August 22, 2024 • 58 mins
Can a family trip to Switzerland teach you more about life than your last self-help book? Absolutely! On this episode of Krystel Clear, we're diving into our Switzerland adventure, where from indulging in local treats to the exhilarating heights of paragliding over the Swiss Alps. I've uncovered profound lessons in balance, grounding, and perspective. Reintroducing coffee into my life was a revelation on how small choices impact mental states, especially when juggling the demands of work, parenting, and personal time. This episode emphasizes finding serenity in nature and grounding oneself amidst the chaos of daily life.
Family dynamics get complex with multiple children at various stages of life, and our trip was no exception. Join me as I recount the rollercoaster of emotions, from managing expectations to asking for help when needed, and the irreplaceable bonding moments with my daughter. The importance of staying connected through personal practices like meditation, despite our hectic schedules, is a key takeaway. Acceptance and flexibility emerged as central themes, as we navigated the unpredictable nature of travel and the unique needs of each family member.
This episode also touches on the challenges of parenting through transitions, relating my own high school experiences to those of my children, fostering their independence and resilience. Finally, we round off with self-love and empowerment, encouraging you to embrace authenticity and personal growth. This heartfelt conversation is all about living intentionally and building a supportive community together. Join us for an inspiring journey filled with reflections, insights, and actionable takeaways.
Thank you for joining me today. Please know that this podcast and the information shared is not to replace or supplement any mental health or personal wellness modalities provided by practitioners. It’s simply me, sharing my personal experiences and I appreciate you respecting and honoring my story and my guests. If something touched your heart please feel free to like, share and subscribe. Have a beautiful day full of gratitude, compassion and unconditional love.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
What's up everyone, welcome to season two of Crystal
Clear.
I took a little six-week hiatusto practice what I preach, take
my own advice, spend someintentional time with my family,
pull some things off my plateand really take.
I took the opportunity to kindof recalibrate a little bit,
(00:24):
although I feel like this weekis a little insanity, with kids
going back to school and work,picking up and you know, I'm
just again surrendering to theflow of life, right Like I feel
like it's always going to bethat, hopefully.
Luckily, I have the awarenessto bring myself back there.
(00:45):
It was a really interesting sixweeks.
I will say I feel like Ilearned some lifetime of lessons
within that time, but it was areally great opportunity for me
to practice some seriousself-reflection and awareness,
realized that this wholepodcasting experience is a huge
(01:07):
part of my journey now.
It really allows me to get in,share my heart, express myself
and really process life as ithappens, so it doesn't build up.
So I've found myselfperiodically throughout the past
few weeks.
Mind you, we took our kids outof the country for a week and
(01:29):
that was a really beautifulexperience.
I'll get into a little bit moreof that.
We've had a lot going on.
It wasn't like I was justsitting around floating in the
pool for six weeks.
We still had a lot of lifehappening.
However, I gave myself theopportunity to just dive into it
but found that A I starteddrinking a little coffee again,
(01:51):
like having some more caffeine.
Do not feel like that serves mewell.
It kind of started when we werein Switzerland.
We took a beautiful trip toSwitzerland and I'm like I'm
going to allow myself to eat allthe delicious chocolate and
have the lattes and eat thebread at dinner, whatever it is.
I'm going to just allow myselfthe peace and grace to enjoy my
trip, enjoy myself, and I did.
(02:12):
It was a beautiful experience,really had some great
experiences, but I drank somelattes during the trip, which I
felt great at the time and Ithink, for me being busy and not
having to do the day-to-dayactivities.
But then I realized once I gothome, I'll drink coffee a couple
of days a week or I'll stop andget a nice latte or an espresso
.
It makes me edgy and I realizedthis obviously through the PTSD
(02:38):
journey and, like I describedin season one, that anything in
my system is going to prevent mefrom being my best self.
Right Like, let's just betotally honest and aware of that
.
So I knew going into it that Iwas kind of taking a risk.
But I'm like you know, I feellike I'm in a place to add some
stuff in here and there and Ijust realized it doesn't serve
(03:00):
me super well.
Do I enjoy it every now andthen?
Yes.
So I just kind of went back tomy decaf coffee in the morning,
not saying I'll never have alatte again.
If it's worth it, I'll get it,it'll be great.
However, when I'm in the day today and I'm working with my kids
and I'm driving around and I'mdoing the like, hustling back
(03:21):
and forth and going from meetingto meeting or, in my world,
different scopes of life, rightLike, we have our personal life
where I do all the mom thingsand get the kids to you know, we
have four kids in threedifferent schools and hustling
mostly two of them back andforth.
Then I have a full-timecommunity outreach job and then
(03:41):
I have my crystal clear positionand then where's my time for
mindfulness?
So, really making sure that Iprioritize all of that time
together and knowing that if I'min a day where there's a lot of
back-to-back things, I need tobe supplementing myself with
brain breaks, nature walks,really finding ways to ground
(04:01):
and center myself, instead ofhaving like a midday iced coffee
Because I found myself gettingedgier, being a little bit more
snarky, like when it's wind downtime in the evening and my
little guy wants my attentionbut I'm trying to do a work
email because something justpopped up in my mind because my
brain's not able to rest and Ialso went through a little phase
(04:23):
of being like, okay, you'rebeing a hypocrite, but I know
better than that.
So I really reeled it inquickly.
On that one, I'd be like,listen, I'm human and if I feel
like I'm contradicting thingsthat I'm putting out there for
other people, that's still partof the journey.
Still part of the journey.
(04:46):
It's getting to the places thatI'm owning, it I'm owning.
I'll look at my husband and belike I'm sorry, I sounded like a
bitch when I said that and Ididn't mean to sound bitchy, but
I obviously have too much goingon right now.
I have a four-year-old jumpingon me, pulling my face towards
him, trying to get my attention,trying to send an email.
I know better than that, right,I really do.
I'm not shoulda, woulda,coulda-ing myself, but I do.
I know that when I'm in thepresence of my four-year-old son
(05:07):
, he needs my undividedattention.
It needs to be about him Alsoin that phase of life where we
want him to understand someboundaries, like, hey, mommy
needs two minutes and he doesn'treally know what that means yet
.
So maybe it's that I take thetime to set a timer with him or
even just pause and get down onhis eye level and say, listen,
(05:30):
let's do this one thing.
Then mommy needs a coupleminutes because it's not fair to
him.
He doesn't understand it.
And, to be honest, this is theseason the fall season is very
busy for my husband and I andgetting back into routine, as
beautiful as it is, there's notthose opportunities as much for
slow mornings or slow evenings.
(05:53):
Even so, I really am lookingvery forward to getting back to
regularly podcasting and owningit for you guys, because what I
realize is doing this andtalking about all of this and
really sharing my journey withyou is holding myself
accountable and empoweringmyself in so many different ways
(06:15):
Because of the feedback I getfrom you, because of just
knowing that I have a safe placeto share all of this and
everyone can relate to it insome way, shape or form.
And if you can't, that'stotally fine, but I feel like
most of us can.
So that was really one of thebig Aha.
(06:41):
This is my, and it was kind ofthe purpose for taking the pause
right.
I wanted to give myself theopportunity to reevaluate, like,
what do I want to bring intothis new season, into this new
chapter?
Because that's essentially whatwe're getting into right.
We my daughter started highschool, we have three kids in
(07:03):
high school, we have one son inpreschool.
They all have a lot going on.
I'm involved heavily in thecommunity with philanthropy and
community outreach.
But understanding when to diveall in, what things I can
delegate and what to prioritize,because ideally we want to
(07:25):
prioritize all of it, or I knowI do and I can still do that,
but it might look differentlythan it did last season, or it
might look differently than itdoes next season.
Maybe it's a couple things atwork like spreadsheets.
I'm not a spreadsheet person.
It's not my strong suit.
I've never been a person tojust sit and work at a desk all
day.
I'm not super Excel savvy.
(07:46):
It's just not anything that'sever appealed to me so I can ask
for help.
I can reach out to my coworkers, who are super Excel savvy and
love their graphs and all thethings, and be like, hey, I
really want to create thistracking sheet and, boom, she
does it in like 20 minutes.
It's something that would haveprobably taken me three days to
do, right, simple, but I am ableto be honest with myself and
(08:10):
know where I need help andthings that I want to take on,
whereas that would have taken upthree days of energy,
potentially that I could bespending doing something else
that I know is going toencourage me to thrive and just
help me be a better version ofmyself During our trip.
So I'll bounce back a littlebit before we get into the back
(08:33):
to school, back to life, andwe'll start with summer.
So what's been up for the pastsix weeks?
We took our family toSwitzerland.
As I mentioned, it was a reallybeautiful trip.
It was my first time ever goingto Europe, first time we've
ever taken all four of our kids.
It was an adventure, it wasreally beautiful.
We flew into Zurich and then wewent to Interlaken for five
nights, so we had about a weekor so there, a little bit more
(08:59):
than that with the travel daysand it was a really great
opportunity for me to implementall of the things that I always
talk about like surrendering tothe flow, not having
expectations, really being ableto take a step back and realize
(09:24):
when I'm going through some timeof resistance and not accepting
things fully for what they are.
We had about four differentclimates when we were there.
One day was beautiful and sunny, the next day was raining, cold
, it was foggy, but overall itwas a beautiful trip.
So I think, going into it, Ireally had stepped myself up to
(09:45):
not have expectations, right.
Who knows, you could get overthere, you could get sick, you
could have lost luggage.
So I really tried to every dayand I took some motivational
cards with me.
I continued to do my meditationpractices daily.
I tried to wake up early andkind of get my time for myself
in early because I knew that Iwould need that, because it
(10:07):
would be busy or justpotentially the unknowns for the
day.
So knowing there are six hoursahead of us, so this is a
six-hour time difference and Iallowed us to have the slow
mornings.
I didn't schedule anythingbefore like one o'clock during
the day.
I left things pretty open andjust left it open for the kids
(10:28):
to put in their two cents.
Once we got there.
They really didn't have a lotthat they requested doing, but
there were a lot of things thatI wanted to do, and one of the
things so much was the top ofEurope and it was like a full
six hour day trip and we endedup not making that.
But that's okay.
(10:49):
It's something, yes, I wantedto experience, but it's also
something that, hey, if I evermake it back, it's something I
have to look forward to, right.
And why sulk and createturbulence within myself
thinking about the things wedidn't get to do and just focus
on the fact that we were allable to relax enough to where we
(11:10):
weren't over the top, like ifpeople needed to nap, we got to
nap.
We still got to make chocolate.
We still got to swim amongstthese beautiful mountains and
ride a jet boat and have all ofthese beautiful experiences.
I will say one of the thingsthey probably had to work the
most on accepting is ourteenagers are not quite as
(11:33):
active as my husband and I.
So when I go somewhere, when Itravel, I love to explore, right
.
I also like to relax, but Ilike to get my exploring out too
.
I'm excited, my adrenaline'spumping.
I love to take in the nature,be outside, do like hiking,
adventurous things, and I can'tsay that our teenagers are as
(11:57):
adventurous as my husband and Iat least not at this stage of
life, which is totally fine andI had to really come to terms
and accept that their experiencein Switzerland was their
experience and it didn'tnecessarily have to be mine.
For example, our last day there,our two oldest sons kind of
(12:19):
reclused and hung out and sleptand played on the Wi-Fi and did
their thing, and so I was outand about with I went to
breakfast with Juan and then hewent back in and went to sleep.
And then my daughter knew thatwe had got these passes to
Grindelwald, which is thisbeautiful spot Like you take a
(12:40):
train, then you take a gondolaand you go up and like the first
cliff walk where you're walkingaround literally off the side
of a mountain I mean gorgeousviews.
She knew I really wanted to dothat and we had some mountain
cart tickets and things likethat.
So I was really looking forwardto going and I think she
probably felt bad.
But she was like, mom, I'll gowith you.
So the little guy actuallywanted to stay.
(13:01):
We had a really cool kids campat the resort we were staying at
and he wanted to play there andwanted to swim and wanted to
hang out.
My husband rested and gotcaught up on some stuff he
needed to do.
So just my daughter and I wentfor this excursion adventure and
it was really awesome.
And, honestly, she and I usuallytry to take at least once a
week, try to take some time justthe two of us.
(13:22):
And, honestly, she and Iusually try to take at least
once a week, try to take sometime just the two of us.
And we hadn't had a lot of thattime that week anyway, so it
was really nice for us to beable to just break away, have
some intentional time for thetwo of us.
When you're dealing with twoenergy bodies, it's a different
situation than it is with allsix.
(13:42):
So it was kind of nice to havea little bit more of a low-key
vibe and everyone kind of justdid their own thing that day.
There's a lot of different ways.
I probably would have handledthat in the past.
I probably would have freakedout on the older boys, like why
are you just in your room onWi-Fi.
Let's go, let's go, let's dothis.
And I just was like you knowwhat, if they want to rest, let
(14:11):
them rest, because if I dragthem along, the energy is going
to change, it's going to shift,and I just allow them to have
create their own experience.
It doesn't have to be myexperience and I think that
that's something I mean.
Mind you, they're 17 and 15years old.
If your kids are like five andsix, you can't necessarily do
that.
Like I said, the fouryearyear-old wanted to stay and
he had the ability to do thatand dad was there on campus and
everything which was fine at theresort.
So I didn't worry about themand I was able to go and relax
(14:33):
and have a great time with herand when I got back, I was
journaling about it andprocessing through it and I feel
like there's like even a yearand a half ago I probably would
have had a much differentperspective on all of that, but
I was able to just accept hey,that's their experience.
Maybe one day, when they're 35,they'll look back and be like
wow, really spent a lot of timeon the Wi-Fi when we were in
(14:55):
Switzerland.
I probably could have gottenout more, or they could be
completely content with theamount of time that they were
outdoors and did their thing,because that's their preferences
, that's their experience.
So I was really grateful,appreciative, that I was able to
communicate with my husband,like, hey, we want to go, and he
(15:15):
was cool with it.
He's like, okay, you guys go.
And we were able to meet eachother in the middle because he
knew that it was important to meto adventure and he kind of
knows I need to get a certainamount of energy out of my body
every day.
So, and I think he appreciatedthe quiet time and he got to
actually go to dinner with theboys all three boys and it was
(15:36):
really great bonding time forthem.
So it always.
I think this really goes back tolike surrendering and accepting
and trusting that things areworking out for you right.
Life's happening for you,they're happening.
It's happening because is itteaching me a lesson?
Is it allowing me anopportunity to grow Like, what
is it opening space for?
And I feel like that particularday and that situation it was
(16:01):
just allowing my daughter and Ito have that one-on-one time
together.
It was allowing the guys tohave a chill, relaxing day
before a long travel day thenext day and I think we just we
really all needed that and I'mgrateful for all the experiences
(16:21):
, but that was one of the bigthings I take away from it
Actually that morning.
So it was July 13th, actuallyit was the morning before the
last day, which is my father'sbirthday and I've shared on
previous podcasts.
My father died when I was twoand a half years old in a car
accident and had a veryinteresting childhood.
(16:43):
So if you have not chimed in toseason one and understand my
background of complex PTSD andkind of what I went through as a
child, I definitely encourageyou to tune into that.
I'm not going to get into it inthis episode because I feel
like this stage of the podcast.
My intention for season two isreally all about, like,
accountability and empowermentand motivation and yes, I want
(17:07):
to still talk about and haveguests on that are going through
their healing journeys andsharing their stories and
overcoming and their situationsand struggles and whatever that
may be.
But it's really about theaction part of it, like how are
we continuing these values thatwe've kind of set for ourselves?
(17:28):
So that day on my father'sbirthday, I always try to do
something fun on his birthday tocelebrate him.
He was a very adventurous, kindof free spirited guy and he
died when he was 22 years old,so he was really young.
So I try to just live freely,like that.
(17:48):
It's always inspired me to Arealize that life is short and
we're not guaranteed tomorrow.
So if there's something youreally want to do or something
you really want to accomplish,do it, go for it.
Like, what do you have to lose?
So it's really allowed me tolive life pretty fearlessly, to
be honest, and it's it's been ablessing, I will say, and I
(18:13):
think that you know he passedaway when I was very young to
protect me and guide me and loveme from a different dimension,
from a different light, in adifferent way, and I've always
felt, felt that in my core andit's given me a different level
of spirituality and hope andfaith and just connection, I
think, with spirit.
So grateful for that.
(18:34):
So, anyway, I woke up that dayand decided to go paragliding.
So essentially paragliding.
If you're not familiar, theresort we stayed at, victoria,
jungfrau and the Jungfraudistrict of Interlaken,
beautiful resort.
Paragliding is a thing.
It's a kind of a touristy city.
It has a lot of it's.
(18:56):
It's kind of like a central hubof Switzerland, which is really
great.
So there's a lot of differenttrains and public transportation
that travels to different areasaround Switzerland.
So all week we were watchingthese paragliders landing in
this beautiful park across fromour hotel and all week I'm like
that looks so much fun, butwhere are they coming from?
We're looking around and I'mlike where are all these
(19:18):
paragliders coming from?
It looked like they were justpopping out of the mountain and,
sure enough, you sign up, theydrive you to the top of a
mountain.
You run essentially with aguide on your back, you have a
harness on and it's like aparagliding is like essentially
just like a big kite almost, butit's like in the shape of a
(19:38):
long caterpillar and you justrun off the side of the mountain
and start floating.
And I signed up.
We went up and it was superfoggy so there was no visibility
whatsoever.
So I was like, should I benervous?
But I really wasn't, to behonest.
I went and sat in the park afterbreakfast that morning and I
(20:02):
was by myself and I remembersitting on the park bench and
looking around at paragliderslanding and since I was a little
girl I've always just talked tomy dad.
I talked to him out loud when Ifeel like I need to talk to him
, just like you would your dadthat was still here sitting
across from you and I told himhappy birthday and that I loved
(20:23):
him and that I was excited totry new adventures.
I felt like it was a once in alifetime experience to
experience Switzerland from thesky.
I've always loved birds andthought they were very majestic
and beautiful, and I feel likeif I come back in a different
life, I would love to be a birdone day.
So this is my opportunity tofly right in a very different
(20:43):
way.
So this is my opportunity tofly right in a very different
way, and the sky has always feltso soothing to me.
I don't know if it's the colorsor the beauty of the clouds and
how they're soft, and so I hadreally had no idea how peaceful
and amazing it would be goinginto it.
(21:08):
But as I was sitting in the parkthat day and talking, I asked
for extra guidance andprotection and these two little
birds came over and they werejust kind of hanging out by my
feet and they stayed there forlike 10 minutes and I like to
believe that my guides, myangels, show up in different
forms, and every time I go for awalk I find feathers.
So I always feel like that'skind of nature's way of telling
me something's always with me,something's always protecting me
(21:28):
, guiding me, giving me signs,whatever it may be, but that I'm
on the right path.
Right and um, it was just oneof those really beautiful kind
of spiritually connected moments.
I felt very connected,spiritually connected moments.
(21:48):
I felt very connected.
So after my park experience, Iwent in, gave my husband a kiss
goodbye, jumped on the bus andwent to the top of the mountain
so we had to wait for a littlewhile for visibility and put my
pack on.
My guide was really nice.
His name was like Zito, Ibelieve.
He was from the Italianspeaking district of or like
area, like close to Italy, likeComo and Switzerland.
Um yeah, you essentially justget a running headstart and you
(22:12):
start to float, and not one timedid I feel my nervous system
react in a way Like I was justvery calm and chill and excited,
like I wasn't scared, I didn'tthink of anything that could
have gone wrong.
I was just really excited forthe opportunity and that was
(22:32):
really something for me.
I feel like when I was in themidst of my PTSD and some of the
patterns in my brain wouldalways be like what's going to
go wrong?
Or thinking back, or thinkingforward, or I could have even
been you even been upset that noone wanted to do it with me,
but instead I chose peace andgratitude that I got that
experience and I was able toexperience Switzerland from the
(22:55):
sky.
And I'll tell you once you'rethere and you're floating and
you're in the seated positionwhich is really comfortable I
don't think I would like tonecessarily lay on my stomach
and it was a lot less like crazyand chaotic.
I think it was like skydivingwould be where you have to like
jump out of the plane and thinkabout all this stuff, like what
(23:16):
if the parachute doesn't comeout?
Like it wasn't anything likethat, it was just very peaceful.
You just literally start tofloat, literally start to float,
and one of the biggesttakeaways from that was
everything was so beautiful butalso looked so small, like
you're amongst beautiful gianttrees, right, like giant trees
(23:39):
growing out of solid rock, andit makes you realize like there
is stuff out there that wereally can't explain.
No, trust me, I'm sure someenvironmental scientists can
explain why the tree grows outof the rock, but it's not your
typical fertile ground forgrowing things right.
But it just really put inperspective that, like,
(24:02):
beautiful, strong, stable thingscan grow out of rough, hard
terrain.
And when you take a step backfrom it, when you remove
yourself from the ground right,when you remove yourself from
ground zero from the moment,when you look at things from a
(24:28):
perspective that isn't so in themoment of what you're going
through, it could be a reallybeautiful opportunity to realize
it's not that big of a deal andit's not so big anymore.
And just seeing all the littlehouses and even the giant resort
(24:51):
we were staying at, it looks sosmall from far away.
And I think if we can reallyapply that to life and I know
that I've tried to do that sincewe've returned is if I find
myself in the moment feelinglike something's a big deal,
feeling like it's a necessity.
I have to do it right now.
I mentally take myself to thebig picture, like how big is
(25:16):
this in the big picture, right?
How much does this reallymatter in the scheme of things?
And it's been a really greatopportunity for me to observe
how I was making some littlethings bigger than they needed
to be, and I go back to thatview quite often of the
(25:41):
beautiful.
I mean the lakes there it waslike Lake Thune and it's like
glacier water.
It's like this beautiful teal,and the mountains are everywhere
and it's just a constantreminder of the big picture is
(26:01):
very beautiful and we are allvery blessed to be here right
now.
We're experiencing things inour solar system, in our
political system.
There's so many anomalies andcraziness going on out there
where it seems like chaos whenyou're in the middle of it, but
(26:23):
if you take a step back and yourealize there's really none of
it, that's in our control, firstof all, and we have the choice
as to what we prioritize to makea big deal in our lives, and
(26:44):
that's been pretty impactful forme this week.
For example and I'll just jumpinto my kind of second intention
here of this podcast is to talkabout resetting.
We're back to life.
We're in a new chapter.
My daughter went to high schooland I felt myself low-key,
(27:05):
resisting that time has gone bythat fast.
How can she be 14 and goinginto high school?
Why is it going by so fast?
Why is my little guy.
Why doesn't he have baby fatanymore?
Why does he have abs?
Why is it to the point where mybabies aren't babies anymore?
And it's because life happensand it goes by, and I'm just
(27:28):
grateful that I have taken astep back to enjoy those moments
, because it's a constantreminder of what's important to
me.
It's been a great opportunityfor me to reset and reevaluate
how I want to spend my time andmy energy and what I want to
(27:49):
spend that on.
I can continue to have aserving heart and help in the
community, but also be afull-time mom, and I want to be
a full-time mom.
And it doesn't mean that thatmeans I have to be a
stay-at-home mom.
You can still very much be afull-time mom and have a
full-time job.
(28:09):
So for those of you or dad, forthat matter, or aunt or uncle
or caregiver, like whatever itis if you're taking care of
children, if you're taking careof your parents, if you're
taking care of your siblings,whatever that means to you, you
can choose to have the mindsetof being all in.
But it really takes being allin when you're in those moments,
(28:32):
and there's been a coupleopportunities that my husband
and I have been able to observetogether.
And one, for example, the othernight I was I mentioned this a
little bit earlier we were allwatching a show and I was doing
something on my phone, trying tosend an email, and my little
(28:57):
guy was trying to get myattention.
I told him one second and thenI was like, ok, give me two
minutes.
And then he kept pulling myface like my attention, and then
I was like please just stoptouching me, and the room got a
little quiet and part of me waslike gosh, he needs to learn
boundaries.
You know, like he needs tounderstand when I say give me a
couple minutes, give me a coupleminutes.
(29:18):
Could I have handled thatdifferently?
Absolutely.
Did I feel bad?
Yes, did I yell no, but did Italk to him in a different tone
than I normally do?
Yes, did I feel his spirit getsad and kind of shut down when I
did that?
Yes, did it break my heart?
Yes, it was terrible, but itwas one of those life teaching
(29:43):
moments.
So, instead of mom guiltingmyself, and instead of being
upset and telling him he neededto learn boundaries blah, blah,
blah I owned it.
I owned, like you know what, ifyou need to do.
Whatever you're doing on yourphone, do it elsewhere, and you
have the opportunity to take apause from what you're doing and
look at him in the face andgive him the courtesy he needs
(30:07):
to express himself, or evenpause what you're doing and put
him first, because I thinksometimes we get busy.
I know I get busy with athought.
I just want to get my thoughtout before I forget it, because
your brain can only be so manyplaces at once, right, and I
(30:29):
feel like that situation neededto happen to allow me this reset
.
I need to go into the newchapter Because it's busy.
I'm not going to lie.
We have to leave the house bylike 6.30 in the morning to get
one off to school, and then Icome back and then I take the
other one to school.
I have fully recruited myvillage.
(30:50):
I'm very fortunate enough tohave help, but not all people
have that help.
So I also realize that everyday is a gift and resources are
a gift, and there's not a daythat goes by that I'm not
thinking and appreciating.
I just say it out loudsometimes, whether it's God,
(31:11):
spirit, whoever it is that youwant to think and express your
appreciation for or with.
I find that having thatgratitude on a daily basis is
what really keeps me going.
I find that having thatgratitude on a daily basis is
what really keeps me going andit keeps me connected to the
(31:31):
authenticity of my purpose,because a life that's too busy
and too scattered for me is notpurposeful.
I don't want to be the girlthat's everywhere I want to, or
girl that's everywhere I want to, or woman that's everywhere I
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want to know that when I show upsomewhere, I'm there, and when
I'm with my family, I'm with myfamily.
And when I'm at work, I'm atwork and I've found myself
recently, you know, checkingemails between traffic stops and
when I'm at the gym, looking atmy work email.
And I know better than this.
(32:13):
I've talked about it severaltimes, but I found myself
getting trapped in those olddefault behaviors.
So I'm excited to get back topodcasting because it's going to
allow me to set some boundariesfor myself and really not I'm
going to say force, becausethat's a forceful word really
(32:33):
encourage myself to be in mymoments when I'm there, because
I know when I do that I show upmy best self.
I know when I write that email,when I have peace and quiet,
that I'm going to be intentional, I'm not going to make errors,
I'm not going to send it withhalf a thought.
I know that when I stop to playa game with my son or my
(32:56):
daughter, have a conversationwith her about her day, that I
don't want distractions aroundme, I leave my phone in my
bedroom, I would turn the TV off.
The less outside stimulationthe better, and I feel like my
whole family really thrives onnot having things overstimulated
(33:16):
.
I'm not going to lie my littleguy.
He went from a class of sixkids to a class of 19 kids in
preschool and I dropped him offthis morning, like right at nine
o'clock when school timestarted, and it was overwhelming
.
It was overwhelming for him, itwas overwhelming for me.
He had to like jump right in.
I felt like I got in the carand I had this mom guilt whoosh
(33:39):
over me, like I just dropped himoff in a hornet's nest
energetically.
And yesterday was verydifferent.
It was the first day of school,same school, different class.
He got there a little earlierso he was able to wean himself
in a little differently.
So it was great.
It was a great opportunity forme to observe hey, what works
for us is getting here a littlebit earlier.
(34:01):
It's maybe I don't let himsleep in quite as much in the
morning, and maybe we don't playa game right before we leave
the house, or we get up a littleearlier or whatever that takes
to get them to school earlier,so we can nurture that part of
the day Because, bless youpreschool teachers, you have a
special beautiful soul andpurpose.
(34:24):
I can't say that I could dothat work.
I appreciate you, the fact thatyou can do it, because I just I
don't think I was built forthat.
So just an observation thoughso instead of going through the
mom guilt or emailing andwanting to switch his class, I'm
(34:44):
just like you know how can wenurture this situation in a way
that's going to allow us all tothrive?
Honestly, leaving a littleearlier helps me to get to work
a little earlier too.
So it works out.
You beat traffic a little bitearlier.
So, getting into this newroutine, I'm really going to
allow myself some space andgrace.
I'm going to allow my familysome space and grace.
(35:06):
I mean, we're all doing thebest we can, and that's actually
something that the FourAgreements book is, a book that
I read a while ago.
That's very good.
But they talk about being yourbest version of yourself and
doing your best and how yourbest can change from moment to
moment or from day to day, andunderstanding that not only
(35:27):
about myself but about all otherpeople.
If someone flicks me off orhonks at me in traffic because I
, like, just turned green, maybethis person was running late,
maybe they have somewhere elsethey need to be and get around
me or whatever, I don't have topersonalize it, I don't have to
feed into it.
I can accept that that personis doing their best on their day
(35:48):
.
You know, if I have someone, ifI lose it, if I, you know,
snippet someone or sound my tonecomes across bitchy to my
husband, I can own it right thenand there and be like babe,
I've I've been trying toprioritize too much and I
apologize.
I didn't mean to sound that waymuch and I apologize.
(36:09):
I didn't mean to sound that way.
Obviously, I think I need somequiet time and just owning it
and communicating.
That is really helpful,especially in relationships.
I feel like he and I are reallyin a place that we're able to do
that now, but not always.
We had a situation the othernight Sometimes he sleeps with
earplugs in his ears and I askedhim I was like you know, are
(36:30):
you gonna, are you to be here atseven o'clock in the morning
because I'm having the sittercome so I can leave and take the
kids to school and then comeback and blah, blah, blah and
anyway, he he responded a littlesnarky and I was like okay, and
I I realized he needed a littlespace and time.
He's got a lot going on in hisown world and I usually handle
(36:52):
most of the logistics.
So it took him a minute torespond and I think and I
explained to him later, actuallythe next day, because we just
fell asleep.
I explained to him the next daylike hey, I thought that you
may have had an ear button orear plug in.
So I'm sorry, I didn't want youto feel like I was like babe,
babe, babe, answer me, babe,babe.
(37:13):
It wasn't like that, it wasjust I asked him a question and
I was like babe, and he's likegive me a second and or whatever
.
So it wasn't a big deal, but itwas one of those things that we
were both able to own it,because the energy has increased
.
I mean it's back to school.
It's fall, it's we just had astorm come through, so I have a
(37:38):
little extra work on my platebecause we do these great
disaster relief grants for ourassociates at work, so it's just
unexpected stuff that's come up.
But it's all about surrendering.
Rolling with that flow right,like the next couple of days are
even crazy.
I literally think I havemeetings from 9 to 7.30 tomorrow
, like 9 am to 7.30 pm, andtonight it's probably until
about 9 pm, including a dinner,and so there's that part of me
(38:00):
that's like whew, I'm not goingto be there for bedtime tonight.
For the routine anyway, I'll bethere to say goodnight, but I'm
not going to be there forbedtime.
However, I can look at it thatway.
Or I can look at it as I havethe opportunity to go to dinner
with my husband and we arefortunate enough to work
together and we don't have tospend those hours apart.
(38:21):
We get to do it together.
So it's really shifting it andmaking that decision to shift it
to gratitude and appreciationand knowing that we have a
really great nanny who is ableto help us out and we have
reliable help and it's notalways that easy to be able to
shift things like you candefinitely go down rabbit holes
(38:43):
and dwell, but I've just really,I've just really tried to hold
myself accountable in that andknow that when I'm starting to
energetically feel a littledrained, like a what is it that
I'm allowing to use my energy upon, like what is?
(39:03):
What is it?
Is it something external?
Is it something internal, or isit simply me not being present
in my moments and going to thefuture or going to the past?
And right now there's a lot ofgoing to the future because we
have planning to do, we havekids schedules to do, we have
senior pictures coming up forone, we have, you know, all
(39:23):
kinds of stuff going like openhouse nights.
We have this, we have that.
I mean, there's alwayssomething right.
But do I need to think aboutall that stuff all day long?
Absolutely not.
So one thing I've actuallydecided I'm going to do because
I usually use my phone and myteam's calendar for all my
meetings I'm going to go oldschool written agenda Because,
honestly, sometimes not all mycalendars merge.
(39:44):
So I've decided and I lovewriting things down anyway,
which is why I love journalingso much but I'm just going to go
back to old school writtencalendar write down my days.
I can cross things off as I goand I feel like doing that.
Just the actual action ofcrossing things off my list
makes me feel accomplished, andmaybe I don't cross everything
(40:05):
off and that's okay.
I can say, hey, I crossed fourout of seven things off my list
today.
Or I got through all of mymeetings and didn't distract
myself by looking at my phone inbetween, because sometimes I
just need to stay on the samepace.
So, just setting realistic goalsfor myself and taking it moment
by moment, day by day, I havenoticed that I have a little
(40:31):
underlying.
I wouldn't call it turbulencebecause I'm not upset, but I
think I had a little underlying,almost like boiling energy, not
anger, not aggression, I wouldsay probably fear.
The root of it is fear, with mydaughter starting high school,
and I actually talked about thisat an empowerment journaling
(40:53):
session that I facilitated todayand we talked about this and I
shared it because we talkedabout acceptance.
Where is an area in your lifethat you feel like you have had
some trouble accepting?
And I mentioned earlier how hastime gone by?
How are we here?
How is she in high school?
But realizing she is totallyequipped for this.
She's ready, she's energized,she's excited, she's thriving.
(41:16):
She's excited to pick out heroutfits every day and not have
to wear a uniform anymore.
She's excited to get up earlyand feel accomplished.
She's packing her lunch.
She's eating healthier.
Her lunch, she's eatinghealthier.
There are so many positives thatI was finding I was
subconsciously and a little bitconsciously comparing her high
(41:40):
school experience to mine.
Mind you, I had a great highschool experience and I had a
lot of friends and I would say Iwas probably a little boy crazy
and I had a traumatic childhood, so I didn't fully process
through a lot of friends and Iwould say I was probably a
little boy crazy and I had atraumatic childhood, so I didn't
fully process through a lot oflife I.
It was just a very differentdynamic.
I didn't have the tools andresources that she has to cope
(42:01):
with life or process throughlife, and I didn't have a mom to
talk about it with my.
My Nana was amazing, mygrandmother, who raised me, and
she definitely equipped me withmany tools, but I feel like I
was just in a place at 14,because that was actually the
year I wrote my mom a letter andcompletely cut her out of my
life for seven years, but I feellike I held on to that.
(42:24):
I had wounds, I had a lot ofbaggage that she just doesn't
have.
So it's not fair for me toproject the fear of all of that
onto her, because that's not herjourney.
Her journey is very differentand it's going to be whatever it
is, and my job is here tosupport her and hold space for
(42:46):
her and recognize how wellequipped she is and just trust
that she has got this, becauseshe does.
She came home super excited,thriving.
It was really wonderful to seemy wear off in a couple of weeks
, who knows but I'm just reallyproud of the way that we've both
(43:09):
been able to navigate this.
I feel like this whole summerand I know it roots back from my
own childhood, cutting my momout of my life when I was 14.
This whole summer I just reallywanted to pour into her.
I knew it was one of those kindof make or breaks.
I wanted her to have fun withher friends.
I wanted to build a strongerfoundation with her.
We've always been very close,but I want to be that mom she
(43:33):
can come and talk to when shedoes start to like a boy and
date a boy.
It hasn't happened yet, but Imean she's got crushes here and
there but I'm sure it will.
And I think the fear of the lossof innocence on my part in more
ways than one, you know, justbeing exposed to different
things and different people andbeing on her own and independent
more in ways that I'm notalways going to be there, but I
(43:56):
will always be there.
She'll always have the mommyvoice in the back of her mind
that says trust your intuitionor listen to your gut or follow
your heart, or call me if youneed anything, call your brother
if you need anything.
And I really, as a mother, wantto create that safe environment
(44:17):
for our kids to know thatthey're not judged, that it's an
open, accepting household.
You can't do anything that Ididn't try.
You can't do anything thatwould make me love you less
right.
All I want for you is safe, fun, enjoyable experiences, because
(44:40):
it just goes by so fast.
And I also want them to be ableto live and experience things on
their own.
It's not my job to bail themout of everything and experience
things on their own.
It's not my job to bail themout of everything.
It's not our jobs to shelterthem from everything and not
that I was going that route, butI think low key, I was
(45:04):
resisting the fact that theinnocence is.
That's just all part of growingup.
Right, it's the maturity.
It doesn't have to be somethingthat's looked at in a negative
way.
I can just be looked at andfrom a different vantage point
of wow.
I'm really grateful that she hasthe tools and resources to
enter this more mature phase oflife.
She's going to be challengedwith opportunities and decisions
(45:27):
and it's going to give her theempowering position to make
those choices for herself.
You know, if she's at a partyand people are drinking and she
chooses not, to, great for her.
If she's at a party and peopleare drinking and she chooses to,
and she knows she can call mom,great for her, whatever those
outcomes are, because it'sinevitable, right?
(45:50):
The more I mean.
My perspective on this is themore you try to tell kids not to
do something, the more curiousit makes them.
And I'm all about stayingcurious, right?
So someone's telling me youshouldn't do this, you shouldn't
do well, why?
I want to see what it's allabout.
I want to see what it's like.
I was always that person Istill am.
I have to experience things formyself and figure it out for
(46:13):
myself.
So it's been a really goodopportunity, especially this
whole transitional week I meanwe're talking day two here
getting back into a new routineand allowing this new chapter to
unfold the way that it'ssupposed to, and not trying to
control any of the modalities inthere and just allowing it.
(46:38):
Like our older son got in a caraccident.
I mean he was out driving inthe middle of a tropical storm
and going a little fast and lostcontrol of his car and that's
something he's going to have toexperience on his own.
You know, I know, and I wasreally impressed with the way my
husband remained even keel.
(46:58):
I mean he and I were out oftown at the time and he called
and told him what happened.
And Matt was very chill and,like you know, I'm just, I'm
glad you're okay, it's a car,you know what happened.
And he told him what happened.
He's like, okay, well, you know, I'm just, I'm glad you're OK,
it's a car, you know whathappened.
And he told him what happened.
He's like, ok, well, you know,but he's going to have to make
(47:22):
those decisions on how hemodifies the way he drives, or
if he drives in the rain againlike that, or you know, it was
by choice, it wasn't, you know.
But those times, whether it'sour kids, our siblings, our
spouses, our coworkers, ourpeers, ourselves, if we're able
to stay nonjudgmental andrealize, hey, we're all doing
our best, we're all trying ourbest.
There's no right or wrong here,but there's an opportunity to
(47:51):
learn, there's an opportunity togrow.
I think that that is the key toreally creating and maintaining
this more conscious collectivesociety is just by staying open
and understanding andcompassionate and keeping that
compassion in the back of ourmind and in our hearts at all
times and not allowing our minds, our logical thinking, to
(48:15):
always take an over.
I'm reading this book and it'sreally great.
It's called the Awakened Brainand it talks about our achieving
awareness and our awakenedawareness and how you need a
balance of both, like, yes, youneed that drive and
determination and motivation tosucceed or whatever it is that
you want to do.
And you also need the othertype to just have faith that
(48:38):
it's going to work out the wayit's supposed to, to understand
that it's, you know there's,it's all going to work out the
way it's supposed to that you'reguided, you're supported,
you're led, and that way onedoesn't overtop the other and
vice versa.
And I feel like there'sdefinitely been times in my life
where I had super tunnel vision, achieving awareness,
(48:59):
especially when it comes to likebeing fit and working out and
exercising all the time andhaving an eight pack and all of
this.
And then you know my, then itkicks in.
That's like well, that'swrecking your hormones and
that's not very good, that'svery all in, or being super
successful and working so muchand being independent and
financially stable and all ofthese things.
(49:21):
But then you have to take astep back and realize, like it
all, it all works out the wayit's supposed to, and just have
faith that you can.
You can only do so much right.
We can only do so much anyway.
So why spend so much energy onworrying about the outcome?
And I think that brings us backto being present, to be honest.
(49:41):
Yeah, so those are some reallygreat insights, some fun
opportunities coming up that I'msure I will share with you all
along the way.
On opportunities coming up thatI'm sure I will share with you
all along the way In July, herein Sarasota, I was invited to be
on the cover of Scene Magazine,which is a fun kind of local
magazine, and then they asked meto do the women on this scene
(50:04):
an article essentially talkingabout myself and my passions and
what it is I do for my career,and there's a photo shoot
accompanied with that and Ireally feel like I'm in a place
that okay.
Mind you, I love a fun photoshoot.
I'm that little girl who is nowa woman that never grew out of
dress up.
I love wearing fun dresses andshoes and jewelry and doing all
(50:27):
the fun glam things makeup, hair, all the things but also the
authentic and that'sauthentically part of like stuff
I enjoy.
However, I'm also the barefoot,sweaty, no makeup, hair, tie,
hat, climbing trees, gettingdirty kind of person as well,
(50:48):
and everything in between.
Right, that's just all I enjoyall of that.
So, when it came to what I wasgoing to do for the photo shoot,
there's an awesome photographerin Sarasota.
Her name is Nancy Guth.
She's amazing and she reachedout and she's like hey, I'm
excited about this shoot.
What are we going to do?
And I was like you know, I wantto do something fun, I want to
(51:09):
do something different, I don'twant to be stuffy.
That's just not me.
That's not who I am.
I want something that justrepresents my authenticity and
the all parts of me, right?
So I think we're going to goand do a fun photo shoot in a
ball gown a big, fluffy toolball gown in the woods climbing
trees.
I don't know what it's going tobe like yet fluffy tool ball
(51:30):
gown in the woods climbing trees.
I don't know what it's going tobe like yet, but I love that.
I just I want to be barefoot.
I want to be myself.
I feel like I'm really goingthrough this observation period
of seeing how society isinfluencing people in so many
different ways to a change theirappearance, to, um, mind you,
we're doing a lot of greatthings to empower as well.
(51:51):
However, I feel like there'salmost like an epidemic rise of
aesthetics facial aestheticsespecially and it's kind of
concerning for me and it hurtsmy heart in a lot of different
ways.
I feel like if we can reallyencourage people to love
(52:12):
themselves from the outside in,we would love the outside more,
or the inside out we would lovethe outside more, if that makes
sense, like truly understandingwho we are at our means.
However, it concerns me thatit's shifting perspectives of
(52:37):
people not truly valuing whothey are.
And all of them, like I'm,embracing the fact that I have a
crow's feet and my foreheadmoves and forehead moves and my
face isn't completelysymmetrical.
No one's is right.
No one's body is completelysymmetrical.
My body's changing.
I'll be 40 in February, whichis crazy.
(52:58):
It doesn't seem like it, butthat's all right.
I'm looking forward to thatnext chapter too.
I'm sure we'll process all ofthat together.
But realizing I'm not a fitnessinstructor teaching 20 classes a
day or a week anymore and Idon't have an eight pack anymore
, that I have a little bit morecurves and my body's a little
softer.
Is it healthier?
Yes, it's actually more healthynow than it was then.
(53:20):
It's just not super, super leananymore, but I'm embracing that
and owning it because that'sthe ebbs and flows of life.
Right, I'm not who I was then.
I'm who I am now, and todaythat's going to be different
than it is tomorrow.
And appreciating the agingprocess, appreciating the fact
(53:46):
that I'm healthy and my hormonesare regulated and that I have
the knowledge I have now andthat my life is in a place where
I'm not.
I don't have four hours tospend in the gym doing random
things.
I would run in the morning,then I would go to a HIIT class
and I would go to a cycle classand I mean that's all fun and
(54:06):
great and I genuinely do love toexercise.
So I wasn't doing itnecessarily because I was like
torturing myself.
I really do love it, but I'mexcited that my life has more
purpose than that now and I'mowning that and I just encourage
everyone out there that, um,you know, there's just.
(54:27):
I even went to send my daughter,I let her, I allowed her to
have Snapchat and so all thefilters.
Like it's fun to joke aroundand have fun, but like, what are
we doing?
Like, how are we representingthis next generation?
That this is their life, thistechnology is their life, and
I've accepted that.
Do I love it?
(54:47):
Not really.
That.
Do I love it?
Not really.
But I hope that they are ableto see themselves and appreciate
themselves without the filter.
Because what is the filter?
It's a mask, right?
I feel like if we could just allstop hiding behind whatever
type of mask it is we're puttingon, whether it's a role,
(55:08):
whether it's pushing ourfeelings down, whether it's
literally a mask on our face, Idon't know.
I think you all understand whatI'm talking about here, though,
and that if and process it andbe able to even just face it,
(55:35):
then that's something that Ireally try to do, and I haven't,
honestly, done it that oftenrecently but look at myself in
the mirror and be like you knowwhat.
I really love you and Iappreciate you, and it's not
crazy we tell so many otherpeople that we love them, we
express our love and gratitudeand appreciation for others so
(55:57):
much.
I think we should all do it forourselves a little bit more.
Like I have these little lineson my face because I smile a lot
.
I have these lines on myforehead because I lift my
eyebrows out of excitement.
I don't really have the ones inbetween my eyes because I don't
frown and discern too much, butif I did, I would, and that
(56:22):
tells a story.
That tells a story about myface, that tells a story about
my life, and I think thatthere's beauty in that, and that
if we all just allow each otherthe space and time, and if we
saw each other the way ourchildren see us or our spouses
(56:42):
see us, if we saw ourselves theway that our parents saw us when
we were first born like thatbeautiful, pure spirit.
I think we would love ourselvesa lot more.
So that's just a lot more ofthis coming in season two and
I'm really excited to share moreof this journey with you.
(57:07):
I have a plan to have a fewreally great friends on that,
have some great programs andtalk more to my kind of
accountability buddies, and Ireally want this season to be
about empowerment andaccountability and follow
through and how are we showingup for ourselves, also still
(57:28):
diving into a lot of the healingmodalities and ways to do that.
But I just I'm very excited.
I felt I took a pause to kindof reevaluate the purpose and I
feel that that is what I think,and I feel that that is what
this new chapter is going tobring, not only for me but for
(57:50):
you guys, and I reallyappreciate you tuning in.
I am excited, I am inspired.
I'm excited to also have likecomments on Spotify.
So now you can like put incomments.
So if you have any like topicsyou want to hear also kb at
(58:11):
crystal clearcom, if you everhave anything you want to hear,
you want to talk about, you wantto discuss, shoot me an email.
Check out my website.
There's a little spot on therethat you can inquire.
If there's topics, if there's,if that's something you want to
be a guest on the show, thatwould be awesome.
I'm really open to that and Ilove that connection, part of
(58:31):
all of this, and I just Iappreciate you all for being on
this journey with me and I hopeyou have a wonderful day, a
wonderful season.
We're welcoming fall.
Have a wonderful day, thank you.
What's up everyone, welcome to season two of Crystal
Clear.
I took a little six-week hiatusto practice what I preach, take
my own advice, spend someintentional time with my family,
pull some things off my plateand really take.
I took the opportunity to kindof recalibrate a little bit,
(00:24):
although I feel like this weekis a little insanity, with kids
going back to school and work,picking up and you know, I'm
just again surrendering to theflow of life, right Like I feel
like it's always going to bethat, hopefully.
Luckily, I have the awarenessto bring myself back there.
(00:45):
It was a really interesting sixweeks.
I will say I feel like Ilearned some lifetime of lessons
within that time, but it was areally great opportunity for me
to practice some seriousself-reflection and awareness,
realized that this wholepodcasting experience is a huge
(01:07):
part of my journey now.
It really allows me to get in,share my heart, express myself
and really process life as ithappens, so it doesn't build up.
So I've found myselfperiodically throughout the past
few weeks.
Mind you, we took our kids outof the country for a week and
(01:29):
that was a really beautifulexperience.
I'll get into a little bit moreof that.
We've had a lot going on.
It wasn't like I was justsitting around floating in the
pool for six weeks.
We still had a lot of lifehappening.
However, I gave myself theopportunity to just dive into it
but found that A I starteddrinking a little coffee again,
(01:51):
like having some more caffeine.
Do not feel like that serves mewell.
It kind of started when we werein Switzerland.
We took a beautiful trip toSwitzerland and I'm like I'm
going to allow myself to eat allthe delicious chocolate and
have the lattes and eat thebread at dinner, whatever it is.
I'm going to just allow myselfthe peace and grace to enjoy my
trip, enjoy myself, and I did.
(02:12):
It was a beautiful experience,really had some great
experiences, but I drank somelattes during the trip, which I
felt great at the time and Ithink, for me being busy and not
having to do the day-to-dayactivities.
But then I realized once I gothome, I'll drink coffee a couple
of days a week or I'll stop andget a nice latte or an espresso
.
It makes me edgy and I realizedthis obviously through the PTSD
(02:38):
journey and, like I describedin season one, that anything in
my system is going to prevent mefrom being my best self.
Right Like, let's just betotally honest and aware of that
.
So I knew going into it that Iwas kind of taking a risk.
But I'm like you know, I feellike I'm in a place to add some
stuff in here and there and Ijust realized it doesn't serve
(03:00):
me super well.
Do I enjoy it every now andthen?
Yes.
So I just kind of went back tomy decaf coffee in the morning,
not saying I'll never have alatte again.
If it's worth it, I'll get it,it'll be great.
However, when I'm in the day today and I'm working with my kids
and I'm driving around and I'mdoing the like, hustling back
(03:21):
and forth and going from meetingto meeting or, in my world,
different scopes of life, rightLike, we have our personal life
where I do all the mom thingsand get the kids to you know, we
have four kids in threedifferent schools and hustling
mostly two of them back andforth.
Then I have a full-timecommunity outreach job and then
(03:41):
I have my crystal clear positionand then where's my time for
mindfulness?
So, really making sure that Iprioritize all of that time
together and knowing that if I'min a day where there's a lot of
back-to-back things, I need tobe supplementing myself with
brain breaks, nature walks,really finding ways to ground
(04:01):
and center myself, instead ofhaving like a midday iced coffee
Because I found myself gettingedgier, being a little bit more
snarky, like when it's wind downtime in the evening and my
little guy wants my attentionbut I'm trying to do a work
email because something justpopped up in my mind because my
brain's not able to rest and Ialso went through a little phase
(04:23):
of being like, okay, you'rebeing a hypocrite, but I know
better than that.
So I really reeled it inquickly.
On that one, I'd be like,listen, I'm human and if I feel
like I'm contradicting thingsthat I'm putting out there for
other people, that's still partof the journey.
Still part of the journey.
(04:46):
It's getting to the places thatI'm owning, it I'm owning.
I'll look at my husband and belike I'm sorry, I sounded like a
bitch when I said that and Ididn't mean to sound bitchy, but
I obviously have too much goingon right now.
I have a four-year-old jumpingon me, pulling my face towards
him, trying to get my attention,trying to send an email.
I know better than that, right,I really do.
I'm not shoulda, woulda,coulda-ing myself, but I do.
I know that when I'm in thepresence of my four-year-old son
(05:07):
, he needs my undividedattention.
It needs to be about him Alsoin that phase of life where we
want him to understand someboundaries, like, hey, mommy
needs two minutes and he doesn'treally know what that means yet
.
So maybe it's that I take thetime to set a timer with him or
even just pause and get down onhis eye level and say, listen,
(05:30):
let's do this one thing.
Then mommy needs a coupleminutes because it's not fair to
him.
He doesn't understand it.
And, to be honest, this is theseason the fall season is very
busy for my husband and I andgetting back into routine, as
beautiful as it is, there's notthose opportunities as much for
slow mornings or slow evenings.
(05:53):
Even so, I really am lookingvery forward to getting back to
regularly podcasting and owningit for you guys, because what I
realize is doing this andtalking about all of this and
really sharing my journey withyou is holding myself
accountable and empoweringmyself in so many different ways
(06:15):
Because of the feedback I getfrom you, because of just
knowing that I have a safe placeto share all of this and
everyone can relate to it insome way, shape or form.
And if you can't, that'stotally fine, but I feel like
most of us can.
So that was really one of thebig Aha.
(06:41):
This is my, and it was kind ofthe purpose for taking the pause
right.
I wanted to give myself theopportunity to reevaluate, like,
what do I want to bring intothis new season, into this new
chapter?
Because that's essentially whatwe're getting into right.
We my daughter started highschool, we have three kids in
(07:03):
high school, we have one son inpreschool.
They all have a lot going on.
I'm involved heavily in thecommunity with philanthropy and
community outreach.
But understanding when to diveall in, what things I can
delegate and what to prioritize,because ideally we want to
(07:25):
prioritize all of it, or I knowI do and I can still do that,
but it might look differentlythan it did last season, or it
might look differently than itdoes next season.
Maybe it's a couple things atwork like spreadsheets.
I'm not a spreadsheet person.
It's not my strong suit.
I've never been a person tojust sit and work at a desk all
day.
I'm not super Excel savvy.
(07:46):
It's just not anything that'sever appealed to me so I can ask
for help.
I can reach out to my coworkers, who are super Excel savvy and
love their graphs and all thethings, and be like, hey, I
really want to create thistracking sheet and, boom, she
does it in like 20 minutes.
It's something that would haveprobably taken me three days to
do, right, simple, but I am ableto be honest with myself and
(08:10):
know where I need help andthings that I want to take on,
whereas that would have taken upthree days of energy,
potentially that I could bespending doing something else
that I know is going toencourage me to thrive and just
help me be a better version ofmyself During our trip.
So I'll bounce back a littlebit before we get into the back
(08:33):
to school, back to life, andwe'll start with summer.
So what's been up for the pastsix weeks?
We took our family toSwitzerland.
As I mentioned, it was a reallybeautiful trip.
It was my first time ever goingto Europe, first time we've
ever taken all four of our kids.
It was an adventure, it wasreally beautiful.
We flew into Zurich and then wewent to Interlaken for five
nights, so we had about a weekor so there, a little bit more
(08:59):
than that with the travel daysand it was a really great
opportunity for me to implementall of the things that I always
talk about like surrendering tothe flow, not having
expectations, really being ableto take a step back and realize
(09:24):
when I'm going through some timeof resistance and not accepting
things fully for what they are.
We had about four differentclimates when we were there.
One day was beautiful and sunny, the next day was raining, cold
, it was foggy, but overall itwas a beautiful trip.
So I think, going into it, Ireally had stepped myself up to
(09:45):
not have expectations, right.
Who knows, you could get overthere, you could get sick, you
could have lost luggage.
So I really tried to every dayand I took some motivational
cards with me.
I continued to do my meditationpractices daily.
I tried to wake up early andkind of get my time for myself
in early because I knew that Iwould need that, because it
(10:07):
would be busy or justpotentially the unknowns for the
day.
So knowing there are six hoursahead of us, so this is a
six-hour time difference and Iallowed us to have the slow
mornings.
I didn't schedule anythingbefore like one o'clock during
the day.
I left things pretty open andjust left it open for the kids
(10:28):
to put in their two cents.
Once we got there.
They really didn't have a lotthat they requested doing, but
there were a lot of things thatI wanted to do, and one of the
things so much was the top ofEurope and it was like a full
six hour day trip and we endedup not making that.
But that's okay.
(10:49):
It's something, yes, I wantedto experience, but it's also
something that, hey, if I evermake it back, it's something I
have to look forward to, right.
And why sulk and createturbulence within myself
thinking about the things wedidn't get to do and just focus
on the fact that we were allable to relax enough to where we
(11:10):
weren't over the top, like ifpeople needed to nap, we got to
nap.
We still got to make chocolate.
We still got to swim amongstthese beautiful mountains and
ride a jet boat and have all ofthese beautiful experiences.
I will say one of the thingsthey probably had to work the
most on accepting is ourteenagers are not quite as
(11:33):
active as my husband and I.
So when I go somewhere, when Itravel, I love to explore, right
.
I also like to relax, but Ilike to get my exploring out too
.
I'm excited, my adrenaline'spumping.
I love to take in the nature,be outside, do like hiking,
adventurous things, and I can'tsay that our teenagers are as
(11:57):
adventurous as my husband and Iat least not at this stage of
life, which is totally fine andI had to really come to terms
and accept that their experiencein Switzerland was their
experience and it didn'tnecessarily have to be mine.
For example, our last day there,our two oldest sons kind of
(12:19):
reclused and hung out and sleptand played on the Wi-Fi and did
their thing, and so I was outand about with I went to
breakfast with Juan and then hewent back in and went to sleep.
And then my daughter knew thatwe had got these passes to
Grindelwald, which is thisbeautiful spot Like you take a
(12:40):
train, then you take a gondolaand you go up and like the first
cliff walk where you're walkingaround literally off the side
of a mountain I mean gorgeousviews.
She knew I really wanted to dothat and we had some mountain
cart tickets and things likethat.
So I was really looking forwardto going and I think she
probably felt bad.
But she was like, mom, I'll gowith you.
So the little guy actuallywanted to stay.
(13:01):
We had a really cool kids campat the resort we were staying at
and he wanted to play there andwanted to swim and wanted to
hang out.
My husband rested and gotcaught up on some stuff he
needed to do.
So just my daughter and I wentfor this excursion adventure and
it was really awesome.
And, honestly, she and I usuallytry to take at least once a
week, try to take some time justthe two of us.
(13:22):
And, honestly, she and Iusually try to take at least
once a week, try to take sometime just the two of us.
And we hadn't had a lot of thattime that week anyway, so it
was really nice for us to beable to just break away, have
some intentional time for thetwo of us.
When you're dealing with twoenergy bodies, it's a different
situation than it is with allsix.
(13:42):
So it was kind of nice to havea little bit more of a low-key
vibe and everyone kind of justdid their own thing that day.
There's a lot of different ways.
I probably would have handledthat in the past.
I probably would have freakedout on the older boys, like why
are you just in your room onWi-Fi.
Let's go, let's go, let's dothis.
And I just was like you knowwhat, if they want to rest, let
(14:11):
them rest, because if I dragthem along, the energy is going
to change, it's going to shift,and I just allow them to have
create their own experience.
It doesn't have to be myexperience and I think that
that's something I mean.
Mind you, they're 17 and 15years old.
If your kids are like five andsix, you can't necessarily do
that.
Like I said, the fouryearyear-old wanted to stay and
he had the ability to do thatand dad was there on campus and
everything which was fine at theresort.
So I didn't worry about themand I was able to go and relax
(14:33):
and have a great time with herand when I got back, I was
journaling about it andprocessing through it and I feel
like there's like even a yearand a half ago I probably would
have had a much differentperspective on all of that, but
I was able to just accept hey,that's their experience.
Maybe one day, when they're 35,they'll look back and be like
wow, really spent a lot of timeon the Wi-Fi when we were in
(14:55):
Switzerland.
I probably could have gottenout more, or they could be
completely content with theamount of time that they were
outdoors and did their thing,because that's their preferences
, that's their experience.
So I was really grateful,appreciative, that I was able to
communicate with my husband,like, hey, we want to go, and he
(15:15):
was cool with it.
He's like, okay, you guys go.
And we were able to meet eachother in the middle because he
knew that it was important to meto adventure and he kind of
knows I need to get a certainamount of energy out of my body
every day.
So, and I think he appreciatedthe quiet time and he got to
actually go to dinner with theboys all three boys and it was
(15:36):
really great bonding time forthem.
So it always.
I think this really goes back tolike surrendering and accepting
and trusting that things areworking out for you right.
Life's happening for you,they're happening.
It's happening because is itteaching me a lesson?
Is it allowing me anopportunity to grow Like, what
is it opening space for?
And I feel like that particularday and that situation it was
(16:01):
just allowing my daughter and Ito have that one-on-one time
together.
It was allowing the guys tohave a chill, relaxing day
before a long travel day thenext day and I think we just we
really all needed that and I'mgrateful for all the experiences
(16:21):
, but that was one of the bigthings I take away from it
Actually that morning.
So it was July 13th, actuallyit was the morning before the
last day, which is my father'sbirthday and I've shared on
previous podcasts.
My father died when I was twoand a half years old in a car
accident and had a veryinteresting childhood.
(16:43):
So if you have not chimed in toseason one and understand my
background of complex PTSD andkind of what I went through as a
child, I definitely encourageyou to tune into that.
I'm not going to get into it inthis episode because I feel
like this stage of the podcast.
My intention for season two isreally all about, like,
accountability and empowermentand motivation and yes, I want
(17:07):
to still talk about and haveguests on that are going through
their healing journeys andsharing their stories and
overcoming and their situationsand struggles and whatever that
may be.
But it's really about theaction part of it, like how are
we continuing these values thatwe've kind of set for ourselves?
(17:28):
So that day on my father'sbirthday, I always try to do
something fun on his birthday tocelebrate him.
He was a very adventurous, kindof free spirited guy and he
died when he was 22 years old,so he was really young.
So I try to just live freely,like that.
(17:48):
It's always inspired me to Arealize that life is short and
we're not guaranteed tomorrow.
So if there's something youreally want to do or something
you really want to accomplish,do it, go for it.
Like, what do you have to lose?
So it's really allowed me tolive life pretty fearlessly, to
be honest, and it's it's been ablessing, I will say, and I
(18:13):
think that you know he passedaway when I was very young to
protect me and guide me and loveme from a different dimension,
from a different light, in adifferent way, and I've always
felt, felt that in my core andit's given me a different level
of spirituality and hope andfaith and just connection, I
think, with spirit.
So grateful for that.
(18:34):
So, anyway, I woke up that dayand decided to go paragliding.
So essentially paragliding.
If you're not familiar, theresort we stayed at, victoria,
jungfrau and the Jungfraudistrict of Interlaken,
beautiful resort.
Paragliding is a thing.
It's a kind of a touristy city.
It has a lot of it's.
(18:56):
It's kind of like a central hubof Switzerland, which is really
great.
So there's a lot of differenttrains and public transportation
that travels to different areasaround Switzerland.
So all week we were watchingthese paragliders landing in
this beautiful park across fromour hotel and all week I'm like
that looks so much fun, butwhere are they coming from?
We're looking around and I'mlike where are all these
(19:18):
paragliders coming from?
It looked like they were justpopping out of the mountain and,
sure enough, you sign up, theydrive you to the top of a
mountain.
You run essentially with aguide on your back, you have a
harness on and it's like aparagliding is like essentially
just like a big kite almost, butit's like in the shape of a
(19:38):
long caterpillar and you justrun off the side of the mountain
and start floating.
And I signed up.
We went up and it was superfoggy so there was no visibility
whatsoever.
So I was like, should I benervous?
But I really wasn't, to behonest.
I went and sat in the park afterbreakfast that morning and I
(20:02):
was by myself and I remembersitting on the park bench and
looking around at paragliderslanding and since I was a little
girl I've always just talked tomy dad.
I talked to him out loud when Ifeel like I need to talk to him
, just like you would your dadthat was still here sitting
across from you and I told himhappy birthday and that I loved
(20:23):
him and that I was excited totry new adventures.
I felt like it was a once in alifetime experience to
experience Switzerland from thesky.
I've always loved birds andthought they were very majestic
and beautiful, and I feel likeif I come back in a different
life, I would love to be a birdone day.
So this is my opportunity tofly right in a very different
(20:43):
way.
So this is my opportunity tofly right in a very different
way, and the sky has always feltso soothing to me.
I don't know if it's the colorsor the beauty of the clouds and
how they're soft, and so I hadreally had no idea how peaceful
and amazing it would be goinginto it.
(21:08):
But as I was sitting in the parkthat day and talking, I asked
for extra guidance andprotection and these two little
birds came over and they werejust kind of hanging out by my
feet and they stayed there forlike 10 minutes and I like to
believe that my guides, myangels, show up in different
forms, and every time I go for awalk I find feathers.
So I always feel like that'skind of nature's way of telling
me something's always with me,something's always protecting me
(21:28):
, guiding me, giving me signs,whatever it may be, but that I'm
on the right path.
Right and um, it was just oneof those really beautiful kind
of spiritually connected moments.
I felt very connected,spiritually connected moments.
(21:48):
I felt very connected.
So after my park experience, Iwent in, gave my husband a kiss
goodbye, jumped on the bus andwent to the top of the mountain
so we had to wait for a littlewhile for visibility and put my
pack on.
My guide was really nice.
His name was like Zito, Ibelieve.
He was from the Italianspeaking district of or like
area, like close to Italy, likeComo and Switzerland.
Um yeah, you essentially justget a running headstart and you
(22:12):
start to float, and not one timedid I feel my nervous system
react in a way Like I was justvery calm and chill and excited,
like I wasn't scared, I didn'tthink of anything that could
have gone wrong.
I was just really excited forthe opportunity and that was
(22:32):
really something for me.
I feel like when I was in themidst of my PTSD and some of the
patterns in my brain wouldalways be like what's going to
go wrong?
Or thinking back, or thinkingforward, or I could have even
been you even been upset that noone wanted to do it with me,
but instead I chose peace andgratitude that I got that
experience and I was able toexperience Switzerland from the
(22:55):
sky.
And I'll tell you once you'rethere and you're floating and
you're in the seated positionwhich is really comfortable I
don't think I would like tonecessarily lay on my stomach
and it was a lot less like crazyand chaotic.
I think it was like skydivingwould be where you have to like
jump out of the plane and thinkabout all this stuff, like what
(23:16):
if the parachute doesn't comeout?
Like it wasn't anything likethat, it was just very peaceful.
You just literally start tofloat, literally start to float,
and one of the biggesttakeaways from that was
everything was so beautiful butalso looked so small, like
you're amongst beautiful gianttrees, right, like giant trees
(23:39):
growing out of solid rock, andit makes you realize like there
is stuff out there that wereally can't explain.
No, trust me, I'm sure someenvironmental scientists can
explain why the tree grows outof the rock, but it's not your
typical fertile ground forgrowing things right.
But it just really put inperspective that, like,
(24:02):
beautiful, strong, stable thingscan grow out of rough, hard
terrain.
And when you take a step backfrom it, when you remove
yourself from the ground right,when you remove yourself from
ground zero from the moment,when you look at things from a
(24:28):
perspective that isn't so in themoment of what you're going
through, it could be a reallybeautiful opportunity to realize
it's not that big of a deal andit's not so big anymore.
And just seeing all the littlehouses and even the giant resort
(24:51):
we were staying at, it looks sosmall from far away.
And I think if we can reallyapply that to life and I know
that I've tried to do that sincewe've returned is if I find
myself in the moment feelinglike something's a big deal,
feeling like it's a necessity.
I have to do it right now.
I mentally take myself to thebig picture, like how big is
(25:16):
this in the big picture, right?
How much does this reallymatter in the scheme of things?
And it's been a really greatopportunity for me to observe
how I was making some littlethings bigger than they needed
to be, and I go back to thatview quite often of the
(25:41):
beautiful.
I mean the lakes there it waslike Lake Thune and it's like
glacier water.
It's like this beautiful teal,and the mountains are everywhere
and it's just a constantreminder of the big picture is
(26:01):
very beautiful and we are allvery blessed to be here right
now.
We're experiencing things inour solar system, in our
political system.
There's so many anomalies andcraziness going on out there
where it seems like chaos whenyou're in the middle of it, but
(26:23):
if you take a step back and yourealize there's really none of
it, that's in our control, firstof all, and we have the choice
as to what we prioritize to makea big deal in our lives, and
(26:44):
that's been pretty impactful forme this week.
For example and I'll just jumpinto my kind of second intention
here of this podcast is to talkabout resetting.
We're back to life.
We're in a new chapter.
My daughter went to high schooland I felt myself low-key,
(27:05):
resisting that time has gone bythat fast.
How can she be 14 and goinginto high school?
Why is it going by so fast?
Why is my little guy.
Why doesn't he have baby fatanymore?
Why does he have abs?
Why is it to the point where mybabies aren't babies anymore?
And it's because life happensand it goes by, and I'm just
(27:28):
grateful that I have taken astep back to enjoy those moments
, because it's a constantreminder of what's important to
me.
It's been a great opportunityfor me to reset and reevaluate
how I want to spend my time andmy energy and what I want to
(27:49):
spend that on.
I can continue to have aserving heart and help in the
community, but also be afull-time mom, and I want to be
a full-time mom.
And it doesn't mean that thatmeans I have to be a
stay-at-home mom.
You can still very much be afull-time mom and have a
full-time job.
(28:09):
So for those of you or dad, forthat matter, or aunt or uncle
or caregiver, like whatever itis if you're taking care of
children, if you're taking careof your parents, if you're
taking care of your siblings,whatever that means to you, you
can choose to have the mindsetof being all in.
But it really takes being allin when you're in those moments,
(28:32):
and there's been a coupleopportunities that my husband
and I have been able to observetogether.
And one, for example, the othernight I was I mentioned this a
little bit earlier we were allwatching a show and I was doing
something on my phone, trying tosend an email, and my little
(28:57):
guy was trying to get myattention.
I told him one second and thenI was like, ok, give me two
minutes.
And then he kept pulling myface like my attention, and then
I was like please just stoptouching me, and the room got a
little quiet and part of me waslike gosh, he needs to learn
boundaries.
You know, like he needs tounderstand when I say give me a
couple minutes, give me a coupleminutes.
(29:18):
Could I have handled thatdifferently?
Absolutely.
Did I feel bad?
Yes, did I yell no, but did Italk to him in a different tone
than I normally do?
Yes, did I feel his spirit getsad and kind of shut down when I
did that?
Yes, did it break my heart?
Yes, it was terrible, but itwas one of those life teaching
(29:43):
moments.
So, instead of mom guiltingmyself, and instead of being
upset and telling him he neededto learn boundaries blah, blah,
blah I owned it.
I owned, like you know what, ifyou need to do.
Whatever you're doing on yourphone, do it elsewhere, and you
have the opportunity to take apause from what you're doing and
look at him in the face andgive him the courtesy he needs
(30:07):
to express himself, or evenpause what you're doing and put
him first, because I thinksometimes we get busy.
I know I get busy with athought.
I just want to get my thoughtout before I forget it, because
your brain can only be so manyplaces at once, right, and I
(30:29):
feel like that situation neededto happen to allow me this reset
.
I need to go into the newchapter Because it's busy.
I'm not going to lie.
We have to leave the house bylike 6.30 in the morning to get
one off to school, and then Icome back and then I take the
other one to school.
I have fully recruited myvillage.
(30:50):
I'm very fortunate enough tohave help, but not all people
have that help.
So I also realize that everyday is a gift and resources are
a gift, and there's not a daythat goes by that I'm not
thinking and appreciating.
I just say it out loudsometimes, whether it's God,
(31:11):
spirit, whoever it is that youwant to think and express your
appreciation for or with.
I find that having thatgratitude on a daily basis is
what really keeps me going.
I find that having thatgratitude on a daily basis is
what really keeps me going andit keeps me connected to the
(31:31):
authenticity of my purpose,because a life that's too busy
and too scattered for me is notpurposeful.
I don't want to be the girlthat's everywhere I want to, or
girl that's everywhere I want to, or woman that's everywhere I
(31:52):
want to know that when I show upsomewhere, I'm there, and when
I'm with my family, I'm with myfamily.
And when I'm at work, I'm atwork and I've found myself
recently, you know, checkingemails between traffic stops and
when I'm at the gym, looking atmy work email.
And I know better than this.
(32:13):
I've talked about it severaltimes, but I found myself
getting trapped in those olddefault behaviors.
So I'm excited to get back topodcasting because it's going to
allow me to set some boundariesfor myself and really not I'm
going to say force, becausethat's a forceful word really
(32:33):
encourage myself to be in mymoments when I'm there, because
I know when I do that I show upmy best self.
I know when I write that email,when I have peace and quiet,
that I'm going to be intentional, I'm not going to make errors,
I'm not going to send it withhalf a thought.
I know that when I stop to playa game with my son or my
(32:56):
daughter, have a conversationwith her about her day, that I
don't want distractions aroundme, I leave my phone in my
bedroom, I would turn the TV off.
The less outside stimulationthe better, and I feel like my
whole family really thrives onnot having things overstimulated
(33:16):
.
I'm not going to lie my littleguy.
He went from a class of sixkids to a class of 19 kids in
preschool and I dropped him offthis morning, like right at nine
o'clock when school timestarted, and it was overwhelming
.
It was overwhelming for him, itwas overwhelming for me.
He had to like jump right in.
I felt like I got in the carand I had this mom guilt whoosh
(33:39):
over me, like I just dropped himoff in a hornet's nest
energetically.
And yesterday was verydifferent.
It was the first day of school,same school, different class.
He got there a little earlierso he was able to wean himself
in a little differently.
So it was great.
It was a great opportunity forme to observe hey, what works
for us is getting here a littlebit earlier.
(34:01):
It's maybe I don't let himsleep in quite as much in the
morning, and maybe we don't playa game right before we leave
the house, or we get up a littleearlier or whatever that takes
to get them to school earlier,so we can nurture that part of
the day Because, bless youpreschool teachers, you have a
special beautiful soul andpurpose.
(34:24):
I can't say that I could dothat work.
I appreciate you, the fact thatyou can do it, because I just I
don't think I was built forthat.
So just an observation thoughso instead of going through the
mom guilt or emailing andwanting to switch his class, I'm
(34:44):
just like you know how can wenurture this situation in a way
that's going to allow us all tothrive?
Honestly, leaving a littleearlier helps me to get to work
a little earlier too.
So it works out.
You beat traffic a little bitearlier.
So, getting into this newroutine, I'm really going to
allow myself some space andgrace.
I'm going to allow my familysome space and grace.
(35:06):
I mean, we're all doing thebest we can, and that's actually
something that the FourAgreements book is, a book that
I read a while ago.
That's very good.
But they talk about being yourbest version of yourself and
doing your best and how yourbest can change from moment to
moment or from day to day, andunderstanding that not only
(35:27):
about myself but about all otherpeople.
If someone flicks me off orhonks at me in traffic because I
, like, just turned green, maybethis person was running late,
maybe they have somewhere elsethey need to be and get around
me or whatever, I don't have topersonalize it, I don't have to
feed into it.
I can accept that that personis doing their best on their day
(35:48):
.
You know, if I have someone, ifI lose it, if I, you know,
snippet someone or sound my tonecomes across bitchy to my
husband, I can own it right thenand there and be like babe,
I've I've been trying toprioritize too much and I
apologize.
I didn't mean to sound that waymuch and I apologize.
(36:09):
I didn't mean to sound that way.
Obviously, I think I need somequiet time and just owning it
and communicating.
That is really helpful,especially in relationships.
I feel like he and I are reallyin a place that we're able to do
that now, but not always.
We had a situation the othernight Sometimes he sleeps with
earplugs in his ears and I askedhim I was like you know, are
(36:30):
you gonna, are you to be here atseven o'clock in the morning
because I'm having the sittercome so I can leave and take the
kids to school and then comeback and blah, blah, blah and
anyway, he he responded a littlesnarky and I was like okay, and
I I realized he needed a littlespace and time.
He's got a lot going on in hisown world and I usually handle
(36:52):
most of the logistics.
So it took him a minute torespond and I think and I
explained to him later, actuallythe next day, because we just
fell asleep.
I explained to him the next daylike hey, I thought that you
may have had an ear button orear plug in.
So I'm sorry, I didn't want youto feel like I was like babe,
babe, babe, answer me, babe,babe.
(37:13):
It wasn't like that, it wasjust I asked him a question and
I was like babe, and he's likegive me a second and or whatever
.
So it wasn't a big deal, but itwas one of those things that we
were both able to own it,because the energy has increased
.
I mean it's back to school.
It's fall, it's we just had astorm come through, so I have a
(37:38):
little extra work on my platebecause we do these great
disaster relief grants for ourassociates at work, so it's just
unexpected stuff that's come up.
But it's all about surrendering.
Rolling with that flow right,like the next couple of days are
even crazy.
I literally think I havemeetings from 9 to 7.30 tomorrow
, like 9 am to 7.30 pm, andtonight it's probably until
about 9 pm, including a dinner,and so there's that part of me
(38:00):
that's like whew, I'm not goingto be there for bedtime tonight.
For the routine anyway, I'll bethere to say goodnight, but I'm
not going to be there forbedtime.
However, I can look at it thatway.
Or I can look at it as I havethe opportunity to go to dinner
with my husband and we arefortunate enough to work
together and we don't have tospend those hours apart.
(38:21):
We get to do it together.
So it's really shifting it andmaking that decision to shift it
to gratitude and appreciationand knowing that we have a
really great nanny who is ableto help us out and we have
reliable help and it's notalways that easy to be able to
shift things like you candefinitely go down rabbit holes
(38:43):
and dwell, but I've just really,I've just really tried to hold
myself accountable in that andknow that when I'm starting to
energetically feel a littledrained, like a what is it that
I'm allowing to use my energy upon, like what is?
(39:03):
What is it?
Is it something external?
Is it something internal, or isit simply me not being present
in my moments and going to thefuture or going to the past?
And right now there's a lot ofgoing to the future because we
have planning to do, we havekids schedules to do, we have
senior pictures coming up forone, we have, you know, all
(39:23):
kinds of stuff going like openhouse nights.
We have this, we have that.
I mean, there's alwayssomething right.
But do I need to think aboutall that stuff all day long?
Absolutely not.
So one thing I've actuallydecided I'm going to do because
I usually use my phone and myteam's calendar for all my
meetings I'm going to go oldschool written agenda Because,
honestly, sometimes not all mycalendars merge.
(39:44):
So I've decided and I lovewriting things down anyway,
which is why I love journalingso much but I'm just going to go
back to old school writtencalendar write down my days.
I can cross things off as I goand I feel like doing that.
Just the actual action ofcrossing things off my list
makes me feel accomplished, andmaybe I don't cross everything
(40:05):
off and that's okay.
I can say, hey, I crossed fourout of seven things off my list
today.
Or I got through all of mymeetings and didn't distract
myself by looking at my phone inbetween, because sometimes I
just need to stay on the samepace.
So, just setting realistic goalsfor myself and taking it moment
by moment, day by day, I havenoticed that I have a little
(40:31):
underlying.
I wouldn't call it turbulencebecause I'm not upset, but I
think I had a little underlying,almost like boiling energy, not
anger, not aggression, I wouldsay probably fear.
The root of it is fear, with mydaughter starting high school,
and I actually talked about thisat an empowerment journaling
(40:53):
session that I facilitated todayand we talked about this and I
shared it because we talkedabout acceptance.
Where is an area in your lifethat you feel like you have had
some trouble accepting?
And I mentioned earlier how hastime gone by?
How are we here?
How is she in high school?
But realizing she is totallyequipped for this.
She's ready, she's energized,she's excited, she's thriving.
(41:16):
She's excited to pick out heroutfits every day and not have
to wear a uniform anymore.
She's excited to get up earlyand feel accomplished.
She's packing her lunch.
She's eating healthier.
Her lunch, she's eatinghealthier.
There are so many positives thatI was finding I was
subconsciously and a little bitconsciously comparing her high
(41:40):
school experience to mine.
Mind you, I had a great highschool experience and I had a
lot of friends and I would say Iwas probably a little boy crazy
and I had a traumatic childhood, so I didn't fully process
through a lot of friends and Iwould say I was probably a
little boy crazy and I had atraumatic childhood, so I didn't
fully process through a lot oflife I.
It was just a very differentdynamic.
I didn't have the tools andresources that she has to cope
(42:01):
with life or process throughlife, and I didn't have a mom to
talk about it with my.
My Nana was amazing, mygrandmother, who raised me, and
she definitely equipped me withmany tools, but I feel like I
was just in a place at 14,because that was actually the
year I wrote my mom a letter andcompletely cut her out of my
life for seven years, but I feellike I held on to that.
(42:24):
I had wounds, I had a lot ofbaggage that she just doesn't
have.
So it's not fair for me toproject the fear of all of that
onto her, because that's not herjourney.
Her journey is very differentand it's going to be whatever it
is, and my job is here tosupport her and hold space for
(42:46):
her and recognize how wellequipped she is and just trust
that she has got this, becauseshe does.
She came home super excited,thriving.
It was really wonderful to seemy wear off in a couple of weeks
, who knows but I'm just reallyproud of the way that we've both
(43:09):
been able to navigate this.
I feel like this whole summerand I know it roots back from my
own childhood, cutting my momout of my life when I was 14.
This whole summer I just reallywanted to pour into her.
I knew it was one of those kindof make or breaks.
I wanted her to have fun withher friends.
I wanted to build a strongerfoundation with her.
We've always been very close,but I want to be that mom she
(43:33):
can come and talk to when shedoes start to like a boy and
date a boy.
It hasn't happened yet, but Imean she's got crushes here and
there but I'm sure it will.
And I think the fear of the lossof innocence on my part in more
ways than one, you know, justbeing exposed to different
things and different people andbeing on her own and independent
more in ways that I'm notalways going to be there, but I
(43:56):
will always be there.
She'll always have the mommyvoice in the back of her mind
that says trust your intuitionor listen to your gut or follow
your heart, or call me if youneed anything, call your brother
if you need anything.
And I really, as a mother, wantto create that safe environment
(44:17):
for our kids to know thatthey're not judged, that it's an
open, accepting household.
You can't do anything that Ididn't try.
You can't do anything thatwould make me love you less
right.
All I want for you is safe, fun, enjoyable experiences, because
(44:40):
it just goes by so fast.
And I also want them to be ableto live and experience things on
their own.
It's not my job to bail themout of everything and experience
things on their own.
It's not my job to bail themout of everything.
It's not our jobs to shelterthem from everything and not
that I was going that route, butI think low key, I was
(45:04):
resisting the fact that theinnocence is.
That's just all part of growingup.
Right, it's the maturity.
It doesn't have to be somethingthat's looked at in a negative
way.
I can just be looked at andfrom a different vantage point
of wow.
I'm really grateful that she hasthe tools and resources to
enter this more mature phase oflife.
She's going to be challengedwith opportunities and decisions
(45:27):
and it's going to give her theempowering position to make
those choices for herself.
You know, if she's at a partyand people are drinking and she
chooses not, to, great for her.
If she's at a party and peopleare drinking and she chooses to,
and she knows she can call mom,great for her, whatever those
outcomes are, because it'sinevitable, right?
(45:50):
The more I mean.
My perspective on this is themore you try to tell kids not to
do something, the more curiousit makes them.
And I'm all about stayingcurious, right?
So someone's telling me youshouldn't do this, you shouldn't
do well, why?
I want to see what it's allabout.
I want to see what it's like.
I was always that person Istill am.
I have to experience things formyself and figure it out for
(46:13):
myself.
So it's been a really goodopportunity, especially this
whole transitional week I meanwe're talking day two here
getting back into a new routineand allowing this new chapter to
unfold the way that it'ssupposed to, and not trying to
control any of the modalities inthere and just allowing it.
(46:38):
Like our older son got in a caraccident.
I mean he was out driving inthe middle of a tropical storm
and going a little fast and lostcontrol of his car and that's
something he's going to have toexperience on his own.
You know, I know, and I wasreally impressed with the way my
husband remained even keel.
(46:58):
I mean he and I were out oftown at the time and he called
and told him what happened.
And Matt was very chill and,like you know, I'm just, I'm
glad you're okay, it's a car,you know what happened.
And he told him what happened.
He's like, okay, well, you know, I'm just, I'm glad you're OK,
it's a car, you know whathappened.
And he told him what happened.
He's like, ok, well, you know,but he's going to have to make
(47:22):
those decisions on how hemodifies the way he drives, or
if he drives in the rain againlike that, or you know, it was
by choice, it wasn't, you know.
But those times, whether it'sour kids, our siblings, our
spouses, our coworkers, ourpeers, ourselves, if we're able
to stay nonjudgmental andrealize, hey, we're all doing
our best, we're all trying ourbest.
There's no right or wrong here,but there's an opportunity to
(47:51):
learn, there's an opportunity togrow.
I think that that is the key toreally creating and maintaining
this more conscious collectivesociety is just by staying open
and understanding andcompassionate and keeping that
compassion in the back of ourmind and in our hearts at all
times and not allowing our minds, our logical thinking, to
(48:15):
always take an over.
I'm reading this book and it'sreally great.
It's called the Awakened Brainand it talks about our achieving
awareness and our awakenedawareness and how you need a
balance of both, like, yes, youneed that drive and
determination and motivation tosucceed or whatever it is that
you want to do.
And you also need the othertype to just have faith that
(48:38):
it's going to work out the wayit's supposed to, to understand
that it's, you know there's,it's all going to work out the
way it's supposed to that you'reguided, you're supported,
you're led, and that way onedoesn't overtop the other and
vice versa.
And I feel like there'sdefinitely been times in my life
where I had super tunnel vision, achieving awareness,
(48:59):
especially when it comes to likebeing fit and working out and
exercising all the time andhaving an eight pack and all of
this.
And then you know my, then itkicks in.
That's like well, that'swrecking your hormones and
that's not very good, that'svery all in, or being super
successful and working so muchand being independent and
financially stable and all ofthese things.
(49:21):
But then you have to take astep back and realize, like it
all, it all works out the wayit's supposed to, and just have
faith that you can.
You can only do so much right.
We can only do so much anyway.
So why spend so much energy onworrying about the outcome?
And I think that brings us backto being present, to be honest.
(49:41):
Yeah, so those are some reallygreat insights, some fun
opportunities coming up that I'msure I will share with you all
along the way.
On opportunities coming up thatI'm sure I will share with you
all along the way In July, herein Sarasota, I was invited to be
on the cover of Scene Magazine,which is a fun kind of local
magazine, and then they asked meto do the women on this scene
(50:04):
an article essentially talkingabout myself and my passions and
what it is I do for my career,and there's a photo shoot
accompanied with that and Ireally feel like I'm in a place
that okay.
Mind you, I love a fun photoshoot.
I'm that little girl who is nowa woman that never grew out of
dress up.
I love wearing fun dresses andshoes and jewelry and doing all
(50:27):
the fun glam things makeup, hair, all the things but also the
authentic and that'sauthentically part of like stuff
I enjoy.
However, I'm also the barefoot,sweaty, no makeup, hair, tie,
hat, climbing trees, gettingdirty kind of person as well,
(50:48):
and everything in between.
Right, that's just all I enjoyall of that.
So, when it came to what I wasgoing to do for the photo shoot,
there's an awesome photographerin Sarasota.
Her name is Nancy Guth.
She's amazing and she reachedout and she's like hey, I'm
excited about this shoot.
What are we going to do?
And I was like you know, I wantto do something fun, I want to
(51:09):
do something different, I don'twant to be stuffy.
That's just not me.
That's not who I am.
I want something that justrepresents my authenticity and
the all parts of me, right?
So I think we're going to goand do a fun photo shoot in a
ball gown a big, fluffy toolball gown in the woods climbing
trees.
I don't know what it's going tobe like yet fluffy tool ball
(51:30):
gown in the woods climbing trees.
I don't know what it's going tobe like yet, but I love that.
I just I want to be barefoot.
I want to be myself.
I feel like I'm really goingthrough this observation period
of seeing how society isinfluencing people in so many
different ways to a change theirappearance, to, um, mind you,
we're doing a lot of greatthings to empower as well.
(51:51):
However, I feel like there'salmost like an epidemic rise of
aesthetics facial aestheticsespecially and it's kind of
concerning for me and it hurtsmy heart in a lot of different
ways.
I feel like if we can reallyencourage people to love
(52:12):
themselves from the outside in,we would love the outside more,
or the inside out we would lovethe outside more, if that makes
sense, like truly understandingwho we are at our means.
However, it concerns me thatit's shifting perspectives of
(52:37):
people not truly valuing whothey are.
And all of them, like I'm,embracing the fact that I have a
crow's feet and my foreheadmoves and forehead moves and my
face isn't completelysymmetrical.
No one's is right.
No one's body is completelysymmetrical.
My body's changing.
I'll be 40 in February, whichis crazy.
(52:58):
It doesn't seem like it, butthat's all right.
I'm looking forward to thatnext chapter too.
I'm sure we'll process all ofthat together.
But realizing I'm not a fitnessinstructor teaching 20 classes a
day or a week anymore and Idon't have an eight pack anymore
, that I have a little bit morecurves and my body's a little
softer.
Is it healthier?
Yes, it's actually more healthynow than it was then.
(53:20):
It's just not super, super leananymore, but I'm embracing that
and owning it because that'sthe ebbs and flows of life.
Right, I'm not who I was then.
I'm who I am now, and todaythat's going to be different
than it is tomorrow.
And appreciating the agingprocess, appreciating the fact
(53:46):
that I'm healthy and my hormonesare regulated and that I have
the knowledge I have now andthat my life is in a place where
I'm not.
I don't have four hours tospend in the gym doing random
things.
I would run in the morning,then I would go to a HIIT class
and I would go to a cycle classand I mean that's all fun and
(54:06):
great and I genuinely do love toexercise.
So I wasn't doing itnecessarily because I was like
torturing myself.
I really do love it, but I'mexcited that my life has more
purpose than that now and I'mowning that and I just encourage
everyone out there that, um,you know, there's just.
(54:27):
I even went to send my daughter,I let her, I allowed her to
have Snapchat and so all thefilters.
Like it's fun to joke aroundand have fun, but like, what are
we doing?
Like, how are we representingthis next generation?
That this is their life, thistechnology is their life, and
I've accepted that.
Do I love it?
(54:47):
Not really.
That.
Do I love it?
Not really.
But I hope that they are ableto see themselves and appreciate
themselves without the filter.
Because what is the filter?
It's a mask, right?
I feel like if we could just allstop hiding behind whatever
type of mask it is we're puttingon, whether it's a role,
(55:08):
whether it's pushing ourfeelings down, whether it's
literally a mask on our face, Idon't know.
I think you all understand whatI'm talking about here, though,
and that if and process it andbe able to even just face it,
(55:35):
then that's something that Ireally try to do, and I haven't,
honestly, done it that oftenrecently but look at myself in
the mirror and be like you knowwhat.
I really love you and Iappreciate you, and it's not
crazy we tell so many otherpeople that we love them, we
express our love and gratitudeand appreciation for others so
(55:57):
much.
I think we should all do it forourselves a little bit more.
Like I have these little lineson my face because I smile a lot
.
I have these lines on myforehead because I lift my
eyebrows out of excitement.
I don't really have the ones inbetween my eyes because I don't
frown and discern too much, butif I did, I would, and that
(56:22):
tells a story.
That tells a story about myface, that tells a story about
my life, and I think thatthere's beauty in that, and that
if we all just allow each otherthe space and time, and if we
saw each other the way ourchildren see us or our spouses
(56:42):
see us, if we saw ourselves theway that our parents saw us when
we were first born like thatbeautiful, pure spirit.
I think we would love ourselvesa lot more.
So that's just a lot more ofthis coming in season two and
I'm really excited to share moreof this journey with you.
(57:07):
I have a plan to have a fewreally great friends on that,
have some great programs andtalk more to my kind of
accountability buddies, and Ireally want this season to be
about empowerment andaccountability and follow
through and how are we showingup for ourselves, also still
(57:28):
diving into a lot of the healingmodalities and ways to do that.
But I just I'm very excited.
I felt I took a pause to kindof reevaluate the purpose and I
feel that that is what I think,and I feel that that is what
this new chapter is going tobring, not only for me but for
(57:50):
you guys, and I reallyappreciate you tuning in.
I am excited, I am inspired.
I'm excited to also have likecomments on Spotify.
So now you can like put incomments.
So if you have any like topicsyou want to hear also kb at
(58:11):
crystal clearcom, if you everhave anything you want to hear,
you want to talk about, you wantto discuss, shoot me an email.
Check out my website.
There's a little spot on therethat you can inquire.
If there's topics, if there's,if that's something you want to
be a guest on the show, thatwould be awesome.
I'm really open to that and Ilove that connection, part of
(58:31):
all of this, and I just Iappreciate you all for being on
this journey with me and I hopeyou have a wonderful day, a
wonderful season.
We're welcoming fall.
Have a wonderful day, thank you.
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