April 8, 2025 • 33 mins
We unpack the truth about unforgiveness and its destructive impact on our mental, physical, and spiritual wellbeing, offering paths to freedom through genuine forgiveness.
• Signs you may be harboring unforgiveness: arguing with people in your head, feeling your joy disappear when they enter a room, constantly replaying past hurts
• Scientific evidence shows unforgiveness affects physical health through higher blood pressure, weakened immune system, and increased stress
• Forgiveness is not about excusing behavior but preventing others' actions from destroying your heart
• The paradox of unforgiveness: while you think you're holding someone else prisoner, you're actually imprisoning yourself
• Practical steps to overcome unforgiveness: acknowledge it, pray for strength, choose grace over grudges, set healthy boundaries
• Personal stories of forgiveness journeys emphasize that forgiveness benefits the forgiver more than the forgiven
We encourage you to examine your heart for any unforgiveness you might be carrying. Release it not just for others' sake, but for your own freedom and healing. Let's keep digging, believing, and building strong relationships together.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What's up y'all?
Welcome back to let's Dig thePodcast.
Today we will be having a verysensitive conversation.
We're going to be talking aboutthe truth, about unforgiveness.
I know for me I didn't realizethat I had unforgiveness in my
heart towards other people, andhere's some signs right, you
look at somebody that you didn'tknow that you weren't forgiving
them, that every time you sawthem you found yourself arguing
(00:20):
with them in your head.
Right, you felt like your joyjust left the room.
Right, you feel you findyourself reminiscing back to the
time that altercation happened.
But here's the thing aboutunforgiveness you have to
understand that unforgivenessactually forgiving someone is
like releasing somebody fromjail, all to discover that that
person from jail was actuallyyou.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
That's so good.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
That's the thing about unforgiveness, because you
think, or like that old sayingwhere they say, like um,
forgiving someone right orunforgiveness is like drinking
poison, and they say, but hopingthat the other person dies,
right, it's an old saying, butit makes a lot of sense because
we think we're going to holdthem hostage and we think
they're going to know what wesaid, they're going to know how
(01:04):
we feel, but for some reason andwe're going to talk about like
the psychological issues too,like what happens to you
mentally, like the depression,anxiety, stress, what happens
when that person that you're inconflict with right walks into
the room I think we need to talkabout unforgiveness and the
truth about it.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
I think we should definitely have this
conversation.
But first, if you are here andyou're excited about this
conversation, or you're justglad to be a part of let's Dig
crew, don't forget to like thisvideo, comment, subscribe.
You can even tap that littleheart and send us some thank
yous.
We're always grateful for ourcrew that do that for us, that
just encourage us and let usknow that we are bringing value
(01:43):
to you, because we are here tohelp you grow a deeper
relationship with God, othersand yourself.
Now that's out of the way.
Let's dig.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Let's dig.
I had this thought when we werereally processing this whole
conversation of, really, whatdoes even science say about
unforgiveness in our bodies?
Like what happens to youphysically, emotionally, Like I
wonder how many people areactually getting sick to their
stomach because whatunforgiveness is doing to them
(02:14):
and they don't even realize itEven more than that, like I've.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Honestly, I grew up.
My mom was in the medical fieldand she would tell me how
oftentimes um, certain peoplethat I grew up with, when their
demeanor was more kind of grumpy, angry, uh, they actually often
had more physical ailments.
They had stomach cancer, um,really bad sickness in their
(02:41):
body.
But it wasn't the sickness thatmade them grumpy, it was
actually the, the anger, theresentment, the bitterness
inside of them that actuallydeveloped into a disease.
Like it is proven in scientificstudies that you harboring that
unforgiveness, holding ontothat offense.
(03:04):
They say that your body canphysically, your brain can
physically go through PTSDbecause you're not letting go of
it.
You're reminiscing it over andover and over again.
It says that your bloodpressure can be higher, you can
have more um, your, your immunesystem is lower, so you're more
prone to getting sickness.
Your immune system is lower, soyou're more prone to getting
(03:25):
sickness because your stress ishigh, your anxiety is high, your
depression is often like allthese things, of where your body
, because of the emotional toilthat is, turmoil that it's going
through cannot physicallyrelease it and therefore it
shows up in sickness anddiseases and ailments and other
(03:48):
ways in your body that cause youto get sick more, which is
crazy.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
It is.
And, as you're talking about it, you know it's bringing back a
story.
Did I ever tell you guys astory about that time that I
realized that I hated my olderbrother and we're good now?
We worked it through.
But I know it's just sayingthat I'm sure there's some
people that's like Ooh, that's,that's a big word.
I'm sure that resonates withsome people.
Well, I didn't realize that Ihad hate in my heart towards him
(04:16):
about things that happened inour childhood that I didn't
forgive him for, and I didn'trealize what forgiveness would
actually do to me.
I think people think often thatif they don't forgive someone,
then that person is in prison intheir mind.
But, actually you're the onethat's in prison physically.
You're the one that's in prisonemotionally Because even you
(04:40):
don't have joy, you don't havepeace, you're never content.
Don't have joy, you don't havepeace, you're never content.
Yeah, even that person walksinto the room.
They pop up on social media,you see them around.
You actually sometimes evenhave to change everything about
your being just to act likeyou're okay, it's so true
knowing that you actually justneed to forgive this person.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Not okay, like it keeps you stuck there, yeah,
because you're constant, likebecause you're not letting go,
because you're not moving on.
You're stuck in the same spotthat where they hurt you, you
can't even move on.
They actually are probablymoving on, living their life,
living their life.
May or may not know what theydid to you, but your choice of
(05:18):
holding onto it literally keepsyou stuck at that moment.
I want to read this quote.
It says forgiveness does notexcuse their behavior Cause.
I think that's a lot of where weget caught up of like, but what
they did was not okay andthat's not what this discussion
is about.
Even it's not even about whatdid someone do to you.
(05:38):
Like I didn't ask what yourbrother did to you.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
We're talking about what happened to you, because
you didn't forgive him what itdid to me, because it was my
whole childhood, like there wasjust silly things Like you know.
I don't know if I ever told youguys a story.
I know you know the story of.
There was this one time that Iwas a young kid.
It was a bike that I had.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
I shared this story like you know, I think you did,
I think I shared it before.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
But to all of our new listeners right, anyways, I had
this brand new bike and we'venever had brand new bikes
growing up because there was somany of us in the house, so our
bikes we would get them fromthrift stores.
Broken pieces like thehandlebar and the fork and the
seat all came from differentbikes.
It was just wild, it was justlike, hey, it was a frankenstein
bike all the time afrankenstein bike.
I've never heard that beforeyeah, it's just like you, it's
just body parts.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Yes, that you just take, it makes sense that's all.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
We had everything, so this is brand new.
As it was a huffy bike, it wasnice.
Bro had the pads.
I put some mongoose pads onthere and I need some gt
chromies on it.
Bro, I went in and one day my Iwas just standing there by the
bushes just hanging out enjoyingmy bike.
My older brother comes around,the bush pushes me off, takes my
bike because he was runninglate.
He had to go to his friend'shouse and I never saw the bike
(06:44):
ever again.
So I built this emotional, likeanger towards him and I didn't
realize all these years that Iformed, started feeling like
resentment and hate towards himand never really put my finger
on it.
Cause I'm going to say this, Iwas with someone the other day
and I'm going to say this quoteright now and I want everyone to
(07:04):
understand it Forgetting is notforgiving.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Right.
Forgetting is not forgiving, soyou think, just because you
forgot about it, that you'vejust moved on, that we're all
good.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
It doesn't mean it's healed.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
But if that person is triggering you, there is
something there.
And for so many years my olderbrother would just trigger me
every time I saw him there.
And for so many years my olderbrother would just trigger me
every time I saw him Like I justwould feel resentment, anger,
anxiety, like I wasn't content.
All my peace, the joy, wouldleave the room.
I'd roll my eyes.
(07:36):
All these things.
Well, fast forward.
Several years ago, him and Ifinally reconciled and we worked
things through and we talkedabout it.
We had to go back to those days.
We had to go back to when itfell apart and it was hard work.
We like, like at the end of theday, we didn't have to do this.
But in order for us to move onand live, live our lives in a
healthy way, we have to releasepeople.
And sometimes people think thatI'm going to hang on to this
(07:57):
person because of what they didand you think like they're in
jail.
You're in jail, you need to beset free.
That's the truth about reallywhat unforgiveness does to us.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Like you know what I'm saying.
The statement says forgivenessdoes not excuse their behavior.
Forgiveness prevents theirbehavior from destroying your
heart.
But I think that it is soimportant to know, like I'm not
saying what they did was okay,but I'm saying that what they
did will not have power over meto destroy me and destroy my
(08:28):
heart towards other people,towards other relationships,
towards being open to the nextthing that comes.
Like I'm going to choose thatwhat they did to me was wrong
and I won't ever let them do itagain, but I will refuse to go
forward and let it like bleedover into all of my other
relationships.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Yeah, um, it's.
It's interesting too, becausewe realize when we see people
that are living healthy lives,or we see elderly people living
healthy lives, like one of thethings that you'll notice a lot
of them like they don't holdthings against people.
You just you forgive people.
I tell this to guys all thetime that are interested in
(09:07):
coming into ministry.
I tell them you better beunoffendable.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
It's so true.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Like if you're easily offended, do not work with
people because people will letyou down.
You will be offended and youcan't keep holding on to every
single account Like.
Could you imagine think aboutit, jesus what he had to go
through?
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
And even Jesus talked us.
He talks us through it.
He's like forgive them, butwhat if they do it again?
Forgive them again 70 times 7.
70 times 7.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Every single day.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
You just like we just keep forgiving, and you realize
like forgiving is not just forthem.
And that's what I really havethis conversation about, because
people think that, like, if Ihold on to this grudge, if I
walk into the room and I stoptalking or I don't talk to them,
or if I unfollow them oninstagram, or if I block them or
ever do all these passive,aggressive things, yeah we, you,
(09:57):
you think you're gonna gettheir attention.
They live in their life.
Guess who's sleeping at night?
Speaker 2 (10:01):
them.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
That's so true like you know I'm saying yeah, and
you're the one stress.
Your digestive system is jackedup, wrecked, wrecked, losing
your hair, gaining weight, allthese things, all because you're
trying to get this otherperson's attention about how
they hurt you.
Here's a sign that you haveunforgiveness, that you find
(10:22):
yourself like replaying the hurtconstantly.
You find yourself reminiscingback on that moment Over and
over again.
Or like here's another sign youfind yourself while you
replaying what happened.
You keep going through how elseyou would have approached it or
what else you should have saidin that moment.
That's the sign you haveunforgiveness, that's the sign
(10:44):
you haven't let it go.
And the thing is the.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
the truth is it's hurting you, it's true, like you
know, I'm saying yeah, whatelse?
What are some other signs?
Speaker 1 (10:53):
I think another sign is um like okay, so feeling
resentment, right like liketowards that person.
Yeah, I think another sign too.
I'll say this it's beatingyourself up of like like.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
I wish you would have handled it differently.
It is, that's actually reallytrue.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
It's, and I'm, and I'm talking about forgiving the
other person, I'm talking aboutforgiving yourself.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Yeah, that's huge.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
You know what I'm saying yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
I even I can remember years ago I, I let someone down
, I disappointed them, Um, and Ididn't know it wasn't
intentional.
It wasn't out of you know, spite, or I'm going to like do that
and make them so mad, like itwas never that, but I did.
I let them down and theyeventually told me but I don't
(11:43):
know that they ever forgave meUm, I said I was so sorry, I
didn't know that.
You know, that was what youwere needing from me.
I was intentionally, um, doingsomething different.
I was treating it a differentway the situation and I let them
down and I said I'm so sorrybut, being the person that
(12:03):
needed the forgiveness, being onthat side, I don't know if they
ever forgave me.
I hope they did, but all I knewwas walking away, was like, man
, I messed up and the only way Iknow to make it better or to
fix it was to make sure that Iwas never treating a situation
in the same way, like goingforward knowing that, like, hey,
(12:24):
I really messed that one up, soI'm not going to mess this one
up.
I've talked about it on thepodcast as well.
My friend who passed away fromviolence domestic violence.
She got her life completelytaken from her and there were so
many things I did wrong.
I had to forgive myself forthat for a while.
It took me a while to be likewhy didn't I ask harder
(12:47):
questions?
Why didn't I push harder?
She just didn't tell me.
She wouldn't tell me.
But now, going forward, I havenot a single problem looking at
a girl telling me she's in a badrelationship and saying does he
hurt you?
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Are you safe?
Like I treat it so differentlynow because I made that mistake,
like, and I had to forgivemyself for it.
So one of the things that Ithink is helpful to move on is
to make sure you never make thatmistake again when you're the
one needing the forgiveness.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
You just saying just forgiving yourself.
You know, it just reminded meof something that happened to us
earlier this year.
Something that happened to usearlier this year, you know we.
You know there are people thatI was leading and I let them
down some way, somewhere downthe road, um, unintentionally,
yeah, and um they walked out andI remember calling and like
(13:41):
apologizing so quick because, Iactually forgave myself really
quick.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Yeah, because it was unintentional, it was
unintentional Right.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
I said, man, like.
I remember telling the personand even for me I was like I
didn't, I didn't mean to do thisRight.
And I remember giving myselfgrace Sure Of like man, like I
did everything that I thought Icould.
There's nothing else that Ithought that I should have done.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
So I went easy on myself and I was like I'm sorry.
I'm like I'm sorry.
I called him.
I was like, but don't do thisLike I'm sorry.
Well, you know it all.
It all still panned out the waylike it panned out, right, and
there's this big disconnect.
But it wasn't until recently,the last couple of weeks ago.
We're really praying about this.
I got on the phone with thisperson and we started talking
about it and they asked me prayabout it and I was like I might.
I was like, all right, maybe,but I don't really know what I
need to pray about.
As I started praying about it,one of my prayers that I do all
the time is I always ask God toreveal to me if there's anything
(14:34):
in me that needs to come out.
And I really want to encouragepeople that are listening to
this right now, like if you'rewalking with the Lord, if you're
walking with the Holy Spirit,like the Holy Spirit it's a
comforter for us, but the HolySpirit, it's a comforter for us,
but the Holy Spirit is also aguide, guides our steps,
corrects us and checks us andconvicts us.
And so every time I pray, I'mlike Holy Spirit, show me if
(14:56):
there's anything in me thatneeds to come out like, reveal
it to me.
That's hiding behind somethingin the dark.
If it's like dark, deep secrets, sin, unforgiveness.
And while I was praying aboutthis whole thing, god showed me
that I haven't forgiven thatperson on how they walked out in
my life.
And I remember I was leading aprayer gathering that week and
(15:19):
while I'm leading this prayermoment, I tell everybody I say,
hey, we're going to take amoment and we're going to, we're
going to go step into a momentof prayer forgiveness and repair
, prayer of repentance, actuallyrepentance, gotcha.
And while I'm doing that, Iliterally started crying, like
I'm holding in my tears, liketears are falling down my eyes
and as I'm talking to this groupof people, I'm shaking and I'm
(15:42):
like I realized this morningthat I have unforgiveness in my
heart towards someone and itbroke me because I thought I was
good.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
But there were signs I thought about.
I thought about them often.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
But it was in like argumentative ways.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Yeah, right.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
It was in like replaying the hurt.
I found myself always like Ican't believe they did that
Right.
How often was that?
I just can't believe it wasjust.
That was always.
I can't believe I bro.
Why would, oh my?
Speaker 2 (16:14):
gosh.
I remember even when we werebreaking down this situation, we
were talking about it.
It was a late night, sittinghere on the couch and it got to
the point.
I think it might have beenafter that day, I don't remember
, but I remember just looking atyou and I could almost feel you
like holding and I was like youknow what you have to do, and
(16:38):
it was almost like I waswatching you wrestle to let go
of it and that is the hardestthing to do.
It's so much easier to holdonto something, to be resentful,
to be angry, like being angryis a lot easier than being
peaceful.
Like it feels so much easier toclinch, fist, yell, scream,
(17:00):
fight.
It actually takes more strengthto release your hand to let it
go and take a deep breath andknow that the Lord fights for
you, not me.
I don't need to fight formyself.
He fights for me.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Yeah.
So yeah, man, it, it.
It was big I'd say this too Uma sign that showed me that I had
unforgiveness in my heart, thatI would avoid having like
strong feelings about the person.
So if you would ask me, I said,man, I don't really care, like
you, don't like whatever man, Idon't really want to talk about
(17:37):
it oh, that's very interestingbecause I'm actually the
opposite.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
If I have unforgiveness, I'm gonna have a
lot to say well, so that's veryinteresting.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
I've done that for your personality type but
there's sometimes I'm like Iwant to talk about it.
Yeah, I'm, that might be a signyou have unforgiveness in your
heart.
Yeah, because you're avoidingit Like you're like I don't want
to talk about it.
Yeah, like you know what I'msaying.
But I'd go back and forth.
Yeah, there'd be some seasonswhere I'm like yo, I can't
believe it, bro, just still soupset, like can't believe it.
(18:05):
Yeah, and it sounds why, what'striggering you so much?
God revealed to me that I hadunforgiveness in my heart.
I did call that brother and wedid get on the phone and we
talked it through and there wasreconciliation, right, we drew
line and sand.
I'm like, hey, man, let's justlet's agree to disagree, like
(18:27):
what was?
We worked it through and we arewhere we are right now.
But it's just a real thing, man, and I didn't like what it was
doing to me, like emotionally, Ididn't like what it was doing
to me like mentally, like youknow what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
Yeah, to all your brain space and relationally.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
And relationally because I found out that I
realized that even me and mutualfriends would be talking about
it more than we probably shouldLike me like always bringing it
back up or replaying it and justlike I don't want to do this
anymore, what do we do?
We forgive.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
That's just the burden of carrying unforgiveness
.
Like what you're talking about,of like where you can't stop
talking about it or it'sweighing heavy on you.
You're carrying it Like that isthe burden of unforgiveness,
but as soon as you decide toforgive, that burden is lifted
off of you.
I want to just talk about somelike tips to overcome that
(19:18):
forgiveness, right?
So what do you do?
Like the first thing is youactually have to acknowledge it.
Like you cannot heal fromsomething that you have not
acknowledged and like all thesethings that we've talked about,
signs of maybe what it lookslike or maybe what it feels like
.
Like those are the things thatyou have to be self-aware to
know.
Like no, something is sittingunder that rock in my heart and
(19:41):
I need to figure out what thatis and that is unforgiveness.
And then you have to deal withthat.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
You got to deal with it.
You cannot bury it.
Yeah, you cannot bury.
You got to face it.
You got to bury it.
You cannot bury.
You got to face it.
You got to acknowledge it.
Like you.
Like you can't deal withsomething that or this, this.
Like you won't find healing insomething that you're not
dealing with.
Yeah, totally you got to faceit Right.
And the second thing is wetalked about it earlier it's
(20:08):
asking God for strength prayingto God to help you through this.
You can't do it in your ownstrength If there's someone that
you have hard feelings towardslike you can't do it in your own
strength, and I also want tosay this too.
I think another way, anotherindicator to overcome
unforgiveness is, let's say,you're on the other side of it.
(20:29):
If you're listening to this andyou're on the other side of
unforgiveness, meaning you'renot the one that needs to be
releasing forgiveness, butyou're the one that needs to
allow the other person toforgive you.
Don't make it hard for them,that's true.
Give them an invite, give theman opportunity to say hey, man,
like I know things are weirdLike, do you, do you want to
(20:50):
talk?
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Right.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Like, allow them to release you.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Because when they release you, they're releasing
themselves.
That's so true.
You know what I'm saying.
Yeah, because I know we'retalking about, like you know,
giving forgiveness.
Yeah, like letting go ofunforgiveness.
But there's people that's onthe other side.
You know you hurt somebody, oryou know there's someone that
has something against you andyou over here, like I'm right
here, I'm right here, man, theyknow where to find me and it's
(21:13):
like, well, they're in bondageright now.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
Right, they can't get to you.
They're so like literallystrapped up with their anger and
resentment and hurt that youcause.
Yeah, they can't find their wayto you, dude.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
Their vision is impaired?
Yeah, so there's times where Iknow I've hurt somebody.
I had to reach out to themwhile they were wounded and say
hey, like you know, I knowthings ended off really weird,
crazy.
But do you want to talk aboutit Like I'm here.
If you want to talk about it,yeah, letting them know like.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
It's actually the best gift you can give someone
if you hurt them.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
Facts.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Intentionally or unintentionally.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
Yeah, another one is third thing that we'd say is
choosing grace over grudges 100%.
Like give somebody benefit ofthe doubt.
Think like what if they don'tknow that they hurt you?
Yeah, practice grace.
It's the golden rule.
Jesus said it Do unto others asyou want to be treated.
I think that's very importantfor people to understand, like
(22:08):
yo if someone has hurt you,someone has hurt you, think
about it.
If you hurt somebody, someonehas hurt you, think about it.
If you hurt somebody, what typeof grace would you want?
Yeah, Like you know what I'msaying.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Yeah.
And then the next one issetting healthy boundaries.
Like forgiveness does not meanthat you allow them to continue
to hurt you, like that's notwhat forgiveness means.
Forgiveness does not meanyou're opening yourself up for
them to hurt you over and overagain.
Forgiveness is letting them go,letting that offense and hurt
(22:39):
go, but then also settingboundaries so that you're not
hurt again.
And I even with theconversation we've having today
of the forgiveness that you hadto give, like we've set
boundaries, though You're likethis is okay.
Like we're good, we've forgiven,and here's our boundary you
know, like to not allow someoneto continue to hurt you over and
(23:01):
over again.
Cause, then that's abuse.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
Yeah, Um.
And lastly, the greatest tip toovercome unforgiveness is
remember that God forgave youall day, every day, all day
every day, literally everysingle day.
And who are we to refuse togive forgiveness?
Speaker 2 (23:24):
Yeah, like, who are we to say I can wake up every
morning and be forgiven for thesins I committed knowingly and
unknowingly, but I'm the onewho's able to say, no, I can't
forgive that person because theydid that.
Like, how, how could I findthat?
The audacity honestly, that'sthe word that comes like that's
audacity.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
It's, it's the story of the Bible, the parable of the
, the unforgiving servant.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
Crazy huh.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Crazy.
The guy owed millions.
They said they owed millions,they were going to take his
family, they were going to throwhim in prison.
And the ruler was like you knowwhat?
You're forgiven of?
Everything, which is so muchmoney, so much debt.
And then he walked outside andhe grabbed some servant that
(24:12):
owed him just a few hundreddollars and threatened him and
wanted to hold him against himand threaten him.
Give him all these threats I'mgoing to kill you if you don't
pay back your hundreds.
When you were just forgiven ofmillions and like that is.
So how God does it?
Actually, I wanted to read theend of that scripture.
Um, because the last verse wasjust so powerful.
(24:35):
It's what is it?
Matthew 18,.
I had it in and I lost it.
Matthew 18.
Um, so all that happens, right,he's forgiven of millions, and
he goes out and finds the guythat owes him thousands.
And so then the King heardabout it.
The King called in the man hehad forgiven and said you, evil
servant, I forgave you thattremendous debt because you
(24:57):
pleaded with me.
Shouldn't you have mercy onyour fellow servant, just as I
had mercy on you?
Then the angry king sent theman to be prisoned, to be
tortured until he had paid hisentire debt.
But here's the last versethat's what my heavenly father
will do to you if you refuse toforgive your brothers and
sisters from your heart.
That's what my heavenly fatherwill do to you If you refuse to
forgive your brothers andsisters from your heart.
(25:18):
That's how the scripture ends.
It's a heart thing more thananything else, more than your
mind, more than a tit for tatlike this plus this equals that
and this is what you deserve,and karma and all those things.
Yeah, like it is literally anissue of the heart.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Yeah, man, it's, it's big.
You know, it's funny Cause lastnight I had a dinner.
I had dinner with somebody andwe sat there for four hours,
almost four hours, and the guydid something to me and he
reached out to me and I got hurtand he reached out to me.
I was like, bro, there'snothing to talk about.
I did not want to talk to thisguy.
(25:56):
It's like there's nothing totalk about.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
That's true he did say that.
Speaker 1 (25:58):
Like I'm good he reached out to me again.
He's like, man, please, I'dlove to just take you out to
dinner and just like just clearthis out, and I say you know
what, I'm going to extend anopportunity.
Like I'm going to extend theopportunity.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
Well, you didn't extend the opportunity, you
afforded him the opportunity heextended.
Yeah, does that make sense?
Like he was the one yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
So I gave him.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
I gave him the opportunity.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
It goes back to what we're saying.
Like you know some, I I was onthe other side.
Yeah, I was on the other side,so I'm you know what.
Yeah, I'm going to give him theopportunity.
We're going to sit down.
We sat down, we talked and wecleared everything up.
And when he several times he'slike man, I just want to say I'm
sorry.
I think there's just a bigmisunderstanding.
(26:45):
I really didn't want to me andand and abused like what I gave
you guys and you just never evensaid thank you, like like we
never spoke about it and allthese other things happened,
came from the round back andthere was never a moment where I
hesitated to allow us toreconcile the moment.
He's like man.
I just want to say I'm sorry,and so I was like bro, it's all,
(27:07):
good man, thank you.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
Like I appreciate it and we worked everything out.
Yeah, like, literally like ourrelationship.
We like we were able to mend itand we were able to say, man,
like can we build thisrelationship?
We both agreed on yes, let'sbuild this relationship, and I
(27:29):
could.
I could have sat here and justbeen like no man, we're not
going to, or him, and so, likewe practice what we preach.
Why?
Because man, god loved us somuch that he forgave us.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
We have no right holding that against people, and
the only way it works is tohave humility on both sides.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
For the one asking for forgiveness and the one
being asked of forgiveness, thathumility has to be on both
sides for us to both say, andthat's why oftentimes it
actually requires forgivenessfrom both and to both.
Cause most of the time you can'tsay that one was perfect in the
situation.
Maybe there's like when we havefights, for instance, if you're
(28:07):
right and I'm wrong, you'reactually going to always find
something to say sorry for, andvice versa, even if the times I
am right and you're like, no,that's not it.
I think you know what.
You're right, I'm sorry, I canask for forgiveness in something
to bring us down to humilityand bring us back to the same
level so that we can heal 100%.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
Maybe you're listening to this today and you
have been offended or somebodyhurt you or you're holding on to
forgiveness.
You're not giving it.
You're fighting withunforgiveness.
Maybe you were rightfullywronged, meaning like somebody
abused you, like you've beenabused mentally, physically,
(28:50):
sexually.
Maybe somebody hurt youemotionally and you're like man.
That person does not deserve tobe forgiven.
Right, those are thoughts.
But here's my question to youDo you deserve to be forgiven so
good and what and what I wantto really like?
(29:19):
Encourage everybody to reallyunderstand that when you don't
forgive so good, like how it'schanging your dynamics, it's
just not worth it.
Life is too short.
Jesus is coming back again andwhat we want to make sure,
especially for us as believers,like Jesus told us to pray.
He said when you pray, sayforgive us as we forgive, so to
(29:39):
the measure that you forgivewill be the same measure that
you are forgiven.
We forgive because we've beenforgiven.
Let it go, man, and if you needhelp, we'll sit with you, we'll
help you process, we'll giveyou words, but let it go.
God wants us to walk in freedomand not bondage and captivity
(30:00):
like this man.
It's just not worth it.
So this is really the truthabout unforgiveness.
It's really.
It's not for the person, it'snot for the other person, it's
for you.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
It's what I said last week of the hardest thing that
we are called to do asChristians is actually to
forgive, even when we don't getasked for forgiveness.
So, even if there isn't anoption where you can sit down
and have that reconciliation,like us choosing to forgive,
whether that person asked for it, whether that person didn't ask
for it, like knowing it's whatyou it goes back to what you
(30:31):
just said of like knowing thatactually I'm worth the value of
living free, how the Lord hasforgiven me, I'm worth living a
forgiven life, so I'm going togive forgiveness, yes.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Yes.
And the last thing I'll say.
This is to the person that's onthe other side of forgiveness.
Maybe you don't haveforgiveness to give, maybe you
didn't do anything wrong, but Ilike to challenge that.
If you know somebody is havinga hard time forgiving you and
you refuse to give them, grantthem that opportunity to release
you.
You could be causing them tosin.
(31:08):
And if they're sin, why?
Because they could be gettingangry, frustrated, all these
things.
That anger leads to making baddecisions, cussing you out,
resentment, burdens, holdingunforgiveness.
Could it be that you might beholding them in a place where
they're not forgiving you andyou're allowing them to live
like this?
So I'm saying this to say givepeople an opportunity to forgive
(31:31):
you, give them opportunity,like if it's at church, but
still say hi, still be friendly,don't be like nah, it ain't me,
I didn't change, I didn't donothing.
That's them that started actingfunny.
Well, no, something happenedLike what I'm saying I think
it's very important because youknow, we've all been on that
side of it too Like where I'mgoing to reach out and say hey,
man, like like did I dosomething?
Like you know what I'm saying,so I don't know, man.
(31:54):
I hope this conversationblessing you guys.
I hope you guys are feeling orreceiving fruit from this.
I hope you're feeling edifiedby this conversation.
Our heart and our goal and youguys know that is to help
everybody grow deeperrelationships with god, others
and themselves, and we dobelieve that god has called us
to live strong relationships.
We cannot walk in this life,live this life without people in
(32:16):
our lives.
Nobody should be living likethat.
So we have to face it.
We have to face the toughthings, we have to put the work
in and I guarantee you like wewill see fruit when all of our
relationships get healthy.
Everything gets healthyphysically, mentally,
intellectually, spiritually.
Everything changes.
And so we love you guys, we'dlove to hear from you.
(32:36):
Let's keep digging, let's keepbelieving, let's keep building
strong relationships and we'llsee you next time.
Peace.
What's up y'all?
Welcome back to let's Dig thePodcast.
Today we will be having a verysensitive conversation.
We're going to be talking aboutthe truth, about unforgiveness.
I know for me I didn't realizethat I had unforgiveness in my
heart towards other people, andhere's some signs right, you
look at somebody that you didn'tknow that you weren't forgiving
them, that every time you sawthem you found yourself arguing
(00:20):
with them in your head.
Right, you felt like your joyjust left the room.
Right, you feel you findyourself reminiscing back to the
time that altercation happened.
But here's the thing aboutunforgiveness you have to
understand that unforgivenessactually forgiving someone is
like releasing somebody fromjail, all to discover that that
person from jail was actuallyyou.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
That's so good.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
That's the thing about unforgiveness, because you
think, or like that old sayingwhere they say, like um,
forgiving someone right orunforgiveness is like drinking
poison, and they say, but hopingthat the other person dies,
right, it's an old saying, butit makes a lot of sense because
we think we're going to holdthem hostage and we think
they're going to know what wesaid, they're going to know how
(01:04):
we feel, but for some reason andwe're going to talk about like
the psychological issues too,like what happens to you
mentally, like the depression,anxiety, stress, what happens
when that person that you're inconflict with right walks into
the room I think we need to talkabout unforgiveness and the
truth about it.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
I think we should definitely have this
conversation.
But first, if you are here andyou're excited about this
conversation, or you're justglad to be a part of let's Dig
crew, don't forget to like thisvideo, comment, subscribe.
You can even tap that littleheart and send us some thank
yous.
We're always grateful for ourcrew that do that for us, that
just encourage us and let usknow that we are bringing value
(01:43):
to you, because we are here tohelp you grow a deeper
relationship with God, othersand yourself.
Now that's out of the way.
Let's dig.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Let's dig.
I had this thought when we werereally processing this whole
conversation of, really, whatdoes even science say about
unforgiveness in our bodies?
Like what happens to youphysically, emotionally, Like I
wonder how many people areactually getting sick to their
stomach because whatunforgiveness is doing to them
(02:14):
and they don't even realize itEven more than that, like I've.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Honestly, I grew up.
My mom was in the medical fieldand she would tell me how
oftentimes um, certain peoplethat I grew up with, when their
demeanor was more kind of grumpy, angry, uh, they actually often
had more physical ailments.
They had stomach cancer, um,really bad sickness in their
(02:41):
body.
But it wasn't the sickness thatmade them grumpy, it was
actually the, the anger, theresentment, the bitterness
inside of them that actuallydeveloped into a disease.
Like it is proven in scientificstudies that you harboring that
unforgiveness, holding ontothat offense.
(03:04):
They say that your body canphysically, your brain can
physically go through PTSDbecause you're not letting go of
it.
You're reminiscing it over andover and over again.
It says that your bloodpressure can be higher, you can
have more um, your, your immunesystem is lower, so you're more
prone to getting sickness.
Your immune system is lower, soyou're more prone to getting
(03:25):
sickness because your stress ishigh, your anxiety is high, your
depression is often like allthese things, of where your body
, because of the emotional toilthat is, turmoil that it's going
through cannot physicallyrelease it and therefore it
shows up in sickness anddiseases and ailments and other
(03:48):
ways in your body that cause youto get sick more, which is
crazy.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
It is.
And, as you're talking about it, you know it's bringing back a
story.
Did I ever tell you guys astory about that time that I
realized that I hated my olderbrother and we're good now?
We worked it through.
But I know it's just sayingthat I'm sure there's some
people that's like Ooh, that's,that's a big word.
I'm sure that resonates withsome people.
Well, I didn't realize that Ihad hate in my heart towards him
(04:16):
about things that happened inour childhood that I didn't
forgive him for, and I didn'trealize what forgiveness would
actually do to me.
I think people think often thatif they don't forgive someone,
then that person is in prison intheir mind.
But, actually you're the onethat's in prison physically.
You're the one that's in prisonemotionally Because even you
(04:40):
don't have joy, you don't havepeace, you're never content.
Don't have joy, you don't havepeace, you're never content.
Yeah, even that person walksinto the room.
They pop up on social media,you see them around.
You actually sometimes evenhave to change everything about
your being just to act likeyou're okay, it's so true
knowing that you actually justneed to forgive this person.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Not okay, like it keeps you stuck there, yeah,
because you're constant, likebecause you're not letting go,
because you're not moving on.
You're stuck in the same spotthat where they hurt you, you
can't even move on.
They actually are probablymoving on, living their life,
living their life.
May or may not know what theydid to you, but your choice of
(05:18):
holding onto it literally keepsyou stuck at that moment.
I want to read this quote.
It says forgiveness does notexcuse their behavior Cause.
I think that's a lot of where weget caught up of like, but what
they did was not okay andthat's not what this discussion
is about.
Even it's not even about whatdid someone do to you.
(05:38):
Like I didn't ask what yourbrother did to you.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
We're talking about what happened to you, because
you didn't forgive him what itdid to me, because it was my
whole childhood, like there wasjust silly things Like you know.
I don't know if I ever told youguys a story.
I know you know the story of.
There was this one time that Iwas a young kid.
It was a bike that I had.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
I shared this story like you know, I think you did,
I think I shared it before.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
But to all of our new listeners right, anyways, I had
this brand new bike and we'venever had brand new bikes
growing up because there was somany of us in the house, so our
bikes we would get them fromthrift stores.
Broken pieces like thehandlebar and the fork and the
seat all came from differentbikes.
It was just wild, it was justlike, hey, it was a frankenstein
bike all the time afrankenstein bike.
I've never heard that beforeyeah, it's just like you, it's
just body parts.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Yes, that you just take, it makes sense that's all.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
We had everything, so this is brand new.
As it was a huffy bike, it wasnice.
Bro had the pads.
I put some mongoose pads onthere and I need some gt
chromies on it.
Bro, I went in and one day my Iwas just standing there by the
bushes just hanging out enjoyingmy bike.
My older brother comes around,the bush pushes me off, takes my
bike because he was runninglate.
He had to go to his friend'shouse and I never saw the bike
(06:44):
ever again.
So I built this emotional, likeanger towards him and I didn't
realize all these years that Iformed, started feeling like
resentment and hate towards himand never really put my finger
on it.
Cause I'm going to say this, Iwas with someone the other day
and I'm going to say this quoteright now and I want everyone to
(07:04):
understand it Forgetting is notforgiving.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Right.
Forgetting is not forgiving, soyou think, just because you
forgot about it, that you'vejust moved on, that we're all
good.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
It doesn't mean it's healed.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
But if that person is triggering you, there is
something there.
And for so many years my olderbrother would just trigger me
every time I saw him there.
And for so many years my olderbrother would just trigger me
every time I saw him Like I justwould feel resentment, anger,
anxiety, like I wasn't content.
All my peace, the joy, wouldleave the room.
I'd roll my eyes.
(07:36):
All these things.
Well, fast forward.
Several years ago, him and Ifinally reconciled and we worked
things through and we talkedabout it.
We had to go back to those days.
We had to go back to when itfell apart and it was hard work.
We like, like at the end of theday, we didn't have to do this.
But in order for us to move onand live, live our lives in a
healthy way, we have to releasepeople.
And sometimes people think thatI'm going to hang on to this
(07:57):
person because of what they didand you think like they're in
jail.
You're in jail, you need to beset free.
That's the truth about reallywhat unforgiveness does to us.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Like you know what I'm saying.
The statement says forgivenessdoes not excuse their behavior.
Forgiveness prevents theirbehavior from destroying your
heart.
But I think that it is soimportant to know, like I'm not
saying what they did was okay,but I'm saying that what they
did will not have power over meto destroy me and destroy my
(08:28):
heart towards other people,towards other relationships,
towards being open to the nextthing that comes.
Like I'm going to choose thatwhat they did to me was wrong
and I won't ever let them do itagain, but I will refuse to go
forward and let it like bleedover into all of my other
relationships.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Yeah, um, it's.
It's interesting too, becausewe realize when we see people
that are living healthy lives,or we see elderly people living
healthy lives, like one of thethings that you'll notice a lot
of them like they don't holdthings against people.
You just you forgive people.
I tell this to guys all thetime that are interested in
(09:07):
coming into ministry.
I tell them you better beunoffendable.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
It's so true.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Like if you're easily offended, do not work with
people because people will letyou down.
You will be offended and youcan't keep holding on to every
single account Like.
Could you imagine think aboutit, jesus what he had to go
through?
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
And even Jesus talked us.
He talks us through it.
He's like forgive them, butwhat if they do it again?
Forgive them again 70 times 7.
70 times 7.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Every single day.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
You just like we just keep forgiving, and you realize
like forgiving is not just forthem.
And that's what I really havethis conversation about, because
people think that, like, if Ihold on to this grudge, if I
walk into the room and I stoptalking or I don't talk to them,
or if I unfollow them oninstagram, or if I block them or
ever do all these passive,aggressive things, yeah we, you,
(09:57):
you think you're gonna gettheir attention.
They live in their life.
Guess who's sleeping at night?
Speaker 2 (10:01):
them.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
That's so true like you know I'm saying yeah, and
you're the one stress.
Your digestive system is jackedup, wrecked, wrecked, losing
your hair, gaining weight, allthese things, all because you're
trying to get this otherperson's attention about how
they hurt you.
Here's a sign that you haveunforgiveness, that you find
(10:22):
yourself like replaying the hurtconstantly.
You find yourself reminiscingback on that moment Over and
over again.
Or like here's another sign youfind yourself while you
replaying what happened.
You keep going through how elseyou would have approached it or
what else you should have saidin that moment.
That's the sign you haveunforgiveness, that's the sign
(10:44):
you haven't let it go.
And the thing is the.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
the truth is it's hurting you, it's true, like you
know, I'm saying yeah, whatelse?
What are some other signs?
Speaker 1 (10:53):
I think another sign is um like okay, so feeling
resentment, right like liketowards that person.
Yeah, I think another sign too.
I'll say this it's beatingyourself up of like like.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
I wish you would have handled it differently.
It is, that's actually reallytrue.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
It's, and I'm, and I'm talking about forgiving the
other person, I'm talking aboutforgiving yourself.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Yeah, that's huge.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
You know what I'm saying yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
I even I can remember years ago I, I let someone down
, I disappointed them, Um, and Ididn't know it wasn't
intentional.
It wasn't out of you know, spite, or I'm going to like do that
and make them so mad, like itwas never that, but I did.
I let them down and theyeventually told me but I don't
(11:43):
know that they ever forgave meUm, I said I was so sorry, I
didn't know that.
You know, that was what youwere needing from me.
I was intentionally, um, doingsomething different.
I was treating it a differentway the situation and I let them
down and I said I'm so sorrybut, being the person that
(12:03):
needed the forgiveness, being onthat side, I don't know if they
ever forgave me.
I hope they did, but all I knewwas walking away, was like, man
, I messed up and the only way Iknow to make it better or to
fix it was to make sure that Iwas never treating a situation
in the same way, like goingforward knowing that, like, hey,
(12:24):
I really messed that one up, soI'm not going to mess this one
up.
I've talked about it on thepodcast as well.
My friend who passed away fromviolence domestic violence.
She got her life completelytaken from her and there were so
many things I did wrong.
I had to forgive myself forthat for a while.
It took me a while to be likewhy didn't I ask harder
(12:47):
questions?
Why didn't I push harder?
She just didn't tell me.
She wouldn't tell me.
But now, going forward, I havenot a single problem looking at
a girl telling me she's in a badrelationship and saying does he
hurt you?
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Are you safe?
Like I treat it so differentlynow because I made that mistake,
like, and I had to forgivemyself for it.
So one of the things that Ithink is helpful to move on is
to make sure you never make thatmistake again when you're the
one needing the forgiveness.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
You just saying just forgiving yourself.
You know, it just reminded meof something that happened to us
earlier this year.
Something that happened to usearlier this year, you know we.
You know there are people thatI was leading and I let them
down some way, somewhere downthe road, um, unintentionally,
yeah, and um they walked out andI remember calling and like
(13:41):
apologizing so quick because, Iactually forgave myself really
quick.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Yeah, because it was unintentional, it was
unintentional Right.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
I said, man, like.
I remember telling the personand even for me I was like I
didn't, I didn't mean to do thisRight.
And I remember giving myselfgrace Sure Of like man, like I
did everything that I thought Icould.
There's nothing else that Ithought that I should have done.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
So I went easy on myself and I was like I'm sorry.
I'm like I'm sorry.
I called him.
I was like, but don't do thisLike I'm sorry.
Well, you know it all.
It all still panned out the waylike it panned out, right, and
there's this big disconnect.
But it wasn't until recently,the last couple of weeks ago.
We're really praying about this.
I got on the phone with thisperson and we started talking
about it and they asked me prayabout it and I was like I might.
I was like, all right, maybe,but I don't really know what I
need to pray about.
As I started praying about it,one of my prayers that I do all
the time is I always ask God toreveal to me if there's anything
(14:34):
in me that needs to come out.
And I really want to encouragepeople that are listening to
this right now, like if you'rewalking with the Lord, if you're
walking with the Holy Spirit,like the Holy Spirit it's a
comforter for us, but the HolySpirit, it's a comforter for us,
but the Holy Spirit is also aguide, guides our steps,
corrects us and checks us andconvicts us.
And so every time I pray, I'mlike Holy Spirit, show me if
(14:56):
there's anything in me thatneeds to come out like, reveal
it to me.
That's hiding behind somethingin the dark.
If it's like dark, deep secrets, sin, unforgiveness.
And while I was praying aboutthis whole thing, god showed me
that I haven't forgiven thatperson on how they walked out in
my life.
And I remember I was leading aprayer gathering that week and
(15:19):
while I'm leading this prayermoment, I tell everybody I say,
hey, we're going to take amoment and we're going to, we're
going to go step into a momentof prayer forgiveness and repair
, prayer of repentance, actuallyrepentance, gotcha.
And while I'm doing that, Iliterally started crying, like
I'm holding in my tears, liketears are falling down my eyes
and as I'm talking to this groupof people, I'm shaking and I'm
(15:42):
like I realized this morningthat I have unforgiveness in my
heart towards someone and itbroke me because I thought I was
good.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
But there were signs I thought about.
I thought about them often.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
But it was in like argumentative ways.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Yeah, right.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
It was in like replaying the hurt.
I found myself always like Ican't believe they did that
Right.
How often was that?
I just can't believe it wasjust.
That was always.
I can't believe I bro.
Why would, oh my?
Speaker 2 (16:14):
gosh.
I remember even when we werebreaking down this situation, we
were talking about it.
It was a late night, sittinghere on the couch and it got to
the point.
I think it might have beenafter that day, I don't remember
, but I remember just looking atyou and I could almost feel you
like holding and I was like youknow what you have to do, and
(16:38):
it was almost like I waswatching you wrestle to let go
of it and that is the hardestthing to do.
It's so much easier to holdonto something, to be resentful,
to be angry, like being angryis a lot easier than being
peaceful.
Like it feels so much easier toclinch, fist, yell, scream,
(17:00):
fight.
It actually takes more strengthto release your hand to let it
go and take a deep breath andknow that the Lord fights for
you, not me.
I don't need to fight formyself.
He fights for me.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Yeah.
So yeah, man, it, it.
It was big I'd say this too Uma sign that showed me that I had
unforgiveness in my heart, thatI would avoid having like
strong feelings about the person.
So if you would ask me, I said,man, I don't really care, like
you, don't like whatever man, Idon't really want to talk about
(17:37):
it oh, that's very interestingbecause I'm actually the
opposite.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
If I have unforgiveness, I'm gonna have a
lot to say well, so that's veryinteresting.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
I've done that for your personality type but
there's sometimes I'm like Iwant to talk about it.
Yeah, I'm, that might be a signyou have unforgiveness in your
heart.
Yeah, because you're avoidingit Like you're like I don't want
to talk about it.
Yeah, like you know what I'msaying.
But I'd go back and forth.
Yeah, there'd be some seasonswhere I'm like yo, I can't
believe it, bro, just still soupset, like can't believe it.
(18:05):
Yeah, and it sounds why, what'striggering you so much?
God revealed to me that I hadunforgiveness in my heart.
I did call that brother and wedid get on the phone and we
talked it through and there wasreconciliation, right, we drew
line and sand.
I'm like, hey, man, let's justlet's agree to disagree, like
(18:27):
what was?
We worked it through and we arewhere we are right now.
But it's just a real thing, man, and I didn't like what it was
doing to me, like emotionally, Ididn't like what it was doing
to me like mentally, like youknow what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
Yeah, to all your brain space and relationally.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
And relationally because I found out that I
realized that even me and mutualfriends would be talking about
it more than we probably shouldLike me like always bringing it
back up or replaying it and justlike I don't want to do this
anymore, what do we do?
We forgive.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
That's just the burden of carrying unforgiveness
.
Like what you're talking about,of like where you can't stop
talking about it or it'sweighing heavy on you.
You're carrying it Like that isthe burden of unforgiveness,
but as soon as you decide toforgive, that burden is lifted
off of you.
I want to just talk about somelike tips to overcome that
(19:18):
forgiveness, right?
So what do you do?
Like the first thing is youactually have to acknowledge it.
Like you cannot heal fromsomething that you have not
acknowledged and like all thesethings that we've talked about,
signs of maybe what it lookslike or maybe what it feels like
.
Like those are the things thatyou have to be self-aware to
know.
Like no, something is sittingunder that rock in my heart and
(19:41):
I need to figure out what thatis and that is unforgiveness.
And then you have to deal withthat.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
You got to deal with it.
You cannot bury it.
Yeah, you cannot bury.
You got to face it.
You got to bury it.
You cannot bury.
You got to face it.
You got to acknowledge it.
Like you.
Like you can't deal withsomething that or this, this.
Like you won't find healing insomething that you're not
dealing with.
Yeah, totally you got to faceit Right.
And the second thing is wetalked about it earlier it's
(20:08):
asking God for strength prayingto God to help you through this.
You can't do it in your ownstrength If there's someone that
you have hard feelings towardslike you can't do it in your own
strength, and I also want tosay this too.
I think another way, anotherindicator to overcome
unforgiveness is, let's say,you're on the other side of it.
(20:29):
If you're listening to this andyou're on the other side of
unforgiveness, meaning you'renot the one that needs to be
releasing forgiveness, butyou're the one that needs to
allow the other person toforgive you.
Don't make it hard for them,that's true.
Give them an invite, give theman opportunity to say hey, man,
like I know things are weirdLike, do you, do you want to
(20:50):
talk?
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Right.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Like, allow them to release you.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Because when they release you, they're releasing
themselves.
That's so true.
You know what I'm saying.
Yeah, because I know we'retalking about, like you know,
giving forgiveness.
Yeah, like letting go ofunforgiveness.
But there's people that's onthe other side.
You know you hurt somebody, oryou know there's someone that
has something against you andyou over here, like I'm right
here, I'm right here, man, theyknow where to find me and it's
(21:13):
like, well, they're in bondageright now.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
Right, they can't get to you.
They're so like literallystrapped up with their anger and
resentment and hurt that youcause.
Yeah, they can't find their wayto you, dude.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
Their vision is impaired?
Yeah, so there's times where Iknow I've hurt somebody.
I had to reach out to themwhile they were wounded and say
hey, like you know, I knowthings ended off really weird,
crazy.
But do you want to talk aboutit Like I'm here.
If you want to talk about it,yeah, letting them know like.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
It's actually the best gift you can give someone
if you hurt them.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
Facts.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Intentionally or unintentionally.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
Yeah, another one is third thing that we'd say is
choosing grace over grudges 100%.
Like give somebody benefit ofthe doubt.
Think like what if they don'tknow that they hurt you?
Yeah, practice grace.
It's the golden rule.
Jesus said it Do unto others asyou want to be treated.
I think that's very importantfor people to understand, like
(22:08):
yo if someone has hurt you,someone has hurt you, think
about it.
If you hurt somebody, someonehas hurt you, think about it.
If you hurt somebody, what typeof grace would you want?
Yeah, Like you know what I'msaying.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Yeah.
And then the next one issetting healthy boundaries.
Like forgiveness does not meanthat you allow them to continue
to hurt you, like that's notwhat forgiveness means.
Forgiveness does not meanyou're opening yourself up for
them to hurt you over and overagain.
Forgiveness is letting them go,letting that offense and hurt
(22:39):
go, but then also settingboundaries so that you're not
hurt again.
And I even with theconversation we've having today
of the forgiveness that you hadto give, like we've set
boundaries, though You're likethis is okay.
Like we're good, we've forgiven,and here's our boundary you
know, like to not allow someoneto continue to hurt you over and
(23:01):
over again.
Cause, then that's abuse.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
Yeah, Um.
And lastly, the greatest tip toovercome unforgiveness is
remember that God forgave youall day, every day, all day
every day, literally everysingle day.
And who are we to refuse togive forgiveness?
Speaker 2 (23:24):
Yeah, like, who are we to say I can wake up every
morning and be forgiven for thesins I committed knowingly and
unknowingly, but I'm the onewho's able to say, no, I can't
forgive that person because theydid that.
Like, how, how could I findthat?
The audacity honestly, that'sthe word that comes like that's
audacity.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
It's, it's the story of the Bible, the parable of the
, the unforgiving servant.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
Crazy huh.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Crazy.
The guy owed millions.
They said they owed millions,they were going to take his
family, they were going to throwhim in prison.
And the ruler was like you knowwhat?
You're forgiven of?
Everything, which is so muchmoney, so much debt.
And then he walked outside andhe grabbed some servant that
(24:12):
owed him just a few hundreddollars and threatened him and
wanted to hold him against himand threaten him.
Give him all these threats I'mgoing to kill you if you don't
pay back your hundreds.
When you were just forgiven ofmillions and like that is.
So how God does it?
Actually, I wanted to read theend of that scripture.
Um, because the last verse wasjust so powerful.
(24:35):
It's what is it?
Matthew 18,.
I had it in and I lost it.
Matthew 18.
Um, so all that happens, right,he's forgiven of millions, and
he goes out and finds the guythat owes him thousands.
And so then the King heardabout it.
The King called in the man hehad forgiven and said you, evil
servant, I forgave you thattremendous debt because you
(24:57):
pleaded with me.
Shouldn't you have mercy onyour fellow servant, just as I
had mercy on you?
Then the angry king sent theman to be prisoned, to be
tortured until he had paid hisentire debt.
But here's the last versethat's what my heavenly father
will do to you if you refuse toforgive your brothers and
sisters from your heart.
That's what my heavenly fatherwill do to you If you refuse to
forgive your brothers andsisters from your heart.
(25:18):
That's how the scripture ends.
It's a heart thing more thananything else, more than your
mind, more than a tit for tatlike this plus this equals that
and this is what you deserve,and karma and all those things.
Yeah, like it is literally anissue of the heart.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Yeah, man, it's, it's big.
You know, it's funny Cause lastnight I had a dinner.
I had dinner with somebody andwe sat there for four hours,
almost four hours, and the guydid something to me and he
reached out to me and I got hurtand he reached out to me.
I was like, bro, there'snothing to talk about.
I did not want to talk to thisguy.
(25:56):
It's like there's nothing totalk about.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
That's true he did say that.
Speaker 1 (25:58):
Like I'm good he reached out to me again.
He's like, man, please, I'dlove to just take you out to
dinner and just like just clearthis out, and I say you know
what, I'm going to extend anopportunity.
Like I'm going to extend theopportunity.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
Well, you didn't extend the opportunity, you
afforded him the opportunity heextended.
Yeah, does that make sense?
Like he was the one yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
So I gave him.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
I gave him the opportunity.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
It goes back to what we're saying.
Like you know some, I I was onthe other side.
Yeah, I was on the other side,so I'm you know what.
Yeah, I'm going to give him theopportunity.
We're going to sit down.
We sat down, we talked and wecleared everything up.
And when he several times he'slike man, I just want to say I'm
sorry.
I think there's just a bigmisunderstanding.
(26:45):
I really didn't want to me andand and abused like what I gave
you guys and you just never evensaid thank you, like like we
never spoke about it and allthese other things happened,
came from the round back andthere was never a moment where I
hesitated to allow us toreconcile the moment.
He's like man.
I just want to say I'm sorry,and so I was like bro, it's all,
(27:07):
good man, thank you.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
Like I appreciate it and we worked everything out.
Yeah, like, literally like ourrelationship.
We like we were able to mend itand we were able to say, man,
like can we build thisrelationship?
We both agreed on yes, let'sbuild this relationship, and I
(27:29):
could.
I could have sat here and justbeen like no man, we're not
going to, or him, and so, likewe practice what we preach.
Why?
Because man, god loved us somuch that he forgave us.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
We have no right holding that against people, and
the only way it works is tohave humility on both sides.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
For the one asking for forgiveness and the one
being asked of forgiveness, thathumility has to be on both
sides for us to both say, andthat's why oftentimes it
actually requires forgivenessfrom both and to both.
Cause most of the time you can'tsay that one was perfect in the
situation.
Maybe there's like when we havefights, for instance, if you're
(28:07):
right and I'm wrong, you'reactually going to always find
something to say sorry for, andvice versa, even if the times I
am right and you're like, no,that's not it.
I think you know what.
You're right, I'm sorry, I canask for forgiveness in something
to bring us down to humilityand bring us back to the same
level so that we can heal 100%.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
Maybe you're listening to this today and you
have been offended or somebodyhurt you or you're holding on to
forgiveness.
You're not giving it.
You're fighting withunforgiveness.
Maybe you were rightfullywronged, meaning like somebody
abused you, like you've beenabused mentally, physically,
(28:50):
sexually.
Maybe somebody hurt youemotionally and you're like man.
That person does not deserve tobe forgiven.
Right, those are thoughts.
But here's my question to youDo you deserve to be forgiven so
good and what and what I wantto really like?
(29:19):
Encourage everybody to reallyunderstand that when you don't
forgive so good, like how it'schanging your dynamics, it's
just not worth it.
Life is too short.
Jesus is coming back again andwhat we want to make sure,
especially for us as believers,like Jesus told us to pray.
He said when you pray, sayforgive us as we forgive, so to
(29:39):
the measure that you forgivewill be the same measure that
you are forgiven.
We forgive because we've beenforgiven.
Let it go, man, and if you needhelp, we'll sit with you, we'll
help you process, we'll giveyou words, but let it go.
God wants us to walk in freedomand not bondage and captivity
(30:00):
like this man.
It's just not worth it.
So this is really the truthabout unforgiveness.
It's really.
It's not for the person, it'snot for the other person, it's
for you.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
It's what I said last week of the hardest thing that
we are called to do asChristians is actually to
forgive, even when we don't getasked for forgiveness.
So, even if there isn't anoption where you can sit down
and have that reconciliation,like us choosing to forgive,
whether that person asked for it, whether that person didn't ask
for it, like knowing it's whatyou it goes back to what you
(30:31):
just said of like knowing thatactually I'm worth the value of
living free, how the Lord hasforgiven me, I'm worth living a
forgiven life, so I'm going togive forgiveness, yes.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Yes.
And the last thing I'll say.
This is to the person that's onthe other side of forgiveness.
Maybe you don't haveforgiveness to give, maybe you
didn't do anything wrong, but Ilike to challenge that.
If you know somebody is havinga hard time forgiving you and
you refuse to give them, grantthem that opportunity to release
you.
You could be causing them tosin.
(31:08):
And if they're sin, why?
Because they could be gettingangry, frustrated, all these
things.
That anger leads to making baddecisions, cussing you out,
resentment, burdens, holdingunforgiveness.
Could it be that you might beholding them in a place where
they're not forgiving you andyou're allowing them to live
like this?
So I'm saying this to say givepeople an opportunity to forgive
(31:31):
you, give them opportunity,like if it's at church, but
still say hi, still be friendly,don't be like nah, it ain't me,
I didn't change, I didn't donothing.
That's them that started actingfunny.
Well, no, something happenedLike what I'm saying I think
it's very important because youknow, we've all been on that
side of it too Like where I'mgoing to reach out and say hey,
man, like like did I dosomething?
Like you know what I'm saying,so I don't know, man.
(31:54):
I hope this conversationblessing you guys.
I hope you guys are feeling orreceiving fruit from this.
I hope you're feeling edifiedby this conversation.
Our heart and our goal and youguys know that is to help
everybody grow deeperrelationships with god, others
and themselves, and we dobelieve that god has called us
to live strong relationships.
We cannot walk in this life,live this life without people in
(32:16):
our lives.
Nobody should be living likethat.
So we have to face it.
We have to face the toughthings, we have to put the work
in and I guarantee you like wewill see fruit when all of our
relationships get healthy.
Everything gets healthyphysically, mentally,
intellectually, spiritually.
Everything changes.
And so we love you guys, we'dlove to hear from you.
(32:36):
Let's keep digging, let's keepbelieving, let's keep building
strong relationships and we'llsee you next time.
Peace.
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