May 26, 2026 • 29 mins
In this powerful episode of Just Call Jenna, host Jenna Williams explores the true meaning of healthy boundaries—not as walls or rejection, but as sacred protection for your energy, nervous system, and sense of self. Jenna breaks down why so many people struggle with saying no, overextend themselves, and carry guilt when prioritizing their own needs, connecting these patterns to survival wiring in the brain and deeper spiritual conditioning.
Blending neuroscience with spirituality, Jenna explains how the amygdala, prefrontal cortex, and vagus nerve influence emotional regulation, people-pleasing behaviors, and feelings of safety. She discusses emotional, physical, mental, time, and energetic boundaries while sharing relatable client stories that show how setting healthy limits can transform relationships, reduce burnout, and restore peace.
This episode is a reminder that boundaries are not selfish—they are necessary for healing, self-respect, and sustainable love. Jenna offers grounding practices, affirmations, and mindset shifts to help listeners reconnect with themselves, stop abandoning their needs, and step into a more regulated and empowered life.
Love the show? Subscribe, rate, review, & share! https://www.justcalljenna.online/
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Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_01 (00:25):
Welcome back.
Today I'm going to talk aboutpermission to be human.
What you're going to get out oftoday is really understanding
how to allow yourself some graceand not punish yourself for not
being perfect.
I think that's really important.
Tools and resources will beavailable on my website, just
call Jenna.online.
(00:46):
Suggest you go there and lookfor items.
So let's start with talkingabout what does permission to
human mean?
So I think somewhere along theway, many of us learned that
being human was inconvenient.
Don't cry, don't need, don't letthem see you sweat, whatever you
want to call it.
Like only show the best versionof yourself and hide the rest.
(01:10):
We live in a world where we'vebeen trained to apologize for
being human.
You were not meant to beperfect.
You were simply meant to be you.
And sometimes you is messy, andyou have to allow that to be.
Give yourself permission to behuman.
Permission to feel, permissionto fail, permission to rest,
(01:32):
permission to not be perfect.
You sort of have to giveyourself permission to do that.
We live in a world that isobsessed with perfection and
productivity.
Overproduce.
From children, we are praisedfor achieving, producing,
performing, pleasing.
(01:53):
It's exhausting.
And somewhere along the brain ofthe way, your brain learned
something dangerous.
It learned my worth is dependenton what I produce.
It's produced on it's dependenton what I do.
I'm only worthy if I'm perfect.
I'm only worthy if I produce,produce, produce, produce,
(02:13):
whatever that production may be.
It may be perfection, it may beyour job, it may be the
pressures to be the perfect mom.
It may be the pressure to be theperfect worker.
It may be the pressure to be theperfect influencer on Instagram.
I don't know what that pressureis for you.
But your brain has learned thedangerous thing.
(02:37):
That is, you are only safe ifyou're perfect.
You have to give yourselfpermission to be human.
Your brain needs permission.
Remember, it's designed to keepyou safe.
It has one job to keep youalive, to keep you safe.
And so you have to give yourselfpermission to not be perfect
(02:59):
because along the way, you'velearned your brain has been
trained little by little overtime.
It is not safe to not beperfect.
It is not safe to not produce.
And therefore, your brain isgoing to fight you.
Just give yourself permission tobe human.
Okay, I didn't produce today.
Okay, I did nothing today.
(03:21):
Okay, I think there's a bigdifference in allowing yourself
to be human in a moment andallowing yourself to be lazy
over time.
Those are very big differences.
You just need to give yourselfpermission to rest, to not be
perfect, permission to feel.
It's okay that you feel.
Yes, that person hurts yourfeelings.
(03:42):
Maybe you didn't like that thatfelt that way.
Maybe they didn't mean to hurtyour feelings.
But you were never meant to beperfect.
You were just meant to be you.
Neuroscience actually teaches usthat growing up in environments
where love feels conditional,our nervous system becomes hyper
alert.
(04:03):
The brain learns that I must beperfect to survive.
Remember, it's there for safety.
So it actually activates astress response system in you.
Over time, this becomes yourdefault.
And if that default is stress,that is your default.
I'm gonna back that down for asecond.
And one of my favorite storiesis a Buddhist story about two
(04:24):
arrows.
Walking through the forest, youget hit by an arrow.
Okay, the arrow hurts, youbleed, you patch yourself up,
and you go about your business.
Most of us shoot a second arrowthat hits us, and that becomes
other people are better.
I always mess up whatever thatself-deprecating behavior that
(04:44):
you do.
That is your second arrow.
That second arrow isself-judgment.
Giving yourself permission to behuman is literally just removing
the second arrow.
There's a shift in spirituality,in Buddhism, Hinduism,
mysticism.
There's a shared message.
You are not here to prove yourworth or earn your worth.
(05:07):
You are here to remember it.
So let your second arrow bepermission to be human.
Just remember who you are.
You are not meant to be therefor everybody else and let all
that external stuff come in theway.
Most of us think self-criticismmotivates growth.
It doesn't.
(05:28):
I'm here to tell you, itdoesn't.
Research has actually shown thatchronic self-judgment activates
the brain regions like aphysical threat.
Your brain does not know thedifference of self-judgment
versus being in real physicaldanger.
Your body turns on chemicalreactions to respond.
(05:50):
It pulls resources in to try toprotect you.
Your body responds.
So as you're judging yourself,that self-criticism, your body
is actually responding to thatthe same way it would in a
physical danger.
Your body goes into danger mode.
You might be saying, I'm notenough, but your body hears
(06:12):
danger.
Oh, I always mess up.
Your body hears danger.
You overwork, you shut down, youpeople please, you disassociate,
you numb out.
Not because you're lazy, it'sbecause you're overwhelmed.
It is exhausting to feel likeyou're in survival mode, to be
in danger, and that's what yourbrain is doing.
(06:33):
So go back.
Give yourself permission to behuman.
Let's remove the second arrow.
You don't have to make lifeharder on yourself.
Just give yourself permission.
Change the script.
I'm growing.
I'm allowed to struggle.
Oh, I'm allowed to be human.
You're allowed to be human.
Absolutely, you are.
(06:53):
So give yourself permission.
If you can't find your ownpermission today, please take my
permission to be human.
You're allowed to be messy.
You're allowed to not beperfect.
You're allowed to not produce atevery second of every day.
So you might be asking yourself,how do I do this?
How do I give myself permissionto be human?
(07:14):
The key is to observe.
Don't pick up the second arrow.
Just observe, huh?
That thing happened, life keptcoming, the storm hit me, and
that really hurt.
But I don't have to beat myselfup about it.
That person said something thatreally hurt my feelings.
Just observe.
(07:34):
That hurt my feelings.
I don't have to do anythingabout it.
I can just give myselfpermission to have my feelings
be hurt.
And maybe that hurts.
Maybe it made me cry.
Maybe I said something back inretaliation that I didn't want
to say.
Now, if you're saying somethingnasty back to everybody, maybe
you need to do a little internalwork.
That's a whole different matter.
(07:56):
But I think you just meditation,like just observe how you feel.
You don't have to pick up thesecond arrow and beat yourself
up with it.
You don't have to shoot anotherarrow at yourself.
A common practice is to noticeyour breath, then your body.
Start with, like, okay, that'show my feet feel.
Are they heavy?
You know, do I feel like they'retouching something?
(08:18):
Are my shoes comfortable?
Are my socks warm?
Notice your feet.
Then you move to your legs, thento your back, then to your
shoulders, then to your jaw.
Soften each section with abreath.
Just let it relax.
Don't try to change it.
Just notice it.
How does it feel when thoughtsarise?
Don't fight them.
Just go, okay, that's how Ifeel.
(08:39):
That's permission to be human.
It's basically what people sayis like a body scan.
You're almost going to do thesame thing.
And as you breathe, let yourbody relax and let your thoughts
just be.
Your reaction is a differentstory.
We're not going to go that far.
Just acknowledge how you feel.
You do not need to have yourbody respond in danger.
(09:00):
This was a really hard one forme.
I have a problem where sometimesI think things in my head and
they don't come out my mouth theway that I think them.
My brain is working over time todo that.
The best I can describe it isit's sort of like when you're
drinking and you think you'resaying things right and they
come out all backwards.
(09:20):
That's how my brain works a lotof the time.
There's a lot of self-judgment.
It is very hard not to pick upthat second arrow and shoot
myself with it.
Oh, I'm dumb.
Oh, I'm this.
Oh, I'm not perfect.
I couldn't get those words out.
Instead, it's just, okay, thatwas hard.
I realize what came out of mymouth was not what I meant to
say.
(09:41):
And I just correct myself in themoment.
Permission to be human is notpicking up the second arrow, not
beating myself up, going, Jenna,you're dumb.
You did something wrong.
Just, okay, I said that I made amistake.
I'm human.
That's okay.
Now, if I'm making the samemistake eight, 10, 12 times in a
row, maybe I need to go dosomething about that.
(10:04):
And that's my choice.
But permission to be human isnot beating myself up and
shooting the second arrowbecause something came out
wrong.
That's a normal human functionbeyond people who've lived
through a stroke.
We all sometimes just react, or,you know, the distance between
our brain and our mouths ispretty far.
Just correct yourself.
Permission to be human is that.
(10:26):
You might look at yourself in amirror and say, I give you
permission to be human.
I forgive you for just survivingand making mistakes.
Don't be shocked if you try thatone and you cry or have very
emotional reactions to it.
I recommend doing that alone inthe bathroom mirror a couple of
times before you get comfortabletalking to yourself.
(10:46):
Try it for 30 days.
The second week I startedactually really crying when I
did that.
I was rebuilding myself.
That's healing.
Just looking at yourself in themirror and saying, I give you
permission to be human.
I forgive you for surviving.
I love you with no conditions.
Imagine saying that to yourself.
All of us deeply want to hearthat, I believe.
(11:09):
Inside of us, we're de we'redesperately waiting for other
people to say that to us.
Just imagine if you're theperson that can give that to
yourself every day.
You don't need that from otherpeople.
You can do that yourself.
That's putting down the secondarrow.
That's just allowing yourself tobe human.
It's allowing yourself room tomake a big mistake.
I've made a lot of mistakes, butI forgive myself for them and
(11:32):
just go, okay, I'm gonna learnfrom that and do better.
I'm not the kind of person thatwill make the same mistake 15
times in a row.
I'm gonna learn something fromit.
Just name your emotions whenthey come up.
Huh, my feelings are hurt.
That made me angry.
Okay, I'm angry.
That made me feel insecure.
That triggered me.
Whatever name you want to giveit.
(11:54):
But name the emotions.
Instead of saying I'm a mess,say I'm feeling anxious or
embarrassed.
Naming emotions actuallyrestores your personal power to
you.
Permission to be human.
Imagine that just saying, I feelembarrassed.
Instead of letting thatembarrassment be a second arrow
that now you're bad because youwere embarrassed, just I'm
(12:15):
embarrassed.
It actually strengthens yourpersonal power.
It will allow you to be human.
It will give yourself permissionto be human.
I think about that a lot whenyou go back to that idea of
standing in the mirror andsaying, I give you permission to
be human.
I forgive you for just being insurvival.
I love you with no conditions.
You're giving yourself thatpermission.
(12:37):
What does it look like to livewith that permission?
You may be wondering.
It starts by showing up asresting without guilt.
Imagine that.
You can just rest and say, I'moverwhelmed, and you rest and
you don't feel guilty about it.
Your personal power has beenrestored.
It's saying no without anapology.
(13:00):
It's not saying sorry, I can'tjust, no, can't do it.
And you're okay with it.
You don't feel the need to makethe other person feel
comfortable.
You're okay with yourboundaries.
It looks like crying withoutshame.
Oh, that made me cry.
Sometimes tears of joy,sometimes tears of sadness,
sometimes tears of overwhelm, orjust you got stuck in your
(13:21):
feelings.
But it looks like crying withoutfeeling shameful.
For me, a big one as a controlfreak, asking for help without
feeling weak.
I don't feel weak to ask peoplefor help anymore.
I used to.
It looks like starting againwithout self-hatred, without
beating yourself up.
I'm a failure.
I'm always bad.
(13:41):
No, it just means you stop, youjust get back up.
It means you stop trying to earnyour worth.
You accept that you're worthyjust because you are.
Just because you are.
You are worthy just as you are.
Again, you were not meant to beperfect.
You were here to be just you,authentically you, and you are
enough just as you are.
(14:03):
I'm not gonna beat myself up andbe like, oh, you're stupid
because you felt shame.
Listen, we all do it.
Maybe not every day, but we alldo it.
If you wouldn't talk to someoneyou love, your family member,
your child, your brother, yoursister, if you wouldn't talk to
someone you love like that,don't talk to yourself like
(14:24):
that.
You don't deserve to beatyourself up and shoot a second
arrow.
You're gonna create dailypauses.
It's gonna normalizeimperfection.
That's not your worth.
Growth isn't linear.
You don't have to go step bystep up a stair ladder.
Healing is not pretty.
It's not.
Trust me, it's not.
(14:45):
Um, and that's okay.
You are who you are, and it'sokay to just be who you are as
you are.
Now, if there's things you don'tlike about yourself, yes, you
are responsible for growing,changing them, and doing
something about that.
Studies actually show thatcompassion lowers your cortisol
(15:06):
and increases resilience.
It's literally rewiring yourbrain.
Let's say that again.
Self-compassion, treatingyourself with care, actually
lowers your cortisol andincreases your resilience.
It actually rewires your brainto be more resilient.
So while today it may feel alittle uncomfortable, giving
(15:27):
yourself some grace, giveyourself some permission, allow
yourself to not be perfect.
You're actually going to makeyour brain stop being in
survival mode.
And that's gonna reset yournervous system, which is going
to make your body stopresponding that your negative
thoughts are danger.
Here's the truth that doesn'tget said enough.
(15:49):
The places that we don't talkabout.
You don't need to become abetter version of yourself to be
worthy of your own life.
You are okay just as you are.
Most of us are living in aconstant pressure.
I'll relax when, I'll be happywhen, I'll be enough when, when
I lose weight, when I make moremoney, when I get that new house
(16:11):
or car, when my relationship isperfect, when my podcast grows,
name your when.
But what that actually createsin life where you are always
almost allowed to be worthy.
So you are never enough.
You are always chasing enough.
That's a second arrow.
Your nervous system feels that.
It's the second arrow you shootat yourself.
(16:34):
I'll be enough when.
No, you are enough right now.
Permission to be human is thatyou are allowed to be exactly
where you are.
Now, granted, you can absolutelyshould go for a growth mindset,
learn your lessons, and moveforward.
You can be a better version ofyourself, but that doesn't mean
that you're not okay now.
The neuroscience of the brain isthat when you give yourself that
(16:59):
permission and you allowyourself to be worthy, you take
your brain out of the placewhere it's constantly scanning
to become safe.
Remember, the brain's job is tokeep you alive, keep you safe.
Most of us have been in survivalmode for so long we don't even
know what relax feels like.
It's so uncomfortable we can'tsettle into it.
That gap that you've createdwith the when, it enforces that
(17:23):
internal answer of, I'm not safeuntil when happens.
I'm not safe.
You you create an identity fromlack and your body stays in a
stress state.
It's not necessarily a state ofpanic, like it's not a life or
death, but you're in stresssurvival because you're
literally rejecting yourself.
(17:44):
So, how about just I'm okay as Iam?
Being human includes things thatare uncomfortable.
It includes messy.
It includes things like feelingunmotivated, getting
overwhelmed, wanting to checkout, being reactive, having
messy thoughts.
It's not failure, but it is yourbaseline when you get to that
(18:07):
place of feeling unmotivated andall that.
So when you're constantlyrejecting yourself, that becomes
your baseline.
That becomes your normal.
For many of us, that is wherenormal is.
So we've created a society andpersonally reinforced it where
the highest functioning versionof you is acceptable and you're
rejecting all the parts of youthat aren't perfect.
(18:29):
You're literally rejectingyourself.
And society reinforces that foryou.
So just allow yourself to relax.
It's okay.
Now, there's a big differencebetween it's okay to have a
messy instance.
Again, then having multiplemessy instances.
I am not condoning that you makea ton of mistakes.
I'm just saying give yourselfpermission to be human.
(18:53):
Take yourself out of survivalmode.
Stop rejecting yourself.
So let's say you wake up and youfeel off.
You feel low energy, you feelirritated, you're not inspired.
Oh, um, I don't want to do thisday.
Most of us immediately jump to,what's wrong with me?
I don't have time for this.
I got places to go.
(19:15):
So you feel off.
Your energy is a mess.
You don't want to go to work,whatever it is.
You just want to go back to bed,stay in your home.
You don't want to do anythingthat's on your calendar today.
I think we've all been there.
It's okay to say, I feel offtoday.
I feel unmotivated.
I'm really not looking forwardto going to work.
I don't want to deal withso-and-so.
(19:36):
It's okay.
Just say, I'm human.
This is a normal response.
And your nervous system willswitch off.
Your brain will switch intosafety.
You will literally stoprejecting yourself.
That negative self-talk is oneof the worst things you can do
to yourself.
And we don't talk about thatenough.
I think permission to be humanis to say, I feel off.
(20:00):
I feel tired today, I feelunmotivated.
Instead of beating yourself upthat you're not good enough and
telling you to reject yourself,why not just let yourself go,
huh?
I'm human.
This happens.
Now again, if you feel off andthat way for maybe 10 days in a
row, it might be time to getsome help.
Because if you can't getyourself out of it by just
(20:20):
giving yourself permission tosay, I feel this way, and okay,
I'm I feel off.
I don't want to see that person.
I'm still gonna go to work.
Oh my God, there's so muchtraffic, and there was an
accident today.
The drive to work is gonna bebrutal.
Okay, but I'm still gonna get towork.
Permission to be human istelling yourself, stop making
your current state a problem.
(20:42):
It's okay to have an off day.
Again, an off week is verydifferent from an off day.
In real life, what might thatlook like?
It might look like recording apodcast when you don't feel on.
It might look like restingwithout negotiation.
My body feels tired.
I'm just gonna go take a nap.
Most of us feel like, oh, I'mnot supposed to do that.
What if you need to?
(21:03):
What if your body does?
It's letting yourself feeldisappointed without rushing to
reframe it.
Huh, that person said that thingto me and that hurt my feelings.
I was really looking forward tohanging out with so-and-so, and
they canceled the plans.
Instead of just reframing it towhatever else, just go, huh, I'm
disappointed.
Really wish we could have gottogether.
(21:23):
Most of life is actually livedin that messy middle, in the
mundane spaces.
Most of life is not at abreakthrough or rock bottom.
It's the in-between.
And when you're not allowingyourself to be human, you're
gonna miss your life in thoseday to days.
You're gonna miss it becauseyou're so busy rejecting
(21:46):
yourself.
Conditioning is that at somepoint you learn that certain
parts of you were moreacceptable than others.
Oh, people like me when I'mbeing funny and sarcastic.
Therefore, I won't tell themthat I'm human.
And I have pain.
For someone like me, that's thecontrol freak that I don't want
anybody to perceive me as weak,so I won't ask for help.
(22:08):
In the quiet spaces, I'msuffering because there's too
much on my plate.
I'm overwhelmed.
Certain parts of me were not metwith support.
And then I turned around andrejected myself.
Oh, so-and-so said this badthing about me.
Now I'm going to overjudgemyself.
They said they didn't like whatI said.
Well, now nobody likes anythingI say.
(22:29):
It's so all or nothing.
So you were conditioned to feelthe way that you feel.
You learned that certain partsof you are more acceptable than
others.
You conditioned yourself bybeating yourself up even more.
And your brain learned theseparts of me are not safe.
Danger.
You built that as an identity.
Giving yourself permission to behuman is allowing all those
(22:52):
parts to exist.
It is allowing both sides of thecoin, like a yin-yang, right?
There's light in every dark,dark in every light.
You're going to have good andbad parts of you.
The brain is neutral, it doesn'tknow the difference.
But if you rejected those partsof yourself, you basically told
(23:12):
your brain those parts aredanger.
Hide them, hide them.
The body keeps the score,though.
Somewhere in there, they'reburied.
Your body has some trauma in itsomewhere from you rejecting
yourself.
You've literally hurt yourself.
And now it's time to giveyourself permission to be human
and allow that.
You don't need to earn the rightto exist.
(23:33):
You just don't.
You have the right to exist inyour own life because you're
alive, because you're breathing,because you exist.
You don't need to fix yourselfto be worthy.
It's not an I'll be worthy when.
You are worthy right now.
And if there's something thatyou want to be better, you want
to become the best version ofyourself, you can become future
(23:57):
you and make those changes.
But trying to be future you andthe better version of yourself
does not negate the value of theyou that exists today.
That is permission to be human.
It is you have value just as youare.
So let me give you permissionwhile you learn to give it to
yourself.
Borrow my permission.
(24:18):
You have my permission to behuman, to not be perfect, to
just exist and that you are okayjust exactly how you are.
So until you can get thestrength in yourself and sort of
reprogram yourself to acceptthat you're worthy, borrow my
permission.
You have my permission to justbe, to just be human, to make a
(24:41):
big mistake.
You were never meant to beperfect.
You are meant to be present, youare meant to be alive, you are
meant to feel, you are meant toevolve.
Your sensitivity is actuallysacred.
Your emotions are actuallyintelligent.
Your struggles are yourteachers.
(25:01):
Your heart is absolutelyresilient.
It will recover.
You don't need to become someoneelse to be worthy.
You are okay just as you are.
It is amazing just how okay youare.
You can give yourself permissionto breathe, rest, feel, heal,
and be human.
(25:22):
Shame is not truth.
It's actually a neural patternthat you've learned.
You've learned to reject partsof yourself that you now need to
welcome back into you.
There's a neuroscience RickHansen, and he explained that
the brain is like Velcro for badexperiences and like Teflon for
good ones.
Think about that.
(25:42):
It's the negativity bias in thebrain.
In ancient times, noticingdanger meant survival.
And today that shows up asoverthinking, self-judgment,
anxiety, imposter syndrome,perfectionism, give it a name.
It is actually rejecting theparts of you because somewhere
(26:03):
along the way you learn thoseare shameful.
Don't show those parts.
Remember, there's aneuroscientist that said the
brain is like Velcro for badexperiences and Teflon for good
ones.
It literally clings to the badones and like bounces off the
good ones.
That is the negativity of biasin the brain.
The brain actually works thatway.
(26:25):
So if you understand that, justknow that it is easier for you
to hold on to things that hurtyour feelings and ruminate them,
ruminate on them, than it is toactually feel good ones and
allow that to resonate.
So when you feel like you're notenough, it's really not a
weakness.
(26:46):
It's actually biology.
You are not broken.
You are simply wired forsurvival.
Let me say that again for thecheapse.
When you feel not enough, it'sliterally not a weakness.
It's biology.
You are wired for your brain tosay, this hurt and now I'm gonna
ruminate on.
(27:06):
That is actually how the brainworks.
Shame says there's somethingwrong with me.
You were told, stop crying, bestrong, suck it up, don't be
dramatic, get over it.
You learned that that's the wayit was supposed to be.
You learned that if I judgemyself first, no one can hurt
me.
You literally have a survivalmechanism.
(27:28):
You learned pieces of yourselfwere not accepted, and that
shame made you reject pieces ofyourself.
Permission to be human.
It's going to change how youlive.
You'll stop overworking to proveyour worth because you're gonna
realize you're worthy just asyou are.
You're gonna stop staying inunhealthy relationships and
(27:49):
hiding your emotions, chasingapproval.
You're gonna stop restingwithout guilt.
You're gonna speak your truth,you're gonna choose peace, and
you're gonna trust yourintuition.
Now, you're not gonna do allthat today, so please don't go
so dramatic that you do that.
Let's start with what you cando.
If we talk about that in aspirituality way, it's
(28:10):
alignment.
In neuroscience, it's coherencein your brain, heart, and body
synchronizing.
Same thing, different language.
It's you becoming regulated,whole, and present.
So I think if you think about itas what can I do today, I you
don't have to take on the world.
I mean, if you want to, by allmeans, I'm not stopping you, I'm
(28:33):
not telling you to not do that.
But I think it's overwhelming.
Your brain's gonna fight you.
Give yourself a little grace,giving yourself permission to
feel, think, and not be perfect.
You are not only accepted as thebest version of you, you are
accepted as you, just you, justas you are.
(28:55):
Thanks for joining today.
Remember, karma is real, energyis contagious.
Check your vibes.
Welcome back.
Today I'm going to talk aboutpermission to be human.
What you're going to get out oftoday is really understanding
how to allow yourself some graceand not punish yourself for not
being perfect.
I think that's really important.
Tools and resources will beavailable on my website, just
call Jenna.online.
(00:46):
Suggest you go there and lookfor items.
So let's start with talkingabout what does permission to
human mean?
So I think somewhere along theway, many of us learned that
being human was inconvenient.
Don't cry, don't need, don't letthem see you sweat, whatever you
want to call it.
Like only show the best versionof yourself and hide the rest.
(01:10):
We live in a world where we'vebeen trained to apologize for
being human.
You were not meant to beperfect.
You were simply meant to be you.
And sometimes you is messy, andyou have to allow that to be.
Give yourself permission to behuman.
Permission to feel, permissionto fail, permission to rest,
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permission to not be perfect.
You sort of have to giveyourself permission to do that.
We live in a world that isobsessed with perfection and
productivity.
Overproduce.
From children, we are praisedfor achieving, producing,
performing, pleasing.
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It's exhausting.
And somewhere along the brain ofthe way, your brain learned
something dangerous.
It learned my worth is dependenton what I produce.
It's produced on it's dependenton what I do.
I'm only worthy if I'm perfect.
I'm only worthy if I produce,produce, produce, produce,
(02:13):
whatever that production may be.
It may be perfection, it may beyour job, it may be the
pressures to be the perfect mom.
It may be the pressure to be theperfect worker.
It may be the pressure to be theperfect influencer on Instagram.
I don't know what that pressureis for you.
But your brain has learned thedangerous thing.
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That is, you are only safe ifyou're perfect.
You have to give yourselfpermission to be human.
Your brain needs permission.
Remember, it's designed to keepyou safe.
It has one job to keep youalive, to keep you safe.
And so you have to give yourselfpermission to not be perfect
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because along the way, you'velearned your brain has been
trained little by little overtime.
It is not safe to not beperfect.
It is not safe to not produce.
And therefore, your brain isgoing to fight you.
Just give yourself permission tobe human.
Okay, I didn't produce today.
Okay, I did nothing today.
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Okay, I think there's a bigdifference in allowing yourself
to be human in a moment andallowing yourself to be lazy
over time.
Those are very big differences.
You just need to give yourselfpermission to rest, to not be
perfect, permission to feel.
It's okay that you feel.
Yes, that person hurts yourfeelings.
(03:42):
Maybe you didn't like that thatfelt that way.
Maybe they didn't mean to hurtyour feelings.
But you were never meant to beperfect.
You were just meant to be you.
Neuroscience actually teaches usthat growing up in environments
where love feels conditional,our nervous system becomes hyper
alert.
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The brain learns that I must beperfect to survive.
Remember, it's there for safety.
So it actually activates astress response system in you.
Over time, this becomes yourdefault.
And if that default is stress,that is your default.
I'm gonna back that down for asecond.
And one of my favorite storiesis a Buddhist story about two
(04:24):
arrows.
Walking through the forest, youget hit by an arrow.
Okay, the arrow hurts, youbleed, you patch yourself up,
and you go about your business.
Most of us shoot a second arrowthat hits us, and that becomes
other people are better.
I always mess up whatever thatself-deprecating behavior that
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you do.
That is your second arrow.
That second arrow isself-judgment.
Giving yourself permission to behuman is literally just removing
the second arrow.
There's a shift in spirituality,in Buddhism, Hinduism,
mysticism.
There's a shared message.
You are not here to prove yourworth or earn your worth.
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You are here to remember it.
So let your second arrow bepermission to be human.
Just remember who you are.
You are not meant to be therefor everybody else and let all
that external stuff come in theway.
Most of us think self-criticismmotivates growth.
It doesn't.
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I'm here to tell you, itdoesn't.
Research has actually shown thatchronic self-judgment activates
the brain regions like aphysical threat.
Your brain does not know thedifference of self-judgment
versus being in real physicaldanger.
Your body turns on chemicalreactions to respond.
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It pulls resources in to try toprotect you.
Your body responds.
So as you're judging yourself,that self-criticism, your body
is actually responding to thatthe same way it would in a
physical danger.
Your body goes into danger mode.
You might be saying, I'm notenough, but your body hears
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danger.
Oh, I always mess up.
Your body hears danger.
You overwork, you shut down, youpeople please, you disassociate,
you numb out.
Not because you're lazy, it'sbecause you're overwhelmed.
It is exhausting to feel likeyou're in survival mode, to be
in danger, and that's what yourbrain is doing.
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So go back.
Give yourself permission to behuman.
Let's remove the second arrow.
You don't have to make lifeharder on yourself.
Just give yourself permission.
Change the script.
I'm growing.
I'm allowed to struggle.
Oh, I'm allowed to be human.
You're allowed to be human.
Absolutely, you are.
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So give yourself permission.
If you can't find your ownpermission today, please take my
permission to be human.
You're allowed to be messy.
You're allowed to not beperfect.
You're allowed to not produce atevery second of every day.
So you might be asking yourself,how do I do this?
How do I give myself permissionto be human?
(07:14):
The key is to observe.
Don't pick up the second arrow.
Just observe, huh?
That thing happened, life keptcoming, the storm hit me, and
that really hurt.
But I don't have to beat myselfup about it.
That person said something thatreally hurt my feelings.
Just observe.
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That hurt my feelings.
I don't have to do anythingabout it.
I can just give myselfpermission to have my feelings
be hurt.
And maybe that hurts.
Maybe it made me cry.
Maybe I said something back inretaliation that I didn't want
to say.
Now, if you're saying somethingnasty back to everybody, maybe
you need to do a little internalwork.
That's a whole different matter.
(07:56):
But I think you just meditation,like just observe how you feel.
You don't have to pick up thesecond arrow and beat yourself
up with it.
You don't have to shoot anotherarrow at yourself.
A common practice is to noticeyour breath, then your body.
Start with, like, okay, that'show my feet feel.
Are they heavy?
You know, do I feel like they'retouching something?
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Are my shoes comfortable?
Are my socks warm?
Notice your feet.
Then you move to your legs, thento your back, then to your
shoulders, then to your jaw.
Soften each section with abreath.
Just let it relax.
Don't try to change it.
Just notice it.
How does it feel when thoughtsarise?
Don't fight them.
Just go, okay, that's how Ifeel.
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That's permission to be human.
It's basically what people sayis like a body scan.
You're almost going to do thesame thing.
And as you breathe, let yourbody relax and let your thoughts
just be.
Your reaction is a differentstory.
We're not going to go that far.
Just acknowledge how you feel.
You do not need to have yourbody respond in danger.
(09:00):
This was a really hard one forme.
I have a problem where sometimesI think things in my head and
they don't come out my mouth theway that I think them.
My brain is working over time todo that.
The best I can describe it isit's sort of like when you're
drinking and you think you'resaying things right and they
come out all backwards.
(09:20):
That's how my brain works a lotof the time.
There's a lot of self-judgment.
It is very hard not to pick upthat second arrow and shoot
myself with it.
Oh, I'm dumb.
Oh, I'm this.
Oh, I'm not perfect.
I couldn't get those words out.
Instead, it's just, okay, thatwas hard.
I realize what came out of mymouth was not what I meant to
say.
(09:41):
And I just correct myself in themoment.
Permission to be human is notpicking up the second arrow, not
beating myself up, going, Jenna,you're dumb.
You did something wrong.
Just, okay, I said that I made amistake.
I'm human.
That's okay.
Now, if I'm making the samemistake eight, 10, 12 times in a
row, maybe I need to go dosomething about that.
(10:04):
And that's my choice.
But permission to be human isnot beating myself up and
shooting the second arrowbecause something came out
wrong.
That's a normal human functionbeyond people who've lived
through a stroke.
We all sometimes just react, or,you know, the distance between
our brain and our mouths ispretty far.
Just correct yourself.
Permission to be human is that.
(10:26):
You might look at yourself in amirror and say, I give you
permission to be human.
I forgive you for just survivingand making mistakes.
Don't be shocked if you try thatone and you cry or have very
emotional reactions to it.
I recommend doing that alone inthe bathroom mirror a couple of
times before you get comfortabletalking to yourself.
(10:46):
Try it for 30 days.
The second week I startedactually really crying when I
did that.
I was rebuilding myself.
That's healing.
Just looking at yourself in themirror and saying, I give you
permission to be human.
I forgive you for surviving.
I love you with no conditions.
Imagine saying that to yourself.
All of us deeply want to hearthat, I believe.
(11:09):
Inside of us, we're de we'redesperately waiting for other
people to say that to us.
Just imagine if you're theperson that can give that to
yourself every day.
You don't need that from otherpeople.
You can do that yourself.
That's putting down the secondarrow.
That's just allowing yourself tobe human.
It's allowing yourself room tomake a big mistake.
I've made a lot of mistakes, butI forgive myself for them and
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just go, okay, I'm gonna learnfrom that and do better.
I'm not the kind of person thatwill make the same mistake 15
times in a row.
I'm gonna learn something fromit.
Just name your emotions whenthey come up.
Huh, my feelings are hurt.
That made me angry.
Okay, I'm angry.
That made me feel insecure.
That triggered me.
Whatever name you want to giveit.
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But name the emotions.
Instead of saying I'm a mess,say I'm feeling anxious or
embarrassed.
Naming emotions actuallyrestores your personal power to
you.
Permission to be human.
Imagine that just saying, I feelembarrassed.
Instead of letting thatembarrassment be a second arrow
that now you're bad because youwere embarrassed, just I'm
(12:15):
embarrassed.
It actually strengthens yourpersonal power.
It will allow you to be human.
It will give yourself permissionto be human.
I think about that a lot whenyou go back to that idea of
standing in the mirror andsaying, I give you permission to
be human.
I forgive you for just being insurvival.
I love you with no conditions.
You're giving yourself thatpermission.
(12:37):
What does it look like to livewith that permission?
You may be wondering.
It starts by showing up asresting without guilt.
Imagine that.
You can just rest and say, I'moverwhelmed, and you rest and
you don't feel guilty about it.
Your personal power has beenrestored.
It's saying no without anapology.
(13:00):
It's not saying sorry, I can'tjust, no, can't do it.
And you're okay with it.
You don't feel the need to makethe other person feel
comfortable.
You're okay with yourboundaries.
It looks like crying withoutshame.
Oh, that made me cry.
Sometimes tears of joy,sometimes tears of sadness,
sometimes tears of overwhelm, orjust you got stuck in your
(13:21):
feelings.
But it looks like crying withoutfeeling shameful.
For me, a big one as a controlfreak, asking for help without
feeling weak.
I don't feel weak to ask peoplefor help anymore.
I used to.
It looks like starting againwithout self-hatred, without
beating yourself up.
I'm a failure.
I'm always bad.
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No, it just means you stop, youjust get back up.
It means you stop trying to earnyour worth.
You accept that you're worthyjust because you are.
Just because you are.
You are worthy just as you are.
Again, you were not meant to beperfect.
You were here to be just you,authentically you, and you are
enough just as you are.
(14:03):
I'm not gonna beat myself up andbe like, oh, you're stupid
because you felt shame.
Listen, we all do it.
Maybe not every day, but we alldo it.
If you wouldn't talk to someoneyou love, your family member,
your child, your brother, yoursister, if you wouldn't talk to
someone you love like that,don't talk to yourself like
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that.
You don't deserve to beatyourself up and shoot a second
arrow.
You're gonna create dailypauses.
It's gonna normalizeimperfection.
That's not your worth.
Growth isn't linear.
You don't have to go step bystep up a stair ladder.
Healing is not pretty.
It's not.
Trust me, it's not.
(14:45):
Um, and that's okay.
You are who you are, and it'sokay to just be who you are as
you are.
Now, if there's things you don'tlike about yourself, yes, you
are responsible for growing,changing them, and doing
something about that.
Studies actually show thatcompassion lowers your cortisol
(15:06):
and increases resilience.
It's literally rewiring yourbrain.
Let's say that again.
Self-compassion, treatingyourself with care, actually
lowers your cortisol andincreases your resilience.
It actually rewires your brainto be more resilient.
So while today it may feel alittle uncomfortable, giving
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yourself some grace, giveyourself some permission, allow
yourself to not be perfect.
You're actually going to makeyour brain stop being in
survival mode.
And that's gonna reset yournervous system, which is going
to make your body stopresponding that your negative
thoughts are danger.
Here's the truth that doesn'tget said enough.
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The places that we don't talkabout.
You don't need to become abetter version of yourself to be
worthy of your own life.
You are okay just as you are.
Most of us are living in aconstant pressure.
I'll relax when, I'll be happywhen, I'll be enough when, when
I lose weight, when I make moremoney, when I get that new house
(16:11):
or car, when my relationship isperfect, when my podcast grows,
name your when.
But what that actually createsin life where you are always
almost allowed to be worthy.
So you are never enough.
You are always chasing enough.
That's a second arrow.
Your nervous system feels that.
It's the second arrow you shootat yourself.
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I'll be enough when.
No, you are enough right now.
Permission to be human is thatyou are allowed to be exactly
where you are.
Now, granted, you can absolutelyshould go for a growth mindset,
learn your lessons, and moveforward.
You can be a better version ofyourself, but that doesn't mean
that you're not okay now.
The neuroscience of the brain isthat when you give yourself that
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permission and you allowyourself to be worthy, you take
your brain out of the placewhere it's constantly scanning
to become safe.
Remember, the brain's job is tokeep you alive, keep you safe.
Most of us have been in survivalmode for so long we don't even
know what relax feels like.
It's so uncomfortable we can'tsettle into it.
That gap that you've createdwith the when, it enforces that
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internal answer of, I'm not safeuntil when happens.
I'm not safe.
You you create an identity fromlack and your body stays in a
stress state.
It's not necessarily a state ofpanic, like it's not a life or
death, but you're in stresssurvival because you're
literally rejecting yourself.
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So, how about just I'm okay as Iam?
Being human includes things thatare uncomfortable.
It includes messy.
It includes things like feelingunmotivated, getting
overwhelmed, wanting to checkout, being reactive, having
messy thoughts.
It's not failure, but it is yourbaseline when you get to that
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place of feeling unmotivated andall that.
So when you're constantlyrejecting yourself, that becomes
your baseline.
That becomes your normal.
For many of us, that is wherenormal is.
So we've created a society andpersonally reinforced it where
the highest functioning versionof you is acceptable and you're
rejecting all the parts of youthat aren't perfect.
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You're literally rejectingyourself.
And society reinforces that foryou.
So just allow yourself to relax.
It's okay.
Now, there's a big differencebetween it's okay to have a
messy instance.
Again, then having multiplemessy instances.
I am not condoning that you makea ton of mistakes.
I'm just saying give yourselfpermission to be human.
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Take yourself out of survivalmode.
Stop rejecting yourself.
So let's say you wake up and youfeel off.
You feel low energy, you feelirritated, you're not inspired.
Oh, um, I don't want to do thisday.
Most of us immediately jump to,what's wrong with me?
I don't have time for this.
I got places to go.
(19:15):
So you feel off.
Your energy is a mess.
You don't want to go to work,whatever it is.
You just want to go back to bed,stay in your home.
You don't want to do anythingthat's on your calendar today.
I think we've all been there.
It's okay to say, I feel offtoday.
I feel unmotivated.
I'm really not looking forwardto going to work.
I don't want to deal withso-and-so.
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It's okay.
Just say, I'm human.
This is a normal response.
And your nervous system willswitch off.
Your brain will switch intosafety.
You will literally stoprejecting yourself.
That negative self-talk is oneof the worst things you can do
to yourself.
And we don't talk about thatenough.
I think permission to be humanis to say, I feel off.
(20:00):
I feel tired today, I feelunmotivated.
Instead of beating yourself upthat you're not good enough and
telling you to reject yourself,why not just let yourself go,
huh?
I'm human.
This happens.
Now again, if you feel off andthat way for maybe 10 days in a
row, it might be time to getsome help.
Because if you can't getyourself out of it by just
(20:20):
giving yourself permission tosay, I feel this way, and okay,
I'm I feel off.
I don't want to see that person.
I'm still gonna go to work.
Oh my God, there's so muchtraffic, and there was an
accident today.
The drive to work is gonna bebrutal.
Okay, but I'm still gonna get towork.
Permission to be human istelling yourself, stop making
your current state a problem.
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It's okay to have an off day.
Again, an off week is verydifferent from an off day.
In real life, what might thatlook like?
It might look like recording apodcast when you don't feel on.
It might look like restingwithout negotiation.
My body feels tired.
I'm just gonna go take a nap.
Most of us feel like, oh, I'mnot supposed to do that.
What if you need to?
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What if your body does?
It's letting yourself feeldisappointed without rushing to
reframe it.
Huh, that person said that thingto me and that hurt my feelings.
I was really looking forward tohanging out with so-and-so, and
they canceled the plans.
Instead of just reframing it towhatever else, just go, huh, I'm
disappointed.
Really wish we could have gottogether.
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Most of life is actually livedin that messy middle, in the
mundane spaces.
Most of life is not at abreakthrough or rock bottom.
It's the in-between.
And when you're not allowingyourself to be human, you're
gonna miss your life in thoseday to days.
You're gonna miss it becauseyou're so busy rejecting
(21:46):
yourself.
Conditioning is that at somepoint you learn that certain
parts of you were moreacceptable than others.
Oh, people like me when I'mbeing funny and sarcastic.
Therefore, I won't tell themthat I'm human.
And I have pain.
For someone like me, that's thecontrol freak that I don't want
anybody to perceive me as weak,so I won't ask for help.
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In the quiet spaces, I'msuffering because there's too
much on my plate.
I'm overwhelmed.
Certain parts of me were not metwith support.
And then I turned around andrejected myself.
Oh, so-and-so said this badthing about me.
Now I'm going to overjudgemyself.
They said they didn't like whatI said.
Well, now nobody likes anythingI say.
(22:29):
It's so all or nothing.
So you were conditioned to feelthe way that you feel.
You learned that certain partsof you are more acceptable than
others.
You conditioned yourself bybeating yourself up even more.
And your brain learned theseparts of me are not safe.
Danger.
You built that as an identity.
Giving yourself permission to behuman is allowing all those
(22:52):
parts to exist.
It is allowing both sides of thecoin, like a yin-yang, right?
There's light in every dark,dark in every light.
You're going to have good andbad parts of you.
The brain is neutral, it doesn'tknow the difference.
But if you rejected those partsof yourself, you basically told
(23:12):
your brain those parts aredanger.
Hide them, hide them.
The body keeps the score,though.
Somewhere in there, they'reburied.
Your body has some trauma in itsomewhere from you rejecting
yourself.
You've literally hurt yourself.
And now it's time to giveyourself permission to be human
and allow that.
You don't need to earn the rightto exist.
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You just don't.
You have the right to exist inyour own life because you're
alive, because you're breathing,because you exist.
You don't need to fix yourselfto be worthy.
It's not an I'll be worthy when.
You are worthy right now.
And if there's something thatyou want to be better, you want
to become the best version ofyourself, you can become future
(23:57):
you and make those changes.
But trying to be future you andthe better version of yourself
does not negate the value of theyou that exists today.
That is permission to be human.
It is you have value just as youare.
So let me give you permissionwhile you learn to give it to
yourself.
Borrow my permission.
(24:18):
You have my permission to behuman, to not be perfect, to
just exist and that you are okayjust exactly how you are.
So until you can get thestrength in yourself and sort of
reprogram yourself to acceptthat you're worthy, borrow my
permission.
You have my permission to justbe, to just be human, to make a
(24:41):
big mistake.
You were never meant to beperfect.
You are meant to be present, youare meant to be alive, you are
meant to feel, you are meant toevolve.
Your sensitivity is actuallysacred.
Your emotions are actuallyintelligent.
Your struggles are yourteachers.
(25:01):
Your heart is absolutelyresilient.
It will recover.
You don't need to become someoneelse to be worthy.
You are okay just as you are.
It is amazing just how okay youare.
You can give yourself permissionto breathe, rest, feel, heal,
and be human.
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Shame is not truth.
It's actually a neural patternthat you've learned.
You've learned to reject partsof yourself that you now need to
welcome back into you.
There's a neuroscience RickHansen, and he explained that
the brain is like Velcro for badexperiences and like Teflon for
good ones.
Think about that.
(25:42):
It's the negativity bias in thebrain.
In ancient times, noticingdanger meant survival.
And today that shows up asoverthinking, self-judgment,
anxiety, imposter syndrome,perfectionism, give it a name.
It is actually rejecting theparts of you because somewhere
(26:03):
along the way you learn thoseare shameful.
Don't show those parts.
Remember, there's aneuroscientist that said the
brain is like Velcro for badexperiences and Teflon for good
ones.
It literally clings to the badones and like bounces off the
good ones.
That is the negativity of biasin the brain.
The brain actually works thatway.
(26:25):
So if you understand that, justknow that it is easier for you
to hold on to things that hurtyour feelings and ruminate them,
ruminate on them, than it is toactually feel good ones and
allow that to resonate.
So when you feel like you're notenough, it's really not a
weakness.
(26:46):
It's actually biology.
You are not broken.
You are simply wired forsurvival.
Let me say that again for thecheapse.
When you feel not enough, it'sliterally not a weakness.
It's biology.
You are wired for your brain tosay, this hurt and now I'm gonna
ruminate on.
(27:06):
That is actually how the brainworks.
Shame says there's somethingwrong with me.
You were told, stop crying, bestrong, suck it up, don't be
dramatic, get over it.
You learned that that's the wayit was supposed to be.
You learned that if I judgemyself first, no one can hurt
me.
You literally have a survivalmechanism.
(27:28):
You learned pieces of yourselfwere not accepted, and that
shame made you reject pieces ofyourself.
Permission to be human.
It's going to change how youlive.
You'll stop overworking to proveyour worth because you're gonna
realize you're worthy just asyou are.
You're gonna stop staying inunhealthy relationships and
(27:49):
hiding your emotions, chasingapproval.
You're gonna stop restingwithout guilt.
You're gonna speak your truth,you're gonna choose peace, and
you're gonna trust yourintuition.
Now, you're not gonna do allthat today, so please don't go
so dramatic that you do that.
Let's start with what you cando.
If we talk about that in aspirituality way, it's
(28:10):
alignment.
In neuroscience, it's coherencein your brain, heart, and body
synchronizing.
Same thing, different language.
It's you becoming regulated,whole, and present.
So I think if you think about itas what can I do today, I you
don't have to take on the world.
I mean, if you want to, by allmeans, I'm not stopping you, I'm
(28:33):
not telling you to not do that.
But I think it's overwhelming.
Your brain's gonna fight you.
Give yourself a little grace,giving yourself permission to
feel, think, and not be perfect.
You are not only accepted as thebest version of you, you are
accepted as you, just you, justas you are.
(28:55):
Thanks for joining today.
Remember, karma is real, energyis contagious.
Check your vibes.
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Betrayal Weekly
Betrayal Weekly is back for a new season. Every Thursday, Betrayal Weekly shares first-hand accounts of broken trust, shocking deceptions, and the trail of destruction they leave behind. Hosted by Andrea Gunning, this weekly ongoing series digs into real-life stories of betrayal and the aftermath. From stories of double lives to dark discoveries, these are cautionary tales and accounts of resilience against all odds. From the producers of the critically acclaimed Betrayal series, Betrayal Weekly drops new episodes every Thursday. If you would like to share your story, you can reach out to the Betrayal Team by emailing them at betrayalpod@gmail.com and follow us on Instagram at @betrayalpod and @glasspodcasts. Please join our Substack for additional exclusive content, curated book recommendations, and community discussions. Sign up FREE by clicking this link Beyond Betrayal Substack. Join our community dedicated to truth, resilience, and healing. Your voice matters! Be a part of our Betrayal journey on Substack.