When a father's greatest nightmare strikes his family not once but twice, can Heaven still find a way to spark hope?
Idaho rancher, husband, and devoted father Eldon Buchanan returns to Latter-day Lights to share the sacred tender mercies that steadied him after losing his son to suicide: Feeling the invisible strength of his son hoisting boulders for his memorial, a climb up Mount Borah where the Northern Lights felt like an embrace from Heaven, and a New Year’s graveside visit where impossibly perfect snowflakes drifted down on him, as though signed by his boys’ own hands.
In this raw retelling, Eldon shows how the Savior’s love reaches through depression’s deepest shadows with quiet, unmistakable reminders: You are seen, and no child slips from His grasp.
If you—or someone you love—are wrestling with grief or suicidal despair, Eldon’s witness offers heartfelt advice and uplifting reasons to keep going: Even shattered hearts can experience miracles, and sorrow can be transformed into an unshakable testimony—that Christ never leaves His wounded ones alone.
*** Please SHARE Eldon's story and help us spread hope and light to others. ***
To WATCH this episode, visit: https://youtu.be/9IqH01jFAZc
-----
To WATCH Eldon's first episode on Latter-Day Lights, visit: https://youtu.be/3phtG9B-2Gk
To WATCH Eldon's second episode on Latter-Day Lights, visit: https://youtu.be/aSJ6p0aDI00
-----
Keep updated with us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/latter.day.lights/
Follow us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/latterdaylights
Also, if you have a faith-promoting or inspiring story, or know someone who does, please let us know by going to https://www.latterdaylights.com and reaching out to us.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Scott Brandley (00:00):
Hey everyone, I'm Scott Brandley.
Alisha Coakley (00:02):
And I'm Alisha Coakley.
Every member of the church hasa story to share, one that can
instill faith, invite growth andinspire others.
Scott Brandley (00:10):
On today's episode, we're going to hear how
one man's path to healing afterlosing two sons to suicide is
reminding him that the Lord isaware of us in our hours of need
.
Welcome to Latter-day Lights.
Hey everyone, welcome back toanother episode of Latter-day
(00:37):
Lights.
We're so glad that you're herewith us today and we have a
special guest, Eldon Buchanan,for his third visit on
Latter-day Lights.
We're so glad to hear it this,Eldon for his third visit on
latter day lights.
Eldon Buchanan (00:47):
We're so glad to hear with us elton.
Thank you I.
Alisha Coakley (00:49):
I didn't have any plans of being on for the
third time, but events in mylife come about that.
I have some more things I wouldlike to share yeah, yeah, eldon,
you you've just I mean likewe're not, we're just getting
started, and I'm alreadystarting to feel emotional
because you have just been on,scott and I, as heart and mind
(01:10):
and, um, just like the thingsthat that you're going to
discuss today, the things thatyou've gone through already and
that you continue to go through,you're just such an inspiration
to us and so you are our mostvisited guest.
Oh yeah.
Eldon Buchanan (01:26):
And I assure you this is the last one.
I'm not going to have a fourthone.
Alisha Coakley (01:30):
Yeah.
And if we do have a fourth onewith you, eldon.
Let's make it all justmiraculous awesomeness.
Scott Brandley (01:39):
Let's make it a happy party.
Alisha Coakley (01:41):
Let's make it so just wonderful and big and
happy, and that's what I'm you.
But I, I love that you'rewilling to come on here and that
you took the time to likereally wait until you were ready
to share it, because I thinkthat that's really really
important and I just, I don'tknow, I just I love that, I love
(02:03):
that I know you and I love thatyou're our friend and that
you're here today, because Ithink that a lot of people are
going to be able to get a lotout of your story.
So thank you for joining usagain.
Eldon Buchanan (02:14):
That's kind of you saying thank you.
Scott Brandley (02:16):
Yeah, yeah.
So why don't you give everybodya little reminder of what you
do for a living, a little bitabout you and your family?
Eldon Buchanan (02:25):
As was said, I'm Eldon Buchanan, and in two
months I'm going to turn 67, andI think, how in the world would
that happen?
I guess your only option iseither die or keep aging.
And so, anyway, it comesquicker than you think, but I'm
still in good shape.
In good shape like, but uh, asI was, I grew up on a dairy farm
(02:50):
up in meridian idaho and I, inmy first story I talked about
the death of my father and thatand anyway, that's where I got
agriculture in my blood, and so1984, I was able to start my
dairy farming career, and thenthen we moved to Smithfield.
We were there for 33 years andour dairy was known as Buchanan
Dairy, so it was a family affair, and so that came to an end in
(03:13):
2018.
And these last several yearsI've been transporting trailers
around the country and so forth.
I'm still doing that, but kindof at a slower pace.
Alisha Coakley (03:22):
Mm-hmm.
Wow, and you have a new wife,denise, right.
Eldon Buchanan (03:26):
Yes, yes.
Alisha Coakley (03:28):
Yep, and she's awesome.
Yeah, she is.
You love Denise, she's great.
And then you have.
How many kids do you guys have?
Eldon Buchanan (03:38):
Well, leslie and I had four children.
We had two sons and then twodaughters, gotcha, and now we've
just got two daughters left.
Alisha Coakley (03:46):
Gotcha.
Wow.
Well, we're going to go aheadand turn the time over to you
and let you kind of fill us in.
I know the last time that youshared, you shared about your
dad.
You shared about the loss ofyour son, curtis, when he was.
How old was he 14?
Eldon Buchanan (04:04):
No, he was 11.
He was from turning 12.
Alisha Coakley (04:08):
That's right.
He was really, really youngwhen he, unfortunately, you know
, passed away from suicide, andso you, you went through that
and do you want to kind of justgive, give everyone just a
little recap, starting fromthere and then, and then let us
know, like, where you're Well.
Eldon Buchanan (04:27):
I uh, if I can just give a little quick recap
of of one and two of my storiesthere, and so on my first one, I
talked about, uh, my growing upyears.
My mother struggled withalcoholism when I was younger
and and then she fortunately,when I was 14, she was able to
(04:47):
overcome that and we had ablissful family life.
I'm grateful that I had thosefour years of such a happy time
in our family.
Alisha Coakley (04:54):
But then my father died of a heart attack at
the age of 51.
Eldon Buchanan (04:57):
And anyway, that was a hard time in my life and
I struggled there andfortunately, as I share these
things, it's been easy for me tosee how, where God is of me and
us in our lives.
So in the summer of 78, I wasblessed to meet a wonderful
(05:23):
woman by the name of LeslieRaleigh.
She was a blessing in my lifeand I'll always be grateful for
that.
We had 39 years of marriage.
We had four children togetherNow we have 10 grandchildren and
we were able to start our dairyfarm business business.
(05:49):
And anyway, then then thesecond one, the second episode.
I talked about how we got intofinancial problems on the farm,
and that was in 2008.
And I went long haul truckingin an effort to keep the farm
going which you know I went outwith pure intent.
But, you know, over a nine-yearperiod, living out there on the
(06:09):
road by myself in a truck, andthen the advent of new
technology led me down a roadthat I will forever regret, when
I was on the road truck and I'dlistened to a lot of books on
tape, and I'd listened to one byElder Maxwell, neil A Maxwell,
(06:30):
and in that book he talks abouthow us as humans sometimes
willingly impale ourselves uponthe bed of afflictions.
Alisha Coakley (06:38):
And that's exactly what I did to myself.
Eldon Buchanan (06:40):
And I don't even understand why I would have
done such a thing.
But we're free to choose ourchoices but we're not free to
look at the consequences thatfollow.
It cost me my marriage of 39years, cost me my church
membership, cost me my farm,cost me relationships and that
(07:03):
you know.
I've experienced pain in mylife, but it was during that
time and still I carry pain inmy heart over all that.
But I have never anguished likeI have then, like I talked
about my own struggles withdepression, thoughts of suicide.
I remember first time I thoughtof in my own life.
Alisha Coakley (07:23):
I was about 18 years old.
Eldon Buchanan (07:25):
It was after the death of my father, and so I've
had that struggle for 50 yearsnow that I've struggled with
depression, thoughts of suicide.
You know, over the years I havesought help for that, and there
was one time it was in 2018.
That's when I was hauling RVtrailers and I had gone up into
(07:51):
Alberta, canada, up there toCardston, close by where you
grew up, scott.
And I wanted to see the CardstonTemple.
I'd never been there, so Idrove over there and this was
after Leslie told me she wanteda divorce and moved out, and I
sat there and looked.
I was on the west side of thetemple and I was looking at it
(08:14):
and I began to weep in what thetemple stands for, things of
eternal nature.
And then, when I drove aroundthe West, on the South side, I
was sitting there crying, and Ihave, like I said, I've never
felt such anguish, sorrow andremorse in my life.
(08:37):
And you know, I was feeling theweight of sin, my actions and
loss of my marriage, churchmembership, everything.
And as I was sitting there itwas just like I don't know, just
kind of opened up to me, gaveme a tiny insight what it must
have been like for our SaviorJesus Christ when he was in
(09:01):
Gethsemane and on the cross,what it must have even been like
for him, because what I wasdealing with was literally
crushing me.
So it gave me more insight andthought, or, you know, gratitude
for our Savior, jesus ChristThen.
So I tell about, you know, Idecided I need to get away and
(09:21):
so that's when I hooked on to mycamp trailer and drove to
Alaska and I just wanted thatalone time to be with God and to
myself.
And the funny thing is and thisis where I, you know, in spite
of you know our sins or whateverwe do I've come to know that
God, our Father, is always awareof us.
(09:42):
God, our Father, is alwaysaware of us.
So when I went up to Alaska inthree months, I did not even
have this on my radar, but Ireturned home with this cute
blonde by the name of Denise andI didn't meet her in Alaska and
(10:03):
she has been a blessing in mylife, enormous blessing.
It's not every man that can saythat they've had two wonderful
women bless their lives, but Ihave with Leslie and Denise.
They've both been wonderfulblessings in my life, anyway.
So I think that's about wrapsup those past two podcasts and,
(10:26):
scott, when I was listening toyour podcast, when you're
talking just this last week, youtalked about, you know, some of
these experiences that comeinto our lives.
They're not necessarily meantjust to be kept to ourselves,
right you?
know, that really doesn'tbenefit anyone if we don't share
(10:48):
them.
So you know, I've always boremy testimony and the testimony I
have of our Savior Jesus Christ, but anyway.
So that's one of the reasonsthat I wanted to share this
experience that taught me evenmore.
So let's start on with thestory with Bryce.
(11:15):
I need to first I need to bewith my nephew, chris, who's
like a son to me.
Things were hard for Chris, sohe came to live with us when he
was 17.
And Chris and Bryce became justlike brothers.
(11:39):
So I went up yesterday andspent some time with him.
I had him take me over to seehis dad's grave there in Boise
and we sat there and I let Chrisjust talk about whatever he
wanted to, and he was very openand honest with me about things.
After he was done, I told him.
I said Chris, you're in a verygood spot, or a beautiful spot,
(12:06):
because it's in these deeptrials of our lives is when we
can truly come to have arelationship with our.
Savior Jesus Christ, in a waythat perhaps no other way brings
that about for us, and sothat's what I shared with them,
and so, then, that's thefoundation I want to build upon
on this story how God is indeedaware of us, so my son Bryce.
(12:34):
Before I got on here I had agood cry and so I hope that I
can keep my emotions in check.
But when Curtis died he was ayear and a month and a half from
turning 12, but he was 11 andBryce was a 7 year old boy and
Andrea was 5 and Melanie was 2and a half weeks old, and you
(12:55):
know I've thought about that.
It pains me to think thatLeslie and I are a complete
family here in this mortalsphere.
We only had for 2 and a halfweeks because you know after.
Curtis died.
Melanie was only two and a halfweeks old.
So anyway, bryce was seven andI kept him very close to me and
(13:15):
we developed a very beautifulfather son relationship.
We had a close relationship.
I loved having Bryce work withme and anyway, it was about two
years ago.
I ran into Bryce up at the carwash in Smithfield and we
started talking and the subjectof Curtis came up and Bryce just
(13:39):
broke into sobs.
I've never seen a grown man soblike he was sobbing, literally
just sobbing, and I just sitthere and put my arm around him
as he cried, and I'm gratefulthat I was there to witness that
, because I was able to see justhow deep that pain was in him
over the death of his brotherCurtis.
So anyway, but even with that,the last time I saw Bryce in
(14:03):
it's he passed away on march29th of last year, but it
actually it's been two yearssince I've seen him, as two
years ago this month that I hadseen, saw him, and it didn't end
well, and so that at least Isent him a text letting him know
that I loved him.
But but anyway, so I had notseen Bryce for 10 months.
(14:29):
And you know, there were somethings that I don't know took
place in Bryce's life, that Idon't know.
He struggled with a lot.
He struggled with depression.
He struggled with numerousthings in his life that weren't
going like he wanted them to go.
On March 29th of last year Ihad got home late the night
(14:53):
before and then I had to get up.
I got up about 9 o'clock thatmorning.
It was Friday and I was goingto go up to Preston to get
another trailer and I saw that Ihad missed two calls from my
daughter, andrea, and two callsfrom a different individual.
So that raised the alarm on me alittle bit.
(15:15):
So I went out and fed the horsesbefore I left and as I was
standing out there by the road,I saw a sheriff's truck drive by
out on the main road and thenhe came around.
So that concerned me.
He came around, drove in thereand asked me if I was Bryce's
father.
I said yes, I wanted to know ifI had seen Bryce.
(15:36):
And I said no, and they wereconcerned about him.
They didn't know where he wasat, he hadn't gone to work, they
didn't know where he was at, hehadn't gone to work.
And anyway.
So I called my daughter, andrea, and was on the phone with her
and you know I thought, likeBryce, like his father, just
(16:00):
need to get away for a littlebit and blow off some steam, but
anyway.
so I had started going uptowards Preston.
I got up to Richmond and I wason the phone with Andrew back
and forth.
Alisha Coakley (16:22):
And I'll never forget.
Eldon Buchanan (16:23):
Andrew began just screaming and telling me
that he'd been found and he wasdead of a gunshot one.
And uh, I, literally I just hadto, uh, I began to physically
shake and I had to pull off theside of the road, off onto
another road.
And I just and andrea wasconcerned with me with my
struggles with, you know, thesame demon, and she said, dad,
you've got to hang in there, andso I promised her I would.
(16:44):
So I pulled off, you know, theside of the road.
As I, just trying to wrap mybrain around this, I did not
know how to process the death ofmy son, bryce.
Alisha Coakley (17:02):
I dearly love Bryce.
Eldon Buchanan (17:08):
Anyway, as I sat there, I called Denise and she
didn't answer.
And I had talked to Andrea andI promised her that I wouldn't
do anything foolish.
But as I sat there, I did notknow who exactly to turn to.
Leslie and I, being Bryce'sparents, I didn't have that
(17:28):
option to turn to Leslie anymore, and I just didn't know what to
do and anyway.
So I probably could havehandled this better, but I
didn't.
But I was dealing with a majorcrisis in my life.
Alisha Coakley (17:44):
Like I said, I didn't know how to process the
death of my second son, bryce.
Eldon Buchanan (17:50):
You know I seriously thought about going
into my life and joining my twosons, but I knew I couldn't do
that.
In fact and I need to throwthis in I was up to standing at
the graves of my two sons justrecently and I told them.
I said, curtis and Bryce, yourobbed your father of this.
(18:11):
I was supposed to have been theone that was dead of suicide
and buried not both of my sonsand anyway.
but so I decided just you know,people handle grief different.
I'm one that prefers to bealone and anyway, so I didn't
(18:34):
talk to Denise and then so Ijust sent her a text telling her
that Bryce was dead.
I decided to go out by MountBora out in Idaho, and we'll get
to that story a little later.
Mount Borah.
Alisha Coakley (18:49):
It's out there north of the heart of Idaho.
Eldon Buchanan (18:53):
And so I just sent a text to Denise and to my
daughters, told them not toplease not worry about me, but I
just needed some time.
So I turned off my phone fortwo and a half days and I drove
(19:17):
out there towards Mount Bora andI drove up as close or high as
I could to the base of themountain and I mean I knew I
couldn't get to the top, therewas too much snow, but I wanted
to climb up to a mountaintop andI want to, denise.
I'm glad I remembered this,denise.
Every morning she gets up andreads the scriptures.
(19:38):
And after I've shared this storyabout me climbing Mount Mora, a
man asked me.
I shared my testimony and hesaid why did you feel the need
to climb a mountain?
And so Denise came across thisin her scripture study and she
shared it with me.
And it's out of Nephi somewhere.
And it came to pass that afterI, nephi, had been in the land
(20:11):
of Bountiful for the space ofmany days, the voice of the Lord
came unto me saying Arise.
And Just a quick comment aboutsome possible symbolisms going
into the mountain To communewith the Lord, it requires
effort to climb up the mountain.
Similarly, it requires effortfor us to live worthy of
(20:32):
inspiration and guidance fromGod.
Symbolically, climbing up intoa mountain could also represent
drawing closer to heaven orcloser to God.
So anyway, for whatever reason,I felt the need to be in the
mountains, and so I climbed upas high as I could.
(20:52):
I climbed up to a mountain peakthat was lower than the rest
and just poured out my heart toGod and asked for strength to
help me endure this I couldn'teven hardly comprehend how this
could have even happened.
And anyway.
So you know, in my secondepisode I talked about some of
(21:15):
the problems I dealt with andyou know, the time I laid on top
of a mountain about froze todeath, thought the same thing.
I thought.
You know, I'm going to go uphere and I'm going to just spend
the night on the mountain.
I crawled under this log whenit started to get dark, but
again just shiver and I thought,ellen, this is stupid, All
(21:38):
you're doing is torturingyourself.
So I didn't have any light, soI tried to find my way back down
off the mountain in the darkand I finally made it back to my
pickup and I just spent thatnight and the next day there in
my pickup and walking aroundjust trying to absorb this.
I mean, I just couldn'tunderstand or even grasp my mind
(22:02):
around the death of my sonBryce.
How do you put your mind aroundthat that both of your sons
have died of suicide 32 yearsapart of each other?
Anyway, so then I, like I said Ishut off my phone.
I didn't even have a signal.
So I decided to drive back downwhere I had a signal and I sent
(22:23):
a text to Denise just tellingher I was okay not to worry
about me.
And then I turned off my phoneand Denise I think she said she
contacted the police orsomething.
They pinged my phone and I wasout by Arco Idol.
But then I drove out to thedesert further out there and
spent a Saturday night out thereand I remember going for a walk
(22:45):
off in the desert to a smallhill and I just wailed.
I just couldn't understand howmy son Bryce was dead and I just
prayed to the Lord.
And then I came back and I laidon the toolbox in my truck and
just stared up at the stars inthe heavens.
That brought me a littlecomfort, but I knew that I
(23:09):
finally had to go home.
I had to face the music.
So Sunday I knew that I had togo home, so I planned on heading
back home and so I got backhome and then we had to plan for
Bryce's funeral, and then thatwas another painful experience.
(23:33):
But anyway we got through thefuneral and my daughter, Melanie
, suggested that I build amemorial here at our place which
I did.
There's a picture of it thatyou'll be able to see.
Anyway, there's a picture ofboth mine and Leslie's two sons,
(23:58):
curtis and Bryce, hanging therepictures of them.
Then there's pictures of Andrewand Melanie.
I wanted to build this memorialI had before Bryce even died.
I had been out in.
I had to take a trailer toCalifornia and on my way back I
broke down by Battle MountainNevada.
(24:19):
You know where that is, I'msure, Alisha.
So while I spent waiting forsomebody to come and help me, I
walked over towards the mountain.
You know, I was out there threeor four hours and I found some
beautiful rocks that were quitebeautiful, and anyway, I
gathered up some small ones tobring home, to give to my
(24:41):
grandchildren.
And so I had an experience.
After Bryce died, I wanted togo out there and gather some of
these bigger rocks, but it wasdark by the time I got there.
And so I drove up the mountaina little ways and all I had was
(25:02):
the headlights from my truck,and as I was going up the
mountain a ways, there wassomething that stopped me a
little ways and all I had wasthe headlights from my truck.
And as I was going up themountain a ways, there was
something that stopped me, and Igot out to see what it was, and
there was this rock that hadflipped up.
I couldn't it was too dark forme to see where I'd originally
gotten these rocks.
So this rock that stopped me.
As I got out there, lookingaround, there were all these
(25:24):
beautiful rocks that I could seesurrounding me.
And I thought perhaps that's whyI was stopped there.
So I started to gather up theserocks and I finally uncovered a
big rock.
I mean it was huge.
And I said I'm not going homewithout it.
I'd loaded all the other rocksbut it was so big and so heavy I
(25:46):
could not lift it in the backof my truck.
And I tried numerous times andI felt like Bryce was out there
with me.
That night I talked to Brycewhile I was blowing these rocks
and different things.
So I told Bryce I said I needyour help to load this rock,
bryce, to take home to put onthis memorial for you and Curtis
(26:08):
.
So I tried one more time and Istill couldn't get it in the
back of the truck.
So then I said, bryce, let's dothis together.
And then, after I said that Iwas able to get the rock in the
back of the truck I mean, brycewas a big, strong man, but
anyway, I feel like that waskind of a tender mercy.
(26:29):
And so, anyway, I got thatmemorial built.
And now to move on to MountBora.
I talked about it a little bitin my second episode.
Anyway, mount Bora is thehighest peak in my native state
of Idaho.
It's north of Arco, idaho, upby Mackie, idaho, and I had
(26:52):
climbed it once as a 16-year-oldBoy Scout and, anyway, for
whatever reason, I had a desireto climb it again.
It was after that experience Ihad out in Malta, idaho, when I
was out there in that place,when I came home, I wanted to
climb the mountain and thatnever happened until after I
(27:12):
married Denise and I still feltthe need to climb it.
One day it was in June of 2019,I decided I was going to go
climb Mount Bora.
And it's steep.
It gains altitude to over 5,000feet and four and a half miles,
I think.
But, anyway, as I started upthere not real well prepared I
(27:35):
just carried a bottle of waterwith me, but I finally made it
up to the top.
That was close to the top ofthe mountain, but it had too
much snow on the top there tomake it up to the top, so I told
Denise and others that I'd madeit to the top, but I actually
hadn't.
I took pictures from there.
It looked like I was on top ofthe world, but I actually had
(27:57):
not made it to the top.
So that desire did not leave me.
And so then there was.
I was coming back from Oregonone day and I stopped in
Meridian to pay respects to myparents' grave, and I it would
have been it was june 24th of 20, 23, as I stand there and that
(28:23):
would have been my father's 99thbirthday, had he lived.
So I thought so I thought, well,I'm gonna go climb mount bora.
It was just kind of a spur ofthe moment thing.
I thought I'm gonna go climb itin honor of my father.
So I went off and I got thereto Mount Bora later that day and
so I climbed up there and Ispent the night.
(28:45):
Up above this tree line there'sa place called Chicken Out
Ridge.
You've got to crawl across itand you don't want to fall off
either side of your toes, and Iwas starting to feel the effects
of that high altitude and I wasfeeling shaky and dizzy, and so
I didn't dare go across that.
So I fired my pistol in the airsix times in honor of my dad's
(29:09):
what would have been his 99thbirthday.
But that desire would still notgo away, that I wanted to get
back to the top again.
So he didn't make it that time,and then it was after Bryce died
.
It was in August what wasAugust 24th, I believe and at
this time I told Denise I wasgoing to go and that I needed to
(29:32):
do this.
And so the other times I'vebeen there was in June and there
was still too much snow, sothis was in August, a better
time if you wanted to climb tothe top.
So I was well more preparedthis time and I took a pack and
I offered a prayer to God that Icould feel my two sons with me
(29:54):
on this father and son journey,as well as my father, because it
would have been my father's100th birthday at that time.
So, I prayed that I might havethat blessing.
So I got up there to Mount Boratowards evening 5 o'clock or so
.
So I started to hike up thetrail again, which is, you know,
(30:17):
through the trees and stuff,but after you get up above the
tree line.
There's a place that I had youknow, laid down and rested
before.
And anyway, as it got dark, as Istopped and looked at the stars
, there were three starsbrighter than the rest I should
have a picture of it and therewas one that was further out,
(30:40):
and then there was two backbehind just a little ways, and I
thought perhaps thatrepresented my father and my two
sons that were there with me.
So then that I stopped thereand slept for a little bit, and
then, as soon as it got light, Istarted heading towards the top
of the mountain.
So then I was able to get backto that spot that I'd been to
(31:01):
previously, where I had takenthose pictures, and said that
I'd made it to the top of themountain, and I thought at that
point I was just exhausted.
I thought it was still quiteways to the top, but this time I
could make it because therewasn't any snow.
And at first I thought maybeI'll just call it good and say
(31:22):
that I've made it close to thetop.
But I said no, eldon, you camehere to climb it with your
father and sons and you need todo that.
So I set out for the top ofMount Boough.
The elevation is 12,662,.
I believe there's a picture ofme at the top, but as I set out
(31:42):
there I could see some peoplegaining ground on me and they
caught up to me.
And anyway, there was a girlfrom Florida.
She was in her early 30s andthen another young man that was,
I don't know, in his late 20sand I visited with them and I
told them that I was 66, aboutthey were half my age, and I
(32:05):
said I'm up here trying to climbthis at this age, which they
were impressed by.
But anyway, there was otherhikers up there, but most of
them were half my age.
So, those two got ahead of meand got up to the top five
minutes before I did.
So, as I got up there, wecongratulated each other and,
(32:29):
you know, one gal made a signfor us to hold up, you know, at
the top of Mount Bora, which Idid.
And so, as we were up there, onthe top there's a book that you
can sign.
And so each of these two signedthe book and then they handed
it over to me and I was writingin there for a little while.
I probably wondered what I wasdoing.
Anyway, I said I assume you twoclimbed it for a very different
(32:52):
reason than what I did.
And I told them why I wasclimbing it.
I said I was climbing itbecause in honor of my two sons
that have both taken their lives, and then my father.
And then it was getting it wasprobably 2 o'clock and it was
getting a little later stillquite a ways back down.
So they asked me if I was readyto go and I said, no, I'm going
(33:15):
to stay up here for a littlewhile.
I thanked them for that and sothey went on their way.
While I was up there, I kneltin prayer, pleaded to God for
numerous things Well.
Towards the end of my prayer, Iasked the Lord if he would
bless me with a gift to takedown off of the mountain for my
(33:36):
efforts, for you know, climbingup there.
I thanked him that I was able tofill my father and my two sons
with me but I just asked for it,that I might have a gift to
take back off the mountain formy efforts climbing it, and I
left it at that.
I didn't ask for anythingspecific, anyway.
So I started my way back down,and about halfway up I had
(34:01):
brought my pack and I got rid ofit because I thought I could
never get the top carry in thispack.
But once I got back down to mypack I was able to rest and it
was getting later in the evening, so then I got headed back down
.
I thought my goal was to goback to this place.
I'd stayed just above the treeline, so I made it back down
(34:25):
there and it was dark by thetime I got there and I thought,
well, I'll just lay down and tryto go to sleep until I got
light and finished my journey inthe morning down the rest of
the mountain.
I laid there for probably a halfan hour and I couldn't sleep
and I thought I might as welljust keep walking instead of
just laying here.
So I put on my pack and starteddown and numerous times when
(34:50):
I'd get tired and fatigued, I'djust lay down on the trail there
and just rest for a little bit.
It was at 12.42 am, I hadstopped and I was getting.
I'd just laid down there andlooking up at the stars, and I
was just getting ready to leave,and I was looking over to the
(35:12):
west, the sky, the western sky,and it began to look different.
It started to turn green alittle bit and as I sat there
and watched this, then, all of asudden, these beautiful red
lights I mean it was thenorthern lights that came and I
(35:32):
was just.
I sat there and wept, I mean,and realized this is the gift
that I'd asked for, theseNorthern Lights there's
beautiful pictures of it.
And then you know, there's onethat shows me where I was on the
trail when I took thosepictures.
But I was just.
You know, as you'll see fromthe pictures, how beautiful that
(35:53):
was.
But I was just so touched thatthe Lord was mindful of me and
sent that tender mercy to me.
So anyway, I was, you know,when I shared that with my
daughters and others, the peoplewere in awe about that.
But then, so then we hadanother very beautiful tender
(36:14):
mercy.
So then we had another verybeautiful.
Alisha Coakley (36:16):
Tenor.
Eldon Buchanan (36:16):
Mercy.
It was on New Year's Day and Ihad hoped that this new year
would be better than this pastone.
At about four o'clock, deniseand I met Andrew and Melanie and
their families up to the grave,particularly Bryce, because we
(36:38):
were honoring him because thefollowing day he would have
turned 40 years old, and so wewere there and put some balloons
and were there in honor ofBryce paying honor to him.
And as we were standing thereit began to lightly snow.
You feel it get colder.
And all of a sudden thesebeautiful snowflakes began to
(37:00):
fall upon us.
And I mean just beautiful, andyou'll see pictures of them.
I mean they look like they'renot even real, they're so
perfect.
And as we stood there we werejust literally in awe of all
these beautiful snowflakesfalling on us.
And then what became even moreinteresting to me?
(37:20):
So, after I researchedsnowflakes a little bit, it said
it takes an hour from where asnowflake is created up in the
sky, wherever.
It takes an hour for thatsnowflake to fall to Earth.
And then it said this perfectsix-sided snowflake is very rare
to see and there are only likeone in every thousands of
(37:44):
snowflakes, this perfectsnowflake.
Yet we had hundreds of themfalling upon us as we sat there
and we were just literally allin awe.
I mean the chances of thathappening while we were standing
there at the graves of Curtisand Bryce.
The chances of winning thelottery were greater than that
(38:04):
happening right there as wehappened to be standing there.
And anyway, that was a beautifulexperience for all of us Brings
us up to about now.
But in closing there's oneexperience I want to close with.
So I have my little farm outhere and I have a couple of
(38:29):
horses and I made our barnyardthat is close to the main road
that goes through and I put apathway there for people to go
coming to from church orwherever, so they don't have to
go clear down to the corner.
Then I've got at the end.
There it says a gate that saysWelcome to Buchanan Lane, so
(38:50):
people feel free to come inthere.
There's a lot of people on theoutside that like to see the
horses and stuff.
So I got home one evening and Idrove back there and there was
some young father with thislittle boy standing back there
petting the horses, looking atthem, and I didn't know who it
was.
So as I got out to visit withhim, he told me that he was from
(39:14):
New York City and that his wifewas from Connecticut and they'd
come out here to go to school.
And so as I visited with him,he came out and told me he said
I'm not a Mormon.
I said, well, that's fine.
So, but then I always enjoytalking to people that are not
members of the church how theyfeel like they've been treated
(39:36):
or accepted moving into adominant LDS community.
We talked about that just alittle bit, and he told me that
Then he came out and told methat he was an atheist and I put
my hand on his shoulder and Isaid come here.
So I took him over and showedhim this memorial that I'd built
and showed him my two sonsthere.
(39:59):
And I said it's been through.
The death of my two sons andthe trials that I've experienced
in life is how I've truly cometo know and have a testimony of
our Savior Jesus Christ.
And it's funny, I was LordMissionary at the Christ and
it's funny I was in, I was award missionary at the time.
And it's funny that themissionaries came walking by out
(40:21):
on the, by the road, and Ihollered at them, told them to
come over and they visited withhim and, you know, took his
information.
So we'll see where that goes,but anyway that.
Alisha Coakley (40:33):
I think that's about concludes this third
episode.
Oh, alden, oh my gosh, it's sohard and heartbreaking and
beautiful at the same time, andI can feel like even just a
difference in the first timethat you came on and you shared
(40:55):
about curtis and your dad, tothe second time, to the third
time.
Now, like I feel, like you havethis I don't know strength
about you, even just in theshort like between the first
episode and the third episode.
Now you have this like verysolid strength about you and
(41:16):
your testimony where, like youknow, you can see it Like you,
can feel it Like your.
Your pain is still very muchthere, but the amount of faith
that you have in the Lord still,despite all of this, is so like
I don't even have like a wordfor it.
I don't know how to explain itall.
Eldon Buchanan (41:35):
Then, but you're just well, I don't even have a
word for it.
I don't know how to explain it,eldon.
Well, I'm glad you mentionedthat.
I forgot an experience that Iwanted to add to this.
It was a couple of years agowhen I was hauling RV trailers.
I'd gone back to Indiana to geta trailer and I was coming back
with it.
I was out in the middle ofWyoming on this particular day
(41:58):
and I I forgot to put up my DLTstickers on the windows on my
truck.
So anyway, while I was outthere, the state trooper came up
alongside me and then he backsoff and gets behind me and turns
on his lights and I thought, ohgreat, and I knew why he was
pulling me over for not havingmy DOT stickers.
(42:19):
As a commercial driver.
But as we you know, he camearound on the side over in the
borrow pit and we started tovisit.
I had a very lengthy, goodvisit with this state trooper.
He was probably I don't know inhis late 40s 50s state trooper.
He was probably I don't know inhis late 40s 50s and he told me
that he had lost his father afew years ago and told me how
(42:40):
hard that was losing his father.
Alisha Coakley (42:42):
He said the thing that about did him in.
Eldon Buchanan (42:45):
He told me well it had been a year prior to when
I was standing there visitingwith him.
He said he was dispatched on afatality and he said I was
stopped halfway there becausethat fatality was my daughter
and then I.
So after we talked about that,I said do you believe that you
(43:06):
will see your daughter and yourfather again?
He said when my daughter waskilled, that's when I quit
believing in God.
And I said well, I can relateto you on both counts.
I told him about the death ofmy father when I was a teenager
and I told him that Iexperienced what bitterness was
(43:28):
like.
Then I shared with him about theloss of Curtis as a 34-year-old
father and how difficult thatwas, but I told him, as painful
as that was, that became perhapsthe most beautiful experience
of my life, simply because Icame to truly know the Savior
Jesus Christ through that.
So I've had that.
You know, from that experienceon, that is what has kept me
(43:51):
anchored to you know, because Ihave known, that we're we're.
God is aware of us without adoubt, and that's that's what
has sustained me.
If I didn't have that, I don'tknow if I would have made it
through some of this stuff.
Alisha Coakley (44:06):
Oh yeah, I don't .
I don't see how anyone couldhave, honestly yeah.
Scott Brandley (44:12):
I mean to think there's people out there you
know, like maybe this officer orother people, that when, when
real difficult tragedies happen,they become jaded and they,
they curse god, they, they losetheir faith.
Oh, without a doubt.
And, and so you're actually,everything you've gone through.
(44:33):
I don't, I can't think ofanyone that I personally know
that's gone through more thanyou.
Alisha Coakley (44:39):
Yeah, I agree.
Scott Brandley (44:41):
And I agree with Alisha.
It feels like you have thisquiet confidence in God, this
faith, that I feel it more nowon this episode than I have in
the past, and even after you'velost your second son and I don't
(45:04):
know how to explain it either,Alisha, but I feel the same
thing and thank you for beingwilling to share it.
Eldon, honestly, it'sincredibly hard to have you go
through it.
We know how painful it is foryou to have to relive it and
(45:26):
share it, but at the same time,I think there are some mercies,
some things that you've beenable to get through that can
help other people get throughdifficult things like this too.
Eldon Buchanan (45:40):
Well, and that's why I was willing to share
these experiences, because, youknow, I hope maybe it helps
somebody else.
But you know, as I go out andstand by this memorial I built
to my two sons, I still continueto think how is this even
possible?
I never thought this kind ofthing would ever come into my
(46:01):
life.
And anyway, you can eitherbecome bitter or become, you
know.
Turn to God for solace and help.
Alisha Coakley (46:14):
Yeah, can I ask how do you?
I mean, you mentioned thateverybody grieves differently,
right?
And one of the things that, oneof the things that I'm in the
process of myself right now isrecognizing that, like, not only
(46:39):
does every person grievedifferently, but we grieve every
person differently.
Eldon Buchanan (46:44):
Yes.
Alisha Coakley (46:57):
Scott, earlier that my um, my mom, was just um
given a diagnosis of terminalcancer a couple weeks ago and
originally we thought that wehad 12 to 18 months with her and
and then the doctor just cameback a couple of days ago and
said it's going to be more likethree to six months now.
So you know what was thedifference for you between your
dad, curtis, now Bryce, you know?
Did you feel like it was eachreally super unique to each
(47:20):
person?
Eldon Buchanan (47:21):
Oh, without a doubt it was I.
You know, suicide is adifferent angle.
During somebody's deathaccepting that One of those
things you wouldn't wish uponanyone that has to go through it
.
Alisha Coakley (47:41):
Do you feel like any of the times were easier
than others, or was it justdifferent?
Eldon Buchanan (47:50):
No, I wouldn't say they were easier.
You know the thing I talkedabout the death of my father
when I was 17.
That was, you know, and it wasall a sudden death.
And anyway, the thing thatcaused me to become bitter there
is all of the events thatchanged our lives forever.
(48:14):
You know, our mother remarriedseven months later and we had
the farm.
I had envisioned as a young17-year-old that my life was set
in stone, that I was going tobe there on the farm with my dad
forever and that we'd comeclose.
So I experienced bitternessthrough that.
So I experienced bitternessthrough that and you know, like
I said, with Curtis, you know,being that death of our first
(48:39):
child, leslie had just givenbirth to Melanie, on November
5th of 92, on November 22nd, twoand a half weeks later, curtis
dies.
That's quite a range ofemotions to go through in two
and a half weeks.
Alisha Coakley (48:54):
Joy of a daughter, and then the death of
your oldest child.
Yeah.
Eldon Buchanan (48:59):
And so my cousin told me something, my oldest
cousin.
He told me he'd been a missionpresident and stuff and he said,
let's see if I can get it right.
He said, the more pain andexperiences like we have here
gives us greater capacity forjoy.
(49:20):
On the other end, you know,when my time comes to see my
father and my two sons, you knowthat thought is overwhelming.
I mean the joy that willreplace the sorrow.
And that time comes.
Some people wonder.
Well, you know, is there a nextlife or not?
I've talked to some.
(49:41):
They doubt it.
Or, you know, wonder that'ssomething I have, no doubt about
that.
I will see my two sons again,curtis and bryce, as well as my
father and my mother.
Scott Brandley (49:55):
Yeah, that's.
One thing I love about thegospel is the idea of having an
eternal perspective.
Eldon Buchanan (50:01):
Oh, you have to have that, or if you don't have
an eternal perspective, lifewould get unbearable.
Alisha Coakley (50:10):
Yeah, yeah, Wow, Gosh Eldon.
Well, thank you so much againfor coming on here today and for
sharing your part three with us.
Like I said, Scott and I, ourhearts just go out to you and
your family and, asheartbreaking and hard as it's
been, like I, I just want you toknow like we see you and we we
(50:35):
know that you're going to doevery bit of good that you can
from every ounce of pain and badthat has happened, and so thank
you for being that example tous.
Eldon Buchanan (50:46):
You know, as I was talking to my I'll call him
my son, chris, yesterday,there's trials come into our
lives.
We don't just say, oh, I'd loveto experience this thing in my
life.
But when they come into ourlives which they do all of us
and if we.
You know, I was telling Christhe Lord.
(51:06):
You know these trials.
He doesn't necessarily take themfrom us, but he's with us as we
go through them and it's whatwe gain and learn through the
experience that uh and you know,in the end it's truly our
trials that become a blessingsto us and help to create us who
we're god wants us to be yeah,yeah, absolutely.
Alisha Coakley (51:29):
Wow.
Well, eldon, thank you so muchagain for all of that.
Is there any last message thatyou'd like to give to our guests
, maybe anyone who might bestruggling with their own
thoughts of suicide or has aloved one who might be
struggling you?
Eldon Buchanan (51:48):
know mental illness and you know struggle
with depression and all that.
That's real.
I mean, it's not just somethingmade up.
Like I said, I've struggledwith it for 50 years of my life
and you know I have sought help.
To be honest, I've been on anantidepressant for 20 years, and
(52:09):
so it was after the death ofBryce.
I don't know if you've heardanything about it.
I don't know if you've heardanything about it.
Scott Brandley (52:14):
I don't know if you've heard about that ketamine
treatments I've heard of it.
Eldon Buchanan (52:18):
Yeah, and so I tried that and I feel like that
has helped.
But you know, I have not yetfound just a total cure-all.
It's something to deal with.
And you know even Chris, all ofus, we knew that Bryce was
struggling, but we never, noneof us, thought that he would
ever fully go through with this.
(52:39):
Right, I think that justbecause he became hopeless is
what happened His life andeverything became lost hope.
Scott Brandley (52:49):
Yeah, life's hard when you lose hope.
Eldon Buchanan (52:51):
Well, it is.
It is You've got to have hope.
Or if you don't have that, likeyou lose hope.
Alisha Coakley (52:54):
It is You've got to have hope or if you don't
have that, like you haveanything.
That's what Bryce lost, I know.
For us we had I think Imentioned this I don't know if
it was on your last episode, butin a couple of the other
episodes that we had and stuff Imentioned that we had we had a
(53:16):
moment where we almost lost our,our son.
Um, uh, about a year and a halfago he almost took his life too
, and the one thing that savedhim really was, um he, he had
his own spiritual promptings andexperiences and stuff, but the
the thing that stopped him wasreaching out to someone in that
(53:39):
moment.
Um, first he reached out to ourbishop and our bishop didn't
answer the phone.
And then he reached out to thepolice, um department, which
just happens to literally beacross the park, Like we it's
our house, a park, and then thepolice station is right across
from us, and he was able tomuster just enough courage to
(54:03):
make not one but two phone callsuntil he could get ahold of
someone.
And I think that that, honestly, is the way that Satan gets us,
is he breaks our connection toeach other.
Eldon Buchanan (54:13):
Absolutely.
Alisha Coakley (54:14):
He makes us feel alone, because if we had at
least one little connection inthat moment, you know anything
at all could be the thing thatthat keeps us here for a little
longer.
Right, that gets us through onemore, one more episode, or one
more day, or one more month or ayear or whatever it is.
And so I know, for me, one ofthe things that I've really been
(54:36):
trying to focus on since thathas happened is being so
connected with my, with my son,you know, knowing that he
struggles with that all the time, constantly being like someone
who is connected to him, um, andso I think, someone who is
connected to him, um, and so Ithink, however, that looks right
(54:58):
, like maybe it's a conversation, maybe it's sending little
memes to each other, um, but butespecially constant reiteration
of I love you, I need you here,I'm so glad that you're where
you are, and, and even when youstruggle with stuff, you know,
like that Super stinks.
I hate that you're goingthrough that, but I'm here with
you, so let's keep doing lifetogether.
(55:19):
You know, I think just keepingthat connection is something
that could really help save alot of lives.
Eldon Buchanan (55:25):
So that was an experience that took place, that
I shared it on my secondepisode, and so I'm anxious to
learn more about this orunderstand it better.
When I talked about on mysecond episode on November 21st
of 2017, the night that Leslietold me she wanted a divorce I
(55:46):
thought my life was over.
Alisha Coakley (55:49):
And anyway so.
Eldon Buchanan (55:52):
I went home and slept in the trailer and Bryce
was there with me because theywere concerned about me and so I
thought I was going to end mylife.
So I ended up crawling out ofthe trailer.
I couldn't go out the frontdoor because Bryce was there.
And went to the house and then Icame back.
I didn't have access to a gun,so I was going to just, I don't
(56:14):
know, end my life somehow, andright as I got to go, leave to
go out, you know, there it waslike three in the morning Bryce
came out of the trailer.
He didn't even know I wasoutside.
Somebody had woken up.
So the Lord used Bryce tointervene in my behalf.
But why didn't anyone intervenein his behalf?
I, but why didn't anyoneintervene in his behalf.
(56:35):
I don't.
That's something that I'll lookforward to understanding better
someday.
Scott Brandley (56:40):
Yeah.
Alisha Coakley (56:42):
And it does give us comfort, I think, knowing
that we don't have to have theanswers in this life, because it
will all be revealed.
Like it's to all be revealed tous in the end and it'll be a
perfect understanding, noquestions, no concerns, no
doubts anymore.
It'll just be.
It'll just, we'll justunderstand, it'll make sense to
(57:04):
us and because we have thateternal perspective too, we know
that that was like a blip intime, you know that that's not
the end of the story and so,gosh, I don't know.
It's suicide and and depressionand mental health is such a
hard topic and there's so manyunknowns.
But I think the one thing thatthat we can hold tight to is
(57:27):
that the Lord's there for us andeven if he doesn't stop us or
send someone to stop us in orderto save our life, he still can
work everything to our good.
You know he can let us havethat agency and love us exactly
the way that we are, and be ableto let our story be the thing
that helps other people to findlight and to find him.
Eldon Buchanan (57:49):
Yeah, you've heard people say that this
mortal life is like a blink ofthe eye, but it doesn't always
feel like it.
It doesn't feel like it.
Scott Brandley (58:02):
It's a slow blink.
Alisha Coakley (58:04):
It's a little long sometimes.
Scott Brandley (58:07):
Let's maybe end on a more positive note.
You've had a lot of bad thingshappen to you, but how do you do
you do you try to findgratitude?
Oh, absolutely your life oh,absolutely.
Eldon Buchanan (58:24):
That's one thing that I I mean I throughout my
life.
I look back and I can see thehand of god in my life.
I always.
You know my desire to get intofarming.
The chances of me getting backin that were slim to none, but
it was through the hand of Godthat guided and directed that
affair and so I'm eternallygrateful for that.
(58:46):
You know, that's one thing I donot understand.
I don't know.
I don't believe that Godintended for Leslie and I to
divorce, but I do believe thathe brought Denise into my life.
She's been an enormous blessingin my life and you know she's
very thoughtful.
She treats, you know, mychildren and grandchildren as
(59:06):
though they were her own.
She's very, very thoughtful.
So she you know that, I thinkyou know God not been mindful of
me, my life could be not verygood.
Right, can not even be here,right, you know I've been.
I have much to still begrateful for which I try to be
(59:27):
every day of my life.
I even thank the Lord for thehairs of my head.
What's left up there?
Scott, you're about worse thanme.
Alisha Coakley (59:38):
Scott, I'll just thank him for the hair on his
head.
Scott Brandley (59:42):
That's part of your head.
Lots of pussy.
Alisha Coakley (59:45):
Okay, that's fair.
Eldon Buchanan (59:51):
I consider you two friends.
I really do.
You know, I haven't met you yet, scott, but I hope to someday.
But Alisha do.
I haven't met you yet, scott,but I hope to someday.
But Alisha met you.
I consider you friends.
Alisha Coakley (01:00:02):
Well, we love you, eldon, and you're welcome
to come back Anytime.
Eldon Buchanan (01:00:07):
Next time, let's come with A better story, just
something amazing and happy andgreat.
Alisha Coakley (01:00:11):
Yeah, we'll do that.
Come with just somethingamazing and happy and great yeah
.
Eldon Buchanan (01:00:17):
We'll do that.
Scott Brandley (01:00:20):
That sounds like a plan.
Yeah, all right, we think ofyou as a friend too, eldon, and
we really appreciate you comingon and sharing your story.
Eldon Buchanan (01:00:29):
Like I said, I think both of you are to be
complimented for the work you'redoing, you know who knows?
How many countless lives ofthese stories have touched
people and helped people.
So I hope that you know whatI've shared this time and my
other times maybe helped someone.
Alisha Coakley (01:00:45):
I already know that they have, and they'll
continue to do so.
All right, mr Buchanan.
Well, thank you again forjoining us, for sharing your
story, and thank you to ourguests, too, for tuning in to
another episode of latter-daylights.
Guys, make sure that you doyour five-second missionary work
.
You have no idea who needs tohear the things that we're
(01:01:06):
spoken about today, who needs tohave a little bit more light in
their life.
So just click that share buttonlike comment, do whatever you
can.
Let Eldon know what your um,what part of his story really
meant the most to you or stoodout to you the most, and and um,
as always, if you guys have astory that you'd like to share,
you know someone who has a greatstory.
We would love to hear it.
(01:01:28):
So reach out to us.
You guys can email us atlatterdaylights at gmailcom, or
you can head to our website,latterdaylightscom and fill out
the contact form at the bottomof the page.
Scott Brandley (01:01:38):
Thanks again, elton, and thanks for everyone
tuning in, and we will talk toyou next week with another
episode.
Until then, take care.
Eldon Buchanan (01:01:45):
Thank you so much.
Hey everyone, I'm Scott Brandley.
Alisha Coakley (00:02):
And I'm Alisha Coakley.
Every member of the church hasa story to share, one that can
instill faith, invite growth andinspire others.
Scott Brandley (00:10):
On today's episode, we're going to hear how
one man's path to healing afterlosing two sons to suicide is
reminding him that the Lord isaware of us in our hours of need
.
Welcome to Latter-day Lights.
Hey everyone, welcome back toanother episode of Latter-day
(00:37):
Lights.
We're so glad that you're herewith us today and we have a
special guest, Eldon Buchanan,for his third visit on
Latter-day Lights.
We're so glad to hear it this,Eldon for his third visit on
latter day lights.
Eldon Buchanan (00:47):
We're so glad to hear with us elton.
Thank you I.
Alisha Coakley (00:49):
I didn't have any plans of being on for the
third time, but events in mylife come about that.
I have some more things I wouldlike to share yeah, yeah, eldon,
you you've just I mean likewe're not, we're just getting
started, and I'm alreadystarting to feel emotional
because you have just been on,scott and I, as heart and mind
(01:10):
and, um, just like the thingsthat that you're going to
discuss today, the things thatyou've gone through already and
that you continue to go through,you're just such an inspiration
to us and so you are our mostvisited guest.
Oh yeah.
Eldon Buchanan (01:26):
And I assure you this is the last one.
I'm not going to have a fourthone.
Alisha Coakley (01:30):
Yeah.
And if we do have a fourth onewith you, eldon.
Let's make it all justmiraculous awesomeness.
Scott Brandley (01:39):
Let's make it a happy party.
Alisha Coakley (01:41):
Let's make it so just wonderful and big and
happy, and that's what I'm you.
But I, I love that you'rewilling to come on here and that
you took the time to likereally wait until you were ready
to share it, because I thinkthat that's really really
important and I just, I don'tknow, I just I love that, I love
(02:03):
that I know you and I love thatyou're our friend and that
you're here today, because Ithink that a lot of people are
going to be able to get a lotout of your story.
So thank you for joining usagain.
Eldon Buchanan (02:14):
That's kind of you saying thank you.
Scott Brandley (02:16):
Yeah, yeah.
So why don't you give everybodya little reminder of what you
do for a living, a little bitabout you and your family?
Eldon Buchanan (02:25):
As was said, I'm Eldon Buchanan, and in two
months I'm going to turn 67, andI think, how in the world would
that happen?
I guess your only option iseither die or keep aging.
And so, anyway, it comesquicker than you think, but I'm
still in good shape.
In good shape like, but uh, asI was, I grew up on a dairy farm
(02:50):
up in meridian idaho and I, inmy first story I talked about
the death of my father and thatand anyway, that's where I got
agriculture in my blood, and so1984, I was able to start my
dairy farming career, and thenthen we moved to Smithfield.
We were there for 33 years andour dairy was known as Buchanan
Dairy, so it was a family affair, and so that came to an end in
(03:13):
2018.
And these last several yearsI've been transporting trailers
around the country and so forth.
I'm still doing that, but kindof at a slower pace.
Alisha Coakley (03:22):
Mm-hmm.
Wow, and you have a new wife,denise, right.
Eldon Buchanan (03:26):
Yes, yes.
Alisha Coakley (03:28):
Yep, and she's awesome.
Yeah, she is.
You love Denise, she's great.
And then you have.
How many kids do you guys have?
Eldon Buchanan (03:38):
Well, leslie and I had four children.
We had two sons and then twodaughters, gotcha, and now we've
just got two daughters left.
Alisha Coakley (03:46):
Gotcha.
Wow.
Well, we're going to go aheadand turn the time over to you
and let you kind of fill us in.
I know the last time that youshared, you shared about your
dad.
You shared about the loss ofyour son, curtis, when he was.
How old was he 14?
Eldon Buchanan (04:04):
No, he was 11.
He was from turning 12.
Alisha Coakley (04:08):
That's right.
He was really, really youngwhen he, unfortunately, you know
, passed away from suicide, andso you, you went through that
and do you want to kind of justgive, give everyone just a
little recap, starting fromthere and then, and then let us
know, like, where you're Well.
Eldon Buchanan (04:27):
I uh, if I can just give a little quick recap
of of one and two of my storiesthere, and so on my first one, I
talked about, uh, my growing upyears.
My mother struggled withalcoholism when I was younger
and and then she fortunately,when I was 14, she was able to
(04:47):
overcome that and we had ablissful family life.
I'm grateful that I had thosefour years of such a happy time
in our family.
Alisha Coakley (04:54):
But then my father died of a heart attack at
the age of 51.
Eldon Buchanan (04:57):
And anyway, that was a hard time in my life and
I struggled there andfortunately, as I share these
things, it's been easy for me tosee how, where God is of me and
us in our lives.
So in the summer of 78, I wasblessed to meet a wonderful
(05:23):
woman by the name of LeslieRaleigh.
She was a blessing in my lifeand I'll always be grateful for
that.
We had 39 years of marriage.
We had four children togetherNow we have 10 grandchildren and
we were able to start our dairyfarm business business.
(05:49):
And anyway, then then thesecond one, the second episode.
I talked about how we got intofinancial problems on the farm,
and that was in 2008.
And I went long haul truckingin an effort to keep the farm
going which you know I went outwith pure intent.
But, you know, over a nine-yearperiod, living out there on the
(06:09):
road by myself in a truck, andthen the advent of new
technology led me down a roadthat I will forever regret, when
I was on the road truck and I'dlistened to a lot of books on
tape, and I'd listened to one byElder Maxwell, neil A Maxwell,
(06:30):
and in that book he talks abouthow us as humans sometimes
willingly impale ourselves uponthe bed of afflictions.
Alisha Coakley (06:38):
And that's exactly what I did to myself.
Eldon Buchanan (06:40):
And I don't even understand why I would have
done such a thing.
But we're free to choose ourchoices but we're not free to
look at the consequences thatfollow.
It cost me my marriage of 39years, cost me my church
membership, cost me my farm,cost me relationships and that
(07:03):
you know.
I've experienced pain in mylife, but it was during that
time and still I carry pain inmy heart over all that.
But I have never anguished likeI have then, like I talked
about my own struggles withdepression, thoughts of suicide.
I remember first time I thoughtof in my own life.
Alisha Coakley (07:23):
I was about 18 years old.
Eldon Buchanan (07:25):
It was after the death of my father, and so I've
had that struggle for 50 yearsnow that I've struggled with
depression, thoughts of suicide.
You know, over the years I havesought help for that, and there
was one time it was in 2018.
That's when I was hauling RVtrailers and I had gone up into
(07:51):
Alberta, canada, up there toCardston, close by where you
grew up, scott.
And I wanted to see the CardstonTemple.
I'd never been there, so Idrove over there and this was
after Leslie told me she wanteda divorce and moved out, and I
sat there and looked.
I was on the west side of thetemple and I was looking at it
(08:14):
and I began to weep in what thetemple stands for, things of
eternal nature.
And then, when I drove aroundthe West, on the South side, I
was sitting there crying, and Ihave, like I said, I've never
felt such anguish, sorrow andremorse in my life.
(08:37):
And you know, I was feeling theweight of sin, my actions and
loss of my marriage, churchmembership, everything.
And as I was sitting there itwas just like I don't know, just
kind of opened up to me, gaveme a tiny insight what it must
have been like for our SaviorJesus Christ when he was in
(09:01):
Gethsemane and on the cross,what it must have even been like
for him, because what I wasdealing with was literally
crushing me.
So it gave me more insight andthought, or, you know, gratitude
for our Savior, jesus ChristThen.
So I tell about, you know, Idecided I need to get away and
(09:21):
so that's when I hooked on to mycamp trailer and drove to
Alaska and I just wanted thatalone time to be with God and to
myself.
And the funny thing is and thisis where I, you know, in spite
of you know our sins or whateverwe do I've come to know that
God, our Father, is always awareof us.
(09:42):
God, our Father, is alwaysaware of us.
So when I went up to Alaska inthree months, I did not even
have this on my radar, but Ireturned home with this cute
blonde by the name of Denise andI didn't meet her in Alaska and
(10:03):
she has been a blessing in mylife, enormous blessing.
It's not every man that can saythat they've had two wonderful
women bless their lives, but Ihave with Leslie and Denise.
They've both been wonderfulblessings in my life, anyway.
So I think that's about wrapsup those past two podcasts and,
(10:26):
scott, when I was listening toyour podcast, when you're
talking just this last week, youtalked about, you know, some of
these experiences that comeinto our lives.
They're not necessarily meantjust to be kept to ourselves,
right you?
know, that really doesn'tbenefit anyone if we don't share
(10:48):
them.
So you know, I've always boremy testimony and the testimony I
have of our Savior Jesus Christ, but anyway.
So that's one of the reasonsthat I wanted to share this
experience that taught me evenmore.
So let's start on with thestory with Bryce.
(11:15):
I need to first I need to bewith my nephew, chris, who's
like a son to me.
Things were hard for Chris, sohe came to live with us when he
was 17.
And Chris and Bryce became justlike brothers.
(11:39):
So I went up yesterday andspent some time with him.
I had him take me over to seehis dad's grave there in Boise
and we sat there and I let Chrisjust talk about whatever he
wanted to, and he was very openand honest with me about things.
After he was done, I told him.
I said Chris, you're in a verygood spot, or a beautiful spot,
(12:06):
because it's in these deeptrials of our lives is when we
can truly come to have arelationship with our.
Savior Jesus Christ, in a waythat perhaps no other way brings
that about for us, and sothat's what I shared with them,
and so, then, that's thefoundation I want to build upon
on this story how God is indeedaware of us, so my son Bryce.
(12:34):
Before I got on here I had agood cry and so I hope that I
can keep my emotions in check.
But when Curtis died he was ayear and a month and a half from
turning 12, but he was 11 andBryce was a 7 year old boy and
Andrea was 5 and Melanie was 2and a half weeks old, and you
(12:55):
know I've thought about that.
It pains me to think thatLeslie and I are a complete
family here in this mortalsphere.
We only had for 2 and a halfweeks because you know after.
Curtis died.
Melanie was only two and a halfweeks old.
So anyway, bryce was seven andI kept him very close to me and
(13:15):
we developed a very beautifulfather son relationship.
We had a close relationship.
I loved having Bryce work withme and anyway, it was about two
years ago.
I ran into Bryce up at the carwash in Smithfield and we
started talking and the subjectof Curtis came up and Bryce just
(13:39):
broke into sobs.
I've never seen a grown man soblike he was sobbing, literally
just sobbing, and I just sitthere and put my arm around him
as he cried, and I'm gratefulthat I was there to witness that
, because I was able to see justhow deep that pain was in him
over the death of his brotherCurtis.
So anyway, but even with that,the last time I saw Bryce in
(14:03):
it's he passed away on march29th of last year, but it
actually it's been two yearssince I've seen him, as two
years ago this month that I hadseen, saw him, and it didn't end
well, and so that at least Isent him a text letting him know
that I loved him.
But but anyway, so I had notseen Bryce for 10 months.
(14:29):
And you know, there were somethings that I don't know took
place in Bryce's life, that Idon't know.
He struggled with a lot.
He struggled with depression.
He struggled with numerousthings in his life that weren't
going like he wanted them to go.
On March 29th of last year Ihad got home late the night
(14:53):
before and then I had to get up.
I got up about 9 o'clock thatmorning.
It was Friday and I was goingto go up to Preston to get
another trailer and I saw that Ihad missed two calls from my
daughter, andrea, and two callsfrom a different individual.
So that raised the alarm on me alittle bit.
(15:15):
So I went out and fed the horsesbefore I left and as I was
standing out there by the road,I saw a sheriff's truck drive by
out on the main road and thenhe came around.
So that concerned me.
He came around, drove in thereand asked me if I was Bryce's
father.
I said yes, I wanted to know ifI had seen Bryce.
(15:36):
And I said no, and they wereconcerned about him.
They didn't know where he wasat, he hadn't gone to work, they
didn't know where he was at, hehadn't gone to work.
And anyway.
So I called my daughter, andrea, and was on the phone with her
and you know I thought, likeBryce, like his father, just
(16:00):
need to get away for a littlebit and blow off some steam, but
anyway.
so I had started going uptowards Preston.
I got up to Richmond and I wason the phone with Andrew back
and forth.
Alisha Coakley (16:22):
And I'll never forget.
Eldon Buchanan (16:23):
Andrew began just screaming and telling me
that he'd been found and he wasdead of a gunshot one.
And uh, I, literally I just hadto, uh, I began to physically
shake and I had to pull off theside of the road, off onto
another road.
And I just and andrea wasconcerned with me with my
struggles with, you know, thesame demon, and she said, dad,
you've got to hang in there, andso I promised her I would.
(16:44):
So I pulled off, you know, theside of the road.
As I, just trying to wrap mybrain around this, I did not
know how to process the death ofmy son, bryce.
Alisha Coakley (17:02):
I dearly love Bryce.
Eldon Buchanan (17:08):
Anyway, as I sat there, I called Denise and she
didn't answer.
And I had talked to Andrea andI promised her that I wouldn't
do anything foolish.
But as I sat there, I did notknow who exactly to turn to.
Leslie and I, being Bryce'sparents, I didn't have that
(17:28):
option to turn to Leslie anymore, and I just didn't know what to
do and anyway.
So I probably could havehandled this better, but I
didn't.
But I was dealing with a majorcrisis in my life.
Alisha Coakley (17:44):
Like I said, I didn't know how to process the
death of my second son, bryce.
Eldon Buchanan (17:50):
You know I seriously thought about going
into my life and joining my twosons, but I knew I couldn't do
that.
In fact and I need to throwthis in I was up to standing at
the graves of my two sons justrecently and I told them.
I said, curtis and Bryce, yourobbed your father of this.
(18:11):
I was supposed to have been theone that was dead of suicide
and buried not both of my sonsand anyway.
but so I decided just you know,people handle grief different.
I'm one that prefers to bealone and anyway, so I didn't
(18:34):
talk to Denise and then so Ijust sent her a text telling her
that Bryce was dead.
I decided to go out by MountBora out in Idaho, and we'll get
to that story a little later.
Mount Borah.
Alisha Coakley (18:49):
It's out there north of the heart of Idaho.
Eldon Buchanan (18:53):
And so I just sent a text to Denise and to my
daughters, told them not toplease not worry about me, but I
just needed some time.
So I turned off my phone fortwo and a half days and I drove
(19:17):
out there towards Mount Bora andI drove up as close or high as
I could to the base of themountain and I mean I knew I
couldn't get to the top, therewas too much snow, but I wanted
to climb up to a mountaintop andI want to, denise.
I'm glad I remembered this,denise.
Every morning she gets up andreads the scriptures.
(19:38):
And after I've shared this storyabout me climbing Mount Mora, a
man asked me.
I shared my testimony and hesaid why did you feel the need
to climb a mountain?
And so Denise came across thisin her scripture study and she
shared it with me.
And it's out of Nephi somewhere.
And it came to pass that afterI, nephi, had been in the land
(20:11):
of Bountiful for the space ofmany days, the voice of the Lord
came unto me saying Arise.
And Just a quick comment aboutsome possible symbolisms going
into the mountain To communewith the Lord, it requires
effort to climb up the mountain.
Similarly, it requires effortfor us to live worthy of
(20:32):
inspiration and guidance fromGod.
Symbolically, climbing up intoa mountain could also represent
drawing closer to heaven orcloser to God.
So anyway, for whatever reason,I felt the need to be in the
mountains, and so I climbed upas high as I could.
(20:52):
I climbed up to a mountain peakthat was lower than the rest
and just poured out my heart toGod and asked for strength to
help me endure this I couldn'teven hardly comprehend how this
could have even happened.
And anyway.
So you know, in my secondepisode I talked about some of
(21:15):
the problems I dealt with andyou know, the time I laid on top
of a mountain about froze todeath, thought the same thing.
I thought.
You know, I'm going to go uphere and I'm going to just spend
the night on the mountain.
I crawled under this log whenit started to get dark, but
again just shiver and I thought,ellen, this is stupid, All
(21:38):
you're doing is torturingyourself.
So I didn't have any light, soI tried to find my way back down
off the mountain in the darkand I finally made it back to my
pickup and I just spent thatnight and the next day there in
my pickup and walking aroundjust trying to absorb this.
I mean, I just couldn'tunderstand or even grasp my mind
(22:02):
around the death of my sonBryce.
How do you put your mind aroundthat that both of your sons
have died of suicide 32 yearsapart of each other?
Anyway, so then I, like I said Ishut off my phone.
I didn't even have a signal.
So I decided to drive back downwhere I had a signal and I sent
(22:23):
a text to Denise just tellingher I was okay not to worry
about me.
And then I turned off my phoneand Denise I think she said she
contacted the police orsomething.
They pinged my phone and I wasout by Arco Idol.
But then I drove out to thedesert further out there and
spent a Saturday night out thereand I remember going for a walk
(22:45):
off in the desert to a smallhill and I just wailed.
I just couldn't understand howmy son Bryce was dead and I just
prayed to the Lord.
And then I came back and I laidon the toolbox in my truck and
just stared up at the stars inthe heavens.
That brought me a littlecomfort, but I knew that I
(23:09):
finally had to go home.
I had to face the music.
So Sunday I knew that I had togo home, so I planned on heading
back home and so I got backhome and then we had to plan for
Bryce's funeral, and then thatwas another painful experience.
(23:33):
But anyway we got through thefuneral and my daughter, Melanie
, suggested that I build amemorial here at our place which
I did.
There's a picture of it thatyou'll be able to see.
Anyway, there's a picture ofboth mine and Leslie's two sons,
(23:58):
curtis and Bryce, hanging therepictures of them.
Then there's pictures of Andrewand Melanie.
I wanted to build this memorialI had before Bryce even died.
I had been out in.
I had to take a trailer toCalifornia and on my way back I
broke down by Battle MountainNevada.
(24:19):
You know where that is, I'msure, Alisha.
So while I spent waiting forsomebody to come and help me, I
walked over towards the mountain.
You know, I was out there threeor four hours and I found some
beautiful rocks that were quitebeautiful, and anyway, I
gathered up some small ones tobring home, to give to my
(24:41):
grandchildren.
And so I had an experience.
After Bryce died, I wanted togo out there and gather some of
these bigger rocks, but it wasdark by the time I got there.
And so I drove up the mountaina little ways and all I had was
(25:02):
the headlights from my truck,and as I was going up the
mountain a ways, there wassomething that stopped me a
little ways and all I had wasthe headlights from my truck.
And as I was going up themountain a ways, there was
something that stopped me, and Igot out to see what it was, and
there was this rock that hadflipped up.
I couldn't it was too dark forme to see where I'd originally
gotten these rocks.
So this rock that stopped me.
As I got out there, lookingaround, there were all these
(25:24):
beautiful rocks that I could seesurrounding me.
And I thought perhaps that's whyI was stopped there.
So I started to gather up theserocks and I finally uncovered a
big rock.
I mean it was huge.
And I said I'm not going homewithout it.
I'd loaded all the other rocksbut it was so big and so heavy I
(25:46):
could not lift it in the backof my truck.
And I tried numerous times andI felt like Bryce was out there
with me.
That night I talked to Brycewhile I was blowing these rocks
and different things.
So I told Bryce I said I needyour help to load this rock,
bryce, to take home to put onthis memorial for you and Curtis
(26:08):
.
So I tried one more time and Istill couldn't get it in the
back of the truck.
So then I said, bryce, let's dothis together.
And then, after I said that Iwas able to get the rock in the
back of the truck I mean, brycewas a big, strong man, but
anyway, I feel like that waskind of a tender mercy.
(26:29):
And so, anyway, I got thatmemorial built.
And now to move on to MountBora.
I talked about it a little bitin my second episode.
Anyway, mount Bora is thehighest peak in my native state
of Idaho.
It's north of Arco, idaho, upby Mackie, idaho, and I had
(26:52):
climbed it once as a 16-year-oldBoy Scout and, anyway, for
whatever reason, I had a desireto climb it again.
It was after that experience Ihad out in Malta, idaho, when I
was out there in that place,when I came home, I wanted to
climb the mountain and thatnever happened until after I
(27:12):
married Denise and I still feltthe need to climb it.
One day it was in June of 2019,I decided I was going to go
climb Mount Bora.
And it's steep.
It gains altitude to over 5,000feet and four and a half miles,
I think.
But, anyway, as I started upthere not real well prepared I
(27:35):
just carried a bottle of waterwith me, but I finally made it
up to the top.
That was close to the top ofthe mountain, but it had too
much snow on the top there tomake it up to the top, so I told
Denise and others that I'd madeit to the top, but I actually
hadn't.
I took pictures from there.
It looked like I was on top ofthe world, but I actually had
(27:57):
not made it to the top.
So that desire did not leave me.
And so then there was.
I was coming back from Oregonone day and I stopped in
Meridian to pay respects to myparents' grave, and I it would
have been it was june 24th of 20, 23, as I stand there and that
(28:23):
would have been my father's 99thbirthday, had he lived.
So I thought so I thought, well,I'm gonna go climb mount bora.
It was just kind of a spur ofthe moment thing.
I thought I'm gonna go climb itin honor of my father.
So I went off and I got thereto Mount Bora later that day and
so I climbed up there and Ispent the night.
(28:45):
Up above this tree line there'sa place called Chicken Out
Ridge.
You've got to crawl across itand you don't want to fall off
either side of your toes, and Iwas starting to feel the effects
of that high altitude and I wasfeeling shaky and dizzy, and so
I didn't dare go across that.
So I fired my pistol in the airsix times in honor of my dad's
(29:09):
what would have been his 99thbirthday.
But that desire would still notgo away, that I wanted to get
back to the top again.
So he didn't make it that time,and then it was after Bryce died
.
It was in August what wasAugust 24th, I believe and at
this time I told Denise I wasgoing to go and that I needed to
(29:32):
do this.
And so the other times I'vebeen there was in June and there
was still too much snow, sothis was in August, a better
time if you wanted to climb tothe top.
So I was well more preparedthis time and I took a pack and
I offered a prayer to God that Icould feel my two sons with me
(29:54):
on this father and son journey,as well as my father, because it
would have been my father's100th birthday at that time.
So, I prayed that I might havethat blessing.
So I got up there to Mount Boratowards evening 5 o'clock or so
.
So I started to hike up thetrail again, which is, you know,
(30:17):
through the trees and stuff,but after you get up above the
tree line.
There's a place that I had youknow, laid down and rested
before.
And anyway, as it got dark, as Istopped and looked at the stars
, there were three starsbrighter than the rest I should
have a picture of it and therewas one that was further out,
(30:40):
and then there was two backbehind just a little ways, and I
thought perhaps thatrepresented my father and my two
sons that were there with me.
So then that I stopped thereand slept for a little bit, and
then, as soon as it got light, Istarted heading towards the top
of the mountain.
So then I was able to get backto that spot that I'd been to
(31:01):
previously, where I had takenthose pictures, and said that
I'd made it to the top of themountain, and I thought at that
point I was just exhausted.
I thought it was still quiteways to the top, but this time I
could make it because therewasn't any snow.
And at first I thought maybeI'll just call it good and say
(31:22):
that I've made it close to thetop.
But I said no, eldon, you camehere to climb it with your
father and sons and you need todo that.
So I set out for the top ofMount Boough.
The elevation is 12,662,.
I believe there's a picture ofme at the top, but as I set out
(31:42):
there I could see some peoplegaining ground on me and they
caught up to me.
And anyway, there was a girlfrom Florida.
She was in her early 30s andthen another young man that was,
I don't know, in his late 20sand I visited with them and I
told them that I was 66, aboutthey were half my age, and I
(32:05):
said I'm up here trying to climbthis at this age, which they
were impressed by.
But anyway, there was otherhikers up there, but most of
them were half my age.
So, those two got ahead of meand got up to the top five
minutes before I did.
So, as I got up there, wecongratulated each other and,
(32:29):
you know, one gal made a signfor us to hold up, you know, at
the top of Mount Bora, which Idid.
And so, as we were up there, onthe top there's a book that you
can sign.
And so each of these two signedthe book and then they handed
it over to me and I was writingin there for a little while.
I probably wondered what I wasdoing.
Anyway, I said I assume you twoclimbed it for a very different
(32:52):
reason than what I did.
And I told them why I wasclimbing it.
I said I was climbing itbecause in honor of my two sons
that have both taken their lives, and then my father.
And then it was getting it wasprobably 2 o'clock and it was
getting a little later stillquite a ways back down.
So they asked me if I was readyto go and I said, no, I'm going
(33:15):
to stay up here for a littlewhile.
I thanked them for that and sothey went on their way.
While I was up there, I kneltin prayer, pleaded to God for
numerous things Well.
Towards the end of my prayer, Iasked the Lord if he would
bless me with a gift to takedown off of the mountain for my
(33:36):
efforts, for you know, climbingup there.
I thanked him that I was able tofill my father and my two sons
with me but I just asked for it,that I might have a gift to
take back off the mountain formy efforts climbing it, and I
left it at that.
I didn't ask for anythingspecific, anyway.
So I started my way back down,and about halfway up I had
(34:01):
brought my pack and I got rid ofit because I thought I could
never get the top carry in thispack.
But once I got back down to mypack I was able to rest and it
was getting later in the evening, so then I got headed back down
.
I thought my goal was to goback to this place.
I'd stayed just above the treeline, so I made it back down
(34:25):
there and it was dark by thetime I got there and I thought,
well, I'll just lay down and tryto go to sleep until I got
light and finished my journey inthe morning down the rest of
the mountain.
I laid there for probably a halfan hour and I couldn't sleep
and I thought I might as welljust keep walking instead of
just laying here.
So I put on my pack and starteddown and numerous times when
(34:50):
I'd get tired and fatigued, I'djust lay down on the trail there
and just rest for a little bit.
It was at 12.42 am, I hadstopped and I was getting.
I'd just laid down there andlooking up at the stars, and I
was just getting ready to leave,and I was looking over to the
(35:12):
west, the sky, the western sky,and it began to look different.
It started to turn green alittle bit and as I sat there
and watched this, then, all of asudden, these beautiful red
lights I mean it was thenorthern lights that came and I
(35:32):
was just.
I sat there and wept, I mean,and realized this is the gift
that I'd asked for, theseNorthern Lights there's
beautiful pictures of it.
And then you know, there's onethat shows me where I was on the
trail when I took thosepictures.
But I was just.
You know, as you'll see fromthe pictures, how beautiful that
(35:53):
was.
But I was just so touched thatthe Lord was mindful of me and
sent that tender mercy to me.
So anyway, I was, you know,when I shared that with my
daughters and others, the peoplewere in awe about that.
But then, so then we hadanother very beautiful tender
(36:14):
mercy.
So then we had another verybeautiful.
Alisha Coakley (36:16):
Tenor.
Eldon Buchanan (36:16):
Mercy.
It was on New Year's Day and Ihad hoped that this new year
would be better than this pastone.
At about four o'clock, deniseand I met Andrew and Melanie and
their families up to the grave,particularly Bryce, because we
(36:38):
were honoring him because thefollowing day he would have
turned 40 years old, and so wewere there and put some balloons
and were there in honor ofBryce paying honor to him.
And as we were standing thereit began to lightly snow.
You feel it get colder.
And all of a sudden thesebeautiful snowflakes began to
(37:00):
fall upon us.
And I mean just beautiful, andyou'll see pictures of them.
I mean they look like they'renot even real, they're so
perfect.
And as we stood there we werejust literally in awe of all
these beautiful snowflakesfalling on us.
And then what became even moreinteresting to me?
(37:20):
So, after I researchedsnowflakes a little bit, it said
it takes an hour from where asnowflake is created up in the
sky, wherever.
It takes an hour for thatsnowflake to fall to Earth.
And then it said this perfectsix-sided snowflake is very rare
to see and there are only likeone in every thousands of
(37:44):
snowflakes, this perfectsnowflake.
Yet we had hundreds of themfalling upon us as we sat there
and we were just literally allin awe.
I mean the chances of thathappening while we were standing
there at the graves of Curtisand Bryce.
The chances of winning thelottery were greater than that
(38:04):
happening right there as wehappened to be standing there.
And anyway, that was a beautifulexperience for all of us Brings
us up to about now.
But in closing there's oneexperience I want to close with.
So I have my little farm outhere and I have a couple of
(38:29):
horses and I made our barnyardthat is close to the main road
that goes through and I put apathway there for people to go
coming to from church orwherever, so they don't have to
go clear down to the corner.
Then I've got at the end.
There it says a gate that saysWelcome to Buchanan Lane, so
(38:50):
people feel free to come inthere.
There's a lot of people on theoutside that like to see the
horses and stuff.
So I got home one evening and Idrove back there and there was
some young father with thislittle boy standing back there
petting the horses, looking atthem, and I didn't know who it
was.
So as I got out to visit withhim, he told me that he was from
(39:14):
New York City and that his wifewas from Connecticut and they'd
come out here to go to school.
And so as I visited with him,he came out and told me he said
I'm not a Mormon.
I said, well, that's fine.
So, but then I always enjoytalking to people that are not
members of the church how theyfeel like they've been treated
(39:36):
or accepted moving into adominant LDS community.
We talked about that just alittle bit, and he told me that
Then he came out and told methat he was an atheist and I put
my hand on his shoulder and Isaid come here.
So I took him over and showedhim this memorial that I'd built
and showed him my two sonsthere.
(39:59):
And I said it's been through.
The death of my two sons andthe trials that I've experienced
in life is how I've truly cometo know and have a testimony of
our Savior Jesus Christ.
And it's funny, I was LordMissionary at the Christ and
it's funny I was in, I was award missionary at the time.
And it's funny that themissionaries came walking by out
(40:21):
on the, by the road, and Ihollered at them, told them to
come over and they visited withhim and, you know, took his
information.
So we'll see where that goes,but anyway that.
Alisha Coakley (40:33):
I think that's about concludes this third
episode.
Oh, alden, oh my gosh, it's sohard and heartbreaking and
beautiful at the same time, andI can feel like even just a
difference in the first timethat you came on and you shared
(40:55):
about curtis and your dad, tothe second time, to the third
time.
Now, like I feel, like you havethis I don't know strength
about you, even just in theshort like between the first
episode and the third episode.
Now you have this like verysolid strength about you and
(41:16):
your testimony where, like youknow, you can see it Like you,
can feel it Like your.
Your pain is still very muchthere, but the amount of faith
that you have in the Lord still,despite all of this, is so like
I don't even have like a wordfor it.
I don't know how to explain itall.
Eldon Buchanan (41:35):
Then, but you're just well, I don't even have a
word for it.
I don't know how to explain it,eldon.
Well, I'm glad you mentionedthat.
I forgot an experience that Iwanted to add to this.
It was a couple of years agowhen I was hauling RV trailers.
I'd gone back to Indiana to geta trailer and I was coming back
with it.
I was out in the middle ofWyoming on this particular day
(41:58):
and I I forgot to put up my DLTstickers on the windows on my
truck.
So anyway, while I was outthere, the state trooper came up
alongside me and then he backsoff and gets behind me and turns
on his lights and I thought, ohgreat, and I knew why he was
pulling me over for not havingmy DOT stickers.
(42:19):
As a commercial driver.
But as we you know, he camearound on the side over in the
borrow pit and we started tovisit.
I had a very lengthy, goodvisit with this state trooper.
He was probably I don't know inhis late 40s 50s state trooper.
He was probably I don't know inhis late 40s 50s and he told me
that he had lost his father afew years ago and told me how
(42:40):
hard that was losing his father.
Alisha Coakley (42:42):
He said the thing that about did him in.
Eldon Buchanan (42:45):
He told me well it had been a year prior to when
I was standing there visitingwith him.
He said he was dispatched on afatality and he said I was
stopped halfway there becausethat fatality was my daughter
and then I.
So after we talked about that,I said do you believe that you
(43:06):
will see your daughter and yourfather again?
He said when my daughter waskilled, that's when I quit
believing in God.
And I said well, I can relateto you on both counts.
I told him about the death ofmy father when I was a teenager
and I told him that Iexperienced what bitterness was
(43:28):
like.
Then I shared with him about theloss of Curtis as a 34-year-old
father and how difficult thatwas, but I told him, as painful
as that was, that became perhapsthe most beautiful experience
of my life, simply because Icame to truly know the Savior
Jesus Christ through that.
So I've had that.
You know, from that experienceon, that is what has kept me
(43:51):
anchored to you know, because Ihave known, that we're we're.
God is aware of us without adoubt, and that's that's what
has sustained me.
If I didn't have that, I don'tknow if I would have made it
through some of this stuff.
Alisha Coakley (44:06):
Oh yeah, I don't .
I don't see how anyone couldhave, honestly yeah.
Scott Brandley (44:12):
I mean to think there's people out there you
know, like maybe this officer orother people, that when, when
real difficult tragedies happen,they become jaded and they,
they curse god, they, they losetheir faith.
Oh, without a doubt.
And, and so you're actually,everything you've gone through.
(44:33):
I don't, I can't think ofanyone that I personally know
that's gone through more thanyou.
Alisha Coakley (44:39):
Yeah, I agree.
Scott Brandley (44:41):
And I agree with Alisha.
It feels like you have thisquiet confidence in God, this
faith, that I feel it more nowon this episode than I have in
the past, and even after you'velost your second son and I don't
(45:04):
know how to explain it either,Alisha, but I feel the same
thing and thank you for beingwilling to share it.
Eldon, honestly, it'sincredibly hard to have you go
through it.
We know how painful it is foryou to have to relive it and
(45:26):
share it, but at the same time,I think there are some mercies,
some things that you've beenable to get through that can
help other people get throughdifficult things like this too.
Eldon Buchanan (45:40):
Well, and that's why I was willing to share
these experiences, because, youknow, I hope maybe it helps
somebody else.
But you know, as I go out andstand by this memorial I built
to my two sons, I still continueto think how is this even
possible?
I never thought this kind ofthing would ever come into my
(46:01):
life.
And anyway, you can eitherbecome bitter or become, you
know.
Turn to God for solace and help.
Alisha Coakley (46:14):
Yeah, can I ask how do you?
I mean, you mentioned thateverybody grieves differently,
right?
And one of the things that, oneof the things that I'm in the
process of myself right now isrecognizing that, like, not only
(46:39):
does every person grievedifferently, but we grieve every
person differently.
Eldon Buchanan (46:44):
Yes.
Alisha Coakley (46:57):
Scott, earlier that my um, my mom, was just um
given a diagnosis of terminalcancer a couple weeks ago and
originally we thought that wehad 12 to 18 months with her and
and then the doctor just cameback a couple of days ago and
said it's going to be more likethree to six months now.
So you know what was thedifference for you between your
dad, curtis, now Bryce, you know?
Did you feel like it was eachreally super unique to each
(47:20):
person?
Eldon Buchanan (47:21):
Oh, without a doubt it was I.
You know, suicide is adifferent angle.
During somebody's deathaccepting that One of those
things you wouldn't wish uponanyone that has to go through it
.
Alisha Coakley (47:41):
Do you feel like any of the times were easier
than others, or was it justdifferent?
Eldon Buchanan (47:50):
No, I wouldn't say they were easier.
You know the thing I talkedabout the death of my father
when I was 17.
That was, you know, and it wasall a sudden death.
And anyway, the thing thatcaused me to become bitter there
is all of the events thatchanged our lives forever.
(48:14):
You know, our mother remarriedseven months later and we had
the farm.
I had envisioned as a young17-year-old that my life was set
in stone, that I was going tobe there on the farm with my dad
forever and that we'd comeclose.
So I experienced bitternessthrough that.
So I experienced bitternessthrough that and you know, like
I said, with Curtis, you know,being that death of our first
(48:39):
child, leslie had just givenbirth to Melanie, on November
5th of 92, on November 22nd, twoand a half weeks later, curtis
dies.
That's quite a range ofemotions to go through in two
and a half weeks.
Alisha Coakley (48:54):
Joy of a daughter, and then the death of
your oldest child.
Yeah.
Eldon Buchanan (48:59):
And so my cousin told me something, my oldest
cousin.
He told me he'd been a missionpresident and stuff and he said,
let's see if I can get it right.
He said, the more pain andexperiences like we have here
gives us greater capacity forjoy.
(49:20):
On the other end, you know,when my time comes to see my
father and my two sons, you knowthat thought is overwhelming.
I mean the joy that willreplace the sorrow.
And that time comes.
Some people wonder.
Well, you know, is there a nextlife or not?
I've talked to some.
(49:41):
They doubt it.
Or, you know, wonder that'ssomething I have, no doubt about
that.
I will see my two sons again,curtis and bryce, as well as my
father and my mother.
Scott Brandley (49:55):
Yeah, that's.
One thing I love about thegospel is the idea of having an
eternal perspective.
Eldon Buchanan (50:01):
Oh, you have to have that, or if you don't have
an eternal perspective, lifewould get unbearable.
Alisha Coakley (50:10):
Yeah, yeah, Wow, Gosh Eldon.
Well, thank you so much againfor coming on here today and for
sharing your part three with us.
Like I said, Scott and I, ourhearts just go out to you and
your family and, asheartbreaking and hard as it's
been, like I, I just want you toknow like we see you and we we
(50:35):
know that you're going to doevery bit of good that you can
from every ounce of pain and badthat has happened, and so thank
you for being that example tous.
Eldon Buchanan (50:46):
You know, as I was talking to my I'll call him
my son, chris, yesterday,there's trials come into our
lives.
We don't just say, oh, I'd loveto experience this thing in my
life.
But when they come into ourlives which they do all of us
and if we.
You know, I was telling Christhe Lord.
(51:06):
You know these trials.
He doesn't necessarily take themfrom us, but he's with us as we
go through them and it's whatwe gain and learn through the
experience that uh and you know,in the end it's truly our
trials that become a blessingsto us and help to create us who
we're god wants us to be yeah,yeah, absolutely.
Alisha Coakley (51:29):
Wow.
Well, eldon, thank you so muchagain for all of that.
Is there any last message thatyou'd like to give to our guests
, maybe anyone who might bestruggling with their own
thoughts of suicide or has aloved one who might be
struggling you?
Eldon Buchanan (51:48):
know mental illness and you know struggle
with depression and all that.
That's real.
I mean, it's not just somethingmade up.
Like I said, I've struggledwith it for 50 years of my life
and you know I have sought help.
To be honest, I've been on anantidepressant for 20 years, and
(52:09):
so it was after the death ofBryce.
I don't know if you've heardanything about it.
I don't know if you've heardanything about it.
Scott Brandley (52:14):
I don't know if you've heard about that ketamine
treatments I've heard of it.
Eldon Buchanan (52:18):
Yeah, and so I tried that and I feel like that
has helped.
But you know, I have not yetfound just a total cure-all.
It's something to deal with.
And you know even Chris, all ofus, we knew that Bryce was
struggling, but we never, noneof us, thought that he would
ever fully go through with this.
(52:39):
Right, I think that justbecause he became hopeless is
what happened His life andeverything became lost hope.
Scott Brandley (52:49):
Yeah, life's hard when you lose hope.
Eldon Buchanan (52:51):
Well, it is.
It is You've got to have hope.
Or if you don't have that, likeyou lose hope.
Alisha Coakley (52:54):
It is You've got to have hope or if you don't
have that, like you haveanything.
That's what Bryce lost, I know.
For us we had I think Imentioned this I don't know if
it was on your last episode, butin a couple of the other
episodes that we had and stuff Imentioned that we had we had a
(53:16):
moment where we almost lost our,our son.
Um, uh, about a year and a halfago he almost took his life too
, and the one thing that savedhim really was, um he, he had
his own spiritual promptings andexperiences and stuff, but the
the thing that stopped him wasreaching out to someone in that
(53:39):
moment.
Um, first he reached out to ourbishop and our bishop didn't
answer the phone.
And then he reached out to thepolice, um department, which
just happens to literally beacross the park, Like we it's
our house, a park, and then thepolice station is right across
from us, and he was able tomuster just enough courage to
(54:03):
make not one but two phone callsuntil he could get ahold of
someone.
And I think that that, honestly, is the way that Satan gets us,
is he breaks our connection toeach other.
Eldon Buchanan (54:13):
Absolutely.
Alisha Coakley (54:14):
He makes us feel alone, because if we had at
least one little connection inthat moment, you know anything
at all could be the thing thatthat keeps us here for a little
longer.
Right, that gets us through onemore, one more episode, or one
more day, or one more month or ayear or whatever it is.
And so I know, for me, one ofthe things that I've really been
(54:36):
trying to focus on since thathas happened is being so
connected with my, with my son,you know, knowing that he
struggles with that all the time, constantly being like someone
who is connected to him, um, andso I think, someone who is
connected to him, um, and so Ithink, however, that looks right
(54:58):
, like maybe it's a conversation, maybe it's sending little
memes to each other, um, but butespecially constant reiteration
of I love you, I need you here,I'm so glad that you're where
you are, and, and even when youstruggle with stuff, you know,
like that Super stinks.
I hate that you're goingthrough that, but I'm here with
you, so let's keep doing lifetogether.
(55:19):
You know, I think just keepingthat connection is something
that could really help save alot of lives.
Eldon Buchanan (55:25):
So that was an experience that took place, that
I shared it on my secondepisode, and so I'm anxious to
learn more about this orunderstand it better.
When I talked about on mysecond episode on November 21st
of 2017, the night that Leslietold me she wanted a divorce I
(55:46):
thought my life was over.
Alisha Coakley (55:49):
And anyway so.
Eldon Buchanan (55:52):
I went home and slept in the trailer and Bryce
was there with me because theywere concerned about me and so I
thought I was going to end mylife.
So I ended up crawling out ofthe trailer.
I couldn't go out the frontdoor because Bryce was there.
And went to the house and then Icame back.
I didn't have access to a gun,so I was going to just, I don't
(56:14):
know, end my life somehow, andright as I got to go, leave to
go out, you know, there it waslike three in the morning Bryce
came out of the trailer.
He didn't even know I wasoutside.
Somebody had woken up.
So the Lord used Bryce tointervene in my behalf.
But why didn't anyone intervenein his behalf?
I, but why didn't anyoneintervene in his behalf.
(56:35):
I don't.
That's something that I'll lookforward to understanding better
someday.
Scott Brandley (56:40):
Yeah.
Alisha Coakley (56:42):
And it does give us comfort, I think, knowing
that we don't have to have theanswers in this life, because it
will all be revealed.
Like it's to all be revealed tous in the end and it'll be a
perfect understanding, noquestions, no concerns, no
doubts anymore.
It'll just be.
It'll just, we'll justunderstand, it'll make sense to
(57:04):
us and because we have thateternal perspective too, we know
that that was like a blip intime, you know that that's not
the end of the story and so,gosh, I don't know.
It's suicide and and depressionand mental health is such a
hard topic and there's so manyunknowns.
But I think the one thing thatthat we can hold tight to is
(57:27):
that the Lord's there for us andeven if he doesn't stop us or
send someone to stop us in orderto save our life, he still can
work everything to our good.
You know he can let us havethat agency and love us exactly
the way that we are, and be ableto let our story be the thing
that helps other people to findlight and to find him.
Eldon Buchanan (57:49):
Yeah, you've heard people say that this
mortal life is like a blink ofthe eye, but it doesn't always
feel like it.
It doesn't feel like it.
Scott Brandley (58:02):
It's a slow blink.
Alisha Coakley (58:04):
It's a little long sometimes.
Scott Brandley (58:07):
Let's maybe end on a more positive note.
You've had a lot of bad thingshappen to you, but how do you do
you do you try to findgratitude?
Oh, absolutely your life oh,absolutely.
Eldon Buchanan (58:24):
That's one thing that I I mean I throughout my
life.
I look back and I can see thehand of god in my life.
I always.
You know my desire to get intofarming.
The chances of me getting backin that were slim to none, but
it was through the hand of Godthat guided and directed that
affair and so I'm eternallygrateful for that.
(58:46):
You know, that's one thing I donot understand.
I don't know.
I don't believe that Godintended for Leslie and I to
divorce, but I do believe thathe brought Denise into my life.
She's been an enormous blessingin my life and you know she's
very thoughtful.
She treats, you know, mychildren and grandchildren as
(59:06):
though they were her own.
She's very, very thoughtful.
So she you know that, I thinkyou know God not been mindful of
me, my life could be not verygood.
Right, can not even be here,right, you know I've been.
I have much to still begrateful for which I try to be
(59:27):
every day of my life.
I even thank the Lord for thehairs of my head.
What's left up there?
Scott, you're about worse thanme.
Alisha Coakley (59:38):
Scott, I'll just thank him for the hair on his
head.
Scott Brandley (59:42):
That's part of your head.
Lots of pussy.
Alisha Coakley (59:45):
Okay, that's fair.
Eldon Buchanan (59:51):
I consider you two friends.
I really do.
You know, I haven't met you yet, scott, but I hope to someday.
But Alisha do.
I haven't met you yet, scott,but I hope to someday.
But Alisha met you.
I consider you friends.
Alisha Coakley (01:00:02):
Well, we love you, eldon, and you're welcome
to come back Anytime.
Eldon Buchanan (01:00:07):
Next time, let's come with A better story, just
something amazing and happy andgreat.
Alisha Coakley (01:00:11):
Yeah, we'll do that.
Come with just somethingamazing and happy and great yeah
.
Eldon Buchanan (01:00:17):
We'll do that.
Scott Brandley (01:00:20):
That sounds like a plan.
Yeah, all right, we think ofyou as a friend too, eldon, and
we really appreciate you comingon and sharing your story.
Eldon Buchanan (01:00:29):
Like I said, I think both of you are to be
complimented for the work you'redoing, you know who knows?
How many countless lives ofthese stories have touched
people and helped people.
So I hope that you know whatI've shared this time and my
other times maybe helped someone.
Alisha Coakley (01:00:45):
I already know that they have, and they'll
continue to do so.
All right, mr Buchanan.
Well, thank you again forjoining us, for sharing your
story, and thank you to ourguests, too, for tuning in to
another episode of latter-daylights.
Guys, make sure that you doyour five-second missionary work
.
You have no idea who needs tohear the things that we're
(01:01:06):
spoken about today, who needs tohave a little bit more light in
their life.
So just click that share buttonlike comment, do whatever you
can.
Let Eldon know what your um,what part of his story really
meant the most to you or stoodout to you the most, and and um,
as always, if you guys have astory that you'd like to share,
you know someone who has a greatstory.
We would love to hear it.
(01:01:28):
So reach out to us.
You guys can email us atlatterdaylights at gmailcom, or
you can head to our website,latterdaylightscom and fill out
the contact form at the bottomof the page.
Scott Brandley (01:01:38):
Thanks again, elton, and thanks for everyone
tuning in, and we will talk toyou next week with another
episode.
Until then, take care.
Eldon Buchanan (01:01:45):
Thank you so much.
Popular Podcasts
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.