The Art of Authentic Healing Pt 2 with Lisa Klein

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Crystal welcomes back Lisa Klein for a deep dive into the concept of "performance healing" and how social media impacts our authentic healing journeys. We explore why sharing vulnerable moments online can sometimes hinder real growth and discuss the ebbs and flows of true healing.

• Performance healing happens when we share our personal stories online before we're ready, often seeking validation
• Healing is never complete – the healthiest people still get triggered, but respond differently
• Diagnoses provide context and roadmaps for healing but should not be seen as permanent life sentences
• Neuroplasticity allows us to rewire our brains and create new neural pathways
• Relationships are "the greatest classroom" and healthy conflicts help us grow
• Curiosity is a powerful tool that prevents judgment and opens us to deeper understanding
• Setting boundaries and protecting your energy are essential for mental wellbeing
• "Micro healing moments" throughout your day can help maintain balance

If you're experiencing difficulty receiving help or assistance, check out Resilient Retreat, offering free programming for people who have survived trauma, abuse, helping professions, and first responders. Or consult with our special guest at Lisa Klein Counseling. 

Thank you for joining me today. Please know that this podcast and the information shared is not to replace or supplement any mental health or personal wellness modalities provided by practitioners. It’s simply me, sharing my personal experiences and I appreciate you respecting and honoring my story and my guests. If something touched your heart please feel free to like, share and subscribe. Have a beautiful day full of gratitude, compassion and unconditional love.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
What's up you guys?
Welcome to this episode ofCrystal Clear.
I have a returning guest, missLisa Klein from Lisa Klein
Counseling, and we had so muchfun the last episode.
We just had to get it, spark itback while, like, the iron was
hot.
So welcome back, lisa.

Speaker 2 (00:18):
Yeah, I'm happy to be here.

Speaker 1 (00:20):
I feel like we had like three pages of things we
wanted to talk about last timewe did and we just barely
skimmed the surface, but theresponse from that conversation
has been incredible.
It has been incredible.
People are loving it on all thesocial platforms.
I've gotten a lot of greatfeedback.

Speaker 2 (00:42):
You've gotten feedback I've gotten a lot of
feedback.
It's resonating with a lot ofpeople.
Feedback You've gotten feedback.
I've gotten a lot of feedback.
It's resonating with a lot ofpeople Awesome.

Speaker 1 (00:48):
Yeah, so in that one, if you you know it's more of
like coming to your true self,like understanding what that is.
So today we're going toelaborate on that a little bit
more.
So if you haven't listened tothat one yet, recommend
listening to it at some point.
But we're going to pretty muchcover all of that and more today
.
So one thing we really wantedto get to last time that I think

(01:11):
is so important is, isperformance healing, performance
healing and what do we mean bythat?

Speaker 2 (01:22):
Well, in today's culture, a lot of us are on
social media, right, we'retalking about that before, and
we can feel inclined to shareour personal stories, sometimes
before we're ready to Right, fora variety of reasons.
Mm-hmm, for a variety ofreasons, but sharing our healing

(01:45):
journeys before we're ready orfor validation.

Speaker 1 (01:54):
You know I've done it myself as well, like you know.
Okay, that probably should havegone in my journal After
putting it out.
Okay, I put it out there.
Those were my feels.
I was in my moment with thatand there's nothing wrong with
expressing.
Let's just clarify that I thinkthe more that you process your
journey and the more you processalong the way, the more healing

(02:17):
it is out there for otherpeople to let's just jump right
in, judge, critique, assess.
You're exposing a level ofvulnerability that you may not
be ready to receive the feedback.
And there's just coming from mymore spiritual, energetic side.

(02:38):
You're putting a piece ofyourself out there.
So it's got a lot moreattention.
It has a lot more influencethan you may realize on your
internal state after thathappens.

Speaker 2 (02:51):
A hundred percent.
It does.
But a lot of times, even if youthink you're totally being
authentic, right, when you go on, you might go on, live and be
totally unedited, but whenyou're sharing something about
your healing journey or whateveryou're going through, yeah, it

(03:12):
doesn't have to be healing.

Speaker 1 (03:13):
It could be your divorce.
I've seen a lot of that.

Speaker 2 (03:15):
I've seen a lot of or post breakup yeah post breakup
political stuff yeah.
Things with your kids yeah,it's curated.

Speaker 1 (03:26):
Right.

Speaker 2 (03:26):
So a lot of times when people are sharing about
those things not always, butthey're seeking connection,
right they want to not feelalone, but also sometimes it's
in a way that is palatable topeople, right?
So they don't show, maybe, theugly side of what that might

(03:48):
look like.

Speaker 1 (03:49):
Well, maybe they are showing the ugly side and not
the beautiful side.
Right, and that goes both ways,right.

Speaker 2 (03:56):
Yeah, yeah.
But sometimes it can lead topeople feeling, after they share
Right, like some regret, and alot of times in those cases I
feel like, especially when Ithink of performance, it's like
I've gotten over this or I'm inthis healed space and like let

(04:18):
me share with you, which isgreat.
You go and ebbs and flows, butsometimes it's harder to ask for
help and what you need when youget to that point because
you're like I projected thisright, I'm healed, yeah, stay,
and things are.
Bless you.
If you feel like you'recompletely healed.

Speaker 1 (04:38):
I know, love that for you.
However, however, I, I, I wouldrecommend just staying open.
Just staying open to the ebbsand flows and it's funny my life
coach and I talk about this.
We joke about it at this pointCause I like get to a point
where, like, oh my gosh,everything's going so great I
don't even think I can betriggered right now.
30 minutes later I'm like, oh,fuck that.

(05:01):
I gotta tell you what justhappened because, because you
never know, and so now it's kindof like just a rolling joke
yeah, not to be like, oh,everything's, you know too good
to be true.

Speaker 2 (05:12):
Yeah, none of that, but just you know, but that's
like a hundred percent.
The reality, though, like thereis, you know, a hundred percent
healed.
Suffering is part of the humancondition, like the healthiest
people I know are triggered.

Speaker 1 (05:31):
It's what they do after they're triggered that is
different inside of you taking amoment, encouraging yourself to
pause and coming out of thatwanting to react, wanting to

(05:52):
rebuttal, wanting to defend.
This is my personal approachanyway.
If I'm feeling some turbulencebubbling, take a pause, going
inward, like okay, I'm realizingnow that I am feeling some kind
of way about what is?
happening right now.
But where is it coming from?
Is it?
Is it in this moment?

(06:13):
Is it something that happenedto me that I've been holding
onto and not letting go of andshedding the layers from?
Is it like a serious trigger,some trauma trigger from like
childhood, you know?
I mean there's several layersto this, to not discount the
fact that I'm feeling myfeelings, but taking a moment to
understand where it may becoming from, when it likely has

(06:36):
nothing to do with the person orthe situation that's even there
, like yes, that happened inthat moment, I'm more unaware of
my inner.
You know it's like it goes backto that saying like you know,
when in doubt, just be kind,we're all going through
something that we know nothingabout.
Like every human on this planethas experienced things that you

(06:57):
know they may not even be awareof, much less us.
Yeah, just try to be kind andcompassionate, especially to
yourself, in those momentsBecause I feel like, that's when
the magic can really happen andwe can show ourselves that
compassion.
But when you get, you know,going back to kind of what we
started off as, when you're,when you've entered the online

(07:19):
realm of this and you've exposedyourself in some sort of way
whether it's a positive you knowsomething you're judging as
positive in your life, somethingyou're judging of negative,
something you know an intenseemotion, whatever, and someone
has something to say about it,or someone reaches out to you
and they're like, oh, whathappened or what.
It can be overwhelming and itcan be like, wow, everyone's

(07:43):
going gonna have a differentperspective of it and no one's
gonna have the same perspectiveas you.
So you know, it's just, it'sinteresting, because I'm sure
we've all.
If you're out there and you'vedone some sort of thing, you
know whether it's posting yourkid's good report card or it's
posting you, you know someoneextreme, like going through

(08:05):
something else.
It just I feel like it leads usdown that path of putting it out
there for people to judge itdoes.

Speaker 2 (08:13):
It can become a spectacle for conversation and
also it's a balance right,because I think that I am very
cautious about what I postbecause professionally, you know

(08:34):
, you want to be professional,right, so I think it can be
inhibiting sometimes too to notshare certain things, but I try
to have a balance.
But I definitely feel like ithas a great side because you can

(08:55):
connect with people.
But it does totally, it 100%exposes you, you, and when you
feel like you're in a healedplace and I'm thinking of an
example with myself, evensomething coming up is that you
can kind of gaslight yourself alittle bit too, like you can be
like, yeah, things are goinggreat, like you said, I don't

(09:18):
need this, I can't be triggeredlike I'm great and it's not
always like that, and then youcan be like, well, I just posted
this thing, right, you know,and then feel like a little
right, it can be shaming, right,you can go through shame and
guilt, like I'm.

Speaker 1 (09:35):
You know, even with empowerment coaching or life
coaching or counseling, it'slike we still have experiences
in our life, we still havethings that happen that we have
to work through.

Speaker 2 (09:45):
Like it doesn't matter who you are you always
have.

Speaker 1 (09:49):
you know someone's always going to have something.
So just to have that open, keepthe open space that if you are
going to put something out thereA you can always delete it.
You don't know that Like youdon't have to keep it up there,
it's going to cause theturbulence and the anxiety or
like delete it, for goodnesssakes, but also understanding
that in some ways it may makepeople feel more human.

(10:11):
So I'm what's coming up for meright now and I'm thinking about
it.
Like you know, I have um, thiscompany, who's amazing audience
generator.
They do my reels.
Yeah for in in a post reel, soI don't post all of my reels
myself.
I I just have decided, forsanity purposes, I outsource
that.
I don't like managing, you know, my business social media pages

(10:33):
all the time, so they will posta Reel and the Reel is a very
short clip of a conversation soit doesn't have all the context,
it doesn't have the context, itdoesn't have the back, you know
.
So it was really interesting.
My first ever TikTok reel wasabout I stopped trying to fix my
husband.
Yeah, and blah, blah, blah,blah, blah.

(10:53):
And I go like you know, Irealized he just needed to be
loved where he is.
You're like, I mean it has like200,000 views.
It went like a massively viral.
Yeah For the first ever yeah.
And the feedback was like I hadto stop.

(11:14):
It was like well, why would youjust suffer through?
And I'm like no, no, no, like Ifelt myself wanting to rebuttal
so much.
Yeah, a, don't look at thecomments, just know that there
was in.
My whole point in theconversation was I had to stop
trying to fix and and give himadvice, like his journey was his

(11:35):
journey and he needed toexperience things on his own,
and it was my.
You know your journey, myjourney too, but like my
position in life, to just lovehim where he was and love him
through what he was goingthrough and giving him that
space and holding space for himinstead of trying to fix him,

(11:56):
was the point of theconversation like holding space.
I'm loving you unconditionallyright what happens, like when
someone's going through stuff.
They're having their ups anddowns and all around.
If we're conditionally lovingthem and trying to fix them, it
makes them feel like they're notlovable.
It makes them feel like they'refailing.
So that was the context of theconversation.

(12:19):
I felt myself wanting to defendand wanting to like no, you're
not understanding.
That's not what it was.
You felt the judgment.

Speaker 2 (12:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (12:29):
Well, I think mine was like just please listen to
the whole podcast, so youunderstand, so my whole thing
was like just listen to thewhole thing and you'll
understand.
But most people don't have thecapacity or the time frame to
listen to an hour and a halfpodcast about what I'm talking
about, but it was really, youknow, the context of overcoming
my PTSD patterns and part ofthose patterns was being stuck

(12:50):
in the wall.
This is happening, so I need tohave a solution for it.

Speaker 2 (12:53):
Well, and I was just going to say I probably was not
even just, you know, loving himunconditionally but realizing,
where does that come to want tofix Right?
Right, it was my conditioning.

Speaker 1 (13:06):
I was trying to break my patterns and rewire my brain
.

Speaker 2 (13:11):
Whereas this little snippet was like you know.

Speaker 1 (13:14):
I mean, it went crazy .

Speaker 2 (13:15):
Yeah, Well, I'm sure some people could relate to that
too.
They're probably like I try tofix my husband too, and there
was a lot of people who werelike you, women always are doing
that yeah, of course, hold yourdrinks.

Speaker 1 (13:29):
Like please just listen, yeah Story.
If we all just do our own workand hold ourselves accountable,
all will be great.
But that was like a reallyprime example of something that
I experienced like that RightFirsthand.

Speaker 2 (13:45):
Because it was just, you know a snippet.

Speaker 1 (13:47):
Yeah, and that's what people you know, the attention
span I think that we've createdfor ourselves by being on social
media too.
I know it's slow, I mean I'veproblemed that anyway, not a
problem.
It's a challenge and always anopportunity for me to observe
that I could dive a littledeeper and be more attentive and
present.

Speaker 2 (14:06):
Yeah.
So yeah, I can agree with thattoo.
I have attention deficitdisorder, so I definitely find
that I can go through things youknow pretty quickly online.
But I don't I mean mybackground, I don't come to
judgments really quickly LikeI've gone through so much

(14:29):
training for that.
It's kind of like I'm likewhat's underneath there.

Speaker 1 (14:35):
Well, that's me.
It's like, oh, the traumaresiliency training comes in.
And it's like, oh, I want tohear more, like, tell me more, I
want to understand, like, whoahear more like, tell me more.

Speaker 2 (14:48):
I want to understand like, what.
But I will say for anybody thatasks because this comes up and
I wonder if it does for you tooin the coaching arena, a lot of
people are constantly are youanalyzing me?
Are you is that?
No, I'm not.
That's not what I'm doing rightoff the outside either.
Like right, that's.
You can't do that all the timeno well a it's not worth your

(15:11):
you shouldn't be, and yeah it'snot.

Speaker 1 (15:14):
You know, when you are in a place of someone is
trusting you with their life andtheir, you know their secrets
and their things that theyprobably never even said out
loud before.
Like who am I to judge that?
So right, I always feel like,personally, it's an honor for

(15:35):
someone to share and you know anhonor and a privilege for
someone to feel like you're asafe enough place where they can
you know you can hold, can holdspace for them, and I think I
saw something the other day.
It was like the difference whenI say I'm holding space for you
because I actually say it a lotit just means like I'm sitting
with you in this, whateveryou're feeling, whatever you're

(15:55):
going through.

Speaker 2 (15:57):
I'm not judging it.

Speaker 1 (15:58):
I'm not, you know, going to hold you accountable.
I mean, if you, if you'reasking for advice, that's one
thing, but holding space is verydifferent.
I think a really great exampleof that is grief.
When you have a loved one or adear friend like I have a dear
friend who just lost her motherand it's like I'm here for you,
I'm holding space for you.
If you want to take a walk, ifyou need to cry, I'm not going

(16:20):
to try to fix you.
I'm not going to tell youeverything's going to be okay,
because you want to validate howthey're feeling, right and just
be a place that they can let itout.
Because I know I've needed thatand I don't want advice.
I don't want, you know, I don't.
Sometimes it's just like no, Ijust need.

Speaker 2 (16:37):
Actually, I'm really glad that you brought that up,
and this is totally unrelated towhat we were talking about
before, like at all, but I feellike this is something that
comes up with a lot of myclients and relationship
dynamics and even in my ownexperience too, I'll say before

(16:58):
I know what I know now, but it'sso important and this comes
with boundaries too likeexpressing you know, right now I
don't really need your feedback, right, because it can be a
situation where you have anxietyor depression or any kind of

(17:20):
disorder and you're dealing withwhatever's going on that's
manifesting.
Because of that, or what do youcall it, life experience, right
, unprocessed life.
Yes, so you're going throughthose things and you just want
somebody to be beside you andpresent.

(17:40):
That's so important.
It's so important in intimaterelationships too.
Yes, and a lot of times, likeyou were saying earlier,
somebody wants to get in theposition of being the problem
solver because you love thatperson like you want to fix the
problem.
you want to fix the problem, youwant to take it away, but there

(18:02):
isn't always a simple solutionand sometimes they've tried
everything.
It's like when you tellsomebody this is the perfect
example.
You have anxiety, stop beinganxious.
I can't tell you how many timespeople have expressed some form

(18:24):
of that, like to somebody thatI work with.
You know, or why don't you justlet it go or move on, get over
it, right, and I'm like, I don'tthink they're.
It doesn't mean that they'recoming from a bad place, but you
can say that's not helpful,right, right, shut it down

(18:45):
because it's not.
And that doesn't mean you haveto like, cut somebody off or
anything, but just being able toexpress that you need somebody
to be there, that's just asvaluable.
Like, the problem isn't alwayseasy to solve.

Speaker 1 (19:02):
No at all.
I mean, and I remember being inthose anxious moments and those
anxious states, and it's likenow, with the tools that I have
if I'm feeling, I mean because Istill, you know, anxiety will
arise here and there, and it'slike, okay, let me take a minute
what's going on in my liferight now that could be

(19:23):
stimulating my nervous system?
Because, in the end of things,that's really, you know,
biologically.
I know that that's what's goingon, yeah.
So it's like, okay, well, I'vehad this going on and this going
on in my I've been looking atmy phone all day and trying to
answer emails in a freakingtraffic light and then I pick my
kid up and they're having ahard time and you know it's like

(19:46):
you start to peel back thelayers and then you're like, wow
, no wonder I feel this way.
So when we're in those momentsor you know, like a depressive
state and I feel like I don'tknow about you, but for me, like
the word, and I think I've justbecame very sensitive to it

(20:06):
when I got the PTSD diagnosis-because, it was like post
traumatic stress disorder andlike I feel like it's more of a
condition that I was in in aspace that I was able to unravel
, because if I would haveidentified with the disorder,
part of it, I would have feltlike something was wrong with me

(20:26):
.
Do you find that in yourpractice?
Sometimes, when people come inand they're like, well, I have
this disorder and this disorder,and it's like, well, you know,
I have this disorder and thisdisorder and and it's like, well
, you know, I think that we'vejust desensitized, kind of what
that word is as a, as a culture,and I personally was like,
listen, I'm going to figure outhow to work through this, like

(20:49):
I'm going to figure out whatthis is and I just you know, but
that's that's me.
That's not as easy for othersto be like, oh god, like this
sounds really serious or this is, you know, really disheartening
.
Someone just told me I have adisorder.
You know this diagnosis and likewhat am I going to do with it?
So I always feel like, as asociety, we need to take a more

(21:13):
empowering approach to how weeven communicate these things.
Yes, we are totally.

Speaker 2 (21:24):
That's an important thing to talk about and it comes
up in the mental healthcommunity a lot clients too.
Um, because the diagnosis thisisn't, it's not always permanent

(21:44):
, right, right, I thinkeverybody realistically has
anxiety like it is a natural.
It is a natural humanexperience, right.

Speaker 1 (21:59):
And it was developed.
You're victimized tooverstimulation.

Speaker 2 (22:01):
Well, and it was developed in the human brain,
like in prehistoric times,because we would get anxious
when a dinosaur was going to eatus.

Speaker 1 (22:10):
We have a whole center of our brain dedicated to
this space.

Speaker 2 (22:24):
Now, in today's society and our culture we get
anxious about a lot of otherthings that aren't necessarily
life threatening and it's kindof unraveling that.
So when somebody has an anxietydiagnosis, I'm like it's not a
life sentence, right.
Like we talked about last time.
Yes, yes, right.

(23:00):
Like we talked about last time.
Yes, yes, but I want to be verycautious and say too, you know,
there are certain diagnosesthat stay with you, right Like,
but it's interesting because alot of people talk to me about
being neurodivergent, whichtechnically everything.

Speaker 1 (23:03):
If you get a DSM diagnosis, diagnosis, you are
neurodivergent because you'regetting a diagnosis right, we're
all on the spectrum of somesort of level, like right it's
not like.

Speaker 2 (23:06):
Some of us are invisible to it yeah, but people
will be like you know, I thinkI might have this because they
saw something on social media orwhatever and they identify with
certain criteria and I'm like,well, you know, you could go to
somebody and probably tell themthat, right, we as clinicians

(23:26):
make our diagnoses off of whatour clients are presenting with
and telling us in a one hoursession.
Right, maybe you know or gettingthe full and telling us in a
one-hour session, maybe, right,you're not even getting the full
.
Well, we don't live with themtheir whole life, right, or even
what?

Speaker 1 (23:44):
they might remember.
I mean let's face it, I mean alot of my childhood.
I don't remember because Ithink I had Trauma, trauma, yeah
.

Speaker 2 (24:12):
And you know so a lot of things that can contribute
to these deep internal feelingsand thought patterns.
It's an interesting thing thatyou bring up because a lot of
people and this will get into awhole lengthy conversation that

(24:38):
we have now unfortunately that alot of people you know need to
utilize insurance to get mentalhealth services.
It requires diagnosis to getcoverage and I don't really
think that we're ready to godown that multiple hour
conversation, but it can impact,you know, people's
accessibility to services thatthey need, right, so it's just

(25:04):
medications that they need andum, and, honestly, it's a good
plug for it.

Speaker 1 (25:09):
So I'm on the board for organization.
If you are one of these peopleand you are experiencing
difficulty receiving help andassistance, yeah, I'm on the
board of this wonderfulorganization, resilient Retreat,
and we provide free programmingfor people that have survived
trauma, abuse, helpingprofessions, first responders.

(25:30):
There's a screening.
It's Tuesday through Friday.
They offer retreats andprogramming to really really the
basis is to help you A validateyour feelings.
They offer retreats andprogramming to really really the
basis is to help you a validateyour feelings, make you feel
seen and heard and help you havethe tools to regulate your
nervous system.
You know, I feel like it goesabove me.
I've done the programs, Ifacilitate the programs.
It's just one of the tools thatI've had in my own healing

(25:52):
toolbox, but it is somethingthat's out there free of charge.
So, just a little plug for that, since it was in the context of
conversation.
I always, if it fits in, letpeople know, and I mean, we have
people in Scotland that do ourprograms, which is pretty
awesome.

Speaker 2 (26:08):
Oh, that is really neat.

Speaker 1 (26:10):
Yeah, I mean, there's virtual and in-person, so you
don't have to be in Sarasota todo it.

Speaker 2 (26:13):
That is really neat.

Speaker 1 (26:14):
And you actually came to the event with us.

Speaker 2 (26:15):
I did and it was lovely, and I think it's a great
organization too, and there'sno therapy on site.

Speaker 1 (26:21):
Just that too, Like you can't go and get therapy,
it's something that's different.

Speaker 2 (26:25):
Right, there's no counseling.

Speaker 1 (26:27):
There's no, so it's just a different tool that you
can have in addition to yourother modalities.

Speaker 2 (26:35):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (26:35):
But I want to bring it back.

Speaker 2 (26:38):
Yeah, we got away.
We digress, but it's notdigression, it's all great
conversation.
Before you do, I want to saytoo, just really quickly, that
getting a diagnosis isn't a badthing either.
No, absolutely not Totally not abad thing.
It's important.
It provides context for yourdaily living.
Thank you.

(26:58):
There's just a double side toeverything and I think when we
were talking about it before,the reason why I got off on that
topic was sometimes when youidentify too heavily with like
PTSD, like you, there are waysto recover right Like you are no

(27:20):
longer happy.

Speaker 1 (27:21):
You are doomed.

Speaker 2 (27:23):
If you get a diagnosis, it provides you kind
of with a roadmap If you're withthe right team or person to
help you along that journey.

Speaker 1 (27:34):
And I mean a perfect example is I thought I had ADHD
and anxiety.
Turns out I had PTSD totallydifferent, not even just PTSD,
complex PTSD, yeah.
So but having that informationis helpful, allowed me to a
understand what it was be,understand where it came from C

(27:58):
understand what I could do tohelp unravel it, and then
unraveled it.
I mean, in a year and a half Igot a brain scan and it was very
different.
So I no longer have it.
So that's the whole intentionof this podcast.

Speaker 2 (28:10):
Gosh, you just brought up such a good point,
though, too, that you thoughtyou had a different diagnosis,
which I'm certain somebody mayhave told you at some point.

Speaker 1 (28:22):
I was giving Adderall my entire life.

Speaker 2 (28:24):
Okay, I had ADHD, but I really just had trouble and I
couldn't focus yeah, like youcan get a diagnosis from
somebody and they can be totallywell-meaning.
They might might get a snapshotfrom you but not have all the
information, so it may not be100% accurate.
That's why, when I speak withpeople and don't think that your

(28:45):
clinician is necessarily wrongI don't, but I think yes, and
that it doesn't have to be apermanent diagnosis either.

Speaker 1 (28:58):
Not at all.

Speaker 2 (28:58):
Like whatever it is, yeah.

Speaker 1 (29:01):
It's not like getting a diabetes.

Speaker 2 (29:04):
You know, you can see in your blood Like it's obvious
.
Like it's 100% sure, but it's areally interesting part of you
know the medical profession, yes, and figuring out it's
investigative kind of what we do, which I love.

Speaker 1 (29:21):
My entire life I've just used myself as like a
science experiment, Like whetherit's how I can change the
appearance of my body, and nowit's gone way more internal, of
how I can.
I can rewire, I can, andneuroplasticity that's the thing
we are just now tapping in tothe power of the brain.

(29:42):
I mean brain health, I feellike, has not been prioritized.
I mean we're coming out andit's just beautiful how we have
these brainwave centers, and DrAmen Clinics is where.
I have my brain scans and we'rereally focusing on the brain
health more, because we have theability to rewire, to create
new neural pathways, tocompletely change our bodies

(30:07):
from the inside out.
I mean, like you said, thereare certain things we cannot,
but when it comes toneurologically, it's not just a
one and done.
We thought it was at one pointin time, and I think that that's
kind of what we're breaking outof well, and this is where the
positive impacts of social mediacan come from, because it's
become so much more accessibleto people that like aren't in

(30:29):
the field, right, who aren'tlike studying this.

Speaker 2 (30:33):
Now people can go onto those accounts and learn
about it and they're like listento these podcasts.

Speaker 1 (30:38):
Yeah, like it's very eye-opening.
Yeah, so, and that's, you know,to get us back on that subject,
which is the best part we'recircling back.

Speaker 2 (30:49):
We let it flow.

Speaker 1 (30:50):
All right, we let it flow but getting back on that
topic of you know there'sperformance healing, but it's
really like and that goes foranything it's performing.
You know, it's almost likegetting back to like why, the
why behind it like the whyyou're sharing.
Yes, yes, like the why, what isthe why, and understanding what

(31:14):
your why might be like.
You know, the intention forsharing the podcast up is to
make people understand thatthey're not alone, that they're
validated, that they'reappreciated, that they're not
alone in their journeys, thatthere are all these different
remedies and, you know,biohacking things they can do to
take charge of their mentalhealth and physical health.
And you know, and by sharingother things, it's like you know

(31:37):
, know, so it's reallyinteresting.
I think, because you know notto get into much of like the I
mean the ego can take over,right so it's like, are you
doing it from a?
place of intention andauthenticity, or are you doing
it from a place where you needto seek external validation and

(31:57):
support and like, where doesthat come from?

Speaker 2 (31:59):
and I think it's probably both most of the time I
mean all of us humans.

Speaker 1 (32:03):
So, like the ego is not a terrible thing.
We're having the humanexperience, however, just
important to really just searchwithin and understand the why
yeah it is.

Speaker 2 (32:17):
And to just know, I mean, yes, you can delete it,
but once you put something outthere, you are sharing it with
people and will receive feedback.
And you know, I think sometimespeople not just with the ego
and why you're sharing it, butlike sometimes it feels, I think

(32:37):
, to people when they tell theirstory and it seems like it's
come to closure, that they feellike they're like I'm in closure
, right like I can.
If I'm telling all these people, it's almost like I can
convince myself to like fake ittill you make it right, right,
so, but then that's when you getkind of stuck in that loop,

(33:02):
possibly of gaslighting yourselfbecause you might not feel
great but you're projectingeverything is wonderful, and
then it can feel reallydifficult to ask for the support
that you need.
But everybody, you know I meanto some degree, may share that

(33:23):
and may feel less comfortablebeing super vulnerable online.
I mean I think there is valuein keeping certain things.
Intimacy and privacy.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (33:34):
Yeah.
I mean just think of, like youknow, a relationship counselor
or coach who gets a divorceRight.
You know which is normal.

Speaker 2 (33:43):
I was going to say Evolutionary.

Speaker 1 (33:45):
We grow, we evolve.
People are.
I kind of want to talk aboutthat for a minute.

Speaker 2 (33:50):
I do too, I want to talk about divorce for a second.

Speaker 1 (33:53):
Like I'm on my second marriage, so is my husband and
you, and the first time aroundit was exactly what we needed in
that time period.
We have beautiful children fromprevious marriages we wouldn't
have had otherwise.
Those people held space for usand supported us and helped us
navigate a period of life untilit just didn't fit anymore.

(34:14):
And then you evolve and changeand again I feel like we're kind
of growing as as humans, to notjudge these situations because
it is more predominant thesedays and it's not I feel like
there's not so much shame andspeculation stigma around it but
just observing the fact thatit's okay to make a life
decision and a change foryourself, like if you're taking

(34:37):
your I.
I mean I'm going to be realhonest.
Like if my husband, who I loveso much, did not choose to do
his own work.

Speaker 2 (34:48):
Yeah, it wouldn't have worked Right.

Speaker 1 (34:51):
Because you would have been out of alignment Out
of alignment.
Right, but there are things thatwe've both had to, you know
understand and sacrifice, andwork on and, you know, really
going inward to be like likewhat do I, what do I had?
And visually having like a map,a visual map of what we want
together and individually.
And I think that's importantbecause we can get into these

(35:15):
stagnant life situations,whether it's our career, whether
it's our partners, whether it'sour friendships, and we can
just go with the flow and gothrough the motions.

Speaker 2 (35:24):
Yeah and accept it.

Speaker 1 (35:26):
And then you know you're feeling black, you feel
like you need something more,which might be where all that
need for validation is comingfrom.
We can just circle back to that, but just being real with
yourself that it's okay to makelife transfer and we talked
about this a little bit lasttime.

Speaker 2 (35:43):
That's part of what you do is help people transition
through life.

Speaker 1 (35:46):
That's part of what I do Empowerment coaching.
I may have someone that comesin for coaching and we have one
session and that's enough forthem to be like I get it now.
I'm going to take my path thisway.
I may have someone that talksto me every week or every other
week for a year, right, but mywhole, I think, philosophy on it

(36:06):
is to give you the tools andthe feedback and the resources
to do whatever fuels your fireand makes you feel good.

Speaker 2 (36:14):
I think there's so much I want to respond to with
that Well let's do it Because,okay, we need time, sister, With
health.
I mean, there are great thingsabout long-term counseling and
if it's needed, it's 100% validto do.

Speaker 1 (36:30):
I've been talking to my life coach every Thursday at
7.30 am for five years.

Speaker 2 (36:35):
Okay, okay, and so in those situations, yeah, you
find value in it.
I think that therapy doesn'talways have to be for a long
time.
Now, right, like I align withwhat you said and that providing
people with the tools to beable to independently function

(36:58):
in a way that is an alignmentfor them is what my job is to
support them on that journey,and that could mean that
somebody is done really quick orthey could go and come back, or
maybe they just appreciate thesafe space.
Like that's what I feel, likemine's evolved in, and like now
I feel like we just catch up onlife.

Speaker 1 (37:19):
We have probably 20 minute calls, not our calls and
I'm not 9-1-1 texting yourrelationships change yeah, our
relationship has evolved and youknow, so it's a little, it's
different, and that's okay yeahum, and that's just.
You know when finding the rightfit for yourself.
Yes, support that journey foryou too, is huge.

Speaker 2 (37:42):
Yes, there's a very big balance with that Finding
the right fit and findingsomebody, honestly, that will
challenge you.
I'm not going to talk about anyof my clients, but that's
something that I find veryimportant in the therapeutic
relationship, because ifsomebody is coming to you

(38:04):
because something is going on,normally, whatever is going on,

(38:28):
you act as a mirror, as atherapist, I mean that's what
you are just like a relationship.
So I say relationships are likethe greatest classroom.
You have a relationship withyour coach, you have a
relationship with your coach.
You have a relationship withyour therapist.
You know you have theserelationships and in those
capacities they're dedicated,like specifically to marrying
you Right, Like in yourrelationship.

(38:50):
They might not always beDifferent tools.
Different tools in the toolbox,but those can bring things up
that are really important too,and I actually think that
conflict is a very valuable tool.
Oh, it's so healthy too.
I mean in the bestrelationships.

Speaker 1 (39:06):
You have healthy disagreements.
They may not feel healthy inthe moment Right, but if you
take a step back and you don'tplay the blame game, it gives
you the opportunity to be likewhy was I so worked up about
that, like I always, you know.
I'm like ooh, okay, it seemslike you know X, y and Z
happened.
Why did I have such an intenseresponse to it?

Speaker 2 (39:26):
Well, and here's the big reflection with that too
Curiosity is like the godsend,like absolute, can help you so
much in those kind of dynamicsto being curious with yourself,
being curious with what is goingon with the other person and

(39:47):
how that manifested.
And then I wanted to talk aboutdivorce too, because I'm also
divorced and I think you know inaddition to obviously, like I
said this in our last podcasttogether that when you get

(40:10):
married, you're not like oh, I'mgoing to be one of the 50%,
this is what's going to happento me.

Speaker 1 (40:15):
I'm thinking about that, is it still?

Speaker 2 (40:17):
50% now, or is it more?
The 50%?
This is what's going to happento me.
I'm thinking about that.
Yeah, it's just under.
Well, it gets higher the moreyou get married.
Did you know that?
No Higher divorce rates?
Yeah, which is interesting.
But I was saying thinking, youknow, those experiences are so

(40:37):
common.
Yeah, so common.
And not even just that, becauseI don't want to be like
everyone gets divorced, but alot of people that are going
through struggles, even if theydon't want to get divorced, can
kind of identify with thoseperiods in somebody else's life.
You know they're curious aboutthat experience.

(40:59):
They may be dealing withrelationship issues and you can
reflect and learn a lot in theaftermath of a divorce.
You know what didn't work in mymarriage before, like how can I
have a healthy partnership thistime?
Is somebody going to be doingthe work with me and be in
alignment?

(41:20):
All those things you learn fromthose experiences, like well, if
you're divorced, you can't giveinput on a relationship, or you
can't.
I don't think that isnecessarily the case.

Speaker 1 (41:43):
No, and I think that you hit the nail on the head
earlier when we talked aboutcuriosity.

Speaker 2 (41:50):
Mm, hmm.

Speaker 1 (41:52):
You know, thinking back, I'm sure there's
definitely a million things Icould have done differently or
had tools.
And you know, do I regret it?
Absolutely not.
I'm with my soul person.
Yeah, there's a soul connectionthere and I'm grateful for the
way things worked out.
However, you know, when wedon't, I mean you can.

(42:16):
You can get a divorce, you couldgo on to a second or I think
the reason it's higher isbecause sometimes we leave these
situations thinking it's eithera person or it just didn't work
out and we choose not to focuson the healing part of it on
ourselves, on ourselves and wego to like the next shiny thing
and it's like, oh my God, it'sso great.
And I'm like, oh, you know,like two years in it's like, oh,

(42:38):
they're totally different.
Well, of course they're totallydifferent.
Like life is different.

Speaker 2 (42:41):
They're not dating anymore.

Speaker 1 (42:42):
They should be, and I don't think we give ourselves a
space and die.
I mean you have to.
I just posted somethingyesterday about my husband and
I's five-year anniversary and werenewed our vows on our
five-year anniversary because wewere so different.
We were completely differentpeople at five years than we
were when we got married andwe're like we should do this

(43:03):
like every five years.
It would be so much fun.
And even when we did then, thatwas three years ago we were
completely different people thanwe were then now.
And so understanding, like theebbs and flows, and you know,
what does my person need?
What do I need at this stage?
What do you know?
My level of communication isdifferent, the level of, you

(43:26):
know, my quiet time, myindividual time.
I need way more alone time nowthan I've ever needed in my life
and I love that.
He's the same way, because hegets it, he respects it.
We tag team each other on theweekends, when, or like you know
, and just the dynamics change.
They do not having these, and Ithink that goes with like

(43:47):
understanding, like you know, wecan't set these expectations
for what are really in again.
Social media, like you know,performance, performance
relationships, like noteverything is sunshine and roses
, like I put that post.
Tell me, I'm telling you,there's some shit behind all of
that I wasn't doing it toglorify.

(44:07):
you know we have this perfectrelationship.
My whole intention was we wentthrough so much to get to a
place to reconnect andre-evaluate, and re-val and
recommit.
At five years we had no ideawhat really that was going to
look like.
I'm just very grateful it'slooked like the way it has and,
who knows, in 10 years it'sgoing to be like whoa, it's,

(44:29):
like you know, very different.
So it goes back to like havingthat curiosity.
Yes, with all things you know,not even like a diagnosis, but
relationships and just life ingeneral, because it keeps it so
much more open.
Because I think when weapproach something in a curious

(44:51):
state, it prevents us fromjudging it.
It does Because it's like, oh,I wonder what, instead of oh,
they this?

Speaker 2 (44:58):
you know?

Speaker 1 (44:58):
I wonder instead of like I know because you don't
know.

Speaker 2 (45:04):
No, you don't know, you don't know, and off of that
too, like if somebody isrepeatedly doing something that
is hurting or harmful to you,like that is a different thing,
totally different.
But I think you pointed outsomething really important.
Look at, I'm using this.
I'm like you pointed.

Speaker 1 (45:24):
You pointed out something I know.
I'm doing it to all of you.

Speaker 2 (45:28):
You pointed out something really important like
having to work through a lot ofstuff to get to a solid place.
Yes, a solid place, too,doesn't mean no conflict ever,
like a lot of um people that Iwork with that are younger talk
about you know, we never foughtand I'm like, well, you know

(45:50):
that's interesting because howcould you guys have the same
thoughts about everything, likeyou just never talked about it,
were you?

Speaker 1 (45:57):
trying well, well yeah no, exactly.

Speaker 2 (46:00):
But that becomes like an idealized thing too right,
like conflict, so scary I don'twant to have an argument with my
partner.
Well, conflict doesn't have tobe aggressive as hell right
either, like it should not beyeah, it shouldn't be.
Yeah, conflict is you?
know I have a different opinionyeah, and we can work through

(46:25):
that, we can come to a mutualunderstanding.
It doesn't mean that somebody'sgonna agree with you or not.
Oh my gosh.
This could go to relationshipswith friends, too, and everybody
that you deal with on aday-to-day.
We could all use a lot more ofthat.
That's compassion, right, um,but conflict is not like if you

(46:47):
are having no conflict.
That almost like is a littlelike beep to me, a little bit
like Like what's going on there,because are you being authentic
to yourself?
Are you using your voice Right?

Speaker 1 (47:00):
Yeah, or sharing your opinion Right.
Yeah.
If you're not, then why?

Speaker 2 (47:05):
Yes, which one's the why?
And is that leaving you feelingokay?

Speaker 1 (47:12):
Like is that sustainable?
Like are you feeling?
Because I think this.
You know it goes back to whatwe talked about last time losing
ourself in relationships orcareers or whatever.
Yeah, and that happens when welet shit slide and we don't
speak our.
And it doesn't mean that youhave to create turbulence or

(47:34):
animosity.

Speaker 2 (47:35):
It just means that you're speaking.

Speaker 1 (47:37):
You know there might be something that's said in this
podcast.
I'm like you know what.
I didn't clarify that the waythat I wanted to or should have.
I'm going to call Lisa and belike, hey, you know what, when
you said what I don't know, likeit's not the best example,
because I feel like we're alwaysin alignment with this stuff.
But you know what I mean?
It's the little things.
It's like, you know, your bossasked you to do something that

(47:59):
you really don't have the spaceand time for and you do it
anyway, right?
Instead of saying, hey, Ireally I'm overwhelmed and I
have a lot going on, becauseyou're afraid they're going to
see you as, like she can'thandle it.
Right, that type of situationis what I'm talking about, right
, I mean and it goes foranything or a relationship where
you know you don't speak yourwhole truth to your partner or

(48:19):
your or your child or whatever,or you know?
your parent about something,yeah, and you let it slide.
And then it happens again, andyou let it slide and you have it
again, and then you get to apoint where you're like, wow,
this relationship dynamicsreally changed and I don't know
why yeah that's kind of whatwe're talking, well, and then

(48:42):
they'll be like.

Speaker 2 (48:42):
I never thought though yeah, right.
And then I did you.

Speaker 1 (48:46):
You have to peel through that right and show yeah
, but well and I know for myself, like when I've been in
situations like that and youknow various types of
relationships and I don't saywhat's on my mind.
I usually don't say what's onmy mind because I've already
created a story about what itcould have potentially happen or

(49:10):
what.
you know what I mean.
Like I've already gone there tolike this could work out this
way or that way.
So I'm just not going to sayanything.
Right, and I know I'm not aloneon this, but for me that was a
huge anxiety trigger.
It does make you anxious,because you're withholding,
because I was creating all thisshit in my head that had never
happened.

Speaker 2 (49:29):
Well, and you're withholding, like speaking up
and your truth.
I can give you a great exampleof this, not personal, but like
something that I use as anexample a lot in relationship
dynamics.
Like you're dating somebody newWe'll call this person Joe Joe

(49:50):
never takes out the garbage Likeit's not, it's not a big deal,
though, really I'll just take itout for them, like even though
it's not my place.
And then that continues.
And then, three years in, I'mlike why doesn't he fucking take
out the garbage?
Like how, how did that happen?

(50:11):
Exactly?
This makes me so upset.
And then I tell Joe and Joe'slike you've always done that for
three years.
You know, what's your problem?
Where'd you?
Yeah, it's like, well you know.

Speaker 1 (50:24):
I'm like, well, I hated it.
Yeah Well, just don't ask melike, hey, can we alternate
taking out the garbage sometime?

Speaker 2 (50:30):
instead of building resentment.
Right, but sometimes people inthat example too, they'll be
like oh, it's not that big of adeal, but the little things add
up.
You don't think they're a bigdeal, but they compound and then
you have your own things goingon.
You don't want to be taking outsomebody else's garbage

(50:51):
metaphorically or really likeyou have to deal with your own
shit.
That's enough for most peopleand if you have children, then
you have to deal with their shittoo.

Speaker 1 (51:04):
So I love that example because that's it's,
it's the simple things, right,yeah, like, okay, the dishwasher
is empty.

Speaker 2 (51:13):
Like, there's six people that live in my home like
if we all don't do our part tosome degree to put things away
or take turns taking out thetrash or make the bed before we
leave.

Speaker 1 (51:24):
I mean, I could imagine what our house would
look like if we just let all thethings go and not everyone
pitched in.
And you know, I also have likea village of people that I have
to help me because I can'tmaintain it all myself.
Yeah, and it's justoverwhelming.
I mean, think about it.
I think about what ourteenagers, their life is like.
They go to school from 730 to230.

(51:44):
But then you know, duringcertain seasons they have
extracurricular activities until530.
And then they're gone on theweekends and it's like, like you
know, you want them to have alife and not have to do all the
other things, but there's stilllike comes down to having that
accountability andresponsibility but also not
being like, oh well, they neverdo this or they never do that
it's like, and I never sayanything, right like, hey, you

(52:07):
know can we all like I even hada conversation this morning text
the fam jam text?
hey, if we're going to take foodin our rooms and if we're going
to take drinks and smoothies inour rooms, like, can we please
just make sure to throw it away?

Speaker 2 (52:21):
Take them out, yeah.

Speaker 1 (52:23):
Make sure to throw it away.

Speaker 2 (52:24):
That way we don't sit around.

Speaker 1 (52:25):
That way we don't get ants, that way we don't get
roaches, that way we don't youknow it's like we all do our
part.
But if we all left everythinglaying around all the time?

Speaker 2 (52:32):
It would be chaos, it would be chaos, and what does
that do?

Speaker 1 (52:35):
Chaos in your surroundings creates chaos in
your mind.

Speaker 2 (52:38):
I was going to say it off of your nervous system
right?

Speaker 1 (52:42):
Yes, and I think that you know I didn't understand
that, as a teenager having amessy room definitely
contributes to feelingoverstimulated.

Speaker 2 (52:49):
It does, and I also think that there's a lot of
value in that too, because whenanybody doesn't have to do
things or doesn't haveresponsibility like in
particular I'm thinking aboutchildren how does that set them
up for, like, when they're ontheir own?

(53:09):
Yeah, you know I Well, it'slife skills.
Yeah, it's life skills, youknow I Well it's life skills.

Speaker 1 (53:13):
Yeah, it's healthy for them to understand, like,
how to load a dishwasher, how towash their clothes, and you
know how to.
You know like it createsIndependent.
If we put things away whenwe're finished with them.
Then we don't have to do itlater and we have free time.
You know so you know, I feellike I've done a really great

(53:33):
intentional job with that, withthe little guy.
Like you know, sometimes,especially on weekends, like if
we have a few things out andaround that he's kind of going
back and forth and around too,but really try to like, hey, if
we're going to finish playingwith kinetic sand, let's put
that away and go on to the next.
Whether it's just going to bekinetic sand everywhere, right,
everyone who bought him kineticsand.

Speaker 2 (53:56):
I actually love it.

Speaker 1 (53:57):
It's very sensory Like my sensory girl, gets all
into it.
But that sets them up forsuccess because not only does it
neurologically help them growthese developmental appropriate
skills, but when they startdriving're not gonna have stuff
all over their car, they're.

(54:17):
It's gonna be safer and right.
They'll understand how to wehave one going off to college
like prepare a meal forthemselves you know so it's
those life skills that in today,where everything is so
convenient, you know, there'sglory in doing things for
yourself.

Speaker 2 (54:33):
There is, and it fosters a sense of capability
which is really important foreverything Right.

Speaker 1 (54:43):
Well, it makes you Everybody you know.
It kind of helps avoid that Ifeel stuck and frozen in the
long run.

Speaker 2 (54:50):
Right, so if you do have, clutter in your life.

Speaker 1 (54:51):
It prevents that like it's a block.
Freeze response it's a block,If you do have clutter in your
life.

Speaker 2 (54:54):
It prevents that.

Speaker 1 (54:55):
Like freeze response, it's a block, like if you walk
into your room one day and I dothis all the time my closet's a
really good example.
Like sometimes I won't hangeverything back up, like I have
no place for everything.
But you know, midweek if I havelike four pairs of shoes on the
ground and not put away, andyou know I've done dry cleaning
and haven't hung it all up there, Right, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (55:13):
It's like I walk in and I'm like oh, it feels like a
lot right now.

Speaker 1 (55:16):
Yeah, whatever, take my time, go back, but it's like
creating that space and time.
You just do a little bit, yeah,every day.
You know it helps clear yourmind, clear your palate.
That way things aren't buildingup Same as kind of like we were
talking about with likerelationships.

(55:37):
That stuff builds up in yournervous system too, and that's
what leads to the anxiety andthe overwhelm is having too much
to do all the time it does andfeeling it's silenced right like
if you, if you take on morethan you should somebody else's
responsibilities and yeah, well,and hopefully I think you get
to a point and I think that'sthe beauty of getting older

(55:59):
right.

Speaker 2 (56:00):
Then you learn like I don't have time to and I don't
want to fix somebody else.
That's their own journey, right, like I have my own things to
fix.
Yes, I can be curious.
I can be curious andintentional about how I engage
with people, but, like, and ifsomething's coming up in me, I

(56:20):
have to address that, right, butthat it's not your job to just
pile on other people's shit.
And a lot of people get stuckin that until they're ready to
let go, which is really hard.

Speaker 1 (56:37):
Right and I mean, and this kind of takes us in
circles.
It does Around the social media,you know when we're online,
we're opening ourselves up toother people's stuff.
Yeah, so what are we doing?
What are you doing to protectyour energy and to protect your
mental energy, physical energyfrom taking on too much of

(57:02):
what's out there, whether it'sthe news, whether it's like
political things, whether it's?
You know other people's postsand situations and you know we
we have to be very careful andcautious not to absorb too much,
like I know.
For example, we had a reallybig week last week.
We had a big yeah, birthdayparty for myself.

(57:22):
A lot of energetically bigthings as I talk about a lot
because I feel like my life,always it's a trend in my world
I knew that I needed todisconnect on Sunday.
Yeah, I knew I needed to not beon my phone.
I knew I needed to just kind ofrelax, Take a break.
Take a break, chill out andprotect my energy in that way,

(57:44):
Because otherwise I couldcontinue that realm of getting
worked up.
My Monday would have lookedtotally different Right and I
always really try to create achill Monday.
I try not to put too much in myMondays because in life my
weekends are busy, if not busierthan my weekdays, a lot of the
time.

Speaker 2 (58:03):
So I know that mentally.

Speaker 1 (58:04):
I need space and time to just kind of be and get the
necessities done on Monday andnot take on too many projects,
or very rarely will I ever do apodcast on a Monday, you know, I
just really you know, yeah, andI know that's not realistic for
everyone, Um but that's justyou know.
And if it's not a Monday, it'swhatever day, it's whatever time

(58:26):
that you can, just to balanceit, Even if it's something as
simple as having a quiet car onthe way to work.

Speaker 2 (58:32):
Right, it could be the little things.

Speaker 1 (58:34):
It doesn't have to clear your calendar and get a
massage.
It means you know it's thelittle micro healing things.

Speaker 2 (58:40):
It is.

Speaker 1 (58:40):
Eating a good breakfast or maybe skipping
coffee if you're waking upfeeling a little anxious, or you
know the little things we cando to contribute to that peace
throughout our day.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we covered somuch, I so much.
I know what else like is thereanything else that I feel like
we want to circle back on,because we opened up a lot of

(59:03):
doors here?

Speaker 2 (59:04):
well, and there was so much I wanted to say to that.
But then I was just listeningto you and I'm like getting in
the zone when you're talkingabout it that it makes it hard
for me to remember sometimeswhat I want to say.
I get so in the zone.
Yeah, oh, I remember what I wasthinking when you said it makes

(59:24):
it hard sometimes when you'reon social media and like being
cautious about what you'reabsorbing.
I think that's a perfect placewhere you can express curiosity
too, what you're absorbing.
I think that's a perfect placewhere you can express curiosity
to you, no matter who you see onsocial media, if they have 3
million followers or not.
And we kind of made a joke alittle bit between us about

(59:47):
somebody who's very well knownbefore this.
Take everything with a grain ofsalt, right?
Oh my gosh, you need nuancewhen you are looking at people's
posts, and that goes along withnot being judgmental, but like
if this post doesn't work foryou, then great, it doesn't work

(01:00:10):
for you.
A lot of things online and theyshould be to a certain extent
are very generalized, becauseyou can't be like explicitly
engaging with one person, right?
So I'm thinking of, I'mthinking of let them.
Yes, and I'll say that becausethere's a lot of jokes about it

(01:00:32):
online and things, and sometimesthere needs to be more nuance
and if that works for you, greatRight.
But if it doesn't, that's fine,you know I go go with that.
Let let yourself feel there.

Speaker 1 (01:00:48):
You go, let yourself feel it's funny Talking to a
friend at work before I got hereand we were joking.
Have you seen those posts whereit's like my healed self and my
and my and my, I'm going to getin your shit person Like which
one's going to come out aboutthis Because we're just we're

(01:01:11):
going to open it up for a second.
Like the let them theory, Iunderstand the premise of it.
Like you know.
Let them be them.
However, don't let them treatyou like shit.
Don't let you know there's alot of let them stuff out there.
So just use discernment, yes,and understand that you know you

(01:01:32):
also have a voice too, and youdon't need to let everybody walk
all over you.

Speaker 2 (01:01:37):
Yes, that's the one thing about that that I'm like
well, it can get you intotrouble, but I think her
intention behind it is justdon't absorb other people's
stuff.
Right, and people are going todo what they're going to do.
They're going to do.

Speaker 1 (01:01:52):
Actually, I read the book and the part in the
beginning cracked me up and itwas like totally me.
It was like when the kids weredressed up for like homecoming
or prom or something and theywanted to go to the taco food
truck.

Speaker 2 (01:02:03):
And she was like no, no, no.

Speaker 1 (01:02:05):
I'm going to book you a fancy.

Speaker 2 (01:02:13):
Like.

Speaker 1 (01:02:13):
I would totally be the funny parts from it.
Yeah, but there's a lot.
That's just a tiny example.
There are a lot of differentthings out there.
Take it all with a grain ofsalt.

Speaker 2 (01:02:24):
Like nothing is an end.

Speaker 1 (01:02:25):
All be all, I mean, even when it comes to spiritual
books, like take it with a grainof salt.
We're all so different.
We all have such different lifeexperiences and things that we
connect with, things thatresonate with us.
And what resonates with metoday probably wasn't what
resonated with me five years ago, or even tomorrow.

Speaker 2 (01:02:43):
Right, oh, be open like curious, stay curious I
think curiosity is the theme ofthis, well, and I think
discernment too, and whensomething like that comes out,
that's very catchy, like it's agreat catchphrase, but it's very
simple and when you apply it toreal life circumstances it can

(01:03:05):
get a little bit complicated,because sometimes you can't
always do that and there's noshame, right?
I mean like I can't just letsomebody do that, or you know.

Speaker 1 (01:03:15):
I mean you apply it to what you can if it resonates
with you, and I think that's thepoint yeah, I think of myself
as a teenager and then I thinkof my teenagers and I'm really
glad karma hasn't you're like Iwould not let them yeah I mean,
that's an example, you know, youhave this young, vulnerable

(01:03:38):
experimental age yeah.
And it's like, well, do wereally let them do all the
things, or do we use somediscernment and reel it back in
and coach and guide and staycurious about what could happen?

Speaker 2 (01:03:49):
if they took an alternate route.
Yes, exactly, exactly so that'sjust like a.
That's a great example so it's,one of those like you know, I
think the intention I do.
I'm really getting used to comewith a caution sign because
people will dive right in and belike this will resolve my
problems, and I think that is areally important thing that

(01:04:11):
we're touching on now.
Even about sharing things rightlike this will solve my
problems if people arevalidating my experience or the
way that this went down right,and but then what happens when
it's not validated?

Speaker 1 (01:04:25):
then where?

Speaker 2 (01:04:25):
or it's not your experience anymore, and that's
why we felt like it was reallyimportant to talk about that.

Speaker 1 (01:04:32):
Yeah, because it's a rabbit hole now, especially for
kids and teens three seconds onthe internet like, yeah, it's
even that yeah yeah, so butthere's some funny stuff on
there too.

Speaker 2 (01:04:47):
Oh my gosh, so enjoyable.
Yeah right, we're sending eachother.

Speaker 1 (01:04:51):
We send each other videos yeah, like I'm that girl
that'll get on sometimes and youknow I've had a few minutes.
Yeah, I'm like here's eight,but they're hilarious they are.

Speaker 2 (01:05:05):
They are I use discernment.

Speaker 1 (01:05:06):
Some people understand some, some people
understand others.
Right, and it's stuff I'msending people and we're
laughing about and conversatingabout.
It's stuff I normally would notput out there to the masses.

Speaker 2 (01:05:18):
Yeah, I'm using discernment.

Speaker 1 (01:05:19):
Yeah, I'm not projecting all of my sense of
humor out there because somepeople may not perceive it and,
honestly, my audience on CrystalClear and my audience on my
personal page and my audience onFacebook are very different
Same.

Speaker 2 (01:05:33):
You know I use my Facebook.

Speaker 1 (01:05:34):
It's more community outreach, it's more public in a
different way, my personalInstagram is more like raw
crystal.

Speaker 2 (01:05:42):
Right.

Speaker 1 (01:05:42):
My TikTok is essentially all crystal clear
podcast stuff and occasionallysome other stuff, and my crystal
clear Instagram is a little bitof a moat.

Speaker 2 (01:05:49):
Well, bless you.
I don't even know TikTok.

Speaker 1 (01:05:53):
Again I outsourced.

Speaker 2 (01:05:54):
I'm like I don't even know.
Tiktok again.
I had to I outsource.
I'm like I don't know how to dothat.

Speaker 1 (01:05:56):
I have teenagers.
I read their stuff, but anywayyou know, I just think that our
message today is stay curious,don't try to avoid the rabbit
holes, use discernment and justreally protect yourself when it
comes from, and know that thatcan be different and and know

(01:06:21):
that, like you know, if you dosomething and you put yourself
out there in a certain way, itdoesn't mean it's out there to
stay.
Like you, you know there arepeople out and resources and you
know, things that will help youwork through all of this yeah
curious about it and there'sbeautiful things that are

(01:06:42):
valuable about buildingcommunity.

Speaker 2 (01:06:44):
I'm sure people I mean we would have never met if
we weren't actually that's ahundred percent right.
I reached out to you and I waslike we have a lot in common,
right?

Speaker 1 (01:06:53):
and here we are.
Yeah, I know that's the secondtime in like a month, so you
know you can really connect in abeautiful way you can um, but
you know, stay curious yeah,stay curious awesome.
Thank you so much, lisa.
It's been a blast and we havemore time today, so it's always
fun.

Speaker 2 (01:07:12):
Yeah, I'm sure we'll probably be back.
I know like a ladies roundtable conversation.
We should.
That would be fun.
That's a good idea, awesomeThanks, guys.