March 19, 2024 • 29 mins
When my partner slid her phone across the table to me—a single screenshot announcing her fertile window—the conversation that followed was as unexpected as it was profound. It sparked a journey into the heart of our partnership and the unpredictable adventure of parenting. Together, we unfold the raw and tender narrative of family planning, the hesitations of adding another child to our mix, and the indelible ways our children have sculpted our relationship and individual identities.
Navigating the labyrinth of parenthood, we reminisce on our evolution from carefree youths to the guardians of new lives, contemplating the impact of our own upbringings on our parenting styles. Our dialogue dances through the laughter and trials woven into the fabric of household dynamics, from sleepless nights to the playful contention over who gets the last piece of pie. It's a candid and touching reflection that underscores the necessity of unity and the gentle art of communication as we grapple with the ever-shifting boundaries of family life.
Amidst the whirlwind of parenting, we broach the topic of sustaining personal ambition and the critical support we must offer one another. The chapter on parenting and pursuing dreams is a call to parents, especially mothers, to hold fast to their own aspirations. It is a celebration of mutual support, a reminder that while we are co-parents, we are also partners in each other's journeys—cheering each other on, as we balance the tightrope walk of nurturing a family and chasing our dreams.
Navigating the labyrinth of parenthood, we reminisce on our evolution from carefree youths to the guardians of new lives, contemplating the impact of our own upbringings on our parenting styles. Our dialogue dances through the laughter and trials woven into the fabric of household dynamics, from sleepless nights to the playful contention over who gets the last piece of pie. It's a candid and touching reflection that underscores the necessity of unity and the gentle art of communication as we grapple with the ever-shifting boundaries of family life.
Amidst the whirlwind of parenting, we broach the topic of sustaining personal ambition and the critical support we must offer one another. The chapter on parenting and pursuing dreams is a call to parents, especially mothers, to hold fast to their own aspirations. It is a celebration of mutual support, a reminder that while we are co-parents, we are also partners in each other's journeys—cheering each other on, as we balance the tightrope walk of nurturing a family and chasing our dreams.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So remember on Instagram, when I posted you
sending me a screenshot of yourfertile window being open?
I need you right now to explainyourself.
Explain yourself.
Why were you sending mescreenshots of you telling me
that you're fertile?
Like what?
Speaker 2 (00:21):
First of all, I actually don't remember.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
You did.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Specifically doing that.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
I remember.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
I know that's what's actually kind of weird is like.
Did I do that, but I must have.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
It's, and if it's not you, then we got problems.
That another woman is sendingme a picture that she's fertile.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
I just don't know if my hormones were very clear in
why they did it.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
So I, ok, so I'm telling you.
You did it.
Now explain yourself.
Why are you sending me?
What are you trying to say?
Speaker 2 (00:48):
I want another baby.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
That's crazy.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Listen, I will be honest with you.
I've had so many conversationswith so many women.
I have wanted this feeling ofnot wanting another baby to go
away for four years.
That's why Years?
Because like.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
I feel like I'm just done.
I feel like and not done andlike I'm tired of kids.
I love kids.
I thought I can have more, butI just feel like man, like we're
good, we're good man.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
I get that and I I wanted that feeling as soon as
we had Brooklyn, becauseBrooklyn was so Traumatic.
We really I wanted that feelingof like no way, we're never
doing that ever again.
But from the moment I held herin the NICU at three pounds, I I
could not get myself to say it.
(01:36):
And then I kept havingconversations, and I have
conversations with family,saying like, yeah, but you
should just be content at somepoint, and I would be like, ok,
I'm content, I'm good.
And then I'd have a dream thatI had another baby boy.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Like there.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
I mean, yesterday I was talking to someone and this
lady had the cutest puppy.
It was not a puppy, it was asmall dog.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
And I was like maybe you could try the dog thing
we're not doing the dog, nope,nope, we're not doing a dog,
especially living here inCalifornia, and people's
obsessions with their dogs.
Hey, I'm just going to say this.
You know me, babe, I'm, we'reHaitian, and you know what
Haitians think about dogs.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
I know.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
So then we're not doing a dog, I guess I just, I
think, the biggest, ok, so thistopic, so OK, this topic is
going to be interesting today.
Everybody that's listening andwatching, wherever you're
watching from Matter of fact,take a moment to say shout out
to everybody that's watching onApple podcast and Spotify.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
We've seen some people that just watch from the
bus sprout browser People,that's, I think, somebody
watching from like Googlepodcast or something like that.
And then for those that arewatching right now on YouTube,
what up, what's up, tell uswhere you, how you got connected
with us.
If you're just watching, youhaven't hit subscribe yet.
What are you literally waitingfor?
Well, obviously, I know,actually people watch before
(03:02):
they subscribe.
I do the same thing.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
That's true.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
But if you do feel like this stuff is bringing you
value, these conversations,you're enjoying them.
Jump in man, so let's dig.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Let's dig.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Every single child that we've had, which we've had
to, changed everything about us.
Yeah, like when we had ourfirst kid, I thought I knew you,
we waited what, we waited fouryears, so we, we had him.
The next month we celebratedour fourth year anniversary,
yeah, and I thought, man, wewere locked, we were babe, I
thought we were good, I had youfigured out, you like, we had a
(03:35):
good you know connection.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
The synergy was there , like you just said the word
synergy.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
I just use synergy.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Why.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
I just wanted to use it.
I haven't used it in a while.
So I feel like we had synergyand it was good, but when you
became a mom and I became a dad,we weren't even the same people
anymore.
I'm like yo.
Who is this chick?
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Yeah, I remember it really changing my viewpoint of
you.
I really thought up until thenthat you could not make mistakes
, that you were never wrong ofwhat to do, where to go, which
direction to drive, what choicewe should make.
You just were never wrong andhaving our first child was like,
(04:24):
oh crap, he's human and he canmake mistakes.
And now I have to forgive himfor the mistakes that he's made
with our child.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Yeah, and even our second one, right.
So when we first had JordanJordan who's now just turned 10,
which is crazy, you know, tothink that we have a 10-year-old
made a big.
He made a big situation out ofbeing double digits.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Double digits are a big deal.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
He calls himself a mitt, which is a MIT man in
training.
Which is funny, so cute, a manin training.
I was like, okay, take out thetrash man, you know so.
But when we first had him, babe, like I, we some of our biggest
fights, our best fights.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
I guess you can say I don't think they were our best.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Worst fights.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Yeah, the worst.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Our biggest Because we weren't good.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
I don't think we were good at fighting at that point.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
Yeah, because I think what people don't understand is
that you know we're husband andwife and I'm learning you as a
wife.
You're learning me as a husbandand you become a mom.
Yeah, and now I'm learning youas a mom, the mother of my child
, and you're learning yourselfas a mom.
This kid is learning you as amom.
(05:36):
You feel like you have to proveto yourself you could do it.
You feel like you have to proveto me you can do it.
You're proving to your mom, mymom, all the mom, especially we
was in Florida man, them, them,caribbean moms, boy, everybody
thought they knew what to do.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
A hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
And so here you are, trying to figure yourself out.
Oh, and I'm a dad too.
I just took on a new titlecalled dad, dad, dad.
And now, all of a sudden, we'reboth who.
We thought we knew each othervery well.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
But trying to figure out our new titles, and I I know
there was a lot of pressure onmyself Before we had kids I was
always the person like holdingthat baby.
Like if we had friends that hada baby, I'd hold the baby Like.
I remember so many people beinglike, oh, you're just going to
be such a good mom, and therewere times where I'd be so mad
(06:26):
and be like what the heck?
I was supposed to be reallygood at this and this sucks.
I'm not good at this.
This is hard Like, and I wouldbe like.
People told me I was a naturaland this is not coming naturally
, and so there was so much ofthat.
But more than anything, Iremember so distinctly I stayed
at home with Jordan for thefirst year, so I worked a little
(06:48):
bit in the salon, but mainly Iwas home with him and I can cry
thinking about it.
I remember the morning I wentin to go get him out of his crib
and everything felt differentand it was clearer and it was
like a fog went away that Ididn't know was there, and I
(07:10):
remember so distinctly he wassix months old.
He was six months old.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
So where were you the whole six months ago?
Speaker 2 (07:18):
I was in the fog.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, you were in the fog.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
It was genuinely hormones and sleep deprivation.
Like I didn't know.
I was in that fog until I wokeup that morning and I was like,
wait a minute.
Everything is so much moreclear.
And that didn't mean thatfights stopped or struggling.
It was all still a challenge.
And as that baby grows intobeing a toddler, and toddler
(07:44):
into a child, and a child into ateenager, we continue to grow
as parents, and so we have togive ourselves that space to
learn as they grow.
We grow, but man that six monthmark was a big change.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Yeah, and I think like I'm gonna put my foot right
here.
Okay, I guess we live here, Ithink it is our couch?
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Yeah, it is our couch .
Speaker 1 (08:07):
I think the biggest challenge was man giving each
other grace, Like while learningour new roles.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
You know, think about it.
I was a kid, grew up with mysiblings, my mom, my dad, in our
household.
I'm figuring out myself as ayoung boy.
I become a teenager, I'mfiguring myself out, discovering
things about girls, discoveringthings about myself, and then I
become a young man, a youngadult, right, and then I become
in my I'm in my twenties, whereI get married.
I meet you like teens, whichwe'll you know, we'll talk about
(08:40):
that in another episode.
More of our story, right?
But I think about man.
Okay, I find this woman.
I find that in my most of mylife, living in my own room,
with in my own bed, and all of asudden I have a woman in my bed
and you're my wife forever,right, cause we believe in, we
believe in that and we'relearning each other, we have
(09:02):
enough grace for each other andall of a sudden, overnight, we
become parents.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Right.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
And in your mind I think especially for girls the
whole time growing up.
You always imagine what thingsare going to be like when you're
a parent or when you're a sonSure.
A spouse, right, it's like Kevinfrom home alone.
When I grew up and I getmarried, I'm living alone.
It's like, wait, what?
Like?
You just imagine what it'sgoing to be like.
So I just imagine, oh, I'mgoing to be this type of dad,
(09:30):
I'm going to be this type of,and then you have your kid and
you're like whoa.
But here's the thing.
What we forget this is what Iforgot was that, oh, wait,
someone else is also parentingthis same child too, and they're
bringing in all of theirculture, upbringing everything
that they've learned, all theisms that you don't even know,
(09:51):
that your parents even instilledin you.
And now you're parenting andyou're like duh, this is what
you do to babies.
You know, it's like when wefirst had our first dog, like
when we first had a dog.
We just feed them stuff off thetable.
That's how I thought.
And you're like no, we get themdog food.
I was like why is there foodfor dogs?
They're dogs.
We'd give them bones.
(10:12):
We'd get them little bags, youknow, like the Tyson chicken,
like the chicken wings.
Why are you yawning right now?
Speaker 2 (10:17):
I'm so tired, what?
Speaker 1 (10:19):
are you tired from I don't know, Like you?
The people are here watching uson the video and you straight
up just yawning.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
I'm not drinking a Celsius, so maybe that's why.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
The Celsius is banging right now it's gross.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Well, that flavor is gross.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Yo, that's the craziest thing, right?
You'd never imagine like you,like we don't think in our heads
what it's going to be like toraise up a child and you don't
give the other person grace tobring what they've had growing
up.
I was going to say this space.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
So, like I would think, no, this is what you do.
You heat them up, you sterilizethe bottle parts, you do this,
you do that, you do this, you dothat, and then you're like,
honestly, in our case it was alot of why you're just that
character.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
I'm just why.
You're like, yes, you're justso why?
And I'm like because that'swhat you do, and you're like the
baby's going to be in our roomfor six months sleeping in our
room, and I'm like why we got toyou mean, yeah, you kicked that
baby out of four.
You mean I had to assemble thatwhole crib for like four days
with all those nuts and bolts.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
For it to sit empty for six months.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
For it to sit empty.
I just didn't understand.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Actually I was just telling someone the other day
how you know like you'll have toput the baby in the room but
it'll feel so weird.
But I slept so much better onceJordan was in his own room.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Cause.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
I didn't hear every wiggle and grunt and breath and
like I was so panicked all thetime and I slept so much better
once he was finally in the otherroom.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
We had that eviction notice for him typed up ready,
notarized.
It was ready.
The mom was like yup.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
He was hanging on his plate and you're out of here.
He's playpin.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
You're out of here and look, I'm going to tell you.
I just for parents, when yourkids start getting older and
they start walking and like,well, they're still going to
come knocking on my door, lockyour door at night.
And we do not lock our door,but we don't put them in our bed
.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
We are.
We are about them.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
If our kids come knocking in our door at night
and they want to sleep in ourroom, you sleep on the floor.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
We put them on the floor, we felt like a lot of
families are like put the kidsin the bed, we get it.
No judgment for us.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
No straight judgment.
Oh for me.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
Okay From Pierre.
He's judging you, I'm notjudging you, but for us we just
needed some boundaries, and so Iput them in the floor.
It makes them feel safe If theywere scared, it makes them feel
close to mom and dad, but itstill keeps the mom and dad
connection.
Because, I will say, in thisstage of my life, or of our
(12:45):
children's lives, I find itharder to put you first rather
than the kids, because the lastmonth I have offered my
leftovers to our son before Ioffered it to you.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
Yeah, it's a problem.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
I am so sorry, it's okay.
I would be like Jordan to myleftovers and Pierre's like
hello.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
I'm like, I'm the man in the house, I get the
leftovers.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
I paid for it Like I worked for it.
Give me my leftovers.
Daddy's going to eat everythingthat's left and that's so true
and naturally I'm not thatperson.
But just all of a suddenrecently, because Jordan's
growing and eating so much, I'mlike Jordan, you went the rest
of my food, Like I just don'teven think about it.
So now I'm in this season oflike, okay, wait, let me think
of you first, before the kids.
The kids are actually fine.
(13:30):
Now, At 10 and four, they'regenuinely fine.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
They're fine, and I think what most parents struggle
with are like new parentsstruggle with and they don't
even know it until years lateris that they lose themselves in
parenting.
So true, they lose themselvesin their kids.
And here's the crazy thing.
I think our kids need us to bepassionate about something.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Well and a passion about each other.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Our kids need us to love each other.
Our kids need us to have ourown gifts and our own dreams,
and the thing is they don't knowhow to verbalize those things.
It's our job to teach them oflike nobody.
No son, hey, baby girl, this iswhat daddy's into, this is what
daddy's.
Here's what daddy's dreams are.
And what happens is most newparents.
They lose themselves inparenting.
(14:15):
They lose themselves in theirkids, and I remember early on,
it's easier to do that.
It's easier to do that and earlyon in our relationship as
parents, like I, started havingsome animosity towards you
because I felt like, based offof your upbringing and how you
knew it and how you imagined it,that and obviously that's
(14:37):
something that you deal with asa mom in general that it's easy
to just lose yourself inparenting.
So you put every idea, everydream, every goal, everything
that you've ever had, you put iton pause, unintentionally.
You don't make like this, this,this explicit decision, and you
don't send out this decreesaying that I'm pausing on my
dreams to raise my children,right, right, nobody ever does
(15:01):
that.
No one ever does.
Oh yeah, hold on that contract,I'm gonna go ahead and be
somebody's mama for 25 years,and then I'll come back around
to it.
Yeah, or nobody says, hey, hubby, I love you, but every single
night I'm tired raising thesekids so I can't have sex, Right,
and I'm like wait, wait, wait,wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
What I mean?
We dealt with that early on,because there are some times I
(15:23):
mean, baby, remember them, theMoomoo's and them little stuff
used to go to sleep.
Yo, you used to.
Yo, you remember them.
Remember, I had to confront youone time.
I said, babe, the office thatyou be wearing a bed, they're
just they're not blessing me.
I do not remember that Ripped upshirts and ripped up clothes,
like it was.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
I remember, though, a few months like last year, I
told a friend I was like man, Idon't want to be that wife, but
I really sleep in some bustedclothes, because basically what
I do is I will thrift, and thenthese like super cozy clothes
will get a stain on it, butthey're so cozy, so then they
just become house clothes, buttheir house and then they become
stains on it, and then they'reso comfortable, and then they
(16:04):
transition from house clothes tosleeping clothes.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
Yes, exactly, and I'm like what are all these bumps,
dots, rips, holes and stains onthese things Like I'm trying to
be that wife, but I am.
But here's the crazy thing, isit?
I think it started after we hadkids, because when we first had
, like when we first got married, the stuff that you was wearing
a bed, I was like, dang, getover here.
Okay, right, it was.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
it was like dang that that it got it had holes in all
types of Pair Stop.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
But after we had kids .
Speaker 2 (16:36):
I know you started nursing Hold on.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
You know, why?
Speaker 2 (16:38):
It's because you're I almost got because you are
asleep in bed.
That is why our outfits changeis because somebody has to get
up with the kids in the middleof the night.
Who's doing that?
It's me.
I can't wear anything sexy oranything like get over here If
I'm up roaming the halls in themiddle of the night at 62
(17:01):
degrees in our house.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
That's true, that's totally fine.
Then how come you know?
This brings me to anotherquestion how come you don't even
have a robe?
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Wait, why we?
I guess we should have retitledthis, this episode, the
questions that Pierre has aboutmotherhood, because this seems
like rapid fire you could havewent to bed with lingerie stuff
that has easy access, right, andyou got your robe right there
on the bedside.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
You know, I get it like okay, you know what.
It makes sense, Cause if youwear some stuff it might be a
little weird.
You're sitting there and Jordancomes by your bedside and you
got a boob hanging out.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Pierre, we have to edit that out.
Can't not do this.
Pee my pants.
That's from having two kids.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
So he's like mommy.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
All I'm saying is all we have to say, though, no, it
needs to be said, it needs to beknown that the the arrangement
we have worked out with kids,though, is that Pierre does not
do nights.
So, Pierre sleeps all the waythrough the night and the
children can be up.
I mean great Now we're in agreat right now we're in a
really great phase with the kids, sleep all night, but like
there have been times where I'dbe up four or five times a night
(18:21):
with Brooklyn and you sleptthrough all of it, it's fine,
it's our agreement.
But like, don't come from meand what I'm wearing when I'm up
at night.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
I know, I know, I know it's all it's, it's all
jokes Y'all.
Well, most of it is jokes, butwe've had this, we've obviously
we've had this conversationbefore and I've been stepping it
up y'all.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
So you have been stepping up.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
You have been stepping up because of that.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Put some effort in it and try to figure out what
works for you to wear before bedduring the night, when you're
up out of bed taking care of thechildren.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Yeah, teach them Because it does matter.
Teach them tip Like what to puton what to put some creams on
some all that stuff.
No, it helps.
You stepped it up and honestlylike it.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
we, you know three, four times a week.
So when we announce baby numberthree, that'll be like yeah
they'll know why.
They'll know why.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
They'll know why.
But you know, I say, oh, thatto say like it's crazy.
Like when we become parents, webecome mom, we become dad, we
don't even know that we'rechanging and we don't give each
other grace, that your partneris learning a new title for the
first time as well as well, andyou're trying to figure them out
, they're trying to figure youout, and I think what I want to
(19:28):
really just say to young parents, new parents, is really want to
encourage you.
I like really give each othergrace.
Yeah, like I want them to giveeach other time and space, like
no.
Look at your partner and say,hey, I know this is complicated,
I know this is frustrating, Iknow it's not working out the
way you imagined it working out.
Same for me too, as well.
You tell me where you want me,tell me where you need my help
(19:51):
and literally, like, literally,learn to ask more questions, and
I think that's what we'velearned, especially after the
second baby that one reallythrew a bomb in just our whole
life.
And then even for you as a mom,you get harder than I get it,
because for me, I just keepgoing through the stuff that I'm
doing.
Most guys don't put their goals, their dreams and their
(20:11):
passions on the side.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Right.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
None of me.
Every single place that we'veever lived, all the six, seven,
eight condos, townhouses,apartments that we've ever lived
in, I've always had a musicstation and a studio and all
those type of things.
I didn't even have to discussthat.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Right.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
But for you it was very easy for you to like not
even have to think about that,because it's natural for a mom
to give up stuff by certainthings.
And I want to say this tohusbands, husbands, husbands,
husbands.
And some people might say well,what about baby daddies?
Become a husband, right?
You know?
I want to say this like learnto cheer on your girl, learn to
(20:48):
cheer on your wife, to say babe,I love you and I love that
you're devoting everything tothe kids.
But I really want to encourageyou to like don't lose yourself,
don't forget those dreams thatwe've had, the talks that we've
had the visions that you used toshare with me, like it's our
job as men to encourage you andcome alongside you, because if
(21:09):
we're not careful, we'll let youlose yourself in the kids.
Because it's easier on us to dothat.
Because if I'm going toencourage you to chase your
dreams, that means I got to stepin more, and most men don't
want to do that because theyenjoy like the wife takes care
of everything.
Ingo.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
And it is true, like if you are a woman who has
dreams of things like that, it'sso easy to just think that
they're, those dreams are notimportant and that your children
are the most important thing.
And they are very important.
They are our first ministry ofwhat God has blessed us with in
our hands to mold and to shapeand to raise up in a certain
(21:50):
thing.
So there is no lack ofimportance of what you're doing
with your children.
With that being said, if Godhas placed something inside of
you, there are also importancein those things as well, and we
have a responsibility to dothose things that God's called
us to do alongside raisingchildren.
And that's been a really hardwalk for me to learn.
(22:13):
I took over the children'sdirector position in Brooklyn
was like one and a half.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
Yeah, children's director position at our church.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
And it was the most challenging thing to do with her
on my hip.
She had like separation anxiety.
She was sick a lot Like.
I mean, I had one day that Iheld her for like five hours in
my arm was so sore the next daybecause she was really, really
sick and I had to work.
(22:41):
And those were seasons where Ijust learned that God had graced
me to do it at the same time.
And sometimes moms have theluxury of like letting their
children be taken care bysomebody else while they go work
on their gifts and theirtalents and the things that
God's placed in their heart.
And sometimes we just got to doit all at the same time.
And I would just encourage anymother whatever God has called
(23:03):
you to, if he's called you tothe home, do it as unto him and
do it to the best of yourability.
And if he's called you to dosomething else outside of the
home, do that and do that welland take care of your home at
the same time.
But whatever it is, he hascalled you for it and he has,
like empowered you to do itexactly how it needs to be done.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
Yeah, and the last thing that I really want to
encourage people to really thinkabout is, as you guys are
changing, don't forget to letyour partner know when you've
had new revelations in life,when you've had new ideas or
you've had an epiphany like,share it with your partner,
right, and sometimes I'll comeon and say, babe, I just had
(23:47):
this crazy thought and really amind shift Right and I've had to
share with you.
There's been other times goback and listen to another
podcast.
That one time I just became aminimalist and threw everything
away overnight and I said hey,babe, we're minimalist, now
let's throw everything away.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
And he was like you only need one pair, yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
I've been listening to this podcast for the last
three days.
We only need one pair of shoes,trust me.
They also said that she's likeit sounds like you're in a cult
and I was like calm down.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
It's not a cult strong.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
It's a, not a cult.
It's a group of us.
It's a group of us right.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
Does that thing bring you joy?
Speaker 1 (24:23):
Yes, yeah, exactly that was what I used to say.
I said does that thing bringyou joy?
Yes, no, then throw it away,right.
So, but honestly, like it'sreally us making decisions, to
say we want to grow together,because here's what happened.
Every time we hear people, youknow, break up, or we hear about
divorces, those type of things,you know, we hear, you know,
(24:43):
we've heard terms like I justdon't love them anymore, or we
just fell, or we grew apart, orwe fell out of love, and I'm
like I actually believe grownapart, and I actually believe
when people say they fell out oflove.
Yeah, that actually makes a lotof sense Because we have to
lean into it and we have to makea decision to love each other
(25:03):
every single day and effortsthat we're making.
And when they say we grew apart, I'm like I actually believe
you when you say you grew apart,because that's, that's a real
thing, because you both aregrowing.
Right like, and that's whathappened to us when, when we
became parents, we both weregrowing I'm growing, you're
growing, I'm growing, we'regrowing and we weren't growing
apart and I think that was thebiggest thing for us, like when
(25:24):
we became parents.
A few years into it, werealized, like man, we really
got to talk more and we'velearned now to start having
conversations like I don't know,what do you think?
Or today, jordan asked me abunch of questions in the car
after school pickup.
Well, when I dropped them offtoday and when I picked them up
today after school and myanswers Was, I said son, that's
(25:45):
not a question I could answerwithout your mom.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:48):
I said it two times today without even thinking it's
my nature.
Yeah, it's my nature.
Now, it wasn't early on,because early on I'd be like,
yeah, buddy, and then you tellhim and I was like, oh, I'm so
sorry.
I told him I didn't know.
You told now he'll ask me aquestion.
I said I can't answer thatquestion without your mom yeah,
because I need to be locked inand synced in with her.
And so that's been my biggestadvice to really new parents,
(26:10):
young parents and honestly Imean at everybody that's in
relationships is really uslearning to communicate better.
When we feel like there'schanges, new ideas, revelations,
epiphanies, thoughts happeningin our lives, the people that
you're walking with, just sharethat with them.
And that's what happened to us.
Parenting was the biggest thing.
When I became a dad, I changed.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
It's true, me too, and I I'm grateful for the
journey.
I'm grateful for how much it'sshown Weaknesses of mine that
I've really had to work on andreally really dug through and
been like, okay, I need to workon this, okay, I need to work on
my patients, I need to work onmy words, I need to work on my
patients honestly with you.
Like Because of the sleepdeprivation or my frustration
(26:55):
with a baby, I could take it outon you and that's not fair to
you.
So just working on those things.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
And then, yeah, what we talked about of like not
losing Sight of the dreams andhopes and visions that I've
always had for myself mychildren are so, so important,
but so are those gifts thatGod's given me, and so I have to
raise both.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, man .
So you guys are, you guys thatare into the in this Parenting,
you guys are doing great.
Keep doing it and don't say,man, I have a hard time being
patient with with my spouse,well, I have a hard time giving
grace to my spouse.
Well, you give grace to yourkids.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
I was gonna say patient with your kids.
Don't forget, y'all are on thesame team.
We have a friend couple thatare about to have a baby and I
wrote at their baby shower.
The best advice I could givethem was don't forget, you're on
the same team.
Yeah, the children they're onanother team, but you and I are
on the same team, because it'sso easy to feel like it's me and
a baby against you, right, orme and my kids against you
(27:53):
because you're wrong and likeremembering that no, it's us
first, and then us as a team.
Take care of those kids.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
Yeah, that's crazy, but that's all I got for this
conversation today.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
All right y'all.
So raise those children,communicate, do your best.
And all you moms out there,don't forget the dreams that are
inside of you.
We love y'all.
Let's dig.
So remember on Instagram, when I posted you
sending me a screenshot of yourfertile window being open?
I need you right now to explainyourself.
Explain yourself.
Why were you sending mescreenshots of you telling me
that you're fertile?
Like what?
Speaker 2 (00:21):
First of all, I actually don't remember.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
You did.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Specifically doing that.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
I remember.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
I know that's what's actually kind of weird is like.
Did I do that, but I must have.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
It's, and if it's not you, then we got problems.
That another woman is sendingme a picture that she's fertile.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
I just don't know if my hormones were very clear in
why they did it.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
So I, ok, so I'm telling you.
You did it.
Now explain yourself.
Why are you sending me?
What are you trying to say?
Speaker 2 (00:48):
I want another baby.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
That's crazy.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Listen, I will be honest with you.
I've had so many conversationswith so many women.
I have wanted this feeling ofnot wanting another baby to go
away for four years.
That's why Years?
Because like.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
I feel like I'm just done.
I feel like and not done andlike I'm tired of kids.
I love kids.
I thought I can have more, butI just feel like man, like we're
good, we're good man.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
I get that and I I wanted that feeling as soon as
we had Brooklyn, becauseBrooklyn was so Traumatic.
We really I wanted that feelingof like no way, we're never
doing that ever again.
But from the moment I held herin the NICU at three pounds, I I
could not get myself to say it.
(01:36):
And then I kept havingconversations, and I have
conversations with family,saying like, yeah, but you
should just be content at somepoint, and I would be like, ok,
I'm content, I'm good.
And then I'd have a dream thatI had another baby boy.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Like there.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
I mean, yesterday I was talking to someone and this
lady had the cutest puppy.
It was not a puppy, it was asmall dog.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
And I was like maybe you could try the dog thing
we're not doing the dog, nope,nope, we're not doing a dog,
especially living here inCalifornia, and people's
obsessions with their dogs.
Hey, I'm just going to say this.
You know me, babe, I'm, we'reHaitian, and you know what
Haitians think about dogs.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
I know.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
So then we're not doing a dog, I guess I just, I
think, the biggest, ok, so thistopic, so OK, this topic is
going to be interesting today.
Everybody that's listening andwatching, wherever you're
watching from Matter of fact,take a moment to say shout out
to everybody that's watching onApple podcast and Spotify.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
We've seen some people that just watch from the
bus sprout browser People,that's, I think, somebody
watching from like Googlepodcast or something like that.
And then for those that arewatching right now on YouTube,
what up, what's up, tell uswhere you, how you got connected
with us.
If you're just watching, youhaven't hit subscribe yet.
What are you literally waitingfor?
Well, obviously, I know,actually people watch before
(03:02):
they subscribe.
I do the same thing.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
That's true.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
But if you do feel like this stuff is bringing you
value, these conversations,you're enjoying them.
Jump in man, so let's dig.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Let's dig.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Every single child that we've had, which we've had
to, changed everything about us.
Yeah, like when we had ourfirst kid, I thought I knew you,
we waited what, we waited fouryears, so we, we had him.
The next month we celebratedour fourth year anniversary,
yeah, and I thought, man, wewere locked, we were babe, I
thought we were good, I had youfigured out, you like, we had a
(03:35):
good you know connection.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
The synergy was there , like you just said the word
synergy.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
I just use synergy.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Why.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
I just wanted to use it.
I haven't used it in a while.
So I feel like we had synergyand it was good, but when you
became a mom and I became a dad,we weren't even the same people
anymore.
I'm like yo.
Who is this chick?
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Yeah, I remember it really changing my viewpoint of
you.
I really thought up until thenthat you could not make mistakes
, that you were never wrong ofwhat to do, where to go, which
direction to drive, what choicewe should make.
You just were never wrong andhaving our first child was like,
(04:24):
oh crap, he's human and he canmake mistakes.
And now I have to forgive himfor the mistakes that he's made
with our child.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Yeah, and even our second one, right.
So when we first had JordanJordan who's now just turned 10,
which is crazy, you know, tothink that we have a 10-year-old
made a big.
He made a big situation out ofbeing double digits.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Double digits are a big deal.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
He calls himself a mitt, which is a MIT man in
training.
Which is funny, so cute, a manin training.
I was like, okay, take out thetrash man, you know so.
But when we first had him, babe, like I, we some of our biggest
fights, our best fights.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
I guess you can say I don't think they were our best.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Worst fights.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Yeah, the worst.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Our biggest Because we weren't good.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
I don't think we were good at fighting at that point.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
Yeah, because I think what people don't understand is
that you know we're husband andwife and I'm learning you as a
wife.
You're learning me as a husbandand you become a mom.
Yeah, and now I'm learning youas a mom, the mother of my child
, and you're learning yourselfas a mom.
This kid is learning you as amom.
(05:36):
You feel like you have to proveto yourself you could do it.
You feel like you have to proveto me you can do it.
You're proving to your mom, mymom, all the mom, especially we
was in Florida man, them, them,caribbean moms, boy, everybody
thought they knew what to do.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
A hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
And so here you are, trying to figure yourself out.
Oh, and I'm a dad too.
I just took on a new titlecalled dad, dad, dad.
And now, all of a sudden, we'reboth who.
We thought we knew each othervery well.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
But trying to figure out our new titles, and I I know
there was a lot of pressure onmyself Before we had kids I was
always the person like holdingthat baby.
Like if we had friends that hada baby, I'd hold the baby Like.
I remember so many people beinglike, oh, you're just going to
be such a good mom, and therewere times where I'd be so mad
(06:26):
and be like what the heck?
I was supposed to be reallygood at this and this sucks.
I'm not good at this.
This is hard Like, and I wouldbe like.
People told me I was a naturaland this is not coming naturally
, and so there was so much ofthat.
But more than anything, Iremember so distinctly I stayed
at home with Jordan for thefirst year, so I worked a little
(06:48):
bit in the salon, but mainly Iwas home with him and I can cry
thinking about it.
I remember the morning I wentin to go get him out of his crib
and everything felt differentand it was clearer and it was
like a fog went away that Ididn't know was there, and I
(07:10):
remember so distinctly he wassix months old.
He was six months old.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
So where were you the whole six months ago?
Speaker 2 (07:18):
I was in the fog.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, you were in the fog.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
It was genuinely hormones and sleep deprivation.
Like I didn't know.
I was in that fog until I wokeup that morning and I was like,
wait a minute.
Everything is so much moreclear.
And that didn't mean thatfights stopped or struggling.
It was all still a challenge.
And as that baby grows intobeing a toddler, and toddler
(07:44):
into a child, and a child into ateenager, we continue to grow
as parents, and so we have togive ourselves that space to
learn as they grow.
We grow, but man that six monthmark was a big change.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Yeah, and I think like I'm gonna put my foot right
here.
Okay, I guess we live here, Ithink it is our couch?
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Yeah, it is our couch .
Speaker 1 (08:07):
I think the biggest challenge was man giving each
other grace, Like while learningour new roles.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
You know, think about it.
I was a kid, grew up with mysiblings, my mom, my dad, in our
household.
I'm figuring out myself as ayoung boy.
I become a teenager, I'mfiguring myself out, discovering
things about girls, discoveringthings about myself, and then I
become a young man, a youngadult, right, and then I become
in my I'm in my twenties, whereI get married.
I meet you like teens, whichwe'll you know, we'll talk about
(08:40):
that in another episode.
More of our story, right?
But I think about man.
Okay, I find this woman.
I find that in my most of mylife, living in my own room,
with in my own bed, and all of asudden I have a woman in my bed
and you're my wife forever,right, cause we believe in, we
believe in that and we'relearning each other, we have
(09:02):
enough grace for each other andall of a sudden, overnight, we
become parents.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Right.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
And in your mind I think especially for girls the
whole time growing up.
You always imagine what thingsare going to be like when you're
a parent or when you're a sonSure.
A spouse, right, it's like Kevinfrom home alone.
When I grew up and I getmarried, I'm living alone.
It's like, wait, what?
Like?
You just imagine what it'sgoing to be like.
So I just imagine, oh, I'mgoing to be this type of dad,
(09:30):
I'm going to be this type of,and then you have your kid and
you're like whoa.
But here's the thing.
What we forget this is what Iforgot was that, oh, wait,
someone else is also parentingthis same child too, and they're
bringing in all of theirculture, upbringing everything
that they've learned, all theisms that you don't even know,
(09:51):
that your parents even instilledin you.
And now you're parenting andyou're like duh, this is what
you do to babies.
You know, it's like when wefirst had our first dog, like
when we first had a dog.
We just feed them stuff off thetable.
That's how I thought.
And you're like no, we get themdog food.
I was like why is there foodfor dogs?
They're dogs.
We'd give them bones.
(10:12):
We'd get them little bags, youknow, like the Tyson chicken,
like the chicken wings.
Why are you yawning right now?
Speaker 2 (10:17):
I'm so tired, what?
Speaker 1 (10:19):
are you tired from I don't know, Like you?
The people are here watching uson the video and you straight
up just yawning.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
I'm not drinking a Celsius, so maybe that's why.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
The Celsius is banging right now it's gross.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Well, that flavor is gross.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Yo, that's the craziest thing, right?
You'd never imagine like you,like we don't think in our heads
what it's going to be like toraise up a child and you don't
give the other person grace tobring what they've had growing
up.
I was going to say this space.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
So, like I would think, no, this is what you do.
You heat them up, you sterilizethe bottle parts, you do this,
you do that, you do this, you dothat, and then you're like,
honestly, in our case it was alot of why you're just that
character.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
I'm just why.
You're like, yes, you're justso why?
And I'm like because that'swhat you do, and you're like the
baby's going to be in our roomfor six months sleeping in our
room, and I'm like why we got toyou mean, yeah, you kicked that
baby out of four.
You mean I had to assemble thatwhole crib for like four days
with all those nuts and bolts.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
For it to sit empty for six months.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
For it to sit empty.
I just didn't understand.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Actually I was just telling someone the other day
how you know like you'll have toput the baby in the room but
it'll feel so weird.
But I slept so much better onceJordan was in his own room.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Cause.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
I didn't hear every wiggle and grunt and breath and
like I was so panicked all thetime and I slept so much better
once he was finally in the otherroom.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
We had that eviction notice for him typed up ready,
notarized.
It was ready.
The mom was like yup.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
He was hanging on his plate and you're out of here.
He's playpin.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
You're out of here and look, I'm going to tell you.
I just for parents, when yourkids start getting older and
they start walking and like,well, they're still going to
come knocking on my door, lockyour door at night.
And we do not lock our door,but we don't put them in our bed
.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
We are.
We are about them.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
If our kids come knocking in our door at night
and they want to sleep in ourroom, you sleep on the floor.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
We put them on the floor, we felt like a lot of
families are like put the kidsin the bed, we get it.
No judgment for us.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
No straight judgment.
Oh for me.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
Okay From Pierre.
He's judging you, I'm notjudging you, but for us we just
needed some boundaries, and so Iput them in the floor.
It makes them feel safe If theywere scared, it makes them feel
close to mom and dad, but itstill keeps the mom and dad
connection.
Because, I will say, in thisstage of my life, or of our
(12:45):
children's lives, I find itharder to put you first rather
than the kids, because the lastmonth I have offered my
leftovers to our son before Ioffered it to you.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
Yeah, it's a problem.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
I am so sorry, it's okay.
I would be like Jordan to myleftovers and Pierre's like
hello.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
I'm like, I'm the man in the house, I get the
leftovers.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
I paid for it Like I worked for it.
Give me my leftovers.
Daddy's going to eat everythingthat's left and that's so true
and naturally I'm not thatperson.
But just all of a suddenrecently, because Jordan's
growing and eating so much, I'mlike Jordan, you went the rest
of my food, Like I just don'teven think about it.
So now I'm in this season oflike, okay, wait, let me think
of you first, before the kids.
The kids are actually fine.
(13:30):
Now, At 10 and four, they'regenuinely fine.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
They're fine, and I think what most parents struggle
with are like new parentsstruggle with and they don't
even know it until years lateris that they lose themselves in
parenting.
So true, they lose themselvesin their kids.
And here's the crazy thing.
I think our kids need us to bepassionate about something.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Well and a passion about each other.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Our kids need us to love each other.
Our kids need us to have ourown gifts and our own dreams,
and the thing is they don't knowhow to verbalize those things.
It's our job to teach them oflike nobody.
No son, hey, baby girl, this iswhat daddy's into, this is what
daddy's.
Here's what daddy's dreams are.
And what happens is most newparents.
They lose themselves inparenting.
(14:15):
They lose themselves in theirkids, and I remember early on,
it's easier to do that.
It's easier to do that and earlyon in our relationship as
parents, like I, started havingsome animosity towards you
because I felt like, based offof your upbringing and how you
knew it and how you imagined it,that and obviously that's
(14:37):
something that you deal with asa mom in general that it's easy
to just lose yourself inparenting.
So you put every idea, everydream, every goal, everything
that you've ever had, you put iton pause, unintentionally.
You don't make like this, this,this explicit decision, and you
don't send out this decreesaying that I'm pausing on my
dreams to raise my children,right, right, nobody ever does
(15:01):
that.
No one ever does.
Oh yeah, hold on that contract,I'm gonna go ahead and be
somebody's mama for 25 years,and then I'll come back around
to it.
Yeah, or nobody says, hey, hubby, I love you, but every single
night I'm tired raising thesekids so I can't have sex, Right,
and I'm like wait, wait, wait,wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
What I mean?
We dealt with that early on,because there are some times I
(15:23):
mean, baby, remember them, theMoomoo's and them little stuff
used to go to sleep.
Yo, you used to.
Yo, you remember them.
Remember, I had to confront youone time.
I said, babe, the office thatyou be wearing a bed, they're
just they're not blessing me.
I do not remember that Ripped upshirts and ripped up clothes,
like it was.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
I remember, though, a few months like last year, I
told a friend I was like man, Idon't want to be that wife, but
I really sleep in some bustedclothes, because basically what
I do is I will thrift, and thenthese like super cozy clothes
will get a stain on it, butthey're so cozy, so then they
just become house clothes, buttheir house and then they become
stains on it, and then they'reso comfortable, and then they
(16:04):
transition from house clothes tosleeping clothes.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
Yes, exactly, and I'm like what are all these bumps,
dots, rips, holes and stains onthese things Like I'm trying to
be that wife, but I am.
But here's the crazy thing, isit?
I think it started after we hadkids, because when we first had
, like when we first got married, the stuff that you was wearing
a bed, I was like, dang, getover here.
Okay, right, it was.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
it was like dang that that it got it had holes in all
types of Pair Stop.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
But after we had kids .
Speaker 2 (16:36):
I know you started nursing Hold on.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
You know, why?
Speaker 2 (16:38):
It's because you're I almost got because you are
asleep in bed.
That is why our outfits changeis because somebody has to get
up with the kids in the middleof the night.
Who's doing that?
It's me.
I can't wear anything sexy oranything like get over here If
I'm up roaming the halls in themiddle of the night at 62
(17:01):
degrees in our house.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
That's true, that's totally fine.
Then how come you know?
This brings me to anotherquestion how come you don't even
have a robe?
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Wait, why we?
I guess we should have retitledthis, this episode, the
questions that Pierre has aboutmotherhood, because this seems
like rapid fire you could havewent to bed with lingerie stuff
that has easy access, right, andyou got your robe right there
on the bedside.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
You know, I get it like okay, you know what.
It makes sense, Cause if youwear some stuff it might be a
little weird.
You're sitting there and Jordancomes by your bedside and you
got a boob hanging out.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Pierre, we have to edit that out.
Can't not do this.
Pee my pants.
That's from having two kids.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
So he's like mommy.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
All I'm saying is all we have to say, though, no, it
needs to be said, it needs to beknown that the the arrangement
we have worked out with kids,though, is that Pierre does not
do nights.
So, Pierre sleeps all the waythrough the night and the
children can be up.
I mean great Now we're in agreat right now we're in a
really great phase with the kids, sleep all night, but like
there have been times where I'dbe up four or five times a night
(18:21):
with Brooklyn and you sleptthrough all of it, it's fine,
it's our agreement.
But like, don't come from meand what I'm wearing when I'm up
at night.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
I know, I know, I know it's all it's, it's all
jokes Y'all.
Well, most of it is jokes, butwe've had this, we've obviously
we've had this conversationbefore and I've been stepping it
up y'all.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
So you have been stepping up.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
You have been stepping up because of that.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Put some effort in it and try to figure out what
works for you to wear before bedduring the night, when you're
up out of bed taking care of thechildren.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Yeah, teach them Because it does matter.
Teach them tip Like what to puton what to put some creams on
some all that stuff.
No, it helps.
You stepped it up and honestlylike it.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
we, you know three, four times a week.
So when we announce baby numberthree, that'll be like yeah
they'll know why.
They'll know why.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
They'll know why.
But you know, I say, oh, thatto say like it's crazy.
Like when we become parents, webecome mom, we become dad, we
don't even know that we'rechanging and we don't give each
other grace, that your partneris learning a new title for the
first time as well as well, andyou're trying to figure them out
, they're trying to figure youout, and I think what I want to
(19:28):
really just say to young parents, new parents, is really want to
encourage you.
I like really give each othergrace.
Yeah, like I want them to giveeach other time and space, like
no.
Look at your partner and say,hey, I know this is complicated,
I know this is frustrating, Iknow it's not working out the
way you imagined it working out.
Same for me too, as well.
You tell me where you want me,tell me where you need my help
(19:51):
and literally, like, literally,learn to ask more questions, and
I think that's what we'velearned, especially after the
second baby that one reallythrew a bomb in just our whole
life.
And then even for you as a mom,you get harder than I get it,
because for me, I just keepgoing through the stuff that I'm
doing.
Most guys don't put their goals, their dreams and their
(20:11):
passions on the side.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Right.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
None of me.
Every single place that we'veever lived, all the six, seven,
eight condos, townhouses,apartments that we've ever lived
in, I've always had a musicstation and a studio and all
those type of things.
I didn't even have to discussthat.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Right.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
But for you it was very easy for you to like not
even have to think about that,because it's natural for a mom
to give up stuff by certainthings.
And I want to say this tohusbands, husbands, husbands,
husbands.
And some people might say well,what about baby daddies?
Become a husband, right?
You know?
I want to say this like learnto cheer on your girl, learn to
(20:48):
cheer on your wife, to say babe,I love you and I love that
you're devoting everything tothe kids.
But I really want to encourageyou to like don't lose yourself,
don't forget those dreams thatwe've had, the talks that we've
had the visions that you used toshare with me, like it's our
job as men to encourage you andcome alongside you, because if
(21:09):
we're not careful, we'll let youlose yourself in the kids.
Because it's easier on us to dothat.
Because if I'm going toencourage you to chase your
dreams, that means I got to stepin more, and most men don't
want to do that because theyenjoy like the wife takes care
of everything.
Ingo.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
And it is true, like if you are a woman who has
dreams of things like that, it'sso easy to just think that
they're, those dreams are notimportant and that your children
are the most important thing.
And they are very important.
They are our first ministry ofwhat God has blessed us with in
our hands to mold and to shapeand to raise up in a certain
(21:50):
thing.
So there is no lack ofimportance of what you're doing
with your children.
With that being said, if Godhas placed something inside of
you, there are also importancein those things as well, and we
have a responsibility to dothose things that God's called
us to do alongside raisingchildren.
And that's been a really hardwalk for me to learn.
(22:13):
I took over the children'sdirector position in Brooklyn
was like one and a half.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
Yeah, children's director position at our church.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
And it was the most challenging thing to do with her
on my hip.
She had like separation anxiety.
She was sick a lot Like.
I mean, I had one day that Iheld her for like five hours in
my arm was so sore the next daybecause she was really, really
sick and I had to work.
(22:41):
And those were seasons where Ijust learned that God had graced
me to do it at the same time.
And sometimes moms have theluxury of like letting their
children be taken care bysomebody else while they go work
on their gifts and theirtalents and the things that
God's placed in their heart.
And sometimes we just got to doit all at the same time.
And I would just encourage anymother whatever God has called
(23:03):
you to, if he's called you tothe home, do it as unto him and
do it to the best of yourability.
And if he's called you to dosomething else outside of the
home, do that and do that welland take care of your home at
the same time.
But whatever it is, he hascalled you for it and he has,
like empowered you to do itexactly how it needs to be done.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
Yeah, and the last thing that I really want to
encourage people to really thinkabout is, as you guys are
changing, don't forget to letyour partner know when you've
had new revelations in life,when you've had new ideas or
you've had an epiphany like,share it with your partner,
right, and sometimes I'll comeon and say, babe, I just had
(23:47):
this crazy thought and really amind shift Right and I've had to
share with you.
There's been other times goback and listen to another
podcast.
That one time I just became aminimalist and threw everything
away overnight and I said hey,babe, we're minimalist, now
let's throw everything away.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
And he was like you only need one pair, yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
I've been listening to this podcast for the last
three days.
We only need one pair of shoes,trust me.
They also said that she's likeit sounds like you're in a cult
and I was like calm down.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
It's not a cult strong.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
It's a, not a cult.
It's a group of us.
It's a group of us right.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
Does that thing bring you joy?
Speaker 1 (24:23):
Yes, yeah, exactly that was what I used to say.
I said does that thing bringyou joy?
Yes, no, then throw it away,right.
So, but honestly, like it'sreally us making decisions, to
say we want to grow together,because here's what happened.
Every time we hear people, youknow, break up, or we hear about
divorces, those type of things,you know, we hear, you know,
(24:43):
we've heard terms like I justdon't love them anymore, or we
just fell, or we grew apart, orwe fell out of love, and I'm
like I actually believe grownapart, and I actually believe
when people say they fell out oflove.
Yeah, that actually makes a lotof sense Because we have to
lean into it and we have to makea decision to love each other
(25:03):
every single day and effortsthat we're making.
And when they say we grew apart, I'm like I actually believe
you when you say you grew apart,because that's, that's a real
thing, because you both aregrowing.
Right like, and that's whathappened to us when, when we
became parents, we both weregrowing I'm growing, you're
growing, I'm growing, we'regrowing and we weren't growing
apart and I think that was thebiggest thing for us, like when
(25:24):
we became parents.
A few years into it, werealized, like man, we really
got to talk more and we'velearned now to start having
conversations like I don't know,what do you think?
Or today, jordan asked me abunch of questions in the car
after school pickup.
Well, when I dropped them offtoday and when I picked them up
today after school and myanswers Was, I said son, that's
(25:45):
not a question I could answerwithout your mom.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:48):
I said it two times today without even thinking it's
my nature.
Yeah, it's my nature.
Now, it wasn't early on,because early on I'd be like,
yeah, buddy, and then you tellhim and I was like, oh, I'm so
sorry.
I told him I didn't know.
You told now he'll ask me aquestion.
I said I can't answer thatquestion without your mom yeah,
because I need to be locked inand synced in with her.
And so that's been my biggestadvice to really new parents,
(26:10):
young parents and honestly Imean at everybody that's in
relationships is really uslearning to communicate better.
When we feel like there'schanges, new ideas, revelations,
epiphanies, thoughts happeningin our lives, the people that
you're walking with, just sharethat with them.
And that's what happened to us.
Parenting was the biggest thing.
When I became a dad, I changed.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
It's true, me too, and I I'm grateful for the
journey.
I'm grateful for how much it'sshown Weaknesses of mine that
I've really had to work on andreally really dug through and
been like, okay, I need to workon this, okay, I need to work on
my patients, I need to work onmy words, I need to work on my
patients honestly with you.
Like Because of the sleepdeprivation or my frustration
(26:55):
with a baby, I could take it outon you and that's not fair to
you.
So just working on those things.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
And then, yeah, what we talked about of like not
losing Sight of the dreams andhopes and visions that I've
always had for myself mychildren are so, so important,
but so are those gifts thatGod's given me, and so I have to
raise both.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, man .
So you guys are, you guys thatare into the in this Parenting,
you guys are doing great.
Keep doing it and don't say,man, I have a hard time being
patient with with my spouse,well, I have a hard time giving
grace to my spouse.
Well, you give grace to yourkids.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
I was gonna say patient with your kids.
Don't forget, y'all are on thesame team.
We have a friend couple thatare about to have a baby and I
wrote at their baby shower.
The best advice I could givethem was don't forget, you're on
the same team.
Yeah, the children they're onanother team, but you and I are
on the same team, because it'sso easy to feel like it's me and
a baby against you, right, orme and my kids against you
(27:53):
because you're wrong and likeremembering that no, it's us
first, and then us as a team.
Take care of those kids.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
Yeah, that's crazy, but that's all I got for this
conversation today.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
All right y'all.
So raise those children,communicate, do your best.
And all you moms out there,don't forget the dreams that are
inside of you.
We love y'all.
Let's dig.
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