February 27, 2024 • 32 mins
Ever found yourself bleary-eyed at 2 AM, debating with your partner about whose turn it is to check on a feverish child? Our latest episode takes a humorous look at the unexpected moments of parenting, the cultural color of Haitian home remedies, and how these scenarios are a litmus test for the 'glass half empty or half full' debate. We open the curtain to the intimate stage of our family life, sharing stories that will have you nodding along and laughing in recognition, all while examining the dynamics of partnership and family roles.
Strap in for a candid discussion on gender roles and relationship dynamics, spiced with childhood reminiscences and a dash of Biblical references alongside pop culture. Our conversation might just challenge your views on the expectations of men and women within the family sphere. From the nurturing superpowers of motherhood to the art of managing anxiety, our heart-to-heart invites you to reflect on the contributions we each make to our relationships, and how accountability and embracing our roles can lead to a harmonious home life.
Communication is the golden thread that stitches together the fabric of a healthy relationship, and this episode pulls no punches in addressing how to navigate disagreements with empathy and understanding. We share strategies that ensure you're not just talking at each other but truly connecting—whether it's by validating each other's perspectives or prioritizing your partner's needs. By the end of our conversation, we hope to leave you with a toolkit for building stronger bonds and a reminder of the power of expressing gratitude within your partnership. Join us for a dialogue that's as real as it gets, with plenty of moments that will leave you feeling seen, heard, and maybe even a little inspired.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Danilee (00:00):
So you used to make me so mad when you would be talking
about me and to our friends orin a group or circle or whatever
, and you would refer to me as aglass half empty girl.
You'd be like you know, dannyLee, she's more of like a glass
half empty person and I'm moreof a glass half full person.
Pierre (00:17):
Yeah, because I just felt like there were so many
times, like in our lives and inall of our 16, 17 years of being
with each other, that typicallyyou'd look at a situation and
you looked at it.
How.
What's the worst possiblescenario?
That's what you literallyplayed out in your mind, which
is crazy.
Danilee (00:35):
Which I stopped fighting it for a little bit and
I was like, okay, maybe he'sright, that's maybe just my
anxiety.
But actually the other day wewere having a conversation with
some friends and I realized thatthat outlook on life is
actually part of us operating inour gifts as husband and wife
and mom and dad, and here's whyI'll explain.
(00:57):
Say, for instance, one night,which this has happened multiple
times.
So this is not a hypotheticalstory, this is real.
Pierre (01:05):
Okay.
Danilee (01:06):
We're going to bed and one of the kids spikes a fever.
Pierre (01:09):
I immediately go into panic mode of what tomorrow
looks like you I mean you'reDanny Lee comes to me and she's
asking me should we take thekids to the ER?
Should I call my mom?
She starts Googling stuff.
This girl starts going onxgscom Trying to find out all
this information about a feverand like there's a blue dot on
his nose, and then she comes toask me and I'm like here, be
(01:31):
fine, It'll be fine.
It just needs sleep, it needsrest.
You know, you guys know, I'mHaitian, right?
For those of you that don'tknow, I'm a Haitian, and for us
Haitians first of all, if you'resick, it's probably some type
of spiritual attack, right?
Danilee (01:44):
Yeah, just pray over and put some olive oil on the
forehead, it'll be fine.
Pierre (01:48):
It just needs prayer and rest and lots and lots of water
.
Danilee (01:50):
Okay, but in reality, when the kids strike a fever,
all I can think of is theschedule for the next day.
Pierre (01:56):
Right.
Danilee (01:57):
What's going to happen?
What's going to happen withwork?
Do I need to call out?
Who's going to call out?
Is it you or is it me?
Like all, the things.
Pierre (02:03):
I ain't doing nothing.
That is true, because the kidsare going to be just fine, we
all going to go to sleep, andthen what you have to do is
parents.
What you do is you just lockyour door so when the kids wake
up at night.
Danilee (02:13):
He does not do that, I get up guys.
That's what happens.
He stays asleep and I get upwith the kids.
Pierre (02:19):
There'll be times like baby, like you'll wake up.
We'll wake up in the morningand you'll say, oh my gosh, last
night was the worst night everand I'm like what?
Danilee (02:27):
happened.
He's not lying guys.
Pierre (02:28):
They both woke up.
One had diarrhea, one waspuking, one was puking, the
other one was crying, the otherone saw a weird spider in their
dream and I'm like all thathappened last night.
Danilee (02:41):
He stayed asleep through all of it.
He's like guys, I slept reallygreat.
Pierre (02:44):
Yo, you guys could straight up come rob me at night
and I would have no idea.
I got robbed Like I'd sleephard.
But you know the house I grewup in though there was always
eight to 10 people in our house,there'd be some times like my
parents had all kinds of peoplecome into our house.
I tell you the story.
I'm like, yeah, my dad's,brother's best friend uncle is
(03:05):
staying with us because he'stransitioning through states and
we're staying with us.
And then I was the second ofthree boys, I mean the middle of
three boys, my older brothersome of you guys know him he was
a producer.
So there'd be times, remember,I tell you the stories.
There'd be times he's up lateproducing music, he has his
friends coming at night and wegot school in the morning.
(03:27):
So we just learned how to justbe very optimistic and just
always doing like, ah, it'd befine, everything's going to work
out.
So I think that's probably whyI've created that, or I've built
that muscle of always lookingat a situation, of like it's
going to worsen.
That's probably because we wentthrough some bad situation.
I ever tell you about thatstory.
Wait, we didn't say let's dig.
Danilee (03:47):
We didn't.
What are?
Pierre (03:48):
we even talking about today.
Danilee (03:49):
We're talking about the roles of men and women, and how
they're strict.
We just went down and tried arabbit hole about your older
brother.
What's up, bro?
No-transcript.
Talking about how I actuallyusually see the negative, I
(04:09):
panic about all the things Ineed to take care of, and what I
was saying was that, as a glasshalf empty person, it's
actually the mothering part ofme, the characteristics of a
mother who anticipates needs,that make me think that way.
We are constantly in a habit oflooking at things and saying,
(04:31):
okay, we don't have enough money, it's not gonna stretch for the
next seven days.
We don't have enough chickennuggets, it's not gonna stretch
for the next three days while wehave school.
Brooklyn needs new socks,jordan needs new this.
I need more money for this, forthis insurance, like whatever
it may be.
As the head of the household isa mother, that's constantly.
(04:51):
Our role is looking for theneeds and then planning how to
make up for that, but your roleis more so.
I feel like the men are kind oflike we'll figure it out, it's
gonna work itself out, it'sgonna be fine.
You guys never really panic oflike yeah, I don't know what
we're gonna do, we don't haveenough money.
(05:11):
You guys don't do that.
You're like, nah, it'll come in, nah, it'll work itself out.
Pierre (05:15):
I don't know if I could speak for every single man in
that sense because but naturallyfor you.
I know some men like therewouldn't be slapping them around
and saying, bruh, I need you todo something already.
Danilee (05:24):
That is true.
That's not our case.
We've never had to deal withthat.
Pierre (05:28):
Which let me just say this to all the fellas out there
like, straight up, man up.
Like the way God intended itfor us, he intended for men to
be men and for women to be men,for women to be women.
I know people about to say wait, oh my gosh, there's Pierre.
Look, it's very simple.
Listen, for those of y'all thatfollow us and you're gonna be
like oh my gosh, where doesPierre and Dan Lee stand?
(05:48):
Do they stand here?
Do they stand there?
Listen, it's very simple.
A man is a man, a woman is awoman.
That's how God intended it tobe.
You know, yo, here's one of myfavorite stories in the Bible.
You ready for this?
This is gonna be a weirdsegment, but in the beginning,
when God created, it.
Danilee (06:02):
So heads up, here we go .
Pierre (06:03):
No, okay, now it's not really a story, right, it's just
a moment.
Danilee (06:07):
Moment.
Pierre (06:07):
That I really just highlighted and emphasized.
It's in the Bibles and Genesis.
Right, we all know the story,right?
God created man and from theman he created woman.
He pulled the woman out fromhis rib, made the woman go to
sleep, made him go night night.
The woman came and all thisstuff and the woman.
Danilee (06:21):
Remember when he used to always call me your rib.
Pierre (06:22):
Yeah, you still my rib baby.
Danilee (06:24):
That's cause the baby back rib.
Chili's song was really popularwhen we used to yeah, that's
crazy.
Pierre (06:29):
But you're still my rib all right, you're still my rib,
but God took woman from the sideright, cause there was never
the intention, wasn't for theman literally to be above him.
However, the way God designedit was for the man to be the
alpha, was for the man to be theprovider.
And so even think about thatmoment, right, when we hear the
(06:50):
story about when Eve ate thefruit right and now their eyes
will open the A from theforbidden tree, which reminds me
of the movie year one with JackBlack.
When he ate the forbidden fruitand he's like man, it has kind
of like a knowledge taste to itand otherwise, oh yeah, it
doesn't have like a forbiddentaste to it.
Ask me any question, right?
Danilee (07:11):
Where does the sun go at night?
Pierre (07:12):
Pass right.
Danilee (07:13):
Next question.
Pierre (07:14):
But here's the crazy thing is when God realized that
they ate that fruit.
Go back and read this y'all.
This is a Genesis, chapterthree.
God came looking for the man.
Danilee (07:25):
Yeah, cause he was responsible.
Pierre (07:27):
Even though it was the woman that took the fruit.
It was the woman that startedbrought the fruit, ate it.
She gave it to him.
God came looking for the dudelike yo bro, hey, where are you?
Danilee (07:36):
That's what the Bible says.
Pierre (07:37):
The Bible says bingo, because that's how God designed
it as the man to be the head ofthe household.
And for me, I've realized, babe, when I used to say that
comment of you know, you know,danyly, she's a glass, she's
glass half empty, she's old,negative.
She always sees how thingsaren't gonna work out, she plays
out all these scenarios and itdon't make sense.
That was me being in a placewhere I was empty and I didn't
(08:00):
realize that you actuallycomplete me.
Danilee (08:05):
Yeah.
Pierre (08:07):
You complete me, and we live in this world where it's
man against woman.
We're trying to compete witheach other.
It's the classic saying ofwe're not here to compete, we're
here to complete.
Yo.
That is so true when it comesto relationships.
I have people in my circle, Ihave people in our surroundings
where, when I wasn't in ahealthy place, I will look down
(08:28):
on some of their characteristicsor some of their behaviors.
Danilee (08:31):
Mine.
Pierre (08:32):
Yeah, same.
Okay, I was just trying tohypothetically speak.
I wasn't trying to.
We don't need to always dig atour relationship the whole
entire time.
Danilee (08:39):
That's true, but it has been growth in our relationship
for us to realize that part ofour characteristics are
strengths and not alwaysweaknesses.
Pierre (08:47):
That's exactly it, and I didn't realize that for so many
years, and it frustrated methat you always had a different
perception of a situation and Ithought you should see it the
way I see.
Listen, y'all, that's not theway it's designed.
It's not designed for you and Ito basically see it the same
way.
If we're on the athletic teamand we're both on the same team
(09:09):
and we're both on the same field, we do not play the same
positions.
Your position is just as strongas me.
For so many years, I justthought you should do it like I
do it and see it, how you see it, and see it how I see it, and I
was wrong for that.
Danilee (09:23):
And it's only made us stronger now, knowing that your
perspective is just as valued asmy perspective and my
perspective is just as valued asyour perspective, and that we
are stronger when we areacknowledging each other's
viewpoints and like taking itinto account, of saying, ok,
(09:44):
that could happen, here's whatwe can do to offset that, or
this might not happen, but justin case, let's have a backup
plan.
And so I think that that hasbeen a huge growth for our
relationship.
It has been.
But I also want to encourageother people out there for
relationships, for marriages,even, even for moms, like just
(10:06):
talking to the moms out therethat watch, knowing that your
viewpoint is valuable and thatyou can lean into that strength.
Now, I am not saying lean intoanxiety, right, that's something
different.
A lot of moms I mean not justmoms, but a lot of moms deal
with anxiety.
It's just how our brains arewired and what we have to fight.
So I'm not saying lean intoanxiety, I'm saying lean into
(10:28):
the word of God, but knowingthat this is part of your
gifting, it is part of nurturing, it is part of caring.
As women, we are called to bemultipliers and to nurture and
and give in to growth, forsituations.
And so when we come up withthings and we see things that
aren't going to make it ourshort, our running out, our
(10:51):
knowing that, hey, this is mygift.
To say, hey, here's an alarm,this is coming up and we've got
to make it work, and knowingthat that's part of your calling
as a mother and to help yourmate, say, hey, this is where
we're at, this is what I see.
How can we come together andmake sure that that doesn't
happen?
Pierre (11:09):
Yeah, and Dan Lee said also earlier.
I want to mention this.
She said lean into the word ofGod.
That's the Bible when we'rereferring to that.
So for those of you that aren'tbelieving and don't understand
that lingo, for us we are aBible believing family, bible,
believing home, and we believein the word of God, which is the
Bible.
We believe everything that itsays and that's our guide for
this life.
(11:29):
I want to take also take amoment and say real quick, if
you feel like these videos, ifyou feel like these
conversations, that they'rebringing value to your life, I
want to ask you like, hit thehit that like button, hit
subscribe, share it to somebody.
You know I've said it in thelast video like we don't just
want you to just watch in, right, what's the purpose of watching
?
And like, talk back with usLike we want to know, like what
(11:50):
are some trigger points, whatare some words, some things that
we're saying that you feel likeis bringing value to you
specifically, it helps us as aguide, it lets us know, like,
what lane to really lean into.
So we're going to jump rightback into it.
You know I love, like what yousaid, babe, like you know,
really understanding that theseare superpowers that we have.
Yeah, and there's some.
There's some things that I wantto encourage even us, and in
(12:12):
everybody's that that'slistening that some things that
we can do to really prefacewhenever we're getting ready to
face conflict or altercation.
Right, there's been times likeI'm coming to you and I'm going
to share something or give youfeedback on an idea that you
gave me, like you guys know thatfeeling right, you're about to
go to your coworker, you'reabout to go to your boss or to
(12:33):
your friend, to your mate, yourpartner, whatever it is, and
you're about to go to them andyou're going to give them
feedback on an idea or thoughtthat they had.
And what happens is we use ourfilters and we just give
feedback and we just startpopping off at them.
I say, well, I think it's this,I think it should be that, I
like this, I think this, I thinkshould be that, and something
(12:53):
for us that's worked for us inour relationship is to preface
it and set it up.
We haven't always got it right.
So there's times before I giveyou, you come to me and say, hey
, the kids are sick, they have afever.
I don't know what to do?
I think they should go to theER.
I think we should call thedoctor.
I think we should get this Canyou run a CVS or Walgreens or
ride aids?
(13:13):
I don't know what you guys havein your area and normally I
start saying whatever man,they'll be fine.
Baby, relax.
And I realized it's a verydismissive response for me not
to acknowledge your perceptionand your stress and how you see
and how you're receiving thesituation.
So what I've learned to do ispreface and I'll set up my
(13:38):
perspective.
I will set up my filter,another thing that I want to
encourage everybody to do toolike whenever you're getting
ready to give people feedback,like on their ideas or on their
concerns or how they're feeling,or their stress or their like,
um, um, anxiousness, likesomething that we've done is,
before I give my thoughts, I'mgoing to repeat everything that
(14:00):
you're feeling back to you.
Danilee (14:01):
Okay.
Pierre (14:02):
So the kids are sick and you feel like they should go to
the doctor.
You feel like, and I'll, I'llact like what makes you feel
that way and you'll kind of talkabout it, you'll break it down.
It lets you know that Iunderstand how you see it.
Danilee (14:16):
Totally, because then I don't feel like I have to fight
for you to hear me.
Pierre (14:19):
Bingo, and that's what happens to most people.
They feel like they have tofight and you feel like you have
to defend yourself.
And what I'm telling you is,first of all, we need to do a
better job of explainingourselves.
We need to slow down, we needto get our words together.
Sometimes we need to say let methink about it and then for us
that are on the other end, likebefore you start saying, what
you say and what you think,repeat back to the other person
(14:42):
their feelings, their emotions,their perception, how they see
it.
It allows them to put theirguards down and it allows them
to understand that.
Okay, you know where I'm comingfrom.
Now you get to speak into me.
Danilee (14:54):
Yeah, because you heard me, so now you can speak to me.
Pierre (14:57):
It's an exercise we've done all the time.
Once I feel like your guardsare down and that you know that
I understand you, then I canactually say okay, I'm gonna
share with you how I see it.
Yeah, that's a preference.
Set it up.
I don't need to dismiss herright and I want to encourage
fellas out there.
Listen, I get it.
You guys are like man.
I wish my girl would justunderstand me.
(15:18):
I just wish that my wife wouldjust understand me.
Okay, get over it.
Teach her how to understand youLike.
Learn how to have betterconversations.
Stop being so reactive.
Don't react to situations andrespond to them.
Ask questions.
I tell this to people all thetime, like before we got
something to say, have somethingto ask?
Danilee (15:37):
So good.
Pierre (15:38):
Ask a question first.
Yeah, so before I say whatever,like I don't think you need to
do that, or make you feel like Idon't care what you have to say
, I'm gonna ask you like why doyou feel that way?
Danilee (15:47):
I think it's about like super valuable too, that if I
have a strong opinion, I need toslow myself down and ask that
question first.
I feel like that is such a goodbarrier and a buffer Before I
come in hard of like this is howI feel or this is what you
should do.
Even I'm thinking of like worksettings or opinions about
something creative or whatever.
(16:09):
I'm not even thinking so muchin our relationship, but with
relationship with other people.
Before I come strong with anopinion, I need to come strong
with a question first.
Pierre (16:17):
Yes, so the issue wasn't that I thought that I was very
optimistic and the glasses halffull and that you were
pessimistic, pessimistic,Pessimistic, Pessimistic Good
job, and that you were theglasses half empty.
The issue was that I did notvalue how you just saw the glass
.
That's true.
Period it's not about.
Well, he thinks and she thinks.
(16:38):
Forget all that it's about.
Do you understand the peoplethat you are in relationship
with?
Do you understand how they seeit?
Because perception right,Perception is based off of how
you see it, Because who's right,who's wrong?
So it's understanding how theother person see it.
Is the glass half empty or isit half full?
Who's right, who's wrong?
(16:59):
It's just gaining moreunderstanding of how the people
that you are in relationshipsees the conflict or see the
opportunity.
Like you know what I?
Danilee (17:07):
mean, as we're talking about it, I have a mental
picture of I like to watch likeLaw and Order, SVU, and when
they or even anyone in battle,like when they come into a
moment when they are surrounded,they go back to back and I just
have like a visual of thembeing able to see they're seeing
(17:28):
completely opposite sides.
Their backs are to each other,but they have to trust the point
of view of the other person and, knowing that, they see that
perspective, I see thisperspective, but this is what's
gonna keep us the safest.
Pierre (17:42):
Yeah something else that we do, too, guys, that I wanna
encourage you guys to honestlyput into practice, is we'll ask
questions, like if Dan Lee comesto me with an idea or a thought
, if I don't feel passionateabout it, I'm gonna actually say
that.
I'm gonna say, actually, babe,like I know this is very strong
for you right now and you reallyfeel you know the world about
(18:04):
the situation.
I'll be honest with you, Idon't really feel passionate
about this topic and I do valueit because I value you and
what's important to you.
But I'm just gonna tell you myvote I can't put it in cause.
I'm neither left or right inthis case.
It lets her know that I'macknowledging that this is a big
situation, like when the kidswere sick, right, and I just
(18:26):
would tell her, like I just.
Danilee (18:28):
Those used to be huge fights.
Pierre (18:29):
Yeah, because Dannely just wanted me to just say do
you think they should go to theER or not?
And I didn't realize I wasn'tverbalizing to her properly that
actually I don't know, youdon't know and I don't feel
passionate about this.
Danilee (18:44):
You.
Well, that sounds weird to sayyou're not passionate about our
kids when they're sick, but it'sbecause you didn't have a
strong opinion.
This also goes back topersonality types of like you
didn't know the answer, so youcouldn't make a decision, and in
our relationship we've neverhad to deal with you not being
the stronger leader Like.
(19:04):
Naturally, in our relationshipyou are a strong leader, but
what we did have to strugglewith is you respecting my
feelings or my choices.
And so once you were able tosay, hey, this choice, I don't
have a strong opinion about ityou would trust me in those
situations and that really setus free from arguing, from going
(19:26):
back and forth when I would askyou those questions.
Those were mainly like Jordanhad to go to the ER.
He was having breathingproblems when he was a baby or
whatever, and I wanted mypartner to support me and agree
with me.
Honestly, that's what I waslooking for.
I didn't know the decision onmy own, so I wanted you to say,
yeah, let's take them to the ER.
But because you didn't know theanswer, you couldn't give me
(19:49):
anything, and that was extremelyfrustrating because I was like
it's our son, it's his life, whydon't you have an opinion?
And so once you learn toverbalize, hey, I don't have the
answer and I don't have astrong opinion.
Let's just go with your gut.
That really empowered me tolean into that mom choice of
(20:10):
like.
You know what.
Pierre (20:10):
I know it's best for my kid, let's do it and babe, and
you know what's crazy is, I wasnever able to say I don't know,
until I got to the point where Itrusted you and believed that
your skill set actually broughtvalue to our relationship.
Danilee (20:26):
That actually makes a lot of sense.
Pierre (20:28):
I'm gonna say that one more time.
I was not able to tell my wifeI don't know how to make a
decision on a topic until I wasable to see her value as a
teammate that brings 100% valueto what we're doing in our
relationship.
And I could bow out and say,babe, honestly, I don't know.
(20:50):
What do you think?
Man, listen, we got to humbleourselves, we got to let gold
apply and we have to see thevalue of the women that are in
our life.
Guys, anyone that's in arelationship, get to the point
where you can see the value ofthe people that you are in
relationship with, like, becauseif you don't, you're gonna feel
like you always have to makethe decision and that's tiring.
You have to be tired.
You cannot be sleeping at nightif you feel like everything
(21:12):
rises, falls, everything is onyou If you haven't understood
and acknowledged the value ofthe people that you're in
relationship with.
I got to the point, babe, whereI realized, like yo, my wife is
legit and she knows what she'sdoing and she knows what she's
talking about.
She's just as passionate aboutthis as I am.
This is not a 50-50relationship, it's a 100%, 100%.
Danilee (21:35):
And your confidence in me boosted my confidence for
myself.
So we all really, and it helpedme trust myself more.
It helped me go.
Actually, I do know what mydecision is, I do know what I
feel passionate about, I do knowwhat's best for my family in
this moment and, yeah, it mademe trust myself more.
Pierre (21:52):
Yeah, that's crazy.
Danilee (21:53):
That is crazy.
Pierre (21:55):
Wow.
Danilee (21:55):
I want to encourage you , women, like if you have a man
that is strong, be vocal in youropinions, be vocal in what you
think.
In respect there is because webelieve in the Bible.
There is a lot to say aboutsubmission, and that doesn't
mean that we are lesser thanthat means that we just have a
(22:16):
covering and we respect it.
And as the Lord has designedthe family model to work, it is
that they are covering, but thatdoesn't mean we fall behind, we
stand right next to them, andthat is one of the hardest
things that I've had to learn inthis walk in our marriage is
that I don't fall behind him, Istand beside him and so just
learning my voice you guys haveheard me say that plenty of
(22:38):
times that I've had to learn myvoice more, and this was a big
turning point for us in ourmarriage of learning that I do
know the right decision and Idon't need your.
I think it wasn't really thatSometimes I didn't trust my
choice enough and I wanted youto make the choice and so
realizing once you gave me thatconfidence and power of like,
(23:00):
hey, babe, I don't really knowthe choice here.
Pierre (23:02):
I trust you.
You make the call.
Danilee (23:02):
I trust you and I was like oh yeah, okay, I can do
this.
Pierre (23:06):
Here's where everybody wins.
When you vocalize to the peopleyou're in relationship with
that you trust them.
They actually don't want tolose that trust, that's true.
So you're gonna actually workharder to make the right
decision.
And guess what I get to do atnight?
Do you want these right here?
Sleep, chill, relax, look, grab.
Danilee (23:23):
All through, grab this mug right here.
What is happening right now,right here?
Oh my word.
The sticker's still on thebottom of the cup, babe, oh my
bad.
Pierre (23:32):
Didn't you get this for your birthday?
I did.
Danilee (23:34):
Shout out to the friends who gave us that cup.
Pierre (23:35):
That's such a great thing, it's such a cool thing,
man, for us to get to that pointwhere we're in a healthy
relationship.
Danilee (23:42):
What when did this come from?
Pierre (23:43):
They were just in my pocket Relax yourself.
Relax, relax, chill, chill.
And you know, for me, even asan alpha male, and I realized
that naturally most women wantan alpha male, a healthy alpha,
alpha, alpha That'd be a dad.
Let me get my words togetherright, Healthy alpha male Like
people, like man, that guy can'ttalk.
(24:04):
Relax, okay, stop judging me,you can't talk.
All right, people want healthyalphas in their lives, true
Right Alphas that operate at thebasement of their calling,
their ability.
I'm sorry, at the balcony.
Oh, alpha, you're like at thebasement.
Wait, what Is it the attic?
It's like what's he talkingabout?
It's like slow down, I'm hungrybecause we haven't eaten lunch
(24:26):
yet.
We haven't.
Or like it was Valentine's Daylittle chocolates and stuff like
that.
So your boy is starving rightnow, but people want a healthy
alpha in their life.
You know, for us to be able todiscern, for us to be able to
actually give off assignments toother people in our lives and
say like, hey, baby, can Iactually do this situation?
I don't know how to do it, Idon't know how to take care of
(24:48):
it, and I realized, like mostthere are some women that have
to be that in their relationshipbecause the man they haven't
stepped up.
Danilee (24:55):
Sure, if there's a lack of strength from the man that
woman is, we're do or die, we'rehustle, we'll figure it out.
And so if that man isn'tstepping into that role and
leading the family, a woman'sgoing to step in and take care
of it, and she's not going towant to.
It's not where we feel mostcomfortable.
(25:16):
It's not where, honestly, whereGod designed us to be.
Pierre (25:19):
It wasn't designed to be like that.
Danilee (25:21):
It gave us those skillsets and we can use them
when we need to.
But naturally that is the manrole to lead the family and be
the covering.
But when that man ain't there,if you ain't there I'm going to
have to step in.
Pierre (25:35):
And I'll tell you this like I'm determined to do my job
, like my job as the man in thisrelationship.
Right, I'm determined because Irealized I want to say this to
you, fellas, married men, listen, you got a job when you became
a husband.
Your job description is ahusband.
What does that look like?
It's a provider, it's aprotector right, it's a covering
(25:58):
for the household, it'ssecurity.
Like I want my wife to knowthat once I'm in the room, when
I'm there, she's good, she canchill.
I would hate to be to the pointwhere you feel like you always
have to work harder or you can'teven rest because you feel like
I don't have it.
It's like you're able to sleepwhile I'm driving.
Well, you used to be able tosleep while I was driving.
Now you all be nervous andstuff, but it's that comfort
(26:21):
that you have.
And listen, I'm going to saythis right now like married men,
if you don't do your job,someone else is going to do your
job for you, period.
You know I always talk about.
Like you know, I have to workhard at giving you compliments.
I have to work hard at makingsure that you know that I'm
giving you attention and thatI'm thinking about you and I'm
posting about you and I'mtalking about you.
(26:42):
It's true, right, it's some redflags to me when men don't talk
about their wives To me.
Danilee (26:48):
I'm like is your wife?
Pierre (26:48):
not in your life, you're in my life, so I'm always going
to be talking about you becauseyou're in my life.
And I realized, like, if Idon't do my job, someone else is
going to do my job for me andmy job is to be that person for
you.
And I'm learning harder andharder and I'm learning
throughout these years that Idon't have it figured out, and
being open about that, beinghonest about that and just
(27:10):
telling you the truth, like if Idon't know or I'm not sure, or
actually can you decide, that'snot showing weakness, it's
empowering it's empowering andit's humility.
It's showing that, wow, this guyis self-aware enough to know
that he's incompetent in certaincategories to make the decision
and he has a help make a wifeto say, hey, that's why I got
(27:33):
you.
Danilee (27:34):
And it makes us trust you more when you can verbalize
the lack of knowledge in acertain point, as opposed to if
you're just to know it all andyou're like, no, I got this and
I'm standing behind you, clearlyknowing you don't know what
you're doing.
That would make me so nervousto trust you and that would make
me negate everything you say.
(27:54):
And so, because you have thebravery and honesty to be like I
don't really know, in thissituation can you make the
decision.
I'm like, oh okay, I trust you,Cause when you say you know it,
you know it Because the lasttime when you did it, you told
me that too.
Pierre (28:10):
Yeah, that's crazy.
I don't give everybody a homer.
Danilee (28:12):
Bought to give everybody a homer right, Take
your pens and pencils outeverybody.
Pierre (28:15):
Take your pens, pencils, your phones right it's,
screenshot it.
Use closed captioning.
Whatever you have to do, Iwanna encourage y'all this week
in your relationships like taketime to actually ask questions
before you have something to say.
Ask two questions While someoneis talking, instead of figuring
out what you're gonna say.
Think about what you're gonnaask them, repeat back to them
(28:40):
what they're saying.
I guarantee you guards willcome down when people know that
you fully understand.
You don't need to react, justrespond For all my married
people out there.
Slow down, ask questions.
Men, it's okay to say I don'tknow.
It's okay, women, butter upyour guy, make him feel, make
his confidence go up before youtell him where you need him to
(29:03):
step it up.
Danilee (29:04):
That's really good.
Pierre (29:06):
No, legit, don't tear me down.
Tear me down.
Tear me down, and then you havemore stuff to say.
Make me feel good about myself.
Take care of your boy.
Danilee (29:13):
I got you.
Pierre (29:14):
You know, take care of your boy tonight, right?
But I'm saying this women, makeyour husbands feel good before
you tear them down or before youtell them where you want them
to step up.
Danilee (29:23):
Actually they should never tear them down.
Pierre (29:25):
Yeah, that's true, you should never tear them down,
never tear them down.
Danilee (29:28):
Don't ever tear me down , Lift me up build me up Right,
right, Even if you're lacking ina certain spot.
I'm gonna talk about the goodspot.
Pierre (29:34):
That's true.
Everything you say to your manshould be constructive and not
destructive.
The goal would be to build himright.
Men, it's the same exact thing.
You're women.
They wanna feel love and thisis for this.
Right here is for everybody.
Like put others first when itcomes to relationships.
You don't need to figure outwhat can I do to win this right.
(29:55):
It's not about winning right.
It's about receiving right.
It's not about just going headto head and say I won.
Like you know our son, there'sbeen times where we had
conversation and he just triesto prove a point and he's right.
I said you feel better aboutyourself.
Danilee (30:09):
Why does he argue with a three-year-old?
I cannot.
Pierre (30:12):
I'm like you feel better about yourself because you're
right.
He's so competitive yeah it'snot about just being right, it's
about doing right.
It's good.
There's a difference, so that'sall I got to say that's a lot.
Danilee (30:23):
you said a lot.
Pierre (30:24):
Say a lot.
I feel like we're done.
Danilee (30:25):
I think this is a run back.
All right, yo listen guys Sharethis with Go play it again, go
listen to it again.
Pierre (30:29):
Share this with somebody Hit like, hit, subscribe,
Follow the page.
Don't just listen, watch and beselfish to give us a little
subscribe.
Just do it.
You're not hurting nobody Ifyou're finding value in this.
Our goal is not to go viral.
Our goal is to give value.
So we want to encourage youguys.
Keep digging.
Oh, it looks like you guys I'mgonna do a shout out real quick.
Danilee (30:50):
So, for the women, after we talked about this, this
conversation really, reallyreminded me of a book that I had
read a few months ago, and itchanged me A lot of the things
that I talked about today oftrusting my voice, leaning into,
knowing that I know thedecision, I know what I want,
and just valuing my opinion andmyself more.
(31:10):
It is this book.
It's called Understanding thePurpose and Power of a Woman,
from Dr Miles Monroe.
So, ladies, if you need some ofthat in your life, to just
trust your gut more and thegifts that God has given inside
of you, go read this book, y'all.
Pierre (31:23):
Yeah, that's it.
Danilee (31:24):
That's all I'm done.
Pierre (31:25):
Let's continue to dig, Hit us up, DM us, send us a
message Like for real.
Let's connect, Connect believeme we love y'all, thank you.
So you used to make me so mad when you would be talking
about me and to our friends orin a group or circle or whatever
, and you would refer to me as aglass half empty girl.
You'd be like you know, dannyLee, she's more of like a glass
half empty person and I'm moreof a glass half full person.
Pierre (00:17):
Yeah, because I just felt like there were so many
times, like in our lives and inall of our 16, 17 years of being
with each other, that typicallyyou'd look at a situation and
you looked at it.
How.
What's the worst possiblescenario?
That's what you literallyplayed out in your mind, which
is crazy.
Danilee (00:35):
Which I stopped fighting it for a little bit and
I was like, okay, maybe he'sright, that's maybe just my
anxiety.
But actually the other day wewere having a conversation with
some friends and I realized thatthat outlook on life is
actually part of us operating inour gifts as husband and wife
and mom and dad, and here's whyI'll explain.
(00:57):
Say, for instance, one night,which this has happened multiple
times.
So this is not a hypotheticalstory, this is real.
Pierre (01:05):
Okay.
Danilee (01:06):
We're going to bed and one of the kids spikes a fever.
Pierre (01:09):
I immediately go into panic mode of what tomorrow
looks like you I mean you'reDanny Lee comes to me and she's
asking me should we take thekids to the ER?
Should I call my mom?
She starts Googling stuff.
This girl starts going onxgscom Trying to find out all
this information about a feverand like there's a blue dot on
his nose, and then she comes toask me and I'm like here, be
(01:31):
fine, It'll be fine.
It just needs sleep, it needsrest.
You know, you guys know, I'mHaitian, right?
For those of you that don'tknow, I'm a Haitian, and for us
Haitians first of all, if you'resick, it's probably some type
of spiritual attack, right?
Danilee (01:44):
Yeah, just pray over and put some olive oil on the
forehead, it'll be fine.
Pierre (01:48):
It just needs prayer and rest and lots and lots of water
.
Danilee (01:50):
Okay, but in reality, when the kids strike a fever,
all I can think of is theschedule for the next day.
Pierre (01:56):
Right.
Danilee (01:57):
What's going to happen?
What's going to happen withwork?
Do I need to call out?
Who's going to call out?
Is it you or is it me?
Like all, the things.
Pierre (02:03):
I ain't doing nothing.
That is true, because the kidsare going to be just fine, we
all going to go to sleep, andthen what you have to do is
parents.
What you do is you just lockyour door so when the kids wake
up at night.
Danilee (02:13):
He does not do that, I get up guys.
That's what happens.
He stays asleep and I get upwith the kids.
Pierre (02:19):
There'll be times like baby, like you'll wake up.
We'll wake up in the morningand you'll say, oh my gosh, last
night was the worst night everand I'm like what?
Danilee (02:27):
happened.
He's not lying guys.
Pierre (02:28):
They both woke up.
One had diarrhea, one waspuking, one was puking, the
other one was crying, the otherone saw a weird spider in their
dream and I'm like all thathappened last night.
Danilee (02:41):
He stayed asleep through all of it.
He's like guys, I slept reallygreat.
Pierre (02:44):
Yo, you guys could straight up come rob me at night
and I would have no idea.
I got robbed Like I'd sleephard.
But you know the house I grewup in though there was always
eight to 10 people in our house,there'd be some times like my
parents had all kinds of peoplecome into our house.
I tell you the story.
I'm like, yeah, my dad's,brother's best friend uncle is
(03:05):
staying with us because he'stransitioning through states and
we're staying with us.
And then I was the second ofthree boys, I mean the middle of
three boys, my older brothersome of you guys know him he was
a producer.
So there'd be times, remember,I tell you the stories.
There'd be times he's up lateproducing music, he has his
friends coming at night and wegot school in the morning.
(03:27):
So we just learned how to justbe very optimistic and just
always doing like, ah, it'd befine, everything's going to work
out.
So I think that's probably whyI've created that, or I've built
that muscle of always lookingat a situation, of like it's
going to worsen.
That's probably because we wentthrough some bad situation.
I ever tell you about thatstory.
Wait, we didn't say let's dig.
Danilee (03:47):
We didn't.
What are?
Pierre (03:48):
we even talking about today.
Danilee (03:49):
We're talking about the roles of men and women, and how
they're strict.
We just went down and tried arabbit hole about your older
brother.
What's up, bro?
No-transcript.
Talking about how I actuallyusually see the negative, I
(04:09):
panic about all the things Ineed to take care of, and what I
was saying was that, as a glasshalf empty person, it's
actually the mothering part ofme, the characteristics of a
mother who anticipates needs,that make me think that way.
We are constantly in a habit oflooking at things and saying,
(04:31):
okay, we don't have enough money, it's not gonna stretch for the
next seven days.
We don't have enough chickennuggets, it's not gonna stretch
for the next three days while wehave school.
Brooklyn needs new socks,jordan needs new this.
I need more money for this, forthis insurance, like whatever
it may be.
As the head of the household isa mother, that's constantly.
(04:51):
Our role is looking for theneeds and then planning how to
make up for that, but your roleis more so.
I feel like the men are kind oflike we'll figure it out, it's
gonna work itself out, it'sgonna be fine.
You guys never really panic oflike yeah, I don't know what
we're gonna do, we don't haveenough money.
(05:11):
You guys don't do that.
You're like, nah, it'll come in, nah, it'll work itself out.
Pierre (05:15):
I don't know if I could speak for every single man in
that sense because but naturallyfor you.
I know some men like therewouldn't be slapping them around
and saying, bruh, I need you todo something already.
Danilee (05:24):
That is true.
That's not our case.
We've never had to deal withthat.
Pierre (05:28):
Which let me just say this to all the fellas out there
like, straight up, man up.
Like the way God intended itfor us, he intended for men to
be men and for women to be men,for women to be women.
I know people about to say wait, oh my gosh, there's Pierre.
Look, it's very simple.
Listen, for those of y'all thatfollow us and you're gonna be
like oh my gosh, where doesPierre and Dan Lee stand?
(05:48):
Do they stand here?
Do they stand there?
Listen, it's very simple.
A man is a man, a woman is awoman.
That's how God intended it tobe.
You know, yo, here's one of myfavorite stories in the Bible.
You ready for this?
This is gonna be a weirdsegment, but in the beginning,
when God created, it.
Danilee (06:02):
So heads up, here we go .
Pierre (06:03):
No, okay, now it's not really a story, right, it's just
a moment.
Danilee (06:07):
Moment.
Pierre (06:07):
That I really just highlighted and emphasized.
It's in the Bibles and Genesis.
Right, we all know the story,right?
God created man and from theman he created woman.
He pulled the woman out fromhis rib, made the woman go to
sleep, made him go night night.
The woman came and all thisstuff and the woman.
Danilee (06:21):
Remember when he used to always call me your rib.
Pierre (06:22):
Yeah, you still my rib baby.
Danilee (06:24):
That's cause the baby back rib.
Chili's song was really popularwhen we used to yeah, that's
crazy.
Pierre (06:29):
But you're still my rib all right, you're still my rib,
but God took woman from the sideright, cause there was never
the intention, wasn't for theman literally to be above him.
However, the way God designedit was for the man to be the
alpha, was for the man to be theprovider.
And so even think about thatmoment, right, when we hear the
(06:50):
story about when Eve ate thefruit right and now their eyes
will open the A from theforbidden tree, which reminds me
of the movie year one with JackBlack.
When he ate the forbidden fruitand he's like man, it has kind
of like a knowledge taste to itand otherwise, oh yeah, it
doesn't have like a forbiddentaste to it.
Ask me any question, right?
Danilee (07:11):
Where does the sun go at night?
Pierre (07:12):
Pass right.
Danilee (07:13):
Next question.
Pierre (07:14):
But here's the crazy thing is when God realized that
they ate that fruit.
Go back and read this y'all.
This is a Genesis, chapterthree.
God came looking for the man.
Danilee (07:25):
Yeah, cause he was responsible.
Pierre (07:27):
Even though it was the woman that took the fruit.
It was the woman that startedbrought the fruit, ate it.
She gave it to him.
God came looking for the dudelike yo bro, hey, where are you?
Danilee (07:36):
That's what the Bible says.
Pierre (07:37):
The Bible says bingo, because that's how God designed
it as the man to be the head ofthe household.
And for me, I've realized, babe, when I used to say that
comment of you know, you know,danyly, she's a glass, she's
glass half empty, she's old,negative.
She always sees how thingsaren't gonna work out, she plays
out all these scenarios and itdon't make sense.
That was me being in a placewhere I was empty and I didn't
(08:00):
realize that you actuallycomplete me.
Danilee (08:05):
Yeah.
Pierre (08:07):
You complete me, and we live in this world where it's
man against woman.
We're trying to compete witheach other.
It's the classic saying ofwe're not here to compete, we're
here to complete.
Yo.
That is so true when it comesto relationships.
I have people in my circle, Ihave people in our surroundings
where, when I wasn't in ahealthy place, I will look down
(08:28):
on some of their characteristicsor some of their behaviors.
Danilee (08:31):
Mine.
Pierre (08:32):
Yeah, same.
Okay, I was just trying tohypothetically speak.
I wasn't trying to.
We don't need to always dig atour relationship the whole
entire time.
Danilee (08:39):
That's true, but it has been growth in our relationship
for us to realize that part ofour characteristics are
strengths and not alwaysweaknesses.
Pierre (08:47):
That's exactly it, and I didn't realize that for so many
years, and it frustrated methat you always had a different
perception of a situation and Ithought you should see it the
way I see.
Listen, y'all, that's not theway it's designed.
It's not designed for you and Ito basically see it the same
way.
If we're on the athletic teamand we're both on the same team
(09:09):
and we're both on the same field, we do not play the same
positions.
Your position is just as strongas me.
For so many years, I justthought you should do it like I
do it and see it, how you see it, and see it how I see it, and I
was wrong for that.
Danilee (09:23):
And it's only made us stronger now, knowing that your
perspective is just as valued asmy perspective and my
perspective is just as valued asyour perspective, and that we
are stronger when we areacknowledging each other's
viewpoints and like taking itinto account, of saying, ok,
(09:44):
that could happen, here's whatwe can do to offset that, or
this might not happen, but justin case, let's have a backup
plan.
And so I think that that hasbeen a huge growth for our
relationship.
It has been.
But I also want to encourageother people out there for
relationships, for marriages,even, even for moms, like just
(10:06):
talking to the moms out therethat watch, knowing that your
viewpoint is valuable and thatyou can lean into that strength.
Now, I am not saying lean intoanxiety, right, that's something
different.
A lot of moms I mean not justmoms, but a lot of moms deal
with anxiety.
It's just how our brains arewired and what we have to fight.
So I'm not saying lean intoanxiety, I'm saying lean into
(10:28):
the word of God, but knowingthat this is part of your
gifting, it is part of nurturing, it is part of caring.
As women, we are called to bemultipliers and to nurture and
and give in to growth, forsituations.
And so when we come up withthings and we see things that
aren't going to make it ourshort, our running out, our
(10:51):
knowing that, hey, this is mygift.
To say, hey, here's an alarm,this is coming up and we've got
to make it work, and knowingthat that's part of your calling
as a mother and to help yourmate, say, hey, this is where
we're at, this is what I see.
How can we come together andmake sure that that doesn't
happen?
Pierre (11:09):
Yeah, and Dan Lee said also earlier.
I want to mention this.
She said lean into the word ofGod.
That's the Bible when we'rereferring to that.
So for those of you that aren'tbelieving and don't understand
that lingo, for us we are aBible believing family, bible,
believing home, and we believein the word of God, which is the
Bible.
We believe everything that itsays and that's our guide for
this life.
(11:29):
I want to take also take amoment and say real quick, if
you feel like these videos, ifyou feel like these
conversations, that they'rebringing value to your life, I
want to ask you like, hit thehit that like button, hit
subscribe, share it to somebody.
You know I've said it in thelast video like we don't just
want you to just watch in, right, what's the purpose of watching
?
And like, talk back with usLike we want to know, like what
(11:50):
are some trigger points, whatare some words, some things that
we're saying that you feel likeis bringing value to you
specifically, it helps us as aguide, it lets us know, like,
what lane to really lean into.
So we're going to jump rightback into it.
You know I love, like what yousaid, babe, like you know,
really understanding that theseare superpowers that we have.
Yeah, and there's some.
There's some things that I wantto encourage even us, and in
(12:12):
everybody's that that'slistening that some things that
we can do to really prefacewhenever we're getting ready to
face conflict or altercation.
Right, there's been times likeI'm coming to you and I'm going
to share something or give youfeedback on an idea that you
gave me, like you guys know thatfeeling right, you're about to
go to your coworker, you'reabout to go to your boss or to
(12:33):
your friend, to your mate, yourpartner, whatever it is, and
you're about to go to them andyou're going to give them
feedback on an idea or thoughtthat they had.
And what happens is we use ourfilters and we just give
feedback and we just startpopping off at them.
I say, well, I think it's this,I think it should be that, I
like this, I think this, I thinkshould be that, and something
(12:53):
for us that's worked for us inour relationship is to preface
it and set it up.
We haven't always got it right.
So there's times before I giveyou, you come to me and say, hey
, the kids are sick, they have afever.
I don't know what to do?
I think they should go to theER.
I think we should call thedoctor.
I think we should get this Canyou run a CVS or Walgreens or
ride aids?
(13:13):
I don't know what you guys havein your area and normally I
start saying whatever man,they'll be fine.
Baby, relax.
And I realized it's a verydismissive response for me not
to acknowledge your perceptionand your stress and how you see
and how you're receiving thesituation.
So what I've learned to do ispreface and I'll set up my
(13:38):
perspective.
I will set up my filter,another thing that I want to
encourage everybody to do toolike whenever you're getting
ready to give people feedback,like on their ideas or on their
concerns or how they're feeling,or their stress or their like,
um, um, anxiousness, likesomething that we've done is,
before I give my thoughts, I'mgoing to repeat everything that
(14:00):
you're feeling back to you.
Danilee (14:01):
Okay.
Pierre (14:02):
So the kids are sick and you feel like they should go to
the doctor.
You feel like, and I'll, I'llact like what makes you feel
that way and you'll kind of talkabout it, you'll break it down.
It lets you know that Iunderstand how you see it.
Danilee (14:16):
Totally, because then I don't feel like I have to fight
for you to hear me.
Pierre (14:19):
Bingo, and that's what happens to most people.
They feel like they have tofight and you feel like you have
to defend yourself.
And what I'm telling you is,first of all, we need to do a
better job of explainingourselves.
We need to slow down, we needto get our words together.
Sometimes we need to say let methink about it and then for us
that are on the other end, likebefore you start saying, what
you say and what you think,repeat back to the other person
(14:42):
their feelings, their emotions,their perception, how they see
it.
It allows them to put theirguards down and it allows them
to understand that.
Okay, you know where I'm comingfrom.
Now you get to speak into me.
Danilee (14:54):
Yeah, because you heard me, so now you can speak to me.
Pierre (14:57):
It's an exercise we've done all the time.
Once I feel like your guardsare down and that you know that
I understand you, then I canactually say okay, I'm gonna
share with you how I see it.
Yeah, that's a preference.
Set it up.
I don't need to dismiss herright and I want to encourage
fellas out there.
Listen, I get it.
You guys are like man.
I wish my girl would justunderstand me.
(15:18):
I just wish that my wife wouldjust understand me.
Okay, get over it.
Teach her how to understand youLike.
Learn how to have betterconversations.
Stop being so reactive.
Don't react to situations andrespond to them.
Ask questions.
I tell this to people all thetime, like before we got
something to say, have somethingto ask?
Danilee (15:37):
So good.
Pierre (15:38):
Ask a question first.
Yeah, so before I say whatever,like I don't think you need to
do that, or make you feel like Idon't care what you have to say
, I'm gonna ask you like why doyou feel that way?
Danilee (15:47):
I think it's about like super valuable too, that if I
have a strong opinion, I need toslow myself down and ask that
question first.
I feel like that is such a goodbarrier and a buffer Before I
come in hard of like this is howI feel or this is what you
should do.
Even I'm thinking of like worksettings or opinions about
something creative or whatever.
(16:09):
I'm not even thinking so muchin our relationship, but with
relationship with other people.
Before I come strong with anopinion, I need to come strong
with a question first.
Pierre (16:17):
Yes, so the issue wasn't that I thought that I was very
optimistic and the glasses halffull and that you were
pessimistic, pessimistic,Pessimistic, Pessimistic Good
job, and that you were theglasses half empty.
The issue was that I did notvalue how you just saw the glass
.
That's true.
Period it's not about.
Well, he thinks and she thinks.
(16:38):
Forget all that it's about.
Do you understand the peoplethat you are in relationship
with?
Do you understand how they seeit?
Because perception right,Perception is based off of how
you see it, Because who's right,who's wrong?
So it's understanding how theother person see it.
Is the glass half empty or isit half full?
Who's right, who's wrong?
(16:59):
It's just gaining moreunderstanding of how the people
that you are in relationshipsees the conflict or see the
opportunity.
Like you know what I?
Danilee (17:07):
mean, as we're talking about it, I have a mental
picture of I like to watch likeLaw and Order, SVU, and when
they or even anyone in battle,like when they come into a
moment when they are surrounded,they go back to back and I just
have like a visual of thembeing able to see they're seeing
(17:28):
completely opposite sides.
Their backs are to each other,but they have to trust the point
of view of the other person and, knowing that, they see that
perspective, I see thisperspective, but this is what's
gonna keep us the safest.
Pierre (17:42):
Yeah something else that we do, too, guys, that I wanna
encourage you guys to honestlyput into practice, is we'll ask
questions, like if Dan Lee comesto me with an idea or a thought
, if I don't feel passionateabout it, I'm gonna actually say
that.
I'm gonna say, actually, babe,like I know this is very strong
for you right now and you reallyfeel you know the world about
(18:04):
the situation.
I'll be honest with you, Idon't really feel passionate
about this topic and I do valueit because I value you and
what's important to you.
But I'm just gonna tell you myvote I can't put it in cause.
I'm neither left or right inthis case.
It lets her know that I'macknowledging that this is a big
situation, like when the kidswere sick, right, and I just
(18:26):
would tell her, like I just.
Danilee (18:28):
Those used to be huge fights.
Pierre (18:29):
Yeah, because Dannely just wanted me to just say do
you think they should go to theER or not?
And I didn't realize I wasn'tverbalizing to her properly that
actually I don't know, youdon't know and I don't feel
passionate about this.
Danilee (18:44):
You.
Well, that sounds weird to sayyou're not passionate about our
kids when they're sick, but it'sbecause you didn't have a
strong opinion.
This also goes back topersonality types of like you
didn't know the answer, so youcouldn't make a decision, and in
our relationship we've neverhad to deal with you not being
the stronger leader Like.
(19:04):
Naturally, in our relationshipyou are a strong leader, but
what we did have to strugglewith is you respecting my
feelings or my choices.
And so once you were able tosay, hey, this choice, I don't
have a strong opinion about ityou would trust me in those
situations and that really setus free from arguing, from going
(19:26):
back and forth when I would askyou those questions.
Those were mainly like Jordanhad to go to the ER.
He was having breathingproblems when he was a baby or
whatever, and I wanted mypartner to support me and agree
with me.
Honestly, that's what I waslooking for.
I didn't know the decision onmy own, so I wanted you to say,
yeah, let's take them to the ER.
But because you didn't know theanswer, you couldn't give me
(19:49):
anything, and that was extremelyfrustrating because I was like
it's our son, it's his life, whydon't you have an opinion?
And so once you learn toverbalize, hey, I don't have the
answer and I don't have astrong opinion.
Let's just go with your gut.
That really empowered me tolean into that mom choice of
(20:10):
like.
You know what.
Pierre (20:10):
I know it's best for my kid, let's do it and babe, and
you know what's crazy is, I wasnever able to say I don't know,
until I got to the point where Itrusted you and believed that
your skill set actually broughtvalue to our relationship.
Danilee (20:26):
That actually makes a lot of sense.
Pierre (20:28):
I'm gonna say that one more time.
I was not able to tell my wifeI don't know how to make a
decision on a topic until I wasable to see her value as a
teammate that brings 100% valueto what we're doing in our
relationship.
And I could bow out and say,babe, honestly, I don't know.
(20:50):
What do you think?
Man, listen, we got to humbleourselves, we got to let gold
apply and we have to see thevalue of the women that are in
our life.
Guys, anyone that's in arelationship, get to the point
where you can see the value ofthe people that you are in
relationship with, like, becauseif you don't, you're gonna feel
like you always have to makethe decision and that's tiring.
You have to be tired.
You cannot be sleeping at nightif you feel like everything
(21:12):
rises, falls, everything is onyou If you haven't understood
and acknowledged the value ofthe people that you're in
relationship with.
I got to the point, babe, whereI realized, like yo, my wife is
legit and she knows what she'sdoing and she knows what she's
talking about.
She's just as passionate aboutthis as I am.
This is not a 50-50relationship, it's a 100%, 100%.
Danilee (21:35):
And your confidence in me boosted my confidence for
myself.
So we all really, and it helpedme trust myself more.
It helped me go.
Actually, I do know what mydecision is, I do know what I
feel passionate about, I do knowwhat's best for my family in
this moment and, yeah, it mademe trust myself more.
Pierre (21:52):
Yeah, that's crazy.
Danilee (21:53):
That is crazy.
Pierre (21:55):
Wow.
Danilee (21:55):
I want to encourage you , women, like if you have a man
that is strong, be vocal in youropinions, be vocal in what you
think.
In respect there is because webelieve in the Bible.
There is a lot to say aboutsubmission, and that doesn't
mean that we are lesser thanthat means that we just have a
(22:16):
covering and we respect it.
And as the Lord has designedthe family model to work, it is
that they are covering, but thatdoesn't mean we fall behind, we
stand right next to them, andthat is one of the hardest
things that I've had to learn inthis walk in our marriage is
that I don't fall behind him, Istand beside him and so just
learning my voice you guys haveheard me say that plenty of
(22:38):
times that I've had to learn myvoice more, and this was a big
turning point for us in ourmarriage of learning that I do
know the right decision and Idon't need your.
I think it wasn't really thatSometimes I didn't trust my
choice enough and I wanted youto make the choice and so
realizing once you gave me thatconfidence and power of like,
(23:00):
hey, babe, I don't really knowthe choice here.
Pierre (23:02):
I trust you.
You make the call.
Danilee (23:02):
I trust you and I was like oh yeah, okay, I can do
this.
Pierre (23:06):
Here's where everybody wins.
When you vocalize to the peopleyou're in relationship with
that you trust them.
They actually don't want tolose that trust, that's true.
So you're gonna actually workharder to make the right
decision.
And guess what I get to do atnight?
Do you want these right here?
Sleep, chill, relax, look, grab.
Danilee (23:23):
All through, grab this mug right here.
What is happening right now,right here?
Oh my word.
The sticker's still on thebottom of the cup, babe, oh my
bad.
Pierre (23:32):
Didn't you get this for your birthday?
I did.
Danilee (23:34):
Shout out to the friends who gave us that cup.
Pierre (23:35):
That's such a great thing, it's such a cool thing,
man, for us to get to that pointwhere we're in a healthy
relationship.
Danilee (23:42):
What when did this come from?
Pierre (23:43):
They were just in my pocket Relax yourself.
Relax, relax, chill, chill.
And you know, for me, even asan alpha male, and I realized
that naturally most women wantan alpha male, a healthy alpha,
alpha, alpha That'd be a dad.
Let me get my words togetherright, Healthy alpha male Like
people, like man, that guy can'ttalk.
(24:04):
Relax, okay, stop judging me,you can't talk.
All right, people want healthyalphas in their lives, true
Right Alphas that operate at thebasement of their calling,
their ability.
I'm sorry, at the balcony.
Oh, alpha, you're like at thebasement.
Wait, what Is it the attic?
It's like what's he talkingabout?
It's like slow down, I'm hungrybecause we haven't eaten lunch
(24:26):
yet.
We haven't.
Or like it was Valentine's Daylittle chocolates and stuff like
that.
So your boy is starving rightnow, but people want a healthy
alpha in their life.
You know, for us to be able todiscern, for us to be able to
actually give off assignments toother people in our lives and
say like, hey, baby, can Iactually do this situation?
I don't know how to do it, Idon't know how to take care of
(24:48):
it, and I realized, like mostthere are some women that have
to be that in their relationshipbecause the man they haven't
stepped up.
Danilee (24:55):
Sure, if there's a lack of strength from the man that
woman is, we're do or die, we'rehustle, we'll figure it out.
And so if that man isn'tstepping into that role and
leading the family, a woman'sgoing to step in and take care
of it, and she's not going towant to.
It's not where we feel mostcomfortable.
(25:16):
It's not where, honestly, whereGod designed us to be.
Pierre (25:19):
It wasn't designed to be like that.
Danilee (25:21):
It gave us those skillsets and we can use them
when we need to.
But naturally that is the manrole to lead the family and be
the covering.
But when that man ain't there,if you ain't there I'm going to
have to step in.
Pierre (25:35):
And I'll tell you this like I'm determined to do my job
, like my job as the man in thisrelationship.
Right, I'm determined because Irealized I want to say this to
you, fellas, married men, listen, you got a job when you became
a husband.
Your job description is ahusband.
What does that look like?
It's a provider, it's aprotector right, it's a covering
(25:58):
for the household, it'ssecurity.
Like I want my wife to knowthat once I'm in the room, when
I'm there, she's good, she canchill.
I would hate to be to the pointwhere you feel like you always
have to work harder or you can'teven rest because you feel like
I don't have it.
It's like you're able to sleepwhile I'm driving.
Well, you used to be able tosleep while I was driving.
Now you all be nervous andstuff, but it's that comfort
(26:21):
that you have.
And listen, I'm going to saythis right now like married men,
if you don't do your job,someone else is going to do your
job for you, period.
You know I always talk about.
Like you know, I have to workhard at giving you compliments.
I have to work hard at makingsure that you know that I'm
giving you attention and thatI'm thinking about you and I'm
posting about you and I'mtalking about you.
(26:42):
It's true, right, it's some redflags to me when men don't talk
about their wives To me.
Danilee (26:48):
I'm like is your wife?
Pierre (26:48):
not in your life, you're in my life, so I'm always going
to be talking about you becauseyou're in my life.
And I realized, like, if Idon't do my job, someone else is
going to do my job for me andmy job is to be that person for
you.
And I'm learning harder andharder and I'm learning
throughout these years that Idon't have it figured out, and
being open about that, beinghonest about that and just
(27:10):
telling you the truth, like if Idon't know or I'm not sure, or
actually can you decide, that'snot showing weakness, it's
empowering it's empowering andit's humility.
It's showing that, wow, this guyis self-aware enough to know
that he's incompetent in certaincategories to make the decision
and he has a help make a wifeto say, hey, that's why I got
(27:33):
you.
Danilee (27:34):
And it makes us trust you more when you can verbalize
the lack of knowledge in acertain point, as opposed to if
you're just to know it all andyou're like, no, I got this and
I'm standing behind you, clearlyknowing you don't know what
you're doing.
That would make me so nervousto trust you and that would make
me negate everything you say.
(27:54):
And so, because you have thebravery and honesty to be like I
don't really know, in thissituation can you make the
decision.
I'm like, oh okay, I trust you,Cause when you say you know it,
you know it Because the lasttime when you did it, you told
me that too.
Pierre (28:10):
Yeah, that's crazy.
I don't give everybody a homer.
Danilee (28:12):
Bought to give everybody a homer right, Take
your pens and pencils outeverybody.
Pierre (28:15):
Take your pens, pencils, your phones right it's,
screenshot it.
Use closed captioning.
Whatever you have to do, Iwanna encourage y'all this week
in your relationships like taketime to actually ask questions
before you have something to say.
Ask two questions While someoneis talking, instead of figuring
out what you're gonna say.
Think about what you're gonnaask them, repeat back to them
(28:40):
what they're saying.
I guarantee you guards willcome down when people know that
you fully understand.
You don't need to react, justrespond For all my married
people out there.
Slow down, ask questions.
Men, it's okay to say I don'tknow.
It's okay, women, butter upyour guy, make him feel, make
his confidence go up before youtell him where you need him to
(29:03):
step it up.
Danilee (29:04):
That's really good.
Pierre (29:06):
No, legit, don't tear me down.
Tear me down.
Tear me down, and then you havemore stuff to say.
Make me feel good about myself.
Take care of your boy.
Danilee (29:13):
I got you.
Pierre (29:14):
You know, take care of your boy tonight, right?
But I'm saying this women, makeyour husbands feel good before
you tear them down or before youtell them where you want them
to step up.
Danilee (29:23):
Actually they should never tear them down.
Pierre (29:25):
Yeah, that's true, you should never tear them down,
never tear them down.
Danilee (29:28):
Don't ever tear me down , Lift me up build me up Right,
right, Even if you're lacking ina certain spot.
I'm gonna talk about the goodspot.
Pierre (29:34):
That's true.
Everything you say to your manshould be constructive and not
destructive.
The goal would be to build himright.
Men, it's the same exact thing.
You're women.
They wanna feel love and thisis for this.
Right here is for everybody.
Like put others first when itcomes to relationships.
You don't need to figure outwhat can I do to win this right.
(29:55):
It's not about winning right.
It's about receiving right.
It's not about just going headto head and say I won.
Like you know our son, there'sbeen times where we had
conversation and he just triesto prove a point and he's right.
I said you feel better aboutyourself.
Danilee (30:09):
Why does he argue with a three-year-old?
I cannot.
Pierre (30:12):
I'm like you feel better about yourself because you're
right.
He's so competitive yeah it'snot about just being right, it's
about doing right.
It's good.
There's a difference, so that'sall I got to say that's a lot.
Danilee (30:23):
you said a lot.
Pierre (30:24):
Say a lot.
I feel like we're done.
Danilee (30:25):
I think this is a run back.
All right, yo listen guys Sharethis with Go play it again, go
listen to it again.
Pierre (30:29):
Share this with somebody Hit like, hit, subscribe,
Follow the page.
Don't just listen, watch and beselfish to give us a little
subscribe.
Just do it.
You're not hurting nobody Ifyou're finding value in this.
Our goal is not to go viral.
Our goal is to give value.
So we want to encourage youguys.
Keep digging.
Oh, it looks like you guys I'mgonna do a shout out real quick.
Danilee (30:50):
So, for the women, after we talked about this, this
conversation really, reallyreminded me of a book that I had
read a few months ago, and itchanged me A lot of the things
that I talked about today oftrusting my voice, leaning into,
knowing that I know thedecision, I know what I want,
and just valuing my opinion andmyself more.
(31:10):
It is this book.
It's called Understanding thePurpose and Power of a Woman,
from Dr Miles Monroe.
So, ladies, if you need some ofthat in your life, to just
trust your gut more and thegifts that God has given inside
of you, go read this book, y'all.
Pierre (31:23):
Yeah, that's it.
Danilee (31:24):
That's all I'm done.
Pierre (31:25):
Let's continue to dig, Hit us up, DM us, send us a
message Like for real.
Let's connect, Connect believeme we love y'all, thank you.
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