Behind the Screen with Kayleigh During of Youtube's "History With Kayleigh"

Send us a text

Kayleigh During is no ordinary history buff. What started as a coping mechanism during a difficult health journey has blossomed into a thriving YouTube channel with over 240,000 subscribers. Today, she pulls back the curtain on the person behind "History with Kayleigh," revealing the profound journey that led her to become a respected voice in ancient history education.

From her earliest childhood memories of discovering Stonehenge in her mother's encyclopedia to her current status as a female creator in a predominantly male space, Kayleigh's story is one of passion, resilience, and determination. She articulates a fascinating perspective on humanity's shift from communal societies to competitive ones during the late Stone Age and early Bronze Age – a transition she characterizes with disarming simplicity as the moment when "it's shiny, it's mine" became our collective mindset.

The conversation takes a sobering turn as Kayleigh candidly discusses the dark side of internet fame. Despite creating educational content about ancient civilizations, megalithic structures, and archaeological discoveries, she regularly faces harassment, sexualization, and boundary violations from a subset of male viewers who seem unable to see past her gender. Her experience reveals the troubling reality many female content creators navigate daily – from implementing extra safety measures while traveling to developing mental health strategies for processing online abuse.

Yet through it all, Kayleigh maintains an inspiring outlook. She's transformed her passion into a career that freed her from disability payments, built meaningful connections with her audience, and created a platform where complex historical concepts become accessible to everyone. Her methods for staying grounded – from nature walks to mindful breathing – offer valuable insights for anyone facing challenges in our hyperconnected world.

Whether you're fascinated by ancient history, curious about the realities of content creation, or simply interested in a remarkable human story, this episode offers a thoughtful exploration of what it means to share your passion with the world while protecting your humanity. Subscribe now and discover more conversations that explore the fascinating people behind the public personas.

Thank you for joining me today. Please know that this podcast and the information shared is not to replace or supplement any mental health or personal wellness modalities provided by practitioners. It’s simply me, sharing my personal experiences and I appreciate you respecting and honoring my story and my guests. If something touched your heart please feel free to like, share and subscribe. Have a beautiful day full of gratitude, compassion and unconditional love.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
What's up you guys?
Welcome to this episode ofCrystal Clear.
I have a fun virtual guest withus today.
I don't do many of thesevirtuals.
I have Miss Kaylee Deringtuning in all the way from
Amsterdam today.
You all may know her fromHistory with Kaylee.

(00:21):
She's been doing her YouTubechannel for about five years now
and those of you who aren'tfamiliar with her you will be
now.
So we are going to dive into thehuman behind the screen today.
So welcome, kaylee, thank you.
Thank you, happy to be here,happy that you're here.
Sorry, I couldn't fly you inand do all the fancy stuff that

(00:44):
my hubs did for you.
It's fine.
It's fine.
Next time you're in town we'regoing to reel you into the
studio again.
But I really appreciate.
You know she and I connectedwhen she was in town for my
husband's Limitless podcast,matt Bell Limitless, and we had

(01:06):
a lunch and, you know, instantlyconnected.
I think that we kind of reallyhad this synergetic connection
that you know, I don't know.
I find it always fun andenlightening when I can do that
with other people, especiallythe first time meeting them, not
really knowing much about them.
So I really appreciate youdeciding to go completely out of
your realm here.
This is a different type ofhistory.

(01:30):
With Kaylee, this is going tobe a little bit more like.
You know who are you, who isthe person behind the videos,
and I think that we live in aculture now and I was talking to
the studio guys before this is.
You know, I think we forgetsometimes that we're real people

(01:51):
.
You know, they're real brains,they're real feelings or real
emotions or real humans behindall of the screens and all of
the things that we're puttingout there.

Speaker 2 (02:03):
So, thanks, I totally agree.
Like you see someone online andyou get this, you form this
picture of them in your head,about who you think they are,
and then, once they reveal alittle bit more about their
lives, you're like I had no cluewho this person was.
Like I concocted something inmy brain but that's not who this

(02:24):
person is.
And, like with you, I was inFlorida and it was very nice and
Matt told me, like you canshoot her a message and just
grab some lunch or something,and I was like normally I would
never do that Just out of theblue message someone I've never
met but I don't know.
It kind of felt natural and themoment I met you it was like oh

(02:47):
, somehow it feels like I'vealready known you and I'm just
vibing.
That's how it felt for me.

Speaker 1 (02:53):
You know, love it, maybe you have.
Maybe we've done some lifetimestogether before, we've been in
some different realms.
Maybe I'm open to it, notdiscounting it, I'm fine with
that, you know, awesome, so yeah.
So tell us a little bit, firstof all about your show.
Like, what is it you've beenputting out there?

(03:13):
I mean, I kind of know, but myaudience, it might be a little
different for them.

Speaker 2 (03:18):
So, yeah, I would love for you to just kind of
introduce what you're up to nowand then we'll you know, we'll
go from there yeah, okay, so I,I make videos on youtube about
ancient history, ancientstructures, um, human evolution,
theories surrounding theancient world, new
archaeological discoveries, allthings ancient.

(03:39):
I just love it.
Uh, I'm a weirdo.
I'm very passionate about wherewe as human species come from
and our origins and I've alwayswondered about that and how we
came to be, because it wasn'tjust a spur of the moment.
We just it's not like we zippedinto existence.
You know what I mean.
Like there's a story and I likea good story.

(04:01):
I mean I got some books, I likea good story.
Okay, I like a good story.
I mean I got some books, I likea good story.
Okay.
So give me a good story andthis, yeah, like human evolution
.
To me it's like an unfinishedstory and every once in a while
you get this new chapter withnew information that reveals so
much more about who we as aspecies are and how we came to

(04:21):
be in our origin story and Ijust love that.
So that's what I usually diveinto on my channel.
And I started my channel tokind of cope with the depression
after being nearly bedriddenfor a couple years after a very
tough surgery, and that verymuch changed the way I view life

(04:43):
and how I currently enjoy lifeand how I'm I don't know.
I don't want to say like I'vealways focused on the light at
the end of the tunnel.
But this made me focus on thelight at the end of the tunnel
because, even though it wasbleak and dark at times, though

(05:07):
it was bleak and dark at timessomething told me it's going to
be okay, keep going, keeppushing.

Speaker 1 (05:12):
So I did and it didn't lie.
Everything turned out okay.
Right, I mean, you have whatlike 240,000 subscribers or
something like that on YouTube.
That is incredible, I mean.
And this is you, just like yousaid.
I mean you followed yourpassion You're talking about and
you're putting information outthere about what your interests
are and what your curiositiesare, and you're apparently not

(05:35):
the only one.
But that is so fulfilling.
So you know, you really tookthat opportunity, in the
stillness of the couple yearsyou had there with health, stuff
to reevaluate and you knowlight at the end of the tunnel,
but you really reframed yourpurpose and brought light to

(05:57):
your life.
And you know you could haveeasily gone a lot of different
directions, but you chose to gointo this one.
A lot of different directions,but you chose to go into this
one and kudos to you.
It's not for the weak, it isnot for the impatient, it is not
, you know, and even the topicsand stuff that you're hitting on

(06:18):
there's not a ton of femalehistorians and content creators
with this type of realm.
I feel like doing my type ofpodcast.
They're a dime, a dozen, likeyou know the feelings and the
emotions and the tell me aboutyour childhood.
You know we're all into this,but I think it's great.

(06:39):
It's a bold and broad choiceand I love it.
And it takes courage andcharisma and personality and you
have all of that.
So I am excited that you'rehere to dive into a little of
the different history per se.
But I mean, you gave us alittle bit of what interests you

(06:59):
and it's funny that you saidyou're always interested in how
we came to be so similarly butdifferent.
I've always been very curiousand interested in why do we act
the way we do?
So less of like how did we gethere?
But like why do we act this way?
Or what drew us to what we'repursuing or what we're

(07:24):
passionate about.
And you know kind of formed ourperspectives and our
curiosities.
And so tell me a little bitabout like when did this?
How did you really tap intothis in your life prior to doing
the YouTube?

Speaker 2 (07:39):
I think it started at a really, really young age.
So my parents split when I wasabout four months and I grew up
at my mom's house and she hadlike this encyclopedia, like she
had the collection like A to Z.

Speaker 1 (07:57):
Not many people had that but she had the collection.
So I think I was about theywere great.

Speaker 2 (08:03):
I think I was about five or six when I started
skimming the pages and I had tobe very careful because these
books were very expensive backin the day, Like they were the
creme de la croix you know, youwere fancy, if in life.
So I remember skimming throughthe pages and I think I was

(08:27):
about five or six.
I first came across likeStonehenge.
I was like, huh, these stones.
And I asked my mom, what's this?
And she was like, oh, that'sStonehenge.
And I'm like, ok, that soundsimportant.
What is it?
She had no clue, so I at thetime wasn't able to like fully
read, but I always looked at thepictures.

(08:50):
So about six or seven, about ayear later, I was able to like
read more and I opened up thebook again and I wanted to learn
more of these stones.
So I started reading about themand I don't know, something in
my brain just clicked likethat's.
It was a familiar feeling, eventhough I only had seen the

(09:11):
picture maybe once or twice inmy life before.
I've got no connections to likethe beaker culture who created
Stonehenge like none.
I come from the other side ofthe North Sea because that's in
England and I'm in theNetherlands, but there was a

(09:32):
familiarity with it and thatalways gnawed at me and I was
good at history in school, highschool.
I flunked high schoolcompletely but I had two like
classes where I excelled andthat was English and history, so
I mean English and history.
So I mean, that's why I do allmy stuff in English and it's
history that's perfect.

(09:52):
You put it to use.
Girlfriend, you put it to use.
I'm so simple-minded.
It's fine.
But yeah, no, the things withlike history.
Second World War in theNetherlands.
It's a big thing.
You can still see the scarstoday, which is a shame.
But at the same time it alsomakes history more tangible to
you.

(10:12):
You feel more connected tothings.
So I studied a little bit aboutWorld War II and the town I grew
up in my birth town, the arealike the province, I live in the
country fully, and then I, youknow, you study World War II
across the European continent,and then you go further back.

(10:34):
Oh, what happened before?
Oh, the first World War, okay,but what happened before that?
Oh, all the French Revolution,dutch Anglo Wars and all that
stuff that completely changedthe playing board constantly.
But then I got annoyed with allthese wars and all that massive

(10:54):
change in such a short time andI was like but why did we become
like this?
Why, where does that come from,that need that drive to take
everything for yourself and pusheveryone else out?
And so I started going backfurther, and if you go back far
enough into like the early StoneAge or the late Stone Age, you

(11:18):
see that people lived completelydifferently when it comes to
that stuff.
Of course you have tribes, andmy tribe lives here, your tribe
lives there.
You stay away, but at the sametime they also traded, they also
live together.
It's not like everyone was justkilling each other, know, what
I mean.

Speaker 1 (11:36):
Right, like we were living in some sort of harmony,
like you do you, we're're gonnado us without the need to
convert or to take over or tojust inhabit everything.
So what do you feel like thatshift was?
Because it had to be something,I think it happened around like

(11:59):
the late stone age, earlybronze.
Okay, it's shiny, it's mineRight In a way in the brain
somehow.

Speaker 2 (12:10):
it's shiny, it's mine .
It's a thing that just popsinto my head always when I think
about when that started.

Speaker 1 (12:16):
Well, and you think of it, that's like you know, the
greed takes over, it's the egostarts to take over.
We start living and adaptinginto more of this egoic society
of luxury and you know, more isbetter or whatever like in

(12:38):
becoming conditioned in that way.

Speaker 2 (12:40):
Yeah, and I think with the Stone Age we started
building things together withthe megalithic structures, the
pyramids, the ziggurats, allthat stuff, and of course, like
the pyramids and the ziggurats,and that happened in like the
early bronze age, late stone age, but at the same time that was

(13:01):
around the time that the shifthappened.
After that we we didn't buildthese incredible things anymore.
Sure, you had the romans withcoliseum and all their
amphitheaters and all thatbeautiful stuff, but like the
megaliths of like ancient turkey, ancient malta, the stonehenge,
all this, the henge monumentsin like scotland, the burial

(13:24):
mounds in ireland.
We stopped doing that because,like you said, it's like greed
takes over.

Speaker 1 (13:30):
It's shiny, it's mine , it's not yours, I want to kill
you for it because you lookedat it funny right, and it's so
interesting to me because I feellike, now more than ever,
there's just so much much outthere for people to compare to
and it's almost like a falsesense of reality, right, it's

(13:52):
like to leave that simplicity ofhaving like a simple life and
we take the humanness and thecompassion away from it when we
start to like bigger is better.
This is that, and it's just likethat, that conditioning of the

(14:12):
mind that takes over and the egotakes over, essentially, and we
, we stop living from within andstart seeking external and
external validation and and allof that and that kind of you
know, to circle back to thepoint earlier is like making you
know, bringing out thehumanness behind.

(14:33):
You know podcasters, or youknow people on YouTube, or even
movie stars and actresses andactors.
I mean, I mean, like mydaughter asked me she's like why
is paparazzi legal?
Like why, just because someonehas a certain job I mean I've
asked myself this from the likesince I can remember because

(14:54):
someone has a certain positionin life, you're allowed to just
brutally stalk them and liketake pictures of them everywhere
.
They can't even go to thegrocery store like a normal
person.
Like, why have we dehumanizedpeople for having a public job
or public appearance.
Like why?

Speaker 2 (15:15):
As a European, as a Dutch person, it's so weird
because we do have paparazzihere, but it's paparazzi in
quotations.
So we have a royal family, wehave a king, a queen, and they
have three daughters and theeldest is going to be like
that's the daughter heir.
She's going to be our queen ina couple of decades.

(15:38):
They went to public schoolswithout any issue.
On the first day of school, thepaparazzi was allowed to snap a
photo to public schools withoutany issue.
On the first day of school, thepaparazzi was allowed to snap a
photo or two near their houseas they were biking to school
with their parents and security.
That was it.

(16:01):
There's photo moments throughoutthe year.
I think there's three or fourroyal photo moments where
paparazzi they can go to themeven on holiday.
If they're in Greece on holidayor if they're like doing skiing
in like Austria or Germany orthings like that, then the
paparazzi can come and they havea photo moment and they have

(16:21):
like 30 minutes, 60 minutes.
Take your photos, they willpose for you and have like 30
minutes, 60 minutes.
Take your photos, they willpose for you and then after that
shoot wait gone Right.

Speaker 1 (16:30):
So there are limits on it there.
And see there are many limits.
So many limits and I love tohear that I had no idea.

Speaker 2 (16:37):
I had no idea, but like it's so weird to me, like,
like people like Blake Lively,how she was photographed while
pregnant even though she hadn'teven announced it to the world
yet.
People let a woman live, 100%,be alive, you know.

Speaker 1 (16:54):
I read Prince Harry's book Spare and it's like
disturbing.
Oh yeah, those poor children,they really are weird.
I mean, I think it's reallybizarre, like I am really happy
for him and his wife for justkind of, you know, wanting some
privacy in their life.

(17:15):
It's just, you know, and I knowthat now I mean essentially
you're a public figure becauseyou've had this channel for for
five years now, and so how hasthat really affected your life?
How has that affected you?
Um, both you know, locally oron the internet?

Speaker 2 (17:39):
So locally, like where I live.
Uh, I used to live in a biggertown but I moved and now I live
with my boyfriends.
People here know that I doYouTube.
They couldn't care less, right,and I love that because that is
Dutch.
But like that is the Dutchculture, just act normal.

(18:01):
You're strange enough when youdo.

Speaker 1 (18:03):
So that's the Dutch culture.

Speaker 2 (18:05):
People here in general could not care less.
Some of them have somequestions, or if I like it or if
I'm able to do it full time andlive from it.
Simple questions, but that'sabout it.

Speaker 1 (18:16):
Like general curiosity.

Speaker 2 (18:19):
Yeah, general curiosity, yeah.
So I went to London in Novemberof 21, right after I left my ex
, and that was my first solotrip and there was this guy who
was following me and I reallythought man, that's weird.
And then I started seeing onInstagram that I had messages

(18:41):
from a guy that was asking mewhere I was going in London.
And I don't respond to thatkind of stuff because I'm
traveling solo, I don't tellpeople where I am.
I was very smart.
I posted pictures like at least24 hours after I had left a
place, because I'm very safelike that, and this guy was

(19:01):
following me and I had to goback to my hotel because the
next day I would leave.
So I was just going to go backto the hotel, do some editing on
my laptop and then maybe in theevening grab a bite and then
the next day in the morning Iwould go.
So I went to the hotel andthankfully England you always
have, like even the smallerhotels you always have like a

(19:24):
desk area where you enter andthere's always a person there.
So I told the person like I'vebeen walking around London for
five and a half hours, this guywho's currently standing outside
the door.
It's creeping me out, has beenfollowing me for about five
hours now and I tried everythinglike go in the tube, go to a

(19:47):
super random place that's notvery touristy but still busy.
Thankfully, on Google Maps youcan see how busy a location is,
so when you click, like at arestaurant, you can see if it's
very busy or not at all.
And I went to all the crowded,like busy places to make sure
that I wouldn't be alone withthis guy, because I didn't trust
it.
And so the girl at the desk shewas like, oh, but that's not

(20:09):
good.
What do you do for a living?
Is there a reason that he couldbe following you?
And I was like, oh, but that'snot good.
What do you do for a living?
Is there a reason that he couldbe following you?
And I was like I'm a little bitof a youtuber.
Back then I had about maybe 50,45, 000, 50, 000 subscribers not
even that much and sheimmediately called the cops.

(20:30):
Cops came so they took him awayand then she told me that she
had called a different hotel andthey would take me for the
night because she didn't wantthe guy to like return to the
hotel when the police would likerelease him and I would still
be at the hotel so that he couldbe following me again.
And so she at the back door.

(20:51):
At the other hotel theyarranged a taxi and everything.
It was perfectly arranged and Ifelt so safe because of it.
But I'm not sure if that wouldhave happened if I wasn't a.
YouTuber Right?
No, I mean we women.
We can be followed by weirdguys 100%.

Speaker 1 (21:11):
But he knew who you were.
Yeah, in some way shape or form.
And if he messaged you onInstagram, he knew who you were
in some way shape or form.
And if he messaged you onInstagram, he knew who you were
and you knew who he was.
So obviously you block thisperson and you carry on.
So that had to really be yourfirst kind of like oh shit, this
is real moment, yeah.

Speaker 2 (21:31):
And ever since.

Speaker 1 (21:32):
I've been.
Well, that was my next question.
So from then on, how do youapproach travel on your own?
Please do not put out anyinformation there, obviously for
your own safety.
If there's something you don'twant to talk about, please don't
Use your discretion.

(21:52):
But it's just.
Again, this is along the lines.
It's just baffling to me thatif you have some sort of public
figure position, people thinkyou're like public property or
something.
It's bizarre, I do.

Speaker 2 (22:05):
Yeah.
So nowadays when I travel Idon't necessarily say where I'm
going.
Usually I do say like mentionthe country, say where I'm going
.
Usually I do say like, mentionthe country.
I don't necessarily mention thecity unless it's like Edinburgh
and it's big enough and you canbe safe.
So I went to Scotland about twoyears ago on my own for about

(22:28):
five days.
I was in a very public area, myhotel and the pickups for all
the tours that I was doingbecause I was doing all these
Highland tours and like riskytours, you're in Scotland, what
you gonna do so everything wasvery close to my hotel and there
was a bar nearly next to thehotel, to the hotel, and they

(23:00):
had 24 hour security, the 24 7security, very nice.
So the hotel has 24 7 security,that bar has 24 7 security and
the pickup is like straightahead, perfect.
I didn't tell anyone I wasthere.
I posted a picture at Loch Ness, of course, like you're at Loch
Ness, of course, like you're atLoch Ness.
But I was in a tour bus withlike 35 other people and the
tour bus was like going fromplace to place to place.

(23:22):
So I don't care if I'mcurrently standing at Loch Ness
taking a picture and posting it,because I know in 10 minutes
the bus is going to go.
Right, you're gone forever, I'mgone again.
So that's, it's fine.
But the moments that I was inEdinburgh, like in the city
itself, I wouldn't post that Iwas there, I wouldn't post
anything with the location, justnothing.

(23:44):
People knew I was in Scotland.
That's all they knew, becauseyou have to be safe.
I traveled with Kevin, myboyfriend.
We went to Malta.
We went there for about fivedays together and I've got
friends in Malta and it's supersmall, like it's a really,
really small island.
You can go from one place tothe other in, I think, less than

(24:05):
30 minutes.
If traffic would be normal,traffic is like crazy there, but
that's beside the point.
Super small Island and I postedwhere we were when we were
there.
But I have this bodybuildernext to me.
He's a big dude, he's got likemassive arms and everything.
I felt super safe.
I was like let them come.

Speaker 1 (24:29):
Is your boyfriend you're referring to?

Speaker 2 (24:32):
Yeah, but like, let them come.
Yeah, I got this massive guynext to me, I'll be safe, it's
fine.
But I also knew it's such asmall island.
You already have to be on theisland because traveling there
takes a while.
And then even on the island,going from place to place,
because traffic there is socrazy, it takes 20 as long, even

(24:55):
though it's like a super short,normally five minute drive, and
it takes you like 45 minutesbecause traffic is insane.
So I knew by the time I hadposted this and someone was able
to come here, I was alreadygone, but at the same time I got
my boyfriend with me.

Speaker 1 (25:11):
I'm safe, I'm fine, yeah Well, it's a different
level of comfort, a differenceyeah, and I think there's just a
different level of comfort andsecurity not traveling alone,
like whether it's with you know,a girlfriend or a partner or a
group of friends, or, yeah, youknow.
There's just that like extraaccountability of like you know,
I know, when I travel by myself, I'm like sending pictures of

(25:33):
the Uber tags I'm going here,I'm going there.
It's not that I feel like Ineed to check in, but I want him
to know where I am and what mydriver's name is and what the
car I'm in or whatever it isthat I'm doing, because I have
been doing a lot more solotravel lately and luckily
haven't run into anything crazy.

Speaker 2 (25:56):
But at the same time, like solo traveling, it reveals
so much about yourself that youwould never have realized it if
you were with someone, becauseI've traveled with people and
I've traveled alone.
Traveling alone is such adifferent experience.
It's so amazing Because youhave to figure it out.

Speaker 1 (26:19):
Yes and I and you get to be in your own energy field
the whole time, like if you wantto sit down and you're like, no
, I don't want this anymore, youget up and leave.
You know, if you want to gohere, if you want to stay some
more five minutes, if you wantto stay three hours, if you want
to read a book, if you want tojournal, there's something so
freeing to be able to travelalone, especially visiting.

(26:41):
I'm sure you've gone andvisited ancient sites and you're
just really able to connectwith the energy of spaces when
you're by yourself.

Speaker 2 (26:53):
Yeah, way more.

Speaker 1 (26:55):
Yeah, really special to that.
Obviously love traveling withothers as well, but, um, so
what's really been?
You know, putting yourself outthere and all of these you know
you have wonderful content,wonderful videos Um, what's
really been a lot of thefeedback.

(27:15):
What's the feedback been likefor you?
You know, maybe from the timeyou started to now, how has it
evolved?
What is kind of a generalconsensus of you know what I'm
intrigued by what people have tosay about your channel and your
show and you in general.

Speaker 2 (27:35):
Most people just enjoy the fact that I'm a woman
doing this, talking about this,making difficult subjects easier
to understand, because that'smy main goal and I'm very
grateful that most peopleunderstand my main goal of the
channel because science is superdifficult.
My main goal of the channel,because science is super

(27:58):
difficult.
Reading a scientific paper orarchaeological study, honestly,
and I have to say it, it's themost boring thing in the entire
world.
Seriously, it's so boring.
Even archaeologists andhistorians they all say this
themselves it's the most boringstuff unless you get to like the
very tiny good part that's thebasis of the entire study.

(28:20):
But, like, in general, it'sboring and I try to make it more
entertaining, I try to make itmore lighthearted, way less
jargon and if I can't go aroundthe jargon, I try and explain
what the jargon means or likewhy is it called that way?
Or things like that, becausemost people probably have never

(28:42):
heard of the jargon that's usedin these scientific papers and
it's so difficult to understandthat.
And I'm not from a scientificfamily.
I don't have a scientificbackground.
I did not go to college oruniversity or however people
want to call it.
I'm a high school dropout and Isay that with a certain level

(29:02):
of pride, because my life wasn'teasy and I therefore wasn't
able to finish high school.
It wasn't because I didn't haveintelligence to do it, it's
just that life at the time madeit very difficult for me to
focus on school, and so Iflunked.
And that's fine, because youdon't necessarily need that

(29:23):
basis to be able to do anythinggood with your life.
You know, you can still reachbeautiful things, and so I do
have a certain level ofintelligence that I decided to.
One day maybe I should use that, should maybe be smart, but I

(29:44):
don't know.
It's.
It's in general, people enjoythe fact that I do this.
And then there's a groupbecause, like, 90% of my viewers
are men, and I don't haveanything against men, I actually
really kind of like them.
I'm a very straight woman, so Imean, sorry, I like men, but

(30:07):
there is a large group of menthat watch me on YouTube and
they don't like me.
They don't like the fact that awoman is talking about history.
They don't like the fact thatI'm a woman with a female shaped
body.
How dare I have curves on likethe chesticles area?
It's, it's a thing.

(30:29):
It's a thing, but I can't helpit.
People accuse me of being trans.
People accuse me of having fakeyeah.
Yeah, I'm being transvesticatedall the time.
I don't understand why peoplethink.
I was born a man, even though Ihad a hysterectomy last year.
Don't recommend, by the way anyof their business, though, like

(30:53):
I'm so confused I have broadshoulders and I have a little
bit of a muscle, so do I like?
So, therefore, I must be trans,apparently.
But if I was trans I would nothave needed that hysterectomy
and life would have been so muchright, right, that would have,

(31:13):
really would have been a winnerthere really.
But yeah, no, uh.
So there's, there's a lot ofsexualization going on because
there's a group of men 40 plusand older that just can't handle
the fact that I'm a womantalking history, and so they
have to do all this nasty stuffin hopes to stop me from doing

(31:37):
it, it seems.
But yeah, it's not working forthem because it's been five
years and I'm still here.

Speaker 1 (31:44):
I'm kind of baffled by this.
So what do they do?
Do they just like harass youonline, harass me?
Are they reposting?
Your stuff Like what is it?

Speaker 2 (31:54):
And what platforms?

Speaker 1 (31:55):
Because I feel like Xers are really, really like
unconscious people.
I'm sorry, like X people.
Matt's a big on X.
It's not for me.
People on X do not like mycontent and I don't care Like
they're like no one gives a shitabout your life.
I'm like okay.
Then why did you comment Like,yeah, shit about your life.
I'm like okay.
Then why did you comment soyeah.

(32:18):
So give me some examples.
I'm curious.

Speaker 2 (32:26):
Like what and like why would you even watch?
I guess I'm just like baffledby it.
So on YouTube you can hidewords so that if people type
comments and they use thosewords, the comment immediately
goes.
It's filtered out.
I can still, as creator, seethe comments if I go into my
hidden comments.
So I had a video go kind ofviral in 21.

(32:47):
And I was wearing a shirt thathad like sunglasses and then
burka below.
I've not like been comfortablewearing that shirt until like
last week and it's been fouryears now, but I wore that shirt
.
That video went viral and itwas all about my boobs in any

(33:08):
way, shape or form that you canthink you can spell boobs online
in a comment.
I've had them and they'recurrently hidden.

Speaker 1 (33:16):
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 (33:17):
I had hundreds, like I didn't back then.
I still had notifications on myphone, so my phone was going
off 24, seven for four and ahalf weeks straight and nine out
of 10 comments were about myboobs and men saying they wanted
to do all this nasty stuff withme.
And if I would say no, theywould still do it.

(33:40):
And I was like, if this isgoing viral online, I don't want
it, I don't want it, right, Idon't, I don't need this, I
don't need that.
No, men online think they cansay anything and everything
without any repercussionsbecause they're hiding behind
the screen yeah yeah, it's scaryand, oh my god, some of them

(34:05):
are persistent.
so then you hide them on likeyoutube.
You hide their account andeverything, and then they start
doing it on instagram, on x, x,on all the other apps.
They go into my Discord.
They harass me there.
So I've got moderators on myDiscord, I've got moderators on
my YouTube and they will makesure that I'm safe.

(34:26):
I've got a friend who is likeactually deleting my hidden
comment section every day sothat I don't accidentally go in
there and see the nasty stuff,because he's like no, you've
done that for like four and ahalf years.
Your mental health is declining.
You need to not see that everagain.
So I'll delete that for you,because sometimes you

(34:46):
accidentally go there and it'slike then you see it and you're
confronted with the nasty andit's like you start looking at
yourself differently wheneveryone's just talking about
your boobs and your body shape.
And I'm just a person, I weart-shirts up until, like, I hit
the neck, it's not like I neverflaunt.

(35:08):
I never flaunt what I gotbecause that's not who I am as a
person.
I was harassed when I was superyoung I was 12 and I got this
40-year-old man telling me I gotnice mountains and I just had
like two itty bitty titties.

Speaker 1 (35:22):
Oh my God, okay, so that's trigger number one.

Speaker 2 (35:24):
First, of all.
That's trigger number one.
Yeah, but like that messes withyou and then later on they get
bigger and men always stare atthem.
So you start covering them upand that's what I feel good with
.
You know, I, in the summer Isometimes wear a dress and
that's a little bit low cut, butstill no cleavage, because I

(35:45):
can't handle cleavage.
In my mind, cleavage and I, weare not friends, like no.

Speaker 1 (35:52):
And you know, and that is really effing sad,
because the female body is sobeautiful.
And yeah, I mean, there'senough women putting their shit
online.
Like what is the point ofharassing you?
Like I don't get it, I think.
I think it's because you don'tput it out there.
You know what I mean?
It's almost like can't theyjust go to only fans, or

(36:16):
something?
Or like there's a market forall of what they're doing.

Speaker 2 (36:22):
There's a market for that.

Speaker 1 (36:24):
Oh no, I posted something about Matt and I's
podcast together on X and peoplewere only it was insane.
I had to just delete it.
Um, but it is crazy to me thatthere is this much harassment
the online platforms what dothey do about it?
Is there any justice for this?
Can you report these people?

Speaker 2 (36:47):
Worst case, their account gets suspended or
deleted, and then they justcreate another account.

Speaker 1 (36:52):
They're on to the next.

Speaker 2 (36:54):
Oh my god yeah, you know I get the only fans
comments every single day, allday long on all platforms in my
dms and everything.
If I don't have a secret, onlyfans that I'm just hiding from
everyone because everyonealready knows that I have it and
I'm like um, I would be a lot,a lot richer if I had only fans.

(37:18):
Like at least like a lot, likea lot, like I wouldn't have to
struggle paying certain billsand I do that.

Speaker 1 (37:29):
I really don't even understand what only fans is.
Is it essentially just aplatform where people like post
their feet and shit for money,like that's what I don't know?
Essentially just a?

Speaker 2 (37:35):
platform where people like post their feet and shit
for money, like that's what Idon't know, only fans is more
like the, the, the D O R N,nikki, stuff.
Sell your body.
It's like it's, it's more likethat, okay.

Speaker 1 (37:46):
Yeah, so that's not for me, so no, but so it's like
general pop can just put thatstuff out there and that's how,
oh yeah, this is so disturbing.
And men are convinced.

Speaker 2 (37:58):
I have one and I'm like if I had one I would be
paying my bills.
Maybe you have a doppelgangerSorry, sorry, maybe that would
be funny.

Speaker 1 (38:12):
Thankfully no.

Speaker 2 (38:16):
It's just weird to me , because they see a woman
online and someone like me whohas had like a little bit of a
bigger chest it's not even thatbig, I mean it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 (38:27):
I mean you look completely proportionate to me.
You don't look any.
I mean I grew up, I didmodeling, I did all this other
stuff.
I mean I don't feel you justhave a normal, fit female body
to me and it's not like it's.
You know, like I said, there'sa lot of people doing like extra
to put things out there,whether it's on Instagram or
YouTube or like, so why targetsomeone who's just trying to

(38:51):
freaking educate people?

Speaker 2 (38:53):
I don't understand the psychology behind that I
think it has to do with the factthat I'm blonde.
How dare I?
I have boobs, how dare I havethem at a certain size?
Cause I'm not flat chested,I've got chesticles.
I'm sorry, I'm a little bitlean.
I'm not even as lean as I usedto be, but like, still a little

(39:15):
bit lean.
I've got some muscle, I've gotlight eyes and I'm European.
So it's like mostly Americanmen 40 plus that harass me like
this and say that I need to havean, only fans and all that
stuff.
It's mostly them.

Speaker 1 (39:32):
And you can tell demographically that it's
Americans.

Speaker 2 (39:37):
But, like it's, I'm everything that they will never
be able to attain.
I'm out of their reach in likeway more than just one way.
So they resort to harassing me.
Because how dare I exist notfor their service, dare I?

Speaker 1 (39:55):
exist, not for their service.

Speaker 2 (39:55):
That's how it feels.

Speaker 1 (39:56):
That's so disturbing.

Speaker 2 (39:58):
But that's how it feels, because when you look at
like European women, most men incertain countries and I think
some of them in America, arelike this not all of them, but I
mean we all know it's not allof them, but I mean we all know
it's not all of them, but, likesome of them will be angry when
they hear that some men becausein their mind it's like you said

(40:21):
, all men- well, guess what?

Speaker 1 (40:23):
that's their own shit .
That's their own shit, and theway that they respond to it is
their own inner stuff.

Speaker 2 (40:29):
That's their own guilty stuff and like if they
feel affected by my words.
That just means that you justouted yourself to the rest of
the world.
That's fine, dude, you do, youCongratulations.
But it's like it's these menout of the States.
They're 40 plus and they thinkall blonde European women are
for sale.
It's that simple because youhave some women from like

(40:55):
Eastern Europe that are indeedmaking themselves for sale for
these men because they want tohave a certain lifestyle and
they want to have money and theycome from like very poor
upbringing and in their mind,that is their only way out.
It's super sad, but they doexist.
But not all blonde Europeanwomen are like that.
It's a super small percentage,like super, super small.

(41:18):
But these men think that allblonde European women are for
sale and there's a disconnect.
When I was young, you had likemaybe one or two porn stores,
like actual stores, where peoplewould go and they would buy or
rent porn or things like that.

(41:39):
Nowadays it's everywhere, allthe damn time.

Speaker 1 (41:44):
Really, even with the internet the way it is.

Speaker 2 (41:48):
It's just porn.
90% of the internet, I feel, isjust porn at this point.
Yeah, it's nasty.
It's not my thing.
I never watch it because Idon't feel okay with it.

Speaker 1 (42:01):
I've never felt okay with it.
Well, again it's dehumanizing.
I personally feel like it'sdehumanizing and it's sad.
I don't know what made you feellike you needed to do that for
validation and worthiness, likeI, don't know it just breaks my
heart, to be honest.

Speaker 2 (42:15):
But for me too, but I I also see that it is affecting
men way more than it isaffecting us women in like when
it comes to looking at sex andlooking at love.
Well, because it desensitizesconnection.

Speaker 1 (42:30):
It desensitizes connection.
It desensitizes connection.
It desensitizes connection.
It desensitizes intimacy.
It makes it where.
It's like a material, likesomething you do, not someone
you are.
Like there's not a personbehind.
Like you know, we started outtalking about the person behind
the YouTube video.
Like poor girl behind thatscreen, like what?

(42:51):
Oh, it's just heartbreaking.
But you're, I feel like youreally hit the nail on the head
with that.
It's like it reallydesensitizes the fact that those
are real, that we're other,we're real people.
You know, I mean, like yourself, I have always been muscular
and blonde and, like, had afemale body shape and but just

(43:16):
because I want to wear a dressor a swimsuit doesn't mean that
I'm like your personal effingproperty that you can look at or
give you permission to likeit's disgusting and, um, it's
interesting.
My husband and I have had thisconversation for many years and
you know he's like well, did yousee that person?
I'm like, no, like.
I have trained myself for 30years I'm 40, for 30 years to

(43:42):
block it out, because if I paidattention to everyone I thought
was looking at me or you know,it would make me feel so gross.
And so again, like, like, I'mnot a person like I'm not like
and it's just so sad, I think,even raising a daughter and
having teenage girls around andactually just watched this show

(44:03):
on Netflix the other night.
I turned it on, I had to turnit off.
Bad influence.
Have you watched that?
I've heard of it, I've notwatched it yet.
The mom that managed theseyoung kids and like literally
sending her daughter's pantiesto old men Like I'm like, what
is what is happening?
And so, from your perspective,like being in this scene of you

(44:28):
know, having all of thesefollowers and I'm glad that you
say the majority of them arepolite and love your content but
then you have this bubble ofpeople that are really like to
be I have no other words otherthan gross and extreme.
Like yeah, but like how do youprotect yourself from that?

Speaker 2 (44:49):
like it's hard even I wasn't always good at it.
Yeah, I wasn't always good atit Because, like I said, I would
very often accidentally end upin the hidden comments or the
comments wouldn't be well hidden, like YouTube would like to let
them slip through or give me anotification even though I've
got my notifications turned off.

(45:11):
But yeah, things like that dohappen still.
But yeah, things like that dohappen still, even now.
And every time it happens, Ifeel so grossed out I can barely
look at myself in the mirror.
Usually I take a very, verylong hot shower Right, wash it

(45:31):
away, but at the same time, Itry and protect myself.
So I hide everything.
I hide the words, I block thepeople.
I have moderators.
I have a team of people that I.
They're all my friends like.
We became friends throughout medoing YouTube, but they're here
and they help me out withmoderation.
They remove comments, they blockpeople and they all do it

(45:56):
because they want to help mekeep my mental health safe, so
that I can keep creating videos,because I've been at the point
of I don't want to do thisanymore for a couple of times
throughout the years, and it'shard coming back from that
because at the same time,youtube changed my life.
It made everything better.

(46:17):
I had a very shitty life andYouTube started to go off and,
even though it was dark andbleak for a time, I made it the
best that I could, and I nowearn my money from doing YouTube
and I'm no longer on disabilitypay and I'm no longer someone

(46:39):
who's just doing this at thegovernment and saying give me
money every month.
I'm making my own and I changedmy life through that.
But that doesn't make it easyat the same time.
So I'm grateful.
But it's so double-sidedbecause of it the negativity I
don't want to let it win, but atthe same time, it sometimes
does Right.

Speaker 1 (47:01):
Absolutely, and you know, whether that's doing like
your YouTube channel or evengetting up in public and doing
public appearances or speaking,and just knowing you know, I
guess we all put ourselves atrisk some way or another.
You know, and you just reallyhave to stay focused on it.

(47:22):
I know one thing I try toreally say it's funny.
I noticed my body languagechanged as we were talking about
that.
I started to like curl up andfeel cringy and I'm like, okay,
like I'm wiping it away.
There's no creepers right now,like.
But it's interesting how,subconsciously, when we talk
about that as females, we, youknow, we want to curl in

(47:44):
ourselves small.
Right and I feel like we are.
I feel like it's a reallyinteresting and special time in
history right now that we dohave more of a voice than ever.
We have all of these differentplatforms where we can speak our
truth and you know, and whetherpeople are really listening or

(48:05):
not to our true intrinsicintention.
I have really tried to convincemyself it's none of my business
, because I'm doing it from aplace of compassion, of, like,
intentionally gettinginformation out there and if it
hits one person, then that's.

(48:27):
I've done my duty for the day.
Like, if each one of mypodcasts affects one person, and
usually I'll get some commentsor something and I'll understand
that it does.
But just staying true to yourroots, like remembering why you
started doing it in the firstplace, one thing I like to
really try to do when I do thisin big energetic events is

(48:49):
create my little light bubblearound me.
So if you're going to open theinternet, some comments might
come your way.
You know what I'm going to putmy little light bubble around me
.
So if you're going to open theinternet, some comments might
come your way.
You know what I'm going to putmy little light bubble around me
.
They're not going to affect meand knowing that.
And it's really hard for me tohave compassion for creepers
like that.
I'm a really good compassionateperson but when you're just
being downright weird andsexualizing, I just know that's

(49:15):
boundaries.
That yeah, not so muchcompassion for that, but knowing
that that person has their ownconditioning and their own
traumas and their own stuff thathas led them to a place in
their life where they feel likeit's just okay to talk to people
this way.
That's kind of what I wouldnever do it but reach out to
them and be like what happenedto you in your life, to where

(49:37):
you feel like it is okay tobehave this way, like and treat
people this way.
Like you know what happened totreating everyone like you want
to be treated, like whathappened to just being a kind
person and being mindful ofpeople's spirits and their
hearts and their intentions, andlike you're literally someone
passionate about history andeducation and, like you said,

(50:01):
you've transitioned your lifeinto being something beautiful
and probably bigger than youever thought it would be.
I mean, 240,000 followers isnot for the weak.
I mean you've really workeddiligently to create this
beautiful life for yourself andthe value behind that.
I hope that you know in yourhearts of hearts that the

(50:24):
majority of those people are init because you're doing a great
thing.
Like, not all of them are thatpercentage of weirdos, because I
think in those moments where itfeels really big, we can go
down that rabbit hole right.
It's like, oh my God, are allthese people?
Like what is their attention?
Are they really listening to meor are they just looking at me?

(50:45):
Are they really understanding?
I mean, honestly, that's why,for the first year of my podcast
, I'm like I don't want it onYouTube.
Like I want to be heard and notseen.
For the first time in my life,I want people to hear me, not
see me, and I was very adamantabout it.
And then I was like, okay,whatever, like if you guys want
to put it all out there, thecontent's there, put it all out
there.
But that's something that Ireally had to get my head and my

(51:11):
heart wrapped around, like, doI even want that?
Because I don't want to drawany more attention like that to
my life or myself or my familyor my you know it's like I don't
know.
We live in this society whereyou feel like you should have
all the security in the world,but we're so like disconnectedly
connected that we forget thatwe're all humans.

Speaker 2 (51:35):
But also when you like.
When you put it out on aplatform like YouTube, you're
actually opening yourself up tothat Right exactly.

Speaker 1 (51:44):
The bad stuff Right, and you just have to do it,
knowing that that's out there.

Speaker 2 (51:50):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I understand why some peoplesay never look at comments on
YouTube.
I really do, I do, but also, atthe same time, I often get
people that comment things likeyou're one of the few people on
YouTube that responds or gives aheart or actually likes my

(52:11):
comment back, and at the sametime, I also wanted to make the
channel to have that certaintype of connection with people.

Speaker 1 (52:18):
Right and like-minded people.

Speaker 2 (52:21):
Yeah, exactly so it's such a double-edged sword and I
hate the fact that it is thatway because it shouldn't have to
be.
You know what I mean.
It shouldn't have to be.
I shouldn't have to diminishmyself, even if I sat in a bag
of potatoes, like dress, thingslike that.

(52:43):
I mean Marilyn Monroe showedDoesn't matter what you wear,
you still get the creepers, youstill get all of it.
Get all of it because itdoesn't matter.
It doesn't matter if I sitthere in a hoodie, it doesn't
matter if I sit there in abikini and I get the bikini
comments like every single daylike people asking you to wear

(53:05):
your bikini?
yeah, why don't?
Why don't I do my videos in abikini and I'm like um, because
I'm talking about history.
What has a bikini to do with?
Like these stones that theydiscovered stacked, and like
turkey?
Like what?
Why, what?
I don't see it.

Speaker 1 (53:24):
Oh, but it's not the purpose.

Speaker 2 (53:26):
Well, you go to a porn site if you want to have
high candy.
Well, that I think is my point?

Speaker 1 (53:31):
Like, why pick on you when there are so many other
resources out there for thesepeople?
I think that is like, can wejust redirect you guys to these
other places, because there areplenty of outlets out there.
And it is just baffling to me,I think, that people choose to
pick on you like this.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (53:50):
I should probably start responding with just a
linked Pornhub.
Seriously, here go to this,enjoy yourself, but be away.

Speaker 1 (54:02):
Right, but not to feed the beast in the meantime,
I mean.
And so how?
How does this affect yourrelationship?
If you don't mind me asking,like, how does your significant
other respond to this?
How does he really manage andcope with it?
Because I know that, you knowit can be a struggle when people

(54:22):
are he's not aware.

Speaker 2 (54:24):
He's not aware of most of it, probably because I
don't necessarily shareeverything with him Because I
don't feel like it's necessaryto share with him unless I'm
struggling that day.
But at the same time, if I'mout and we're just having a good
time, we're at a bar or at afestival or things like that,

(54:48):
and men are creepy towards me,even though they don't know if
I'm a YouTuber or not, itdoesn't matter.
But if men are creepy, healways stands up.
He's always got my back, he'salways making sure that I'm okay
, I feel safe.
So at the same time, I know hewill be there for me if I need
him.
But I don't want to bother himwith the fact that these creeps

(55:08):
online exist, because it's nothis fault.
Why should I drag him downbecause of them?
I don't want them to affect him.
So I've got these people that,like they moderate, and I've got
my friend who deletes my hiddencomments so that I don't even
see it and I'm no longeraffected by it and so at this
point in time, we both are notaffected by it.

(55:32):
But at the same time, yeah,there were some moments where I
look very differently towards mybody because I don't feel
secure in it anymore.

Speaker 1 (55:44):
And that's ridiculous , because you have skin, and
that's it hurts my heart so badbecause, a as a female, we're
hard enough on ourselves.
We're brutal on ourselves, youknow.
And B like females havebeautiful bodies Sorry, guys,
but we have beautiful curves,like I get it.

(56:05):
I get why you like us.
However, we should feel securein our bodies and celebrate them
, and I don't really.
You know, it takes a lot ofwork to get to the point to do
that, and a lot of processingand overcoming a lot of like
just because I want to feelbeautiful and feminine in my

(56:26):
body doesn't give you permissionto cross boundaries.
So it's like setting thosehealthy boundaries and knowing
that.
Trust me, having a teenagedaughter, I am terrified for her
with the first few, you know,boundaries crossed, or it's just
, oh, I don't even like to thinkabout it, because in her

(56:47):
lifetime it's going to happen.
I mean it's going to.
And men too.
I mean not to discount thishappens to men as well.
I kind of joke with Matt and I'mlike I kind of joke with Matt,
I'm like do you have anystalkers?
And he's like I don't know.
I'm like do you have anystalkers?
He gets lots of hair comments,but true, though, because I mean

(57:10):
they can be just as brutal.
I just don't feel like it's aspredominant.
So what are you like?
What are some of the things thatyou do in your own time?
Like, do you journal to processthrough?
Like, do you have any sort oflike system or way that you just
shed you said you took reallylong hot showers like any way

(57:31):
that you kind of shed thisenergy from your life just to
stay grounded and present in thework that you're doing?
And, um, because I think that'ssuper pivotal and no matter
what kind of line of work you'redoing is just doing something
to rid the excess but alsoprocess it and navigate through
it at the same time.
And maybe you're you're not yetand and you want to, but just

(57:53):
curious of like, maybe somethings that you do that other
people might be able to do, thathelp you.

Speaker 2 (58:02):
I usually take a long walk, like a good hot hot
shower for like a good 20-30minutes and then after that a
nice long walk in nature,because I always feel like I can
only ground myself in nature,yeah, cause like I need a breeze
and I need to hear some birdsaround me and I need to see some

(58:24):
animals and just hear maybesome waves crashing on, like
anything like that.
Just nature sounds and actuallybeing outside, just listening
to nature sounds when I'm inside, doesn't work like that.

Speaker 1 (58:38):
No, I don't work like that either.
I want to be out there, I wantto immerse myself in it, even
like Sunday.

Speaker 2 (58:44):
In winter it's so difficult because in the
Netherlands our rain seasonstarts in September and then it
starts to like really cool downand it goes to around freezing
below freezing in December,january, february, and then in
March we usually have like thewell, it's, it's above freezing,
you know, it's below, it'sabout.

Speaker 1 (59:05):
No, it's below maybe you should just start coming to
to Florida during that timeperiod and that's why we have
snowbirds.
In the US we have snowbirds,people, that go up north for
half the year.
They come down South for halfthe year to avoid that that gap.
But I agree, there is somethingbut being in nature regulates

(59:26):
your nervous system, so, butit's really hard to do that when
it's frigid, cold outside.
That has your nervous system,like you know.
And where are the birds?
Birds have all flown away, like, where are the leaves?
The leaves are all gone.
It's like can't put my feet inthe grass.
So what do you do in the winter?
Is it just more of a difficulttime?

Speaker 2 (59:47):
more of a difficult time.
For sure, horizontal rain isnot a thing you want to walk in.
No, really not, and it's coldand it's so nasty and I hate it.
But no, in the winter I usuallyI watch more, uh, fantasy shows
, so like wheel of time, uh, myold, like supernatural vampire

(01:00:10):
diaries, things that I'vewatched already in the past,
just to like, regulate my systemand just take you away a little
bit.
Yeah.
And then I read way more and Ijust try and be mindful of the
fact that it's going to pass.
All the feelings that I'mcurrently feeling are going to
pass.
The winter and thedepressiveness and the gray,

(01:00:33):
cloudy sky that's here for likesix, seven months of the year
it's gonna pass, everything'sgonna pass.
Just breathe, because before Iknow it, it's gonna be April or
May and the sun's here andeverything's gonna be good again
.
So, even like with the weather,but also with like the, the
stuff online, just keepbreathing.

(01:00:55):
That's, I think, the mostimportant thing that I keep
saying to myself.
No matter what happens, it'sgoing to be okay, it's going to
pass.
Whatever I'm feeling, even yourfeelings of happiness,
everything passes.
So it's fine.
Just keep breathing, becauseyou're going to go through this
and you're going to be at theother side and you're going to

(01:01:16):
look back and you're going tothink I survived, that I just
kept breathing, and you can justkeep doing that.
I think that's the best adviceI can give to people.

Speaker 1 (01:01:27):
I love that and I mean, and that's a huge, like I
think I mentioned to you before,but I'm on the board of this
nonprofit resilient retreat andwe provide free programming,
actually virtual programming too, so that could time, time-wise,
if it worked out, that could bea fun winter project for you
because we do, like you know, um, guided meditations and
different, you know, differentfun events.

(01:01:50):
I do like a journal,empowerment journaling and just
ways to process through and getthrough that and it's all of you
talking about.
This has really made me realizeI take for granted living
somewhere that's beautiful yearround, because I really do feel
like I'm solar powered and Iprobably would not survive if it
were gray for six months out ofthe year.

(01:02:11):
So that, or longer even.
But thank you for sharing thatand that's huge because by
connecting with our breath, Imean it forces us to go inward,
it makes us connect to ourselvesat a level that you know what
I'm here, I'm alive, I'm well,I'm breathing, I'm here and

(01:02:33):
usually actually I taught a yogaclass this morning and one of
the exercises I have them do isplace a hand over their heart
and a hand over their belly andjust close their eyes and just
connect, really feel the rhythmof your heartbeat and really
connect to the rise and the fallof your belly.
And I remind them, you can comeback to this space.
It doesn't matter where you are, as long as you have two hands,

(01:02:55):
a heart and a belly and breaththat you can come back to this
space.
And I found myself like if it'sa big, giant event, like I'll
go in the bathroom and just belike like, just take a minute,
it totally settles my systemrewiring.
So when all those nastycomments pop up and all this
other stuff, like that's areally great tool.

(01:03:18):
So thank you for reiteratingthat I'm.
I'm down with it, with theconnecting in nature and all the
things, and I would love tohave you.
We'll have to spend like sometime next time you come back to
the States.

Speaker 2 (01:03:30):
Yeah, the last time you had a couple of days we'll
have to.

Speaker 1 (01:03:33):
I'll show you the rope, show all my favorite
nature places and maybe even doa retreat while you're in town.
I'll have to like plan aroundyou being here and so we can.
We can do some all the fun woowoo stuff I'll show you.
I'll show you the ropes of allmy fun stuff around here.
But um, yeah, and um you know,kaylee, I really appreciate you

(01:03:55):
coming on and you know it's alittle different, doing a little
different today, but I thinkit's just spread such awareness
and you know, I really um lovehow empowered you are to
continue your journey with yourhistory with Kaylee is wonderful
, like, don't let this shit stop.

(01:04:23):
You Like that's what, likeyou're built for it and
understanding like otherpeople's stuff that's them Um,
you know, and just I, kudos toyou and honestly I am surprised
you saved that shirt, but I kindof love that you did Um, and if
you ever want to do a retreatand journal about it all, we can

(01:04:45):
burn the shirt.
It'll be fun and you can justlet that shit go.
We'll have a shirt burning.
I do journal burning and thenwe'll let all the shit behind
the shirt.
We're going to burn it, we'regoing to let it go.

Speaker 2 (01:04:59):
Oh, when I left my ex .
I had all these pictures andjournals and everything from
like.
We were nearly 10 yearstogether and he was very toxic
and abusive.
I left him and everything thatreminded me of him.
I threw it on a pile in mygrandpa's backyard and I just
lit it and I just looked at itburn and I was like you know

(01:05:19):
what?
I'm closing this book and I'mopening a new one, a new chapter
and a new life.
This is me and that's what Idid in October of 21.

Speaker 1 (01:05:29):
So yeah, I love that, I love that for you.
And here we are I mean fouryears later, almost, but thank
you so much.
It's been so great and I love.
I really hope that some of mylisteners check out your stuff.
I mean, you have amazingcontent and I always learn a lot
because, like you said, youreally.

(01:05:50):
Yes, we need ladies rallying theladies.
History with Kaylee YouTube.
You're also on Facebook and allthe other platforms, but I'll
put a little link there too,because, like you explained
earlier, you explain it in sucha way that it's like, oh yeah,
and it's.
You know, some of us probablyforget half this stuff.
I'm kind of in tune with itbecause you know it's Matt's
thing, so I hear it from thehubs, but thing, so I hear it

(01:06:19):
from the hubs.
But yeah, it's really reallygreat content and you're a
really great person and Iappreciate you and don't let all
the bleh out there dull yoursparkle girlfriend.
I appreciate you.
Thank you so much for beinghere today.