September 18, 2025 • 48 mins
Love alchemist Sanaiya Gurnamal reveals why high-achieving women struggle to find love and how healing inner "love blocks" can transform relationship patterns.
• The common denominator in disappointing relationships is ourselves, not our partners
• Five love blocks prevent healthy relationships: commitment phobias, people pleasers, runaway brides, caretakers, and memory chasers
• Childhood experiences and past relationships shape our love blocks and relationship patterns
• Self-love is essential for attracting rather than chasing relationships
• High-achieving women don't need to downplay their success to find love
• Healing techniques like Theta Healing can release negative beliefs instantly
• Creating a clear vision for the relationship you want helps manifest it
• Energetic alignment is crucial for maintaining love in long-term relationships
• The most important relationship you'll ever have is with yourself
Take Sanaiya's Love Blocks Quiz at SanaiyaGurnamal.com/love-blocks-quiz to discover which patterns might be holding you back.
Get ready to break free from obstacles and live life on your terms!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Cassandra (00:00):
welcome to Is your Way, in your Way, and I'm your
(00:05):
host.
My name is CassandraCrawley-Mayo and I'd like to
welcome those new listeners outthere.
And just for the new listeners,just so you're aware, this is
the the title is actually thename of my book, and so we're
gonna this is gonna.
It's a podcast that we're gonnareally get honest about what's
(00:25):
holding us back, what's holdingus back from our dreams a new
job, getting a real estatelicense, finding a loved one,
getting out of toxicrelationships, a promotion.
So we're going to start, we'regoing to talk about that and
these podcasts I'm hopeful andprayerful it's going to help us
(00:48):
get free.
Today's episode is for everywoman who has ever felt unseen,
unchosen and unsure why lovehasn't landed yet.
And my guest, sanaiya Gurnamal,is a love alchemist and a
(01:11):
relationship reinvention coachhere to share how real, how real
love begins with real healing.
So, whether you're single,searching, divorced, wanting to
remarry, healing from aheartbreak, or ready to become
the woman your future partnerspartners been praying for not
(01:34):
partners, but partner have beenpraying for this one's for you.
So I don't want you to missthis, so let's get into it.
So I don't want you to missthis, so let's get into it.
And to me, I know this is goingto be a game changing
conversation, so you need toshare with your friends.
(01:59):
Call somebody and say hey, textsomebody real quick and say I
think you need to hear this.
Or, if you don't have time todo that, you are going to share
this when the podcast is overand I'd like to welcome Sanaiya
to the.
That you are going to sharethis when the podcast is over
and I'd like to welcome Sanayato the stage.
Hello Sanaiya, how are youtoday?
Sanaiya (02:12):
I'm good, cassandra.
Thank you so much for having me, and I am so excited about what
we're going to talk about.
Cassandra (02:19):
I am too, because the title of our message today and
this was always something Iwould resonate with me for years
the Real Reason why You'reStill Single.
Now that's the name of ourpodcast today.
What's the real reason?
So now, ladies, you can see whyI am super excited about this
(02:40):
conversation coming up, becauseI know many of you would like to
know.
But now, before we get into theconversation, I'd like to read
Sanaiya's bio, because this isgoing to help you get an
understanding of what I wouldsay would qualifies her to talk
about this.
What qualifies her to be asoulmate magnet?
(03:01):
Oh, anyway, she's.
As I indicated, she's known asthe love alchemist.
She's a relationship powerhousereinvention coach who helps
high achieving women transformpast heartbreak into lasting
love.
As the creator of the soulmatemagnet program creator of the
(03:24):
Soulmate Magnet Program andshe's also the host of the
Spotify Top 50 Podcast ProjectLoving Myself.
She empowers women to stopchasing love and start
attracting it by healing fromwithin.
With credentials from theUniversity of Pennsylvania,
mindvalley and Theta Healing,sanaya blends science, spirit
(03:45):
and strategy to help women callin their soulmates and live a
life powered by self-love.
She's been featured on CNN,cosmopolitan and Tatler.
She's a global voice forturning self-worth into so deep
love.
Man.
Now you can see why I'm superexcited about this.
(04:06):
And before we, you know, beforeshe came on, before we came on
live, I was telling her that Iused to always ask that question
why am I still single?
What's going on, you know?
And I used to always say youattract who you are like, oh my
gosh, you're kidding me.
Well, I'm not attractinganything really great.
So then I was like well, Idefinitely you're kidding me.
(04:26):
Well, I'm not attractinganything really great.
So then I was like well, Idefinitely have some issues.
So we're going to talk aboutthis Now.
Sanaiya, what in yourbackground or history prompted
you to want to do this type ofwork?
Where did this come from?
Sanaiya (04:41):
Yeah, great question.
Honestly, cassandra, I was awoman, just like you, asking
those questions.
What's wrong with me?
Cassandra (04:49):
Why is?
Sanaiya (04:50):
my love life such a mess.
I mean, I had my career covered, I had a great education.
In my eyes, I was a great catchright, I was never going for me
, never going for me.
And yet I was constantlydisappointed, betrayed, unsure,
confused.
I mean, you name it.
(05:16):
I'm sure you resonate with this, as well as your listeners that
I just didn't feel the same wayin my love life as I did in
every other aspect of my life.
And of course you know, nomatter what I was doing, I was
always back where I started, atsquare one, not anywhere in my
love life.
And it took me, you know, yearsand years of just really
(05:38):
disappointing relationships tofinally discover that the
problem wasn't outside of me, itwas me.
And that is where my journeystarted.
Cassandra (05:50):
Wow.
So it sounds like that issuereally bothered you.
It bothered you enough for youto say you know what I'm going
to make this my career.
So what trajectory did you taketo be what I will call an
expert in this?
Sanaiya (06:10):
area, absolutely.
So let me go back a littlefurther.
I got into this kind of work,cassandra, which is healing,
coaching, supporting people.
I started a wellbeing center in2008 in Dubai.
Cassandra (06:33):
We have a technical problem.
She was frozen, but we'll beback.
She's going to have toreconnect and I believe it's
acting like this because itdoesn't want you to hear what
she has to say, because I thinka lot of you are going to have a
breakthrough as a result ofthis.
(06:54):
So, in the meantime, I'm goingto talk until she gets back.
I see that she's on mute andshe's trying hard to get back,
that she's on mute and she'strying hard to get back.
Well, you know, I too had thischallenge, as she indicated that
she had it as well, and as aresult of that, I know you do
too, and she's back.
(07:17):
I was going to tell you all astory, but maybe I didn't
supposed to, so go right ahead.
Sanaiya (07:21):
Sanaiya, my apologies.
I was just saying, cassandra,that I came from the corporate
world and it was through my ownspontaneous healing that I
discovered oh my God, there's somuch more out there.
And I started working withpeople long before my love life
was giving me problems.
I was already working withpeople through coaching, healing
(07:42):
.
I was doing certificationsafter certifications because I
realized that corporate wasn'tmaking me happy anymore and I
wanted something more.
Now I started working on myrelationship with my parents, my
relationship with myself.
So I was doing work around lovenot quite on love until it got
(08:05):
to a point where I started tonotice that I was repeating
these really negative patternsin my love life.
And so that was my, you couldsay, turning point, when I
discovered that it was self-lovethat was missing in my
relationships, that the issuewasn't everybody else but it was
(08:27):
me, and I started to takecontrol of my own love life and
I did the inner work that Ineeded to do to heal myself
Right, so that I could bring amuch more empowered loving
version of myself into myrelationships, to my
(08:49):
relationships.
And literally a month after Idid a soulmate manifestation.
I met someone at a wedding andhe proposed a month later and I
said, yes, it was like theshortest relationship I'd ever
had in my life, but it took meabout two years of healing to
get to a point where I was readyto really open my heart to a
relationship.
We got married five monthslater and we've been married for
(09:09):
15 years, three kids later.
And so, really, my own journey,coupled with my um, my desire
to help other women strugglingwith the same thing and, of
course, my expertise expertisein coaching and healing and
especially helping women attracttheir soulmates is how this
(09:29):
became the focus of my work.
Cassandra (09:32):
Yeah, now you said something interesting.
When you were doing your yoursoul work, work, this is when
you met someone that was at awedding.
You all immediately connected.
He did I'm not sure about you,did it take you a while?
Obviously, it really didn'ttake a long time for you to get
(09:53):
married five months after that,but was he kind of struggling
with the same thing?
Because you know, we say weattract who we are?
What was going on in his lifeduring that time?
Sanaiya (10:07):
Absolutely so.
I totally believe that weattract who we are.
What was going on in his lifeduring that time?
Absolutely so, I totallybelieve that we attract who we
are.
But I often notice is we don'tattract the same kind of person.
Their issue might be a littlebit different.
So while I was struggling withself love and it showed up in my
relationships my partner hadstruggled with confidence and he
had actually lost his fatherwhen he was four years old and
(10:30):
had grown up feeling a lack oflove.
So we both came from a lack oflove, but it manifested in
different ways in our life.
Now, when we met each other, wewere both at this point in our
life where we were looking forsomething a lot more real, and
we found it in each other.
Cassandra (10:48):
What a beautiful story, sanaiya, when you were
growing up, because you know, Ihad I'm from corporate as well
for years and I had the samestruggles as you getting in
unhealthy relationships or Iwould say emotionally
unavailable relationships and itgot so to the point where I
(11:11):
knew that it had to be somethingwith me.
And I also found out that muchof it had to do with how I grew
up.
You know what my parentsbehavior was and how they grew
up.
Not that I'm blaming them.
I did in the beginning like howdare them to be like that?
Now, that's, you know, I'm like, so that's on me as well.
Now, how am I going to getthrough that?
(11:32):
Well, you did.
You think a lot of it came fromhow you grew up.
Sanaiya (11:37):
Yeah, absolutely, Cassandra.
I actually grew up watching myparents struggle in their
relationship, struggle in theirmarriage.
They were always looking forthe other person to make them
feel more whole, more complete,to meet their needs, to fulfill
their expectations of each other.
And, as you know, in asituation like that no one ends
(11:58):
up happy.
And you know, growing up inthat environment, I witnessed
love be difficult, be you know,something that caused more pain
than happiness.
And as much as I grew up intothis young woman who wanted it
(12:19):
all, I wanted that specialsomeone.
I wanted the partner and thechildren and the happily ever
after.
You know, I grew up on Disneymovies.
I grew up with the wrong moms.
I thought I just had to grow upand that person would just walk
into my life.
And of course, that was thefurthest from the truth.
(12:39):
It turned out that I wantedlove, I wanted a relationship,
but deep down inside I wasafraid of it.
I was afraid of commitmentbecause I had seen the struggles
that my own parents had gonethrough, and to add to that I
had friends who had struggledwith relationships.
I had relatives who had beenthrough some very traumatic
(13:02):
relationships.
So all I was proving to myselfon a subconscious level, is that
love is hard.
You know, love is painful.
And so as much as I wanted it onthe outside.
I was actually protectingmyself from love, I was pushing
it away, I was sabotaging it and, more often than not, I was
(13:24):
finding myself attracted toemotionally unavailable people,
people with commitment issues,which is convenient, because if
you're afraid of love, then youhave to find someone who's
emotionally unavailable andafraid of commitment.
Because, then you're safe, it'snever going to turn into, you
know, a forever kind of loveit's never going to turn into,
(13:45):
you know, a forever kind of love, exactly.
Cassandra (13:48):
Oh, okay, I just got an epiphany, huh, so I was
afraid of love.
Sanaiya (13:58):
Yeah, yeah, that that was my epiphany, cassandra.
Like I remember, I went to ahealing retreat and I was doing
inner child work, so I was doinga lot of work on, you know, the
traumatized child and my ownfears and so on, and it just
literally it was an epiphany.
I had this moment where I said,wait a minute.
In every single failed toxicrelationship there's one common
denominator it's not them, it'sme.
(14:19):
I'm the one who keeps findingmyself in the same situation and
I'm always disappointed, I'malways let down and I'm always
just not happy.
So I can't really blame them,it must be me.
And that was the moment.
It was like.
That was the moment I took mypower from the situation and I
(14:42):
realized that, oh my God, ifI've created all of this, then I
must be able to do the workthat will allow me to completely
change the kind of people I'mattracting, the kind of
relationships I find myself in.
And that was the start oflearning to love myself,
accepting myself and reallygetting to a point, cassandra,
(15:04):
where I didn't need a partner.
I didn't need anyone to make mefeel whole or complete or not
lonely anymore.
I got to a point where it waslike I actually love myself, I'm
in a relationship with me andbecause of that I'm completely
fine.
(15:25):
I don't need anyone else.
And literally that's when I wasat a wedding, met my husband
over a four day you know Indian,bollywood style wedding.
We danced all night had thisconnection and that was it.
You know, that was how it allkind of turned out, wow.
Cassandra (15:46):
That sounds so romantic, that that sounds so
good and I don't think any womanon that's listening a lot of
what you said they've heardbefore.
And the difficult part is andI'm going to ask you this before
I ask you the other questionAre you still working on loving
(16:07):
yourself?
Is that a work in progress?
Is that still going on?
Sanaiya (16:13):
I think it is a constant commitment to loving
yourself.
So I don't want to say it's awork in progress.
I would like to say that I amconstantly committing and
recommitting to myself.
Which I think is just asimportant when you're in a
relationship with someone elseis to constantly commit and
(16:35):
recommit to the relationship.
In the same way, I'm constantlycommitting and recommitting to
myself.
Every day, I look for momentsto strengthen that connection
with myself, to ask myself thequestions that I need, to make
better choices, to be withmyself.
So I'm learning every day moreabout myself, I'm discovering
(16:58):
more of who I am and I amenjoying that journey of, you
know, being in this relationshipwith myself of being in this
relationship with myself.
Okay, so the other question ishow in the world do you do that?
Great question Now to answerthat?
To answer that, cassandra, Ihave to tell you a little bit
(17:22):
about love blocks.
Okay, so I've worked with over5,000 women and it turns out
there's some pretty similarjourneys that most women who are
struggling with love end uptaking.
You could call it fivedifferent, you know, scenarios,
pathways.
I call them love blocks, andwhat I found is that these five
(17:47):
different blocks show up in ourlove lives over and over again,
and if we don't deal with them,if we don't overcome them, if we
don't heal them, it's verydifficult to end up in a healthy
, you know, loving relationshipwith someone.
So this is something we have toget through Now.
(18:08):
These five different blockshave very different
characteristics and require adifferent type of approach.
So we talked about the one thatprobably you and I share, which
is the commitment phobia, right?
So, you attract emotionallyunavailable partners.
You're actually afraid ofcommitment and so you put it on
(18:30):
someone else.
Right, it's their fault,they're the ones with the
commitment issue, but deep down,it's you.
That's the kind of people youpick Right.
So there's the commitment phobe.
Then there's the people pleaser.
The people pleaser is a verydifferent personality.
The people pleaser thinks thatthey need to earn love, that
they need to make the otherperson more important.
Their entire life needs torevolve around the other person.
(18:53):
They almost don't have theirown identity because the other
person has taken over Right andlose themselves in the
relationship.
Now, a people pleaser is likelya child that had to earn love.
Even as a child, like, they hadto get good grades, they had to
be obedient, they had to docertain things and they learned
(19:16):
that the only way they would getloved by their parents or their
caregivers would be to do whatwas expected of them.
Okay, and so they grew up doingthat, right Right.
Then the third one is the.
This is the runaway bride.
I named it after a JuliaRoberts movie where she gets to
(19:39):
the altar and then she runs, shebolts on a horse.
So the runaway bride is someonethat's been through a lot of
relationship pain.
So, they're afraid of love.
So every time theirrelationship gets to the next
step, they'll sabotage it.
They'll find a way or an excusefor why they should kind of
pull away, or or they shouldkind of slow down a little bit,
(20:01):
like they're afraid to get tothe next step, they're afraid to
get closer.
They're afraid of beingvulnerable.
Because they've been hurt somany times, they don't even
trust love and they definitelydon't trust their partner right.
So that's the runaway pride.
The fourth one is the caretaker.
This is when you're alwayscaring for everyone else that
(20:24):
there's no time to focus on yourlove life.
So, maybe as a child you had amother who was unwell or had
mental health challenges, so youbecame the caretaker of your
mother.
It could be that you were thecaretaker of your siblings
because your parents wereworking.
It could be that you just tookon that role because it was
(20:46):
necessary in your family dynamic, and so you grew up being the
kind of person who's alwaystaking care of everyone else at
the cost or expense of yourself,and you usually find partners
who you have to take care of forsome reason, and when they
don't need you anymore, theyleave you.
Cassandra (21:05):
So you're just the caretaker, so say that when they
say that again, if they don'tneed you anymore.
Sanaiya (21:11):
So you take care of them.
You might nurse them back towhatever health or whatever it
is, and then they don't need youanymore.
They're fine now, and they'reprobably going to leave you
because they don't need thecaretaker anymore.
Right the other way thatmanifests is you might have, for
example, aging parents or youhave some financial debts to pay
(21:33):
for the family.
Basically, you have aresponsibility that doesn't
allow you to focus on your ownlove life.
Because, you're the caretaker.
That's your role.
Cassandra (21:43):
Yes.
Sanaiya (21:44):
And the final block is the memory chaser.
This is someone who's stuck inthe past, so you might have that
one relationship that got away,or the you know in your head.
The ship has sailed.
I missed that one opportunity.
That was the best I could havegotten.
Or you're clinging on to thisrelationship that ended.
(22:04):
You're constantly comparing newpartners to the old one and you
just can't move forward becauseyou're constantly looking over
your shoulder at the past.
Cassandra (22:15):
Okay.
Sanaiya (22:16):
So if you're stuck, then you just you're kind of
replaying the X, the Xrelationship, the X partnership,
Just don't give new love achance.
So these are the five blocksNow.
Each block has been shaped bychildhood experiences and events
, your relationship, history,and there could be other
(22:40):
influences as well.
So the first thing that I helppeople do is identify which
block are they operating from.
Cassandra (22:48):
Right.
Sanaiya (22:48):
And it's not.
It's not normally like I'm.
I only have this one block.
It's usually a combination withothers, but there's one that
tends to be more dominant andthat's the one that basically
can unlock your entire you knowlove life.
So I help them identify that Ihave a quiz that tells you right
away which you know love life.
(23:09):
So I help them identify that.
I have a quiz that tells youright away which blocks you have
, which then you know gives youan understanding of why you're
attracting certain kinds ofrelationship experiences.
And then there's a process ofjust going back and healing and
letting go and doing forgivewhat, whatever inner work is
(23:29):
specific your love block RightAlong the journey.
I emphasize self-love as beingone of the most important um
ways to uh stop chasing afterlove and start attracting it,
cause when you love yourself,you recognize your value.
You recognize your value, yourecognize your worth.
(23:49):
You know someone would be luckyto have someone like you right,
so you don't have to run afterlove.
You just allow it to come to you.
And finally, I think it's alsovery important to have a very
clear vision for the kind ofrelationship you want right, a
(24:10):
very clear vision for the kindof relationship you want right.
So I help people really designthe vision that feels true to
who they are, what they want,what their values are.
You know what they want theirrelationship to look like and so
really getting extremely cleardown to how do you handle money,
how do you fight Like, what arethe different ways a
(24:30):
relationship could you know?
How would you like it to lookfor you?
And so I take people throughthis process of self discovery
healing and self love and thenhelping them realize the vision
for the relationship they want.
I end with a very powerfulsoulmate manifestation which
(24:53):
blends spiritual healing withmanifestation techniques and and
voila.
Usually within a certain spanof time, you know, usually
within a certain span of time,you know, people start
attracting partners and oftenend up with the vision that they
(25:15):
actually created with me, likenow.
Cassandra (25:19):
Wow, that is good Interesting for us to be talking
about this.
I was speaking with someoneearlier today for us to be
talking about this.
I was speaking with someoneearlier today and one of the
things she said to me is youknow, when you were single, you
attracted so many men.
(25:40):
I'm like no, I said when I gotmarried, I attracted too many
men.
Why is that?
Why is it that I'm unavailableBecause I'm married, right?
So what is that about?
When it's vice versa, you know,when you're not available, you
(26:05):
attract.
Is that because that man orthat woman is the number one
block?
And that's why?
Why is that?
Sanaiya (26:15):
Are you?
Would you say you're a loyalperson, cassandra?
Like a loyal and a faithfulperson?
Yes, okay, you know that aboutyourself, right?
So attracting plenty of menwhen you are unavailable is
safer for you because you knowyou're loyal, right, and you
don't need to block that anymorebecause even if they come to
(26:39):
you, you're still going to beloyal to your partner.
So you're almost allowing themin, whereas when you were single
, you didn't allow them inbecause it wasn't safe.
So you really had a commitmentissue.
It wasn't safe to let peopleout okay, interesting.
Cassandra (27:00):
What about, um, what about?
Let's say you are married,you're happy and and you see
this and hear this a lot you'vebeen married for so many years
and you hear people say I'vefallen out of love, I'm not
really into them anymore.
(27:20):
What, what is that about?
You know, you kind of, it'skind of like you attract and and
I can see, I could actually seeme in all these blocks at one
time in my life, right, and whenthey get closer, I get further
apart.
You know, then, when they getfarther apart, I go closer.
Why is it that people fall outof love?
(27:46):
I don't know.
Maybe they weren't in love atthe first, but I don't know what
is that about.
Sanaiya (27:52):
So there's a couple of different things going on with
that.
First of all, we either growtogether in a relationship or we
grow apart, and that has a lotto do with our energy, our
vibration, our frequency.
So I'm going to get a littlescientific on you.
But we do have differentvibrations and when we share the
same values, we share the samedreams and goals, we are
(28:16):
energetically aligned.
Cassandra (28:18):
Okay.
Sanaiya (28:19):
But sometimes we make choices that pull us away from
each other, and then it does,and then we don't kind of
connect anymore.
We don't feel like thatconnection or that bond, and so
that could be a reason why youfeel you have fallen out of love
.
What has actually happened isyou have fallen out of energetic
(28:42):
alignment with each otherbecause growing in different
directions.
Cassandra (28:47):
Okay.
Sanaiya (28:48):
Okay, okay, go ahead.
When that happens, right, youcan realign and you can kind of
come back together and walk thesimilar path again.
It just requires some work,some community connection,
communication, some effort.
Now the other thing that canhappen is we are feeling
(29:13):
disconnected from ourselves.
We've actually just fallen outof love with ourselves, but
because we're not comfortablewith that feeling, we put it on
to the partner.
I've fallen out of love with mypartner, but really the real
issue is something going oninternally, somewhere we are
(29:35):
lacking, disconnected, you knowsomewhere.
There is something unresolvedor unhealed within ourselves and
so that could create this kindof disconnection or this feeling
of falling out of love withsomeone.
I think we as individuals puttoo much pressure on our
(29:58):
partners to fulfill us, to meetour needs, to be the source of
something for us.
But when you come into arelationship, cassandra, with
self-love, self-empowerment, yougive more to the relationship
than you take.
And when two people give moreto the relationship from both
(30:19):
sides, you get something reallybeautiful.
You get something reallyspecial.
Cassandra (30:25):
You get something really special, Okay, All right.
Well, the high-achieving women.
That's one of the things thatyou coach helps high-achieving
women transform.
What is it about high-achievingwomen that are challenged with
(30:46):
relationships sometimes, Is it?
You know?
They always say I got a lot todo, I travel, I do this, I don't
have the time.
Well, let's break that down alittle bit.
What's going on with those highachievers?
Sanaiya (30:57):
Yeah, one is time.
I mean it takes a lot ofcommitment and dedication to
become high achieving, to becomesuccessful, and often that
comes at again the expense ofyour love life.
Cassandra (31:14):
Okay, all right, so you have to prioritize.
Sanaiya (31:17):
You have to prioritize.
The other thing that I've seena lot with my clients is I can't
have love and career success atthe same time.
You know I have to choose.
So it's kind of this beliefsystem or this program that I
can't have it all.
I have to make a choice,Something's got to give and in
(31:38):
the case of many high achievingwomen, I can be successful at
work but not at my love life.
Cassandra (31:45):
Okay, so that's something.
Sanaiya (31:46):
I've seen come up.
Another thing that I've seencome up is, um, sometimes women
who are high achieving have todownplay their emotional needs.
They have to down downplaytheir uh, feminine energy, their
sexuality, feminine energy,their sexuality, and so that
(32:18):
part of them that is the woman,sometimes gets hidden or gets
lost in becoming this powerhouseof a woman that they are Right.
And still, in other cases,there are other responsibilities
that take priority, yeah, Okayso it might.
It's a little bit different forthe.
You know for different womenthat I've coached, but many of
(32:40):
them tell me, sanaiya, I've gotit figured out in my career, I'm
doing really well there, but mylove life is the absolute
opposite.
Cassandra (32:49):
Mm-hmm, you know that makes me Think about.
During my single years, peopleused to always say you
intimidate men and and I say,well, that's just that that's
not.
My intention was.
(33:12):
And like you just indicated,then they said you have to
downplay a bit of who you are.
You have to downplay a bit ofwho you are.
Do you think that's true inregards to high achieving, or is
it that the high achievingwoman has to know what they're
looking for and still believe Ican be who I am and still
(33:34):
attract that kind of person thatI'm looking for?
Sanaiya (33:37):
Yeah, absolutely.
I mean, look at the messageswe've grown up with, right,
you've got the damsel indistress, you know you've got.
The woman has to rely on herman.
You got to make your we've.
We've grown up with so manyinfluences that have taught us
that women are not meant to beindependent and powerful and
(33:59):
successful, and so when you areall of those things right, you
think you can't be accepted andlove the way you are.
Right, like I'm a workingmother and I still get that mom
guilt, even though I know that Idon't, I shouldn't and I don't
need to, because I am presentfor my children.
(34:21):
But yes, I'm working you know,for a good part of the day.
And so it's, it's the messaging,it's, it's what we have learned
about what society expects outof women.
And so whenever we achieve orwe succeed, those feelings of
(34:43):
you know I'm not enough or I amnot acceptable by society
standards, or I am neglectingwhatever might be your children
or your partner, all of thesethings come up.
And even for me, cassandra, Iam married to someone who really
respects my energy, reallyrespects the fact that I am high
(35:07):
achieving, that I am verydedicated and committed to my
path, my purpose, my career.
I am exactly a high achievingwoman and I get the respect and
the space from my husband, butI've had to work on being afraid
to shine brighter than him.
I've had to work on being afraidof being more successful than
(35:30):
him even though I don't believein any of those things, right,
but deep down in thesubconscious, because it has
come from my ancestors, from mymother.
My mother will say things likeshe'll come down, she'll visit
me and she'll she can't helpherself.
She doesn't mean it in anegative way, but she'll say you
work so hard, yeah.
What about the children?
Yeah.
(35:51):
Or you know, my husband willcome home and my mom's visiting
from Dubai and my husband willcome home and she'll be like,
okay, okay, go give him time.
She can't help it becausethat's how she was raised.
And so I'm getting thesemessages even now as an adult,
and it triggers these feelingsand emotions that I grew up with
(36:12):
, or these things that I believeto be true until I decided to,
you know, make different choicesor to think a different way.
So we've grown up with all ofthese messages and influences
that haven't quite allowed us,as women, to believe that we can
(36:32):
have it all.
We're still struggling with that.
Many of us are still strugglingwith that, and so what I do is
help women really step into thatpower to take, you know, to
take what they deserve, to beable to receive that as women,
we tend to give more than wereceive.
(36:53):
It's very hard for women toreceive because they're always
used to giving, to receive,because they're always used to
giving, and so that's whyself-love to me is so important
for women, because we aregenerally givers more than we
are receivers, based on yourknowledge of being a love
(37:13):
alchemist.
Cassandra (37:14):
What did you?
All of this came from?
Like the Mindvalley?
Uh, like you say, you have alot of certifications, is it?
And you went to school in pence?
Was it pennsylvania?
Sanaiya (37:28):
yep, I went to upen.
I also hold a master's inentrepreneurship.
So where I, I would say, whereI have something that I unique,
that I bring to my work, is mytheta healing certifications.
(37:48):
I have a certificate ofscience, in a healing modality
called theta healing, and I alsohave a master's of um science
and theta healing.
And this really, I would sayCassandra, is my secret
ingredient.
This is what you know, sets meapart because I really blend the
(38:09):
healing with my coachingpractices, with my coaching
structure, because one thingthat people struggle with is
changing their patterns,changing their beliefs, right,
it takes time, it takes effort,it takes commitment, but I have
found that with Theta Healing Ican help people release negative
(38:31):
beliefs instantly.
I can help people let go of painand hurt instantly and replace
it with forgiveness.
So I almost want to say that'skind of my, my edge that allows
me to help women and as as shortas you know three months to
(38:51):
actually go from single to in arelationship for life.
I've had that happenconsistently with my clients
simply because I bring in a lotof the healing work into what I
do.
Cassandra (39:03):
OK, all right yeah.
Sanaiya (39:05):
So it's really, it's mental, it's emotional, it's
energetic.
I really work with all threeaspects and integrate that all
my processes and all my programswith my clients and my students
my programs with my clients andmy students.
Cassandra (39:26):
Okay, do you have one , just one example of you
working with a client whereasemotionally you felt like, wow,
this work that I'm doing is notbeing done in vain.
Just the outcome of what you'vedone gives you the peace and
(39:47):
the joy and the knowing that Iam doing what I have been
ordained to do.
So, therefore, I have afulfilling life.
Sanaiya (39:57):
Completely.
So I have a great storyactually.
So there is a client that Iworked with who has been married
for seven years and during thepandemic that relationship
essentially fell apart becausethey had to spend all this time
together and realized that theyweren't as compatible as they
(40:21):
thought they were Right, and sothey went through a divorce.
And, um, this client, this, uh,this person, went on to be my
client and soulmate magnet.
Okay, and I worked with herthrough the program to not only
heal from her marriage, you know, to overcome the divorce, and
(40:44):
also, you know, she comes froman Asian culture, so divorce is
something very, very negativelyseen.
So, overcoming all of that, andon top of that, she lost her
mother, who she was very closeto.
So it wasn't just about thesoulmate, but it was all these
(41:07):
other things that were alsohappening in her life.
And I worked with her and sheattracted a partner after my
program.
It didn't work out, but then amonth later or a couple of
months later, she attractedsomebody else who proposed after
(41:28):
dating for two months Kind of astory very similar to mine.
He proposed after they datedfor two months and I went to the
wedding recently and honestly,they are a perfect match.
I couldn't imagine two peoplemore well suited to each other.
Cassandra (41:48):
And the crazy thing is Cassandra.
Sanaiya (41:51):
the guy she's marrying is someone I knew, maybe 15
years ago, was a friend of mine,and I don't even know how they
found each other.
It had nothing to do with me,but they're together and they
are so incredibly happy and Ican see that they are.
(42:13):
They're just so right for eachother in such a specific way.
That's good, and not only did Isee her grow, but I attended
the wedding of her and my friend, who I haven't seen in 15, you
know, for a decade.
So it just showed me that youknow when you do the work, yeah,
(42:36):
the most unexpected of ways,yeah, happen, they fall into
place and I've seen thatcassandra happen over and over
again where I'm working with myclients and it's it's to me,
it's it's like, of course, ifyou're going to clear all your
past baggage, you're going toclear all your fears, all your
trauma around love.
(42:57):
Right, you're going to learn tolove yourself and you're so
clear on what you want, thenyou're going to get there.
But the key is to be able toreally do the healing work,
really let go of everything thatis holding you back, because if
you don't do that, then you'regoing to just recreate the
pattern.
You might even get married, youmight even find your partner,
(43:19):
but then somewhere in therelationship those same patterns
sooner or later are going toshow up again.
So it really is about doing agood job of clearing whatever is
you?
know unhealed, unresolved, fromyour past.
Cassandra (43:35):
Yeah, that's a beautiful, beautiful story and
I'm certain a part of this isthat your client has to want it.
You know you can't come inthere.
Yeah Right, Let me see whatshe's going to do.
I'm not sure this is yeah Right, right, and it's all about,
like, those self limiting, thoselimiting beliefs.
(43:56):
Wow, so now, as we talked aboutbefore we came on, I'm like,
well, it could take 40 minutesor it could take three hours.
Well, we know, we can't talkthat long.
Sanaiya (44:07):
Yeah, there's so much to say, there's so much to talk
about, but I think we've done.
We've done well, we've done agood job of you know absolutely.
Cassandra (44:18):
How can my listeners get in touch with you,
particularly because everythingyou do is virtual, is that?
Sanaiya (44:24):
right.
Yes, everything I do is virtual.
I have clients all over theworld the world we know.
Thank you so much, and you canfind me on my website it's
SanayaGurnamalcom.
On all social media channelsInstagram, youtube, tiktok.
It's SanayaGurnamalcom on allsocial media channels Instagram,
youtube, tiktok.
It's Sanaya Gurnamal.
And I would also love to inviteyour listeners to take my quiz,
(44:48):
the love blocks quiz.
It's SanayaGurnamalcom.
Forward slash love dash blocksdash quiz.
And, of course, you can.
You know you'll, I know you'llput this in the show notes so
they can basically go straightto it.
And yeah, you know, drop me a DMIf you have any questions.
(45:08):
Take the quiz, learn more aboutyourself and and go for love.
You know love is the mostimportant thing in our lives.
Cassandra (45:20):
Right, right.
So let's stop that quiz again.
Is it Sanaya?
Sanaiya (45:25):
Sanaya.
It's Sanaya.
I'm going to put it in the chatfor you.
It's SanayaGurnamalcom, my fullname Forward slash.
Okay, love dash blocks, blocks.
With an X Quiz forward slashlove dash blocks, blocks with an
x quiz.
Cassandra (45:45):
Love dash blocks, dash quiz okay well, great, this
has been a phenomenalconversation, as I told my
listeners before we even gotstarted.
Is there anything next forSanaya?
Because I know this is yourmission, which you said is
simple, it's, yet it'srevolutionary, and make love
(46:07):
your power, move in love, lifeand business.
Anything else for you, my dear,as we close up close up.
Sanaiya (46:22):
Well, I am looking forward to sharing my message of
self-love to as many people asI can reach.
So I do have a book in motion.
I do have many exciting things,but I do want to leave your
listeners with the message thatthe most important relationship
you will ever have is the onewith yourself, right, and that's
(46:45):
the one that sets the tone forevery other relationship.
So love yourself first.
Cassandra (46:53):
Wow, well said, well said.
Thank you so much, sanaya again, and to all my listeners, well
said.
Thank you so much, sanaya again, and to all my listeners.
I know you know manyindividuals that would love to
hear the message that was justpresented today, so I encourage
you to share, to click,subscribe and like, and again,
(47:15):
Sanaya, thank you so much, andmy listeners I always say bye
for now and God bless you all.
Thanks again, sanaya, thank youso much, and my listeners I
always say bye for now and Godbless you all.
Thanks again, sanaya, thank you.
welcome to Is your Way, in your Way, and I'm your
(00:05):
host.
My name is CassandraCrawley-Mayo and I'd like to
welcome those new listeners outthere.
And just for the new listeners,just so you're aware, this is
the the title is actually thename of my book, and so we're
gonna this is gonna.
It's a podcast that we're gonnareally get honest about what's
(00:25):
holding us back, what's holdingus back from our dreams a new
job, getting a real estatelicense, finding a loved one,
getting out of toxicrelationships, a promotion.
So we're going to start, we'regoing to talk about that and
these podcasts I'm hopeful andprayerful it's going to help us
(00:48):
get free.
Today's episode is for everywoman who has ever felt unseen,
unchosen and unsure why lovehasn't landed yet.
And my guest, sanaiya Gurnamal,is a love alchemist and a
(01:11):
relationship reinvention coachhere to share how real, how real
love begins with real healing.
So, whether you're single,searching, divorced, wanting to
remarry, healing from aheartbreak, or ready to become
the woman your future partnerspartners been praying for not
(01:34):
partners, but partner have beenpraying for this one's for you.
So I don't want you to missthis, so let's get into it.
So I don't want you to missthis, so let's get into it.
And to me, I know this is goingto be a game changing
conversation, so you need toshare with your friends.
(01:59):
Call somebody and say hey, textsomebody real quick and say I
think you need to hear this.
Or, if you don't have time todo that, you are going to share
this when the podcast is overand I'd like to welcome Sanaiya
to the.
That you are going to sharethis when the podcast is over
and I'd like to welcome Sanayato the stage.
Hello Sanaiya, how are youtoday?
Sanaiya (02:12):
I'm good, cassandra.
Thank you so much for having me, and I am so excited about what
we're going to talk about.
Cassandra (02:19):
I am too, because the title of our message today and
this was always something Iwould resonate with me for years
the Real Reason why You'reStill Single.
Now that's the name of ourpodcast today.
What's the real reason?
So now, ladies, you can see whyI am super excited about this
(02:40):
conversation coming up, becauseI know many of you would like to
know.
But now, before we get into theconversation, I'd like to read
Sanaiya's bio, because this isgoing to help you get an
understanding of what I wouldsay would qualifies her to talk
about this.
What qualifies her to be asoulmate magnet?
(03:01):
Oh, anyway, she's.
As I indicated, she's known asthe love alchemist.
She's a relationship powerhousereinvention coach who helps
high achieving women transformpast heartbreak into lasting
love.
As the creator of the soulmatemagnet program creator of the
(03:24):
Soulmate Magnet Program andshe's also the host of the
Spotify Top 50 Podcast ProjectLoving Myself.
She empowers women to stopchasing love and start
attracting it by healing fromwithin.
With credentials from theUniversity of Pennsylvania,
mindvalley and Theta Healing,sanaya blends science, spirit
(03:45):
and strategy to help women callin their soulmates and live a
life powered by self-love.
She's been featured on CNN,cosmopolitan and Tatler.
She's a global voice forturning self-worth into so deep
love.
Man.
Now you can see why I'm superexcited about this.
(04:06):
And before we, you know, beforeshe came on, before we came on
live, I was telling her that Iused to always ask that question
why am I still single?
What's going on, you know?
And I used to always say youattract who you are like, oh my
gosh, you're kidding me.
Well, I'm not attractinganything really great.
So then I was like well, Idefinitely you're kidding me.
(04:26):
Well, I'm not attractinganything really great.
So then I was like well, Idefinitely have some issues.
So we're going to talk aboutthis Now.
Sanaiya, what in yourbackground or history prompted
you to want to do this type ofwork?
Where did this come from?
Sanaiya (04:41):
Yeah, great question.
Honestly, cassandra, I was awoman, just like you, asking
those questions.
What's wrong with me?
Cassandra (04:49):
Why is?
Sanaiya (04:50):
my love life such a mess.
I mean, I had my career covered, I had a great education.
In my eyes, I was a great catchright, I was never going for me
, never going for me.
And yet I was constantlydisappointed, betrayed, unsure,
confused.
I mean, you name it.
(05:16):
I'm sure you resonate with this, as well as your listeners that
I just didn't feel the same wayin my love life as I did in
every other aspect of my life.
And of course you know, nomatter what I was doing, I was
always back where I started, atsquare one, not anywhere in my
love life.
And it took me, you know, yearsand years of just really
(05:38):
disappointing relationships tofinally discover that the
problem wasn't outside of me, itwas me.
And that is where my journeystarted.
Cassandra (05:50):
Wow.
So it sounds like that issuereally bothered you.
It bothered you enough for youto say you know what I'm going
to make this my career.
So what trajectory did you taketo be what I will call an
expert in this?
Sanaiya (06:10):
area, absolutely.
So let me go back a littlefurther.
I got into this kind of work,cassandra, which is healing,
coaching, supporting people.
I started a wellbeing center in2008 in Dubai.
Cassandra (06:33):
We have a technical problem.
She was frozen, but we'll beback.
She's going to have toreconnect and I believe it's
acting like this because itdoesn't want you to hear what
she has to say, because I thinka lot of you are going to have a
breakthrough as a result ofthis.
(06:54):
So, in the meantime, I'm goingto talk until she gets back.
I see that she's on mute andshe's trying hard to get back,
that she's on mute and she'strying hard to get back.
Well, you know, I too had thischallenge, as she indicated that
she had it as well, and as aresult of that, I know you do
too, and she's back.
(07:17):
I was going to tell you all astory, but maybe I didn't
supposed to, so go right ahead.
Sanaiya (07:21):
Sanaiya, my apologies.
I was just saying, cassandra,that I came from the corporate
world and it was through my ownspontaneous healing that I
discovered oh my God, there's somuch more out there.
And I started working withpeople long before my love life
was giving me problems.
I was already working withpeople through coaching, healing
(07:42):
.
I was doing certificationsafter certifications because I
realized that corporate wasn'tmaking me happy anymore and I
wanted something more.
Now I started working on myrelationship with my parents, my
relationship with myself.
So I was doing work around lovenot quite on love until it got
(08:05):
to a point where I started tonotice that I was repeating
these really negative patternsin my love life.
And so that was my, you couldsay, turning point, when I
discovered that it was self-lovethat was missing in my
relationships, that the issuewasn't everybody else but it was
(08:27):
me, and I started to takecontrol of my own love life and
I did the inner work that Ineeded to do to heal myself
Right, so that I could bring amuch more empowered loving
version of myself into myrelationships, to my
(08:49):
relationships.
And literally a month after Idid a soulmate manifestation.
I met someone at a wedding andhe proposed a month later and I
said, yes, it was like theshortest relationship I'd ever
had in my life, but it took meabout two years of healing to
get to a point where I was readyto really open my heart to a
relationship.
We got married five monthslater and we've been married for
(09:09):
15 years, three kids later.
And so, really, my own journey,coupled with my um, my desire
to help other women strugglingwith the same thing and, of
course, my expertise expertisein coaching and healing and
especially helping women attracttheir soulmates is how this
(09:29):
became the focus of my work.
Cassandra (09:32):
Yeah, now you said something interesting.
When you were doing your yoursoul work, work, this is when
you met someone that was at awedding.
You all immediately connected.
He did I'm not sure about you,did it take you a while?
Obviously, it really didn'ttake a long time for you to get
(09:53):
married five months after that,but was he kind of struggling
with the same thing?
Because you know, we say weattract who we are?
What was going on in his lifeduring that time?
Sanaiya (10:07):
Absolutely so.
I totally believe that weattract who we are.
What was going on in his lifeduring that time?
Absolutely so, I totallybelieve that we attract who we
are.
But I often notice is we don'tattract the same kind of person.
Their issue might be a littlebit different.
So while I was struggling withself love and it showed up in my
relationships my partner hadstruggled with confidence and he
had actually lost his fatherwhen he was four years old and
(10:30):
had grown up feeling a lack oflove.
So we both came from a lack oflove, but it manifested in
different ways in our life.
Now, when we met each other, wewere both at this point in our
life where we were looking forsomething a lot more real, and
we found it in each other.
Cassandra (10:48):
What a beautiful story, sanaiya, when you were
growing up, because you know, Ihad I'm from corporate as well
for years and I had the samestruggles as you getting in
unhealthy relationships or Iwould say emotionally
unavailable relationships and itgot so to the point where I
(11:11):
knew that it had to be somethingwith me.
And I also found out that muchof it had to do with how I grew
up.
You know what my parentsbehavior was and how they grew
up.
Not that I'm blaming them.
I did in the beginning like howdare them to be like that?
Now, that's, you know, I'm like, so that's on me as well.
Now, how am I going to getthrough that?
(11:32):
Well, you did.
You think a lot of it came fromhow you grew up.
Sanaiya (11:37):
Yeah, absolutely, Cassandra.
I actually grew up watching myparents struggle in their
relationship, struggle in theirmarriage.
They were always looking forthe other person to make them
feel more whole, more complete,to meet their needs, to fulfill
their expectations of each other.
And, as you know, in asituation like that no one ends
(11:58):
up happy.
And you know, growing up inthat environment, I witnessed
love be difficult, be you know,something that caused more pain
than happiness.
And as much as I grew up intothis young woman who wanted it
(12:19):
all, I wanted that specialsomeone.
I wanted the partner and thechildren and the happily ever
after.
You know, I grew up on Disneymovies.
I grew up with the wrong moms.
I thought I just had to grow upand that person would just walk
into my life.
And of course, that was thefurthest from the truth.
(12:39):
It turned out that I wantedlove, I wanted a relationship,
but deep down inside I wasafraid of it.
I was afraid of commitmentbecause I had seen the struggles
that my own parents had gonethrough, and to add to that I
had friends who had struggledwith relationships.
I had relatives who had beenthrough some very traumatic
(13:02):
relationships.
So all I was proving to myselfon a subconscious level, is that
love is hard.
You know, love is painful.
And so as much as I wanted it onthe outside.
I was actually protectingmyself from love, I was pushing
it away, I was sabotaging it and, more often than not, I was
(13:24):
finding myself attracted toemotionally unavailable people,
people with commitment issues,which is convenient, because if
you're afraid of love, then youhave to find someone who's
emotionally unavailable andafraid of commitment.
Because, then you're safe, it'snever going to turn into, you
know, a forever kind of loveit's never going to turn into,
(13:45):
you know, a forever kind of love, exactly.
Cassandra (13:48):
Oh, okay, I just got an epiphany, huh, so I was
afraid of love.
Sanaiya (13:58):
Yeah, yeah, that that was my epiphany, cassandra.
Like I remember, I went to ahealing retreat and I was doing
inner child work, so I was doinga lot of work on, you know, the
traumatized child and my ownfears and so on, and it just
literally it was an epiphany.
I had this moment where I said,wait a minute.
In every single failed toxicrelationship there's one common
denominator it's not them, it'sme.
(14:19):
I'm the one who keeps findingmyself in the same situation and
I'm always disappointed, I'malways let down and I'm always
just not happy.
So I can't really blame them,it must be me.
And that was the moment.
It was like.
That was the moment I took mypower from the situation and I
(14:42):
realized that, oh my God, ifI've created all of this, then I
must be able to do the workthat will allow me to completely
change the kind of people I'mattracting, the kind of
relationships I find myself in.
And that was the start oflearning to love myself,
accepting myself and reallygetting to a point, cassandra,
(15:04):
where I didn't need a partner.
I didn't need anyone to make mefeel whole or complete or not
lonely anymore.
I got to a point where it waslike I actually love myself, I'm
in a relationship with me andbecause of that I'm completely
fine.
(15:25):
I don't need anyone else.
And literally that's when I wasat a wedding, met my husband
over a four day you know Indian,bollywood style wedding.
We danced all night had thisconnection and that was it.
You know, that was how it allkind of turned out, wow.
Cassandra (15:46):
That sounds so romantic, that that sounds so
good and I don't think any womanon that's listening a lot of
what you said they've heardbefore.
And the difficult part is andI'm going to ask you this before
I ask you the other questionAre you still working on loving
(16:07):
yourself?
Is that a work in progress?
Is that still going on?
Sanaiya (16:13):
I think it is a constant commitment to loving
yourself.
So I don't want to say it's awork in progress.
I would like to say that I amconstantly committing and
recommitting to myself.
Which I think is just asimportant when you're in a
relationship with someone elseis to constantly commit and
(16:35):
recommit to the relationship.
In the same way, I'm constantlycommitting and recommitting to
myself.
Every day, I look for momentsto strengthen that connection
with myself, to ask myself thequestions that I need, to make
better choices, to be withmyself.
So I'm learning every day moreabout myself, I'm discovering
(16:58):
more of who I am and I amenjoying that journey of, you
know, being in this relationshipwith myself of being in this
relationship with myself.
Okay, so the other question ishow in the world do you do that?
Great question Now to answerthat?
To answer that, cassandra, Ihave to tell you a little bit
(17:22):
about love blocks.
Okay, so I've worked with over5,000 women and it turns out
there's some pretty similarjourneys that most women who are
struggling with love end uptaking.
You could call it fivedifferent, you know, scenarios,
pathways.
I call them love blocks, andwhat I found is that these five
(17:47):
different blocks show up in ourlove lives over and over again,
and if we don't deal with them,if we don't overcome them, if we
don't heal them, it's verydifficult to end up in a healthy
, you know, loving relationshipwith someone.
So this is something we have toget through Now.
(18:08):
These five different blockshave very different
characteristics and require adifferent type of approach.
So we talked about the one thatprobably you and I share, which
is the commitment phobia, right?
So, you attract emotionallyunavailable partners.
You're actually afraid ofcommitment and so you put it on
(18:30):
someone else.
Right, it's their fault,they're the ones with the
commitment issue, but deep down,it's you.
That's the kind of people youpick Right.
So there's the commitment phobe.
Then there's the people pleaser.
The people pleaser is a verydifferent personality.
The people pleaser thinks thatthey need to earn love, that
they need to make the otherperson more important.
Their entire life needs torevolve around the other person.
(18:53):
They almost don't have theirown identity because the other
person has taken over Right andlose themselves in the
relationship.
Now, a people pleaser is likelya child that had to earn love.
Even as a child, like, they hadto get good grades, they had to
be obedient, they had to docertain things and they learned
(19:16):
that the only way they would getloved by their parents or their
caregivers would be to do whatwas expected of them.
Okay, and so they grew up doingthat, right Right.
Then the third one is the.
This is the runaway bride.
I named it after a JuliaRoberts movie where she gets to
(19:39):
the altar and then she runs, shebolts on a horse.
So the runaway bride is someonethat's been through a lot of
relationship pain.
So, they're afraid of love.
So every time theirrelationship gets to the next
step, they'll sabotage it.
They'll find a way or an excusefor why they should kind of
pull away, or or they shouldkind of slow down a little bit,
(20:01):
like they're afraid to get tothe next step, they're afraid to
get closer.
They're afraid of beingvulnerable.
Because they've been hurt somany times, they don't even
trust love and they definitelydon't trust their partner right.
So that's the runaway pride.
The fourth one is the caretaker.
This is when you're alwayscaring for everyone else that
(20:24):
there's no time to focus on yourlove life.
So, maybe as a child you had amother who was unwell or had
mental health challenges, so youbecame the caretaker of your
mother.
It could be that you were thecaretaker of your siblings
because your parents wereworking.
It could be that you just tookon that role because it was
(20:46):
necessary in your family dynamic, and so you grew up being the
kind of person who's alwaystaking care of everyone else at
the cost or expense of yourself,and you usually find partners
who you have to take care of forsome reason, and when they
don't need you anymore, theyleave you.
Cassandra (21:05):
So you're just the caretaker, so say that when they
say that again, if they don'tneed you anymore.
Sanaiya (21:11):
So you take care of them.
You might nurse them back towhatever health or whatever it
is, and then they don't need youanymore.
They're fine now, and they'reprobably going to leave you
because they don't need thecaretaker anymore.
Right the other way thatmanifests is you might have, for
example, aging parents or youhave some financial debts to pay
(21:33):
for the family.
Basically, you have aresponsibility that doesn't
allow you to focus on your ownlove life.
Because, you're the caretaker.
That's your role.
Cassandra (21:43):
Yes.
Sanaiya (21:44):
And the final block is the memory chaser.
This is someone who's stuck inthe past, so you might have that
one relationship that got away,or the you know in your head.
The ship has sailed.
I missed that one opportunity.
That was the best I could havegotten.
Or you're clinging on to thisrelationship that ended.
(22:04):
You're constantly comparing newpartners to the old one and you
just can't move forward becauseyou're constantly looking over
your shoulder at the past.
Cassandra (22:15):
Okay.
Sanaiya (22:16):
So if you're stuck, then you just you're kind of
replaying the X, the Xrelationship, the X partnership,
Just don't give new love achance.
So these are the five blocksNow.
Each block has been shaped bychildhood experiences and events
, your relationship, history,and there could be other
(22:40):
influences as well.
So the first thing that I helppeople do is identify which
block are they operating from.
Cassandra (22:48):
Right.
Sanaiya (22:48):
And it's not.
It's not normally like I'm.
I only have this one block.
It's usually a combination withothers, but there's one that
tends to be more dominant andthat's the one that basically
can unlock your entire you knowlove life.
So I help them identify that Ihave a quiz that tells you right
away which you know love life.
(23:09):
So I help them identify that.
I have a quiz that tells youright away which blocks you have
, which then you know gives youan understanding of why you're
attracting certain kinds ofrelationship experiences.
And then there's a process ofjust going back and healing and
letting go and doing forgivewhat, whatever inner work is
(23:29):
specific your love block RightAlong the journey.
I emphasize self-love as beingone of the most important um
ways to uh stop chasing afterlove and start attracting it,
cause when you love yourself,you recognize your value.
You recognize your value, yourecognize your worth.
(23:49):
You know someone would be luckyto have someone like you right,
so you don't have to run afterlove.
You just allow it to come to you.
And finally, I think it's alsovery important to have a very
clear vision for the kind ofrelationship you want right, a
(24:10):
very clear vision for the kindof relationship you want right.
So I help people really designthe vision that feels true to
who they are, what they want,what their values are.
You know what they want theirrelationship to look like and so
really getting extremely cleardown to how do you handle money,
how do you fight Like, what arethe different ways a
(24:30):
relationship could you know?
How would you like it to lookfor you?
And so I take people throughthis process of self discovery
healing and self love and thenhelping them realize the vision
for the relationship they want.
I end with a very powerfulsoulmate manifestation which
(24:53):
blends spiritual healing withmanifestation techniques and and
voila.
Usually within a certain spanof time, you know, usually
within a certain span of time,you know, people start
attracting partners and oftenend up with the vision that they
(25:15):
actually created with me, likenow.
Cassandra (25:19):
Wow, that is good Interesting for us to be talking
about this.
I was speaking with someoneearlier today for us to be
talking about this.
I was speaking with someoneearlier today and one of the
things she said to me is youknow, when you were single, you
attracted so many men.
(25:40):
I'm like no, I said when I gotmarried, I attracted too many
men.
Why is that?
Why is it that I'm unavailableBecause I'm married, right?
So what is that about?
When it's vice versa, you know,when you're not available, you
(26:05):
attract.
Is that because that man orthat woman is the number one
block?
And that's why?
Why is that?
Sanaiya (26:15):
Are you?
Would you say you're a loyalperson, cassandra?
Like a loyal and a faithfulperson?
Yes, okay, you know that aboutyourself, right?
So attracting plenty of menwhen you are unavailable is
safer for you because you knowyou're loyal, right, and you
don't need to block that anymorebecause even if they come to
(26:39):
you, you're still going to beloyal to your partner.
So you're almost allowing themin, whereas when you were single
, you didn't allow them inbecause it wasn't safe.
So you really had a commitmentissue.
It wasn't safe to let peopleout okay, interesting.
Cassandra (27:00):
What about, um, what about?
Let's say you are married,you're happy and and you see
this and hear this a lot you'vebeen married for so many years
and you hear people say I'vefallen out of love, I'm not
really into them anymore.
(27:20):
What, what is that about?
You know, you kind of, it'skind of like you attract and and
I can see, I could actually seeme in all these blocks at one
time in my life, right, and whenthey get closer, I get further
apart.
You know, then, when they getfarther apart, I go closer.
Why is it that people fall outof love?
(27:46):
I don't know.
Maybe they weren't in love atthe first, but I don't know what
is that about.
Sanaiya (27:52):
So there's a couple of different things going on with
that.
First of all, we either growtogether in a relationship or we
grow apart, and that has a lotto do with our energy, our
vibration, our frequency.
So I'm going to get a littlescientific on you.
But we do have differentvibrations and when we share the
same values, we share the samedreams and goals, we are
(28:16):
energetically aligned.
Cassandra (28:18):
Okay.
Sanaiya (28:19):
But sometimes we make choices that pull us away from
each other, and then it does,and then we don't kind of
connect anymore.
We don't feel like thatconnection or that bond, and so
that could be a reason why youfeel you have fallen out of love
.
What has actually happened isyou have fallen out of energetic
(28:42):
alignment with each otherbecause growing in different
directions.
Cassandra (28:47):
Okay.
Sanaiya (28:48):
Okay, okay, go ahead.
When that happens, right, youcan realign and you can kind of
come back together and walk thesimilar path again.
It just requires some work,some community connection,
communication, some effort.
Now the other thing that canhappen is we are feeling
(29:13):
disconnected from ourselves.
We've actually just fallen outof love with ourselves, but
because we're not comfortablewith that feeling, we put it on
to the partner.
I've fallen out of love with mypartner, but really the real
issue is something going oninternally, somewhere we are
(29:35):
lacking, disconnected, you knowsomewhere.
There is something unresolvedor unhealed within ourselves and
so that could create this kindof disconnection or this feeling
of falling out of love withsomeone.
I think we as individuals puttoo much pressure on our
(29:58):
partners to fulfill us, to meetour needs, to be the source of
something for us.
But when you come into arelationship, cassandra, with
self-love, self-empowerment, yougive more to the relationship
than you take.
And when two people give moreto the relationship from both
(30:19):
sides, you get something reallybeautiful.
You get something reallyspecial.
Cassandra (30:25):
You get something really special, Okay, All right.
Well, the high-achieving women.
That's one of the things thatyou coach helps high-achieving
women transform.
What is it about high-achievingwomen that are challenged with
(30:46):
relationships sometimes, Is it?
You know?
They always say I got a lot todo, I travel, I do this, I don't
have the time.
Well, let's break that down alittle bit.
What's going on with those highachievers?
Sanaiya (30:57):
Yeah, one is time.
I mean it takes a lot ofcommitment and dedication to
become high achieving, to becomesuccessful, and often that
comes at again the expense ofyour love life.
Cassandra (31:14):
Okay, all right, so you have to prioritize.
Sanaiya (31:17):
You have to prioritize.
The other thing that I've seena lot with my clients is I can't
have love and career success atthe same time.
You know I have to choose.
So it's kind of this beliefsystem or this program that I
can't have it all.
I have to make a choice,Something's got to give and in
(31:38):
the case of many high achievingwomen, I can be successful at
work but not at my love life.
Cassandra (31:45):
Okay, so that's something.
Sanaiya (31:46):
I've seen come up.
Another thing that I've seencome up is, um, sometimes women
who are high achieving have todownplay their emotional needs.
They have to down downplaytheir uh, feminine energy, their
sexuality, feminine energy,their sexuality, and so that
(32:18):
part of them that is the woman,sometimes gets hidden or gets
lost in becoming this powerhouseof a woman that they are Right.
And still, in other cases,there are other responsibilities
that take priority, yeah, Okayso it might.
It's a little bit different forthe.
You know for different womenthat I've coached, but many of
(32:40):
them tell me, sanaiya, I've gotit figured out in my career, I'm
doing really well there, but mylove life is the absolute
opposite.
Cassandra (32:49):
Mm-hmm, you know that makes me Think about.
During my single years, peopleused to always say you
intimidate men and and I say,well, that's just that that's
not.
My intention was.
(33:12):
And like you just indicated,then they said you have to
downplay a bit of who you are.
You have to downplay a bit ofwho you are.
Do you think that's true inregards to high achieving, or is
it that the high achievingwoman has to know what they're
looking for and still believe Ican be who I am and still
(33:34):
attract that kind of person thatI'm looking for?
Sanaiya (33:37):
Yeah, absolutely.
I mean, look at the messageswe've grown up with, right,
you've got the damsel indistress, you know you've got.
The woman has to rely on herman.
You got to make your we've.
We've grown up with so manyinfluences that have taught us
that women are not meant to beindependent and powerful and
(33:59):
successful, and so when you areall of those things right, you
think you can't be accepted andlove the way you are.
Right, like I'm a workingmother and I still get that mom
guilt, even though I know that Idon't, I shouldn't and I don't
need to, because I am presentfor my children.
(34:21):
But yes, I'm working you know,for a good part of the day.
And so it's, it's the messaging,it's, it's what we have learned
about what society expects outof women.
And so whenever we achieve orwe succeed, those feelings of
(34:43):
you know I'm not enough or I amnot acceptable by society
standards, or I am neglectingwhatever might be your children
or your partner, all of thesethings come up.
And even for me, cassandra, Iam married to someone who really
respects my energy, reallyrespects the fact that I am high
(35:07):
achieving, that I am verydedicated and committed to my
path, my purpose, my career.
I am exactly a high achievingwoman and I get the respect and
the space from my husband, butI've had to work on being afraid
to shine brighter than him.
I've had to work on being afraidof being more successful than
(35:30):
him even though I don't believein any of those things, right,
but deep down in thesubconscious, because it has
come from my ancestors, from mymother.
My mother will say things likeshe'll come down, she'll visit
me and she'll she can't helpherself.
She doesn't mean it in anegative way, but she'll say you
work so hard, yeah.
What about the children?
Yeah.
(35:51):
Or you know, my husband willcome home and my mom's visiting
from Dubai and my husband willcome home and she'll be like,
okay, okay, go give him time.
She can't help it becausethat's how she was raised.
And so I'm getting thesemessages even now as an adult,
and it triggers these feelingsand emotions that I grew up with
(36:12):
, or these things that I believeto be true until I decided to,
you know, make different choicesor to think a different way.
So we've grown up with all ofthese messages and influences
that haven't quite allowed us,as women, to believe that we can
(36:32):
have it all.
We're still struggling with that.
Many of us are still strugglingwith that, and so what I do is
help women really step into thatpower to take, you know, to
take what they deserve, to beable to receive that as women,
we tend to give more than wereceive.
(36:53):
It's very hard for women toreceive because they're always
used to giving, to receive,because they're always used to
giving, and so that's whyself-love to me is so important
for women, because we aregenerally givers more than we
are receivers, based on yourknowledge of being a love
(37:13):
alchemist.
Cassandra (37:14):
What did you?
All of this came from?
Like the Mindvalley?
Uh, like you say, you have alot of certifications, is it?
And you went to school in pence?
Was it pennsylvania?
Sanaiya (37:28):
yep, I went to upen.
I also hold a master's inentrepreneurship.
So where I, I would say, whereI have something that I unique,
that I bring to my work, is mytheta healing certifications.
(37:48):
I have a certificate ofscience, in a healing modality
called theta healing, and I alsohave a master's of um science
and theta healing.
And this really, I would sayCassandra, is my secret
ingredient.
This is what you know, sets meapart because I really blend the
(38:09):
healing with my coachingpractices, with my coaching
structure, because one thingthat people struggle with is
changing their patterns,changing their beliefs, right,
it takes time, it takes effort,it takes commitment, but I have
found that with Theta Healing Ican help people release negative
(38:31):
beliefs instantly.
I can help people let go of painand hurt instantly and replace
it with forgiveness.
So I almost want to say that'skind of my, my edge that allows
me to help women and as as shortas you know three months to
(38:51):
actually go from single to in arelationship for life.
I've had that happenconsistently with my clients
simply because I bring in a lotof the healing work into what I
do.
Cassandra (39:03):
OK, all right yeah.
Sanaiya (39:05):
So it's really, it's mental, it's emotional, it's
energetic.
I really work with all threeaspects and integrate that all
my processes and all my programswith my clients and my students
my programs with my clients andmy students.
Cassandra (39:26):
Okay, do you have one , just one example of you
working with a client whereasemotionally you felt like, wow,
this work that I'm doing is notbeing done in vain.
Just the outcome of what you'vedone gives you the peace and
(39:47):
the joy and the knowing that Iam doing what I have been
ordained to do.
So, therefore, I have afulfilling life.
Sanaiya (39:57):
Completely.
So I have a great storyactually.
So there is a client that Iworked with who has been married
for seven years and during thepandemic that relationship
essentially fell apart becausethey had to spend all this time
together and realized that theyweren't as compatible as they
(40:21):
thought they were Right, and sothey went through a divorce.
And, um, this client, this, uh,this person, went on to be my
client and soulmate magnet.
Okay, and I worked with herthrough the program to not only
heal from her marriage, you know, to overcome the divorce, and
(40:44):
also, you know, she comes froman Asian culture, so divorce is
something very, very negativelyseen.
So, overcoming all of that, andon top of that, she lost her
mother, who she was very closeto.
So it wasn't just about thesoulmate, but it was all these
(41:07):
other things that were alsohappening in her life.
And I worked with her and sheattracted a partner after my
program.
It didn't work out, but then amonth later or a couple of
months later, she attractedsomebody else who proposed after
(41:28):
dating for two months Kind of astory very similar to mine.
He proposed after they datedfor two months and I went to the
wedding recently and honestly,they are a perfect match.
I couldn't imagine two peoplemore well suited to each other.
Cassandra (41:48):
And the crazy thing is Cassandra.
Sanaiya (41:51):
the guy she's marrying is someone I knew, maybe 15
years ago, was a friend of mine,and I don't even know how they
found each other.
It had nothing to do with me,but they're together and they
are so incredibly happy and Ican see that they are.
(42:13):
They're just so right for eachother in such a specific way.
That's good, and not only did Isee her grow, but I attended
the wedding of her and my friend, who I haven't seen in 15, you
know, for a decade.
So it just showed me that youknow when you do the work, yeah,
(42:36):
the most unexpected of ways,yeah, happen, they fall into
place and I've seen thatcassandra happen over and over
again where I'm working with myclients and it's it's to me,
it's it's like, of course, ifyou're going to clear all your
past baggage, you're going toclear all your fears, all your
trauma around love.
(42:57):
Right, you're going to learn tolove yourself and you're so
clear on what you want, thenyou're going to get there.
But the key is to be able toreally do the healing work,
really let go of everything thatis holding you back, because if
you don't do that, then you'regoing to just recreate the
pattern.
You might even get married, youmight even find your partner,
(43:19):
but then somewhere in therelationship those same patterns
sooner or later are going toshow up again.
So it really is about doing agood job of clearing whatever is
you?
know unhealed, unresolved, fromyour past.
Cassandra (43:35):
Yeah, that's a beautiful, beautiful story and
I'm certain a part of this isthat your client has to want it.
You know you can't come inthere.
Yeah Right, Let me see whatshe's going to do.
I'm not sure this is yeah Right, right, and it's all about,
like, those self limiting, thoselimiting beliefs.
(43:56):
Wow, so now, as we talked aboutbefore we came on, I'm like,
well, it could take 40 minutesor it could take three hours.
Well, we know, we can't talkthat long.
Sanaiya (44:07):
Yeah, there's so much to say, there's so much to talk
about, but I think we've done.
We've done well, we've done agood job of you know absolutely.
Cassandra (44:18):
How can my listeners get in touch with you,
particularly because everythingyou do is virtual, is that?
Sanaiya (44:24):
right.
Yes, everything I do is virtual.
I have clients all over theworld the world we know.
Thank you so much, and you canfind me on my website it's
SanayaGurnamalcom.
On all social media channelsInstagram, youtube, tiktok.
It's SanayaGurnamalcom on allsocial media channels Instagram,
youtube, tiktok.
It's Sanaya Gurnamal.
And I would also love to inviteyour listeners to take my quiz,
(44:48):
the love blocks quiz.
It's SanayaGurnamalcom.
Forward slash love dash blocksdash quiz.
And, of course, you can.
You know you'll, I know you'llput this in the show notes so
they can basically go straightto it.
And yeah, you know, drop me a DMIf you have any questions.
(45:08):
Take the quiz, learn more aboutyourself and and go for love.
You know love is the mostimportant thing in our lives.
Cassandra (45:20):
Right, right.
So let's stop that quiz again.
Is it Sanaya?
Sanaiya (45:25):
Sanaya.
It's Sanaya.
I'm going to put it in the chatfor you.
It's SanayaGurnamalcom, my fullname Forward slash.
Okay, love dash blocks, blocks.
With an X Quiz forward slashlove dash blocks, blocks with an
x quiz.
Cassandra (45:45):
Love dash blocks, dash quiz okay well, great, this
has been a phenomenalconversation, as I told my
listeners before we even gotstarted.
Is there anything next forSanaya?
Because I know this is yourmission, which you said is
simple, it's, yet it'srevolutionary, and make love
(46:07):
your power, move in love, lifeand business.
Anything else for you, my dear,as we close up close up.
Sanaiya (46:22):
Well, I am looking forward to sharing my message of
self-love to as many people asI can reach.
So I do have a book in motion.
I do have many exciting things,but I do want to leave your
listeners with the message thatthe most important relationship
you will ever have is the onewith yourself, right, and that's
(46:45):
the one that sets the tone forevery other relationship.
So love yourself first.
Cassandra (46:53):
Wow, well said, well said.
Thank you so much, sanaya again, and to all my listeners, well
said.
Thank you so much, sanaya again, and to all my listeners.
I know you know manyindividuals that would love to
hear the message that was justpresented today, so I encourage
you to share, to click,subscribe and like, and again,
(47:15):
Sanaya, thank you so much, andmy listeners I always say bye
for now and God bless you all.
Thanks again, sanaya, thank youso much, and my listeners I
always say bye for now and Godbless you all.
Thanks again, sanaya, thank you.
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I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
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Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Cardiac Cowboys
The heart was always off-limits to surgeons. Cutting into it spelled instant death for the patient. That is, until a ragtag group of doctors scattered across the Midwest and Texas decided to throw out the rule book. Working in makeshift laboratories and home garages, using medical devices made from scavenged machine parts and beer tubes, these men and women invented the field of open heart surgery. Odds are, someone you know is alive because of them. So why has history left them behind? Presented by Chris Pine, CARDIAC COWBOYS tells the gripping true story behind the birth of heart surgery, and the young, Greatest Generation doctors who made it happen. For years, they competed and feuded, racing to be the first, the best, and the most prolific. Some appeared on the cover of Time Magazine, operated on kings and advised presidents. Others ended up disgraced, penniless, and convicted of felonies. Together, they ignited a revolution in medicine, and changed the world.