March 11, 2025 • 35 mins
Discover the hidden language of a man's heart in this powerful exploration of what men truly need from women. Drawing from our 15-year marriage journey—including the devastating challenges that nearly ended everything at year 10—we unpack five essential needs that most men will never verbalize, but desperately desire from their partners.
What happens when women don't understand these unspoken needs? Relationships suffer, sometimes silently, as men rarely articulate what they're missing. From the fundamental need for masculine space to the surprising truth about behind-the-scenes respect, we share vulnerable insights that transformed our own relationship from the brink of collapse to a thriving partnership.
We dive deep into biblical foundations, examining Genesis and how God designed masculine and feminine energies to complement rather than compete with each other. The conversation gets refreshingly real about validation, purpose, and creating safe spaces for vulnerability—all while navigating modern relationship dynamics that often blur traditional roles.
Ladies, this episode offers a roadmap to understanding what makes the man in your life feel truly seen, respected, and valued. Men, you'll find your unexpressed needs articulated in ways that might help you communicate more effectively with your partner. Whether you're dating, married, or single and looking, these insights create the foundation for relationships where both partners can flourish.
Ready to transform how you connect with the men in your life? This conversation bridges the communication gap that often leaves both partners frustrated and unfulfilled. Subscribe now to join our Let's Dig crew and continue growing deeper relationships with God, others, and yourself.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Danilee (00:00):
Let's dig crew.
What's up?
Thank you for joining thisconversation.
Today we are talking about thefive things that men need from
women.
Pierre (00:10):
Let's go.
Danilee (00:11):
Oh, it's a good one.
Ladies, lean all the way in,come in, come in, come in.
I can't wait, I'm gonna telly'all.
Pierre (00:16):
I can't wait to hear this, because I never told you
any of these five things.
That's true, and guys don'tworry, pierre's here.
Danilee (00:22):
He's going to keep us on track.
He's going to make sure we'rein the hot zone, cold zone,
whatever.
But I need you to write in thecomments and make sure we're on
the right page.
Pierre (00:31):
Right.
Danilee (00:31):
And that I'm telling my sisters the right things
because I care about my girls.
So I'm going to tell them todaythe five things that men need
from us, and most of them, mostof these things, men will not
ask you for it.
They ain't going to ask for it.
They're not going to tell youOftentimes, they're going to
just move right along.
Pierre (00:50):
They're going to keep it pushing, and that's what I'm
trying to say.
I'm curious to hear what you'regoing to talk about, because
I've never really asked you forthese five things.
Danilee (00:57):
Okay.
Pierre (00:58):
So she just sent me her list.
She sent it to me.
Danilee (01:10):
So I'm not gonna be ambushed by it, but I'm reading
some of this.
I'm like, okay, I, I like whatI'm reading right now, but I
would love for you to elaborate.
Okay, and the last one, thevery last thing that I'm gonna
say that men need from us.
They actually, you actuallyneed it from me more behind your
back than in your face.
Pierre (01:23):
Okay.
Danilee (01:24):
Okay so.
Pierre (01:25):
All right.
So if you guys are lookingforward to this conversation, go
ahead and hit that like button.
Hit the high button.
Hit that like button.
If you are new to the channel,let me just say right now what's
up, you are part of the let'sDig crew.
Hit that subscribe button.
Listen, we are here to help yougrow a deeper relationship with
God.
You grow a deeper relationshipwith God, others and yourself.
(01:49):
That's why we are here.
We love walking with you guys.
Danilee (01:50):
Shout out to all of our let's Dig crew members.
Pierre (01:51):
Yeah, that's been rocking with us for a while, and
so if you listen to this onApple, spotify, all the other
channels too as well, go aheadand leave us a little tiny baby
review.
You could also hit that littleheart button too, that's right
here on YouTube, and send ussome love.
Love you guys, but if you guysare ready, let's dig Okay, you
ready.
Yeah, let's go.
Danilee (02:09):
So we were talking.
I mean, this week we made it to15 years of marriage.
Pierre (02:15):
Yeah, baby.
Danilee (02:16):
We I have been, not you .
I have been emotional about it,because if you are new to the
page and you don't know ourstory, we almost did not make it
.
Year 10 almost took us out, andso to come full circle to year
15 is honestly a gift from theLord.
Hands down.
We wouldn't be here without him, and if you haven't heard our
(02:38):
story, go back and check outsome of our other videos.
We talk about what we wentthrough, but when we were
talking about this, we weretalking about this.
We were talking about how muchwe've learned in the last few
years.
Pierre (02:49):
We've learned so much.
I mean when we met each otherright Late teens, early twenties
.
If you look back you're like yo, we were pretty young and we
you know.
It's funny because teenagers,20 year olds, you know no
offense, but you think you're'regrown, but you really go
through life, you realize.
Oh my gosh.
Danilee (03:07):
I didn't know much.
Pierre (03:08):
I knew some, but not enough to really get through,
and so we got married at a veryyoung age, and so you saw me
transform from a boy to a manyeah.
I saw you as a young collegegirl to a woman that you are
today a wife right, uh,entrepreneur, uh, a mother right
(03:29):
, a pastor, a mentor, a friend,and so here we are now, 18 years
together, and I want to hearwhat you have to say.
Like what, what are yourthoughts?
Like, what are the things thatyou feel like now being with me?
You're also.
You also have a father in yourlife.
You have a brother in your life.
You got, um, a son.
You have a son like, you havecousins that are guys.
You have brother-in-laws.
(03:49):
You have all these men that arein your life.
Yeah, from from what you'velearned, from what you've
experienced, from what you'veread, from what you've seen, I
want to hear like what do youthink us men like we really need
?
Danilee (04:01):
so to start conversation, I feel like we
have to go all the way back tothe beginning.
Pierre (04:05):
Yeah.
Danilee (04:06):
And not the beginning of us, but the beginning in
Genesis.
Pierre (04:10):
Yeah.
Danilee (04:11):
Of how God designed.
Pierre (04:12):
Genesis is in the Bible.
In the Bible, by the way.
You'd be surprised how manypeople are like where's Genesis?
I don't know what Genesis is.
Danilee (04:20):
I used to know it, girl , but I don't really know.
So Genesis in the Bible, howGod created Adam and Eve and how
he created their dynamic.
So I think the first thing thatI want to talk about is how men
need space to be masculine.
Pierre (04:39):
So that's what wait?
Yes, that's number one, therewe go.
Danilee (04:42):
You need space to be masculine.
Yeah, because if we look at thedynamics of a relationship, if
there is no space for you to bethat masculine force and for me
to be my feminine and again thisis why I wanted to reference
the Bible I'm not talking aboutget your feminine energy, women
(05:02):
power Like I'm not talking about.
Women are equal in everythingthat we do.
Like I'm not talking aboutwe're going back to the Bible.
We are going back to how Goddesigned a man and his space and
how he designed women in ourspace.
Pierre (05:18):
It's interesting you're talking about that because
there's been this hugerevolution of like women power.
Yes, this whole thing of likemen and women can do all the
things the same we see insociety, right, we see men that
are turning themselves intowomen to compete in women's
sports.
Right, we see, you know menthat's going to be, you know,
(05:43):
transitioning to be a woman,yeah, and then they go to prison
.
They had, they get other womenpregnant in jail.
Danilee (05:49):
I don't want to talk about it.
Pierre (05:50):
I know, but, like I'm saying, is like we're living in
a time where sometimes it's evenhard to grab a door, hold a
door for a woman, right, becauseyou insult them.
Because it's insulting.
Somebody created this, thismindset that you know, women are
(06:10):
less than Right and it's notthat.
And then, because of that,somebody countered it and say no
, women are equal to and equaland inequality has been blurred.
Right, because now equality islike no, if you can do it, I can
do it, but that's not reallywhat it is.
And as you're talking aboutgoing back to the originality of
how God created a man and awoman, I love how you're saying
that and I don't know if this isin order this list that you
have is probably not in order,but I do like that.
(06:31):
You're saying number one like aman needs to feel like the man
in the relationship.
Danilee (06:37):
Yeah.
Pierre (06:38):
I would concur, because that's even how God designed.
As you're talking about Genesis, you know, god designed the man
, he designed the woman, eventheir body parts, their counter
body parts were very specific.
And even at the fall of man,right For those of you that know
the story, you know Adam andEve, right there in this garden,
right, walking with God, likethere's no sin, there's no
darkness, and the woman is theone that is tempted.
(07:00):
But when God came looking forthem, god had a conversation
with the man, yeah, and becausehe was held accountable, as the
covering as the overseer, as theman of the household, not
because he's above her, likesome type of narcissistic,
controlling dictator, but morelike a covering, a shield, a
protector, someone to look over.
(07:22):
And he was held responsiblethat you took your eyes off of
this woman.
You took your eyes and she fellinto this sin and we all fell
and stumbled.
But he was actually heldaccountable.
And actually, if you look intoGenesis, when God was like all
right, women, here's what you'regoing to have to go through
because you made a decision.
And men, here's what you'regoing to have to go through to
make decision From the sweatfrom your brow.
(07:44):
In Genesis 3, we read thisGod's like you're going to have
to work.
You don't have to plow theground, you're going to have to
work.
That's how you're going to eat,it's when you sweat, that's
when you put in work.
But I do believe that, likeyou're onto something and I
don't know, maybe guys jump intochat, jump into conversation,
like what are your thoughts on,like the woman that's in your
life?
If there's ever a time whereyou don't feel like a man, like
(08:05):
even list out what are thethings that you consider to say
okay, these are the things thatmake me feel like a man when it
comes to decision-making, likewhen it comes to certain things
that we do about the house, likewhen it comes to leading my,
like my family, I do.
I would say I do agree thatlike for me.
If I don't feel like a man inthis relationship, like, say, I
(08:25):
do agree that like for me if Idon't feel like a man in this
relationship, like I'm going togo find it somewhere else, right
yeah.
Danilee (08:28):
And if a woman is taking up that space and it's
really hard because in the lastfew years, since this female
power movement, a lot of womenhave had to be single mothers Um
, and they do go into thisindependence which we should
have independence Like I'm not,I'm not taking that from women
in this discussion, but what I'msaying is there is a way to be
(08:51):
independent, but still let youlead.
There's a way for me to bestrong in my independence but
also submit to you, because youare the head of my household and
you're my covering.
Pierre (09:02):
Yeah.
Danilee (09:02):
Like there's there's a balance to it.
Pierre (09:04):
Yeah, and it's funny too , because there's there's a
percentage of women that feellike, okay, when I go into the
conference room, when I go intothese meetings with men, right,
studies even show women loweryour voice so that you can be
heard over men, right, dress acertain way, right, you know.
Here's how you should wear onthe top, wear this on the bottom
, things like that to go head tohead with, like with these men,
and I get it in in the workfield.
(09:25):
There are some strategies,right To be heard.
There's some strategies um to beeffective in the work field, I
fully understand that.
But when it compromises who youare like, when it makes you
diminish the the the womenfeatures in you, because you
feel like I need to be masculine, like, like a man, you know, if
you're single or if you can'tfind somebody, you know, I know
(09:46):
some women that are single andsometimes I see some behaviors
and some traits in them I'm likeno man would want that because
these are such strong masculinefeatures that you're carrying.
Danilee (09:58):
Or you should say no man would be drawn to that they
wouldn't be attracted to it.
Pierre (10:02):
They wouldn't be attracted to that because for me
I'm attracted to a woman.
Opposites attract.
So if you bring in some manlyfeatures into our relationship,
and to each his own right, likesome of y'all dudes out there, I
ain't whatever.
I ain't going to judgeeverybody out there, but to each
his own.
But the counter things that webring to a relationship I'm
(10:23):
bringing in a hundred percentbeing a man, you're coming in a
hundred percent being a woman.
That's attractive to me.
I was attracted to you becauseyou were a woman, so I want that
is when it is in sync, that iswhen it fits.
Danilee (10:46):
That is when it works, Is when we're both in the roles
and positions that God hasdesigned us to be.
It doesn't mean that only youcan take out the trash and only
I can wash the dishes Althoughthose are agreements we have had
in our specific household thatI don't think girls should have
to touch trash and he doesn'twant to touch dishes, but that's
(11:07):
a trivial thing.
But to break it down to saylike we have the best flow in
our marriage when we aremimicking the design that God
created it to be Okay.
Pierre (11:19):
All right, what's number two?
Danilee (11:20):
Number two Wait so do we get a green light for that
one?
Yeah, I mean, I want to feelNumber two.
All right, wait.
So do we get a green light?
Pierre (11:24):
for that one.
Yeah, thank you.
I want to feel like a man inour relationship, okay.
Danilee (11:27):
Number two men need to feel validated, validated, and
that means not motheredvalidated.
So a lot of times women, uswomen we can get to the point
where we kind of feel a littlenaggy, we feel a little
(11:49):
discrediting.
We can be very critical,actually very critical, very
critical.
And you need from me, more thananything, that I validate you,
who you are, your identity, evenif I have something critical to
say, like, for instance, I'mthinking of one thing right now.
You always say a certain wordfunny to me and I can be
(12:14):
critical about that.
But actually what I want you tohear from me is that when you
were speaking and you said thatfunny word, which was occupy,
you were killing what you weredoing Like you did such a great
job.
You have such a gift the wayyour mind thinks, the things
that God's put inside of you,the way you communicate Although
(12:36):
you may say a word, funny, youwere slaying that like you were
excelling, and so men need tofeel from us validated, because
the rest of the world is goingto criticize them.
Pierre (12:47):
You know it's funny too, because men and women are so
different, because the type ofvalidation you guys need as
women is not the same For us men.
We almost need you guys to likestroke our ego for sure and,
like you guys don't really needthe same thing like I.
I know, for women and we thiswill be conversation for our
next episode is, ultimately,women want to actually feel our
(13:12):
love.
They want to actually feel thatthey are loved and it's's a
feeling Most men struggle withthat because we, like, we
provide love.
We provide love Like look atthis, this, this, this roof over
your head.
Danilee (13:25):
Right.
Pierre (13:25):
Right there's money in the bank.
There's there's food in thekitchen.
Right there's clothes on you.
Look at the like.
All these things like thatshould already tell you that we
love you.
But that's actually not truefor women.
Women actually want to feelloved, right, and so I struggle
with that because and I thinkI'd probably say most men would
struggle with that wouldstruggle with, like, making you
(13:50):
guys feel love in other waysother than like the
materialistic stuff, like it'sholding your hand.
Right, it's yesterday, it wasour anniversary, and I held your
hand in a car and I just beganto just kiss it.
Danilee (13:59):
yeah, right, you can feel my love, even though your
nails were all busted up and youdidn't have no nails on you,
and then you didn't even give metime to put my nails on before
we went out tonight and guesswhat guys you?
Also didn't give me time to domy nails.
Today I still don't have anynails on that that sounds like a
personal issue.
First of all, I'm gonna saythat right now, leave them out
of this, hey, but here's, here's.
Pierre (14:18):
Here's what I'm saying.
Is you felt love?
Um and and, and, and, and, and.
I think, as you're talkingabout, for us men, the love that
we need to feel is verydifferent.
And I do agree, like validationis very important for me, like
it does build up my confidenceright, it builds up my
self-esteem, it makes me feellike you're my cheerleader like
(14:41):
you're my number one fan and forus guys like we genuinely do
need that.
Danilee (14:47):
The other day we were driving in the car and Jordan,
our son, he's 11.
He asked me do I believe you'regoing to make a certain goal
someday?
Pierre (14:56):
Yeah.
Danilee (14:57):
And I said so fast, yeah, absolutely, without a
doubt.
And he was like really, and Iwas like, yeah, absolutely, mark
my words Like, put it on record.
And I've said that since I metyou.
I know that that will be a goalthat you will achieve someday.
Pierre (15:12):
Yeah.
Danilee (15:12):
And I dare another woman try to bet more than me.
Pierre (15:21):
Like no one believes in you more than me.
Yeah, and, which was crazy too,I was quiet the whole time.
I never said one word, becauseI'm just taking it all in.
But it's like man, she reallydoes believe in me, like she
really does validate, she doessee these gifts in me yeah and I
would say this too, like youknow, ladies, as you're
listening, if there's, ifthere's a man in your life,
whether you, you guys, aredating, whether you guys are
married, um, like, like, whetherit's a sibling or or, or a
(15:44):
father figure, like there'sthere's so many different ways
where this can apply.
Like you know, men, we do wantto feel validated.
Like you know, like we said inGenesis, you know, adam's curse
was you bought a sweat of yourbrow, you're going to have to
work and that's how you're goingto eat.
And so, for us, the work thatwe put in, the stuff that we put
in the, the, the labor of ourhands, like to feel like it's
(16:07):
appreciated or validated, umgoes a long way.
Danilee (16:11):
What would be the primary way that or a primary
thing that I do or maybe need todo more of, like?
What's that primary thing thatmakes you feel validated from
your work?
Pierre (16:24):
Say that again.
So, like you said, I blackedout because I was.
I'm so hungry.
Danilee (16:29):
Guys, I'm thinking about chicken.
Pierre (16:32):
Okay, fried chicken.
Danilee (16:33):
Listen.
So you said that you need tofeel validated because you guys
are putting in sweat, you'reworking with your hands, you're
putting in hard work.
What is the primary way that Imake you feel that validation
for you, specifically likeyou're working, or is it
something I need to do more of?
Pierre (16:51):
But what is that one thing I think you do.
I'd say, the one thing that youdo is you acknowledge my work,
like you see what I mean.
Yeah, so you said it.
The other day you sat in one ofmy leadership sessions and
which was really cool.
Danilee (17:06):
I'm leading this session for leaders.
It's called call to lead.
Pierre (17:07):
Yeah, it was amazing and it's an opportunity for leaders
and influencers to come andbuild up their influential
skills, how to be more effectivein their own environment, how
to build up just theircommunication ability and things
like that.
But you guys know, you know mebeing Haitian, being in
multicultural states in my life,like I've picked up different
things and in my accent, sothere's sometimes there's
certain words that I say funny,so there's some words I just
(17:30):
can't say.
Or there's some words I got tothink really hard.
I'm like that word just don'tcome out right.
I just know that Right.
And so I was saying the wordoccupy, occupy, occupy and I was
like, was it occupy?
And then you say too many timeslike I don't know, like what's
real or wrong.
Nothing sounds right, nothingsounds right anymore.
But so if you would have cameand just nitpick and criticize
(17:51):
me for the one thing that I didwrong and never even acknowledge
, like the fruit of my work andmy labor, like there's no
validation there, I would havejust think like man, I put in so
much work and all she could seeis the one word I couldn't
pronounce properly.
And so I think, babe, honestly,like you do it, I feel that in
our relationship, that youacknowledge my work, which makes
(18:12):
me feel validated.
Good, okay, yeah, what's numberthree man?
Danilee (18:15):
Number three, actually, actually I'm gonna throw in
like a little tiny one, and I'ma little tiny, one is it's like
2.1, 2.5, what you doing it'slike two and then you know how
the outline like the two and thea.
Okay, you guys actually need tofeel like we think you're funny
.
Yeah, that's still in that'sstill in validation.
Pierre (18:35):
You yeah, that's still in.
That's still in validation.
You think so?
Yeah, that's still invalidation.
That's validating me.
That's when I laugh at you.
Danilee (18:43):
I just feel like it is such a thing that guys love to
feel like we think you're thefunniest person in the world.
And it is true, like humor isso attractive.
Pierre (18:52):
I'm going to say this right now, like ladies, like if
don't date him.
Danilee (19:03):
Get out of the relationship If you're dating.
Pierre (19:04):
Get out of it If you're married like we're not going to
support divorce, like this isnot it unless there's sin
involved.
But I'm saying it's like youguys need to figure something,
find something about him that'sfunny, even if he's funny
looking.
Danilee (19:16):
Wait, I was going to say like I was going to tell my
girls like, listen y'all, don'tlaugh at a guy that you do not
think is handsome or attractive.
Because as soon as you laugh ata guy, if it's two single
people, think about it.
If it's two single people andthe girl starts laughing at this
guy, he automatically thinks oh, she's feeling me.
Pierre (19:38):
Yeah, she liked me, bro.
She stayed laughing at me.
Danilee (19:40):
So, ladies, keep it together.
It might have been funny, butif you are not feeling this guy,
do not laugh at his face.
Pierre (19:46):
But here's where I'm going to defend the girls,
because it's unfair, becausemost girls are very different.
You might like a guy, but notlike a guy For sure, and so it's
unfair for a girl to say likethe guy is funny but that
doesn't mean I want to be withhim, I know this conversation is
about men, and so I agree withyou that ladies, us men, we want
(20:08):
to feel validated.
So, like I want my woman to havea sense of humor and I want
your humor to be attached to myhumor, and so I don't want to
ever feel like there's anotherdude in the room that's funnier
than me.
To you For sure, like you knowwhat I'm saying no and so, and
you always know too, I starthating on him than me.
To you for sure, like you know,I'm saying no and so, and, and
you always know too, I starthating on him like man, look at
(20:30):
this guy, bro, look at his nose.
I start hating on him straight,you know, because, honestly, us
men, believe it or not, we'remore jealous than women that's
crazy, but that's the thing likewe just don't talk about these
things, and so I appreciateyou saying like, okay, women,
men need to feel validation.
So he wants to feel like he'syour champion, he wants to feel
(20:52):
like he's the funniest guy inyour life.
You know what I'm saying?
So I do.
Yeah, man, like I'm trackingwith you, I'm tracking with you.
First of all, and let me saythis If you guys are liking this
conversation, if you guys thinkthat we're hitting this on the
nose, if any of this resonateswith you, hit that like button,
leave us a comment.
Really, literally.
We want to know your thoughtsabout this conversation as well.
If you haven't subscribed, whatare you waiting for?
(21:18):
Just hit the button.
It costs you nothing.
Danilee (21:18):
Well, I mean, we're going to be in your feet all the
time.
But there you go there's that.
Okay, ready Number three.
Yeah, number three men needwomen to have a purpose.
Pierre (21:30):
A woman without a plan can't keep a man.
Oh, excuse me, say that onetime.
Yo, I'm gonna say this A woman.
Danilee (21:38):
Is that Martin?
Pierre (21:39):
No, that's me, baby Yo.
A woman without a plan can'tkeep a man.
Oh, a man is attracted to awoman with a purpose.
Danilee (21:49):
Yeah, Like you guys have, to like if you had a
girlfriend or a wife or someonethat you're dating that didn't
have a plan for herself, amotivation and inspiration, a
passion project like nothing.
Pierre (22:04):
Yeah.
Danilee (22:05):
They, like those men, do not want a woman who's a
damsel, like they want someonewho's motivated.
And I want to be very clear.
That means, whatever you do,you're passionate about it and
you have purpose.
And that does not mean that thatonly way that you can do that
is by getting a job and being acareer woman and an entrepreneur
.
It doesn't matter.
If that's your thing, do that.
(22:25):
If your thing is to be at homeand take care of kids, that is
your purpose.
Like whatever it is that you'repassionate about, like you have
to have purpose behind it.
That is what a man needs.
He needs like as he takes careof the house, as he works, as he
does what he needs to toprovide for the family.
He needs to know that hispartner has her purpose as well
(22:48):
and they're working together.
Pierre (22:54):
Yo, some of my most frustrated seasons of my life
with you would be the days thatI'd come home.
And what'd you do today?
Oh, just, you know stuff.
I'm like like what stuff youknow, I slept in.
I'm like, again, you slept in.
Again, you slept in yesterday.
Danilee (23:10):
Listen, he be judging me when I sleep in.
Pierre (23:13):
I'm like I'd be like, oh , okay, you slept in, okay, what
time you wake up?
Uh, you know, okay, and did yougo to the gym?
So I went to the gym, but Iwasn't really motivated, wasn't?
Danilee (23:24):
motivated, I went to dunkin donuts and got a donut
and a coffee I'm like oh, okay,I'm looking around the house
guys.
Pierre (23:32):
Oh, I don't see no donuts around the house for me.
I was really struggling, okay.
So you, you got a donut got it.
Yes, cool, we're at work andyou came home, I was like okay,
cool.
And she and she'd be like yeah,I still need to take a shower.
I'm like it's it's 6.30 pm,when do you take your showers?
Danilee (23:49):
It's true, guys, there have been seasons, I mean and I
think that all women canidentify with this and like
relate to it that there areseasons where sometimes our
purpose goes up and down orwe're reconsidering, like when
we moved to LA.
To LA, getting into, like, thehair salon scene was so hard at
the beginning and so I waswaiting for my license.
(24:12):
I couldn't get hired till mylicense came through.
It just felt like it tookforever and that season was very
frustrating and I felt like Ihad no purpose.
There are other seasons where,after COVID, I didn't think I
was going back into hair and sothen I was like I don't know
what I want to do with my life,and that was part of even our
breakdown of our marriage and intherapy was what is my purpose?
(24:33):
So there have been thosefluctuations, but I remember
that being so frustrating foryou, of like, but what do you
want?
Because I do think that Ichampioned you hardcore.
You wanted to do the same forme.
Pierre (24:47):
And if I don't?
Danilee (24:47):
know it, then how do you champion for?
Pierre (24:49):
me and that's going to go to number four in a moment.
But yeah, I really wanted youto just find your thing and,
like you said earlier, purposeis not saying that you have to
be this entrepreneurbusinesswoman that's killing in
the industry.
Danilee (25:03):
You can be and you don't have to be.
Pierre (25:04):
Like you totally can be and and it's just killing in the
industry.
You can be and you don't haveto be.
Like you totally can be, andyour purpose could be like, hey,
I'm staying at home, I'm takingcare of the kids and I'm making
a home for us.
That's a purpose.
Yeah, and don't let anyone everthink you or make you think,
that that's no purpose at all.
Your purpose may be somethingas simple as, like you know,
let's say, you're in my mom herpurpose was praying for people.
That woman knew jesus she had a24 7 phone line.
(25:27):
It's just like no matter whattime of day you call her, she on
and matter of fact she doesn'tpick up because she's on the
other line praying with somebodyin haiti.
Yep, I'm like so that was herpurpose.
Yeah, her purpose was herchildren.
Yeah, and she took pride inthat.
So I'm not sitting here sayinglike, purpose this and that you
guys need to have a.
You know, you, if you're ahusband or your wife, you guys
have a conversation aboutpurpose does not equal income.
Danilee (25:48):
Yeah, yeah, and so it doesn't determine it.
Pierre (25:51):
It's quality over quantity, right.
And so for you, if you made adecision saying like this is my
purpose and I'm OK with, and Iwas OK with season, where you're
like I'm taking this season offto really find myself and
discover myself, ok, cool For meas partner, it's like, all
right, how are we going to dothat now?
(26:11):
Right, what time are you wakingup?
You still, you still going tosleep in and just, and so there
was still activity for this,because it's quality over
quantity, yeah, you know what Imean.
So I do believe that for me asa man and I think most men can
say this like we want a womanthat has a purpose, that feels
like she knows why she exists,why she's here.
You know what I'm saying.
I do think that's big.
That's big and it's attractive.
Danilee (26:30):
It is attractive.
I was going to say that.
Pierre (26:31):
And vice versa too.
Danilee (26:32):
I think this is going to make the list for, like yo,
what?
Pierre (26:35):
women want.
Women want a man too, as like.
Hey, bro, what are you doingwith yourself?
Danilee (26:51):
Well, you know, I'm finding myself Nice, finding
myself don't pay the bills andI'm not looking for you, so I'm
keep moving.
Let me know when you findyourself and then I'll come find
you.
Like, where's Waldo?
Okay, number four, all right.
Number four a man needs to besupported.
Pierre (26:57):
Explain.
Danilee (26:58):
And I think that goes beyond or like in a different
category of validated.
I think that supported meansthat when you come home and you
may have frustration, when youmay have fatigue, when you may
have like just roadblocks thatyou're running into, that I am
(27:23):
still supporting you, even whenyou're showing the weakness.
Pierre (27:27):
Yeah.
Danilee (27:27):
Because I think that there's so much stigma on a man
always being strong, alwaysbeing, like, consistent and yes,
we do need consistency from you, yes, we do need your strength.
But when you don't have themwhich is natural, which is
normal am I still supporting you?
Or am I kicking you whileyou're down?
(27:47):
Like, no, I'm still here foryou, it's okay, you can show
that vulnerability, I can sithere with you in it which took
me some time to learn sometimesum of like allowing you to show
that vulnerability and show that, that weakness or that struggle
, and then to still be therewith you, alongside of you, and
(28:08):
be like okay, what do you needfrom me?
Okay, let's just let's give ittime.
Okay, let's just make sure thatwe do that.
Like cause support.
In that sense, I just thinkthat I literally have a visual
of it, of the support beams.
Like when the roof is fallingin, is the support beam still
there?
Like and that's my role as awife, as a woman close to you in
(28:30):
your life to say like, no, I'vegot you, Even on those days
when you do crumble a little bit.
Pierre (28:35):
Yeah, that's big man Cause.
Ultimately, like I don't.
I don't need you to be my mom,Right, I don't need you to be my
my elementary teacher yeah, Idon't need you to be my coach.
I don't need you to be my myelementary teacher yeah, I don't
need you to be my coach.
I don't need you to be mymotivator, Right.
Like I love the thought of we.
We are support for each other.
Danilee (28:56):
What's?
The other day where I was likeyou were.
You were frustrated aboutsomething and I said, oh no, I'm
not trying to give you a speechbecause I know I can't motivate
you.
Yeah, Like you motivate me, Ican't give you the coach speech.
And it be as effective as youcan for me.
Pierre (29:08):
Yeah.
But to just sit in it with youand to be like, yeah, man, it
really is frustrating and I'msorry, and that happens Like we
have moments throughout the weekI'm like yo, this sucks right
now, the situation, and youwould just sit there and support
me in it.
You know like, and yeah, youwouldn't beat me while I'm down
or you wouldn't try to get meout of it, like, cause that's
(29:30):
tough too.
I'm like yo, I don't want youto snap me or slap me out of it.
It's that support of like Ifeel you, I see you, I see the
work that you're putting in, Isee where you're coming from.
And then we you know, we talkabout this in our last few
episodes like, even like, whenit comes to like, even fighting
explosive fights of asking thequestion of like, what do you
need from me?
Cause that's very helpful too,cause I think there'll be times
(29:50):
where I'm like the support isyou just asking like, what do
you need from me in this season,right now, in this day, in this
moment?
You know what I'm saying, so Ithink I think that's big All
right.
Danilee (30:00):
So what Last one, and this is what we said.
Pierre (30:03):
Number five.
Danilee (30:04):
Number five we said that you need it more behind
your back than you need it inyour face.
Any guesses?
Pierre (30:12):
Yeah Well, you sent me your list.
Oh, that's true.
Oh, that's not fun.
Danilee (30:15):
Okay, now let's see if they're guessing in the comments
.
Okay, so it is respect.
Pierre (30:23):
Yeah.
Danilee (30:30):
Respect, and that means that you actually need to hear
about my respect and my speechabout you to other people more
than you need to hear meverbalize my respect to you.
I do need to give you respectin our home, in our
conversations.
Respect goes both ways, right.
So even in an argument, like Ineed to respect you, like all
those things, yes, but also evenmore than that, when I'm
(30:51):
talking to someone else and youcome up, do I respect you in the
way I talk about you?
Do I lift you up in the way, ordo I make fun, or do I poke, or
what does that look like?
Like you need more respect.
In other circles ofconversation that you're not in,
yeah, but when I'm there, likeI'll be that part for you.
Pierre (31:12):
That's big yeah.
And if, if, if a man feelsrespected, you'll get the best
out of him.
Yeah, like, you'll get himfeeling confident, you'll get
him respecting everyone else inthe room.
Um, and you, you'll get hisattention.
Danilee (31:30):
That's so good you know what I mean?
Pierre (31:31):
Yeah, so that's big.
That's big.
I really do agree with this.
This is more important tohappen behind my back than in
front of me.
Danilee (31:41):
Yeah.
Pierre (31:42):
Because, like you know, I look at my parents, I look at
my mom.
Like my mom never bad mouthedmy dad a day in my life behind
his back to us, and that wasmassive and I can.
And he, he, he was confidentand he succeeded because of that
, like because she respected himand he actually wouldn't give
all these other women certaintype of attention because he
(32:03):
knew that like nah, nah, nah,nah, no one can top my wife in
the category of respect.
Like you know what I'm saying.
Danilee (32:09):
And I think in a marriage you actually feel my
respect more than you hear itLike I don't verbalize my
respect to you.
You feel it in how I talk toyou.
You feel it in how I treat youin our home.
You feel it in those manners.
But when it respect isverbalized, it's verbalized to
other people, it's verbalized toour kids, verbalized to my
(32:32):
family or your family, like inthose circles, it is words.
Pierre (32:36):
Yeah, that's big Ladies.
What do you guys or what do yougals think about this
conversation?
As you're listening in on, likeokay, I'm in a relationship
right now.
Let's say you're in a marriage.
Let's say, um, let's say you'redating.
Let's say you're listening inon, like okay, I'm in a
relationship right now.
Let's say you're in a marriage.
Let's say you're dating.
Let's say you're looking.
These are the type of thingsthat I do agree with you that
men do need and actually don'task for.
They will not ask for it, andif it gets to the point that a
(32:57):
man finally has to ask for this,he's been thinking about it for
too long.
Danilee (33:01):
Yeah, yeah, it's very true, and a lot of times
actually, I think that the manwould actually not ask for it.
He would probably just end therelationship and move to the
next.
Pierre (33:10):
Yeah.
Danilee (33:11):
If he doesn't feel respected, if he doesn't feel
supported, if he doesn't feelhonored, like those things, if
he doesn't feel this space formasculine space, like he's not
going to verbalize those things,he's going to be like, yeah,
it's just not a fit and he'sgoing to move on.
Yeah, and men, if you arelistening to this conversation
and we didn't mention somethings that you feel like you
(33:33):
need but you may not ask for,please write them in the
comments, like write them downbelow in this video.
Pierre (33:37):
Yeah.
Danilee (33:38):
Let the other women that are watching this video,
let them hear from you and saylike, oh yeah, I didn't think
about that one.
And even if we have to do apart two of this.
Pierre (33:46):
We could do a part two of this conversation and also to
like.
You know these, all these lanescan be broken, broken up into
so many different subcategories.
Right, you say, okay, men needsex.
Well, that falls under thefirst one of like man, like the
masculinity.
I want to feel that in oursexual life.
Yeah, that's true, you knowthey're like.
(34:07):
I never have to ask you forcertain stuff in sex because you
just know what I like, you justknow what it is and for me,
like it's the worst having toask for it and I never have to
ask for it because I'm like andshe know your girl be taking
care of your boy.
Listen, guys, every time he goesto this conversation, I get so
nervous.
I saw you two trying to playclean Because I don't know what
(34:28):
Pierre is going to throw at me.
I kept it clean.
Thank you for keeping it clean.
I love you.
Danilee (34:34):
All right, y'all, if you enjoyed this conversation.
We hope that it really, reallybrought value to you.
Please like, share, comment,subscribe, do all the things and
become part of the let's digcrew, because we love y'all and
we are here to help you grow adeeper relationship with God,
others and yourself.
Pierre (34:51):
We will see you next time, peace.
Let's dig crew.
What's up?
Thank you for joining thisconversation.
Today we are talking about thefive things that men need from
women.
Pierre (00:10):
Let's go.
Danilee (00:11):
Oh, it's a good one.
Ladies, lean all the way in,come in, come in, come in.
I can't wait, I'm gonna telly'all.
Pierre (00:16):
I can't wait to hear this, because I never told you
any of these five things.
That's true, and guys don'tworry, pierre's here.
Danilee (00:22):
He's going to keep us on track.
He's going to make sure we'rein the hot zone, cold zone,
whatever.
But I need you to write in thecomments and make sure we're on
the right page.
Pierre (00:31):
Right.
Danilee (00:31):
And that I'm telling my sisters the right things
because I care about my girls.
So I'm going to tell them todaythe five things that men need
from us, and most of them, mostof these things, men will not
ask you for it.
They ain't going to ask for it.
They're not going to tell youOftentimes, they're going to
just move right along.
Pierre (00:50):
They're going to keep it pushing, and that's what I'm
trying to say.
I'm curious to hear what you'regoing to talk about, because
I've never really asked you forthese five things.
Danilee (00:57):
Okay.
Pierre (00:58):
So she just sent me her list.
She sent it to me.
Danilee (01:10):
So I'm not gonna be ambushed by it, but I'm reading
some of this.
I'm like, okay, I, I like whatI'm reading right now, but I
would love for you to elaborate.
Okay, and the last one, thevery last thing that I'm gonna
say that men need from us.
They actually, you actuallyneed it from me more behind your
back than in your face.
Pierre (01:23):
Okay.
Danilee (01:24):
Okay so.
Pierre (01:25):
All right.
So if you guys are lookingforward to this conversation, go
ahead and hit that like button.
Hit the high button.
Hit that like button.
If you are new to the channel,let me just say right now what's
up, you are part of the let'sDig crew.
Hit that subscribe button.
Listen, we are here to help yougrow a deeper relationship with
God.
You grow a deeper relationshipwith God, others and yourself.
(01:49):
That's why we are here.
We love walking with you guys.
Danilee (01:50):
Shout out to all of our let's Dig crew members.
Pierre (01:51):
Yeah, that's been rocking with us for a while, and
so if you listen to this onApple, spotify, all the other
channels too as well, go aheadand leave us a little tiny baby
review.
You could also hit that littleheart button too, that's right
here on YouTube, and send ussome love.
Love you guys, but if you guysare ready, let's dig Okay, you
ready.
Yeah, let's go.
Danilee (02:09):
So we were talking.
I mean, this week we made it to15 years of marriage.
Pierre (02:15):
Yeah, baby.
Danilee (02:16):
We I have been, not you .
I have been emotional about it,because if you are new to the
page and you don't know ourstory, we almost did not make it
.
Year 10 almost took us out, andso to come full circle to year
15 is honestly a gift from theLord.
Hands down.
We wouldn't be here without him, and if you haven't heard our
(02:38):
story, go back and check outsome of our other videos.
We talk about what we wentthrough, but when we were
talking about this, we weretalking about this.
We were talking about how muchwe've learned in the last few
years.
Pierre (02:49):
We've learned so much.
I mean when we met each otherright Late teens, early twenties
.
If you look back you're like yo, we were pretty young and we
you know.
It's funny because teenagers,20 year olds, you know no
offense, but you think you're'regrown, but you really go
through life, you realize.
Oh my gosh.
Danilee (03:07):
I didn't know much.
Pierre (03:08):
I knew some, but not enough to really get through,
and so we got married at a veryyoung age, and so you saw me
transform from a boy to a manyeah.
I saw you as a young collegegirl to a woman that you are
today a wife right, uh,entrepreneur, uh, a mother right
(03:29):
, a pastor, a mentor, a friend,and so here we are now, 18 years
together, and I want to hearwhat you have to say.
Like what, what are yourthoughts?
Like, what are the things thatyou feel like now being with me?
You're also.
You also have a father in yourlife.
You have a brother in your life.
You got, um, a son.
You have a son like, you havecousins that are guys.
You have brother-in-laws.
(03:49):
You have all these men that arein your life.
Yeah, from from what you'velearned, from what you've
experienced, from what you'veread, from what you've seen, I
want to hear like what do youthink us men like we really need
?
Danilee (04:01):
so to start conversation, I feel like we
have to go all the way back tothe beginning.
Pierre (04:05):
Yeah.
Danilee (04:06):
And not the beginning of us, but the beginning in
Genesis.
Pierre (04:10):
Yeah.
Danilee (04:11):
Of how God designed.
Pierre (04:12):
Genesis is in the Bible.
In the Bible, by the way.
You'd be surprised how manypeople are like where's Genesis?
I don't know what Genesis is.
Danilee (04:20):
I used to know it, girl , but I don't really know.
So Genesis in the Bible, howGod created Adam and Eve and how
he created their dynamic.
So I think the first thing thatI want to talk about is how men
need space to be masculine.
Pierre (04:39):
So that's what wait?
Yes, that's number one, therewe go.
Danilee (04:42):
You need space to be masculine.
Yeah, because if we look at thedynamics of a relationship, if
there is no space for you to bethat masculine force and for me
to be my feminine and again thisis why I wanted to reference
the Bible I'm not talking aboutget your feminine energy, women
(05:02):
power Like I'm not talking about.
Women are equal in everythingthat we do.
Like I'm not talking aboutwe're going back to the Bible.
We are going back to how Goddesigned a man and his space and
how he designed women in ourspace.
Pierre (05:18):
It's interesting you're talking about that because
there's been this hugerevolution of like women power.
Yes, this whole thing of likemen and women can do all the
things the same we see insociety, right, we see men that
are turning themselves intowomen to compete in women's
sports.
Right, we see, you know menthat's going to be, you know,
(05:43):
transitioning to be a woman,yeah, and then they go to prison
.
They had, they get other womenpregnant in jail.
Danilee (05:49):
I don't want to talk about it.
Pierre (05:50):
I know, but, like I'm saying, is like we're living in
a time where sometimes it's evenhard to grab a door, hold a
door for a woman, right, becauseyou insult them.
Because it's insulting.
Somebody created this, thismindset that you know, women are
(06:10):
less than Right and it's notthat.
And then, because of that,somebody countered it and say no
, women are equal to and equaland inequality has been blurred.
Right, because now equality islike no, if you can do it, I can
do it, but that's not reallywhat it is.
And as you're talking aboutgoing back to the originality of
how God created a man and awoman, I love how you're saying
that and I don't know if this isin order this list that you
have is probably not in order,but I do like that.
(06:31):
You're saying number one like aman needs to feel like the man
in the relationship.
Danilee (06:37):
Yeah.
Pierre (06:38):
I would concur, because that's even how God designed.
As you're talking about Genesis, you know, god designed the man
, he designed the woman, eventheir body parts, their counter
body parts were very specific.
And even at the fall of man,right For those of you that know
the story, you know Adam andEve, right there in this garden,
right, walking with God, likethere's no sin, there's no
darkness, and the woman is theone that is tempted.
(07:00):
But when God came looking forthem, god had a conversation
with the man, yeah, and becausehe was held accountable, as the
covering as the overseer, as theman of the household, not
because he's above her, likesome type of narcissistic,
controlling dictator, but morelike a covering, a shield, a
protector, someone to look over.
(07:22):
And he was held responsiblethat you took your eyes off of
this woman.
You took your eyes and she fellinto this sin and we all fell
and stumbled.
But he was actually heldaccountable.
And actually, if you look intoGenesis, when God was like all
right, women, here's what you'regoing to have to go through
because you made a decision.
And men, here's what you'regoing to have to go through to
make decision From the sweatfrom your brow.
(07:44):
In Genesis 3, we read thisGod's like you're going to have
to work.
You don't have to plow theground, you're going to have to
work.
That's how you're going to eat,it's when you sweat, that's
when you put in work.
But I do believe that, likeyou're onto something and I
don't know, maybe guys jump intochat, jump into conversation,
like what are your thoughts on,like the woman that's in your
life?
If there's ever a time whereyou don't feel like a man, like
(08:05):
even list out what are thethings that you consider to say
okay, these are the things thatmake me feel like a man when it
comes to decision-making, likewhen it comes to certain things
that we do about the house, likewhen it comes to leading my,
like my family, I do.
I would say I do agree thatlike for me.
If I don't feel like a man inthis relationship, like, say, I
(08:25):
do agree that like for me if Idon't feel like a man in this
relationship, like I'm going togo find it somewhere else, right
yeah.
Danilee (08:28):
And if a woman is taking up that space and it's
really hard because in the lastfew years, since this female
power movement, a lot of womenhave had to be single mothers Um
, and they do go into thisindependence which we should
have independence Like I'm not,I'm not taking that from women
in this discussion, but what I'msaying is there is a way to be
(08:51):
independent, but still let youlead.
There's a way for me to bestrong in my independence but
also submit to you, because youare the head of my household and
you're my covering.
Pierre (09:02):
Yeah.
Danilee (09:02):
Like there's there's a balance to it.
Pierre (09:04):
Yeah, and it's funny too , because there's there's a
percentage of women that feellike, okay, when I go into the
conference room, when I go intothese meetings with men, right,
studies even show women loweryour voice so that you can be
heard over men, right, dress acertain way, right, you know.
Here's how you should wear onthe top, wear this on the bottom
, things like that to go head tohead with, like with these men,
and I get it in in the workfield.
(09:25):
There are some strategies,right To be heard.
There's some strategies um to beeffective in the work field, I
fully understand that.
But when it compromises who youare like, when it makes you
diminish the the the womenfeatures in you, because you
feel like I need to be masculine, like, like a man, you know, if
you're single or if you can'tfind somebody, you know, I know
(09:46):
some women that are single andsometimes I see some behaviors
and some traits in them I'm likeno man would want that because
these are such strong masculinefeatures that you're carrying.
Danilee (09:58):
Or you should say no man would be drawn to that they
wouldn't be attracted to it.
Pierre (10:02):
They wouldn't be attracted to that because for me
I'm attracted to a woman.
Opposites attract.
So if you bring in some manlyfeatures into our relationship,
and to each his own right, likesome of y'all dudes out there, I
ain't whatever.
I ain't going to judgeeverybody out there, but to each
his own.
But the counter things that webring to a relationship I'm
(10:23):
bringing in a hundred percentbeing a man, you're coming in a
hundred percent being a woman.
That's attractive to me.
I was attracted to you becauseyou were a woman, so I want that
is when it is in sync, that iswhen it fits.
Danilee (10:46):
That is when it works, Is when we're both in the roles
and positions that God hasdesigned us to be.
It doesn't mean that only youcan take out the trash and only
I can wash the dishes Althoughthose are agreements we have had
in our specific household thatI don't think girls should have
to touch trash and he doesn'twant to touch dishes, but that's
(11:07):
a trivial thing.
But to break it down to saylike we have the best flow in
our marriage when we aremimicking the design that God
created it to be Okay.
Pierre (11:19):
All right, what's number two?
Danilee (11:20):
Number two Wait so do we get a green light for that
one?
Yeah, I mean, I want to feelNumber two.
All right, wait.
So do we get a green light?
Pierre (11:24):
for that one.
Yeah, thank you.
I want to feel like a man inour relationship, okay.
Danilee (11:27):
Number two men need to feel validated, validated, and
that means not motheredvalidated.
So a lot of times women, uswomen we can get to the point
where we kind of feel a littlenaggy, we feel a little
(11:49):
discrediting.
We can be very critical,actually very critical, very
critical.
And you need from me, more thananything, that I validate you,
who you are, your identity, evenif I have something critical to
say, like, for instance, I'mthinking of one thing right now.
You always say a certain wordfunny to me and I can be
(12:14):
critical about that.
But actually what I want you tohear from me is that when you
were speaking and you said thatfunny word, which was occupy,
you were killing what you weredoing Like you did such a great
job.
You have such a gift the wayyour mind thinks, the things
that God's put inside of you,the way you communicate Although
(12:36):
you may say a word, funny, youwere slaying that like you were
excelling, and so men need tofeel from us validated, because
the rest of the world is goingto criticize them.
Pierre (12:47):
You know it's funny too, because men and women are so
different, because the type ofvalidation you guys need as
women is not the same For us men.
We almost need you guys to likestroke our ego for sure and,
like you guys don't really needthe same thing like I.
I know, for women and we thiswill be conversation for our
next episode is, ultimately,women want to actually feel our
(13:12):
love.
They want to actually feel thatthey are loved and it's's a
feeling Most men struggle withthat because we, like, we
provide love.
We provide love Like look atthis, this, this, this roof over
your head.
Danilee (13:25):
Right.
Pierre (13:25):
Right there's money in the bank.
There's there's food in thekitchen.
Right there's clothes on you.
Look at the like.
All these things like thatshould already tell you that we
love you.
But that's actually not truefor women.
Women actually want to feelloved, right, and so I struggle
with that because and I thinkI'd probably say most men would
struggle with that wouldstruggle with, like, making you
(13:50):
guys feel love in other waysother than like the
materialistic stuff, like it'sholding your hand.
Right, it's yesterday, it wasour anniversary, and I held your
hand in a car and I just beganto just kiss it.
Danilee (13:59):
yeah, right, you can feel my love, even though your
nails were all busted up and youdidn't have no nails on you,
and then you didn't even give metime to put my nails on before
we went out tonight and guesswhat guys you?
Also didn't give me time to domy nails.
Today I still don't have anynails on that that sounds like a
personal issue.
First of all, I'm gonna saythat right now, leave them out
of this, hey, but here's, here's.
Pierre (14:18):
Here's what I'm saying.
Is you felt love?
Um and and, and, and, and, and.
I think, as you're talkingabout, for us men, the love that
we need to feel is verydifferent.
And I do agree, like validationis very important for me, like
it does build up my confidenceright, it builds up my
self-esteem, it makes me feellike you're my cheerleader like
(14:41):
you're my number one fan and forus guys like we genuinely do
need that.
Danilee (14:47):
The other day we were driving in the car and Jordan,
our son, he's 11.
He asked me do I believe you'regoing to make a certain goal
someday?
Pierre (14:56):
Yeah.
Danilee (14:57):
And I said so fast, yeah, absolutely, without a
doubt.
And he was like really, and Iwas like, yeah, absolutely, mark
my words Like, put it on record.
And I've said that since I metyou.
I know that that will be a goalthat you will achieve someday.
Pierre (15:12):
Yeah.
Danilee (15:12):
And I dare another woman try to bet more than me.
Pierre (15:21):
Like no one believes in you more than me.
Yeah, and, which was crazy too,I was quiet the whole time.
I never said one word, becauseI'm just taking it all in.
But it's like man, she reallydoes believe in me, like she
really does validate, she doessee these gifts in me yeah and I
would say this too, like youknow, ladies, as you're
listening, if there's, ifthere's a man in your life,
whether you, you guys, aredating, whether you guys are
married, um, like, like, whetherit's a sibling or or, or a
(15:44):
father figure, like there'sthere's so many different ways
where this can apply.
Like you know, men, we do wantto feel validated.
Like you know, like we said inGenesis, you know, adam's curse
was you bought a sweat of yourbrow, you're going to have to
work and that's how you're goingto eat.
And so, for us, the work thatwe put in, the stuff that we put
in the, the, the labor of ourhands, like to feel like it's
(16:07):
appreciated or validated, umgoes a long way.
Danilee (16:11):
What would be the primary way that or a primary
thing that I do or maybe need todo more of, like?
What's that primary thing thatmakes you feel validated from
your work?
Pierre (16:24):
Say that again.
So, like you said, I blackedout because I was.
I'm so hungry.
Danilee (16:29):
Guys, I'm thinking about chicken.
Pierre (16:32):
Okay, fried chicken.
Danilee (16:33):
Listen.
So you said that you need tofeel validated because you guys
are putting in sweat, you'reworking with your hands, you're
putting in hard work.
What is the primary way that Imake you feel that validation
for you, specifically likeyou're working, or is it
something I need to do more of?
Pierre (16:51):
But what is that one thing I think you do.
I'd say, the one thing that youdo is you acknowledge my work,
like you see what I mean.
Yeah, so you said it.
The other day you sat in one ofmy leadership sessions and
which was really cool.
Danilee (17:06):
I'm leading this session for leaders.
It's called call to lead.
Pierre (17:07):
Yeah, it was amazing and it's an opportunity for leaders
and influencers to come andbuild up their influential
skills, how to be more effectivein their own environment, how
to build up just theircommunication ability and things
like that.
But you guys know, you know mebeing Haitian, being in
multicultural states in my life,like I've picked up different
things and in my accent, sothere's sometimes there's
certain words that I say funny,so there's some words I just
(17:30):
can't say.
Or there's some words I got tothink really hard.
I'm like that word just don'tcome out right.
I just know that Right.
And so I was saying the wordoccupy, occupy, occupy and I was
like, was it occupy?
And then you say too many timeslike I don't know, like what's
real or wrong.
Nothing sounds right, nothingsounds right anymore.
But so if you would have cameand just nitpick and criticize
(17:51):
me for the one thing that I didwrong and never even acknowledge
, like the fruit of my work andmy labor, like there's no
validation there, I would havejust think like man, I put in so
much work and all she could seeis the one word I couldn't
pronounce properly.
And so I think, babe, honestly,like you do it, I feel that in
our relationship, that youacknowledge my work, which makes
(18:12):
me feel validated.
Good, okay, yeah, what's numberthree man?
Danilee (18:15):
Number three, actually, actually I'm gonna throw in
like a little tiny one, and I'ma little tiny, one is it's like
2.1, 2.5, what you doing it'slike two and then you know how
the outline like the two and thea.
Okay, you guys actually need tofeel like we think you're funny
.
Yeah, that's still in that'sstill in validation.
Pierre (18:35):
You yeah, that's still in.
That's still in validation.
You think so?
Yeah, that's still invalidation.
That's validating me.
That's when I laugh at you.
Danilee (18:43):
I just feel like it is such a thing that guys love to
feel like we think you're thefunniest person in the world.
And it is true, like humor isso attractive.
Pierre (18:52):
I'm going to say this right now, like ladies, like if
don't date him.
Danilee (19:03):
Get out of the relationship If you're dating.
Pierre (19:04):
Get out of it If you're married like we're not going to
support divorce, like this isnot it unless there's sin
involved.
But I'm saying it's like youguys need to figure something,
find something about him that'sfunny, even if he's funny
looking.
Danilee (19:16):
Wait, I was going to say like I was going to tell my
girls like, listen y'all, don'tlaugh at a guy that you do not
think is handsome or attractive.
Because as soon as you laugh ata guy, if it's two single
people, think about it.
If it's two single people andthe girl starts laughing at this
guy, he automatically thinks oh, she's feeling me.
Pierre (19:38):
Yeah, she liked me, bro.
She stayed laughing at me.
Danilee (19:40):
So, ladies, keep it together.
It might have been funny, butif you are not feeling this guy,
do not laugh at his face.
Pierre (19:46):
But here's where I'm going to defend the girls,
because it's unfair, becausemost girls are very different.
You might like a guy, but notlike a guy For sure, and so it's
unfair for a girl to say likethe guy is funny but that
doesn't mean I want to be withhim, I know this conversation is
about men, and so I agree withyou that ladies, us men, we want
(20:08):
to feel validated.
So, like I want my woman to havea sense of humor and I want
your humor to be attached to myhumor, and so I don't want to
ever feel like there's anotherdude in the room that's funnier
than me.
To you For sure, like you knowwhat I'm saying no and so, and
you always know too, I starthating on him than me.
To you for sure, like you know,I'm saying no and so, and, and
you always know too, I starthating on him like man, look at
(20:30):
this guy, bro, look at his nose.
I start hating on him straight,you know, because, honestly, us
men, believe it or not, we'remore jealous than women that's
crazy, but that's the thing likewe just don't talk about these
things, and so I appreciateyou saying like, okay, women,
men need to feel validation.
So he wants to feel like he'syour champion, he wants to feel
(20:52):
like he's the funniest guy inyour life.
You know what I'm saying?
So I do.
Yeah, man, like I'm trackingwith you, I'm tracking with you.
First of all, and let me saythis If you guys are liking this
conversation, if you guys thinkthat we're hitting this on the
nose, if any of this resonateswith you, hit that like button,
leave us a comment.
Really, literally.
We want to know your thoughtsabout this conversation as well.
If you haven't subscribed, whatare you waiting for?
(21:18):
Just hit the button.
It costs you nothing.
Danilee (21:18):
Well, I mean, we're going to be in your feet all the
time.
But there you go there's that.
Okay, ready Number three.
Yeah, number three men needwomen to have a purpose.
Pierre (21:30):
A woman without a plan can't keep a man.
Oh, excuse me, say that onetime.
Yo, I'm gonna say this A woman.
Danilee (21:38):
Is that Martin?
Pierre (21:39):
No, that's me, baby Yo.
A woman without a plan can'tkeep a man.
Oh, a man is attracted to awoman with a purpose.
Danilee (21:49):
Yeah, Like you guys have, to like if you had a
girlfriend or a wife or someonethat you're dating that didn't
have a plan for herself, amotivation and inspiration, a
passion project like nothing.
Pierre (22:04):
Yeah.
Danilee (22:05):
They, like those men, do not want a woman who's a
damsel, like they want someonewho's motivated.
And I want to be very clear.
That means, whatever you do,you're passionate about it and
you have purpose.
And that does not mean that thatonly way that you can do that
is by getting a job and being acareer woman and an entrepreneur
.
It doesn't matter.
If that's your thing, do that.
(22:25):
If your thing is to be at homeand take care of kids, that is
your purpose.
Like whatever it is that you'repassionate about, like you have
to have purpose behind it.
That is what a man needs.
He needs like as he takes careof the house, as he works, as he
does what he needs to toprovide for the family.
He needs to know that hispartner has her purpose as well
(22:48):
and they're working together.
Pierre (22:54):
Yo, some of my most frustrated seasons of my life
with you would be the days thatI'd come home.
And what'd you do today?
Oh, just, you know stuff.
I'm like like what stuff youknow, I slept in.
I'm like, again, you slept in.
Again, you slept in yesterday.
Danilee (23:10):
Listen, he be judging me when I sleep in.
Pierre (23:13):
I'm like I'd be like, oh , okay, you slept in, okay, what
time you wake up?
Uh, you know, okay, and did yougo to the gym?
So I went to the gym, but Iwasn't really motivated, wasn't?
Danilee (23:24):
motivated, I went to dunkin donuts and got a donut
and a coffee I'm like oh, okay,I'm looking around the house
guys.
Pierre (23:32):
Oh, I don't see no donuts around the house for me.
I was really struggling, okay.
So you, you got a donut got it.
Yes, cool, we're at work andyou came home, I was like okay,
cool.
And she and she'd be like yeah,I still need to take a shower.
I'm like it's it's 6.30 pm,when do you take your showers?
Danilee (23:49):
It's true, guys, there have been seasons, I mean and I
think that all women canidentify with this and like
relate to it that there areseasons where sometimes our
purpose goes up and down orwe're reconsidering, like when
we moved to LA.
To LA, getting into, like, thehair salon scene was so hard at
the beginning and so I waswaiting for my license.
(24:12):
I couldn't get hired till mylicense came through.
It just felt like it tookforever and that season was very
frustrating and I felt like Ihad no purpose.
There are other seasons where,after COVID, I didn't think I
was going back into hair and sothen I was like I don't know
what I want to do with my life,and that was part of even our
breakdown of our marriage and intherapy was what is my purpose?
(24:33):
So there have been thosefluctuations, but I remember
that being so frustrating foryou, of like, but what do you
want?
Because I do think that Ichampioned you hardcore.
You wanted to do the same forme.
Pierre (24:47):
And if I don't?
Danilee (24:47):
know it, then how do you champion for?
Pierre (24:49):
me and that's going to go to number four in a moment.
But yeah, I really wanted youto just find your thing and,
like you said earlier, purposeis not saying that you have to
be this entrepreneurbusinesswoman that's killing in
the industry.
Danilee (25:03):
You can be and you don't have to be.
Pierre (25:04):
Like you totally can be and and it's just killing in the
industry.
You can be and you don't haveto be.
Like you totally can be, andyour purpose could be like, hey,
I'm staying at home, I'm takingcare of the kids and I'm making
a home for us.
That's a purpose.
Yeah, and don't let anyone everthink you or make you think,
that that's no purpose at all.
Your purpose may be somethingas simple as, like you know,
let's say, you're in my mom herpurpose was praying for people.
That woman knew jesus she had a24 7 phone line.
(25:27):
It's just like no matter whattime of day you call her, she on
and matter of fact she doesn'tpick up because she's on the
other line praying with somebodyin haiti.
Yep, I'm like so that was herpurpose.
Yeah, her purpose was herchildren.
Yeah, and she took pride inthat.
So I'm not sitting here sayinglike, purpose this and that you
guys need to have a.
You know, you, if you're ahusband or your wife, you guys
have a conversation aboutpurpose does not equal income.
Danilee (25:48):
Yeah, yeah, and so it doesn't determine it.
Pierre (25:51):
It's quality over quantity, right.
And so for you, if you made adecision saying like this is my
purpose and I'm OK with, and Iwas OK with season, where you're
like I'm taking this season offto really find myself and
discover myself, ok, cool For meas partner, it's like, all
right, how are we going to dothat now?
(26:11):
Right, what time are you wakingup?
You still, you still going tosleep in and just, and so there
was still activity for this,because it's quality over
quantity, yeah, you know what Imean.
So I do believe that for me asa man and I think most men can
say this like we want a womanthat has a purpose, that feels
like she knows why she exists,why she's here.
You know what I'm saying.
I do think that's big.
That's big and it's attractive.
Danilee (26:30):
It is attractive.
I was going to say that.
Pierre (26:31):
And vice versa too.
Danilee (26:32):
I think this is going to make the list for, like yo,
what?
Pierre (26:35):
women want.
Women want a man too, as like.
Hey, bro, what are you doingwith yourself?
Danilee (26:51):
Well, you know, I'm finding myself Nice, finding
myself don't pay the bills andI'm not looking for you, so I'm
keep moving.
Let me know when you findyourself and then I'll come find
you.
Like, where's Waldo?
Okay, number four, all right.
Number four a man needs to besupported.
Pierre (26:57):
Explain.
Danilee (26:58):
And I think that goes beyond or like in a different
category of validated.
I think that supported meansthat when you come home and you
may have frustration, when youmay have fatigue, when you may
have like just roadblocks thatyou're running into, that I am
(27:23):
still supporting you, even whenyou're showing the weakness.
Pierre (27:27):
Yeah.
Danilee (27:27):
Because I think that there's so much stigma on a man
always being strong, alwaysbeing, like, consistent and yes,
we do need consistency from you, yes, we do need your strength.
But when you don't have themwhich is natural, which is
normal am I still supporting you?
Or am I kicking you whileyou're down?
(27:47):
Like, no, I'm still here foryou, it's okay, you can show
that vulnerability, I can sithere with you in it which took
me some time to learn sometimesum of like allowing you to show
that vulnerability and show that, that weakness or that struggle
, and then to still be therewith you, alongside of you, and
(28:08):
be like okay, what do you needfrom me?
Okay, let's just let's give ittime.
Okay, let's just make sure thatwe do that.
Like cause support.
In that sense, I just thinkthat I literally have a visual
of it, of the support beams.
Like when the roof is fallingin, is the support beam still
there?
Like and that's my role as awife, as a woman close to you in
(28:30):
your life to say like, no, I'vegot you, Even on those days
when you do crumble a little bit.
Pierre (28:35):
Yeah, that's big man Cause.
Ultimately, like I don't.
I don't need you to be my mom,Right, I don't need you to be my
my elementary teacher yeah, Idon't need you to be my coach.
I don't need you to be my myelementary teacher yeah, I don't
need you to be my coach.
I don't need you to be mymotivator, Right.
Like I love the thought of we.
We are support for each other.
Danilee (28:56):
What's?
The other day where I was likeyou were.
You were frustrated aboutsomething and I said, oh no, I'm
not trying to give you a speechbecause I know I can't motivate
you.
Yeah, Like you motivate me, Ican't give you the coach speech.
And it be as effective as youcan for me.
Pierre (29:08):
Yeah.
But to just sit in it with youand to be like, yeah, man, it
really is frustrating and I'msorry, and that happens Like we
have moments throughout the weekI'm like yo, this sucks right
now, the situation, and youwould just sit there and support
me in it.
You know like, and yeah, youwouldn't beat me while I'm down
or you wouldn't try to get meout of it, like, cause that's
(29:30):
tough too.
I'm like yo, I don't want youto snap me or slap me out of it.
It's that support of like Ifeel you, I see you, I see the
work that you're putting in, Isee where you're coming from.
And then we you know, we talkabout this in our last few
episodes like, even like, whenit comes to like, even fighting
explosive fights of asking thequestion of like, what do you
need from me?
Cause that's very helpful too,cause I think there'll be times
(29:50):
where I'm like the support isyou just asking like, what do
you need from me in this season,right now, in this day, in this
moment?
You know what I'm saying, so Ithink I think that's big All
right.
Danilee (30:00):
So what Last one, and this is what we said.
Pierre (30:03):
Number five.
Danilee (30:04):
Number five we said that you need it more behind
your back than you need it inyour face.
Any guesses?
Pierre (30:12):
Yeah Well, you sent me your list.
Oh, that's true.
Oh, that's not fun.
Danilee (30:15):
Okay, now let's see if they're guessing in the comments
.
Okay, so it is respect.
Pierre (30:23):
Yeah.
Danilee (30:30):
Respect, and that means that you actually need to hear
about my respect and my speechabout you to other people more
than you need to hear meverbalize my respect to you.
I do need to give you respectin our home, in our
conversations.
Respect goes both ways, right.
So even in an argument, like Ineed to respect you, like all
those things, yes, but also evenmore than that, when I'm
(30:51):
talking to someone else and youcome up, do I respect you in the
way I talk about you?
Do I lift you up in the way, ordo I make fun, or do I poke, or
what does that look like?
Like you need more respect.
In other circles ofconversation that you're not in,
yeah, but when I'm there, likeI'll be that part for you.
Pierre (31:12):
That's big yeah.
And if, if, if a man feelsrespected, you'll get the best
out of him.
Yeah, like, you'll get himfeeling confident, you'll get
him respecting everyone else inthe room.
Um, and you, you'll get hisattention.
Danilee (31:30):
That's so good you know what I mean?
Pierre (31:31):
Yeah, so that's big.
That's big.
I really do agree with this.
This is more important tohappen behind my back than in
front of me.
Danilee (31:41):
Yeah.
Pierre (31:42):
Because, like you know, I look at my parents, I look at
my mom.
Like my mom never bad mouthedmy dad a day in my life behind
his back to us, and that wasmassive and I can.
And he, he, he was confidentand he succeeded because of that
, like because she respected himand he actually wouldn't give
all these other women certaintype of attention because he
(32:03):
knew that like nah, nah, nah,nah, no one can top my wife in
the category of respect.
Like you know what I'm saying.
Danilee (32:09):
And I think in a marriage you actually feel my
respect more than you hear itLike I don't verbalize my
respect to you.
You feel it in how I talk toyou.
You feel it in how I treat youin our home.
You feel it in those manners.
But when it respect isverbalized, it's verbalized to
other people, it's verbalized toour kids, verbalized to my
(32:32):
family or your family, like inthose circles, it is words.
Pierre (32:36):
Yeah, that's big Ladies.
What do you guys or what do yougals think about this
conversation?
As you're listening in on, likeokay, I'm in a relationship
right now.
Let's say you're in a marriage.
Let's say, um, let's say you'redating.
Let's say you're listening inon, like okay, I'm in a
relationship right now.
Let's say you're in a marriage.
Let's say you're dating.
Let's say you're looking.
These are the type of thingsthat I do agree with you that
men do need and actually don'task for.
They will not ask for it, andif it gets to the point that a
(32:57):
man finally has to ask for this,he's been thinking about it for
too long.
Danilee (33:01):
Yeah, yeah, it's very true, and a lot of times
actually, I think that the manwould actually not ask for it.
He would probably just end therelationship and move to the
next.
Pierre (33:10):
Yeah.
Danilee (33:11):
If he doesn't feel respected, if he doesn't feel
supported, if he doesn't feelhonored, like those things, if
he doesn't feel this space formasculine space, like he's not
going to verbalize those things,he's going to be like, yeah,
it's just not a fit and he'sgoing to move on.
Yeah, and men, if you arelistening to this conversation
and we didn't mention somethings that you feel like you
(33:33):
need but you may not ask for,please write them in the
comments, like write them downbelow in this video.
Pierre (33:37):
Yeah.
Danilee (33:38):
Let the other women that are watching this video,
let them hear from you and saylike, oh yeah, I didn't think
about that one.
And even if we have to do apart two of this.
Pierre (33:46):
We could do a part two of this conversation and also to
like.
You know these, all these lanescan be broken, broken up into
so many different subcategories.
Right, you say, okay, men needsex.
Well, that falls under thefirst one of like man, like the
masculinity.
I want to feel that in oursexual life.
Yeah, that's true, you knowthey're like.
(34:07):
I never have to ask you forcertain stuff in sex because you
just know what I like, you justknow what it is and for me,
like it's the worst having toask for it and I never have to
ask for it because I'm like andshe know your girl be taking
care of your boy.
Listen, guys, every time he goesto this conversation, I get so
nervous.
I saw you two trying to playclean Because I don't know what
(34:28):
Pierre is going to throw at me.
I kept it clean.
Thank you for keeping it clean.
I love you.
Danilee (34:34):
All right, y'all, if you enjoyed this conversation.
We hope that it really, reallybrought value to you.
Please like, share, comment,subscribe, do all the things and
become part of the let's digcrew, because we love y'all and
we are here to help you grow adeeper relationship with God,
others and yourself.
Pierre (34:51):
We will see you next time, peace.
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