July 2, 2025 • 35 mins
You’ve done the work. You’ve healed. So why do you still feel disconnected from who you are?
In this episode of Sappy Hour, JB Copeland breaks down the invisible block that keeps high-functioning people from truly becoming themselves.
We’re unpacking:
- Why people pleasing feels safer than honesty
- The subtle ways healing becomes performance
- The real reason you’re still waiting for permission
- How to stop living from approval and start living from truth
And from the Sappy Hotline — one of the most raw questions we’ve received yet:
“Why can’t I just let myself be me?”
This episode will hit deep if you’re feeling stuck, exhausted, or like you’re only allowed to show the “good” version of yourself.
🎧 Full episode out now on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts.
Leave a voicemail - Sappy Hotline 888-444-9461
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Code: JBCOPELAND or up to $320 off Kale Programs.
Thanks for tuning in to JB Copeland's Sappy Hour.
If it moved you, made you think, or made you feel less alone — share it with someone you care about.
Sappy Hotline 888-444-9461
🎙️ Hosted by JB Copeland
📚 Sponsored byIntelligent Change— use code SAPPYHOUR10 for 10% off
📖 My new book Sappy Medium is out now.
Let’s stay connected:
📸 Instagram: @jb_copeland
🌐 Everything else: hoo.be/jbcopeland
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:00):
Up next on sappy radio, 44.4 on your FM dial a little
(00:04):
JB, Copeland. He's not licensed,but he's definitely listening.
This is sappy hourtoday. We're talking about
something that wears a smile butsteals your soul. People
pleasing. Why do we do it? Whodoes it serve and what does it
cost us? We're going there, plusI'll be answering a burning
question, and probably one ofthe better questions that I've
(00:25):
ever received on sappy hotline,starting now.
How do you get to the pointwhere you can finally allow
yourselfto choose your own destiny, to
actually be yourself likebecause I'm struggling with
allowing myself to claim myright to be me. And I don't know
(00:50):
why I'm struggling with that.
I've tried my best to, you know,do do all the inner work and
figure out all all the roots anddamage of pain and the lies I
believe about myself fromreplacing them with truth. But
(01:10):
still, I feel like there'ssomething there
inside of me not allowing to,not allowing myself to be me.
You know, it's like, I feel likeI don't have that right?
Thanks for calling in. I thinkthis question is going to really
help a lot of people, includingmyself. What you're feeling is
(01:35):
extremely human. It's like aninvisible wall between who you
are and who you want to be, anda lot of times we can be
judgmental, and we have toremind ourselves that this is
not laziness, that this is not alack of clarity, that this is
not something that we'reconsciously trying to do. What
this is is protection, and it'sold. So I'm gonna break this
(01:56):
down with you, not with advice,and this can be advice, but
really just reflection. Sonumber one, you don't feel like
you have the right to be you,because at some point, someone
taught you that you didn't havethe right to be you. And
sometimes that's hard toswallow, and a lot of times it's
not with words, it's with reallysilence and with action. It's
like being misunderstood orbeing praised for your
(02:19):
performance and not yourpresence. You know that people
that subconsciously loved youwith conditions, and now you are
subconsciously loving yourselfwith conditions, and you weren't
allowed to take up space as youwere, and so now you're having a
hard time and trouble steppinginto who you are, because you
still feel that like you didwhen you were a little kid. It
(02:41):
almost feels wrong. And you knowit shouldn't feel wrong, but it
feels wrong. It feels reallyhard to do, but we have to
remind ourselves that that isn'ttruth, that's just memory,
memory that we have to learn towork through and not act on. The
(03:01):
second thing is, doing the innerwork doesn't always give you the
permission that you need. Itreally just gives you a map of
what you need to do. A map andpermission are two different
things. You could map out awhole route to the place you
want to visit, but until youtake action and give yourself
permission, you're not going togo there. But I want to
congratulate you, because you'revery self aware, and a lot of
people have a hard time beingaware on this level, and now
(03:24):
you're at this next level offacing it. And it's really about
learning to become and to knowwho you truly are. It's about
allowing yourself to be who youare, even though it feels like I
said wrong and scary, and thisis where your nervous system
lives, where your subconsciousis saying, like, if I truly show
(03:44):
up for who I am, I'm going to berejected. You're thinking
subconsciously, will I be toomuch? Will I lose what I love?
Because you were taught this,and this isn't crazy for me to
say, because you might not feelthis consciously, but But deep
down, this is whatsubconsciously you're thinking,
and you know this kind of sucksto say, but the fear of that
(04:05):
doesn't vanish just because younow know it. That's a fear that
you're going to have to look atthe eyes of and face and walk in
that uncomfort of being you andgiving yourself to permission to
be you. And what you're asking,what you're saying is is, I want
to feel the right to be myself,but no one can give you the
(04:30):
right, but you and to gain aright comes with sacrifice and
to gain a right, and to gainpeace comes with somewhat of a
war and so and I know you don'tmean it like this, but what? But
what you're saying is I don'twant to have to sacrifice to
gain that right, because no oneever taught you that, and no one
ever taught me that either. Butwhat I'm saying is you're going
(04:52):
to have to sacrifice who youwere, and you're going to have
to sacrifice what people mightthink of you, and you're going
to have to sacrifice yourcomfortability. Be to be able to
become who you were, and it'snot going to feel good, like I
said, it's going to feel wrong.
And so you're wanting to skipover that part of that turmoil
and that uncomfort, and that'sthe most that that's the most
(05:15):
important part, that uncomfortis what builds you. That
uncomfort is whatputs the stamp of approval on
you.
And yeah, you might lose somethings. Yeah, you might. People
might say some stuff, yeah, youmight feel really uncomfortable.
But like, who cares? Who cares?
And so there's not a world whereyou don't have the right, I want
(05:41):
you to know that, that there'snowhere else to look for that
right. I understand that you'vegone and you've done the inner
work, like you said, and you'veand you've done these things,
but there's nowhere else to lookthere's no one else that can
give you, nothing else that cangive you the right that you
want. The only one that can giveit to you is you. And the way
that you give that to yourselfis you dive into this friction
(06:05):
and this tension, becausethere's going to be heavy
tension within it's like a civilwar within you. I always say
that healing is sometimes like acivil war, because the old part
of you and the new part of youare going to battle. And I want
to make sure that you know I'musing that, that phrase, civil
war. I want to make sure thatyou know that you're not here
trying to destroy your old self.
(06:27):
You're here trying to make peacewith your old self, and that
adult in you that you're tappinginto right now asking these
questions, has to offer a handof peace to that little boy that
doesn't feel the permission tobe himself. You have to go find
that little boy in the midst ofwar and tension, and you have to
(06:51):
pick him up, and you have totell him, it's okay, and just
because you're the adult doesn'tmake that any less hard, because
you're going against everythingthat you've been taught. And so
this is a this is what makes youa man. This is what makes you a
human. And you're a dude andyou're like me, but this is
where you as a man, step up andgive yourself that right. You
(07:14):
become that man, that thatlittle boy right now needs only
you can become that man. Thereis no one coming to save you.
You have to bring that energy.
You have to bring that fight tothis memory and this lie,
because you don't want to, youdon't want that little boy to be
trapped where he's been yourwhole life. And I want to make
(07:34):
sure you know you from from whatyou said, the question that you
asked and what you said, you'redoing the work. I'm proud of
you. You should be very, veryproud of yourself. But now it's
like, now it's like, you got totake out the sword and you got
to stick it in the face of whatis holding you back, and that is
(07:58):
fear and uncomfort. And I getit, bro, I get it. It sucks, but
it's worth it, and so you haveto fight for that, right? And
before long as you as youpractice being who you are, as
you practice living and actinglike who you know that you are,
(08:22):
it becomes easier. And peoplewill say, you know, they'll say,
Well, I don't know who I'm goingto be. You might be thinking
that right now, I don't know whoI am. Well, who do you want to
be? Who do you want to be? Askyourself that you want to be the
man that walks into a room withconfidence. Do you want to be
(08:42):
the man that opens the door forpeople? Do you want to be the
man that, and I'm sure you dothese things, but do you want to
be the man that that bringspeace into a room? Who is that
man? Write it down. Write downwho you want to become and then
become be, because that is, youwouldn't have these thoughts of
(09:08):
who you want to be unless it waswho you want to be and who you
are. And the last thing I wantto say is you're not weak for
struggling here in this in thisarea, because 99.9% of people
just stay here. What you are isyou're not weak, you're close.
You're really close. And theresistance that you're feeling,
(09:30):
this tension that I talk of,that you're feeling, isn't the
absence of you growing and youhealing and you evolving. It's
actually the exact opposite.
It's It's proof that you'rehealing and growing and
evolving, and that should,should give you some inner
peace, that this is just how itfeels. This is what it feels
(09:51):
like to become who you are. It'swhat it feels like, man, it's
what it feels like, and it's asign from. That little kid
within you that's had to hidefor all these years. He's
holding up a sign and he'swaiting for you to look at him
and say, it's safe to be you.
It's safe to teach himdifferently. It's safe to grab
(10:11):
him and and hug on him and bringhim to the light and say, look,
it's all good, bro, it's allgood.
Life can be what we make it. Wedon't have to we don't have to
live like you. Don't have tohide anymore. I'm not
embarrassed of you. I'm sorrythat. I'm sorry that happened.
(10:34):
I'm sorry that this is whathappened. Sorry. This is where
we find ourselves. But thingshappen and we learn, and we're
here. Now, you give yourselfthat, right? You give that
little kid that right? So you'reprobably asking now, like, how
do I do that? How do I do this?
How do I start? I'll give you acouple pointers. Number one, you
stop trying to be ready, and yoube honest, and you be yourself.
(10:56):
Even if your voice shakes, beyourself. Be honest, even if
your voice shakes, follow yourgut. Do what brings you peace?
Do? What sets a fire down onyour soul. No one, nothing, no
organization, no person, nothing can control you. You've
(11:20):
been controlled your whole life.
This is what it feels like tocome out of control. You doubt
yourself, you doubt yourself,and there's nothing to doubt,
bro. There's nothing to doubt.
If you're human like me, which Iknow that you are, there's
nothing to doubt becausesomehow, some, some way you're
(11:41):
here right now. You were bornlike, what are the chances that
you are here right now? It's ait's a big deal that you're here
and it's in and you have to giveyourself that pat on the back to
realize that you're special.
And that's not me trying to belike a soy boy. I'm just saying
(12:05):
you have a lot of amazing thingsgoing for your breathing, you
have dreams, you haveaspirations. You're doing the
work. You don't have to beanything, but you the second
thing is you got to stop tryingto earn your identity. It's
something that culturally we tryand do is we got to do this,
this, this and this, to earn whowe are, to give us again, that
(12:26):
right, that permission to be whowe are. And instead of trying to
earn it, start just honoring it.
Honor it like it's already therebecause it is. You have to start
treating yourself as you'realready enough. You know
healing, healing and evolvingand becoming who you are isn't
about getting stuck in what'shappened in the past. And this,
this is a thing that that youmight find yourself doing, is
(12:47):
becoming self absorbed in whatyou've gone through, getting
upset, of, you know, realizingthat you've that little boy has
been in hiding for a long time,healing. And I'm not saying you
can't not feel this. I thinkit's a good thing to work
through it and feel it. Buthealing is not about you getting
stuck in a shame loop and stuckin a an insecurity loop of what
(13:09):
you've done and and who you'vebeen and who did it to you and
this and that it's not aboutthat. Healing is about becoming
self aligned with who you knowthat you are, and then living in
a way and living in tune withthat person, which means how
(13:31):
that person would act is how I'mgoing to act, how that person
would talk to himself, is howI'm going to talk to myself. How
that person would treat others,is how I'm going to treat
others. It's a thought away.
It's a mind shift away. Youdon't have to live in that
self absorption. And sometimeswhen we go through these things,
(13:53):
it's easy to want to play, youknow, patty cake, and talk about
all the bad things that'shappened to us. And I'm not
saying that's a bad thing. I'mjust saying that can't just be
the only thing that we do. Wecan't just sit there in victim
mode for 15 years and just hopeone day, if we talk enough about
(14:16):
the bad things that havehappened, that it's just gonna
one day change us. That's nothow that works, because when we
continue talking about it overand over and over and over
again, if we do it from anunhealthy place, we're not
reminding ourselves who we'regoing to be, we're reminding
ourselves who we were.
(14:37):
And it's an unhealthy thing thatthat happens when people go
through this process, becausethey get to a place to where all
these wounds are open, andthey're trying to figure out
where what and all they can dois focus on the wound, when true
healing happens, when you livefrom a place where the wound is
healed, and the only way to healthat open wound is to is to
(14:58):
live like it's not thereanymore. Mm. Yeah,
and I know that that might not,that might be an unpopular
opinion, but you have to. Iunderstand it's still going to
hurt. I understand you're stillgoing to have grief. I
understand that you're stillgoing to be mad. I understand
that you're still going to haveanxiety. I understand that
you're still going to feeluncomfortable. But what you're
saying that right, that you'retalking about that permission,
that you're looking for, meansthat you're you're
(15:22):
coming to a higher planeand realizing that that is
there, and you're honoring that,but what you're really honoring
is who you know that you'rebecoming. And the true medicine
for those wounds is youbeginning, is you beginning to
trust yourself and live at thislevel of who you are? That is
(15:43):
the right that you're lookingfor. That is what true evolution
and true healing is. Is notplaying patty cake down here.
It's okay to do it for sometime. I've definitely had my
fair share up here, and I'vedone it on videos too, to where,
you know, it's just not a goodvibe. It's, it's, it's, it's a
(16:04):
negative, a negative energy,where I just want to keep on
talking and talking and talkingand no, this person did me
wrong, and I'd come here,live here. You don't have to
ignore it.
But again, you're the adult. Nowyou're going to honor it, you're
going to love it, but it's notgoing to control you. You're
(16:26):
going to live here. And the lastthing is you got to just show
up, bro. You got to get up andjust show up. And you're going
to do that, and you're going tofeel scared, and you're going to
feel doubt towards yourself.
You're gonna feel that fearcreeping back in and that little
that little boyyou know, wreaking havoc,
(16:51):
all that tension and friction,that little boy does not he
doesn't feel safe, and you can'tget mad at him. You just gotta
go find him, and you gotta justshow up over and over. And
you're gonna have to, you'regonna have to train, you're
gonna have to reteach him again.
Love him, love those wounds,love that little boy, love where
you've been. But live here, andsometimes you'll come back down
(17:14):
here, and you can't be sojudgmental about it. It's the
thing. It's you can't hateyourself and to change you can
only love yourself into change.
You have to come at a at athird, a third person
understanding when, when youfall back into these wounds,
because you're going to do itand it's okay to be upset with
yourself. Don't be a judgmentalperson towards yourself. Lift
(17:38):
yourself out of that and comeback here over and over and over
again, and that right and thatpermission and this lifestyle
becomes a habit. And I'm nothere to say that I'm doing that
like I still have a hard time.
I'm still in between that, and Idon't know if that's a lifelong
battle, but I'm not going to sithere in negativity. There's
(18:02):
always things that need to bebetter, there's always things
that need to evolve. There'salways things that need more
healing, but I'm going to bringmyself here day in and day out,
and there's gonna be some dayswhere I'm back down here, but
I'm gonna get up the nextmorning and I'm going to I'm
going to come back here, I'mgoing to get in the gym,
(18:25):
I'm going to be kind to myself,I'm
going to be consistent with thedreams that are in my heart.
I'm going to be the manand the human, because I know
there's a lot of women watchingthis, that this, this also
applies to you. I'm going to bethe human
(18:46):
that I've promised myself I'mgoing to be, and
that's just how it goes.
I really appreciate you callingin. Thanks for calling in a
sappy hotline. I'm going to pullthis up real quick. Sappy
hotline is 888-444-9461, again,it's 888-444-9461,
and I'll put in the link in thedescription,
(19:09):
call in, leave a voicemail,funny, sad, emotional highs,
lows, whatever it is, guys, I'mhere to listen. I'm here to talk
it out with you. And you areawesome. Check out this two
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(20:16):
we can get stuck on autopilot,and
we hear the whispers from oursoul
asking and just begging us andpulling us into this place of
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(21:01):
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get 10% off. Okay, you need 10%off. I love you guys, and let's
get back to the podcast. In thisnext section, we're going to be
taking a deep dive into peoplepleasing. We're going to talk
about what it is, why we do it,and how it's harmful for not
only us, but those around us,we're going to talk about the
difference between being niceand being kind. And I was raised
(21:44):
to be a nice guy saying yes toeverything, over promising,
under delivering, because I justwanted their affirmation more
than I cared about my ownaffirmation. And taking on all
these things takes bravery. Ittakes, you know, looking at it
in the face and having someunderstanding and some awareness
that this is where you're at inlife, and this is some things
(22:06):
that you've been dealing with inlife. And I want you to know
that I'm here with you. I'vegone through it, I'm going
through it, and you can getthrough it. And this is a little
quote from my new book, sappymedium, which there's a link in
the description, and this isjust for you, and I'm going to
read this, and then we'll hopright into the dope, amazing
talk about people pleasing. Hereit is. It takes courage to
(22:26):
bloom, so I want you to knowthat in this season of
uncomfortable growth, you areway braver than you think.
Enjoy. We're learning to bekind. To be kind is to be clear.
And with me, people pleasing,there was zero clarity ever with
(22:52):
myself. There was zero clarityever with the people that I was
dealing with. I would, I wouldmake promises that I couldn't
keep. I would anything yes toget their approval. I think that
is the root ofpeople. Pleasing is approval.
I need to know that you value meby the things that I do and how
(23:16):
I perform, and I am in suchdesperate need of your
affirmation or some type ofattention, I will say yes to
anything.
I will cross all of myboundaries. I will put myself
last. I will put my needs last.
I might even put my values lastso that I
(23:46):
can make sure that you're happywith me. Whoo, that was me.
Big time. Big time.
So let's peel the onion back alittle bit farther.
(24:07):
Why did I need that affirmation?
This is the fruit of the root ofsomething. Why did I need that
affirmation? How did I get tothis point? How did you get to
this point? How did we get tothis point? And
we talk a lot about core wounds,here
(24:28):
it is, the wound of inadequacy.
When you feel inadequate, youhave to find adequacy from
something else, usually thatbeing your actions or your
performance or the way thatpeople make you feel
(24:52):
temporarily. I mean, for me, itwas drugs. It was all this
temporary filler, peoplepleasing, drug use. Things
that gave me temporary comfortin the moment to say that I'm
I'm enough, because they saidit, and it just sucks, because
people pleasing is such aspiral. It hurts you very badly.
(25:17):
Hurts the people closest to youvery badly,
because all people pleasing isis not living in your value.
Buying into inadequacy costsyou. You. It's like we begin to
pledge allegiance to people,because they hold all the power,
(25:41):
and we need that power. We needtheir affirmation. We need them
to tell us who we are, becausewe don't know who we are. We say
yes to things that we reallydon't want to say yes to, but we
kind of do want to say yes toit. It's a sick and twisted
thing, because we want them toaffirm us and because we want to
feel valuable. People pleasingisn't just a yes man. People
(26:07):
pleasing is a lifestyle.
People pleasing isan open hurt, walking around
trying to find some band aids,and that's understandable. The
truth of the matter is, is thatI was never inadequate. I just
(26:30):
believed it.
I hope you're really enjoyingthe talk on people pleasing.
We're not done yet. There'sstill some nuggets that I would
love for you to hear, but beforewe do that, I'm really excited
to show you guys about a newthing that I'm gonna be doing
over the next six months. Checkit out. I'm tripping a little
bit, and I just wanna be honest.
I've been taking care of mymental and emotional health for
a while now, done therapy,journaling, breath work, all of
(26:54):
it, and it's helped, for sure.
But if I'm being honest, I stillfeel like there's something
missing. And just being realwith you. Over the last year,
I've dealt with constantanxiety, chronic stress, low
energy, and sometimes I getreally sad, and what's been
tripping me up is like, I knowmyself, and there are days where
I feel like I'm losing my mind,like, Am I crazy? Because
(27:16):
logically, like, everythingshould be fine, everything
should be great, but it's not.
And I'm not and I'm not the kindof guy that's just going to sit
there and just hope it getsbetter. Like, I want to feel
good, I want to feel happy, Iwant to feel fulfilled. Like,
screw staying stuck. Let's makesomething happen. So I started
digging, and I came across acompany named kale, and I
reached out to them, because asI was reading, I realized that
there's a whole side of healingthat I've completely ignored,
(27:38):
and that's the physiologicalside. It's about what's
happening inside your body, notjust your emotions and your
thoughts. And I'm not Huberman,even though I really want to be
Andrew Huberman, but let me tryand break this down for you.
There's our gut health, whichbreaks down food, absorbs
nutrients, and if that's off,everything's off, then you got
your hormones, and hormonescontrol your energy, your mood,
(27:59):
your metabolism, your sleep,your sex drive. They're like
your body's messengers. Then wegot our nervous system, and your
nervous system decides if you'regonna be calm or if you're gonna
be constantly stuck in fight orflight. And I am not calm. Then
we have our brain chemistry, andbrain chemistry is our
serotonin, our dopamine, ourGABA, our JB, a, I don't know
which one it is, and it's thestuff that makes you feel clear
and steady and balanced, and Idon't feel like I have any of
(28:22):
that. And then we haveinflammation levels and toxins
and nutrient deficiencies. Theinflammation is your body's
alarm system, and when it'salways on, it can cause anxiety,
fatigue, brain fog, bad mood,all of it. And then toxins are
chemicals that your body absorbsfrom water, food, air, and if
you don't clear them out, theybuild up and they start jacking
with you. And then with nutrientdeficiencies, our bodies need
certain vitamins and minerals tomake us feel good and for us to
(28:45):
function properly, and I amdefinitely deficient. The
physiological side is everythingthat's happening inside of my
body that's affecting how Ifeel. It's the stuff that most
people don't really think about.
So yeah, now it's starting tomake a little bit more sense as
to why I have constant anxietyand brain fog, and I'm tired all
the time. So over the next sixmonths, I'm gonna partner with
kale. I'm doing a full deep diveinto my biology labs, data
(29:07):
protocol, all of it. And my goalhere is to be the best version
of myself that I can be. Andalso, simply, I just wanna feel
good, I wanna feel happy, Iwanna feel fulfilled. And I also
wanna show you that if you feelthe same way I do, and you
haven't looked into this, thatyou don't have to stay stuck
either. And maybe this six monthexperiment on me will give you
answers that you've been lookingfor. And this isn't a
replacement of what I've beendoing. This is an addition. My
(29:28):
issues are just deeper than Ithought. So each month, you're
gonna get to watch a video ofthis process, from the labs to
the nutrition to the supplementsto the ups and downs, good days,
bad days, and I'm gonna behonest with you where I'm at
during each month. So this is metrying. Let's see what happens.
It's very uncomfortable, butvery doable to not be a people
(29:49):
pleaser anymore when you findyour value. Yeah, it's
uncomfortable at first, becauseyou're saying no,
because you don't need theirpermission. Pain
because you don't need theiraffirmation anymore, because
your time is valuable. Life isabout breaking patterns. We're
(30:09):
searching for a relationshipthat we need filled, and no one
can fill that spot but us. I hadto become the man that I was
trying to please,you have to become the man or
woman that you are trying toplease.
(30:30):
You have to please yourself, andnot in a selfish way, not in not
in this self absorbed No, in away that you value yourself and
your time and your skill andyour ability, and you bet on
yourself, and you say, I can dothis. I don't need their about
their value. They have value forthemselves. They they don't need
(30:54):
to give me any theirs. I, I'mnot saying that, that it's not
you can't accept compliments andpeople can't be nice to you. I'm
not talking about that. I'mtalking about doing things for
love instead of from love.
That's what people peoplepleasing is. Is doing things for
love instead of doing thingsfrom love? You can be kind, you
(31:17):
can help people. You can givethem your time. But are you
doing it for love or from love?
Andwhen you learn to stop being a
people pleaser and being sonice, you become kind. And what
being kind mean is, means isbeing clear, setting boundaries,
showing them where the line issticking to your guns,
(31:43):
being clear in conversation,not over promising and under
delivering.
Thinking through things beforeanswering. That's authenticity.
Being kind to yourself createsyou being kind to others, and
the people that benefited fromyour lack of boundaries and your
(32:06):
people pleasing might not bekind back.
That's the sad truth,because they got really good at
using you, and thatdoesn't mean you have to be mad
(32:26):
at them.
Just means there's a boundarythere now and you are not going
there, and you learned yourlesson.
The people that benefited fromyour people pleasing the people
that benefited from yourbrokenness might not like your
kind this, and they'll call itmean kindness is clarity, pretty
(32:50):
sure, Brene Brown says that. Andso as as you're, as we're
walking together through this,and obviously we come and meet
here weekly, and you're at sappyhouse, and then you go back into
the world, and then you have allthis power, and you understand
who you are and and you'reyou're doing this work, and
you're coming to realizations,and you're becoming aware of who
you are and and you know thepower that you wield. And now
(33:10):
it's time to get clear withyourself and clear with the
people around you of what youwant and what you don't want and
what you will do from love andwhat you will not do for love.
Don't let people pleasing takethe joy from your life anymore.
Yeah, shits awkward sometimes.
Yeah, people might not like it.
(33:35):
Yeah. How many awkwardconversations I've had in the
last four months? Too many tocount,
but you have the permission todo that. You also have the
permission to change your mind.
That's another thing.
You have the permission,permission to change your mind.
(33:56):
If things change and shitchanges, you also have the
permission to back out ofsituations as you feel it and
you think it's a good situation.
You're like, I'm not feeling it,and I'm going to choose my gut.
I'm going to choose me andkindness and clarity and give
them and communicate thatclarity. You have that power.
You have that ability. I Yeah,let's stop buying into the fact
(34:23):
that we're inadequate, becausethat's not true. Let's stop
doing things to get value fromothers, because we don't need
their value. Let's give value.
Let's do it from love, not forlove.
Let's stop walking all overourselves and letting people
(34:44):
walk all over usjust so we can get a pat on the
back.
I'll pat myself on the back.
That's it for this episode of.
Happy Hour, if you've beenmolding yourself to be liked,
just remember, True Love doesnot require you to shrink. You
(35:07):
also have the permission to beyou until next time. I'm JB
Copeland, and remember, stayhonest and stay you. See you
next week. You.
Up next on sappy radio, 44.4 on your FM dial a little
(00:04):
JB, Copeland. He's not licensed,but he's definitely listening.
This is sappy hourtoday. We're talking about
something that wears a smile butsteals your soul. People
pleasing. Why do we do it? Whodoes it serve and what does it
cost us? We're going there, plusI'll be answering a burning
question, and probably one ofthe better questions that I've
(00:25):
ever received on sappy hotline,starting now.
How do you get to the pointwhere you can finally allow
yourselfto choose your own destiny, to
actually be yourself likebecause I'm struggling with
allowing myself to claim myright to be me. And I don't know
(00:50):
why I'm struggling with that.
I've tried my best to, you know,do do all the inner work and
figure out all all the roots anddamage of pain and the lies I
believe about myself fromreplacing them with truth. But
(01:10):
still, I feel like there'ssomething there
inside of me not allowing to,not allowing myself to be me.
You know, it's like, I feel likeI don't have that right?
Thanks for calling in. I thinkthis question is going to really
help a lot of people, includingmyself. What you're feeling is
(01:35):
extremely human. It's like aninvisible wall between who you
are and who you want to be, anda lot of times we can be
judgmental, and we have toremind ourselves that this is
not laziness, that this is not alack of clarity, that this is
not something that we'reconsciously trying to do. What
this is is protection, and it'sold. So I'm gonna break this
(01:56):
down with you, not with advice,and this can be advice, but
really just reflection. Sonumber one, you don't feel like
you have the right to be you,because at some point, someone
taught you that you didn't havethe right to be you. And
sometimes that's hard toswallow, and a lot of times it's
not with words, it's with reallysilence and with action. It's
like being misunderstood orbeing praised for your
(02:19):
performance and not yourpresence. You know that people
that subconsciously loved youwith conditions, and now you are
subconsciously loving yourselfwith conditions, and you weren't
allowed to take up space as youwere, and so now you're having a
hard time and trouble steppinginto who you are, because you
still feel that like you didwhen you were a little kid. It
(02:41):
almost feels wrong. And you knowit shouldn't feel wrong, but it
feels wrong. It feels reallyhard to do, but we have to
remind ourselves that that isn'ttruth, that's just memory,
memory that we have to learn towork through and not act on. The
(03:01):
second thing is, doing the innerwork doesn't always give you the
permission that you need. Itreally just gives you a map of
what you need to do. A map andpermission are two different
things. You could map out awhole route to the place you
want to visit, but until youtake action and give yourself
permission, you're not going togo there. But I want to
congratulate you, because you'revery self aware, and a lot of
people have a hard time beingaware on this level, and now
(03:24):
you're at this next level offacing it. And it's really about
learning to become and to knowwho you truly are. It's about
allowing yourself to be who youare, even though it feels like I
said wrong and scary, and thisis where your nervous system
lives, where your subconsciousis saying, like, if I truly show
(03:44):
up for who I am, I'm going to berejected. You're thinking
subconsciously, will I be toomuch? Will I lose what I love?
Because you were taught this,and this isn't crazy for me to
say, because you might not feelthis consciously, but But deep
down, this is whatsubconsciously you're thinking,
and you know this kind of sucksto say, but the fear of that
(04:05):
doesn't vanish just because younow know it. That's a fear that
you're going to have to look atthe eyes of and face and walk in
that uncomfort of being you andgiving yourself to permission to
be you. And what you're asking,what you're saying is is, I want
to feel the right to be myself,but no one can give you the
(04:30):
right, but you and to gain aright comes with sacrifice and
to gain a right, and to gainpeace comes with somewhat of a
war and so and I know you don'tmean it like this, but what? But
what you're saying is I don'twant to have to sacrifice to
gain that right, because no oneever taught you that, and no one
ever taught me that either. Butwhat I'm saying is you're going
(04:52):
to have to sacrifice who youwere, and you're going to have
to sacrifice what people mightthink of you, and you're going
to have to sacrifice yourcomfortability. Be to be able to
become who you were, and it'snot going to feel good, like I
said, it's going to feel wrong.
And so you're wanting to skipover that part of that turmoil
and that uncomfort, and that'sthe most that that's the most
(05:15):
important part, that uncomfortis what builds you. That
uncomfort is whatputs the stamp of approval on
you.
And yeah, you might lose somethings. Yeah, you might. People
might say some stuff, yeah, youmight feel really uncomfortable.
But like, who cares? Who cares?
And so there's not a world whereyou don't have the right, I want
(05:41):
you to know that, that there'snowhere else to look for that
right. I understand that you'vegone and you've done the inner
work, like you said, and you'veand you've done these things,
but there's nowhere else to lookthere's no one else that can
give you, nothing else that cangive you the right that you
want. The only one that can giveit to you is you. And the way
that you give that to yourselfis you dive into this friction
(06:05):
and this tension, becausethere's going to be heavy
tension within it's like a civilwar within you. I always say
that healing is sometimes like acivil war, because the old part
of you and the new part of youare going to battle. And I want
to make sure that you know I'musing that, that phrase, civil
war. I want to make sure thatyou know that you're not here
trying to destroy your old self.
(06:27):
You're here trying to make peacewith your old self, and that
adult in you that you're tappinginto right now asking these
questions, has to offer a handof peace to that little boy that
doesn't feel the permission tobe himself. You have to go find
that little boy in the midst ofwar and tension, and you have to
(06:51):
pick him up, and you have totell him, it's okay, and just
because you're the adult doesn'tmake that any less hard, because
you're going against everythingthat you've been taught. And so
this is a this is what makes youa man. This is what makes you a
human. And you're a dude andyou're like me, but this is
where you as a man, step up andgive yourself that right. You
(07:14):
become that man, that thatlittle boy right now needs only
you can become that man. Thereis no one coming to save you.
You have to bring that energy.
You have to bring that fight tothis memory and this lie,
because you don't want to, youdon't want that little boy to be
trapped where he's been yourwhole life. And I want to make
(07:34):
sure you know you from from whatyou said, the question that you
asked and what you said, you'redoing the work. I'm proud of
you. You should be very, veryproud of yourself. But now it's
like, now it's like, you got totake out the sword and you got
to stick it in the face of whatis holding you back, and that is
(07:58):
fear and uncomfort. And I getit, bro, I get it. It sucks, but
it's worth it, and so you haveto fight for that, right? And
before long as you as youpractice being who you are, as
you practice living and actinglike who you know that you are,
(08:22):
it becomes easier. And peoplewill say, you know, they'll say,
Well, I don't know who I'm goingto be. You might be thinking
that right now, I don't know whoI am. Well, who do you want to
be? Who do you want to be? Askyourself that you want to be the
man that walks into a room withconfidence. Do you want to be
(08:42):
the man that opens the door forpeople? Do you want to be the
man that, and I'm sure you dothese things, but do you want to
be the man that that bringspeace into a room? Who is that
man? Write it down. Write downwho you want to become and then
become be, because that is, youwouldn't have these thoughts of
(09:08):
who you want to be unless it waswho you want to be and who you
are. And the last thing I wantto say is you're not weak for
struggling here in this in thisarea, because 99.9% of people
just stay here. What you are isyou're not weak, you're close.
You're really close. And theresistance that you're feeling,
(09:30):
this tension that I talk of,that you're feeling, isn't the
absence of you growing and youhealing and you evolving. It's
actually the exact opposite.
It's It's proof that you'rehealing and growing and
evolving, and that should,should give you some inner
peace, that this is just how itfeels. This is what it feels
(09:51):
like to become who you are. It'swhat it feels like, man, it's
what it feels like, and it's asign from. That little kid
within you that's had to hidefor all these years. He's
holding up a sign and he'swaiting for you to look at him
and say, it's safe to be you.
It's safe to teach himdifferently. It's safe to grab
(10:11):
him and and hug on him and bringhim to the light and say, look,
it's all good, bro, it's allgood.
Life can be what we make it. Wedon't have to we don't have to
live like you. Don't have tohide anymore. I'm not
embarrassed of you. I'm sorrythat. I'm sorry that happened.
(10:34):
I'm sorry that this is whathappened. Sorry. This is where
we find ourselves. But thingshappen and we learn, and we're
here. Now, you give yourselfthat, right? You give that
little kid that right? So you'reprobably asking now, like, how
do I do that? How do I do this?
How do I start? I'll give you acouple pointers. Number one, you
stop trying to be ready, and yoube honest, and you be yourself.
(10:56):
Even if your voice shakes, beyourself. Be honest, even if
your voice shakes, follow yourgut. Do what brings you peace?
Do? What sets a fire down onyour soul. No one, nothing, no
organization, no person, nothing can control you. You've
(11:20):
been controlled your whole life.
This is what it feels like tocome out of control. You doubt
yourself, you doubt yourself,and there's nothing to doubt,
bro. There's nothing to doubt.
If you're human like me, which Iknow that you are, there's
nothing to doubt becausesomehow, some, some way you're
(11:41):
here right now. You were bornlike, what are the chances that
you are here right now? It's ait's a big deal that you're here
and it's in and you have to giveyourself that pat on the back to
realize that you're special.
And that's not me trying to belike a soy boy. I'm just saying
(12:05):
you have a lot of amazing thingsgoing for your breathing, you
have dreams, you haveaspirations. You're doing the
work. You don't have to beanything, but you the second
thing is you got to stop tryingto earn your identity. It's
something that culturally we tryand do is we got to do this,
this, this and this, to earn whowe are, to give us again, that
(12:26):
right, that permission to be whowe are. And instead of trying to
earn it, start just honoring it.
Honor it like it's already therebecause it is. You have to start
treating yourself as you'realready enough. You know
healing, healing and evolvingand becoming who you are isn't
about getting stuck in what'shappened in the past. And this,
this is a thing that that youmight find yourself doing, is
(12:47):
becoming self absorbed in whatyou've gone through, getting
upset, of, you know, realizingthat you've that little boy has
been in hiding for a long time,healing. And I'm not saying you
can't not feel this. I thinkit's a good thing to work
through it and feel it. Buthealing is not about you getting
stuck in a shame loop and stuckin a an insecurity loop of what
(13:09):
you've done and and who you'vebeen and who did it to you and
this and that it's not aboutthat. Healing is about becoming
self aligned with who you knowthat you are, and then living in
a way and living in tune withthat person, which means how
(13:31):
that person would act is how I'mgoing to act, how that person
would talk to himself, is howI'm going to talk to myself. How
that person would treat others,is how I'm going to treat
others. It's a thought away.
It's a mind shift away. Youdon't have to live in that
self absorption. And sometimeswhen we go through these things,
(13:53):
it's easy to want to play, youknow, patty cake, and talk about
all the bad things that'shappened to us. And I'm not
saying that's a bad thing. I'mjust saying that can't just be
the only thing that we do. Wecan't just sit there in victim
mode for 15 years and just hopeone day, if we talk enough about
(14:16):
the bad things that havehappened, that it's just gonna
one day change us. That's nothow that works, because when we
continue talking about it overand over and over and over
again, if we do it from anunhealthy place, we're not
reminding ourselves who we'regoing to be, we're reminding
ourselves who we were.
(14:37):
And it's an unhealthy thing thatthat happens when people go
through this process, becausethey get to a place to where all
these wounds are open, andthey're trying to figure out
where what and all they can dois focus on the wound, when true
healing happens, when you livefrom a place where the wound is
healed, and the only way to healthat open wound is to is to
(14:58):
live like it's not thereanymore. Mm. Yeah,
and I know that that might not,that might be an unpopular
opinion, but you have to. Iunderstand it's still going to
hurt. I understand you're stillgoing to have grief. I
understand that you're stillgoing to be mad. I understand
that you're still going to haveanxiety. I understand that
you're still going to feeluncomfortable. But what you're
saying that right, that you'retalking about that permission,
that you're looking for, meansthat you're you're
(15:22):
coming to a higher planeand realizing that that is
there, and you're honoring that,but what you're really honoring
is who you know that you'rebecoming. And the true medicine
for those wounds is youbeginning, is you beginning to
trust yourself and live at thislevel of who you are? That is
(15:43):
the right that you're lookingfor. That is what true evolution
and true healing is. Is notplaying patty cake down here.
It's okay to do it for sometime. I've definitely had my
fair share up here, and I'vedone it on videos too, to where,
you know, it's just not a goodvibe. It's, it's, it's, it's a
(16:04):
negative, a negative energy,where I just want to keep on
talking and talking and talkingand no, this person did me
wrong, and I'd come here,live here. You don't have to
ignore it.
But again, you're the adult. Nowyou're going to honor it, you're
going to love it, but it's notgoing to control you. You're
(16:26):
going to live here. And the lastthing is you got to just show
up, bro. You got to get up andjust show up. And you're going
to do that, and you're going tofeel scared, and you're going to
feel doubt towards yourself.
You're gonna feel that fearcreeping back in and that little
that little boyyou know, wreaking havoc,
(16:51):
all that tension and friction,that little boy does not he
doesn't feel safe, and you can'tget mad at him. You just gotta
go find him, and you gotta justshow up over and over. And
you're gonna have to, you'regonna have to train, you're
gonna have to reteach him again.
Love him, love those wounds,love that little boy, love where
you've been. But live here, andsometimes you'll come back down
(17:14):
here, and you can't be sojudgmental about it. It's the
thing. It's you can't hateyourself and to change you can
only love yourself into change.
You have to come at a at athird, a third person
understanding when, when youfall back into these wounds,
because you're going to do itand it's okay to be upset with
yourself. Don't be a judgmentalperson towards yourself. Lift
(17:38):
yourself out of that and comeback here over and over and over
again, and that right and thatpermission and this lifestyle
becomes a habit. And I'm nothere to say that I'm doing that
like I still have a hard time.
I'm still in between that, and Idon't know if that's a lifelong
battle, but I'm not going to sithere in negativity. There's
(18:02):
always things that need to bebetter, there's always things
that need to evolve. There'salways things that need more
healing, but I'm going to bringmyself here day in and day out,
and there's gonna be some dayswhere I'm back down here, but
I'm gonna get up the nextmorning and I'm going to I'm
going to come back here, I'mgoing to get in the gym,
(18:25):
I'm going to be kind to myself,I'm
going to be consistent with thedreams that are in my heart.
I'm going to be the manand the human, because I know
there's a lot of women watchingthis, that this, this also
applies to you. I'm going to bethe human
(18:46):
that I've promised myself I'mgoing to be, and
that's just how it goes.
I really appreciate you callingin. Thanks for calling in a
sappy hotline. I'm going to pullthis up real quick. Sappy
hotline is 888-444-9461, again,it's 888-444-9461,
and I'll put in the link in thedescription,
(19:09):
call in, leave a voicemail,funny, sad, emotional highs,
lows, whatever it is, guys, I'mhere to listen. I'm here to talk
it out with you. And you areawesome. Check out this two
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create, to design, and a lot ofus, a lot of us,
(20:16):
we can get stuck on autopilot,and
we hear the whispers from oursoul
asking and just begging us andpulling us into this place of
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get 10% off. Okay, you need 10%off. I love you guys, and let's
get back to the podcast. In thisnext section, we're going to be
taking a deep dive into peoplepleasing. We're going to talk
about what it is, why we do it,and how it's harmful for not
only us, but those around us,we're going to talk about the
difference between being niceand being kind. And I was raised
(21:44):
to be a nice guy saying yes toeverything, over promising,
under delivering, because I justwanted their affirmation more
than I cared about my ownaffirmation. And taking on all
these things takes bravery. Ittakes, you know, looking at it
in the face and having someunderstanding and some awareness
that this is where you're at inlife, and this is some things
(22:06):
that you've been dealing with inlife. And I want you to know
that I'm here with you. I'vegone through it, I'm going
through it, and you can getthrough it. And this is a little
quote from my new book, sappymedium, which there's a link in
the description, and this isjust for you, and I'm going to
read this, and then we'll hopright into the dope, amazing
talk about people pleasing. Hereit is. It takes courage to
(22:26):
bloom, so I want you to knowthat in this season of
uncomfortable growth, you areway braver than you think.
Enjoy. We're learning to bekind. To be kind is to be clear.
And with me, people pleasing,there was zero clarity ever with
(22:52):
myself. There was zero clarityever with the people that I was
dealing with. I would, I wouldmake promises that I couldn't
keep. I would anything yes toget their approval. I think that
is the root ofpeople. Pleasing is approval.
I need to know that you value meby the things that I do and how
(23:16):
I perform, and I am in suchdesperate need of your
affirmation or some type ofattention, I will say yes to
anything.
I will cross all of myboundaries. I will put myself
last. I will put my needs last.
I might even put my values lastso that I
(23:46):
can make sure that you're happywith me. Whoo, that was me.
Big time. Big time.
So let's peel the onion back alittle bit farther.
(24:07):
Why did I need that affirmation?
This is the fruit of the root ofsomething. Why did I need that
affirmation? How did I get tothis point? How did you get to
this point? How did we get tothis point? And
we talk a lot about core wounds,here
(24:28):
it is, the wound of inadequacy.
When you feel inadequate, youhave to find adequacy from
something else, usually thatbeing your actions or your
performance or the way thatpeople make you feel
(24:52):
temporarily. I mean, for me, itwas drugs. It was all this
temporary filler, peoplepleasing, drug use. Things
that gave me temporary comfortin the moment to say that I'm
I'm enough, because they saidit, and it just sucks, because
people pleasing is such aspiral. It hurts you very badly.
(25:17):
Hurts the people closest to youvery badly,
because all people pleasing isis not living in your value.
Buying into inadequacy costsyou. You. It's like we begin to
pledge allegiance to people,because they hold all the power,
(25:41):
and we need that power. We needtheir affirmation. We need them
to tell us who we are, becausewe don't know who we are. We say
yes to things that we reallydon't want to say yes to, but we
kind of do want to say yes toit. It's a sick and twisted
thing, because we want them toaffirm us and because we want to
feel valuable. People pleasingisn't just a yes man. People
(26:07):
pleasing is a lifestyle.
People pleasing isan open hurt, walking around
trying to find some band aids,and that's understandable. The
truth of the matter is, is thatI was never inadequate. I just
(26:30):
believed it.
I hope you're really enjoyingthe talk on people pleasing.
We're not done yet. There'sstill some nuggets that I would
love for you to hear, but beforewe do that, I'm really excited
to show you guys about a newthing that I'm gonna be doing
over the next six months. Checkit out. I'm tripping a little
bit, and I just wanna be honest.
I've been taking care of mymental and emotional health for
a while now, done therapy,journaling, breath work, all of
(26:54):
it, and it's helped, for sure.
But if I'm being honest, I stillfeel like there's something
missing. And just being realwith you. Over the last year,
I've dealt with constantanxiety, chronic stress, low
energy, and sometimes I getreally sad, and what's been
tripping me up is like, I knowmyself, and there are days where
I feel like I'm losing my mind,like, Am I crazy? Because
(27:16):
logically, like, everythingshould be fine, everything
should be great, but it's not.
And I'm not and I'm not the kindof guy that's just going to sit
there and just hope it getsbetter. Like, I want to feel
good, I want to feel happy, Iwant to feel fulfilled. Like,
screw staying stuck. Let's makesomething happen. So I started
digging, and I came across acompany named kale, and I
reached out to them, because asI was reading, I realized that
there's a whole side of healingthat I've completely ignored,
(27:38):
and that's the physiologicalside. It's about what's
happening inside your body, notjust your emotions and your
thoughts. And I'm not Huberman,even though I really want to be
Andrew Huberman, but let me tryand break this down for you.
There's our gut health, whichbreaks down food, absorbs
nutrients, and if that's off,everything's off, then you got
your hormones, and hormonescontrol your energy, your mood,
(27:59):
your metabolism, your sleep,your sex drive. They're like
your body's messengers. Then wegot our nervous system, and your
nervous system decides if you'regonna be calm or if you're gonna
be constantly stuck in fight orflight. And I am not calm. Then
we have our brain chemistry, andbrain chemistry is our
serotonin, our dopamine, ourGABA, our JB, a, I don't know
which one it is, and it's thestuff that makes you feel clear
and steady and balanced, and Idon't feel like I have any of
(28:22):
that. And then we haveinflammation levels and toxins
and nutrient deficiencies. Theinflammation is your body's
alarm system, and when it'salways on, it can cause anxiety,
fatigue, brain fog, bad mood,all of it. And then toxins are
chemicals that your body absorbsfrom water, food, air, and if
you don't clear them out, theybuild up and they start jacking
with you. And then with nutrientdeficiencies, our bodies need
certain vitamins and minerals tomake us feel good and for us to
(28:45):
function properly, and I amdefinitely deficient. The
physiological side is everythingthat's happening inside of my
body that's affecting how Ifeel. It's the stuff that most
people don't really think about.
So yeah, now it's starting tomake a little bit more sense as
to why I have constant anxietyand brain fog, and I'm tired all
the time. So over the next sixmonths, I'm gonna partner with
kale. I'm doing a full deep diveinto my biology labs, data
(29:07):
protocol, all of it. And my goalhere is to be the best version
of myself that I can be. Andalso, simply, I just wanna feel
good, I wanna feel happy, Iwanna feel fulfilled. And I also
wanna show you that if you feelthe same way I do, and you
haven't looked into this, thatyou don't have to stay stuck
either. And maybe this six monthexperiment on me will give you
answers that you've been lookingfor. And this isn't a
replacement of what I've beendoing. This is an addition. My
(29:28):
issues are just deeper than Ithought. So each month, you're
gonna get to watch a video ofthis process, from the labs to
the nutrition to the supplementsto the ups and downs, good days,
bad days, and I'm gonna behonest with you where I'm at
during each month. So this is metrying. Let's see what happens.
It's very uncomfortable, butvery doable to not be a people
(29:49):
pleaser anymore when you findyour value. Yeah, it's
uncomfortable at first, becauseyou're saying no,
because you don't need theirpermission. Pain
because you don't need theiraffirmation anymore, because
your time is valuable. Life isabout breaking patterns. We're
(30:09):
searching for a relationshipthat we need filled, and no one
can fill that spot but us. I hadto become the man that I was
trying to please,you have to become the man or
woman that you are trying toplease.
(30:30):
You have to please yourself, andnot in a selfish way, not in not
in this self absorbed No, in away that you value yourself and
your time and your skill andyour ability, and you bet on
yourself, and you say, I can dothis. I don't need their about
their value. They have value forthemselves. They they don't need
(30:54):
to give me any theirs. I, I'mnot saying that, that it's not
you can't accept compliments andpeople can't be nice to you. I'm
not talking about that. I'mtalking about doing things for
love instead of from love.
That's what people peoplepleasing is. Is doing things for
love instead of doing thingsfrom love? You can be kind, you
(31:17):
can help people. You can givethem your time. But are you
doing it for love or from love?
Andwhen you learn to stop being a
people pleaser and being sonice, you become kind. And what
being kind mean is, means isbeing clear, setting boundaries,
showing them where the line issticking to your guns,
(31:43):
being clear in conversation,not over promising and under
delivering.
Thinking through things beforeanswering. That's authenticity.
Being kind to yourself createsyou being kind to others, and
the people that benefited fromyour lack of boundaries and your
(32:06):
people pleasing might not bekind back.
That's the sad truth,because they got really good at
using you, and thatdoesn't mean you have to be mad
(32:26):
at them.
Just means there's a boundarythere now and you are not going
there, and you learned yourlesson.
The people that benefited fromyour people pleasing the people
that benefited from yourbrokenness might not like your
kind this, and they'll call itmean kindness is clarity, pretty
(32:50):
sure, Brene Brown says that. Andso as as you're, as we're
walking together through this,and obviously we come and meet
here weekly, and you're at sappyhouse, and then you go back into
the world, and then you have allthis power, and you understand
who you are and and you'reyou're doing this work, and
you're coming to realizations,and you're becoming aware of who
you are and and you know thepower that you wield. And now
(33:10):
it's time to get clear withyourself and clear with the
people around you of what youwant and what you don't want and
what you will do from love andwhat you will not do for love.
Don't let people pleasing takethe joy from your life anymore.
Yeah, shits awkward sometimes.
Yeah, people might not like it.
(33:35):
Yeah. How many awkwardconversations I've had in the
last four months? Too many tocount,
but you have the permission todo that. You also have the
permission to change your mind.
That's another thing.
You have the permission,permission to change your mind.
(33:56):
If things change and shitchanges, you also have the
permission to back out ofsituations as you feel it and
you think it's a good situation.
You're like, I'm not feeling it,and I'm going to choose my gut.
I'm going to choose me andkindness and clarity and give
them and communicate thatclarity. You have that power.
You have that ability. I Yeah,let's stop buying into the fact
(34:23):
that we're inadequate, becausethat's not true. Let's stop
doing things to get value fromothers, because we don't need
their value. Let's give value.
Let's do it from love, not forlove.
Let's stop walking all overourselves and letting people
(34:44):
walk all over usjust so we can get a pat on the
back.
I'll pat myself on the back.
That's it for this episode of.
Happy Hour, if you've beenmolding yourself to be liked,
just remember, True Love doesnot require you to shrink. You
(35:07):
also have the permission to beyou until next time. I'm JB
Copeland, and remember, stayhonest and stay you. See you
next week. You.
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