The Next Level Of Saying "No"

Have you ever noticed how a seemingly small commitment can hijack your entire day? That's the paradox we explore in this thought-provoking episode about the hidden cost of saying yes to minor requests.

I share a personal experience that many of us will find painfully familiar – agreeing to a brief 10-minute appearance at a friend's book launch while recovering from jet lag. Despite the actual event requiring minimal time, I found myself in "waiting mode" for hours, unable to fully relax or focus on her needed recovery. This phenomenon, beautifully captured in Charles Dickens' observation that "the mere consciousness of an engagement will sometimes worry a whole day," affects us all more than we might realize.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Let it Be Easy with Susie Moore.
We have all heard about theimportance of saying no.
Say no, say no, jump aboard theno train.
Saying no to someone else orsaying yes to you.
No is a complete sentence.

(00:21):
This is something that's verymuch in our consciousness,
increasingly encouraged.
Learning to say no, especiallyas a woman, is extremely
valuable.
You get your life back, yourenergy back, your time back,
dare, I say your integrity back,because you only say yes to the
things that genuinely call toyou.

(00:41):
I want to ask you, however, ifyou're saying no in this small
way, because this has been atrap for me that I've overcome,
but I fell back into it recentlyand I'm like I've got to share
this on the podcast because itis so important and I have a
quote, actually from the one andonly Charles Dickens, one of my

(01:03):
favorite English authors, whosaid this.
I'm going to break it down.
He said the mere consciousnessof an engagement will sometimes
worry a whole day.
Let me repeat that the mereconsciousness of an engagement
will sometimes worry a whole day.
What does Dickens mean by thisand how am I interpreting this

(01:27):
in a way that matters to us?
Sometimes, even if we're goodat saying no, we have our
boundaries and we manage ourlives according to our desires.
There will be that person,there will be that request,
there will be that exception.
This happened to me recently,after I just got back from a
trip.
I had jet lag, I was exhausted.
I like to give myself at leasta couple of days to recalibrate

(01:49):
and settle back in.
But a friend of mine had herbook launch and I love her, I
love her book, and it was aspecial event that day and it
was only a 10 minute appearance.
She wanted me to show up, havea bit of a Q&A with her, which I
did.
And I will tell you, all day Iwas in waiting mode, all day, I

(02:10):
think.
The time that I was set to chatwith her was around 1pm and
with my jet lag, I was up earlystill on English time, and so I
waited from around 5 or 6amuntil 1pm until we had our Q&A,
until I could fully relax.
Can you relate to this?
Look, my friend was right toask me.

(02:30):
I'm happy that I showed up forher, but I wonder if there could
have been another way that Icontributed instead, because all
day, a day that I was meant torecalibrate and relax.
I was spent waiting for this 10minute show up, this 10 minute
appearance, waiting for this 10minute show up, this 10 minute
appearance.
So sometimes, even if we arevery clear on what we want and

(02:50):
how we want our day, our week,our month to go, there are these
little exceptions that pop up.
Oh, it's only an hour.
Oh, can you pop in for a drink?
Oh, could you just show up andsay hello?
Oh, if you're in the area, whydon't you just?
And people are well-meaning andthey want to see you and they
love you and it's a wonderfulthing to be invited to things.
But sometimes these exceptionsderail us.

(03:12):
I know the author, stevenPressfield.
Check out the interview on thepodcast if you haven't already.
He's one of my absoluteall-time favorites.
He says that as a writer, as acreative, you really have to say
no to even the slightestimposition, something like even
a 10 minute interview.
My friends, sometimes there aretimes in life where the no has

(03:34):
to be even stronger.
It has to really be like thisconcrete wall around you,
especially if you're protectingyour time because you're working
on something important.
Maybe you're going through aninternal transition and you're
thinking gosh, what do I wantnext, and all of these
distractions.
It's like they're tests,they're testing you.
How committed are you to thetime that you've dedicated to

(03:56):
yourself, to your projects, towhat it is that's most important
to you, even if it's just 10minutes, even if it's just a
coffee?
Even if it's just 10 minutes,even if it's just a coffee, even
if it's just a glass of wine,even if it's just a quick, a
quick zoom, a quick face time, aquick question?
Can you really, really, reallyreally test yourself and still

(04:17):
say no until tomorrow?

(04:38):
My friends, so much love andease.
Playyouryearcom.
All you have to do to getaccess is leave me a review,
leave a review of this podcaston Apple Podcasts, take a
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(04:59):
access.