way, in yourWay.
It's a self-discovery guide forwomen on how to restore
yourself, learn from theexperiences that you've had and
start becoming your true self,and this podcast is actually
about empowering women to unlocktheir full potential.
(00:22):
There are a lot of things thatkind of stop us.
We get stuck.
We know there's certain thingsthat we should be doing, but we
just can't seem to get out ofthem.
For example, like in maybe atoxic relationship, you may want
to write a book, you may wantto be a coach, you may want to
change jobs.
It's just a number of thingsthat's preventing you from what
(00:46):
I'm calling living your bestlife on your terms, and we talk
about topics related toinstances like self-improvement,
personal improvement, justsomething that I always am
prayerful that there will besomething on this podcast one of
my podcasts that will give youlike an epiphany, and you're
(01:08):
just like.
You know what I can do thisToday.
I'm going to stop the madnessand I'm going to start living my
best life on my terms, becausemany of you know what that looks
like.
You just haven't executed ityet, and my special guest
today's name is Blake Lefkoe,and we're going to talk about
breaking free from limitingbeliefs.
(01:30):
I am super excited about thisbecause I have, and had, so many
limiting beliefs, and that'swhy it took me forever to write
a book, and that's somethingthat I always wanted to do.
So let me introduce you tohello, blake Lefkoe.
How are you today?
Blake Lefkoe (01:46):
I'm wonderful.
Thanks so much for having me.
Cassaandra (01:49):
Yeah, I am so glad you are on, girl.
Hey, before I brought Blakeinto the orange room this is the
orange room, you know I wastelling her about some of my
limiting beliefs and she waslike, well, hey, why don't you
book a session with me?
So this will be veryinteresting.
So, as we go through thisprocess and this podcast today,
this is something that you maywant to do as well, because I
(02:11):
believe many of us have limitingbeliefs.
So, blake, before we delve intoour questions, I want to share
with the listeners a little bitabout your background.
I want to give them a littlehistory on you so they can say
what qualifies her to do whatshe's doing.
So let me just read a littlebit.
(02:32):
Blake is dedicated to helpingpeople transform their lives by
breaking free from the beliefsthat hold them back.
She is a facilitator of thelefkoe method, a powerful
process that was developed byher father that helps people
eliminate beliefs that keeppeople stuck and their unwanted
(02:55):
emotional and behavioralpatterns.
After going on her owntransformative journey,
overcoming addiction andrediscovering the method, she's
now passionate about guidingothers to live healthier,
happier lives, aligned withtheir true passion and values,
from helping clients breakunhealthy patterns to creating a
(03:17):
life of fulfillment for herself.
She is here to share her wisdomon living authentically and
with purpose, so let's againwelcome Blake.
Welcome again, blake.
Thank you, cassandra.
Hey, listen, before you startedthe Lefkoe method and we'll
(03:38):
talk about what that is andwhere that came from.
What was your life like, whatwas your backstory and where
that came from?
What was your life like?
What was?
Blake Lefkoe (03:46):
your backstory.
So as a child, I grew up in ahouse with two parents that were
in the personal growth,personal development field, and
that was just the conversationat dinner and that was what they
did.
They both worked in the houseand I kind of just do what a lot
of children do when they'rebrought up in something and I
just kind of rebelled against it.
I was like, well, I'm not gonnalook at my stuff, I'm just
(04:08):
gonna go out and live a reallyfun life and um, that kind of
fun, hedonistic life eventuallyturned into an uh, unfulfilling,
unsustainable life.
The drinking and the partyingbecame just more a part of life.
It became more of a darknessthan a light.
(04:30):
I woke up in my late teens.
I was a single mom just gettingout of another silly
relationship just unsustainable,not healthy and I was
bartending and I was drinking alot.
(04:51):
I was just not taking care ofmyself, not taking as good care
of myself as I could have been.
And, yeah, I literally woke upone morning and I was going
through a breakup and my backwas out and I couldn't be in the
ocean what really brings me themost joy and I was hungover,
been on this bender, and I waslike I just can't do this
(05:14):
anymore, like I'm unfulfilled.
This is unsustainable.
I deserve better.
My kid deserves better.
And I started a process totransform my life and one of the
main tools that I used was theLefkoe method and I was so
fortunate that I had this toolavailable to me and I was able
(05:37):
to start working on myself and,through eliminating beliefs, I
was able to break free of thesepatterns.
I got sober, I got out of therestaurant industry after three
decades, which is not theeasiest thing to do.
I was able to take all thetrainings and get certified and
start my own business.
(05:58):
And I do something now.
That is just immenselyfulfilling.
That is just immenselyfulfilling.
I get to help other people ontheir journeys and on their
paths and find what they lovedoing and how they're able to
have more of it in their lifeand to be free from the things
that they're doing that aren'tworking and they want less of.
I have been able to find abalance, which is something that
(06:23):
I never even understood andhave, but a balance of working
and being in the ocean andhaving time with my son and
having time for myself andtaking care of myself and doing
my work and really finding ahealthy balance that works for
(06:48):
me.
Cassaandra (06:49):
Now, do you call that?
Is that this thing they callwork-life balance?
Blake Lefkoe (06:55):
I would imagine.
So yeah.
Cassaandra (06:58):
So tell us what work , because we hear work-life
balance all the time.
I remember working and I wasburnt out and I was like I just
need some work-life balance.
What would you?
How would you define that?
Blake Lefkoe (07:12):
I make sure that I have time to get in the ocean
almost every day and, dependingon the because I do wind sports
and then I do sports where youdon't want wind, because I do
wind sports and then I do sportswhere you don't want wind so I
look at the forecast and I'mable to schedule my sessions
throughout the week According tothe ocean conditions.
(07:34):
I'm able to be off work when myson gets home from school.
I'm able to drive him to everybaseball practice and every
baseball game.
I'm able to have time for mypartner.
I'm start my sessions, you know, at 8 30 in the morning, so I
have time to stretch and do likea morning routine that you know
(07:57):
works for me and it's just,it's been really incredible to
just find balance in general tolearn when, oh yeah, today I've
got, you know, some more peoplewanted to see me.
So I'm gonna have more callsand I'm gonna skip today and
then tomorrow I'll take a littleextra time, whatever that looks
(08:19):
like.
Yeah, just having to everyoneand every part of me that needs
time and energy in my life tohave that for them.
Cassaandra (08:31):
Yeah, blake.
Now you know, when I first saidthat, you know this is for
women.
It's all about, you know,unlocking those barriers as
preventing individuals fromliving their best life, those
barriers that's preventingindividuals from living their
best life.
How do you know?
How do you help your clientfigure out what that looks like?
(08:51):
Like you talked about thebalance and how, how like, for
example, when you werebartending and drinking, and you
know that was probably all partof what you're doing today.
I'm sure that had a lot to dowith why you pivoted and started
doing what you're doing.
How did you know what your bestlife looked like?
Because, listening to you, yousound like you are living your
(09:15):
best life right now on yourterms.
So how did you know what thatwas?
And, by the way, audience, shelives in Hawaii, so that's why
she's able to go out there andsurf and get in that ocean, and
which is a beautiful place.
So tell us, how is one able tofigure that out?
Blake Lefkoe (09:32):
Yeah, so when my clients come to me, we first
establish a pattern.
So whether it's a behavioral oran emotional pattern, right?
So what's something you'redoing?
You don't want to be doingsomething, you're doing that.
You want to be doing something.
You're doing that.
You want to be doing that.
You're not.
There can be anxiety, fear,like you were talking about
toxic relationships.
(09:53):
Oh, I want to write a book, butI can't sit down.
Oh, I want to do this, but I'mnot.
I'm working all the time.
I keep saying I want to workless, but I don't.
So, whatever that pattern lookslike, okay.
And once that's reallyestablished, we look at what are
the beliefs that contribute tothat pattern.
So a good example of that isprocrastination, very common
(10:16):
pattern that people come to mewith.
So oftentimes, when peopleprocrastinate, they have beliefs
like I'm not good enough,nothing I do will be good enough
, mistakes and failures are bad,if I make a mistake, I'll be
rejected.
So you know beliefs like these.
And then we go through thisprocess and, one at a time,
(10:37):
actually eliminate the beliefsand and it's so profound because
there's no tricks there's no.
Oh, I have to remember to thinkthis way, or I have to switch
my perspective.
Oh, I have to remember to thinkthis way.
Or I have to switch myperspective or I have to
remember this tool or the skill,or I have to catch myself Like
you're literally nullifying thetriggers.
The beliefs actually go away andsometimes clients will be like
(10:58):
no, no, I know that's not true,because you know this and that,
or you know this, and.
But if you have to convinceyourself that you don't have a
belief, you have it, becausepeople don't have affirmations
in the morning that thinkthey're beautiful.
You don't have to tell yourselfI'm beautiful.
If you think that, it's justanytime.
(11:21):
You are putting energy towardstalking yourself out of a belief
, telling yourself it's true orwhy on some level you have that,
and when that belief goes away,there's no more energy spent
talking yourself out of it,because it's gone, it doesn't
exist anymore, and so that's oneof the really amazing things
about this work is it causespermanent, profound changes and
(11:46):
as the beliefs go away, thepatterns just shift organically.
You don't have to do anything.
And it's wild because sometimesthey shift in a way that people
don't even realize like peoplewill come in like, oh, how was
your week, you know?
and like, oh, you know it's goodthis, and that I'm like you
know how was your week, you know, and like, oh, you know it was
good this, and that I'm like youknow, do you notice anything?
(12:07):
And they're like, no, you knowit was, it was okay.
And I was like, well, you knowwere you?
Were you procrastinating?
Was it really hard for you tosit at your desk?
And they'll be like no, Iactually.
You know, I filled my courseand I did that advertising and I
sent out that email blast andyou know I posted on social
media every day for my businessand I did.
And then all of a suddenthey'll be like, oh my gosh, I
(12:28):
got so much done.
Oh wow, sometimes it's just sonatural that they don't even
they realize you gotta stopright now and they're like wow.
And there are people that alsocome in and they're like oh my
god, you're never gonna believehow much I got done and how easy
it was.
They couldn't believe it and itwas amazing.
But the shift it just happensso effortlessly.
(12:50):
And there's just such beauty inthat.
Cassaandra (12:54):
Yeah, oh my gosh, that sounds incredible.
Listen now.
You said your family.
You know they were big onpersonal growth and I understand
that the leftkoe method is fromyour dad.
It's your dad who founded this.
Is that correct?
Blake Lefkoe (13:12):
Yeah, so he created the belief process when
I was a child and my mom kind of.
Uh, he showed to my mom and shewas like this is why I've been
put on this earth.
So she's been working withclients for 35 years.
They have the Lefkoe Institute.
They have courses that teachpeople how to become a
(13:34):
facilitator.
Uh, they have a certificationprogram and, yeah, it's.
It's really kind of abittersweet thing for me because
when he died I was still in areally unhealthy relationship.
I was still drinking, I wasbartending, I really wasn't
doing much with my life, right,but the amazing thing was he had
(13:58):
worked on himself so much thathe was so proud of me and he
trusted that I would do whateverI needed to do to live the life
the way I thought it should belived.
And every time my mom would belike, oh, but she's drinking so
much and she's this, just trusther.
Just trust her.
Like he knew that everythingwould be fine and even when it
(14:21):
wasn't fine, it was still finefor him.
Cassaandra (14:24):
Okay.
Blake Lefkoe (14:26):
You know, he really loved me so
unconditionally.
Cassaandra (14:33):
Excuse us.
That's, that's my, that's my umand he wants to come in and I,
you know, just so you'll know,blake, my um audience, many of
them know him because every nowand then he decides that he
wants to intervene.
Yeah, I apologize.
Blake Lefkoe (14:58):
Yeah, so so he you know he he always loved me
unconditionally and gave mesupport, and I wish that I had
found this earlier because itwould have been amazing to talk
to him.
Yeah about this yes, there'sother processes that he's
created.
Uh, one of my favorite is likea stimulus process.
So every time this triggerhappens, you feel this emotion.
(15:21):
So anytime someone criticizesyou, you feel fear.
Anytime someone yells at you,you feel guilt, right, whatever
it is.
Yeah, really simple processthat that breaks that stimulus,
from that emotion.
Yeah easy from that.
So it's kind of kept creatingthese processes and he really he
(15:45):
didn't just walk the walk Likewhen he died.
Nothing triggered him, nothingupset him.
He really kind of got to thisidea of like the premise of the
work is that events haveconsequences.
Consequences are real, but theydon't have meaning.
(16:05):
Right, events in and ofthemselves don't have meaning
when we give them a meaning bycreating this belief.
That's what causes our emotion,that's what causes our thoughts
, that's what causes ourbehaviors.
And he got into this headspacewhere he was able to just not
give things meaning and theywere like you're dying of stage
(16:26):
four cancer.
And he was like okay, I don'tknow for sure, I don't know I'm
going to die tomorrow.
I don't know that I'm going todie in 10 years, like it just
doesn't mean anything.
I don't know anything becausethat is happening, there's
consequences, I might feel sick,I might have to do this
treatment.
He wasn't in denial, but hedidn't affect him emotionally.
And I remember when he wasdying and he looked at me and he
(16:48):
was like gosh, blake, I'm sosorry.
It's got to be so hard to watchsomeone you love suffer and
know that they're not going tobe here.
He was literally dying of cancer, comforting me Like, like that,
just the energetic kind oflevel he had reached.
Yeah, it was so inspiring.
(17:09):
You know, it's so amazing tojust see somebody yeah this to
to the extreme and and be ableto live a life where things just
didn't trigger him anymore.
Cassaandra (17:20):
Blake.
What inspired him to do what hedid?
Something I think maybetriggered that.
Blake Lefkoe (17:32):
He was really depressed a lot of his life.
My mom was his third wife.
He had a really traumatic, hardchildhood, Grew up in poverty
and I think he was.
He didn't remember a lot but Ithink he was in foster care for
a little while and had a dad whowould like had money and left
(17:52):
and just never supported him orhis mom and he was just very
needy and depressed.
And he got an airplane one dayand kind of took himself through
this process that he discovered, and he was able to eliminate a
belief and realized, oh my gosh, you know, my depression is a
(18:13):
source of my beliefs.
And he started getting rid ofthese beliefs and he was able to
, you know, get out ofdepression and what it was
amazing is my life.
I could not picture my daddepressed because he was so full
of light and life.
Just change the world and tohelp people, so I can't imagine
(18:37):
him being depressed.
And so he was a consultant andhe was doing really well and he
wasn't home and he was like Iwant to be there to watch my
daughter grow up.
And when he discovered thisprocess, he threw in the towel
and he started his own business.
And you know, in the beginning,starting the business being a
(18:59):
successful consultant, they wentbankrupt and all this craziness
, but he was my path and hestuck to it.
Yeah, to change so many lives.
Cassaandra (19:12):
Yeah, you know, I ask that because and and there
are always going to be trialsand tribulations in our lives
and I'm under the belief that weget stuck or we know there's
certain things that we want todo, but it's difficult and a lot
(19:35):
, I believe, has to do with ourchildhood.
Our childhood dictates who weare as an adult childhood.
Our childhood dictates who weare as an adult, and when I say
that I'm like it has to besomething to break that, I want
my audience to know.
If your dad did it, if you didit, if you were addicted and you
were not living a fulfilledlife and you knew what, you got
(19:56):
to a point where you were sickand tired and I know a lot of my
listeners are just sick andtired of being in some of these
situations that they're in butand that's why this podcast is
about, because you don't have tobe and I'm always hopeful that
there's someone on here likeyourself can talk through that
process and what are some thingsto mitigate those limiting
(20:20):
beliefs?
Blake Lefkoe (20:21):
you know so.
So the the process that I do isyou go back to your childhood,
right?
So, for example, the mostcommon belief that people have
in their first session that wework on is I'm not good enough
to go back to your childhood.
You know, you're four or five,six years old and all you want
to know is why, right, why isdad not home?
Why is this happening?
(20:42):
Why am I being criticized?
Why is and we don't have themental capacity to be like oh,
you know, my dad's an alcoholicand he doesn't have the
emotional intelligence or he'snot present enough to treat me
this way because he's drunk oryou know, my dad's working all
the time because he's trying topay for my food and my housing,
(21:04):
whatever Right, my dad doesn'tknow how to show love because
nobody showed him love.
My dad's shut down.
Whatever it is.
You know what it's me?
It's I'm not good enough, orthere's something wrong with me.
You know a report card and so tothink hey, great job on the A's
, you know what's report card.
And so to think, hey, great jobon the A's, you know what's
happening in math.
Math is really hard.
How can we support you to dobetter?
(21:25):
You're like what's wrong?
Like why did you get a C, whyisn't this an A Right?
You clean your room and they'relike, well, what about the
closet?
You go, oh, it's not goodenough.
So, whatever that looks like,and it's different for everybody
, but once you give those eventsthat meaning, that becomes your
(21:45):
truth, your thoughts, behaviors, right, and that, once you gave
it that meaning, then it wasyour truth and your life was
(22:05):
consistent with it, becausethose events aren't happening
anymore.
Right, our traumas are, for themost part, right, they're in
the past, but we're stilloperating basically as a victim
of those traumas, because we'recarrying the beliefs we formed
from those through our life.
And there's beliefs like I'm notsafe and feel anxiety and
(22:29):
they're no longer in thatabusive household, but they know
, but they still don't feel safeor they're now another abusive
household because they havebeliefs like I'm not worthy and
I'm not deserving andrelationships don't work and
trustworthy or whatever it is.
So by eliminating those beliefs, you literally give yourself
(22:49):
freedom from your traumas, fromyour childhood, from these
patterns that you've been living.
And when you get rid of thebeliefs, the patterns can change
and you can free yourself fromthose patterns, from those
emotions, from that negativetalk, that constant.
Cassaandra (23:08):
Yes.
Blake Lefkoe (23:08):
Good enough, and no one's going to like you and
da da da right, and it's just so, so freeing.
Yeah, because we're not in thatchildhood anymore.
No one's hitting, no one'sscreaming at us.
We're not experiencing thesethings, but we still have the
emotions because we form thebeliefs that we're still
(23:29):
carrying with us.
And one of my favorite thingsabout this work is
subconsciously, as children, weform beliefs like I'm not good
enough is subconsciously aschildren.
We form beliefs like I'm notgood enough.
Then what happens is, forexample, you know, you get
straight A's, you win thespelling bee, you make the
(23:52):
all-star team and you get thataffirmation.
You get that oh good job, honey, we're so proud of you, and you
go oh, I see, the way to begood enough is to achieve.
Cassaandra (23:58):
Yes.
Blake Lefkoe (23:59):
Then that becomes your life, and every time you
want to rest, you want to go onvacation, you want to do
something, you there's thatvoice and you go.
You have to achieve, you haveto achieve.
You have to achieve because youfeel like your survival depends
on it.
That's what makes you okay.
Get rid of the belief I'm notgood enough.
You can get rid of the beliefI'm not good enough.
(24:19):
You can get rid of the survivalstrategy.
What makes me good enough isachieving, being successful,
having people think well of me.
Whatever that is, it doesn'tmean you stop achieving.
It means you now have a choice.
What do you want to do?
Right, Like you're saying,living your true self, Like what
(24:41):
is authentic to me.
Is it more important for me togo to my kids baseball game or
to have that meeting?
And I don't know?
There's no right answer.
But you are now the freedom tochoose and that survival belief
is no longer running you.
Cassaandra (24:58):
Right.
Blake Lefkoe (25:00):
Just so free.
Yeah People their lives back.
Cassaandra (25:05):
Yeah, let's.
Let's talk about some examples.
I'm going to use myself for anexample.
I always, for years, wanted towrite a book and I struggled
with that.
I didn't.
It was like, ok, I don't wantpeople to know about me, you
(25:26):
know.
You know I don't want, and itwasn't that, it wasn't about not
being good enough, or maybe itis.
Maybe you'll say, that's it.
I'm like, well, what are theygoing to say about me?
You know, I don't want to putmy business out in the street,
and what I did was Iprocrastinated, you know.
Just like you know you talkedabout it.
Also, I'm a perfectionist.
(25:47):
Everything has to be just right, you know, and I don't want
anybody to see that I didn't dothis really good.
I was, and it took me, I know,10 to 12 years and then one day,
during COVID, I sat down and Istarted writing my book, and so
(26:07):
I'm not sure how I got overthose beliefs.
But I'd like for you to tell ushow.
When you say, just change yourbelief, how do you do that?
Do you just say I'm good enough, or this is going to help other
people?
Or how do people get out ofthat conundrum like over and
over and over?
You know that pattern.
Blake Lefkoe (26:29):
Well, first of all , congratulations, that's
amazing, thank you, that's ahuge accomplishment and it's
awesome that you were able to,like you know.
You say, get out of your ownway to do that, yeah, yeah.
So the process is pretty simple.
You first establish the beliefand sometimes, when people have
a really good survival strategy,they're like no, I don't have
(26:50):
that belief.
I know I'm good enough.
You're like okay, well, imaginethat you can't achieve anything
.
Imagine you have to stay in bed.
Cassaandra (26:58):
You can't go to work .
Blake Lefkoe (26:59):
How do you feel?
And they're like oh my God, Ifeel terrible about myself.
You can't go to work.
How do you feel?
And they're like oh my God, Ifeel terrible about myself.
So you get people in touch withthe fact that they have the
belief.
You find the source, go back toyour childhood.
You know where did that beliefcome from?
And then you come up withalternative interpretations.
(27:19):
So what's another way we couldexplain those events, right?
So it could be that I'm notgood enough.
It could be that my parentsdidn't go to parenting school
and they don't have the skillsand tools to parent me.
Could be that they're justparenting me the way that their
parents parented them, and it'sgot nothing to do with me.
They would parent any childthat way because that's how they
(27:41):
parent.
Doesn't mean anything about me,right?
I had a brother or sister.
They would probably be treatedthe same way.
Could be that maybe I wasn'tgood enough for them, but that
doesn't mean I won't be goodenough for anybody.
Could be that they hadunrealistic expectations and in
that house nobody was goodenough, but that doesn't mean I
(28:02):
won't be good enough anywhereelse, right?
So you just come up withwhatever feels good to you where
you're like.
Yes, that makes sense, thatcould also be those events Okay.
And once you come up with abunch, you realize that what you
said I'm not good enough is atruth.
It's not the truth, it's onepossible interpretation, it's
(28:23):
not the old one.
Then you kind of imagine goingback in time and you're in that
event, right, and I can see yourdad, I can see your report card
, I can see what you're wearing,I can see the room you're in
the furniture, right, you makeit very real, you can see it.
Where, in that event, is I'mnot good enough, right?
What does it look like?
(28:43):
Can you show me where it is?
Because people think they sawit and people have this moment
where they go.
Oh, my God, you can't see it.
All you can see is an event.
All you can see is my dadsaying something I can hear his
tone.
I can hear what he's saying, Ican see his look of
disappointment, but I can seeI'm not good enough, enough that
(29:04):
doesn't actually exist outthere in the world and that, for
a lot of people, is enough.
And then do another step wherewe talk about the no meaning
right.
Those events had consequences.
Never invalidate theconsequences of anything that
ever happened to a child,because it's hard, it's scary
right yeah, um, but you realizethat that event didn't mean
(29:31):
anything.
There's nothing I know for sureabout you, because that event
happened, doesn't?
mean anything about who you are.
Events don't have meaning.
I can't make you feel anything,so the feeling was caused by
the meaning you gave that event,not the event itself.
So you imagine a child andgiving that event a different
(29:53):
interpretation.
So whichever one you come upwith, that really resonates
right.
So, imagine oh, my parents haveunrealistic expectations.
It's insane to expect a childto be perfect, because nobody's
perfect, especially not children.
We make mistakes, we'relearning, we're figuring it out.
So imagine you know your dad'slike oh what's wrong with you?
How come you didn't get an A?
(30:14):
And you know you left yourshoes in the hallway and just
can't do anything right.
And you'll gosh, it is insanethat my dad has these
expectations of me.
He is just going to becontinually disappointed and
there's nothing I can do to live.
Gosh, that's nuts Settinghimself up to be displeased
(30:38):
constantly.
And as you imagine.
Giving the event a differentinterpretation, the feeling
completely shifts.
You realize that just becauseyou felt I'm not good enough,
that doesn't prove the belief istrue.
Cassaandra (30:53):
Yeah.
Blake Lefkoe (30:54):
Interpretation the feeling changes.
Cassaandra (30:56):
Right.
Blake Lefkoe (30:58):
Felt.
It doesn't prove it's true.
The feeling came from themeaning you gave the events, not
the events itself.
That's typically enough.
Every once in a while someonegets a little stuck and we do
one more step where I sayimagine you're switched at birth
and you grew up in a differenthouse.
You are still you.
Everything about you is the samesame wants and desires what you
(31:21):
like, what you don't like.
Right, you're you, but you grewup with two super supportive
parents and when you come homewith a bad grade, they go.
Yeah, math is hard.
How can we help you?
What do you need?
You need a tutor, can we?
What can we do to support you?
Because math is hard.
Numbers are great, you knowsometimes it makes sense to us.
(31:42):
You know, when you clean yourroom and you go, wow, great job,
but I'm going to teach you a.
And you clean your room and yougo, wow, great job, but I'm
going to teach you a trick room.
And you do this thing, it feelsso nice in here, right, like if
you just do this other littlething or whatever it is, you
know you're supported and you'renot criticized in a way where
it's teaching.
Hey, let me help you, let megive you this trick, let me show
(32:05):
you a great way to do this.
You do it whatever way worksfor you, but I'm going to just
teach you a little bit, becausethat's what parents are here for
.
And as you grow up in thisenvironment, do you still feel
I'm not good enough?
People say, no, of course, not.
Right, that's the truth aboutyou.
If that's who you are, youcan't change it.
We can't change facts, can'tchange the truth about you,
(32:27):
right?
Two plus two is four.
It doesn't matter what language, what color, where it is.
We can't change it.
It's a fact.
Right, you in a differentenvironment and that belief is
no longer the truth.
It doesn't even make senseanymore.
It'd be a fact about who youare.
Cassaandra (32:43):
Wow, You're like yeah.
Blake Lefkoe (32:45):
And then and through one of those three steps
, it just it's gone.
And you see the shift in people, like their energy changes,
their expression changes.
I had a client that like it wasso beautiful, it looked like
10,000 pounds rolled off hershoulders and she sat up
straighter and her whole facechanged and like I got all teary
(33:07):
eyed it was so moving and likeshe went back into her life
after eliminating this onebelief.
That completely shifted how sheshowed up for her, how she
interpreted things, because whenwe believe we're not good
enough, that's what we look foreverywhere.
Oh, I got fired.
(33:27):
There's another example.
Oh I didn't get the job.
There's another example.
Oh my kid talked back to me.
There's another exampleHusband's mad at me.
There it is again right.
Cassaandra (33:37):
Right.
Blake Lefkoe (33:38):
When you get rid of that belief, all of a sudden
those things start showing updifferently.
It's like you take off theglasses of the eye.
And now you're able to be likewow, my kids.
Really frustrated.
He doesn't have the skills andtools to express himself.
It doesn't mean he doesn'trespect me because I'm not good
enough.
He actually feels safe enoughin my presence to express
(34:00):
himself.
Okay, you know, it feelsdifferent.
Oh, I got I lost this job.
Yeah, Maybe there's somethingbetter out there for me.
Maybe I was stuck here in thisuniverse providing me with
opportunity.
And when you get rid of thesebeliefs, you literally create
space for other things to showup in the world and you're able
(34:23):
to perceive and experiencedifferently so how long does it
take you to work?
Cassaandra (34:30):
and maybe every individual is different because
we have these old patterns andso daily you probably say, okay,
you have to do this every day,you have to think about this
every day.
When you start saying I don'tknow if I can do that, then it's
time to shift.
You tell your clients, okay toshift and and put a different
(34:51):
perspective on it.
So another how does?
How do you sustain what you are?
Blake Lefkoe (34:57):
it's gone it's gone, really no, having to
remind yourself there's no.
Oh, I have to switch myperspective.
I have to think about thisdifferently.
When you eliminate a belief, itis gone and it is such a
powerful thing to experience,yeah, I mean.
Yeah, that's it like there.
There's no integration, there'sno.
(35:18):
Oh, I have to.
You know, and I've had clientssay, okay, I need a need, a
couple of weeks to let thissettle and I say whatever works
for you, but it's gone, it's notcoming back.
You know we can work again nextweek.
There's, there's, no like.
Your brain isn't, doesn't taketime to rewire itself.
You're just, you're creatingnew pathways and and sometimes
(35:41):
I'll, you know, say, hey, take aday, take two, and then
schedule with me.
And sometimes I'll say, hey,take a day, take two and then
schedule with me.
And within a day or two,they're always like, oh my God,
yeah, you're right, I want tojust work.
Cassaandra (35:49):
Next, week Wow, that is amazing, really incredible
thing.
Blake Lefkoe (35:53):
Another really incredible thing about this is
it's not like therapy.
You don't just come back, youknow what.
I mean Five sessions for a lotof patterns is enough.
You get to where you want to go.
You are.
You freed yourself from thispattern?
You're stuck in people thathave a lot of trauma, a lot of
(36:14):
patterns, addiction, depression.
It takes more and everyone'sdifferent.
I've I've had people withreally severe alcoholism
depression couldn't hold a job,couldn't hold relationship, and
we worked for I don't even knowthat we had 10 sessions.
(36:37):
Wow, and he kept it.
He came in one day and he waslike Blake, I have nothing to
work on.
Nothing stresses me out anymore.
My life is still chaotic, right, I'm like still, but I know
that it's going to be okay.
It doesn't.
It just doesn't stress me out.
Like I don't have to drink andeven like his relationship with
(36:58):
money changed.
We work on money.
Yeah, like I'm starting to savemoney and I'm you know this job
I would have walked out on.
I'm able to stay in and it'snot a problem anymore.
I'm actually like learning howto enjoy it.
And he said he ran into his exwife and she didn't even
recognize him.
She was just like your energyis so different you looked
(37:19):
different.
So you know everyone's different.
I have a client that we do fivebeliefs a session.
Easy, you do five sessions,five beliefs every session.
She comes in and eliminatesfive beliefs every, just super
fast.
Okay, it's like I want to doone belief and I want to talk a
(37:39):
lot and I want to just do thisand do that and I just I want to
do one belief and I'm happy andthat's enough for me and I'll
see you next week.
So everyone's different.
Um, but it is, it's not.
It's not a long-term thing.
Cassaandra (37:56):
Wow, you sound like a miracle worker.
Blake Lefkoe (38:02):
I think that is amazing that there's always more
stuff to work on.
Like I have a mentor that youknow we we trade every other
week.
I work with her, she works withme, and you find those little
idiosyncrasies and you know I'mstill feeling stuck here, I'm
still triggered by this, or Istill feel kind of needy here,
(38:24):
or there's resistance,resistance here.
So there's always more stuff todo.
But in terms of the bigpatterns, like where people are
really stuck, you get rid of thebeliefs contributing to those
patterns and those go away andI'll have clients that'll reach
back out and be like gosh, youknow I'm I'm experiencing anger
with my kids.
I'm like, yeah, well, let'swork on that and you get rid of
(38:44):
you.
You know I'm powerless and whatmakes me powerful is having
people listen to me or being incontrol.
Wow, there's a sense ofpowerlessness there.
So you get rid of the sense ofpowerless and the anger
dissipates and you're able toshow up.
Cassaandra (39:03):
So what you do can create lasting change oh,
absolutely that is amazing.
Oh my gosh.
Um, that, that's incredible.
That's incredible.
I could, um, let me ask you areyou able to work with your son
(39:26):
Like do you see things when yourson like patterns that, um, you
know, as he gets older, maystick, or?
Blake Lefkoe (39:36):
how, when I was little yeah, I think I was, I
don't know, six or seven yearsold and we went to this carnival
, yeah, and it was reallycrowded, and a woman put her
cigarette out on my arm and Istarted crying and she yelled at
me and she said watch whereyou're going.
(39:57):
So my parents took me, we left,we went to the parking lot and
I was crying and whateverhappened two months later,
however long.
We went to another event and Iwas crying and whatever happened
two months later, however long.
We went to another event and itwas crowded and I was terrified
and my parents, what's going on?
And I was like I don't likecrowds, crowds are dangerous, I
don't want to be here.
And my dad took me aside and hesaid okay, where did you get the
(40:20):
idea that crowds are dangerous?
And I said when that womanburned me with a cigarette he
said okay said okay, what'sanother?
And all we did was alternativeinterpretations, what's another
way?
Some crowds are dangerous.
Crowds where people are smokingcigarettes are dangerous.
That specific crowd wasn'tdangerous.
Something scary happened, butyou were right so we just with
(40:41):
other ways to describe thoseevents, and he said so, is it
the truth that all crowds aredangerous?
And I said yes, and the feardissipated and it was gone and I
didn't remember that thathappened.
They told me about it later,but I've never had it with
crowds.
Yeah, so I've done it with myson, not the whole process, not
(41:04):
the no meeting, but we were atthe store once and he was like
oh my gosh, I always makeeverybody late for everything
all the time.
Yeah, I could see how you feelthat.
And I was like well, what else?
And I was like you know, do youwear a watch?
He was like no, and I was likewell, maybe is it possible that
(41:31):
when you're younger and youdon't have a good sense of time,
you make people late for things.
But when you get older and youstart wearing a watch and you
have a better sense of time,that won't be true anymore.
And he's like yeah, yeah,totally.
And I was like do you makeeverybody late for things?
Like, are your teachers late?
But he was like well, no, and Iwas like and are we late to
everything all?
Cassaandra (41:47):
the time.
Blake Lefkoe (41:47):
He goes no, just some things some of the time and
I was like, okay, and whatabout this, and what about this?
And I was like, so is it thetruth that you make everybody
late for everything all the time?
No, that doesn't even makesense.
Wow, no, you can, you know youdo, you can do those little
things with, especially withkids, right, just give them
(42:09):
other ways to to hold that sureenough sure query to believe.
For 40 years takes takes a lotof time.
Cassaandra (42:18):
That's absolutely, absolutely but even people go.
Blake Lefkoe (42:21):
This is so deeply ingrained and I'm like, yeah,
you've had it for a long time,but that doesn't mean that we
can't get rid of it.
Yeah, that's good, justsomething that you know.
When you realize it's not outthere in the world, you go oh my
God, I can't see it.
I can't see it out in the world.
Where has it been for all theseyears?
Oh my God, it's been in my head.
I've been carrying that aroundwith me this whole time.
Cassaandra (42:45):
That's amazing.
So, blake, I could talk to youeven longer, but we can't Now
remember.
In the beginning I talked aboutmy listeners, and these are for
individuals to unlock.
You know their full potentialand their stuff, they, they.
Some may want to write a book,some may want to change jobs,
(43:08):
get out of a relationship.
Some may want to change jobs,get out of a relationship.
Could you, in this short periodof time because then I'm going
to ask you, how can they get,how can my listeners get in
touch with you?
But how can you talk to them tochange their perspective?
Like you know, because this ismy thing, I know that we're all
(43:32):
here for something, for a reason, and it doesn't mean that we
won't have trials andtribulations.
We will.
But I'm so gung ho aboutindividuals living their life as
it was ordained to live and alot of people I know, based on
doing your reading, how, in thebeginning, you were like, well,
I wasn't fulfilled, I didn'tfeel right, I knew something was
(43:54):
wrong, and I would love peopleto get out of that pattern, to
know.
Some of them know what it isthat they have to do and want to
do, but they're like stuck.
How would you talk to themabout, as we're wrapping up,
about how they could get unstuckand you can pick a certain
(44:16):
thing, sure well, I have.
Blake Lefkoe (44:18):
I have a tool that I I can give you, so the most
profound way that I have foundis just eliminating the beliefs
that keep you stuck and you giveyourself freedom, right, but a
really amazing tool and theyactually they teach a course in
this in the lefkoe institute.
It's called the occurringcourse and it's amazing, it's
(44:40):
called the freedom course.
It's like, it's such a neat.
So the idea is we giveeverything meaning all the time.
Cassaandra (44:48):
Okay.
Blake Lefkoe (44:48):
Right.
So you go to the store and youknow the woman there doesn't
smile at you and you go.
Oh she's.
She's mad at me.
I didn't know she doesn't likeme.
And now you're upset, Right,Stop.
Stop when you get upset and inthe beginning, start with little
things, break yourself into thebig ones, right?
(45:10):
What meaning am I giving thisevent?
I'm giving this, so the eventis she didn't smile.
That's the event.
That's what we can see.
That's actually real.
Okay, meaning I'm giving it.
I'm giving it a meaning thatshe's mad at me or she doesn't
(45:30):
like me, right?
What else could it mean?
Could mean she's having a badday.
Could mean she has a headache.
Could mean she's fighting withher husband.
Could mean her dog just died.
Could mean maybe she is upsetwith you, but that doesn't mean
you're not likable or there'ssomething wrong with you or that
you did something wrong, right,it doesn't mean anything.
And when you realize the meaningyou're giving that event is not
the truth, it's one possibleinterpretation that meaning
(45:54):
dissipates and then so does thefeeling, and you start doing
that with all kinds of things,especially after right.
Sometimes, in the moment it canbe difficult.
You can train yourself, butwhen you're in bed at night and
you can't sleep because you'relike, oh man, that guy cut me
off, yeah, such a whatever andthat thing you're thinking about
(46:16):
, that's keeping you awake rightwhat meaning am I giving that
event?
you know, my kids not listeningto me.
I'm giving it the meaning theydon't respect me yes so now I'm
angry.
Well, what else.
It means they respect me enoughto say how they feel, they feel
safe enough around me to talkback and to tell me what's going
(46:41):
on in their mind, right, right,this could mean that could mean
all these things.
Do I know for sure that theydon't respect me because of this
?
No, it doesn't mean anything,and when you can let go of the
meaning, the feeling changes.
Cassaandra (46:58):
Okay.
Blake Lefkoe (46:59):
You can do it with everything.
Right, the meaning we giveevents are what cause our
emotion, it's not the eventsthemselves.
One example right, you'rewalking down the street and you
see a man.
That is the event.
Give that event the meaning.
Oh my God, he could hurt me.
(47:20):
How do you feel it is real?
Why, on the street, you seethat same man and you go oh,
there's a big man here.
I'm nobody's gonna mess with me, because that guy's right here
yeah you feel safe right youwalk down the street, you see
that same man.
You go, man, he's pretty hot andhe's so excited yeah you walk
(47:46):
down the street and you go oh,there's a man there.
There's no feeling, right?
yes completely differentemotions from the exact same
event.
It's the meaning we give thatevent that causes our emotions.
Start touching yourself andseeing what meaning am I giving.
That's producing this negativeemotion.
(48:08):
And what else could it mean?
I got fired, yeah.
Could mean I'm not good enough.
Could mean there's somethingwrong with me.
Could mean there's somethingbetter coming and I was stuck in
this job and I would havemissed this opportunity, right?
Could mean this doesn'tactually align with what I'm
doing.
Could mean a million things.
(48:29):
We don't know for sure that itmeans anything about you, right,
that's good, and you give it adifferent meaning, that that
negative emotion just dissipates.
Cassaandra (48:41):
Wow, that's good, blake.
You're helping me too, I feellike even though you said it's
not therapy, but I'm feelingthis thing.
This is real good.
I'm putting myself in somesituations that I'm having these
limiting beliefs, so that'shelping me a lot and I
appreciate it.
How can my listeners get intouch with you?
Blake Lefkoe (49:05):
So my website and my email are just my name.
My email is BlakeLefkoe atgmailcom.
My website is Blake LefkoecomB-L-A-K-E-L-E -F, as in Frank
K-O-E.
Cassaandra (49:22):
Okay.
Blake Lefkoe (49:23):
And on the website you can click a link for a free
.
It says 15 minutes, but they'reusually 30, but a free
consultation.
Cassaandra (49:32):
Okay.
Blake Lefkoe (49:32):
Tell me what your patterns are, what's going on,
how I can help you know andanything you want I can help you
.
You can explain any questionsor doubts you have and it's just
time for you.
Whatever you need in that time,okay, and if you want to book a
session, then we go from there.
(49:53):
There's also a link to justbook an hour session.
If okay, then I know I wantthis.
Cassaandra (50:00):
Right, and and listeners.
All of this is going to also goin the show notes as well, and
I am confident, like that you'regoing to hear from some people,
because I think this session orI don't want to say session,
but this podcast, this type oftopic breaking free from
limiting beliefs is what we allhave.
(50:20):
We all have limiting beliefs,and if you're sick and tired of
them and you're ready tomitigate them so that you can
move forward in your life, thisis something that individuals
need to hear.
Blake Lefkoe (50:32):
Thank you, so much for having me, Cassandra.
This has been really fun.
Cassaandra (50:36):
Yeah, and I thank you.
And something, Blake I alwaystell my listeners bye for now.
And also to please share thispodcast with individuals that
you know that this will blessthem.
You know that they're stuckbecause they just can't get out
of their way, and this issomething that's going to really
(50:57):
help them get out of their way.
So again, Blake, thank you andbye for now.
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