January 23, 2024 • 17 mins
Ever felt like you're the only ones whose marriage isn't a fairy tale? We've been there, too. In our latest heart-to-heart, we peel back the curtain on our relationship's toughest year, sharing how we faced a pandemic, realized the impact of our different cultures, and questioned our young marriage. Our candid conversation isn't just about our trials; it's a testament to the power of prayer, therapy, and the hard work of rebuilding. Join us as we laugh, reflect, and celebrate the transformation that's come from what once seemed so irreparable.
As we tear down the facade of the perfect union, we're inviting you to explore the messiness of real-life relationships with us. We touch on the raw truth of early parenthood, the social unrest of 2020, and the journey toward mental health and therapy. It's a chapter where we don't shy away from admitting the necessity of professional guidance and the work it takes to dig through the mess. Our story isn't just about staying together; it's about growing together, and we're bringing our listeners along for the ride.
We share how faith and a commitment to the Lord and bettering ourselves and our bond carried us through our darkest times. You'll hear how tackling personal triggers and defensiveness can lead to a more authentic connection, and why pushing through the tough times is worth it. We're excited for you to join our community, to continue this journey of love and commitment, and to discover along with us, the deeply rewarding work that goes into nurturing a relationship.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Danilee (00:00):
Are you ready?
Pierre (00:02):
Yeah, I'm ready.
You know it's funny because Isaid I wasn't going to do this
ever again.
Danilee (00:07):
And I told you that you had to keep it because I knew
we would do it again.
Pierre (00:11):
That's crazy.
Danilee (00:12):
All right, let's dig.
Pierre (00:14):
Let's dig Okay, okay.
Danilee (00:17):
We are so excited and pumped.
We can't believe that we areback here for another season,
another episode of let's DigBabe, we're back.
Pierre (00:29):
Yeah, we're back.
It's wild because I remember wetalked about this, what we
talked about, this.
Danilee (00:36):
So many times.
Pierre (00:38):
Several times and I was just like no, we're not going to
do it.
Unplug it, throw in the towel,set it all on fire, like I just
don't want to dig anymore.
Danilee (00:46):
It's true, and I always had a feeling.
I always believed it would comeback around when it was the
right time and the right season.
Pierre (00:55):
Yeah, and even just sitting here talking about this
like I'm tapping my feet.
Danilee (01:01):
You are.
Pierre (01:02):
I feel super anxious and nervous.
But you know what?
We dug ourselves in a hole.
Danilee (01:08):
We dug ourselves in a hole.
Pierre (01:10):
We talked about stuff that we weren't ready even to
talk about, and we did.
We went through one crazy year.
Pandemic was a crazy year thatwon everything caught up with us
, I mean.
Danilee (01:21):
It really did.
Pierre (01:22):
And the word deconstruction right was
probably one of the most popularhashtags of that year, the year
afterwards.
And we went through fulldeconstruction, which is crazy,
and even, and then we wentthrough a reconstruction yeah,
you know, we've been married forwhat?
Going on 14 years now, and itfeels like just three, four
years because we had to honestlystart everything all over,
(01:42):
which is crazy.
Danilee (01:43):
Yeah, I think part of that process for us was really
digging all the way to thebottom and I remember us
standing in the kitchen and Iremember saying I think we've
dug ourselves in a hole that wecannot get ourselves out of and
I knew we needed help, like we.
(02:03):
We were having these hardconversations and there were so
many times where we felt sodistant.
There were so many times whereI mean, we thought we were, we
were done Like, we thought wewere so broken that we couldn't
be repaired.
And I remember saying like Ithink we need a therapist, a
(02:25):
counselor, somebody to help ustalk ourselves out of this hole,
because we're just so deep andit feels so broken and that it
feels like we can't save thisourselves.
Pierre (02:38):
Yeah, yeah, that's crazy , but we're here, we're here.
Danilee (02:42):
Made it through and we're different.
Yeah, we're different.
Pierre (02:45):
Talk about different too was crazy because, like we
didn't realize how much ourchildhood, our infancy, our
infancy, like our upbringing,our culture, differences, we
didn't realize how different wewere to getting married at a
very young age, which was crazy.
You know people, even to thisday, when people acts like hey,
um, oh, you're married, I sayyeah, yeah, how long?
I say like almost 14 years,people say what, how old are you
(03:06):
?
Danilee (03:06):
I say I'm like, yeah, I got married when I was seven.
Pierre (03:08):
Yeah, I was like yeah, I was, I was a baby.
Yeah, I was a baby when we gotmarried.
But it?
But now we think about it likeman, like we were we were and
you couldn't tell us nothing ofthe sort.
Danilee (03:21):
When we got married, I actually, because of the
hometown that I came from insmall town in Indiana, I
actually felt like I was lategetting married.
I was late to have kids myfirst kid was at 27 with you.
Like I felt like that was superlate for who I grew up with,
the kids that I went to schoolwith, Like I was a late bloomer,
if you'd wanna say like and so.
(03:43):
But now fast forward to wherewe are now and, looking back,
like we were so young, we werejust in love, we were in
ministry and we were just readyto go change the world.
Pierre (03:58):
Yeah, it was crazy.
And you know, as we're evendoing this, talking about this,
just on a microphone, like got acamera right here in front of
my face, I just people probablywatching, you guys are probably
watching, thinking like okay,what are they even talking about
?
You know, we were married for10 years when we decided to
launch a podcast, and ourpodcast, as it's called right
(04:19):
now it's called let's Dig,basically us letting you guys
into our conversations, thingsthat we're hashing out, things
that we are currently dealingwith in our home right
financially, mentally,spiritually, emotionally, even
with our talents, everythingphysically, everything that
we're dealing with.
We decided to say you know what, while we're dealing with these
(04:40):
things, we know that everybodydeals with these things.
Everybody does.
Everybody deals with this.
You know, even growing up in thechurch, you know we it was
shown to us that our leaders andour pastors, things like that
didn't argue, and so we thoughtevery time we argued, like
something's wrong with us.
My parents never actually evenliked to even argue.
So I always thought, if weargued, like we're broken, we're
(05:01):
messed up, and we realized likeno, everybody goes through
these things.
So we decided to start apodcast many years ago to say
you know what, let's hash allthis stuff out, you know, and
then let's talk about it right,let's dig right, so that people
can know that we all deal withthese things.
And so we did that and severalepisodes in, we started
realizing, like man, we aredigging and talking about topics
(05:25):
that we haven't really figuredout.
Like you know what I mean.
Danilee (05:29):
I think a lot of it too , though, was we were having
those conversations.
We felt like there was a lot ofpeople in other circles around
that just weren't showing thoseweaknesses, or not even
weaknesses.
They were just weren't showingreality, like looking up to
mentors of marriages andthinking that they never fight.
(05:52):
That's unrealistic expectations, and it's unfair to newlyweds
when they're fighting and think,wait, did we make a wrong
decision?
So I felt like we felt thatburden of like hey, we're just
gonna show married couples it'sokay to fight and here's how to
fight, and all these otherthings, and I think we just got
slammed with the combination ofhaving a preemie in January of
(06:16):
2020, and then COVID, and thenall the racial tension that
ended up coming through in 2020.
I think that those combinationsof things really stripped off
some things off our marriagethat we didn't even really
realize were there, and that'swhere we got to that place of
(06:37):
like, oh my gosh, we reallymessed up in some of the things
that we built our marriage on,the foundations that we built
our marriage on, and then itfelt like a separation.
I remember hearing this term ofa shadow spouse and realizing
that that's what I had been allthose 10 years with you because
(07:00):
that's what I thought a goodChristian, a godly woman, does
is hides behind her husband andsupports her husband in whatever
he says.
And I knew that.
I chose you because I trust youand I know you hear from God.
So, whatever you say, okay,let's do it.
And just really finding myselfbehind you, like I'll take care
of the kids, you just go do whatGod's called you to do and I'll
(07:21):
be over here.
So there were so many factorsthat got thrown at us with the
same of most people right, likemost people dealt with things
they had never dealt with before2020.
But I think all those factorsexposed us and we had already
been on this journey of diggingin front of people and then it
got to a point of like, oh, wecan't dig this out in front of
(07:45):
people anymore.
Pierre (07:46):
Yeah, yeah, which is crazy.
And here we are now.
Like we went through marriagetherapy, which you know, we'll
talk about this later on y'allLike marriage therapy, like
people think, like you know, youknow, especially for us as
millennials, right, we were thegeneration that was just like,
can we just talk about thesethings?
Right, but the generationbefore us, you know, made us
think like you know, if you wentto marriage therapy, if you
(08:08):
went to therapy, you're broken,you're messed up, you're jacked
up, right, but how many believe,like we all know, that 2020
changed the game, for that it'sokay to talk about it and that's
what we decided to do, you know, which was it was weird times
to right doing therapy for thefirst time, virtually, you know,
we found like a really cooltherapist like he, the guy came
in clutch, right, we just satdown and we just started talking
(08:28):
about things, that we starteddigging.
We realized, like you know, alot of the things on our
foundation.
Babe was just really messed up.
It was just jacked up.
Like we built our marriage, ourrelationship, even how we saw
ourselves, how we saw each otherand even how we even saw
ourselves alongside each other,even as parents, as friends,
right, as business partners.
(08:48):
Like you know how we didrelationship with other people,
right.
All of it was messed up and,honestly, we went through a full
reconstruction andreconstructions were healthy.
Like you know, every time Ithink about reconstruction, I
think about a bulldozer, right.
I think about I think about aroom, right, we're going to come
and reconstruct.
Some of y'all you live in LA,y'all know about reconstruction.
You did it all to your face too, which is crazy.
Danilee (09:10):
More so Orange County, now that we live there.
Pierre (09:12):
That's crazy.
Some people just need to go doa reconstruction, right, because
it wasn't working.
But anyways, we did areconstruction to our marriage
and, honestly, it's a gamechanger and I feel like we've
been renewed, we've beenrestored, reconciliation has
happened, even our relationship,which is really cool.
Like I still love you, I'mstill in love with you, I can't
(09:33):
imagine life without you.
Like I and I'm not going to lieduring that time I tried to
imagine my life without you.
Danilee (09:39):
We thought about it, I tried to imagine my life with
other people.
Pierre (09:43):
And I was like, nah, she not going to work.
Nah, she talk more than DannyLee.
Nah, she not going to work.
And I'm like, do I even likewhite girls?
I was trying to figure thatwhole thing out too.
Danilee (09:52):
Babe.
Pierre (09:53):
I knew, no, but you know what I realized you're my type
like legit, I really do love youand I really am in love with
you and I really don't want todo my life with nobody else.
And we had to go through thatfull reconstruction for me to
realize like you're my person,right.
And it's tough too.
And I realized like we'velearned so much over the last
couple of years our personalitytypes, our culture, differences,
(10:14):
the obvious differences, evenraising kids, raising good kids
in a bad world, right, you know,that's been really big for us.
And even how we're friends toother people.
This reconstruction changed ourrelationships with others.
It changed our perspective onfinances.
It changed our perspective evenon God, which is crazy, like,
(10:34):
even how we see our kids.
We'll look at our kids.
I'm like man, you're just likeyour mom.
That's great.
Hey, dan Lee, can you comecoach him through this moment?
And I realized how much so muchof us, like our kids, need both
of us, right, my son needs aman, he needs a dad, he needs
that father figure, but he needsme to be this big, huge, gentle
, loving, soft giant.
(10:56):
And he also needs his mom,right.
And there's times like I grewup in a household where we were
very dismissive towards our momand our reconstruction that we
went through like was big,because it made me realize how
much my son needs his mom, howmuch he needs that care.
And our daughter we're not eventalking.
She needs a whole season forherself.
Danilee (11:12):
We're not even talking about her.
She actually definitely needs awhole episode because so many
people don't know Brooklynbecause she was an infant when
we were doing the episodes, soshe definitely needs her own
episode by herself, yeah.
Pierre (11:24):
And I honestly want to take a moment and actually even
say our bad and sorry to thosethat we left hanging.
We're sorry guys, so many peoplehanging right Because so many
people was along the journeywith us and some of you guys
actually found restoration inyour relationships and so much
good insight that even helpedyou, and so we actually had to
work on ourselves before wedecided to go any further to
(11:46):
help other people.
And so we're back, we'restronger, we're restored, we
we've, honestly, we found somuch joy and peace in our
relationship now and we feellike we have gained tools that
can help others in theirrelationships with other, even
inside perspective, faith youknow so many different things a
parenting and so I'm ready,we're back and we're going to
(12:06):
continue digging y'all.
So to all of our I think wecalled everybody our diggers
Right, To all your diggers outthere, I don't know if I can say
that one.
You can't say that one.
Danilee (12:16):
I don't think it comes off right.
Oh no, it don't feel right.
Pierre (12:18):
Well, we're going to dig right Because we believe like
we believe.
Listen, you know it's likelooking for the goal and every
good thing has to be worked for,and so like even our
relationship, like it's in agood place now.
But we had to work, we had tocarve out time, we had to go
through so many different thingsto dig to get to this moment
right now.
So when you guys see us and yousee us in love, and we actually
(12:38):
care about each other like wefought because we cared about
this, the moment you stopfighting, it signs that you stop
caring.
And so we cared about ourrelationship.
We cared about how we saw eachother and we didn't like what we
were seeing and we thought youknow what, let's pause from
helping other people so that wecan actually take a pause from
them, work on ourselves andactually come back even stronger
(13:00):
.
Better for us to even continuedigging.
So we're excited about theseason, we're excited about this
time.
Danilee (13:05):
And I will say, when it comes to digging, a few things.
I'll say number one when youstart digging, sometimes it gets
messier before it gets better.
And I think that that was a lotof what we had to like close
off the doors a little bitbecause it did get messier and
it wasn't fair, it wasn't rightto have that out in front street
(13:25):
, right Like we had to like holdon a second.
Things just got messier as wewere digging.
So let me, let's fix this first.
So I will say to anybody outthere that if you're hearing
these conversations and you'rechallenged by them, know it can
get messier before it getsbetter and that's okay Sometimes
that's in the right direction,because then you get down to the
root of things.
And I also want you guys toknow that digging is kind of the
(13:49):
work that you do.
You know when they talk aboutlike you can go to therapy, but
if you don't do the work,nothing changes.
Digging is that work.
These conversations are thatwork.
I know that a lot of things thatI experienced in the last few
years, I wasn't being soself-aware of myself.
I was maybe dismissive orcutting things off or not paying
(14:11):
attention to certain things,and the work required me to be
like wait, why do I respond thatway?
Or I'm feeling something.
What am I feeling right now?
I'm feeling embarrassed.
I'm feeling, you know, on thespot of like I didn't do good
enough, like that is the work,that is the digging, and I think
I feel that because of mychildhood or whatever that
(14:32):
relates to.
So I just want to encourageanyone who's in these
conversations with us to notgive up.
We are a testimony that if youcontinue to I always tell
couples this you know, if thetwo of you are both believers
and you will keep God in themiddle of your relationship, and
if you're both always headingand looking back to the Lord, he
(14:57):
will bring you guys backtogether, and that is the
testimony of us.
I remember a specific gatheringat our church and we were
singing a song said God, turn itaround.
And I remember crying out tothe Lord saying I know that you
can change our marriage, but Idon't know if me and Pierre are
strong enough to allow you tofinish the work that you've
(15:18):
begun and that sometimes ourhumanness gets in the way, and
so I just want to encourageanyone out there that is in that
spot or if you're digging andit's getting messier, keep
digging so that you can get tothe roots, so that you can find
the gold and so that you canbecome a better person and more
of a whole person, someone who'snot so triggered, someone who's
not so defensive Like.
Those were things that I reallyhad to work through of triggers
(15:41):
and defensive and fight mode.
I'm a four foot 11 girl thatconstantly feels like I need to
fight sometimes and those werethings that I had to work
through.
So keep digging, and that's whatwe're here for.
That's what we want to show isthat these conversations are
tough, they're uncomfortable.
A lot of times they come withtears and they come with
emotions, but they alwaysbenefit if you get it all the
(16:03):
way through to the end.
So all that to say, let's taketogether.
We're so thankful that we areback here with you guys.
We're ready for this journey.
We've got so much to share withyou.
We have stories and things fordays that we can't wait to share
with you and be a part of you,and so if you want to be a part
of this community with us, makesure you subscribe to the
channel, follow us on ourpodcast episodes.
(16:26):
We would love to have a reviewfrom you and hey, let's dig.
Are you ready?
Pierre (00:02):
Yeah, I'm ready.
You know it's funny because Isaid I wasn't going to do this
ever again.
Danilee (00:07):
And I told you that you had to keep it because I knew
we would do it again.
Pierre (00:11):
That's crazy.
Danilee (00:12):
All right, let's dig.
Pierre (00:14):
Let's dig Okay, okay.
Danilee (00:17):
We are so excited and pumped.
We can't believe that we areback here for another season,
another episode of let's DigBabe, we're back.
Pierre (00:29):
Yeah, we're back.
It's wild because I remember wetalked about this, what we
talked about, this.
Danilee (00:36):
So many times.
Pierre (00:38):
Several times and I was just like no, we're not going to
do it.
Unplug it, throw in the towel,set it all on fire, like I just
don't want to dig anymore.
Danilee (00:46):
It's true, and I always had a feeling.
I always believed it would comeback around when it was the
right time and the right season.
Pierre (00:55):
Yeah, and even just sitting here talking about this
like I'm tapping my feet.
Danilee (01:01):
You are.
Pierre (01:02):
I feel super anxious and nervous.
But you know what?
We dug ourselves in a hole.
Danilee (01:08):
We dug ourselves in a hole.
Pierre (01:10):
We talked about stuff that we weren't ready even to
talk about, and we did.
We went through one crazy year.
Pandemic was a crazy year thatwon everything caught up with us
, I mean.
Danilee (01:21):
It really did.
Pierre (01:22):
And the word deconstruction right was
probably one of the most popularhashtags of that year, the year
afterwards.
And we went through fulldeconstruction, which is crazy,
and even, and then we wentthrough a reconstruction yeah,
you know, we've been married forwhat?
Going on 14 years now, and itfeels like just three, four
years because we had to honestlystart everything all over,
(01:42):
which is crazy.
Danilee (01:43):
Yeah, I think part of that process for us was really
digging all the way to thebottom and I remember us
standing in the kitchen and Iremember saying I think we've
dug ourselves in a hole that wecannot get ourselves out of and
I knew we needed help, like we.
(02:03):
We were having these hardconversations and there were so
many times where we felt sodistant.
There were so many times whereI mean, we thought we were, we
were done Like, we thought wewere so broken that we couldn't
be repaired.
And I remember saying like Ithink we need a therapist, a
(02:25):
counselor, somebody to help ustalk ourselves out of this hole,
because we're just so deep andit feels so broken and that it
feels like we can't save thisourselves.
Pierre (02:38):
Yeah, yeah, that's crazy , but we're here, we're here.
Danilee (02:42):
Made it through and we're different.
Yeah, we're different.
Pierre (02:45):
Talk about different too was crazy because, like we
didn't realize how much ourchildhood, our infancy, our
infancy, like our upbringing,our culture, differences, we
didn't realize how different wewere to getting married at a
very young age, which was crazy.
You know people, even to thisday, when people acts like hey,
um, oh, you're married, I sayyeah, yeah, how long?
I say like almost 14 years,people say what, how old are you
(03:06):
?
Danilee (03:06):
I say I'm like, yeah, I got married when I was seven.
Pierre (03:08):
Yeah, I was like yeah, I was, I was a baby.
Yeah, I was a baby when we gotmarried.
But it?
But now we think about it likeman, like we were we were and
you couldn't tell us nothing ofthe sort.
Danilee (03:21):
When we got married, I actually, because of the
hometown that I came from insmall town in Indiana, I
actually felt like I was lategetting married.
I was late to have kids myfirst kid was at 27 with you.
Like I felt like that was superlate for who I grew up with,
the kids that I went to schoolwith, Like I was a late bloomer,
if you'd wanna say like and so.
(03:43):
But now fast forward to wherewe are now and, looking back,
like we were so young, we werejust in love, we were in
ministry and we were just readyto go change the world.
Pierre (03:58):
Yeah, it was crazy.
And you know, as we're evendoing this, talking about this,
just on a microphone, like got acamera right here in front of
my face, I just people probablywatching, you guys are probably
watching, thinking like okay,what are they even talking about
?
You know, we were married for10 years when we decided to
launch a podcast, and ourpodcast, as it's called right
(04:19):
now it's called let's Dig,basically us letting you guys
into our conversations, thingsthat we're hashing out, things
that we are currently dealingwith in our home right
financially, mentally,spiritually, emotionally, even
with our talents, everythingphysically, everything that
we're dealing with.
We decided to say you know what, while we're dealing with these
(04:40):
things, we know that everybodydeals with these things.
Everybody does.
Everybody deals with this.
You know, even growing up in thechurch, you know we it was
shown to us that our leaders andour pastors, things like that
didn't argue, and so we thoughtevery time we argued, like
something's wrong with us.
My parents never actually evenliked to even argue.
So I always thought, if weargued, like we're broken, we're
(05:01):
messed up, and we realized likeno, everybody goes through
these things.
So we decided to start apodcast many years ago to say
you know what, let's hash allthis stuff out, you know, and
then let's talk about it right,let's dig right, so that people
can know that we all deal withthese things.
And so we did that and severalepisodes in, we started
realizing, like man, we aredigging and talking about topics
(05:25):
that we haven't really figuredout.
Like you know what I mean.
Danilee (05:29):
I think a lot of it too , though, was we were having
those conversations.
We felt like there was a lot ofpeople in other circles around
that just weren't showing thoseweaknesses, or not even
weaknesses.
They were just weren't showingreality, like looking up to
mentors of marriages andthinking that they never fight.
(05:52):
That's unrealistic expectations, and it's unfair to newlyweds
when they're fighting and think,wait, did we make a wrong
decision?
So I felt like we felt thatburden of like hey, we're just
gonna show married couples it'sokay to fight and here's how to
fight, and all these otherthings, and I think we just got
slammed with the combination ofhaving a preemie in January of
(06:16):
2020, and then COVID, and thenall the racial tension that
ended up coming through in 2020.
I think that those combinationsof things really stripped off
some things off our marriagethat we didn't even really
realize were there, and that'swhere we got to that place of
(06:37):
like, oh my gosh, we reallymessed up in some of the things
that we built our marriage on,the foundations that we built
our marriage on, and then itfelt like a separation.
I remember hearing this term ofa shadow spouse and realizing
that that's what I had been allthose 10 years with you because
(07:00):
that's what I thought a goodChristian, a godly woman, does
is hides behind her husband andsupports her husband in whatever
he says.
And I knew that.
I chose you because I trust youand I know you hear from God.
So, whatever you say, okay,let's do it.
And just really finding myselfbehind you, like I'll take care
of the kids, you just go do whatGod's called you to do and I'll
(07:21):
be over here.
So there were so many factorsthat got thrown at us with the
same of most people right, likemost people dealt with things
they had never dealt with before2020.
But I think all those factorsexposed us and we had already
been on this journey of diggingin front of people and then it
got to a point of like, oh, wecan't dig this out in front of
(07:45):
people anymore.
Pierre (07:46):
Yeah, yeah, which is crazy.
And here we are now.
Like we went through marriagetherapy, which you know, we'll
talk about this later on y'allLike marriage therapy, like
people think, like you know, youknow, especially for us as
millennials, right, we were thegeneration that was just like,
can we just talk about thesethings?
Right, but the generationbefore us, you know, made us
think like you know, if you wentto marriage therapy, if you
(08:08):
went to therapy, you're broken,you're messed up, you're jacked
up, right, but how many believe,like we all know, that 2020
changed the game, for that it'sokay to talk about it and that's
what we decided to do, you know, which was it was weird times
to right doing therapy for thefirst time, virtually, you know,
we found like a really cooltherapist like he, the guy came
in clutch, right, we just satdown and we just started talking
(08:28):
about things, that we starteddigging.
We realized, like you know, alot of the things on our
foundation.
Babe was just really messed up.
It was just jacked up.
Like we built our marriage, ourrelationship, even how we saw
ourselves, how we saw each otherand even how we even saw
ourselves alongside each other,even as parents, as friends,
right, as business partners.
(08:48):
Like you know how we didrelationship with other people,
right.
All of it was messed up and,honestly, we went through a full
reconstruction andreconstructions were healthy.
Like you know, every time Ithink about reconstruction, I
think about a bulldozer, right.
I think about I think about aroom, right, we're going to come
and reconstruct.
Some of y'all you live in LA,y'all know about reconstruction.
You did it all to your face too, which is crazy.
Danilee (09:10):
More so Orange County, now that we live there.
Pierre (09:12):
That's crazy.
Some people just need to go doa reconstruction, right, because
it wasn't working.
But anyways, we did areconstruction to our marriage
and, honestly, it's a gamechanger and I feel like we've
been renewed, we've beenrestored, reconciliation has
happened, even our relationship,which is really cool.
Like I still love you, I'mstill in love with you, I can't
(09:33):
imagine life without you.
Like I and I'm not going to lieduring that time I tried to
imagine my life without you.
Danilee (09:39):
We thought about it, I tried to imagine my life with
other people.
Pierre (09:43):
And I was like, nah, she not going to work.
Nah, she talk more than DannyLee.
Nah, she not going to work.
And I'm like, do I even likewhite girls?
I was trying to figure thatwhole thing out too.
Danilee (09:52):
Babe.
Pierre (09:53):
I knew, no, but you know what I realized you're my type
like legit, I really do love youand I really am in love with
you and I really don't want todo my life with nobody else.
And we had to go through thatfull reconstruction for me to
realize like you're my person,right.
And it's tough too.
And I realized like we'velearned so much over the last
couple of years our personalitytypes, our culture, differences,
(10:14):
the obvious differences, evenraising kids, raising good kids
in a bad world, right, you know,that's been really big for us.
And even how we're friends toother people.
This reconstruction changed ourrelationships with others.
It changed our perspective onfinances.
It changed our perspective evenon God, which is crazy, like,
(10:34):
even how we see our kids.
We'll look at our kids.
I'm like man, you're just likeyour mom.
That's great.
Hey, dan Lee, can you comecoach him through this moment?
And I realized how much so muchof us, like our kids, need both
of us, right, my son needs aman, he needs a dad, he needs
that father figure, but he needsme to be this big, huge, gentle
, loving, soft giant.
(10:56):
And he also needs his mom,right.
And there's times like I grewup in a household where we were
very dismissive towards our momand our reconstruction that we
went through like was big,because it made me realize how
much my son needs his mom, howmuch he needs that care.
And our daughter we're not eventalking.
She needs a whole season forherself.
Danilee (11:12):
We're not even talking about her.
She actually definitely needs awhole episode because so many
people don't know Brooklynbecause she was an infant when
we were doing the episodes, soshe definitely needs her own
episode by herself, yeah.
Pierre (11:24):
And I honestly want to take a moment and actually even
say our bad and sorry to thosethat we left hanging.
We're sorry guys, so many peoplehanging right Because so many
people was along the journeywith us and some of you guys
actually found restoration inyour relationships and so much
good insight that even helpedyou, and so we actually had to
work on ourselves before wedecided to go any further to
(11:46):
help other people.
And so we're back, we'restronger, we're restored, we
we've, honestly, we found somuch joy and peace in our
relationship now and we feellike we have gained tools that
can help others in theirrelationships with other, even
inside perspective, faith youknow so many different things a
parenting and so I'm ready,we're back and we're going to
(12:06):
continue digging y'all.
So to all of our I think wecalled everybody our diggers
Right, To all your diggers outthere, I don't know if I can say
that one.
You can't say that one.
Danilee (12:16):
I don't think it comes off right.
Oh no, it don't feel right.
Pierre (12:18):
Well, we're going to dig right Because we believe like
we believe.
Listen, you know it's likelooking for the goal and every
good thing has to be worked for,and so like even our
relationship, like it's in agood place now.
But we had to work, we had tocarve out time, we had to go
through so many different thingsto dig to get to this moment
right now.
So when you guys see us and yousee us in love, and we actually
(12:38):
care about each other like wefought because we cared about
this, the moment you stopfighting, it signs that you stop
caring.
And so we cared about ourrelationship.
We cared about how we saw eachother and we didn't like what we
were seeing and we thought youknow what, let's pause from
helping other people so that wecan actually take a pause from
them, work on ourselves andactually come back even stronger
(13:00):
.
Better for us to even continuedigging.
So we're excited about theseason, we're excited about this
time.
Danilee (13:05):
And I will say, when it comes to digging, a few things.
I'll say number one when youstart digging, sometimes it gets
messier before it gets better.
And I think that that was a lotof what we had to like close
off the doors a little bitbecause it did get messier and
it wasn't fair, it wasn't rightto have that out in front street
(13:25):
, right Like we had to like holdon a second.
Things just got messier as wewere digging.
So let me, let's fix this first.
So I will say to anybody outthere that if you're hearing
these conversations and you'rechallenged by them, know it can
get messier before it getsbetter and that's okay Sometimes
that's in the right direction,because then you get down to the
root of things.
And I also want you guys toknow that digging is kind of the
(13:49):
work that you do.
You know when they talk aboutlike you can go to therapy, but
if you don't do the work,nothing changes.
Digging is that work.
These conversations are thatwork.
I know that a lot of things thatI experienced in the last few
years, I wasn't being soself-aware of myself.
I was maybe dismissive orcutting things off or not paying
(14:11):
attention to certain things,and the work required me to be
like wait, why do I respond thatway?
Or I'm feeling something.
What am I feeling right now?
I'm feeling embarrassed.
I'm feeling, you know, on thespot of like I didn't do good
enough, like that is the work,that is the digging, and I think
I feel that because of mychildhood or whatever that
(14:32):
relates to.
So I just want to encourageanyone who's in these
conversations with us to notgive up.
We are a testimony that if youcontinue to I always tell
couples this you know, if thetwo of you are both believers
and you will keep God in themiddle of your relationship, and
if you're both always headingand looking back to the Lord, he
(14:57):
will bring you guys backtogether, and that is the
testimony of us.
I remember a specific gatheringat our church and we were
singing a song said God, turn itaround.
And I remember crying out tothe Lord saying I know that you
can change our marriage, but Idon't know if me and Pierre are
strong enough to allow you tofinish the work that you've
(15:18):
begun and that sometimes ourhumanness gets in the way, and
so I just want to encourageanyone out there that is in that
spot or if you're digging andit's getting messier, keep
digging so that you can get tothe roots, so that you can find
the gold and so that you canbecome a better person and more
of a whole person, someone who'snot so triggered, someone who's
not so defensive Like.
Those were things that I reallyhad to work through of triggers
(15:41):
and defensive and fight mode.
I'm a four foot 11 girl thatconstantly feels like I need to
fight sometimes and those werethings that I had to work
through.
So keep digging, and that's whatwe're here for.
That's what we want to show isthat these conversations are
tough, they're uncomfortable.
A lot of times they come withtears and they come with
emotions, but they alwaysbenefit if you get it all the
(16:03):
way through to the end.
So all that to say, let's taketogether.
We're so thankful that we areback here with you guys.
We're ready for this journey.
We've got so much to share withyou.
We have stories and things fordays that we can't wait to share
with you and be a part of you,and so if you want to be a part
of this community with us, makesure you subscribe to the
channel, follow us on ourpodcast episodes.
(16:26):
We would love to have a reviewfrom you and hey, let's dig.
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