July 8, 2025 • 17 mins
What happens when something sacred to you is threatened or violated? That fire you feel rising within has a name – ghayra – and it's not just a male attribute as commonly misunderstood. It's a divine quality we all possess.
Ghayra transcends simple translation, encompassing protective jealousy, righteous indignation, and a fierce level of care for what's sacred. For too many Muslim women, this powerful emotional response has been systematically suppressed under cultural messaging to "stay quiet," "don't overreact," or "be patient." As a result women get disconnected from an essential internal guidance system that protects your dignity and honors your boundaries.
Through clear examples and practical distinctions, this episode reveals how to differentiate between righteous ghayra (rooted in love and dignity) and reactive ghayra (fueled by ego and insecurity). You'll learn why this matters in everyday situations – from workplace dynamics to marriage relationships to parenting challenges. Most importantly, you'll discover how to train your nervous system to hold this emotional charge without either suppressing it or being consumed by it.
Whether you've spent years shrinking from your protective instincts or you've become addicted to the emotional intensity of conflict, this episode offers a middle path: learning to channel your sacred fire as the spiritual guidance system it was meant to be. Your boundaries deserve protection. Your dignity matters. And learning to honor the divine quality of ghayra within you is essential to your spiritual and emotional wellbeing.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast.
Apply tools that you learn inthis podcast and your life will
be unrecognizable.
Successful Now your host, drKamal Aftar.
Hello, hello, hello everyone.
Peace and blessings be upon allof you.
Today I'm coming to you with avery unique topic, and that has
to do with the concept of ghairaGhaira from Arabic translated
(00:28):
as protective jealousy orfervent possessiveness, the root
of the word being ghair ghainyaa ra, which relates to change
or otherness, as in somethingbeing out of place and needing
to be corrected.
In an Islamic and Arabiccontext, ghayra is a very
nuanced and layered concept, andI'm going to describe
(00:49):
everything to you and explain toyou why it applies to your
coaching.
By definition, ghayra is anintense emotional response that
arises when something sacred,private or exclusive to a person
is exposed or threatened, andit relates especially to the
matters of honor, modesty,relationships.
So far, you might have heard ofthis word in the most commonly
(01:13):
thought of way, as it relates tomen, associated with man's
protective instinct over afemale family member, especially
in the context of modesty,honor, exclusivity, but what I'm
going to explain to you in thispodcast is how it expands far
more than that and how itrelates to you as a Muslim woman
.
There is a hadith where Prophetsaid Do you feel ghaira, or
(01:35):
protective jealousy?
I feel even more ghaira thanyou, and Allah has more ghaira
than I reported in Sahihal-Bukhari.
Here ghaira is described as adivine quality, where Allah SWT
feels ghayra when His limits aretransgressed, particularly
regarding immorality.
So in this podcast, we're goingto move really far away from the
(01:57):
traditional, regularunderstanding of the word ghayra
, where it might have been justused to explain a man's actions,
especially violent crimesagainst women, like honor
killings, when the man himselfis the judge, jury and the
executioner, and the word gairais used to protect him when the
whole action might have beenjust relating to the man's ego.
(02:17):
What I'm going to describe toyou is that this word has a very
healthy meaning, especiallywhen it comes to your well-being
, and this topic came about inthe most recent coaching session
with one of my clients and thiswas very helpful, so I decided
to expand on it, knowing that itwill help you guys as well,
inshallah.
So the common translation ofthe word is protective jealousy
(02:40):
and of course, it's applicableto both men and women, but for
us it might differ in expression.
This is a divine attribute whentied to justice and protecting
sacred boundaries.
But there is a shadow side tothis, just like everything else,
and that is that it becomestoxic when driven by ego,
control and fear rather thanlove and dignity, and that's
(03:00):
what we're going to talk abouttoday.
Righteous anger is another termthat comes to my mind when I
describe ghairah, understood asan emotional fire that you feel
when your boundaries are crossed.
This is not rage of control.
This is fierce level of care.
Righteous anger, or ghairah, isa divinely aligned emotional
(03:21):
response to the violation ofmoral, spiritual and relational
boundaries, especially thosethat Allah SWT has sanctified.
It is very important for me topoint out that it is definitely
not rooted in ego, it is notself-dependent.
It is rooted in reverence.
There is a level of anger, butit comes with clarity.
(03:42):
This is your nervous system'salarm for sacredness.
How Ghaira that is based on egoand anger is different from
righteous Ghaira when you'reapplying this heightened
emotional response in the rightway.
It's rooted in the love ofAllah SWT, justice and dignity.
Its purpose is to restore yoursacred order.
(04:02):
The emotion in the body ishighly charged, but it feels
clear, grounded and protective,and the outcome is that it
strengthens your boundaries andit protects your dignity.
But when you're dealing withego-based anger, by contrast, a
few ways you can tell it apartis that it's based in insecurity
, pride and a fear of loss.
(04:22):
The purpose here is to controland punish.
The emotion that feels like inyour body is reactive, it's very
turbulent, dominating,controlling, and the outcome it
creates is that it breaks thetrust in a relationship and
creates harm.
Healthy Gaira and the shadowside and the toxic Gaira
(04:43):
activate the sympathetic nervoussystem.
But in healthy you stayregulated by using your
prefrontal cortex.
Your higher faculties stayonline, the part of the brain
responsible for insight, moraljudgment and long-term vision
that part stays in control.
But if you're acting withego-driven, the prefrontal
(05:04):
cortex goes offline and you losecontrol.
The righteous anger in Ghayra isanger from presence, patience
and precision.
Imagine this like a fireplacewhen it burns in its proper
place, it warms you and it warmsthe home and it provides
comfort.
But when left unchecked, itsets everything on fire.
(05:25):
But if you deny this level ofGhayra entirely, the house stays
cold and unsafe.
So I want you guys to anchoryourself in these definitions.
This is what's going to createa distinction.
This is going to be yourdiagnostic tool, because the
outcome of ghaira will determineif you're using it righteously
(05:46):
or not.
And we have a very specificsystem in my Soulful
Intelligence program inside theEMW coaching where we work
exactly with these definitions.
If you're not used to feelingghaira or the righteous anger,
it might feel like an intensealertness in the beginning,
something that you might noteven be able to contain in the
beginning, especially if you'renot used to feeling these levels
(06:09):
of emotions.
When Muslim girls grow up to bewomen who were never taught to
stay with it, you were alwaystaught don't overreact, don't
embarrass anyone, don't be loud,be patient, be quiet.
So when this level of righteousanger arises, you don't have
the mental machinery to containit, to recognize it, you don't
(06:31):
know how to deal with it, soinstead you shame it, you shrink
it, you suppress it, youpretend that it's not present.
And sometimes this level ofsuppression acts out as physical
symptoms like bodily aches andpains, or sometimes it presents
itself as outbursts weeks laterwhere you feel out of character
when you end up saying I don'tknow why all of a sudden I'm so
(06:53):
angry about this, when your bodyhas always known you just
haven't been taught to listen.
So the feminine body's responseto this new script of ghaira
needs to be written.
You're not going to suppress it, you're going to channel it,
and for you to do that you haveto hold it first.
Not escape it, not bypass itspiritually, not intellectualize
(07:16):
it, just sit with it in yourbody long enough so that you
start to recognize it.
You might tell yourself I amfeeling the fire when my dignity
is harmed.
I'm not here to create harm,I'm here to protect.
So in my Empower Muslim Womenprogram, in the coaching, I
teach you how to let your bodytolerate this level of heat and
(07:38):
discomfort.
You just stay with it longenough to recognize what it's
pointing you towards.
You channel it into a boundary,into speech, into peace, into
behavior.
That helps you.
A very basic question for youto answer is is my ghairah
righteous or reactive?
And some of the very basicclarity definitions here is that
(07:58):
your righteous ghairah.
You set a clear boundarywithout disrespecting or
creating a toxic dynamic.
You feel peaceful and proud.
Afterwards, not justified, youcommunicate with a calm
conviction.
Afterwards, not justified, youcommunicate with a calm
conviction.
Your relationship with yourself, with Allah SWT, with others,
(08:21):
becomes stronger as a result ofit, because you've been honest
in your response and in the end,you feel more like yourself,
not less.
When you're dealing withreactive ghairah, which is
ego-led, based in dysregulation,rooted in fear and control of
others, you're trying to prove apoint instead of protecting a
boundary.
You will feel drained andashamed and shaky.
(08:42):
At the end, even if you'vequote-unquote won, you will
speak from urgency.
You will have a lot of volumeand loudness and sarcasm, with
minimal messaging and impact.
The other person will eitherfeel silenced or exploited, but
definitely not safe.
These are some of the hallmarksof how you're going to channel
(09:02):
this energy correctly.
Righteous ghaira makes you moreof yourself.
Reactive ghaira makes yousomeone you don't even recognize
, somebody that's far away fromyour values.
So some examples.
I'm going to give you.
What it looks like in real lifeand you can extend it to your
life situations is if there's amale colleague who's talking
(09:23):
over you in a meeting, therighteous Gera will notify you
that this is not right.
You will have a heightenedresponse in your body, but the
outcome will be steady.
You will be able to speak withconfidence and poise and the
outcome is going to be that youdidn't shrink, you didn't
explode.
You're going to stay true toyourself and the room is going
(09:43):
to respect you.
But in the same situation, ifyou snap back with reactive
gaira, you yell, you demean, youdisrespect, there's a
possibility that you're going tolose respect for yourself and
the room's going to lose respectfor you.
You're allowed to display anybehavior you want, but you have
to understand what fuel it'scoming from.
Is it reactive Gaira orrighteous Gaira?
(10:05):
Similarly, at home, let's sayyou find out that your husband's
following some model onInstagram, the energy behind
righteous Gaira is going to becompletely different than
reactive.
You're going to be pointingfingers, blaming, saying things
like are you seriously thatpathetic?
You'll withdraw, you'll cry andthere's going to be a huge
(10:25):
raging gap in the relationship.
But with righteous ghaira, youmight be able to slow down,
point out clearly exactly whereyour boundary is transgressed,
saying I don't feel safe.
This is not a correct spiritualcontainer that the marriage is
supposed to be.
You demand from your rightsexplaining what your needs are
and what expectations you have.
How he responds is not yourresponsibility.
(10:50):
If somebody says somethingjokingly, even about your child,
that you don't like, you canvery clearly stand up for your
child, look them straight in theeye and say very calmly I know
you meant it as a joke, but Idon't allow these kinds of jokes
at my child's expense.
You don't justify your behavior, you don't escalate the
situation.
You protect with righteousgaira, a heightened emotional
(11:12):
response, something that canvery easily turn into
dysregulation if you don'tchannel it properly.
The reactive gaira responds inthe same situation.
When somebody saidquote-unquote something joking
about your child, which istriggered, ego-based, in that
case you're going to beattacking them.
You're going to feel like youremotions are taking control of
(11:33):
you rather than you takingcontrol of your emotions.
You respond with anger or, ifyou don't respond, you'll stew
in your own silence.
Eventually, you feel like youhaven't protected your child and
the situation gets worse.
And while I was creating thispodcast and clarifying this
concept, I had a very hard timefinding the exact translation
(11:54):
for this word.
What I can come up with is somecompound terms, like I've
already explained, which isprotective jealousy, or
righteous indignation, or fiercelevel of love, honor-based
protectiveness, a sacred rage, afiery reflex.
All of these are emotionalfuels that ask you to create the
(12:15):
right response.
There are multiple otherexamples that you might have
already experienced in your lifethat this level of ghaira can
help you with.
Let's say, a teacher singlesout your child and they do it in
a way that feels culturallyignorant or shaming.
You feel that sacred mama bearenergy.
Yes, you can tell yourself theteacher probably didn't mean
(12:37):
harm, but Ghaira says my child'sdignity matters.
It's important for me to standup and in this moment you're
also shaping the child's senseof self and how to respond
appropriately to thesetransgressions.
You don't act from trigger.
You act from presence.
Or if your friend repeatedlymakes subtle jokes about your
religious practice of hijab orany other lifestyle, you might
(13:00):
have brushed it off many times.
You tried not to take itpersonally.
But if ghairah keeps rising,then it's telling you that it's
something that needs to beaddressed, not from shame, not
from blame, but from clarity andconfidence.
If a colleague takes credit foryour idea at work, you could
reframe it as Allah will rewardme and yes, inshallah he will.
(13:22):
But if your ghaira keepsshowing up, then it's time for
you to tell that person thatit's your intellectual property
and he needs to honor it.
And if he doesn't, there aregoing to be consequences and you
are the one who is going to seethose consequences through.
Ghaira tells you when it's timeto advocate for yourself, not
out of arrogance, but out ofintegrity.
(13:44):
You can decide when you thinkthe fire of Ghaira is here to be
felt and when it's here to bereleased, when you think you
need to follow through and whenyou need to express it.
I just want you guys to make aconscious choice, not continue
to ignore it, because nobodyever taught you this dynamic.
Because, most importantly,unrecognized, suppressed gaira
(14:06):
turns into hate, resentment andanger and other ever-consuming
emotions.
So it benefits you to learn andrecognize when it's present and
expand your nervous systemenough to be able to hold it,
continuing to train yourself ifyou haven't been able to do so.
Unrecognized ghaira does notdisappear when you suppress it.
(14:27):
It festers, it shapeshifts, itcomes in front of you in
different forms.
It becomes bitterness thatlingers, a rage that spills out
when your kids ask you for onemore thing.
It shows up as jealousydisguised as concern, and that
suppression drains your energy.
But ghaira, the high-intensityemotion, is not the problem.
(14:49):
The issue is that most of uswere never taught how to
recognize it, name it or hold it.
We were taught to suppress it,spiritualize it and continue to
smile over it.
So your nervous system neverlearned how to tolerate it, how
to contain and channel thislevel of emotional response.
So, with this podcast,inshallah, this is your invite
(15:11):
to start to train your nervoussystem to hold this charge of
ghairah without reacting orretreating.
This is your invite to buildthe capacity slowly, like
building a muscle.
Sit with the discomfort, letyour body feel the signal long
enough to understand what it'stelling you, what it's
protecting you against, and thenchannel it in the appropriate
(15:33):
response.
So I've told you, guys, how, forsome women, the instinct is to
avoid this completely and tosuppress it and to numb it.
But for others, the opposite istrue.
They crave it, they seek thecharge, the conflict, the
emotional high, and Ghairabecomes their engine, but not
their guide.
They might justify it inIslamic terms, but they're
(15:56):
creating harm from it.
They use it to feel powerful,but it creates unstable
relationships and regret.
And if that's you, the workisn't to suppress it completely
either.
It's to channel it, to trainyour system not to be ruled by
this fire, but to walk with it,to light your way, to learn how
(16:17):
to direct it towards boundaries,appropriate behavior, aligned
action, not towards constantemotional destruction and
adrenaline addiction, whetheryou've been shrinking from your
ghaira or getting a high off ofit.
The solution is the sameLearning how to hold it long
(16:39):
enough to recognize what it'sreally telling you and steady
enough to choose how to respond.
This level of nervous systemmaturity creates your emotional
wellness, and that's yoursoulful intelligence.
With that, I pray to Allah SWT.
Ya Allah, you are the protectorof all that is sacred.
With that, I pray to Allah SWT.
Welcome to Islamic Life Coach School Podcast.
Apply tools that you learn inthis podcast and your life will
be unrecognizable.
Successful Now your host, drKamal Aftar.
Hello, hello, hello everyone.
Peace and blessings be upon allof you.
Today I'm coming to you with avery unique topic, and that has
to do with the concept of ghairaGhaira from Arabic translated
(00:28):
as protective jealousy orfervent possessiveness, the root
of the word being ghair ghainyaa ra, which relates to change
or otherness, as in somethingbeing out of place and needing
to be corrected.
In an Islamic and Arabiccontext, ghayra is a very
nuanced and layered concept, andI'm going to describe
(00:49):
everything to you and explain toyou why it applies to your
coaching.
By definition, ghayra is anintense emotional response that
arises when something sacred,private or exclusive to a person
is exposed or threatened, andit relates especially to the
matters of honor, modesty,relationships.
So far, you might have heard ofthis word in the most commonly
(01:13):
thought of way, as it relates tomen, associated with man's
protective instinct over afemale family member, especially
in the context of modesty,honor, exclusivity, but what I'm
going to explain to you in thispodcast is how it expands far
more than that and how itrelates to you as a Muslim woman
.
There is a hadith where Prophetsaid Do you feel ghaira, or
(01:35):
protective jealousy?
I feel even more ghaira thanyou, and Allah has more ghaira
than I reported in Sahihal-Bukhari.
Here ghaira is described as adivine quality, where Allah SWT
feels ghayra when His limits aretransgressed, particularly
regarding immorality.
So in this podcast, we're goingto move really far away from the
(01:57):
traditional, regularunderstanding of the word ghayra
, where it might have been justused to explain a man's actions,
especially violent crimesagainst women, like honor
killings, when the man himselfis the judge, jury and the
executioner, and the word gairais used to protect him when the
whole action might have beenjust relating to the man's ego.
(02:17):
What I'm going to describe toyou is that this word has a very
healthy meaning, especiallywhen it comes to your well-being
, and this topic came about inthe most recent coaching session
with one of my clients and thiswas very helpful, so I decided
to expand on it, knowing that itwill help you guys as well,
inshallah.
So the common translation ofthe word is protective jealousy
(02:40):
and of course, it's applicableto both men and women, but for
us it might differ in expression.
This is a divine attribute whentied to justice and protecting
sacred boundaries.
But there is a shadow side tothis, just like everything else,
and that is that it becomestoxic when driven by ego,
control and fear rather thanlove and dignity, and that's
(03:00):
what we're going to talk abouttoday.
Righteous anger is another termthat comes to my mind when I
describe ghairah, understood asan emotional fire that you feel
when your boundaries are crossed.
This is not rage of control.
This is fierce level of care.
Righteous anger, or ghairah, isa divinely aligned emotional
(03:21):
response to the violation ofmoral, spiritual and relational
boundaries, especially thosethat Allah SWT has sanctified.
It is very important for me topoint out that it is definitely
not rooted in ego, it is notself-dependent.
It is rooted in reverence.
There is a level of anger, butit comes with clarity.
(03:42):
This is your nervous system'salarm for sacredness.
How Ghaira that is based on egoand anger is different from
righteous Ghaira when you'reapplying this heightened
emotional response in the rightway.
It's rooted in the love ofAllah SWT, justice and dignity.
Its purpose is to restore yoursacred order.
(04:02):
The emotion in the body ishighly charged, but it feels
clear, grounded and protective,and the outcome is that it
strengthens your boundaries andit protects your dignity.
But when you're dealing withego-based anger, by contrast, a
few ways you can tell it apartis that it's based in insecurity
, pride and a fear of loss.
(04:22):
The purpose here is to controland punish.
The emotion that feels like inyour body is reactive, it's very
turbulent, dominating,controlling, and the outcome it
creates is that it breaks thetrust in a relationship and
creates harm.
Healthy Gaira and the shadowside and the toxic Gaira
(04:43):
activate the sympathetic nervoussystem.
But in healthy you stayregulated by using your
prefrontal cortex.
Your higher faculties stayonline, the part of the brain
responsible for insight, moraljudgment and long-term vision
that part stays in control.
But if you're acting withego-driven, the prefrontal
(05:04):
cortex goes offline and you losecontrol.
The righteous anger in Ghayra isanger from presence, patience
and precision.
Imagine this like a fireplacewhen it burns in its proper
place, it warms you and it warmsthe home and it provides
comfort.
But when left unchecked, itsets everything on fire.
(05:25):
But if you deny this level ofGhayra entirely, the house stays
cold and unsafe.
So I want you guys to anchoryourself in these definitions.
This is what's going to createa distinction.
This is going to be yourdiagnostic tool, because the
outcome of ghaira will determineif you're using it righteously
(05:46):
or not.
And we have a very specificsystem in my Soulful
Intelligence program inside theEMW coaching where we work
exactly with these definitions.
If you're not used to feelingghaira or the righteous anger,
it might feel like an intensealertness in the beginning,
something that you might noteven be able to contain in the
beginning, especially if you'renot used to feeling these levels
(06:09):
of emotions.
When Muslim girls grow up to bewomen who were never taught to
stay with it, you were alwaystaught don't overreact, don't
embarrass anyone, don't be loud,be patient, be quiet.
So when this level of righteousanger arises, you don't have
the mental machinery to containit, to recognize it, you don't
(06:31):
know how to deal with it, soinstead you shame it, you shrink
it, you suppress it, youpretend that it's not present.
And sometimes this level ofsuppression acts out as physical
symptoms like bodily aches andpains, or sometimes it presents
itself as outbursts weeks laterwhere you feel out of character
when you end up saying I don'tknow why all of a sudden I'm so
(06:53):
angry about this, when your bodyhas always known you just
haven't been taught to listen.
So the feminine body's responseto this new script of ghaira
needs to be written.
You're not going to suppress it, you're going to channel it,
and for you to do that you haveto hold it first.
Not escape it, not bypass itspiritually, not intellectualize
(07:16):
it, just sit with it in yourbody long enough so that you
start to recognize it.
You might tell yourself I amfeeling the fire when my dignity
is harmed.
I'm not here to create harm,I'm here to protect.
So in my Empower Muslim Womenprogram, in the coaching, I
teach you how to let your bodytolerate this level of heat and
(07:38):
discomfort.
You just stay with it longenough to recognize what it's
pointing you towards.
You channel it into a boundary,into speech, into peace, into
behavior.
That helps you.
A very basic question for youto answer is is my ghairah
righteous or reactive?
And some of the very basicclarity definitions here is that
(07:58):
your righteous ghairah.
You set a clear boundarywithout disrespecting or
creating a toxic dynamic.
You feel peaceful and proud.
Afterwards, not justified, youcommunicate with a calm
conviction.
Afterwards, not justified, youcommunicate with a calm
conviction.
Your relationship with yourself, with Allah SWT, with others,
(08:21):
becomes stronger as a result ofit, because you've been honest
in your response and in the end,you feel more like yourself,
not less.
When you're dealing withreactive ghairah, which is
ego-led, based in dysregulation,rooted in fear and control of
others, you're trying to prove apoint instead of protecting a
boundary.
You will feel drained andashamed and shaky.
(08:42):
At the end, even if you'vequote-unquote won, you will
speak from urgency.
You will have a lot of volumeand loudness and sarcasm, with
minimal messaging and impact.
The other person will eitherfeel silenced or exploited, but
definitely not safe.
These are some of the hallmarksof how you're going to channel
(09:02):
this energy correctly.
Righteous ghaira makes you moreof yourself.
Reactive ghaira makes yousomeone you don't even recognize
, somebody that's far away fromyour values.
So some examples.
I'm going to give you.
What it looks like in real lifeand you can extend it to your
life situations is if there's amale colleague who's talking
(09:23):
over you in a meeting, therighteous Gera will notify you
that this is not right.
You will have a heightenedresponse in your body, but the
outcome will be steady.
You will be able to speak withconfidence and poise and the
outcome is going to be that youdidn't shrink, you didn't
explode.
You're going to stay true toyourself and the room is going
(09:43):
to respect you.
But in the same situation, ifyou snap back with reactive
gaira, you yell, you demean, youdisrespect, there's a
possibility that you're going tolose respect for yourself and
the room's going to lose respectfor you.
You're allowed to display anybehavior you want, but you have
to understand what fuel it'scoming from.
Is it reactive Gaira orrighteous Gaira?
(10:05):
Similarly, at home, let's sayyou find out that your husband's
following some model onInstagram, the energy behind
righteous Gaira is going to becompletely different than
reactive.
You're going to be pointingfingers, blaming, saying things
like are you seriously thatpathetic?
You'll withdraw, you'll cry andthere's going to be a huge
(10:25):
raging gap in the relationship.
But with righteous ghaira, youmight be able to slow down,
point out clearly exactly whereyour boundary is transgressed,
saying I don't feel safe.
This is not a correct spiritualcontainer that the marriage is
supposed to be.
You demand from your rightsexplaining what your needs are
and what expectations you have.
How he responds is not yourresponsibility.
(10:50):
If somebody says somethingjokingly, even about your child,
that you don't like, you canvery clearly stand up for your
child, look them straight in theeye and say very calmly I know
you meant it as a joke, but Idon't allow these kinds of jokes
at my child's expense.
You don't justify your behavior, you don't escalate the
situation.
You protect with righteousgaira, a heightened emotional
(11:12):
response, something that canvery easily turn into
dysregulation if you don'tchannel it properly.
The reactive gaira responds inthe same situation.
When somebody saidquote-unquote something joking
about your child, which istriggered, ego-based, in that
case you're going to beattacking them.
You're going to feel like youremotions are taking control of
(11:33):
you rather than you takingcontrol of your emotions.
You respond with anger or, ifyou don't respond, you'll stew
in your own silence.
Eventually, you feel like youhaven't protected your child and
the situation gets worse.
And while I was creating thispodcast and clarifying this
concept, I had a very hard timefinding the exact translation
(11:54):
for this word.
What I can come up with is somecompound terms, like I've
already explained, which isprotective jealousy, or
righteous indignation, or fiercelevel of love, honor-based
protectiveness, a sacred rage, afiery reflex.
All of these are emotionalfuels that ask you to create the
(12:15):
right response.
There are multiple otherexamples that you might have
already experienced in your lifethat this level of ghaira can
help you with.
Let's say, a teacher singlesout your child and they do it in
a way that feels culturallyignorant or shaming.
You feel that sacred mama bearenergy.
Yes, you can tell yourself theteacher probably didn't mean
(12:37):
harm, but Ghaira says my child'sdignity matters.
It's important for me to standup and in this moment you're
also shaping the child's senseof self and how to respond
appropriately to thesetransgressions.
You don't act from trigger.
You act from presence.
Or if your friend repeatedlymakes subtle jokes about your
religious practice of hijab orany other lifestyle, you might
(13:00):
have brushed it off many times.
You tried not to take itpersonally.
But if ghairah keeps rising,then it's telling you that it's
something that needs to beaddressed, not from shame, not
from blame, but from clarity andconfidence.
If a colleague takes credit foryour idea at work, you could
reframe it as Allah will rewardme and yes, inshallah he will.
(13:22):
But if your ghaira keepsshowing up, then it's time for
you to tell that person thatit's your intellectual property
and he needs to honor it.
And if he doesn't, there aregoing to be consequences and you
are the one who is going to seethose consequences through.
Ghaira tells you when it's timeto advocate for yourself, not
out of arrogance, but out ofintegrity.
(13:44):
You can decide when you thinkthe fire of Ghaira is here to be
felt and when it's here to bereleased, when you think you
need to follow through and whenyou need to express it.
I just want you guys to make aconscious choice, not continue
to ignore it, because nobodyever taught you this dynamic.
Because, most importantly,unrecognized, suppressed gaira
(14:06):
turns into hate, resentment andanger and other ever-consuming
emotions.
So it benefits you to learn andrecognize when it's present and
expand your nervous systemenough to be able to hold it,
continuing to train yourself ifyou haven't been able to do so.
Unrecognized ghaira does notdisappear when you suppress it.
(14:27):
It festers, it shapeshifts, itcomes in front of you in
different forms.
It becomes bitterness thatlingers, a rage that spills out
when your kids ask you for onemore thing.
It shows up as jealousydisguised as concern, and that
suppression drains your energy.
But ghaira, the high-intensityemotion, is not the problem.
(14:49):
The issue is that most of uswere never taught how to
recognize it, name it or hold it.
We were taught to suppress it,spiritualize it and continue to
smile over it.
So your nervous system neverlearned how to tolerate it, how
to contain and channel thislevel of emotional response.
So, with this podcast,inshallah, this is your invite
(15:11):
to start to train your nervoussystem to hold this charge of
ghairah without reacting orretreating.
This is your invite to buildthe capacity slowly, like
building a muscle.
Sit with the discomfort, letyour body feel the signal long
enough to understand what it'stelling you, what it's
protecting you against, and thenchannel it in the appropriate
(15:33):
response.
So I've told you, guys, how, forsome women, the instinct is to
avoid this completely and tosuppress it and to numb it.
But for others, the opposite istrue.
They crave it, they seek thecharge, the conflict, the
emotional high, and Ghairabecomes their engine, but not
their guide.
They might justify it inIslamic terms, but they're
(15:56):
creating harm from it.
They use it to feel powerful,but it creates unstable
relationships and regret.
And if that's you, the workisn't to suppress it completely
either.
It's to channel it, to trainyour system not to be ruled by
this fire, but to walk with it,to light your way, to learn how
(16:17):
to direct it towards boundaries,appropriate behavior, aligned
action, not towards constantemotional destruction and
adrenaline addiction, whetheryou've been shrinking from your
ghaira or getting a high off ofit.
The solution is the sameLearning how to hold it long
(16:39):
enough to recognize what it'sreally telling you and steady
enough to choose how to respond.
This level of nervous systemmaturity creates your emotional
wellness, and that's yoursoulful intelligence.
With that, I pray to Allah SWT.
Ya Allah, you are the protectorof all that is sacred.
With that, I pray to Allah SWT.
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