July 10, 2025 • 68 mins
Keri Khalighi, somatic guide, shares her journey from shape-shifting, performing, and stifling her voice to reclaiming her feminine power through embodied listening.
She remembers her shy 13-year-old self from small-town Nebraska who was catapulted into the world of high fashion. Modeling in New York and Europe, she underwent a trial by fire, learning to shut down her sensitivity to survive.
Naive, and craving safety and stability, Keri became a serial monogamist, and failed to find the emotional intimacy she needed.
Being a mother, a doula, and caregiver for her dying father cracked open a new level of awareness, connection, and wisdom. But, it took a divorce to usher in a renaissance of being.
Through tantra and other ancient traditions, feminine embodiment practices, and guidance from mentors, Keri moved into a deeper understanding of herself. That planted the seeds for a soul connection with her husband, Amir. She takes us inside their partnership, and how it serves as the foundation for their work as somatic and embodiment guides.
Celebrating the wisdom of age, we honor the stories we carry in our bodies as women, the beauty of exploring our sexuality, and how breath, movement, and poetry open our hearts and possibilities.
We dive into the power of women’s circles, and the ancient magic of feminine gathering. Then, Keri shares the beauty of tea ceremonies, which help us slow down and catch up—both to ourselves and with the fast pace of life.
She encourages us to live in “the juice” and humility of the unknown, listen to the truth of the moment, and share your imperfect offering.
TESS’S TAKEAWAYS:
- Somatics, tea ceremonies, and other practices open us to embodied listening.
- Women are always birthing, not only babies, but ideas, and new versions of themselves.
- Women’s circles provide a space for connection, free expression, and healing.
- Pleasure is yours to have and share. Not something somebody gives you.
- Have the sovereignty to walk away from what isn’t yours, and step into what is.
- Grief is an initiation portal that opens up new possibilities and knowing.
- Your darkest experiences turn into the gold from which to serve.
- Celebrate the mystery and humility of the unknown and listen to the questions.
ABOUT KERI KHALIGHI
Somatic guide and ceremonialist, Keri Khalighi invites women into deeper connection with their bodies, their truth, and the rhythms of the natural world through private mentorship, circles, and workshops.
Guided by archetypal and ancestral threads, and rooted in decades of experience with embodiment, birthwork, trauma healing, and sacred ritual, Keri’s offerings create space for women to listen to their inner knowing.
At the heart of her practice is Cha Dao - the Way of Tea - a ceremonial path which she weaves with somatic listening, expressive movement, and feminine wisdom traditions.
Keri collaborates with her husband, Amir Khalighi, founder of Embodied Masculine, offering immersive experiences that explore the sacred dialogue of the feminine and masculine energies that exist within us and between us.
CONNECT WITH KERI
Website: https://wayoftheelements.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/keri_khalighi
Guided by archetypal and ancestral threads, and rooted in decades of experience with embodiment,...
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tess Masters (00:00):
Keri, I'm so excited to hold space with you
and get inside this beautifultapestry of your life. I want to
ask you about what it was liketo be thrust into the modeling
world from small town Nebraska,
Keri Khalighi (00:17):
yeah, I think I didn't actually know what was
happening at the time. Lookingback is a totally different
thing than when I put myself inthe position of that 13 year old
girl who flew from BlairNebraska to New York. And at the
(00:40):
time, I was young, and eventhough I was naive and very shy,
Oh, bless that little one, I wasso shy and so out of my element.
But I had that thing that a lotof young people have, which is
just just fearless like that.You know, the fool of the Tarot,
just like walking off the edgeof the cliff, quite happy,
(01:01):
because there's I didn't reallyknow that much, so I quite
happily just, you know, met themoment of that and and was
thrust into a very grown upworld that I was not equipped
for. But I really I learnedtrial by fire, and I learned as
(01:22):
I went. What did you learn? Ilearned how to survive in a
very, very to use the wordinappropriate is, it's not quite
right, but what I'm a mom offour daughters now, so when I
(01:43):
can't help but think back tothat version of myself, and I
feel this fierce mama bear onein me, just like loving that
version of myself. And so I fromthis standpoint, I would say
that's an incrediblyinappropriate situation for a
teenager to be in I would neverlet my daughters do that, and my
(02:05):
my daughter, when was it lastsummer, she was vacationing in
London with a friend, and shewas approached by a modeling
agent and given a card, and shewent to the agency. And the
whole time, I was just biting mylip and because I wanted to just
yell no, but I know what theteam you have to be, very artful
(02:28):
and strategic, and so all thatto say. I did not want that from
my daughters. And so when Ithink back to what I learned, I
learned. I learned a lot abouthow to shut down, how to shut
Yeah, how to shut down to kindof get along. I had a lot of
(02:51):
angels along the way. A lot of alot of really traumatic things
happen along the way, and a lotof incredible if I, if I was a
writer, and I remembered more itwould make an incredible memoir,
because there were some just funand fabulous time champagne in
the morning and like mini skirtsand sunglasses and she vivid
(03:13):
West with cokes and being justyoung and fabulous and making a
shit ton of money and not havinga lot of responsibilities,
besides flying around the worldand showing up to work on time,
there was a lot of partying thathappened in order to, I think,
cope or feel like, feel like Ifit in. I really did have that
(03:35):
fish out of water, because Ireally was, I really was.
Tess Masters (03:40):
And so you said you learned how to shut down. So
what did that look like? Andthen, how did you open up again?
Keri Khalighi (03:51):
Well, it's been, it's been a decades long
journey, a hero's journey, so tospeak. And again. I mean, I can,
I can name it that sitting frommy standpoint now, with the
nervous system, education that Ihave, and the embodiment wisdom
that I have, I can look back andsee, oh, I really had to shut
(04:14):
that feeling part of myself off.There wasn't time or any safe
there wasn't a safe space to beas terrified as I think I was
deep down. You know, I I have a16 year old daughter in the
house in there, and when I thinkabout her navigating Paris and
Germany the way I was now, I wasalone going on, they call them
(04:38):
ghosties back in the time. Butall these appointments all
around the city, in the northand then in the south, and then
two o'clock, it's over there.And I was navigating the city
and the subways and the busses,and I had my my Filofax. There
were no smartphones. There waslike I had to find a pay phone
and collect call my family if Iwanted to connect. And it was a
(04:59):
different. In time, and I wasnavigating that on my own. So
for at that point, I was 14, andso I think I just had to shut
down a lot of my sensitivity,which I'm naturally a very
sensitive being, but therewasn't, there wasn't space, or
that wasn't really allowed. Icouldn't, I wouldn't have been
(05:21):
able to function and survive hadI felt all of the things I felt.
So I learned to kind of, Ithink, on an unconscious nervous
system, way shut down, go alongto get along party at night,
because I felt okay then and Ihappen to, I happen to to couple
(05:45):
with, with, uh, I was in a sevenyear relationship during that
time with a slightly older manwho was much more worldly than
I. And as as much as thatrelationship had its unhealthy
aspects, for sure, there wasalso he provided me this sense
of safety and some sort ofstability while I flew out
(06:06):
around the world, quiteliterally, on a plane every two
to three days, which waswonderful on one aspect, like
travel, best education ever. Buthe I would it was someone I
could come home to. He wasalways there, always there. I
mean, smoking his brains out,but he was always like, that was
(06:27):
okay with me.
Tess Masters (06:31):
Yeah. And then, what was it like coming out of
that world and then steppinginto something that was, I want
to say, more realistic, but I'mnot even sure if that's the
right word to use. What wouldwhat would you use?
Keri Khalighi (06:52):
Well, certainly more more real for me, for who I
am, my essence, my soul, my whatI know to know as my soul path.
Now I it's really interestingfrom an astrological standpoint,
it was just at my solar return,at 2929 30, that I closed the
(07:13):
door on modeling. Andsimultaneously, that's that that
simultaneously happened with mebecoming a mother, and at that,
that point, I was really clear,oh, I was done. I was done. I
was, I think, really wanting toclose the door on modeling. I
(07:36):
had done it, and I had done itup and down and all around in
every direction, like I did allthe things I wanted to do in
that world, and I did it welland and I was done that was
complete. And so it felt like arelief to be done. And being
pregnant and stepping intomotherhood gave me a really good
(08:00):
excuse, kind of there was areally good reason to close the
door on that, because all I everreally knew I wanted was to be a
mother, and so it would. Itallowed me to fully just give
everything. I didn't have todivide myself. I didn't have to
think about work. I was fully,fully dove into motherhood and
(08:23):
and really it turned and thenleft that world behind. I'm,
it's, it's truly complete,
Tess Masters (08:30):
yeah. And so as you closed that door, and then
this other world opened up as amother, what did you step into
there in terms of swimmingaround with the essence of you?
Keri Khalighi (08:51):
You know, as you're
speaking, I'm realizing there'sall these sometimes I like
things to be really neat andtidy, but I'm realizing, no,
there was a really importantoverlapping piece that happened,
which was probably like maybethree years before I closed the
door entirely on modeling. Myfather got really sick. He got
(09:14):
cancer, and I went to take careof him. He didn't have he didn't
really have anybody else in hislife at that point, that's a
whole other story. But I wascalled to go and really heal my
relationship with him. We'vebeen estranged for the better
part of my life, but I took thatopportunity to go care for him,
(09:35):
and it was a beautiful,horrifying, just exquisite
experience for two and the lasttwo and a half years of his
life, and taking care of him ina really intimate way, really
healed something for us, and nowhe's on the other side, and
we're incredibly close, and he'ssuch an ally to me, really
grateful for that time. But whathappened during that time is I
(09:59):
fell. Felt there was this deepfulfillment in caring for him
and sort of midwifing, thismidwifing him out. And I thought
maybe there's something here forme, because I was had already
wanted out of modeling like I'mkind of done. It doesn't really
fit me. What if there'ssomething here? What if I become
(10:23):
a midwife? No, no. First it was,what if I become a nurse? Like,
I help people like this. I helppeople who are sick. And I
thought, no, no, no, that'slike, too dark and difficult.
But what if I'm on the otherside of life? What if I become a
midwife? And so in researchingthat, I discovered this thing
called doula. And to become adoula, it was a much shorter,
(10:49):
easier path in I realized Icould become certified and start
working as a doula quite, quiterelatively quickly. So that's
what I did. So the the thatinitiation portal of my father
being sick and eventuallypassing opened up this new
(11:11):
place, which was really myfirst, my first opening into the
body and women's bodies and thestories that our bodies carry,
which you know, if you look atthe book many chapters later,
and where I'm at now, I realize,Oh, that was the genesis in the
now it's more metaphorical, likewhat we're birthing as women,
(11:33):
not necessarily babies, but youknow what we're birthing, ideas,
new versions of ourselves andthrough the body, which is the
field that I work in, is thebody. So I realized that was the
that was the beginning. Yeah. So
Tess Masters (11:52):
as you journeyed with yourself and forming this
beautiful relationship with yourbody and also being able to
intersect with other people onthat journey, as a doula, as a
mother, shepherding your fatherthrough that transition. What
was the next iteration of thatin your 30s, when you worked
(12:16):
with Michaela and really startedexploring other parts of of
embodiment.
Keri Khalighi (12:28):
It's so interesting because I'm noticing
the similarity. And so the deathof my father heralded this birth
of this new this new chapter forme. And likewise, the death of
my marriage at that time pushedme into this embodiment work
(12:50):
where I got myself. We spokeabout this earlier. I got into
the work. It was David data'swork initially, and then I went
on to do the women's work thatMichaela was holding, and I got
into the David data sexualpolarity, that kind of worked to
save my marriage. But what Ireally got through Michaela's
(13:13):
work was I really got me. Ireally got me in a in a deeply
embodied way that I hadn't hadbefore, and that was a big
initiation for me into justfeeling myself in a certain way,
giving myself permission in acertain way, and feeling
(13:36):
empowered, getting in touch withwhat do I need, and how does
that, how does that flow intowhat my boundaries are, what's
okay, what's not okay, and andthen really, you know, really
coming to terms with the end ofmy of that marriage, which was
so profound for me, because Ithink most people going into
(13:59):
Marriage don't think that it'sgoing to end, yeah, especially
if you come from, if you're achild of divorce, I think we
have a particular thing that'slike, okay, that's, I'm not
going to recreate that. I wouldnever do that. And then, you
know, I found myself there, andI found myself at that, like the
edge of the cliff, about to jumpoff and realizing, you know,
(14:24):
it's a very layered decision,and I realized that I would be
tearing my family apart andbreaking my children and their
broken hearts along with me. Soit was a it was, took me about
four years to reckon with that,and but I got myself through
Michaela's work, and thatreally, really catapulted me
into a new place in my life,kind of a that era right after
(14:49):
my divorce was a realRenaissance. And from I stayed
with Michaela and did that workdeeply for many years, and that
kind of flowed into doing. Somemore classical Tantra work, sort
of Neo Tantra. And then I founda very, very classical, like
classical old school, like oldTantra teacher, Nita Rubio, and
(15:15):
we'd start to go into the womband do womb work. And you know,
again, women's bodies and thewisdom and the stories that they
that they hold, and ask me aquestion to bring me back,
because I'm swimming in my Oh,
Tess Masters (15:35):
I'm swim. I'm enjoying just swimming around in
in these threads that you'repulling together
Keri Khalighi (15:44):
when you were
Tess Masters (15:46):
in this renaissance and
Keri Khalighi (15:51):
being a single mother
Tess Masters (15:53):
of these young girls,
Keri Khalighi (15:57):
and
Tess Masters (15:59):
figuring out what was going on in your body and
giving yourself permission, asyou say, to have that experience
while you're role modeling astrong woman or a vulnerable
woman or or an open woman forthese young Girls, what? What
(16:20):
was that like in terms of thepermission journey? I'm just
fascinated by that, how theembodiment continued to invite
you to lean into that.
Keri Khalighi (16:37):
Yeah, I mean, I think that permission piece was
key for me in going from I willdo whatever it takes to keep
this marriage together to reallygetting real about, wait, what?
What am I modeling for mychildren and is who I'm being,
(16:59):
because I know that that's howour children learn everything.
It's it's not what we're sayingor the lessons we teach, it's
the lessons we're living. It'show we're being. And I realized
I was modeling like a lot ofseparation and unfulfillment and
and so that was, that was whatallowed me to
(17:22):
really it felt like jumping offthis cliff into the unknown. But
what
really also allowed me to havethe permission to jump after is
I held this flame in my heart ofwhat I knew I just had a sense
of what I knew a partnershipcould feel like. And it wasn't
(17:47):
that my marriage was horrible.We didn't we never even fought
in front of the kids. But therewas, I wasn't met. I wasn't met
in all the ways I think mydeeply, deeply need that some
people, I think, are wired,they're very ambitious in their
careers, or they, you know, areled by their purpose out in the
(18:10):
world. Like for me, I'm a veryrelationship oriented person, so
for me to not have thoseintimate needs fully met. I'm
like, walking around, like,limping, like I'm not, don't
have all my extremities, so Ilet that flame and that knowing
(18:31):
of like, okay, this is, this isokay. I could cut, I could sort
of cut part of myself off, thepart of myself that needs this
and this and that, and becausethere's security here, and he
makes me laugh sometimes, and,you know, but I was so deeply
unhappy for real, and so thatflame of what I just imagined or
(18:53):
knew love could be inpartnership and finding a mate
that also had me jump off thecliff. And I said, You know what
my my daughters deserve to seeme, met in that way and
fulfilled in that way andradiant in
that way. And I don't
know what it's going to looklike or if it's going to come,
but I kind of believe it is. Andwhen I met my now husband, which
(19:19):
was a few years after that wemet, we met through poetry, in a
way, and he wrote this poemtalking about that inner flame.
And when I met him, it resonatedwith that flame. And I'm like,
Oh, there you are.
Tess Masters (19:44):
The twin flame is, is a beautiful thing. I want to
ask you though about findingthat intimate connection with
yourself and being whole withinyourself so that you could.
Invite in Amir, who was also onthat journey of being whole
(20:06):
himself, so that you could meetin this place of true intimacy
and connection.
Keri Khalighi (20:13):
Yeah, well, I think that the beginning of that
was having the courage to walkaway from something that really
wasn't mine, and I and it took,it was the most courageous thing
I've ever done in my life. Itwas the one of the hardest thing
by far at that point that hadbeen that was the hardest thing,
(20:36):
the most courageous thing. And Iknew it, and I did it. And
there's something that like,there's something that happens
like, Whoa, that thatsovereignty and knowing that
Well, I can trust myself to todo the hardest, most courageous
thing, because I value myselfand my life in that way. There's
(20:59):
something that happens whenyou're willing to do that, at
least for me, that was, that wasmy, my thing, and then, you
know, simultaneously, I'm doingthis work of embodiment and
really going into the crevicesof exploring my sensuality and
my sexuality that had beensomething that had been cut off
(21:21):
in my earlier years, so toreclaim that piece for myself.
And really understanding,especially in my maiden years,
there was this idea thatsomebody was going to come and
bring me pleasure, or do it tome, or something like that. And
what I really understood is no,the pleasure is mine. My
(21:43):
Pleasure is mine. Let me reallyget to know it, and then I have
it to share with somebody whenthat time comes common, like, do
me. Like, there's thatmentality, like someone's going
to do it to me, give me put noso I got to really explore that
and and have that and thenreally have that claimed in
(22:10):
order to then share that withsomebody. And that's really fun
when it happens that way.
Tess Masters (22:17):
Yeah, but you and AMIA didn't meet, and then
whoosh, we're going to coupleup. No no, take me through that
evolution. So
Keri Khalighi (22:37):
I'm like, which version am I going to tell?
That. So, you know, I'll justsay this. I'm sure there's at
least one or two peoplelistening who have been in a
relationship where there's,there's like, you're kind of a
wilting flower dying in thedesert, like, like, let's just
(22:59):
say, for example, in the sexualarena, like your your sexual
needs aren't met. Oh, I see
Tess Masters (23:05):
there's more than one or two people listening who
can relate to that.
Keri Khalighi (23:09):
So I, you know, I walked away from it, from that
aspect in my marriage, and andthen it was like, like, let's
go, let the pendulum swing. Andso I got into a, I got into a
beautiful relationship that Iguess was really, it was sexual
healing, and that was what itwas. And that lasted for about a
(23:32):
year and a half. And that wasbeautiful. And needed to was
like a it was like, Yeah, rainin the desert. But that was,
that was, you know, there's areason, a season or a lifetime
that was for a reason, and thatreally was coming to an end. And
(23:54):
that was coming to an end, andthat was a process. And as that
was closing, my antennas, or myenergies were starting to open,
to even, even be aware of othermen or other energies in my in
my field, and Amir came in, andlikewise, at that time, he was
ending a relationship, and wemet over Facebook. We didn't
(24:18):
meet over Facebook, I guess sortof, kind of, we were friends
somehow, through variousoverlapping communities. But it
was just at that time, I don'tknow, the algorithm Gods put him
in my feed, and I he was on atrip, and I was following his
(24:40):
travels. And I think becausethat relationship was ending, I
was really open to this man whowas a beautiful mix of father,
sober man, martial artist, poet,nature, lover. I was just really
taken by him. All the whilefollowing his travels, and I
(25:04):
commented when it was his, itwas his sober birthday, and I
just snuck in that. I too. Atthat point, I was not sober. I
also was sober for 16 years, andthat was a really beautiful part
of my recovery and gettinggetting myself. I don't think I
mentioned that part of myreclamation was 16 years of
(25:26):
sobriety and doing a lot ofrecovery work, but I wanted him
to know that we shared that. SoI was, I was very artful in my
comments. And then he posted athing about a poem, and I I
mentioned, like, Ooh, it wasfrom one of my favorite poets,
Mary Oliver, but I didn't knowthis poem. And so I comment, I
(25:48):
remember what I wrote. I said,Oh, I'm gonna this is a good one
for my poetry medicine first.And then he the next message was
not in the comments, it was inthe DM section. And I think I
sound like a dinosaur right now.Love section.
Oh, god, my teen girls wouldjust
be crawling under the tableright now. Anyway, I think we
(26:13):
all know what I mean. Oh, I knowwhat you made. We all know what
you made. What's a poetrymedicine purse? I'm like, Oh,
this is going to be fun. So Istarted to share with him a lot
of my favorite poems that for meare medicine. It's the it's just
the thing that can get in thereand touch place in the heart.
(26:34):
And so we started sharing poems,and I started to really, really
feel something for this man, andwe were back and forth, back and
forth, but I hadn't quite closedit. I hadn't closed it
completely with this otherrelationship, and I was feeling
really out of integrity, becauseI was really having feelings. So
(26:55):
one of my next messages waslike, Vulnerability Alert. I'm
we have to stop communicating,because I'm really crushing on
you, and I'm not complete in mylast relationship yet. And when
Amir tells the story, heremembers exactly where he was
when he got that message, andhe's like, All I heard was she
(27:18):
has feelings for me. Nothingelse mattered. And, long story
short, we decided to we wereboth feeling very real things,
and both wanted to be togetherin fullness, wholeness and
integrity. So we were at thiscrossroads, okay, what do we do?
(27:38):
We're both have like, half anarm hanging off. We're not we're
still ending things. So wedecided to take a note from this
David White poem called WinterApple, which speaks about themes
of patience and ripeness andtiming. And yeah, there's this
(27:58):
beautiful visual of finallytaking the apple off the branch
like a two full months after youshould have taken it down. He
says, You do, and you bite in.And he describes just the the
lushness of of the weight andand all that that brings. And so
I said, What if we take a pagefrom David White and we meet in
(28:20):
two months. And so we set thedate. He said he's like, here's
the date, Here's my address. Seeyou then. And and then there
were, there was a, there's abouta book this thick. I made a book
later. Of all, all thattranspired between that moment
and that, that point, two monthslater, there was many, many
(28:44):
writings. We never spoke, voiceto voice. I scoured the Internet
and I found some talk he did tomartial arts students their
black belt graduation, and so Icould hear his voice, and he did
render me some poems and send mesome poems, but it was a very
(29:05):
old school, beautiful courting,where, like almost by messenger
pigeon, you know, we would sendnotes back and forth, although
it was it was over Facebook. Itwas not over text. It was all
through Facebook. And I fell inlove. We fell in love that way.
So by the time that two monthmark came, our was strange. Our
(29:30):
bodies had to catch up with whatwas already woven together
energetically and through theheart. Um, he was to order it,
and I thought he'd be winning.
Tess Masters (29:48):
Oh, gosh, I I really, really love this story.
And as I've said to you before,when I came to your 50th
birthday party, which you wereso gracious. In including me in
the love in your circle offriends and family was so
beautiful, and you really gave amaster class in receiving love
(30:14):
and giving it and holding it forall of us. So tell me about what
it's been like to step intoworking together
Keri Khalighi (30:27):
and shepherding
Tess Masters (30:30):
an embodied experience for others, for men
and women, and the dynamicchange that occurs when you're
doing that together, as opposedto the privacy and intimacy of
your
Keri Khalighi (30:48):
your relationship. It's one of my
favorite things to do, is it'sco creating an experience
holding space and and, yeah,shepherding a journey for people
and an experience for peoplewith my husband built out of the
(31:11):
magic that I think we aresomehow blessed to share
together. So I feel like it'sit. It's birth. The birthplace
is our love, and whether or notthe offering has to do with with
romantic love, which normally itdoesn't, but it's, but that's
(31:33):
the birthplace. I mean, it's,it's also the energetic
principle of when, you know,when two things come together in
unity than like this third thingis born. So I feel like when we
when we get to co createtogether, this third thing is
born, and it feels just so aliveand so satisfying to create with
(31:56):
a mirror outside of the home. Imean, we create a lot within our
home, but to do it outside ourhome and to have our our
community be I really feel likeit's a beacon of light, and I
feel really honored to be ableto hold that beacon of light for
(32:16):
our community, for whoeverchooses to enter that space with
us, and, yeah, to use it, to usethat for, for to really be in
service, to really be in serviceof other people, then whatever
that light does for for otherpeople, and some of that's most
(32:38):
of That's none of my business. Ijust were able to, we hold the
space, we hold the practices andthen the magic and the beauty
and the life and the love andthe God that happens within that
is really none of my business.It's my delight, but it's none
of my business, in a way, andit's just so satisfying to be
(32:59):
able to create and paint andbirth magic with with my
beloved, yeah, share that withother people.
Tess Masters (33:09):
Birthing it's just such a beautiful image, isn't
it?
Keri Khalighi (33:14):
Terms of beautiful,
Tess Masters (33:16):
messy and beautiful, you're called to do
things in your life. So what wasthe calling for you to open
circle, to invite women to sitin circle with you. How did that
(33:37):
calling come about?
Keri Khalighi (33:38):
Well, so I found myself in a very different place
than when I first became amother, that place of all I want
to do is be a mother, justfeeling it to the entry point.
(34:04):
Bear with me for a second. Itwas I started to feel as the
years unfolded, being a being amother, I started to feel this
pull of what is what is mine toshare, what is my purpose, what
(34:25):
is beyond being a mother. I meanthat is full and complete in and
of itself, deepest, greatestjourney of my life, like deepest
spiritual practice as being amother. And there was this
thing, this like longing to haveanother aspect of myself be
(34:46):
birthed, to be known. And Ispent many years, many
workshops, many retreats withthis, this angst, almost of what
is mine, and looking lookingaround and being so inspired by.
These women that just they're soclear on what their thing is,
but the mirror was very clear. Idid not yet know what mine was,
(35:10):
and I spent many years in thatnot knowing and then, but also,
I've been a speaker and acollector and of information and
practice and collect you just,you know, from body work to
being a doula to the embodimentwork to just all the initiations
(35:34):
and the Tantra and thearchetypal work and feminine
Mystery Schools. It All. Irealized, collecting it all,
collecting it all in this bigsort of cauldron. One day I just
realized, oh, I don't need tosearch for it. It's, it's
somewhat simpler than I thinkit's just the
amalgamation of who I am that ismine to share and give.
(35:58):
Yes, and so that transposed withthis crazy portal that was
COVID. COVID allowed me to kindof get through all the
resistance I had to technologyand realizing, wow, Zoom is such
a gift. It's so easy. I just IMy house is about 20 feet that
(36:24):
way I want I'm in my little tearoom right now. So all I have to
do is walk into my tea room,turn on the computer, invite
some people, and we are we getto be together. So the circles
birthed out of me really reallywanting connection and
community, and wanting a spaceto practice together and move
(36:46):
together and sound together andjust like be deep and wide in
all the ways together. And therewasn't a space for that, at
least in the way that I wasdreaming it, the way I was
wanting it.
So yes, it really was this, thatadage of Be the change you want
to to see in the world, createthat thing that you're wanting.
(37:10):
And so zoom and COVID made thatreally clear to me. And my first
circle was really simple. Iinvited an amazing women in my
life. And I said, Let's I'mgoing to try this thing and come
and Let's be together. And itwas a really organic unfolding.
(37:32):
I literally just shared all thepractices that I was already
doing in my life. So I look backnow to that version of me that
was really so angsty for so manyyears, just wallowing in, like,
what's mine, what's my thing?And it was just, it was there
all along. And I think, I mean,that's such a metaphor. It's
(37:54):
such a metaphor for all of us.And like, really thinking it's
got it's harder, morecomplicated or fancier, more
sophisticated. It's just, it'sall it's all right here, it's
all right here. And that's areally big part of my work is
slowing down, getting still andjust really needing what is here
(38:18):
in the moment. And there's somuch information and peace and
wisdom in the moment when we canreally, really slow down and
dive underneath the chaos intothis one of my teachers, Maya
Luna, calls the deep femininecurrent of reality. It's always
(38:39):
here. But like, how do we getthere and and that, that journey
is really fun to take, and thenbeing in, being in that flow,
and the the, yeah, theknowledge, the wisdom, the
pleasure, the aliveness that'savailable there is,
is fun to play in as well.
Tess Masters (39:03):
It's delicious. So for somebody listening who has
never sat in circle with otherwomen, whether it be in person
or over zoom or at a meeting ofany description, what's the
magic of circle for you, whenwomen come together,
Keri Khalighi (39:24):
oh, man, it's beyond me. It is this ancient,
just this ancient code that Ithink, that we, that we just
hold. And I often say, you know,we could, we could just all
gather in a room, have, like, noplan, no agenda. In fact, that's
(39:45):
the best way, when I have to doanything, just be together. And
it's like this magic women have.We just know what's needed in
the moment, like we can feeleach other. It's that thing that
you know, woman comes over. Overand can look around your house
and just, I don't know, folds atowel or does the dishes or just
sits with you like we just know,and we also have this incredible
(40:12):
permission medicine for eachother, which happens less over
zoom, I'll say, but likeyesterday, I held an in person
event. And what's so beautifulabout women and our permission
medicine is we we free eachother through through our own
(40:32):
embodiment. And what I mean islike I was telling the women
yesterday when guiding themthrough movement, if you get in
your head or you feel lost, ordo you feel like you don't know
what you're doing, just openyour eyes and look around some
there'll be another woman whoinspires you, or is like, Oh,
I'm gonna, I'm gonna try that.Or she looks really weird over
(40:53):
there. Okay, it's really okay tobe weird. Or you hear another
woman's exhale or a sound or amoan or a cry, and it's, you can
just feel it. It unlockssomething. And it's beyond
anything I can describe withwords. It's, it's this felt
sense, this ancient thing thatwe hold as women, as as the
(41:17):
bears of life, like we are thevessel that life. We literally
change energy into matter. Imean, it's, it's really, really
wild when you think about it.And so there is just this. I
love being a woman. I love it somuch, and I love guiding other
(41:38):
women into falling back in lovewith themselves when they truly
come home to themselves in areally true way beyond what they
want to be, but like what theyactually are.
Tess Masters (41:56):
I want to ask you how tea ceremony is weaving
itself into the tapestry of howyou're holding space and how
that came into your life and howyou welcomed it in.
Keri Khalighi (42:15):
Oh, tea has been such a beautiful, beautiful ally
for me, the tea itself, theplant, spirit of the tea, has
just been such a beautiful ally.And then the ritual and the
beauty and all the elements ofthe ritual, it's just been
something. It really held methrough again, that COVID
(42:36):
portal. I discovered tea about ayear before everything shut
down, I found it through my dearfriend Satya, who had been going
to tea for many, many months, ifnot years, and she would call me
in the car after tea every timeso, so consistently. It was
(42:58):
annoying, because she would raveabout it and in the back of my
brain and almost roll my eyes,like, okay, it's tea I get it.
What's the big deal? She knewwhat I didn't know. She knew it.
There was something there forme, and when I finally went to a
(43:19):
tea ceremony with her, partlybecause I knew I trust her and
like, okay, and partly, probablyto just get her to stop calling
me, not really. I mean, youknow, you know I'm being silly,
but I walked up the stairs andthe the door opened to the tea
(43:40):
room, and it almost it took mybreath away. I and I, I started
to cry immediately, which isvery good thing. That's my
barometer to I know whensomething is very real. And I
was so touched by the beauty, bythe pace, yeah, the slowness,
(44:04):
the intentionality of everyobject, and just the space that
the ritual and the tea itselfopened up for me to be feel me
to catch up to myself, to catchup to my life. You know, life is
this, this modern day life, it'sjust moved so fast and, you
(44:29):
know, depending on how your lifeis configured, you know, for me,
I've got a I've got a lot ofpeople that I that I care for.
I've got a house full of kidsand a husband, and this
beautiful life I've said yes to,and it moves really fast, and
it's dense, and it's like, I, I,I sense it a lot as as as the
(44:51):
ocean. And you know when thewaves come in and you get up,
and then another wave can tackleyou from behind, and you're
getting up again, you're like,Whoa. It's these waves. Just
keep. Coming and ah, to just beable to sit in tea and it's in
its beautiful simplicity, andhave the ritual of it. Hold you,
(45:13):
hold me, is a beautiful gift,and something that deeply spoke
to me, and I and I sat with teaevery day, similar to how I am
right now. Leaves in a bowl mytea, my tea teacher said, you
know, there's, there's a lot ofbeautiful teaware. There's these
side handle pots, and there's alot of, like the kettles are
(45:38):
beautiful. There's beauty.That's part of the healing, you
know, beauty stops the mindbeauty, you
know. And I think it's at leastfor me, I wanted all the
beautiful, fancy tea wear andbut my No, you're gonna you sit
with leaves in a bowl, whichliterally, you put the leaves in
(45:59):
a bowl. And you don't need afancy kettle. You just need a
rice bowl, and you pour the hotwater in, and you sit that way.
And I sat that way for sixmonths every day, leaves in a
bowl, and it's very you get veryintimate with it, and it really
helped me. And I learned a lotin those in that time. And it
was, it coincided with thecircles. A lot coincided in that
(46:23):
time, and until this point, oruntil yesterday, in fact, I've
held tea and and my other work,which is somatics and embodiment
and little flair of likearchetypal shamanic threads
woven in those kind of journey,they've been separate. And
(46:48):
yesterday, I actually held myfirst event where they were
woven together, because afterthe last two or three tea
ceremonies, and you know, wedrink about six to seven bowls
of tea in a ceremony. In a onehour time period, you start to
get a little they there's a,there's a term for it. It's
(47:10):
called Tea drunk. And a lovelyplace to be. There's this,
there's this very calm, alertstate that this plant, Camellia
sinensis, creates this calm,alert place. And after every tea
ceremony in the last two orthree months, afterwards, it was
(47:33):
became clear that it didn't itwanted to. It wanted to move. It
wanted to something more. Wantedto happen. And it was, it's such
a beautiful thing for me, havingthese two worlds. I'm like, Oh,
I can actually start to weavethem together. What if we'd sit
in stillness with tea and meetall those places within and then
(47:57):
seamlessly go into a more of asomatic exploration, or a
somatic integration of all thoseplaces, and so kind of
experimented yesterday withthat, and it was really, really
beautiful. There'll be manymore.
Tess Masters (48:14):
Oh so exciting. I cannot wait to partake in that
town. It's It's so interestingwhat you were saying about
allowing yourself to catch upwith your life, and inviting in
the stillness and the slow lifeis so fast and we often don't
(48:43):
value still and slow and thenallowing ourselves to be in the
flow of where the movement ofour own internal rhythm takes
us, as opposed to being carriedby that of others and knowing
your medicine, it just reallytouches me so following along
(49:08):
from this idea of birthing thatwe've been constellating around
and inviting in you, givingyourself permission to hold what
is yours and share With theworld and birth it and invite
others to swim around with it.How do you continue to share
(49:31):
what's yours when it's not fullyformed within you yet? How do
you Yeah,
Keri Khalighi (49:38):
good question. Yeah. How to do that when it's
not fully formed? I think itrequires for me, just a
continued listening. I mean, Iknow at this point. I mean,
there's so many beautiful thingsabout being 50, reaching,
reaching, this, this. Age. It'sso wonderful because there's so
(50:03):
much to look back on and see,see how we're so held, see how I
can see like, oh, all thosetimes I was sure, just sure it
wasn't going to work out. Italways does, all those times of
confusion or murkiness or notknowing, given enough time space
(50:25):
and care, it always clarifies.And so I take that into any
moments now, of the not knowingto really just tell myself it's,
it's, first of all, it's okay tonot know and slow down that part
of me that I think we probablyall have that part that so wants
(50:46):
to know, that part that wantscertainty. But there's so much
there's so much juice in the notknowing, there's so much
humility that that's when I'mclosest to God. That's or
whatever you want to call thatthing that's beating our hearts
and breathing our chest rightnow, like that's when I'm close,
(51:09):
when I'm when I'm on my kneesand I'm not knowing, and I'm in
the mystery, and I'm listeningas much as I want to know. I
realized there's a lot of beautyin the not knowing. So it forces
me to listen and slow down. And,you know, I teach that, not
(51:30):
because I'm like an evolvedmaster in it, but because I need
it. I've, I can teach it becauseI've, I've, that's the thing
I've needed. So I've practicedit and practiced it and
practiced it. So now it's mineto give. I'm maybe a couple
steps along the path, andsomebody that might just be
(51:50):
starting to do that. And so Ihave some some hints about where
I think my work might evolveinto really valuing and seeing
the pieces that are mine, likethere's pieces from motherhood
and some really, I think, Ithink my darkest initiations are
(52:15):
the things that eventually turninto the gold from Which to
serve from. So there's been alot. There's been very
challenging aspects to mymothering and my children. And
because of that, I there's somethere's something there, again,
not fully formed, but I I'mlistening, and similar to how I
(52:40):
listened to there was somethingthat wanted to happen after tea,
and I sat with it enough andlistened. It's like, it's almost
like, oh, you know who talksabout this beautifully? Is
Rilke. And there's this quote hesays about, oh, I beg you to
have patience with everythingunresolved in your heart. Treat
(53:00):
them. What does he say? Treatthem like locked rooms or books
written in a foreign languagethat you can't understand yet,
because it's really yours tolive into the question, live the
questions themselves. And I'mbutchering this quote, but it's
something like that, and ittruly is. It's like a language,
(53:21):
a foreign language.
So just like
you know, I learned French inmiddle school, and I didn't
practice it much, and I canbarely speak it now. So it's
that use it or lose it thing. Isay this often, when I work with
(53:41):
women and learning the languageof their bodies, it's like
learning a foreign language. Themore you listen and give it
attention and practice it, ityou become fluent. So likewise,
I trust if I, if I listen tothis, this unknown language of
what's evolving and what's next,similar to how I listen to the
(54:02):
tea and what it wants to weaveitself into the somatics, I
guess we'll, we'll see whatthere is to come.
Tess Masters (54:11):
Yeah, yeah. And allowing such an exercise,
allowing, allowing, which Istruggle with on a daily basis,
I have to mindfully put myselfin that place for sure you were
speaking about being called toshare what you need. What is
(54:38):
something that you need rightnow that is escaping you, that
you're going to be inviting in.Is there something right now?
Well,
Keri Khalighi (54:53):
since I was little, since the since the
time, way, way back when I was alittle girl, and all I ever
knew. I wanted to be was amother.
I also had this vision.
Had this vision that would comeup and when I was in need and in
an emotional need, and I wouldhave this vision, this this
(55:13):
desire, this fantasy of havingthis this big in my vision, she
was a big, black, round mama,and I would go and I would lay
in her lap, and just she wasjust soft and ample, and I would
just lay in her lap, and shewould just embrace me and stroke
(55:34):
my hair. And there was almostthis, this sense of she could
hold whatever I brought, and itwas just this sense of it's
going to be okay, baby. And I'vealways needed that. I've always
wanted that and and I still do.I still want that ex. I would
love to have that experience ofthat holding. And for me now, I
(55:57):
see her as a, she's a she'sshe's an elder, she's a mentor.
She's somebody who's who'swalked a couple steps beyond me.
She's somebody who has toucheddeep, deep grief in motherhood.
So that is what I dream aboutand need. I want to be held by
an elder woman
(56:18):
who has been through it andstill dances in the light
and I and I sense I am, that Iam also
that to other women,
Tess Masters (56:32):
yes, you are.
Keri Khalighi (56:33):
But I really want that too. I've been calling her
in for a while.
I want to just rest in her lap?
Tess Masters (56:44):
Oh, I cannot wait to hear about that when she
arrives, because you are callingher in now, I always close every
episode with the same question,and really, as I was listening
to you, you answered it somewhatwhen we were just speaking
(57:04):
earlier about calling things inbut for somebody who has a dream
in their heart, which is all ofus, and doesn't feel like they
have what it takes to make ithappen, what would you say to
them?
Keri Khalighi (57:18):
Oh,
gosh. First of all, like, what,what a, what a human thing to
feel.
And,
gosh, do I get it. And, youknow, I still, I still grapple
with it. I grapple with it everytime, not on one, not when I
work with someone, one on one,that's a very different animal
(57:41):
for me. But when I, when Icreate any other offering,
whether it's a circle or anevent, like I did yesterday, and
it also doesn't happen with tea.But I'm digressing. My point is
it still happens to me years anddecades later that that piece,
(58:01):
that self doubt piece, and what,when it comes up, what I
recognize is it's a self it'swhen I'm self referencing, and
my remedy for that is toremember something greater,
remembering my why? Why am Idoing this? Why does it matter?
(58:24):
What is? What do I serve, andwho do I serve, and letting that
be the only thing that matters,and being willing to, being
willing to not get it right,being willing to be judged,
(58:45):
being willing to have it bemessy, have it be inarticulate,
have it flop. If it needs to,like, give your imperfect your
imperfect offering. And for me,it's, it's it's just
remembering, like I'm servingsomething greater than me, and
that is, that is really lifeitself as it, as it moves
(59:09):
through each of us. And May,May, May people, may women,
touch that place, remember thatplace in themselves. So it's not
and that can come through manydifferent means. And it doesn't
have to be
(59:30):
perfect, polished. It
can be really simple. So itreally is that switch from like,
from the me place to thatgreater field, and being willing
to being willing to look like afool. And that is no small
that's no small ask, being ableto tolerate, even just stuff on
(59:55):
a nervous system level, level,being able to tolerate all that
comes up when. We're puttingourselves in the position to
look like a fool, to crash andburn, to be judged like we're
we're wired for belonging, andto put yourself in that
position, it's a big ask.
(01:00:17):
So
Tess Masters (01:00:18):
I just love sharing your imperfect offering.
Thank you for this beautifulconversation and for holding
space with me.
Unknown (01:00:36):
Thank you.
Keri, I'm so excited to hold space with you
and get inside this beautifultapestry of your life. I want to
ask you about what it was liketo be thrust into the modeling
world from small town Nebraska,
Keri Khalighi (00:17):
yeah, I think I didn't actually know what was
happening at the time. Lookingback is a totally different
thing than when I put myself inthe position of that 13 year old
girl who flew from BlairNebraska to New York. And at the
(00:40):
time, I was young, and eventhough I was naive and very shy,
Oh, bless that little one, I wasso shy and so out of my element.
But I had that thing that a lotof young people have, which is
just just fearless like that.You know, the fool of the Tarot,
just like walking off the edgeof the cliff, quite happy,
(01:01):
because there's I didn't reallyknow that much, so I quite
happily just, you know, met themoment of that and and was
thrust into a very grown upworld that I was not equipped
for. But I really I learnedtrial by fire, and I learned as
(01:22):
I went. What did you learn? Ilearned how to survive in a
very, very to use the wordinappropriate is, it's not quite
right, but what I'm a mom offour daughters now, so when I
(01:43):
can't help but think back tothat version of myself, and I
feel this fierce mama bear onein me, just like loving that
version of myself. And so I fromthis standpoint, I would say
that's an incrediblyinappropriate situation for a
teenager to be in I would neverlet my daughters do that, and my
(02:05):
my daughter, when was it lastsummer, she was vacationing in
London with a friend, and shewas approached by a modeling
agent and given a card, and shewent to the agency. And the
whole time, I was just biting mylip and because I wanted to just
yell no, but I know what theteam you have to be, very artful
(02:28):
and strategic, and so all thatto say. I did not want that from
my daughters. And so when Ithink back to what I learned, I
learned. I learned a lot abouthow to shut down, how to shut
Yeah, how to shut down to kindof get along. I had a lot of
(02:51):
angels along the way. A lot of alot of really traumatic things
happen along the way, and a lotof incredible if I, if I was a
writer, and I remembered more itwould make an incredible memoir,
because there were some just funand fabulous time champagne in
the morning and like mini skirtsand sunglasses and she vivid
(03:13):
West with cokes and being justyoung and fabulous and making a
shit ton of money and not havinga lot of responsibilities,
besides flying around the worldand showing up to work on time,
there was a lot of partying thathappened in order to, I think,
cope or feel like, feel like Ifit in. I really did have that
(03:35):
fish out of water, because Ireally was, I really was.
Tess Masters (03:40):
And so you said you learned how to shut down. So
what did that look like? Andthen, how did you open up again?
Keri Khalighi (03:51):
Well, it's been, it's been a decades long
journey, a hero's journey, so tospeak. And again. I mean, I can,
I can name it that sitting frommy standpoint now, with the
nervous system, education that Ihave, and the embodiment wisdom
that I have, I can look back andsee, oh, I really had to shut
(04:14):
that feeling part of myself off.There wasn't time or any safe
there wasn't a safe space to beas terrified as I think I was
deep down. You know, I I have a16 year old daughter in the
house in there, and when I thinkabout her navigating Paris and
Germany the way I was now, I wasalone going on, they call them
(04:38):
ghosties back in the time. Butall these appointments all
around the city, in the northand then in the south, and then
two o'clock, it's over there.And I was navigating the city
and the subways and the busses,and I had my my Filofax. There
were no smartphones. There waslike I had to find a pay phone
and collect call my family if Iwanted to connect. And it was a
(04:59):
different. In time, and I wasnavigating that on my own. So
for at that point, I was 14, andso I think I just had to shut
down a lot of my sensitivity,which I'm naturally a very
sensitive being, but therewasn't, there wasn't space, or
that wasn't really allowed. Icouldn't, I wouldn't have been
(05:21):
able to function and survive hadI felt all of the things I felt.
So I learned to kind of, Ithink, on an unconscious nervous
system, way shut down, go alongto get along party at night,
because I felt okay then and Ihappen to, I happen to to couple
(05:45):
with, with, uh, I was in a sevenyear relationship during that
time with a slightly older manwho was much more worldly than
I. And as as much as thatrelationship had its unhealthy
aspects, for sure, there wasalso he provided me this sense
of safety and some sort ofstability while I flew out
(06:06):
around the world, quiteliterally, on a plane every two
to three days, which waswonderful on one aspect, like
travel, best education ever. Buthe I would it was someone I
could come home to. He wasalways there, always there. I
mean, smoking his brains out,but he was always like, that was
(06:27):
okay with me.
Tess Masters (06:31):
Yeah. And then, what was it like coming out of
that world and then steppinginto something that was, I want
to say, more realistic, but I'mnot even sure if that's the
right word to use. What wouldwhat would you use?
Keri Khalighi (06:52):
Well, certainly more more real for me, for who I
am, my essence, my soul, my whatI know to know as my soul path.
Now I it's really interestingfrom an astrological standpoint,
it was just at my solar return,at 2929 30, that I closed the
(07:13):
door on modeling. Andsimultaneously, that's that that
simultaneously happened with mebecoming a mother, and at that,
that point, I was really clear,oh, I was done. I was done. I
was, I think, really wanting toclose the door on modeling. I
(07:36):
had done it, and I had done itup and down and all around in
every direction, like I did allthe things I wanted to do in
that world, and I did it welland and I was done that was
complete. And so it felt like arelief to be done. And being
pregnant and stepping intomotherhood gave me a really good
(08:00):
excuse, kind of there was areally good reason to close the
door on that, because all I everreally knew I wanted was to be a
mother, and so it would. Itallowed me to fully just give
everything. I didn't have todivide myself. I didn't have to
think about work. I was fully,fully dove into motherhood and
(08:23):
and really it turned and thenleft that world behind. I'm,
it's, it's truly complete,
Tess Masters (08:30):
yeah. And so as you closed that door, and then
this other world opened up as amother, what did you step into
there in terms of swimmingaround with the essence of you?
Keri Khalighi (08:51):
You know, as you're
speaking, I'm realizing there'sall these sometimes I like
things to be really neat andtidy, but I'm realizing, no,
there was a really importantoverlapping piece that happened,
which was probably like maybethree years before I closed the
door entirely on modeling. Myfather got really sick. He got
(09:14):
cancer, and I went to take careof him. He didn't have he didn't
really have anybody else in hislife at that point, that's a
whole other story. But I wascalled to go and really heal my
relationship with him. We'vebeen estranged for the better
part of my life, but I took thatopportunity to go care for him,
(09:35):
and it was a beautiful,horrifying, just exquisite
experience for two and the lasttwo and a half years of his
life, and taking care of him ina really intimate way, really
healed something for us, and nowhe's on the other side, and
we're incredibly close, and he'ssuch an ally to me, really
grateful for that time. But whathappened during that time is I
(09:59):
fell. Felt there was this deepfulfillment in caring for him
and sort of midwifing, thismidwifing him out. And I thought
maybe there's something here forme, because I was had already
wanted out of modeling like I'mkind of done. It doesn't really
fit me. What if there'ssomething here? What if I become
(10:23):
a midwife? No, no. First it was,what if I become a nurse? Like,
I help people like this. I helppeople who are sick. And I
thought, no, no, no, that'slike, too dark and difficult.
But what if I'm on the otherside of life? What if I become a
midwife? And so in researchingthat, I discovered this thing
called doula. And to become adoula, it was a much shorter,
(10:49):
easier path in I realized Icould become certified and start
working as a doula quite, quiterelatively quickly. So that's
what I did. So the the thatinitiation portal of my father
being sick and eventuallypassing opened up this new
(11:11):
place, which was really myfirst, my first opening into the
body and women's bodies and thestories that our bodies carry,
which you know, if you look atthe book many chapters later,
and where I'm at now, I realize,Oh, that was the genesis in the
now it's more metaphorical, likewhat we're birthing as women,
(11:33):
not necessarily babies, but youknow what we're birthing, ideas,
new versions of ourselves andthrough the body, which is the
field that I work in, is thebody. So I realized that was the
that was the beginning. Yeah. So
Tess Masters (11:52):
as you journeyed with yourself and forming this
beautiful relationship with yourbody and also being able to
intersect with other people onthat journey, as a doula, as a
mother, shepherding your fatherthrough that transition. What
was the next iteration of thatin your 30s, when you worked
(12:16):
with Michaela and really startedexploring other parts of of
embodiment.
Keri Khalighi (12:28):
It's so interesting because I'm noticing
the similarity. And so the deathof my father heralded this birth
of this new this new chapter forme. And likewise, the death of
my marriage at that time pushedme into this embodiment work
(12:50):
where I got myself. We spokeabout this earlier. I got into
the work. It was David data'swork initially, and then I went
on to do the women's work thatMichaela was holding, and I got
into the David data sexualpolarity, that kind of worked to
save my marriage. But what Ireally got through Michaela's
(13:13):
work was I really got me. Ireally got me in a in a deeply
embodied way that I hadn't hadbefore, and that was a big
initiation for me into justfeeling myself in a certain way,
giving myself permission in acertain way, and feeling
(13:36):
empowered, getting in touch withwhat do I need, and how does
that, how does that flow intowhat my boundaries are, what's
okay, what's not okay, and andthen really, you know, really
coming to terms with the end ofmy of that marriage, which was
so profound for me, because Ithink most people going into
(13:59):
Marriage don't think that it'sgoing to end, yeah, especially
if you come from, if you're achild of divorce, I think we
have a particular thing that'slike, okay, that's, I'm not
going to recreate that. I wouldnever do that. And then, you
know, I found myself there, andI found myself at that, like the
edge of the cliff, about to jumpoff and realizing, you know,
(14:24):
it's a very layered decision,and I realized that I would be
tearing my family apart andbreaking my children and their
broken hearts along with me. Soit was a it was, took me about
four years to reckon with that,and but I got myself through
Michaela's work, and thatreally, really catapulted me
into a new place in my life,kind of a that era right after
(14:49):
my divorce was a realRenaissance. And from I stayed
with Michaela and did that workdeeply for many years, and that
kind of flowed into doing. Somemore classical Tantra work, sort
of Neo Tantra. And then I founda very, very classical, like
classical old school, like oldTantra teacher, Nita Rubio, and
(15:15):
we'd start to go into the womband do womb work. And you know,
again, women's bodies and thewisdom and the stories that they
that they hold, and ask me aquestion to bring me back,
because I'm swimming in my Oh,
Tess Masters (15:35):
I'm swim. I'm enjoying just swimming around in
in these threads that you'repulling together
Keri Khalighi (15:44):
when you were
Tess Masters (15:46):
in this renaissance and
Keri Khalighi (15:51):
being a single mother
Tess Masters (15:53):
of these young girls,
Keri Khalighi (15:57):
and
Tess Masters (15:59):
figuring out what was going on in your body and
giving yourself permission, asyou say, to have that experience
while you're role modeling astrong woman or a vulnerable
woman or or an open woman forthese young Girls, what? What
(16:20):
was that like in terms of thepermission journey? I'm just
fascinated by that, how theembodiment continued to invite
you to lean into that.
Keri Khalighi (16:37):
Yeah, I mean, I think that permission piece was
key for me in going from I willdo whatever it takes to keep
this marriage together to reallygetting real about, wait, what?
What am I modeling for mychildren and is who I'm being,
(16:59):
because I know that that's howour children learn everything.
It's it's not what we're sayingor the lessons we teach, it's
the lessons we're living. It'show we're being. And I realized
I was modeling like a lot ofseparation and unfulfillment and
and so that was, that was whatallowed me to
(17:22):
really it felt like jumping offthis cliff into the unknown. But
what
really also allowed me to havethe permission to jump after is
I held this flame in my heart ofwhat I knew I just had a sense
of what I knew a partnershipcould feel like. And it wasn't
(17:47):
that my marriage was horrible.We didn't we never even fought
in front of the kids. But therewas, I wasn't met. I wasn't met
in all the ways I think mydeeply, deeply need that some
people, I think, are wired,they're very ambitious in their
careers, or they, you know, areled by their purpose out in the
(18:10):
world. Like for me, I'm a veryrelationship oriented person, so
for me to not have thoseintimate needs fully met. I'm
like, walking around, like,limping, like I'm not, don't
have all my extremities, so Ilet that flame and that knowing
(18:31):
of like, okay, this is, this isokay. I could cut, I could sort
of cut part of myself off, thepart of myself that needs this
and this and that, and becausethere's security here, and he
makes me laugh sometimes, and,you know, but I was so deeply
unhappy for real, and so thatflame of what I just imagined or
(18:53):
knew love could be inpartnership and finding a mate
that also had me jump off thecliff. And I said, You know what
my my daughters deserve to seeme, met in that way and
fulfilled in that way andradiant in
that way. And I don't
know what it's going to looklike or if it's going to come,
but I kind of believe it is. Andwhen I met my now husband, which
(19:19):
was a few years after that wemet, we met through poetry, in a
way, and he wrote this poemtalking about that inner flame.
And when I met him, it resonatedwith that flame. And I'm like,
Oh, there you are.
Tess Masters (19:44):
The twin flame is, is a beautiful thing. I want to
ask you though about findingthat intimate connection with
yourself and being whole withinyourself so that you could.
Invite in Amir, who was also onthat journey of being whole
(20:06):
himself, so that you could meetin this place of true intimacy
and connection.
Keri Khalighi (20:13):
Yeah, well, I think that the beginning of that
was having the courage to walkaway from something that really
wasn't mine, and I and it took,it was the most courageous thing
I've ever done in my life. Itwas the one of the hardest thing
by far at that point that hadbeen that was the hardest thing,
(20:36):
the most courageous thing. And Iknew it, and I did it. And
there's something that like,there's something that happens
like, Whoa, that thatsovereignty and knowing that
Well, I can trust myself to todo the hardest, most courageous
thing, because I value myselfand my life in that way. There's
(20:59):
something that happens whenyou're willing to do that, at
least for me, that was, that wasmy, my thing, and then, you
know, simultaneously, I'm doingthis work of embodiment and
really going into the crevicesof exploring my sensuality and
my sexuality that had beensomething that had been cut off
(21:21):
in my earlier years, so toreclaim that piece for myself.
And really understanding,especially in my maiden years,
there was this idea thatsomebody was going to come and
bring me pleasure, or do it tome, or something like that. And
what I really understood is no,the pleasure is mine. My
(21:43):
Pleasure is mine. Let me reallyget to know it, and then I have
it to share with somebody whenthat time comes common, like, do
me. Like, there's thatmentality, like someone's going
to do it to me, give me put noso I got to really explore that
and and have that and thenreally have that claimed in
(22:10):
order to then share that withsomebody. And that's really fun
when it happens that way.
Tess Masters (22:17):
Yeah, but you and AMIA didn't meet, and then
whoosh, we're going to coupleup. No no, take me through that
evolution. So
Keri Khalighi (22:37):
I'm like, which version am I going to tell?
That. So, you know, I'll justsay this. I'm sure there's at
least one or two peoplelistening who have been in a
relationship where there's,there's like, you're kind of a
wilting flower dying in thedesert, like, like, let's just
(22:59):
say, for example, in the sexualarena, like your your sexual
needs aren't met. Oh, I see
Tess Masters (23:05):
there's more than one or two people listening who
can relate to that.
Keri Khalighi (23:09):
So I, you know, I walked away from it, from that
aspect in my marriage, and andthen it was like, like, let's
go, let the pendulum swing. Andso I got into a, I got into a
beautiful relationship that Iguess was really, it was sexual
healing, and that was what itwas. And that lasted for about a
(23:32):
year and a half. And that wasbeautiful. And needed to was
like a it was like, Yeah, rainin the desert. But that was,
that was, you know, there's areason, a season or a lifetime
that was for a reason, and thatreally was coming to an end. And
(23:54):
that was coming to an end, andthat was a process. And as that
was closing, my antennas, or myenergies were starting to open,
to even, even be aware of othermen or other energies in my in
my field, and Amir came in, andlikewise, at that time, he was
ending a relationship, and wemet over Facebook. We didn't
(24:18):
meet over Facebook, I guess sortof, kind of, we were friends
somehow, through variousoverlapping communities. But it
was just at that time, I don'tknow, the algorithm Gods put him
in my feed, and I he was on atrip, and I was following his
(24:40):
travels. And I think becausethat relationship was ending, I
was really open to this man whowas a beautiful mix of father,
sober man, martial artist, poet,nature, lover. I was just really
taken by him. All the whilefollowing his travels, and I
(25:04):
commented when it was his, itwas his sober birthday, and I
just snuck in that. I too. Atthat point, I was not sober. I
also was sober for 16 years, andthat was a really beautiful part
of my recovery and gettinggetting myself. I don't think I
mentioned that part of myreclamation was 16 years of
(25:26):
sobriety and doing a lot ofrecovery work, but I wanted him
to know that we shared that. SoI was, I was very artful in my
comments. And then he posted athing about a poem, and I I
mentioned, like, Ooh, it wasfrom one of my favorite poets,
Mary Oliver, but I didn't knowthis poem. And so I comment, I
(25:48):
remember what I wrote. I said,Oh, I'm gonna this is a good one
for my poetry medicine first.And then he the next message was
not in the comments, it was inthe DM section. And I think I
sound like a dinosaur right now.Love section.
Oh, god, my teen girls wouldjust
be crawling under the tableright now. Anyway, I think we
(26:13):
all know what I mean. Oh, I knowwhat you made. We all know what
you made. What's a poetrymedicine purse? I'm like, Oh,
this is going to be fun. So Istarted to share with him a lot
of my favorite poems that for meare medicine. It's the it's just
the thing that can get in thereand touch place in the heart.
(26:34):
And so we started sharing poems,and I started to really, really
feel something for this man, andwe were back and forth, back and
forth, but I hadn't quite closedit. I hadn't closed it
completely with this otherrelationship, and I was feeling
really out of integrity, becauseI was really having feelings. So
(26:55):
one of my next messages waslike, Vulnerability Alert. I'm
we have to stop communicating,because I'm really crushing on
you, and I'm not complete in mylast relationship yet. And when
Amir tells the story, heremembers exactly where he was
when he got that message, andhe's like, All I heard was she
(27:18):
has feelings for me. Nothingelse mattered. And, long story
short, we decided to we wereboth feeling very real things,
and both wanted to be togetherin fullness, wholeness and
integrity. So we were at thiscrossroads, okay, what do we do?
(27:38):
We're both have like, half anarm hanging off. We're not we're
still ending things. So wedecided to take a note from this
David White poem called WinterApple, which speaks about themes
of patience and ripeness andtiming. And yeah, there's this
(27:58):
beautiful visual of finallytaking the apple off the branch
like a two full months after youshould have taken it down. He
says, You do, and you bite in.And he describes just the the
lushness of of the weight andand all that that brings. And so
I said, What if we take a pagefrom David White and we meet in
(28:20):
two months. And so we set thedate. He said he's like, here's
the date, Here's my address. Seeyou then. And and then there
were, there was a, there's abouta book this thick. I made a book
later. Of all, all thattranspired between that moment
and that, that point, two monthslater, there was many, many
(28:44):
writings. We never spoke, voiceto voice. I scoured the Internet
and I found some talk he did tomartial arts students their
black belt graduation, and so Icould hear his voice, and he did
render me some poems and send mesome poems, but it was a very
(29:05):
old school, beautiful courting,where, like almost by messenger
pigeon, you know, we would sendnotes back and forth, although
it was it was over Facebook. Itwas not over text. It was all
through Facebook. And I fell inlove. We fell in love that way.
So by the time that two monthmark came, our was strange. Our
(29:30):
bodies had to catch up with whatwas already woven together
energetically and through theheart. Um, he was to order it,
and I thought he'd be winning.
Tess Masters (29:48):
Oh, gosh, I I really, really love this story.
And as I've said to you before,when I came to your 50th
birthday party, which you wereso gracious. In including me in
the love in your circle offriends and family was so
beautiful, and you really gave amaster class in receiving love
(30:14):
and giving it and holding it forall of us. So tell me about what
it's been like to step intoworking together
Keri Khalighi (30:27):
and shepherding
Tess Masters (30:30):
an embodied experience for others, for men
and women, and the dynamicchange that occurs when you're
doing that together, as opposedto the privacy and intimacy of
your
Keri Khalighi (30:48):
your relationship. It's one of my
favorite things to do, is it'sco creating an experience
holding space and and, yeah,shepherding a journey for people
and an experience for peoplewith my husband built out of the
(31:11):
magic that I think we aresomehow blessed to share
together. So I feel like it'sit. It's birth. The birthplace
is our love, and whether or notthe offering has to do with with
romantic love, which normally itdoesn't, but it's, but that's
(31:33):
the birthplace. I mean, it's,it's also the energetic
principle of when, you know,when two things come together in
unity than like this third thingis born. So I feel like when we
when we get to co createtogether, this third thing is
born, and it feels just so aliveand so satisfying to create with
(31:56):
a mirror outside of the home. Imean, we create a lot within our
home, but to do it outside ourhome and to have our our
community be I really feel likeit's a beacon of light, and I
feel really honored to be ableto hold that beacon of light for
(32:16):
our community, for whoeverchooses to enter that space with
us, and, yeah, to use it, to usethat for, for to really be in
service, to really be in serviceof other people, then whatever
that light does for for otherpeople, and some of that's most
(32:38):
of That's none of my business. Ijust were able to, we hold the
space, we hold the practices andthen the magic and the beauty
and the life and the love andthe God that happens within that
is really none of my business.It's my delight, but it's none
of my business, in a way, andit's just so satisfying to be
(32:59):
able to create and paint andbirth magic with with my
beloved, yeah, share that withother people.
Tess Masters (33:09):
Birthing it's just such a beautiful image, isn't
it?
Keri Khalighi (33:14):
Terms of beautiful,
Tess Masters (33:16):
messy and beautiful, you're called to do
things in your life. So what wasthe calling for you to open
circle, to invite women to sitin circle with you. How did that
(33:37):
calling come about?
Keri Khalighi (33:38):
Well, so I found myself in a very different place
than when I first became amother, that place of all I want
to do is be a mother, justfeeling it to the entry point.
(34:04):
Bear with me for a second. Itwas I started to feel as the
years unfolded, being a being amother, I started to feel this
pull of what is what is mine toshare, what is my purpose, what
(34:25):
is beyond being a mother. I meanthat is full and complete in and
of itself, deepest, greatestjourney of my life, like deepest
spiritual practice as being amother. And there was this
thing, this like longing to haveanother aspect of myself be
(34:46):
birthed, to be known. And Ispent many years, many
workshops, many retreats withthis, this angst, almost of what
is mine, and looking lookingaround and being so inspired by.
These women that just they're soclear on what their thing is,
but the mirror was very clear. Idid not yet know what mine was,
(35:10):
and I spent many years in thatnot knowing and then, but also,
I've been a speaker and acollector and of information and
practice and collect you just,you know, from body work to
being a doula to the embodimentwork to just all the initiations
(35:34):
and the Tantra and thearchetypal work and feminine
Mystery Schools. It All. Irealized, collecting it all,
collecting it all in this bigsort of cauldron. One day I just
realized, oh, I don't need tosearch for it. It's, it's
somewhat simpler than I thinkit's just the
amalgamation of who I am that ismine to share and give.
(35:58):
Yes, and so that transposed withthis crazy portal that was
COVID. COVID allowed me to kindof get through all the
resistance I had to technologyand realizing, wow, Zoom is such
a gift. It's so easy. I just IMy house is about 20 feet that
(36:24):
way I want I'm in my little tearoom right now. So all I have to
do is walk into my tea room,turn on the computer, invite
some people, and we are we getto be together. So the circles
birthed out of me really reallywanting connection and
community, and wanting a spaceto practice together and move
(36:46):
together and sound together andjust like be deep and wide in
all the ways together. And therewasn't a space for that, at
least in the way that I wasdreaming it, the way I was
wanting it.
So yes, it really was this, thatadage of Be the change you want
to to see in the world, createthat thing that you're wanting.
(37:10):
And so zoom and COVID made thatreally clear to me. And my first
circle was really simple. Iinvited an amazing women in my
life. And I said, Let's I'mgoing to try this thing and come
and Let's be together. And itwas a really organic unfolding.
(37:32):
I literally just shared all thepractices that I was already
doing in my life. So I look backnow to that version of me that
was really so angsty for so manyyears, just wallowing in, like,
what's mine, what's my thing?And it was just, it was there
all along. And I think, I mean,that's such a metaphor. It's
(37:54):
such a metaphor for all of us.And like, really thinking it's
got it's harder, morecomplicated or fancier, more
sophisticated. It's just, it'sall it's all right here, it's
all right here. And that's areally big part of my work is
slowing down, getting still andjust really needing what is here
(38:18):
in the moment. And there's somuch information and peace and
wisdom in the moment when we canreally, really slow down and
dive underneath the chaos intothis one of my teachers, Maya
Luna, calls the deep femininecurrent of reality. It's always
(38:39):
here. But like, how do we getthere and and that, that journey
is really fun to take, and thenbeing in, being in that flow,
and the the, yeah, theknowledge, the wisdom, the
pleasure, the aliveness that'savailable there is,
is fun to play in as well.
Tess Masters (39:03):
It's delicious. So for somebody listening who has
never sat in circle with otherwomen, whether it be in person
or over zoom or at a meeting ofany description, what's the
magic of circle for you, whenwomen come together,
Keri Khalighi (39:24):
oh, man, it's beyond me. It is this ancient,
just this ancient code that Ithink, that we, that we just
hold. And I often say, you know,we could, we could just all
gather in a room, have, like, noplan, no agenda. In fact, that's
(39:45):
the best way, when I have to doanything, just be together. And
it's like this magic women have.We just know what's needed in
the moment, like we can feeleach other. It's that thing that
you know, woman comes over. Overand can look around your house
and just, I don't know, folds atowel or does the dishes or just
sits with you like we just know,and we also have this incredible
(40:12):
permission medicine for eachother, which happens less over
zoom, I'll say, but likeyesterday, I held an in person
event. And what's so beautifulabout women and our permission
medicine is we we free eachother through through our own
(40:32):
embodiment. And what I mean islike I was telling the women
yesterday when guiding themthrough movement, if you get in
your head or you feel lost, ordo you feel like you don't know
what you're doing, just openyour eyes and look around some
there'll be another woman whoinspires you, or is like, Oh,
I'm gonna, I'm gonna try that.Or she looks really weird over
(40:53):
there. Okay, it's really okay tobe weird. Or you hear another
woman's exhale or a sound or amoan or a cry, and it's, you can
just feel it. It unlockssomething. And it's beyond
anything I can describe withwords. It's, it's this felt
sense, this ancient thing thatwe hold as women, as as the
(41:17):
bears of life, like we are thevessel that life. We literally
change energy into matter. Imean, it's, it's really, really
wild when you think about it.And so there is just this. I
love being a woman. I love it somuch, and I love guiding other
(41:38):
women into falling back in lovewith themselves when they truly
come home to themselves in areally true way beyond what they
want to be, but like what theyactually are.
Tess Masters (41:56):
I want to ask you how tea ceremony is weaving
itself into the tapestry of howyou're holding space and how
that came into your life and howyou welcomed it in.
Keri Khalighi (42:15):
Oh, tea has been such a beautiful, beautiful ally
for me, the tea itself, theplant, spirit of the tea, has
just been such a beautiful ally.And then the ritual and the
beauty and all the elements ofthe ritual, it's just been
something. It really held methrough again, that COVID
(42:36):
portal. I discovered tea about ayear before everything shut
down, I found it through my dearfriend Satya, who had been going
to tea for many, many months, ifnot years, and she would call me
in the car after tea every timeso, so consistently. It was
(42:58):
annoying, because she would raveabout it and in the back of my
brain and almost roll my eyes,like, okay, it's tea I get it.
What's the big deal? She knewwhat I didn't know. She knew it.
There was something there forme, and when I finally went to a
(43:19):
tea ceremony with her, partlybecause I knew I trust her and
like, okay, and partly, probablyto just get her to stop calling
me, not really. I mean, youknow, you know I'm being silly,
but I walked up the stairs andthe the door opened to the tea
(43:40):
room, and it almost it took mybreath away. I and I, I started
to cry immediately, which isvery good thing. That's my
barometer to I know whensomething is very real. And I
was so touched by the beauty, bythe pace, yeah, the slowness,
(44:04):
the intentionality of everyobject, and just the space that
the ritual and the tea itselfopened up for me to be feel me
to catch up to myself, to catchup to my life. You know, life is
this, this modern day life, it'sjust moved so fast and, you
(44:29):
know, depending on how your lifeis configured, you know, for me,
I've got a I've got a lot ofpeople that I that I care for.
I've got a house full of kidsand a husband, and this
beautiful life I've said yes to,and it moves really fast, and
it's dense, and it's like, I, I,I sense it a lot as as as the
(44:51):
ocean. And you know when thewaves come in and you get up,
and then another wave can tackleyou from behind, and you're
getting up again, you're like,Whoa. It's these waves. Just
keep. Coming and ah, to just beable to sit in tea and it's in
its beautiful simplicity, andhave the ritual of it. Hold you,
(45:13):
hold me, is a beautiful gift,and something that deeply spoke
to me, and I and I sat with teaevery day, similar to how I am
right now. Leaves in a bowl mytea, my tea teacher said, you
know, there's, there's a lot ofbeautiful teaware. There's these
side handle pots, and there's alot of, like the kettles are
(45:38):
beautiful. There's beauty.That's part of the healing, you
know, beauty stops the mindbeauty, you
know. And I think it's at leastfor me, I wanted all the
beautiful, fancy tea wear andbut my No, you're gonna you sit
with leaves in a bowl, whichliterally, you put the leaves in
(45:59):
a bowl. And you don't need afancy kettle. You just need a
rice bowl, and you pour the hotwater in, and you sit that way.
And I sat that way for sixmonths every day, leaves in a
bowl, and it's very you get veryintimate with it, and it really
helped me. And I learned a lotin those in that time. And it
was, it coincided with thecircles. A lot coincided in that
(46:23):
time, and until this point, oruntil yesterday, in fact, I've
held tea and and my other work,which is somatics and embodiment
and little flair of likearchetypal shamanic threads
woven in those kind of journey,they've been separate. And
(46:48):
yesterday, I actually held myfirst event where they were
woven together, because afterthe last two or three tea
ceremonies, and you know, wedrink about six to seven bowls
of tea in a ceremony. In a onehour time period, you start to
get a little they there's a,there's a term for it. It's
(47:10):
called Tea drunk. And a lovelyplace to be. There's this,
there's this very calm, alertstate that this plant, Camellia
sinensis, creates this calm,alert place. And after every tea
ceremony in the last two orthree months, afterwards, it was
(47:33):
became clear that it didn't itwanted to. It wanted to move. It
wanted to something more. Wantedto happen. And it was, it's such
a beautiful thing for me, havingthese two worlds. I'm like, Oh,
I can actually start to weavethem together. What if we'd sit
in stillness with tea and meetall those places within and then
(47:57):
seamlessly go into a more of asomatic exploration, or a
somatic integration of all thoseplaces, and so kind of
experimented yesterday withthat, and it was really, really
beautiful. There'll be manymore.
Tess Masters (48:14):
Oh so exciting. I cannot wait to partake in that
town. It's It's so interestingwhat you were saying about
allowing yourself to catch upwith your life, and inviting in
the stillness and the slow lifeis so fast and we often don't
(48:43):
value still and slow and thenallowing ourselves to be in the
flow of where the movement ofour own internal rhythm takes
us, as opposed to being carriedby that of others and knowing
your medicine, it just reallytouches me so following along
(49:08):
from this idea of birthing thatwe've been constellating around
and inviting in you, givingyourself permission to hold what
is yours and share With theworld and birth it and invite
others to swim around with it.How do you continue to share
(49:31):
what's yours when it's not fullyformed within you yet? How do
you Yeah,
Keri Khalighi (49:38):
good question. Yeah. How to do that when it's
not fully formed? I think itrequires for me, just a
continued listening. I mean, Iknow at this point. I mean,
there's so many beautiful thingsabout being 50, reaching,
reaching, this, this. Age. It'sso wonderful because there's so
(50:03):
much to look back on and see,see how we're so held, see how I
can see like, oh, all thosetimes I was sure, just sure it
wasn't going to work out. Italways does, all those times of
confusion or murkiness or notknowing, given enough time space
(50:25):
and care, it always clarifies.And so I take that into any
moments now, of the not knowingto really just tell myself it's,
it's, first of all, it's okay tonot know and slow down that part
of me that I think we probablyall have that part that so wants
(50:46):
to know, that part that wantscertainty. But there's so much
there's so much juice in the notknowing, there's so much
humility that that's when I'mclosest to God. That's or
whatever you want to call thatthing that's beating our hearts
and breathing our chest rightnow, like that's when I'm close,
(51:09):
when I'm when I'm on my kneesand I'm not knowing, and I'm in
the mystery, and I'm listeningas much as I want to know. I
realized there's a lot of beautyin the not knowing. So it forces
me to listen and slow down. And,you know, I teach that, not
(51:30):
because I'm like an evolvedmaster in it, but because I need
it. I've, I can teach it becauseI've, I've, that's the thing
I've needed. So I've practicedit and practiced it and
practiced it. So now it's mineto give. I'm maybe a couple
steps along the path, andsomebody that might just be
(51:50):
starting to do that. And so Ihave some some hints about where
I think my work might evolveinto really valuing and seeing
the pieces that are mine, likethere's pieces from motherhood
and some really, I think, Ithink my darkest initiations are
(52:15):
the things that eventually turninto the gold from Which to
serve from. So there's been alot. There's been very
challenging aspects to mymothering and my children. And
because of that, I there's somethere's something there, again,
not fully formed, but I I'mlistening, and similar to how I
(52:40):
listened to there was somethingthat wanted to happen after tea,
and I sat with it enough andlistened. It's like, it's almost
like, oh, you know who talksabout this beautifully? Is
Rilke. And there's this quote hesays about, oh, I beg you to
have patience with everythingunresolved in your heart. Treat
(53:00):
them. What does he say? Treatthem like locked rooms or books
written in a foreign languagethat you can't understand yet,
because it's really yours tolive into the question, live the
questions themselves. And I'mbutchering this quote, but it's
something like that, and ittruly is. It's like a language,
(53:21):
a foreign language.
So just like
you know, I learned French inmiddle school, and I didn't
practice it much, and I canbarely speak it now. So it's
that use it or lose it thing. Isay this often, when I work with
(53:41):
women and learning the languageof their bodies, it's like
learning a foreign language. Themore you listen and give it
attention and practice it, ityou become fluent. So likewise,
I trust if I, if I listen tothis, this unknown language of
what's evolving and what's next,similar to how I listen to the
(54:02):
tea and what it wants to weaveitself into the somatics, I
guess we'll, we'll see whatthere is to come.
Tess Masters (54:11):
Yeah, yeah. And allowing such an exercise,
allowing, allowing, which Istruggle with on a daily basis,
I have to mindfully put myselfin that place for sure you were
speaking about being called toshare what you need. What is
(54:38):
something that you need rightnow that is escaping you, that
you're going to be inviting in.Is there something right now?
Well,
Keri Khalighi (54:53):
since I was little, since the since the
time, way, way back when I was alittle girl, and all I ever
knew. I wanted to be was amother.
I also had this vision.
Had this vision that would comeup and when I was in need and in
an emotional need, and I wouldhave this vision, this this
(55:13):
desire, this fantasy of havingthis this big in my vision, she
was a big, black, round mama,and I would go and I would lay
in her lap, and just she wasjust soft and ample, and I would
just lay in her lap, and shewould just embrace me and stroke
(55:34):
my hair. And there was almostthis, this sense of she could
hold whatever I brought, and itwas just this sense of it's
going to be okay, baby. And I'vealways needed that. I've always
wanted that and and I still do.I still want that ex. I would
love to have that experience ofthat holding. And for me now, I
(55:57):
see her as a, she's a she'sshe's an elder, she's a mentor.
She's somebody who's who'swalked a couple steps beyond me.
She's somebody who has toucheddeep, deep grief in motherhood.
So that is what I dream aboutand need. I want to be held by
an elder woman
(56:18):
who has been through it andstill dances in the light
and I and I sense I am, that Iam also
that to other women,
Tess Masters (56:32):
yes, you are.
Keri Khalighi (56:33):
But I really want that too. I've been calling her
in for a while.
I want to just rest in her lap?
Tess Masters (56:44):
Oh, I cannot wait to hear about that when she
arrives, because you are callingher in now, I always close every
episode with the same question,and really, as I was listening
to you, you answered it somewhatwhen we were just speaking
(57:04):
earlier about calling things inbut for somebody who has a dream
in their heart, which is all ofus, and doesn't feel like they
have what it takes to make ithappen, what would you say to
them?
Keri Khalighi (57:18):
Oh,
gosh. First of all, like, what,what a, what a human thing to
feel.
And,
gosh, do I get it. And, youknow, I still, I still grapple
with it. I grapple with it everytime, not on one, not when I
work with someone, one on one,that's a very different animal
(57:41):
for me. But when I, when Icreate any other offering,
whether it's a circle or anevent, like I did yesterday, and
it also doesn't happen with tea.But I'm digressing. My point is
it still happens to me years anddecades later that that piece,
(58:01):
that self doubt piece, and what,when it comes up, what I
recognize is it's a self it'swhen I'm self referencing, and
my remedy for that is toremember something greater,
remembering my why? Why am Idoing this? Why does it matter?
(58:24):
What is? What do I serve, andwho do I serve, and letting that
be the only thing that matters,and being willing to, being
willing to not get it right,being willing to be judged,
(58:45):
being willing to have it bemessy, have it be inarticulate,
have it flop. If it needs to,like, give your imperfect your
imperfect offering. And for me,it's, it's it's just
remembering, like I'm servingsomething greater than me, and
that is, that is really lifeitself as it, as it moves
(59:09):
through each of us. And May,May, May people, may women,
touch that place, remember thatplace in themselves. So it's not
and that can come through manydifferent means. And it doesn't
have to be
(59:30):
perfect, polished. It
can be really simple. So itreally is that switch from like,
from the me place to thatgreater field, and being willing
to being willing to look like afool. And that is no small
that's no small ask, being ableto tolerate, even just stuff on
(59:55):
a nervous system level, level,being able to tolerate all that
comes up when. We're puttingourselves in the position to
look like a fool, to crash andburn, to be judged like we're
we're wired for belonging, andto put yourself in that
position, it's a big ask.
(01:00:17):
So
Tess Masters (01:00:18):
I just love sharing your imperfect offering.
Thank you for this beautifulconversation and for holding
space with me.
Unknown (01:00:36):
Thank you.
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