December 31, 2024 • 38 mins
The episode explores the complexities of the holiday season, focusing on topics like grief, gratitude, and the importance of self-care amidst celebrations. Listeners gain insights on navigating family dynamics and traditions while honoring personal feelings and boundaries.
• Reflecting on taking time off and honoring personal needs
• Exploring grief and its impact on holiday celebrations
• Acknowledging family changes and celebrating new traditions
• Balancing expectations with joy during busy seasons
• Strategies for nurturing oneself and managing holiday stress
• The significance of simplicity and meaningful connections
Don't forget to check out our resources and reach out if you need support!
www.ResilientRetreat.org
www.krystelclear.com
Thank you for joining me today. Please know that this podcast and the information shared is not to replace or supplement any mental health or personal wellness modalities provided by practitioners. It’s simply me, sharing my personal experiences and I appreciate you respecting and honoring my story and my guests. If something touched your heart please feel free to like, share and subscribe. Have a beautiful day full of gratitude, compassion and unconditional love.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What's up you guys?
Welcome to this episode ofCrystal Clear.
Happy holidays If you celebrate, if you don't celebrate, that's
great as well, and that'sreally what leads me into the
studio today.
I've actually taken a few weeksoff from recording because I
needed to honor my own space andtime, my sanity, and just kind
(00:21):
of moderate my activity levelthroughout the holidays.
And I actually facilitated aresilient retreat program, an
empowerment journaling program,and I do it once a month.
I love it.
I feel like I need it just asmuch as our participants do.
But this one was really onhonoring what you need during
(00:42):
the holiday season.
So I wanted to take some timeto kind of go over some things
that came up for me during thatjournaling session and I just
thought it was worth putting outthere, and it doesn't even
really have to pertain toholidays, it's just really any
time.
But I will say this time ofyear it's just overstimulating.
There's commercials and lightsand music and just people.
(01:07):
It's just.
The energy is just, it'sintense and it's a little
different and while, yes, insome ways it can be more vibrant
, but it can also be morechaotic at the same time.
So really taking time to honorwhat it is within us that we
need to really focus on.
(01:28):
So it's like for myself, like Isaid, I had to kind of take
some things off my plate that Ireally wanted to get to, but I
knew I needed to be in theheadspace for that.
So we'll back it up a littlebit.
So we've had kind of a crazyNovember December.
My husband and I went to Perufor two weeks Amazing, amazing
(01:52):
trip.
We were gone for like 10 days,really saw some gorgeous ancient
sites and had some intentionaltime together because, honestly,
I'm just going to be reallylike candid, Like we don't get a
ton of that in real life day today.
So it was really nice to beable to go away.
Kind of I felt like I had somestress leading up to it, Like,
(02:13):
oh you know, I'm going to missthe kids and I need to make up
for it by doing this when I gethome and this when I get home,
and so I'm like booking thisDisney trip for me and my little
guy because I felt bad leavinghim for 10 days.
And I mean, honestly, inreality he was totally fine.
We have an awesome village ofsupport and we had my great
(02:34):
friend and one of his nanniesspend the night every night, and
then another great friend andsomeone that helps in our
village one of our nannies andpicked up from school.
So we really had this greatrotation.
The teenagers kind of, you know, fend for themselves and
they're great and along for theride, so they're pretty easy.
But I was realizing I wascausing more of the stress than
needed to be caused.
(02:54):
Once I was there, out of sight,out of mind, I was totally fine,
but I really had to go in andsoul search a bit on why, like
what, what is it about you?
Leaving and going on vacationmakes you feel like for some
reason, your son's going to haveabandonment wounds.
And of course it goes back tomy own um, from childhood.
(03:16):
So it was really goodopportunity for me to observe
some stuff in myself that Istill needed to work through,
but also like also to just bethere and give myself permission
to just be there and soak inthose moments with my husband,
and it was amazing and it wasprecious memories.
We got back, we had boardmeetings, we had Thanksgiving,
(03:37):
we had the next week I took myson to Disney for the three days
, the trip that I booked beforeI went to Peru.
Yeah, it was a lot of back toback for the three days the trip
that I booked before I went toPeru.
Yeah, it was a lot of back toback.
In hindsight, would I reallyplan like that again?
No, absolutely not.
But you know what it all workedout.
There's some stuff thatsurfaced in our household that
(03:57):
really just, I think, needed tosurface and release.
So we were able to get throughthat and navigate through a lot
of the things that you know.
I feel like these situations.
For me, it's like maybe it'slike you go through these
healing journeys and you gothrough and you do mindfulness
stuff and all of the meditationsand the journaling everything's
great, but until you're in realtime and you're feeling that
(04:18):
turbulence or you're feelingthose underlying, it's just
opportunity to let more stuffsurface and release it to make
you lighter.
It's just opportunity to letmore stuff surface and release
it to make you lighter.
So one thing my husband and Ihave talked about back and forth
is you know the things thatwe've had to navigate during
holiday seasons and I realize abig one for me is grief.
(04:39):
So I lost my grandmother whoraised me in 2013.
So it's been like 11, almost 12years now, which is wild to me,
but I realized I was carryinggrief and memories into the
holidays, Whereas now this yearI mean, I've been really working
(05:01):
on the past five yearscritically, but this year
especially, really noticing whatit is that's coming up and
where the feelings might becoming from.
So, instead of looking at itwith like a grief perspective, I
miss her.
I just want her here.
This isn't fair, you know.
It's not the same without her.
(05:21):
Of course it's not.
But you know what I believe?
She's a guardian angel andshe's here with me and I get to
pass along these beautifultraditions and things to my
children that she instilled inme.
So really shifting the grief togratitude has been huge for me.
Obviously, if it's a more recent, my father-in-law has
Alzheimer's and I'll be reallyhonest, it's living grief.
(05:45):
It's really hard.
It's really hard during theholiday season to know that this
is my mother-in-law just can'thost Christmas Eve the way she
used to.
It used to be like a big partyat their house every year and
things are just shifting andchanging and I was actually just
telling my husband last night.
I feel like there's a dramaticshift that's about to happen.
(06:05):
I don't know if it's becauseI'm like turning 40 in February
I just had a wedding of a kid Iused to nanny.
So it's interesting, it's likea seasonal shift.
But you know my grandfather,who I was raised with, you know
he's 82, 83 years old and myhusband's parents are 82.
(06:26):
And you know they're notgetting any younger.
So really coming into this newstage of life with our family
and doing things a littledifferently sometimes by choice,
sometimes because we have nochoice things just, you know
really working on thatacceptance at the same time.
So accepting like this is thesituation at hand and it's my
(06:51):
responsibility how I navigate it.
So we're just really trying towork together to support each
other through this.
If you have family members whoare going through the aging
process or have any sort ofterminal illness or things just
(07:12):
aren't the same, I just want toencourage you to give yourself
that permission to grieve itappropriately.
But also try to find thegratitude and for me that looks
like cherishing all of the yearswe did have together and also
looking at new opportunities tochange things up, Like, for
example, this year Christmas EveI get to host at my own home,
(07:35):
which I'm really excited aboutand we're going to do it
differently.
I went to Italy in Septemberand I'm going to make homemade
pasta and just make it kind ofdifferent.
My cousins are coming down andjust doing things differently
and knowing that it's okay toallow those seasonal shifts,
Because I think when we hang onto it, we hang on to it thinking
(07:58):
that if we change it up we'regoing to lose it forever, and
that's not really the case, Likewe can still honor the past and
traditions and things that weused to do, but also be open to
a new season and allowingourselves to accept and be
empowered in this new way toshift things.
(08:21):
And, trust me, it's okay to bethe first person in your family
that does it differently.
I kind of set that boundary formyself a few years ago, Before
Brody was born, our little guy,our kids go to their mom and
dad's house on Christmas Day.
So we usually, historically,have always had the kids
Christmas Eve.
(08:42):
They wake up, open presents atour house and then go back to
their mom and dad's house toopen presents there, and we've
worked that out with ourex-spouses and it's always just
worked out nicely for the kidsand we're going to keep that
tradition going and realizingthis is the last Christmas with
all of our kids living at homeis pretty humbling, Really,
(09:05):
really fast.
My oldest bonus guy is goingoff to college next year, so of
course he'll come home forChristmas, but it's not quite
the same.
So the boundary a while ago iswe would get invited by family
on Christmas day, Like, oh, youshould come over for Christmas
dinner, blah, blah, blah.
And it's like you know, wealways spent Christmas Eve with
(09:25):
my in-laws.
Sometimes my sister-in-lawswould come into town and it was
a big party, a lot of fun.
But, like I said, that's beenwinding down over the years,
especially as my nieces andnephews get older.
And you know we kind of allhave our own lives and busy
schedules and when your kids arein town from college you just
want to kind of be home andsettled.
So we're all really honoringthat for each other and it feels
(09:47):
really nice and something.
Christmas day I was just kind oflike you know what that is our
day to be home in our pajamas ifit's hot outside because, let's
just face it, Florida Christmasisn't always chilly we turn the
AC down as low as we canwithout blasting it out, Watch
Christmas movies in our jammiesPre-Brody, we'd have mimosas and
(10:10):
hang out and do whatever.
Now it's more of watching Brodyopen his presents and hanging
out at the house and that's justlike our day to do nothing.
We don't really invite anyoneover.
If someone wants to stop by andsay hi, that's great, but
that's just really.
I feel like, because when I wasa child as awesome as it was
that we had so many grandparentsto go see and things to do it
(10:33):
was like you had to go to thisperson's house and this person's
house and you ate here and youate there and you had presents
and you took turns and it wasjust as a child.
It was fun.
But I kind of vowed to myselfinternally that I wasn't going
to do that to my kiddos and Ithink that it's hard enough
having a blended family andgoing from one house to the
other Although it's like let'sface it like quadruple the
(10:54):
presence for them because theyhave different sets of
grandparents and all the thingsand so they love it and they get
to spend that intentional timeIn the past few years we have.
I'm not going to lie.
So segue into.
Another kind of conversationhere we'll get into is
comparison.
So I used to get FOMO bylooking at everyone's Christmas
(11:17):
travel vacations.
And people are in Europe forChristmas and skiing and this
and that, and so I think whenBrody was two, we decided to
start traveling for the holidaysand one year we went before
Christmas.
We went to Palmetto Bluff,South Carolina.
It was a really cute resortmontage.
We had a little house.
It was awesome.
However, going on that trip,coming home, kids going back and
(11:42):
forth, it just seemed like alot.
And then the following year wewent to Montana.
So we went to Big Sky, Montanaand stayed at Lone Mountain
Ranch, I believe was the name ofthe resort, which was super
cute Again, had a house, hadthis cute like coffee and hot
chocolate delivery in themorning and we went skiing.
(12:05):
It was so much fun.
We did that after Christmas.
But realizing the kids,especially with teenagers, they
just want the downtime and Ithink that's been one big
realization for me this year isit's just too much.
Because what did I end up doingall of those years?
It was like, oh, we won't do abig Christmas, We'll just go on
(12:28):
vacation.
Well, guess what?
We did the big Christmas and wewent on vacation and of course
I mean that's all on me and myresponsibility.
But I just realized from thosecouple of years and we needed to
do it to kind of get it out ofthe system but realizing what I
really value and what I know andwhat the kids, I think really
realize they value is justhaving that stillness and that
(12:48):
alone time and the family timeand just time to sleep in until
11 if they want to, and not justhave something every single day
, because it makes those thingsthat you do participate in more
enjoyable, things that you doparticipate in more enjoyable.
So this year, for example, I'mlike, oh, I'm going to go super
light, super low key.
(13:09):
I'm not going to buy anythinganyone doesn't need or anything
anyone doesn't want.
And like three pages of peopleI bought gifts for later which
they didn't ask for them, it'sme feeling like, oh, I want to
do this for this person and thisperson and this person.
So I realized I do this tomyself and it is really
(13:30):
important to understand that youcan be joyful and exhausted at
the same time and you can have ajoyous and just excited
experience and also beoverwhelmed at the same time,
and that's okay.
It's really just acknowledgingthe fact that, wow, I'm having a
(13:50):
lot of fun.
This is great.
The kids are so excited.
However, there's stuffeverywhere.
I'm feeling a little chaotic.
There's music in the background, there's people all around,
whatever.
It is Like I was tripped toDisney, for example.
First of all, I don't know howpeople afford to go to Disney
for days at a time with a familyof six.
It is so expensive and so crazy.
(14:14):
I took just me and the littleguy.
We stayed at the BoardwalkResort for two nights and did
the Florida resident three parkpass or whatever Park Hopper
Pass, and I did the fast passbecause this time of year it's
like worth it to just skip thelines.
It was a lot.
So if we hadn't done the fastpass, I don't think I would have
survived, but we had a greattime.
(14:36):
So it was really nice to seethe joy and the gratitude and
the excitement through thelittle guy's eyes.
But also, like I was justexplaining to people, it's funny
when you get to the park yousee these families in the
morning and they're like yay,like where are we going?
What ride are we going on?
Next we have a pass.
And then you see them aboutnoontime and everyone's like
(14:57):
okay, like ready for lunch,looking for something to eat,
kind of like a little hasty, andthen you see them like at the
end of the night and they're,you know, slamming their kids
down in their strollers andpulling people by their arms.
They were done right.
So, yeah, just knowing that,like I know, we want to give our
families and our childrenourselves, our neighbors, our
(15:20):
communities, whatever thesegreat experiences and
participate our neighbors, ourcommunities, whatever these
great experiences andparticipate, but also know it's
okay and not to feel bad or feelguilty.
I heard that a lot in ourprogram, like people feeling
guilty, that they don't feelsuper excited about the holidays
or they feel guilty becausethey don't necessarily want to
go to this event but they haveto.
(15:42):
Like I'll use myself and myhusband, for example.
We have a busy life and a lotgoing on and I know that when it
comes time after Christmas forthe Selby Lights in Bloom, for
example, I'll take the kids andI don't really expect for him to
come along to all the thingsbecause I know he needs that
quiet time and that downtime too, and you know it's the weekend.
(16:06):
This morning, for example, likeyou took the little guy out and
ATVs and build a fire and didsome stuff when I was doing
stuff around the house, becauseit's just a lot and really
honoring the communication inthe household and with your
partner or your roommate or yourfamily, whoever it may be that
you're surrounded by, just kindof tag teaming and communicating
(16:26):
with each other.
Like I need a minute, I needsome time and space.
You know we're lucky enough tolive where we can just walk
outside and it's beautiful andsunshine, but I know that all
over the place and especiallyyou know, some of you in really
awesome like Finland and placeslike cool places are listening
to my podcast now, so thank youfor that, but you don't always
(16:48):
have sunshine all the time likewe do.
So do you really just honoringand finding a safe place for
yourself where you candecompress, gather your thoughts
?
You know, kind of thought dumpor like dump your brain of
whatever it is your to do list,Like I've realized I was kind of
cycling in my head of like Ineed to do this, I need to do
(17:09):
that, Did I do this, Did I dothat, and what really helped me
is like creating a list, Like sowriting it down, getting it out
of my head, getting it on thepaper and then, once I check
things off, I just it feels likesatisfying to check things off,
because then you almost have avisual wow, I've gotten a lot of
things done.
So that's something I try topractice anyway, but especially
(17:29):
around this time of year A, ithelps me hold myself accountable
for what I need to do and whatI want to do, and I kind of
separate the list that way, likewhat I need to get done and
what I want to get done, andusually my want list is a hell
of a lot longer than my needlist.
But also by getting it out ofmy head and putting it on paper,
it makes me see like, okay, thelist of things I need to do
(17:52):
isn't quite as long orexacerbating as I thought it
might be, but the wants, however, and I just take that in stride
or maybe even delegate.
I bought these Uno cards for acharity and we had to wrap like
300 boxes of Uno cards to giveto kids in the community, and so
(18:12):
I recruited my daughter to helpme.
She loves wrapping.
It was a fun bonding experience.
I gave her some service hoursbecause it was for community
service and just honoring thatspace and delegating and asking
for help, and that's anotherthing that one of our nannies is
out of town for two weeksvisiting her boyfriend's family,
(18:36):
and I'm super excited for her.
Also, I realized like I need topace myself.
I'm going to take some time off.
My kids are out of school,little guys.
You know, I signed him up forlike a gymnastics camp next to
my yoga studio so I can stillmake sure I get in my quiet time
and the things that fill me upand he stays busy and does
(18:57):
something of his own, and Irealize that not everyone is
able to do things like that.
But whatever it is that youhave within your resources,
please do yourself a favor.
Maybe even make a list ofresources for yourself, which is
also helpful, Like if you needhelp, if you have older kids and
your laundry is piling up, youknow, help them, like, teach
(19:21):
them these things, these lifeskills, when they're at home,
because guess what, Like, schoolonly takes them so far.
So the more we involve them inhome activities A it takes some
stuff off of our plates.
B it teaches them life skillsthat they'll need because
they're not going to live athome forever Maybe not all of
them.
And C.
(19:43):
It's just, it can be fun, itcould be good bonding, it could
be a good way to.
You know, we kind of have alittle rule in our house, Like
if you want something new wehave to give something away.
I like to say rule, but kind ofa I don't know a courtesy,
something that we kind of justkeep in realm.
It really started with me in mycloset, I'm not going to lie.
(20:07):
I got to the point where Icould not fit anything else in
it.
So I'm like if I'm going to getanything new, I need to give
two of something away.
And that's worked out reallywell and I purge all the time.
But it's really important forthe kids and you would be
surprised at how excited thekids get to give something back
to the community or to a friendor to a neighbor or just making
(20:31):
a donation pile and knowing thatI mean there's a lot of places
that'll even come and pickthings up, like if you feel
overwhelmed.
So really just trying tooutsource, like decluttering
your life.
I've been really working hardon decluttering my life,
especially around this time ofyear.
Like I said, the trees go up.
I kind of went crazy withdecorating this year and we have
(20:54):
quite a few trees up at ourhouse and they're beautiful and
I get super into the decoratingand I love wrapping presents and
making these big, beautifulbows and everyone has a
different wrapping paper and Ido this to myself again, but
it's when it's all over and it'stime to take it all down.
(21:16):
It's almost like going throughsome sort of like grieving
process because it'soverwhelming, so taking it in
stride, like one day I'll takeone Christmas tree down and I'm
going to call my girlfriendKelsey to come help me do these
things, or recruit my husband tohelp me, or the kids, or and
just really owning.
(21:36):
And you know what, if it's notdone by January 1st or whatever,
that's fine.
It's just really trying torelease expectations for
yourself, Like it's not going togo seamless.
There's always going to beopportunities for things that
come up within your realm ofcircumstances.
You know there's going to bepeople that get sick and they
can't make it.
There's going to.
I really feel like this is atime of year that I've this year
(22:00):
especially been able to reflecton how powerful releasing
expectations are, Because themore you set an expectation for
something, the more you setyourself up for disappointment.
And what is that?
It's just kind of like a storyand a way that we construct
something and it's just in ourhead.
So, if we can allow ourselvesto just let it be what it's
(22:24):
supposed to be like, the peoplethat are going to show up are
meant to show up.
The people that are, you know,coming up sick and staying home,
maybe they need to honor theirbodies and rest and that's what
they need for them, Trying tocome into the season and the new
year with compassion andrealizing, you know, not
(22:47):
everyone's family situation is abeautiful situation.
So not everyone has family to bearound and even if they do,
they might not want to, andthat's okay.
And if you're one of thosepeople, it is okay to do things
differently.
It is okay to be the firstperson to be like.
You know, I think I'm doing itdifferently this year.
(23:08):
I'll catch you guys.
I just need to honor my spaceand time and I'll catch up with
you at a different time.
I mean, and if you are honoringyourself and you are honoring
what you need, try to do it withthe least amount of guilt as
possible.
And if you have people in yourlife and in your family or in
(23:28):
your circle that are projectingtheir shame or guilt and things
onto you.
Just know that that's areflection of them and their
personal history.
It really doesn't have anythingto do with you, so I'll use
myself.
For example.
I haven't been to Tallahasseein a while.
That's where my family is.
(23:49):
I love them and they haven'tbeen down here in a while, and
that's okay.
Like I realized, mygrandfather's getting older and
he doesn't really have areliable vehicle to drive down
here and I wouldn't think Ireally feel comfortable with him
being on the roads right now inthe season.
Anyway, he's got a little bitof road rage, but other than
that I mean he's 83 years oldand it's just honoring a season
(24:14):
for me.
I don't really want to drive upthere either, but I love him
and I can love him from adistance and this is the glory
of the age that we live in.
Right now there's FaceTime,there's technology we can use.
Like I said, my in-laws aren'thosting, but we're going to host
at our house and mymother-in-law likes to stay with
my father-in-law, so she'sprobably not going to come for
Christmas Eve dinner and that'sokay, and not feeling guilty,
(24:40):
Like yes, we're going toactually go this afternoon and
spend some time with them andand knowing that it's okay to do
something differently and justhonoring the space that we used
to have and not allowing it topull us down or make us feel not
good about honoring just a newseason.
Those are just some things thatI've been processing through
lately and I just felt like Ineeded to put it out there to
(25:02):
the world.
A lot of things that came up onour journaling session were the
guilt, like feeling guilty aboutnot being excited, and a lot of
people have holiday trauma.
I mean, let's just face it,there's things that could have
happened at Christmas parties orsubstance use, and I mean
there's a lot of differentthings that go inside of
(25:23):
different celebratory events andmyself included, like realizing
I used to hold a lot of kind ofturbulence and just on edge and
a lot of that came out indifferent ways.
Like it's the quote unquotenervous energy allowed me to set
and maintain a beautifullandscape of a table for hosting
(25:46):
.
But it's like where does thatperfection paradigm come from?
Where does the table beingperfect come from?
Like the need for everything tobe perfect and to go above and
beyond on all the things.
Well, I think for me it camefrom, like when I was a little
girl I always wanted it like anextravagant celebration like
that and I never got it.
So I wanted to do it in my way.
(26:07):
But you know what Things happen, Things spill.
So just learning that you canhonor what you want and what you
feel like you might need, buthonoring what you want and still
being able to release theexpectation, Like knowing if I
put out all of the beautifulchina and all the things that we
(26:28):
got for our wedding, having afour and a half year old,
there's risk for something tobreak.
So if I'm going to choose to dothat, just know that you know
what there's, anything couldhappen.
And kind of just releasing alsoreally kind of takes me into
releasing attachment, and thisis something my husband and I
(26:48):
have talked about.
I think both of us are justfacing the hard truth of, just
like I said, seasons arechanging and he said to me this
morning you know at some pointyou have to lose everyone in
your life.
Like at some point we'll allseasons as they come along and
(27:09):
try not to hold on to it.
My life coach actually sent me avideo and one of the topics in
(27:33):
the videos is having memorieswithout attaching feelings to
them.
And that's impactful because Ifind myself a feeler and I like
to feel all the feels.
But allowing yourself toremember things and have
memories without attachingfeelings to them, whether it be
(27:54):
good feelings or bad feelingsthat is like a level of healthy
detachment and it's interestingbecause we feel like, oh, it's
okay to have such good memoriesassociated with all of this.
But then again, if that doesn'thappen in a new situation, are
we comparing it to that oldsituation and allowing room for
disappointment there?
A second if you find yourselfcomparing your life, your
(28:26):
experiences either to A thingsout there in the universe,
things online, which we all do,we all get the FOMO, we all see
the Christmas parties, we allsee this, but guess what?
None of that shit is real.
It is what people want you tosee on the outside, on social
media.
Yes, I'm sure the party wasgreat, I'm sure her outfit was
fabulous, but I guarantee youthere were things that happened
that you'll never know about.
(28:47):
And that's okay, because that'sa point of having a private
life too.
It's not full disclosure online.
So just try your best not tocompare during the holiday
season, because I think that'ssomething that really leads to
the self-sabotage triggers inall of us is like, well, I could
have done this differently, Icould have done this, and I
(29:08):
think that that's just like areally icky, sticky road to go
down and more of shifting it towell, what are the things that I
would like this season formyself?
Whether that be peace.
Would like this season formyself, whether that be peace,
whether that be parties.
I also encourage and know frommy previous and past experiences
(29:29):
that during a season likeholiday season, there is an
increase in caffeine, with allthe coffee, sugary drinks and
sugar and all that and alcoholand those are things that really
kind of dysregulate ourinternal system.
So if you can really try to beas mindful as possible, if you
(29:49):
know that you're going out andyou're going to a cocktail party
and you have another party thenext day, like maybe try to get
some movement, try to get somesunshine, try to balance it with
something that will nurtureyour adrenals and your nervous
system, rather than just makingit go so thin and like
stretching yourself too thin.
So that's really been somethingI've been really trying to be
(30:10):
intentional about.
I don't really drink alcoholthat much anymore, but I did
have a couple of glasses ofchampagne at a wedding and,
honestly, it wasn't really worthit.
But it's okay.
Like I realized, like you knowwhat, I allowed myself to have a
couple of glasses of champagne.
I had fun, it wasn't a big deal, Didn't even get tipsy, Excuse
(30:30):
me, but honoring the fact that Ididn't really miss it and I
don't really like it.
So, going into the next party,I'll skip it and do the
mocktails, and I think that forso long I've been having
mocktails that they taste sogood.
Now I can just taste thealcohol and all the drinks and
it's just not good.
Plus, I think I've done so muchresearch.
I'm like, oh, it's going tocause inflammation, it's going
(30:51):
to cause blah, blah, blah, soit's just yeah, for me it's not
worth it.
You do you, though, but I doencourage you to balance it as
much as possible, whether that'smovement, exercise, rest,
sleeping, hydration.
But when we're out and we'repartying and we're eating crap
and then we wake up and we havea bunch of coffee and we keep
(31:12):
going, going, going, it's likeclimbing a mountain.
You're going up, up, up, up,and it's like you go down pretty
quick.
So that's kind of what happensto our system and our immune
system.
So really trying to keep awaythe ickies and the bugs and the
germs as much as possible.
Nurture yourselves, honoryourselves, like, go out, have
(31:35):
the fun, do all the things, butmake sure you take time to
recover mentally, physically,emotionally, whatever that looks
like for you.
It could look like a reallylong warm shower, just to just
decompress and just picture allof the energy and the emotions
and all the things just washingaway.
Sometimes that's like the mosttherapeutic thing you could do
(31:56):
and we most of us have access toa shower or a bath or sometimes
water, and just visualizing allof the energy washing away is
super therapeutic.
If you have not tried it, Ihighly recommend it.
Yeah, I don't know.
I just felt really compelled toget on and chat with you guys
about just nurturing yourself,honoring where you are, honoring
(32:22):
what you need.
Like I've been really trying tocheck in with myself on a daily
basis, Like have I restedenough?
Have I drank enough water?
What is it that I need today?
What is it that I want today?
And really trying to checkthings off my list and just
being honest about it and, youknow, got to the point where I
(32:45):
was like in tears with myhusband the other day.
I'm like I love you and I justwant more intentional time with
you and it's like, not that he'snot giving me intentional time,
it's that I feel like I'mrunning so thin in some ways
that he's my safe place.
So do I need to just rest or doI need that intentional time?
(33:07):
It's definitely both, but alsohonoring.
It's not his responsibility forme to get rest.
You know, I have to be the oneto be honest with myself and
take time and just chill out andhonor.
What I need that's being quietin my car when I'm driving and
not listening to the radio,Because when you get out it's
(33:28):
going to be Santa Claus iscoming to town and Mariah Carey
Christmas music and it's sooverstimulating out there right
now.
I'm not even like I don't carewhere you live.
I guarantee you it's that waywhere you are.
And then after the new year,what happens?
Like we take down the trees, wetake down all the decorations,
we get back to normal life and Ithink there's a grieving
(33:49):
process that can happen therewhen the sparkles and the
glitter and the magic is gone,where it's a breath of fresh air
.
It's also like I personally waslike, oh, I love when the
sparkles and the pretty lightsand I love all those things, but
also love the simplicity andthe cleanliness of just kind of
clean slate new year.
(34:11):
I look forward to having a fewfun guests on to just talk about
like intention setting for thenew year, being honorable with
and realistic with where youwant to go, what you want to do,
taking it step by step insteadof like giant big picture.
I have to get a million thingsdone, like little micro things
(34:33):
you can do daily, which I'vetalked about in several podcasts
.
But we're going to revisit thata bit because I feel like I
need to revisit that a bit.
Because I feel like I need torevisit that a bit.
I looked at my vision board Idid for 2024, and I was actually
quite taken back because I feellike all of it kind of
manifested in its own way.
There was a lot of travel.
(34:53):
We had big trips this year.
We went to Switzerland, I wentto Italy, we went to Peru all of
these amazing adventures.
I'll say that hiking MontuPicchu and going there with my
husband and just really soakingthat in was like such a vortex
of healing and there's so muchto Peru other than just Machu
Picchu.
And it was just such a cooltime to be able to reset, to
(35:19):
allow just like the spiritualenergy of these ancient sites
and the beautiful culture there,Like they live simply but
happily.
And I came home and really justfelt like there was so much
excess in our world, like excessthings in our home excess.
So it really gave me aperspective that like simple is
(35:40):
better sometimes, Like we don'treally need all the things that
we have, so why not give it tothose who don't have it?
So we've really worked hard ondoing that this season, as well
as just kind of cleaning out andrepurposing and refurbishing
and giving away some of theresources because we have an
abundance and we're fortunatefor that.
(36:01):
You know, giving away some ofthe resources because we have an
abundance and we're fortunatefor that.
However, it can also lead tooverstimulation and nervous
system dysregulation, to bequite honest.
So, yeah, I'm excited, we'regoing to ride this out and look
forward to connecting in the newyear and I'll probably do a
(36:25):
podcast or so before that.
Maybe, maybe I will, maybe Iwon't, I don't know.
I'm honoring my time and spaceand just really want to wish you
all a wonderful season of restand rejuvenation and recovery
and honoring yourself, honoringyour boundaries, allowing
yourself to grieve and to feeljoy and to feel the overestimate
(36:47):
like.
Just feel your feels, but trynot to stay stuck in them and,
honestly, when you feel like youare being dysregulated, like,
find something that works foryou.
Find, you know there'sresources out there.
I always mention ResilientRetreat.
We have people they call thekind line all the time, so
(37:08):
they're up Tuesday throughFriday, resilientretreatorg.
We have programs.
You know there's suicidehotlines.
This time of year can bring up alot of icky, yicky stuff and I
just want everyone to know thatyou're not alone.
You are seen, you are heard,there is someone out there for
(37:33):
you and if you know, pleasemessage in the comments.
If you need more resources, Iam happy to pass them along.
There's just.
There's always someoneavailable to help.
You are seen, you are heard,your feelings are valid, Even if
your family, your friends, yourcommunity doesn't realize that
they might be, there is someoneout there to hear you.
(38:06):
So from's a wrap.
Have a good day.
What's up you guys?
Welcome to this episode ofCrystal Clear.
Happy holidays If you celebrate, if you don't celebrate, that's
great as well, and that'sreally what leads me into the
studio today.
I've actually taken a few weeksoff from recording because I
needed to honor my own space andtime, my sanity, and just kind
(00:21):
of moderate my activity levelthroughout the holidays.
And I actually facilitated aresilient retreat program, an
empowerment journaling program,and I do it once a month.
I love it.
I feel like I need it just asmuch as our participants do.
But this one was really onhonoring what you need during
(00:42):
the holiday season.
So I wanted to take some timeto kind of go over some things
that came up for me during thatjournaling session and I just
thought it was worth putting outthere, and it doesn't even
really have to pertain toholidays, it's just really any
time.
But I will say this time ofyear it's just overstimulating.
There's commercials and lightsand music and just people.
(01:07):
It's just.
The energy is just, it'sintense and it's a little
different and while, yes, insome ways it can be more vibrant
, but it can also be morechaotic at the same time.
So really taking time to honorwhat it is within us that we
need to really focus on.
(01:28):
So it's like for myself, like Isaid, I had to kind of take
some things off my plate that Ireally wanted to get to, but I
knew I needed to be in theheadspace for that.
So we'll back it up a littlebit.
So we've had kind of a crazyNovember December.
My husband and I went to Perufor two weeks Amazing, amazing
(01:52):
trip.
We were gone for like 10 days,really saw some gorgeous ancient
sites and had some intentionaltime together because, honestly,
I'm just going to be reallylike candid, Like we don't get a
ton of that in real life day today.
So it was really nice to beable to go away.
Kind of I felt like I had somestress leading up to it, Like,
(02:13):
oh you know, I'm going to missthe kids and I need to make up
for it by doing this when I gethome and this when I get home,
and so I'm like booking thisDisney trip for me and my little
guy because I felt bad leavinghim for 10 days.
And I mean, honestly, inreality he was totally fine.
We have an awesome village ofsupport and we had my great
(02:34):
friend and one of his nanniesspend the night every night, and
then another great friend andsomeone that helps in our
village one of our nannies andpicked up from school.
So we really had this greatrotation.
The teenagers kind of, you know, fend for themselves and
they're great and along for theride, so they're pretty easy.
But I was realizing I wascausing more of the stress than
needed to be caused.
(02:54):
Once I was there, out of sight,out of mind, I was totally fine,
but I really had to go in andsoul search a bit on why, like
what, what is it about you?
Leaving and going on vacationmakes you feel like for some
reason, your son's going to haveabandonment wounds.
And of course it goes back tomy own um, from childhood.
(03:16):
So it was really goodopportunity for me to observe
some stuff in myself that Istill needed to work through,
but also like also to just bethere and give myself permission
to just be there and soak inthose moments with my husband,
and it was amazing and it wasprecious memories.
We got back, we had boardmeetings, we had Thanksgiving,
(03:37):
we had the next week I took myson to Disney for the three days
, the trip that I booked beforeI went to Peru.
Yeah, it was a lot of back toback for the three days the trip
that I booked before I went toPeru.
Yeah, it was a lot of back toback.
In hindsight, would I reallyplan like that again?
No, absolutely not.
But you know what it all workedout.
There's some stuff thatsurfaced in our household that
(03:57):
really just, I think, needed tosurface and release.
So we were able to get throughthat and navigate through a lot
of the things that you know.
I feel like these situations.
For me, it's like maybe it'slike you go through these
healing journeys and you gothrough and you do mindfulness
stuff and all of the meditationsand the journaling everything's
great, but until you're in realtime and you're feeling that
(04:18):
turbulence or you're feelingthose underlying, it's just
opportunity to let more stuffsurface and release it to make
you lighter.
It's just opportunity to letmore stuff surface and release
it to make you lighter.
So one thing my husband and Ihave talked about back and forth
is you know the things thatwe've had to navigate during
holiday seasons and I realize abig one for me is grief.
(04:39):
So I lost my grandmother whoraised me in 2013.
So it's been like 11, almost 12years now, which is wild to me,
but I realized I was carryinggrief and memories into the
holidays, Whereas now this yearI mean, I've been really working
(05:01):
on the past five yearscritically, but this year
especially, really noticing whatit is that's coming up and
where the feelings might becoming from.
So, instead of looking at itwith like a grief perspective, I
miss her.
I just want her here.
This isn't fair, you know.
It's not the same without her.
(05:21):
Of course it's not.
But you know what I believe?
She's a guardian angel andshe's here with me and I get to
pass along these beautifultraditions and things to my
children that she instilled inme.
So really shifting the grief togratitude has been huge for me.
Obviously, if it's a more recent, my father-in-law has
Alzheimer's and I'll be reallyhonest, it's living grief.
(05:45):
It's really hard.
It's really hard during theholiday season to know that this
is my mother-in-law just can'thost Christmas Eve the way she
used to.
It used to be like a big partyat their house every year and
things are just shifting andchanging and I was actually just
telling my husband last night.
I feel like there's a dramaticshift that's about to happen.
(06:05):
I don't know if it's becauseI'm like turning 40 in February
I just had a wedding of a kid Iused to nanny.
So it's interesting, it's likea seasonal shift.
But you know my grandfather,who I was raised with, you know
he's 82, 83 years old and myhusband's parents are 82.
(06:26):
And you know they're notgetting any younger.
So really coming into this newstage of life with our family
and doing things a littledifferently sometimes by choice,
sometimes because we have nochoice things just, you know
really working on thatacceptance at the same time.
So accepting like this is thesituation at hand and it's my
(06:51):
responsibility how I navigate it.
So we're just really trying towork together to support each
other through this.
If you have family members whoare going through the aging
process or have any sort ofterminal illness or things just
(07:12):
aren't the same, I just want toencourage you to give yourself
that permission to grieve itappropriately.
But also try to find thegratitude and for me that looks
like cherishing all of the yearswe did have together and also
looking at new opportunities tochange things up, Like, for
example, this year Christmas EveI get to host at my own home,
(07:35):
which I'm really excited aboutand we're going to do it
differently.
I went to Italy in Septemberand I'm going to make homemade
pasta and just make it kind ofdifferent.
My cousins are coming down andjust doing things differently
and knowing that it's okay toallow those seasonal shifts,
Because I think when we hang onto it, we hang on to it thinking
(07:58):
that if we change it up we'regoing to lose it forever, and
that's not really the case, Likewe can still honor the past and
traditions and things that weused to do, but also be open to
a new season and allowingourselves to accept and be
empowered in this new way toshift things.
(08:21):
And, trust me, it's okay to bethe first person in your family
that does it differently.
I kind of set that boundary formyself a few years ago, Before
Brody was born, our little guy,our kids go to their mom and
dad's house on Christmas Day.
So we usually, historically,have always had the kids
Christmas Eve.
(08:42):
They wake up, open presents atour house and then go back to
their mom and dad's house toopen presents there, and we've
worked that out with ourex-spouses and it's always just
worked out nicely for the kidsand we're going to keep that
tradition going and realizingthis is the last Christmas with
all of our kids living at homeis pretty humbling, Really,
(09:05):
really fast.
My oldest bonus guy is goingoff to college next year, so of
course he'll come home forChristmas, but it's not quite
the same.
So the boundary a while ago iswe would get invited by family
on Christmas day, Like, oh, youshould come over for Christmas
dinner, blah, blah, blah.
And it's like you know, wealways spent Christmas Eve with
(09:25):
my in-laws.
Sometimes my sister-in-lawswould come into town and it was
a big party, a lot of fun.
But, like I said, that's beenwinding down over the years,
especially as my nieces andnephews get older.
And you know we kind of allhave our own lives and busy
schedules and when your kids arein town from college you just
want to kind of be home andsettled.
So we're all really honoringthat for each other and it feels
(09:47):
really nice and something.
Christmas day I was just kind oflike you know what that is our
day to be home in our pajamas ifit's hot outside because, let's
just face it, Florida Christmasisn't always chilly we turn the
AC down as low as we canwithout blasting it out, Watch
Christmas movies in our jammiesPre-Brody, we'd have mimosas and
(10:10):
hang out and do whatever.
Now it's more of watching Brodyopen his presents and hanging
out at the house and that's justlike our day to do nothing.
We don't really invite anyoneover.
If someone wants to stop by andsay hi, that's great, but
that's just really.
I feel like, because when I wasa child as awesome as it was
that we had so many grandparentsto go see and things to do it
(10:33):
was like you had to go to thisperson's house and this person's
house and you ate here and youate there and you had presents
and you took turns and it wasjust as a child.
It was fun.
But I kind of vowed to myselfinternally that I wasn't going
to do that to my kiddos and Ithink that it's hard enough
having a blended family andgoing from one house to the
other Although it's like let'sface it like quadruple the
(10:54):
presence for them because theyhave different sets of
grandparents and all the thingsand so they love it and they get
to spend that intentional timeIn the past few years we have.
I'm not going to lie.
So segue into.
Another kind of conversationhere we'll get into is
comparison.
So I used to get FOMO bylooking at everyone's Christmas
(11:17):
travel vacations.
And people are in Europe forChristmas and skiing and this
and that, and so I think whenBrody was two, we decided to
start traveling for the holidaysand one year we went before
Christmas.
We went to Palmetto Bluff,South Carolina.
It was a really cute resortmontage.
We had a little house.
It was awesome.
However, going on that trip,coming home, kids going back and
(11:42):
forth, it just seemed like alot.
And then the following year wewent to Montana.
So we went to Big Sky, Montanaand stayed at Lone Mountain
Ranch, I believe was the name ofthe resort, which was super
cute Again, had a house, hadthis cute like coffee and hot
chocolate delivery in themorning and we went skiing.
(12:05):
It was so much fun.
We did that after Christmas.
But realizing the kids,especially with teenagers, they
just want the downtime and Ithink that's been one big
realization for me this year isit's just too much.
Because what did I end up doingall of those years?
It was like, oh, we won't do abig Christmas, We'll just go on
(12:28):
vacation.
Well, guess what?
We did the big Christmas and wewent on vacation and of course
I mean that's all on me and myresponsibility.
But I just realized from thosecouple of years and we needed to
do it to kind of get it out ofthe system but realizing what I
really value and what I know andwhat the kids, I think really
realize they value is justhaving that stillness and that
(12:48):
alone time and the family timeand just time to sleep in until
11 if they want to, and not justhave something every single day
, because it makes those thingsthat you do participate in more
enjoyable, things that you doparticipate in more enjoyable.
So this year, for example, I'mlike, oh, I'm going to go super
light, super low key.
(13:09):
I'm not going to buy anythinganyone doesn't need or anything
anyone doesn't want.
And like three pages of peopleI bought gifts for later which
they didn't ask for them, it'sme feeling like, oh, I want to
do this for this person and thisperson and this person.
So I realized I do this tomyself and it is really
(13:30):
important to understand that youcan be joyful and exhausted at
the same time and you can have ajoyous and just excited
experience and also beoverwhelmed at the same time,
and that's okay.
It's really just acknowledgingthe fact that, wow, I'm having a
(13:50):
lot of fun.
This is great.
The kids are so excited.
However, there's stuffeverywhere.
I'm feeling a little chaotic.
There's music in the background, there's people all around,
whatever.
It is Like I was tripped toDisney, for example.
First of all, I don't know howpeople afford to go to Disney
for days at a time with a familyof six.
It is so expensive and so crazy.
(14:14):
I took just me and the littleguy.
We stayed at the BoardwalkResort for two nights and did
the Florida resident three parkpass or whatever Park Hopper
Pass, and I did the fast passbecause this time of year it's
like worth it to just skip thelines.
It was a lot.
So if we hadn't done the fastpass, I don't think I would have
survived, but we had a greattime.
(14:36):
So it was really nice to seethe joy and the gratitude and
the excitement through thelittle guy's eyes.
But also, like I was justexplaining to people, it's funny
when you get to the park yousee these families in the
morning and they're like yay,like where are we going?
What ride are we going on?
Next we have a pass.
And then you see them aboutnoontime and everyone's like
(14:57):
okay, like ready for lunch,looking for something to eat,
kind of like a little hasty, andthen you see them like at the
end of the night and they're,you know, slamming their kids
down in their strollers andpulling people by their arms.
They were done right.
So, yeah, just knowing that,like I know, we want to give our
families and our childrenourselves, our neighbors, our
(15:20):
communities, whatever thesegreat experiences and
participate our neighbors, ourcommunities, whatever these
great experiences andparticipate, but also know it's
okay and not to feel bad or feelguilty.
I heard that a lot in ourprogram, like people feeling
guilty, that they don't feelsuper excited about the holidays
or they feel guilty becausethey don't necessarily want to
go to this event but they haveto.
(15:42):
Like I'll use myself and myhusband, for example.
We have a busy life and a lotgoing on and I know that when it
comes time after Christmas forthe Selby Lights in Bloom, for
example, I'll take the kids andI don't really expect for him to
come along to all the thingsbecause I know he needs that
quiet time and that downtime too, and you know it's the weekend.
(16:06):
This morning, for example, likeyou took the little guy out and
ATVs and build a fire and didsome stuff when I was doing
stuff around the house, becauseit's just a lot and really
honoring the communication inthe household and with your
partner or your roommate or yourfamily, whoever it may be that
you're surrounded by, just kindof tag teaming and communicating
(16:26):
with each other.
Like I need a minute, I needsome time and space.
You know we're lucky enough tolive where we can just walk
outside and it's beautiful andsunshine, but I know that all
over the place and especiallyyou know, some of you in really
awesome like Finland and placeslike cool places are listening
to my podcast now, so thank youfor that, but you don't always
(16:48):
have sunshine all the time likewe do.
So do you really just honoringand finding a safe place for
yourself where you candecompress, gather your thoughts
?
You know, kind of thought dumpor like dump your brain of
whatever it is your to do list,Like I've realized I was kind of
cycling in my head of like Ineed to do this, I need to do
(17:09):
that, Did I do this, Did I dothat, and what really helped me
is like creating a list, Like sowriting it down, getting it out
of my head, getting it on thepaper and then, once I check
things off, I just it feels likesatisfying to check things off,
because then you almost have avisual wow, I've gotten a lot of
things done.
So that's something I try topractice anyway, but especially
(17:29):
around this time of year A, ithelps me hold myself accountable
for what I need to do and whatI want to do, and I kind of
separate the list that way, likewhat I need to get done and
what I want to get done, andusually my want list is a hell
of a lot longer than my needlist.
But also by getting it out ofmy head and putting it on paper,
it makes me see like, okay, thelist of things I need to do
(17:52):
isn't quite as long orexacerbating as I thought it
might be, but the wants, however, and I just take that in stride
or maybe even delegate.
I bought these Uno cards for acharity and we had to wrap like
300 boxes of Uno cards to giveto kids in the community, and so
(18:12):
I recruited my daughter to helpme.
She loves wrapping.
It was a fun bonding experience.
I gave her some service hoursbecause it was for community
service and just honoring thatspace and delegating and asking
for help, and that's anotherthing that one of our nannies is
out of town for two weeksvisiting her boyfriend's family,
(18:36):
and I'm super excited for her.
Also, I realized like I need topace myself.
I'm going to take some time off.
My kids are out of school,little guys.
You know, I signed him up forlike a gymnastics camp next to
my yoga studio so I can stillmake sure I get in my quiet time
and the things that fill me upand he stays busy and does
(18:57):
something of his own, and Irealize that not everyone is
able to do things like that.
But whatever it is that youhave within your resources,
please do yourself a favor.
Maybe even make a list ofresources for yourself, which is
also helpful, Like if you needhelp, if you have older kids and
your laundry is piling up, youknow, help them, like, teach
(19:21):
them these things, these lifeskills, when they're at home,
because guess what, Like, schoolonly takes them so far.
So the more we involve them inhome activities A it takes some
stuff off of our plates.
B it teaches them life skillsthat they'll need because
they're not going to live athome forever Maybe not all of
them.
And C.
(19:43):
It's just, it can be fun, itcould be good bonding, it could
be a good way to.
You know, we kind of have alittle rule in our house, Like
if you want something new wehave to give something away.
I like to say rule, but kind ofa I don't know a courtesy,
something that we kind of justkeep in realm.
It really started with me in mycloset, I'm not going to lie.
(20:07):
I got to the point where Icould not fit anything else in
it.
So I'm like if I'm going to getanything new, I need to give
two of something away.
And that's worked out reallywell and I purge all the time.
But it's really important forthe kids and you would be
surprised at how excited thekids get to give something back
to the community or to a friendor to a neighbor or just making
(20:31):
a donation pile and knowing thatI mean there's a lot of places
that'll even come and pickthings up, like if you feel
overwhelmed.
So really just trying tooutsource, like decluttering
your life.
I've been really working hardon decluttering my life,
especially around this time ofyear.
Like I said, the trees go up.
I kind of went crazy withdecorating this year and we have
(20:54):
quite a few trees up at ourhouse and they're beautiful and
I get super into the decoratingand I love wrapping presents and
making these big, beautifulbows and everyone has a
different wrapping paper and Ido this to myself again, but
it's when it's all over and it'stime to take it all down.
(21:16):
It's almost like going throughsome sort of like grieving
process because it'soverwhelming, so taking it in
stride, like one day I'll takeone Christmas tree down and I'm
going to call my girlfriendKelsey to come help me do these
things, or recruit my husband tohelp me, or the kids, or and
just really owning.
(21:36):
And you know what, if it's notdone by January 1st or whatever,
that's fine.
It's just really trying torelease expectations for
yourself, Like it's not going togo seamless.
There's always going to beopportunities for things that
come up within your realm ofcircumstances.
You know there's going to bepeople that get sick and they
can't make it.
There's going to.
I really feel like this is atime of year that I've this year
(22:00):
especially been able to reflecton how powerful releasing
expectations are, Because themore you set an expectation for
something, the more you setyourself up for disappointment.
And what is that?
It's just kind of like a storyand a way that we construct
something and it's just in ourhead.
So, if we can allow ourselvesto just let it be what it's
(22:24):
supposed to be like, the peoplethat are going to show up are
meant to show up.
The people that are, you know,coming up sick and staying home,
maybe they need to honor theirbodies and rest and that's what
they need for them, Trying tocome into the season and the new
year with compassion andrealizing, you know, not
(22:47):
everyone's family situation is abeautiful situation.
So not everyone has family to bearound and even if they do,
they might not want to, andthat's okay.
And if you're one of thosepeople, it is okay to do things
differently.
It is okay to be the firstperson to be like.
You know, I think I'm doing itdifferently this year.
(23:08):
I'll catch you guys.
I just need to honor my spaceand time and I'll catch up with
you at a different time.
I mean, and if you are honoringyourself and you are honoring
what you need, try to do it withthe least amount of guilt as
possible.
And if you have people in yourlife and in your family or in
(23:28):
your circle that are projectingtheir shame or guilt and things
onto you.
Just know that that's areflection of them and their
personal history.
It really doesn't have anythingto do with you, so I'll use
myself.
For example.
I haven't been to Tallahasseein a while.
That's where my family is.
(23:49):
I love them and they haven'tbeen down here in a while, and
that's okay.
Like I realized, mygrandfather's getting older and
he doesn't really have areliable vehicle to drive down
here and I wouldn't think Ireally feel comfortable with him
being on the roads right now inthe season.
Anyway, he's got a little bitof road rage, but other than
that I mean he's 83 years oldand it's just honoring a season
(24:14):
for me.
I don't really want to drive upthere either, but I love him
and I can love him from adistance and this is the glory
of the age that we live in.
Right now there's FaceTime,there's technology we can use.
Like I said, my in-laws aren'thosting, but we're going to host
at our house and mymother-in-law likes to stay with
my father-in-law, so she'sprobably not going to come for
Christmas Eve dinner and that'sokay, and not feeling guilty,
(24:40):
Like yes, we're going toactually go this afternoon and
spend some time with them andand knowing that it's okay to do
something differently and justhonoring the space that we used
to have and not allowing it topull us down or make us feel not
good about honoring just a newseason.
Those are just some things thatI've been processing through
lately and I just felt like Ineeded to put it out there to
(25:02):
the world.
A lot of things that came up onour journaling session were the
guilt, like feeling guilty aboutnot being excited, and a lot of
people have holiday trauma.
I mean, let's just face it,there's things that could have
happened at Christmas parties orsubstance use, and I mean
there's a lot of differentthings that go inside of
(25:23):
different celebratory events andmyself included, like realizing
I used to hold a lot of kind ofturbulence and just on edge and
a lot of that came out indifferent ways.
Like it's the quote unquotenervous energy allowed me to set
and maintain a beautifullandscape of a table for hosting
(25:46):
.
But it's like where does thatperfection paradigm come from?
Where does the table beingperfect come from?
Like the need for everything tobe perfect and to go above and
beyond on all the things.
Well, I think for me it camefrom, like when I was a little
girl I always wanted it like anextravagant celebration like
that and I never got it.
So I wanted to do it in my way.
(26:07):
But you know what Things happen, Things spill.
So just learning that you canhonor what you want and what you
feel like you might need, buthonoring what you want and still
being able to release theexpectation, Like knowing if I
put out all of the beautifulchina and all the things that we
(26:28):
got for our wedding, having afour and a half year old,
there's risk for something tobreak.
So if I'm going to choose to dothat, just know that you know
what there's, anything couldhappen.
And kind of just releasing alsoreally kind of takes me into
releasing attachment, and thisis something my husband and I
(26:48):
have talked about.
I think both of us are justfacing the hard truth of, just
like I said, seasons arechanging and he said to me this
morning you know at some pointyou have to lose everyone in
your life.
Like at some point we'll allseasons as they come along and
(27:09):
try not to hold on to it.
My life coach actually sent me avideo and one of the topics in
(27:33):
the videos is having memorieswithout attaching feelings to
them.
And that's impactful because Ifind myself a feeler and I like
to feel all the feels.
But allowing yourself toremember things and have
memories without attachingfeelings to them, whether it be
(27:54):
good feelings or bad feelingsthat is like a level of healthy
detachment and it's interestingbecause we feel like, oh, it's
okay to have such good memoriesassociated with all of this.
But then again, if that doesn'thappen in a new situation, are
we comparing it to that oldsituation and allowing room for
disappointment there?
A second if you find yourselfcomparing your life, your
(28:26):
experiences either to A thingsout there in the universe,
things online, which we all do,we all get the FOMO, we all see
the Christmas parties, we allsee this, but guess what?
None of that shit is real.
It is what people want you tosee on the outside, on social
media.
Yes, I'm sure the party wasgreat, I'm sure her outfit was
fabulous, but I guarantee youthere were things that happened
that you'll never know about.
(28:47):
And that's okay, because that'sa point of having a private
life too.
It's not full disclosure online.
So just try your best not tocompare during the holiday
season, because I think that'ssomething that really leads to
the self-sabotage triggers inall of us is like, well, I could
have done this differently, Icould have done this, and I
(29:08):
think that that's just like areally icky, sticky road to go
down and more of shifting it towell, what are the things that I
would like this season formyself?
Whether that be peace.
Would like this season formyself, whether that be peace,
whether that be parties.
I also encourage and know frommy previous and past experiences
(29:29):
that during a season likeholiday season, there is an
increase in caffeine, with allthe coffee, sugary drinks and
sugar and all that and alcoholand those are things that really
kind of dysregulate ourinternal system.
So if you can really try to beas mindful as possible, if you
(29:49):
know that you're going out andyou're going to a cocktail party
and you have another party thenext day, like maybe try to get
some movement, try to get somesunshine, try to balance it with
something that will nurtureyour adrenals and your nervous
system, rather than just makingit go so thin and like
stretching yourself too thin.
So that's really been somethingI've been really trying to be
(30:10):
intentional about.
I don't really drink alcoholthat much anymore, but I did
have a couple of glasses ofchampagne at a wedding and,
honestly, it wasn't really worthit.
But it's okay.
Like I realized, like you knowwhat, I allowed myself to have a
couple of glasses of champagne.
I had fun, it wasn't a big deal, Didn't even get tipsy, Excuse
(30:30):
me, but honoring the fact that Ididn't really miss it and I
don't really like it.
So, going into the next party,I'll skip it and do the
mocktails, and I think that forso long I've been having
mocktails that they taste sogood.
Now I can just taste thealcohol and all the drinks and
it's just not good.
Plus, I think I've done so muchresearch.
I'm like, oh, it's going tocause inflammation, it's going
(30:51):
to cause blah, blah, blah, soit's just yeah, for me it's not
worth it.
You do you, though, but I doencourage you to balance it as
much as possible, whether that'smovement, exercise, rest,
sleeping, hydration.
But when we're out and we'repartying and we're eating crap
and then we wake up and we havea bunch of coffee and we keep
(31:12):
going, going, going, it's likeclimbing a mountain.
You're going up, up, up, up,and it's like you go down pretty
quick.
So that's kind of what happensto our system and our immune
system.
So really trying to keep awaythe ickies and the bugs and the
germs as much as possible.
Nurture yourselves, honoryourselves, like, go out, have
(31:35):
the fun, do all the things, butmake sure you take time to
recover mentally, physically,emotionally, whatever that looks
like for you.
It could look like a reallylong warm shower, just to just
decompress and just picture allof the energy and the emotions
and all the things just washingaway.
Sometimes that's like the mosttherapeutic thing you could do
(31:56):
and we most of us have access toa shower or a bath or sometimes
water, and just visualizing allof the energy washing away is
super therapeutic.
If you have not tried it, Ihighly recommend it.
Yeah, I don't know.
I just felt really compelled toget on and chat with you guys
about just nurturing yourself,honoring where you are, honoring
(32:22):
what you need.
Like I've been really trying tocheck in with myself on a daily
basis, Like have I restedenough?
Have I drank enough water?
What is it that I need today?
What is it that I want today?
And really trying to checkthings off my list and just
being honest about it and, youknow, got to the point where I
(32:45):
was like in tears with myhusband the other day.
I'm like I love you and I justwant more intentional time with
you and it's like, not that he'snot giving me intentional time,
it's that I feel like I'mrunning so thin in some ways
that he's my safe place.
So do I need to just rest or doI need that intentional time?
(33:07):
It's definitely both, but alsohonoring.
It's not his responsibility forme to get rest.
You know, I have to be the oneto be honest with myself and
take time and just chill out andhonor.
What I need that's being quietin my car when I'm driving and
not listening to the radio,Because when you get out it's
(33:28):
going to be Santa Claus iscoming to town and Mariah Carey
Christmas music and it's sooverstimulating out there right
now.
I'm not even like I don't carewhere you live.
I guarantee you it's that waywhere you are.
And then after the new year,what happens?
Like we take down the trees, wetake down all the decorations,
we get back to normal life and Ithink there's a grieving
(33:49):
process that can happen therewhen the sparkles and the
glitter and the magic is gone,where it's a breath of fresh air
.
It's also like I personally waslike, oh, I love when the
sparkles and the pretty lightsand I love all those things, but
also love the simplicity andthe cleanliness of just kind of
clean slate new year.
(34:11):
I look forward to having a fewfun guests on to just talk about
like intention setting for thenew year, being honorable with
and realistic with where youwant to go, what you want to do,
taking it step by step insteadof like giant big picture.
I have to get a million thingsdone, like little micro things
(34:33):
you can do daily, which I'vetalked about in several podcasts
.
But we're going to revisit thata bit because I feel like I
need to revisit that a bit.
Because I feel like I need torevisit that a bit.
I looked at my vision board Idid for 2024, and I was actually
quite taken back because I feellike all of it kind of
manifested in its own way.
There was a lot of travel.
(34:53):
We had big trips this year.
We went to Switzerland, I wentto Italy, we went to Peru all of
these amazing adventures.
I'll say that hiking MontuPicchu and going there with my
husband and just really soakingthat in was like such a vortex
of healing and there's so muchto Peru other than just Machu
Picchu.
And it was just such a cooltime to be able to reset, to
(35:19):
allow just like the spiritualenergy of these ancient sites
and the beautiful culture there,Like they live simply but
happily.
And I came home and really justfelt like there was so much
excess in our world, like excessthings in our home excess.
So it really gave me aperspective that like simple is
(35:40):
better sometimes, Like we don'treally need all the things that
we have, so why not give it tothose who don't have it?
So we've really worked hard ondoing that this season, as well
as just kind of cleaning out andrepurposing and refurbishing
and giving away some of theresources because we have an
abundance and we're fortunatefor that.
(36:01):
You know, giving away some ofthe resources because we have an
abundance and we're fortunatefor that.
However, it can also lead tooverstimulation and nervous
system dysregulation, to bequite honest.
So, yeah, I'm excited, we'regoing to ride this out and look
forward to connecting in the newyear and I'll probably do a
(36:25):
podcast or so before that.
Maybe, maybe I will, maybe Iwon't, I don't know.
I'm honoring my time and spaceand just really want to wish you
all a wonderful season of restand rejuvenation and recovery
and honoring yourself, honoringyour boundaries, allowing
yourself to grieve and to feeljoy and to feel the overestimate
(36:47):
like.
Just feel your feels, but trynot to stay stuck in them and,
honestly, when you feel like youare being dysregulated, like,
find something that works foryou.
Find, you know there'sresources out there.
I always mention ResilientRetreat.
We have people they call thekind line all the time, so
(37:08):
they're up Tuesday throughFriday, resilientretreatorg.
We have programs.
You know there's suicidehotlines.
This time of year can bring up alot of icky, yicky stuff and I
just want everyone to know thatyou're not alone.
You are seen, you are heard,there is someone out there for
(37:33):
you and if you know, pleasemessage in the comments.
If you need more resources, Iam happy to pass them along.
There's just.
There's always someoneavailable to help.
You are seen, you are heard,your feelings are valid, Even if
your family, your friends, yourcommunity doesn't realize that
they might be, there is someoneout there to hear you.
(38:06):
So from's a wrap.
Have a good day.
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