February 6, 2024 • 30 mins
When the unthinkable happens and tragedy strikes close to home, we're often left floundering in a sea of what-ifs and could-have-beens. This episode is a raw and vulnerable journey through the heartache of losing a dear friend to a murder-suicide, a traumatic experience that imposes profound sorrow and complex emotions upon those left behind. We navigate these treacherous waters together, sharing personal anecdotes that underscore the crucial role of vigilance and honesty in our relationships—because sometimes the warning signs are there, if only we choose to see them.
Through stories of missed opportunities and unheeded warnings, we shine a light on the courage it takes to be a supportive and protective friend. It's a candid exploration into the nuances of friendship and the duty to speak up when red flags for abuse are present. We discuss the delicate balance between respecting a friend's life choices and the moral imperative to intervene when danger lurks. This conversation is a poignant reminder of the protective role we must dare to play in each other's lives, where the risk of losing a friendship pales in comparison to the potential cost of silence.
And as we emerge from the shadows of regret and grief, we confront the need to release the past and look forward with intent. I share my personal journey with loss and the contrasting experiences of a regret-free relationship with my mother against the struggles my siblings endure. It's an invitation to embrace accountability, seek out healing, and join a community committed to nurturing the sacred gift of relationships. Together, we affirm that by fostering positive change, we honor the memory of those we've lost and fortify the bonds with those who remain.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So it took us a while to start this recording here,
because I'm sitting here lookingat Danny Lee and she has tears
in her eyes, completely broken.
Right now it's been a yearsince that time.
I got a call from you and it'sa sad story because I remember
working and I had to pull awaybecause I couldn't understand
you.
You were boohoo, crying, crying, and I'm looking at you right
(00:21):
now.
It's almost like you'rereplaying that moment all over
again.
Yeah, and I'll never forgetthat time you called me and you
told me you're like she's dead.
It's a sad story, y'all.
It's losing a friend, murder,suicide, dealing with that.
And I'm looking at you in tearsright now because you're
(00:41):
dealing with so much regret,almost as if you knew it was
coming.
But it's like, why would ithappen so close to home?
Why would it happen to yourfriend?
It's stories, it's movies thatwe watch.
Literally movies and it's astory, you Googled it, you're
watching the news and yourealize like whoa, just like
that, something that you see inmovies happens so close to home
(01:03):
and I can see like it's evenbothering you right now.
Yeah, you want to talk about it.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
I hope I can.
I was the one who said like, oh, it's a year.
I think I need to talk about itof the things that I wish I
would have done differently.
And now I'm like, wait, can Iget through this episode?
But it was a Saturday night, Iwas getting ready for church the
(01:30):
next morning, I just put thekids to bed, I was blow-drying
my hair and you were out of townand the message popped up from
Facebook which I don't normallyget messages on Facebook unless
it's like older people sendingme messages on Facebook and it
was a girl that I used to workwith 15 years ago Well, not
(01:52):
quite 15 years ago, Maybe like13, 12 or 13 years ago and it
just popped up and said you know, I can't help but think about
you so much lately.
It's so sad.
What happened to this otherfriend that worked with us as
well?
And I wrote back right away andI was like what do you mean?
(02:14):
What happened to that friend?
And I couldn't wait for herresponse and I Googled my
friend's name.
I had been friends with thisgirl over 10 years.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
And just also just for disclosure, like we're not
going to share her name becausethis conversation today is not
really even about her.
This conversation is about usas friends and what we could
have done to perhaps evenprevent something like this,
like I felt it coming.
So let's just, for today's sake, let's call her I mean, let's
(02:46):
call her Jane, jane, okay.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
And I do want to also just really respect her family
and anyone who's attached to her.
Like you know, was connected toher as well, so I don't want it
to be about her, but there aredefinitely things that I've
really had to deal with that Iwish I would have done
differently with her, and soI've grown a lot since this
(03:09):
happened and so I wanted toshare those things of how it's
affected me and how I'vehopefully become a better friend
after this.
But so I Googled her name andfound out that she had been
murdered from her fiance andthat he then killed himself as
well, and that happened to the.
(03:30):
She wears that scarf that Iwear and put on her jacket and
that known her for 10 years.
We knew each other before wehad any kids.
She had had three kids beforeshe passed, and so she was a
friend that knew Jesus, knew theLord.
When she was younger In thelast few years she had sent her
kids to Christian school, so Ireally do hope that I don't know
(03:54):
what her relationship was withthe Lord before she died, and so
that was one of the really herchallenges.
But knowing like looking back,as soon as I heard the news and
read the news.
Conversations that I had hadwith her just played back in my
head, conversations of thatperson.
(04:16):
She literally said Janeliterally said if I ever leave
him, he'll make my life a livinghell.
And I remember the moment, thespot she was standing in.
I remember all of that and soit was part of me was like I
knew that he was no good.
(04:37):
I just didn't know how bad hereally was.
I didn't have any idea that hewas physically abusive, but I
had seen the emotional abuse ofhow he was to her, and so I
really do wish that I would havepushed harder to ask those
harder questions.
And that's one of the things Ijust want to encourage us to be
(04:59):
good friends, like ask thoseuncomfortable questions, ask
those hard questions.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
I'll never forget that that night we were staying
at her house this was like theirsecond house and they were
working on another house and wewent to Florida to visit family.
We're hanging out and Iremember they were gonna go out
hang out.
They did like a date and Ithink we did a date night too
and we had a babysitter, so theywent out.
(05:27):
Yeah, they went out.
We went out and then we had ababysitter come stay with all
the kids and then when we camehome, we obviously came home
before them we released thebabysitter and we kind of hung
out.
We stayed, you and I stayed upand she came home crying in
tears, yeah, barefooted, mascara, just a straight mess, and
(05:50):
we're like what's happening?
And she's like she's cussing upa storm.
I'm done with him.
I'm done with him.
I'm done this happens everytime Like he's all this stuff,
like going down the whole list.
He just upset and frustratedand we kind of just stood there
and just like it's okay, it'sokay, it's gonna be all right,
like what's going on?
What happened?
You guys were at the event.
He said a bad.
He, I think, insulted her,talked, called her names or you
(06:14):
know her image, called her fat,which she was not fat Not close
by calling her all these names,just like all these abusive
things and and she's like I'mjust done, I'm done putting up
with it, I'm out of here.
I already have money saved,stashed, yet money stashed.
The way that he didn't knowabout the relationship was
already abusive, like codependent, like you know, like a
lot of manipulation,narcissists, like abuse was
(06:37):
coming from both sides too.
And I remember just looking atboth of them earlier that day
and just thinking, like man,like you guys have put each
other in a prison cell.
Both you guys were in a prisoncell, but I remember she was our
friend, she was the one that weknew she was one we didn't know
him at all.
Really, we, we cared for him, orwe cared for him because she,
(06:57):
she lived with him.
You know what I mean.
And but I remember that nightit was one, two o'clock in the
morning we're sitting there inthe middle, in the middle of her
kitchen.
She's like I'm done, I'm done,I'm gonna take, I'm gonna take
the kids and all this stuff.
And she was going back andforth, back and forth.
But here's what I remember Iremember sitting there saying
like I think you just just do it, just do it, pack up the kids,
(07:20):
go, go live with your mom,whatever you have to do, just do
it.
But here's, here's the biggestthing is I remember looking at
you, babe, and I remember thefeeling of you kind of tiptoeing
, you kind of like, becauseyou're a filler and you can feel
how much she's heartbroken.
And I remember looking at youlike, well, you know, you know
(07:45):
like, what are you gonna do?
Like, what do you think we do?
Like you guys should try.
You know, you like, I like.
And I remember looking at you.
I'm like come on, babe, come on, you can do it.
It doesn't matter what I say,she's your friend.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Yeah, and I mean the way I grew up and I grew up in
the Midwest and Indiana a lot ofus Midwesterners were known for
just being like overly cautiousor like more standoffish, like
we want to like love hard andhelp and we're there for
(08:17):
anything.
But we also are very like oh, Idon't want to overstep
boundaries, I don't want toimpose, I don't want to be like
inconvenient for you.
And so I was still at thatplace where I didn't want to
overstep.
I would say certain things oflike hey, why would you do that?
(08:39):
I would, I would questioncertain decisions she made in
that toxic relationship.
Also, I've never been in atoxic relationship like that, so
I don't know what thosesurvival mechanisms are.
I don't know like I have to dothis or else they will do that,
like I don't really know thatdynamic, and so I was watching
from the outside.
But Since then I had anotherencounter with another friend.
(09:03):
That friend had actually had amiscarriage and lost a pregnancy
and I did the Midwestern thingI gave her space, I let her be.
And years later that friend waslike I was actually really
disappointed in you.
And I was like how, why?
(09:24):
And she was like, because Ididn't want space, like I wanted
you to just be there for me andthat was the biggest light bulb
for me.
Like number one, I was soappreciative.
She actually told me I wouldhave never known that I let her
down if she hadn't told me.
And number two, that must havebeen uncomfortable for her to
tell me.
Like that would be hard for meto tell you, you let me down,
(09:47):
you didn't do what I needed fromyou.
So I was really reallyappreciative of that and so it
must have been hard for her tosay that.
It must have been souncomfortable for her to
verbalize those things to me.
It would be hard for me toverbalize that to a friend.
Like, hey, you actually let medown, but I would just, as a
friend, I would say just lean inhard, like I would so much
(10:11):
rather be a friend.
That is I'm gonna put airquotations too supportive, cause
I don't even know if that's athing.
But I would rather be a friendthat's too supportive than a
friend who had to tell me lateron that you weren't there for me
and so I would just that's onething I've learned as well just
to lean in hard, like I wouldrather be a friend.
(10:32):
I do wish I would have foughtharder.
For what do we call her Jane?
Speaker 1 (10:36):
We call her Jane.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
I wish I would have fought harder for her because
she did deserve better.
She didn't need that guy, shedidn't need him, and I wish I
would have fought harder for herto know her worth.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
And so one of the reasons why we wanted to have
this conversation in front ofeverybody because we've already
come to a place in ourrelationship as husband and wife
, as friends, to be the friendthat we wanna be, be the friend
that you wanna be, be the friendthat you wanna have, and be
(11:14):
that friend that you're proud tosay man, my friend came out of,
my friend came after me, right?
You don't wanna go through asituation where you realize that
, man, my friends backed out onme or stepped away on me because
we don't know how to supportpeople In a moment like that.
Babe, I get it.
You probably didn't know whatto do, you probably didn't know
(11:36):
what to say, right.
And so what happens is a lot oftimes, because we don't know
what to do, because we don'tknow what to say, and we kinda
back off.
But that's not the friend thatyou wanna have.
Like, you know what I mean.
We always talk about and here'swhat I meant by like when I
said earlier be the friend thatyou wanna be right, because a
lot of times we always have, wealways say statements like man,
I just wanna be, or I wish I was, or I just wanna be that person
(11:58):
.
And what I'm saying is be thatperson, even if you don't know
what it's gonna look like, evenif it's gonna be reckless, like.
Be that person that you alwaystalk about, that you wanna be,
and I get it, we back out.
But it's one of the biggestthings that causes regret and
that's why we even have thisconversation.
It's because right now we havethese conversations of like man.
(12:19):
I wish I would have or I shouldhave.
But here's the thing all thesigns was showing itself, they
were evident and, like you justsaid, to lean in, it's really a
lot of times we do a lot ofpassive listening or we just
we're doubtful, we're like man.
That would never happen.
(12:39):
The thought happens, the imagehappens.
We knew that friend.
She was in abusive relationshipand I get it.
We didn't know if it wasphysical abuse, but we saw the
emotional abuse, we saw themental abuse.
It just keeps it's downwardfrom there and we saw those
little signs.
But we were in denial and Iremember thinking like man.
(13:00):
I was like.
I saw the look in this guy'seyes.
I knew I was like man.
This guy, he has some issuesand it can get bad from here and
I'm that type of friend and youknow this by me I'm that type
of friend that I just do notwanna have regrets.
I just wanna be that personwhere I could walk away and say
(13:20):
like man, I spoke my piece Rightand you've been that way with
friends.
I've been that way with friends.
I had a guy, he was a friend ofmine and he got this girl
pregnant and he's like I'm gonnado the right thing.
And I'm like I think I knowwhat you're about to say, but
tell me what you think the rightthing is.
I'm gonna marry her.
I was like really Pregnantmarriage.
Like, look, I'm not saying thatyou shouldn't marry her, I'm
(13:42):
not saying that you should marryher.
But I'm saying, like, what doyou consider to be the right
thing?
You've been doing the wrongthing this whole time.
Already you was having sex withthis girl outside of marriage,
outside the way that Godintended it to happen.
So for you to say I'm gonna dothe right thing now I was like,
man, that child does not needtwo parents that hate each other
.
That child needs two supportiveparents.
(14:02):
I'm not telling you to notmarry her.
But when he told me the reasonswhy he should, I was like I'm
not suggesting that right there.
So I said, look, I'm gonnaspeak my peace and I'm a forever
hold my peace.
I was like do you love thiswoman?
Is she the one that you wantalongside you?
Can you answer these type ofquestions?
He's like, well, no, I don'treally love, so I'm like man,
(14:24):
I'm gonna speak my peace.
I was like I don't think youshould marry this girl.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Well, because in a lot of times in that situation
they think marrying corrects themistake they made, that put
them in the situation in thefirst place, and marriage
doesn't go backwards.
It doesn't like, oh, thatrectifies that since we got
pregnant with our marriage andthen they got married, now
they're okay and what?
Like it doesn't save that, likeit doesn't do that.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Oh, jesus does.
And what I would hate is for meto see years down the road that
this guy marries this girl.
Abusive relationship they hateeach other.
The kid grows up in a brokenhome.
They see two parents that arealways fighting, always against
each other and in an abusivehome.
And now I'm regretful becauseI'm like man.
(15:10):
I knew it, I saw it and I neversaid anything.
How many times, babe, have youbeen in those situations where
you had a friend?
Same thing happened.
She got pregnant, she wasshacking up with some dude
playing house and you knewexactly what was gonna happen.
She was.
They were just doing theirthing, living life, doing
whatever they wanted to do.
And you're like man, she gonnaget knocked up and you never
(15:32):
said anything.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
And she got knocked up.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
And she got knocked up and the guy left her.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Before she even had the baby.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
And guess what you regret?
You look back, you're sayinglike I knew it too.
But here's the thing be thatfriend that you wanna be, be
that friend that you wanna have,lean in.
What do you have to lose?
Had you told Jane like Jane,look, I love you and this guy
he's not good for you.
You deserve better.
(16:01):
And listen, you might hate mefor this, and that's okay.
You might hate me for this.
I just can't sleep at nightknowing that you're sleeping
alongside a man that is abusiveand we know how this ends.
I'm gonna be that friend andsay leave him Whatever it takes.
And here we are, a year later.
Guy kills her, kills himself.
(16:24):
They have three kids.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
I will say I wish I would have done more.
I wish I would have been ableto convince her that she
deserved to be loved better.
Like that was a hard part andit's still a part of healing
from her death, of realizing shenever got to know what true
love felt like.
(16:49):
Like she never had a healthyrelationship and so even her
relationship prior to this guywas abusive physically, but she
didn't tell us until she was notwith that guy anymore, and so
there's even a cycle in her lifeof abusive relationship.
So I should have known and Ishould have seen the signs and I
(17:10):
didn't.
And I should have asked hardquestions.
And since her death in the lastyear, man, I've asked people if
they're safe, even if they're inthe best relationship.
I don't care.
Like if they come to me cryingover a relationship, I am
straight in their face like areyou safe?
Does he hurt you?
I have asked more women does hehurt you and are you safe?
(17:35):
Since this experience and Idon't care if it's too far it's
like I said lean in hard, I'mgonna lean in hard and someday
it'll pay off.
I mean honestly hopefully itnever does.
Hopefully I never have someonehave to tell me that they're in
abusive relationship.
But from now on until the endof my days, I would so much
(17:57):
rather ask someone hey, does hehurt you, are you safe?
And that I be a safe place forsomeone to say like he has hurt
me once or he won't do it again,cause then they start
unraveling and then it comes outa little bit.
So I have full out like I'llsay this may be too far and this
may be a lot, but I'm justgonna ask you are you safe?
(18:19):
Does he hurt you?
Speaker 1 (18:21):
I guess my question is like, like what's the fear
that would handicap you or makeyou paralyzed, in the sense
where, just like as a friend,that gets stuck, that just like
I can't just I just can't say it, or I can't like, because a lot
of times, friends, we see it,we know it, we see what's
happening right and like what'sthe fear, like what plays in
(18:45):
your mind, why you just like-.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
It's literally goes back to like that Midwestern
mindset of like I don't wanna bein your business, and I
literally have to tell myself,no, I'm gonna get in your
business real quick.
Like I have to be that friendthat's gonna get messy with you
and I'll be that safe place.
But I have to consciously makethat decision.
I'm gonna get in your messright now because you came to me
(19:12):
crying for whatever reason.
So to me, that gives mepermission to ask you a messy
question.
So, like it just has to be thatconscious decision of like hey,
I'm gonna be in your mess realquick.
You safe.
Does he hurt you?
Has he ever hurt you before?
Are you okay?
Do you need a place to stay?
Like I'll be in the mess.
I'll get in the mess with youand with Jane.
(19:36):
I didn't get in deep enough.
I did my toes.
I'd ask certain questions oflike what about this?
Or like are you sure?
Why would you do that?
That's kind of dishonest.
Like are you sure you need todo that?
And then I would back offbecause my friend Jane was so
she's a spitfire and she wasshort and tiny but she was a
(20:02):
firecracker and to her, no onewould have ever hurt her Like
she would have never let someonetake her life.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
And a lot of that is that's what you think.
That's what you think about,because we show ourselves to
people in one form, right, youknow?
I was telling someone the otherday about someone like me.
I'm like because a lot of timesI'm sure of myself.
Most people don't ask me, areyou sure?
Speaker 2 (20:30):
Hmm Interesting.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
And actually I wish more people would ask me like
are you sure?
Do you know?
I'm that type of person in agroup where I ask a lot of
people like where do you seeyourself?
What are you trying to inspire,Like, what are you trying to do
?
But most people don't ask methat and I wanna encourage
people that are in relationships, Like you're in relationship
with someone, Somebody's yourfriend, Like Dan Lee said
(20:56):
earlier.
Like really lean into yourrelationship with people.
Like if you go home at nightand you're in your bed or you're
sitting on your couch andyou're really meditating on your
relationships with somebody andyou realize, like man, you're
concerned about decisions thatthey're making, You're concerned
about choices that they'remaking, you are now obligated to
(21:17):
at least lean in and ask thatperson a question.
I had a friend that he was gonnamarry this girl and I just
didn't think it was a good idea.
And one time we're in a car,we're driving together, we're
going to a band rehearsal and Isaid, hey, bro, you know I love
you, right?
You know I care for you, so youknow my heart, you know that.
(21:39):
And only a real friend's gonnasay this to you.
And I said I'm just gonna sayit to you.
I'm gonna speak now and I willforever hold my peace.
I said don't do it, bro, Don'tdo it.
He was like, no, it's good forme, I feel really good about it.
I just you know.
But he's like thank you, Thankyou, I appreciate it.
I said, hey, man, look as yourfriend.
(21:59):
I just I don't see it for you,and if you see it for you I'll
come alongside you.
But I just want you to know Idid not agree with the decision.
And that's okay for friendships, Like if you really care for
somebody, you really lovesomebody, what do you have to
lose by speaking the truth?
What do you have to lose byasking?
I think you're gonna say likelater on to ask tough questions,
(22:21):
right?
I said I had this other buddyin mind, like he's getting ready
to date this girl, and I waslike is she the one?
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Right.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
He's like I don't know.
I said I'm just gonna ask isshe the one Like what are you
trying to accomplish here?
What are you trying to do?
Those are tough questions, butyou know what anyone that's in a
relationship with me like Iwanna know that you're not just
gonna be a yes man in my corner.
I wanna know that you couldstep into my life and say, hey,
(22:51):
I'm gonna ask you some reallytough questions and I appreciate
that, like, you know what Imean.
And so I love the fact thatwe're having this conversation,
because I know it's a hard one.
Babe, yeah, we've had thisconversation so many times of
like, babe, be that friend, bethat friend, be that friend, you
have nothing to lose, right?
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (23:11):
And so I just it has caused a lot of growth over the
years of how I am a friend, howI come alongside people, how I
ask questions.
When people do open up to me,like, hey, are you, are you, you
know, even asking people about.
You know, are you havingsuicidal thoughts?
Are you safe?
Are you okay?
(23:31):
Do we need to call in?
Like what do we need to do?
Like, you know, getting in thatmess and just getting over
myself.
Honestly, I don't care whatpeople think, I don't care what
you know, I'm gonna go the extramile to help my friend and to
be that support person and tonot judge them in that mess,
cause, obviously, most of thesesituations are messy and so I
(23:52):
think all of the all of thetopics and conversations of what
we've had today, and thosesituations were all messy, all
of the above.
And so knowing like, hey, I'mgonna be a real friend and I'm
gonna get in the mess with youand I'm gonna fight for you,
yeah, I just, I just wouldencourage people.
You know, listen, well, listenthrough the words that people
(24:14):
are saying.
You know sometimes that likethere were hints there, it was
just behind all these words andbehind the Spassant.
So listen, well, get in themess, ask the hard questions and
, you know, lean in hard.
Be a hardcore friend of likewho went over and above I'd
again.
I'd rather someone tell me hey,you can back off, I'm okay,
(24:37):
okay, you're good.
I'd rather you tell me back offthan where were you.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
I can't.
I can't live with someonesaying where were you?
I needed you.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
Yeah, I think one of the biggest regrets, or actually
let me say this I think regretis a cancer.
I think regret is one of thosethings that only God can cure.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
You know I won't.
I'm not going to talk aboutthis much in today's chat.
We'll talk about it later on.
But a lot of you guys knowmaybe you don't even know my mom
passed away a little bit over ayear ago and I have zero
regrets when it comes to myrelationship with my mom.
Like her now, we were reallyclose.
(25:24):
We were tight.
Sometimes she would call me andI wouldn't pick up.
Sometimes she'd call me, it'dbe a few minutes.
Sometimes I'd call her back,we'd play phone tag.
She called me baby, she'd carefor us.
But I have no regrets my wholeentire life.
And I do have some siblings thatare going through regret and
they probably haven't identifiedit as regret, but they're
(25:46):
acting up like certain thingsbecause they wish they would
have, they should have, I wish Ishould.
All this wishful thinking.
And last thing, like we have tounderstand we can never go back
in time to adjust things.
The only thing that we could dois move forward.
If our relationships, all thefriends that we encounter, all
the people that we encounter inour lives, people that we decide
(26:07):
to say, hey, I want to walkalongside you you guys going to
hear that phrase quite often inthis channel, walk alongside you
.
If you're walking with me likehere's that word again hold me
accountable.
What I don't want you is foryou to walk further on and
saying, like man, you know whatI should have said in the past.
So all the relationships.
(26:28):
So I look at my relationshipwith my mom like I have zero
regrets and my heart goes out toeverybody that is walking in
regret.
I want to encourage you to putthat regret in the hand of God.
He's the only one that canliterally take it, crush it,
make it go away, make it go.
He can make it go away, becauseyou cannot move further in any
(26:48):
relationships when all you'redoing is thinking back on what
you wish you would have done orcould have done or should have
done.
It's over, there's nothing elseyou can do.
But what you can do is moveforward and make the adjustments
, like you just said, babe, inall your relationships.
Moving forward, because thatregret, it's a cancer, it can
kill you, it stays in your bodyand it eats at you.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
And regret is just a part of grief as well.
Like grief and regret go handin hand sometimes.
In this case it does.
So, as I'm grieving my friend,I'm dealing with that regret and
you're right.
I just have to give it to theLord to know like it's part of
letting go right.
Like grief, you have to let itgo, you have to go through the
(27:33):
motions and you have to come toterms with what is, and so that
goes right with grief and regretaltogether.
And then knowing like, okay,now I'm going to change who I am
and how I wish I would havedone it from this point forward.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
That's so good.
That's so good.
So I want to take a moment andjust encourage everybody that,
if you're dealing with regret,if you're dealing with grief, if
you're dealing with things thatyou just wish you would have
done, I just want to encourageyou, man, put it in the hand of
God, reach out to us Honestly,send us a message Like, tell us
like hey, here's some thingsthat I'm dealing with.
We'll pray for you.
I mean, we'll pray for you.
We'll connect with you.
Like we want to do thistogether.
(28:12):
If this channel, you feel like,is bringing you life, giving
you any kinds of value, like Iwant to encourage you Like, come
alongside us, hit thatsubscribe button, share like,
send it to somebody like,screenshot it, hit save, like
whatever it takes.
But I want to encourage youlike like, let's come alongside
each other.
I believe that relationships isa gift from God.
(28:34):
I believe that it's somethingthat God has given to every
single one of us.
If you look back in the Bible,right from the day one, god had
relationship with man everysingle one of us and so I want
us all to do this together,maybe even for us, as we're
walking alongside each other,holding each other accountable.
You guys are going to hear alot of these common themes right
now, because this is how wehave healthy relationships.
(28:55):
It's relationships with God,it's relationship with others
and it's a relationship withyourself.
So go easy on yourself, go lieto yourself, cut yourself a
break, relax sometimes, laugh alittle bit, chill, but let's do
this together.
So subscribe, like, send thisto somebody if this gives you
value, and let's continue to dig.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
Let's dig.
So it took us a while to start this recording here,
because I'm sitting here lookingat Danny Lee and she has tears
in her eyes, completely broken.
Right now it's been a yearsince that time.
I got a call from you and it'sa sad story because I remember
working and I had to pull awaybecause I couldn't understand
you.
You were boohoo, crying, crying, and I'm looking at you right
(00:21):
now.
It's almost like you'rereplaying that moment all over
again.
Yeah, and I'll never forgetthat time you called me and you
told me you're like she's dead.
It's a sad story, y'all.
It's losing a friend, murder,suicide, dealing with that.
And I'm looking at you in tearsright now because you're
(00:41):
dealing with so much regret,almost as if you knew it was
coming.
But it's like, why would ithappen so close to home?
Why would it happen to yourfriend?
It's stories, it's movies thatwe watch.
Literally movies and it's astory, you Googled it, you're
watching the news and yourealize like whoa, just like
that, something that you see inmovies happens so close to home
(01:03):
and I can see like it's evenbothering you right now.
Yeah, you want to talk about it.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
I hope I can.
I was the one who said like, oh, it's a year.
I think I need to talk about itof the things that I wish I
would have done differently.
And now I'm like, wait, can Iget through this episode?
But it was a Saturday night, Iwas getting ready for church the
(01:30):
next morning, I just put thekids to bed, I was blow-drying
my hair and you were out of townand the message popped up from
Facebook which I don't normallyget messages on Facebook unless
it's like older people sendingme messages on Facebook and it
was a girl that I used to workwith 15 years ago Well, not
(01:52):
quite 15 years ago, Maybe like13, 12 or 13 years ago and it
just popped up and said you know, I can't help but think about
you so much lately.
It's so sad.
What happened to this otherfriend that worked with us as
well?
And I wrote back right away andI was like what do you mean?
(02:14):
What happened to that friend?
And I couldn't wait for herresponse and I Googled my
friend's name.
I had been friends with thisgirl over 10 years.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
And just also just for disclosure, like we're not
going to share her name becausethis conversation today is not
really even about her.
This conversation is about usas friends and what we could
have done to perhaps evenprevent something like this,
like I felt it coming.
So let's just, for today's sake, let's call her I mean, let's
(02:46):
call her Jane, jane, okay.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
And I do want to also just really respect her family
and anyone who's attached to her.
Like you know, was connected toher as well, so I don't want it
to be about her, but there aredefinitely things that I've
really had to deal with that Iwish I would have done
differently with her, and soI've grown a lot since this
(03:09):
happened and so I wanted toshare those things of how it's
affected me and how I'vehopefully become a better friend
after this.
But so I Googled her name andfound out that she had been
murdered from her fiance andthat he then killed himself as
well, and that happened to the.
(03:30):
She wears that scarf that Iwear and put on her jacket and
that known her for 10 years.
We knew each other before wehad any kids.
She had had three kids beforeshe passed, and so she was a
friend that knew Jesus, knew theLord.
When she was younger In thelast few years she had sent her
kids to Christian school, so Ireally do hope that I don't know
(03:54):
what her relationship was withthe Lord before she died, and so
that was one of the really herchallenges.
But knowing like looking back,as soon as I heard the news and
read the news.
Conversations that I had hadwith her just played back in my
head, conversations of thatperson.
(04:16):
She literally said Janeliterally said if I ever leave
him, he'll make my life a livinghell.
And I remember the moment, thespot she was standing in.
I remember all of that and soit was part of me was like I
knew that he was no good.
(04:37):
I just didn't know how bad hereally was.
I didn't have any idea that hewas physically abusive, but I
had seen the emotional abuse ofhow he was to her, and so I
really do wish that I would havepushed harder to ask those
harder questions.
And that's one of the things Ijust want to encourage us to be
(04:59):
good friends, like ask thoseuncomfortable questions, ask
those hard questions.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
I'll never forget that that night we were staying
at her house this was like theirsecond house and they were
working on another house and wewent to Florida to visit family.
We're hanging out and Iremember they were gonna go out
hang out.
They did like a date and Ithink we did a date night too
and we had a babysitter, so theywent out.
(05:27):
Yeah, they went out.
We went out and then we had ababysitter come stay with all
the kids and then when we camehome, we obviously came home
before them we released thebabysitter and we kind of hung
out.
We stayed, you and I stayed upand she came home crying in
tears, yeah, barefooted, mascara, just a straight mess, and
(05:50):
we're like what's happening?
And she's like she's cussing upa storm.
I'm done with him.
I'm done with him.
I'm done this happens everytime Like he's all this stuff,
like going down the whole list.
He just upset and frustratedand we kind of just stood there
and just like it's okay, it'sokay, it's gonna be all right,
like what's going on?
What happened?
You guys were at the event.
He said a bad.
He, I think, insulted her,talked, called her names or you
(06:14):
know her image, called her fat,which she was not fat Not close
by calling her all these names,just like all these abusive
things and and she's like I'mjust done, I'm done putting up
with it, I'm out of here.
I already have money saved,stashed, yet money stashed.
The way that he didn't knowabout the relationship was
already abusive, like codependent, like you know, like a
lot of manipulation,narcissists, like abuse was
(06:37):
coming from both sides too.
And I remember just looking atboth of them earlier that day
and just thinking, like man,like you guys have put each
other in a prison cell.
Both you guys were in a prisoncell, but I remember she was our
friend, she was the one that weknew she was one we didn't know
him at all.
Really, we, we cared for him, orwe cared for him because she,
(06:57):
she lived with him.
You know what I mean.
And but I remember that nightit was one, two o'clock in the
morning we're sitting there inthe middle, in the middle of her
kitchen.
She's like I'm done, I'm done,I'm gonna take, I'm gonna take
the kids and all this stuff.
And she was going back andforth, back and forth.
But here's what I remember Iremember sitting there saying
like I think you just just do it, just do it, pack up the kids,
(07:20):
go, go live with your mom,whatever you have to do, just do
it.
But here's, here's the biggestthing is I remember looking at
you, babe, and I remember thefeeling of you kind of tiptoeing
, you kind of like, becauseyou're a filler and you can feel
how much she's heartbroken.
And I remember looking at youlike, well, you know, you know
(07:45):
like, what are you gonna do?
Like, what do you think we do?
Like you guys should try.
You know, you like, I like.
And I remember looking at you.
I'm like come on, babe, come on, you can do it.
It doesn't matter what I say,she's your friend.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Yeah, and I mean the way I grew up and I grew up in
the Midwest and Indiana a lot ofus Midwesterners were known for
just being like overly cautiousor like more standoffish, like
we want to like love hard andhelp and we're there for
(08:17):
anything.
But we also are very like oh, Idon't want to overstep
boundaries, I don't want toimpose, I don't want to be like
inconvenient for you.
And so I was still at thatplace where I didn't want to
overstep.
I would say certain things oflike hey, why would you do that?
(08:39):
I would, I would questioncertain decisions she made in
that toxic relationship.
Also, I've never been in atoxic relationship like that, so
I don't know what thosesurvival mechanisms are.
I don't know like I have to dothis or else they will do that,
like I don't really know thatdynamic, and so I was watching
from the outside.
But Since then I had anotherencounter with another friend.
(09:03):
That friend had actually had amiscarriage and lost a pregnancy
and I did the Midwestern thingI gave her space, I let her be.
And years later that friend waslike I was actually really
disappointed in you.
And I was like how, why?
(09:24):
And she was like, because Ididn't want space, like I wanted
you to just be there for me andthat was the biggest light bulb
for me.
Like number one, I was soappreciative.
She actually told me I wouldhave never known that I let her
down if she hadn't told me.
And number two, that must havebeen uncomfortable for her to
tell me.
Like that would be hard for meto tell you, you let me down,
(09:47):
you didn't do what I needed fromyou.
So I was really reallyappreciative of that and so it
must have been hard for her tosay that.
It must have been souncomfortable for her to
verbalize those things to me.
It would be hard for me toverbalize that to a friend.
Like, hey, you actually let medown, but I would just, as a
friend, I would say just lean inhard, like I would so much
(10:11):
rather be a friend.
That is I'm gonna put airquotations too supportive, cause
I don't even know if that's athing.
But I would rather be a friendthat's too supportive than a
friend who had to tell me lateron that you weren't there for me
and so I would just that's onething I've learned as well just
to lean in hard, like I wouldrather be a friend.
(10:32):
I do wish I would have foughtharder.
For what do we call her Jane?
Speaker 1 (10:36):
We call her Jane.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
I wish I would have fought harder for her because
she did deserve better.
She didn't need that guy, shedidn't need him, and I wish I
would have fought harder for herto know her worth.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
And so one of the reasons why we wanted to have
this conversation in front ofeverybody because we've already
come to a place in ourrelationship as husband and wife
, as friends, to be the friendthat we wanna be, be the friend
that you wanna be, be the friendthat you wanna have, and be
(11:14):
that friend that you're proud tosay man, my friend came out of,
my friend came after me, right?
You don't wanna go through asituation where you realize that
, man, my friends backed out onme or stepped away on me because
we don't know how to supportpeople In a moment like that.
Babe, I get it.
You probably didn't know whatto do, you probably didn't know
(11:36):
what to say, right.
And so what happens is a lot oftimes, because we don't know
what to do, because we don'tknow what to say, and we kinda
back off.
But that's not the friend thatyou wanna have.
Like, you know what I mean.
We always talk about and here'swhat I meant by like when I
said earlier be the friend thatyou wanna be right, because a
lot of times we always have, wealways say statements like man,
I just wanna be, or I wish I was, or I just wanna be that person
(11:58):
.
And what I'm saying is be thatperson, even if you don't know
what it's gonna look like, evenif it's gonna be reckless, like.
Be that person that you alwaystalk about, that you wanna be,
and I get it, we back out.
But it's one of the biggestthings that causes regret and
that's why we even have thisconversation.
It's because right now we havethese conversations of like man.
(12:19):
I wish I would have or I shouldhave.
But here's the thing all thesigns was showing itself, they
were evident and, like you justsaid, to lean in, it's really a
lot of times we do a lot ofpassive listening or we just
we're doubtful, we're like man.
That would never happen.
(12:39):
The thought happens, the imagehappens.
We knew that friend.
She was in abusive relationshipand I get it.
We didn't know if it wasphysical abuse, but we saw the
emotional abuse, we saw themental abuse.
It just keeps it's downwardfrom there and we saw those
little signs.
But we were in denial and Iremember thinking like man.
(13:00):
I was like.
I saw the look in this guy'seyes.
I knew I was like man.
This guy, he has some issuesand it can get bad from here and
I'm that type of friend and youknow this by me I'm that type
of friend that I just do notwanna have regrets.
I just wanna be that personwhere I could walk away and say
(13:20):
like man, I spoke my piece Rightand you've been that way with
friends.
I've been that way with friends.
I had a guy, he was a friend ofmine and he got this girl
pregnant and he's like I'm gonnado the right thing.
And I'm like I think I knowwhat you're about to say, but
tell me what you think the rightthing is.
I'm gonna marry her.
I was like really Pregnantmarriage.
Like, look, I'm not saying thatyou shouldn't marry her, I'm
(13:42):
not saying that you should marryher.
But I'm saying, like, what doyou consider to be the right
thing?
You've been doing the wrongthing this whole time.
Already you was having sex withthis girl outside of marriage,
outside the way that Godintended it to happen.
So for you to say I'm gonna dothe right thing now I was like,
man, that child does not needtwo parents that hate each other
.
That child needs two supportiveparents.
(14:02):
I'm not telling you to notmarry her.
But when he told me the reasonswhy he should, I was like I'm
not suggesting that right there.
So I said, look, I'm gonnaspeak my peace and I'm a forever
hold my peace.
I was like do you love thiswoman?
Is she the one that you wantalongside you?
Can you answer these type ofquestions?
He's like, well, no, I don'treally love, so I'm like man,
(14:24):
I'm gonna speak my peace.
I was like I don't think youshould marry this girl.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Well, because in a lot of times in that situation
they think marrying corrects themistake they made, that put
them in the situation in thefirst place, and marriage
doesn't go backwards.
It doesn't like, oh, thatrectifies that since we got
pregnant with our marriage andthen they got married, now
they're okay and what?
Like it doesn't save that, likeit doesn't do that.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Oh, jesus does.
And what I would hate is for meto see years down the road that
this guy marries this girl.
Abusive relationship they hateeach other.
The kid grows up in a brokenhome.
They see two parents that arealways fighting, always against
each other and in an abusivehome.
And now I'm regretful becauseI'm like man.
(15:10):
I knew it, I saw it and I neversaid anything.
How many times, babe, have youbeen in those situations where
you had a friend?
Same thing happened.
She got pregnant, she wasshacking up with some dude
playing house and you knewexactly what was gonna happen.
She was.
They were just doing theirthing, living life, doing
whatever they wanted to do.
And you're like man, she gonnaget knocked up and you never
(15:32):
said anything.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
And she got knocked up.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
And she got knocked up and the guy left her.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Before she even had the baby.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
And guess what you regret?
You look back, you're sayinglike I knew it too.
But here's the thing be thatfriend that you wanna be, be
that friend that you wanna have,lean in.
What do you have to lose?
Had you told Jane like Jane,look, I love you and this guy
he's not good for you.
You deserve better.
(16:01):
And listen, you might hate mefor this, and that's okay.
You might hate me for this.
I just can't sleep at nightknowing that you're sleeping
alongside a man that is abusiveand we know how this ends.
I'm gonna be that friend andsay leave him Whatever it takes.
And here we are, a year later.
Guy kills her, kills himself.
(16:24):
They have three kids.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
I will say I wish I would have done more.
I wish I would have been ableto convince her that she
deserved to be loved better.
Like that was a hard part andit's still a part of healing
from her death, of realizing shenever got to know what true
love felt like.
(16:49):
Like she never had a healthyrelationship and so even her
relationship prior to this guywas abusive physically, but she
didn't tell us until she was notwith that guy anymore, and so
there's even a cycle in her lifeof abusive relationship.
So I should have known and Ishould have seen the signs and I
(17:10):
didn't.
And I should have asked hardquestions.
And since her death in the lastyear, man, I've asked people if
they're safe, even if they're inthe best relationship.
I don't care.
Like if they come to me cryingover a relationship, I am
straight in their face like areyou safe?
Does he hurt you?
I have asked more women does hehurt you and are you safe?
(17:35):
Since this experience and Idon't care if it's too far it's
like I said lean in hard, I'mgonna lean in hard and someday
it'll pay off.
I mean honestly hopefully itnever does.
Hopefully I never have someonehave to tell me that they're in
abusive relationship.
But from now on until the endof my days, I would so much
(17:57):
rather ask someone hey, does hehurt you, are you safe?
And that I be a safe place forsomeone to say like he has hurt
me once or he won't do it again,cause then they start
unraveling and then it comes outa little bit.
So I have full out like I'llsay this may be too far and this
may be a lot, but I'm justgonna ask you are you safe?
(18:19):
Does he hurt you?
Speaker 1 (18:21):
I guess my question is like, like what's the fear
that would handicap you or makeyou paralyzed, in the sense
where, just like as a friend,that gets stuck, that just like
I can't just I just can't say it, or I can't like, because a lot
of times, friends, we see it,we know it, we see what's
happening right and like what'sthe fear, like what plays in
(18:45):
your mind, why you just like-.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
It's literally goes back to like that Midwestern
mindset of like I don't wanna bein your business, and I
literally have to tell myself,no, I'm gonna get in your
business real quick.
Like I have to be that friendthat's gonna get messy with you
and I'll be that safe place.
But I have to consciously makethat decision.
I'm gonna get in your messright now because you came to me
(19:12):
crying for whatever reason.
So to me, that gives mepermission to ask you a messy
question.
So, like it just has to be thatconscious decision of like hey,
I'm gonna be in your mess realquick.
You safe.
Does he hurt you?
Has he ever hurt you before?
Are you okay?
Do you need a place to stay?
Like I'll be in the mess.
I'll get in the mess with youand with Jane.
(19:36):
I didn't get in deep enough.
I did my toes.
I'd ask certain questions oflike what about this?
Or like are you sure?
Why would you do that?
That's kind of dishonest.
Like are you sure you need todo that?
And then I would back offbecause my friend Jane was so
she's a spitfire and she wasshort and tiny but she was a
(20:02):
firecracker and to her, no onewould have ever hurt her Like
she would have never let someonetake her life.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
And a lot of that is that's what you think.
That's what you think about,because we show ourselves to
people in one form, right, youknow?
I was telling someone the otherday about someone like me.
I'm like because a lot of timesI'm sure of myself.
Most people don't ask me, areyou sure?
Speaker 2 (20:30):
Hmm Interesting.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
And actually I wish more people would ask me like
are you sure?
Do you know?
I'm that type of person in agroup where I ask a lot of
people like where do you seeyourself?
What are you trying to inspire,Like, what are you trying to do
?
But most people don't ask methat and I wanna encourage
people that are in relationships, Like you're in relationship
with someone, Somebody's yourfriend, Like Dan Lee said
(20:56):
earlier.
Like really lean into yourrelationship with people.
Like if you go home at nightand you're in your bed or you're
sitting on your couch andyou're really meditating on your
relationships with somebody andyou realize, like man, you're
concerned about decisions thatthey're making, You're concerned
about choices that they'remaking, you are now obligated to
(21:17):
at least lean in and ask thatperson a question.
I had a friend that he was gonnamarry this girl and I just
didn't think it was a good idea.
And one time we're in a car,we're driving together, we're
going to a band rehearsal and Isaid, hey, bro, you know I love
you, right?
You know I care for you, so youknow my heart, you know that.
(21:39):
And only a real friend's gonnasay this to you.
And I said I'm just gonna sayit to you.
I'm gonna speak now and I willforever hold my peace.
I said don't do it, bro, Don'tdo it.
He was like, no, it's good forme, I feel really good about it.
I just you know.
But he's like thank you, Thankyou, I appreciate it.
I said, hey, man, look as yourfriend.
(21:59):
I just I don't see it for you,and if you see it for you I'll
come alongside you.
But I just want you to know Idid not agree with the decision.
And that's okay for friendships, Like if you really care for
somebody, you really lovesomebody, what do you have to
lose by speaking the truth?
What do you have to lose byasking?
I think you're gonna say likelater on to ask tough questions,
(22:21):
right?
I said I had this other buddyin mind, like he's getting ready
to date this girl, and I waslike is she the one?
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Right.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
He's like I don't know.
I said I'm just gonna ask isshe the one Like what are you
trying to accomplish here?
What are you trying to do?
Those are tough questions, butyou know what anyone that's in a
relationship with me like Iwanna know that you're not just
gonna be a yes man in my corner.
I wanna know that you couldstep into my life and say, hey,
(22:51):
I'm gonna ask you some reallytough questions and I appreciate
that, like, you know what Imean.
And so I love the fact thatwe're having this conversation,
because I know it's a hard one.
Babe, yeah, we've had thisconversation so many times of
like, babe, be that friend, bethat friend, be that friend, you
have nothing to lose, right?
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (23:11):
And so I just it has caused a lot of growth over the
years of how I am a friend, howI come alongside people, how I
ask questions.
When people do open up to me,like, hey, are you, are you, you
know, even asking people about.
You know, are you havingsuicidal thoughts?
Are you safe?
Are you okay?
(23:31):
Do we need to call in?
Like what do we need to do?
Like, you know, getting in thatmess and just getting over
myself.
Honestly, I don't care whatpeople think, I don't care what
you know, I'm gonna go the extramile to help my friend and to
be that support person and tonot judge them in that mess,
cause, obviously, most of thesesituations are messy and so I
(23:52):
think all of the all of thetopics and conversations of what
we've had today, and thosesituations were all messy, all
of the above.
And so knowing like, hey, I'mgonna be a real friend and I'm
gonna get in the mess with youand I'm gonna fight for you,
yeah, I just, I just wouldencourage people.
You know, listen, well, listenthrough the words that people
(24:14):
are saying.
You know sometimes that likethere were hints there, it was
just behind all these words andbehind the Spassant.
So listen, well, get in themess, ask the hard questions and
, you know, lean in hard.
Be a hardcore friend of likewho went over and above I'd
again.
I'd rather someone tell me hey,you can back off, I'm okay,
(24:37):
okay, you're good.
I'd rather you tell me back offthan where were you.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
I can't.
I can't live with someonesaying where were you?
I needed you.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
Yeah, I think one of the biggest regrets, or actually
let me say this I think regretis a cancer.
I think regret is one of thosethings that only God can cure.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
You know I won't.
I'm not going to talk aboutthis much in today's chat.
We'll talk about it later on.
But a lot of you guys knowmaybe you don't even know my mom
passed away a little bit over ayear ago and I have zero
regrets when it comes to myrelationship with my mom.
Like her now, we were reallyclose.
(25:24):
We were tight.
Sometimes she would call me andI wouldn't pick up.
Sometimes she'd call me, it'dbe a few minutes.
Sometimes I'd call her back,we'd play phone tag.
She called me baby, she'd carefor us.
But I have no regrets my wholeentire life.
And I do have some siblings thatare going through regret and
they probably haven't identifiedit as regret, but they're
(25:46):
acting up like certain thingsbecause they wish they would
have, they should have, I wish Ishould.
All this wishful thinking.
And last thing, like we have tounderstand we can never go back
in time to adjust things.
The only thing that we could dois move forward.
If our relationships, all thefriends that we encounter, all
the people that we encounter inour lives, people that we decide
(26:07):
to say, hey, I want to walkalongside you you guys going to
hear that phrase quite often inthis channel, walk alongside you
.
If you're walking with me likehere's that word again hold me
accountable.
What I don't want you is foryou to walk further on and
saying, like man, you know whatI should have said in the past.
So all the relationships.
(26:28):
So I look at my relationshipwith my mom like I have zero
regrets and my heart goes out toeverybody that is walking in
regret.
I want to encourage you to putthat regret in the hand of God.
He's the only one that canliterally take it, crush it,
make it go away, make it go.
He can make it go away, becauseyou cannot move further in any
(26:48):
relationships when all you'redoing is thinking back on what
you wish you would have done orcould have done or should have
done.
It's over, there's nothing elseyou can do.
But what you can do is moveforward and make the adjustments
, like you just said, babe, inall your relationships.
Moving forward, because thatregret, it's a cancer, it can
kill you, it stays in your bodyand it eats at you.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
And regret is just a part of grief as well.
Like grief and regret go handin hand sometimes.
In this case it does.
So, as I'm grieving my friend,I'm dealing with that regret and
you're right.
I just have to give it to theLord to know like it's part of
letting go right.
Like grief, you have to let itgo, you have to go through the
(27:33):
motions and you have to come toterms with what is, and so that
goes right with grief and regretaltogether.
And then knowing like, okay,now I'm going to change who I am
and how I wish I would havedone it from this point forward.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
That's so good.
That's so good.
So I want to take a moment andjust encourage everybody that,
if you're dealing with regret,if you're dealing with grief, if
you're dealing with things thatyou just wish you would have
done, I just want to encourageyou, man, put it in the hand of
God, reach out to us Honestly,send us a message Like, tell us
like hey, here's some thingsthat I'm dealing with.
We'll pray for you.
I mean, we'll pray for you.
We'll connect with you.
Like we want to do thistogether.
(28:12):
If this channel, you feel like,is bringing you life, giving
you any kinds of value, like Iwant to encourage you Like, come
alongside us, hit thatsubscribe button, share like,
send it to somebody like,screenshot it, hit save, like
whatever it takes.
But I want to encourage youlike like, let's come alongside
each other.
I believe that relationships isa gift from God.
(28:34):
I believe that it's somethingthat God has given to every
single one of us.
If you look back in the Bible,right from the day one, god had
relationship with man everysingle one of us and so I want
us all to do this together,maybe even for us, as we're
walking alongside each other,holding each other accountable.
You guys are going to hear alot of these common themes right
now, because this is how wehave healthy relationships.
(28:55):
It's relationships with God,it's relationship with others
and it's a relationship withyourself.
So go easy on yourself, go lieto yourself, cut yourself a
break, relax sometimes, laugh alittle bit, chill, but let's do
this together.
So subscribe, like, send thisto somebody if this gives you
value, and let's continue to dig.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
Let's dig.
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