Evolution & Acceptance with Kayla Fite from "Habits You Love"

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After surviving a hurricane-threatened wedding and embracing the challenges of new parenthood, Kayla shares her transformative journey from fitness model to health and mental health advocate.  Kayla recounts the evolution of her podcast, "Habits You Love," which started as a therapeutic project and has grown into a platform for exploring wellness, relationships, and personal growth. She now co-hosts with her new husband Tyler Fite reflects on how life’s unpredictability has taught them resilience and the beauty of embracing change with open arms.

Listeners will gain insights into the art of balancing life's demands while nurturing oneself. Kayla & Tyler's candid anecdotes about the importance of slowing down and creating space for introspection resonate in today’s fast-paced world. The episode offers a glimpse into their evolving relationship with fitness, underlining the importance of nurturing both mind and body without succumbing to societal pressures. Through stories of personal and family dynamics, they emphasize emotional maturity and communication as pillars of healthier relationships.

By tuning in, you’ll witness the journey of managing personal triggers, understanding relationship dynamics, and balancing masculine and feminine energies. With over 116 episodes, "Habits You Love" is a testament to the dedication and growth fostered by open conversations. Celebrate the milestones with Kayla as she shares the triumphs and challenges of podcasting while inspiring listeners to find joy in their journey of personal development and self-discovery.

Thank you for joining me today. Please know that this podcast and the information shared is not to replace or supplement any mental health or personal wellness modalities provided by practitioners. It’s simply me, sharing my personal experiences and I appreciate you respecting and honoring my story and my guests. If something touched your heart please feel free to like, share and subscribe. Have a beautiful day full of gratitude, compassion and unconditional love.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello everyone, Welcome to this episode of
Crystal Clear.
I have the beautiful Miss Kayla.
Mrs Kayla fight with me today.
It's official.
It's official she is formerfitness model, health advocate,
health, still health advocate,health coach, mental health
advocate.

(00:21):
Welcome.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
Thank you, I'm excited.
Like I said when I walked in,we're just having a normal
conversation just being recordedtoday.
That's absolutely right.

Speaker 1 (00:31):
So you have a podcast of your own which.
I'm excited to introduce mylisteners to, because I think
it's very, very well connected.
And, vibey, and you've beendoing this for how long now?

Speaker 2 (00:42):
my podcast was started in 2021, so oh, three
years yeah awesome and it'shabits you love maybe 2022.
Hold on um no 20.
No 2022.
2022.

Speaker 1 (00:58):
Sorry, yeah, 2022 is my favorite number.
That's awesome.
It's a new beginnings number,so it's perfect.
Yes, awesome, so tell us aboutHabits you Love yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:05):
So I started Habits you Love.
I actually had another podcastwith a girlfriend.
That one was called it Doesn'tEnd here.
I believe it's still up andrunning, but not active, not
like current.
Her and I decided to share acrazy relationship story that I
had.
It was a very toxicrelationship.

(01:25):
She had the idea she's like youneed to share this story, so we
just did it kind of just forfun, and it actually ended up
being very healing for me toactually get it all out.
There was a lot of, I think,just like a lot of things that I
felt like I was hiding from theworld during that time and I
was like this is kind of just myopportunity to say, okay, look

(01:46):
like this actually wasn't allwhat it appeared to be, and so
we shared that.
So after doing that I was like,wow, we really like podcasting.
And I was seeing a lot of theresults and it was helping.
So many people were getting somany messages.
And so when I did that I waslike, okay, obviously that was
just about that relationship,but I had so many other things I
wanted to talk about.

(02:07):
She wasn't interested inexpanding the podcast any
further, so I was like you knowwhat, I'll just do it.
So I started Habits you Love.
It's funny because the first 10episodes I wanted to make it
like an audiobooks sort of style, so like each episode is a
chapter.
So I said chapter 1 through 10.
Sort of style, so like eachchapter, each episode is a
chapter.

(02:27):
So I said chapter one through10.
And it just kind of goesthrough my story.
What I loved about it is I kindof shared everything and then
the episodes to follow were kindof like dissecting things from
those episodes.
I love that Very intentional,here's everything.
And then now we're going to kindof go back and like do deeper
dives into other topics of mylife, like, as you know, mental
health.
My parents, um, had some mentalhealth issues.

(02:49):
You know the relationship,divorce, you know just certain
things of my life.
So that's how it got started.
I really never intended it tokeep going this far.
But then, like six months in, Ihad someone actually reach out,
a company, and they wanted tobe the liaison between my
podcast and sponsors.
So now I have sponsored, thepodcast is sponsored.

(03:11):
So now, not only do I have tokeep up with, it, but it's
transitioned a little bit overthe years.
So tell me about this transition.
Yeah so at first it was justmine Habits you love.
And then December of 2023, lastyear, tyler and I was like
Tyler and I my now husband we'rereally good about bantering
about just topics like this andkind of diving deep and we have

(03:32):
really good conversation and Ikind of got tired of just
talking to myself in a darkcloset.
So I was like what about beingmy co-host?
So now, yeah, we used to have aton of guests on, but now it's
mainly just us two and we sitdown and we just kind of talk
about current topics.
And it's funny because I'm moreso like what's the theme of
this episode, and he's more solike just wants to free flow and

(03:55):
talk, kind of like joe roganstyle.
I'm more like, okay, we'regonna have a theme, we're gonna
have like a introduction, aclimax, an ending, and he
doesn't really like that.
But whatever, I try.

Speaker 1 (04:06):
Well, and it's like the best of both worlds.
You can still have that foryour part of it, yeah, and then
he can kind of free flow andflow along with that.
I love it.

Speaker 2 (04:16):
So I'll do a little bit more just guests by myself,
or I'll repurpose episodes likethis on other people's podcasts.
And yeah, it's like fitness,wellness, relationship, a little
bit of parenthood and kind ofjust about us and our crazy
stories.

Speaker 1 (04:35):
That's awesome.
Yeah, I love it and I love thatyou're doing it together and
that's I think it's a reallygreat example of being open to
evolve, like as your lifeevolves, your podcast evolves.
Even like when I started thisone, it was about similar Like I
wanted to unravel and share,like this PTSD journey, like oh
my God, like how did I have PTSD?
But then it's like you thinkabout it, it's like, okay, well,
constant survival mode, all ofthat.
So the first season was a lotof unraveling that, the micro

(04:58):
healing and a lot of things thathave to do with that.
So I cut it off over the summerjust to have some intentional
time for myself and my familyand prioritize and realize I
really missed it, and that wasone thing.
It's like a verbal journal, likeyou said.
It's very healing, it helps toprocess.
So many people responded sowell to it, so it's like why not
keep it going?

(05:19):
So this version, I feel like,is a little bit more empowerment
, accountability and all thethings that went into season one
, but a little less.
You know, I don't want to beredundant, I want to keep things
new and keep things fresh anddifferent guests, or maybe even
some of the same guests thathave evolved in their own
journeys and stuff like that.
So I'm excited because we'vetalked about doing this for a
while, so I'm excited that we'rehere.

Speaker 2 (05:40):
Yeah, kind of what I realized was, you know, as your
podcast will evolve and mine isthat I really got tired of
sharing that side of the storyof like I'm in it Right, I'm
still in it.
I like sharing the other sideof the story where, like, I've
been through it and this is whatI did to now get on the other
side and kind of the way I gotthrough it.

(06:01):
So that's why I like tocontinue, because it's like
because sometimes I would sharesomething I was going through in
that moment and now I'm like,okay, guys, well, now I'm on the
other side of it and I want toshare this side of the story now
.

Speaker 1 (06:12):
Yeah, so I love that you say that I actually did that
last time I came into film LikeI had this whole intention of
like recapping my, my Italyretreat and the hurricane
situation, and it came in andI'm like I cried over a fucking
salad today, like my husbandaccidentally took the salad I
prepped and I ended up cryingafter a cold plunge and I'm like
I don't think my nervous systemwas ready for the cold plunge.

(06:33):
I think I needed to regulate,but it was real time.
And then I'm like okay, havingthat aside, because I think
people appreciate that like realtime vulnerability and if you
keep recapping what's happenedit keeps you stuck there.
So I think that's really thatwas kind of my intention for
revamping and coming back inLike yes, I want podcasting to
still continue in this stage.

(06:55):
This chapter Is it going tolast forever?
Who knows?
You know, whatever It'll, ebband flow.
Yeah, it'll ebb and flow, asit's supposed to, but really,
just like what is this part ofit?
It's more of the empowermentit's coming out on the other
side of it.
Just like you said, it's movingforward and being in the
present moment and not alwayslooking back.
Right, I mean understandingthat.
Okay, if I have some stuff comeup, is there some things in the

(07:18):
past that may be triggering the?

Speaker 2 (07:19):
turbulence or whatever.
Okay, acknowledge, let it go.

Speaker 1 (07:22):
Because if you stay stuck there, then you stay stuck
up here, and that's somethingthat I've worked so hard to come
out of is being stuck in my ownhead because it was like my own
worst enemy, self-sabotage, thewhole thing.
So being able to recognize thatand having the awareness and
just coming out and givingyourself permission to move on,
I feel like sometimes we feellike we go through things and we
become, we become detached,yeah, but that's okay, like

(07:45):
healthy detachment isappropriate for growth.

Speaker 2 (07:47):
Yeah, yeah, oh yeah.
Oh, my gosh, you're speaking mylanguage with everything that I
just went through.
But um, kind of going back tosomething, uh, you said and um,
what was I gonna say?
I can't now, I can't remember,that's okay, it'll come back.
Mom brain is kicking in, that'sokay.

Speaker 1 (08:04):
And you're a new mom.
Yes, new mom.
I have an almost eight monthold.

Speaker 2 (08:15):
Yeah, he's the best.
So how do you feel like youhave changed in the eight months
?
I mean, I definitely havelearned a lot of patience.
I feel like I'm more empatheticand compassionate, which is
something that I have.
Really, I still need to work ona lot.
I think maybe I had a baby tobe able to be able to do that in
a way, just be a little bitmore slowed down.

(08:38):
You know, calm down and he'sjust, he's taught me so much and
it's just about like wow, I'mreally enjoying now more of the
present moment instead of alwaysbeing in this hustle.
What's next?
For me, it's like wow, I justwant to like hang out with my
baby, kind of worry about somany other things.
So I think, yeah, he's taughtme patience, empathy and

(08:58):
compassion, like Tyler will say.
Like I cried when he was aboutone month old, um, because he
was getting something done and Iwas really crying, which, you
know, you cry with your baby andall that.
But he was like he's just likethat's I really don't see you be
empathetic too much and that'sto see you cry over that.
He was like I was kind ofshocked and I was like I'm

(09:21):
changing.

Speaker 1 (09:22):
I don't know what does I mean?
Chemically you change, ormentally you change.
Physically you change and it'sand it's getting back to that
like what, who am I now?
And I know, when I was pregnantwith Brody after Brody, I mean,
the world was still shut downafter I had him and it was like
what, what is this phase?

Speaker 2 (09:41):
and I'm not gonna.

Speaker 1 (09:42):
My relationship went through some shit because it was
like who are, are we?
Now?
It's like not only am Ievolving, but you're evolving,
like you know, and you go backto old ways and it's like, well,
that doesn't really feel likeit fits, but it's kind of fun at
the time and it's like but whatdoes the new life look like?
And I don't think anyone knewwhat life looked like at that
point in time, but it's been thesame, like Brody has taught me,

(10:02):
just to slow down and enjoy thenow and to nurture myself and
be more compassionate to myself,because I'm historically have
been pretty hard on myself, like, oh, it's like you know
discipline, but I've had rigidboundaries and areas that I've
noticed that even even since myItaly trip I came back to the
two hurricanes and being sickand all kinds of other stuff and
Matt's like you've reallychanged.

(10:24):
I was like, really I was likeyou know, I think being gone,
being out of it and it was thelongest time I've ever been away
from my family it made me havejust a greater appreciation and
made me kind of I don't know.
I think it like turned on mymom, my nurturing side, I'm like
I just want to go home and makehome-cooked meals and blah,
blah, blah.

(10:44):
And it did Like it.
Really I feel slower, like Iwas sick for a while.
I didn't work out Like strengthtrained for a whole month,
which is probably the longestsince, like ever.

Speaker 2 (10:55):
But I didn't care and I felt okay.

Speaker 1 (10:57):
Like I was, like I felt less inflamed actually, and
with all the things going on, Ithink my cortisol levels were
able to regulate because, likeItaly did a little reset for you
, I did a little reset.

Speaker 2 (11:08):
Also gave me pneumonia, but that's okay
that's a reset too, that'll doit too.

Speaker 1 (11:13):
Yeah, those toxins out, I'm sure but I think,
surrendering to that and justbeing like you know what am I
gonna fight it my body, mind,spirit.
I'm not ready to bounce backinto reality.
And what the hell is realityright now, anyway, right, so you
went to big events during thattime, so tell us a little about
that.
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 (11:30):
Okay, so we just did a podcast episode on this, if
you want to add that in there.
But we basically had toevacuate our wedding.
We had a wedding scheduled for10-10 10 10 2024, which is the
date that we've wanted to haveum this whole time.
We could have done it last year, but family stuff came up, plus

(11:52):
I was pregnant and I don't know.
I just didn't envision that youwant to feel good, yeah, I just
didn't envision that how, um,how it would turn out.
So we i't know, all year we'vehad 10, 10 and we've just been
so excited about it.
And you know, I it's so crazybecause my vision that I had was
actually coming to life, likemonths and months and months.

(12:12):
I was, you know, you just thinkabout that and I actually
didn't think it would all turnout and it was, I was.
It was all turning out.
It was like, wow, we've got thebeach, I have my family coming
in town and all their kids canbe in it, which is what I wanted
.
Um, the location, uh, the dress, this I was super excited about
walking out to this certainsong.
I just visualize I would listento the song and I just

(12:34):
visualize how it was going toturn out and we were just
excited.
It was going to be like 100person, 100 people there and our
friends and families, everyonewe love, coming to celebrate us.
And it all went to crap.
Um, basically, so he had ahurricane hit that day yes, that
day, yes, so I was like okay.
They say it's good that or goodluck if it rains on your wedding

(12:58):
day.
But what about a category fourhurricane?
What does that mean?
Is that really good or reallybad?
So we shall see.
But yeah, we basically theweekend it hit on, you know, the
Wednesday, thursday, theweekend before everything
started to unravel and you know,if I believe a typical bride

(13:19):
probably this day and ageprobably would have really
freaked out, and maybe the oldme would have freaked out.
I don't know, I mean, I'm notreally that sentimental when it
comes to stuff like that, but um, but yeah, I basically had to
be able to change all of ourplans.
We evacuated, we drove to thepanhandle of Florida and we had,
long story short, we stillended up getting married on 10,
10.

(13:39):
Um, but my sister got ordainedon the internet.
She flew in, we just gotmarried, just us two and our
baby and my sister marrying us.
And then two news crews showedup to to interview our story
about, you know, evacuatinghurricane milton to come, still
get married and um, so yeah,that's what happened and um, but

(14:02):
I would say like the storybehind that is, you know, I
think the biggest lesson for mein that was like stop, and you
said it earlier, like loosedetach, loose attachment or
detachment from any outcome.
Because had I been soemotionally invested in the
specific outcome of this weddingand ceremony, I really could
have spiraled um down, downward,downward.

(14:24):
And the fact that I didn't, Iwas like, and I think there's,
you know, there's certain thingsyou maybe you could be
emotionally attached to and forinstance and for me it was, I
want to marry my best friend on10, 10 and I still did that, you
know, and it looked completelydifferent, right, but like that
was the goal.
And so I think I think a lot ofpeople, they just they hold so

(14:47):
much emotional attachment tocertain outcomes.
Yeah, Like you know, we have anelection coming up.
Can you just imagine the peoplewhose candidates don't win,
what they're going to do?
You know they're going to bewriting or posting or telling
all their, they're going to talkabout it for years because
their specific candidate didn'twin and they're holding on to

(15:08):
this outcome, you know.
So that's what I've learnedthroughout the 34 years of my
life is like you can't controlhardly anything actually Right,
and the more we do, the more wedrive ourselves crazy and make
ourselves sick.

Speaker 1 (15:21):
Yeah, to control it.
Yeah, like it really boils downto acceptance.
Yeah, like OK, well, this isthe present moment, this is what
I have in front of me.
What can I do about it now?
So, having that resilience torebound and adapt and pivot and
surrender and I mean it's somuch compiled into one and you
can still celebrate with yourfamily and friends at a later

(15:42):
date.
Maybe, it's meant for somethingbigger and greater than you
thought it would have been youknow and maybe you won't, who
knows, but I mean I love thatyou guys get to do it anyway and
you actually evacuated to oneof my favorite areas I'm from
Tallahassee.

Speaker 2 (15:54):
So we used to go to the beach there a lot for spring
breaks and stuff, Such abeautiful area.
I mean I've seen the photos.

Speaker 1 (16:00):
They are amazing.

Speaker 2 (16:02):
Oh my God, it was such a weird feeling.
It was very conflicting,because, on one end, it's our
wedding week and we obviouslywant to be excited and celebrate
us and we deserve this andwe're like just so in love, and
on the other hand, we're sittinghere watching the news every
day, looking at this hurricanethat's supposed to wipe out our
not only our city, but where ourfriends and family are
hungering down.
So it was just oh, and I toldyou I even told Tyler I was and

(16:29):
I don't know it just it didn'thappen the way we wanted and it
didn't feel like this big partyand like this huge, like oh my
gosh, and the weekend I'm likethat was so amazing, but but
yeah, I mean, eventually we'llget there and but you know, I'm
married.

Speaker 1 (16:43):
So maybe it was meant to be that intimate.

Speaker 2 (16:45):
Yeah, you know like that intimacy.

Speaker 1 (16:47):
Did you guys write your own vows?
Yes, we did See that to me, Ithink, is so special and unique,
and it was probably a lot morerelaxed and intentional than it
would have been if there was abig crowd.

Speaker 2 (17:00):
That was one thing I was worried about.
I didn't have a wedding plan oranything.
So I was kind of worried aboutlike, okay, logistically, I'm
going to have to be kind of incharge of everything.
So it did work out just veryintimate.
My sister went down ahead oftime so I I just literally got
dressed by myself, like alreadyby myself.
So I think that's kind of whythe feelings, yeah, of like all

(17:21):
the yeah, all the jitters andall the like walking out to 100
people and like I didn'texperience any of that.
So I think that's why I justdon't just feel yeah yeah, you
know, and tyler and I are goingto be together forever anyway,
so it wasn't like a right oh,now that we're married, now it's
official, so it just it wasn'ta huge leap of of of change, so

(17:42):
yeah that's all right.

Speaker 1 (17:43):
Awesome.
Well, I'm happy for you.

Speaker 2 (17:45):
Sad we missed the wedding, but it wouldn't have
been like that fun anyway, butnever know you would have got to
see us cry and it would havebeen fun, but awesome, yeah, so
what does life look like for youguys now?

Speaker 1 (18:00):
what are you envisioning this new chapter?
You just moved and, um, youknow you're podcasting together.
You're raising your little guylike what do you foresee?
I know that you kind of um justfrom previous conversations can
have an itch to travel andexplore, and so you're not going
to get the answer you expect.

Speaker 2 (18:19):
I have all these plans.
I, honestly, am justsurrendering to whatever.
I love that.
I really have no plan, and Ithink that comes back to like
having Tyson, and back in theday I just would have been like,
OK, what's like?
I said what's next, what's next?
Back in the day I just wouldhave been like, okay, what's
like?
I said what's next, what's next.
And right now I'm just likewhatever is meant to happen will
happen.
I you know, I think when youare not expecting anything, the

(18:42):
unexpected happens Absolutely.
And just in the recent, evenyears and last couple of months,
actually, like so many thingshave happened where, out of the
blue that I was not, I couldhave never seen coming, and I'm
like, oh, my God, it's like beencrazy actually.
And so, like that is one of thethings that I feel like I

(19:02):
really have to work on is thecontrol, the like, the control
over my life, Tyler's life, ourlife, like okay, like we're
holding on so tightly to maybe acertain outcome, because we've
we've talked about certain plansthat haven't come to fruition
yet, and it's like we couldforce and we could control and
we could, you know, really pushfor that, but it hasn't happened
.
So I'm like everything thatactually we have right now

(19:24):
that's the biggest blessings inour life have been totally
unexpected.
So, it's kind of exciting tojust sit back and be like, okay,
what's going to happen, becauseit's kind of exciting to not
know Right and trusting, likewhat's meant for you, will come,
whether it's travel or a careeropportunity or shifts or
whatever, and I'm a firmbeliever in that same way I just

(19:45):
surrender.
We have a lot of life going on.

Speaker 1 (19:49):
I'm not upset that like 80% of my fall stuff was
canceled due to, like,postponing.
Yeah, I just feel like I'm in aplace that I really want to
create space and I wasn'tnecessarily doing that.
A lot Like I felt, like I was.
Yeah, and that was one of thethings.
When Matt said we were actuallyat brunch on Sunday and he's
like you've changed, and I waslike what do you mean?

(20:10):
I was almost like what do youmean?
I've changed, like I was, andI'm like no, I was like what do
you mean?
I was almost like what do youmean I've changed, like I was,
and I'm like no, I was like I'dstill go, go, go, even though I
was doing it in more of amindful way.
I was still like almost hamsterwheeling of.
You know, I have this scheduledand this scheduled and this is
going on and this is going on,so for to all fall off and
create space.
Actually just did a journalingprogram on this at Resilient

(20:31):
Retreat the other day about likedetachment and like what does
detachment mean to you, and Italked about my experience with
it is like you know, in someaspects we can think of
detachment like there's griefinvolved and it can be.
It can have a negativeconnotation.
Like you know, if you'redetaching from a feeling, a
place, a thing, if you lose yourhouse and your car, it's like
you know a lot.

(20:51):
Sometimes you have to processyour grief with that, but other
times it's like detachment is so.
I mean, I feel like it'shealthy either way.
But it can be like wow, likeI'm kind of relieved, and if you
are able to be honest withyourself, which I've had you
know to work at being honestwith myself on was I really
excited about that or was I?

Speaker 2 (21:12):
doing it because I felt like I should be doing that
, or you probably, maybesubconsciously, all that, all
that happened, becausesubconsciously you're like I
really don't want this to happen, right, like, but you're saying
I really just want space and Ireally just want to like chill
out and I feel like I I'm alwayslike at a kind of like a push
and pull with I do love, likebeing energized by social and

(21:35):
social, but at the same timeit's like I really just want
some downtime with my kids andlike I've been like baking with
my little guy on the weekendsand like all the things, and
it's like that stuff that Iwasn't necessarily taking time,
a lot of time, to do before.

Speaker 1 (21:50):
I feel like having the three teenagers.
They kind of just live in theirown little world, my daughter's
like very into her social realmthese days, which is great, and
it's like honoring that forthem and not expecting it to be
something different.
Like you said like just this isthe chapter we're in and we're
rolling with it.
I want to do this experimentand it's.

Speaker 2 (22:09):
I think I'm having a lot of friction doing it, but
I've always been one to kind of,you know, manifest things by
hard work, yeah, and so I reallywant to be like what can happen
if I don't do anything Right,you know, just allowing and
being so flowy and free you knowwho's really good at this is

(22:30):
freaking Hallie.

Speaker 1 (22:31):
Like she's so good.

Speaker 2 (22:32):
I'm like you just sit back and like right things come
to you, like I want that, likeI want to be, like hanging out
with my son on a random Tuesdayand like an opportunity come.
I don't want to like force,force, force, force and be like,
okay, I have to grind, grind,grind and like because again, I
I think the things that I'vetried to control the most have
failed, failed, failed, itdidn't work out and I've had to

(22:54):
pivot.
But the things that have workedout, like I said, have been
completely unexpected.
I totally relate to that.

Speaker 1 (23:00):
That was kind of like .
Last year I started the podcast, I created Crystal Clear, the
business and the coaching, and Iwas doing all these things,
which was great, and so myintention for this year was I'm
just going to see how this allworks out.
I'll do a retreat if I feellike doing a retreat.
I'll coach someone if I feellike coaching and it aligns Like
I'm not seeking anyone.

(23:21):
I'm not, you know, and it's beenreally great ebb and flow, like
there's been some funopportunities that have come
along that I wasn't seeking, soI can attest to that.
It's really awesome for that.
And then, but then, then againI feel like prior to Italy, I
was getting to the point where,like, okay, well, a lot, a lot's
kind of manifesting at once, sonow I have to pick and choose,

(23:42):
and then it all created spaceand cleared out on its own and I
just kind of trust the process.
And now I have to make sure notto fill the empty spaces so
that's been a really big goal ofmine.
Just don't fill the empty space.

Speaker 2 (23:53):
What do?
That's been a really big goalof mine.
Just don't fill the empty space.
What do you do when you havespace?

Speaker 1 (23:57):
For me, I love to go for long walks.
Long walks, disconnect, likefrom my phone, from computers,
from just take time for myself.
If I'm into a book, read a goodbook, like actually read a good
book.
But I also like to listen tothem too, so I'll listen.
Um, I like to go to purify.
I did like a infrared sweatbedand watch that show, and I never

(24:22):
watch like regular tv.

Speaker 2 (24:23):
Nobody wants this oh my god, I've been watching, I'm
upset.
It's so good, it is so good,it's a really good show it
really is and the episodes arelike 26 minutes and I'm like
what is the hype about this, andshe's like how many episodes
are there?

Speaker 1 (24:34):
because I'm on episode six I think it's like
six or eight there's not a ton.

Speaker 2 (24:39):
Oh, I was so sad when it was over, but then make
another one, so but it was sogood for me because I feel like
I've never allowed myself.

Speaker 1 (24:46):
Even when I went to italy, I read a not or a fiction
book and it was like I never dothat, yeah, and it was like
such a fun escape.
So I'm learning.
It doesn't always have to beabout self-help or
self-improvement or like goalaligned, like you can just do
things for fun, yeah, and youcould just play like honestly,
love to play, like do somethingfun I have lost that over.

Speaker 2 (25:07):
I'm trying to get back to that too.
I feel like we're on the samesame way way here, and it's like
you have to give yourselfpermission to be like.

Speaker 1 (25:14):
it's okay to be a non-self.

Speaker 2 (25:16):
Be silly, Go have fun and go like I've been trying to
be better about finding eventsin the area and just hey, we're
going to go to this event.
And it's like just for fun.
Yeah, just go be silly, orwhatever it is.

Speaker 1 (25:29):
Yeah, you know what they have actually, they just
started them back up.
I think this week by us theRanch Nights in Waterside Super
cute.

Speaker 2 (25:37):
So I can walk there actually, which is nice.

Speaker 1 (25:38):
So Waterside they have like food trucks, they have
the park.

Speaker 2 (25:41):
I actually went to Waterside two nights ago.

Speaker 1 (25:43):
Yeah, like live music and yeah, it's just really cute
.

Speaker 2 (25:47):
The UTC has a lot of events.
So we live right by their littlepumpkin patch thing and so,
yeah, just, and I feel like whenyou are at play, when you are
having fun, that's another waythat things come in very easily
and flowy.
So it's not always aboutconstricting yourself.
And, like you said, like I,yeah, I would fill my space up
with okay, I'm done for the day.

(26:08):
I gotta go do affirmations orread a self-help book or a
journal or meditate.
Sometimes I just want to turnmy brain off and that's why I've
been watching that show atnight.
So I'm like, all right, brainoff.
This is mindless, I don't haveto think about anything other
than just entertainment cominginto my brain.

Speaker 1 (26:23):
Absolutely.
And it's really interesting how, like you said, when you're
playing, I find that, like ifI'm in a joyful, like goofy
state, like if something doescome up, it's like oh, that's OK
, whatever, it doesn't work out,yeah.

Speaker 2 (26:36):
Like so were you like that?
You're probably like me, likeyou're probably like that in
your younger years, oh yeah, andthen it's annoying because I
feel like self-awareness is sogood and I feel like everyone
should be self-aware.
There's a part of me where I'mlike I kind of liked when I
wasn't self-aware.

Speaker 1 (26:53):
You should be oblivious and go out for drinks
and not give a shit, and thenjust wake up and just do
whatever, yeah, and then you'renot aware that you're aware.

Speaker 2 (27:01):
So, like just in my early twenties, when I was just
you know.
I feel like I was really livingout what I was supposed to do.
I was doing fitness.
I was doing modeling, I wassponsored by a supplement
company and I was just in theflow of life.
But I didn't know I was in theflow of life Does?

Speaker 1 (27:15):
that make sense.

Speaker 2 (27:17):
And then once I had my trauma and I worked through
all my trauma, then I'm like oh,now I recognize that you have
to be in the flow, but now thework is to get back in the flow,
if that makes sense.
So it's like I kind of justwish I didn't know that.

Speaker 1 (27:33):
No, I 100% feel that, and my husband and I have had
this conversation.
It's like, like he stoppedeating meat for a while.
He was kind of like, had anaversion to it, and he's like
you know, what am I doing?
Like whatever, if I want asteak, it burns.
When we go to dinner I'm goingto eat a steak.
Like, I don't, like, I'm notgoing to limit myself.
And again it gets back to that.
I feel like I was overcoming alot of like unhealthy boundaries

(27:55):
or rigid boundaries I had, butthen I was also, at the same
time, kind of setting anexpectation for myself that I
had to be like because I want tobe authentic, right, and I feel
like, authentically, I do wantto help people and I want to do
this and I want to calm mynervous system.
But I mean, let's be real, likeyour nervous system can't be
perfect all the time.

(28:16):
And so that was kind of one ofthose great awakenings that I
had the other day when I startedcrying over a freaking salad
being missing from like, okay,I'm clearly not okay, I've been
okay on the outside but reallyI'm not processing on the inside
because I haven't beenjournaling as much as I used to,
but it's been nice to take abreak yeah.

Speaker 2 (28:35):
Yeah, no, and I think everyone needs that.

Speaker 1 (28:37):
Like you can over mental health yourself.

Speaker 2 (28:39):
You can over.

Speaker 1 (28:40):
Just like you can party too much, you can
overindulge in the deep divingof stuff and sometimes you just
have to let it go and let itflow and find something to do to
be playful.

Speaker 2 (28:54):
And so that's kind of what I've been doing, which is
a form of therapy as well, yeah,and doing nothing Like
literally, on Saturday I didn'ttake a walk, I didn't do.

Speaker 1 (28:59):
I literally stayed in my jams all day and my
husband's like who?

Speaker 2 (29:03):
Are you going to freak out?
Are you going to be okay?
Did you feel any guilt aboutthat?
None, that's good.

Speaker 1 (29:09):
I Mind you, on Sunday was a busy day and I took like
a five-mile walk and I loved it.
But I genuinely love walkingLike.
It's not like, and this issomething that's been a huge
shift for me when I was youngerand I think I used it a lot as
therapy when I was very youngbut I wasn't exercising because
I loved my body and because Iwas, you know, nurturing my body

(29:30):
Like I exercised because Ieither went out the night before
and I was like sweating it outor like I wanted to look a
certain way or have a eight packfor the rest of my life and
it's like okay, you ebb and flowLike.

Speaker 2 (29:38):
I'll be 40 in February.

Speaker 1 (29:40):
It's okay to give yourself a break and nurture
what your body needs.
Now, and from the month of notworking out, I feel great.
I feel, way less inflamed thanI was when I was doing HIIT
classes and getting back tostrength training.

Speaker 2 (29:52):
I'm like that too.
I haven't, since the show wedid September 7th, I've done one
workout.

Speaker 1 (29:56):
Yeah, but you look great, and how do you?

Speaker 2 (29:59):
feel yeah.
I feel great.
Yeah, I feel like I do feelless inflamed, which is so funny
.
Yeah, like not lifting weightsget less inflamed.
A little bit of you know guilt,a little bit of like I should
be doing that but I'm not.
But I go on walks and I feelgood.
I don't feel like I look bad,but yeah there's that whole and
the kind of going back to whatyou said about the overindulging

(30:20):
in self-care.
Yeah, For years I was so intoit and now I have it.
Last couple of years I haven'tbeen into it, but now I'm
feeling this itch to like getback and, um, I did start
talking to someone again doingsome therapy, so that's been
good.
And now I'm like excited Italked to her next week.
I'm like I can't wait to talkto her.
Yeah, I mean because your lifeis totally transitioned, it's

(30:42):
not what it used to be.

Speaker 1 (30:43):
So you're not working through what you're working
through, then Right, exactly,you're navigating a whole new
ballgame.
Yeah, yeah, so and that'shealthy.
And actually I feel like forthree weeks I didn't talk to my
life coach therapist justbecause I was out of town, she
was out of town, I was sick, shewas sick, and so we just didn't
know in a power, didn't connect.
So I talked to her this morning, actually for the first time in

(31:04):
a while and it was like almostlike a friendly catch up.
It was like, but it felt good tojust process life and talk
about like the wins, like I wastelling her about the whole
situation that I went throughlast week and she's like and you
know how did Matt respond toyou, being like I'm crying over
a salad?
He was like I'm sorry, babe,I'll bring it home, whereas,

(31:25):
like before, both of us may havebeen like blaming or defensive
or like it would have lookeddifferent two years ago than it
did now, and it was like wow, Ididn't even take a time to
really stop and think about thatlittle wind of wow we handled
that way differently.

Speaker 2 (31:38):
Yeah, so you said it was a win for both of you.
It was a win for both of us.
Yeah, that's good.

Speaker 1 (31:41):
And it's one of those like little little things that
it's like I don't want to takethose wins for granted.
Like just because things are ina really good flow and I feel
like our relationship is reallylike progressed into something
very beautiful, because we bothhave our own creative outlets,
we both have our own like work,career goals, but we also have

(32:01):
like a different, healthierlevel of communication and
compassion, like you were saying, that compassion and empathy
for each other that we didn'treally always have.
Like I feel like we went througha period where we were kind of
almost like, well, if you'regoing to do this, I'm going to
do it.
Like we were one-upping eachother, and that's not a healthy
relationship.
We're both competitive and likeit can be a great thing, but

(32:25):
not when it's against each otheror like towards each other, or
whatever you want to call it,I'll be real honest.

Speaker 2 (32:31):
Like towards each other or whatever you want to
call it.
I'll be real honest.
Like Tyler and I, like we'vebeen together almost four years,
we have a baby.
You know we did get married butyeah, we still have a lot of
work to do.
Like a lot.

Speaker 1 (32:43):
We all do.
Yeah, I mean we all do.
It's a progressive journey.

Speaker 2 (32:46):
It's like some people might be like well, why are you
getting married then?
And it's just because because,at the end of the day, he's the
person I want to work it outwith.
He's the person I want to go doall the work with.
So yeah, we still have a lot ofwork to do.
I'm excited to get to the stagewhere you are.
I mean again we still have ourindividual and work together but
it's come so far.

Speaker 1 (33:06):
So to look at I'm sure you could do the same look
at where we were bothindividually and together, and
then how we've been able toprogress.
But I mean, it's been rough,yeah, I mean there?
It's not all rainbow andsunshine, it's just getting to a
place that you're like okay, Ican accept you for and I think
for me is releasing the factthat we're not on the same

(33:27):
journey, yeah that like ourindividual career goals and
spiritual goals, or you know,like, like we're different
people.
I think sometimes, especially inthe beginning of a relationship
, you can feel so connected andeverything's passionate and all
the things, but then when youhave a lot of real life
happening in between, it's likeokay.
So we have to choose each otherand choose to communicate and

(33:50):
choose to evolve, and there'sbeen times that we've both
reclused and projected and youknow, put our own shit on each
other.
So good to hear.
Oh my God, are you kidding, Imean, and it's just like and
it's hard, and so I think.
But he's been very open toreading and doing a lot.
I know we've you and I haveread a lot of the same books,

(34:12):
like the Untethered Soul, andhe's actually taking this into
his company.
So he's talking to theexecutives and taking them on
retreats about nonviolentcommunication.

Speaker 2 (34:21):
Have you read that book?
Okay, so you posted it and thenI downloaded the audio.
Yeah, I'm not done with it.
He's got a great voice.

Speaker 1 (34:28):
And I also have the book because I like to highlight
too as I'm listening.
That book taught me so much andI mentioned it in a couple of
podcasts now.
But it taught me to, instead oflike, in conversation
especially, I feel like yourpartner, your significant other,
whoever it is you're closest to, it could be a best friend.
Whoever you talk to and youinteract with the most, you take

(34:48):
the most personally.
So we've all heard and I say itall the time like, don't take
it personally, but sometimessome things you just do, yeah,
like yeah, I know, you know, andthey're like, and they're
looking at you like why are youright?

Speaker 2 (34:59):
this is my shit.
Why are you upset?

Speaker 1 (35:01):
I don't know, because it feels like it's fine too and
it's like okay, maybe we needto helpfully detach some things,
yeah yeah, but it really taughtme to, instead of observing and
evaluating the other personlike, wow, I feel like he was
snippy or he was short, it waslike what do I need?
So it really taught me to lookinward and reflect on, like what
my needs were, like what do Ineed out of the situation?

(35:22):
right now Is it him coming homeat eight, nine o'clock, which
was happening a lot prior togoing to Italy, and you know, if
he comes home later, then Brodywants to stay up later, and
then you know he's working anddoing his best, not like he's
intentionally, like justsneaking away from the house.
I mean he's literally workingand trying to manage his
podcasting business, all thethings.
And so, instead of being likeyou're you know you're home so

(35:46):
late or blah, blah, blah, youcould be doing this.
Or like, instead of coming froma lack mentality, like I could
easily do and definitely crossmy mind and spiraled for a few
times, don't get me wrong it waslike wow, it really taught me
to be like.
I would really love it if youcame home earlier at least like
three days a week Like, say we,we deviated out and have these
like conversations.
So then he realizes the valuein him.

(36:10):
Coming home earlier means Brodygets to bed earlier, which
means we get more time together,and so it's that intentional
connection time is what I needed.
Like I missed that time withhim, I missed that time by
myself.
Like, as I know, you know nowthat you're a mom like sometimes
you just need that time toyourself, and so just realizing
that was on me to express myneeds.

(36:31):
But I think we grow up in asociety that we're not taught to
do that.

Speaker 2 (36:34):
Yeah, oh man, oh man, yeah, I mean, that could be a
whole series.
Well, not even needs justfeelings and emotions too.
We had a similar situation thisweek and I don't know what you
think about this, but like, okay, so something happened and it
triggered me.
It revealed a trigger in me ofa certain thing, and not to say

(36:58):
he intentionally did that, butlike what are?
What is your thoughts on?
Like, if someone triggers you,is it like your responsibility?
Obviously, I've worked withthis trigger a lot and it's not
as bad Like it used to be likevery, very deep, but now it's
like, okay, that really bothersme, but I like I can get over it
quicker.
But what is your thoughts on?
Is that your responsibility tolet that trigger come up and not

(37:21):
say anything?

Speaker 1 (37:22):
Or is it your?

Speaker 2 (37:23):
responsibility to tell them hey, what you did just
triggered me and now I feellike this and you kind of made
me feel like that.
Although you're not responsiblefor my feelings, I have to let
you know that you did this andit did this.
I don't know what your feelingsare about that.

Speaker 1 (37:37):
Yeah, so yes, absolutely so.
I think it's all of that, to behonest, and I've navigated in
very different ways over theyears.
So for me, when that happensand it happens because I feel
like triggers are just unhealedparts- of ourselves like parts
that still need a littlenurturing TLC, and sometimes

(37:57):
they catch you off guard andthose are the worst, because
then you're like what?

Speaker 2 (38:00):
the fuck is this coming from?

Speaker 1 (38:01):
And then you're like hopefully you're aware before
you react, but it doesn't alwayshappen like the crying over the
damn salad.
So what I try to do in thatapproach is be like whew, like
okay, like there is some likeserious turbulence building up.
I'm I'm aware that I'm not okay, and then I try to just kind of

(38:22):
evaluate like where could thisbe coming from?
Like, is it in this moment,with him right now?
Because sometimes we haveconditioning and our partners
can do things multiple timesthat that brings up something.
But like, but what is the rootof that?
So I always try to get to theroot of it.
So that's usually when I go tomy journal and just kind of
write down like this is the wayI'm feeling.
I'm accepting the way I'mfeeling because I've gone

(38:43):
through ebbs and flows of likeguilting myself or shaming
myself for feeling some kind ofway, when it's you should be
more healed in this by now and Isaid, well, you can't should
yourself on that, so that's notfair.
So I try A not to get down onmyself and allow myself to feel
my feelings and then to expressmyself and just be like you know
I'm clearly not okay, like I'mfeeling some kind of way.

(39:07):
I need a break from you and fromeveryone else because I'm in
the space where I could saysomething that I probably won't
really mean.
Yeah, and try to take as muchaccountability as possible.
Does it always happen?
No, is there some projectionsometimes?
Yeah, I mean, everyone losestheir shit.
Yeah, and that's okay.

(39:28):
Yeah, and it's just findingthat forgiveness in myself when
that happens and trying toexplain it to him as best as
possible, because sometimes he'slike, oh, but then sometimes
there's stuff that it's like didyou do that on purpose?
I know, I feel like it's morewith my 14-year-old daughter at
this point.

Speaker 2 (39:46):
She knows the things that tick.

Speaker 1 (39:48):
But it's like also just having the awareness to
just be like you know what.
Sometimes you just gotta letshit go and like, is it worth?
And sometimes I take a stepback and I'm like is it worth my
energy at this point in time,like like, why, why?
Yeah, yeah, it's hard, yeah.

Speaker 2 (40:06):
We're kind of, we're going through these cycles.
It's a cycle now.
Yeah, we're just like the samething every time.
Every time something happenslike big and extreme, it's the
same root issue.
So that's when you gotta like,okay, we gotta, we gotta work
this out.
What is the root issue here?

Speaker 1 (40:22):
so so you're aware of the root issue.
Um, yeah, okay, is it on bothparts or one or the other?
Um, we don't have to dig intoit if you want it's really on
it's.

Speaker 2 (40:31):
We're not doing the same it's, it's both parts, I
believe.
I believe it's I'm trying to dosomething he's not allowing.
Obviously very like,unconsciously, not like I'm not
gonna allow you to do that, butright but yeah, it's like an
emotional wound for me and thenit's emotional wound for him and
I feel like almost like mytrigger is triggering his
trigger, when it probably is.

(40:52):
Yeah, so it's like I'm doingsomething and then how you
respond is a trigger for me, andthen, but I feel like the thing
that I'm trying to get him todo is a trigger for him.
It's weird, it's.
It's a weird.
No, I get it.
I mean, we've gone through that.

Speaker 1 (41:05):
We've been together for 12 years yeah, almost 12
years and it's been happeningsince the very beginning and it
just happens in different ways.
You know, I think for me itused to be like financial, like
I used to be very, like I wantedto be independent, I wanted to
make sure that I was taking careof myself and ever so really
like getting out of thatmasculine energy for me, oh girl

(41:28):
.

Speaker 2 (41:28):
That's a whole nother episode.

Speaker 1 (41:32):
Actually we should really do one that has been a
challenge.
I mean whether it comes to likemy physical fitness or my
financial freedom, or my abilityto be independent and even
nurture my body and my kids theway I like in that feminine
energy is very different.

(41:53):
It takes a whole differentapproach.
So I constantly have to remindmyself like what energy field
are you in right now andallowing him to have masculine?

Speaker 2 (42:03):
energy, because I want him to.

Speaker 1 (42:05):
Yes, and it's like, if I'm overbearing things with
this, like I can take care ofmyself, I can do it.
And it's like, well, okay, likewhat's the purpose of?
I mean not the purpose of us,but you know what I mean.
I don't want to take that fromhim.
And so that's one thing, apattern I realized of myself.

Speaker 2 (42:22):
It's like if I felt unsafe, I put on the masculine
energy like, and that was thearmor and huge ptsd pattern for
me oh yeah, huge like I needsafety you're not providing
safety.

Speaker 1 (42:33):
You're not telling the whole truth.
How can it's like?
Well, I don't feel safe tellingthe whole truth because you're
being reactive.

Speaker 2 (42:37):
And it's like that, and it wasn't anything crazy, it
was just like little things.
Yes, girl, girl, this is likeright in the thick of it right
now, but yeah, we coulddefinitely do an episode on
masculine and feminine, and Iwas recently had this
realization, a couple months ago.
And point where it's it's weird.
I love healing because, uh,you'll just have these light

(42:59):
bulb moments and it's like okay,wait, this actually might be
this, and it's like just comesout of nowhere.
And so I, we, I, we researchedit together and, yeah, it turns
out we, we are just kind of in arole confusion right now,
because he's predominantly morenurturing, empathetic and
compassionate to everyone in hislife friends, family and I'm
more decisive, logic andassertive, and that's what

(43:20):
masculine energy is, and that'sjust where we are, where we've
gotten.
So I'm like you want me to bemore feminine and I want you to
be more masculine.
So, like that's the work we gotto do is like I got to let go
and like let go of control, and,but you also have to learn to
take control, because it's notI'm go of control and but you
also have to learn to takecontrol, because it's not I'm
not withholding it and you'retrying to take it from me.

(43:40):
You actually need to developthat skill as well, and I need
to develop the skill of lettinggo.
It's, it's weird, so it's soweird like you have the work to
do and I have the work to do too, but we're trying to find that
like harmony and balance of theenergies, because you need both
a little bit.

Speaker 1 (43:52):
Absolutely, you don't want to have all masculine all,
all feminine Right and I feellike that's been a thing for
Matt and I is like both came inwith like strong, competitive
masculine energy, so we've bothhad to work on having that,
because although I feel like Ido have a very empathetic,
compassionate side.
It just like now it's more soout there and nurturing and

(44:16):
everything that it used to be,because I realized that was like
a survival mode trait that Ihad.
Yeah, and so me feeling morecomfortable and being in that
vulnerable space of I'm just notgoing to do anything on a
Saturday.

Speaker 2 (44:30):
Yeah, yeah, okay, that's kind of tapping into that
feminine.

Speaker 1 (44:34):
Like you said, like I'm, you know motherhood that's
a feminine role, and my mom Ilove her, but she wasn't around
a ton when I was a kid.
My grandmother was, and I feellike there's a difference and
you're close with yourgrandmother too.
So you understand, I think it'sdifferent coming from that role
than it is the maternal role,because I almost felt like I was

(44:55):
her mother or older or oldersister or something to grow up
real quick, very quick um, whichwas helpful when you're
assertive and and decisive andyeah, you can't, you don't
always have time to be emotionalyeah, I think that that, uh,
that gave me um back then Ithink I gave myself permission
to just kind of push through andthat's where, like the hard

(45:19):
working like I felt like Ineeded to be doing something all
the time hustling to be worthyand grew up around that kind of
atmosphere, and so I've had tolet myself.
Let that go and be like it'sokay like you and the more I've
let down my guard.

Speaker 2 (45:35):
It's exhausting.
The more I've let down my guard, it's exhausting.

Speaker 1 (45:37):
The more I've let down my guard and I've allowed
my husband to come into thisrole.
For lack of a better word, Idon't really like the word role,
but you know what?
I mean More into that energy oflike I'm okay with the fight.
I don't always have to be likesuper hustling working all the
time.
Because what is that doing?

(45:57):
It's taking away from my kids,and if I don't have to do that,
why am I choosing to do that inthe stage, and it was showing me
that that was just an area Istill had to let go and have had
a lot of growth to do so it wasin that right now, right, yeah,
and it's and it's hard becauseit is such deep rooted

(46:17):
conditioning.
So I've really tried to practicenon-judgment recently.
I mean, I've always tried topractice it, but I've caught
myself big time of just likeobserve it within yourself
without judging it.
Are you talking about judgingyourself?

Speaker 2 (46:33):
Yeah, Judging myself for like letting go and stuff
like that.

Speaker 1 (46:36):
I mean when that's just the easiest thing.
It's like I feel like I'vealways been very nonjudgmental
of other people.
Yes, or if I have been, it'sbecause it's stuff inside me
that I was judging.
Yeah, I feel like that's whatjust judgment really is anyway.

Speaker 2 (46:47):
Isn't it so crazy that we're like the meanest to
ourselves oh, it's terrible,yeah, and so Some person that's
going through the exact samething, I'd be like, oh my God,
like, but you're this, you'rethat, you're you know.
And then, like, put that toyourself, suck it up, buttercup.
Yeah, get the shit going.
What's easy, you know what?

Speaker 1 (47:04):
it changed for me is when I had Tatum, because it's
like, how would you coach herthrough this?
Like, taught me to be more just, lovable with myself, and then,
10 years later, brody, evenmore so, and just letting go of
that Now that she's a teenager,making sure that you know she

(47:25):
has the awareness and theintrinsic confidence to get
through things that I didn'tnecessarily have at her age.
It's so funny because she's likeMom, you would be so great and
I'm like I was not like that at14.
Like it's taken me a long timeto have the intrinsic confidence
and the you know ability to getup in front of a crowd and not

(47:46):
care.
And like you know, if there's ahair out of place, who?

Speaker 2 (47:48):
cares Like the no shame.

Speaker 1 (47:49):
Like yeah, the no shame, the no holding on to
things, the not people pleasing.

Speaker 2 (47:54):
Yes, yeah, all on to things the not people pleasing
and all those things we are.
I'm like.
I feel like I'm looking in amirror.

Speaker 1 (47:58):
Yeah, well, this is why we get along.

Speaker 2 (48:00):
Yeah, we are I mean it's so funny Like I can see
everything now from a bird's eyeview of my life so far and just
the way everything happened,the timing of everything, and
yeah, I think for one, having achild is for one, I think the
timing was perfect because Ihave done the healing work and
now I get to do thingsdifferently than my parents did,
where, if I would have had akid before 30, I probably would
have done exactly what they did,which, you know, I'm trying to

(48:21):
break some generational curseshere.
And then, yeah, just thatempathy and getting into that
femininity and, like I said, Ithink I was gifted a child for
that reason, to help me a littlebit, obviously for him as well,
but it's awesome, I'm abeliever in that.

Speaker 1 (48:39):
I feel like they kind of choose us in the spaces
where we need to grow.
I feel that very much so aboutmy kids and they're very
different.
So it's like Tatum gave me whatI needed in that chapter.
She was super laid back andlucky and just, and Brody, he's
just a whole different and Brodyhe's just a whole different
animal and I love it.
But now you have the patiencefor that, but I have that and I

(48:59):
have the patience for it, buthe's also so.
I feel like he's like a newspirit.
I don't know if anyone believesin reincarnation, but I feel
like Tatum's like an old soul.
She's been here before, she'slived many lives, she's wise
beyond her years, sheunderstands things that most
adults don't understand.
And then I have Brody.
That's just this joyful, freespirited.
You know, we pull up into avery crowded place Mom look at

(49:21):
all the friends Whereas somekids would be terrified because
it's like what's going on.
But I think that that's has alot to do with the way Matt and
I have learned to reparent.
We really had like a secondopportunity.

Speaker 2 (49:30):
Yeah, that's awesome.

Speaker 1 (49:37):
Like, and the poor teenagers are probably like.
Well, it's a whole differentset of group than we do, but
it's good, it's been theirjourney.
They have two sets of parents,so it's a good thing.
It balances out.

Speaker 2 (49:43):
It is crazy how, even if you have kids very close in
age, you can change so muchduring those years.
You can parent so differentwith each kid.
I have three siblings.
I would say my oldest brotheris different and then me and my
middle brother were prettysimilar and then my sister is
different and it's like becausewe each got a different
experience, because my brothergot a lot of attention and then

(50:06):
I came along and then you know.
So you know it's just youcompare and difference.
I'm like what would I do withthe second child?

Speaker 1 (50:14):
How would that be?
Well, I didn't plan either ofmy babies and it took me 10
years to do it twice.
So I'll just say that Iwouldn't have it any other way.
I'm not a planner like that.
I can plan a lot of things thatI can never plan for.
But very grateful, very blessedthat they both did.
And then I got two bonus boysin the whole mix and that's a
whole different challenge.
You know being like a bonusparent, especially in the

(50:35):
teenage years and learningboundaries with all of that.

Speaker 2 (50:39):
And where you are.
What can I say, what can't Isay?

Speaker 1 (50:42):
Right and I've just, you know, I've learned over the
years and again relinquishingcontrol because my husband
worked a lot more when they wereyounger, so I was the primary
one home with them a lot.
But I realized having a greatrelationship with their mother
was key, because then I couldjust call her and be like hey,
are you seeing this at your home?
Like how do you navigate thissituation?

(51:04):
And I felt like blendedfamilies, you know, with blended
families, you know I canunderstand if you have cause for
concern, but for us it wasalways like it's not worth it to
not have a relationship withthat other person.
Yeah, Because it keeps it moreconsistent with the kids, it
keeps it more open and, you know, have we had our ebbs and flows
over?

Speaker 2 (51:23):
the year Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (51:24):
But it really helps to just have that and like
that's their mother, that'stheir safe place, yeah, and so
like how would they feel if Iwasn't comfortable honoring and
respecting their safe place?
They feel if I wasn'tcomfortable honoring and
respecting their safe place.
So that was huge for me, as,like, being a bonus parent is
just understanding, like the keyis communication, and so it's

(51:45):
taught us a lot over the yearsit's.
You know, I feel like with myex-husband.
You know it took a littlelonger, I think.
I don't know if it was like aman thing or whatever, but it
took a little longer for it tobe.

Speaker 2 (51:55):
I don't know.
I think it was like a man thingor whatever.
Longer for what?
The communication?

Speaker 1 (51:57):
Just longer for it to be like more settled.
I think maybe it's justpersonality-wise yeah,
acceptance and stuff like that alittle different, and but yeah.

Speaker 2 (52:09):
It really shows someone's emotional maturity.
If you're dealing withstep-parents, you're dealing
with step parents um baby mama,daddies, whatever.
It's like when someone doesn'twant to have a good relationship
or intentionally causes drama.
I just don't understand thatI'm glad I've never really had
to mess with that or be involvedin that, but like I have
friends that do and I'm likegolly, it's just like what is

(52:32):
the purpose?

Speaker 1 (52:33):
yeah but hopefully they'll grow out of it.
And you know, I feel like whatI've learned on my healing
journey is like we get stuck atcertain ages where there's
trauma Like I feel like ifemotionally, emotionally,
sometimes like our emotionalmaturity gets stunted at a
certain age, yeah, oh yeah.
And and then it takes us a while, like I know, when rebellious

(52:56):
teenage injustice triggercrystals coming out.
You know, and I know when alittle crystal that needs safety
and security and love andintentional time and
unconditional just love andacceptance comes out.
Like I know that with myselfand so it's been able to help me
realize with other people, Likeif my husband's having a day or

(53:17):
something gets to him, I'm likeokay, like I can help navigate
this if I understand which partof him is coming out.
Or the kids even, yeah, orpeople like your good friends.

Speaker 2 (53:32):
I don't know.
I feel like I'm able to observeit more.
I don't know.
Yeah, when you haveself-awareness, like I was
saying earlier, when you're kindof in the know, you can observe
other people's behavior andreactions and not for one take
so much offense to it, right Forone, and then just be like, oh,
ok, so that's that's wherethat's coming from.
Yeah, and before I was likethat, it was just like
everything felt like an attack.

(53:52):
It was always you're attackingme and you're, you're mean or
you're doing this.
When I'm like, okay, like now,I could see the deeper rooted
issues coming through that theymight not I mean they might,
they might not see.
And I think some people, Idon't know, do you feel like
there's like where you kind ofbe half in, half out of
self-awareness a little bit 100yeah where someone could be like

(54:15):
I, I don't know.
They say, oh, I know that, butthen they don't.

Speaker 1 (54:20):
They're willing to recognize it in you, but not
willing to recognize it inthemselves.
And I've gone through thatmyself.
I've been able to observe thatin other people and I think the
key to that is just taking theego out of it, because I think
our ego gets bruised Like youknow.
The compliment even like andhave you read Four Agreements?

Speaker 2 (54:40):
Yes, a long time ago, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (54:41):
Same, so good, but it's like one of the big things
that I always try to remindmyself is don't take it
personally.

Speaker 2 (54:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (54:47):
Yeah, like the good stuff or the bad stuff.
Yeah, because I know there'stimes in my life where it's like
you know, all these things aregoing great and you're getting
compliments and this ishappening and everything's in
the flow and coming to you.
And then there's low timeswhere that's, you know, then
you're just cruising and that'sokay.
But if we let our ego take over, it's like, well, why isn't
this happening?

(55:07):
Or like it gets bruised ifsomeone's not complimenting us
or if someone has something tosay about something we're doing.
It's like well, is this myauthentic, like my real, true,
authentic self, or is it likethe false sense of self that
needs that?

Speaker 2 (55:20):
security to bind to.
Yeah, it's so hard, it's sohard, so hard to navigate all
that.
But it's better to beself-aware than not.

Speaker 1 (55:28):
I will say it is and I think for people to really
understand that it's ebbs andflows.
It doesn't matter how manybooks you've read.
It doesn't matter how many youknow yogurt retreats you've gone
on Like we still all have ourmoments and it's just that
constant, like opportunity toobserve new things about
ourselves and learn new thingsabout ourselves, Like I learned

(55:50):
something new about myself everyday, if I allow it, but I have
to be in a place to allow it forit to happen.

Speaker 2 (55:58):
So kind of you were at the speech that I did for
Bluebird and like kind of thethree points that I like to say
with that, like when you saidallow, like kind of what I go
back to is there's, I say I justsay have three A points.
And the first is accept.
Like you have to get to thatfirst point of acceptance of of
what's going on in your life,whether it be like okay, I need

(56:20):
this, this is happening.
I'm accepting the fact that insome form or fashion, I need
some sort of help.
And then there's theacknowledgement part, where
that's acknowledging that youhave a role to play in your own
suffering.
No one's doing anything to youand you have a role to play in
it, whether you like.
That's why it's calledacknowledgement.
It's like, ok, I acknowledgethat this happened, this is why

(56:42):
this happened.
It kind of just snowballs.
And then the third piece is theawareness.
And then that's like the dailyawareness.
That's the daily part of OK,like being aware of the emotions
that stir up what may havecaused it, your triggers, and
then going through that deeper,deeper, rooted healing to get to
those triggers.
And so, yeah, that's like mylittle flow that I do where I'm

(57:05):
like okay, except and I've hadto do that for multiple
different areas of trauma Likeit's like okay, I did that for
this section.

Speaker 1 (57:14):
Now that's kind of figured out.
Now we got another section andthat's figured out, so I love
that, and even to add anotherone onto that is the
accountability.
Yes, yeah, Like theaccountability and that you know
it kind of flows with theawareness and the um like
knowledgement.
I feel like together combined.

Speaker 2 (57:31):
Yeah, accountability Right, right.
So yeah, accountability Right,right.
Yeah, I love that.
It's true.
I mean, we're all in charge ofour own story, right yeah?
I just see a lot of people thatwant to avoid pain.
It's like they don't want toand they want to avoid
themselves and it's like, no, Ithink the hardest part is
getting to that step one.
That's the hardest part.
Once you get to the step one,the others you're kind of easy,

(57:51):
right.

Speaker 1 (57:52):
I mean, if you think about it, we never really avoid
it, it just comes out indifferent areas whether it's
like in traffic when you'refreaking out on a person or like
yes, like people feel it,regardless if they want to or
not, right.
Exactly, and our copingmechanisms is just like you know
, learning how to cope with itall, yeah, yeah, and accepting
that it's okay and everyone hasit.
Yeah, love it.
I feel like we could go on, andon, and on forever.

Speaker 2 (58:14):
And we'll have to do this again.

Speaker 1 (58:15):
I really do want to do another one on masculine
feminine roles Me too, me too.
That sounds fantastic.

Speaker 2 (58:25):
So is there anything you would like to leave our
listeners with today?
Well, I always ask my guests onour podcast, like what is one
thing you know for sure?
I love asking that, like ifthere's one thing that you could
scream from a mountaintop ifeveryone in the world was
listening to you, I just think,like a self-healing journey is
the most important thing youcould do.
I'm getting to that step one,getting to the acceptance,
getting into the like, just letgo and realize, like you will

(58:47):
never be perfect and you cannotavoid pain or stressors in life,
because they're going to happen.
I think it's much moreimportant to learn how to deal
with them and build thatresiliency and not just, not
just be able to come or overcomesetbacks, but like build that,
like rewiring your brain to beable to handle them better.
So, step one, just like, get tothat acceptance, piece of like

(59:09):
you know what, ok, I need help,right, and then get there, love
it.

Speaker 1 (59:14):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (59:14):
Great, thank you.

Speaker 1 (59:16):
It's been a joy.
It went by really fast.
I just glanced over and I'mlike, oh my God.

Speaker 2 (59:20):
We're almost like an hour on the dot.

Speaker 1 (59:22):
I know I feel like we need to keep chatting until we
get to exactly 60.
I know.

Speaker 2 (59:25):
Do, do, do, let's play the Jeopardy music.

Speaker 1 (59:31):
Check out her podcast Habits you Love.
How many episodes do you havenow?

Speaker 2 (59:34):
I think we have like 116 or 117.
That's awesome.
Yeah, it's been averaging outto once a week.
That's awesome Since I'vestarted, so yeah.

Speaker 1 (59:43):
That's great and that's a lot.
People underestimate how muchwork that really is.

Speaker 2 (59:46):
Yes, I want to do it more, and that goes back to like
the oh, I need to, but I'm just.
You know, this is what I can doright now, so awesome, well,
keep doing it girl proud of you.

Speaker 1 (59:58):
I'm excited that you came to join me today, and
that's a wrap see you guys latersee y'all.