May 4, 2024 • 45 mins
When my spouse and I found ourselves teetering on the edge of marital collapse, we dug deep into our habits, discovering life-rafts that not only pulled us back to safety but propelled us into a more profound connection. Our latest episode takes you on a personal journey through the transformative power of physical touch, the laughter that came with a botched attempt at minimalism, and the shared dedication to fitness that has drawn us closer. We uncover the layers of our lives, sharing how the intentional integration of our routines, from praying with our kids to reading "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" together, has fortified the family bond in ways we never expected.
Navigating the dynamics of consent and affection within our marriage opened our eyes to the nuanced dance of intimacy and connection. Tune in as we chat about the challenges and breakthroughs that have come with aligning our parenting strategies and the magical, yet practical, routine of ending each day as a couple. Our candid storytelling reveals the importance of shared experiences, the hilarious trials of adopting new habits, and the ultimate joy of being each other's rock through life's rhythmic waltz.
This episode isn't just about sharing our story; it's an invitation to reflect on your own relationships and consider the seeds you're planting for growth. As we discuss the vital role of deep conversations and intentional habits in building a strong marriage and family unit, we hope to ignite a spark in your life. So welcome to the family here at Let's Dig the Podcast, where every session promises heartfelt insights, genuine warmth, and a nurturing community committed to love's lasting journey.
Navigating the dynamics of consent and affection within our marriage opened our eyes to the nuanced dance of intimacy and connection. Tune in as we chat about the challenges and breakthroughs that have come with aligning our parenting strategies and the magical, yet practical, routine of ending each day as a couple. Our candid storytelling reveals the importance of shared experiences, the hilarious trials of adopting new habits, and the ultimate joy of being each other's rock through life's rhythmic waltz.
This episode isn't just about sharing our story; it's an invitation to reflect on your own relationships and consider the seeds you're planting for growth. As we discuss the vital role of deep conversations and intentional habits in building a strong marriage and family unit, we hope to ignite a spark in your life. So welcome to the family here at Let's Dig the Podcast, where every session promises heartfelt insights, genuine warmth, and a nurturing community committed to love's lasting journey.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So these are the habits that saved our marriage.
That's what we're talking abouttoday.
That's it.
I know we've been prepping allday about this conversation and
I'm happy that you guys joinedus in on this convo.
We actually want you guys totalk back with us, as I know
many of you guys have been doingthat, which is great.
Shout out to all of our newsubscribers, all our new
followers.
We love you guys.
Welcome to let's Dig thePodcast.
(00:20):
So today we're going to betalking about something really
cool and exciting.
Many years ago, when we gotmarried, 14 years ago, we
thought we knew what we weredoing and we realized, man,
there were a lot of bad habitsthat we picked up throughout the
years, right, and there werehabits that was honestly hurting
us and I know in our marriagelike that's something really big
that we had to uncover intherapy marriage therapy a
(00:42):
couple years ago.
And so today I really want us,babe, to really dial into this
thought of what are the habitsthat we either dropped or had to
pick up to save ourrelationship.
So we've got a few of them thatwe started talking about today,
and one of them it's the lastone it will guarantee change
your life.
It's something that's verysimple.
(01:03):
This is for married people now.
I mean, if you're, if you wantto be married, that's fine, you
can listen to, that's fine.
We love y'all, but the goal ismarriage.
Right, that's how God createdit, but one of them, at the end,
we're going to share with you.
Honestly, it has changed ourlives.
We started it several years agoand we do it like Bible.
It's, it's religion to us.
But, honestly, it has saved ourmarriage and it keeps us close
(01:24):
and tight.
It keeps us close I'm when itcomes to intimacy.
Um our mental healthspirituality so many different
things.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
And so ready, let's dig.
Thank y'all for being here.
If you are liking this podcast,liking this episode, like,
subscribe, comment, all thethings.
It doesn't cost you anything,so just do it already.
Um, and if you're a hater,don't comment, because we don't
need you around here.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Actually, you know what I like them commenting,
because it gives us anopportunity to enlighten them.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Yes, Some of them, Some of them, some of the
comments y'all like I don't evenknow what to respond back to.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
I'm like I don't have a response for you.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Thanks for being here .
Use some periods and commasWell.
Some of them are so hard tounderstand.
What is this person trying?
Speaker 1 (02:09):
to say yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Anyways.
So today we're going to talkabout some habits, habits that
have impacted our marriage, somehabits that have saved our
marriage.
So what are some of?
I would say, what is one of theeasiest habits that you've like
adjusted to since we've beenmarried and what was one of,
like, the hardest habits thatyou started implementing in our
(02:34):
marriage that saved our marriage?
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Yeah, um, okay, want me to answer the first one or
the second one?
You just asked me two questions, whatever comes to your heart
first.
Okay, the whatever comes to myheart is the second question Ask
one again.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
What was the hardest uh habit?
You just I know I forgot whatwas the hardest, like the most
challenging habit that youstarted like once we got married
so honestly, babe, um, thehardest habit for me was
marrying someone who's a toucheroh, ooh, that's a good that
(03:07):
makes a lot of sense, likewalking by you in the kitchen,
walking by you in the bathroom,in the living room, and just
putting my hand on your butt orjust rubbing past.
You right or?
Speaker 1 (03:19):
just tapping you To me.
I thought that was really hardto start because, first of all,
I'm the type of person don'ttouch me, like, if you walk by
me remember when we was reallyhard to start because, first of
all, I'm the type of persondon't touch me Like, if you walk
by me remember when we firstgot married like you would just
like rub it to me.
I'm like hey, why are yourubbing it to me?
Speaker 2 (03:31):
He would literally be like why are you over here?
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Look at all this space in the hallway Bruh Like
look all this space.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
But I wanted to touch you.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Yeah, that was probably the hardest habit for
me to start.
It makes a lot of sense, but Ithink it helps save our marriage
.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Absolutely, I needed it.
I am a toucher, I am a feeler.
It is one of my strong love.
Languages is physical touch,like I can firmly say.
It is a necessity for me tofeel connected to you and close
to you.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
I have to have touch.
If you guys haven't heard thatone episode we talked about many
episodes ago I already said it,Dan and Lee she's like a puppy.
She's like a puppy, like alittle, tiny little chihuahua
that just wants to be pet, touch, rubbed, all that stuff.
I'm like where do you like it?
(04:30):
Right, so she's like, but thatwas honestly the hardest habit
for me to start is just gettingused to just touching you all
the time or just rubbing you ortapping you or something like
that, knowing that and for usmen, you know, you know it's, I
guess for most men, um, I know,for me and my kind, um, touching
is supposed to lead to onething.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
But that's where I get confused.
So then why don't y'all want todo it more?
Because y'all think about thatthing all the time?
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Because, first of all , I feel like and this I know
this will be debatable, but Ifeel like, when it comes to sex,
that you are the key holder ofit.
You determine if we're going tohave it or not, because some
days I don't even know what moodyou in and then, depending on
the time of the month, dependingon where the moon's at True,
(05:13):
but I'm saying is that if youtouch me more to lead up to it,
the green light would be on moreoften.
Yeah, but babe, think about it.
Okay, I go.
Okay, it could be early in themorning.
You're in the kitchen makinglunch for the kids.
I walk past you.
You know I tap you, which thathappens most almost every day.
Yes, right, you're probablythinking wait, did you hear me?
(05:36):
I said thank you oh you'rewelcome, which it is a habit
that I had to adopt.
But I love doing it because Ilove making you happy and I love
filling your tank and I cantell when it fills your tank
literally because you do like ahuge sigh Like Danley's like.
Every time I walk past her andI tap her, she's like it's so
true guys, he's not lying, it'svery true.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
It's like I can get like so tense and like hyped up
and I'm stressed out and if hejust does that, then I'm like
okay, it decompresses her tolike a whole nother level.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
We're sitting in the car right and I'm just driving,
and I'll put my hand on her lapand I'll hear her go.
The best part, though, is whenI pump like is when I pump fake
you, it's true, I act like I'mputting my hand on her lap and
she goes to reach for it and Igo to scratch my nose or
something like that.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
So mean Okay, but like.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
For me it was hard because, you know, I was
conditioned in my head I don'tknow if it was from movies or
from TV shows or from theculture of this world and the
things that they tell you to doand show you how to do, right,
in sitcoms.
Right, you know, in my head Ithink touching is going to lead
to sex.
Right, you know, and it's notan explicit thought, right, it's
just somewhere in the back ofmy just think like, ok, let me
(06:52):
fill up a tank, right, but thatcan happen in the early in the
day and later on a day I coulddo one thing that just pisses
you off.
That's it, it's over.
I already know I'll try againtomorrow.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Okay, that was your hardest one.
What's your easiest like?
What was the easiest one thatyou implemented, but that you
still feel like it has a strongimpact on our marriage?
Speaker 1 (07:15):
The easiest one, um, the easiest habit that I've had
to start and adopt was justtelling you that I love you,
Because I didn't grow up in ahouse where we showed affection.
Growing up Like we didn't, wedidn't say I love you.
You know, um, that's, that'snot even really a phrase in
(07:38):
Creole, right.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
You know, it's a phrase in French.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
But but anyways, I'm not a victim of that Right.
You know, I've seen likesomeone dropped in um in our
comments and say that guy's sucha victim.
I'm not a victim of that Right,um, but I'm fully aware of how
I was conditioned and I've madea decision to not live like that
.
So I'm not considering and sayI wasn't raised like that.
I wasn't raised like that, butthat's not my condition now,
(08:01):
because I've married you, I madethe decision to realize, like
she needs to know every singleday that I love her.
So, whether it's me just sayinglove you, kissing you goodbye,
saying love you, at night sayinglove you, or randomly while
we're texting, say love you, oreven when you post something on
Instagram and for me to send youheart eyes.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
Right, true, just to say love you or whatever, or the
water emoji, because you know,babe oh my god right you always
um, that that would be theeasiest habit.
That I think wasn't a good one.
It wasn't a problem for me.
Let me ask you, okay, what foryou?
What was the hardest habit foryou that you had to?
Speaker 2 (08:44):
start.
So one thing that we do foryears since we got married is
that we work out together, and Ican say for about 10 of the 14
years of our marriage I hatedworking out.
(09:04):
Yeah, I hated it when we firstgot married, do you remember?
First of all, when we first gotmarried, we gained like a lot
of weight.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
Yeah, 20, 30 pounds we both just kind of Newlyweds
and just like, heck yeah, wewere eating.
I mean, bruh, it's like PizzasTaco Bell.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
We finally had our own place.
Hawaiian Punch own place.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Hawaiian punch.
Yeah, man, we were just eatingall the crap Red Doritos, blue
Doritos, all the Doritos, thePurple Doritos, hey them, things
still smack hard.
Fire Still going to the best.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
So we gained a lot of weight.
So we started working out.
You were doing like insanity.
You remember that?
Uh-huh, yeah, like P90X and youwould work out in the afternoon
which would make me so angry,like I don't want to work out at
three o'clock in the afternoon,I want to take a nap at three
o'clock in the afternoon.
So anyways, all to say, weimplemented and we knew that it
was a necessity to take care ofour health and to work out, and
(09:55):
for 10 years I did that.
While I hated it Right, I stillhated it.
And I remember telling Jordan,our son, one time, like like I'm
going to the gym.
And he was like why?
Because you like it like daddy.
And I was like, nope, actuallyI don't like it like daddy, but
I know it's important to takecare of my body and to be
healthy for my family and for myhusband.
Now, in the last four to fiveyears now, I've started to enjoy
(10:18):
it.
I do love lifting weights.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
I Dula feeling strong and taking care of my body.
So it's different now, but thatwas one of, like, the hardest
um habit to really be consistentwith over the last 15 years.
Um, you know, it's funnybecause us just talking about
these habits, I remember um howit evolved, right?
I remember when um like I'd goto the gym and you weren't there
.
Or I remember when you'd hearme other room doing Insanity for
all the millennials Y'all knowwhat I'm talking about.
All the Gen Xers, Y'all knowwhat I'm talking about with P90X
, Insanity, T25, all theBeachbody stuff.
(10:58):
All the Gen Zers like, what isP90X?
What kind of code is that?
Relax, Okay, it's something.
It's something that we will put.
It's a dvd, dvd.
You can put it in a dvd player.
It looks like a blu-ray player.
You still don't even know whatthat is and we can go skip
chapters until you know whatever.
So but I remember us starting todo it together and that brought
(11:20):
us closer like I feel like mostcouples, people who've done it
for a long time, it's just likeoh, he just does his thing, um,
or I you know, I've heard thatright from from older couples,
you know or I hear guys say likeyou know, yeah, man, you know,
she, she just has her own thinggoing on and you know, I just do
my thing.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
And to me I'm like I, I just I remember at a point I
didn't want you to be a roommate.
I think I remember a lot ofrelationships at that time too
that were around us where it wasmore common for the guy to
actually work out and the wifedidn't.
So the wife would start gainingweight or get pregnant or have
a baby, and then she just wasn'ttaking care of herself.
(11:59):
But the husband all of a suddenis getting swole, losing weight
, body fat, muscles, up allthese things.
And I remember us having theseconversations of like, wait, as
the like, as the husband, as thehead of the house, as your
husband, your wife's mate, likeencourage her, cheer her on.
And I remember you doing thatfor me.
(12:19):
Like I remember you being likecome on, baby, we got this.
And a lot of times I wanted tothrow a punch at you, but it
worked.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
After several years I realized the whole P90X
insanity stuff wasn't workingright.
So my goal was to encourage you.
That was a habit that Ihonestly picked up, I'd say a
few years into our marriage wasI did not want to be the husband
, I was just like man, you knowmy wife, she just does her own
thing.
To me I'm like, even if you'regoing to do your own thing, I
could encourage you.
So you started getting to likeCrossFit, right, you started
(12:49):
getting like.
You got like a gym membershipwhile I was working out at home.
But my goal was like, if that'swhat it takes, I'll even show
up with you if I needed to.
I didn't need to for the firstfew years.
And here's why we're sharing allthis, you guys, because some
people might be listening andsay, man, they're making such a
really big deal about this.
(13:09):
They're emphasizing these arethe things for us, these small
little habits, stuff that wedecided to do together to save
our marriage.
I've heard stories of like youjust said the guy starts doing
his own thing, girl starts doingher own thing.
They go to the gym at separatetimes every single day.
They meet new people and yougrow apart.
(13:30):
So when you hear stories ofpeople saying like we were
married for umpteen years or 20something years and we grew
apart.
That's a real thing, man.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Well, and to boil it down to even more of a
foundation, it's literally howwe chose to build our life
together.
It's how we built the, the lifebetween Pierre and Danny Lee
Airstill.
This is our family and this ishow we build our life together.
This is how we decided tochoose to ride in the same car,
(13:57):
like if you were at work and Iwas at work and we were going to
oh, actually, let's meet athome, so that then we could take
one car to go to the grocerystore instead of just meeting at
the grocery store and drivingseparate the whole time.
Like there were just thingsthat we were intentional about
of being together.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
It was how we built our life together, we do
everything together, and I lovethat you mentioned that point,
cause that's so true.
Anytime there's an opportunityfor us to stick to one car, we
do it, even if one person got todrive extra miles.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Or we have to go.
One has to go earlier than theother.
We still do it so that we havetime in the car together.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Oh yeah we stay together, like when we go to
church.
There's some days where I haveto go to church maybe two, three
hours earlier than you, right?
And obviously we have kids.
Some people are saying, well,they don't have kids.
We do have kids, right.
And if you don't know if wehave kids, check us out on
Instagram.
If you're watching this onYouTube, hit the links, hit the
link tree, tiktok, instagram,let's connect.
All right, but there's times.
(14:54):
I remember there was one time Ihad to go to church early.
I had to be there at seven andyou didn't have to be there till
10.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
Right, and there's been other times where you had
to be there early, right, and Ididn't have to be there till
like nine.
Yeah, but I remember us talkingabout it like man.
It's just not worth us goingseparate, having two cars while
we have little kids.
We want to build healthy habitsand we've made it a point to
really decide on where does itmatter most for us to stay
(15:24):
together.
There's never a time wherethat's not a factor.
We're going to always choose tostay together, yeah, unless
it's a time where, like, okay,the later on a day is going to
be crazy, or we're going to betogether later on in the day, or
you had to work late the nightbefore, right, there are some
situations here and there.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Yeah, there's some situations.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
Right, but for the most part it's always going to
be let's stay together, let'sstay in the same car Another
habit that, speaking of carsthat we've adopted we still sit
in the car, sometimes like we'redating.
It's true.
There's times there'll be longdays y'all, and we'll get to the
(16:01):
house, we'll sit in the car andDaly and I will just sit there,
sometimes close to an hour,just talking about life, just
like when we were dating.
So true.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Which, even when you're traveling, those
conversations on the phone, likewhen you're out for work, like
(16:32):
out for the weekend, and youcall me and we will in love, and
all of that.
That's on episodes two.
There's two, part one and parttwo Go check it out but we talk
about like we started longdistance and so when you're
traveling, I'm at home with thekids and we are just catching up
of like what's going on, what'sthis, what's that?
Like I love those momentsbecause I do know that those
(16:52):
were the beginning stages of ourrelationship.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Yeah, I'm going to go ahead and make a confession
right now.
I'm scared.
I'm going to make a confessionright now.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
What's happening?
Speaker 1 (17:04):
I'm going to make a confession right now.
What are you doing?
You remember, a couple of weeksago, it was a Sunday and I had
to go play a gig.
Yes, and I got out of the gig.
It was about nine o'clock.
Dan and Lee just put the kidsdown, yep, and I called you.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
And the drive from there, and it was LA to Orange
County, right, so it was aboutan hour drive.
Maybe that night could havebeen like 50 minutes.
And I called you and we stayedon the phone the whole time.
Remember that, yep, I calledyou and we stayed on the phone
the whole time.
Remember that, yep, it feltgood y'all, it felt like we were
dating all over again.
I'm driving from location A toB and here's the wild thing I'm
(17:43):
driving to her.
Right, right, I'm driving toyou that night.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
And you saw me that morning.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
It's not like we weren't gone the whole day.
Yeah, we're with each other allday, except for those few hours
that I had to go do this gig.
So I'm driving back home and,um, the reason why I stayed on
the phone with you that wholetime, because I didn't want you
to fall asleep, because, um,your boy was trying to yeah, I
needed you to stay up.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
It worked, because otherwise I would have went
straight to bed and be like I'mgoing to sleep.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
Hey, I would have woke you up too.
I'm sorry, I just laughed sohard, but you know what it felt
great, though, just being on thephone.
That's one of the habits thatwe do too, like we don't get
tired of each other.
We don't get tired of being onthe phone.
Sometimes we're just, it's justsmall talk.
Remember back when we weredating?
Nothing, how was your day?
I'm like man.
You asked me already.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Yeah, I think that's one thing that I love to.
It's one of the things that Icherish so much about marriage
is that, at the end of the day,you really are my person.
You're my person that I want totalk to the most, that I want
to share my dreams with the mostthat I want to.
I mean, you've been with me,and a lot of times in the last
(18:54):
few months my brain is like Idon't know what it's doing, and
so I'm like, hey, I need help,I'm stuck, or I'm overthinking,
or I'm doing this or I'm doingthat.
Like you're the person that Iwant to be.
Like, why am I thinking this?
What do I do?
How do I approach the situation?
Like, at the end of the day,you are my person.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Yeah, that's, that's what it is, and you know what?
Even talking about that isinteresting, because it's so
easy to make each other socommon and get so used to each
other that sometimes it feelslike we're each other's enemy,
like we're against each other.
That happened a couple weeksago.
Like you know, you werefrustrated with me about
(19:32):
something and I remember, likewhen I finally had to tell you
I'm like babe, like you do know,I'm on your side, right.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
Right.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
Like, if there's anyone you shouldn't be mad at
or frustrated with or thinkingthat they're against you, it's
me.
I'm the person that you shouldnot be against, right Like I'm
for you, and I think whathappens is sometimes just in
marriages it's easy to beirritated with the person that's
the closest to us.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
For sure.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
And it's so easy for us to open up to everyone else
in the world and not to our truepartner.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
Right, and it's easy to take out our frustrations on
the people that are closest tous.
So it's easy for me to be rudeto you, short with you,
frustrated with you, becauseyou're just always there, like
when you take somebody forgranted sometimes.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Another habit that we do, that we've um, that we've
really determined that it'ssaved our marriage, saved our
lives, is um we integrate, likeeverything that we do.
We share all of our ideas witheach other.
We share even the hobbies,things that we do so like, like,
if I'm reading a book, like, Ican't wait to tell Danny Lee
(20:40):
about it and I can't wait toencourage her read this book
with me.
Remember that one time I triedto turn us into minimalist.
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
That one, he did not, he did not.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
It backfired, cause I went straight into like
minimalism he sure did.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
it backfired because I went straight into like
minimalism.
He sure did.
He started throwing things away, right away.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
I came home and I was like yo, we need to throw
everything away, we got too muchstuff.
We got too much stuff.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
I was panicking.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Y2K is going to come right around the corner all over
again and she's like where'sthis all coming from?
Speaker 2 (21:17):
I was like man, I got into like the minimalist
podcast and I'm realizing shethought I joined a cult.
I did, and you just did not goabout it the right way at all.
But fast forward 10 years andyou're like hey, babe, I'm
reading this really cool book,you should read it along with me
.
Yep, and we are reading RichDad, poor Dad together.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Right.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Although I'm going much slower than you, yeah
because I'm done with the bookalready.
I can't.
I've literally drift off inthat book.
It's hard for me to focus.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
But it's a game changer all in all it.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
it's different though , because with this one, when
you mentioned something out ofthat book, I'm like, oh yeah, I
do remember that part, or ohyeah, I was getting to that part
.
I understand the thoughtprocess behind what you're
saying, as opposed to theminimalist when you came home
and you just wanted to throweverything away and we don't
need none of it, and I'm like,but we do need it yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
So we had to really build a habit of sharing all the
new things that we're gettingfor ourselves with each other.
Right, even if I started doingresearch on intermittent fasting
, right, I'm like, yo, there's anew way to like lose weight, or
there's a new way to likemaintain muscle, there's a new
way to get lean or to get cut.
So I'm like I do, I'm doing allthese researching and I start
(22:20):
doing it.
Right, that's not the right wayto do it.
So we formulated a habit ofjust like before we get into
anything, sharing with eachother hey, I've been researching
.
Or hey, I've been looking intothis new idea or this thought,
or yo, there's a new album thatI'm listening to.
I love this record, I love thismusic.
This is what I listen to in thegym.
Babe, check it out too.
Now, obviously, I know you'renot gonna listen to everything.
(22:41):
I listen to the gym becausesometimes I listen to classical
music so weird or like it's likeserial killer vibes yeah, it'd
be wildand you won't listen to
everything I listen to that'sfine, but there's some things
that we do share.
Right, we do share.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
I think a lot of it too.
Honestly, just to be clear, Iknow that relationships you like
somebody may be watching thisand being like, of course, I'm
going to share what I listen toand what I do and what I talk
about, but it's more about beingintentional Right, that's
that's what we're saying.
Of like you may share thefavorite show with with a person
you're dating or you're marriedto Right, got it.
(23:18):
But like being intentional ofhow do you incorporate this book
or this podcast or somethingyou're learning about?
How, how do you grow together?
If you're growing in an area,don't just grow by yourself.
Bring your partner along andbring them into it.
Like that's what we're saying.
Of encouraging you to beintentional with those things,
because you're not going to bethe same person and the last
(23:41):
thing that you want to happen isthat you married for 20 years
and realize y'all are differentpeople and that's because you
did grow apart.
You literally grew apart andyou didn't grow alongside each
other.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
Yeah, yeah, it's been .
It's been a cool journey, justthe last few months of us really
tapping into it, digging intothis whole thing of like,
marriage and relationships, like, what does it look like?
And this applies to all of ourareas of our relationships, even
with us as parents yeah, like,you know what I mean?
Raising our kids, right, it'seasy for us to say, well, here's
how we're going to do it.
Well, here's how my mom did itwith me.
(24:14):
Oh Lord Like.
Or you're like.
Well, here's how your mom didto me, I like.
And our moms are two differentpeople.
So we have to come into thisand say, okay, whatever you
thought in your mind, whateveryou had in your mind, drop it,
forget it and let's us talkabout it and build our own
habits.
Speaking of kids, right?
Um, this is going to soundreally weird.
Some people are going to say,like, why did he say that?
(24:35):
One of the easy and hardesthabits that we've worked really
hard is the schedules that wehave with our children and we
work really hard to raise ourkids together.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Meaning like I'm not turning my kids against you.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
And you're not turning the kids against me,
right?
We're not saying, oh, you knowhow your mom is, or you know,
that's just a, this is howdaddy's going to do it, right,
so we drop those habits.
We drop those habits, like Iwant the kids to respect you and
vice versa.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Whatever your dad said, what did your dad say?
Speaker 1 (25:08):
What did your dad tell you?
Whatever your dad said.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Cause cause.
Sometimes those kids will beasking one parent and then they
go ask the other parent, and ifyou're a parent, you know that
your kids do that.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Yo, they try to turn us against each other.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
They sure do.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
And so for us, we made a habit of like, nah, nah,
nah, nah, nah, nah we're on thesame team.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
It's actually us against them, to be honest.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Absolutely, Absolutely.
I was about to say some wordsthat I shouldn't be saying here
on on the Lord's podcast.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
Praise the Lord.
Another thing is we put them tobed together, like we pray with
them the night, like at nightbefore bed.
We do that together.
Can one person do it Absolutely, and there are plenty of nights
where it is one of us.
But if we're both home we bothstop what we're doing to talk to
the kids.
(25:56):
I love asking the kids like thefavorite part of their day and
their worst part of their day.
It just gets them to open upand talk and, especially man,
those kids can talk beforebedtime.
Sometimes they talk more beforebedtime than they did the
entire day but needless to sayit's something we do together.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Yeah, we do that together, we.
We sit with them at night andwe pray together.
We pray together Like we teachour kids how to pray.
And yeah, you're right, man,like it's easy for just me to go
in there and do it by myselfand you to do, and there's some
nights like that's just thenatural temptation of just like.
I can hear you putting the kidsdown and they're doing just
fine, so I could just stay outhere and live and do my thing.
(26:38):
And I have to work really hardto not build that habit and stop
what I'm doing, even if I haveto kiss them goodnight, go in
there, say a quick prayer or ifI'm jumping in on the back end
of the prayer, like you knowwhat I mean.
For me, I'm like those habitsare very important for us, like
we determine the pathways of ourkids, like you know what I mean
.
And so I felt, I felt honestly,I'm, I'm, I'm happy of where we
(27:01):
are right now with what we'redoing, like with the kids, and
I'm grateful that God has givenus wisdom on how to raise these
children together.
Like you know what I mean.
Um, something else that we do,guys, um, in our marriage, in
our relationship, is we end allof our days together yep every
(27:24):
single day.
We end it together.
Unless I'm like traveling,we're still gonna end it
together, it's true whether it'sover the phone right where you
like.
you hear me falling asleep.
There's times like I'mtraveling and we're literally
just on the phone, fallingasleep with each other.
We always end our days togather Um, we're going to, we're
(27:45):
going to give that last tiphere in a second, but even our
last hour of the day, we'll putthe kids down, we'll pray
together as a family and you andI will get on this couch and
we'll just sit right here.
We do all kinds of things onthis couch, but we're not going
to?
Speaker 2 (28:00):
Oh my gosh, what's wrong with you today?
Why do we keep going there?
Speaker 1 (28:05):
Yeah, because after this recording, here we're going
.
Ok, I'm just sitting on my team.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
We also like sometimes literally we'll just
sit here and talk in the dark.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
We will sit in the dark.
We will sit in the dark, youand I, and we just talk about
the day.
We talk about what frustratedus, we talk about what
encouraged us.
We talked about whatrevelations God has given to us.
We talked about what's on ourheart.
Like we, we share everything.
We talk about the plan fortomorrow.
We just sit there, honestly, weliterally talk ourselves asleep
(28:36):
, sometimes Most of the timethere's some seasons.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
Actually, last night I straight fell asleep on the
couch talking to you.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
Yeah, you did, I did.
Yeah, you straight up didEverything.
There's a drool stain rightthere on the couch and you know
what?
There's some seasons, man, orthere's some seasons, where
there's like a series on TV thatwe're like we're really into
right that time when we're intolike Walking Dead, which took
like eight years to finishLiterally stupid show you know
(29:01):
there's all these shows thatwe're into and there's some
seasons where those shows arejust distractions for us.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
And we know that just sitting time together, sitting
together, is quality time andthat's more important.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
Honestly, since the top of this year we have not
watched shows after the kidsgone to bed.
We've just talked.
Since January it kind ofstarted during a fast that we
started which is something we dowith our church at the top of
the year to just really focus inand listen to the Lord and
really just start out the yearin a different mindset and focus
(29:34):
spirituality.
And so we started that at thetop of this year and ever since
then it's like we've never goneback to putting the TV on after
the kids go to bed.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
Yeah, and it's honestly.
Watching a TV show is nice.
Sometimes it's a cool thing todo together, but sometimes it's
a bad habit.
Sometimes it's a way to burywhat you guys should really be
doing is talking, and it's it'slike going to the movies and
we're mad at each other.
We're going to watch this movieand the common denominator was
the movie.
Yeah, so we're talking, butwe're not really talking.
(30:04):
Hey, I don't know if I told youguys this, but a couple of days
ago, dan Lee was mad at me forlike eight days.
Eight days Yo she was mad, andyou know.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Eight days.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
But here's why I'm bringing it up right, we're not
going to talk about that.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
I think that's going to be another episode.
Speaker 1 (30:27):
What I'm talking about is we went eight days and
we were still interacting.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
Sure, but we weren't really talking.
We were not really talking, weweren't connecting, but we were
interacting and we wereparenting together and we were
doing the things we need to dofor our lives Paying bills in
the car together.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
We're going to church together.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
You know, we're on a stage together, we're taking
care of the kids, we're pickingthem up, we're going to the gym
Like we're paying bills.
We're doing all these things,we're interacting, and I think a
lot of people think, man, youknow we have a good life.
Well, here's what I, that youguys were doing together, and
it's just you two together.
Would you still be in love?
(31:06):
Would you still enjoy eachother's company?
And for us to cut out movies,to cut out TV, to sit here in
the dark bro at night for anhour to just talk, that makes me
happy because that lets merealize like we enjoy each
other's company.
We're not talking about thekids.
Speaker 2 (31:19):
Right.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
We're not just enjoying a common entertainment.
We're enjoying a show, right,because there's some times we
can sit here and watch a showand straight up just enjoy it,
but we're pissed at each other.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
Right I think a lot of women will know this too of
the closeness and that emotionalconnection with our spouses is
really what makes the difference, Because when there's that
space and that gap, it can sitthere for a long time.
That's what happened when itsat there for eight days and I
(31:51):
hated it, but it was sittingthere for eight days so I can
interact with you, but I gotplenty of space in between.
It's six feet.
Six feet away from me Like itwas there and it sat there until
that night when we went to bedtogether.
And then I was like eight dayslater, there's two incidences.
(32:13):
We're not going to talk aboutit, but there's two incidences
in eight days.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
We're going to talk about it, but not right now in
this conversation because we dowant to help.
We do want to help people onconflict resolution.
Right, when there is tension,when there is conflict and it
goes a couple of days, right,how do we resolve it?
You know, there's somequestions that we always ask and
I'll say this right now A habitthat we've added when it comes
to when we have conflict is, atthe end, we always ask each
(32:39):
other what do you need me to dofor you?
Yeah, what do you need?
Speaker 2 (32:42):
from me.
What do you need me to do foryou?
Speaker 1 (32:43):
Yeah, what do you need from me?
What do you need from me?
What do you want different fromme, so that this doesn't happen
again?
Right, and that's us workingtogether.
But, man, we've been lovingthis journey, man.
It's been really cool man Justbuilding a life together.
It's been nice and it's noteasy.
It's not all roses.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
It's not all peaches have to like put your pride down
to be a part of some of thesehabits, to take part in some of
these habits.
Sometimes I don't want to dothose things.
I don't want to go to the gym.
I don't want to put that spacein between me and you and fix it
and tell you why I'm mad at youand I'd rather just let that
space sit there.
Sometimes, like there's so manythings, sometimes I don't want
(33:21):
to put the kids to bed with you.
I want to go take a shower orwhatever it is, cause I've been
with them all day, like there'scertain things, there's a lot of
parts of this that are justinconvenient, but it's literally
putting your pride down andyourself down to be like no,
this is what's best for ourmarriage, to keep us connected,
to keep us on the same page, tokeep us building our life
(33:44):
together, because that's what'smore important than serving
myself, than doing what I wantto do, than doing what I feel
like doing.
In this moment, I'm going todecide.
I'm going to do what's best forour marriage and for our family
, and so I think the biggest onewe should say is the biggest
one that has changed ourmarriage that when we switched
(34:05):
this, it switched a lot of stufffor us and that was that we
intentionally go to bed together, and a lot of married couples
they may not think that that's abig deal.
They may not even have athought to it when they end
their day.
For us, it was so easy for youto produce music, work in your
(34:25):
office, working on a track.
You were in the zone I'mwatching TV shows, I'm doing
whatever I want to do.
It was so easy to end the dayseparately.
I'm going to go to sleep at 10,10, 30, sometimes nine, nine,
30.
You're going to stay up tillone, two o'clock in the morning
producing a track.
It's very easy for us to do itseparately, but when we made the
(34:47):
decision that we go to bedtogether, it really, really gave
us so many opportunities to notonly connect in a physical way.
Blah, blah, blah.
I know you guys talk about it,but I love talking about it.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
I know you love talking about it, like why
talking about sex is souncomfortable for you?
Speaker 2 (35:05):
It's not.
I know you love talking aboutit.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
Why talking about sex is so uncomfortable for you,
it's not I, just you do it often.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
Yeah, because we do it often yes, that's true, okay,
but so, yes, going to bedtogether gives that opportunity.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
Almost every day, by the way Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
Okay, thank you so much that it's there.
But even when I was mad at youfor eight days, that was the
moment we were just laying inbed.
We're not asleep yet, we'rejust laying in bed, lights are
off, it's dark.
That was the moment when I wasfinally able to tell you why I
was mad at you for eight days.
There was a thing a few monthsago.
(35:40):
I don't remember what it was,but I had really been carrying
the weight of something.
I was really sad aboutsomething and like you were like
are you good?
And I just burst into tears andit was something that I was
just emotionally going throughand I couldn't let it out.
I couldn't share it with you.
Until it was that moment.
You're just vulnerable, you'resleepy, you're in your bed and
(36:03):
like, lights are off, house isquiet, and I just burst out into
tears that I was upset aboutsomething.
So it has become such a bondmoment, a bonding moment for us.
It is pivotal for our marriagethat we go to bed together.
It's so different, too, like ifyou stay up and work and I go
(36:25):
to bed, like there's so manythings I feel like that are left
up in the air that we didn'ttalk about, we didn't connect on
, we didn't connect physically.
And then I just see you next inthe morning.
You're tired because you stayedup and worked too late.
Like it's just a game changerfor us, yeah it is and I
recommend every single marriedcouple.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
If you're married right now and you're watching
this, I'm going to challenge you.
Number one challenge right nowIf you're not going to bed
together, change that right now.
It is a game changer.
It changed our life, us comingtogether.
Our first two years of marriagewe went to bed together, maybe
once or twice.
Speaker 2 (36:57):
Yeah, we didn't do it .
Speaker 1 (36:58):
But we saw how we just grew apart.
Right, it was the things, ourhabits, things that we're doing,
how we were eating, how we weredieting, working out fitness,
spiritual walk, right, mentalhealth it all is attached to how
much we are attached to eachother in a healthy way.
Yeah, right, we complete eachother.
(37:18):
Right, it's not 50 percent me,it's not 50 percent you, it's a
100 percent me and it's 100% youto create what we have and us.
Ending our day together haschanged our life and it's
honestly saved our marriage.
Even when we're upset with eachother, even when we're
frustrated with each other,we'll still go to bed with each
other.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
It's so true, even when we're still mad.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
Yeah, because to us it's a habit and it's a choice.
It's a choice that the momentyou start doing it once, twice,
three times you get used to itand it's a thing man couples,
straight up do it, and I'm notI'm not judging anyone who does
that, but I'm telling you islike it's a next level in your,
in your relationship, whenyou're able to make the decision
and say, yo, we're going to endevery day together, whether,
(38:02):
even if it's long distance,right, even when we're dating
long distance we started a habitthen and when we're traveling
like if I'm traveling, we stillend our day together You're
still the last person I'mtalking to on the phone, like
I'm not calling you and callingsomebody else which I'm doing,
that it better not be a chick.
It's going to be one of myhomeboys or someone that I had
to call back, but most of thetime that will not be the case.
Right, you will most likely bethe last person, right, that I
(38:25):
talked to other than god, like alot of times, like when we're
laying there in bed, like myfinal thoughts yeah it's as I'm
talking with the lord right, butgoing to bed together changed
our life and it saved ourmarriage it really did, because
we didn't for the first twoyears yeah, sleeping is when
you're the most vulnerable inthe day yeah, right, think about
(38:48):
it, right.
You know I'm in my draws, youand your draws, for people to
like what are draws.
It's your undergarments, allright, okay you're undergarments
it's your undergarments, right,but think about it you're in
the dark.
Speaker 2 (39:04):
Right.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
Like you're half naked in your drawers.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
The house is freezing .
Speaker 1 (39:09):
The house is freezing .
Speaker 2 (39:11):
Freezing guys.
The door is closed.
Speaker 1 (39:12):
It keeps it freezing cold, yeah, man, because you
know we can snuggle more whenit's cold.
There it is, we can snuggle, goto.
So we get to do all that stuff,all that fun married stuff,
married stuff.
But we share intimate momentsthere, yeah, right.
We share emotional momentsthere, spiritual moments there,
(39:35):
right.
There's moments where we havesome of our most sacred moment
as a couple is right there, thelast few minutes of the day when
we're talking there like itchanged our life and we kept
that and we keep it holy, wekeep it sacred.
It's something that's veryclose to our heart and we know
that God has designed it thatway.
Um, yeah, man, I love thistopic.
I love this topic.
I will say this Um, I'll closewith this.
(39:57):
Okay, what is the habit that wewant to take on that we want to
add that we haven't been doing?
I'll tell you right now mine.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (40:12):
It's longer kisses and longer hugs.
Speaker 2 (40:16):
Um cause I sent you that thing on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
Yeah, but that really hit me hard.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
I was like I was like yeah, I sent him a thing the
other day that said it was astatistic that said that men
that kiss their wives for sixseconds before they leave work
every day were average to livefour years longer than husbands
that did not kiss their wivesevery day.
And so I sent that to you andthen now.
(40:44):
But it's a scientific factabout the oxytocin in your brain
after the amount of like fourto five seconds or whatever.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
So that's why they're saying like kiss till six
seconds yeah, six seconds, man,that thing it's long, that thing
is long it's not like a peck,especially if it's like the
milliseconds or not milliseconds, like mississippi,
mississippi's, six mississippikisses.
that's long, but you know whatit is?
Long challenge accepted.
I do want and I did start acouple days ago.
You did so, so I'm not justsitting here on youtube for the
(41:14):
first time saying it like, right, when I received that, I
thought it, I put it in my heartand I was like you know what?
Like I love my wife and I dowant to get closer to her.
And I know you're a toucherer, Iknow that's your love language,
you know my love language, youknow.
For those of you guys, you knowwe've talked about love
language a couple of episodesago.
It's quality time and it'swords, right, but quality time
means so much to me, like goodquality time.
(41:37):
That's why I'm not a smalltalker.
Like if we're not having a realconversation, I love you, but
if we're not talking aboutanything there, we're not
talking about anything like um,and so for you it's touch, and
so for me, the habit that I wantto take on and get better at
and start adding to my life inour relationship is longer
(41:58):
kisses and longer hugs.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
I love that Cause it really does make me feel so much
more connected to you.
Yeah, I think that the habitthat I would love to incorporate
more.
I'm kind of torn, but we'vereally been slipping on date
nights lately.
Our schedule has been so upsidedown with my work schedule.
(42:23):
We almost on opposite workschedules, so on Friday nights
or Saturday nights I'm exhaustedbecause those are my busiest
work days and then it's justhard to do date nights any other
time.
But they're so important andnecessary and so we need to get
back onto that schedule of likemaking them priority yeah,
(42:48):
priority right.
Speaker 1 (42:49):
That's true, because right now we're in a season
especially, as you know, weserve the church.
We spend a lot of our times,you know, dating other couples,
like going on dates with othercouples.
You're spending a lot of timethere.
You're doing a lot of girl timewith the girls that you're
leading and walking with anddiscipling, and same with me
with the guys that I'm walkingwith and we're passionate about
(43:09):
those, but like we have to makeus a priority before everybody
else Hands down.
Yeah, thank you guys for jumpinginto this conversation today.
We enjoy these conversationsbecause it strengthens us and we
hope that it strengthens youtoo as well.
As you guys know this channel,honestly, it's all about
building strong relationships.
It's about digging out thosebad roots, those bad habits
(43:33):
that's formulated or cultivatedin your life, and really
planting good seeds seeds wherewe can see really good fruit in
our lives.
And so God has called us tolove him.
Love him.
He's called us to love othersas we love ourselves, and so the
only way you're going to beable to love yourself is if you
know who really love is, andthat's God.
And he's called us to love eachother.
(43:53):
And so this is us growingtogether, this is us digging
together, this is us going tothe next level together.
And so, if these conversationshave brought life to you like
again, we hear us say this allthe time Our goal is not to go
viral, our goal is to give value.
If you feel like this is givingvalue to you, I want to
encourage you hit that likebutton.
You don't have to evensubscribe yet, but you're not
going to miss anything out, evenif you do subscribe.
(44:14):
Send this to someone that youfeel like this can change their
lives, talk back to us, send usa message and let's continue to
dig.
Love y'all Peace.
So these are the habits that saved our marriage.
That's what we're talking abouttoday.
That's it.
I know we've been prepping allday about this conversation and
I'm happy that you guys joinedus in on this convo.
We actually want you guys totalk back with us, as I know
many of you guys have been doingthat, which is great.
Shout out to all of our newsubscribers, all our new
followers.
We love you guys.
Welcome to let's Dig thePodcast.
(00:20):
So today we're going to betalking about something really
cool and exciting.
Many years ago, when we gotmarried, 14 years ago, we
thought we knew what we weredoing and we realized, man,
there were a lot of bad habitsthat we picked up throughout the
years, right, and there werehabits that was honestly hurting
us and I know in our marriagelike that's something really big
that we had to uncover intherapy marriage therapy a
(00:42):
couple years ago.
And so today I really want us,babe, to really dial into this
thought of what are the habitsthat we either dropped or had to
pick up to save ourrelationship.
So we've got a few of them thatwe started talking about today,
and one of them it's the lastone it will guarantee change
your life.
It's something that's verysimple.
(01:03):
This is for married people now.
I mean, if you're, if you wantto be married, that's fine, you
can listen to, that's fine.
We love y'all, but the goal ismarriage.
Right, that's how God createdit, but one of them, at the end,
we're going to share with you.
Honestly, it has changed ourlives.
We started it several years agoand we do it like Bible.
It's, it's religion to us.
But, honestly, it has saved ourmarriage and it keeps us close
(01:24):
and tight.
It keeps us close I'm when itcomes to intimacy.
Um our mental healthspirituality so many different
things.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
And so ready, let's dig.
Thank y'all for being here.
If you are liking this podcast,liking this episode, like,
subscribe, comment, all thethings.
It doesn't cost you anything,so just do it already.
Um, and if you're a hater,don't comment, because we don't
need you around here.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Actually, you know what I like them commenting,
because it gives us anopportunity to enlighten them.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Yes, Some of them, Some of them, some of the
comments y'all like I don't evenknow what to respond back to.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
I'm like I don't have a response for you.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Thanks for being here .
Use some periods and commasWell.
Some of them are so hard tounderstand.
What is this person trying?
Speaker 1 (02:09):
to say yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Anyways.
So today we're going to talkabout some habits, habits that
have impacted our marriage, somehabits that have saved our
marriage.
So what are some of?
I would say, what is one of theeasiest habits that you've like
adjusted to since we've beenmarried and what was one of,
like, the hardest habits thatyou started implementing in our
(02:34):
marriage that saved our marriage?
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Yeah, um, okay, want me to answer the first one or
the second one?
You just asked me two questions, whatever comes to your heart
first.
Okay, the whatever comes to myheart is the second question Ask
one again.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
What was the hardest uh habit?
You just I know I forgot whatwas the hardest, like the most
challenging habit that youstarted like once we got married
so honestly, babe, um, thehardest habit for me was
marrying someone who's a toucheroh, ooh, that's a good that
(03:07):
makes a lot of sense, likewalking by you in the kitchen,
walking by you in the bathroom,in the living room, and just
putting my hand on your butt orjust rubbing past.
You right or?
Speaker 1 (03:19):
just tapping you To me.
I thought that was really hardto start because, first of all,
I'm the type of person don'ttouch me, like, if you walk by
me remember when we was reallyhard to start because, first of
all, I'm the type of persondon't touch me Like, if you walk
by me remember when we firstgot married like you would just
like rub it to me.
I'm like hey, why are yourubbing it to me?
Speaker 2 (03:31):
He would literally be like why are you over here?
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Look at all this space in the hallway Bruh Like
look all this space.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
But I wanted to touch you.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Yeah, that was probably the hardest habit for
me to start.
It makes a lot of sense, but Ithink it helps save our marriage
.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Absolutely, I needed it.
I am a toucher, I am a feeler.
It is one of my strong love.
Languages is physical touch,like I can firmly say.
It is a necessity for me tofeel connected to you and close
to you.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
I have to have touch.
If you guys haven't heard thatone episode we talked about many
episodes ago I already said it,Dan and Lee she's like a puppy.
She's like a puppy, like alittle, tiny little chihuahua
that just wants to be pet, touch, rubbed, all that stuff.
I'm like where do you like it?
(04:30):
Right, so she's like, but thatwas honestly the hardest habit
for me to start is just gettingused to just touching you all
the time or just rubbing you ortapping you or something like
that, knowing that and for usmen, you know, you know it's, I
guess for most men, um, I know,for me and my kind, um, touching
is supposed to lead to onething.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
But that's where I get confused.
So then why don't y'all want todo it more?
Because y'all think about thatthing all the time?
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Because, first of all , I feel like and this I know
this will be debatable, but Ifeel like, when it comes to sex,
that you are the key holder ofit.
You determine if we're going tohave it or not, because some
days I don't even know what moodyou in and then, depending on
the time of the month, dependingon where the moon's at True,
(05:13):
but I'm saying is that if youtouch me more to lead up to it,
the green light would be on moreoften.
Yeah, but babe, think about it.
Okay, I go.
Okay, it could be early in themorning.
You're in the kitchen makinglunch for the kids.
I walk past you.
You know I tap you, which thathappens most almost every day.
Yes, right, you're probablythinking wait, did you hear me?
(05:36):
I said thank you oh you'rewelcome, which it is a habit
that I had to adopt.
But I love doing it because Ilove making you happy and I love
filling your tank and I cantell when it fills your tank
literally because you do like ahuge sigh Like Danley's like.
Every time I walk past her andI tap her, she's like it's so
true guys, he's not lying, it'svery true.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
It's like I can get like so tense and like hyped up
and I'm stressed out and if hejust does that, then I'm like
okay, it decompresses her tolike a whole nother level.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
We're sitting in the car right and I'm just driving,
and I'll put my hand on her lapand I'll hear her go.
The best part, though, is whenI pump like is when I pump fake
you, it's true, I act like I'mputting my hand on her lap and
she goes to reach for it and Igo to scratch my nose or
something like that.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
So mean Okay, but like.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
For me it was hard because, you know, I was
conditioned in my head I don'tknow if it was from movies or
from TV shows or from theculture of this world and the
things that they tell you to doand show you how to do, right,
in sitcoms.
Right, you know, in my head Ithink touching is going to lead
to sex.
Right, you know, and it's notan explicit thought, right, it's
just somewhere in the back ofmy just think like, ok, let me
(06:52):
fill up a tank, right, but thatcan happen in the early in the
day and later on a day I coulddo one thing that just pisses
you off.
That's it, it's over.
I already know I'll try againtomorrow.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Okay, that was your hardest one.
What's your easiest like?
What was the easiest one thatyou implemented, but that you
still feel like it has a strongimpact on our marriage?
Speaker 1 (07:15):
The easiest one, um, the easiest habit that I've had
to start and adopt was justtelling you that I love you,
Because I didn't grow up in ahouse where we showed affection.
Growing up Like we didn't, wedidn't say I love you.
You know, um, that's, that'snot even really a phrase in
(07:38):
Creole, right.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
You know, it's a phrase in French.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
But but anyways, I'm not a victim of that Right.
You know, I've seen likesomeone dropped in um in our
comments and say that guy's sucha victim.
I'm not a victim of that Right,um, but I'm fully aware of how
I was conditioned and I've madea decision to not live like that
.
So I'm not considering and sayI wasn't raised like that.
I wasn't raised like that, butthat's not my condition now,
(08:01):
because I've married you, I madethe decision to realize, like
she needs to know every singleday that I love her.
So, whether it's me just sayinglove you, kissing you goodbye,
saying love you, at night sayinglove you, or randomly while
we're texting, say love you, oreven when you post something on
Instagram and for me to send youheart eyes.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
Right, true, just to say love you or whatever, or the
water emoji, because you know,babe oh my god right you always
um, that that would be theeasiest habit.
That I think wasn't a good one.
It wasn't a problem for me.
Let me ask you, okay, what foryou?
What was the hardest habit foryou that you had to?
Speaker 2 (08:44):
start.
So one thing that we do foryears since we got married is
that we work out together, and Ican say for about 10 of the 14
years of our marriage I hatedworking out.
(09:04):
Yeah, I hated it when we firstgot married, do you remember?
First of all, when we first gotmarried, we gained like a lot
of weight.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
Yeah, 20, 30 pounds we both just kind of Newlyweds
and just like, heck yeah, wewere eating.
I mean, bruh, it's like PizzasTaco Bell.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
We finally had our own place.
Hawaiian Punch own place.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Hawaiian punch.
Yeah, man, we were just eatingall the crap Red Doritos, blue
Doritos, all the Doritos, thePurple Doritos, hey them, things
still smack hard.
Fire Still going to the best.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
So we gained a lot of weight.
So we started working out.
You were doing like insanity.
You remember that?
Uh-huh, yeah, like P90X and youwould work out in the afternoon
which would make me so angry,like I don't want to work out at
three o'clock in the afternoon,I want to take a nap at three
o'clock in the afternoon.
So anyways, all to say, weimplemented and we knew that it
was a necessity to take care ofour health and to work out, and
(09:55):
for 10 years I did that.
While I hated it Right, I stillhated it.
And I remember telling Jordan,our son, one time, like like I'm
going to the gym.
And he was like why?
Because you like it like daddy.
And I was like, nope, actuallyI don't like it like daddy, but
I know it's important to takecare of my body and to be
healthy for my family and for myhusband.
Now, in the last four to fiveyears now, I've started to enjoy
(10:18):
it.
I do love lifting weights.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
I Dula feeling strong and taking care of my body.
So it's different now, but thatwas one of, like, the hardest
um habit to really be consistentwith over the last 15 years.
Um, you know, it's funnybecause us just talking about
these habits, I remember um howit evolved, right?
I remember when um like I'd goto the gym and you weren't there
.
Or I remember when you'd hearme other room doing Insanity for
all the millennials Y'all knowwhat I'm talking about.
All the Gen Xers, Y'all knowwhat I'm talking about with P90X
, Insanity, T25, all theBeachbody stuff.
(10:58):
All the Gen Zers like, what isP90X?
What kind of code is that?
Relax, Okay, it's something.
It's something that we will put.
It's a dvd, dvd.
You can put it in a dvd player.
It looks like a blu-ray player.
You still don't even know whatthat is and we can go skip
chapters until you know whatever.
So but I remember us starting todo it together and that brought
(11:20):
us closer like I feel like mostcouples, people who've done it
for a long time, it's just likeoh, he just does his thing, um,
or I you know, I've heard thatright from from older couples,
you know or I hear guys say likeyou know, yeah, man, you know,
she, she just has her own thinggoing on and you know, I just do
my thing.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
And to me I'm like I, I just I remember at a point I
didn't want you to be a roommate.
I think I remember a lot ofrelationships at that time too
that were around us where it wasmore common for the guy to
actually work out and the wifedidn't.
So the wife would start gainingweight or get pregnant or have
a baby, and then she just wasn'ttaking care of herself.
(11:59):
But the husband all of a suddenis getting swole, losing weight
, body fat, muscles, up allthese things.
And I remember us having theseconversations of like, wait, as
the like, as the husband, as thehead of the house, as your
husband, your wife's mate, likeencourage her, cheer her on.
And I remember you doing thatfor me.
(12:19):
Like I remember you being likecome on, baby, we got this.
And a lot of times I wanted tothrow a punch at you, but it
worked.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
After several years I realized the whole P90X
insanity stuff wasn't workingright.
So my goal was to encourage you.
That was a habit that Ihonestly picked up, I'd say a
few years into our marriage wasI did not want to be the husband
, I was just like man, you knowmy wife, she just does her own
thing.
To me I'm like, even if you'regoing to do your own thing, I
could encourage you.
So you started getting to likeCrossFit, right, you started
(12:49):
getting like.
You got like a gym membershipwhile I was working out at home.
But my goal was like, if that'swhat it takes, I'll even show
up with you if I needed to.
I didn't need to for the firstfew years.
And here's why we're sharing allthis, you guys, because some
people might be listening andsay, man, they're making such a
really big deal about this.
(13:09):
They're emphasizing these arethe things for us, these small
little habits, stuff that wedecided to do together to save
our marriage.
I've heard stories of like youjust said the guy starts doing
his own thing, girl starts doingher own thing.
They go to the gym at separatetimes every single day.
They meet new people and yougrow apart.
(13:30):
So when you hear stories ofpeople saying like we were
married for umpteen years or 20something years and we grew
apart.
That's a real thing, man.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Well, and to boil it down to even more of a
foundation, it's literally howwe chose to build our life
together.
It's how we built the, the lifebetween Pierre and Danny Lee
Airstill.
This is our family and this ishow we build our life together.
This is how we decided tochoose to ride in the same car,
(13:57):
like if you were at work and Iwas at work and we were going to
oh, actually, let's meet athome, so that then we could take
one car to go to the grocerystore instead of just meeting at
the grocery store and drivingseparate the whole time.
Like there were just thingsthat we were intentional about
of being together.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
It was how we built our life together, we do
everything together, and I lovethat you mentioned that point,
cause that's so true.
Anytime there's an opportunityfor us to stick to one car, we
do it, even if one person got todrive extra miles.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Or we have to go.
One has to go earlier than theother.
We still do it so that we havetime in the car together.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Oh yeah we stay together, like when we go to
church.
There's some days where I haveto go to church maybe two, three
hours earlier than you, right?
And obviously we have kids.
Some people are saying, well,they don't have kids.
We do have kids, right.
And if you don't know if wehave kids, check us out on
Instagram.
If you're watching this onYouTube, hit the links, hit the
link tree, tiktok, instagram,let's connect.
All right, but there's times.
(14:54):
I remember there was one time Ihad to go to church early.
I had to be there at seven andyou didn't have to be there till
10.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
Right, and there's been other times where you had
to be there early, right, and Ididn't have to be there till
like nine.
Yeah, but I remember us talkingabout it like man.
It's just not worth us goingseparate, having two cars while
we have little kids.
We want to build healthy habitsand we've made it a point to
really decide on where does itmatter most for us to stay
(15:24):
together.
There's never a time wherethat's not a factor.
We're going to always choose tostay together, yeah, unless
it's a time where, like, okay,the later on a day is going to
be crazy, or we're going to betogether later on in the day, or
you had to work late the nightbefore, right, there are some
situations here and there.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Yeah, there's some situations.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
Right, but for the most part it's always going to
be let's stay together, let'sstay in the same car Another
habit that, speaking of carsthat we've adopted we still sit
in the car, sometimes like we'redating.
It's true.
There's times there'll be longdays y'all, and we'll get to the
(16:01):
house, we'll sit in the car andDaly and I will just sit there,
sometimes close to an hour,just talking about life, just
like when we were dating.
So true.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Which, even when you're traveling, those
conversations on the phone, likewhen you're out for work, like
(16:32):
out for the weekend, and youcall me and we will in love, and
all of that.
That's on episodes two.
There's two, part one and parttwo Go check it out but we talk
about like we started longdistance and so when you're
traveling, I'm at home with thekids and we are just catching up
of like what's going on, what'sthis, what's that?
Like I love those momentsbecause I do know that those
(16:52):
were the beginning stages of ourrelationship.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Yeah, I'm going to go ahead and make a confession
right now.
I'm scared.
I'm going to make a confessionright now.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
What's happening?
Speaker 1 (17:04):
I'm going to make a confession right now.
What are you doing?
You remember, a couple of weeksago, it was a Sunday and I had
to go play a gig.
Yes, and I got out of the gig.
It was about nine o'clock.
Dan and Lee just put the kidsdown, yep, and I called you.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
And the drive from there, and it was LA to Orange
County, right, so it was aboutan hour drive.
Maybe that night could havebeen like 50 minutes.
And I called you and we stayedon the phone the whole time.
Remember that, yep, I calledyou and we stayed on the phone
the whole time.
Remember that, yep, it feltgood y'all, it felt like we were
dating all over again.
I'm driving from location A toB and here's the wild thing I'm
(17:43):
driving to her.
Right, right, I'm driving toyou that night.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
And you saw me that morning.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
It's not like we weren't gone the whole day.
Yeah, we're with each other allday, except for those few hours
that I had to go do this gig.
So I'm driving back home and,um, the reason why I stayed on
the phone with you that wholetime, because I didn't want you
to fall asleep, because, um,your boy was trying to yeah, I
needed you to stay up.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
It worked, because otherwise I would have went
straight to bed and be like I'mgoing to sleep.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
Hey, I would have woke you up too.
I'm sorry, I just laughed sohard, but you know what it felt
great, though, just being on thephone.
That's one of the habits thatwe do too, like we don't get
tired of each other.
We don't get tired of being onthe phone.
Sometimes we're just, it's justsmall talk.
Remember back when we weredating?
Nothing, how was your day?
I'm like man.
You asked me already.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Yeah, I think that's one thing that I love to.
It's one of the things that Icherish so much about marriage
is that, at the end of the day,you really are my person.
You're my person that I want totalk to the most, that I want
to share my dreams with the mostthat I want to.
I mean, you've been with me,and a lot of times in the last
(18:54):
few months my brain is like Idon't know what it's doing, and
so I'm like, hey, I need help,I'm stuck, or I'm overthinking,
or I'm doing this or I'm doingthat.
Like you're the person that Iwant to be.
Like, why am I thinking this?
What do I do?
How do I approach the situation?
Like, at the end of the day,you are my person.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Yeah, that's, that's what it is, and you know what?
Even talking about that isinteresting, because it's so
easy to make each other socommon and get so used to each
other that sometimes it feelslike we're each other's enemy,
like we're against each other.
That happened a couple weeksago.
Like you know, you werefrustrated with me about
(19:32):
something and I remember, likewhen I finally had to tell you
I'm like babe, like you do know,I'm on your side, right.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
Right.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
Like, if there's anyone you shouldn't be mad at
or frustrated with or thinkingthat they're against you, it's
me.
I'm the person that you shouldnot be against, right Like I'm
for you, and I think whathappens is sometimes just in
marriages it's easy to beirritated with the person that's
the closest to us.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
For sure.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
And it's so easy for us to open up to everyone else
in the world and not to our truepartner.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
Right, and it's easy to take out our frustrations on
the people that are closest tous.
So it's easy for me to be rudeto you, short with you,
frustrated with you, becauseyou're just always there, like
when you take somebody forgranted sometimes.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Another habit that we do, that we've um, that we've
really determined that it'ssaved our marriage, saved our
lives, is um we integrate, likeeverything that we do.
We share all of our ideas witheach other.
We share even the hobbies,things that we do so like, like,
if I'm reading a book, like, Ican't wait to tell Danny Lee
(20:40):
about it and I can't wait toencourage her read this book
with me.
Remember that one time I triedto turn us into minimalist.
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
That one, he did not, he did not.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
It backfired, cause I went straight into like
minimalism he sure did.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
it backfired because I went straight into like
minimalism.
He sure did.
He started throwing things away, right away.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
I came home and I was like yo, we need to throw
everything away, we got too muchstuff.
We got too much stuff.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
I was panicking.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Y2K is going to come right around the corner all over
again and she's like where'sthis all coming from?
Speaker 2 (21:17):
I was like man, I got into like the minimalist
podcast and I'm realizing shethought I joined a cult.
I did, and you just did not goabout it the right way at all.
But fast forward 10 years andyou're like hey, babe, I'm
reading this really cool book,you should read it along with me
.
Yep, and we are reading RichDad, poor Dad together.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Right.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Although I'm going much slower than you, yeah
because I'm done with the bookalready.
I can't.
I've literally drift off inthat book.
It's hard for me to focus.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
But it's a game changer all in all it.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
it's different though , because with this one, when
you mentioned something out ofthat book, I'm like, oh yeah, I
do remember that part, or ohyeah, I was getting to that part
.
I understand the thoughtprocess behind what you're
saying, as opposed to theminimalist when you came home
and you just wanted to throweverything away and we don't
need none of it, and I'm like,but we do need it yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
So we had to really build a habit of sharing all the
new things that we're gettingfor ourselves with each other.
Right, even if I started doingresearch on intermittent fasting
, right, I'm like, yo, there's anew way to like lose weight, or
there's a new way to likemaintain muscle, there's a new
way to get lean or to get cut.
So I'm like I do, I'm doing allthese researching and I start
(22:20):
doing it.
Right, that's not the right wayto do it.
So we formulated a habit ofjust like before we get into
anything, sharing with eachother hey, I've been researching
.
Or hey, I've been looking intothis new idea or this thought,
or yo, there's a new album thatI'm listening to.
I love this record, I love thismusic.
This is what I listen to in thegym.
Babe, check it out too.
Now, obviously, I know you'renot gonna listen to everything.
(22:41):
I listen to the gym becausesometimes I listen to classical
music so weird or like it's likeserial killer vibes yeah, it'd
be wildand you won't listen to
everything I listen to that'sfine, but there's some things
that we do share.
Right, we do share.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
I think a lot of it too.
Honestly, just to be clear, Iknow that relationships you like
somebody may be watching thisand being like, of course, I'm
going to share what I listen toand what I do and what I talk
about, but it's more about beingintentional Right, that's
that's what we're saying.
Of like you may share thefavorite show with with a person
you're dating or you're marriedto Right, got it.
(23:18):
But like being intentional ofhow do you incorporate this book
or this podcast or somethingyou're learning about?
How, how do you grow together?
If you're growing in an area,don't just grow by yourself.
Bring your partner along andbring them into it.
Like that's what we're saying.
Of encouraging you to beintentional with those things,
because you're not going to bethe same person and the last
(23:41):
thing that you want to happen isthat you married for 20 years
and realize y'all are differentpeople and that's because you
did grow apart.
You literally grew apart andyou didn't grow alongside each
other.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
Yeah, yeah, it's been .
It's been a cool journey, justthe last few months of us really
tapping into it, digging intothis whole thing of like,
marriage and relationships, like, what does it look like?
And this applies to all of ourareas of our relationships, even
with us as parents yeah, like,you know what I mean?
Raising our kids, right, it'seasy for us to say, well, here's
how we're going to do it.
Well, here's how my mom did itwith me.
(24:14):
Oh Lord Like.
Or you're like.
Well, here's how your mom didto me, I like.
And our moms are two differentpeople.
So we have to come into thisand say, okay, whatever you
thought in your mind, whateveryou had in your mind, drop it,
forget it and let's us talkabout it and build our own
habits.
Speaking of kids, right?
Um, this is going to soundreally weird.
Some people are going to say,like, why did he say that?
(24:35):
One of the easy and hardesthabits that we've worked really
hard is the schedules that wehave with our children and we
work really hard to raise ourkids together.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Meaning like I'm not turning my kids against you.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
And you're not turning the kids against me,
right?
We're not saying, oh, you knowhow your mom is, or you know,
that's just a, this is howdaddy's going to do it, right,
so we drop those habits.
We drop those habits, like Iwant the kids to respect you and
vice versa.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Whatever your dad said, what did your dad say?
Speaker 1 (25:08):
What did your dad tell you?
Whatever your dad said.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Cause cause.
Sometimes those kids will beasking one parent and then they
go ask the other parent, and ifyou're a parent, you know that
your kids do that.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Yo, they try to turn us against each other.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
They sure do.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
And so for us, we made a habit of like, nah, nah,
nah, nah, nah, nah we're on thesame team.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
It's actually us against them, to be honest.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Absolutely, Absolutely.
I was about to say some wordsthat I shouldn't be saying here
on on the Lord's podcast.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
Praise the Lord.
Another thing is we put them tobed together, like we pray with
them the night, like at nightbefore bed.
We do that together.
Can one person do it Absolutely, and there are plenty of nights
where it is one of us.
But if we're both home we bothstop what we're doing to talk to
the kids.
(25:56):
I love asking the kids like thefavorite part of their day and
their worst part of their day.
It just gets them to open upand talk and, especially man,
those kids can talk beforebedtime.
Sometimes they talk more beforebedtime than they did the
entire day but needless to sayit's something we do together.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Yeah, we do that together, we.
We sit with them at night andwe pray together.
We pray together Like we teachour kids how to pray.
And yeah, you're right, man,like it's easy for just me to go
in there and do it by myselfand you to do, and there's some
nights like that's just thenatural temptation of just like.
I can hear you putting the kidsdown and they're doing just
fine, so I could just stay outhere and live and do my thing.
(26:38):
And I have to work really hardto not build that habit and stop
what I'm doing, even if I haveto kiss them goodnight, go in
there, say a quick prayer or ifI'm jumping in on the back end
of the prayer, like you knowwhat I mean.
For me, I'm like those habitsare very important for us, like
we determine the pathways of ourkids, like you know what I mean
.
And so I felt, I felt honestly,I'm, I'm, I'm happy of where we
(27:01):
are right now with what we'redoing, like with the kids, and
I'm grateful that God has givenus wisdom on how to raise these
children together.
Like you know what I mean.
Um, something else that we do,guys, um, in our marriage, in
our relationship, is we end allof our days together yep every
(27:24):
single day.
We end it together.
Unless I'm like traveling,we're still gonna end it
together, it's true whether it'sover the phone right where you
like.
you hear me falling asleep.
There's times like I'mtraveling and we're literally
just on the phone, fallingasleep with each other.
We always end our days togather Um, we're going to, we're
(27:45):
going to give that last tiphere in a second, but even our
last hour of the day, we'll putthe kids down, we'll pray
together as a family and you andI will get on this couch and
we'll just sit right here.
We do all kinds of things onthis couch, but we're not going
to?
Speaker 2 (28:00):
Oh my gosh, what's wrong with you today?
Why do we keep going there?
Speaker 1 (28:05):
Yeah, because after this recording, here we're going
.
Ok, I'm just sitting on my team.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
We also like sometimes literally we'll just
sit here and talk in the dark.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
We will sit in the dark.
We will sit in the dark, youand I, and we just talk about
the day.
We talk about what frustratedus, we talk about what
encouraged us.
We talked about whatrevelations God has given to us.
We talked about what's on ourheart.
Like we, we share everything.
We talk about the plan fortomorrow.
We just sit there, honestly, weliterally talk ourselves asleep
(28:36):
, sometimes Most of the timethere's some seasons.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
Actually, last night I straight fell asleep on the
couch talking to you.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
Yeah, you did, I did.
Yeah, you straight up didEverything.
There's a drool stain rightthere on the couch and you know
what?
There's some seasons, man, orthere's some seasons, where
there's like a series on TV thatwe're like we're really into
right that time when we're intolike Walking Dead, which took
like eight years to finishLiterally stupid show you know
(29:01):
there's all these shows thatwe're into and there's some
seasons where those shows arejust distractions for us.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
And we know that just sitting time together, sitting
together, is quality time andthat's more important.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
Honestly, since the top of this year we have not
watched shows after the kidsgone to bed.
We've just talked.
Since January it kind ofstarted during a fast that we
started which is something we dowith our church at the top of
the year to just really focus inand listen to the Lord and
really just start out the yearin a different mindset and focus
(29:34):
spirituality.
And so we started that at thetop of this year and ever since
then it's like we've never goneback to putting the TV on after
the kids go to bed.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
Yeah, and it's honestly.
Watching a TV show is nice.
Sometimes it's a cool thing todo together, but sometimes it's
a bad habit.
Sometimes it's a way to burywhat you guys should really be
doing is talking, and it's it'slike going to the movies and
we're mad at each other.
We're going to watch this movieand the common denominator was
the movie.
Yeah, so we're talking, butwe're not really talking.
(30:04):
Hey, I don't know if I told youguys this, but a couple of days
ago, dan Lee was mad at me forlike eight days.
Eight days Yo she was mad, andyou know.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Eight days.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
But here's why I'm bringing it up right, we're not
going to talk about that.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
I think that's going to be another episode.
Speaker 1 (30:27):
What I'm talking about is we went eight days and
we were still interacting.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
Sure, but we weren't really talking.
We were not really talking, weweren't connecting, but we were
interacting and we wereparenting together and we were
doing the things we need to dofor our lives Paying bills in
the car together.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
We're going to church together.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
You know, we're on a stage together, we're taking
care of the kids, we're pickingthem up, we're going to the gym
Like we're paying bills.
We're doing all these things,we're interacting, and I think a
lot of people think, man, youknow we have a good life.
Well, here's what I, that youguys were doing together, and
it's just you two together.
Would you still be in love?
(31:06):
Would you still enjoy eachother's company?
And for us to cut out movies,to cut out TV, to sit here in
the dark bro at night for anhour to just talk, that makes me
happy because that lets merealize like we enjoy each
other's company.
We're not talking about thekids.
Speaker 2 (31:19):
Right.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
We're not just enjoying a common entertainment.
We're enjoying a show, right,because there's some times we
can sit here and watch a showand straight up just enjoy it,
but we're pissed at each other.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
Right I think a lot of women will know this too of
the closeness and that emotionalconnection with our spouses is
really what makes the difference, Because when there's that
space and that gap, it can sitthere for a long time.
That's what happened when itsat there for eight days and I
(31:51):
hated it, but it was sittingthere for eight days so I can
interact with you, but I gotplenty of space in between.
It's six feet.
Six feet away from me Like itwas there and it sat there until
that night when we went to bedtogether.
And then I was like eight dayslater, there's two incidences.
(32:13):
We're not going to talk aboutit, but there's two incidences
in eight days.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
We're going to talk about it, but not right now in
this conversation because we dowant to help.
We do want to help people onconflict resolution.
Right, when there is tension,when there is conflict and it
goes a couple of days, right,how do we resolve it?
You know, there's somequestions that we always ask and
I'll say this right now A habitthat we've added when it comes
to when we have conflict is, atthe end, we always ask each
(32:39):
other what do you need me to dofor you?
Yeah, what do you need?
Speaker 2 (32:42):
from me.
What do you need me to do foryou?
Speaker 1 (32:43):
Yeah, what do you need from me?
What do you need from me?
What do you want different fromme, so that this doesn't happen
again?
Right, and that's us workingtogether.
But, man, we've been lovingthis journey, man.
It's been really cool man Justbuilding a life together.
It's been nice and it's noteasy.
It's not all roses.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
It's not all peaches have to like put your pride down
to be a part of some of thesehabits, to take part in some of
these habits.
Sometimes I don't want to dothose things.
I don't want to go to the gym.
I don't want to put that spacein between me and you and fix it
and tell you why I'm mad at youand I'd rather just let that
space sit there.
Sometimes, like there's so manythings, sometimes I don't want
(33:21):
to put the kids to bed with you.
I want to go take a shower orwhatever it is, cause I've been
with them all day, like there'scertain things, there's a lot of
parts of this that are justinconvenient, but it's literally
putting your pride down andyourself down to be like no,
this is what's best for ourmarriage, to keep us connected,
to keep us on the same page, tokeep us building our life
(33:44):
together, because that's what'smore important than serving
myself, than doing what I wantto do, than doing what I feel
like doing.
In this moment, I'm going todecide.
I'm going to do what's best forour marriage and for our family
, and so I think the biggest onewe should say is the biggest
one that has changed ourmarriage that when we switched
(34:05):
this, it switched a lot of stufffor us and that was that we
intentionally go to bed together, and a lot of married couples
they may not think that that's abig deal.
They may not even have athought to it when they end
their day.
For us, it was so easy for youto produce music, work in your
(34:25):
office, working on a track.
You were in the zone I'mwatching TV shows, I'm doing
whatever I want to do.
It was so easy to end the dayseparately.
I'm going to go to sleep at 10,10, 30, sometimes nine, nine,
30.
You're going to stay up tillone, two o'clock in the morning
producing a track.
It's very easy for us to do itseparately, but when we made the
(34:47):
decision that we go to bedtogether, it really, really gave
us so many opportunities to notonly connect in a physical way.
Blah, blah, blah.
I know you guys talk about it,but I love talking about it.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
I know you love talking about it, like why
talking about sex is souncomfortable for you?
Speaker 2 (35:05):
It's not.
I know you love talking aboutit.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
Why talking about sex is so uncomfortable for you,
it's not I, just you do it often.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
Yeah, because we do it often yes, that's true, okay,
but so, yes, going to bedtogether gives that opportunity.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
Almost every day, by the way Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
Okay, thank you so much that it's there.
But even when I was mad at youfor eight days, that was the
moment we were just laying inbed.
We're not asleep yet, we'rejust laying in bed, lights are
off, it's dark.
That was the moment when I wasfinally able to tell you why I
was mad at you for eight days.
There was a thing a few monthsago.
(35:40):
I don't remember what it was,but I had really been carrying
the weight of something.
I was really sad aboutsomething and like you were like
are you good?
And I just burst into tears andit was something that I was
just emotionally going throughand I couldn't let it out.
I couldn't share it with you.
Until it was that moment.
You're just vulnerable, you'resleepy, you're in your bed and
(36:03):
like, lights are off, house isquiet, and I just burst out into
tears that I was upset aboutsomething.
So it has become such a bondmoment, a bonding moment for us.
It is pivotal for our marriagethat we go to bed together.
It's so different, too, like ifyou stay up and work and I go
(36:25):
to bed, like there's so manythings I feel like that are left
up in the air that we didn'ttalk about, we didn't connect on
, we didn't connect physically.
And then I just see you next inthe morning.
You're tired because you stayedup and worked too late.
Like it's just a game changerfor us, yeah it is and I
recommend every single marriedcouple.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
If you're married right now and you're watching
this, I'm going to challenge you.
Number one challenge right nowIf you're not going to bed
together, change that right now.
It is a game changer.
It changed our life, us comingtogether.
Our first two years of marriagewe went to bed together, maybe
once or twice.
Speaker 2 (36:57):
Yeah, we didn't do it .
Speaker 1 (36:58):
But we saw how we just grew apart.
Right, it was the things, ourhabits, things that we're doing,
how we were eating, how we weredieting, working out fitness,
spiritual walk, right, mentalhealth it all is attached to how
much we are attached to eachother in a healthy way.
Yeah, right, we complete eachother.
(37:18):
Right, it's not 50 percent me,it's not 50 percent you, it's a
100 percent me and it's 100% youto create what we have and us.
Ending our day together haschanged our life and it's
honestly saved our marriage.
Even when we're upset with eachother, even when we're
frustrated with each other,we'll still go to bed with each
other.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
It's so true, even when we're still mad.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
Yeah, because to us it's a habit and it's a choice.
It's a choice that the momentyou start doing it once, twice,
three times you get used to itand it's a thing man couples,
straight up do it, and I'm notI'm not judging anyone who does
that, but I'm telling you islike it's a next level in your,
in your relationship, whenyou're able to make the decision
and say, yo, we're going to endevery day together, whether,
(38:02):
even if it's long distance,right, even when we're dating
long distance we started a habitthen and when we're traveling
like if I'm traveling, we stillend our day together You're
still the last person I'mtalking to on the phone, like
I'm not calling you and callingsomebody else which I'm doing,
that it better not be a chick.
It's going to be one of myhomeboys or someone that I had
to call back, but most of thetime that will not be the case.
Right, you will most likely bethe last person, right, that I
(38:25):
talked to other than god, like alot of times, like when we're
laying there in bed, like myfinal thoughts yeah it's as I'm
talking with the lord right, butgoing to bed together changed
our life and it saved ourmarriage it really did, because
we didn't for the first twoyears yeah, sleeping is when
you're the most vulnerable inthe day yeah, right, think about
(38:48):
it, right.
You know I'm in my draws, youand your draws, for people to
like what are draws.
It's your undergarments, allright, okay you're undergarments
it's your undergarments, right,but think about it you're in
the dark.
Speaker 2 (39:04):
Right.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
Like you're half naked in your drawers.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
The house is freezing .
Speaker 1 (39:09):
The house is freezing .
Speaker 2 (39:11):
Freezing guys.
The door is closed.
Speaker 1 (39:12):
It keeps it freezing cold, yeah, man, because you
know we can snuggle more whenit's cold.
There it is, we can snuggle, goto.
So we get to do all that stuff,all that fun married stuff,
married stuff.
But we share intimate momentsthere, yeah, right.
We share emotional momentsthere, spiritual moments there,
(39:35):
right.
There's moments where we havesome of our most sacred moment
as a couple is right there, thelast few minutes of the day when
we're talking there like itchanged our life and we kept
that and we keep it holy, wekeep it sacred.
It's something that's veryclose to our heart and we know
that God has designed it thatway.
Um, yeah, man, I love thistopic.
I love this topic.
I will say this Um, I'll closewith this.
(39:57):
Okay, what is the habit that wewant to take on that we want to
add that we haven't been doing?
I'll tell you right now mine.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (40:12):
It's longer kisses and longer hugs.
Speaker 2 (40:16):
Um cause I sent you that thing on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
Yeah, but that really hit me hard.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
I was like I was like yeah, I sent him a thing the
other day that said it was astatistic that said that men
that kiss their wives for sixseconds before they leave work
every day were average to livefour years longer than husbands
that did not kiss their wivesevery day.
And so I sent that to you andthen now.
(40:44):
But it's a scientific factabout the oxytocin in your brain
after the amount of like fourto five seconds or whatever.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
So that's why they're saying like kiss till six
seconds yeah, six seconds, man,that thing it's long, that thing
is long it's not like a peck,especially if it's like the
milliseconds or not milliseconds, like mississippi,
mississippi's, six mississippikisses.
that's long, but you know whatit is?
Long challenge accepted.
I do want and I did start acouple days ago.
You did so, so I'm not justsitting here on youtube for the
(41:14):
first time saying it like, right, when I received that, I
thought it, I put it in my heartand I was like you know what?
Like I love my wife and I dowant to get closer to her.
And I know you're a toucherer, Iknow that's your love language,
you know my love language, youknow.
For those of you guys, you knowwe've talked about love
language a couple of episodesago.
It's quality time and it'swords, right, but quality time
means so much to me, like goodquality time.
(41:37):
That's why I'm not a smalltalker.
Like if we're not having a realconversation, I love you, but
if we're not talking aboutanything there, we're not
talking about anything like um,and so for you it's touch, and
so for me, the habit that I wantto take on and get better at
and start adding to my life inour relationship is longer
(41:58):
kisses and longer hugs.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
I love that Cause it really does make me feel so much
more connected to you.
Yeah, I think that the habitthat I would love to incorporate
more.
I'm kind of torn, but we'vereally been slipping on date
nights lately.
Our schedule has been so upsidedown with my work schedule.
(42:23):
We almost on opposite workschedules, so on Friday nights
or Saturday nights I'm exhaustedbecause those are my busiest
work days and then it's justhard to do date nights any other
time.
But they're so important andnecessary and so we need to get
back onto that schedule of likemaking them priority yeah,
(42:48):
priority right.
Speaker 1 (42:49):
That's true, because right now we're in a season
especially, as you know, weserve the church.
We spend a lot of our times,you know, dating other couples,
like going on dates with othercouples.
You're spending a lot of timethere.
You're doing a lot of girl timewith the girls that you're
leading and walking with anddiscipling, and same with me
with the guys that I'm walkingwith and we're passionate about
(43:09):
those, but like we have to makeus a priority before everybody
else Hands down.
Yeah, thank you guys for jumpinginto this conversation today.
We enjoy these conversationsbecause it strengthens us and we
hope that it strengthens youtoo as well.
As you guys know this channel,honestly, it's all about
building strong relationships.
It's about digging out thosebad roots, those bad habits
(43:33):
that's formulated or cultivatedin your life, and really
planting good seeds seeds wherewe can see really good fruit in
our lives.
And so God has called us tolove him.
Love him.
He's called us to love othersas we love ourselves, and so the
only way you're going to beable to love yourself is if you
know who really love is, andthat's God.
And he's called us to love eachother.
(43:53):
And so this is us growingtogether, this is us digging
together, this is us going tothe next level together.
And so, if these conversationshave brought life to you like
again, we hear us say this allthe time Our goal is not to go
viral, our goal is to give value.
If you feel like this is givingvalue to you, I want to
encourage you hit that likebutton.
You don't have to evensubscribe yet, but you're not
going to miss anything out, evenif you do subscribe.
(44:14):
Send this to someone that youfeel like this can change their
lives, talk back to us, send usa message and let's continue to
dig.
Love y'all Peace.
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