Embark on a heartfelt odyssey as we unravel the transformative voyage of relocating to Ghana, a narrative steeped in raw emotion and stark reality. My family's leap into the unknown serves as a testament to the resilience and adaptability required when embracing a new culture and heritage. As we dissect the intricacies of acclimating to Ghanaian life, you'll witness the complexities of property ownership and the creation of a home in unfamiliar terrain. This episode is not just a story—it's a lifeline for dreamers seeking to chart a similar course, offering guidance through our own trials and trails blazed.
We probe the delicate fabric of marital relationships under the magnifying glass of societal pressures and personal growth. Discover how external adoration can challenge the strongest of bonds and how open communication serves as the keystone in the arch of love. The conversation also delves into the significance of comprehending and voicing our needs within marriage, underscoring the importance of transparency and boundaries. Thoughtfully, we explore the evolution of partnership through the lens of continuous dating and shared experiences, aiming to fortify the ties that bind.
In our final act, we shine a light on the path to self-development, inspiring you to revisit the books and passions that fuel your spirit. The discourse is an enriching blend of introspection and affirmation, inviting you to reflect on life's possibilities and the liberation found in authenticity. As we draw this episode to a close, we leave you with a powerful message of hope and empowerment, a call to invest wholeheartedly in what truly resonates within your soul. Join us on this expedition of self-discovery and connection, and may you find your own truth in the echoes of our shared journey.
Watch the video episode of this on YouTube - https://linktr.ee/konnectedminds
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I've been going through this in silence.
I'm in a 20 year marriage and Ineed to get out and I don't
know what to do.
My subscribers knew that I wasmarried.
I got married very young.
I got married when I was 24 andI really didn't know what a
relationship was.
Honestly, I had no one to lookup to and so, therefore, I
missed a lot of steps.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Do you think that marriages in Ghana, especially
the ones from abroad here,suffer a lot when they actually
move to Ghana?
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Number one business and self-development podcast.
Connected Minds podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
You moved to Ghana in 2014.
Yeah, why is that?
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Really just a lifestyle change.
I feel like when I was in theUK, I wasn't living.
I felt like I was in this thing, that I was just being
contained somehow, and I wasjust living day to day, day to
day, another day, the same thinganother day, and I just felt
really bored.
And, to be honest, at the timemy then husband wanted to come
(01:05):
to Ghana.
I for a long time I was like,no, no, no, I'm not doing it,
because I had been to Ghana onand off every other year.
We used to come to Ghana when Iwas a child and I was just like
, nah, ghana's not for me.
But then, I think after I hadhad now three children, I felt
almost ready to just do it and Iwas just like you know what
stuff it?
Let's just do it, let's, let'sgo and let's try and see what
(01:27):
happens.
And it was literally like thatwow, there was no planning, no
thought.
That's, that's crazy, veryirresponsible it's bold as well.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
I mean, people say I was bold to do it.
But you are very bold, yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
I mean it was a tough time.
It was not the easiest time tocome to Ghana either, 2014.
Oh my goodness.
People like be careful, becauseelection year is coming and you
know there were all sorts ofthings and you know you hear a
lot of horror stories on theground as well.
But we were just like let'sjust focus and let's just see
what happens, because the yearbefore that we'd come on holiday
with the children and theyloved it, like seeing them run
(02:03):
up and down outside and justenjoy the outside.
I mean it was so beautiful towatch.
I was like I can't just I can'tnot allow them to experience
this.
So I just wanted them to havethat experience and I just put
myself to the side.
Really.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
I mean I'm asking because you know many of our
parents right they would as soonas they have kids yeah say I
want to wait for the kids to getto university you know where
they can be on their own yeahthink of moving to ghana, right,
but you just did it yeah, no,because I actually think the
opposite.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
I think that you should bring your children when
they're younger, before they'veestablished really strong
friendships, because then it'sharder for them to go.
Because how do you even for meas an adult leaving my friends
behind?
I was crying, I was crying, Ididn't want to leave them.
So how much more a child?
How can a child process thesefeelings?
So for me, I just felt like ifI bring them because my youngest
at the time was five, so it'slike if I bring them now, then
(02:56):
what they'll know is Ghana.
So why not bring them now,where they're still moldable,
they can adapt to environment?
This is the perfect time tobring them, not when they're old
.
If they want to come back tothe uk, they have every option
to come back, but right nowlet's do what you know and let
them experience ghana and thenat least you know, they get to
learn the culture as wellexactly our way of doing things.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Yeah, it's great.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Yeah, because I was, I was, I was a foreigner.
When I came here, I really hadno clue, even I'd come to ghana
and I had no clue.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Even though I'd come to Ghana, I had no clue, I was
completely just, oh, you know, Isay that, you know, when you
come to Ghana for holidays,right yeah, and you actually
come to stay.
It's two different things, twodifferent things, two different
Ghana.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Yeah, they are not comparable.
When I came to Ghana, one ofthe first things the Light off.
That was the first thing,because at that time in 2014,
we're having 12 hours on, 24hours off, and it was crazy like
to deal with that.
And then things like the gasrunning out or there being no
water.
I'm like, what do you mean?
There's no gas?
How has the they've turned offthe pipes for the gas.
(03:55):
I don't understand.
Like I just I didn't understandthese things.
I'd never had to experience itbefore, you know.
And then I was staying with mydad at the time when we first
came, and then he had this househelp this guy, and when it
rained, he would go outside withthe buckets and catch the rain.
I'm like, what's he catchingwater for?
I didn't understand.
I'm like he's apparently he'sgoing to water the grass before
afterwards.
And I was like, really, don'tyou just connect it to the hose?
(04:16):
And just like I didn'tunderstand these things and it
was just, it was just foreign tome he, yeah, you just let the
water set, let all the mud getto the bottom, and then the
water at the top is fresh andyou can use it.
I was like, oh, I really had noclue about what Ghana was like
at all Completely virgin to me.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
If you were to do it again, what would you have done
different?
Speaker 1 (04:40):
That's a great question.
I should have been prepared forthat.
What would I have donedifferently?
Probably not a whole lot,because I feel that the
experience has made me into whoI am today, and I feel like,
when it comes to being able tohelp other people that want to
move to Ghana, my experiencesallow me to be able to teach as
well, so I can say do this ordon't do this.
(05:02):
So I think if I had come likeas an expat, perhaps, and
everything had been set up forme, I probably wouldn't have
much advice to give to peoplebecause everything had been done
for me.
But I came at the bottom and Ihad to climb my way up, and so I
have experiences that a lot ofpeople don't have, and they're
real experiences, you know.
So I wouldn't change a wholelot.
Maybe the only thing I'd say isperhaps have come with a better
(05:25):
financial plan at the beginning.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
That's probably the only thing I would say, because
finances here got really hardbecause there's somebody
watching you right, thinkingthat, oh, you've done great
since you moved to Ghana.
I mean one of your statements.
You said you truly began tofind yourself, yes, when you
came to Ghana.
And then someone is thinkingwell, I want to be able to find
myself.
I want to.
I want to live that life too.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
That's it's easy to say, but are you prepared to go
through what you go through inorder to find yourself?
Because you don't.
It's not just an enlighteningmoment.
You have to go through the fireto become yourself.
Right, you have to go through alot of tests, a lot of trials,
tribulations before you canbecome yourself.
Are you ready to go throughthat?
Because a lot of people are notreally ready for that, and
that's, that's the process thatyou have to go through.
So I went through a lot of that.
(06:09):
I've had being gonna, have hadso many ups and downs like I've
never had a level playing field.
I've been all over the place,literally, and that's how I am,
how I am now well, I mean, youknow what?
Speaker 2 (06:20):
um, one of my big bosses said that when you look
at the sinus rhythm, the way theheart beats, it's up and it's
down now.
If you want your life yeah tobe flat, then that means you're
dead right.
So the problems will keepcoming, yeah, but we need to
rise yes, the problem,absolutely and most of the times
.
What happens is that there is aparticular lesson that we're
(06:42):
supposed to take from thatsituation, and until you learn
that lesson, yeah, they willkeep coming absolutely.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
I fully agree that there is a particular lesson
that we're supposed to take fromthat situation and until you
learn that lesson, they willkeep coming.
Absolutely, I fully agree.
I've learned a lot of lessonshere, but I think Ghana is great
for developing character.
It will change you so much Likesometimes when I look at myself
I don't even recognize myselfbecause I've changed that much.
People that I knew before Icame to Ghana.
When they see me, they're likeI can't believe that's you.
First of all, they can'tbelieve I have a YouTube channel
(07:10):
because I'm so introverted, I'mvery, very quiet, and so for me
to put myself out there tosocial media is completely out
of my character.
It's just not the person who Iwas before.
But I character it's just.
It's just not the person who Iwas before.
But I love Ghana for that.
That.
It will refine you.
If you can go for the presidentwill refine you and it'll bring
out your best qualities.
It will force you to become anentrepreneur.
(07:32):
I would never in a millionyears have associated myself to
the world entrepreneur.
Wow at all.
I know, you know, when I was inthe UK.
When I was in the UK, I hadjobs, I worked, but I never felt
comfortable in their job.
I always wanted to leave.
I loved it when I got the jobbecause I was in the UK.
When I was in the UK I had jobs.
I worked, but I never feltcomfortable in a job.
I always wanted to leave.
I loved it when I got the jobbecause I was like, oh, I can
earn some money, but it didn'ttake long for me to get bored
(07:52):
and I just would be sofrustrated.
So actually, when I startedhaving children, I was kind of
glad because then I didn't haveto really go to work anymore
because I was having babies, youknow.
So I didn't have that pressureof having to be out there in the
workplace.
When I came to Ghana, I justsaw so much potential in things
and it just there was a firethat was lit inside me and I
just wanted.
I wanted more for myself, Iwanted to be able to do more.
(08:14):
I realized that I could do moreand it really pushed me to
where I am now.
I mean, I'm not even where Iwant to be.
I feel like I've only justscratched the surface a little
bit, but it just feels good.
I feel like finally life hasopened up to me wow and um.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
By the way, you're doing amazing on your youtube
thank you thank you.
I love it.
I love watching those videos.
It's amazing.
Thank you so much.
Now you're moving to Ghana,right, and most people will
think they want to have aproperty together.
They want to.
You know, they want to have aproperty together.
They want to.
You know, they want to have aplace where they're going.
Yeah, what was the situationlike for?
Speaker 1 (08:49):
you right.
So when we first came to Ghana,um, we rented for a bit.
That was a story all in itself,because renting here if you
don't know what to do, it's Imean, it's mind-boggling to
begin with, how to rent a place,but then somewhere down the
line, you know, we decided thatwe wanted to build a property.
So the first, the first thingwas that it wasn't the house
(09:11):
wasn't meant to be for us tolive in.
We were just going to live withmy dad for some time, but then
figure things out.
But we needed an income stream,because we were quickly
realizing at the time that wewere running out of money.
We have no money and we needsome type of income.
So the plan was to actuallybuild on my parents lands where
they had a boys quarters, andmake it into apartments that we
(09:31):
could rent out for income here.
And then, as I had given birthhere, I was just like you know
what?
We need a bigger place.
We could like we're beingstifled here.
We need space, and so then thehouse started to develop and it
just got bigger and bigger, andso building wasn't.
Building our house wasn'tsomething that was meant to
happen now.
It was meant to be a futurething, but it just sort of
(09:52):
started to unfold.
I mean, we had many things thatwe tried that didn't work or
just got put to the side for abit.
You know, like it it life nevergoes the way you expect it to
go right.
It always throws you acurveball.
And this is the path that I'vebeen on, and I just feel like I
always want to be honest withpeople and share my experiences
(10:14):
in the best way that I can sothat people can avoid some of
the things that I've beenthrough and not waste money, and
so that's kind of like thejourney that I've been on.
When it comes to my YouTubechannel and showing the
construction of the property,the things that have happened,
um, I'm a sharer and so I try toshare as much as possible, but
building your own house is notthe easiest.
(10:35):
You build or you buy, andneither one of them is
particularly ideal.
It's just about which one youcan handle really yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
So would you then recommend that somebody thinking
of coming to Ghana should theyhave their property already
built or buy something beforecoming in, or they should go
into rental?
Speaker 1 (10:55):
I would say I would say, if you're first coming, go
into a rental property, becauseyou need to understand the area
in which you want to live,because you're coming to Ghana.
You don't know areas.
It's not like the UK where mostareas are pretty much okay.
You can move somewhere andyou'll be fine.
Ghana, you have to understandthere are different areas and
they all almost do differentthings right.
(11:16):
So if you like a lot of hustleand bustle and a lot of noise
and a lot of traffic and youlike that busyness Waija is
great for that Go a lot oftraffic and you like that
busyness WageR is great for thatGo to WageR, you'll fit
straight in.
But if you like quiet, you likecertain things and you need to
be in a different area, butsometimes you won't understand
your needs until you've comehere, and so I'd say rent first
and then look at something morepermanent.
(11:37):
But you definitely need to lookat something more permanent
because rental here will suckthe money out of you and I think
you're better off putting yourmoney to good use if you're
deciding to be, here for a longterm.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
Yeah, I, I think so.
I mean, we did it slightlydifferent, but you know, as
you're saying, renting bybuilding your property takes a
lot of money hey, it takes heartas well yeah, yes, yes, you've
got to be ready for that yeahright um.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
It's not an easy ride when you start that process,
the first brick you lay, youbecome financially challenged
because after that you've got tokeep going.
You've got to keep bringing themoney, keep bringing the money,
keep bringing the money.
You don't have to.
You watch people go on holidayaround you and you're still
building, trying to get yourhouse together, trying to get
these.
People are having these amazingexperiences.
But you know you have to stayfocused.
I've missed out on so manythings because I'm building a
(12:28):
house and that has to be myfocus, because I can't do both
Right and that's just asacrifice I make.
So when you see me on camerayou think, oh, this girl's got
an amazing house, she's doingthis.
No, no, no.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
I've had to sacrifice to get that.
How much are you willing tosacrifice to get what you need?
Wow, wow.
Now fast forward.
You have a youtube channel.
How did this?
Speaker 3 (12:53):
you know come to become part of the family, like
you, know.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
So I fell into youtube.
Youtube was never a plan.
Like I said before I moved out,I'm an introvert, I don't.
I like my own space.
I like I'm happy to be in aroom all by myself for the whole
day, I don't mind, um.
But when I came to Ghana, Ithink I wanted something to do.
I was getting bored because,like I said that that fire had
been sparked.
(13:18):
Someone had sparked the fire inme to do something and I didn't
know what that something was.
And so I thought you know what?
I've got a real passion abouthair.
Let me do it.
And I used to consume so manyhair videos back in there.
So I said let me just do somevideos about hair.
I did two videos about hair.
No one watched them, no onecared.
And then one day I decided Iwas, I was fed up about some
certain things that werehappening.
So I came on camera and I had arant.
(13:39):
I was like I have boughtinternet, the internet is
finished.
Every time I buy it, fiveminutes later the internet's
finished.
I keep topping up, the internetis gone.
I don't understand what'shappening.
It's light off again.
And I was basically went intothis rant and I talked about all
the things that werefrustrating me in Ghana, and
that's how my channel started.
It really wasn't on purpose.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
It started out of frustration for the system.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
It did, and I didn't even know that YouTube even pays
people money to be on YouTube.
So I was just doing it for thefun, so I would just post here
and then I'd post there, andthen I had no system to what I
was doing at all.
I was just doing it justbecause, just keeping me
occupied.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
And you've done a great deal with it, but you have
a course right on your website,mm-hmm right on your website
about move to ghana guide.
Yes, and I was checking,checking their content and this
is quite hefty.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
There's quite a lot of things in there.
Yeah, there's a lot to learnyeah yeah, I put that together
because I felt like, um, as Isaid before, I didn't want
people to fall into pitfallsthat I'd fallen into, and so I
felt like, if there's a shortcutway that people can take, why
not take it?
So I like people to be a.
I feel like, whatever you do,there should always be a
blueprint, right?
(14:50):
So, no matter what yourexperience has been, someone can
always learn from it.
So why not teach?
I think sometimes we, as people,we're so selfish with our
experiences.
Sometimes your experience isnot just for you, it's to be
shared for somebody else tolearn something.
So you had to go for it,because you're supposed to teach
someone else, not that you'resupposed to go for it and then
let somebody else go for it tooand you watch them.
No, no, no, no.
So the things that I wentthrough, I wanted other people
(15:12):
to be able to see.
This is what it's, this is whatit's like, this is what you
have to do.
So, in putting that coursetogether, I went right back to
the beginning and had to thinkabout all the things that I went
through in order to givesomebody else a shortcut,
because why not help if you canhelp Right?
Speaker 2 (15:27):
I agree, I agree, I mean, that's the ultimate
purpose for all of us.
Yeah, and I think that's whyGod created certain people with
certain abilities.
Yeah.
Is to be able to support theones who don't have those
abilities, but any person whothink they have a disability
actually have an ability as well.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Yeah, yeah, you know, so it's it's supposed to work
like this.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
You know, we all join together and then we become a
bigger force exactly fortunately, other people are using it for
things.
Hey, let's help the best wayyeah, absolutely.
I agree your statement youtruly found yourself when you
came to Ghana.
This led onto your wellnessfoundation.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
And then on your website, you say that
communication, boundaries,consent, conflict resolution,
preventing abuse and promotingmutual respect.
Yes, let's delve into this.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
Yeah, this is a very interesting one for me, so the
foundation for me is very, verydear to my heart.
Um, for those of you, thosethat have known that, know me or
have been watching me for awhile, you'll know that I was
married for a very long time.
I was married for 18 years andthen we we broke up.
It's been about two years now,and that led me down a path
(16:45):
where I was forced to look at alot of things about myself, look
at a lot of things about mypersonal relationship, and I
wanted to again share with otherpeople some of the things that
I had experienced.
And so I decided to start thisfoundation, which would talk
about what a healthyrelationship was, because I got
(17:06):
married very young.
I got married when I was 24 andI really didn't know what a
relationship was.
Honestly, I had no one to lookup to, and so, therefore, I
missed a lot of steps, which waseventually part of the downfall
of my marriage, because I justhad no one to look to.
And I think that a lot ofthings we don't talk about when
it comes to relationships, wedon't share information,
especially, I'm sorry to say, usAfricans.
(17:28):
We don't share our parentsdon't share things with us.
They don't share the hardships,the struggles, the happy
moments.
Even we don't get to see a lotof those things, and I really
wanted to bring exposure to that.
So I kind of fell into this.
So it had been a process toactually before I got to the
stage of creating the foundation.
So initially I had no plans toshare anything.
(17:50):
I went through my separation.
I had to do a video becauseobviously my subscribers knew
that I was married, and so I dida video six months after we
split, saying announcing that Ihad split from my ex and we were
going our separate ways.
Now that video sparked so muchcontroversy because a lot of
people were like.
Some people were like, okay,this is like, okay, do what you
(18:13):
got to do.
We support you whatever you'redoing.
And then I got a lot ofnegative comments as well,
saying this is terrible, whatyou're doing, you're bad, you're
this, you're that.
How can you do this to yourchildren?
There was just so much andthere was just a lot of noise, a
lot of noise, and it was verydifficult to sift through that
noise, and so then eventually Iwent into doing a podcast where
(18:34):
I wanted to expose more.
So, rather than running awayfrom all these comments and
things, I wanted to talk aboutit.
Let's have a real conversationabout this.
So I started a podcast where Iwas talking about relationships
and as I was doing this podcast,I was getting a lot of emails
and messages from people sayingI've been going through this in
silence, I'm in a 20 yearmarriage and I need to get out
and I don't know what to do.
(18:54):
And then I realized that do youknow what?
I'm not the only person that'sgoing through this.
There are other people thatneed help.
Why not teach it from thebeginning?
Why do we have to wait forsomeone to get to a point where
they're crying for help?
They're crying in silence forhelp.
Why don't we teach aboutrelationships early on, so that
people actually know whatthey're going into?
(19:15):
Right?
That's how it works.
You start from the beginning.
Don't start from the point ofbrokenness.
Start from the point where,before the person is broken, so
they don't have to deal with somany traumas.
So for me, doing the foundationwas it was a natural progression
for me.
You know, those that areinterested and want to learn
more could follow me there, andyou know I wanted to share more
about my own experiences which Ihaven't fully done yet, but I
(19:37):
will eventually and I wanted totalk to people that have also
had experiences.
Now, I didn't want the wholefoundation to be about abuse or
all the negative things.
I wanted it to have a healthybalance right.
So I wanted to be able to teachpeople about you know, things
that they should look out for,things that they themselves
should be doing if you want tobe part of a relationship, to
(19:58):
make sure that you are actuallyready to be in a relationship,
because a lot of people are not.
We're carrying a lot of traumaswith us into relationships and
expecting the other person todeal with it, and it can't work
like that.
You have to be honest, you haveto be open, and so the
foundation was born, and it'ssomething I'm very, very
passionate about.
As you can see, as I'm talking,I'm talking quite fast, I'm
going into a whole thing likeI'll make this an hour long
(20:20):
episode wow, when you're back inthe uk yeah and then um, and
I'll bring you back the end ofthe sentence is going to bring
you back right and sometimes youhear the seniors have come to
ghana.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
It's always they come in and a lot of girls, girls
yeah do you think that marriagesin gh, ghana, especially the
ones from abroad here, suffer alot when they actually move to
Ghana?
Speaker 1 (20:51):
absolutely, absolutely I do.
I think if your marriage is notvery strong, if your partner is
not very strong, you are preyto that.
Let's be real.
I'm going to be very honesthere.
A lot of Ghanaian girls have wow, I look at them sometimes I'm
like the body is like wow, youknow, some of us we don't have
(21:12):
that.
We don't have the shape thatthey have.
They are and okay, so pleasedon't attack me for this but a
lot of um, the girls, when they,when they they see somebody
come from the west, they assumethat the person has money, they
assume that the person has sometype of stature and they want to
climb and get better.
(21:32):
So they go after these people.
I'm not saying it's always thegirl.
Sometimes it's the guy too.
He's too relaxed, he isenjoying the attention of
females, and so there's a doorsometimes that is left open and
definitely marriages can be putat risk.
Definitely it's a doorsometimes that is left open and
definitely marriages can be putat risk.
Definitely it's a huge problem,a huge problem here, and we
don't talk about it but that'sjust one aspect of it, though.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
You've just spoken about the fact that you think
the girls in Ghana have amazingbodies.
That's just one aspect yeah nowthe other aspect is the
individuals, whether the peoplein the relationship, yeah,
whether the male or the female,how they approach marriage yeah
when they finally come to Ghanaso, yeah, I think that some
(22:21):
people just it's easy to loseyourself here.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
It's easy because you .
It's so hard to say what I wantto say, because sometimes when
I talk, people feel that I'mbeing negative, but I like to be
as real as possible aboutthings.
So when gunins sometimes seepeople from abroad, they put
(22:46):
them on a pedestal and if youhave the character where you
like that you begin to havestature about certain things,
right, and it can affect yourmarriage Absolutely Because you
feel like you're a boss, youknow, you feel like you just
have too much, you feel likealmost like you're above other
people, and that's wrong and itdoes destroy marriages.
(23:08):
Like you just have too much,you feel like almost like you're
above other people, and that'swrong and it does destroy.
It does destroy marriages.
Oh, it's so hard, it's hard tosay, it's very difficult to say
you just can read between thelines okay well, you haven't
subscribed.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
Please do Subscribe.
Yes, but I agree with whatyou're saying.
I think sometimes when you moveinto a new environment,
especially in countries wheremen are more let's say should I
(23:51):
say respected or hailed thanwomen are, it can make our other
halves feel a bit less ofthemselves.
Now, the conscious effort onthe man's part, especially, here
, would be to also alwaysrecognize that you are just a
(24:14):
man.
Yeah, you're just a man, yeah,yes.
But I guess sometimes maybe wedon't realize, we don't realize,
we don't realize.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
Yeah, it very much depends on the people that
you're talking about.
Some men will rise to theoccasion and they'll handle it
well and they'll become a strongman.
They'll provide, and other menjust don't.
They just don't.
And other men just don't.
They just don't.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
I'm going to take you back to before a person gets
married yeah.
Right Most of the time, as menwe say oh, you know, the woman
get very excited about thewedding and for that reason
today I realized that, oh, forthat reason, there are certain
things that we do not see Right.
(25:07):
And we are still talking aboutthe Wellness Foundation.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
Yes, what's your take on that?
They get lost.
Yes, they get lost.
It's easy to get lost ingetting married and expecting
all the wonderful things, butthat's not marriage.
That's a day you're talkingabout.
The wedding is not the marriage.
The marriage comes after you'vehad the wedding.
I personally don't understandwhy people put so much emphasis
(25:32):
into a wedding day.
Don't get me wrong.
It's nice, it's lovely tocelebrate, but it is just a day
of celebration, right?
Marriage is so much more thanthat.
You have to know yourself, youhave to know your partner.
There's a lot you have to growtogether.
There's a lot that is packed inthere, and I think sometimes
women, we're very emotion,emotional and we're emotionally
led when it comes to certainthings, and so we can often get
(25:53):
carried away, and I thinksometimes it's partly the
responsibility of the guy aswell to ground us so that you
can be a bit more level-headedabout things, because, you can
see it, people get married.
A year, two years later they'vedivorced.
Why have they divorced?
Because it's bigger than thewedding day and people are just
getting lost in that, and soit's about very much about the
(26:15):
education behind a relationship.
Like before you even think aboutmarriage, make sure your
relationship is tight, make sureyou really know each other.
You have to do a full circlewith a person before you get to
marry the person.
Okay, what I mean by a fullcircle is what's the person like
when they're angry?
What are you like when you'reangry?
How do you react to each otherwhen something sad happens?
(26:36):
The person how does the personreact?
When the person loses their job?
How do they react when financesare tight?
What happens?
So you have to do all thesethings before you really get to
understand a person.
Because it's easy to be happy Ican be happy with anybody for a
few days but when it comes tothe nitty gritty of it, what is
going to keep you together, whatsolidifies your marriage, what
solidifies your relationship?
(26:57):
Those are the things thatreally really matter, and
sometimes we don't look at thatenough.
We just look at the surface ofthings, and it's important to
dive deep, delve deeper intothat.
I honestly think that, beforeyou even consider marriage, I
think you both need to see atherapist, not a marriage
counselor, not one of thesechurch ones, an actual therapist
, because some of us are missingthings and we don't realize
(27:18):
that we're missing them, andit's important to know that
before you join yourself tosomeone else because that's what
you're doing when you getmarried you're joining yourself
to someone spiritually,physically, everything you have
to really understand yourselfand understand your partner so
that you're prepared when toughtimes come.
You're prepared for them.
They say there are three thingsright that can break a marriage
right sex, communication andfinance.
(27:40):
Ask any person who's divorced.
It's usually one of those threethings that has happened.
There's there's a, there's adefault, some there's something
wrong, some type of distortionwithin those three things.
Work on those three thingsfirst before you think about
heading into marriage.
Marriage is lovely, butmarriage will always be there.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
It can wait a year or two while you sort yourselves
out what are some of thedifficult conversations that you
think people should havegetting?
Speaker 1 (28:05):
married Sex, okay, yeah, sex definitely.
You have to understand eachother.
You have to understand yourexpectations from each other.
I think it's definitelysomething people don't talk
about enough.
We shy away from it.
I would say I'm even guilty ofdoing that when I got married
Very, very shy about talkingabout things like that.
(28:25):
It's not something I will talkabout now.
I can sit and talk about it allday.
I'm not shy about it at all,but back then, yes, I was
Definitely talk about sex.
Definitely talk about anythingthat makes you feel
uncomfortable is a thing thatyou should be talking about,
because that's where your issueis.
You know, if your issue is youdon't like to apologise, why
don't you like to apologise?
(28:46):
If your issue is you don't liketo apologize, why don't you
like to apologize?
Get to what the real issue is.
We shy away from things way toomuch sometimes, and those are
the things that we need to talkabout in order to be able to
move on and heal, so I don'tlike being pampered.
You don't like being pampered,but why?
Speaker 2 (28:57):
is that being pampered, huh?
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Why is that Someone's appreciating you when?
Speaker 2 (28:59):
they're pampering you .
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Yeah, an issue then, yeah, there is an issue.
Yeah, so you say, oh, derek,well done, well done.
I don't right.
Yes, I okay, I can relate tothat.
I personally I struggle withcompliments from people.
I find that if someonecompliments me, sometimes my my
default is they're just, they'realmost trying to gaslight me.
They're just, they're notsaying it's not genuine.
That's how I feel, you know Iguess my issue.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
I guess for me.
I just don't like receiving,but you should, because I've
given so much that.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
And now it's your time to receive.
The person wants to appreciateyou.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
Yeah, it's difficult, I understand.
Speaker 1 (29:34):
We all have our things.
That's why I'm saying we allneed to do therapy.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
Yes, I need therapy Now now let's talk about
communication and how it changesin the marriage when two people
are married now that is huge.
Speaker 1 (29:59):
Communication is huge because, especially if you
marry young, you grow.
You change so much.
You don't necessarily envisageyourself changing, but you
change so much now.
That's why it's important todate your partner.
If you don't date within yourmarriage, that's your first huge
mistake because you're goingthrough separate experiences.
We're not together all the time, 24 hours a day.
(30:20):
We don't have the sameexperiences.
I'm going to work, you're goingto work.
We're learning different things.
We're having differentexperiences.
We don't always come back atthe end of the day and talk
about every single thing thathappens.
Go out, date each other, remindyourselves how much why you
decided to marry in the firstplace.
Communication lines have to beopen because you're going to
change so much and if you don't,it's like having a friend and
(30:45):
you don't speak to them.
Hardly ever speak to them whenyou come together.
It might be awkward for a bitbecause you know there's so much
to catch up on.
You don't know where to start,so you might even not even talk
about a lot of things.
So you've missed a huge chunkof something right.
But that's something thatyou've missed a chunk of could
be something that's defining forthat person, that the person
now hasn't spoken about, and sonow you're almost split so
you're not going together likethis anymore.
You've kind of split, so thelines of communication aren't
(31:07):
open.
If you're not talking aboutcertain things, you begin to
lose each other.
You're having separateexperiences.
How do you still come togetherif you're both having completely
separate experiences,experiences that the person
knows nothing about?
It makes it difficult.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
Communication is really important do you know why
um certain men don't like tospeak about things?
Speaker 1 (31:27):
because the woman will hold it against them later
yes, the judgment.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
It's there Because you know, to men it's always
yeah, if something to ever, tobe able to ever go wrong it's
easy for the woman to just bringit all out.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
Right, right.
These are some of the thingsthat you have to talk about.
I think if you have a womanthat does that, you should
either already know the person'scharacter, know that maybe it's
not the time to say thisbecause this potentially could
be used against me, or maybethat's not the person for you,
because I don't see why youwould use somebody's weakness or
something that's that couldpotentially go wrong against the
(32:09):
person.
It doesn't make sense to mebecause, let's be real, none of
us is perfect.
None of us is perfect.
None of us is perfect.
We all have flaws, right.
We all do things wrong.
I might go out, I had money inmy pocket.
I've lost the money.
Are you going to use it againstme every time because I lost
the money?
I'm not a perfect person, so touse that against someone is
wrong.
Do you know what I mean?
It's like the moment that theperson had that weakness.
(32:30):
You can't use that against them.
Find another way to communicate.
So you might not be happy withsomething.
That doesn't mean.
Don't tell the person oh, theperson's done this and you
shouldn't say it.
Say it, but say in a from aplace of love.
Find out how you can actuallyuse that experience to make the
person better, don't just bringthe person down because of it.
And I think sometimes you'reright, us women we do do that
(32:51):
because sometimes it's from ourum, it's from our emotions,
because, as I said before, womenare emotionally led right.
But I think as you get olderyou start to realize you have to
control it.
You know it could even be asimple thing of it's the woman
time of the month, it's just badtiming and she says something
that she doesn't mean, becausewhen it's time of the month, our
(33:12):
hormones are everywhere.
We don't know, we don't have aclue what we're doing most of
the time so it's about if youdon't know the how, yeah, I know
exactly, exactly.
So that's I mean.
It's it's important tounderstand your partner.
Ah, it's that time of the month.
Okay, let's just let it go.
Maybe now's not time, let'stalk about it later, or whatever
.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
You know, you have to learn to work within each
other's boundaries ah,boundaries that was one of the
things you spoke about yeah now,what sort of boundaries do you
think people need to set to beable to avoid going through the
path of separation?
Speaker 1 (33:45):
I think you definitely need to respect each
other.
You need to understand if we'rehaving an argument and one
person is not ready to talk yet.
Give the person time.
You might want to talk now.
Give the person time to do whatthey need to do process or
whatever then come back.
Respect each other's boundaries,because you're not the same.
You're not twins, you weren'teven twins are not exactly the
(34:06):
same.
There are differences withinthem.
So it's important to understandthose and understand what the
person's boundaries are.
Um, I think things like when itcomes to even being male and
female.
There are boundaries there.
Respecting your husband as aman.
There is a boundary there.
You can't just talk to himanyhow as you would talk to
anybody else.
There's a boundary.
He's your husband.
You have to respect him in acertain way.
(34:27):
That's a boundary.
So these are the things thatsometimes we lose sight of in
relationships and it's importantnot to do that.
Respect each other.
It goes both ways.
Respect goes both ways.
That respect goes both ways.
You also have to respect yourwife for who she is and the
things she does.
Especially, she's the mother ofyour child.
Respect her.
Give boundaries to certainthings.
Don't abuse her.
Don't overwork her.
Understand where she's comingfrom.
(34:48):
Understand where you're comingfrom.
Those are the boundaries thatI'm talking about I think so far
right.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
You've moved to Ghana with your family.
Things didn't go as planned,but they've all yeah how did you
find yourself?
All over again, start all overagain, gosh, the hardest thing
I've ever had to do.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
But you know I didn't do it for me to begin with, I
did it for my children.
It's the hardest thing I'veever had to do, but you know, I
didn't do it for me to beginwith.
I did it for my children.
I had no choice.
Every day I picked myself upand every day I took a small
step and I just kept takingsmall steps until each step
(35:32):
didn't feel as painful anymore,and that's how I was able to do
it, although I grieved.
What was what I had lost.
I also saw a really brightfuture and I saw some changes
within my household too.
That also sparked me along towant to do more, to want to push
, you know, like some of thethings I've been able to do.
(35:53):
Like my daughter now, when Ilook at her, she's like she
wants to do some of the thingsI'm doing and that makes me feel
happy.
I'm like, oh my gosh, this isamazing that she's seeing some
really positive things.
But it's a process.
It's a really, really, reallytough process.
But you know, sometimes if youhave to cut off your arms so
that the rest of your body canlive, you must do that.
(36:15):
That's the only way that I canreally put that.
But it's hard, it's hard.
Nothing worth having in life iseasy though, and that's what
you have to remember Not easyfor anybody.
It's not easy for Bill Gates tomake his money.
He doesn't just wake up and hemakes money Like well, he might
do now, because the interest heprobably has on his bank
accounts he can live off it.
But everybody has to startsomewhere, and it's it's a
(36:36):
process, it's you have to keepgoing, for you have to keep
pushing yourself, you know, buthaving the right people around
you as well is very important,because you need people who are
going to support you, becausenot every day you're going to
feel okay, you're going to feelmotivated.
You have to have importantpeople, really important people
we have a question from ourprevious guest yeah and funny
(36:59):
enough.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
I think he's so connected with this conversation
, but he said it's love one waytwo ways, I think, for him.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
He feels like there's one way no, I think love has to
be two ways, but the expressionof love can be different.
Men and women love differently.
They don't love the same and Ithink sometimes that's where a
lot of the pressure comes from.
We expect the man to love inthe same way we do as a woman.
You know, women we like tomaybe be over-affectionate.
(37:42):
We like to really feel love.
Men don't necessarily feel thatway.
To do that for you, a man'sexpression of love might be to
provide everything that you needmake sure that you're good,
make sure that you know you cango get your hair done, your
nails done, to do all thosethings.
That's his expression of love,and sometimes we don't
understand that that is hisexpression of love and this is
(38:04):
our expression of love.
And so, therefore, we feel likethe love is not reciprocated.
It is.
It's just done differently tohow you expect it to be done.
I have.
Most of my friends are male andI have conversations like this
with all them all the time and Ican tell you all the time it's
always the same thing.
This is just how I love.
This is, this is what it is.
I don't, you can't, expect meto love you or to love this
(38:28):
person the way you want me to.
It's impossible For starters,I'm not inside your brain to
know exactly how to meet yourneed Right, so we have to find
some type of compromise.
You have to understand that theperson might not love in the
same way that you love, but itdoesn't mean there's no love.
So love has to be two way.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
There you have it.
That's your answer.
My next question is motivationor discipline?
Speaker 1 (38:55):
Both Start with motivation and it turns into
discipline, because I can bemotivated today to drive to
Comasi, but a day from now, andas I'm still driving on the road
, I'm tired, I don't feel likeit, I'm hungry.
I want to lie down in a bed.
Now I need to be disciplined.
If I want to reach that goal,I've got to be disciplined.
I'm not thinking about all thenegative things.
(39:18):
This is the focus I'm going forand this is what I'm doing.
So motivation, which has toturn into discipline.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
Amazing.
What's the best advice you everreceived?
Speaker 1 (39:29):
Ah sorry, best advice , I think something that I heard
was allow yourself to feel.
Allow yourself to feel pain,allow yourself to feel happiness
, allow yourself.
I think sometimes we as peoplewe're too hard on ourselves, we
(39:49):
expect so much from ourselvesand we don't allow ourselves to
feel in a particular moment,like recently my dad passed
right.
I have to allow myself togrieve sometimes, but then I
have to allow myself to be happysometimes because although he's
passed, I'm still going tolaugh, I'm still going to have
moments where I'm happy.
I have to allow myself to feeleach emotion at each stage of my
(40:11):
life.
I have to allow myself, becausewhen I do that I bring freedom
to myself.
If I keep suppressing thingsall the time I'm only hurting
myself.
I can't do that.
Allow yourself to feel.
Allow yourself, be kind toyourself yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:30):
What's your favorite personal development book?
Speaker 1 (40:34):
I don't have one.
Do you know what?
That's one of the things I lostwhen I got married reading I
love to read.
I'm heavily intoautobiographies and things that
I used to read so much.
I just don't have the time.
Maybe the children as well.
I just don't have the time, soI haven't been able to read, but
I actually love to read.
It's actually one of the thingsI put on my list this year.
(40:54):
I wanted to get back into doingreading so important.
We're almost half into the year,I know I know and I keep
looking and I'm like you haven'tabout your life, if you had the
opportunity to.
What would be a do-over for you?
(41:27):
Okay, I don't know how I wouldanswer that.
Speaker 2 (41:35):
Yeah, very good question, I'm not even going to
attempt.
Speaker 3 (41:38):
I don't know how I would answer that.
Yeah, very good question.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
I'm not even gonna attempt I don't know.
Tell her, have you got?
Anything for our audience,anything to say your last words.
Speaker 1 (41:47):
be kind to yourself, forgive yourself for your
mistakes, forgive anybody thathas hurt you, and just don't
hold things.
Just be the best version of you, because you know what there's
only one of you and there are nosecond chances when it comes to
this life.
So just put your all intowhatever you're passionate about
.
Follow your heart, followwhatever it is your guide,
(42:10):
however you want to describe it.
Follow that thing and you'll beexactly where you're supposed
to be and doing exactly whatyou're supposed to be doing.
Never compare yourself tosomeone else.
Just keep pressing forward andjust be authentically you,
because that's really important.
A way to release yourself is tojust be authentic about who you
are.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
And this is what Connected Minds is about.
Self-development yeah Right, soI hope you've enjoyed this
conversation.
I have development yeah right,so I hope you've enjoyed this
conversation.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
I have, yeah, but I even enjoyed the conversation
before.
Speaker 2 (42:42):
That was juicy, yeah, that was solid um, but thank
you so much for your time Ireally appreciate it guys stay
connected and be with us.
I've been going through this in silence.
I'm in a 20 year marriage and Ineed to get out and I don't
know what to do.
My subscribers knew that I wasmarried.
I got married very young.
I got married when I was 24 andI really didn't know what a
relationship was.
Honestly, I had no one to lookup to and so, therefore, I
missed a lot of steps.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Do you think that marriages in Ghana, especially
the ones from abroad here,suffer a lot when they actually
move to Ghana?
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Number one business and self-development podcast.
Connected Minds podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
You moved to Ghana in 2014.
Yeah, why is that?
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Really just a lifestyle change.
I feel like when I was in theUK, I wasn't living.
I felt like I was in this thing, that I was just being
contained somehow, and I wasjust living day to day, day to
day, another day, the same thinganother day, and I just felt
really bored.
And, to be honest, at the timemy then husband wanted to come
(01:05):
to Ghana.
I for a long time I was like,no, no, no, I'm not doing it,
because I had been to Ghana onand off every other year.
We used to come to Ghana when Iwas a child and I was just like
, nah, ghana's not for me.
But then, I think after I hadhad now three children, I felt
almost ready to just do it and Iwas just like you know what
stuff it?
Let's just do it, let's, let'sgo and let's try and see what
(01:27):
happens.
And it was literally like thatwow, there was no planning, no
thought.
That's, that's crazy, veryirresponsible it's bold as well.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
I mean, people say I was bold to do it.
But you are very bold, yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
I mean it was a tough time.
It was not the easiest time tocome to Ghana either, 2014.
Oh my goodness.
People like be careful, becauseelection year is coming and you
know there were all sorts ofthings and you know you hear a
lot of horror stories on theground as well.
But we were just like let'sjust focus and let's just see
what happens, because the yearbefore that we'd come on holiday
with the children and theyloved it, like seeing them run
(02:03):
up and down outside and justenjoy the outside.
I mean it was so beautiful towatch.
I was like I can't just I can'tnot allow them to experience
this.
So I just wanted them to havethat experience and I just put
myself to the side.
Really.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
I mean I'm asking because you know many of our
parents right they would as soonas they have kids yeah say I
want to wait for the kids to getto university you know where
they can be on their own yeahthink of moving to ghana, right,
but you just did it yeah, no,because I actually think the
opposite.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
I think that you should bring your children when
they're younger, before they'veestablished really strong
friendships, because then it'sharder for them to go.
Because how do you even for meas an adult leaving my friends
behind?
I was crying, I was crying, Ididn't want to leave them.
So how much more a child?
How can a child process thesefeelings?
So for me, I just felt like ifI bring them because my youngest
at the time was five, so it'slike if I bring them now, then
(02:56):
what they'll know is Ghana.
So why not bring them now,where they're still moldable,
they can adapt to environment?
This is the perfect time tobring them, not when they're old
.
If they want to come back tothe uk, they have every option
to come back, but right nowlet's do what you know and let
them experience ghana and thenat least you know, they get to
learn the culture as wellexactly our way of doing things.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Yeah, it's great.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Yeah, because I was, I was, I was a foreigner.
When I came here, I really hadno clue, even I'd come to ghana
and I had no clue.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Even though I'd come to Ghana, I had no clue, I was
completely just, oh, you know, Isay that, you know, when you
come to Ghana for holidays,right yeah, and you actually
come to stay.
It's two different things, twodifferent things, two different
Ghana.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Yeah, they are not comparable.
When I came to Ghana, one ofthe first things the Light off.
That was the first thing,because at that time in 2014,
we're having 12 hours on, 24hours off, and it was crazy like
to deal with that.
And then things like the gasrunning out or there being no
water.
I'm like, what do you mean?
There's no gas?
How has the they've turned offthe pipes for the gas.
(03:55):
I don't understand.
Like I just I didn't understandthese things.
I'd never had to experience itbefore, you know.
And then I was staying with mydad at the time when we first
came, and then he had this househelp this guy, and when it
rained, he would go outside withthe buckets and catch the rain.
I'm like, what's he catchingwater for?
I didn't understand.
I'm like he's apparently he'sgoing to water the grass before
afterwards.
And I was like, really, don'tyou just connect it to the hose?
(04:16):
And just like I didn'tunderstand these things and it
was just, it was just foreign tome he, yeah, you just let the
water set, let all the mud getto the bottom, and then the
water at the top is fresh andyou can use it.
I was like, oh, I really had noclue about what Ghana was like
at all Completely virgin to me.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
If you were to do it again, what would you have done
different?
Speaker 1 (04:40):
That's a great question.
I should have been prepared forthat.
What would I have donedifferently?
Probably not a whole lot,because I feel that the
experience has made me into whoI am today, and I feel like,
when it comes to being able tohelp other people that want to
move to Ghana, my experiencesallow me to be able to teach as
well, so I can say do this ordon't do this.
(05:02):
So I think if I had come likeas an expat, perhaps, and
everything had been set up forme, I probably wouldn't have
much advice to give to peoplebecause everything had been done
for me.
But I came at the bottom and Ihad to climb my way up, and so I
have experiences that a lot ofpeople don't have, and they're
real experiences, you know.
So I wouldn't change a wholelot.
Maybe the only thing I'd say isperhaps have come with a better
(05:25):
financial plan at the beginning.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
That's probably the only thing I would say, because
finances here got really hardbecause there's somebody
watching you right, thinkingthat, oh, you've done great
since you moved to Ghana.
I mean one of your statements.
You said you truly began tofind yourself, yes, when you
came to Ghana.
And then someone is thinkingwell, I want to be able to find
myself.
I want to.
I want to live that life too.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
That's it's easy to say, but are you prepared to go
through what you go through inorder to find yourself?
Because you don't.
It's not just an enlighteningmoment.
You have to go through the fireto become yourself.
Right, you have to go through alot of tests, a lot of trials,
tribulations before you canbecome yourself.
Are you ready to go throughthat?
Because a lot of people are notreally ready for that, and
that's, that's the process thatyou have to go through.
So I went through a lot of that.
(06:09):
I've had being gonna, have hadso many ups and downs like I've
never had a level playing field.
I've been all over the place,literally, and that's how I am,
how I am now well, I mean, youknow what?
Speaker 2 (06:20):
um, one of my big bosses said that when you look
at the sinus rhythm, the way theheart beats, it's up and it's
down now.
If you want your life yeah tobe flat, then that means you're
dead right.
So the problems will keepcoming, yeah, but we need to
rise yes, the problem,absolutely and most of the times
.
What happens is that there is aparticular lesson that we're
(06:42):
supposed to take from thatsituation, and until you learn
that lesson, yeah, they willkeep coming absolutely.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
I fully agree that there is a particular lesson
that we're supposed to take fromthat situation and until you
learn that lesson, they willkeep coming.
Absolutely, I fully agree.
I've learned a lot of lessonshere, but I think Ghana is great
for developing character.
It will change you so much Likesometimes when I look at myself
I don't even recognize myselfbecause I've changed that much.
People that I knew before Icame to Ghana.
When they see me, they're likeI can't believe that's you.
First of all, they can'tbelieve I have a YouTube channel
(07:10):
because I'm so introverted, I'mvery, very quiet, and so for me
to put myself out there tosocial media is completely out
of my character.
It's just not the person who Iwas before.
But I character it's just.
It's just not the person who Iwas before.
But I love Ghana for that.
That.
It will refine you.
If you can go for the presidentwill refine you and it'll bring
out your best qualities.
It will force you to become anentrepreneur.
(07:32):
I would never in a millionyears have associated myself to
the world entrepreneur.
Wow at all.
I know, you know, when I was inthe UK.
When I was in the UK, I hadjobs, I worked, but I never felt
comfortable in their job.
I always wanted to leave.
I loved it when I got the jobbecause I was in the UK.
When I was in the UK I had jobs.
I worked, but I never feltcomfortable in a job.
I always wanted to leave.
I loved it when I got the jobbecause I was like, oh, I can
earn some money, but it didn'ttake long for me to get bored
(07:52):
and I just would be sofrustrated.
So actually, when I startedhaving children, I was kind of
glad because then I didn't haveto really go to work anymore
because I was having babies, youknow.
So I didn't have that pressureof having to be out there in the
workplace.
When I came to Ghana, I justsaw so much potential in things
and it just there was a firethat was lit inside me and I
just wanted.
I wanted more for myself, Iwanted to be able to do more.
(08:14):
I realized that I could do moreand it really pushed me to
where I am now.
I mean, I'm not even where Iwant to be.
I feel like I've only justscratched the surface a little
bit, but it just feels good.
I feel like finally life hasopened up to me wow and um.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
By the way, you're doing amazing on your youtube
thank you thank you.
I love it.
I love watching those videos.
It's amazing.
Thank you so much.
Now you're moving to Ghana,right, and most people will
think they want to have aproperty together.
They want to.
You know, they want to have aproperty together.
They want to.
You know, they want to have aplace where they're going.
Yeah, what was the situationlike for?
Speaker 1 (08:49):
you right.
So when we first came to Ghana,um, we rented for a bit.
That was a story all in itself,because renting here if you
don't know what to do, it's Imean, it's mind-boggling to
begin with, how to rent a place,but then somewhere down the
line, you know, we decided thatwe wanted to build a property.
So the first, the first thingwas that it wasn't the house
(09:11):
wasn't meant to be for us tolive in.
We were just going to live withmy dad for some time, but then
figure things out.
But we needed an income stream,because we were quickly
realizing at the time that wewere running out of money.
We have no money and we needsome type of income.
So the plan was to actuallybuild on my parents lands where
they had a boys quarters, andmake it into apartments that we
(09:31):
could rent out for income here.
And then, as I had given birthhere, I was just like you know
what?
We need a bigger place.
We could like we're beingstifled here.
We need space, and so then thehouse started to develop and it
just got bigger and bigger, andso building wasn't.
Building our house wasn'tsomething that was meant to
happen now.
It was meant to be a futurething, but it just sort of
(09:52):
started to unfold.
I mean, we had many things thatwe tried that didn't work or
just got put to the side for abit.
You know, like it it life nevergoes the way you expect it to
go right.
It always throws you acurveball.
And this is the path that I'vebeen on, and I just feel like I
always want to be honest withpeople and share my experiences
(10:14):
in the best way that I can sothat people can avoid some of
the things that I've beenthrough and not waste money, and
so that's kind of like thejourney that I've been on.
When it comes to my YouTubechannel and showing the
construction of the property,the things that have happened,
um, I'm a sharer and so I try toshare as much as possible, but
building your own house is notthe easiest.
(10:35):
You build or you buy, andneither one of them is
particularly ideal.
It's just about which one youcan handle really yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
So would you then recommend that somebody thinking
of coming to Ghana should theyhave their property already
built or buy something beforecoming in, or they should go
into rental?
Speaker 1 (10:55):
I would say I would say, if you're first coming, go
into a rental property, becauseyou need to understand the area
in which you want to live,because you're coming to Ghana.
You don't know areas.
It's not like the UK where mostareas are pretty much okay.
You can move somewhere andyou'll be fine.
Ghana, you have to understandthere are different areas and
they all almost do differentthings right.
(11:16):
So if you like a lot of hustleand bustle and a lot of noise
and a lot of traffic and youlike that busyness Waija is
great for that Go a lot oftraffic and you like that
busyness WageR is great for thatGo to WageR, you'll fit
straight in.
But if you like quiet, you likecertain things and you need to
be in a different area, butsometimes you won't understand
your needs until you've comehere, and so I'd say rent first
and then look at something morepermanent.
(11:37):
But you definitely need to lookat something more permanent
because rental here will suckthe money out of you and I think
you're better off putting yourmoney to good use if you're
deciding to be, here for a longterm.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
Yeah, I, I think so.
I mean, we did it slightlydifferent, but you know, as
you're saying, renting bybuilding your property takes a
lot of money hey, it takes heartas well yeah, yes, yes, you've
got to be ready for that yeahright um.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
It's not an easy ride when you start that process,
the first brick you lay, youbecome financially challenged
because after that you've got tokeep going.
You've got to keep bringing themoney, keep bringing the money,
keep bringing the money.
You don't have to.
You watch people go on holidayaround you and you're still
building, trying to get yourhouse together, trying to get
these.
People are having these amazingexperiences.
But you know you have to stayfocused.
I've missed out on so manythings because I'm building a
(12:28):
house and that has to be myfocus, because I can't do both
Right and that's just asacrifice I make.
So when you see me on camerayou think, oh, this girl's got
an amazing house, she's doingthis.
No, no, no.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
I've had to sacrifice to get that.
How much are you willing tosacrifice to get what you need?
Wow, wow.
Now fast forward.
You have a youtube channel.
How did this?
Speaker 3 (12:53):
you know come to become part of the family, like
you, know.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
So I fell into youtube.
Youtube was never a plan.
Like I said before I moved out,I'm an introvert, I don't.
I like my own space.
I like I'm happy to be in aroom all by myself for the whole
day, I don't mind, um.
But when I came to Ghana, Ithink I wanted something to do.
I was getting bored because,like I said that that fire had
been sparked.
(13:18):
Someone had sparked the fire inme to do something and I didn't
know what that something was.
And so I thought you know what?
I've got a real passion abouthair.
Let me do it.
And I used to consume so manyhair videos back in there.
So I said let me just do somevideos about hair.
I did two videos about hair.
No one watched them, no onecared.
And then one day I decided Iwas, I was fed up about some
certain things that werehappening.
So I came on camera and I had arant.
(13:39):
I was like I have boughtinternet, the internet is
finished.
Every time I buy it, fiveminutes later the internet's
finished.
I keep topping up, the internetis gone.
I don't understand what'shappening.
It's light off again.
And I was basically went intothis rant and I talked about all
the things that werefrustrating me in Ghana, and
that's how my channel started.
It really wasn't on purpose.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
It started out of frustration for the system.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
It did, and I didn't even know that YouTube even pays
people money to be on YouTube.
So I was just doing it for thefun, so I would just post here
and then I'd post there, andthen I had no system to what I
was doing at all.
I was just doing it justbecause, just keeping me
occupied.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
And you've done a great deal with it, but you have
a course right on your website,mm-hmm right on your website
about move to ghana guide.
Yes, and I was checking,checking their content and this
is quite hefty.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
There's quite a lot of things in there.
Yeah, there's a lot to learnyeah yeah, I put that together
because I felt like, um, as Isaid before, I didn't want
people to fall into pitfallsthat I'd fallen into, and so I
felt like, if there's a shortcutway that people can take, why
not take it?
So I like people to be a.
I feel like, whatever you do,there should always be a
blueprint, right?
(14:50):
So, no matter what yourexperience has been, someone can
always learn from it.
So why not teach?
I think sometimes we, as people,we're so selfish with our
experiences.
Sometimes your experience isnot just for you, it's to be
shared for somebody else tolearn something.
So you had to go for it,because you're supposed to teach
someone else, not that you'resupposed to go for it and then
let somebody else go for it tooand you watch them.
No, no, no, no.
So the things that I wentthrough, I wanted other people
(15:12):
to be able to see.
This is what it's, this is whatit's like, this is what you
have to do.
So, in putting that coursetogether, I went right back to
the beginning and had to thinkabout all the things that I went
through in order to givesomebody else a shortcut,
because why not help if you canhelp Right?
Speaker 2 (15:27):
I agree, I agree, I mean, that's the ultimate
purpose for all of us.
Yeah, and I think that's whyGod created certain people with
certain abilities.
Yeah.
Is to be able to support theones who don't have those
abilities, but any person whothink they have a disability
actually have an ability as well.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Yeah, yeah, you know, so it's it's supposed to work
like this.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
You know, we all join together and then we become a
bigger force exactly fortunately, other people are using it for
things.
Hey, let's help the best wayyeah, absolutely.
I agree your statement youtruly found yourself when you
came to Ghana.
This led onto your wellnessfoundation.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
And then on your website, you say that
communication, boundaries,consent, conflict resolution,
preventing abuse and promotingmutual respect.
Yes, let's delve into this.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
Yeah, this is a very interesting one for me, so the
foundation for me is very, verydear to my heart.
Um, for those of you, thosethat have known that, know me or
have been watching me for awhile, you'll know that I was
married for a very long time.
I was married for 18 years andthen we we broke up.
It's been about two years now,and that led me down a path
(16:45):
where I was forced to look at alot of things about myself, look
at a lot of things about mypersonal relationship, and I
wanted to again share with otherpeople some of the things that
I had experienced.
And so I decided to start thisfoundation, which would talk
about what a healthyrelationship was, because I got
(17:06):
married very young.
I got married when I was 24 andI really didn't know what a
relationship was.
Honestly, I had no one to lookup to, and so, therefore, I
missed a lot of steps, which waseventually part of the downfall
of my marriage, because I justhad no one to look to.
And I think that a lot ofthings we don't talk about when
it comes to relationships, wedon't share information,
especially, I'm sorry to say, usAfricans.
(17:28):
We don't share our parentsdon't share things with us.
They don't share the hardships,the struggles, the happy
moments.
Even we don't get to see a lotof those things, and I really
wanted to bring exposure to that.
So I kind of fell into this.
So it had been a process toactually before I got to the
stage of creating the foundation.
So initially I had no plans toshare anything.
(17:50):
I went through my separation.
I had to do a video becauseobviously my subscribers knew
that I was married, and so I dida video six months after we
split, saying announcing that Ihad split from my ex and we were
going our separate ways.
Now that video sparked so muchcontroversy because a lot of
people were like.
Some people were like, okay,this is like, okay, do what you
(18:13):
got to do.
We support you whatever you'redoing.
And then I got a lot ofnegative comments as well,
saying this is terrible, whatyou're doing, you're bad, you're
this, you're that.
How can you do this to yourchildren?
There was just so much andthere was just a lot of noise, a
lot of noise, and it was verydifficult to sift through that
noise, and so then eventually Iwent into doing a podcast where
(18:34):
I wanted to expose more.
So, rather than running awayfrom all these comments and
things, I wanted to talk aboutit.
Let's have a real conversationabout this.
So I started a podcast where Iwas talking about relationships
and as I was doing this podcast,I was getting a lot of emails
and messages from people sayingI've been going through this in
silence, I'm in a 20 yearmarriage and I need to get out
and I don't know what to do.
(18:54):
And then I realized that do youknow what?
I'm not the only person that'sgoing through this.
There are other people thatneed help.
Why not teach it from thebeginning?
Why do we have to wait forsomeone to get to a point where
they're crying for help?
They're crying in silence forhelp.
Why don't we teach aboutrelationships early on, so that
people actually know whatthey're going into?
(19:15):
Right?
That's how it works.
You start from the beginning.
Don't start from the point ofbrokenness.
Start from the point where,before the person is broken, so
they don't have to deal with somany traumas.
So for me, doing the foundationwas it was a natural progression
for me.
You know, those that areinterested and want to learn
more could follow me there, andyou know I wanted to share more
about my own experiences which Ihaven't fully done yet, but I
(19:37):
will eventually and I wanted totalk to people that have also
had experiences.
Now, I didn't want the wholefoundation to be about abuse or
all the negative things.
I wanted it to have a healthybalance right.
So I wanted to be able to teachpeople about you know, things
that they should look out for,things that they themselves
should be doing if you want tobe part of a relationship, to
(19:58):
make sure that you are actuallyready to be in a relationship,
because a lot of people are not.
We're carrying a lot of traumaswith us into relationships and
expecting the other person todeal with it, and it can't work
like that.
You have to be honest, you haveto be open, and so the
foundation was born, and it'ssomething I'm very, very
passionate about.
As you can see, as I'm talking,I'm talking quite fast, I'm
going into a whole thing likeI'll make this an hour long
(20:20):
episode wow, when you're back inthe uk yeah and then um, and
I'll bring you back the end ofthe sentence is going to bring
you back right and sometimes youhear the seniors have come to
ghana.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
It's always they come in and a lot of girls, girls
yeah do you think that marriagesin gh, ghana, especially the
ones from abroad here, suffer alot when they actually move to
Ghana?
Speaker 1 (20:51):
absolutely, absolutely I do.
I think if your marriage is notvery strong, if your partner is
not very strong, you are preyto that.
Let's be real.
I'm going to be very honesthere.
A lot of Ghanaian girls have wow, I look at them sometimes I'm
like the body is like wow, youknow, some of us we don't have
(21:12):
that.
We don't have the shape thatthey have.
They are and okay, so pleasedon't attack me for this but a
lot of um, the girls, when they,when they they see somebody
come from the west, they assumethat the person has money, they
assume that the person has sometype of stature and they want to
climb and get better.
(21:32):
So they go after these people.
I'm not saying it's always thegirl.
Sometimes it's the guy too.
He's too relaxed, he isenjoying the attention of
females, and so there's a doorsometimes that is left open and
definitely marriages can be putat risk.
Definitely it's a doorsometimes that is left open and
definitely marriages can be putat risk.
Definitely it's a huge problem,a huge problem here, and we
don't talk about it but that'sjust one aspect of it, though.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
You've just spoken about the fact that you think
the girls in Ghana have amazingbodies.
That's just one aspect yeah nowthe other aspect is the
individuals, whether the peoplein the relationship, yeah,
whether the male or the female,how they approach marriage yeah
when they finally come to Ghanaso, yeah, I think that some
(22:21):
people just it's easy to loseyourself here.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
It's easy because you .
It's so hard to say what I wantto say, because sometimes when
I talk, people feel that I'mbeing negative, but I like to be
as real as possible aboutthings.
So when gunins sometimes seepeople from abroad, they put
(22:46):
them on a pedestal and if youhave the character where you
like that you begin to havestature about certain things,
right, and it can affect yourmarriage Absolutely Because you
feel like you're a boss, youknow, you feel like you just
have too much, you feel likealmost like you're above other
people, and that's wrong and itdoes destroy marriages.
(23:08):
Like you just have too much,you feel like almost like you're
above other people, and that'swrong and it does destroy.
It does destroy marriages.
Oh, it's so hard, it's hard tosay, it's very difficult to say
you just can read between thelines okay well, you haven't
subscribed.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
Please do Subscribe.
Yes, but I agree with whatyou're saying.
I think sometimes when you moveinto a new environment,
especially in countries wheremen are more let's say should I
(23:51):
say respected or hailed thanwomen are, it can make our other
halves feel a bit less ofthemselves.
Now, the conscious effort onthe man's part, especially, here
, would be to also alwaysrecognize that you are just a
(24:14):
man.
Yeah, you're just a man, yeah,yes.
But I guess sometimes maybe wedon't realize, we don't realize,
we don't realize.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
Yeah, it very much depends on the people that
you're talking about.
Some men will rise to theoccasion and they'll handle it
well and they'll become a strongman.
They'll provide, and other menjust don't.
They just don't.
And other men just don't.
They just don't.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
I'm going to take you back to before a person gets
married yeah.
Right Most of the time, as menwe say oh, you know, the woman
get very excited about thewedding and for that reason
today I realized that, oh, forthat reason, there are certain
things that we do not see Right.
(25:07):
And we are still talking aboutthe Wellness Foundation.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
Yes, what's your take on that?
They get lost.
Yes, they get lost.
It's easy to get lost ingetting married and expecting
all the wonderful things, butthat's not marriage.
That's a day you're talkingabout.
The wedding is not the marriage.
The marriage comes after you'vehad the wedding.
I personally don't understandwhy people put so much emphasis
(25:32):
into a wedding day.
Don't get me wrong.
It's nice, it's lovely tocelebrate, but it is just a day
of celebration, right?
Marriage is so much more thanthat.
You have to know yourself, youhave to know your partner.
There's a lot you have to growtogether.
There's a lot that is packed inthere, and I think sometimes
women, we're very emotion,emotional and we're emotionally
led when it comes to certainthings, and so we can often get
(25:53):
carried away, and I thinksometimes it's partly the
responsibility of the guy aswell to ground us so that you
can be a bit more level-headedabout things, because, you can
see it, people get married.
A year, two years later they'vedivorced.
Why have they divorced?
Because it's bigger than thewedding day and people are just
getting lost in that, and soit's about very much about the
(26:15):
education behind a relationship.
Like before you even think aboutmarriage, make sure your
relationship is tight, make sureyou really know each other.
You have to do a full circlewith a person before you get to
marry the person.
Okay, what I mean by a fullcircle is what's the person like
when they're angry?
What are you like when you'reangry?
How do you react to each otherwhen something sad happens?
(26:36):
The person how does the personreact?
When the person loses their job?
How do they react when financesare tight?
What happens?
So you have to do all thesethings before you really get to
understand a person.
Because it's easy to be happy Ican be happy with anybody for a
few days but when it comes tothe nitty gritty of it, what is
going to keep you together, whatsolidifies your marriage, what
solidifies your relationship?
(26:57):
Those are the things thatreally really matter, and
sometimes we don't look at thatenough.
We just look at the surface ofthings, and it's important to
dive deep, delve deeper intothat.
I honestly think that, beforeyou even consider marriage, I
think you both need to see atherapist, not a marriage
counselor, not one of thesechurch ones, an actual therapist
, because some of us are missingthings and we don't realize
(27:18):
that we're missing them, andit's important to know that
before you join yourself tosomeone else because that's what
you're doing when you getmarried you're joining yourself
to someone spiritually,physically, everything you have
to really understand yourselfand understand your partner so
that you're prepared when toughtimes come.
You're prepared for them.
They say there are three thingsright that can break a marriage
right sex, communication andfinance.
(27:40):
Ask any person who's divorced.
It's usually one of those threethings that has happened.
There's there's a, there's adefault, some there's something
wrong, some type of distortionwithin those three things.
Work on those three thingsfirst before you think about
heading into marriage.
Marriage is lovely, butmarriage will always be there.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
It can wait a year or two while you sort yourselves
out what are some of thedifficult conversations that you
think people should havegetting?
Speaker 1 (28:05):
married Sex, okay, yeah, sex definitely.
You have to understand eachother.
You have to understand yourexpectations from each other.
I think it's definitelysomething people don't talk
about enough.
We shy away from it.
I would say I'm even guilty ofdoing that when I got married
Very, very shy about talkingabout things like that.
(28:25):
It's not something I will talkabout now.
I can sit and talk about it allday.
I'm not shy about it at all,but back then, yes, I was
Definitely talk about sex.
Definitely talk about anythingthat makes you feel
uncomfortable is a thing thatyou should be talking about,
because that's where your issueis.
You know, if your issue is youdon't like to apologise, why
don't you like to apologise?
(28:46):
If your issue is you don't liketo apologize, why don't you
like to apologize?
Get to what the real issue is.
We shy away from things way toomuch sometimes, and those are
the things that we need to talkabout in order to be able to
move on and heal, so I don'tlike being pampered.
You don't like being pampered,but why?
Speaker 2 (28:57):
is that being pampered, huh?
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Why is that Someone's appreciating you when?
Speaker 2 (28:59):
they're pampering you .
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Yeah, an issue then, yeah, there is an issue.
Yeah, so you say, oh, derek,well done, well done.
I don't right.
Yes, I okay, I can relate tothat.
I personally I struggle withcompliments from people.
I find that if someonecompliments me, sometimes my my
default is they're just, they'realmost trying to gaslight me.
They're just, they're notsaying it's not genuine.
That's how I feel, you know Iguess my issue.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
I guess for me.
I just don't like receiving,but you should, because I've
given so much that.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
And now it's your time to receive.
The person wants to appreciateyou.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
Yeah, it's difficult, I understand.
Speaker 1 (29:34):
We all have our things.
That's why I'm saying we allneed to do therapy.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
Yes, I need therapy Now now let's talk about
communication and how it changesin the marriage when two people
are married now that is huge.
Speaker 1 (29:59):
Communication is huge because, especially if you
marry young, you grow.
You change so much.
You don't necessarily envisageyourself changing, but you
change so much now.
That's why it's important todate your partner.
If you don't date within yourmarriage, that's your first huge
mistake because you're goingthrough separate experiences.
We're not together all the time, 24 hours a day.
(30:20):
We don't have the sameexperiences.
I'm going to work, you're goingto work.
We're learning different things.
We're having differentexperiences.
We don't always come back atthe end of the day and talk
about every single thing thathappens.
Go out, date each other, remindyourselves how much why you
decided to marry in the firstplace.
Communication lines have to beopen because you're going to
change so much and if you don't,it's like having a friend and
(30:45):
you don't speak to them.
Hardly ever speak to them whenyou come together.
It might be awkward for a bitbecause you know there's so much
to catch up on.
You don't know where to start,so you might even not even talk
about a lot of things.
So you've missed a huge chunkof something right.
But that's something thatyou've missed a chunk of could
be something that's defining forthat person, that the person
now hasn't spoken about, and sonow you're almost split so
you're not going together likethis anymore.
You've kind of split, so thelines of communication aren't
(31:07):
open.
If you're not talking aboutcertain things, you begin to
lose each other.
You're having separateexperiences.
How do you still come togetherif you're both having completely
separate experiences,experiences that the person
knows nothing about?
It makes it difficult.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
Communication is really important do you know why
um certain men don't like tospeak about things?
Speaker 1 (31:27):
because the woman will hold it against them later
yes, the judgment.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
It's there Because you know, to men it's always
yeah, if something to ever, tobe able to ever go wrong it's
easy for the woman to just bringit all out.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
Right, right.
These are some of the thingsthat you have to talk about.
I think if you have a womanthat does that, you should
either already know the person'scharacter, know that maybe it's
not the time to say thisbecause this potentially could
be used against me, or maybethat's not the person for you,
because I don't see why youwould use somebody's weakness or
something that's that couldpotentially go wrong against the
(32:09):
person.
It doesn't make sense to mebecause, let's be real, none of
us is perfect.
None of us is perfect.
None of us is perfect.
We all have flaws, right.
We all do things wrong.
I might go out, I had money inmy pocket.
I've lost the money.
Are you going to use it againstme every time because I lost
the money?
I'm not a perfect person, so touse that against someone is
wrong.
Do you know what I mean?
It's like the moment that theperson had that weakness.
(32:30):
You can't use that against them.
Find another way to communicate.
So you might not be happy withsomething.
That doesn't mean.
Don't tell the person oh, theperson's done this and you
shouldn't say it.
Say it, but say in a from aplace of love.
Find out how you can actuallyuse that experience to make the
person better, don't just bringthe person down because of it.
And I think sometimes you'reright, us women we do do that
(32:51):
because sometimes it's from ourum, it's from our emotions,
because, as I said before, womenare emotionally led right.
But I think as you get olderyou start to realize you have to
control it.
You know it could even be asimple thing of it's the woman
time of the month, it's just badtiming and she says something
that she doesn't mean, becausewhen it's time of the month, our
(33:12):
hormones are everywhere.
We don't know, we don't have aclue what we're doing most of
the time so it's about if youdon't know the how, yeah, I know
exactly, exactly.
So that's I mean.
It's it's important tounderstand your partner.
Ah, it's that time of the month.
Okay, let's just let it go.
Maybe now's not time, let'stalk about it later, or whatever
.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
You know, you have to learn to work within each
other's boundaries ah,boundaries that was one of the
things you spoke about yeah now,what sort of boundaries do you
think people need to set to beable to avoid going through the
path of separation?
Speaker 1 (33:45):
I think you definitely need to respect each
other.
You need to understand if we'rehaving an argument and one
person is not ready to talk yet.
Give the person time.
You might want to talk now.
Give the person time to do whatthey need to do process or
whatever then come back.
Respect each other's boundaries,because you're not the same.
You're not twins, you weren'teven twins are not exactly the
(34:06):
same.
There are differences withinthem.
So it's important to understandthose and understand what the
person's boundaries are.
Um, I think things like when itcomes to even being male and
female.
There are boundaries there.
Respecting your husband as aman.
There is a boundary there.
You can't just talk to himanyhow as you would talk to
anybody else.
There's a boundary.
He's your husband.
You have to respect him in acertain way.
(34:27):
That's a boundary.
So these are the things thatsometimes we lose sight of in
relationships and it's importantnot to do that.
Respect each other.
It goes both ways.
Respect goes both ways.
That respect goes both ways.
You also have to respect yourwife for who she is and the
things she does.
Especially, she's the mother ofyour child.
Respect her.
Give boundaries to certainthings.
Don't abuse her.
Don't overwork her.
Understand where she's comingfrom.
(34:48):
Understand where you're comingfrom.
Those are the boundaries thatI'm talking about I think so far
right.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
You've moved to Ghana with your family.
Things didn't go as planned,but they've all yeah how did you
find yourself?
All over again, start all overagain, gosh, the hardest thing
I've ever had to do.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
But you know I didn't do it for me to begin with, I
did it for my children.
It's the hardest thing I'veever had to do, but you know, I
didn't do it for me to beginwith.
I did it for my children.
I had no choice.
Every day I picked myself upand every day I took a small
step and I just kept takingsmall steps until each step
(35:32):
didn't feel as painful anymore,and that's how I was able to do
it, although I grieved.
What was what I had lost.
I also saw a really brightfuture and I saw some changes
within my household too.
That also sparked me along towant to do more, to want to push
, you know, like some of thethings I've been able to do.
(35:53):
Like my daughter now, when Ilook at her, she's like she
wants to do some of the thingsI'm doing and that makes me feel
happy.
I'm like, oh my gosh, this isamazing that she's seeing some
really positive things.
But it's a process.
It's a really, really, reallytough process.
But you know, sometimes if youhave to cut off your arms so
that the rest of your body canlive, you must do that.
(36:15):
That's the only way that I canreally put that.
But it's hard, it's hard.
Nothing worth having in life iseasy though, and that's what
you have to remember Not easyfor anybody.
It's not easy for Bill Gates tomake his money.
He doesn't just wake up and hemakes money Like well, he might
do now, because the interest heprobably has on his bank
accounts he can live off it.
But everybody has to startsomewhere, and it's it's a
(36:36):
process, it's you have to keepgoing, for you have to keep
pushing yourself, you know, buthaving the right people around
you as well is very important,because you need people who are
going to support you, becausenot every day you're going to
feel okay, you're going to feelmotivated.
You have to have importantpeople, really important people
we have a question from ourprevious guest yeah and funny
(36:59):
enough.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
I think he's so connected with this conversation
, but he said it's love one waytwo ways, I think, for him.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
He feels like there's one way no, I think love has to
be two ways, but the expressionof love can be different.
Men and women love differently.
They don't love the same and Ithink sometimes that's where a
lot of the pressure comes from.
We expect the man to love inthe same way we do as a woman.
You know, women we like tomaybe be over-affectionate.
(37:42):
We like to really feel love.
Men don't necessarily feel thatway.
To do that for you, a man'sexpression of love might be to
provide everything that you needmake sure that you're good,
make sure that you know you cango get your hair done, your
nails done, to do all thosethings.
That's his expression of love,and sometimes we don't
understand that that is hisexpression of love and this is
(38:04):
our expression of love.
And so, therefore, we feel likethe love is not reciprocated.
It is.
It's just done differently tohow you expect it to be done.
I have.
Most of my friends are male andI have conversations like this
with all them all the time and Ican tell you all the time it's
always the same thing.
This is just how I love.
This is, this is what it is.
I don't, you can't, expect meto love you or to love this
(38:28):
person the way you want me to.
It's impossible For starters,I'm not inside your brain to
know exactly how to meet yourneed Right, so we have to find
some type of compromise.
You have to understand that theperson might not love in the
same way that you love, but itdoesn't mean there's no love.
So love has to be two way.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
There you have it.
That's your answer.
My next question is motivationor discipline?
Speaker 1 (38:55):
Both Start with motivation and it turns into
discipline, because I can bemotivated today to drive to
Comasi, but a day from now, andas I'm still driving on the road
, I'm tired, I don't feel likeit, I'm hungry.
I want to lie down in a bed.
Now I need to be disciplined.
If I want to reach that goal,I've got to be disciplined.
I'm not thinking about all thenegative things.
(39:18):
This is the focus I'm going forand this is what I'm doing.
So motivation, which has toturn into discipline.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
Amazing.
What's the best advice you everreceived?
Speaker 1 (39:29):
Ah sorry, best advice , I think something that I heard
was allow yourself to feel.
Allow yourself to feel pain,allow yourself to feel happiness
, allow yourself.
I think sometimes we as peoplewe're too hard on ourselves, we
(39:49):
expect so much from ourselvesand we don't allow ourselves to
feel in a particular moment,like recently my dad passed
right.
I have to allow myself togrieve sometimes, but then I
have to allow myself to be happysometimes because although he's
passed, I'm still going tolaugh, I'm still going to have
moments where I'm happy.
I have to allow myself to feeleach emotion at each stage of my
(40:11):
life.
I have to allow myself, becausewhen I do that I bring freedom
to myself.
If I keep suppressing thingsall the time I'm only hurting
myself.
I can't do that.
Allow yourself to feel.
Allow yourself, be kind toyourself yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:30):
What's your favorite personal development book?
Speaker 1 (40:34):
I don't have one.
Do you know what?
That's one of the things I lostwhen I got married reading I
love to read.
I'm heavily intoautobiographies and things that
I used to read so much.
I just don't have the time.
Maybe the children as well.
I just don't have the time, soI haven't been able to read, but
I actually love to read.
It's actually one of the thingsI put on my list this year.
(40:54):
I wanted to get back into doingreading so important.
We're almost half into the year,I know I know and I keep
looking and I'm like you haven'tabout your life, if you had the
opportunity to.
What would be a do-over for you?
(41:27):
Okay, I don't know how I wouldanswer that.
Speaker 2 (41:35):
Yeah, very good question, I'm not even going to
attempt.
Speaker 3 (41:38):
I don't know how I would answer that.
Yeah, very good question.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
I'm not even gonna attempt I don't know.
Tell her, have you got?
Anything for our audience,anything to say your last words.
Speaker 1 (41:47):
be kind to yourself, forgive yourself for your
mistakes, forgive anybody thathas hurt you, and just don't
hold things.
Just be the best version of you, because you know what there's
only one of you and there are nosecond chances when it comes to
this life.
So just put your all intowhatever you're passionate about
.
Follow your heart, followwhatever it is your guide,
(42:10):
however you want to describe it.
Follow that thing and you'll beexactly where you're supposed
to be and doing exactly whatyou're supposed to be doing.
Never compare yourself tosomeone else.
Just keep pressing forward andjust be authentically you,
because that's really important.
A way to release yourself is tojust be authentic about who you
are.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
And this is what Connected Minds is about.
Self-development yeah Right, soI hope you've enjoyed this
conversation.
I have development yeah right,so I hope you've enjoyed this
conversation.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
I have, yeah, but I even enjoyed the conversation
before.
Speaker 2 (42:42):
That was juicy, yeah, that was solid um, but thank
you so much for your time Ireally appreciate it guys stay
connected and be with us.
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