October 23, 2025 • 53 mins
It’s almost been a year since the 2024 election, and for many of us, the emotions still feel so raw. The division in our country, the daily barrage of chaos and the uncertainty about what lies ahead - it all feels incredibly heavy and sometimes difficult to navigate.
This week has been particularly paralyzing and my anxiety was at an all time high. In moments like these, I found myself revisiting many of the incredibly grounding and transformative conversations I’ve had on this podcast over the past 2 seasons. This conversation with Nathan Serrato, a Trauma-Informed Mindset Coach (PCC) based in San Diego, CA, helped me pull me out of the darkness and into a renewed space of hope this week and I wanted to replay our conversation for you.
When we first recorded this episode, just one week after the 2024 election, Nathan helped us process the shock and emotional weight of that moment. Now, a year later, his insights feel even more vital. His approach to emotional resilience - rooted in compassion, mindfulness, and trauma-informed care - continues to guide us as we navigate these challenging times.
In this replay, Nathan walks us through four essential ways to process difficult emotions — from fear and anger to sadness, confusion, and hopelessness. He reminds us that healing takes courage, that we can’t bypass the hard emotions, and that caring for our mental health is not optional - it’s essential if we want to stand strong and keep moving forward.
As we reflect on where we are a year later, this episode is a reminder that we are not alone. Our community, especially those from marginalized groups, continues to carry so much, but through awareness, healing, and unity, we can transform that pain into purpose - and create a future grounded in love, justice, peace and inclusion.
We’ve been here before. We know how to rise above it all. But first, we have to take care of ourselves - and each other.
To learn more about Nathan and his work, visit: https://www.queerconscious.com
Thank you for joining us and we can't wait to welcome you back again next week! New episodes drop every Thursday and can be found wherever you find your favorite podcasts!
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To follow us on Instagram, visit: https://www.instagram.com/justdoyoupod/
Want to learn more about our host, Eric Nicoll? Visit: https://ericnicoll.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:05):
Hello, everyone.
Welcome to the JUST DO YOU.
Podcast.
My name is Eric Nicoll and I'myour host.
If you are a first timelistener, welcome to the
conversation.
And if you're a regular, I'mhonored that you've decided to
join me for another episode.
The JUST DO YOU.
Podcast is centered around anetwork of conversations, which
are meant to connect us, toinspire https: otter.
(00:26):
ai And who knows?
We might even learn a littlesomething new that ultimately
allows us to live in the sweetspot that I like to call the
just you, you space it being.
Each week I have the privilegeof sitting down for unscripted
conversations with friends,family, colleagues, community
leaders, and influencers thatall share their own personal
(00:47):
journeys.
I hope that you enjoy our timetogether as much as I have.
We are certainly gonna laugh,and yes, we might even cry a
little, but in the end, we'regonna know that we're not alone
during our life's journey.
So, are you ready?
Great, let's do this.
Welcome to The Conversation.
All right, everyone.
(01:07):
Welcome to the Just Do YouPodcast and our brand new
episode today.
I am really grateful to my guestand someone that I cherish in my
life and I'm going to welcomeback to the podcast for his
third appearance, NathanSerrato.
Hi, Nathan.
Hi, Eric.
How are you doing?
How are you?
I'm doing okay.
(01:28):
I'm doing okay.
How are you?
I'm definitely going through themotions.
But today I'm feeling okay,especially being here with you.
Oh, me too.
I was very much looking forwardto this, this morning.
I know that this episode willair the week after the election.
To put this in a little bit ofcontext, we are all dealing with
(01:49):
a tremendous amount of emotions,like you said.
And all of us are in differenthead conversations and external
conversations and trying tofigure out how to navigate our
feelings and our thoughts andour emotions.
Let's be clear.
This decision is affecting many,many, many other groups,
marginalized groups within ourcountry.
(02:11):
So we are not alone, but we'rein a very, interesting space and
having to navigate.
Some of us turn inwards and getvery quiet and very insular.
Some of us turn outwards and getvery vocal and get action
oriented, but I want to taketoday, if it's okay with you and
just have a conversation so thatit appeals to everyone, who is
(02:31):
struggling to get through thisprocess of acceptance, if you
will maybe give them a coupletools on how to navigate.
Does that work?
Yeah, that works great.
Okay.
So just to give a little contextof why I reached out to you.
Aside from the fact that I likeI said, adore you and cherish
you as not only a good friend,but also as a coach and a
(02:53):
mentor, we've spent quite a bitof time together in various
projects.
And I always find that yourauthenticity and the realness
that you bring to the table intimes that are celebrated and
times that need to be.
Maybe reflected on that.
You come with this amazing senseof compassion and caring for
(03:15):
people.
So right after the election Ifound myself, I don't remember
what day it is because they'veall kind of blended together.
I have called this last week,the rollercoaster of emotions.
I even shared with you.
Before we hit record that one ofmy ways of dealing with this was
to power down for gluten filledcupcakes, which did not help as
I thought it would.
(03:35):
But I was scrolling throughInstagram and I came across your
post and it was probably one ofthe most timely posts that I'd
seen.
And it posed this question, whatdo we do now?
And you talked about some stepsand some insights into how we.
Could possibly deal with this.
So I'm going to turn this overto you, obviously, very open for
a conversation today, but I'dlove you to share with our
(03:57):
listeners where that post camefrom, what you were thinking
about at that moment.
And then let's, let's just havea conversation about what we do
now.
What do we do now?
Yeah.
What do we do now?
Well, it was interesting.
I was at the gym that morningjust trying to process some of
my, my anger, my frustration, myconfusion.
(04:17):
And I was getting texts frompeople that I love.
And one in particular was like,Hey, what are you doing?
Like, how do we get throughthis?
And it just struck me that somany people don't know what to
do with all their emotion, witheverything that they're feeling.
And, and it gets complicated,especially in the face of
(04:39):
crisis.
That these emotions areamplified to an extreme,
especially with what we'reseeing in the news that all of
our fears and concerns are justamplified right now.
And so, in the state of theunknown, first and foremost, we
have to learn how to process anddeal with our emotions.
(05:00):
And I think there's, there'sreally four ways to do that.
The first way that you canrespond to an emotion is Not the
healthiest, but it's, it's toavoid them.
And I don't recommend that, butI think a lot of us, and you
probably know many of them whoare in this work are going to
shove the emotions down.
Oh, they're going to get justlike bitter or just, this is the
(05:21):
way it is.
And, and they don't take time toactually feel what's happening.
They're going to get right backto work.
They're going to distractthemselves.
They're going to maybe eat fourcupcakes, right?
Or like me, just go to the gymand just pretend it's, it's it's
not real.
But the challenge with avoidingyour emotions is that they don't
go away.
(05:41):
Emotions live in our body, andif you think of our emotional
container like, you know, abottle, only so much can fit
into that bottle before itexplodes, before it releases.
And what we don't want is forthat emotion to create an
outburst on someone that we loveor in a way that does not serve
us.
And so when we can find ways oftruly honoring our emotion, then
(06:06):
that allows that, that bottle,the air in that bottle to, to
come out in, in gentle,intentional ways.
But avoiding is the, the firstway you can respond to emotion.
Let me just say one quick thingabout that, because it brings up
something very, very important.
Interesting that I heard in aconversation the other day, is
there are physiologicalresponses to bottling up that
(06:26):
emotion and pushing it down andsuppressing it.
There are going to be amultitude of ways that that's
going to manifest itself withinyour own physical wellness.
And so as difficult as it issometimes for us to get those
out, it is really important.
Would you agree?
Yes.
Absolutely.
Thank you.
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah.
It's going to impact your, yourmental health, right?
You're not giving yourself spaceto actually see what's going on
(06:49):
there, to feel it, to let itmove through your body.
So it stays stuck.
It's going to impact your, yourcortisol levels, your mental
health.
And I think it creates justthis, this wall between yourself
and the world.
So, so with that, let's divejust a little deeper for the
listener because I'm sure thereare a lot of people out saying
that's great.
That worked for, for Nathan toget up and go to the gym and for
(07:11):
Eric, I did go to the gym afterI ate the cupcake the next
morning.
But what.
What was the conversation thatyou had because you obviously
woke up in the same conversationthat many of us did, right?
So there was a conversation thatyou woke up into that was one of
confusion and fear and anger andupset all of that What was the
conversation that you then hadwith yourself that said I'm
(07:32):
gonna go to the gym.
What was that?
Oh if you can It's it's one ofthe ways that I process anger I
think just the, the energy thatyou expend, the, the intention
that you, you put into theworkouts and the intensity of
it, it's a great way to channelanger.
And believe me, there's a lot ofit still to this day did not
(07:53):
take away all my anger by anymeans.
But the other thing is we aregoing to, we may, okay, we have
a future that is uncertain.
And in that uncertainty, theremay be a lot of turbulent news.
There may be a lot of thingsthat we need to fight against.
(08:15):
And when I ask myself, who do Ineed to be the next four years
to create the world that I wantto create?
I have to start with me.
And so I'm focusing on becomingstronger.
I'm focusing on becoming moreemotionally resilient, smarter,
a better communicator, because Itruly want to create a vision
(08:38):
that makes a difference.
It's better than what the otherparty has to offer.
And in order to be part of thatvision, it's going to start with
me.
It's a really important point,Nathan, because in you being you
and you going out and focusingon getting stronger, getting
more resilient, all of thosethings that you mentioned,
(08:59):
you're taking back your power.
And I think many times when wereact, when we overreact, when
we lash out or lash back, and wefight.
Not fight for something, butfight against something.
We are, we're actually creatingmore of the same.
And I know that's hard for somepeople, I think, to kind of get
(09:21):
their head around is that youneed to take care of you.
You need to become those thingsin order to be the better you so
that you can then take that outand spread that into the world.
And I worry sometimes when I seeso much.
Reaction knee jerk reaction onsocial media, because it's an
easy place to react.
It's an easy place to voice youropinions that all we're doing is
(09:41):
perpetuating the same.
Unfortunately, the same kind ofaction and energy and reaction.
So I'm glad that you said thatbecause I want the listener to
really hear that, that we needourselves who we are in the face
of the matter.
Any matter to be strong, to beof conviction, to know who we
are and to be proud of who weare so that then that just
(10:04):
resonates out into ourcommunity.
So thank you for saying that.
I think that was why I asked thequestion about what you do.
Same thing for me.
I know that mentally in my head,I need the clarity.
So what I tend to do is reallylook to see who am I going to be
in the face of this as well.
You and I have done some similardevelopment work together, so I
recognize the languaging.
But I'll never forget thatmoment.
(10:25):
Who are you going to be in theface of any and all matter?
And it really does make adifference.
So I want our listeners tolisten through the rest of this
conversation today in thatmindset.
Who are they going to be?
What are some of the tools thatNathan and Eric talked about
today that I can take with me?
Because the minute you succumbto the Fear that they are
(10:47):
putting on to us as a communityas a country, we give up all of
our power.
And I believe in this moment, assure as I'm sitting here, that
if all of us rally and be ourtrue selves and take back our
power.
They can try, they may besuccessful on a few things, but
it's going to be a difficultroad for them.
Not us.
(11:08):
Oh, absolutely.
And, and we have to remembertoo, I mean, I hate when people
are saying this is a decisivevictory because I mean, the
popular votes are still beingcounted and there's still half
of the voters in America votedagainst this and that opposition
is still present.
So we have to remember that.
But I mean, to, to continuethrough this is the first way we
(11:30):
respond is we can avoid theemotions, we let them bottle up.
We lose control of it.
The second way that we canrespond to emotions is indulging
in them.
And I think you, you were justspeaking to that really
succumbing to that fear.
So it's indulging is fullyimmersing yourself in the
intensity of that experience andthat emotion where you often
lose perspective.
(11:50):
So how many of us I'm guilty ofthis are going to the worst case
scenario or thinking about thatfear, and we're spiraling down
into the motion we are becomingthem and how much power do we
lose of ourselves when we justlet ourselves become that
emotion, right?
We are not powerless.
Right.
We have communities, we havecoalitions that are working
(12:11):
against these, these forces thatare trying to instill hatred and
bigotry and discrimination.
There are forces working againstthat.
And so, when we indulge in theemotions, it's, it's really,
Kind of caving into this victimmentality.
This woe is me.
I have no power.
There's nothing there.
And, and you're just going toenhance your powerlessness, the
(12:33):
feelings of powerlessness thatare, that you're feeling.
So if you truly want to regainyour power, we got to separate
ourselves from the emotion andwhat's real, right.
And invite people to, to becurious, right.
To invite curiosity into what'sgoing to happen because yeah, it
(12:55):
might be terrible.
We might have to, to fight, wemight have to face a lot of
challenges in the future.
And we might see an even bigger,more positive vision come
through this.
So hold that thought.
Go ahead.
Hold that thought, say it again.
Cause I just got goosebumps.
(13:16):
The curiosity.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's a really powerful.
Yeah.
I actually, I have to thank my,my coach and mentor who called
me out.
Cause I said, this is what'sgoing to happen.
I'm going to have to hear thewords, groomers and slurs for
the next four years.
And I'm going to facediscrimination if I want to have
kids and all these things.
(13:36):
And she's like, did you noticeyour language?
But if you said will, and I waslike, Oh, yeah.
Oh, I'm almost like manifestingthis.
I'm accepting that as myreality, but she's like, invite
curiosity.
And so when I encourage you allto do that, if you invite
curiosity, yeah, that mayhappen, that may be a part of
your future.
And also what goodness mightcome from this, the strength in
(14:00):
our communities, the strengthand resilience of humans that we
might become the opposition thatwe create and the better vision
that we have in two years andfour years in the next election
cycles.
So when we're curious.
That's where there's more power,there's more choice, and we're
not victims to the emotions,we're not victims to the fear
(14:20):
that they want us to have.
Okay, podcast is done.
I think we can leave it rightthere.
Okay.
No, that's really powerful.
I want people to hear that.
It's, we are not educated anddeveloped to have that
conversation about the curiosityof what may happen.
(14:41):
That's not where we livestrongly, if I can say that
without Mincing my words,because we want to go to that
bad place.
We're constantly bombarded withthe news, with the media, with
social media, with people comingafter us, with conversations,
with that kind of despair.
To sit in a space of curiosity,in the moment of upset,
(15:06):
breakdown, let's say, is areally powerful tool.
So thank you to your coach andthank you for bringing that up.
And I wanted to say one lastthing before you move on to the
next one.
I, I, I, I'll never forgethearing someone say to me, and
I've, I've, I've used this.
A dozen times in the last weekis that fear is false
expectations appearing real.
That's what fear is.
(15:27):
Yet we've made it so many otherthings.
We've convinced ourselves and weattach a physical manifestation
of an emotion around it.
But if you look at that, it'sjust your false expectations
appearing real.
That's what the fear is.
So then you can take that andthen stand in the space of
curiosity.
Right.
Yeah.
So it's important for people torealize that the reason we're
having this conversation todayis there are steps to this.
(15:50):
This is not one morning you wakeup and Oh, there you are.
You've got it figured out.
We have to walk through thesesteps.
It's like going to the gym.
You're not going to get thatstrength that you need unless
you go do those damn squats thatI hate from my trainer or those
crunches or all of thoseexercises that build your
strength.
So this is a really, reallyimportant.
Really powerful conversation.
I'm so grateful that we talk alittle bit about this standing
(16:13):
in, in the curiosity.
I love that.
Okay.
Continue.
Yeah, no, that's great.
And so you can avoid youremotions.
You can indulge in them.
And then there's, there's twomore.
The third way is you react tothem.
And I think this is what youwere speaking to before that the
reactions that we often have asa community.
(16:33):
And so it's immediate, it'simpulsive.
And it follows a strongemotional trigger, right?
Following an election and whatthat might mean.
But what happens is when wereact to these circumstances.
We actually give up our power toexternal events.
And I don't know about you, butI don't want other events.
I don't want the world to be incharge of my behavior.
(16:56):
I want to be in charge of mybehavior, right?
And so when we can truly honoremotion, sit with it, not react
from it, then we have more poweragain and who we're wanting to
be.
So that we can create thefuture.
We want to, because that react,sorry, quick, quick question.
Is the reaction though, our needfor an answer immediately?
Oh, absolutely.
(17:17):
It's, it's a need for an answer.
It's being backed into a corneras well.
And it's like, what do you dowhen you're backed into corner?
You just want to fight.
You want to react.
You want to post viciouslyonline, cut people off, name
calling.
And you fall victim to that,right?
You're, you're in a survivalstate.
It's bringing you back to theworst case scenario, maybe past
(17:37):
experiences that you've had indiscrimination and, and really
replaying those out and how youreact to those situations.
So it's, it's.
It's challenging, especiallywhen, I mean, this, this is a
real threat, right?
And the, the worst casescenarios are very bad, and we
(18:00):
have to be real with ourselvesabout that.
So it's understandable why we'dwant to react and what this
means.
But I, I would challenge you allto, especially if you were
surprised at the results of theelection.
If you were surprised, you're,you're living in an echo
chamber.
(18:20):
Thank you.
And if we're going to win backthe Senate in 2026, if we're
going to win back thepresidential race 2028, we're
not going to build the coalitionthat we need in our safe spaces,
living in our echo chambers,right?
10 million democratic votersdidn't show up.
So if we're unable to really setaside our triggers and be able
(18:45):
to have difficult conversationswith people who disagree with
us.
I'm not saying you need to gotalk to, you know, the racist,
the actual race, homophobicpeople, or the, the super mega
people, but the people who aregenuinely decent people and
bring them and include them intoour vision, right?
(19:07):
We're not going to, we're notgoing to get the house back.
We're not going to build thevision we want to.
And that's hard work.
And I think for, for you and I,Eric, we're, we are very lucky.
To be living in California,first of all to be gay men in
California and with thatprivilege, like we have the
opportunity to have thosedifficult conversations in a
(19:30):
healthy and effective way.
And that's really important.
So if we're going to react andjust block everyone that
disagrees with us, cut peopleoff completely.
Like, I don't think that servesus now.
I do think it's important thateveryone honor their mental
health.
I mean, you, you don't have togo to the Thanksgiving dinner
with your, your family that areTrump supporters.
(19:51):
You don't have to do any ofthat.
Right.
But I do want to invite the ideaof relationships as being dials.
And you can turn up the dials ofthe people that truly support
you and see you and want tofight for your rights.
And you can turn down the dialson the people that take a lot of
effort and a lot of proving ofyour worth and a lot of fighting
to, to advocate for yourself.
(20:12):
But completely turning thoseoff.
is not good for you and yourability to communicate with
people who are different thanyou.
And I don't think it does anygood for the movement that we
need to get behind over the nextfour years.
I do want to say as well, I sowell said, I think that
Protecting your own mentalhealth is key and critical in
(20:33):
this the thought process ofremoving yourself from a toxic
conversation or a toxicrelationship inside or outside
of this election is reallyimportant to have with yourself,
right?
Or with someone, if you have acounselor or a therapist, have
that conversation.
I know for me over the lastcouple of days, there have been
some circumstances where Itriggered.
(20:55):
Reacted.
There've been some circumstanceswhere I also knew that the
conversation that was being had,although online was very against
my own set of values.
And for me, I needed to removemy, remove myself from even
seeing that conversation becauseit was so painful.
But yes, there are opportunitiesfor us to have some
(21:15):
conversations that will shiftthe paradigm.
And we.
You made the point about thepeople who sat out the election
on the democratic side.
I was at a store the other daypurchasing something.
I know the employees very well,a lot of young people.
And and they were in a verydifferent space.
(21:35):
And, they said, how are youtoday?
So I'm doing much better.
I know they are an LGBTQfriendly establishment and.
Several people out of the groupsaid they didn't vote and it was
not the day for me to have thatconversation, but it did open me
up to something that I was ableto really access, which was in
(21:58):
this age demographic that theyare in.
They aren't getting their newsfrom the major news channels.
They're not getting their newsfrom their parents.
They're getting the news fromTikTok, from those sources that
we already know can beincredibly problematic.
And when the comment was madethat those high up Elections
(22:18):
don't affect me here inCalifornia, in San Diego is
where I realized that there iswork to do, that there's a lot
of work to do.
And those are the conversationsthat are for me, the easy ones
to have in the beginning.
So you know, when I saw thestatistic of the people who
didn't show up, when I saw thestatistic of how he lost by four
(22:41):
million less votes than he wonin 2016, that opened up another
conversation inside of my ownconversation was that that's 15
to 16 to 17 million people.
Who need to have a talking toand who are hopefully open to
having that conversation as wemove through the next couple of
years, not from a place ofattack, but from a place of,
(23:02):
like you said, curiosity.
So yeah, really well said.
Well, that example is a perfectexample of a place where I think
any of us would want to react.
Like, I think.
If someone says the election inthe higher up area is not going
to affect me or thepresidential, like, I would be
so angry.
I'm like, do you not realize howmany people in red states are
(23:23):
going to be Upset by that.
And I think I fallen victim tothis, but I think a lot of the
democratic parties fallen intothis, where we step into a place
of arrogance and shaming peoplefor being uneducated, and that
just does not resonate, nor isit effective because when you
shame people for not knowingwhat you know, or shame people
for having a different vision ofyou, all you create is anger and
(23:45):
resentment to what you'resaying.
They completely shut off.
They get into a state ofdefensiveness.
And I think of this quote fromAudre Lorde.
She says for the master's tools,we'll never dismantle the
master's house.
And we cannot become what wefight against, right?
That's not going to create anyreal change.
(24:08):
And so, and it sucks.
Like, like, can we just holdspace for a moment?
Because that means.
Us as queer people have to notonly deal with our emotions, but
then have these difficultconversations with people and
how much work that is.
I just want to acknowledge howmuch work that takes.
(24:30):
I don't see any other way.
I think back about our brothersand sisters in this community
decades and decades and decadesago that faced what must've at
the time felt likeinsurmountable fear and threat
(24:51):
and how they push through.
I think of somebody very muchparticular here in San Diego,
who was one of the first outtrans and what she went through
and how she fought and how she'ssitting here today and proud of
who she is, proud of what she'sdone, proud of where we've come.
And I wanted to be a fly on thewall of her living room on
(25:15):
Tuesday to hear what she'd say,because I'm clear and I know
that she was not going tooverreact.
She was not going to jump onsocial media and start blocking
people.
She wasn't going to jump onthere and start calling names to
our impending administration,but she was going to sit back
and go, all right, here we areonce again.
Let's do this.
(25:35):
It's time to move forward.
And I think for me, that'sKnowing that we've been down
this road before I called it inmy post the other day.
This isn't our first rodeo It'snot and it's gonna take all of
us coming together Going throughthese processes of our emotions
(25:55):
and I also think Nathan may youmay be touching base on this in
a minute or two But I think weneed to be really clear
Individually, who we are and thelegacy that we want to leave in
this world, because I believethat every single one of us
that's put on this earth,whether they realize it through
their lifetime or not is here tobe of service.
(26:16):
I think we're here to be ofservice.
What we bring to our families,to our communities, to our
friends, to our chosen families,to our work, to our lives,
that's why we're here.
And I think that when we getreally clear on what that is,
who we want to be, and thedifference that we want to make,
and it might be as simple as wejust want to be.
To let people know that we seethem and we hear them and we
(26:37):
acknowledge them.
And if you spend your life goingthrough the motions of
acknowledging people and seeingpeople and celebrating people,
then you're doing what you setout to do, but if you sit back
and you resent people and youget angry and you don't do
anything they want.
And I think that's where we takeour power back.
That's what gets us throughthis.
(26:57):
Not as as victims to thesituation, but as empowered
active people who areparticipating in the process of
creating what we want to create.
And I truly think we can createa better world through this.
I do too.
And I also think it's importantto Call it what it is in that
(27:19):
what we've experienced and whatwe've seen and heard over this
last week and in the weeks andmonths and year leading up to
the election, this racism andmisogyny and bigotry and all
this stuff is not new.
This is not just happeningwithin this last quarter of our
year.
This has been around for a longtime.
And I think you said it, I don'tremember sure if you were, if we
(27:42):
were online or you said itbefore we hit record, but it's
in that complacency because lifegets good and we get caught up
in that exhale, right?
And we take our foot off thegas.
And sometimes we even get out ofthe car and we walk for miles
and miles and miles.
And then we realized that theonly way we're going to get to
our destination is we're back.
(28:04):
And to get back in that car andcatch up.
And so I know for me, out of ourconversation so far, and even in
leading up to this conversation,that I'm never going to get out
of my car.
I'm always going to have mytools at my side, and there's
going to be many more podcastepisodes about those tools and
what you can do to arm yourselfwith resilience and with
(28:24):
strength and with confidence.
But we always have to be mindfulof.
There is a life outside of ourbubble, our vacuum, what did you
call it?
You called it something earlier,our little echo chamber, our
echo chamber, which is such agreat way to put it.
We do.
We are very blessed here.
And yet the most emotion that Ihave felt this last week has
(28:47):
been for everyone else whodoesn't live in the state is
what are the young people doingin other parts of the country
that are sitting in terror andsitting in fear because they're
going to have to go back outinto their own lives.
And, you know, I don't know, Idon't know what to do about
that.
Other than let that emotion thatI'm feeling be the catalyst for
(29:11):
me to speak up and to use thisplatform that I've created and
having conversations so that ifwe can connect with someone out
in our world to reach out to oneof those young people or to be
cognizant that they're outthere, then, then, then that's
what we have to do.
That's what I have to do.
And that's why I'm doing whatI'm doing.
(29:32):
And well, I think what you'reactually doing right now is, is,
is the fourth step, which ishonoring your emotion or so that
not the fourth step, but thefourth way to respond to emotion
is to truly honor it.
And you're sitting with that,that emotion of, of what other
people are going to be goingthrough and the fear you have
for them.
And so, You can avoid theemotions, you can indulge in
(29:55):
them, you can react from them,or the most powerful way to
respond to emotions is to honorthem.
And so it's recognizing theseemotions as signals from the
world.
And just without judgment, justallowing yourself to experience
that either through meditation,through journaling, through
exercising, or like what you'resaying, Eric, is to transmute
that emotion into somethingbetter.
(30:17):
What is it that you want tobuild in this world?
You know, and I think just toadd to some of that emotion,
right?
Like we're here to having thisconversation.
This is a great way to honor theemotion too, is I'm feeling
angry.
Like that's such like almost arage and, and it's very present.
(30:40):
I'm feeling angry for women andthe, the double standard that we
have for presidency.
Like we had an incredible,competent, qualified woman and
and the double standard there.
Did nobody watch the Barbiemovie?
And what America Ferrero istalking about?
And the double standard thatwomen have to face.
(31:01):
So I'm angry for them.
I'm angry for trans people whoare just used as this political
football and, and demonized andall this news that gets
sensationalized about them.
All they want to do is just tobe alive.
That's all they want.
And I'm, I'm nervous for, forthe world.
(31:22):
I'm nervous for kids and redstates.
So in that emotion though, if Istay there, if I stay stuck in
that anger, if I stay stuck inthat sadness, we can't build
what it is that we need tobuild.
I can't be who I want to be.
That's going to make adifference again, over the next
(31:46):
two to four years of what weneed to do.
So we have to honor it.
We have to leave it where it is.
And we have to transmute thatenergy into something positive.
Yeah, I think that's importantNathan, to be able to take those
emotions.
You use the word transmute, it'sa very grown up word for me.
(32:06):
I'm gonna say channel.
Yeah, there you go, channel.
I need to channel.
I know that I'll remembertransmute, but I'll remember
channel.
But I think it's important.
And I want, I want our listenersto be able to share this out
with the community.
I think there is a way for, andthe young members of our
community.
And I think there is a way forthis.
(32:32):
Part of our community, theseyoung people that have had the
coming out process, let's faceit, relatively easier than when
I did when I was 24.
Maybe a little easier, let'ssay, and I use the word easier
in that it's just become, inmany places, much easier because
there is so much more evidenceof our existence.
There's so much more evidence ofour joy and love and support and
(32:57):
the beauty of this communitythat has always been here, by
the way, always been hereforever.
We are not new.
The trans community is not new.
So, there's been so much moreexposure, but I think if we can
channel all of that.
Into baby steps.
There might be some people whoare thinking, I don't have the
(33:20):
ability to make the huge impact.
I don't have the platform.
I don't have the resources.
There are a multitude of waysthat people in communities
across this country, red or bluestates, to be able to reach out
to organizations, within theircommunity.
Communities or within thecountry where they can tie into
(33:44):
resources that are there tosupport them.
And I hope that, and I'm, I'mwatching it already happen that
so many organizations are cominginto these local community
movements, getting the word outthat they're there.
Here's what's available.
Here are the hotlines.
Here are the resources.
Here are the groups that you cantalk to.
You're a parent, you needsupport, here's that group.
(34:06):
You're a child that needssupport, here's that group.
You're trans and you needsupport, here's that group.
And if we don't have it nearyou, we're going to find it.
And I also believe in my heartof hearts that this is going to
happen for the women in ourlives who are facing this issue
of abortion and, the health carethat they need, they're also
going to mobilize.
They're also going to make surethat their community, that the
(34:28):
women are able to find thoseresources and find that support.
This is not exclusively an LGBTQissue.
So I'm very comfortable in mystance that if we can mobilize
these community based efforts,then we will continue to build
stronger and stronger andstronger.
forces to be able to channelthat positivity, that not as
(34:52):
eloquent.
I'm really struggling with mywords this last week and I'm
tired.
I'm super tired.
I know I'm tired.
I'm just exhausted, Nathan.
And, and thank goodness that wehave an opportunity to talk it
out.
But we're tired, you know, I waslistening to what you're saying.
And I just real quick, I, I satback yesterday and was
(35:14):
journaling a step that I use tokind of get some of my thoughts
and feelings out.
And what I noticed was sointeresting was, is that I have
an incredible support structure,you friends, family, and there
are still some things that Iwill not say or hesitate to say,
but I was able to get out onpaper.
I don't know why.
But I just did.
And I put it on paper.
(35:36):
And what I started to notice wasthat with every amount of
vitriol that I was spilling onthese pages, it lightened me up
a little bit more.
And I realized that that wasjust my response and my
reaction.
So that's just another thing Iwant to encourage people to do.
Don't always think that you haveto speak the words, write them
out.
If you're feeling angry, grab ajournal, start writing out how
you're feeling.
(35:56):
Write out and, and if you wantto get angry, if you want to use
some four letter expletives thatyou wouldn't necessarily use in
the presence of other people,write it out, right?
That's so important to be ableto get that out because at the
other side of that exercise, Ithought, all right, I've got
some work to do.
Who were some of the guests thatI can get on this podcast, this
platform to have conversationsabout.
(36:17):
about dealing with theseemotions.
Who can I talk to that's goingto show support to the trans
community?
Who can I get on here who couldsupport, show support to the
women who are dealing with theirown abortion rights and their
own, you know, health andmedical care, who can I, and I
wrote a list of 27 people.
But the next thing that wasreally important, Nathan, was I
didn't just look at that listand go, wow, there's 27 people
(36:39):
on there.
I had to take the next step.
I had to reach out to thosepeople.
A majority of those people don'tknow me from Adam, don't know I
have a podcast, don't know who Iam.
And I had to formulate aconversation with them that
would intrigue them enough topick up the phone and call me.
And seven people respondedwithin the first 24 hours of
that outreach and said, yes,I'll come on the podcast.
(37:00):
Let's talk about it.
So there's action.
And then there are follow upactions that we need to take
because this is not going tohappen if we just sit back and
try to do it alone.
I say this all the time, my mindwhen left to its own devices is
not always the safest place tobe.
It can go dark really quick,right?
(37:21):
Your, your monologue can go darkpretty quick.
Absolutely.
No.
And I think what you did is aperfect example of, of honoring
your emotion.
Right.
You didn't avoid it.
You didn't indulge in it.
You didn't react from it.
You wrote it down in yourjournal.
You honored what was there.
And in that, it brought youclarity to the path forward.
And again, when we can focus onwhat we're actually doing and
(37:44):
contributing to make this worldbetter, that's the light at the
end of the tunnel that we needto be focusing on.
And in that again, to, to yourpoint about being tired, this is
going to be a long journey.
Yeah.
This is.
And I will say this is going tobe a never ending journey.
This is something we're alwaysgoing to have to work towards.
(38:06):
And so it's important that we,we pace ourselves, give
ourselves time to really restand honor what's been happening
these next couple weeks.
Give ourselves time to balanceout a routine that, you know,
builds our resilience throughexercise, nutrition, through
meditating your mental health,joining community, And then when
(38:29):
you have that energy, when youhave that routine and that
foundation set, then look forthe helpers or become the
helper.
What are you building?
Right.
But I think when some peoplejust don't know what to do
there's always people doingthings.
And if you find those people andyou find a cause that really
means a lot to you, right, youcan contribute so much in that
(38:51):
area.
I think another thing, and youand I've talked about this many
times off recording and you'vetaught it is breathwork.
And for me, it's something thatis so easy to do in the moment
because I can bring on anxietyvery quickly.
And when it comes on, I can alsomanifest it into something much
(39:14):
bigger.
And so you and several otherpractitioners that I not only
follow, but I work with and havehad conversations with on this
podcast teach ways that you canuse a breath work technique to
be able to.
Get more present, get more intoyour body because I know that
when I'm in that state ofanxiety or fear, the other day I
(39:35):
had a panic attack, oversomething that someone said
online, literally had a, attacksitting in my living room.
I use that breath work to pullmyself out of that panic and to
realize that I was just reactingto a story.
I was reacting to someone else'sconversation that wasn't mine.
And within that 10 minute breathwork session of just grounding
(39:57):
myself, breathing, very, beingvery conscious of my breath,
being very conscious of how Iwas inhaling and exhaling and
the thoughts that came, puttingmyself in a really beautiful
spot at the beach.
It's my go to place within 10 or15 minutes.
I brought that anxiety down to azero.
And I think if we can get intothe habit and whatever it is for
(40:18):
anyone, whether it's taking awalk out in nature, taking a
walk around the block, singing,dancing, you're a big proponent
of dancing, getting out thereand moving and feeling and.
Getting yourself grounded andgetting yourself back into your
body, back into your heart andback into your thought process.
(40:38):
It's going to be a lot easierfor us to get through.
I know I'm going to have to usethose techniques many, many
times over the next couple ofmonths and probably couple of
years to be able to bring myselfback to myself.
Does that make sense?
Because I know that's somethingwe've talked about.
There's a benefit to that,right?
That's, that's the foundationthat you, you have to have that
foundation in your mindset andyour capacity.
(41:01):
And if you are not nurturingyourself and filling yourself
up, you cannot give back in ahealthy way.
Right.
And, and I think for a lot ofpeople who are in this work of
advocacy or in this work ofnonprofits and organizations
that they give back, it's soeasy to give so much yourself
and give all of yourself.
(41:22):
And.
it's going to lead to burnout.
It's going to lead toineffectiveness and, and you
deserve to be happy and enjoyyour life.
Because if you're not, what isthe point of all the work that
we're doing?
Yeah.
Right.
And so, yeah, we got to takecare of ourselves.
Yeah.
I'm going to ask our listenersto just do us a favor.
(41:44):
And that is We've got to be veryconscious of what we're saying
on social media.
And when we, this is going to behard for people, but when we get
on and we start to post our ownform of anger or hate or
responses to other people'sposts, all it's doing is
(42:07):
perpetuating that.
Emotion, that anger, that fear.
So my encouragement to people isfeel free to post how you feel,
but how you feel not in relationto how somebody else feels,
don't be the bandwagon jumper.
Be the creator of your ownconversation.
Be the creator of your ownempowerment.
(42:28):
If you're angry, say you'reangry.
But say why.
If you are upset and you'rehurt, say why.
But create the space of theconversation for you, that is
empowering, not just agreeingwhat everyone else is saying.
I did something, I made apromise to myself, Well,
actually four years ago was thatI was never going to utter the
(42:49):
name of certain people that wererunning for office on my social
media or my podcast.
And I've been super, supersuccessful at that.
But what I've done was choose toactually flip to the other side
and post support for the peoplethat were running for offices up
and down the ticket in multitudeof States, because they stood
for the values that I had.
(43:11):
So there was somebody in ourcoursework that we did together.
who said, rather than be antiwar, be pro peace, rather than
anti LGBT, be for love.
Be for something.
Be for something, not againstsomething.
Be for it.
Create that space ofpossibility, to create that
space of, of a conversation thatwill change and shift the
(43:34):
paradigm.
That's also super important.
So do all those things for you,do all those things that gets
you strong and healthy, but indoing so also what you're
putting out to the world andwhat you're putting out to your
friends and to the community isequally as important.
That's something for me that Ithink is really, really, really
critical right now is that wehave an opportunity to express
(43:55):
ourselves, but let's do it forus, not for someone else.
And I think in doing it thatway.
it is more sustainable.
Mm-Hmm.
Rage and anger are powerfulmotivators.
I'm not even gonna lie to youall.
They are, but they are not assustainable as building a vision
in to terms of what you want tobuild and, and doing it in joy
(44:15):
and community and that vision ofjoy that we might be grieving.
Mm-Hmm.
of the, from this last election,we can still have that.
Right.
And we can still work towardscreating that vision of joy and
inclusivity.
So again, yeah, working towardsthings is not only effective,
but it's sustainable.
Well, I'm going to be clear.
(44:36):
I'm certainly not saying that Ihaven't been angry and I haven't
been very, I'm gonna use theword pissed off these last
couple of weeks.
And, and have said many thingsto many people, but I'm very
right.
And I'm very careful though, ofwhere to put that anger and
where to put that hate, becauseit doesn't serve me on social
media.
(44:57):
It doesn't, it can serve me inthe context of my conversation.
So I've said some pretty.
hard and harsh things to say.
I've even been thinking aboutgoing and signing up for one of
those sessions and one of thoseplaces where you take a bat and
you just beat the crap out oflike furniture and TVs.
And, and it makes me smile.
The thought of going in andpicturing certain things as I
(45:19):
beat the crap out of them makesme very happy.
So yes, I have to process my ownanger.
But to your point is that we, wehave your anger, have your
frustration, have it, experienceit.
Feel it.
Right?
The best advice you gave me andthe best advice my therapist
gave me was to feel that anger Ifelt around my divorce.
Feel it.
(45:40):
But I didn't need to go out tothe world to tell everybody how
pissed off I was at my exhusband.
It didn't do any good.
It wasn't going to do any goodbecause what happened happened.
We're in that same spot.
What has happened has happened.
And now we need to process theseemotions that you and I have so
wonderfully spent some timetalking about today.
And we need to go out and weneed to make a difference.
And I love what you said.
I I saw I live in a community.
(46:01):
That I love.
And I moved here very much to bein, in Encinitas part time.
I moved here after I left thedesert.
I was going to plant myself herefor a year, and then I was going
to move to Hillcrest, or I wasgoing to move to North Park, or
South Park, or PB.
I was going to find that kind ofcool, hip, vibe place to live.
And I've stayed here, actuallycelebrating my five year
residency here this week.
(46:23):
In this house.
But what's so interesting andwhat I love about this
neighborhood is, is that thecommunity really cares for each
other.
And we have conversations.
We're out walking our dogs,we're walking with the kids.
And on Wednesday, I was barelyout of bed.
I was literally sitting on mybed crying and scared.
And the doorbell rang.
(46:44):
And it was a neighbor that I seeevery morning on my walk with
Luka.
And every morning, we smile, wesay hi, she's got her headset
on, she's power walking, andshe's doing her thing, and I'm
walking the dog.
And we've had maybe a fewconversations.
never about politics, about thedog, about my relationship,
about dating.
We were laughing.
She's got a friend she wants tointroduce me to that kind of
(47:06):
thing, right?
Having those kinds ofconversations.
But she took the time onWednesday morning to come to my
house to ring my doorbell andrang it multiple times because I
wasn't going to answer it.
Finally answered the door andshe goes, I came by just to see
if you're okay.
And I realized in that momentthat what I had to do was get
(47:29):
out of bed.
What I had to do was cry, spentthe day crying.
I had to get out.
I had to take the dog for awalk.
I had to go to my favoritecoffee shop.
I had to smile.
I had to see people.
I had to be in that space andthat energy.
I had to come back.
I had to do a little work.
I had to take the dog out again.
I had to see some friends.
I had to get into thatconversation and then we cried
together.
(47:50):
And then we had conversationsabout what's possible.
But that one friend, and therewere multiples over this last
week, people have come by tocheck on me.
They've seen me out walking.
They've come to commiserate.
We've hugged a lot.
We've talked a lot on our walks,but it was that one doorbell and
that one ring that got me tostand up and go, Oh yeah.
Okay.
That's right.
(48:10):
This isn't the end of the world.
This is the beginning.
And this is where we takemoments like that and we
multiply them and multiply themand multiply them.
And so.
Before I ask you the last couplequestions, I'm going to ask our
audience to reach out to people,check on your friends, check on
your family, check on the peoplethat you care about, reach out,
(48:33):
and if they don't answer, keepreaching out, keep checking on
them, because we're going toneed each other more now than
ever, and knowing, just knowingthat you've got one person out
there, even if it's thatneighbor who's just there to
check on you, cherish that, andcelebrate that.
I'm super grateful to you,Nathan.
I, I've said this to you manytimes.
(48:54):
I think our friendship hasevolved so much since we've met.
And when I sit back and think ofthe people that I have in my
life, like you and many otherswho have been on this podcast
and many others that I circlearound with, that the power and
the empowerment that we bringeach and to our community is a
(49:15):
gift.
And so I want to thank you forcoming on today to talk during
this difficult week and to havea conversation about how we
navigate our way through theseemotions.
What else would you say to thelistener who may be going, yeah,
this is all great, but I don'tknow what to do still.
I'm still a little bit, a littlebit, a little bit of a loss.
What do you say to them?
(49:37):
That this is not a perfectprocess.
This is a messy process and topace yourselves and give
yourselves grace.
It's not like you're going tocry once and then just be okay
for the next four years.
Like this is an ongoing thing.
It's like going to the gym.
You have to be making it aroutine to honor what you're
(49:59):
experiencing.
And in that moment that youdescribed with that neighbor
that you had of her checking onyou.
I think that's such a greatexample of something that needs
to be consistent for, for us,right?
Leaning on our support, takingtime to journal taking time to.
to build something.
Because I think a lot of us tooare really feeling invalidated.
(50:25):
I think a lot of us are feelinglike people were willing to
gamble with our rights for thepromise of a better economy and
what that means to us.
And I encourage everyone to turnup the dials on those
relationships that not just seeyou, but take actions that
(50:45):
support you and your rights.
Like those are the connectionsthat are going to feel you and
empower you moving forward.
So true.
And what I do sometimes is tryto bring a little bit of levity
and a little bit of a smile tosituations that may be hard.
And I'm reminded of Mama Tits,this amazing drag performer in
(51:09):
Puerto Vallarta.
And her show was fantastic.
It was funny.
It was.
Raunchy, it was just arollercoaster.
But at the very end, she said,Surround yourself with people
who celebrate you.
And it was in that moment thatmy life shifted.
And I will forever give hercredit for that, and for that
(51:32):
moment, because we need tosurround ourselves with people
who will celebrate us, and thatwe celebrate.
And so, as we wrap up thisconversation, There are many
more to have, I'm sure.
You're always welcome to comeback and, and, and talk more
about these steps and aboutyour, your process and your
journey, but I just wanted tosay, I'm grateful to you for
(51:54):
coming on today.
And I thank you for your wordsof wisdom and for your space
that you create, not only for mebut also for your friends and
for your community and for yourclients and for the world.
It will ripple out.
And so I just encourageeveryone, please, if you need
support, reach out, findsomeone, find a place, find a
person it's out there.
(52:16):
And we'll put up some resourcesin our social media for this
podcast.
But Nathan, I'll give you the,final words, if you like, as we
wrap up this conversation today.
No, just for, for anyone who'sstruggling or feeling alone you
are not alone in what you'refeeling.
And we celebrate you, we seeyou, and we're gonna do whatever
we can to, to protect you andthose most vulnerable that's it.
(52:40):
Thank you.
All right, everyone.
Thank you again for joining uson today's episode.
I hope our conversationresonated with you like it did
me, and I cannot wait to sitdown with you all again next
week.
Remember to subscribe to theJust Do You Podcast on your
favorite platform so you canmake sure not to miss a new
episode, which drop everyThursday.
(53:02):
If you like what you hear, youcan easily share the podcast and
episode Directly with yourfriends.
And if you would rate us andleave us a review, we'd love to
hear from you.
You can also follow us onInstagram at just do you pod.
As you go out into the worldtoday, remember to just do you.
All right.
Talk next week.
Hello, everyone.
Welcome to the JUST DO YOU.
Podcast.
My name is Eric Nicoll and I'myour host.
If you are a first timelistener, welcome to the
conversation.
And if you're a regular, I'mhonored that you've decided to
join me for another episode.
The JUST DO YOU.
Podcast is centered around anetwork of conversations, which
are meant to connect us, toinspire https: otter.
(00:26):
ai And who knows?
We might even learn a littlesomething new that ultimately
allows us to live in the sweetspot that I like to call the
just you, you space it being.
Each week I have the privilegeof sitting down for unscripted
conversations with friends,family, colleagues, community
leaders, and influencers thatall share their own personal
(00:47):
journeys.
I hope that you enjoy our timetogether as much as I have.
We are certainly gonna laugh,and yes, we might even cry a
little, but in the end, we'regonna know that we're not alone
during our life's journey.
So, are you ready?
Great, let's do this.
Welcome to The Conversation.
All right, everyone.
(01:07):
Welcome to the Just Do YouPodcast and our brand new
episode today.
I am really grateful to my guestand someone that I cherish in my
life and I'm going to welcomeback to the podcast for his
third appearance, NathanSerrato.
Hi, Nathan.
Hi, Eric.
How are you doing?
How are you?
I'm doing okay.
(01:28):
I'm doing okay.
How are you?
I'm definitely going through themotions.
But today I'm feeling okay,especially being here with you.
Oh, me too.
I was very much looking forwardto this, this morning.
I know that this episode willair the week after the election.
To put this in a little bit ofcontext, we are all dealing with
(01:49):
a tremendous amount of emotions,like you said.
And all of us are in differenthead conversations and external
conversations and trying tofigure out how to navigate our
feelings and our thoughts andour emotions.
Let's be clear.
This decision is affecting many,many, many other groups,
marginalized groups within ourcountry.
(02:11):
So we are not alone, but we'rein a very, interesting space and
having to navigate.
Some of us turn inwards and getvery quiet and very insular.
Some of us turn outwards and getvery vocal and get action
oriented, but I want to taketoday, if it's okay with you and
just have a conversation so thatit appeals to everyone, who is
(02:31):
struggling to get through thisprocess of acceptance, if you
will maybe give them a coupletools on how to navigate.
Does that work?
Yeah, that works great.
Okay.
So just to give a little contextof why I reached out to you.
Aside from the fact that I likeI said, adore you and cherish
you as not only a good friend,but also as a coach and a
(02:53):
mentor, we've spent quite a bitof time together in various
projects.
And I always find that yourauthenticity and the realness
that you bring to the table intimes that are celebrated and
times that need to be.
Maybe reflected on that.
You come with this amazing senseof compassion and caring for
(03:15):
people.
So right after the election Ifound myself, I don't remember
what day it is because they'veall kind of blended together.
I have called this last week,the rollercoaster of emotions.
I even shared with you.
Before we hit record that one ofmy ways of dealing with this was
to power down for gluten filledcupcakes, which did not help as
I thought it would.
(03:35):
But I was scrolling throughInstagram and I came across your
post and it was probably one ofthe most timely posts that I'd
seen.
And it posed this question, whatdo we do now?
And you talked about some stepsand some insights into how we.
Could possibly deal with this.
So I'm going to turn this overto you, obviously, very open for
a conversation today, but I'dlove you to share with our
(03:57):
listeners where that post camefrom, what you were thinking
about at that moment.
And then let's, let's just havea conversation about what we do
now.
What do we do now?
Yeah.
What do we do now?
Well, it was interesting.
I was at the gym that morningjust trying to process some of
my, my anger, my frustration, myconfusion.
(04:17):
And I was getting texts frompeople that I love.
And one in particular was like,Hey, what are you doing?
Like, how do we get throughthis?
And it just struck me that somany people don't know what to
do with all their emotion, witheverything that they're feeling.
And, and it gets complicated,especially in the face of
(04:39):
crisis.
That these emotions areamplified to an extreme,
especially with what we'reseeing in the news that all of
our fears and concerns are justamplified right now.
And so, in the state of theunknown, first and foremost, we
have to learn how to process anddeal with our emotions.
(05:00):
And I think there's, there'sreally four ways to do that.
The first way that you canrespond to an emotion is Not the
healthiest, but it's, it's toavoid them.
And I don't recommend that, butI think a lot of us, and you
probably know many of them whoare in this work are going to
shove the emotions down.
Oh, they're going to get justlike bitter or just, this is the
(05:21):
way it is.
And, and they don't take time toactually feel what's happening.
They're going to get right backto work.
They're going to distractthemselves.
They're going to maybe eat fourcupcakes, right?
Or like me, just go to the gymand just pretend it's, it's it's
not real.
But the challenge with avoidingyour emotions is that they don't
go away.
(05:41):
Emotions live in our body, andif you think of our emotional
container like, you know, abottle, only so much can fit
into that bottle before itexplodes, before it releases.
And what we don't want is forthat emotion to create an
outburst on someone that we loveor in a way that does not serve
us.
And so when we can find ways oftruly honoring our emotion, then
(06:06):
that allows that, that bottle,the air in that bottle to, to
come out in, in gentle,intentional ways.
But avoiding is the, the firstway you can respond to emotion.
Let me just say one quick thingabout that, because it brings up
something very, very important.
Interesting that I heard in aconversation the other day, is
there are physiologicalresponses to bottling up that
(06:26):
emotion and pushing it down andsuppressing it.
There are going to be amultitude of ways that that's
going to manifest itself withinyour own physical wellness.
And so as difficult as it issometimes for us to get those
out, it is really important.
Would you agree?
Yes.
Absolutely.
Thank you.
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah.
It's going to impact your, yourmental health, right?
You're not giving yourself spaceto actually see what's going on
(06:49):
there, to feel it, to let itmove through your body.
So it stays stuck.
It's going to impact your, yourcortisol levels, your mental
health.
And I think it creates justthis, this wall between yourself
and the world.
So, so with that, let's divejust a little deeper for the
listener because I'm sure thereare a lot of people out saying
that's great.
That worked for, for Nathan toget up and go to the gym and for
(07:11):
Eric, I did go to the gym afterI ate the cupcake the next
morning.
But what.
What was the conversation thatyou had because you obviously
woke up in the same conversationthat many of us did, right?
So there was a conversation thatyou woke up into that was one of
confusion and fear and anger andupset all of that What was the
conversation that you then hadwith yourself that said I'm
(07:32):
gonna go to the gym.
What was that?
Oh if you can It's it's one ofthe ways that I process anger I
think just the, the energy thatyou expend, the, the intention
that you, you put into theworkouts and the intensity of
it, it's a great way to channelanger.
And believe me, there's a lot ofit still to this day did not
(07:53):
take away all my anger by anymeans.
But the other thing is we aregoing to, we may, okay, we have
a future that is uncertain.
And in that uncertainty, theremay be a lot of turbulent news.
There may be a lot of thingsthat we need to fight against.
(08:15):
And when I ask myself, who do Ineed to be the next four years
to create the world that I wantto create?
I have to start with me.
And so I'm focusing on becomingstronger.
I'm focusing on becoming moreemotionally resilient, smarter,
a better communicator, because Itruly want to create a vision
(08:38):
that makes a difference.
It's better than what the otherparty has to offer.
And in order to be part of thatvision, it's going to start with
me.
It's a really important point,Nathan, because in you being you
and you going out and focusingon getting stronger, getting
more resilient, all of thosethings that you mentioned,
(08:59):
you're taking back your power.
And I think many times when wereact, when we overreact, when
we lash out or lash back, and wefight.
Not fight for something, butfight against something.
We are, we're actually creatingmore of the same.
And I know that's hard for somepeople, I think, to kind of get
(09:21):
their head around is that youneed to take care of you.
You need to become those thingsin order to be the better you so
that you can then take that outand spread that into the world.
And I worry sometimes when I seeso much.
Reaction knee jerk reaction onsocial media, because it's an
easy place to react.
It's an easy place to voice youropinions that all we're doing is
(09:41):
perpetuating the same.
Unfortunately, the same kind ofaction and energy and reaction.
So I'm glad that you said thatbecause I want the listener to
really hear that, that we needourselves who we are in the face
of the matter.
Any matter to be strong, to beof conviction, to know who we
are and to be proud of who weare so that then that just
(10:04):
resonates out into ourcommunity.
So thank you for saying that.
I think that was why I asked thequestion about what you do.
Same thing for me.
I know that mentally in my head,I need the clarity.
So what I tend to do is reallylook to see who am I going to be
in the face of this as well.
You and I have done some similardevelopment work together, so I
recognize the languaging.
But I'll never forget thatmoment.
(10:25):
Who are you going to be in theface of any and all matter?
And it really does make adifference.
So I want our listeners tolisten through the rest of this
conversation today in thatmindset.
Who are they going to be?
What are some of the tools thatNathan and Eric talked about
today that I can take with me?
Because the minute you succumbto the Fear that they are
(10:47):
putting on to us as a communityas a country, we give up all of
our power.
And I believe in this moment, assure as I'm sitting here, that
if all of us rally and be ourtrue selves and take back our
power.
They can try, they may besuccessful on a few things, but
it's going to be a difficultroad for them.
Not us.
(11:08):
Oh, absolutely.
And, and we have to remembertoo, I mean, I hate when people
are saying this is a decisivevictory because I mean, the
popular votes are still beingcounted and there's still half
of the voters in America votedagainst this and that opposition
is still present.
So we have to remember that.
But I mean, to, to continuethrough this is the first way we
(11:30):
respond is we can avoid theemotions, we let them bottle up.
We lose control of it.
The second way that we canrespond to emotions is indulging
in them.
And I think you, you were justspeaking to that really
succumbing to that fear.
So it's indulging is fullyimmersing yourself in the
intensity of that experience andthat emotion where you often
lose perspective.
(11:50):
So how many of us I'm guilty ofthis are going to the worst case
scenario or thinking about thatfear, and we're spiraling down
into the motion we are becomingthem and how much power do we
lose of ourselves when we justlet ourselves become that
emotion, right?
We are not powerless.
Right.
We have communities, we havecoalitions that are working
(12:11):
against these, these forces thatare trying to instill hatred and
bigotry and discrimination.
There are forces working againstthat.
And so, when we indulge in theemotions, it's, it's really,
Kind of caving into this victimmentality.
This woe is me.
I have no power.
There's nothing there.
And, and you're just going toenhance your powerlessness, the
(12:33):
feelings of powerlessness thatare, that you're feeling.
So if you truly want to regainyour power, we got to separate
ourselves from the emotion andwhat's real, right.
And invite people to, to becurious, right.
To invite curiosity into what'sgoing to happen because yeah, it
(12:55):
might be terrible.
We might have to, to fight, wemight have to face a lot of
challenges in the future.
And we might see an even bigger,more positive vision come
through this.
So hold that thought.
Go ahead.
Hold that thought, say it again.
Cause I just got goosebumps.
(13:16):
The curiosity.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's a really powerful.
Yeah.
I actually, I have to thank my,my coach and mentor who called
me out.
Cause I said, this is what'sgoing to happen.
I'm going to have to hear thewords, groomers and slurs for
the next four years.
And I'm going to facediscrimination if I want to have
kids and all these things.
(13:36):
And she's like, did you noticeyour language?
But if you said will, and I waslike, Oh, yeah.
Oh, I'm almost like manifestingthis.
I'm accepting that as myreality, but she's like, invite
curiosity.
And so when I encourage you allto do that, if you invite
curiosity, yeah, that mayhappen, that may be a part of
your future.
And also what goodness mightcome from this, the strength in
(14:00):
our communities, the strengthand resilience of humans that we
might become the opposition thatwe create and the better vision
that we have in two years andfour years in the next election
cycles.
So when we're curious.
That's where there's more power,there's more choice, and we're
not victims to the emotions,we're not victims to the fear
(14:20):
that they want us to have.
Okay, podcast is done.
I think we can leave it rightthere.
Okay.
No, that's really powerful.
I want people to hear that.
It's, we are not educated anddeveloped to have that
conversation about the curiosityof what may happen.
(14:41):
That's not where we livestrongly, if I can say that
without Mincing my words,because we want to go to that
bad place.
We're constantly bombarded withthe news, with the media, with
social media, with people comingafter us, with conversations,
with that kind of despair.
To sit in a space of curiosity,in the moment of upset,
(15:06):
breakdown, let's say, is areally powerful tool.
So thank you to your coach andthank you for bringing that up.
And I wanted to say one lastthing before you move on to the
next one.
I, I, I, I'll never forgethearing someone say to me, and
I've, I've, I've used this.
A dozen times in the last weekis that fear is false
expectations appearing real.
That's what fear is.
(15:27):
Yet we've made it so many otherthings.
We've convinced ourselves and weattach a physical manifestation
of an emotion around it.
But if you look at that, it'sjust your false expectations
appearing real.
That's what the fear is.
So then you can take that andthen stand in the space of
curiosity.
Right.
Yeah.
So it's important for people torealize that the reason we're
having this conversation todayis there are steps to this.
(15:50):
This is not one morning you wakeup and Oh, there you are.
You've got it figured out.
We have to walk through thesesteps.
It's like going to the gym.
You're not going to get thatstrength that you need unless
you go do those damn squats thatI hate from my trainer or those
crunches or all of thoseexercises that build your
strength.
So this is a really, reallyimportant.
Really powerful conversation.
I'm so grateful that we talk alittle bit about this standing
(16:13):
in, in the curiosity.
I love that.
Okay.
Continue.
Yeah, no, that's great.
And so you can avoid youremotions.
You can indulge in them.
And then there's, there's twomore.
The third way is you react tothem.
And I think this is what youwere speaking to before that the
reactions that we often have asa community.
(16:33):
And so it's immediate, it'simpulsive.
And it follows a strongemotional trigger, right?
Following an election and whatthat might mean.
But what happens is when wereact to these circumstances.
We actually give up our power toexternal events.
And I don't know about you, butI don't want other events.
I don't want the world to be incharge of my behavior.
(16:56):
I want to be in charge of mybehavior, right?
And so when we can truly honoremotion, sit with it, not react
from it, then we have more poweragain and who we're wanting to
be.
So that we can create thefuture.
We want to, because that react,sorry, quick, quick question.
Is the reaction though, our needfor an answer immediately?
Oh, absolutely.
(17:17):
It's, it's a need for an answer.
It's being backed into a corneras well.
And it's like, what do you dowhen you're backed into corner?
You just want to fight.
You want to react.
You want to post viciouslyonline, cut people off, name
calling.
And you fall victim to that,right?
You're, you're in a survivalstate.
It's bringing you back to theworst case scenario, maybe past
(17:37):
experiences that you've had indiscrimination and, and really
replaying those out and how youreact to those situations.
So it's, it's.
It's challenging, especiallywhen, I mean, this, this is a
real threat, right?
And the, the worst casescenarios are very bad, and we
(18:00):
have to be real with ourselvesabout that.
So it's understandable why we'dwant to react and what this
means.
But I, I would challenge you allto, especially if you were
surprised at the results of theelection.
If you were surprised, you're,you're living in an echo
chamber.
(18:20):
Thank you.
And if we're going to win backthe Senate in 2026, if we're
going to win back thepresidential race 2028, we're
not going to build the coalitionthat we need in our safe spaces,
living in our echo chambers,right?
10 million democratic votersdidn't show up.
So if we're unable to really setaside our triggers and be able
(18:45):
to have difficult conversationswith people who disagree with
us.
I'm not saying you need to gotalk to, you know, the racist,
the actual race, homophobicpeople, or the, the super mega
people, but the people who aregenuinely decent people and
bring them and include them intoour vision, right?
(19:07):
We're not going to, we're notgoing to get the house back.
We're not going to build thevision we want to.
And that's hard work.
And I think for, for you and I,Eric, we're, we are very lucky.
To be living in California,first of all to be gay men in
California and with thatprivilege, like we have the
opportunity to have thosedifficult conversations in a
(19:30):
healthy and effective way.
And that's really important.
So if we're going to react andjust block everyone that
disagrees with us, cut peopleoff completely.
Like, I don't think that servesus now.
I do think it's important thateveryone honor their mental
health.
I mean, you, you don't have togo to the Thanksgiving dinner
with your, your family that areTrump supporters.
(19:51):
You don't have to do any ofthat.
Right.
But I do want to invite the ideaof relationships as being dials.
And you can turn up the dials ofthe people that truly support
you and see you and want tofight for your rights.
And you can turn down the dialson the people that take a lot of
effort and a lot of proving ofyour worth and a lot of fighting
to, to advocate for yourself.
(20:12):
But completely turning thoseoff.
is not good for you and yourability to communicate with
people who are different thanyou.
And I don't think it does anygood for the movement that we
need to get behind over the nextfour years.
I do want to say as well, I sowell said, I think that
Protecting your own mentalhealth is key and critical in
(20:33):
this the thought process ofremoving yourself from a toxic
conversation or a toxicrelationship inside or outside
of this election is reallyimportant to have with yourself,
right?
Or with someone, if you have acounselor or a therapist, have
that conversation.
I know for me over the lastcouple of days, there have been
some circumstances where Itriggered.
(20:55):
Reacted.
There've been some circumstanceswhere I also knew that the
conversation that was being had,although online was very against
my own set of values.
And for me, I needed to removemy, remove myself from even
seeing that conversation becauseit was so painful.
But yes, there are opportunitiesfor us to have some
(21:15):
conversations that will shiftthe paradigm.
And we.
You made the point about thepeople who sat out the election
on the democratic side.
I was at a store the other daypurchasing something.
I know the employees very well,a lot of young people.
And and they were in a verydifferent space.
(21:35):
And, they said, how are youtoday?
So I'm doing much better.
I know they are an LGBTQfriendly establishment and.
Several people out of the groupsaid they didn't vote and it was
not the day for me to have thatconversation, but it did open me
up to something that I was ableto really access, which was in
(21:58):
this age demographic that theyare in.
They aren't getting their newsfrom the major news channels.
They're not getting their newsfrom their parents.
They're getting the news fromTikTok, from those sources that
we already know can beincredibly problematic.
And when the comment was madethat those high up Elections
(22:18):
don't affect me here inCalifornia, in San Diego is
where I realized that there iswork to do, that there's a lot
of work to do.
And those are the conversationsthat are for me, the easy ones
to have in the beginning.
So you know, when I saw thestatistic of the people who
didn't show up, when I saw thestatistic of how he lost by four
(22:41):
million less votes than he wonin 2016, that opened up another
conversation inside of my ownconversation was that that's 15
to 16 to 17 million people.
Who need to have a talking toand who are hopefully open to
having that conversation as wemove through the next couple of
years, not from a place ofattack, but from a place of,
(23:02):
like you said, curiosity.
So yeah, really well said.
Well, that example is a perfectexample of a place where I think
any of us would want to react.
Like, I think.
If someone says the election inthe higher up area is not going
to affect me or thepresidential, like, I would be
so angry.
I'm like, do you not realize howmany people in red states are
(23:23):
going to be Upset by that.
And I think I fallen victim tothis, but I think a lot of the
democratic parties fallen intothis, where we step into a place
of arrogance and shaming peoplefor being uneducated, and that
just does not resonate, nor isit effective because when you
shame people for not knowingwhat you know, or shame people
for having a different vision ofyou, all you create is anger and
(23:45):
resentment to what you'resaying.
They completely shut off.
They get into a state ofdefensiveness.
And I think of this quote fromAudre Lorde.
She says for the master's tools,we'll never dismantle the
master's house.
And we cannot become what wefight against, right?
That's not going to create anyreal change.
(24:08):
And so, and it sucks.
Like, like, can we just holdspace for a moment?
Because that means.
Us as queer people have to notonly deal with our emotions, but
then have these difficultconversations with people and
how much work that is.
I just want to acknowledge howmuch work that takes.
(24:30):
I don't see any other way.
I think back about our brothersand sisters in this community
decades and decades and decadesago that faced what must've at
the time felt likeinsurmountable fear and threat
(24:51):
and how they push through.
I think of somebody very muchparticular here in San Diego,
who was one of the first outtrans and what she went through
and how she fought and how she'ssitting here today and proud of
who she is, proud of what she'sdone, proud of where we've come.
And I wanted to be a fly on thewall of her living room on
(25:15):
Tuesday to hear what she'd say,because I'm clear and I know
that she was not going tooverreact.
She was not going to jump onsocial media and start blocking
people.
She wasn't going to jump onthere and start calling names to
our impending administration,but she was going to sit back
and go, all right, here we areonce again.
Let's do this.
(25:35):
It's time to move forward.
And I think for me, that'sKnowing that we've been down
this road before I called it inmy post the other day.
This isn't our first rodeo It'snot and it's gonna take all of
us coming together Going throughthese processes of our emotions
(25:55):
and I also think Nathan may youmay be touching base on this in
a minute or two But I think weneed to be really clear
Individually, who we are and thelegacy that we want to leave in
this world, because I believethat every single one of us
that's put on this earth,whether they realize it through
their lifetime or not is here tobe of service.
(26:16):
I think we're here to be ofservice.
What we bring to our families,to our communities, to our
friends, to our chosen families,to our work, to our lives,
that's why we're here.
And I think that when we getreally clear on what that is,
who we want to be, and thedifference that we want to make,
and it might be as simple as wejust want to be.
To let people know that we seethem and we hear them and we
(26:37):
acknowledge them.
And if you spend your life goingthrough the motions of
acknowledging people and seeingpeople and celebrating people,
then you're doing what you setout to do, but if you sit back
and you resent people and youget angry and you don't do
anything they want.
And I think that's where we takeour power back.
That's what gets us throughthis.
(26:57):
Not as as victims to thesituation, but as empowered
active people who areparticipating in the process of
creating what we want to create.
And I truly think we can createa better world through this.
I do too.
And I also think it's importantto Call it what it is in that
(27:19):
what we've experienced and whatwe've seen and heard over this
last week and in the weeks andmonths and year leading up to
the election, this racism andmisogyny and bigotry and all
this stuff is not new.
This is not just happeningwithin this last quarter of our
year.
This has been around for a longtime.
And I think you said it, I don'tremember sure if you were, if we
(27:42):
were online or you said itbefore we hit record, but it's
in that complacency because lifegets good and we get caught up
in that exhale, right?
And we take our foot off thegas.
And sometimes we even get out ofthe car and we walk for miles
and miles and miles.
And then we realized that theonly way we're going to get to
our destination is we're back.
(28:04):
And to get back in that car andcatch up.
And so I know for me, out of ourconversation so far, and even in
leading up to this conversation,that I'm never going to get out
of my car.
I'm always going to have mytools at my side, and there's
going to be many more podcastepisodes about those tools and
what you can do to arm yourselfwith resilience and with
(28:24):
strength and with confidence.
But we always have to be mindfulof.
There is a life outside of ourbubble, our vacuum, what did you
call it?
You called it something earlier,our little echo chamber, our
echo chamber, which is such agreat way to put it.
We do.
We are very blessed here.
And yet the most emotion that Ihave felt this last week has
(28:47):
been for everyone else whodoesn't live in the state is
what are the young people doingin other parts of the country
that are sitting in terror andsitting in fear because they're
going to have to go back outinto their own lives.
And, you know, I don't know, Idon't know what to do about
that.
Other than let that emotion thatI'm feeling be the catalyst for
(29:11):
me to speak up and to use thisplatform that I've created and
having conversations so that ifwe can connect with someone out
in our world to reach out to oneof those young people or to be
cognizant that they're outthere, then, then, then that's
what we have to do.
That's what I have to do.
And that's why I'm doing whatI'm doing.
(29:32):
And well, I think what you'reactually doing right now is, is,
is the fourth step, which ishonoring your emotion or so that
not the fourth step, but thefourth way to respond to emotion
is to truly honor it.
And you're sitting with that,that emotion of, of what other
people are going to be goingthrough and the fear you have
for them.
And so, You can avoid theemotions, you can indulge in
(29:55):
them, you can react from them,or the most powerful way to
respond to emotions is to honorthem.
And so it's recognizing theseemotions as signals from the
world.
And just without judgment, justallowing yourself to experience
that either through meditation,through journaling, through
exercising, or like what you'resaying, Eric, is to transmute
that emotion into somethingbetter.
(30:17):
What is it that you want tobuild in this world?
You know, and I think just toadd to some of that emotion,
right?
Like we're here to having thisconversation.
This is a great way to honor theemotion too, is I'm feeling
angry.
Like that's such like almost arage and, and it's very present.
(30:40):
I'm feeling angry for women andthe, the double standard that we
have for presidency.
Like we had an incredible,competent, qualified woman and
and the double standard there.
Did nobody watch the Barbiemovie?
And what America Ferrero istalking about?
And the double standard thatwomen have to face.
(31:01):
So I'm angry for them.
I'm angry for trans people whoare just used as this political
football and, and demonized andall this news that gets
sensationalized about them.
All they want to do is just tobe alive.
That's all they want.
And I'm, I'm nervous for, forthe world.
(31:22):
I'm nervous for kids and redstates.
So in that emotion though, if Istay there, if I stay stuck in
that anger, if I stay stuck inthat sadness, we can't build
what it is that we need tobuild.
I can't be who I want to be.
That's going to make adifference again, over the next
(31:46):
two to four years of what weneed to do.
So we have to honor it.
We have to leave it where it is.
And we have to transmute thatenergy into something positive.
Yeah, I think that's importantNathan, to be able to take those
emotions.
You use the word transmute, it'sa very grown up word for me.
(32:06):
I'm gonna say channel.
Yeah, there you go, channel.
I need to channel.
I know that I'll remembertransmute, but I'll remember
channel.
But I think it's important.
And I want, I want our listenersto be able to share this out
with the community.
I think there is a way for, andthe young members of our
community.
And I think there is a way forthis.
(32:32):
Part of our community, theseyoung people that have had the
coming out process, let's faceit, relatively easier than when
I did when I was 24.
Maybe a little easier, let'ssay, and I use the word easier
in that it's just become, inmany places, much easier because
there is so much more evidenceof our existence.
There's so much more evidence ofour joy and love and support and
(32:57):
the beauty of this communitythat has always been here, by
the way, always been hereforever.
We are not new.
The trans community is not new.
So, there's been so much moreexposure, but I think if we can
channel all of that.
Into baby steps.
There might be some people whoare thinking, I don't have the
(33:20):
ability to make the huge impact.
I don't have the platform.
I don't have the resources.
There are a multitude of waysthat people in communities
across this country, red or bluestates, to be able to reach out
to organizations, within theircommunity.
Communities or within thecountry where they can tie into
(33:44):
resources that are there tosupport them.
And I hope that, and I'm, I'mwatching it already happen that
so many organizations are cominginto these local community
movements, getting the word outthat they're there.
Here's what's available.
Here are the hotlines.
Here are the resources.
Here are the groups that you cantalk to.
You're a parent, you needsupport, here's that group.
(34:06):
You're a child that needssupport, here's that group.
You're trans and you needsupport, here's that group.
And if we don't have it nearyou, we're going to find it.
And I also believe in my heartof hearts that this is going to
happen for the women in ourlives who are facing this issue
of abortion and, the health carethat they need, they're also
going to mobilize.
They're also going to make surethat their community, that the
(34:28):
women are able to find thoseresources and find that support.
This is not exclusively an LGBTQissue.
So I'm very comfortable in mystance that if we can mobilize
these community based efforts,then we will continue to build
stronger and stronger andstronger.
forces to be able to channelthat positivity, that not as
(34:52):
eloquent.
I'm really struggling with mywords this last week and I'm
tired.
I'm super tired.
I know I'm tired.
I'm just exhausted, Nathan.
And, and thank goodness that wehave an opportunity to talk it
out.
But we're tired, you know, I waslistening to what you're saying.
And I just real quick, I, I satback yesterday and was
(35:14):
journaling a step that I use tokind of get some of my thoughts
and feelings out.
And what I noticed was sointeresting was, is that I have
an incredible support structure,you friends, family, and there
are still some things that Iwill not say or hesitate to say,
but I was able to get out onpaper.
I don't know why.
But I just did.
And I put it on paper.
(35:36):
And what I started to notice wasthat with every amount of
vitriol that I was spilling onthese pages, it lightened me up
a little bit more.
And I realized that that wasjust my response and my
reaction.
So that's just another thing Iwant to encourage people to do.
Don't always think that you haveto speak the words, write them
out.
If you're feeling angry, grab ajournal, start writing out how
you're feeling.
(35:56):
Write out and, and if you wantto get angry, if you want to use
some four letter expletives thatyou wouldn't necessarily use in
the presence of other people,write it out, right?
That's so important to be ableto get that out because at the
other side of that exercise, Ithought, all right, I've got
some work to do.
Who were some of the guests thatI can get on this podcast, this
platform to have conversationsabout.
(36:17):
about dealing with theseemotions.
Who can I talk to that's goingto show support to the trans
community?
Who can I get on here who couldsupport, show support to the
women who are dealing with theirown abortion rights and their
own, you know, health andmedical care, who can I, and I
wrote a list of 27 people.
But the next thing that wasreally important, Nathan, was I
didn't just look at that listand go, wow, there's 27 people
(36:39):
on there.
I had to take the next step.
I had to reach out to thosepeople.
A majority of those people don'tknow me from Adam, don't know I
have a podcast, don't know who Iam.
And I had to formulate aconversation with them that
would intrigue them enough topick up the phone and call me.
And seven people respondedwithin the first 24 hours of
that outreach and said, yes,I'll come on the podcast.
(37:00):
Let's talk about it.
So there's action.
And then there are follow upactions that we need to take
because this is not going tohappen if we just sit back and
try to do it alone.
I say this all the time, my mindwhen left to its own devices is
not always the safest place tobe.
It can go dark really quick,right?
(37:21):
Your, your monologue can go darkpretty quick.
Absolutely.
No.
And I think what you did is aperfect example of, of honoring
your emotion.
Right.
You didn't avoid it.
You didn't indulge in it.
You didn't react from it.
You wrote it down in yourjournal.
You honored what was there.
And in that, it brought youclarity to the path forward.
And again, when we can focus onwhat we're actually doing and
(37:44):
contributing to make this worldbetter, that's the light at the
end of the tunnel that we needto be focusing on.
And in that again, to, to yourpoint about being tired, this is
going to be a long journey.
Yeah.
This is.
And I will say this is going tobe a never ending journey.
This is something we're alwaysgoing to have to work towards.
(38:06):
And so it's important that we,we pace ourselves, give
ourselves time to really restand honor what's been happening
these next couple weeks.
Give ourselves time to balanceout a routine that, you know,
builds our resilience throughexercise, nutrition, through
meditating your mental health,joining community, And then when
(38:29):
you have that energy, when youhave that routine and that
foundation set, then look forthe helpers or become the
helper.
What are you building?
Right.
But I think when some peoplejust don't know what to do
there's always people doingthings.
And if you find those people andyou find a cause that really
means a lot to you, right, youcan contribute so much in that
(38:51):
area.
I think another thing, and youand I've talked about this many
times off recording and you'vetaught it is breathwork.
And for me, it's something thatis so easy to do in the moment
because I can bring on anxietyvery quickly.
And when it comes on, I can alsomanifest it into something much
(39:14):
bigger.
And so you and several otherpractitioners that I not only
follow, but I work with and havehad conversations with on this
podcast teach ways that you canuse a breath work technique to
be able to.
Get more present, get more intoyour body because I know that
when I'm in that state ofanxiety or fear, the other day I
(39:35):
had a panic attack, oversomething that someone said
online, literally had a, attacksitting in my living room.
I use that breath work to pullmyself out of that panic and to
realize that I was just reactingto a story.
I was reacting to someone else'sconversation that wasn't mine.
And within that 10 minute breathwork session of just grounding
(39:57):
myself, breathing, very, beingvery conscious of my breath,
being very conscious of how Iwas inhaling and exhaling and
the thoughts that came, puttingmyself in a really beautiful
spot at the beach.
It's my go to place within 10 or15 minutes.
I brought that anxiety down to azero.
And I think if we can get intothe habit and whatever it is for
(40:18):
anyone, whether it's taking awalk out in nature, taking a
walk around the block, singing,dancing, you're a big proponent
of dancing, getting out thereand moving and feeling and.
Getting yourself grounded andgetting yourself back into your
body, back into your heart andback into your thought process.
(40:38):
It's going to be a lot easierfor us to get through.
I know I'm going to have to usethose techniques many, many
times over the next couple ofmonths and probably couple of
years to be able to bring myselfback to myself.
Does that make sense?
Because I know that's somethingwe've talked about.
There's a benefit to that,right?
That's, that's the foundationthat you, you have to have that
foundation in your mindset andyour capacity.
(41:01):
And if you are not nurturingyourself and filling yourself
up, you cannot give back in ahealthy way.
Right.
And, and I think for a lot ofpeople who are in this work of
advocacy or in this work ofnonprofits and organizations
that they give back, it's soeasy to give so much yourself
and give all of yourself.
(41:22):
And.
it's going to lead to burnout.
It's going to lead toineffectiveness and, and you
deserve to be happy and enjoyyour life.
Because if you're not, what isthe point of all the work that
we're doing?
Yeah.
Right.
And so, yeah, we got to takecare of ourselves.
Yeah.
I'm going to ask our listenersto just do us a favor.
(41:44):
And that is We've got to be veryconscious of what we're saying
on social media.
And when we, this is going to behard for people, but when we get
on and we start to post our ownform of anger or hate or
responses to other people'sposts, all it's doing is
(42:07):
perpetuating that.
Emotion, that anger, that fear.
So my encouragement to people isfeel free to post how you feel,
but how you feel not in relationto how somebody else feels,
don't be the bandwagon jumper.
Be the creator of your ownconversation.
Be the creator of your ownempowerment.
(42:28):
If you're angry, say you'reangry.
But say why.
If you are upset and you'rehurt, say why.
But create the space of theconversation for you, that is
empowering, not just agreeingwhat everyone else is saying.
I did something, I made apromise to myself, Well,
actually four years ago was thatI was never going to utter the
(42:49):
name of certain people that wererunning for office on my social
media or my podcast.
And I've been super, supersuccessful at that.
But what I've done was choose toactually flip to the other side
and post support for the peoplethat were running for offices up
and down the ticket in multitudeof States, because they stood
for the values that I had.
(43:11):
So there was somebody in ourcoursework that we did together.
who said, rather than be antiwar, be pro peace, rather than
anti LGBT, be for love.
Be for something.
Be for something, not againstsomething.
Be for it.
Create that space ofpossibility, to create that
space of, of a conversation thatwill change and shift the
(43:34):
paradigm.
That's also super important.
So do all those things for you,do all those things that gets
you strong and healthy, but indoing so also what you're
putting out to the world andwhat you're putting out to your
friends and to the community isequally as important.
That's something for me that Ithink is really, really, really
critical right now is that wehave an opportunity to express
(43:55):
ourselves, but let's do it forus, not for someone else.
And I think in doing it thatway.
it is more sustainable.
Mm-Hmm.
Rage and anger are powerfulmotivators.
I'm not even gonna lie to youall.
They are, but they are not assustainable as building a vision
in to terms of what you want tobuild and, and doing it in joy
(44:15):
and community and that vision ofjoy that we might be grieving.
Mm-Hmm.
of the, from this last election,we can still have that.
Right.
And we can still work towardscreating that vision of joy and
inclusivity.
So again, yeah, working towardsthings is not only effective,
but it's sustainable.
Well, I'm going to be clear.
(44:36):
I'm certainly not saying that Ihaven't been angry and I haven't
been very, I'm gonna use theword pissed off these last
couple of weeks.
And, and have said many thingsto many people, but I'm very
right.
And I'm very careful though, ofwhere to put that anger and
where to put that hate, becauseit doesn't serve me on social
media.
(44:57):
It doesn't, it can serve me inthe context of my conversation.
So I've said some pretty.
hard and harsh things to say.
I've even been thinking aboutgoing and signing up for one of
those sessions and one of thoseplaces where you take a bat and
you just beat the crap out oflike furniture and TVs.
And, and it makes me smile.
The thought of going in andpicturing certain things as I
(45:19):
beat the crap out of them makesme very happy.
So yes, I have to process my ownanger.
But to your point is that we, wehave your anger, have your
frustration, have it, experienceit.
Feel it.
Right?
The best advice you gave me andthe best advice my therapist
gave me was to feel that anger Ifelt around my divorce.
Feel it.
(45:40):
But I didn't need to go out tothe world to tell everybody how
pissed off I was at my exhusband.
It didn't do any good.
It wasn't going to do any goodbecause what happened happened.
We're in that same spot.
What has happened has happened.
And now we need to process theseemotions that you and I have so
wonderfully spent some timetalking about today.
And we need to go out and weneed to make a difference.
And I love what you said.
I I saw I live in a community.
(46:01):
That I love.
And I moved here very much to bein, in Encinitas part time.
I moved here after I left thedesert.
I was going to plant myself herefor a year, and then I was going
to move to Hillcrest, or I wasgoing to move to North Park, or
South Park, or PB.
I was going to find that kind ofcool, hip, vibe place to live.
And I've stayed here, actuallycelebrating my five year
residency here this week.
(46:23):
In this house.
But what's so interesting andwhat I love about this
neighborhood is, is that thecommunity really cares for each
other.
And we have conversations.
We're out walking our dogs,we're walking with the kids.
And on Wednesday, I was barelyout of bed.
I was literally sitting on mybed crying and scared.
And the doorbell rang.
(46:44):
And it was a neighbor that I seeevery morning on my walk with
Luka.
And every morning, we smile, wesay hi, she's got her headset
on, she's power walking, andshe's doing her thing, and I'm
walking the dog.
And we've had maybe a fewconversations.
never about politics, about thedog, about my relationship,
about dating.
We were laughing.
She's got a friend she wants tointroduce me to that kind of
(47:06):
thing, right?
Having those kinds ofconversations.
But she took the time onWednesday morning to come to my
house to ring my doorbell andrang it multiple times because I
wasn't going to answer it.
Finally answered the door andshe goes, I came by just to see
if you're okay.
And I realized in that momentthat what I had to do was get
(47:29):
out of bed.
What I had to do was cry, spentthe day crying.
I had to get out.
I had to take the dog for awalk.
I had to go to my favoritecoffee shop.
I had to smile.
I had to see people.
I had to be in that space andthat energy.
I had to come back.
I had to do a little work.
I had to take the dog out again.
I had to see some friends.
I had to get into thatconversation and then we cried
together.
(47:50):
And then we had conversationsabout what's possible.
But that one friend, and therewere multiples over this last
week, people have come by tocheck on me.
They've seen me out walking.
They've come to commiserate.
We've hugged a lot.
We've talked a lot on our walks,but it was that one doorbell and
that one ring that got me tostand up and go, Oh yeah.
Okay.
That's right.
(48:10):
This isn't the end of the world.
This is the beginning.
And this is where we takemoments like that and we
multiply them and multiply themand multiply them.
And so.
Before I ask you the last couplequestions, I'm going to ask our
audience to reach out to people,check on your friends, check on
your family, check on the peoplethat you care about, reach out,
(48:33):
and if they don't answer, keepreaching out, keep checking on
them, because we're going toneed each other more now than
ever, and knowing, just knowingthat you've got one person out
there, even if it's thatneighbor who's just there to
check on you, cherish that, andcelebrate that.
I'm super grateful to you,Nathan.
I, I've said this to you manytimes.
(48:54):
I think our friendship hasevolved so much since we've met.
And when I sit back and think ofthe people that I have in my
life, like you and many otherswho have been on this podcast
and many others that I circlearound with, that the power and
the empowerment that we bringeach and to our community is a
(49:15):
gift.
And so I want to thank you forcoming on today to talk during
this difficult week and to havea conversation about how we
navigate our way through theseemotions.
What else would you say to thelistener who may be going, yeah,
this is all great, but I don'tknow what to do still.
I'm still a little bit, a littlebit, a little bit of a loss.
What do you say to them?
(49:37):
That this is not a perfectprocess.
This is a messy process and topace yourselves and give
yourselves grace.
It's not like you're going tocry once and then just be okay
for the next four years.
Like this is an ongoing thing.
It's like going to the gym.
You have to be making it aroutine to honor what you're
(49:59):
experiencing.
And in that moment that youdescribed with that neighbor
that you had of her checking onyou.
I think that's such a greatexample of something that needs
to be consistent for, for us,right?
Leaning on our support, takingtime to journal taking time to.
to build something.
Because I think a lot of us tooare really feeling invalidated.
(50:25):
I think a lot of us are feelinglike people were willing to
gamble with our rights for thepromise of a better economy and
what that means to us.
And I encourage everyone to turnup the dials on those
relationships that not just seeyou, but take actions that
(50:45):
support you and your rights.
Like those are the connectionsthat are going to feel you and
empower you moving forward.
So true.
And what I do sometimes is tryto bring a little bit of levity
and a little bit of a smile tosituations that may be hard.
And I'm reminded of Mama Tits,this amazing drag performer in
(51:09):
Puerto Vallarta.
And her show was fantastic.
It was funny.
It was.
Raunchy, it was just arollercoaster.
But at the very end, she said,Surround yourself with people
who celebrate you.
And it was in that moment thatmy life shifted.
And I will forever give hercredit for that, and for that
(51:32):
moment, because we need tosurround ourselves with people
who will celebrate us, and thatwe celebrate.
And so, as we wrap up thisconversation, There are many
more to have, I'm sure.
You're always welcome to comeback and, and, and talk more
about these steps and aboutyour, your process and your
journey, but I just wanted tosay, I'm grateful to you for
(51:54):
coming on today.
And I thank you for your wordsof wisdom and for your space
that you create, not only for mebut also for your friends and
for your community and for yourclients and for the world.
It will ripple out.
And so I just encourageeveryone, please, if you need
support, reach out, findsomeone, find a place, find a
person it's out there.
(52:16):
And we'll put up some resourcesin our social media for this
podcast.
But Nathan, I'll give you the,final words, if you like, as we
wrap up this conversation today.
No, just for, for anyone who'sstruggling or feeling alone you
are not alone in what you'refeeling.
And we celebrate you, we seeyou, and we're gonna do whatever
we can to, to protect you andthose most vulnerable that's it.
(52:40):
Thank you.
All right, everyone.
Thank you again for joining uson today's episode.
I hope our conversationresonated with you like it did
me, and I cannot wait to sitdown with you all again next
week.
Remember to subscribe to theJust Do You Podcast on your
favorite platform so you canmake sure not to miss a new
episode, which drop everyThursday.
(53:02):
If you like what you hear, youcan easily share the podcast and
episode Directly with yourfriends.
And if you would rate us andleave us a review, we'd love to
hear from you.
You can also follow us onInstagram at just do you pod.
As you go out into the worldtoday, remember to just do you.
All right.
Talk next week.
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