April 9, 2024 • 30 mins
Have you ever experienced the serendipity of crossing paths with "The One" when you least expected it? Our latest episode takes you through a heartfelt exploration of love's unpredictable journey, from the bittersweet nostalgia of past romances to the profound connections that shape our lives. We share our own tales of love's labyrinth, laughing about the time a would-be father-in-law offered to foot the bill for an engagement ring and reflecting on the sage advice we received on our wedding days. As we reminisce on our own quests for companionship, we uncover the societal expectations and parental influences that often steer our hearts in surprising directions.
Stroll with us down memory lane as we contemplate the seismic shift in the dating world over the last decade and a half. Together, we express gratitude for the simplicity of our own dating histories, untouched by the complexities of modern matchmaking tools like filters and ever-evolving social norms. The discussion turns personal as we highlight the necessity of vulnerability and the courage to uphold our non-negotiable standards, such as shared faith, while navigating the search for a partner who supports our dreams and ambitions. Our conversation invites you to consider the impact of these digital and social transformations on your own romantic encounters.
To wrap up, we tackle the intricate dance of dating with intention, stressing the need for honesty and the wisdom of not settling for less than what you're worth. We reflect on the valuable lessons learned from past loves, the importance of closure, and the power of knowing when to walk away. Tune in for an episode that's not just about finding love but also about the self-discovery and personal growth that comes from recognizing your own value and what you truly deserve in a relationship.
Stroll with us down memory lane as we contemplate the seismic shift in the dating world over the last decade and a half. Together, we express gratitude for the simplicity of our own dating histories, untouched by the complexities of modern matchmaking tools like filters and ever-evolving social norms. The discussion turns personal as we highlight the necessity of vulnerability and the courage to uphold our non-negotiable standards, such as shared faith, while navigating the search for a partner who supports our dreams and ambitions. Our conversation invites you to consider the impact of these digital and social transformations on your own romantic encounters.
To wrap up, we tackle the intricate dance of dating with intention, stressing the need for honesty and the wisdom of not settling for less than what you're worth. We reflect on the valuable lessons learned from past loves, the importance of closure, and the power of knowing when to walk away. Tune in for an episode that's not just about finding love but also about the self-discovery and personal growth that comes from recognizing your own value and what you truly deserve in a relationship.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So I would have never thought you were going to be
the last girl I dated.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
The last one.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
I honestly thought my last girlfriend before you was
the one.
I had no idea, babe, that, likewhen I met you, even when we
started crushing on each other,liking each other, yeah, I
didn't think that you were theone, there were other ones.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Yeah, I never.
I didn't think that at thebeginning with you either.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Huh, but I did think the person I dated before you
was the one I actually talkedabout marrying that person.
Mind you, I met them when I waslike 17 bro, so my but my
parents would not even have theconversation with me.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
They're like no, you're not marrying him my
ex-girlfriend's dad pulled measide and was like, let's talk
about getting you a ring for mygirl so you can marry her.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
That's so crazy to me .
Remember that I forgot aboutthat.
Yeah, I forgot about that Ihonestly thought she was the one
.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
I loved her, cared for her, and I was ready to
marry her, especially if her dadwas going to buy the ring too.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
I mean that right there, my dad didn't give you
that offer.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
No, your dad did not give me that offer.
That didn't come part of thepackage.
Matter of fact, the day thewedding day, he came to me and
pulled me aside.
Hey, she's yours.
No, gives no givesy backsies.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
My dad did tell you that.
Yeah, he was like you.
Can't give her back, she'syours.
Because he knew what you'resigning up for.
Yeah, you knew what you'resigning up for too, did I?
You did.
You knew you literally when wewere doing love languages.
Before we got married, youcalled me like a golden
retriever because I needed allseven of the five love languages
.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
There's seven.
No, that's what I'm saying.
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Like that's what you would say.
I need even more than the five.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
You know what I was signing up for, babe.
I was signing up for thecommitment to have a lifetime
companionship.
I was ready to commit tosomebody.
That's what I was signing upfor.
I wasn't signing up for Cloud9.
I wasn't signing up for Goo GooGaga.
I wasn't signing up for BabyMama.
(02:02):
I was signing up for the highestlevel commitment on this earth
is to actually come in covenantwith someone and say hey and
marry me Right, yeah, but thewild thing is, is this topic
right here is like dating,looking for the one, because
every single, most, most peopleand I'm not going to say
everybody, but most people whoare dating, they're looking for
(02:25):
that person.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Yeah, I think a lot of times that is the motive
behind dating it iscompanionship, but it is to end
in the ultimate agreement, theultimate promise of covenant,
and I remember dating someone inhigh school.
It was like at the end of highschool.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Can we pause and just go on record and say how many
people did you date?
I don't.
What's the number to that?
What's so funny?
I?
Speaker 2 (02:51):
don't really know.
I don't really know.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Are we single digits, double digits, like where we?
Speaker 2 (02:55):
at.
I think we're Maybe double.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Maybe double.
Are you going back tokindergarten or I?
Maybe double, maybe double.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Are you going back to kindergarten, or I had a lot of
.
I mean, I had a boyfriend, solike my Every grade.
Huh, yeah, every grade.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Oh, you didn't know.
I was going to ask you thesequestions.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
I kissed a boy in kindergarten.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
That's crazy.
That would be Brooklyn nextyear If I find out that our
little five-year-old girl,Brooklyn, is kissing somebody.
I'm killing somebody.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
I wonder if my dad knew that when I kissed that boy
in kindergarten the same year,she kissed somebody is the same
year.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Daddy killed somebody .
Speaker 2 (03:31):
I remember my sixth grade boyfriend broke up with me
.
I thought I was going to marryhim and I was devastated when he
broke up with me and my dad was, like there's so many more guys
?
I'm like, no, there's not.
The crazy thing is that boybroke up with me in sixth grade.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
The next girl he dated like a month later was the
one he married Wild, and youweren't the one.
I wasn't the one.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
I was the one that got away.
But all to say, in all the boysthat I have dated, there were a
lot of times where I knew itwasn't going to go anywhere and
so I was just hanging out.
But there were other timeswhere I was like, ooh, this
could get really serious and Iknow it's still not going to
work out.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Right.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
There was a guy that I dated that wanted to be in the
Navy for like his career and Iknew I wasn't signing up for a
military wife and a militaryfamily.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
But you signed up to marry a pastor.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
That I did that's wild.
And a musician.
It's also wild how much peoplethat we date or like
specifically for girls, how muchthe guys we date, reflect our
dads.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
That is wild.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
That is crazy.
It is very.
We're not going to talk aboutthat.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
It's like we're not gonna talk about it.
We're not gonna.
Are we gonna talk about daddyissues in this?
No, we're not talking aboutdaddy issues, but I'm just
saying, like how we unknowinglylook for those characteristics
or we're drawn to thosecharacteristics and then we
don't even know it.
We find out later and we'relike crap, he is like my dad
yeah, that's why.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
so my, my ex-girlfriend in my head she was
the one and like I read thisbook when I was in high school,
which, by the way, was superlike controversial.
Actually the dude that wrotethe book kind of got like
excommunicated from like thechurch.
Many years later, everybody'shating on him and he actually
(05:26):
takes the book back and sayslike, yeah, I don't know about
this book anymore.
There was this book that'scalled I Kiss Dating Goodbye.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
I knew that's exactly the one you're going to talk
about.
You know what book I'm talkingabout.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
So I got a hold of that book when I was a teen.
I was like, yeah, this is it,this is it.
But then everybody's getting.
He's getting all this heat allthese years later and even he
calls, comes back saying, yeah,actually.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Don't do that.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Don't do that.
You should probably date youknow, get.
But the girlfriend that I hadin high school, I didn't do much
dating First of all, likegrowing up I actually I wasn't
the type that had a girlfriendin every grade.
I had crushes.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
Oh, that makes sense of why you poke at me so much,
for that is because you didn't.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
No, I didn't have a girlfriend in every single grade
.
I didn't.
I did in every single grade Ihad girls that I thought was
cute and pretty attractive,stuff like that that had crushes
on.
But not enough to be like I'mgoing to date.
I just thought at a young age,like even in middle school I was
just like she's my girlfriend,boyfriend, like what are we
(06:26):
doing?
Like at a very young age I justthought, like what's the point?
We're kids, I'm not going tomarry this girl.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
I snuck out to the mall to go on a date with my
seventh grade boyfriend.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
And then I thought, okay, that's, that's wild.
But then I thought too, like ifa girl's going to be my, my
wife, like I'll know it, she'llknow it eventually, like we'll
date.
But I'm like I'm in middleschool, you know, and I didn't.
I wasn't really satisfied withmyself, like I didn't really
there's a lot of stuff aboutmyself I didn't.
And then because I was supershy, introvert, yeah, and I knew
(06:55):
most girls would ask me a lot,lot in it because I'm not an
introvert.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
I was very extroverted.
I liked to get to know everyone.
I liked the tension, I likedthat stuff.
Yes, yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
So I wasn't a type of like I want to get to know
somebody.
So I was just more fantasizedwhat it'd be like with a girl or
something like that.
But I wasn't in that point ofjust like yo, she's going to be
the one.
But high school, honestly, myex-girlfriend she gave me her
number, it was straight up, justlike call me.
I was like, dang, this is crazy.
Okay, before cell phones, shehad a cell phone but I didn't.
(07:30):
But anyway, I thought she wasthe one and when I was dating
her, I was dating her with thethought of like she is the one
that I've been looking for.
Now here's the crazy thing isis like what happens when you
start dating someone thateveryone around you don't want
you dating?
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Your family don't want you dating, but I think.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
I think right now, a lot of people don't really
understand what mindsets to havewhile dating in the process,
looking for the one right,Because there's a.
I think there's a differencewhich we'll have.
We'll have a whole notherconversation another time about,
okay, when you found thatperson and you know they're the
one and you guys are alreadyitem, you guys are already
dating, you guys love each otherand you've made up in your mind
(08:13):
you're going to actually marrythis person.
You're still going through thedating process, you're still
technically considered single,but right now we're talking
about dating, looking for thatand I think there is value, like
mentioning that book I'd kissdating goodbye.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
I don't think it's like a hard black and white line
of like don't ever date, justto date.
Like I think there's value indating different people for
different time amounts,different amount of times, to
find out, like, what you do wantin a person or what you do want
(08:52):
in their hobbies, in theircareer, in their family dynamic.
Like I do think that it'svaluable to experiment with it a
little bit.
The hard part is just knowingyourself.
So, like for me, even though Idid date a lot of guys randomly,
I am super vulnerable and I'mjust like I wear my heart on my
(09:14):
sleeve.
So because of that I got hurt alot.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
You told me like almost everything super early on
in our dating relationship.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
I just I just am that I mean to a fault.
I just I just am that I mean toa fault.
I'm just that way, like I'mjust very open, I'm very
trusting and I'm like I justdon't hide things, like I'm just
that's me and you just get meas I am.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Yeah, and to me I was like when we started dating, I
there was stuff that I wanted totell you, but I felt like there
we need to go through a fewseasons first.
I think there's like layers oftrust and I think people that
are getting into dating andthey're like man, I really want
to find that right person Firstof all, the right person.
You really don't know who thatperson is until you get to know
someone, so there does need tobe a line of like how much of
(10:04):
yourself you put out there.
Cause when you're datingsomebody, it's almost like like
I tell you something, you tellme something Right, right, I
don't know how.
No.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
I mean, I imagine that's how you like build that.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Yeah, that's how you that's how you do that.
But I guess the biggest thingis like, where do you even put
that line if you're datingsomebody but you're not even
sure they're the one?
But you almost got to putyourself out there to see if you
crack the code, because youdon't know where you guys are
going to connect Right.
You don't know if one day youend up sharing something and
that person's like oh my gosh,me too.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
That's it, yeah, and I will say I feel like it's a
disclaimer, like needs to be allacross the board is that we're
talking about dating 14 yearsago, 15 years ago, yeah, the
world has changed so muchStraight up years ago.
15 years ago, the world haschanged so much straight and
they we cannot count the amountof times that we have said we're
so glad we're not in the datingworld right now, bro.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
I mean when we were dating, like the picture
somebody posted up on socialmedia.
Like I look at that picture andI see in person it's the real
person.
It was the same person but nowwith filters Facetune AI.
Bro.
I'm like, who is this guy orgirl?
I don't even know, bro.
(11:16):
Am I, hey, nice to meet you,ma'am, or should I say sir,
mister, you do not know, youdon't even know.
Nowadays it's so scary,especially in a world where
everyone is very confused andthis could be debatable, because
some people say, oh, I'm notconfused, I used to be a guy and
now I'm a girl, like to methat's confusing, because that
doesn't make sense to me.
(11:37):
Like, do you pee sitting or doyou pee standing?
Speaker 2 (11:39):
up Pee air.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Oh my word, this is not what the conversation is
about Okay, but actually it kindof is because now we're in a
world where people are afraid todate.
That's true, because they justdon't know.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
That was not a thing 15 years ago.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
They just don't know where you.
Okay, at least you know where Istand.
You know, like, where I standwith that right.
15 years ago we were able tohave those conversations and
still be friends.
But now we live in a world.
Now, if you do not agree withmy statements, we're fighting
and we're against each other.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
So now I think people are.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
We're living in a time where people are actually
afraid to date.
Back then, when we were dating,like we, we weren't using
social media for you knowpolitical stance, we weren't
using social media for writing,we weren't using social media
for protesting, all these typeof things, and so and it was a
lot simpler than when it came todating Now, I mean, even on our
(12:30):
, if I'm FaceTiming you, I couldput a filter on my FaceTime.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Actually, that's really crazy.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Yeah, you could put filters on while FaceTiming.
Now, I did not know that.
Oh yeah, straight up, itbrushes you.
I mean, bro, you go on Zoom,that's true Zoom is like touch
up button on Zoom.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
That's crazy.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
That is crazy.
So I'm like man, hey, shout outto everybody who's in the
dating world right now.
You guys are trying to date.
I'm sorry that you guys areborn or whatever, dating in this
time.
But here's what I want to do.
We honestly just wanted to letyou guys jump in on this
conversation to share with youguys the things that we have
done while we were dating.
(13:11):
We didn't do it all right.
Everyone has done it different.
There's no magic formula,there's no secret code for it,
but ultimately it really comesdown to making a decision,
saying that I'm going to putmyself out there.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
That's really it.
You have to.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
You almost have to just put yourself out there to
know okay, I don't know if thisperson is the person for me, but
I really want to find someone,and the only way you're going to
get vulnerable and close tosomeone is to get close to
someone.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Right and it's like what we talked about in the
other conversations that we'vehad about like us meeting,
knowing whether it's a good fit,knowing the signs of like yeah,
this actually feels right orsomething's off.
It also is super important toknow your standards of like,
(13:57):
things you are willing tonegotiate on and things that are
non-negotiables.
So, for us, having someone thatwas a believer and a follower
of Christ was a non-negotiableLike we weren't dating someone
who didn't have that sameattribute and decision in their
life.
It was just non-negotiable.
(14:17):
So if you are a believer, Ithink that that should be one.
There were other things in theworld that we just knew like
okay, are we on the same pagewith this one?
Like you, even knowing you weregoing to be a pastor?
Speaker 1 (14:32):
like yeah, I think it's very important that for
people that are dating, this iswhat we did Like when we were
dating.
I shared with you where I sawmyself in 10 years yeah.
I shared with you some of mygoals and some people are
listening saying like well, howdo you know how much to share?
(14:52):
Well, you don't need to givethem, you don't need to give
them your bank account numberfor them to know where you see
yourself financially.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
I mean, but you even said verbatim, you want to
travel for music, and so whenpeople look at me at home by
myself with no family around, 15years later and two kids.
They're like how do you do that?
And I'm like oh, I knew I wassigning up for this.
This was his dream when I methim as a teenager.
(15:19):
Yeah, this is where we weregoing.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Yeah, like when you're dating people and you're
like, okay, I don't know if thisperson is the one, you have
nothing to lose, like we hadnothing to lose when we were
dating for the first time.
Because to me I'm like, okay,I'm going to tell you where I
see myself.
I know that God called me toserve the church.
I know that God called me to bea pastor and to lead people.
(15:45):
I also have a gift of music andI enjoy making music and I want
to travel to do music.
Hopefully, the goal is to doall the above at the same time.
You knew that at an early stage.
So if you was like, man, Idon't want to be married to a
guy that's devoted to the church.
(16:05):
I don't want to be married to aguy that's devoted to the
church.
I don't want to be married tosomeone that's a musician.
So finances are alwaysfluctuating and he wants to
travel, I'm not signing up forthat.
Here's the beauty of what wedid at an early stage, like that
sharing with each other, ourgoals and where we saw ourselves
is that we weren't in love.
We had nothing to lose.
If one of us decided to saythis is not going to work for me
(16:26):
right now.
We can pull the plug on thisright now.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
And that's exactly what happened with that guy that
was going to be military.
We weren't in love, we werejust hanging out for a few times
, going on a few dates.
And I was like, yeah, I'm notsigning up for this, and we
stopped hanging out because wedid it.
We stopped hanging out beforeit got too serious, where it was
just heartbreak or we settled.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
Like the benefits of putting yourself out there early
on with someone that you thinkcould be the one, is they're
either going to tell you like Ilike that or like nah, like.
If you say, man, I see myselfhaving a lot of kids, don't wait
till you're in love with theperson To be like yeah, I see
(17:10):
myself having a lot of kids.
Don't wait till you're in lovewith the person To be like, yeah
, I don't really want to havekids Sitting there at the aisle.
And they're walking down theaisle and you're like, when
should I tell them I?
Speaker 2 (17:19):
don't want kids.
Oh my gosh, that's a nightmare.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
It's just not worth it.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
And it's not fair to the other person.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
It's not worth it, like having all these cards in
your back pocket and saying I'mgoing to save it, I'm going to
save it, I'm going to save it.
You're the best time to takethe risk in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
Is that the beginning At the beginning?
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Yeah, it's the best time.
I have nothing to lose.
I don't.
I like you.
I'm going to say for me, thisis not for all men.
I'm a round of applause for allthe men that are better than me
, right, but for me I'm scaredwhat you're about to say.
No, you already know what I'mabout to say.
(17:56):
I've mentioned it in the lastfew episodes.
And you guys, if you guyshaven't already tell them what
they need to do, man Go back andwatch those other videos of our
story, how we met.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
We just broke it all down.
Trust me, you want to hear it.
And even if you are liking thisepisode, just do us a little
tiny favor and the like button,because then it sends it to
other people that will like thiscontent too.
So we're not asking you tosubscribe, even though that'd be
great, but we know subscribingis a commitment.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
It's a big commitment .
It's a big commitment.
Some people are like man, Idon't you know.
I said this in the last episode.
Some people like me I'm thesame way.
I'm like I don't know if I wantmy feed to be completely
flooded with your content, right?
Speaker 2 (18:51):
So we're not asking for likes.
It's free, so just click thelike it's simple, If you like
this.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Oh wait, isn't it YouTube lingo to be like smash
that like Smash that like button?
Oh, I got that here somewheretoo.
If you're listening to this onApple podcast, you're listening
to this on Spotify, Googlepodcast.
Shout out to all our podcastlisteners Love you guys, what
you guys can do is honestly justwrite a little review, just hit
on there, hit that five star.
Hit that five star, or fourstar, or three star.
Why don't you tell us how youfeel?
Go ahead and tell us how youfeel.
(19:15):
Don't lie to us.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
You have nothing to lose.
It's the beginning of therelationship If it's a one star.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
I'm actually 100% cool with that.
The world that, the world thatwe live in right now,
everybody's giving false reviews.
It's false reviews Like if youdon't like it, just give it a
one, hit the dislike, that'sfine.
You're not hurting my feeling.
You're telling me the truth.
The truth sets us free and thetruth is very um convincing man.
It tells me okay, got it, thisis not valuable to you guys.
(19:41):
Okay, so hit that like button.
Um, and let's keep moving rightalong.
For me, as a guy, when we weredating, I kept my options open,
so for me, it's that mindset oflike I don't know if she's the
one, I don't know if that girl'sthe one, I don't know which
girl's the one.
What I'm going to do is I'mgoing to put myself out there,
have some moments with all ofthem, have some conversation
(20:01):
with all of them and we'll seewhich one happens I and we'll
see which one happens.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
I know for girls, you guys feel like, yeah, it's such
a double standard.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
You guys feel like it's dishonest?
Speaker 2 (20:08):
For sure you guys feel like I can understand where
you're coming from, but girlsare just not built that way, and
if we roll that way, we'redefinitely called hoes.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Most girls are not built that way.
Don't speak for every.
Okay, you're right.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
You're right, I I stand corrected.
Because, like I said, mostgirls are not built that way,
and if we do roll that way, weare called hoes.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Yeah, santa Claus's favorites.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
Santa Claus's favorites.
But it is such a doublestandard.
But I understand where you'recoming from.
Like, if there's no commitmentyet, if there's no agreement,
there's no like definitive thingbetween you and I, I get you
are free to hang out with otherpeople.
It's like an unspoken thing forgirls Like we, but we won't we
(20:56):
are allowed to but there's likethis unspoken thing that we
won't.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
You're loyal to the guy that's giving you interest.
Yeah, and what you don't know isthat I'm giving a few y'all
interest because I'm dating,trying to find who's the one
right, like I'm looking at.
I was so, and I know not everyperson gets to this, to this
position in life but I got to aplace where I'm like, okay, I
waited a lot of years to finallystart officially dating Right.
(21:22):
So when I got to the pointwhere I was ready to start
dating, I was like, okay, I'mready to start dating, looking
for the one.
So every girl that I looked atin my mind I started thinking
could she be the one Right?
I wasn't interested in justdating for fun.
And I'm going to take a momentright now and just throw that
nugget in there right now, likedon't just date for fun, it's a
(21:43):
waste of time.
And your heart and emotionsMotions money, resources and
like you're putting yourself outthere to people that you know
they don't even have thepotential because you're bored.
If you're bored, get anotherjob.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
Hello, or a hobby, or a hobby Pickleball is great.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
But you shouldn't be dating.
I'm going to say this right nowyou shouldn't be dating just
because you're bored.
So I'm not saying like thatbook and say don't date, no,
absolutely date, but date whenyou're ready to put yourself out
there looking for that person,meaning you're ready to be
honest with them because you'refinally honest with yourself.
I felt like I got to a pointwhere I was ready to be honest
(22:22):
with someone else because I washonest with myself.
Some people men and women, bothalike I think they get to that
point where they start datingbut they're not ready to be
honest with that person becausethey're not honest with
themselves.
So you kind of lead that otherperson on for months or for a
few seasons and that otherperson is putting themselves out
(22:42):
there saying where they seethemselves, what they want to do
with their family, and you'rejust entertaining oh yeah, I
love that.
Meanwhile, you know in the backof your head that you're not
interested in some of thosetopics or you're not doing it,
you're looking for a good time.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
That's just selfish, don't do that to somebody else,
you'll hurt somebody.
I also think it's valuable totalk about for females mainly,
but not just females females andmales that when you are
choosing someone to spend timewith, that you pick someone that
(23:14):
is your standard or above.
Like, don't settle.
We have seen it in so manyrelationships.
It was what I faulted in therelationship I had before you.
I did settle and the best thingthat ever happened to me was
that he broke up with me.
I was going to marry that boybecause I thought, first of all,
if you don't have a ring onyour finger and you didn't walk
(23:35):
down the aisle, you can stillback out.
I am a loyalist and so becauseI said at 17, yeah, I think
you're the one for me, I thoughtI had to stick it out.
So dumb, right?
So if you don't have a ring andyou didn't walk down the aisle,
you can back out Straight up.
Number two know what you'reworth.
I picked someone that I thoughtI was worth.
(23:57):
It's literally like picking whoyou see in the mirror Right and
the best thing that everhappened was that person broke
up with me.
Then all my friends were like,oh, we didn't like him for you
anyways, blah, blah, blah, blahblah.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
I would have never known that, like you were what
God had for me yeah, maybethat's what we had in common,
because both our exes broke upwith us.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
It's true, both our exes broke up with us.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
That's wild that is why I don't think that's what we
had in common.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
Obviously there's some, but I do think that that
was part of the story that wasbeing written and I was
devastated on mine.
You were fine, but I wasdevastated when mine broke up
with me and I cried so much Iwasn't fine, I just expressed
myself differently, that's forsure.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
But I told you that summer we talked about it in our
last episode, part two.
Y'all go back and listen andwatch I talked about how my
ex-girlfriend broke up with meon my birthday and when I went
back home.
When I went back home thatsummer, my hope was to reconcile
with her.
That's true, cause I stillreally cared for her and loved
her Right, like even now.
Like I don't.
I haven't been in touch withher since, right, but I still
(24:58):
care for her.
I hope she's doing well, likelegit.
I think she married and thingslike that has kids so great,
like legit.
Like I want to know that everysingle person that had a part of
my life is doing well.
Like and that's what I'mtalking about Like you know, I
said this in the last episode offor those of you that that are
kind of tracking with us likethere was a girl that I was kind
of talking to when, when DaneLee and I, when you and I were
(25:21):
kind of talking and I just lefther hanging and I called her
back years later saying, likeI'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (25:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Like I was a jerk, I should never done that.
Like.
And she was upset, she was hurt, she.
Her biggest question was likehow come you just never called
me back?
Speaker 2 (25:34):
That's so crazy, which is messed up?
Speaker 1 (25:36):
But after we reconciled and that was restored
, a few years later she she gotmarried, has kids, all that
stuff I don't keep.
I don't keep up with her,obviously, but I really hope and
pray that she is doing well andthat's what I'm talking about.
Like y'all, when we're datingpeople, it's not worth dating
someone if you're not eveninterested to actually make a
(25:56):
connection or actually take thatnext step.
Don't date just for fun.
And that's where we were atthat time.
We were like seriously datingand we were pursuing each other
before we knew we were the onesfor each other.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
So next time we're going to talk about what are the
things we did while we weredating, after we knew we were
the one Cause.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
That's what?
Yeah, that's a whole notherconversation, because there's a
difference from like datingaround looking for that person
and then dating that person.
That is the one.
Cause there's still someguidelines, some things, that
still some layers that stillneeds to be crossed before you
start walking down that aisleRight?
Because, just like you said it,man, if there's no ring on the
finger, if you're not marriedyet, you can still run Straight
up, walk away from it.
(26:38):
Straight up, walk away and so Ireally enjoyed our time of like
getting to know each other.
In that season where we're likeyo, this person legit could be
the one Putting out fillers fromyour family members.
I think is important too aswell.
I'm not saying it's everythingLike your family shouldn't get
all the votes.
I had some people in my familythat wasn't fans of us dating.
(27:00):
That's a whole notherconversation because we married
outside of our culture.
So there's that.
There's some people that areloyalists to your culture.
They're like man.
Bro Pierre didn't marry aHaitian.
Who's going to cook him Haitianrice Grubhub?
No, I'm playing.
We have Grubhub back then.
What time is that we?
Speaker 2 (27:18):
got to go.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
Oh snap, we got to go yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
We got to go pick.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
Yeah, man, we tried to squeeze these in interesting
times, but man, it's really coolthat season of what we did that
.
So we talked about puttingourselves out there, yep, like
letting people know your goals,like where do you see yourself
down the road, allowing thatother person to honestly speak
into it or give them a chance toget out of it, laying down your
(27:42):
foundations and letting themknow these are my foundations.
This is what I believe.
I see so many times people inchurches where they believe one
way and they won't share itbecause people don't want to
offend each other.
Like letting them know yourbeliefs, I think also getting
input from some people that youreally respect and admire.
We said in the last episode,your mentor pulled you inside
and said yo, like this guy couldbe the guy and she didn't know
(28:05):
that I was the guy, but she wasjust telling you take that next
step, put yourself out there andlook at, look where we got
right now.
And I think, finally, like andI said this, and this is really
not in this order, but I thinkit's very important for us to
get to that point to say, hey,I'm ready to date because I'm
ready to be honest with someoneelse.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Right.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
And I'm ready to be honest with myself, right, so
that when they cross-examine andask us questions, then I'm
ready to tell you the freakingtruth.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
The freaking truth and we said don't settle and
don't date just for fun to whereyou could hurt someone else.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
Oh yeah, we said all that.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
There's a lot in this one.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
We got to record some few more episodes, some
conversation.
This record some few moreepisodes, some conversation this
conversation is honestly anongoing one.
Yeah, it really is.
One is like cut short.
The reason why we try to keepthese short, because what we
don't want to do is hit you guyswith a fire hose of
conversations and you're like yo, we're trying to listen to this
episode and it's like two hourslong.
Shout out to people who do thatFor us.
I get cotton mouth and we gotto go.
(29:02):
We literally got errands to run.
But honestly, this was aconversation we were having
earlier today.
Yeah, we were having thisconversation earlier today and
while we recorded thisconversation today because we're
like man, we really feel badfor people who just date for fun
, and we thought, man, let'shave a conversation about some
of the things that we did whenwe were thinking each other
could have been the one, andwhat we did in that season.
(29:23):
So I enjoyed digging with you,babe.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
I love digging with you.
So I would have never thought you were going to be
the last girl I dated.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
The last one.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
I honestly thought my last girlfriend before you was
the one.
I had no idea, babe, that, likewhen I met you, even when we
started crushing on each other,liking each other, yeah, I
didn't think that you were theone, there were other ones.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Yeah, I never.
I didn't think that at thebeginning with you either.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Huh, but I did think the person I dated before you
was the one I actually talkedabout marrying that person.
Mind you, I met them when I waslike 17 bro, so my but my
parents would not even have theconversation with me.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
They're like no, you're not marrying him my
ex-girlfriend's dad pulled measide and was like, let's talk
about getting you a ring for mygirl so you can marry her.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
That's so crazy to me .
Remember that I forgot aboutthat.
Yeah, I forgot about that Ihonestly thought she was the one
.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
I loved her, cared for her, and I was ready to
marry her, especially if her dadwas going to buy the ring too.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
I mean that right there, my dad didn't give you
that offer.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
No, your dad did not give me that offer.
That didn't come part of thepackage.
Matter of fact, the day thewedding day, he came to me and
pulled me aside.
Hey, she's yours.
No, gives no givesy backsies.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
My dad did tell you that.
Yeah, he was like you.
Can't give her back, she'syours.
Because he knew what you'resigning up for.
Yeah, you knew what you'resigning up for too, did I?
You did.
You knew you literally when wewere doing love languages.
Before we got married, youcalled me like a golden
retriever because I needed allseven of the five love languages
.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
There's seven.
No, that's what I'm saying.
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Like that's what you would say.
I need even more than the five.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
You know what I was signing up for, babe.
I was signing up for thecommitment to have a lifetime
companionship.
I was ready to commit tosomebody.
That's what I was signing upfor.
I wasn't signing up for Cloud9.
I wasn't signing up for Goo GooGaga.
I wasn't signing up for BabyMama.
(02:02):
I was signing up for the highestlevel commitment on this earth
is to actually come in covenantwith someone and say hey and
marry me Right, yeah, but thewild thing is, is this topic
right here is like dating,looking for the one, because
every single, most, most peopleand I'm not going to say
everybody, but most people whoare dating, they're looking for
(02:25):
that person.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Yeah, I think a lot of times that is the motive
behind dating it iscompanionship, but it is to end
in the ultimate agreement, theultimate promise of covenant,
and I remember dating someone inhigh school.
It was like at the end of highschool.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Can we pause and just go on record and say how many
people did you date?
I don't.
What's the number to that?
What's so funny?
I?
Speaker 2 (02:51):
don't really know.
I don't really know.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Are we single digits, double digits, like where we?
Speaker 2 (02:55):
at.
I think we're Maybe double.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Maybe double.
Are you going back tokindergarten or I?
Maybe double, maybe double.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Are you going back to kindergarten, or I had a lot of
.
I mean, I had a boyfriend, solike my Every grade.
Huh, yeah, every grade.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Oh, you didn't know.
I was going to ask you thesequestions.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
I kissed a boy in kindergarten.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
That's crazy.
That would be Brooklyn nextyear If I find out that our
little five-year-old girl,Brooklyn, is kissing somebody.
I'm killing somebody.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
I wonder if my dad knew that when I kissed that boy
in kindergarten the same year,she kissed somebody is the same
year.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Daddy killed somebody .
Speaker 2 (03:31):
I remember my sixth grade boyfriend broke up with me
.
I thought I was going to marryhim and I was devastated when he
broke up with me and my dad was, like there's so many more guys
?
I'm like, no, there's not.
The crazy thing is that boybroke up with me in sixth grade.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
The next girl he dated like a month later was the
one he married Wild, and youweren't the one.
I wasn't the one.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
I was the one that got away.
But all to say, in all the boysthat I have dated, there were a
lot of times where I knew itwasn't going to go anywhere and
so I was just hanging out.
But there were other timeswhere I was like, ooh, this
could get really serious and Iknow it's still not going to
work out.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Right.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
There was a guy that I dated that wanted to be in the
Navy for like his career and Iknew I wasn't signing up for a
military wife and a militaryfamily.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
But you signed up to marry a pastor.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
That I did that's wild.
And a musician.
It's also wild how much peoplethat we date or like
specifically for girls, how muchthe guys we date, reflect our
dads.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
That is wild.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
That is crazy.
It is very.
We're not going to talk aboutthat.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
It's like we're not gonna talk about it.
We're not gonna.
Are we gonna talk about daddyissues in this?
No, we're not talking aboutdaddy issues, but I'm just
saying, like how we unknowinglylook for those characteristics
or we're drawn to thosecharacteristics and then we
don't even know it.
We find out later and we'relike crap, he is like my dad
yeah, that's why.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
so my, my ex-girlfriend in my head she was
the one and like I read thisbook when I was in high school,
which, by the way, was superlike controversial.
Actually the dude that wrotethe book kind of got like
excommunicated from like thechurch.
Many years later, everybody'shating on him and he actually
(05:26):
takes the book back and sayslike, yeah, I don't know about
this book anymore.
There was this book that'scalled I Kiss Dating Goodbye.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
I knew that's exactly the one you're going to talk
about.
You know what book I'm talkingabout.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
So I got a hold of that book when I was a teen.
I was like, yeah, this is it,this is it.
But then everybody's getting.
He's getting all this heat allthese years later and even he
calls, comes back saying, yeah,actually.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Don't do that.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Don't do that.
You should probably date youknow, get.
But the girlfriend that I hadin high school, I didn't do much
dating First of all, likegrowing up I actually I wasn't
the type that had a girlfriendin every grade.
I had crushes.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
Oh, that makes sense of why you poke at me so much,
for that is because you didn't.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
No, I didn't have a girlfriend in every single grade
.
I didn't.
I did in every single grade Ihad girls that I thought was
cute and pretty attractive,stuff like that that had crushes
on.
But not enough to be like I'mgoing to date.
I just thought at a young age,like even in middle school I was
just like she's my girlfriend,boyfriend, like what are we
(06:26):
doing?
Like at a very young age I justthought, like what's the point?
We're kids, I'm not going tomarry this girl.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
I snuck out to the mall to go on a date with my
seventh grade boyfriend.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
And then I thought, okay, that's, that's wild.
But then I thought too, like ifa girl's going to be my, my
wife, like I'll know it, she'llknow it eventually, like we'll
date.
But I'm like I'm in middleschool, you know, and I didn't.
I wasn't really satisfied withmyself, like I didn't really
there's a lot of stuff aboutmyself I didn't.
And then because I was supershy, introvert, yeah, and I knew
(06:55):
most girls would ask me a lot,lot in it because I'm not an
introvert.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
I was very extroverted.
I liked to get to know everyone.
I liked the tension, I likedthat stuff.
Yes, yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
So I wasn't a type of like I want to get to know
somebody.
So I was just more fantasizedwhat it'd be like with a girl or
something like that.
But I wasn't in that point ofjust like yo, she's going to be
the one.
But high school, honestly, myex-girlfriend she gave me her
number, it was straight up, justlike call me.
I was like, dang, this is crazy.
Okay, before cell phones, shehad a cell phone but I didn't.
(07:30):
But anyway, I thought she wasthe one and when I was dating
her, I was dating her with thethought of like she is the one
that I've been looking for.
Now here's the crazy thing isis like what happens when you
start dating someone thateveryone around you don't want
you dating?
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Your family don't want you dating, but I think.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
I think right now, a lot of people don't really
understand what mindsets to havewhile dating in the process,
looking for the one right,Because there's a.
I think there's a differencewhich we'll have.
We'll have a whole notherconversation another time about,
okay, when you found thatperson and you know they're the
one and you guys are alreadyitem, you guys are already
dating, you guys love each otherand you've made up in your mind
(08:13):
you're going to actually marrythis person.
You're still going through thedating process, you're still
technically considered single,but right now we're talking
about dating, looking for thatand I think there is value, like
mentioning that book I'd kissdating goodbye.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
I don't think it's like a hard black and white line
of like don't ever date, justto date.
Like I think there's value indating different people for
different time amounts,different amount of times, to
find out, like, what you do wantin a person or what you do want
(08:52):
in their hobbies, in theircareer, in their family dynamic.
Like I do think that it'svaluable to experiment with it a
little bit.
The hard part is just knowingyourself.
So, like for me, even though Idid date a lot of guys randomly,
I am super vulnerable and I'mjust like I wear my heart on my
(09:14):
sleeve.
So because of that I got hurt alot.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
You told me like almost everything super early on
in our dating relationship.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
I just I just am that I mean to a fault.
I just I just am that I mean toa fault.
I'm just that way, like I'mjust very open, I'm very
trusting and I'm like I justdon't hide things, like I'm just
that's me and you just get meas I am.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Yeah, and to me I was like when we started dating, I
there was stuff that I wanted totell you, but I felt like there
we need to go through a fewseasons first.
I think there's like layers oftrust and I think people that
are getting into dating andthey're like man, I really want
to find that right person Firstof all, the right person.
You really don't know who thatperson is until you get to know
someone, so there does need tobe a line of like how much of
(10:04):
yourself you put out there.
Cause when you're datingsomebody, it's almost like like
I tell you something, you tellme something Right, right, I
don't know how.
No.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
I mean, I imagine that's how you like build that.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Yeah, that's how you that's how you do that.
But I guess the biggest thingis like, where do you even put
that line if you're datingsomebody but you're not even
sure they're the one?
But you almost got to putyourself out there to see if you
crack the code, because youdon't know where you guys are
going to connect Right.
You don't know if one day youend up sharing something and
that person's like oh my gosh,me too.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
That's it, yeah, and I will say I feel like it's a
disclaimer, like needs to be allacross the board is that we're
talking about dating 14 yearsago, 15 years ago, yeah, the
world has changed so muchStraight up years ago.
15 years ago, the world haschanged so much straight and
they we cannot count the amountof times that we have said we're
so glad we're not in the datingworld right now, bro.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
I mean when we were dating, like the picture
somebody posted up on socialmedia.
Like I look at that picture andI see in person it's the real
person.
It was the same person but nowwith filters Facetune AI.
Bro.
I'm like, who is this guy orgirl?
I don't even know, bro.
(11:16):
Am I, hey, nice to meet you,ma'am, or should I say sir,
mister, you do not know, youdon't even know.
Nowadays it's so scary,especially in a world where
everyone is very confused andthis could be debatable, because
some people say, oh, I'm notconfused, I used to be a guy and
now I'm a girl, like to methat's confusing, because that
doesn't make sense to me.
(11:37):
Like, do you pee sitting or doyou pee standing?
Speaker 2 (11:39):
up Pee air.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Oh my word, this is not what the conversation is
about Okay, but actually it kindof is because now we're in a
world where people are afraid todate.
That's true, because they justdon't know.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
That was not a thing 15 years ago.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
They just don't know where you.
Okay, at least you know where Istand.
You know, like, where I standwith that right.
15 years ago we were able tohave those conversations and
still be friends.
But now we live in a world.
Now, if you do not agree withmy statements, we're fighting
and we're against each other.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
So now I think people are.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
We're living in a time where people are actually
afraid to date.
Back then, when we were dating,like we, we weren't using
social media for you knowpolitical stance, we weren't
using social media for writing,we weren't using social media
for protesting, all these typeof things, and so and it was a
lot simpler than when it came todating Now, I mean, even on our
(12:30):
, if I'm FaceTiming you, I couldput a filter on my FaceTime.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Actually, that's really crazy.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Yeah, you could put filters on while FaceTiming.
Now, I did not know that.
Oh yeah, straight up, itbrushes you.
I mean, bro, you go on Zoom,that's true Zoom is like touch
up button on Zoom.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
That's crazy.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
That is crazy.
So I'm like man, hey, shout outto everybody who's in the
dating world right now.
You guys are trying to date.
I'm sorry that you guys areborn or whatever, dating in this
time.
But here's what I want to do.
We honestly just wanted to letyou guys jump in on this
conversation to share with youguys the things that we have
done while we were dating.
(13:11):
We didn't do it all right.
Everyone has done it different.
There's no magic formula,there's no secret code for it,
but ultimately it really comesdown to making a decision,
saying that I'm going to putmyself out there.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
That's really it.
You have to.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
You almost have to just put yourself out there to
know okay, I don't know if thisperson is the person for me, but
I really want to find someone,and the only way you're going to
get vulnerable and close tosomeone is to get close to
someone.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Right and it's like what we talked about in the
other conversations that we'vehad about like us meeting,
knowing whether it's a good fit,knowing the signs of like yeah,
this actually feels right orsomething's off.
It also is super important toknow your standards of like,
(13:57):
things you are willing tonegotiate on and things that are
non-negotiables.
So, for us, having someone thatwas a believer and a follower
of Christ was a non-negotiableLike we weren't dating someone
who didn't have that sameattribute and decision in their
life.
It was just non-negotiable.
(14:17):
So if you are a believer, Ithink that that should be one.
There were other things in theworld that we just knew like
okay, are we on the same pagewith this one?
Like you, even knowing you weregoing to be a pastor?
Speaker 1 (14:32):
like yeah, I think it's very important that for
people that are dating, this iswhat we did Like when we were
dating.
I shared with you where I sawmyself in 10 years yeah.
I shared with you some of mygoals and some people are
listening saying like well, howdo you know how much to share?
(14:52):
Well, you don't need to givethem, you don't need to give
them your bank account numberfor them to know where you see
yourself financially.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
I mean, but you even said verbatim, you want to
travel for music, and so whenpeople look at me at home by
myself with no family around, 15years later and two kids.
They're like how do you do that?
And I'm like oh, I knew I wassigning up for this.
This was his dream when I methim as a teenager.
(15:19):
Yeah, this is where we weregoing.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Yeah, like when you're dating people and you're
like, okay, I don't know if thisperson is the one, you have
nothing to lose, like we hadnothing to lose when we were
dating for the first time.
Because to me I'm like, okay,I'm going to tell you where I
see myself.
I know that God called me toserve the church.
I know that God called me to bea pastor and to lead people.
(15:45):
I also have a gift of music andI enjoy making music and I want
to travel to do music.
Hopefully, the goal is to doall the above at the same time.
You knew that at an early stage.
So if you was like, man, Idon't want to be married to a
guy that's devoted to the church.
(16:05):
I don't want to be married to aguy that's devoted to the
church.
I don't want to be married tosomeone that's a musician.
So finances are alwaysfluctuating and he wants to
travel, I'm not signing up forthat.
Here's the beauty of what wedid at an early stage, like that
sharing with each other, ourgoals and where we saw ourselves
is that we weren't in love.
We had nothing to lose.
If one of us decided to saythis is not going to work for me
(16:26):
right now.
We can pull the plug on thisright now.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
And that's exactly what happened with that guy that
was going to be military.
We weren't in love, we werejust hanging out for a few times
, going on a few dates.
And I was like, yeah, I'm notsigning up for this, and we
stopped hanging out because wedid it.
We stopped hanging out beforeit got too serious, where it was
just heartbreak or we settled.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
Like the benefits of putting yourself out there early
on with someone that you thinkcould be the one, is they're
either going to tell you like Ilike that or like nah, like.
If you say, man, I see myselfhaving a lot of kids, don't wait
till you're in love with theperson To be like yeah, I see
(17:10):
myself having a lot of kids.
Don't wait till you're in lovewith the person To be like, yeah
, I don't really want to havekids Sitting there at the aisle.
And they're walking down theaisle and you're like, when
should I tell them I?
Speaker 2 (17:19):
don't want kids.
Oh my gosh, that's a nightmare.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
It's just not worth it.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
And it's not fair to the other person.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
It's not worth it, like having all these cards in
your back pocket and saying I'mgoing to save it, I'm going to
save it, I'm going to save it.
You're the best time to takethe risk in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
Is that the beginning At the beginning?
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Yeah, it's the best time.
I have nothing to lose.
I don't.
I like you.
I'm going to say for me, thisis not for all men.
I'm a round of applause for allthe men that are better than me
, right, but for me I'm scaredwhat you're about to say.
No, you already know what I'mabout to say.
(17:56):
I've mentioned it in the lastfew episodes.
And you guys, if you guyshaven't already tell them what
they need to do, man Go back andwatch those other videos of our
story, how we met.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
We just broke it all down.
Trust me, you want to hear it.
And even if you are liking thisepisode, just do us a little
tiny favor and the like button,because then it sends it to
other people that will like thiscontent too.
So we're not asking you tosubscribe, even though that'd be
great, but we know subscribingis a commitment.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
It's a big commitment .
It's a big commitment.
Some people are like man, Idon't you know.
I said this in the last episode.
Some people like me I'm thesame way.
I'm like I don't know if I wantmy feed to be completely
flooded with your content, right?
Speaker 2 (18:51):
So we're not asking for likes.
It's free, so just click thelike it's simple, If you like
this.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Oh wait, isn't it YouTube lingo to be like smash
that like Smash that like button?
Oh, I got that here somewheretoo.
If you're listening to this onApple podcast, you're listening
to this on Spotify, Googlepodcast.
Shout out to all our podcastlisteners Love you guys, what
you guys can do is honestly justwrite a little review, just hit
on there, hit that five star.
Hit that five star, or fourstar, or three star.
Why don't you tell us how youfeel?
Go ahead and tell us how youfeel.
(19:15):
Don't lie to us.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
You have nothing to lose.
It's the beginning of therelationship If it's a one star.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
I'm actually 100% cool with that.
The world that, the world thatwe live in right now,
everybody's giving false reviews.
It's false reviews Like if youdon't like it, just give it a
one, hit the dislike, that'sfine.
You're not hurting my feeling.
You're telling me the truth.
The truth sets us free and thetruth is very um convincing man.
It tells me okay, got it, thisis not valuable to you guys.
(19:41):
Okay, so hit that like button.
Um, and let's keep moving rightalong.
For me, as a guy, when we weredating, I kept my options open,
so for me, it's that mindset oflike I don't know if she's the
one, I don't know if that girl'sthe one, I don't know which
girl's the one.
What I'm going to do is I'mgoing to put myself out there,
have some moments with all ofthem, have some conversation
(20:01):
with all of them and we'll seewhich one happens I and we'll
see which one happens.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
I know for girls, you guys feel like, yeah, it's such
a double standard.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
You guys feel like it's dishonest?
Speaker 2 (20:08):
For sure you guys feel like I can understand where
you're coming from, but girlsare just not built that way, and
if we roll that way, we'redefinitely called hoes.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Most girls are not built that way.
Don't speak for every.
Okay, you're right.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
You're right, I I stand corrected.
Because, like I said, mostgirls are not built that way,
and if we do roll that way, weare called hoes.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Yeah, santa Claus's favorites.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
Santa Claus's favorites.
But it is such a doublestandard.
But I understand where you'recoming from.
Like, if there's no commitmentyet, if there's no agreement,
there's no like definitive thingbetween you and I, I get you
are free to hang out with otherpeople.
It's like an unspoken thing forgirls Like we, but we won't we
(20:56):
are allowed to but there's likethis unspoken thing that we
won't.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
You're loyal to the guy that's giving you interest.
Yeah, and what you don't know isthat I'm giving a few y'all
interest because I'm dating,trying to find who's the one
right, like I'm looking at.
I was so, and I know not everyperson gets to this, to this
position in life but I got to aplace where I'm like, okay, I
waited a lot of years to finallystart officially dating Right.
(21:22):
So when I got to the pointwhere I was ready to start
dating, I was like, okay, I'mready to start dating, looking
for the one.
So every girl that I looked atin my mind I started thinking
could she be the one Right?
I wasn't interested in justdating for fun.
And I'm going to take a momentright now and just throw that
nugget in there right now, likedon't just date for fun, it's a
(21:43):
waste of time.
And your heart and emotionsMotions money, resources and
like you're putting yourself outthere to people that you know
they don't even have thepotential because you're bored.
If you're bored, get anotherjob.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
Hello, or a hobby, or a hobby Pickleball is great.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
But you shouldn't be dating.
I'm going to say this right nowyou shouldn't be dating just
because you're bored.
So I'm not saying like thatbook and say don't date, no,
absolutely date, but date whenyou're ready to put yourself out
there looking for that person,meaning you're ready to be
honest with them because you'refinally honest with yourself.
I felt like I got to a pointwhere I was ready to be honest
(22:22):
with someone else because I washonest with myself.
Some people men and women, bothalike I think they get to that
point where they start datingbut they're not ready to be
honest with that person becausethey're not honest with
themselves.
So you kind of lead that otherperson on for months or for a
few seasons and that otherperson is putting themselves out
(22:42):
there saying where they seethemselves, what they want to do
with their family, and you'rejust entertaining oh yeah, I
love that.
Meanwhile, you know in the backof your head that you're not
interested in some of thosetopics or you're not doing it,
you're looking for a good time.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
That's just selfish, don't do that to somebody else,
you'll hurt somebody.
I also think it's valuable totalk about for females mainly,
but not just females females andmales that when you are
choosing someone to spend timewith, that you pick someone that
(23:14):
is your standard or above.
Like, don't settle.
We have seen it in so manyrelationships.
It was what I faulted in therelationship I had before you.
I did settle and the best thingthat ever happened to me was
that he broke up with me.
I was going to marry that boybecause I thought, first of all,
if you don't have a ring onyour finger and you didn't walk
(23:35):
down the aisle, you can stillback out.
I am a loyalist and so becauseI said at 17, yeah, I think
you're the one for me, I thoughtI had to stick it out.
So dumb, right?
So if you don't have a ring andyou didn't walk down the aisle,
you can back out Straight up.
Number two know what you'reworth.
I picked someone that I thoughtI was worth.
(23:57):
It's literally like picking whoyou see in the mirror Right and
the best thing that everhappened was that person broke
up with me.
Then all my friends were like,oh, we didn't like him for you
anyways, blah, blah, blah, blahblah.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
I would have never known that, like you were what
God had for me yeah, maybethat's what we had in common,
because both our exes broke upwith us.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
It's true, both our exes broke up with us.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
That's wild that is why I don't think that's what we
had in common.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
Obviously there's some, but I do think that that
was part of the story that wasbeing written and I was
devastated on mine.
You were fine, but I wasdevastated when mine broke up
with me and I cried so much Iwasn't fine, I just expressed
myself differently, that's forsure.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
But I told you that summer we talked about it in our
last episode, part two.
Y'all go back and listen andwatch I talked about how my
ex-girlfriend broke up with meon my birthday and when I went
back home.
When I went back home thatsummer, my hope was to reconcile
with her.
That's true, cause I stillreally cared for her and loved
her Right, like even now.
Like I don't.
I haven't been in touch withher since, right, but I still
(24:58):
care for her.
I hope she's doing well, likelegit.
I think she married and thingslike that has kids so great,
like legit.
Like I want to know that everysingle person that had a part of
my life is doing well.
Like and that's what I'mtalking about Like you know, I
said this in the last episode offor those of you that that are
kind of tracking with us likethere was a girl that I was kind
of talking to when, when DaneLee and I, when you and I were
(25:21):
kind of talking and I just lefther hanging and I called her
back years later saying, likeI'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (25:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Like I was a jerk, I should never done that.
Like.
And she was upset, she was hurt, she.
Her biggest question was likehow come you just never called
me back?
Speaker 2 (25:34):
That's so crazy, which is messed up?
Speaker 1 (25:36):
But after we reconciled and that was restored
, a few years later she she gotmarried, has kids, all that
stuff I don't keep.
I don't keep up with her,obviously, but I really hope and
pray that she is doing well andthat's what I'm talking about.
Like y'all, when we're datingpeople, it's not worth dating
someone if you're not eveninterested to actually make a
(25:56):
connection or actually take thatnext step.
Don't date just for fun.
And that's where we were atthat time.
We were like seriously datingand we were pursuing each other
before we knew we were the onesfor each other.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
So next time we're going to talk about what are the
things we did while we weredating, after we knew we were
the one Cause.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
That's what?
Yeah, that's a whole notherconversation, because there's a
difference from like datingaround looking for that person
and then dating that person.
That is the one.
Cause there's still someguidelines, some things, that
still some layers that stillneeds to be crossed before you
start walking down that aisleRight?
Because, just like you said it,man, if there's no ring on the
finger, if you're not marriedyet, you can still run Straight
up, walk away from it.
(26:38):
Straight up, walk away and so Ireally enjoyed our time of like
getting to know each other.
In that season where we're likeyo, this person legit could be
the one Putting out fillers fromyour family members.
I think is important too aswell.
I'm not saying it's everythingLike your family shouldn't get
all the votes.
I had some people in my familythat wasn't fans of us dating.
(27:00):
That's a whole notherconversation because we married
outside of our culture.
So there's that.
There's some people that areloyalists to your culture.
They're like man.
Bro Pierre didn't marry aHaitian.
Who's going to cook him Haitianrice Grubhub?
No, I'm playing.
We have Grubhub back then.
What time is that we?
Speaker 2 (27:18):
got to go.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
Oh snap, we got to go yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
We got to go pick.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
Yeah, man, we tried to squeeze these in interesting
times, but man, it's really coolthat season of what we did that
.
So we talked about puttingourselves out there, yep, like
letting people know your goals,like where do you see yourself
down the road, allowing thatother person to honestly speak
into it or give them a chance toget out of it, laying down your
(27:42):
foundations and letting themknow these are my foundations.
This is what I believe.
I see so many times people inchurches where they believe one
way and they won't share itbecause people don't want to
offend each other.
Like letting them know yourbeliefs, I think also getting
input from some people that youreally respect and admire.
We said in the last episode,your mentor pulled you inside
and said yo, like this guy couldbe the guy and she didn't know
(28:05):
that I was the guy, but she wasjust telling you take that next
step, put yourself out there andlook at, look where we got
right now.
And I think, finally, like andI said this, and this is really
not in this order, but I thinkit's very important for us to
get to that point to say, hey,I'm ready to date because I'm
ready to be honest with someoneelse.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Right.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
And I'm ready to be honest with myself, right, so
that when they cross-examine andask us questions, then I'm
ready to tell you the freakingtruth.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
The freaking truth and we said don't settle and
don't date just for fun to whereyou could hurt someone else.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
Oh yeah, we said all that.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
There's a lot in this one.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
We got to record some few more episodes, some
conversation.
This record some few moreepisodes, some conversation this
conversation is honestly anongoing one.
Yeah, it really is.
One is like cut short.
The reason why we try to keepthese short, because what we
don't want to do is hit you guyswith a fire hose of
conversations and you're like yo, we're trying to listen to this
episode and it's like two hourslong.
Shout out to people who do thatFor us.
I get cotton mouth and we gotto go.
(29:02):
We literally got errands to run.
But honestly, this was aconversation we were having
earlier today.
Yeah, we were having thisconversation earlier today and
while we recorded thisconversation today because we're
like man, we really feel badfor people who just date for fun
, and we thought, man, let'shave a conversation about some
of the things that we did whenwe were thinking each other
could have been the one, andwhat we did in that season.
(29:23):
So I enjoyed digging with you,babe.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
I love digging with you.
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