November 6, 2025 • 45 mins
Does feeling not ready block you from going after what you want? Let’s shift what “ready” feels like to stop waiting for the “right time” and seize the day.
The “I’m not enough” and “I’m too much” narratives are not opposites, but stories echoing from the same voice of self-doubt. We feel like we have to be different to meet the moment. Rather than buying into the myths, create a different relationship with the story, and use it as a springboard for action.
Exploring the impact of family dynamics, we look at how to disrupt old thought patterns, identify energetic currencies, and use our strengths to build confidence and resilience.
Next up: Self-talk strategies. The high-low and “water not cement” exercises, the “I get to” shift, the “3 vs 11” barometer, and the “well, that happened” conversation.
I close with the words I remove from my vocabulary when making decisions, and the mantra that helps exile the bully perfectionist. Then share the random interaction with a stranger that changed my life. There’s one that can change yours.
The key takeaway: Share. Sometimes the best teacher for a 3rd grader is a 4th grader.
TESS’S TAKEAWAYS:
- The energetic currencies we value and exchange most drive our choices.
- Anchor yourself to the things you do well and hold the fear of change in balance.
- When not held in balance, your superpower is your Achilles' Heel.
- To stop being a hostage to others’ expectations, claim your yes’s and no’s.
- You're never enough for the wrong people. You’re always enough for the right ones.
- Showing your vulnerability gives others permission to show you theirs.
- Go with your gut and give your imperfect offering.
- Practice doesn’t make perfect, it makes possible.
MEET TESS MASTERS:
Tess Masters is an actor, presenter, health coach, cook, and author of The Blender Girl, The Blender Girl Smoothies, and The Perfect Blend, published by Penguin Random House. She is also the creator of the Skinny60® health programs.
Health tips and recipes by Tess have been featured in the LA Times, Washington Post, InStyle, Prevention, Shape, Glamour, Real Simple, Yoga Journal, Yahoo Health, Hallmark Channel, The Today Show, and many others.
Tess’s magnetic personality, infectious enthusiasm, and down-to-earth approach have made her a go-to personality for people of all dietary stripes who share her conviction that healthy living can be easy and fun. Get delicious recipes at TheBlenderGirl.com.
CONNECT WITH TESS:
Website: https://tessmasters.com/
Podcast: https://ithastobeme.com/
Health Programs: https://www.skinny60.com/
Delicious Recipes: https://www.theblendergirl.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theblendergirl/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tess Masters (00:04):
If you are new to the podcast or haven't listened to the first four episodes, I talk about my personal story, my coaching philosophy, and a little bit more about what it has to be me is all about. And then, more recently, in Episode 66 and 75 I talked about challenging our inner critic and
speaking to ourselves moregently, so that we have the courage to go after what we want. So in those six episodes, what I spoke about is very much tied to what I'm going to be talking about today. So if you listen to those episodes, the things we're going to cover today may resonate with you even
(00:38):
more deeply. So as I said in theintro, the I'm not enough story, oh, it just exists within all of us. And in some of the previous episodes, I spoke quite openly about the fact that more often than not, in my life, the I'm not enough story manifests as I'm too much, I'm too honest, I'm too aggressive, I'm too
(01:00):
ambitious. I want too much. Iused to think that they were opposites many years ago when I was younger, and then I realized that they're two sides of the same coin, this idea that and belief that we have to be different to be worthy, to be ready, to be able to meet the moment, to succeed, to be
accepted, to be loved to takeaction today, to be ready to step out of our comfort zone and claim our it has to be me. The right time is when we decide that it's time. So my friend Lynn, who is a headhunter, she often shares the analogy of life being like three legs of a stool that you've got. Your personal
(01:45):
life is one leg of the stool.Your professional life is the second leg of the stool, and the third leg is your self esteem. And you have to have two out of the three in order for the stool to be able to stand and hold weight, be able to hold you, and at least one of them has to be self esteem, because if you do
(02:06):
not have self esteem, self love,belief in yourself, there's not a lot of movement that takes place. We can get stuck in analysis, paralysis or anxiety or depression, and we don't move forward more often than not, and we get stuck in these old patterns and old belief systems. I see this all the time as a
(02:28):
coach, but the great news is wecan choose to step out of this, and it's okay that we need help. We all need help. I have brought in many of the practitioners that I see on a regular basis to be able to show up as the best version of myself, or a version that wants to learn and grow, and can be present and listen
(02:50):
and be a person of personalresponsibility. So one of the questions that I've asked a lot in the podcast, and I ask every participant of our 60 day reset, is, what are your superpowers? Why do I ask this? I mean, we've all got them. We've all got things that we do really, really well, and things that other
people come to us for. Thereason why I ask that is, I find it very interesting, firstly, but secondly, when we embark on something new, it's very easy to think, Oh, I'm a hot mess. I don't know how to do anything. I'm useless. And we can sort of drop our bundle and feel like we don't have the goods. We don't
(03:30):
have what it takes to dosomething and learn something new. Well, we have undeniable data that we absolutely have that skill, because we've done it before in other aspects of our lives. So the reason why I'm always asking people what their superpowers are, because if we anchor ourselves to the things
that we know that we do well andthe things that we know we have to offer to the world, we can hold change in balance. We can hold our fears in balance. And so I'll give you some examples. My superpowers are that I put awesome flavors together that are just mind blowing. That's why my recipes are so popular in
(04:07):
the blender girl cookbooks andin our programs. A lot of the one of the big reasons why people return to our programs again and again is because the food is so delicious and healthy, living is so much easier when you love the food that you're eating, and your family and friends love it too.
Another thing is that I attractawesome human beings, and the other thing is I'm super intuitive, and I help people believe that they can do anything. I will admit that I had to have help to claim, to identify and claim those superpowers my friends, my family, tell me what I'm good at
(04:45):
and what I bring to their lives.And it took me time to receive that and then claim it for myself, but once I did, and I started sharing those superpowers with the force of thunder my way. Oh. Oh, my entire world opened up. There were so many more possibilities, and the conversations just got
(05:07):
more juicy and more interesting.So I invite you to think about what your superpowers are. And if you can't think of things, you can't claim them, just gently ask yourself why I've spoken about this before on the podcast, and I say this a lot to participants about 60 day reset. Why is that? And ask people that
(05:30):
you that you know really loveyou and that you trust. What do I do? Really well, it's a really interesting exercise, and not interesting because I can't think of a better word, but of interest may surprise you, it may reinforce what you already know, and it just may make you feel really good today. So and
it's an interesting question toask the other people in your life, or tell them what you think their superpowers are. I mean, I don't know about you, but it never gets old hearing how great that I am from people that I really care about. So again, chase some joy today, and you might have some really
(06:05):
beautiful conversations aroundthat, around just sitting in that inquiry. So the next question is, how are you using your powers? Are you claiming them? Are you sharing them, or are you hiding them away and not sharing openly what you have to offer to the world. The interesting thing that happens
(06:29):
is, when we when we sit in thatinquiry is, are we holding our powers in balance? Because our superpower is our Achilles heel, when not held in balance. So when we don't have a balance of self care and care for others, we don't have a balance of intention and attachment to outcome, we can often be sharing
(06:57):
our powers out of balance withthat self care and care for others. So I've spoken in episodes one to four. I spoke about this, a bit about how I have a propensity, because I do really derive genuine joy from helping other people expand into their potential, and from helping others, particularly
(07:19):
people I really love and carefor and I love and care for everybody in our programs, but also my friends and family. I can often sort of transition out of pure intention just to help, and then I can hide in other people's stories when I'm afraid of completely living inside of my own. Now that's that doesn't
(07:42):
make us bad people. If you areidentifying with that as I'm speaking, it just means that we can get stuck in that place of hiding in other people's stories instead of living in our own, and we have to be living in our own whilst inviting other people into it. And so that's something that I've got to catch myself
(08:04):
with. You know that I'm findingthat balance every decision is leading us somewhere. So there is a fine line between helping and hiding. So the next question is, what funnel Are you in? So we are the sum of our choices. Every choice and experience leads us to the next one. Every decision is leading us
(08:26):
somewhere, and we're going downinto the funnel. And so where are your choices leading you?
And the next question is, whatcurrency are you exchanging the most? What values lead your decision making. So there are a lot of currencies that are exchanged between humans. Which ones do you use the most and do you value the most? Is it money power, prestige, achievement, fear, scarcity, or is it
(09:00):
quality, time, presence, truth,love, empathy, compassion, generosity, personal responsibility, vulnerability, humor, creativity. I mean, there's so many currencies, and I'm not putting a judgment on any of them. I like power. I like money. I like prestige. I like achievement. I can also
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swim around with fear, scarcity,time, presence, love, truth, empathy, generosity, personal responsibility, vulnerability, humor, I can all of it, creativity, but where are we putting the most value? It's a good exercise. It's a good thing to think about, because those values, those currencies, they
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really, really drive our choicesand the way that we think about ourselves, others, the world. What's worth spending time on and in and what isn't i. So our parents, our family members, and then friends, co workers, etc, but inform you know what our values are and how we spend our time, but our parents are our
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first teachers about currencyand values, and then in adulthood, we get to decide. We get to decide what drives us. Many of us are not deciding enough to choose for ourselves, and I catch myself in this as well. And then we can get caught in loops from the past. We're almost like hostages of the
(10:36):
expectations of others. And soeverything starts with permission, deciding that we want more, we want something better, we want something different, starts with permission, permission that we're allowed to want it, that it's allowed to be different, and it takes courage to go after
(10:59):
what we want. But if we wantmore, if we want change, if we want more joy and love in our lives, we have to embrace change. I know you're scary. You know, I've spoken about this before, and you know it's spoken about a lot in society, that if you ask the average person, how do you feel about change, most
people will tell you, it'sscary. Well, it depends on what the change is going to be. It's going to be amazing. Then some people will say they're excited by it, but more often than not, people will say that they're scared of change. Will fear and excitement activate in the same place in the body. It's just a
(11:29):
different expectation of theoutcome. So if we accept that everything serves us, even if it's painful, everything serves us, then change is always a good thing, even if it's difficult and challenging. So the older I get, the more I accept and celebrate the fact that we are not meant to get everything we
(11:53):
need from our parents.Otherwise, the quest for autonomy would not be potent. We'd never leave home. We'd never go and experience new things and step outside the boundaries and the confines of our family rules and systems, and go out and forge relationships with people
outside of our family. We wouldnever do that in such a visceral way. You know, it's a very potent need, and it's one that we have to have. So there's that thing of accepting the gifts from your family and then also acknowledging the gifts that we get outside of our family, and being brave about this starts
(12:34):
with being present, or itcontinues, I should say, with being present. So we've talked a lot about the value of presence on the podcast? So recently, in Episode 74 with Justin Patrick Pierce and London Angel winters, we were talking about sacred intimacy, and they were talking about the value of being present
in the moment, not beingdistracted by other things, just being completely present with what is right now. And in Episode 62 Kerry koligie, when we were talking about somatic practices, embodiment and feminine wisdom, she talked a lot about the value of presence. And then we spoke to her
(13:15):
husband, Amir kaliki In episode63 and episode 64 we spoke with speed weed. They were both embodiment and somatic practitioners who were talking about polarity masculinity, our understanding of these things, and how being present and being able to communicate openly with others is where the magic
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happens. And ElizabethJurgensen, in Episode 65 talked about the cycles of the moon and how internalized capitalism affects our ability to see the value in every rhythm and season of life. So I highly recommend listening to those episodes within the context of this conversation or their juicy
conversations. My therapist,Tony, has this amazing bookshelf in his office. I go and see him once a month, and we always, always have these amazing conversations. But he's got this. He doesn't have you know quotes everywhere or anything like that, but he's got one, and it's just dwell in possibility.
(14:14):
And every time I sit in hisoffice, I just look at that, I just go, Oh, thank you. Thank you for reminding me that again, and I could see it every day the week and twice on Sundays. And I still want to be reminded of that beautiful invitation to dwell in possibility, so choosing to dwell in the
(14:36):
possibilities of the presentmoment. What's here for me now. What can come of this? What can I learn from this? What happiness and joy is here to be had and experienced right now in this moment. What can I do with this? So being in the process and flow of what's happening now, just staying juicy and
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curious. Curious about themoment, about what's coming up, and not needing or wanting to be anywhere else. Every moment takes us to the next moment, and we could miss something really juicy. I don't know about you, but I don't just have FOMO fear of missing out. I've got what I call CAD FOMO, a catastrophic
and disastrous fear of missingout. I don't want to miss out on anything. So because I know this about myself, it actually helps me to remember that slow and low can be really, really beautiful, because if we're going too fast, everything becomes a blur, and we miss a lot of it. If we're too focused on getting to the
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destination, achieving what'sgoing to happen tomorrow or next week or next month, we can often miss all of the all of the gold along the way. I am really, really big on celebrating every single win, the big, the small, the private, the public, celebrating every single experience, every lesson, even
(16:01):
the ones that come wrapped indog shit, the ones that are painful. I mean, the great thing about pain is that we can't ignore it, and we don't forget it. It is our ally and our friend, and it's there to guide us to something better, even when it is excruciatingly painful, embarrassing,
confronting, deep I mean,personal responsibility is not for the faint hearted, which is why a lot of people are choosing to move through the world without it, and we currently have so many people in leadership who are choosing to blame everything on the other and make us afraid of it instead
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of This mandate of personalresponsibility, because it takes major courage, major self awareness, to act with personal responsibility and take responsibility for your part in things when there's conflict between people, it's never just one person's fault, ever. We all have a lens and a filter through
(16:59):
which we experience the worldand we receive stimuli information. We often hear things that are not even said because of that filter. So we've got to be very clean and clear about how we're receiving things, you know, said a lot in this pod about, you know, my favorite quote is the Nelson
(17:21):
Mandela quote, I never lose. Ieither win or I learn. I think there's only winning because learning is winning, you know. Even if we were to accept that there was losing, I don't, you know, I totally buy into to that there isn't losing, there's only winning and learning. Well, learning is winning, so there's
only winning, you know, butsometimes it's challenging, it hurts, and we got to pick up, we got to regroup, we've got to listen, and that takes time, and so just to give us that grace and that time. And when we're in moments of pain and we're feeling stuck, things are really challenging and difficult.
(18:01):
It, you know, it can be a realtest to be able to find a little moment of joy today, even through the pain. So I have an exercise that I give to lots of participants, which is the high low exercise, just reflecting on your day, what was the low of the day and what was the high of the day? And not why? Why the
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high low is really helpful isthat, oh, I'm still here, even, even with the lowest point today, and then what is the highest point? You know? Where are the lessons? Where are the things that I can celebrate today. Where are those opportunities? Are you living in the shoulds or the I get tos?
(18:49):
That's another exercise that Igive to people a lot. It really shifts the energy about how you're thinking about what's going on for you in this moment. Or, you know, often it's, oh, I should do this. I should do that. Well, what about I get to do this and I get to do that immediately. You just to me. It
just feels more buoyant. Oh, Iget to it's actually a privilege that I have choices and that I'm here, and I get to make a bunch of different choices so often we are putting ourselves in a very, very narrow container of what's available. And often, I will say to people, what would happen if we widened the aperture, we
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opened the aperture of what ispossible. Today, when we speak gently to ourselves, we just slow down, and we can just take a minute to see that there are lots of other options, and we can put some things back on the table. More things start to feel possible. We start to tap into our power a little bit, and. See
(20:00):
that, oh, actually, there's moreways to get from A to B than maybe what we're seeing at first the but gets in the way. I could do this, but I want to do this, but often I will say to participants, can I give you some homework? How about what would happen if we removed the word but from our lexicon, just
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for this week? What would happenif there was no but what would you be able to do? What if you loved like you'd never been hurt. What if the other shoe was never going to drop? What if tomorrow wasn't guaranteed? So I'll offer this to a lot of participants watching the movie about time. I highly recommend
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that movie if you haven't seenit. It's not a masterpiece, it's it's not Citizen Kane, you know, but it's a sweet movie that's got a really beautiful message. And it's this. I watch it every year just as a reminder, because I watch it and think, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm never going to forget that. And sure enough,
the next year, when I watch it,I go, Yep, I forgot that a whole lot of days this year. So I'm always watching it. The idea is that if you could live the same day over again to feel happier and feel more joy, how would you live it if you got to do it over again, and then if we accept the reality that we don't actually
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get to do it over again. Whatabout we just live it that way to begin with, and just see the opportunities, be kind and gentle with ourselves and others and enjoy what is available today. It's a really beautiful, beautiful invitation, beautiful message, and then we're able to share our light, celebrate the
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light that we give, and share itopenly and with confidence and love, and we get to modular, modulate that light in different situations. We get to decide how we share it and who we share it with. And another thing that comes up a lot during office hours, and it's come up in my personal story as well, is when
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we get older. It can beconvenient or I suppose, it might be viewed as easy to believe that we become invisible, that we don't matter as much, that people don't want to hear what we have to say. And I know it can be confronting, just physically getting older, particularly when you know you
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maybe when you were younger,people used to, you know, look at you a lot and notice you more. And when you're at a bar, you know, you always got served by the hot bartender first, and now, you know, when you're 50 or 60, people are just not noticing you, and they're serving everyone else around you, and
you're kind of getting passedover. And I've experienced that myself when I'm standing in line at places young people don't tend to see older people as much. Is a perception, but it doesn't have to be that way, or we can choose not to see it that way. And it was really, I'll tell you, something that
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happened to me recently thatreally was life changing for me. So I was visiting my friend Hannah in Boston, and she was living in Back Bay on Newbury Street to this fantastic apartment was right on the street, right in the thick of everything. It's such a fantastic area. And we went out
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with her friend for tapas. Wehad an amazing Friday night eating and drinking. It was wonderful. And we were walking through on this balmy night through the city, and as we came up to the train station, this seriously smoking hot guy came up, and he just looked effortlessly gorgeous. He was
like, he's sort of my age, Ithink, and he had this sort of flannel shirt on, a white t shirt, and these blue jeans kind of rolled up with these sort of construction boots, and he had this gorgeous overnight bag over his shoulder. Just looked effortlessly confident. No big deal, you know. And as you do, I
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noticed him. He noticed me, ohyeah, you know. And we kept moving. So we came up to the stoplight, and we just kept talking. And then as the the light turned green, he just gently walked ahead of us, not in a performative way, just as you do? Just walked ahead of us, and we were walking towards the
Copley hotel in the city. And Ijust thought to myself, he's going into the Copley, I could tell. And so he was sort of, I want to say, maybe, 20 paces in front of us, and we were just sort of walking behind. He turned to the doorman. Went to walk inside the hotel, and then turned around towards us, and
(25:07):
just stood there and looked atme, and his hand found its way up to his heart, and for about five to 10 seconds, maybe he just looked at me and Hannah,
Unknown (25:27):
Hannah, and bridges went, Oh my
Tess Masters (25:29):
God. God. Oh my God. And they said that I just stood there, and my hand found its way up to my heart, and I just received it, and I looked at him, and he looked at me, and it was so beautiful, and it wasn't sleazy, it wasn't weird, it was just honest, I see you, wow. And in another life, ah.
(26:03):
And then he just gently walkedinside the hotel.
Unknown (26:08):
They turned to me and said, God, that was the most intense interaction between strangers I've ever seen in my life. You're
flush test. And I said, Oh yeah,I've flushed. Wow. I am just letting that wash over me,
Tess Masters (26:23):
what a gift. And they said, you have to go in there. Oh my god. And I said, No, that's not what that was. If he was available and wanted to have a conversation with me, he would have walked right up and had that conversation, I really believe, or what I got from it was Wow. In another life, I'm
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not available, but wow inanother life, there was something between us. I just want to acknowledge that and just drink it in for a minute. And we call him Mr. Copley. Now, I
Unknown (26:56):
have no idea who this guy is, what his name is, where he's from. I would never see this person again,
Tess Masters (27:03):
but that moment and the gift that he gave me in seeing me, I will be holding that in my heart and in my body for the rest of my life, and if I ever have that feeling between somebody again, I'm going to do what he did, not exactly that maybe, but I'm going to acknowledge it in some way,
(27:31):
because what it did for me wasso powerful. Because I'm in my 50s. I'm single right now, I feel, you know, I was broken hearted. I spoke very openly about this in episodes one to four, about the breakdown of my marriage, the heartbreak that came along with that, and my ability to see myself changed
(27:56):
and has changed over the pastnumber of years, and I am feeling ready to let somebody else into my heart like that in a way that I have not been ready in previous years. And that feels really, really good. And I was sometimes falling into that I'm invisible. I'm getting older now. I don't know who would find
(28:25):
me attractive. I'm scared thatI'm, you know, not enough, or, you know that whole imposter syndrome that we can sometimes feel I'm not enough, basically, or I'm too much, like I was talking about before, but that Mr. Copley just seeing me and celebrating me in that moment. It was like rain in the desert.
(28:51):
It was so beautiful, and it wasa beautiful promise of what's coming, and I think about it a lot, and just that, the potential, and just living in the potential, the promise, the possibilities of what can happen when we show up and just allow ourselves to be seen and see and In order to do that, we have to
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be vulnerable. We have to decidethat we're going to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, you know. And Brene Brown speaks so beautifully about this. If you haven't listened to her TED talk, I highly recommend it. It went completely viral. Millions of people have listened to it. It is so extraordinary. And in
her books, she speaks about thisa lot. Vulnerability is a superpower. It is a strength. And when we give ourselves permission to be vulnerable, we give other people permission to meet us with their vulnerability, and when we are discerning about who we share our vulnerability with, we give
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other people permission to seeus and we can see them do. It was just, it's so beautiful. I think another thing that often holds us back is what I was just speaking about, that imposter syndrome. You know that that my voice isn't no one wants to hear what I have to say. My voice isn't worth anything. And I've
(30:18):
said this quite a bit on thepodcast of sometimes the best teacher for a third grader is a fourth grader. That's it. You don't have to be the best person in the world at something the most famous, the most successful, in order for your voice and what you know to have value. So turn up your light,
(30:39):
share it, see the value in it,and that is what Mr. Copley did for me. And if you don't have a Mr. Copley story in your life right now, steal mine, put it into your body that there's somebody out there right now who is seeing you and drinking you in, I promise you, maybe they just don't have the courage of
(31:01):
Mr. Copley, because it tookcourage for him to turn around. And like I said, it wasn't sleazy. It was just an offer. He gave his imperfect offering, which, for me in that moment, was perfection. Let me tell you, so make your contribution, and if the person you offer it to doesn't want to hear it, share
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it with somebody else, find yourpeople. They're not your people. So you're never going to be enough for the wrong people. You're always going to be enough for the right ones. So use your voice and give your imperfect offering. Kerry koligie invited us to do that in episode 62 by tapping into it your intuition
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and your divine feminine power,or masculine power, if you're a male listening to this and we've all got feminine and masculine, omega and alpha in us, as we spoke about with Justin and London and several other guests. But I just mean as males and females, or however you identify. There's a saying, a
mantra in our community, inskinny 60 of good, better or best, not perfect. We're not aiming for perfection. It doesn't exist. The joy of life and the magic of life happens in the imperfection, in the mess. Be messy, get messy, offer your messy, share your messy. Give yourself permission to do that.
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I love messy. I really, reallydo because we're all messy, we're all imperfect, we're all just figuring it out. Life is a practice. We're all just practicing, and we're inviting other people into our practice to share our practice. We're just aiming to make the next better choice, or the next
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choice. How about we don't evenadd a qualifier? What about just the next choice that we intend to learn from? Another exercise that I give people a lot is is taking the word try out of the out of the lexicon, because often people will say, Well, I'll try and do that. I'll try and do do this. I don't really
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like the word try, because itimmediately gives us an out that we might not get there. What about just do it? That's why that Nike slogan is seriously one of the best brand slogans in the history of marketing. I mean, it is just so brilliant. It truly is. Don't try and do it, just do it. And if you
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didn't, and when you dosomething, you didn't, oh, I tried, no, actually, you did it. You may just want to do it differently next time. But you did it. You didn't try to do it. You did it. So actually, again, just celebrating the things that you do and what you can learn from it, however it plays out,
show your heart. Listen withyour heart. Julie Hannon spoke beautifully about this in Episode 54 heart centered, listening, heart focused, listening and being that if we lead with our hearts, we give other people permission to do the same. Mr. Copley did that. Gave me permission to receive
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it. Oh, you know, and I'm goingto do it with somebody else one day. Haven't had the opportunity yet, with something that intense, where I felt really compelled to but I'm going to, I am not going to be shy in doing that next time, because who knows the effect it might have on that other person and the
belief that they're going tohave about themselves, and the flow on effect just from that tiny interaction, which was huge for me and is going to loom large in my life forever, unbelievable, that man out there has no idea. You know, it's extraordinary, the dance of seeing and being seen is
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central. It's the central danceof life. In episode 74 with Justin and London, we talked about this with sacred intimacy, the practice of just practicing the art of receiving, exercising that muscle. I was not exercising that muscle as much. Receiving with grace. There was always Oh yeah, but I didn't do
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this, or I didn't do that, or,Oh, why they? Why are they? Why are they saying that? Oh, I don't know about that. I don't know if that's true. Receiving Gifts, receiving generosity. You know, I used to be quite uncomfortable that. Oh no, no, I want to be giving. I feel uncomfortable receiving. Well, I
don't want to rob people theprivilege of giving. I want to receive with grace. And so the the art of receiving is a really, really important one to be in, in constant pursuit of, you know, practicing and and remember, as Justin said, that mastery is the commitment to a path that has no end, that we're
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always in process of masteringsomething. And so just keep practicing exercising that muscle. How are you seeing others, and how are you allowing them to see you? We get to choose the vibration and the rhythm
that we're swimming around with,that we're operating with. So we get to set the tone each day. So Nick pigeon talked about this in her episode about positive psychology, that setting the tone and the bookends for the day, how we begin the day, how we end the day, really, really matters, and we can reset that
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tone any minute of the day,anytime we choose what's the worst thing that's going to happen. If you put yourself out there, you go out on a limb, and you do something different, you speak your truth, you try something different, you make a fool of yourself. What's gonna happen? Well, you may get hurt,
yes, that's a risk, but you'regonna learn. You're gonna learn, and you will survive it, just like we've all survived previous pain and previous hurt. We keep going. We do the resilience factor with the human condition is extraordinary, the power of hope and resilience, the power of love. It's the most powerful
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force on earth. We got to keepharnessing our wagon to that. Another exercise that that I love is, well, that happened. So when we're reflecting on things, Oh God, I'm so embarrassed. Why did I say that? Oh my god, I've got to make amends for that crap, you know, like there are just sometimes, you know, I
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mean, listen, I am so big on,you know, a lot of the times whatever's on my mind spills out of my mouth, and it gets me into trouble, because often I say things without enough discernment and consideration. So that's something that I constantly work on, and I'm definitely way better at it than
I was 25 years ago, but I canalways be better, because I don't want my sharp edges or my lack of discernment or consideration to be hurting others. So I'm always checking myself with that, and I don't always do well with it, you know. So I've got to be constantly practicing that. So,
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you know, if we hurt people, ifsomething painful or embarrassing happened, it's so easy to get into that, oh, I'm terrible, or, oh my God, I've got to hide away. Or it's the worst thing in the world. You know, we tend to make so much an 11. You know, on the scale of one to 10, it's an 11. It's
actually off the scale and howterrible or disastrous it was. What about if it's not life and death and it's things that can be changed and fixed. What about if we just stay in that kind of maybe it's a three or a four or a five, you know, it's not a 10 or an 11. So that's another exercise I give but just that,
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that happened, that happened.Okay, what am I going to learn from it? And we just hold it in this kind of balanced place where there's lots of different things that we could do with it. We're not tied to, oh my god, you know the kind of doom and gloom, unless it is life and death, in which case, okay, we
can go to an 11 but I think moreoften than not, every day, we can stay in a more balanced place with it. Personal Responsibility is just one of the absolute, non negotiable mandates in my life, what is my part in this? What can I learn from this? How can I be better from this? Do I need to
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apologize and make amends?Doesn't matter what the other person did. The personal responsibility. Piece of it, if you can take responsibility with a whole heart for your part in something, there are so many more parts. Possibilities, and it's really hard. I know it's really hard to eat shit or eat
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crow or, you know, whateverwe've got to do, but my God, it's so important. It's so important, and so in healthy relationships, I take responsibility. Responsibility for my part. You take responsibility for your part, and we take joint responsibility for what happens when your shit
and my shit collide. And that'swhere constantly working on communication, the communication with ourselves and how we communicate with others. And going back to the recent episode about challenging your critic, I talk a lot about this, about shorthand and longhand communication. So I highly
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recommend listening to that,because it is life changing when we stay in longhand communication and we state very cleanly and clearly what we want, what we're hearing, what we need, it's really it really shifts things, and it you can avoid a lot of misunderstandings,
miscommunication and conflict,by upgrading your communication skills with yourself and others and going back to presence, being in the flow of the present, being water versus cement. I love the water analogy, because water takes on whatever shape it flows into. It can be so many different things
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and can take on a lot ofdifferent properties. So often we are chasing static goals, and again, we get fixed in these very narrow, shallow containers of what we're capable of being and doing. And there's so many more options on the table. So being water and just seeing where the flow takes you, moment
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to moment, day to day, surpriseyourself and allow others to surprise you. So whilst I can on one level, accept the premise that past behavior is the best indication of future behavior, we also have to be open that people learn and grow and change, and so we can meet each other in a different place, if
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we are communicating with loveand respect. So again, this takes work and practice, but allow others to surprise you. I love it when I am pleasantly surprised. I really, really love it, and I do love it when I surprise myself, and sometimes, you know, we do need to give ourselves some props, celebrate.
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Oh, I'm doing better with that.I'm not where I want to be, but I'm doing better with that. And the next experience is another opportunity for me to practice being better that I mean, that's life, isn't it? That is the dance of life. You know, if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always
got. It's just the law ofphysics. So just practice. Keep practicing. Life is a practice. So just keep practicing. There's no such thing as mistakes or failures in my world. There's just choices. There's just things that happened, that happened. Okay, what's going to happen next? And what am I going
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to get to do with it? I get tochoose. And so do you? So please let me know what resonated with you from this episode, leave a review. Leave a comment in the Facebook group, email me. I want to hear your story. What's going on for you. Those of you in the skinny 60 community, I will see you on office hours, and if you
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want to join our community,always can learn more at skinny sixty.com and join our 60 day reset that we lead multiple times a year. So yeah, I'm excited to hear your story. You.
If you are new to the podcast or haven't listened to the first four episodes, I talk about my personal story, my coaching philosophy, and a little bit more about what it has to be me is all about. And then, more recently, in Episode 66 and 75 I talked about challenging our inner critic and
speaking to ourselves moregently, so that we have the courage to go after what we want. So in those six episodes, what I spoke about is very much tied to what I'm going to be talking about today. So if you listen to those episodes, the things we're going to cover today may resonate with you even
(00:38):
more deeply. So as I said in theintro, the I'm not enough story, oh, it just exists within all of us. And in some of the previous episodes, I spoke quite openly about the fact that more often than not, in my life, the I'm not enough story manifests as I'm too much, I'm too honest, I'm too aggressive, I'm too
(01:00):
ambitious. I want too much. Iused to think that they were opposites many years ago when I was younger, and then I realized that they're two sides of the same coin, this idea that and belief that we have to be different to be worthy, to be ready, to be able to meet the moment, to succeed, to be
accepted, to be loved to takeaction today, to be ready to step out of our comfort zone and claim our it has to be me. The right time is when we decide that it's time. So my friend Lynn, who is a headhunter, she often shares the analogy of life being like three legs of a stool that you've got. Your personal
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life is one leg of the stool.Your professional life is the second leg of the stool, and the third leg is your self esteem. And you have to have two out of the three in order for the stool to be able to stand and hold weight, be able to hold you, and at least one of them has to be self esteem, because if you do
(02:06):
not have self esteem, self love,belief in yourself, there's not a lot of movement that takes place. We can get stuck in analysis, paralysis or anxiety or depression, and we don't move forward more often than not, and we get stuck in these old patterns and old belief systems. I see this all the time as a
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coach, but the great news is wecan choose to step out of this, and it's okay that we need help. We all need help. I have brought in many of the practitioners that I see on a regular basis to be able to show up as the best version of myself, or a version that wants to learn and grow, and can be present and listen
(02:50):
and be a person of personalresponsibility. So one of the questions that I've asked a lot in the podcast, and I ask every participant of our 60 day reset, is, what are your superpowers? Why do I ask this? I mean, we've all got them. We've all got things that we do really, really well, and things that other
people come to us for. Thereason why I ask that is, I find it very interesting, firstly, but secondly, when we embark on something new, it's very easy to think, Oh, I'm a hot mess. I don't know how to do anything. I'm useless. And we can sort of drop our bundle and feel like we don't have the goods. We don't
(03:30):
have what it takes to dosomething and learn something new. Well, we have undeniable data that we absolutely have that skill, because we've done it before in other aspects of our lives. So the reason why I'm always asking people what their superpowers are, because if we anchor ourselves to the things
that we know that we do well andthe things that we know we have to offer to the world, we can hold change in balance. We can hold our fears in balance. And so I'll give you some examples. My superpowers are that I put awesome flavors together that are just mind blowing. That's why my recipes are so popular in
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the blender girl cookbooks andin our programs. A lot of the one of the big reasons why people return to our programs again and again is because the food is so delicious and healthy, living is so much easier when you love the food that you're eating, and your family and friends love it too.
Another thing is that I attractawesome human beings, and the other thing is I'm super intuitive, and I help people believe that they can do anything. I will admit that I had to have help to claim, to identify and claim those superpowers my friends, my family, tell me what I'm good at
(04:45):
and what I bring to their lives.And it took me time to receive that and then claim it for myself, but once I did, and I started sharing those superpowers with the force of thunder my way. Oh. Oh, my entire world opened up. There were so many more possibilities, and the conversations just got
(05:07):
more juicy and more interesting.So I invite you to think about what your superpowers are. And if you can't think of things, you can't claim them, just gently ask yourself why I've spoken about this before on the podcast, and I say this a lot to participants about 60 day reset. Why is that? And ask people that
(05:30):
you that you know really loveyou and that you trust. What do I do? Really well, it's a really interesting exercise, and not interesting because I can't think of a better word, but of interest may surprise you, it may reinforce what you already know, and it just may make you feel really good today. So and
it's an interesting question toask the other people in your life, or tell them what you think their superpowers are. I mean, I don't know about you, but it never gets old hearing how great that I am from people that I really care about. So again, chase some joy today, and you might have some really
(06:05):
beautiful conversations aroundthat, around just sitting in that inquiry. So the next question is, how are you using your powers? Are you claiming them? Are you sharing them, or are you hiding them away and not sharing openly what you have to offer to the world. The interesting thing that happens
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is, when we when we sit in thatinquiry is, are we holding our powers in balance? Because our superpower is our Achilles heel, when not held in balance. So when we don't have a balance of self care and care for others, we don't have a balance of intention and attachment to outcome, we can often be sharing
(06:57):
our powers out of balance withthat self care and care for others. So I've spoken in episodes one to four. I spoke about this, a bit about how I have a propensity, because I do really derive genuine joy from helping other people expand into their potential, and from helping others, particularly
(07:19):
people I really love and carefor and I love and care for everybody in our programs, but also my friends and family. I can often sort of transition out of pure intention just to help, and then I can hide in other people's stories when I'm afraid of completely living inside of my own. Now that's that doesn't
(07:42):
make us bad people. If you areidentifying with that as I'm speaking, it just means that we can get stuck in that place of hiding in other people's stories instead of living in our own, and we have to be living in our own whilst inviting other people into it. And so that's something that I've got to catch myself
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with. You know that I'm findingthat balance every decision is leading us somewhere. So there is a fine line between helping and hiding. So the next question is, what funnel Are you in? So we are the sum of our choices. Every choice and experience leads us to the next one. Every decision is leading us
(08:26):
somewhere, and we're going downinto the funnel. And so where are your choices leading you?
And the next question is, whatcurrency are you exchanging the most? What values lead your decision making. So there are a lot of currencies that are exchanged between humans. Which ones do you use the most and do you value the most? Is it money power, prestige, achievement, fear, scarcity, or is it
(09:00):
quality, time, presence, truth,love, empathy, compassion, generosity, personal responsibility, vulnerability, humor, creativity. I mean, there's so many currencies, and I'm not putting a judgment on any of them. I like power. I like money. I like prestige. I like achievement. I can also
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swim around with fear, scarcity,time, presence, love, truth, empathy, generosity, personal responsibility, vulnerability, humor, I can all of it, creativity, but where are we putting the most value? It's a good exercise. It's a good thing to think about, because those values, those currencies, they
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really, really drive our choicesand the way that we think about ourselves, others, the world. What's worth spending time on and in and what isn't i. So our parents, our family members, and then friends, co workers, etc, but inform you know what our values are and how we spend our time, but our parents are our
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first teachers about currencyand values, and then in adulthood, we get to decide. We get to decide what drives us. Many of us are not deciding enough to choose for ourselves, and I catch myself in this as well. And then we can get caught in loops from the past. We're almost like hostages of the
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expectations of others. And soeverything starts with permission, deciding that we want more, we want something better, we want something different, starts with permission, permission that we're allowed to want it, that it's allowed to be different, and it takes courage to go after
(10:59):
what we want. But if we wantmore, if we want change, if we want more joy and love in our lives, we have to embrace change. I know you're scary. You know, I've spoken about this before, and you know it's spoken about a lot in society, that if you ask the average person, how do you feel about change, most
people will tell you, it'sscary. Well, it depends on what the change is going to be. It's going to be amazing. Then some people will say they're excited by it, but more often than not, people will say that they're scared of change. Will fear and excitement activate in the same place in the body. It's just a
(11:29):
different expectation of theoutcome. So if we accept that everything serves us, even if it's painful, everything serves us, then change is always a good thing, even if it's difficult and challenging. So the older I get, the more I accept and celebrate the fact that we are not meant to get everything we
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need from our parents.Otherwise, the quest for autonomy would not be potent. We'd never leave home. We'd never go and experience new things and step outside the boundaries and the confines of our family rules and systems, and go out and forge relationships with people
outside of our family. We wouldnever do that in such a visceral way. You know, it's a very potent need, and it's one that we have to have. So there's that thing of accepting the gifts from your family and then also acknowledging the gifts that we get outside of our family, and being brave about this starts
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with being present, or itcontinues, I should say, with being present. So we've talked a lot about the value of presence on the podcast? So recently, in Episode 74 with Justin Patrick Pierce and London Angel winters, we were talking about sacred intimacy, and they were talking about the value of being present
in the moment, not beingdistracted by other things, just being completely present with what is right now. And in Episode 62 Kerry koligie, when we were talking about somatic practices, embodiment and feminine wisdom, she talked a lot about the value of presence. And then we spoke to her
(13:15):
husband, Amir kaliki In episode63 and episode 64 we spoke with speed weed. They were both embodiment and somatic practitioners who were talking about polarity masculinity, our understanding of these things, and how being present and being able to communicate openly with others is where the magic
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happens. And ElizabethJurgensen, in Episode 65 talked about the cycles of the moon and how internalized capitalism affects our ability to see the value in every rhythm and season of life. So I highly recommend listening to those episodes within the context of this conversation or their juicy
conversations. My therapist,Tony, has this amazing bookshelf in his office. I go and see him once a month, and we always, always have these amazing conversations. But he's got this. He doesn't have you know quotes everywhere or anything like that, but he's got one, and it's just dwell in possibility.
(14:14):
And every time I sit in hisoffice, I just look at that, I just go, Oh, thank you. Thank you for reminding me that again, and I could see it every day the week and twice on Sundays. And I still want to be reminded of that beautiful invitation to dwell in possibility, so choosing to dwell in the
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possibilities of the presentmoment. What's here for me now. What can come of this? What can I learn from this? What happiness and joy is here to be had and experienced right now in this moment. What can I do with this? So being in the process and flow of what's happening now, just staying juicy and
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curious. Curious about themoment, about what's coming up, and not needing or wanting to be anywhere else. Every moment takes us to the next moment, and we could miss something really juicy. I don't know about you, but I don't just have FOMO fear of missing out. I've got what I call CAD FOMO, a catastrophic
and disastrous fear of missingout. I don't want to miss out on anything. So because I know this about myself, it actually helps me to remember that slow and low can be really, really beautiful, because if we're going too fast, everything becomes a blur, and we miss a lot of it. If we're too focused on getting to the
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destination, achieving what'sgoing to happen tomorrow or next week or next month, we can often miss all of the all of the gold along the way. I am really, really big on celebrating every single win, the big, the small, the private, the public, celebrating every single experience, every lesson, even
(16:01):
the ones that come wrapped indog shit, the ones that are painful. I mean, the great thing about pain is that we can't ignore it, and we don't forget it. It is our ally and our friend, and it's there to guide us to something better, even when it is excruciatingly painful, embarrassing,
confronting, deep I mean,personal responsibility is not for the faint hearted, which is why a lot of people are choosing to move through the world without it, and we currently have so many people in leadership who are choosing to blame everything on the other and make us afraid of it instead
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of This mandate of personalresponsibility, because it takes major courage, major self awareness, to act with personal responsibility and take responsibility for your part in things when there's conflict between people, it's never just one person's fault, ever. We all have a lens and a filter through
(16:59):
which we experience the worldand we receive stimuli information. We often hear things that are not even said because of that filter. So we've got to be very clean and clear about how we're receiving things, you know, said a lot in this pod about, you know, my favorite quote is the Nelson
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Mandela quote, I never lose. Ieither win or I learn. I think there's only winning because learning is winning, you know. Even if we were to accept that there was losing, I don't, you know, I totally buy into to that there isn't losing, there's only winning and learning. Well, learning is winning, so there's
only winning, you know, butsometimes it's challenging, it hurts, and we got to pick up, we got to regroup, we've got to listen, and that takes time, and so just to give us that grace and that time. And when we're in moments of pain and we're feeling stuck, things are really challenging and difficult.
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It, you know, it can be a realtest to be able to find a little moment of joy today, even through the pain. So I have an exercise that I give to lots of participants, which is the high low exercise, just reflecting on your day, what was the low of the day and what was the high of the day? And not why? Why the
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high low is really helpful isthat, oh, I'm still here, even, even with the lowest point today, and then what is the highest point? You know? Where are the lessons? Where are the things that I can celebrate today. Where are those opportunities? Are you living in the shoulds or the I get tos?
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That's another exercise that Igive to people a lot. It really shifts the energy about how you're thinking about what's going on for you in this moment. Or, you know, often it's, oh, I should do this. I should do that. Well, what about I get to do this and I get to do that immediately. You just to me. It
just feels more buoyant. Oh, Iget to it's actually a privilege that I have choices and that I'm here, and I get to make a bunch of different choices so often we are putting ourselves in a very, very narrow container of what's available. And often, I will say to people, what would happen if we widened the aperture, we
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opened the aperture of what ispossible. Today, when we speak gently to ourselves, we just slow down, and we can just take a minute to see that there are lots of other options, and we can put some things back on the table. More things start to feel possible. We start to tap into our power a little bit, and. See
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that, oh, actually, there's moreways to get from A to B than maybe what we're seeing at first the but gets in the way. I could do this, but I want to do this, but often I will say to participants, can I give you some homework? How about what would happen if we removed the word but from our lexicon, just
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for this week? What would happenif there was no but what would you be able to do? What if you loved like you'd never been hurt. What if the other shoe was never going to drop? What if tomorrow wasn't guaranteed? So I'll offer this to a lot of participants watching the movie about time. I highly recommend
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that movie if you haven't seenit. It's not a masterpiece, it's it's not Citizen Kane, you know, but it's a sweet movie that's got a really beautiful message. And it's this. I watch it every year just as a reminder, because I watch it and think, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm never going to forget that. And sure enough,
the next year, when I watch it,I go, Yep, I forgot that a whole lot of days this year. So I'm always watching it. The idea is that if you could live the same day over again to feel happier and feel more joy, how would you live it if you got to do it over again, and then if we accept the reality that we don't actually
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get to do it over again. Whatabout we just live it that way to begin with, and just see the opportunities, be kind and gentle with ourselves and others and enjoy what is available today. It's a really beautiful, beautiful invitation, beautiful message, and then we're able to share our light, celebrate the
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light that we give, and share itopenly and with confidence and love, and we get to modular, modulate that light in different situations. We get to decide how we share it and who we share it with. And another thing that comes up a lot during office hours, and it's come up in my personal story as well, is when
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we get older. It can beconvenient or I suppose, it might be viewed as easy to believe that we become invisible, that we don't matter as much, that people don't want to hear what we have to say. And I know it can be confronting, just physically getting older, particularly when you know you
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maybe when you were younger,people used to, you know, look at you a lot and notice you more. And when you're at a bar, you know, you always got served by the hot bartender first, and now, you know, when you're 50 or 60, people are just not noticing you, and they're serving everyone else around you, and
you're kind of getting passedover. And I've experienced that myself when I'm standing in line at places young people don't tend to see older people as much. Is a perception, but it doesn't have to be that way, or we can choose not to see it that way. And it was really, I'll tell you, something that
(23:25):
happened to me recently thatreally was life changing for me. So I was visiting my friend Hannah in Boston, and she was living in Back Bay on Newbury Street to this fantastic apartment was right on the street, right in the thick of everything. It's such a fantastic area. And we went out
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with her friend for tapas. Wehad an amazing Friday night eating and drinking. It was wonderful. And we were walking through on this balmy night through the city, and as we came up to the train station, this seriously smoking hot guy came up, and he just looked effortlessly gorgeous. He was
like, he's sort of my age, Ithink, and he had this sort of flannel shirt on, a white t shirt, and these blue jeans kind of rolled up with these sort of construction boots, and he had this gorgeous overnight bag over his shoulder. Just looked effortlessly confident. No big deal, you know. And as you do, I
(24:25):
noticed him. He noticed me, ohyeah, you know. And we kept moving. So we came up to the stoplight, and we just kept talking. And then as the the light turned green, he just gently walked ahead of us, not in a performative way, just as you do? Just walked ahead of us, and we were walking towards the
Copley hotel in the city. And Ijust thought to myself, he's going into the Copley, I could tell. And so he was sort of, I want to say, maybe, 20 paces in front of us, and we were just sort of walking behind. He turned to the doorman. Went to walk inside the hotel, and then turned around towards us, and
(25:07):
just stood there and looked atme, and his hand found its way up to his heart, and for about five to 10 seconds, maybe he just looked at me and Hannah,
Unknown (25:27):
Hannah, and bridges went, Oh my
Tess Masters (25:29):
God. God. Oh my God. And they said that I just stood there, and my hand found its way up to my heart, and I just received it, and I looked at him, and he looked at me, and it was so beautiful, and it wasn't sleazy, it wasn't weird, it was just honest, I see you, wow. And in another life, ah.
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And then he just gently walkedinside the hotel.
Unknown (26:08):
They turned to me and said, God, that was the most intense interaction between strangers I've ever seen in my life. You're
flush test. And I said, Oh yeah,I've flushed. Wow. I am just letting that wash over me,
Tess Masters (26:23):
what a gift. And they said, you have to go in there. Oh my god. And I said, No, that's not what that was. If he was available and wanted to have a conversation with me, he would have walked right up and had that conversation, I really believe, or what I got from it was Wow. In another life, I'm
(26:44):
not available, but wow inanother life, there was something between us. I just want to acknowledge that and just drink it in for a minute. And we call him Mr. Copley. Now, I
Unknown (26:56):
have no idea who this guy is, what his name is, where he's from. I would never see this person again,
Tess Masters (27:03):
but that moment and the gift that he gave me in seeing me, I will be holding that in my heart and in my body for the rest of my life, and if I ever have that feeling between somebody again, I'm going to do what he did, not exactly that maybe, but I'm going to acknowledge it in some way,
(27:31):
because what it did for me wasso powerful. Because I'm in my 50s. I'm single right now, I feel, you know, I was broken hearted. I spoke very openly about this in episodes one to four, about the breakdown of my marriage, the heartbreak that came along with that, and my ability to see myself changed
(27:56):
and has changed over the pastnumber of years, and I am feeling ready to let somebody else into my heart like that in a way that I have not been ready in previous years. And that feels really, really good. And I was sometimes falling into that I'm invisible. I'm getting older now. I don't know who would find
(28:25):
me attractive. I'm scared thatI'm, you know, not enough, or, you know that whole imposter syndrome that we can sometimes feel I'm not enough, basically, or I'm too much, like I was talking about before, but that Mr. Copley just seeing me and celebrating me in that moment. It was like rain in the desert.
(28:51):
It was so beautiful, and it wasa beautiful promise of what's coming, and I think about it a lot, and just that, the potential, and just living in the potential, the promise, the possibilities of what can happen when we show up and just allow ourselves to be seen and see and In order to do that, we have to
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be vulnerable. We have to decidethat we're going to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, you know. And Brene Brown speaks so beautifully about this. If you haven't listened to her TED talk, I highly recommend it. It went completely viral. Millions of people have listened to it. It is so extraordinary. And in
her books, she speaks about thisa lot. Vulnerability is a superpower. It is a strength. And when we give ourselves permission to be vulnerable, we give other people permission to meet us with their vulnerability, and when we are discerning about who we share our vulnerability with, we give
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other people permission to seeus and we can see them do. It was just, it's so beautiful. I think another thing that often holds us back is what I was just speaking about, that imposter syndrome. You know that that my voice isn't no one wants to hear what I have to say. My voice isn't worth anything. And I've
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said this quite a bit on thepodcast of sometimes the best teacher for a third grader is a fourth grader. That's it. You don't have to be the best person in the world at something the most famous, the most successful, in order for your voice and what you know to have value. So turn up your light,
(30:39):
share it, see the value in it,and that is what Mr. Copley did for me. And if you don't have a Mr. Copley story in your life right now, steal mine, put it into your body that there's somebody out there right now who is seeing you and drinking you in, I promise you, maybe they just don't have the courage of
(31:01):
Mr. Copley, because it tookcourage for him to turn around. And like I said, it wasn't sleazy. It was just an offer. He gave his imperfect offering, which, for me in that moment, was perfection. Let me tell you, so make your contribution, and if the person you offer it to doesn't want to hear it, share
(31:22):
it with somebody else, find yourpeople. They're not your people. So you're never going to be enough for the wrong people. You're always going to be enough for the right ones. So use your voice and give your imperfect offering. Kerry koligie invited us to do that in episode 62 by tapping into it your intuition
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and your divine feminine power,or masculine power, if you're a male listening to this and we've all got feminine and masculine, omega and alpha in us, as we spoke about with Justin and London and several other guests. But I just mean as males and females, or however you identify. There's a saying, a
mantra in our community, inskinny 60 of good, better or best, not perfect. We're not aiming for perfection. It doesn't exist. The joy of life and the magic of life happens in the imperfection, in the mess. Be messy, get messy, offer your messy, share your messy. Give yourself permission to do that.
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I love messy. I really, reallydo because we're all messy, we're all imperfect, we're all just figuring it out. Life is a practice. We're all just practicing, and we're inviting other people into our practice to share our practice. We're just aiming to make the next better choice, or the next
(32:47):
choice. How about we don't evenadd a qualifier? What about just the next choice that we intend to learn from? Another exercise that I give people a lot is is taking the word try out of the out of the lexicon, because often people will say, Well, I'll try and do that. I'll try and do do this. I don't really
(33:07):
like the word try, because itimmediately gives us an out that we might not get there. What about just do it? That's why that Nike slogan is seriously one of the best brand slogans in the history of marketing. I mean, it is just so brilliant. It truly is. Don't try and do it, just do it. And if you
(33:30):
didn't, and when you dosomething, you didn't, oh, I tried, no, actually, you did it. You may just want to do it differently next time. But you did it. You didn't try to do it. You did it. So actually, again, just celebrating the things that you do and what you can learn from it, however it plays out,
show your heart. Listen withyour heart. Julie Hannon spoke beautifully about this in Episode 54 heart centered, listening, heart focused, listening and being that if we lead with our hearts, we give other people permission to do the same. Mr. Copley did that. Gave me permission to receive
(34:06):
it. Oh, you know, and I'm goingto do it with somebody else one day. Haven't had the opportunity yet, with something that intense, where I felt really compelled to but I'm going to, I am not going to be shy in doing that next time, because who knows the effect it might have on that other person and the
belief that they're going tohave about themselves, and the flow on effect just from that tiny interaction, which was huge for me and is going to loom large in my life forever, unbelievable, that man out there has no idea. You know, it's extraordinary, the dance of seeing and being seen is
(34:44):
central. It's the central danceof life. In episode 74 with Justin and London, we talked about this with sacred intimacy, the practice of just practicing the art of receiving, exercising that muscle. I was not exercising that muscle as much. Receiving with grace. There was always Oh yeah, but I didn't do
(35:09):
this, or I didn't do that, or,Oh, why they? Why are they? Why are they saying that? Oh, I don't know about that. I don't know if that's true. Receiving Gifts, receiving generosity. You know, I used to be quite uncomfortable that. Oh no, no, I want to be giving. I feel uncomfortable receiving. Well, I
don't want to rob people theprivilege of giving. I want to receive with grace. And so the the art of receiving is a really, really important one to be in, in constant pursuit of, you know, practicing and and remember, as Justin said, that mastery is the commitment to a path that has no end, that we're
(35:52):
always in process of masteringsomething. And so just keep practicing exercising that muscle. How are you seeing others, and how are you allowing them to see you? We get to choose the vibration and the rhythm
that we're swimming around with,that we're operating with. So we get to set the tone each day. So Nick pigeon talked about this in her episode about positive psychology, that setting the tone and the bookends for the day, how we begin the day, how we end the day, really, really matters, and we can reset that
(36:30):
tone any minute of the day,anytime we choose what's the worst thing that's going to happen. If you put yourself out there, you go out on a limb, and you do something different, you speak your truth, you try something different, you make a fool of yourself. What's gonna happen? Well, you may get hurt,
yes, that's a risk, but you'regonna learn. You're gonna learn, and you will survive it, just like we've all survived previous pain and previous hurt. We keep going. We do the resilience factor with the human condition is extraordinary, the power of hope and resilience, the power of love. It's the most powerful
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force on earth. We got to keepharnessing our wagon to that. Another exercise that that I love is, well, that happened. So when we're reflecting on things, Oh God, I'm so embarrassed. Why did I say that? Oh my god, I've got to make amends for that crap, you know, like there are just sometimes, you know, I
(37:34):
mean, listen, I am so big on,you know, a lot of the times whatever's on my mind spills out of my mouth, and it gets me into trouble, because often I say things without enough discernment and consideration. So that's something that I constantly work on, and I'm definitely way better at it than
I was 25 years ago, but I canalways be better, because I don't want my sharp edges or my lack of discernment or consideration to be hurting others. So I'm always checking myself with that, and I don't always do well with it, you know. So I've got to be constantly practicing that. So,
(38:16):
you know, if we hurt people, ifsomething painful or embarrassing happened, it's so easy to get into that, oh, I'm terrible, or, oh my God, I've got to hide away. Or it's the worst thing in the world. You know, we tend to make so much an 11. You know, on the scale of one to 10, it's an 11. It's
actually off the scale and howterrible or disastrous it was. What about if it's not life and death and it's things that can be changed and fixed. What about if we just stay in that kind of maybe it's a three or a four or a five, you know, it's not a 10 or an 11. So that's another exercise I give but just that,
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that happened, that happened.Okay, what am I going to learn from it? And we just hold it in this kind of balanced place where there's lots of different things that we could do with it. We're not tied to, oh my god, you know the kind of doom and gloom, unless it is life and death, in which case, okay, we
can go to an 11 but I think moreoften than not, every day, we can stay in a more balanced place with it. Personal Responsibility is just one of the absolute, non negotiable mandates in my life, what is my part in this? What can I learn from this? How can I be better from this? Do I need to
(39:27):
apologize and make amends?Doesn't matter what the other person did. The personal responsibility. Piece of it, if you can take responsibility with a whole heart for your part in something, there are so many more parts. Possibilities, and it's really hard. I know it's really hard to eat shit or eat
(39:47):
crow or, you know, whateverwe've got to do, but my God, it's so important. It's so important, and so in healthy relationships, I take responsibility. Responsibility for my part. You take responsibility for your part, and we take joint responsibility for what happens when your shit
and my shit collide. And that'swhere constantly working on communication, the communication with ourselves and how we communicate with others. And going back to the recent episode about challenging your critic, I talk a lot about this, about shorthand and longhand communication. So I highly
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recommend listening to that,because it is life changing when we stay in longhand communication and we state very cleanly and clearly what we want, what we're hearing, what we need, it's really it really shifts things, and it you can avoid a lot of misunderstandings,
miscommunication and conflict,by upgrading your communication skills with yourself and others and going back to presence, being in the flow of the present, being water versus cement. I love the water analogy, because water takes on whatever shape it flows into. It can be so many different things
(41:03):
and can take on a lot ofdifferent properties. So often we are chasing static goals, and again, we get fixed in these very narrow, shallow containers of what we're capable of being and doing. And there's so many more options on the table. So being water and just seeing where the flow takes you, moment
(41:25):
to moment, day to day, surpriseyourself and allow others to surprise you. So whilst I can on one level, accept the premise that past behavior is the best indication of future behavior, we also have to be open that people learn and grow and change, and so we can meet each other in a different place, if
(41:48):
we are communicating with loveand respect. So again, this takes work and practice, but allow others to surprise you. I love it when I am pleasantly surprised. I really, really love it, and I do love it when I surprise myself, and sometimes, you know, we do need to give ourselves some props, celebrate.
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Oh, I'm doing better with that.I'm not where I want to be, but I'm doing better with that. And the next experience is another opportunity for me to practice being better that I mean, that's life, isn't it? That is the dance of life. You know, if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always
got. It's just the law ofphysics. So just practice. Keep practicing. Life is a practice. So just keep practicing. There's no such thing as mistakes or failures in my world. There's just choices. There's just things that happened, that happened. Okay, what's going to happen next? And what am I going
(42:51):
to get to do with it? I get tochoose. And so do you? So please let me know what resonated with you from this episode, leave a review. Leave a comment in the Facebook group, email me. I want to hear your story. What's going on for you. Those of you in the skinny 60 community, I will see you on office hours, and if you
(43:13):
want to join our community,always can learn more at skinny sixty.com and join our 60 day reset that we lead multiple times a year. So yeah, I'm excited to hear your story. You.
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