April 8, 2024 • 35 mins
In this episode, Elad Binenfeld & I discuss how Krav Maga serves as a therapeutic tool. Krav Maga, just as Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) involves managing emotions and reactions to help build resilience and prepare for daily situations.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Crab Talk.
This is where I delve into themulti-faceted world of Crab
Magam and share personal lifeexperiences, mine and others.
This is where good people talktheir walk.
I have the honor to host myfriend Elad once again.
(00:33):
Elad is an international expertin Krav Maga, but also
certified in cognitivebehavioral therapy what's called
CBT.
Cbt is a talking therapy thatcan help people manage problems
by changing the way they thinkand behave.
Both Elad and I strongly agreewith how Krav Maga in fact is a
(00:53):
CBT Not only a self-defensemethod, but a fundamental life
skill that allows otherqualities in humans to prosper.
In this episode, we go intothis topic and provided some
example from our personal lives.
Enjoy a lot hey how are you?
(01:18):
I am a friend.
Today we're going to talk abouta topic that you and I've been
conversing about for years howKarmaga is a tool for therapy,
how it is a therapeutic tool,and I want to shed some lights
to all the listeners of how wesee it, how we do it.
(01:41):
Each of us can share later some, some of our personal
experiences, but first I wouldlike uh, to explain it.
Actually, you are alsocertified as a uh in cbt, right?
yeah, li cbt yes can explainexplain what cbt is for those
who don't know, and how how weare connecting cbt to karmada
(02:07):
cbt is a cognitive behaviortreatment okay, and it it's a
therapeutic way and itconcentrate of the on thoughts.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
We know that thoughts can create emotions and amplify
them.
So if we control our thoughts,then we can better control
emotions.
Not that we want to decide whatto feel, this is something
different.
But if we feel something, wewant to understand why and to
(02:46):
control where it goes and howhigh.
So we know that thoughts cancreate emotions and amplify them
and the thing is that we wantto better control of what, why
(03:07):
we feel what we feel, tounderstand it better and how it
affects us.
So then we can, with thoughts,navigate to where we want to go
to feel better.
This is mainly the issue Now.
The thing is about control.
We see that anxieties and a lotof mental diseases, problems,
(03:35):
interferences are creatingbecause of a low self-esteem, of
a low self-esteem.
We know this and Krav Maga it'sabout control.
Krav Maga principles are aboutcontrol, especially in those
(03:57):
extreme events, extremesituations that we the average
people, you know, don't havecontrol.
It's when you are surprised andattacked physically and it's the
extreme situations that we haveproblem dealing with.
(04:19):
And those extreme situationscan embed in you, in us, in
everyone, a mark.
And this mark can become, somecan develop a trauma out of it
(04:40):
and if it won't be treated right, so it can become post-trauma.
Maybe before that it will belike a acutic stress disorder
and and then post-trauma, ptsd.
So krav maga deals with thesestress situations like it.
(05:01):
It helped us to get ready forthem.
Now, it's not that we are, likeyou know, pessimistic.
We are not.
Krav Maga for us and you knowit better than everyone, you
know it's a way of life, it's away of thinking, it's a way to
(05:22):
strengthen your mental mind howto think, how to make decisions,
how to understand situations,so we can be stronger, mentally
stronger.
So this is it, because if youunderstand the principle of Krav
(05:43):
Maga, it gives you control,especially in those extreme
situations, but also in theeveryday situations, like when
you're not comfortable from frombecause someone treated you
somewhere somehow.
You know so how you deal withthat and it's not a a a
dangerous situation, and it'snot a dangerous situation
(06:05):
Objectively, it's not adangerous situation, but it's
still an uncomfortable situationthat you need to deal with.
So the Krav Maga treat theseeveryday situations so we can
overcome them and be strongerbecause of them, because of how
we treat them, how we dealt withthem.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
So that raises the question.
I think the way I see it iswhen you, when you start, when
you're young, you're helpingyourself, or, as a parent,
you're helping your childrenshape how they are going to
(06:48):
interpret situations and how toexperience the world.
So whatever happened in thefirst few years in your life, if
you were looking at in, is atriangle like we are in the.
It's the base of the triangle.
This is what's going to shapeyour self-esteem and how you and
the lens you that you see theworld, and this is how you're
(07:11):
going to react to everything.
Right, based on your set ofbeliefs of who you are and what
the world is, you're going toreact.
We must prepare our body and wemust prepare our brain for
everything that's coming our way.
People, as I see it, mustprepare for what's in their
future, and we know thatviolence is in the future.
(07:34):
That's not even a question.
Who never experienced any kindof violence?
There's verbal violence,there's physical violence.
Just being uncomfortable bywitnessing violence.
There's a lot of problems withviolence.
So building resilience towhat's in your future is
(07:55):
important.
So people go to the gym becausethey want to be stronger, so
they can lift more, they can bemore fit or better able to
defend themselves, or everybodyhas a reason why they wanna be
strong, not let alone that it'sjust healthier.
But there's also a mental gymthat you have to practice, like
(08:17):
how you deal with problems thatreshape everything in your life
and how you think.
And, as you said, thoughtsshape reality, shape feelings,
feelings shape reality.
So the way you and I have beendiscussing that for many years,
how Krav Maga helps create thatresilience and how it's, in fact
(08:43):
, a life tool to deal withsituations, with daily
situations, with the idea ofmanage the emotion and not just
the emotion, the reaction, andturn it into a response,
basically like learn strategyand in addition to the physical
(09:03):
skill, or in fact, this physicalskill allows you to create a
strategy, it can be secondaryonce you nail it.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Yes yes.
I agree, I agree.
If I try to simplify theprinciples regarding that, we
can say that being helpless isone of the most horrific
(09:36):
feelings, that causes a lot ofproblems.
So, krav Maga, one of theprinciples saying, use your
knowledge by need.
You need to understand thesituation and use your knowledge
to solve your problems and saveyourself or someone you care
(09:57):
about.
So, knowledge, if you know how,if you acquire the right
knowledge and know how to use it, then it's the opposite of
being helpless, even thoughthere are or not, even though in
those extreme situations.
So Prav Maga, bring it, bringto you, like like, nurture you
(10:24):
to become with a specificknowledge to deal with any
situation, especially theextreme ones, but but the basic
situation, so you won't feelhelpless.
The the chances we are talkingabout chances, right, it's not
(10:45):
black or white, but the chancesyou'll feel helpless, going down
when you learn and practiceKrav Maga in the right way.
Of course, not only themovement, it's, like you said
before, it's the combinedworking on the body and the
brain to to understand how touse this knowledge, when to use
(11:06):
it.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
So that brings me to another question.
Do you think every Krav Magainstructor, regardless of their
understanding of CBT and willingto learn more you know and to
(11:40):
evolve.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
We evolve right.
We didn't learn Krav Maga howwe teach it now we evolve.
So people that are open tolearn more and to evolve and to
see problems and to seek thesolutions and to adjust our
(12:03):
solutions to the reality, to theeveryday problems, so they can
do it.
You don't need to learnspecific CBT to do it.
We did it long before you didit.
I did it long before I knew CBT.
But CBT is another tool.
It's a tool of the thinking,like the principles of Krav Maga
(12:25):
.
But the question is, if you askme, if every Krav Maga
instructor understands theprinciples, I think not.
I think not, not only Krav Maga,more martial arts and the
instructors and coaches.
They are doing good with theirstudents and they develop their
(12:49):
resilience.
If they know what they do ordon't know exactly what they do,
but they do it, it's good.
There are, of course, likethose instructors, that they're
doing also damage.
But what we can do, I thinkthat every instructor thinks he
knows better.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
That's another podcast.
That's a whole conversation.
I think that by the end of theday, even if the instructor has
absolutely no knowledge or evenintent to touch the emotional
level of the training they therewould be a lot of improvement
in this area anyway.
Right in my uh yeah, I guessit's the first time I'm
(13:33):
announcing it uh, kind ofpublicly in my book there's
guess it's the first time I'mannouncing it publicly In my
book there's a chapter that goesfrom motion to emotion, because
I believe that once you unlockcertain movement, you also
release certain emotions, andvice versa, by the way.
So the capabilities that you'rebuilding when you are training
(13:53):
will affect how you feel anyway,so the instructor doesn't have
to be aware of it.
The capabilities that you'rebuilding when you are training
will affect how you feel anyway,so the instructor doesn't have
to be aware of it.
It's just.
This is just a byproduct ofwhat we do, and I think you and
I are the product of.
The instructor is notunderstanding it yet teaching it
Right.
They didn't know what's theinfluence of um, teaching us how
(14:18):
to strike and fight.
Yet we got to that direction.
That's what we got from it.
Um, because of our emotionalstructure and how we see the
world right and you and I alsogrew up together.
So for us was we were feedingeach other with that.
I guess that worldview, butthat's not everyone's experience
(14:45):
.
So we have our way and thenother people have different ways
.
But I think at the end of theday many people will be able to
get to the same place, maybewith less acknowledgement of the
process, but they will be moreresilient.
With that.
It doesn't matter what theytrain.
I believe that once you commityourself into certain kind of
training and you feel more ablewhen you build yourself more
(15:05):
confidence.
And I think there's anothercomponent that when your
physical safety, your physicalbeing, is no and your physical
safety, your physical being, isnot in the first thing you think
about when you move around yourday, then you are free to do
(15:25):
other things.
Your brain is not as occupied.
We only have a certain capacityto think and to move, and if
I'm always at least 50% of it inthe back of my mind, I'm always
concerned about my safety, thennaturally I have less capacity
to think about other things.
So I think Krav Maga gives youthe freedom to think about your
(15:53):
day differently and aboutyourself differently and
experience things less of athreat.
Because one thing we talk a lotabout is uh, especially
post-covid is anxiety.
People are extremely anxiousand anxiety leads to either over
reaction or under reaction, butnot measurable reaction.
(16:16):
Right, you don't respond, don'tgive the proper punishment to
whatever happens.
Right, proper punishment quoteunquote can be also ignored.
Right, can be just leave.
But when everything becomes athreat, then you always react as
if you are threatened.
(16:37):
But if you're threatened, thenit's easier, right, and I had a
situation in the subway lastweek when a guy just those who
haven't been in new york everysubway ride there will be either
something violent or somethingthat close to be violent,
(16:58):
because this is what the realityin New York look like these
days.
So a guy that was well-dressed,he looked nice got on the
subway car and startedoutbursting and screaming and
yelling and being aggressivewith his body language and I
thought that something is wrong.
(17:20):
I thought someone maybe starteda fight with him.
But then I see that he sits onhis own and he's only surrounded
by a few women they're a fewfeet away from him, not close,
and nobody's responding to him.
So I figured, okay, so he mightbe crazy, but he doesn't look
crazy.
He looked well-groomed, verynice, well-dressed.
(17:43):
So I was curious.
I was looking at him, which isa do not do.
When you're looking at a crazyperson, then you're
acknowledging them.
This guy saw that I'm lookingat him.
Crazy person, then you'reacknowledging them.
This guy saw that I'm lookingat him and now he started
(18:04):
targeting me and I didn't feelthreatened.
So, you know, my body languagestayed soft and I smiled because
I was.
I was amused, I didn't.
It was not an invitation andthis is definitely not not an
advice for other people to do,but that was my instinct.
And then he started yelling atme and getting angry with me
Like what are you looking at?
(18:25):
And started saying things thatI prefer not to repeat on record
.
And then he stopped.
I looked away but I didn'tcontinue that conversation.
It's only been a few seconds.
But I decided you know what,like in the next stop I'm just
(18:49):
going to get off the train and Igo to another car.
It will be okay, there's noneed to engage here.
And then I see that he gets up.
So I said okay, so I don't needto another car, it will be okay
, there's no need to engage here.
And then I see that he gets up.
So I said okay, so I don't needto get up.
Then he gets up and leaves thetrain.
But I looked at him to make surethat he's not coming to my door
(19:09):
, because I've seen it happenbefore when they leave in one
door and then they come from theother and they surprise you.
So I kept looking at him justto make sure he's not coming
back.
And then he looks at me andgetting again outburst and like
an angry and showing me like ashooting sign with his fingers
and like getting big.
And again I was amused.
(19:30):
So my response was to smile.
So my response was to smile andso, as I see him getting more
worked up, I just delivered alittle kiss in the air and then
he started smiling and then herelaxed.
Wow, that's amazing.
(19:51):
I mean, I know that that's whatwe consider to be instigating
for others, but I think he was.
It caught him by surprisebecause I I was not scared of
him.
I didn't perceive him as athreat, but it could be a threat
.
Who knows?
Who knows if he had weapons,who knows how crazy he would be
willing to go.
That's not a self-defenseadvice.
(20:13):
What I've done.
It was just purely my instinct,because I didn't feel
threatened and I know I havethis feeling threatened and
objectively he was actingaggressively, so other people
might be threatened.
I think this is a way of beingwanting to be seen right when
(20:33):
you are just going crazy andyelling.
Why are you yelling?
Because you think people don'tnotice you.
So when they're looking at you,they acknowledge you.
That's it now.
You're not going to let go ofthis jam.
Someone acknowledge me.
That's it now.
You're mine.
We're going to talk.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Not necessarily.
He had an ill intent, right.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
Yeah, I think many times the situation.
It's a great analogy to manydaily situations that not always
people have ill intent whenthey start a negative
interaction.
Sometimes they don't.
They're not even aware thatthis is a negative interaction.
In fact, I had an amazing,similar conversation with my son
on the way to school today.
(21:22):
My son is only eight.
Today, if my son is only eight,I explained to him how not
listening to me or to someoneelse right to friends will can
create negative consequences andeven violence by others,
(21:50):
because when people feel likethey are not heard, not seen,
they get bigger, especially ifit's important to them.
So if you make people feel seen, you calm them down.
It's like I hear you, Iunderstand you.
But if you ignore them and thenyou're expecting them to be on
your side, then it's notrealistic expectation of a
situation.
You have to understand thatwhat you do and what you don't
do count and that's why we needto learn how to manage the
(22:15):
situation, how to distribute ourenergy, and sometimes we do
things not because we want to,because we need to.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Yeah, because we understand the situation and we
are doing what's smart thanright.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
I mean we want to be smarter than right.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
I wasn't smart last week in the subway Again, when
we're looking at self-defenseadvice, okay, but yeah, people,
people ask so many times that umquestion with absolute value,
just like the.
The press usually ask whatshould you do when that happens?
(22:58):
Well, it depends on so manythings the the first thing I
would ask is first.
The first thing I would ask isfirst, how capable you are to
have more than one option.
If you are a smaller person,untrained, of course you don't
have too many options.
If you are a smaller person,weak, maybe a little injured,
(23:24):
but very trained, you're stillbetter off than someone that is
not trained but you're in adisadvantage.
People have this idea thattraining Krav Maga or martial
arts will provide some level ofimmunity.
It doesn't.
It just allows you to managethe precepts and the beginning.
(23:46):
Well, what happened after thebeginning of the fight?
Who knows that's after that?
You.
You need to also have some luck.
You never know.
Because I think the mostimportant tool grandma provides
is the, is the pre-fight,understanding what is leading to
(24:08):
an altercation, because what wedo in its essence is the
pre-fight and the first threeseconds of the fight.
That's Karmaga.
Everything that happened after.
That requires more advancedcurriculum.
It requires fighting skills.
It requires a lot, lot morestamina, a lot more strength.
(24:29):
It does require a lot moreskill, um.
So I mean this is why we alsosplit the curriculum to
self-defense in the beginningand then more advanced skills
later.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
Yeah, and so.
So it takes us to the beginningof this conversation that we
said about as healthier yourself-esteem is, less things
threaten you.
When you understand situationsbetter and you have the
(25:01):
knowledge to get betterdecisions that are suitable to
this specific situation that youare in, then you don't need to
fight, you don't have anyenemies, you are above that Let
things threaten you.
So you can be calmer and getbetter decisions.
(25:23):
So you won't, so the situationwon't be escalated and prevented
.
That's the point.
And again it comes to thechildren.
If we can teach that and we canwe are teaching that, since
they are young girls, right?
For example, I tell you, justthe other day, my boy is six
(25:48):
years old now and he has theissue with the snakes.
He wants to learn about snakes,to see snakes in the YouTube,
you know, and to learn more, andokay.
And then I remembered he talkedabout the cobra snake and I
remember when you and me were inVietnam, right?
(26:11):
So we bought for a souvenirlike a cobra snake inside a
bottle, and I told him that Ihave and I can show it to him,
but it was 15 minutes before wehad to go to his kindergarten
and he wanted to see it now andthe bottle is not available now.
It's inside a box somewhere andI need to look for it and it's
(26:34):
not the right time.
But he's six years old, heneeds to learn and develop his
life skills, like to be patient,and he couldn't.
These 15 minutes were likeeternity for me.
He was shouting, he wasscreaming at me and he wants it
now.
And he won't get it now becauseit's not the right time.
(26:59):
And I told him I will show you,but you need to be patient, you
need to let it go for now, andI'm with you Now.
This is the point, because theyneed to, to let it go for now,
and I'm with you now.
This is the point.
Because they need to learn self, they need to learn the life
skills.
But how we teach the lifeskills, that's more important,
because I can, could go in, youknow, head to head with him and
(27:22):
fight and threaten that if hewon't react like this, if his,
his behavior won't be calmeddown, then I'll punish him or
something I can make him learnpatience.
But what it will do to hisself-esteem?
That's the whole idea.
So I tried as much as I can tohold him, to be with him to keep
(27:43):
my voice calm but firm, that hecannot look at that snake now
because it's not available.
And I gave him a reason, alogic reason why.
So he won't translate somethingthat is not there and I promise
that I will show him later onwhen he will help me look for it
(28:08):
and do the work with me sowe'll find it.
And then you can see as thetime pass, like in the beginning
he was very frustrated, so heneeds to deal with this
frustration, right.
So he's angry.
After a while the anger passedand he was sad.
You, you could hear it on hisvoice when he cried and then he
(28:34):
could.
After the anger left him, hecould hug me and told me how
much you want to see it, and Istill promised him that he will
see it.
But we need to be patient alittle bit more.
So this is when the children aredealing with everyday
situations.
We want to teach them the lifeskills, but we want to mediate
(28:59):
the situations to themselves, sothey will never, never
translate it against them.
So it won't hit the self-esteem, won't interfere the
self-esteem to grow up.
So they will learn patience.
They will learn to deal withfrustration but not with hurting
(29:26):
themselves, so they willdevelop together with it.
Yeah, so then later on, as theygrow up, they will fight
someone or someone will threatthem.
(29:46):
You know real dangeroussituations.
They will have the self-beliefthat they can control themselves
and react appropriately.
And this is Krav Maga, sincethey are very, very young, till
the end of their lives.
It's a way of thinking and tohold together your abilities,
(30:09):
you know, to control, to choosethe opportunity, to choose what
you do yeah by the end of theday.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
What we are, what we are teaching, is really just
giving people choices.
Exactly the idea is that peoplewill not feel choiceless or
defenseless, so they feel thatthey have the tool to deal with
(30:41):
with the situation.
You know, not always I, we areonly, as we say in the army
we're always best prepared forthe previous war, and this
cannot be any more truth thesedays, but the idea is that we
will be equipped flow withwhat's going on well enough.
(31:07):
I guess another expectationthat we have to set is that
there is no such thing asperfection.
There's no perfect response, butthe idea that the response will
be good enough.
So you prevent an escalation,you prevent bigger problems from
(31:29):
occurring in the future orconsequences from action or
inaction in the situation you'rein.
And it goes back to management.
Now again, since there's nosuch thing as perfect.
Also, us instructors are notperfect.
We also have our own feelingsand the, the backpack that we we
(31:52):
have, the life pack we have, wecarry on our back and the world
, the lens we see the world, andit's much easier for
instructors to demonstrateperfection quote unquote but for
instructors to demonstrateperfection quote unquote.
But that's why we always needto check if the technique works
under pressure, if we're workingwell under pressure.
(32:14):
That's.
Pressure is what you see, whatthat's the measurement for truth
, right, that's the lightdetector.
And we say in the Jewish belief, we say in the Jewish belief,
where there's people whointerpreted the Bible, they said
you don't judge a person by,say, when he's drunk, when he
(32:39):
needs to spend money and whenhe's angry, because those are
difficult situations for peopleto deal with.
But I think the other wayaround.
This is exactly when you judgethem.
You judge them based on their,what comes out of them under
pressure, because otherwise,it's very.
(33:00):
Everybody can be perfect whenthere's no pressure.
Everybody can sail a boat whenthe sea is calm.
What do you do with the waves?
Speaker 2 (33:12):
Exactly, and I can tell you that I have students,
young ones, that in their agenow they're dealing with
situations better than how I didwhen I was in their age.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
I think, because our generation is better at
educating in that sense, becausewe are more aware of many
psychological aspects of raisingthe kids.
Back then, when we were lookingat the 80s, 70s, even in the
beginning of 90s, people weremore busy with survival.
(33:49):
Parents were busy with survival.
We are the first generationwhere, in fact, food was
available, was secure.
Our parents didn't like that.
So when, as we said before, youknow if your existence is always
threatened, clearly it will bevery hard for you to deal with
(34:09):
other things.
So, in fact, I think theirresilience to a lot of things
that happen around them andwithin them was higher than the
young generation's.
Young generation is a lot moreaware of the whole process and
perhaps able to stop things fromhappening, but I believe
(34:32):
they're a bit less resilient.
Like things touch them in thesame level of intensity.
Simple things are moreamplified, so they feel it just
as big as the big things thatthe previous generation had
experienced.
Simple, simpler things are moreamplified, so they feel it just
as big as the big things thatthe previous generation had
experienced.
But there's also a sign of abetter life.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
yeah, yeah, so if we need to sum it up, you know, sum
everything up if we start asearly as we can to teach problem
, to understand situations andto make a better decision making
, then the sky is the limit.
You know, the sky is not thelimit, actually, that's it.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
Thank you, my friend Elad, always a pleasure, and
thanks for sharing your wisdomAlways a pleasure, thank you,
thanks for sharing your wisdom.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
Have a great day.
Thank you, my friend.
Thank you, you too.
Welcome to Crab Talk.
This is where I delve into themulti-faceted world of Crab
Magam and share personal lifeexperiences, mine and others.
This is where good people talktheir walk.
I have the honor to host myfriend Elad once again.
(00:33):
Elad is an international expertin Krav Maga, but also
certified in cognitivebehavioral therapy what's called
CBT.
Cbt is a talking therapy thatcan help people manage problems
by changing the way they thinkand behave.
Both Elad and I strongly agreewith how Krav Maga in fact is a
(00:53):
CBT Not only a self-defensemethod, but a fundamental life
skill that allows otherqualities in humans to prosper.
In this episode, we go intothis topic and provided some
example from our personal lives.
Enjoy a lot hey how are you?
(01:18):
I am a friend.
Today we're going to talk abouta topic that you and I've been
conversing about for years howKarmaga is a tool for therapy,
how it is a therapeutic tool,and I want to shed some lights
to all the listeners of how wesee it, how we do it.
(01:41):
Each of us can share later some, some of our personal
experiences, but first I wouldlike uh, to explain it.
Actually, you are alsocertified as a uh in cbt, right?
yeah, li cbt yes can explainexplain what cbt is for those
who don't know, and how how weare connecting cbt to karmada
(02:07):
cbt is a cognitive behaviortreatment okay, and it it's a
therapeutic way and itconcentrate of the on thoughts.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
We know that thoughts can create emotions and amplify
them.
So if we control our thoughts,then we can better control
emotions.
Not that we want to decide whatto feel, this is something
different.
But if we feel something, wewant to understand why and to
(02:46):
control where it goes and howhigh.
So we know that thoughts cancreate emotions and amplify them
and the thing is that we wantto better control of what, why
(03:07):
we feel what we feel, tounderstand it better and how it
affects us.
So then we can, with thoughts,navigate to where we want to go
to feel better.
This is mainly the issue Now.
The thing is about control.
We see that anxieties and a lotof mental diseases, problems,
(03:35):
interferences are creatingbecause of a low self-esteem, of
a low self-esteem.
We know this and Krav Maga it'sabout control.
Krav Maga principles are aboutcontrol, especially in those
(03:57):
extreme events, extremesituations that we the average
people, you know, don't havecontrol.
It's when you are surprised andattacked physically and it's the
extreme situations that we haveproblem dealing with.
(04:19):
And those extreme situationscan embed in you, in us, in
everyone, a mark.
And this mark can become, somecan develop a trauma out of it
(04:40):
and if it won't be treated right, so it can become post-trauma.
Maybe before that it will belike a acutic stress disorder
and and then post-trauma, ptsd.
So krav maga deals with thesestress situations like it.
(05:01):
It helped us to get ready forthem.
Now, it's not that we are, likeyou know, pessimistic.
We are not.
Krav Maga for us and you knowit better than everyone, you
know it's a way of life, it's away of thinking, it's a way to
(05:22):
strengthen your mental mind howto think, how to make decisions,
how to understand situations,so we can be stronger, mentally
stronger.
So this is it, because if youunderstand the principle of Krav
(05:43):
Maga, it gives you control,especially in those extreme
situations, but also in theeveryday situations, like when
you're not comfortable from frombecause someone treated you
somewhere somehow.
You know so how you deal withthat and it's not a a a
dangerous situation, and it'snot a dangerous situation
(06:05):
Objectively, it's not adangerous situation, but it's
still an uncomfortable situationthat you need to deal with.
So the Krav Maga treat theseeveryday situations so we can
overcome them and be strongerbecause of them, because of how
we treat them, how we dealt withthem.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
So that raises the question.
I think the way I see it iswhen you, when you start, when
you're young, you're helpingyourself, or, as a parent,
you're helping your childrenshape how they are going to
(06:48):
interpret situations and how toexperience the world.
So whatever happened in thefirst few years in your life, if
you were looking at in, is atriangle like we are in the.
It's the base of the triangle.
This is what's going to shapeyour self-esteem and how you and
the lens you that you see theworld, and this is how you're
(07:11):
going to react to everything.
Right, based on your set ofbeliefs of who you are and what
the world is, you're going toreact.
We must prepare our body and wemust prepare our brain for
everything that's coming our way.
People, as I see it, mustprepare for what's in their
future, and we know thatviolence is in the future.
(07:34):
That's not even a question.
Who never experienced any kindof violence?
There's verbal violence,there's physical violence.
Just being uncomfortable bywitnessing violence.
There's a lot of problems withviolence.
So building resilience towhat's in your future is
(07:55):
important.
So people go to the gym becausethey want to be stronger, so
they can lift more, they can bemore fit or better able to
defend themselves, or everybodyhas a reason why they wanna be
strong, not let alone that it'sjust healthier.
But there's also a mental gymthat you have to practice, like
(08:17):
how you deal with problems thatreshape everything in your life
and how you think.
And, as you said, thoughtsshape reality, shape feelings,
feelings shape reality.
So the way you and I have beendiscussing that for many years,
how Krav Maga helps create thatresilience and how it's, in fact
(08:43):
, a life tool to deal withsituations, with daily
situations, with the idea ofmanage the emotion and not just
the emotion, the reaction, andturn it into a response,
basically like learn strategyand in addition to the physical
(09:03):
skill, or in fact, this physicalskill allows you to create a
strategy, it can be secondaryonce you nail it.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Yes yes.
I agree, I agree.
If I try to simplify theprinciples regarding that, we
can say that being helpless isone of the most horrific
(09:36):
feelings, that causes a lot ofproblems.
So, krav Maga, one of theprinciples saying, use your
knowledge by need.
You need to understand thesituation and use your knowledge
to solve your problems and saveyourself or someone you care
(09:57):
about.
So, knowledge, if you know how,if you acquire the right
knowledge and know how to use it, then it's the opposite of
being helpless, even thoughthere are or not, even though in
those extreme situations.
So Prav Maga, bring it, bringto you, like like, nurture you
(10:24):
to become with a specificknowledge to deal with any
situation, especially theextreme ones, but but the basic
situation, so you won't feelhelpless.
The the chances we are talkingabout chances, right, it's not
(10:45):
black or white, but the chancesyou'll feel helpless, going down
when you learn and practiceKrav Maga in the right way.
Of course, not only themovement, it's, like you said
before, it's the combinedworking on the body and the
brain to to understand how touse this knowledge, when to use
(11:06):
it.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
So that brings me to another question.
Do you think every Krav Magainstructor, regardless of their
understanding of CBT and willingto learn more you know and to
(11:40):
evolve.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
We evolve right.
We didn't learn Krav Maga howwe teach it now we evolve.
So people that are open tolearn more and to evolve and to
see problems and to seek thesolutions and to adjust our
(12:03):
solutions to the reality, to theeveryday problems, so they can
do it.
You don't need to learnspecific CBT to do it.
We did it long before you didit.
I did it long before I knew CBT.
But CBT is another tool.
It's a tool of the thinking,like the principles of Krav Maga
(12:25):
.
But the question is, if you askme, if every Krav Maga
instructor understands theprinciples, I think not.
I think not, not only Krav Maga,more martial arts and the
instructors and coaches.
They are doing good with theirstudents and they develop their
(12:49):
resilience.
If they know what they do ordon't know exactly what they do,
but they do it, it's good.
There are, of course, likethose instructors, that they're
doing also damage.
But what we can do, I thinkthat every instructor thinks he
knows better.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
That's another podcast.
That's a whole conversation.
I think that by the end of theday, even if the instructor has
absolutely no knowledge or evenintent to touch the emotional
level of the training they therewould be a lot of improvement
in this area anyway.
Right in my uh yeah, I guessit's the first time I'm
(13:33):
announcing it uh, kind ofpublicly in my book there's
guess it's the first time I'mannouncing it publicly In my
book there's a chapter that goesfrom motion to emotion, because
I believe that once you unlockcertain movement, you also
release certain emotions, andvice versa, by the way.
So the capabilities that you'rebuilding when you are training
(13:53):
will affect how you feel anyway,so the instructor doesn't have
to be aware of it.
The capabilities that you'rebuilding when you are training
will affect how you feel anyway,so the instructor doesn't have
to be aware of it.
It's just.
This is just a byproduct ofwhat we do, and I think you and
I are the product of.
The instructor is notunderstanding it yet teaching it
Right.
They didn't know what's theinfluence of um, teaching us how
(14:18):
to strike and fight.
Yet we got to that direction.
That's what we got from it.
Um, because of our emotionalstructure and how we see the
world right and you and I alsogrew up together.
So for us was we were feedingeach other with that.
I guess that worldview, butthat's not everyone's experience
(14:45):
.
So we have our way and thenother people have different ways
.
But I think at the end of theday many people will be able to
get to the same place, maybewith less acknowledgement of the
process, but they will be moreresilient.
With that.
It doesn't matter what theytrain.
I believe that once you commityourself into certain kind of
training and you feel more ablewhen you build yourself more
(15:05):
confidence.
And I think there's anothercomponent that when your
physical safety, your physicalbeing, is no and your physical
safety, your physical being, isnot in the first thing you think
about when you move around yourday, then you are free to do
(15:25):
other things.
Your brain is not as occupied.
We only have a certain capacityto think and to move, and if
I'm always at least 50% of it inthe back of my mind, I'm always
concerned about my safety, thennaturally I have less capacity
to think about other things.
So I think Krav Maga gives youthe freedom to think about your
(15:53):
day differently and aboutyourself differently and
experience things less of athreat.
Because one thing we talk a lotabout is uh, especially
post-covid is anxiety.
People are extremely anxiousand anxiety leads to either over
reaction or under reaction, butnot measurable reaction.
(16:16):
Right, you don't respond, don'tgive the proper punishment to
whatever happens.
Right, proper punishment quoteunquote can be also ignored.
Right, can be just leave.
But when everything becomes athreat, then you always react as
if you are threatened.
(16:37):
But if you're threatened, thenit's easier, right, and I had a
situation in the subway lastweek when a guy just those who
haven't been in new york everysubway ride there will be either
something violent or somethingthat close to be violent,
(16:58):
because this is what the realityin New York look like these
days.
So a guy that was well-dressed,he looked nice got on the
subway car and startedoutbursting and screaming and
yelling and being aggressivewith his body language and I
thought that something is wrong.
(17:20):
I thought someone maybe starteda fight with him.
But then I see that he sits onhis own and he's only surrounded
by a few women they're a fewfeet away from him, not close,
and nobody's responding to him.
So I figured, okay, so he mightbe crazy, but he doesn't look
crazy.
He looked well-groomed, verynice, well-dressed.
(17:43):
So I was curious.
I was looking at him, which isa do not do.
When you're looking at a crazyperson, then you're
acknowledging them.
This guy saw that I'm lookingat him.
Crazy person, then you'reacknowledging them.
This guy saw that I'm lookingat him and now he started
(18:04):
targeting me and I didn't feelthreatened.
So, you know, my body languagestayed soft and I smiled because
I was.
I was amused, I didn't.
It was not an invitation andthis is definitely not not an
advice for other people to do,but that was my instinct.
And then he started yelling atme and getting angry with me
Like what are you looking at?
(18:25):
And started saying things thatI prefer not to repeat on record
.
And then he stopped.
I looked away but I didn'tcontinue that conversation.
It's only been a few seconds.
But I decided you know what,like in the next stop I'm just
(18:49):
going to get off the train and Igo to another car.
It will be okay, there's noneed to engage here.
And then I see that he gets up.
So I said okay, so I don't needto another car, it will be okay
, there's no need to engage here.
And then I see that he gets up.
So I said okay, so I don't needto get up.
Then he gets up and leaves thetrain.
But I looked at him to make surethat he's not coming to my door
(19:09):
, because I've seen it happenbefore when they leave in one
door and then they come from theother and they surprise you.
So I kept looking at him justto make sure he's not coming
back.
And then he looks at me andgetting again outburst and like
an angry and showing me like ashooting sign with his fingers
and like getting big.
And again I was amused.
(19:30):
So my response was to smile.
So my response was to smile andso, as I see him getting more
worked up, I just delivered alittle kiss in the air and then
he started smiling and then herelaxed.
Wow, that's amazing.
(19:51):
I mean, I know that that's whatwe consider to be instigating
for others, but I think he was.
It caught him by surprisebecause I I was not scared of
him.
I didn't perceive him as athreat, but it could be a threat
.
Who knows?
Who knows if he had weapons,who knows how crazy he would be
willing to go.
That's not a self-defenseadvice.
(20:13):
What I've done.
It was just purely my instinct,because I didn't feel
threatened and I know I havethis feeling threatened and
objectively he was actingaggressively, so other people
might be threatened.
I think this is a way of beingwanting to be seen right when
(20:33):
you are just going crazy andyelling.
Why are you yelling?
Because you think people don'tnotice you.
So when they're looking at you,they acknowledge you.
That's it now.
You're not going to let go ofthis jam.
Someone acknowledge me.
That's it now.
You're mine.
We're going to talk.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Not necessarily.
He had an ill intent, right.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
Yeah, I think many times the situation.
It's a great analogy to manydaily situations that not always
people have ill intent whenthey start a negative
interaction.
Sometimes they don't.
They're not even aware thatthis is a negative interaction.
In fact, I had an amazing,similar conversation with my son
on the way to school today.
(21:22):
My son is only eight.
Today, if my son is only eight,I explained to him how not
listening to me or to someoneelse right to friends will can
create negative consequences andeven violence by others,
(21:50):
because when people feel likethey are not heard, not seen,
they get bigger, especially ifit's important to them.
So if you make people feel seen, you calm them down.
It's like I hear you, Iunderstand you.
But if you ignore them and thenyou're expecting them to be on
your side, then it's notrealistic expectation of a
situation.
You have to understand thatwhat you do and what you don't
do count and that's why we needto learn how to manage the
(22:15):
situation, how to distribute ourenergy, and sometimes we do
things not because we want to,because we need to.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Yeah, because we understand the situation and we
are doing what's smart thanright.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
I mean we want to be smarter than right.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
I wasn't smart last week in the subway Again, when
we're looking at self-defenseadvice, okay, but yeah, people,
people ask so many times that umquestion with absolute value,
just like the.
The press usually ask whatshould you do when that happens?
(22:58):
Well, it depends on so manythings the the first thing I
would ask is first.
The first thing I would ask isfirst, how capable you are to
have more than one option.
If you are a smaller person,untrained, of course you don't
have too many options.
If you are a smaller person,weak, maybe a little injured,
(23:24):
but very trained, you're stillbetter off than someone that is
not trained but you're in adisadvantage.
People have this idea thattraining Krav Maga or martial
arts will provide some level ofimmunity.
It doesn't.
It just allows you to managethe precepts and the beginning.
(23:46):
Well, what happened after thebeginning of the fight?
Who knows that's after that?
You.
You need to also have some luck.
You never know.
Because I think the mostimportant tool grandma provides
is the, is the pre-fight,understanding what is leading to
(24:08):
an altercation, because what wedo in its essence is the
pre-fight and the first threeseconds of the fight.
That's Karmaga.
Everything that happened after.
That requires more advancedcurriculum.
It requires fighting skills.
It requires a lot, lot morestamina, a lot more strength.
(24:29):
It does require a lot moreskill, um.
So I mean this is why we alsosplit the curriculum to
self-defense in the beginningand then more advanced skills
later.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
Yeah, and so.
So it takes us to the beginningof this conversation that we
said about as healthier yourself-esteem is, less things
threaten you.
When you understand situationsbetter and you have the
(25:01):
knowledge to get betterdecisions that are suitable to
this specific situation that youare in, then you don't need to
fight, you don't have anyenemies, you are above that Let
things threaten you.
So you can be calmer and getbetter decisions.
(25:23):
So you won't, so the situationwon't be escalated and prevented
.
That's the point.
And again it comes to thechildren.
If we can teach that and we canwe are teaching that, since
they are young girls, right?
For example, I tell you, justthe other day, my boy is six
(25:48):
years old now and he has theissue with the snakes.
He wants to learn about snakes,to see snakes in the YouTube,
you know, and to learn more, andokay.
And then I remembered he talkedabout the cobra snake and I
remember when you and me were inVietnam, right?
(26:11):
So we bought for a souvenirlike a cobra snake inside a
bottle, and I told him that Ihave and I can show it to him,
but it was 15 minutes before wehad to go to his kindergarten
and he wanted to see it now andthe bottle is not available now.
It's inside a box somewhere andI need to look for it and it's
(26:34):
not the right time.
But he's six years old, heneeds to learn and develop his
life skills, like to be patient,and he couldn't.
These 15 minutes were likeeternity for me.
He was shouting, he wasscreaming at me and he wants it
now.
And he won't get it now becauseit's not the right time.
(26:59):
And I told him I will show you,but you need to be patient, you
need to let it go for now, andI'm with you Now.
This is the point, because theyneed to, to let it go for now,
and I'm with you now.
This is the point.
Because they need to learn self, they need to learn the life
skills.
But how we teach the lifeskills, that's more important,
because I can, could go in, youknow, head to head with him and
(27:22):
fight and threaten that if hewon't react like this, if his,
his behavior won't be calmeddown, then I'll punish him or
something I can make him learnpatience.
But what it will do to hisself-esteem?
That's the whole idea.
So I tried as much as I can tohold him, to be with him to keep
(27:43):
my voice calm but firm, that hecannot look at that snake now
because it's not available.
And I gave him a reason, alogic reason why.
So he won't translate somethingthat is not there and I promise
that I will show him later onwhen he will help me look for it
(28:08):
and do the work with me sowe'll find it.
And then you can see as thetime pass, like in the beginning
he was very frustrated, so heneeds to deal with this
frustration, right.
So he's angry.
After a while the anger passedand he was sad.
You, you could hear it on hisvoice when he cried and then he
(28:34):
could.
After the anger left him, hecould hug me and told me how
much you want to see it, and Istill promised him that he will
see it.
But we need to be patient alittle bit more.
So this is when the children aredealing with everyday
situations.
We want to teach them the lifeskills, but we want to mediate
(28:59):
the situations to themselves, sothey will never, never
translate it against them.
So it won't hit the self-esteem, won't interfere the
self-esteem to grow up.
So they will learn patience.
They will learn to deal withfrustration but not with hurting
(29:26):
themselves, so they willdevelop together with it.
Yeah, so then later on, as theygrow up, they will fight
someone or someone will threatthem.
(29:46):
You know real dangeroussituations.
They will have the self-beliefthat they can control themselves
and react appropriately.
And this is Krav Maga, sincethey are very, very young, till
the end of their lives.
It's a way of thinking and tohold together your abilities,
(30:09):
you know, to control, to choosethe opportunity, to choose what
you do yeah by the end of theday.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
What we are, what we are teaching, is really just
giving people choices.
Exactly the idea is that peoplewill not feel choiceless or
defenseless, so they feel thatthey have the tool to deal with
(30:41):
with the situation.
You know, not always I, we areonly, as we say in the army
we're always best prepared forthe previous war, and this
cannot be any more truth thesedays, but the idea is that we
will be equipped flow withwhat's going on well enough.
(31:07):
I guess another expectationthat we have to set is that
there is no such thing asperfection.
There's no perfect response, butthe idea that the response will
be good enough.
So you prevent an escalation,you prevent bigger problems from
(31:29):
occurring in the future orconsequences from action or
inaction in the situation you'rein.
And it goes back to management.
Now again, since there's nosuch thing as perfect.
Also, us instructors are notperfect.
We also have our own feelingsand the, the backpack that we we
(31:52):
have, the life pack we have, wecarry on our back and the world
, the lens we see the world, andit's much easier for
instructors to demonstrateperfection quote unquote but for
instructors to demonstrateperfection quote unquote.
But that's why we always needto check if the technique works
under pressure, if we're workingwell under pressure.
(32:14):
That's.
Pressure is what you see, whatthat's the measurement for truth
, right, that's the lightdetector.
And we say in the Jewish belief, we say in the Jewish belief,
where there's people whointerpreted the Bible, they said
you don't judge a person by,say, when he's drunk, when he
(32:39):
needs to spend money and whenhe's angry, because those are
difficult situations for peopleto deal with.
But I think the other wayaround.
This is exactly when you judgethem.
You judge them based on their,what comes out of them under
pressure, because otherwise,it's very.
(33:00):
Everybody can be perfect whenthere's no pressure.
Everybody can sail a boat whenthe sea is calm.
What do you do with the waves?
Speaker 2 (33:12):
Exactly, and I can tell you that I have students,
young ones, that in their agenow they're dealing with
situations better than how I didwhen I was in their age.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
I think, because our generation is better at
educating in that sense, becausewe are more aware of many
psychological aspects of raisingthe kids.
Back then, when we were lookingat the 80s, 70s, even in the
beginning of 90s, people weremore busy with survival.
(33:49):
Parents were busy with survival.
We are the first generationwhere, in fact, food was
available, was secure.
Our parents didn't like that.
So when, as we said before, youknow if your existence is always
threatened, clearly it will bevery hard for you to deal with
(34:09):
other things.
So, in fact, I think theirresilience to a lot of things
that happen around them andwithin them was higher than the
young generation's.
Young generation is a lot moreaware of the whole process and
perhaps able to stop things fromhappening, but I believe
(34:32):
they're a bit less resilient.
Like things touch them in thesame level of intensity.
Simple things are moreamplified, so they feel it just
as big as the big things thatthe previous generation had
experienced.
Simple, simpler things are moreamplified, so they feel it just
as big as the big things thatthe previous generation had
experienced.
But there's also a sign of abetter life.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
yeah, yeah, so if we need to sum it up, you know, sum
everything up if we start asearly as we can to teach problem
, to understand situations andto make a better decision making
, then the sky is the limit.
You know, the sky is not thelimit, actually, that's it.
Speaker 1 (35:22):
Thank you, my friend Elad, always a pleasure, and
thanks for sharing your wisdomAlways a pleasure, thank you,
thanks for sharing your wisdom.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
Have a great day.
Thank you, my friend.
Thank you, you too.
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