Why They Left You (And What To Do With The Pain)

You gave your heart.
They pulled away.
Now you're left with silence… and pain that won’t explain itself.

In this episode of Sappy Hour, we unpack two real voicemails from people who got left — one ghosted after a deep connection, the other grieving a relationship that felt like forever.

But this isn’t just about them.
It’s about you.

• Why they left (and what it wasn’t about)
• What the pain is actually pointing to
• How to stop chasing clarity and start building self-trust
• The 6 steps to stop relapsing into heartbreak
• And the truth: your soul is trying to reroute you

If you’ve been left on read, left behind, or left wondering… this one is for you.

You’re not too much. You’re not too late. You’re not broken.

🥀 Call the Sappy Hotline → 888-444-9461
🎧 Watch & Listen on Spotify, YouTube, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts.

—

Hit subscribe if you’re healing. I drop new episodes every Friday.

Real talk. Real hurt. Real hope. Mostly Vibes. 

Thanks for tuning in to JB Copeland's Sappy Hour.

If it moved you, made you think, or made you feel less alone — share it with someone you care about

📚 Sponsored byIntelligent Change— use code SAPPYHOUR10 for 10% off

📖 My new book Sappy Medium is out now.

Let’s stay connected:

📸 Instagram: @jb_copeland

🌐 Everything else: hoo.be/jbcopeland

Episode Transcript

Unknown (00:02):
Welcome to sappy hour brought to you by intelligent
change. It's Friday, people, andyou might be listening to this
or watching this and it's notFriday, but hey, we all love
Friday, so let's just pretend itis Friday, even if it's not
Friday. I got a really, reallyfun episode for us today. We're
diving into sappy hotline callstwo people left some amazing

(00:25):
voicemails that I can't wait todive into. And it's all around
love, heartbreak, relationships,Girl problems, boy problems,
whatever it might be. And Ithink all of us have been at
this point to where we justdon't know what to do, we don't
know what to do, and we reallywant to know what to do, and so
I can't wait for you to tune in.
It's gonna be fun, and let's getto it.

(00:49):
JB, I've been listening to yourpodcast, videos, Instagram
reels, for a hot minute. It'sreally been helping me get
through things I'm at a breakingpoint. I'm not gonna lie to you,
man, it's been really hardlately. I feel like every time I
get so close to achieving what Iwant, something just kind of

(01:09):
knocks me out. My whole mindsetgoing through a really rough
breakup, and I'm just not surehow I get back on the wagon,
man, like I really thought I wasgonna marry this person getting
older. I'm trying not to thinkabout the concept of time
either. That's always been thehard part. Just hoping maybe you

(01:31):
could just sprinkle some wisdomof a kid living in New York
trying to get out of the bigcity and find his purpose, find
his way, and hopefully I findout that person that aligns with
my values, dude. I hope you havea great day, great week, and
just thank you. Like, seriously,thank you. Thanks for
calling in, bro. I mean, youknow when, when someone talks to

(01:56):
you, or you hear someone'svoice, or you can you connect
with someone for the first time,you can just tell that they're a
cool person. This is a cool duderight here, man, I'm, I'm sorry
that you feel this way. I'msorry that you're going through
all this. And I get it becauseI've been there and it's like,
you feeling like you're in thisplace to where it's like, you

(02:17):
know you're doing the work,you're you're trying to keep it
all together. And it's like,every time you start to gain
some momentum, whether it'srelationally or or in your life
or financially or whatever, it'slike, you keep on hitting the
reset button, and I'm going toget into this with you. But this
is a sign. This is this is thisis your soul communicating to

(02:38):
you. This is, this is yourfuture self, like Interstellar,
you know, in that scene, likethis is what's happening. Is, is
the reset button is, is grace.
It's a grace. And I know you, Iknow you don't want to hear that
right now, but this reset buttonis a grace, because everything

(03:00):
in you, everything that youknow, that you've been taught,
that you've learned, that youknow you're wanting to push and
go this direction, whatever itmight be, and every again, every
time you gain that momentum,every time you're starting to
step in that that direction,where you kind of feel, you know
a little bit better, reset backto the beginning. And you're

(03:26):
really never back to thebeginning, but you're at a point
of of resetting to where you'relike, I don't understand well,
it's because your your soul, ispulling you a different way,
and becauseyou know your higher self or or
something bigger, or your soulcares about you so much, it's

(03:46):
going to keep resetting, bro,it's going to keep resetting you
like a video game back at thischeckpoint, because Something
has to shift. It might not beyour actions. It might just be a
little bit deeper, a little bitdeeper. It might just be your
beliefs about yourself. I have alot that I want to say about

(04:10):
this, and I have a lot that I'dlike to share with you, on on as
I'm doing this, but I want tohit this first. This is just
personal for where I've been,because I really feel you. I
feel you because I've beenthere. I know how you feel. It's
just like over and over and overagain, like again you're wanting
to get back on the wagon. Lifewill continue to throw you off

(04:33):
the wagon. When you're on awagon that's not yours. It's
what happens.
Life will continue to throw youoff the wagon
for the wagon. If you're on thewagon that is not yours. And I
say that, and you're probablylike, well, it is my wagon. And

(04:55):
a lot of times it feels like itwhen I say it's not your wagon,
what I'm saying is the wagon.
And and this place that you'regoing and what's carrying you,
this, this deep down motivation,this belief, does not align with
your value and the truth of whoyou are. What I'm trying to say
is, I don't think that youunderstand how great you are.

(05:19):
Usually, this iswe just went, we just crushed
all the other layers of gettingdown to this. This is the root
you don't realize how valuableyou are. And the reason the
reset button keeps on beingpushed over and over and over
again is because your soul wantsyou to understand how dope you

(05:45):
are, the value that you bringthe reset button should become a
reflection of why you aren'tliving life based on your truest
values of who you really are. Isaid I was gonna get personal
and tell, tell my own personalstory about this, because this
is, this is where I lived for along time. Is like I was making

(06:06):
decisions, I was living life. Iwas seeing life through a lens
and doing these things, notunderstanding, not understanding
how valuable I was. I had a lackmindset. I didn't understand
everything that I could bring tothe table, and I was operating

(06:29):
from a place of notunderstanding that. And so I
would go down these routes, andI'd be like, Okay, this is good,
as you know, and it's likeeverything would just keep on
falling apart. Because my myconscious beliefs and my
subconscious beliefs were notallow aligned with my truest

(06:50):
value. And so this reset isn'tthe end. It's actually the
initiation from your soul that'sasking you for something deeper.
And I'm going to get into this.
I want to talk a little bit moreabout the girl, but I'm going to
get into this. What we need todo to not ignore this initiation

(07:13):
from your soul, this reset fromyour soul. You don't want to
ignore it a lot of times. That'swhat happens, is you ignore it,
and you go down that routeagain, and then you get reset
again this time, you're notgonna ignore it, and you're
gonna listen to this reset.
You're gonna listen to thisreflection, you're gonna listen
to this initiation, because whatit's trying to teach you is how
valuable that you are, and ifyou can understand how valuable

(07:34):
that you are, then the decisionsthat you're going to make are
going to be in line with yourvalue, and life will start to
open up, and it will start toflow, and you'll start to you'll
start to track down that trackof why you're here. And I want
you to know this, that you'renot behind. You are on divine
time. And I just want to takeaway all that fear right now

(07:59):
that you're behind in that, youknow, I've been reset all these
times, and it doesn't matter. Itdoes you're on divine time.
Everything in time, everythinghappens on time. I truly believe
that, because there's somethingbigger than us, whether it's
again, our soul, or somethingbigger the universe God that is

(08:19):
directing what's going on here.
And sometimes it takes a fewresets for us to figure it out.
It took me until I was 28 yearsold, 28 years old in the middle
of of nowhere at a rehab, youknow, taking care of horses
every day. And at that time ofthat, that next reset. I mean, I

(08:44):
my life is reset over and overand over. Up until that point, I
didn't I didn't see it, I didn'tunderstand it. And it's crazy,
because what happens is when,when we get reset like this,
what we want to do is we want tojudge ourselves. We want to turn
and point the finger atourselves and say, What the hell
is wrong with you when it whenyour soul is asking you to do

(09:06):
the exact opposite. We can'thate ourselves. We can't judge
ourselves into change. We haveto love ourselves into change.
And so when I was at my lowestin rehab, that would have been
like probably the best place forme to be pissed off at myself,
and I was for a little bit. Ifelt like I wasn't enough. I
felt inadequate. I did, but Ihad to switch something in me.

(09:29):
And so this is, this is thefirst thing about this that that
I just wanted to share with you,and just give you a little bit
of encouragement right now, is,number one, you're not behind.
You're on divine time. Andnumber two, it's time to have
some grace with you. It's timeto have some love for yourself.
This is the perfect time for youto reassure yourself. This is
the perfect time for you to talknice to yourself. This is the

(09:52):
perfect time for you to just befriends with you, bro, be
friends with you. That. Bully inyour head, that's not your
voice, that's that's a voice ofsomeone that was a bully, and
that bully's voice has nowbecome in your head what you
think is your is your voice, butit's not. And so this is the

(10:15):
perfect time to start notlistening to that and start
listening to the friend in you,because the only way to to truly
let this initiation begin is foryou, for you to be able to to
pause and understand thateverything in divine time, I'm

(10:35):
right on track, you're right ontrack. And the other part is to
look at yourself nicely, to talkto yourself nicely. That's
what's going to start this, thiswhole process here, is you being
nice to yourself, Man, you'reyou're not in a rush. There's no
urgency. Can calm down. You're,yeah, you could go and do

(11:00):
something else and but you'regonna get reset again. You
there's a lesson here that youhave to, that you have to catch,
and you and you will catch it ifyou relax and you start being
nice to you, like anytime thoseguilty feelings start to come
in, anytime you start to feelthat self hatred, anytime you
start to man, that's that's notyou, that's not you talking to

(11:23):
you. Just tell it. Just say,Please be quiet. Remind
yourself, have gratitude towardsyourself. And so I say all that
to say there's a couple things Iwant to get into. You talked
about, you talked about a girl.
We're going to talk about that.
And then I'm going to give youthe six steps. I'm kind of just
coming out with the six steps ofinitiation, like following that

(11:46):
soul's initiation, becausethat's where you're at. You
don't want to go. This is abreaking pattern moment. You
don't want to go back into, youknow, what you just came from,
and get reset again. You want tobreak that pattern and let all
of this happen like this, thisroad of authenticity, like this,
new path begin to open up, andthere's a way that you do that.

(12:08):
So we're going to talk about thegirl, and then we're going to
talk about the path. First off,I'm sorry. I'm sorry, bro, like,
I'm sorry. It's gut wrenching.
Doesn't feel good. And here'sthe thing is, I understand the
story that you begin tellingyourself, the identity that was
it's not just about you losingher.

(12:29):
It's about the story that youtold yourself
while you were with her, theidentity that you formed while
you were with her, theaffirmation it gave you to be
with her, that you wereaccepted, that you were loved,
and it's like it's ripped out ofyou. It's it's reset, and this

(12:52):
is the part of the reset thatI'm talking about. But what
happens when when someoneleaves, is we're left with this
emptiness, and that's what youfeel right now. You're confused
because you keep on gettingreset, and you're empty because
the person that you really lovedor liked, or I don't know how,
left, and soyou feel like a failure.

(13:16):
Just being honest, that's whatyou feel like. You feel like a
failure because number one,things aren't working out. And
number two, the girl's notworking out. What's wrong with
me? That's the questions thatyou're asking yourself, what's
wrong with me? And obviously thetruth is, is that there's
nothing wrong with you, butthat's just the that's what's
going on in your head right now,but you're left with this
emptiness. And the number onething we want to do when we feel

(13:40):
empty is fill it. We want tofill that void. When things are
reset, we want to start buildingagain. When there's emptiness
within us, we want to fill itwith whatever, whether it's
another girl, whether it's work,whether it's drugs, whatever,
whatever, we want to fill it.
But here's the thing is,there's so many things to say

(14:02):
here, but this is what I want totell you. And I'm not trying to
like, be a dick at all, and I'mnot trying to like not validate
you whatsoever. But what I'm butwhat I want to tell you is you
are right where you need to be,dude,
you're right where you needto be. It's a new beginning.

(14:30):
This is a beautiful thing, and Iknow it's hard to redefine that,
and I know it's hard to reframethat in your brain right now,
because there's pain, and thatpain is so real. But beyond that
pain, and beyond that loss, andbeyond, you know the self
judgment that you feel, which isall layer one, a couple layers

(14:53):
down, is a beautiful newbeginning, like you are in a
great place. And here's thething is when things fall apart,
they fall into place. Themoments in my life where I had
the biggest breakdowns felt likea loser. I lost everything was
the moment when the breakthroughbegan. This emptiness is just

(15:18):
the infancy of the life thatyou've dreamed of. And what
happens is, you've probably hadthis chance many times in your
life where you felt thisemptiness, you had this reset
button, and you didn'tunderstand this and all of it
again. We have to go throughthese resets over and over again
to finally get it. But whathappens is, we kill its infancy

(15:40):
because we fill it withsomething that's not going to
feed it. You it, we restart, andwe start doing the same thing
with the same beliefs that wehad, and we're reset back to
where we just were months ago.
And so you're in a perfectposition to sit with this
emptiness and figure out, whatdo I need to give it to grow it?

(16:01):
Because emptiness isn't justemptiness. It's the infancy.
It's the space and infancy ofthe life that you've dreamed of.
And so you have to go along it,and you have to, you have to
take care of this emptiness. Youhave to take care of the this
infancy. It's like a garden.

(16:21):
It's like a plant, it's like alittle baby that you have to
take care of. And I'm sure thisgirl was so important to you.
I'm sure she was so important toyou. But some people are here
for just seasons and justreasons. And here's the thing,

(16:41):
and I'm not trying to, like, youknow, give anyone false hope,
but sometimes the time is justnot right. Sometimes, sometimes
we're not in a place to havethat again, we get reset. We
things, things are empty withinus, because we have to go
through a molding process tounderstand who we really are,

(17:02):
and then that door opens backup, or you go through that
process and you realize thatwasn't a good fit. And so you're
not at a you're at a place ofloss, but you're not at a place
of loss, you're at a place towhere there's space in you to
gain everything that is for youand and so kind of what you said
on the phone was, you know, youwant to get back on the wagon.

(17:24):
And I'm here to say, No, don't.
Don't, don't get back on thewagon. Don't get back doing the
same things that you were doing.
There's something here thatneeds to be dealt with. There's
something here that needs tochange, and all it is is your
belief in you, how you seeyourself. And the girl was

(17:54):
probably like a very again, I'msure it was a really great
relationship, and I know shemeant the world to you, but that
was probably also a factor, anumbing factor, that was keeping
you from facing the beastwithin, from facing these
beliefs that you have to faceright now, and in the nicest way

(18:15):
possible to say this, there's aReason for you guys not being
together right now.
There's a reason for it,and I think that it ties into
this bigger theme in your lifethat you're going through right
now, which is figuring out, likewhat's malfunctioning at a
subconscious in a deeper level,what is for you is waiting for

(18:38):
you to understand how great thatyou are. So I just want you to
be encouraged by this. I know Idon't want to be insensitive,
because I understand the feelingof loss and grief, and I
understand the feeling of likebuilding and then being reset
and all of these things. And I'mnot trying to just, like, be

(19:00):
happy, happy, put a smile on.
It's all going to be good. No,like, I get that. Like, that
hurts, and you've gone throughthat, but, but there's a reason
for it, and things work togetherfor you, not against you. And I

(19:20):
really want you to believe thatthings are working in your
favor. Things are working out inyour favor. And sometimes we
have to experience this griefand this loss for us to be able
to face the the truth that isgoing to take us into this next
season of our life that's goingto that's going to uncover and

(19:43):
give us clarity to who we reallyare. So all of that that you
said, I understand, but I feellike what I'm supposed to do is
I'm supposed to say, Hey, don'tget back on the wagon. Your soul
is telling you something.
There's something to be learned.
In this time about you, and it'ssomething really good that you

(20:07):
can't, haven't come to termswith that you haven't. It's
something about how amazing thatyou are, that once you
understand it and once youbelieve it, it's going to
reshape everything about yourlife. It's going to reshape the
decisions that you make. It'sgoing to reshape the friends
that you have, all of it, andwhen you start making decisions

(20:29):
from this place and this personthat is the truth and in
alignment with who you are,again, that life that you've
always wanted comes to pass. Itcomes to fruition because you're
making decisions in alignmentwith that. And so this loss,
this grief, it's just part ofthe play. It's just part of it,

(20:52):
but it's only temporary. Itwon't feel like this forever.
This this loss, is the miraclegrow that will grow you into the
person that gains that that getswhat's his, that gets what is
theirs, that lives a life thatyou've always wanted. So I'm

(21:12):
going to give you six steps onnot getting back on the wagon.
I'm going to give you six stepsfor listening to that
initiation, that reset, thatreflection from your soul,
because that's where you're atright now. Just sit in it. Stay
there. Number one, and thistakes a little bit of time, and
a lot of people skip it, ishonor the ruins. Honor it and

(21:37):
and you're doing that right nowwith this call. You're honoring
it, you're feeling it, you'regrieving it. You don't have to
do anything. You just have toprocess it. Let yourself process
it. Let yourself process theloss. Let yourself process the
reset. Let yourself processyou're not being with this girl
anymore. And kind of what I saidat the beginning of me answering

(21:59):
this is like there's a way thatyou honor it, and you honor it
with a out of self love and outof a lack of urgency. So you
honor that by giving yourselftime because you're on divine
time, and you honor that bybeing nice to yourself and not
buying into that voice that isdestructive to you. And when you

(22:22):
have that friend in your head,and you have that person that's
on your side, that understandsthat your intentions are good,
that understands that youreffort is there, that
understands that you know, thatunderstands your dreams, that's,
that's the truest you, that'sthat's helping, that will help
you grieve this scenario, thatwill help you honor the scenario
out of truth. A lot of times wegrieve things, and we we do it

(22:46):
in a dishonoring manner toourselves. We do it in a
dishonoring manner towards theloss and and by the time we're
done processing we just hateourselves more. And that's not
the goal of this. The goal ofthis is to process this without
the self judgment that you'veprobably dealt with your whole

(23:07):
life. And that takes courage,and that takes some action. It
takes correcting. It takesaccountability. You're
correcting that critic in yourhead. You're correct. You're
sharing the truth. And listen,all of us have done things that
are wrong. We've all messed upthere. You might have messed up
in the relationship. You mighthave messed up building this

(23:29):
thing. Listen, we're going tolook past that. We're going to
look past that, and we're goingto look at your heart, and we're
going to look at yourintentions. You're a good dude.
You're a cool dude. You wantgood. You want good for
yourself. You want good forothers. I know that I can hear
it, and so don't during thisprocess of of honoring it, and

(23:51):
don't fall into this hole of youjust hating on you. Don't fall
into this hole of thinking aboutall the things that you could
have done better, don't fall,fall into the hole, of thinking
about all the things that youjacked up on, honor it by loving
yourself, giving yourself thetime to grieve and honor this is

(24:12):
going to be the most importantthing for you to do to start
this and again, and I want toremind you, you do that with a
lack of urgency, because you'reright on Time. And you do that
with Love towards yourself, Lovetowards yourself. And here's the
thing is, you will reflect, andyou will see, as you're growing,
you will see things that youcould have done better, but

(24:32):
you're not going to judgeyourself. You're just going to
learn from it. Okay? And sothat's step one, give yourself
the time to honor the ruins.
Number two, you gotta reclaimyour energy. And after a breakup
and after a reset, we we tend tothat energy that we have starts
to leak everywhere. You know,we're checking their socials,
we're replaying conversations inour head, all the things, and it

(24:54):
kind of goes back to what I justsaid. I'll. All the things it's
you recap you. You reclaim thatenergy by being nice to you. You
have to start detoxing from whatwas just just pull that energy
back, bring that energy backhere, and don't give it to

(25:15):
things that aren't going to helpyou. Don't give it to the things
that that are going to make youdoubt yourself. Don't give it to
the things that are going tomake you question yourself.
Don't do it. Reclaim thatenergy, clean that up whatever
that looks like your your mindneeds room to recenter. You have

(25:35):
to give yourself. And again,this emptiness that I'm talking
about gives you space to dothat. You have space to
recenter. You become your ownforce of gravity. You are your
own center of gravity, gravity,and you're learning that right
now. You're learning that youdon't need this, and you don't
need that to be your source ofgravity. You are your source of

(25:58):
gravity. Reclaim that energy,reclaim that and be that for
yourself. And maybe you couldstart the day off with the
question. You could just say,what do I need to do to be my
source of gravity, to be my owncenter of gravity today? What I
need to do and answer thatquestion? Do I need to not tune
into this? Do I need to not falldown that line of thinking, Do

(26:19):
you know? Keep yourselfaccountable. Keep that energy
here, reclaim it. Number threeis you got to move your body
through it. Okay, I'm, I'm a bigbeliever that things aren't just
to be thought about. This isalso physiological. You got to
start. And I don't know whatyour life is like, but man, you
need to start. Probably going onwalks, taking runs, work out,

(26:41):
sweat it out, get in the sauna.
Like one thing that I did inrehab that that changed my life
was, sometimes it's hard. We'restuck in this, you know, place
to where we feel like shit, andwe don't know what to do. And in
the best first step is gettingphysically active. When I was in

(27:05):
rehab, the only thing I could dowas go work out. I just went and
worked out. I would sweat. Iwould go on long walks. I would
connect with nature. Andit was a thing that I had to do,
and it kind of taught me how tosurrender. It kind of taught me
how to just be okay with beingpresent and in the moment, like
it's the one thing that can thatyou have control over, you have

(27:25):
control over your body, you havecontrol over your movement. You
have control, if you can, youknow, sweat, you have control
of, you know, over your breath.
Like, that's going to be reallyimportant for you to, like,
really again, regain thatdominance that you have as a
person and even as a man, andstart getting after it in the

(27:46):
gym. Start getting after it withrunning, whatever you want to
do. I don't care if it's yoga,whatever you want to do that.
That is that for me, it's icebath and sauna and and lifting
weights. And it's the one thingthat helps me sinner when you,
when you release like that, andyou're, you're moving and you're
sweating and you're, you'regiving that physical energy, it

(28:10):
also can create clarity. It's avery it's a very important
thing. All of these things areconnected. So get back in the
gym number four, and this startsto be where you begin to reflect
is, is is you got to get honestwith yourself about what your
values are. Who are you? What?
What makes you you? What? Whatdo you want out of life? Who are
you? You have to ask yourselfthese things. You got to get

(28:31):
honest with yourself. You're atthis place of emptiness and and
maybe you've been living off thevalues of other people for so
long, and and what they saidabout you, and what they said
Your life should look like.
Well, now you're at a place as aman or as a human, to where you
have to begin to create your ownvalue. What's important to you,

(28:52):
what is important to you? Askyourself, what, what do I truly
believe? Ask yourself, what,what kind of woman do I want?
What kind of relationship do Iwant? What? What are the values
that I want her to have? What?
What are my my values aroundrelationships? Ask yourself,
what are the values of life?
What's important to you? What,what gets your heart beating?

(29:13):
What? What's something that'sthat sparks fire in you? Write
those values down. Begin tounderstand. And this is a time
of connecting with that truestyou, of what makes you excited
about life? What are thosevalues that you love? You're
you're in a reset again. You'rein a reset. You're in a new

(29:33):
building phase, and you'rebuilding your own building.
You're not going to someoneelse's. And this is what laying
the foundation looks like. Is isgetting honest with yourself, of
what are my values? Who am I?
Number five is create somethingnew. And when I say this, it can
be art, it can be but really,what I think is the best thing
to do is create routine. Createroutine. Routine is your best

(29:56):
friend. You. Yeah, so create aroutine that's not impossible.
Like, don't, you know, don't,don't set yourself up for
failure. But, like, what issomething that you can do every
single day that grounds you?
What's something that you can doevery single day that that
brings you to the present? Youknow, make sure working out is a

(30:20):
part of that. But maybe it'sworking out. Maybe it's some
breath work. Maybe breath work.
Maybe it's, you know, a walk inthe city, or a walk in Central
Park, or whatever it might be.
Create a routine and keep thatroutine. It's really important
and and something I want to addto this is sometimes in these

(30:40):
moments of where you're at, wewant to control what's not ours
to control. And and what'shappening in this time of
renewal and rebuilding in a waythat we're trying to is we're
learning how to surrender what'snot ours to control. We're

(31:00):
learning to surrender what's notours. The only control that you
have right now is self control.
You don't have control over thegirl. You don't have control
over what you're going to donext. You don't have control
over the job that you're goingto have. Your only control right
now is self control, the workingout, the routines, the values,
the honoring of the ruins, thereclaiming of your energy.

(31:22):
You're cleaning up shop within.
You're cleaning up shop within.
And what happens is we can getto this place to where we're
doing all this, and then we gotto start grabbing outwardly, and
we want to start controllingexternally, what's happening and
doesn't work that way. How itworks is we clean up what's
within, and then doors start toopen. I like to say, I'll take

(31:42):
care of the natural, and God cantake care of the supernatural. I
can take care of the selfcontrol of me. I'm going to take
care of me. I'm going to be I'mgoing to be on point. But God
can take care of everythingelse, the things that are you
know, six months down the roadthat I don't even know about,

(32:04):
something bigger is working foryou. Something bigger is opening
doors for you, but it's notgoing to open the doors for you
until you reclaim again yoursoul, till you, till you
reconnect with who you are. Andthat's what this is right now,
is reconnecting with who youare. And that leads me to number

(32:26):
six, and it's the last one, sitin silence for at least 20
minutes a day. And this is thehardest thing, and I still have
trouble with it. I still havetrouble with it. Drink, mellow.
It's great. If you likewatermelons, which is watermelon
juice, but I still have troublewith this, because it just is so

(32:47):
against the grain. It's soagainst culture. But I saw this
thing. I can't remember thevideo, but I don't remember who
said it, but it said, if therewas one thing that I could tell,
it's from like, the 1960s ifthere's like one thing I could
tell people, if they feel stuck,if they feel broken, if they

(33:08):
feel empty, if they feel likelife's not working out, okay,
sit in silence for 20 for 20minutes a day, the first five
minutes, five to eight minutes,Your your mind's gonna be
everywhere and what you'redoing. You're training yourself
to get quiet, and then whathappens in minute 1015 is you
start getting the answers thatyou're looking for. You're

(33:30):
you're sitting with somethingbigger. You're sit we're so
busy, and we're on our phones,and we're that we don't sit in
silence and receive fromsomething bigger. Maybe it's,
it's your soul that you'retrying to I don't know what you
believe. It doesn't reallymatter. Just sit in silence for
20 minutes a day, and therevelation and the clarity that

(33:54):
you will gain from that will beinsane. And so, man, I'm just,
I'm proud of you. Thank you forcalling in. Listen, life's about
to get really good. This is justwhat happens when things fall
apart. They actually are fallinginto place. And so I just want
to say that I'm excited for you.

(34:15):
I'm excited for your life. I'mexcited for where things are
going and and give yourself achance here. Don't fill this
don't fill the void this time.
Don't hop back on the wagon.
It's time to build your own it'stime to build your own force.
It's time to understand who youare. And if you, if you can do

(34:36):
these steps and they're I knowthat there's simple things, and
it's not like some mind blowingthing. Simplicity is how it's
supposed to be. It's simple. Andthe only way that you can really
begin to understand who you areis giving your space, yourself
space to understand who you are.
Give yourself the fightingchance in this world of
craziness and and you're gonnaknow, yeah, I'm not saying.

(34:58):
Saying, like you're going toknow what to do. Give you do
this a couple weeks, you'regoing to know what to do. And
since I want this to be a radioshow, so what I'm about to do is
I'm just going to, since I wantthis to be a radio show, I'm
going to play a song, and thenafter this song, we'll come back
and we're going to doanother sappy hotline,
voicemail, check it out. Race,cars outside.

(35:41):
I need a face driving my space.
Get up my space. Get up my facewith

(36:02):
it you I can't believe we madeit this far. I can't believe we
made it his fault.
I can believe we made it as far.
I can believe we made it hisfault. I
can believe I made it his fault.
Made it this far together.

(36:36):
Too much, I gotme gone. Nothing.

(37:29):
I fell onmy face. Story on this wonderful
song, I ran all my shit. I ranoff to a degree. I can't do
something. I gotta watch my kid.

(37:51):
I gotta watch my shit. I gottawatch my sis. Everything is
better way, man. Iwe made it this far. Can't
believethat we made it this far. Look,

(38:21):
Mama, now your son is the star.
Can't believe that we made itthis far, standing on the
shoulders and gone. Life getswrong. I think about everybody
I've been scarred from I ain'tbroke bread, even though I
should have starved them.
I'm going out ofhere Angel, angels. Carly fiam

(38:42):
is calling. I put them on threeway, baby. I've been keeping
them shortest with me on veroland.
I love that song. It's called 24songs.

(39:06):
I love that song. It's one of myfavorites. All right, let's hop
back into this. Okay, here wego.
I went out with this girl that Imet on hinge. I really didn't
expect anything of it, like wedidn't really speak much. We
just planned to me, and to mysurprise, like she just got out
of a five year relationship, shemoved to Washington from

(39:30):
Florida. She enjoys buildingtruck conversions, flying
drones, traveling, exploring,watching anime. And like, the
energy was just, so, I don'tknow, magnetic, and everything
was great on her first date,you know, then

(39:50):
it was just kind of silence fora little bit. She did mention
she's a bad texter. She preferscalls. She's busy with work. Has
a lot. Of stuff going on, but weended up going on a second date
again. It's great. Went forrecord shop, went for lunch. We
found out that we listened tothe same flow key artist like it

(40:13):
was just a lot of signs kind ofpresented. And at least I
thoughtthen it was again, silence.
I hit her up on my birthday. Ididn't tell her it was my
birthday. I asked her she wantedto meet up, and we did. And it

(40:34):
was great, you know, a littleback story. She did say she
wasn't ready for anything. Youknow, she had a lot going on,
and she was, you know, too, usedto focusing on work, and she
wanted to focus on work, and shewanted to be friends now, okay?
But then we hung out on herbirthday and on my birthday and

(40:56):
again, started kissingeverything was great, holding
hands, jamming out of the car.
Got home, I told her, thank youfor making my birthday the best
birthday. And she even ended itwith good night, my love and
silence for days after such agreat day thinking that things

(41:17):
are going to turn aroundand hit her up again, and
she basically just, there's noeffort. It's just like, Yeah,
let's see when we can see eachother again, that kind of thing.
But it's just so odd to me that,you know, in person, everything

(41:37):
can seem so good and so great,and then she just like
completely pulled away. And, youknow, for me, I I use it as a
lesson, because I still used tolive in my nine to five every
day looking for a normal life,and she sparked that adventure
in me. But I just don'tunderstand why she would leave

(42:01):
me on like this.
We're both 28 and any, any,any insight would be helpful.
Thanksfor calling in brother. Uh, man,
mixed signals, bro. We hatethem. We hate them. And the
thing that, the thing that suckswith this is, you know, it seems
promising. It you know, shelikes the same things that you

(42:25):
like. You got the same musictaste. She likes anime like plus
one. That's great, but theconsistency is not there, and
I'm not here's the thing is, Ibet she was honest with you.
She's honest with you that shelikes you. She's honest with
you. When she called you mylove, she was honest with you.
And you know you guys kissed.

(42:48):
And those are really specialmoments for for you and and
those are special moments forher too. But here's here's the
scenario, and she even told youthis was that she's not ready to
open her heart up like that. Andthat's something else that she
was honest about, was that shedoesn't want anything too deep,
and that just kind of puts youin a weird situation. Because,
you know, you're 28 years old,you're looking for something

(43:09):
that feels aligned. And I getit, you know, I've been with my
wife for almost six years, and Iremember like you're you're
yearning for something that'sdeeper. You want that
connection, and you're in aplace to open up your heart, and
she's not, and it sucks evenmore when she's chill and she's

(43:30):
cool and you feel like there's,there's a spark there. And
here's the thing is, I'm sureshe's a great girl and and you
know, she's left you on red,she's you have these moments
that you're looking back at inperson, and it's like, This is
it? She, you know, she likes meback, like, this is chill, but
then, but then she's not textingyou back, and there's silence

(43:54):
there. And so that is just,that's just her communicating
back to you that, like she's notready, that she doesn't want
this, that she is not lookingfor this. And here's the thing
is, is you can't, if you want tolook at it from this point of
view, is, is you don't know whatshe's been through to get her to
this point. You don't know whatthat five year relationship was
like, you don't know theinsecurities that she has. You

(44:16):
don't know the lack of trustthat she has when it comes to
relationships. And so theremight be a lot there that you
haven't seen over the threetimes you guys have hung out
over whatever period of timethat was, but there's a lot
there that you have zero clueabout, that you haven't seen.
And there's probably a lot thatshe's got a process through, and

(44:39):
a lot that she's got to workthrough and a lot of you know
healing and evolution that needsto take place in her life,
because as of right now, she'sclosed off. She can't accept the
love that you want to give.
She's She's cutting that offbefore it even happens. Because
obviously. There's a trustissue. Obviously it's a trust

(45:00):
there's an abandonment issue.
There's there's an inadequacy,inadequacy issue in her like,
obviously there's somethingthat's fueling her that has
nothing to do with you, nothingto do with you. You're, I can
already tell you're, you're adope dude, and I'm sure that she
had the time of her life. And sothe way that you're confused is
the same way that she'sconfused, and it's nice that she

(45:23):
was honest with you and saidthat she's not ready, because
based off of her action, she'snot, based off of her action,
she's not and I think that'sjust as who you are and the man
of the situation, and you haveto let her be where she is,
because you have no control overthat, especially at this point

(45:45):
in the game. You know, y'allhave hung out three times and
but she has to come to the gripsand come to the understanding
that that she's got some stuffto work through. Because, again,
this has nothing to do with you.
It has everything to do withwith what she's been through,
and so that can give you someempathy for the situation, a bit
if you if you're looking at her,you know you might feel

(46:07):
confused, you might feel alittle angry, but if you can
look at her again, I think shewas honest with the things that
happened, with the Holdinghands, the kiss, but something,
there's a barrier for her thatshe's not ready to break down
yet. And so, you know, maybeit's the right girl the wrong

(46:32):
time, or maybe it's the wronggirl, you have no clue but, but
that's not your thing to figureout here your thing is, is to
focus on yourself and make thebest decision for yourself right
now and then. What's for youwill be for you. The girl of
your dreams will be the girl ofyour dreams, and she's gonna she

(46:53):
will enter into your life. Ifit's this girl, if it's another
girl, like you can't overthinkthis. You can't get to a place
to where you're trying tocontrol this. It's not yours to
control. You can only controlwhat you can control here. And
right now, you find yourself ina place to where there's
feelings towards her, likeyou've opened that part of your

(47:14):
heart, you've you've had that. Imean, she spent, you spent your
birthday with her. It'scompletely understand. You spent
your birthday with her, and nowyou're confused. You're confused
because what happened in personisn't what's happening
digitally, like there's noconnection outside of that. And

(47:35):
listen, you can't let yourselfdabble in confusion, man, you
can't. You're on a higher planethan that. You can't this
relationship, this thing that'shappening, it it's not feeding
you in a healthy way. And soyou're going to have to kind of

(47:58):
put the foot down here, not withher, but but with yourself.
Because I, I hear you like youwant this to work, but listen,
she can't give you what you needyou. She can't give you what you
deserve right now. And and theother part of this is, is you
know that you can give her whatshe deserves and what she needs,
but she doesn't want to acceptit, and that's just humans being

(48:21):
humans. Man. So you're at aplace to now or just like, What
do I do? What I do now? And Ihave five things for you that
you can do to kind of resetyourself, to get yourself clear,
to step out of this confusion.
And I think that this will helpyou. Number one is respect the
facts. What are the facts of thesituation. There's some feelings

(48:42):
there that you have, that thatyou have, and that she probably
has too, but she was honest withyou that she's not in a place to
do this. The other fact is thatshe's made that very clear by
her actions, that she's not inthe place, and so as a as a
person, logically, the facts saythat she's not ready. She

(49:07):
doesn't want it because heractions don't line up with her
wanting it. And again, you can'ttake that as a hit to your ego
or as a hit to you because ithas nothing to do with you.
She's just not ready. It'salready been proven that she's
into you. You're a cool dude,but she's just not ready to

(49:31):
continue being into you becauseshe has other things that's
going and so that's you just gotto respect the facts. Those are
the facts of this situation.
It's just not the right time, orit's not the right person, and
that's just that's up for grabs.
We don't know, we don't knowwhat that's going to be, but you
will know you're going to findthe girl of your dreams. I'm
sure that you will. I know thatyou will. Number two is you got

(49:53):
to stop making excuses for youcan't and you got to stop making
excuses for yourself. Here you.
Because y'all are, that's whatyou're doing, is you're making
excuses for her and for yourselfas to why you should keep
chasing this and you can't. Youcan't keep chasing this man. You
can't because it's just going toend up with you not being happy
with with you feeling likeyou're not good enough. It's

(50:19):
again, it's an unhealthy thingthat you're going that you're
going through that if youcontinue to consume this, and if
you continue to go down thisroute, it's just going to put
you in a bad place mentally, andit's going to jack with your
your own identity, and it'sgoing to jack with your own
adequacy. And again, it hasnothing to do with you. And so
listen, yeah, she's a badtexter, but that's an excuse.

(50:41):
She's a bad tech note. She she'sin a place that she does not
want to break down, that barrierin her life that she needs to
work through to truly connectwith you. That's just where
she's at. And then you theexcuses for yourself as well.
You know, she she was like thisin person, and we have these

(51:02):
moments in my birthday, andthose are all amazing moments
that you can cherish and thatyou can think about, and that
that you got to have with thisperson. And that's a special
thing, but you have to stopbelieving the excuses, because
they're just not they're notplausible. She's she's shown you
where she stands. Number three,it's probably time to cut it

(51:28):
off. Cut the emotional loop is,because that's kind of where
you're at, man, is like you'vegiven this three tries, you've
given it three tries, andnothing has changed other than
y'all. Y'all had some greattimes in person. No, you got to
just like, end it there. And ifonce, if she's ever is ready to
have a relationship and andshe's interested, she'll reach

(51:52):
out, but you got to give her thespace, like, just let her know.
Like, look, I I really like you.
I've had a great time with you.
I think that we've I think thatwe work well together, but, but
I can tell that you're not in aplace for us to

(52:13):
make this work, and I can't putmyself through that like I think
you're dope. Every time we hangout, I like you more. And so,
you know, I don't know whatyou're going through or or why
you're not ready to have arelationship. But, like, if you
ever are, my numbers open. Justleave it at that. Like, cut
that, cut that loop to whereyou're, you know, your dog

(52:36):
running after the bone. Youdon't have to do that. You don't
have to spend your energy onthat. Number four is, every
person is is a teacher in yourlife. Every person can show you
a lesson. And what this showedyou was a spark in you that
maybe you haven't felt in awhile. You know she, she brought
something out of you that youhaven't felt. And it's cool

(52:59):
because you can still feel thatyourself. You understand where
that spark lives now. You knowyou're you talked about your
nine to five, and you know,maybe, maybe life's calling you
to do something a little bitdifferent. And so like, start to
tap into that. I'm not sayingmake a huge life change. I'm

(53:19):
saying, you know, startexploring that, like use what
this situation gave you, becauseI believe everything happens for
good. And if we can learn totake people as they are and
accept what they're trying toteach us in this, everyone's our
teacher, if we can accept whatwas taught to us in this
situationship and in this insituations and circumstances,

(53:40):
you might find yourself happierthan you were before you met
her, because you learnedsomething in that scenario about
yourself. And so use that,whatever that is. And number
five is Get clear on yourstandards for relationship and
what you don't want to befeeling like this. You know you
don't want to be feeling likethis. You

(54:02):
don't want to be feeling likeyou're chasing something
like that's just it's just notand so I understand that you're
28 years old, and you're lookingfor a partner, you're looking
for a wife, you're looking forsomeone that you can spend your
life with and experience and andhave the birthday kisses and all

(54:23):
the stuff. And I think thatthat's an amazing thing. And I
think it's cool that you're,you're you put yourself out
there, I really do, but figureout what those standards are
for, for what a relationshiplooks like for you. What does
that look like? Does the personmake you feel like this? Does
the person bring clarity to thesituation and not confusion. Did

(54:43):
they do they chase you? Do theytreat you the same way that you
treat them? Do you feel thatopen heart, the same way that
your heart is open that's soimportant is that you feel that
mutual engagement with someoneelse? Is that they feel. Think
of you and feel about you thesame way that you feel about

(55:03):
them. And again, with this girl,she's just not there. She's not
there. And you deserve better,man, like you deserve better.
And and the way that you'refeeling and you're left feeling
in these scenarios, even thoughshe was honest with you, even
though she's that's just not afeeling that you want to keep on
diving into, because it's justgoing to make you continue to

(55:25):
feel inadequate, like you're notenough, and it's just, it's just
a spiral you don't want to godown. And so those five things,
respect the facts, stop makingexcuses, cut the emotional loop,
use what it gave you. Get clearon your standards. And here's
what I want to leave you with.
The right person wouldn't leaveyou guessing. You wouldn't have
to chase her energy and alwaysguess where you stand. She's

(55:47):
going to show up with the samecuriosity and the same energy
that you bring to the table, andshe's going to like you back in
real life, and not just in amoment. She's going to text you
back. She's gonna make you feelgood about yourself. And here's
what I genuinely believe, isthat that girl is out there for
you, and she's living her ownstory, and she's probably

(56:10):
wondering the same thing you'rewondering, like, Where the hell
is he? Just like, where you'reshe's out there living her own
life, wondering the same thingyou're wondering, which is,
where is she? She's wondering,where is he? And you can cling
on to that hope, because you'regoing to find her. Y'all are
going to find that's just howit's how things work. How things

(56:31):
work is, follow the call of yourheart and your gut and and get
yourself in a good place, man,get yourself in a good place
like treat yourself right? Dothings that set you on fire, do
things that make you excited.
And what happens is when youfollow your passions and when

(56:52):
you and when you act asyourself, and you're yourself,
and you don't have to worryabout whatever your paths are
going to cross, and then you'lljust know. And again, it could
be this girl that you're talkingto, but like, I don't, I don't
know. I'm not a wizard, but I doknow the girl that you're going
to spend the rest of your lifewith is going to make you feel
so loved, you're not gonna beable to get away from it. You're

(57:15):
gonna feel too loved, and you'regonna love it. And so I want you
to know that that that she's outthere, that she's waiting on
you, that she's looking for youthe same way that you're looking
for her. And you don't have tohave a lack mindset about it.
There's someone on this earthfor you. There's someone on this
earth for you, and they're hereright now. So bro, I would

(57:38):
double down and go through thosesteps and really think about
your own life and internally,figure out what you got to do to
continue to just be you andbelieve that when the time is
right, you're going to meet thatgirl, and you'll be ready for
it, because you've already donethis internal work that'll get

(58:00):
you there. Thanks for callingin, bro. I'm gonna play a quick
song that I love. Welcome tosappy hour on sappy radio. Oh my

(58:27):
I did good.
I Just forget about you formyself.

(59:27):
Oh, welcome back. That waslisten. I want to have a radio
show, so might as well just takeCollins and then play a song and
then take another call in. We'regonna do a quick 92nd thing on
intelligent change. You gottacheck it out. We'll be right
back. Listen, I appreciate youguys tuning in today. Sappy

(59:50):
hour, sappy hotline, sappyradio. I don't even know what
it's called, but the brandingdoes say sappy Hour, which
that's what I'm gonna call itfor now. Now, but I kind of like
sappy hotline, and I really likesappy radio. Sirius XM hit me
up. I want a radio show. And sowe're gonna, we're gonna keep on
doing this. I really think Ilike the call ins, I really like

(01:00:12):
the call ins, I like thevoicemails. I like being able to
answer those. It just feelsright to me. And so that's what
I'm gonna keep on doing, is, issappy hotline and doing these
calls. So please call in. Let mepull up the number real quick. I
should know this by now,shouldn't I?

(01:00:33):
Sappy hotline, 888-444-9461,again, it's 888-444-9461,
call in, leave a voicemail, andI love you guys. I will be back
next Friday. We drop weeklyepisodes. Spotify Apple podcast,
anywhere you listen to yourpodcast, and then obviously

(01:00:54):
YouTube. Y'all the best. Callin, leave a voicemail. I will
see you guys next week, welcometo sappy hour. Brought to you by
intelligent change. It's Friday,people, and you might be
listening to this or watchingthis and it's not Friday, but
hey, we all love Friday, solet's just pretend it is Friday,

(01:01:16):
even if it's not Friday. I got areally, really fun episode for
us today, we're diving intosappy hotline calls. Two people
left some amazing voicemailsthat I can't wait to dive into.
And it's all around love,heartbreak, relationships, Girl
problems, boy problems, whateverit might be. And I think all of

(01:01:38):
us have been at this point towhere we just don't know what to
do, we don't know what to do,and we really want to know what
to do, and so I can't wait foryou to tune in. It's going to be
fun, and let's get to it. You.