S5E13 Healing After Childhood Abuse

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_02 (00:00):
Like it's not judgmental, like I'm not judging
her.
I just can't respect her.
Right.
Is that the same?
Or is that a difference?
No, not really.
Like, you don't have to pay nomind to her.
Yeah, because it's like it's youknow, as fuck though we all do
things whether we regret them ornot, and it's no judgment, but I

(00:20):
can't respect you for that.
I can't sit here and sit in thesame room with you.
I can't sit here and share thesame air.
Because if someone that gotmolested, someone that was told
that I was lying, for you to sithere and say that a
three-year-old is lying.
I mean taking it personal.
Yeah.
Because how the fuck athree-year-old lie.

(00:42):
Right.
But that's enough of thatconversation.
Let's get this party started.
Ooh, yes.
Welcome back, guys.

(01:02):
It's dear girl Karina.
And my Lenny.
How are y'all today?

SPEAKER_04 (01:07):
Yes, tell us about your day.
Was it relaxing, stressful?

SPEAKER_02 (01:11):
No.
My was stressful.
Man.
Fuck my job.
I'm ready for a new job.
No, I actually am ready for anew job.
Really?
Really?
Um, yeah, actually.
I am currently looking.
Um, I'm just over it, honestly.
Like, I'm over management, um,over certain customers.

(01:35):
And I just feel like I've beendoing it for too long.
Time in.
Like, it's not like I feel likethe whole part of dealing with
customers, I've done it for toogoddamn long.
Like, I don't want to deal withcustomers anymore.
Yeah, customer service sucks.
Like, I feel like I've like myyou that's majority of my work

(01:56):
history.
Like, I've always had to dealwith customers one way or
another, whether it was it overthe phone or it was in person,
whether it was in the foodindustry, or when I used to work
at Metro, like it's it, I wasalways surrounded, I'm always
surrounded by customers, and Iwanna work in a place where I no
longer have to deal withcustomers.

SPEAKER_04 (02:14):
Oh, okay.
So, like, what kind of uhoccupation would that be?
I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 (02:20):
I was thinking stripper, right?
Hey, but I was like, damn, Igotta dance on the customers, so
I'm still dinning with them.

SPEAKER_04 (02:27):
Yeah, and then some of them get hands-y, so like you
still gonna have to.
But this time you can yeah, thistime you can actually like punch
them, hell yeah.
Yeah, so it's not that bad, youknow.
You know, I love to punchpeople, no?
It's like I like to start shitup a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 (02:45):
I do.
I like to start the pot.
Yes, like I did today.
I am proud of myself.
It is what it is.
I did get hype.

SPEAKER_04 (02:52):
Hey, take that L.
Or not will that person takethat L.
No, take the L.

SPEAKER_00 (02:57):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 (02:58):
I don't think about it.

SPEAKER_02 (02:59):
I'm like, who am I referring to?
No, yeah, take the L.
But it is what it is.
Um, but I am looking for anotherjob.
Um, I don't know what I wantthough.
Like for the like for a reallylong time, I've been thinking
about like professionally housesitting.
Okay.
I've thought about um, I've alsoheard about traveling jobs that

(03:23):
you can do with people's pets.
Like, so if you were example,you have three cats and you
happen to move to, I don'tfucking know, Dubai for
whatever.

SPEAKER_04 (03:32):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (03:33):
And you know, some people go out there first to
make sure everything's settledand they leave like their pets
behind.
And then you hire somebodyprofessionally, in this case it
would have been me, to travelwith your pets.

SPEAKER_00 (03:45):
Okay.

SPEAKER_02 (03:46):
And I get them on the airplane, they travel with
me.
I keep them until I hand them toyou personally, and then I fly
back.
But you pay for all of that.
Like you pay for my flight, youpay for my where my hotel stays.
If if I need to stay at a hotel,and I get paid for by the
agency.

SPEAKER_04 (04:07):
Damn.
There's agencies that do that.
Yeah, so I'm trying to find one.
Oh, you gotta go to Dallas.
Dallas is where everything's at.

SPEAKER_02 (04:16):
And then I'm gonna have to move again.
Bro, it sucks.
Dallas is such a mess, though.
Yeah, I don't like I don't.
Whenever I have to drive, well,whenever I have to go over
there, I don't drive.
I think I've driven one time.
So how do you get to Dallas?
How?
Yeah.
But with Jonathan.

SPEAKER_04 (04:35):
Oh, you get driven.
Okay, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_02 (04:38):
I was about to say, I'm like, no, I get oh yeah, I
get taken by Jonathan.
Okay, okay.
I've driven one time and I gotlost.
That's fucking hell.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
It's just it's it's it's justtoo much.
Like, they got too much goingon.
But here in my hometown, I cando this shit with my eyes

(05:00):
closed.

SPEAKER_04 (05:01):
No, dude, I still get stuck around here.
What?
Yes.
That's crazy.
I've been here for what, liketwo years?
Like, fuck that.
And I've always been aroundthough.

SPEAKER_02 (05:10):
I well, yeah, I mean, I mean two years compared
to 29 years, though.

SPEAKER_04 (05:14):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (05:14):
Yeah.
Because I know I know I I knowthe little streets.
Like, I can take you everywherein the little streets around
this neighborhood.
Oh, that's so cool.
I actually like the streetsbecause I hate being I like I
like the neighborhood streets.
I hate the big streets because Ihate people.

SPEAKER_04 (05:30):
Yeah.
No, dude, what I like is likepeople who and Ray does this so
fucking well.
He can like visualize thefucking map in his head, and
he's like, Oh, you just takethese routes to go ahead and go
around traffic and shit likethat.
I'm like, how you do that?
You gotta memorize everythingand then street names and
everything.
Man, kudos to y'all.

SPEAKER_02 (05:50):
Okay, you you lose me on the street names.
I don't know my freeways.
People be like, people be like,oh yeah, 121.
What?
Where?
Which one?
Where's that at?
How do I get there?
Give me locations around it.
Yeah, you're on it right now.
Oh, like, oh shit.
I was about to take a lift.

(06:10):
I'm like, yeah, this is just thefreeway for me.
I know the street names, like Iknow the X's to the freeway, but
the freeway itself, it's afreeway.

unknown (06:20):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (06:21):
It's a highway.

SPEAKER_00 (06:21):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (06:22):
Unless the service and the highway, which one I
don't know?
What do you mean precedent?
What is that one?
What is that?
The what is that one freeway?
Precedent something.

SPEAKER_04 (06:32):
Sepa.

SPEAKER_02 (06:34):
Precedent George?
No.
I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 (06:36):
That's La Bajada, all the way in fucking in.
That's a bajada?
Yes.
I thought that was an actualsee?
No.

SPEAKER_02 (06:43):
Literally I literally just proved my point.

SPEAKER_04 (06:45):
I'm like, it leads you to a highway, but I don't
know which one.
Okay, see.

SPEAKER_02 (06:49):
But it says La Bajada that you take.
That's a lot.
So I only know my exits.
Ikea?
I think it was I think it'sPresident George.

SPEAKER_04 (06:58):
Yeah, it's George.

SPEAKER_01 (06:59):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 (06:59):
If it's the one like that leads to the IKEA is near
it, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (07:05):
I don't know.
I know I've been to IKEA, butwhy?
Jonathan takes me.

SPEAKER_04 (07:10):
Yeah, I know that one's far.
There's a barbecue place overthere.
Not a barbecue place, a Korean,Korean barbecue place over
there.
But it's good.

SPEAKER_02 (07:21):
Oh, the one where you cook in front of you?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
This all be smacking.
I'd be in there with themunchies.
I don't know what they'recalled, but I think it's called
like the pickle radish.
Like they're like really, reallybig.
And they're they're white, butsometimes they're dipped in like
green.
Like they look greenish.
I don't know.
They're fucking delicious withthe leaves.

(07:43):
I I roll everything up.
Like I put kimchi and the sauce.

SPEAKER_04 (07:47):
I fucking love kimchi.

SPEAKER_02 (07:48):
Dude.

SPEAKER_04 (07:48):
Dude, me too.
Okay.
There's this place over here infucking Benbrook.
And it's called Japanese Palace.
Okay.

SPEAKER_02 (07:56):
When are we going?
Right now.
Cut the mic.
Say less.

SPEAKER_04 (07:59):
They're fucking fried rice.
Bitch, let me tell you, I'm nota big fan of fried rice.
I would always choose.
Yeah, love, chow mein, anythingnoodles.
Yes.

SPEAKER_03 (08:12):
But that fried rice way, ooh, 20 out of 10.
So fucking good.

SPEAKER_02 (08:18):
I've been telling everybody.
Write that, write that uh uhrestaurant down, babe.
We're gonna have to go there.

SPEAKER_04 (08:23):
Japanese palace.
It's a little pricey.

SPEAKER_02 (08:26):
But if you see me there, no, you didn't.
Nah.
Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_04 (08:29):
I'm like, if you saw me there the third time this
week, shut the fuck up.
I'm like, I know you recognizemy car, just leave me alone.

SPEAKER_02 (08:36):
They're gonna be like, oh Miss number 24.

SPEAKER_05 (08:40):
I'm like, shut up.

SPEAKER_04 (08:42):
Is it ready though?
Not for real.
I'm like, you know, I show up at8 30 p.m.
every Tuesday, Thursday, andFriday, bro.
Just have my shit ready.

SPEAKER_05 (08:51):
Not for real.

SPEAKER_04 (08:52):
I'm like, I'm trying to get back home, Netflix.

SPEAKER_05 (08:54):
You know the routine.

SPEAKER_02 (08:56):
For real, for real.
All right, Kam.
Okay, so so Far Right.
So we gotta go try it.

SPEAKER_04 (09:02):
I'm telling you, bitch, I'll go any time of the
week.

SPEAKER_02 (09:05):
Well, I'm broke right now, but I just paid for
my nails.
Oh no, next week, next week.
Right.
I'm like, we can go when I gotmoney.
Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 (09:14):
I'm like, let me let me get same saving ups because
it's at least a little pricey,but their drinks too, they got
me fucked up.

SPEAKER_02 (09:22):
We still have to go to that fajita place.
We need to set up a double datefor sure.
No, yes, it's on Wednesdays.
Nice, Wednesdays, Wednesdays,Wednesdays.
We can do Wednesdays.
But um, we have to look into it,see what time they actually
close.

SPEAKER_04 (09:38):
But yeah, I don't work.

SPEAKER_02 (09:40):
I do.

SPEAKER_04 (09:41):
Uh Ray gets off at six.

SPEAKER_02 (09:42):
I get off at seven.
We can always just meet there,type of shit.
Um Damn, we just jumped straightinto this motherfucker.
How was your day?
Oh, my day was pretty good.

SPEAKER_04 (09:55):
What's it?
Yes.
Um, Telegraph, we went to gowatch the movies last night, and
then we were like, you knowwhat, we're not waking up early
on time for work.
And I was like, say less.
So we didn't show up till 10.
Okay, what time did you have tobe there?
Seven.
I didn't want to.
Like, I woke up at eight, so I'mlike, I could have been just an

(10:16):
hour late.
Fuck that.
I was like, let me shower, letme go ahead and actually have a
great morning.
And then I didn't have to doanything.
I got to stay in one spot.
They left me alone.
I was like, ah, this is a goodone.
That was a perfect day.

SPEAKER_02 (10:29):
Do you work tomorrow?
Yeah.
Oh, damn.
But still, it was that's a goodMonday.
My Monday was a littlestressful, just a little bit.
Not too much.
I was just more annoyed.

SPEAKER_00 (10:41):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (10:41):
Um, I woke up and had a good day.
Woke up around 5 30 with John.
No, Jonathan, yeah, around withJonathan around like 5 30 in the
morning.
Uh, and then walked him out whenhe left.
And then me and Slider justchilled and we watched Pitbus
and Parolis.
Oh, okay.
Until it was time for me to gowork.
I got up, put my clothes on, andI dipped.

(11:02):
And work was okay.
I mean, I got the we when westart work, we have to do like
this paperwork, and I normallystruggle with it.
I ain't even gonna lie.
And it takes me a minute tofinish it.
But this time I actually wasdone by like noon.
It was only like one mistakethat I had to fix, and it was a
super easy mistake.
So I was like, bit.

(11:25):
I didn't really have any issueswith customers.
Um I was really busy today, likenot in a bad way, like it just
made my time buy really fast.
Yeah, it was just for otherstuff, um, just other personal
stuff that was just like, youknow, like I broke my fucking

(11:48):
glasses.
Oh, like right here, uh huh.
It's broken.
Oh no.
We had a super glue with somechicle.

SPEAKER_04 (11:55):
Oh, at least you had chicle.
Is it mint five?

SPEAKER_02 (11:59):
Yeah, it's a fruity one.

SPEAKER_04 (12:01):
Oh.

SPEAKER_05 (12:04):
Right?
They're gonna think it's alittle flowery.
You're like, it's my mosquita.
She's stuck.

SPEAKER_02 (12:12):
No, but oh yeah, no, I broke my fucking glasses, and
I gotta go pay a hundred andsomething.
Why?
To get my other ones.
Because these are normally likeI think I don't know if they're
like nine or seven hundreddollars.
What the fuck?
So I have to pay like 175, Ibelieve, out of pocket.
You don't got insurance?
That is for my insurance.

SPEAKER_05 (12:29):
What the fuck?
Oh hell.

SPEAKER_02 (12:31):
I get expensive glasses, that's my thing.
She's a bougie bitch.
Like the glasses that Ioriginally wanted were$1,700,
and Jonathan told me no.
Oh, damn.
So I had to settle for thesethousand dollar ones.
I guess.
No, but I mean, I feel likethat's pretty good.
Honestly, the night the glassesare almost like the frame
itself, I think it was like six.

(12:53):
But the lens is yeah, yours isgold though.
My lenses, no, they're they'renot gold, they're silver.
Are they your light is yellow?
Yeah, probably.
No, but they're silver.
They don't make them anymore.
So this is our limited edition,which I need now.

SPEAKER_04 (13:12):
I hate that, bro.
The ones I lost in Vegas, sameshit.
Because I broke them and I waslike, Can I get these replaced?
They're like, we don't deal withthis no more.

SPEAKER_02 (13:20):
I'm like, why you make you glasses and then I keep
it?
Yeah, so mine, shout out to mylady from my eye lady.
She actually called the factoryplace that did them.
And they were like, Do y'allhave any like just over, you
know, because they made them,but then they stopped sending
them.
So she's like, I'm pretty surethey have some like stock in the

(13:41):
work somewhere.
Yeah.
So she reached out to them andthey were like, Yeah.
So I'm getting my I'm gettingthe same frame, just a new
prescription.
Because the bitch is blind.
Bro, me.
I have to get I normally have toget more prescription every
year.
I have to get more.
So it's getting worse.

(14:02):
Mm-hmm.
But you'd be wearing yourglasses all the time.
All the time.
Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_04 (14:06):
Because you can't see without them.

SPEAKER_02 (14:07):
Nope.
I'm a blind bitch.
I'm legally blind.
It's disgusting.

SPEAKER_04 (14:13):
That fucking sucks.

SPEAKER_02 (14:14):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 (14:15):
I can't read without my glasses.
Well, I can't read in general.
I was like, bitch, what?

SPEAKER_02 (14:21):
You know what's so funny?
The other now that you said Ican't read in general, the other
day I was listening to one ofour episodes that we're about to
air out.
And is and it said we it was theBS uh B D S M one where we're
talking about like the sex kinkystuff.
Uh-huh.
And you said you're like, Idon't know how to read.
Bro, because it's fine.

(14:42):
Bro, okay.
Let's be, I'm gonna put you onthe spot right now.
Whenever you've been listeningto our podcast before we air
them out, do you be laughingyour ass off?
I'm like, bro, we funny.
Do you start talking back?
Yeah, sometimes I'll be like,This is how it could have
responded with that one.
Sometimes, sometimes it's funnybecause you'll say something and

(15:03):
then I'll respond, and then likeseconds later, I say it on the
podcast, and I'm like, dead.
You'll be like, I know me sowell.
Yeah, I'm like, I'm so fuckingfunny.

SPEAKER_04 (15:15):
Dude, because I'll be because I'll be telling
people, I'm like, y'all justneed a I'm gonna start putting
on my badge that QR code andjust be like, skin it.
But um, no, I was telling themon there, I'm like, you should
guys should listen.
Like, we're pretty funny.
Yeah.
And then they'll like, like, howfunny.
I'm like, bitch, how funny?

(15:36):
Like, you know, I'm funny, bro.
I'm over here saying the dumbestshit.

SPEAKER_02 (15:39):
Now I'll say it for you to hear it repeatedly.
Right, right, right.
No, yeah, see?
Yeah.
For real, it is funny.
Um, and I I actually love it.
And every time I listen to ourepisodes before we air them out,
I try to um, I always wonder ifpeople are laughing.
Like when I make myself laugh,listening to myself, ain't that

(16:01):
funny?
I'm like, I wonder if peoplelaugh right there.
Right.

SPEAKER_04 (16:04):
We're gonna start putting little little laughing
um people in the background.

SPEAKER_02 (16:10):
Talking about people, a friend brought
something up to my attention,and I don't know how to feel
about it, but it's likeinteresting.
What if we take calls once in awhile?
Like, what if we do like a liverecording?

(16:31):
Non-filter, explicit, noediting, and have people like
call.
That'd be cool.
I think that would be prettycool.
That gave me an idea.
I was like, oh shit.

SPEAKER_04 (16:43):
But you would have to have like a call phone, like
they wouldn't be able to likehave our numbers.
Oh no.
But I'm pretty sure Johnto canfigure that shit out.
Oh yeah, they have like littleapps that they like hook up to
your like your phone and it'slike a different number.

SPEAKER_02 (16:57):
Oh, we can even do like uh that's some spias.
Like uh like an audio callsomewhere where they can just
dial a number or click like onthe link, you know, like um Zoom
calls, how you can do a video,but you can also just do audio.

SPEAKER_04 (17:13):
Oh yeah.
See, I don't think that's mything.
I'm like, damn, I sound socomplex.

SPEAKER_05 (17:22):
That's just bix kid shit.

SPEAKER_04 (17:24):
She said, I don't want him to have my social
security number.
I'm like, they can't they can'tbe calling me at work.
They're gonna be like, hey,remember me from the podcast?
Be like, uh nope.
I'm like, you're gonna find outthat I am not nice.
No, for real.

SPEAKER_05 (17:42):
I'm like me.
Like, quit fucking calling me,dude.
Get your girl scared as around.
They're like, what do you mean?
Quit fucking following me,hello.
I know where you live, bitch.

SPEAKER_02 (18:00):
Like, the fuck?
Hell no, go.
You can find everything on theinternet.
What was I gonna say?
But yeah, I feel like we shouldthink about that cop thing.
I think it'd be pretty cool.
Like we can do it, like uh, Idon't know, just once in a
while.
See how it goes.
Kind of make a post and sp andlike put it out there and see

(18:22):
who wants to participate.
I think it'd be pretty cool.

SPEAKER_04 (18:26):
That'd be cute.
We'll be like, hey y'all, getchingos kids.
Not for real.

SPEAKER_02 (18:34):
The cheese men line.
Oh, real.
The cheese men line, the adviceline.
That guys, what should I do?
Um, my baby daddy had anotherchild on me.
First of all, bitch, leave him.
Why are you still there?
Why are you still there?
That part, like you know whowe're talking to.

(18:55):
Why are you still there, bitch?

SPEAKER_04 (18:56):
I feel targeted.
I'm gonna leave.

SPEAKER_02 (18:59):
You don't even have any kids.

SPEAKER_05 (19:00):
I don't got those.

SPEAKER_02 (19:05):
This bitch got three cats and doesn't know who the
baby daddy is.

SPEAKER_05 (19:11):
It's so sad.

SPEAKER_02 (19:12):
I actually don't know who the baby daddy was.

SPEAKER_05 (19:14):
I was like, they came out orange and bro.

SPEAKER_02 (19:17):
You don't know who the parents are.
No, dude.
This bitch kidnapped somekittens.
No, I'm just playing on she.
Just kidding.

SPEAKER_04 (19:26):
We don't kidnap.

SPEAKER_02 (19:28):
That's not even funny.
There's nothing to play with.
Stop it.
No, but I can't be serious.
Um, como se llama.
What was I gonna say?
Oh, so the cheese line.
I'm so down because I feel likeI feel like the girlies will

(19:51):
bring us a lot of fucking drama.
Tea, give us well, not drama,tea.
Cheesement, for sure.
For sure.

SPEAKER_04 (19:58):
It's cheese men hour.
Bring me people from Cleburn.
I only know Cleburne people.
Um, because that's true.
Everybody in Fort Worth knowseverybody in Fort Worth.

SPEAKER_02 (20:12):
I yeah.
Everybody in Fort Worth doesknow I know a lot of people
here, yeah.
Yeah, especially in in certainareas that I grew up in.
It's like Voyal a la tienda, andI get like five haze.
And then like, and it's justlike out of those five haze, I
knew like probably one.

(20:33):
I have got people have, and Idon't mean no disrespect.
I just I don't remembereverybody, especially if I only
saw you once.
Like, come in some fuckingslack.
Okay, relax, relax.

SPEAKER_04 (20:46):
And then who you were back then, you may not
dress the same, you may not lookthe same.

SPEAKER_02 (20:50):
Oh, I definitely I look the same, but I definitely
do not dress the same.

SPEAKER_04 (20:54):
Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 (20:55):
Back a couple years ago, I was very tomboyish, very
masculine.
Now it's like titty's ass outall the time.
Nah, yeah, for real.
She wears mini skirts.

SPEAKER_04 (21:05):
I don't.
Pencil skirts.
I do.
She's like, I gotta be off asprofessional.
Okay.
But I do wear scrubs, dude.
Scrub pants are so comfy.

SPEAKER_02 (21:17):
Let me try to.
Are they really?

SPEAKER_03 (21:18):
Yes.

SPEAKER_02 (21:19):
I've never tried them because I feel like I won't
find any of my size.

SPEAKER_04 (21:23):
You will find them in your size because they have
them in all ranges, and they arethe comfiest pants to be in.

SPEAKER_02 (21:30):
I just don't see a point of me having them since I
don't work in that field.
I just feel like I I just feellike those type of pants
material is for a specificfield.

SPEAKER_04 (21:40):
Yeah, like if you're walking all the time, or like no
seyan or nothing, so they'revery good for that.
And then they have pocketsbecause you know, or she's gotta
be having shit on a whole bunchof photos.

SPEAKER_02 (21:53):
What is those pants called?
The cargo pants?
Oh, yeah.
With the cargo pockets?

SPEAKER_04 (22:00):
You know, it took me a while to realize why they were
called cargo shorts.
Why?
Because they hold your cargo,like all the shit that you
carry, and I was like, bruh.
That's so stupid.
I thought cargo was just likethe color style.

SPEAKER_02 (22:15):
I'm so dope.
I love you, Melina.
You're so funny, man.

SPEAKER_04 (22:18):
I'm a special butterfly.
I know what I am.
She's just fly, fly, fly.
She's like, my mind literally isa butterfly.

SPEAKER_05 (22:27):
You'd be like, no, pussy.

SPEAKER_04 (22:31):
I'd be like that.
But they're soft.
What?
The nurse's pants.

SPEAKER_03 (22:37):
Oh, bitch.
Sorry.

SPEAKER_02 (22:40):
Cargo fans are not soft.

SPEAKER_05 (22:44):
They're just stylish.

SPEAKER_02 (22:46):
Yeah, they are kind of like thickish.
They do have a lot of pockets.
Why do men clothes have morepockets than women's clothes?
Because they hold our stuff.
They hold all of our shit.
Okay.
What about those single bitchesthat need to carry their own

(23:06):
shit?
They have okay.
Everybody pause.
Pause.
Pause.
Stop driving, pull over, put thejoint.
Well, don't put the joint up,but sit up.
Listen.
Somebody explain to me.
Somebody explain to me why, aswomen, we have fake fucking
pockets.
Why do I have an outline of apocket?

(23:28):
And it will, it don't even beone.
It'd be like two pockets.
And it's just a fucking line.
It's not even a fucking pocket.
And then there's some pocketsthat not even a quarter fits in
it.

SPEAKER_04 (23:39):
Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (23:40):
What am I supposed to put in there?

SPEAKER_04 (23:41):
I do put shit in my pocket.
Fucking plan B nomas?
Hell no.
They're like for specialoccasions.
That little button pocket.
Yeah.
That's like a there's it'ssupposedly supposed to be for
like a pocket watch, butbitches, those pocket watches
are not that small.
Like I've seen pocket watchesnormally bigger.

SPEAKER_02 (24:01):
I heard on chapstick, but like the little
chapsticks.

SPEAKER_04 (24:04):
Even the little ones don't fit in there.

SPEAKER_02 (24:08):
No, I need real ass pockets for my snacks.
I'm a fat bitch.
Cargo shorts.

SPEAKER_05 (24:15):
Let's go back to those.
Like they have them on thebottom.
No, it's because I have somebeige ones.
Like beige pants ones.
And I do be putting I have likegrapes in a little baggie.

SPEAKER_04 (24:29):
Don't come at me.
People that carry aroundvegetables or fruits.
No.

SPEAKER_02 (24:34):
I sometimes walk around with a bag of grapes.
I'm telling you, grapes are theshit.
Grapes are the shit.
I fucking love me some grapes.
Right now in my fridge, I havewatermelon, telénoupe,
pineapple, blueberries, anddragon fruit.

SPEAKER_04 (24:46):
You're hearing me get up and go into her fridge.
I love fruit.

SPEAKER_02 (24:51):
I love fruit.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 (24:52):
It's just sweet.
It's it's like nice wheneveryou're just chilling in bed.

SPEAKER_02 (24:56):
Mm-hmm.
It is refreshing.
Like, and for the people outthere that have never had dragon
fruit, it doesn't have anything.
Like, it doesn't taste likeanything.

SPEAKER_04 (25:06):
Turn around and have that conversation elsewhere
because you heard me correctly.
I did not stutter.

SPEAKER_02 (25:18):
What?
I don't like it.
Clunch my pearls.
Yes, clunch.
Get your shit and go.
I will leave.
No, it's because I don't likeMia texture.
But it oh, okay.
The texture is one thing, butflavor-wise, I don't think it
tastes like anything.
It's like Swedish.
I feel like it, I feel like itdoesn't have any flavor because

(25:39):
it's just supposed to be one ofthose fruits that have water in
it to hydrate, like hydr hydrateyou and stuff like that.
So but I mean, I don't think ithas a flavor.

SPEAKER_04 (25:52):
It does.
To me, it does.

SPEAKER_02 (25:54):
Okay.

SPEAKER_04 (25:54):
Like it has more of like a sweeter taste to it.
Like the taste is good.
But like I would get it in adrink.
But like the actual fruit, likeI can't deal with the texture
with it.
It just it throws me off way toomuch.
It doesn't match with the tasteof what it should taste like.
So it just throws me off.

SPEAKER_02 (26:13):
Okay.

SPEAKER_04 (26:13):
I also heard that that people can't like like
whenever they talk aboutwatermelon, how it's just like
it has no taste to it.
It's just watery.
I'm like, no, it has like asweet taste.

SPEAKER_02 (26:25):
Some I feel like some watermelon doesn't have any
flavor.

SPEAKER_04 (26:28):
Really?

SPEAKER_02 (26:28):
I feel like I think it's just the way that it was
grown.

SPEAKER_04 (26:31):
No, to me, it's either it's really sweet or it's
just semi-sweet.
But it always has a taste.
I've never gotten one that youcan't taste nothing but like
water retention.

SPEAKER_02 (26:43):
Hmm.
I've gotten some that is sweet,and I've gotten some one that
like I don't want to say tart,but like a little like sour.
And it's just oh, yeah, somepodridas.
Yeah, like I've tasted that.
Yeah, I've tasted that too.
I've I've normally just tastedsweet.
It's like a soury taste.
I've had the ones that thattasted like pretty much like

(27:06):
nothing, are the ones that arelike already pre-cut and they're
like pre-mixed on the fruitbowl, like in the stores.
Those for me, sometimes thewatermelon not in the flavor.

SPEAKER_04 (27:16):
Yeah, they're just mushy.
I don't like mushy.

SPEAKER_02 (27:19):
And it's like because it's just been sitting
there.
But when I get a watermelon,like like the watermelon from my
mother-in-law, they be nice,like they're really juicy,
really like they are good.
Sometimes I majority of the timeI make it into agua de melon.
Oh you I'm so fucking Mexican.

SPEAKER_04 (27:36):
I love the agua de pepino.

SPEAKER_02 (27:38):
Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_04 (27:39):
I I made it the first time.
Best shit ever.
I tried it again at my housebecause I did at my mom's.
It was not the same thing.
I was so bad because I made somuch.
I was just like, you know what?
It's gonna be so good.
And then I tasted and I didn'tdo enough like of the the limon.
I didn't peel it enough.
And so like you got all thetart.

(28:02):
Uh I added so much sugar to thatbitch, and it Sometimes you
can't save it.
You couldn't save it.

SPEAKER_02 (28:09):
Um, something, some, some next time if something
happens like that, do watersyrup.

SPEAKER_04 (28:15):
How you do that?

SPEAKER_02 (28:16):
You do a cup of sugar and a cup of water and
heat it up, and that's yoursyrup.
And pour it into your that's howI do my lemonades.
When I make home lemonades,limonadas, I don't put raw sugar
in there, I do syrup.
I do sugar syrup.

SPEAKER_04 (28:34):
Crazy.
I didn't know that.
I'm gonna have to try it.

SPEAKER_02 (28:37):
Yeah.
Sometimes I can salvage it.

SPEAKER_04 (28:40):
Yeah, no, that sometimes it was pure gone
because I added half a bag ofsugar.

SPEAKER_02 (28:45):
Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 (28:46):
I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 (28:47):
That's crazy.

SPEAKER_04 (28:48):
Yeah, it just tasted like bitter sugar sugar water at
that point.
I was so sad.

SPEAKER_02 (28:53):
So you threw the whole limonis in there?

SPEAKER_04 (28:56):
No, like Los Pele, but like it still had the white
part, and then I blended it.

SPEAKER_02 (29:01):
Sorry, let me refresh that.
Like you took the skin off, butyou threw the whole circle.
Like you didn't like squeeze it.
Okay, no, I do the same thing.
Yeah, I usually did the knifeand I just cut the skin off.
Uh-huh.
But I normally take all thewhite stuff off.

SPEAKER_04 (29:16):
Yeah, I did not.

SPEAKER_02 (29:17):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 (29:18):
That was my mistake.

SPEAKER_02 (29:21):
I actually didn't know that there's something that
you could do.
Like, I didn't know that itleaving the white thing will
make it more sour.

SPEAKER_04 (29:29):
It still has that bitterness of the of the rind.
And it would connect to it.

SPEAKER_02 (29:35):
It's very interesting.
Now I know something.
What's one fruit that you don'tlike?

SPEAKER_00 (29:42):
Oh, kiwi.

unknown (29:44):
I love kiwi.

SPEAKER_04 (29:48):
I don't really like like I got like kiwi flavors,
like the like the little juicesthat they have.
Yeah.
What's it called?
The sour pasch.
That's not it.

SPEAKER_02 (30:00):
The crepe sons.
I love kiwi.
One one fruit that I don't likeis papaya.
Really?
Oh yeah, no papaya.
I don't like that shit either.
That thing's bitter as folks.
And I've tried it, I've tried itcon azúcar.
I've tried it con lechera.

SPEAKER_04 (30:18):
With sal.

SPEAKER_02 (30:19):
Uh yes, I've tried it with sal and nothing.
Like, I can't even do the smell.
Another thing I can't- I likethe smell of papaya.
I can't.
I I don't like grapefruit.

SPEAKER_04 (30:31):
I semi-like grapefruit.

SPEAKER_02 (30:33):
I can't do it.
I can't do the taste, the tasteor the flavor.
The taste or the flavor.
This dumb bitch.
The taste or the smell.

SPEAKER_04 (30:40):
Really?
The smell?
I love the smell of grapefruit.
Like if it's in your shampoo.

SPEAKER_02 (30:47):
Mm-mm.

SPEAKER_04 (30:48):
I like that one.

SPEAKER_02 (30:50):
No.

SPEAKER_04 (30:51):
I like pineapples.

SPEAKER_02 (30:52):
I love pineapples.
I love how.
Ooh, or I don't like greenapples.
I don't do apples.
Really?
In general.
I like them with peanut butter.
Okay.
Let me rephrase.
I like apples just for whateverfucking reason.
I can't swallow the skin.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.

(31:13):
And when I actually chew into anapple, like when I bite it, the
skin cuts my gum.
So when I eat apples, I actuallyhave to sh like shave it.
Like I have to peel it.
And then I cut it.
Yeah.
Because if I can't bite into theapple, I have to do a little,
it's fucking weird.

SPEAKER_04 (31:34):
It is like hard on your gums.
Because that one, yeah, it's gotme before.

SPEAKER_02 (31:38):
Yeah.
But the skin, I for the life ofme, I can't swallow it.
Like I always end up spitting itout.
Like it's so crazy.
Like I'll I'll eat the apple,but the skin leave it there.
I just can't do it.
Like it gets stuck.
Like I've tried to swallow it,but it'll get stuck on the side
of my throat.
You're like, fuck this.

SPEAKER_04 (31:56):
Yeah, no, you gotta like mad chew that bitch.

SPEAKER_02 (31:59):
Yeah, and I just peel it.
Like, I love that shit.
Oh, I love that bitchespecially.
But like I have like obviouslywhen Tiola, like I'll peel my my
bananas, my fucking manzana.

(32:20):
I hope you peeled your bananas.
You need a little bit of a shitwith the skin.

SPEAKER_04 (32:24):
No, that freaking texture whenever you bite into
it, because that's noteverybody.
Yeah, that's what you feel.
It's because you know everybodyhas bitten into like that edge
of the banana.

SPEAKER_02 (32:38):
It is disgusting.
It tastes weird.
Like it's I don't even want to,I don't even think it's like
sour.
It's like bitter.
Like, I don't know.
It tastes like earworks.
I don't know what earwax tasteslike, but if that's what it
tastes like, disgusting.
Go sneer too.

(33:00):
Nasty.
I didn't want to know whose earsyou'll be licking that you get
earwix.
Ray?
If you're listening to this,clean your ears.
Oh, I want to say somethingelse.
Because how about bananas?
Do you like bananas?

SPEAKER_03 (33:21):
I love bananas.

SPEAKER_02 (33:22):
Okay, so licuados?
Yeah, I can do licuados.
I can hop on licuados.
Can you eat a banana by itselfthough?
Like you just go to you look atit, you peel it, you open it,
you bite it.
I I can't.
Really?
I don't the texture.
It's too soft.
It's too and I don't like that.

(33:43):
I can't deal with that noise.
Yeah.
I can't do it.

SPEAKER_04 (33:46):
But if it's me, I don't care.

SPEAKER_02 (33:48):
No.

SPEAKER_04 (33:49):
Damn, that's crazy, really?

SPEAKER_02 (33:51):
Like, I can't, I can't hear nobody else do that
noise.
I can't hear my myself do thatnoise.
Like, I eat it's really, reallyrare.
Uh, a while back, mymother-in-law had bananas, and I
was craving a banana like crazy.
I ate all her bananas.
Bitch, I went and took apregnancy test.

(34:12):
I was like, hold the fuck up.
She's like, hold on.
Yeah, and I wasn't pregnant.
Thing got who dodged the one,dodged the bullets.
But yeah, it was really rarebecause I I fucked up those
bananas.
She had five bananas and I atethose bananas.
Not all in one sitting.
I think it I was going to herhouse every day.
So every day I was eating abanana.

SPEAKER_04 (34:33):
Oh, dude.

SPEAKER_02 (34:34):
Bananas are so good.

SPEAKER_04 (34:36):
Especially with the licuados.
Yes.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (34:39):
See, I can do licuados.
I can do like mixed with otherfruit.
I can do um banana like muffinsand stuff like that.

SPEAKER_04 (34:50):
Oh, banana muffins are so fucking good.
Or blueberry muffins.

SPEAKER_02 (34:55):
Yes.
One time my mother-in-law and I,we made, oh, and in my and his
his aunt, we made like eightloaves.
I think it was like eight loavesof banana bread.
Homemade.
You know, membitastas.

SPEAKER_04 (35:13):
No.
Sorry.

unknown (35:15):
That's okay.

SPEAKER_04 (35:17):
Awkward.
Excuse my shedding tears.

SPEAKER_02 (35:22):
Okay, is there any type of berries that you don't
like?

SPEAKER_04 (35:27):
The blackberries.
They're kind of like oh uh likeactual raspberries.
I don't like those either.

SPEAKER_02 (35:34):
What?
I love all berries.
Blueberries, black uhblaspberries.
Blackberries, raspberries,strawberries, cherries.
Um I don't fuck with cherrieseither.
Eat none of them?
Like the the the ones in syrup,like for the cocktails.
Yeah, I'll eat those.

SPEAKER_04 (35:53):
Okay, those.
Those are fake.
They're like pure sugar.

SPEAKER_02 (35:56):
The other ones, the actual ones with the little
seeds in the middle.

SPEAKER_04 (36:00):
I hate the fucking seed.
Because I bite into it and I'mit the fucking seed gets me, and
I know it's there, and I'mstrawberries.
For the longest, I couldn't getinto them either.
I don't really likestrawberries.
Like it takes me a minute.
Like if they're bitter, fuckingdisgusting.
If they're sweet, they uh seethey have to be a special type
of sweet.

SPEAKER_02 (36:19):
That part.
That part.
I have to kind of be in the moodfor strawberries.
You know what's crazy?
I this year I realized que Idon't really like
chocolate-covered strawberries,and it's very funny, right?
Because Jonathan used to buythose for people.
All the time.
And then I just real, I justrealized why I never finished

(36:41):
them.

SPEAKER_04 (36:42):
Yeah, just like that's so sweet.
Let me eat three.
And you're like, mm.

SPEAKER_02 (36:45):
Yeah, he bought me a big ass bouquet of strawberry,
uh chocolate-coveredstrawberries, and I ate like
two, and I was like, and thething is like it never hit me.
Yeah, like now that I'm lookingat it right now, like looking
back into that, like I bit itand I wasn't like satisfied.
Like I was like, Yeah, and Idon't understand what the fuck.

SPEAKER_04 (37:09):
It's because once the chocolate is cold, it's not
the same.

SPEAKER_02 (37:14):
I think I think it's just the strawberry because I I
was eating the chocolate, it wasjust the strawberry that I think
strawberry con chocolate, it'sbest when it's warm.

SPEAKER_04 (37:23):
Like if you eat it cold, like yeah, it's already
frozen on it.
But to me, they just don't hitthe same either.
But then the strawberry too, yougotta be in the roof for it.

SPEAKER_02 (37:34):
Yeah, I like strawberry stuff, like
strawberry flavor stuff, likestrawberry milk, um, strawberry
pastries.
Okay, strawberry milk orchocolate milk from the next
strawberry.
Oh, neither.
Oh, you don't need either, youdon't drink neither one of
those?
I don't like and it's listen.
I have strawberry nissquickpowder right now, but that's not

(37:59):
my brand of choice.
I don't I drink strawberry andchocolate milk, but not that
brand.
Is it the Hershey one?
No, it's the turbo, I think it'sturbo.
Because that's the only one thatthey had.
So I have the I was cravingstrawberry milk.
I don't like the syrup.
I like the powder.

(38:19):
Even when I get chocolate forpowder, I get oh, I get
chocolate powder for chocolatemilk.
But I don't like syrups.
I feel like the powder is justbetter, and I can actually see
how much.
I just don't like the syrup.
I feel like it's very messy.
It's just, it's, it's, I thinkit's a waste of time.
The powder, I feel like itdissolves faster for me.
And because I'm an impatient asa bitch.

(38:41):
Yeah.
Um, but I I don't, I think nextnext quick, I think it's I think
it's more sweet than the flavorof strawberry or the flavor of
chocolate.
I feel like there's other milkproducts that when you actually
drink it, you actually tracetaste chocolate milk, not just
chocolate.

SPEAKER_04 (39:01):
Oh, see, that's why I like it.
Because the Nesquick, I'll onlyget the chocolate one.
But if I want strawberry, I'mgoing Hershey strawberry syrup.
Because it has more of thatstrawberry sugar taste.

SPEAKER_02 (39:15):
Okay, that see.
I don't I'm not really into thesugar stuff.

SPEAKER_04 (39:19):
I'm into diabetes.

SPEAKER_02 (39:21):
But I'm I'm sorry.
How do you not have diabetes?
But I have diabetes.
But uh you you you eat, sleep,shit, and whatever sugar, dude.

SPEAKER_04 (39:33):
It's just a matter of time.
I know it's a matter of time.
Once I hit like past 25, it'sgonna be like, ooh, heart
attack.
Like every 10 minutes.

SPEAKER_02 (39:42):
Because I I was diagnosed as diabetic after the
age of 25.

SPEAKER_04 (39:47):
That's what I'm telling you.
I know it's gonna hit me, so I'membracing all the sugar I can.
I have a few months.

SPEAKER_02 (39:52):
It's so crazy.
I don't understand that.
I don't know.
I feel like I do believe that Iwas putting my body in so much
like mental stress that I wasaffecting my body all the way
around.
And I think that's just crazyhow our body works.
Yeah, it just adjusts to us.

(40:14):
Talking about mental stress.
I have a lot.
I want to talk about something.
I haven't even talked to mytherapist about it.
I've talked to Jonathan.
You know what?
Yes, because my therapist isslacking.
I got you, bro.

SPEAKER_05 (40:33):
I do this shit at work for me.

SPEAKER_02 (40:37):
I got tea on everybody.
I'm just kidding.
Fucking um, I'm just making upnames here.
But fucking Samantha's gonnahear your fucking her tea on the
podcast.
For real.

SPEAKER_04 (40:50):
It would be like, I told you that in
confidentiality.
And I was like, but no dick getus too.

SPEAKER_05 (40:56):
Not for real.
But everybody at work is like, Ifucking knew Samantha was the
one that gave everybody harpy.
Bitch.

SPEAKER_02 (41:08):
Sorry, Tenantha.
Tell me why.

SPEAKER_04 (41:13):
Oh, no, mamas.
Everybody got that one person.
That's okay.
Bro, that's crazy.
We're not gonna talk about them.
Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_02 (41:19):
We're gonna leave their business out of it.
They know who they are.
Some people at work listen to mypodcast.
Oh, hey! Don't air this whenevershe's there.
Right.

SPEAKER_04 (41:30):
You know, that's all I gotta say.
I'm like, stop, stop, stop.
You heard the first part, youjust leave it alone.

SPEAKER_02 (41:37):
Right, right.
Anyways, carry on before beforeI get in trouble.
No, um, that's if I'm stillthere when this fucking episode
airs.
Once I leave that job, I'mexposing everybody.
No full name and address.

SPEAKER_04 (41:54):
Come at me again.
No, for real.
When you have me on Facebook,you know.
For real.
Look, we're coming at you again.

SPEAKER_00 (42:05):
I'm fucking dead.

SPEAKER_04 (42:06):
Anyways.
Um I'm the fun therapist.
Come at me.

SPEAKER_02 (42:11):
Yeah, okay, okay, okay.
So you know, I've been goingthrough some shit.
Um, I'm pretty sure I'm prettypositive.
I've I've said this on thepodcast before, but I was S A, S
S and Sam, A S and Apple, if youwant to look it up, uh, when I
was young by family friends, um,people that I knew.

(42:38):
And I went and told somebodywhat was going on.
I went and told my mom, and shetold me I was lying.
I okay it in a certain extent.
You know, I grew up, I shithappened, it kept happening with
different people.
I said it about it one time, andwhen she shut it down, when it

(43:01):
happened again with differentpeople, I never said anything to
her again.

SPEAKER_04 (43:05):
Right.

SPEAKER_02 (43:06):
Um, but I okay it.
Like, I okayed it.
Because when I think about it,my mom wasn't in the right
headspace.
My mom was going through her ownshit.
My mom was struggling with herown demons, her own battles.
My dad left her.
She was getting beat.
She was doing like she wasdrinking and going out.

(43:29):
So like she was in a bad place,and I sadly also got the bad end
of the stick, you know?
So I okayed it for her.
Like I accepted that that was mylife.
I accepted that that was goingto happen for me.
You know, going growing up inthe church, you're you were told

(43:52):
that God already read wrote yourlife.
Yeah, your life was alreadystamp-sealed and delivered.
Like God knew exactly what timeyou were gonna go to sleep, when
you were gonna lie, when youwere gonna chat to bell,
everything.
Yeah, so growing up, hearingthat and knowing that that
happened to me, my thing waslike that was meant for for it

(44:17):
to happen to me.
Like that was my life.
My life was for me to get SA byall of these men to become
better, to become stronger, tobecome who I am now, because I
am proud of who I am now.
Yeah.
And now it's as a 29-year-old,not me growing up.
Right.
You know, I I did my shit, Ifucked up, I you know, everybody
has their mistakes.

(44:37):
Yeah.
So I okayed it for her.
I okay that she wasn't there.
I okay that she didn't protectme because nobody was there for
her.
Nobody protected her.
Yeah.
But like after talking to mytherapist and realizing that
like it's not okay, whathappened to me it's was not

(44:58):
okay.
Right.
And no matter what she was goingthrough, her job was to protect
me.
Correct.
So now I'm in the place where Idon't longer talk to my mom.
And it's kind of hard for me tosay that out loud because if you
know me and if you got to knowmy mom, my mom was my world.

SPEAKER_04 (45:22):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (45:23):
My mom was my everything.
And I went through a really bigstage of depression when my mom
had to leave.
It's been six years since my momleft.
She's not dead.
She just moved to a differentstate and she legally can't come
back.

(45:43):
Um and now that I feel good,that I feel better, that I feel
happy, I don't want to talk toher.
Like I don't want to have arelationship with her.
Thinking about the fact that I'mnot gonna talk to her again, my
stomach feels relieved.

(46:05):
I don't feel like me not tellingher anything really matters.
And that feels okay with me, butthat makes me sad.
Cause my mom was my everything.

SPEAKER_04 (46:19):
Right.
And you still care for them.
It's okay to care for people andjust not have them in your life
anymore.

SPEAKER_02 (46:25):
Yeah, I get so.
And you know, and the other dayI was thinking about and it's
it's pretty fucked up, right?
But like, let's be raw, let's behonest, let's be blunt.
I thought about how I was gonnareact if I gotta call that my
mom died.

SPEAKER_04 (46:41):
I mean it's still gonna be hard because that's
still your mother.

SPEAKER_02 (46:44):
I don't I didn't feel like it was gonna be hard.

SPEAKER_04 (46:47):
Really?
Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 (46:49):
Like would you I feel like I will I'm okay.
Like, would you feel relief?
I will feel I feel like I willfeel the same.
I feel like I feel like I willfeel how I felt when I got the
news that my grandma passedaway.
It was just more like, oh thatsucks.

(47:10):
Yeah.
Carry on about my day.

SPEAKER_04 (47:14):
I mean, that's also okay since like everybody deals
with death differently and theyview it in a different point of
view.
So it doesn't have to affect youhard.
I mean, the people who are moreattached, I guess, to like the
living, like they they see likethis up here is uh like your

(47:39):
entire world, like once you'regone, you're gone.
Sometimes for other like forpeople like that, they would see
it more harshly because thenthey're completely not here.

SPEAKER_02 (47:49):
Yeah.
But like I don't know.
I mean that is true, like thatis true what you're saying.

SPEAKER_00 (47:56):
But like I feel like I feel like to a certain extent,
I will be okay.

SPEAKER_02 (48:06):
Like, I don't I don't want to say relieve,
right?
But probably like that, I don'thave to hear from her.
Like she calls, I don't answer.
Yeah, she texts me, I don'tanswer.
And I'm okay with that.

(48:28):
Like and it it makes me feelshitty because I know she's kind
of like on her own.
You're right, but so was I.
But I don't want it to be like,oh, this is a payback because
it's not right, but like sadlyyou weren't there to protect me.
I'm now protecting myself so Ican heal.

(48:52):
And it's just like you justdon't have time to protect her,
too.
You were you were the mainheartache of my life.
Like, I okay a lot of the thingsthat you did to me, and it's
pretty fucking crazy.

SPEAKER_04 (49:09):
We do that as kids though.
We try to give our parents thebenefit of the doubt, and we try
to see reasons on what they doand why they do things.
Um, because it's not always withthe intention of hurting us.
Like, we know that parents areour guardians, that that to us,
we're not always gonna thinklike, oh, my mom's doing this to
hurt my feelings, or we mightliterally think like, bro, she's

(49:30):
a bitch, like fuck her.
But then really I was just theone that's a pencil being, and
you're like, All right, maybeshe did it because of this
distance.
You're justifying everything tofeel at peace that like with
what they're saying iscontradicting with what you want
to do, yeah.
So you're just gonna justifyeverything.
I mean, it happens, it's crazy,like it because we trust true,

(49:53):
it's trusting their parents, andwe want to love them because
they brought us here, they aresupposed to be our protectors.
So, of course, we're gonna goahead and justify everything
that they're doing, yeah.
But like later on, we will goahead and see like true factors
on like why they did certainthings, like with example, with
like she said she was using shewas getting beat in uh with

(50:15):
alcohol use that she wasn'tactually there.
Yeah.
So, like the justification isjust the fact that she was
drinking because she was gettingbeaten because of this, but she
also could have done somethingelse to go and provide.
No, yeah.
She couldn't have not drinkedand like uh started thinking of
solutions of getting out andthings like that.

(50:36):
You know, like there's alwaysmore.
But us kids were justifying ourparents.

SPEAKER_02 (50:42):
To a certain thing, to a certain extent, we didn't
even know what was happening tous was wrong.
Because if I was if I'm beingrealistic, I didn't know what
was being done to me untilpretty much almost like in sixth
grade.
Bitch, at that time, how old areyou?

SPEAKER_04 (51:00):
Like 13, 14.

SPEAKER_02 (51:02):
I started I started getting SA when I was in the
beginning of second grade.
And I didn't realize what wasgoing on to me until almost in
sixth fucking grade.
And that's because they gave usa pure a classical purity.
They started showing us aboutlike periods and how to use
pads, and then they startedtalking about like sex and

(51:23):
everything like that.

SPEAKER_00 (51:24):
And I was just like, Oh, I do those stuff.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (51:33):
Yeah.
And that's the thing, likethat's that's that's crazy.
You know, you know, my mytherapist had me had me reading
this book that did wake up a lotof things, did bring a lot of
memories, and I've actually notshared this with anybody.

(51:54):
Not even with Jonathan.
So this is like raw information.
There was a point where I wasalone with my mom had a
boyfriend, and he had twoteenagers kids, two teen two
teenager kids and a young boy.
And my mom had left me home withone of the older teenager kids,

(52:17):
and she had left with herboyfriend.
I don't remember where themother two were at, if I'm being
honest, but no, it was just meand him.
And he tried hump me, I guess.
But like I had my clothes on, hewas exposed.
Yeah.
So like he finished on myclothes.

(52:41):
And he finished just in timethat they were pulling up.
So he like got off of me and waslike, go take like he pretty
much like rushed me to change.
And I knew that I had to change,like I knew that I was gonna get

(53:02):
in trouble.
And you know what's the crazything?
So I mean, I was a fucking kid,so all I did was just took my
pants off and put other pants,and I just stuffed those purple
pants, purple sweatpants, intothe edge of the dirty basket.
Well, my mom and I were doinglaundry one day, and I totally

(53:25):
forgot about it.
And she pulled out those pantsand she looked at them, and then
she looked at me, and then Ilooked at her, and she just put
them in the washer, and that wasit.
As a woman, I'm pretty sure youknow what the fuck a sperm looks
like.

(53:45):
As a woman that was sexuallyactive, that had two kids, you
know what the fuck a spermlooked like.

SPEAKER_04 (53:51):
Right.
That's crazy.
She just didn't want to talkabout it, she didn't want to
acknowledge it.

SPEAKER_02 (53:58):
So it's like at this point in my life, I don't want
to talk to my mom.
Right.
And it makes me feel bad that Idon't feel bad.

SPEAKER_04 (54:08):
You don't have to.
Because you're done justifyingwhat was not right.

SPEAKER_02 (54:13):
But how do I get over that?
Like, how do I get over thefeeling bad for not wanting her
in my life anymore?
Because not even not even fiveyears ago, my mom was my life.
Not even five years ago, my mom.
Not even five years ago, my momwas the reason why we were going
to get a three to four bedroomhouse so she can have a place,

(54:34):
she can have her own room in myhouse.
Not even a year ago.
And now I don't want her in mylife, and I don't feel bad about
it.

SPEAKER_04 (54:44):
Like I'm struggling with that.
It's gonna take time.
It will take time because it'snot an easy process, it's not
something you can just get overand like give you guys una
semana, una nyo, even five.
Like it will take time becauseshe was your world for a really
long time.
And you did justify a lot ofthings because you care for her

(55:06):
and you love her, and whetheryou don't want to be in her life
at the point, like there is atime where you did love her, and
you probably still do, becauseit's madre.

SPEAKER_02 (55:18):
No, pussy, madre solamente tienes una.
Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 (55:23):
I'm like, yeah, but where you're just not justifying
her actions you can anymore.
Because it's like I have aniece.
Like you grew up and you sawwhat the life, like what world
is actually like, yeah, andyou're not putting up with it.
Yeah, I mean, there's nothingwrong with it.

SPEAKER_02 (55:39):
If my niece were to tell me, oh mama's friend, girl.
I wouldn't even be like, are yousure?
Like, I will be like, okay, youneed to tell me everything.
Like, I wouldn't even questionher.
Like, are you lying?
Are you how do you know?
I need you to tell meeverything.
When, where, how many times, whowas there, who, like everything.

unknown (56:02):
Right.

SPEAKER_02 (56:02):
Because it's who what child that doesn't know
about that stuff makes that shitup.

SPEAKER_04 (56:07):
Exactly.
Because it's not like it isexposed everywhere, but at that
time it wasn't.
Yeah.
And even then, everybody likecan tell that that's not okay.
Even if they try to make a jokeabout it, like you can tell,
like, by the reactions andthings like that, that it's not
okay.
Yeah.
It's not something to be likemessed around with, like, it's

(56:28):
very serious.
Yeah.
Because it is a serious matter.
And then that's what you've cometo realize and justify for
yourself.
Is that like, you know what itis this series?
And it's fuckful for you.

SPEAKER_02 (56:41):
I fuck for it does fuck you up a lot.
It does.
Like, it made me question a lotabout myself.
I haven't had the chance to talkto my therapist about it because
you know she's been out with hersurgeries.
But it's it's something thatdefinitely um I've been
struggling with because it'sOctober.

SPEAKER_04 (57:02):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (57:03):
Well, when we're recording this, it's October.
I don't know when this will beout.
Yeah.
But it's October.
My birthday is October 3rd, andmy mom's birthday is October
10th.
Um, for my birthday, I normallycry because my mom's not here.
But this year I didn't.
This year I actually felt good.
I felt happy.

(57:24):
I felt I felt good.
I feel I feel good.
And that's that's a lot becauseI haven't been able to feel like
that in a real long time.
Ever since my mom had to leave,you know?
Um so this this year for mybirthday was good.
For my mom's birthday, Iactually forgot it was her

(57:47):
birthday.
I didn't realize that it was herbirthday.
Um, but I definitely did notwake up okay.

SPEAKER_04 (57:55):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (57:55):
I woke up like in the wrong side of the bed, type
of shit.
Like I had a really funkyattitude.
And like I left the house, notreally arguing with Jonathan,
but I left the house upset.
Upset.
Like you can tell that I was Iwas ready just to talk my shit.

(58:16):
Like I was just ready to bopoff.
Yeah.
Um, I took the energy to workuntil I realized, until I had to
start signing some goddamnpapers, and I'm like, October
10, 2024.
And I'm like, October, October10, 2024.
And I was like, fuck.
I'm like, I know what's wrong.
It's my fucking mom's birthday.

(58:37):
Yeah.
And like I came home that day,and I just felt like I wanted to
destroy my house.
I wanted to throw everythingaway.
Like, not throw everything away.
I wanted to throw everythingaround.
Yeah.
I wanted to throw stuff.

SPEAKER_04 (58:56):
You want to let your rage out.

SPEAKER_02 (58:58):
Yeah.
And it's like, I haven't feltlike that in a minute.
And I was trying really hard tonot do that to this place
because I've done it to all myprevious places.
I've broken furniture, madeholes, broken stuff.

(59:18):
And it's just like I don't wantto do that here.
It's not the energy you want tohave.
Yeah.
Like we just moved in.
I don't want to have a hole thatI'm looking at all the fucking
time like I did at theapartment.
You know, like it's embarrassingto have somebody come and patch

(59:40):
up your holes.
Yeah.
You know?
Like, some people are gonnafigure it out, some people are
gonna take the bullshit assstory that we give them.
Yeah.
And some people are gonna know.

SPEAKER_04 (59:52):
Like, no, but okay.
You know?
Or they try to think of otherthings that could be worse and
things like that.
They're judging.

SPEAKER_02 (01:00:00):
You yeah, so it's like I I did struggle that day,
and instead of acting out,instead of passing out, I just
talked to Jonathan.
Yeah, that's good, and I just itit was weird, it was different
just because I normally don'tfeel sad.

(01:00:21):
I mean, I don't feel angry, Inormally just feel sad.
So that just that that's whatreally got me thinking.
Like, why do I feel so angrytowards my mom?
And it's just like I don't wantto talk to her.
And when I think about nothaving her in my life, like I
don't feel angry, I feelpeaceful.

(01:00:43):
I feel like my stomach settles.
I feel like my stomach is nottight anymore.
I feel like that's what I needto do.

SPEAKER_04 (01:00:53):
It's the stages of grief that you're going through.
It just makes me feel shitty.
You don't have to.
It's like uh like I get it, youare gonna feel shitty, but it's
with time.
That's that's really the bestadvice I could give.
Like, I know that there's likeother things you probably could
do to just distract yourself,but what really is just gonna go

(01:01:14):
ahead and help with that feelingof guilt is just time because
there's nothing you have to feelguilty about.

SPEAKER_02 (01:01:22):
Like, I definitely let myself cry nowadays.
I wouldn't let myself cry.
But now I let myself cry.

SPEAKER_04 (01:01:32):
Yeah, it's good.

SPEAKER_02 (01:01:33):
And I you know what's crazy?
I struggle to get myself to cry.

SPEAKER_04 (01:01:36):
Really?

SPEAKER_02 (01:01:37):
Like I feel it, like sometimes like I feel anger, and
when I really think about that,it's like okay, it's not anger,
it's just sadness that's comingout as anger.
And that's and I've I talked tomy therapist about that, and she
says, is that because I'm notangry, I'm full of rage.
So it's like I don't have anger,I'm just rage.

(01:01:59):
That's why I automatically gofrom like feeling angry to
fucking throwing shit across theroom because I escalate, because
I'm always escalated.
And it makes sense, you know?
But this time, whenever I feellike I need to make a hole in
the wall, I just like okay, justsit down and cry.
Because then I cry and I feelbetter, and I don't no longer

(01:02:23):
feel like I had to punchanything, and I just like I'm
able to talk, I'm able toexpress myself to Jonathan, I'm
being heard, and that's verynice.

SPEAKER_04 (01:02:39):
It's a lot easier to hear someone whenever they're
talking softly than yelling andjust spewing things out that you
don't actually mean, but becauseyou're angry, you're gonna say
whatever because you don't care,you're just ready to explode,
ready to destroy.

SPEAKER_02 (01:02:57):
Yeah, yeah.
So I can't wait to remember totalk to my therapist and catch
up with a lot of things becauseit's been too damn long, woman.
But yeah, I mean that was mysession right there.

(01:03:17):
That was my therapy session.
Thanks, guys.
Y'all are the best.
Y'all could go ahead and buildJonathan.
Nah, no, but yeah, it's it'sit's something it's still fresh.
We're still in October.
My mom's birthday just happened.

SPEAKER_04 (01:03:30):
Yeah, so it's still very recent and things.
That's why I'm telling you,time.

SPEAKER_02 (01:03:35):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 (01:03:39):
Let's just take us one day at a time.

SPEAKER_02 (01:03:42):
That's definitely something that I'm gonna have to
do.

SPEAKER_04 (01:03:45):
Um focus on your now, your here.
Whatever is present to youbecause there's not much you can
do about the future because youdon't know what's gonna happen.
Yeah.
And in the past, it alreadyhappened.
No, yeah, and there's nothingthat can be changed.
You can only focus on the nowand what you can do to focus and

(01:04:07):
change what is here.

SPEAKER_02 (01:04:10):
Yeah.
Look at you, Melaney.
I'm telling you, I'm trying togo to school for this.
I do too.
I would like to be a therapist,actually.
I feel like I'm a good listener.

SPEAKER_04 (01:04:23):
I just like feeling that I'm guiding people
correctly.
Like, there's other routesthat's not always have to be a
very harsh way of lookingbecause I'm good at looking at
things two-sided.
So I'm like, I can see yourpoint of view very clearly, and
I'm not dissing it, but also tryto see it in this perspective

(01:04:43):
and things like that.

SPEAKER_02 (01:04:46):
It's the difference between thinking about thinking
with your heart and thinkingwith your mind.
And it's something that I dostruggle with for sure.

SPEAKER_04 (01:04:56):
Yep.
I'm a very emotional person too.
So I tend to act out with myfeelings, but then later I think
about my actions.
And then I'm just like, fuck,bro.
Like, I really need to startthinking more before feeling.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (01:05:11):
But yeah, because my feelings always came out as
angry.

SPEAKER_04 (01:05:15):
Yeah, mine always comes out in like a harsh yell
or like getting on yando or justlike bitching or things like
that, instead of just talking itout.
But at times I don't evenunderstand what I'm upset about.
Like, I just woke up and I'mlike frustrated as fuck.
Like all the smallest things.
I struggle with that, and I'mlike, why though?

(01:05:36):
Like, like I'm thinking like asI go to the bathroom, I'm like,
you woke up fine, there'snothing wrong with you.
No one did anything,everything's the same as you
left the night before.
You weren't mad.
What changed?

SPEAKER_02 (01:05:52):
My best tip for that, because I've had this
conversation with my therapist,because I am the same fucking
way.
Sometimes I feel fucking angryand I don't know what the fuck
for.
One, our mind wanders even whenwe don't even realize it.
So sometimes whenever we'redoing something, I don't know
where you feel angry, you feelanxious, you feel sad, is

(01:06:12):
because your mind traveled to aplace that you've tried so hard
to forget that you don't evenknow what the fuck you were
thinking of.
So sometimes you can sit thereand try to figure out what it
is.
Sometimes it's not worth it.
Yeah.
Sometimes you just gotta, youknow what, just bring yourself
to your then and now.
Like, okay, right now I'm on thetoilet.

(01:06:34):
I'm looking at my cats.
I'm gonna send crane on my snap.
Like, and you just kind offorget of that anger, and then
you bring yourself back to whoyou are, which you were fine.

SPEAKER_04 (01:06:46):
And that's what I do, yeah.
But I don't ever try to figureit out.
That's my thing.

SPEAKER_02 (01:06:51):
I never do sometimes, sometimes it's a
given.
Uh-huh.
And sometimes it's just let itgo.
Yeah.
Like, what's an example?
Um like I don't remember what itwas, but I I can't remember.
I I can't remember.
Jonathan was doing something,and I got pissed the fuck off.

(01:07:14):
I walked away and I was like,why are you so fucking pissed
right now?
Like, what the fuck is going on?
And it had nothing to do withhim.
Like, I realized that it was itwas um, I was expecting him to
do something that I was used tosomebody doing, but it had

(01:07:35):
nothing to do with Jonathan.
Right.
Because this is Jonathan, notthat person.
So it's just one of thosethings.
Sometimes you can try to figureit out what it was in insecurity
of somebody like little boys inthe back of your head.
But sometimes you can try tothink about it and work on it,
and sometimes it's just worthnot.

(01:07:59):
It's not worth it.
Cause like I'll get mad at afucking fly.
Uh me.
I'll get mad at a fucking fly,and I'm like, why am I so
fucking angry right now?
Like, why am I ready to blow upthe fucking world?
It's your mom's birthday.

SPEAKER_00 (01:08:15):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (01:08:17):
So sometimes things will just slap you in the face.
Like, this is why you're mad,Melanie.
And you're like, okay, makessense.
Yeah.
It's it's a it's a day wheresomebody did something to you.
Or sometimes a smell can triggeryou.
Sometimes a touch can triggeryou.
Sometimes a certain noise cantrigger you.

(01:08:37):
And you don't even know untilyou think about it.
And I was like, I'm upsetbecause you touch me a certain
way, and when I get touched acertain way, something else will
happen.
You know what I'm saying?
It's some those kind of stuffyou have to kind of like talk
about.
Yeah.
Because Jonathan, one time, likewe were playing around in the

(01:08:58):
bed, and we weren't, and then hehe put the cover on top of me,
and I went to panic mode to thepoint where like I started
hitting him like I was defendingmyself.
Right.
Because he triggered somethingthat someone else used to do to
me.

SPEAKER_04 (01:09:14):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (01:09:14):
And like that was the whole episode.
Yeah.
Like, you know, and and afterthat, the next couple of days, I
was like on edge.
Like he would try to touch me,and I will like jump, and I will
be, I will be like uh um justvery like, and every time I will
feel angry or will feel scared,I will feel like I wasn't safe
in my own house, I would think,and I'm like, okay, you're not

(01:09:36):
there.
I'm not there.
I'm here.
This is where I'm at, and I willbe okay.

SPEAKER_04 (01:09:43):
I feel that.

SPEAKER_00 (01:09:44):
Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_04 (01:09:47):
I see that's the thing though.
That's the I'm trying to get tothat point where I can figure it
out.
Because there's like certainthings that will trigger me, but
I don't know where it's comingfrom.
And it frustrates me because I'mlike, I want to know why.
I want to know what istriggering, why is this
triggering me?
What happened for me to like notreally get over it, but just to

(01:10:10):
understand and be like, okay,it's it's okay.
Because like one thing that likethat Ray does is that like he'll
hold me like based off on myshoulders, and I feel restricted
and I hate it that I just likeI'm just like, okay, I like I'll
push him away completely.
I'm like, don't just don't touchme, but I don't know why.
But if he has it here, I'mperfectly fine.

(01:10:32):
So I'm like, that's things thatI want to understand about
myself that I haven't figuredout how to tune those in yet.

SPEAKER_02 (01:10:41):
Well, I mean, were you ever in in an abusive
relationship?
Or were you ever in arelationship where you were like
manhandled, like not fit nottechnically like hit, but where
they were like grip you on yourshoulders or they will like I
don't know, like body slam you?
Did you ever did did yourparents ever get into physical

(01:11:02):
fights where you witnessed stufflike that?
That's the thing, never.
I wonder if it's just more likeuh what is that word?
Like castrophobic?

SPEAKER_04 (01:11:13):
That's what I just say it is because I don't have a
definition for it.

SPEAKER_02 (01:11:17):
Because sometimes whenever Jonathan hugs me uh and
he's too close, I feel like Ican't breathe.
And like I'll panic because ofthat, but like I just don't see
it.
Yeah, yeah, that's what I'mthat's that's like a panic.
Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_05 (01:11:32):
So you oh maybe that's what it is.

SPEAKER_02 (01:11:33):
Okay, yeah.
You you something about thatcertain touch can spike up your
little anxiety.

SPEAKER_04 (01:11:41):
Because that's how I feel.
I'm just like, I need a I needto like sh like I'll just end up
going like this, like I'm gonnabe.

SPEAKER_02 (01:11:47):
And like you need to breathe, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 (01:11:49):
But like I I can breathe fine, it's just like I
feel hot, and then I feel likeand like my skin's crawling, and
I'm like, okay, okay, cool.
That's enough, that's enough.
Don't touch me, don't touch me.
Like I overstimulated.

SPEAKER_02 (01:11:59):
That's definitely like a little panic attack.
Oh, your skin crawling.
Yeah.
If you ever decide to go totherapy, I would definitely
suggest for you to talk aboutthat stuff.

SPEAKER_04 (01:12:10):
I am.
I'm gonna start going inJanuary, actually.

SPEAKER_02 (01:12:12):
Actually, that's exciting.

SPEAKER_04 (01:12:14):
Because I want to do it like weed free.
Uh, I'm gonna try to get offnicotine too so I can be like
pure-minded, fully there,focusing on what I'm doing.
But I do have an addiction, soI'm trying to like push it down.

SPEAKER_02 (01:12:29):
Jonathan gave you some tips.
He just went through thatgetting off cigarettes and
stuff.
It's hard for it.
It will it is, it wasdefinitely.
I um I actually even stoppedsmoking weed around him to just
kind of help him because thesmell of weed just me smoking
and the smell of smoke willtrigger him and want him to

(01:12:51):
smoke, so I stopped smokingaround him for a while.

SPEAKER_03 (01:12:55):
That's good.

SPEAKER_02 (01:12:56):
Yeah, yeah, he he did the gums, he did the
patches.
I don't feel dizzy.

SPEAKER_04 (01:13:17):
You do you yeah, it's he was he was going to like
actual withdrawals because Idon't feel dizzy, I just feel
more anxious, and then I'm like,like I just feel fidgety, and
then and then I'll smoke, andthen I'm like, okay, like I'll
just say it.
Or like my skin will literallystart hiving up.
Like, you know how well this isbecause I was scratching, but

(01:13:39):
like my skin will get like superthick, like inchado whenever
it's hives, and and then I smokeand it goes away.
And I'm like, I hate that thishelps.

SPEAKER_02 (01:13:49):
Yeah, he was going through some stuff like that.
Little like he he will like hewill get really bad headaches.

SPEAKER_00 (01:14:02):
Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_02 (01:14:04):
I know that's what that is, but like he he the
little thing that he put like inhis gum to dissolve that helped
him a lot.
Actually, that's that's one ofthe things that helped him
because like I'm saying, hetried the the gum and the
patches, and they kind of work,but they never helped him to
really get off of it.

SPEAKER_04 (01:14:23):
Because my friend tried to give me one of those
little things you put in yourgums, and it's for that, like it
helps them withdraw from like uhthe dispos and like all that
shit.
But that thing burnt the shitout of my gum, and like this,
like my skin was like it was sobad.

SPEAKER_02 (01:14:41):
Yeah, that's the thing.

unknown (01:14:43):
I would have skin.

SPEAKER_04 (01:14:47):
Yeah, just no, because like like I took it out
and like it was raw, like uh-uh.
Yeah, like it just hurt oh yourather have that?

SPEAKER_02 (01:14:57):
That's what I'm saying.
Like that, like that's that'sthe process.

SPEAKER_04 (01:15:00):
Like, I couldn't eat like nothing.
Like, I felt like my lip waslike just doing towards me.

SPEAKER_02 (01:15:04):
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
That's the process.
Because then you start goingdown on it and it stops hurting
less and less.
And the next time you know,you're gonna stop needling it
less and less.
Because it's like, it's likeit's it's nicotine in it, and it
dissolves and it goes throughyour bloodstreams just like a
regular cigarette, just likeyour pan.
And you start doing it, youactually have to go like on a

(01:15:29):
schedule and you start winningyourself off of it.
So eventually, like But yeah,like that's that's the process.
The pain is the process.
Because whether you whether youdo that or you do something
else, you're still gonna hurt.

SPEAKER_04 (01:15:44):
That is true.
Not gonna lie, what got me tostop smoking cigarettes, because
I used to be a heavy uh packedsmoker, was the fact that I had
strepped and I could like Iwanted to smoke, so I went and I
was dying.
And so I was just like, okay,I'm gonna stop.
And then like I wouldn't let mystrep heal because I kept on

(01:16:05):
trying to smoke until I was justlike, all right, I'm done.
Like, this is not worth mythroat not healing.
And then after that, I couldn'ttouch a single cigarette
afterwards.

SPEAKER_02 (01:16:14):
You know what's crazy?
I also used to be a very uhheavy cigarette smoker.
Um, I will smoke like almost apack a day type of shit.

SPEAKER_04 (01:16:23):
I smoked two.

SPEAKER_02 (01:16:24):
Yeah.
It was bad.
And one day, like my firstcigarette will be like six,
seven o'clock in the morning onmy way to work.
And one day, I was I turned likeI was in the car.
I started going, I pulled up mylittle cigarette and my little
lighter.
That first hit made me puke.

(01:16:48):
I don't know what it was.
I had to turn around and go backhome and and change.
I and I was and that made melate to work, right?
So I was like, okay, so I didn'teven think about smoking.
I just went, changed, and I wentback in the car and I took off.
I get to work, I'm already late,we're getting to working, blah,
blah, blah.
I get my first smoke break.

(01:17:09):
I do the same fucking thing.
You throw up.
Yeah.
And I'm like, damn.
So then I was like, okay.
So then I'm like, what if it'slike a bad pack?
Yeah.
So I went and bought anotherpack.
And the same thing.
So I just took it as my body wastelling me that you're done.
And I never picked up acigarette ever again.

SPEAKER_04 (01:17:30):
Damn, your body really was like, hey, stop.

SPEAKER_02 (01:17:33):
Yeah.
But the thing is, like, I'm ableto do that with a lot of things.
It's crazy.
Jonathan says that I have strongwillpower.
Yeah, there he goes.
I was like, mental power?

SPEAKER_04 (01:17:44):
I'm like, that's strong willpower right there.

SPEAKER_02 (01:17:46):
Because one time, like one time I went three
months without soda.
Like, I without anything.
I just did straight up water.
And I just woke up one day and Iwas like, I'm just gonna drink
water for the next three months.
And I literally did it.

SPEAKER_04 (01:17:58):
You have, yeah, you have no mental like focusing on
one thing, and you're like, I'mgonna do this because I can.

SPEAKER_02 (01:18:06):
That's crazy.
Now, cigarettes, um, I'll craveit whenever I am very drunk, but
even then, like I'll turn it onand I'll hold it, but I don't
even smoke it.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
And because one time, sometimesI'll hit it and I'll I'll be

(01:18:26):
like, it's like, oh man, fuck,who gave me this?

SPEAKER_05 (01:18:31):
It's like I'm like, man, I'm tripping here.
It's like, where's my blunt,bro?
That's what I thought that'swhat this was.

SPEAKER_04 (01:18:41):
You get your blunt, you finish it, you're like, give
me another cigar.
Yeah, I'm gonna wave it around.

SPEAKER_05 (01:18:46):
Other vessels.
I was like, I told you I don'twant it.

SPEAKER_02 (01:18:51):
Yeah, it'd be like that.
It's crazy.
Damn, this episode we got reallytouchy.
I exposed my mom, but don't goafter my mom.

SPEAKER_04 (01:19:03):
Yeah, we learn, we're learning here, we're
learning here.
We're learning and we'reevolving.
You know, our main thing, hey,quit chewing on my crocs,
broski.
It's not okay.

SPEAKER_00 (01:19:12):
Right there.

SPEAKER_04 (01:19:13):
Yeah, I got your mama on you.
We're exposing you too, bro.

SPEAKER_02 (01:19:20):
But alright, guys, if you need some type of help
with physical, mental, we'regonna put up some links on the
caption.
Um, if you want to talk to us,yes, we don't have to put your
stories on our episodes.
We can definitely keep itprivately.
I definitely have a lot more totalk about.

(01:19:42):
So if this is something, if thisis like a little um relatable
topic that y'all would like totalk about here and there, let
us know.
Yes, um, because we can beserious at times, you know, not
everything has to be funny.
Yeah, we're not alwaysjokesters.

SPEAKER_04 (01:20:01):
Yeah, we can be serious about things.

SPEAKER_02 (01:20:04):
I mean, we we look funny, but we're not always
funny.

SPEAKER_04 (01:20:08):
I'm being like, nah, I'm funny looking all the time,
right?

SPEAKER_03 (01:20:11):
Yeah, see how she disagrees, defend me.
I'm like, come on the line andsay nice things about me.

SPEAKER_02 (01:20:22):
Right, but alright, guys, no for reals.
Uh our mental health matters, itreally does.
Like it, it's it's important.
We need to take care of us, weneed to take care of us because
if you already know that nobodyelse is gonna take care of you,
at least take care of yourself.

SPEAKER_04 (01:20:40):
Exactly.
Nobody's gonna take care of youbut you because nobody knows
everything.

SPEAKER_02 (01:20:44):
No, it's never too late.
I'm fucking freshly 29, and Ijust started taking care of
myself about like two years ago.
It'd be like that.
There's there's there's no late.
There's there's no late, there'sno time.

SPEAKER_04 (01:20:55):
Yeah, it's just whenever you feel like it's
right for you, or wheneveryou're ready to make that state
for yourself.

SPEAKER_02 (01:21:00):
Do it, you're gonna love it, you're gonna be
happier.

SPEAKER_04 (01:21:02):
You really do, you really realize a lot of shit
about yourself.
Yeah, like me talking to you alot is putting me in the state
where I'm like, you know what,it's it's just best for me to
figure out also therapeutically.
So I'm like, kudos to you forteaching me.
Now we're teaching y'all.
Yes, especially Latinos.

(01:21:23):
I'm not gonna lie, like we weour parents, we love y'all, but
y'all fucked us up.

SPEAKER_02 (01:21:31):
Loki, yeah, sometimes y'all fucked us the
fuck up, man.
Y'all do a little too much,yeah.
Too much or too little, yeah.
Like, I'm not saying that all ofour parents are as shitty, but I
literally just confessed a partof how my mom fucked me up.
Yes.
Because her parents showed herhow to shut up and swallow it.

(01:21:52):
Yeah.
So she showed me how to do thesame thing.

SPEAKER_04 (01:21:55):
Exactly.
That's what I'm telling you.
Parents will go ahead and showyou their same behaviors.
It's only whenever one persondecides to make it not okay and
to change the the route thatthings have been going in that
you're gonna see that maybe itwasn't like you didn't get

(01:22:17):
justice for yourself, but you'regonna get justice for the later
on generations to come iny'all's family.
Yeah.
And that's like a big thing.

SPEAKER_02 (01:22:25):
Because in you don't really gotta think about, oh, I
don't wanna be just like my dad.
I don't want to be like my mom.
Because my sister, she says thatsometimes.
Well, she used to say it, Idon't want my kids to grow up
like how you and I did with amom and a dad in the in the in
the same house.
Okay, I can respect that.
Right.

(01:22:46):
I believe our parents didn'twant that, right?
Um, but shit fucking happens.
And we they probably didn't gothrough the same thing, but they
went through their own fucked upshit because of you.

SPEAKER_04 (01:22:59):
Right.
Like everybody goes throughtheir own fucked up shit, but
you guys gotta try to make itbetter for yourself, yeah.
For future yourself and thenfuture things to come.

SPEAKER_02 (01:23:08):
Yeah, so just because I feel like we should
get help before we have kids.
Oh, yeah.
Because when you have a mindsetof I don't want my kids to grow
up like me, sometimes you fuckthem up in that same fucking
way.
And you don't try to.

SPEAKER_04 (01:23:28):
Yeah.
That's what I'm telling you.
Like you really don't try to.

SPEAKER_02 (01:23:31):
Yeah, you don't, but that's all we know.
And if you work on yourself andadmit when you're wrong, that's
a biggie.

SPEAKER_04 (01:23:41):
Nobody wants to admit they're wrong.
Yeah, and that's the thing.
But like as parents, you makemistakes.
Yeah.
And you gotta like learn from itto teach them better.
So they don't make the samemistakes.

SPEAKER_02 (01:23:54):
Yeah.
One thing also, I love toapologize when I'm wrong.
I like to I like to know whenI'm wrong.
I feel like that makes me moreof a human.
I feel like that makes me moreof a respectful human.
Cause nobody's perfect.
Right.
And if you can't accept andadmit when you're wrong, then I

(01:24:16):
honestly don't want to show onmy table.

SPEAKER_04 (01:24:19):
I'm never wrong, though.
Like, I don't know who she'sspecifically talking about her
table right here.
But I'm never wrong.
No.
I I like when people tell methat I am in the wrong.
I sometimes don't take itlightly.
No, yeah.
And I it's sometimes it's hard.

SPEAKER_02 (01:24:39):
It's a hard pill pill to swallow sometimes.
Or it's sometimes the way it'sdelivered.
Yes.
Sometimes the delivery is itpisses you off sometimes.

SPEAKER_04 (01:24:47):
It's the way they come at you that you're like,
okay, but you didn't have totalk to me like that.
Right.
You know, like I can accept it,but back the fuck up.
No, yeah.
Type of shit.
Oh, yeah.
But yeah, I I will admitwhenever I am wrong, or whenever
I don't think I'm doingsomething right, I will go ahead
and apologize.

SPEAKER_02 (01:25:05):
Yeah, when you step that online when you weren't
listening.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Definitely.
And that's gross.
And I pray for all of ourlisteners to have that one day.
Yes.
Experience that.
Uh self-healed, mental healed.
It's importante, guys.

(01:25:25):
It really is.

SPEAKER_04 (01:25:27):
Super important.
For happiness.
It's the only way you can getbetter.
Because then you're gonna bestuck on the same thing you're
thinking about, and you'll getmad over the same things, but
because you're not letting itgo.

unknown (01:25:39):
Yes.

SPEAKER_02 (01:25:41):
But bueno, like you already know, follow us on
social media.
Instagram, Facebook, all of it.
All of it.
We have a link.
Yes.
We have a link that you take it.
I mean, that you take that youclick and it takes you to all of
our platforms.
So if you want to see if we'reon another platform that you

(01:26:02):
use, check it out.
It's free.
You can chat with us, follow uson Instagram, you can
communicate with us there.
It's fun, it's fun.
We're doing all this cool stufffor y'all to be able to
participate with us and let usknow about that call.
I'm so fucking down.

SPEAKER_04 (01:26:17):
Like, I really would like to go ahead and have
y'all's personal achievement upin here.
Yeah.
Expose some bitches.
Your dilemma.
What your baby daddy do to youthis time, girl.
Exactly, girl.
We is gonna go ahead and findhis address because we know the
license space.
Hell yeah, hell yeah.
We'll get the blunts going.
Don't be like that one girlythat got arrested because she

(01:26:38):
you saw the TikTok about thatone girl who ended up going to
this restaurant and likedestroying this guy's car.
He got she got arrested.

SPEAKER_02 (01:26:46):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, but shout out to the othergirl on TikTok.
What?
With that, she brought her manover from fucking Mexico.

SPEAKER_05 (01:26:56):
I know what you're getting.

SPEAKER_02 (01:27:00):
Cheated on her and she said, Come on, puppy, let's
put a six flags.
And took you guys back toMexico.

SPEAKER_05 (01:27:06):
You got her fucked up and said, No, but she's
seeing fucking legal chargesnow.

SPEAKER_04 (01:27:12):
What?
For kidnap.
Because that's technicallykidnapped.
If you're taking someone againsther will, like, well, I don't
know if she's seeing legalcharges.
Scratch that.
Like, but there was anotherTikTok about it that like a
lawyer was talking about, andthat like, so she could be
seeing some potential crime timebecause it's like um she did go

(01:27:37):
ahead and like kidnap him.
Because she took him against hiswill.
Like, she didn't let him knowexactly where they were going.

SPEAKER_02 (01:27:44):
Well, look here, ma'am.
If you're listening to this,whoever you are, have your
people call my people.
I will donate for your lawyers.
Exactly.
Fuck that man.
I'll give you$20.
No, like I mean, no te pasesway.
Like for real.
Like, she's like, supposedly lavida over here is more.
It's harder.
You know?

(01:28:04):
But supposedly, yeah, to thelife over here is better, right?
La vida in Estados Unidos is theas a mexicano.
That's what you believe.
That's why you come over here,right?
So you find you this hardworkworking, beautiful woman.
Because she was very beautiful.
Yeah, she was beautiful.

(01:28:24):
Brought your ass over here withyour funky beaner ass.
Disgusting.

SPEAKER_04 (01:28:36):
Andale.
Like, como te treves?
Dude, like, you really fucked upfor that one.
Like, that's just mad crazy.
And disrespectful.
Like, I'm mad.
I wish you would like try meagain.
Hell no.

SPEAKER_02 (01:28:53):
I mean, drop this from here, so I don't know what
I'm gonna drop a mom for.
Your mama's house.

SPEAKER_05 (01:28:57):
Like, go back down the street to your mom's house.
You baby, you wanna go to sixbox?
I heard that six fucks is havinga huge recall on that hole.

SPEAKER_04 (01:29:09):
Because nobody wants to go to six, but they'll be
like, uh, my girl's trying totake me to six boxes.
I wonder why.

SPEAKER_05 (01:29:14):
Be like, what'd you do?
Well, bitch, you fucking reallike why are you scared?

SPEAKER_02 (01:29:19):
Keep your wiener in between your legs, guys, and
your straps in between your andyour backpacks, ladies.
Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 (01:29:27):
I mean, if you're not ready to commit, just say
you're not ready.
Why is that so hard?

SPEAKER_02 (01:29:32):
Just say you wanna be a mandingo.
You wanna you wanna dip yourstuff in different flavor ice
cream, but honestly, there'ssome ladies that you're like,
you know what?

SPEAKER_04 (01:29:42):
The mundango, I don't care.
There really are ladies thatlike that that are wild.

SPEAKER_02 (01:29:52):
That fucking boy.
Man, we gotta go.
I gotta go with this boy on thelist.
But okay, guys, you alreadyknow, bitches are still.
Getting pregnant from left toright.
Cooties are wild.
Disgusting.
Everywhere.
Lavatelas Manos.
We're fucking with us Mexicansbecause your ass will get sent
back to Mexico.

(01:30:12):
Be toxic.
Okay.
We love a little drama.
And just for the drama.
Ah no.
I'm gonna just stay quiet.
I'm gonna just stay quiet.
She said, you know what thefuck, bitch.

SPEAKER_04 (01:30:25):
Fuck you.
She's like, I'm tired of yourass.
Hell yeah.
Bye ho.

SPEAKER_05 (01:30:32):
Bye.