August 30, 2023 • 40 mins
Welcome to the start of raw and unfiltered conversations about life's discomforts that many of us usually avoid. As a fearless mother-daughter duo, we, Caprie and Jaylah, open up about our personal stories and aim to build a safe space for tough, yet necessary conversations. From exploring the unique dynamics of our mother-daughter relationship born out of my early motherhood to Jaylah's journey of self-discovery after the loss of her beloved grandmother, we promise to take you on a journey that is as enlightening as it is inspiring.
In a world where we're often told to hide our emotions, we wholeheartedly embrace them. Together, we dissect the importance of therapy and direct, no-holds-barred conversations in processing our emotions. If left unaddressed, these emotions can morph into resentment and anger, two powerful forces that can wreak havoc on our mental and emotional well-being. As we progress, we'll also dive into the impact of unresolved trauma and the role of being a protector from a young age on our relationships and perspectives. It's a bumpy ride that many can relate to, but it's also a journey worth taking for gaining invaluable insights.
To wrap up, we also discuss our hopes and goals for the future, laying stress on therapy, self-discovery, and honesty as our guiding principles. But that's not all! We're excited to announce that we'll be releasing new content every Wednesday, diving into topics like absent fathers, addiction in families, and teenage pregnancy. So, join our growing community, leave a review, and who knows, you might just be part of our next conversation! Don't just listen, be a part of the change.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Caprie (00:01):
Hello and welcome to let's Talk Later.
I am your host, Caprie, and I'myour other one.
Jaylah (00:05):
Jaylah.
Caprie (00:07):
And we are the unapologetic mom and daughter
duo behind this podcast.
We will be diving into thetaboo, the awkward and the
downright uncomfortable topicsthat many people tend to shy
away from.
What is our goal?
To create a safe and open spacefor conversations that need to
happen within our communities.
(00:28):
On today's episode, our very,very first episode, we want to
just talk about who we are whilewe're doing this, our goals,
and just share a little bitabout ourselves for our
listeners down the line.
I'm going to jump things off andJaila, you just jump in as you
(00:53):
see fit.
So who am I?
I'm a mom, I'm a workingprofessional, I'm a dancer, I'm
an artist, I'm a woman, and Ifeel very deeply and I feel like
that's why this podcast is anopportunity for me to express
(01:19):
and dive into the emotions.
I've just a lot of things inthe world, a lot of things in my
life, and so, as I mentioned,we are a mother-daughter duo.
So Jaila is the first of my twochildren.
I had her at a very young ageand we went through a lot and
(01:46):
are still learning and growingand figuring things out, and I
feel like a lot of people wouldbe able to relate to our story
would be able to add to it,contribute and, like we said
earlier, just have conversationsaround things like this,
especially being a young mom andworking through the
(02:09):
complexities of themother-daughter relationship and
then some right.
So my goal that is pretty muchmy goal is one to connect with
our community, with our family,with each other and build from
this and just kind of see wherelife continues to take us in
(02:30):
this new space that we arediscovering.
So when I say I had Jaila veryyoung, I got pregnant, I was 14
years old and that obviously Ithink is really big.
And I was in, obviously I wasin high school at the time and
(02:57):
had a lot of support in certainareas and in certain areas not
so much, and, as you can imagine, it was a very complicated time
where there were everybody hassomething to say, everybody has
something to feedback criticism,and I think one of the big
(03:21):
problems about criticism is thatyou don't look, you look at it
from the passenger seat,forgetting that you were a
driver at one point yourself,right.
So I finished high school, Iwent to college you know the
realities of being a parent,settled in a lot more and I
(03:41):
realized I needed to go and geta job right.
I needed to take care of mychild and I needed to get out of
the situation that I was inTalk about that later.
And so I left college and Istarted a job and I actually
have been at that same company15 years Talk about that later,
(04:10):
let's talk later, right?
And so throughout this time Ihave risen, I have fallen, I
have grown, I have changed, Ihave developed, and right now we
are here at 37, oh, my God, notyet 36 and 22 and figuring out
(04:32):
who we are, even in this space,because every year you change
and you learn and you grow.
And Jaila's father I will lether speak to that if she wants
to or not.
I think we should, because weare here to talk through all of
the stuff that's uncomfy andshaped and molded us into the
(04:57):
people that we are now and whowe will continue to be.
So, without giving anddivulging too much, I'm going to
hand it over to Jaila and lether tell a little bit of her
story and who she is.
Jaylah (05:11):
I don't even know, like I'm still like I don't know,
because I'm so young still thatit's like I don't really have
like a complete story.
Of course, like you know, Idon't know, like I don't know,
I'm in college, I'm in school.
Caprie (05:27):
College and school are the same.
Jaylah (05:28):
Yeah, but I don't know, like I don't, really I can't.
There's no way for me to likeput my life story or like where
I've come from, in like a fewwords.
Um, yeah, I mean you kind of.
The thing is that like yourstory is kind of my story.
Caprie (05:47):
So yeah, but you have a whole different perspective.
Jaylah (05:50):
For surely?
Yeah, I mean, we come from twodifferent like generations.
Obviously we were raised verydifferently.
Um, I guess I would say likeI'm the I don't even know.
Yeah, I'm still trying to like,like when people that's one of
my biggest things is like whenpeople are like, oh, like
explain yourself and like fourwords, I'm like, uh, it's just
(06:11):
automatically like awkward Cause, I'm like I don't know, like
I'm still like figuring thosethings out.
So Okay.
Caprie (06:20):
Well, what about this?
Okay, you love movies and showsand reality dramas and all of
that.
If there was any Character thatyou could relate to, that you
feel like man.
I see a lot of myself in thisperson.
Jaylah (06:37):
Bruh, Issa bruh from insecure mom.
Caprie (06:42):
It's funny, cause I say the same thing.
Jaylah (06:45):
Okay, um she's still trying to like figure things out
.
She's very supportive of thepeople around her, um,
especially like in the beginningof that like TV show, when you
see her like just really tryingto like figure her own stuff out
but also be there for her dude.
I guess I kind of would saythat like in the beginning of
(07:05):
like my journey, I guess, um, Iwas very much lost, especially
like after like grandma died andstuff.
Like I just felt like I had tojust be on like autopilot,
especially for like my siblings,and after a while that just
became too much for me to likehold on to by myself.
Um, you know, and instead oflike like what's that?
(07:30):
What I'm thinking about, liketrying to get through that like
head on, I kind of just ran fromit.
Um, and then that's when I leftout of state for college and
ended up on the other side ofAmerica, yeah, um.
So yeah, like I just I've beenreally lost, I guess, and now
(07:52):
I'm starting to kind of get ittogether and yeah.
Caprie (07:56):
Okay, I mean, that makes a lot of sense.
Um, I think, um, I think, uh,yeah, that speaks a little bit
to who you are, I mean, you knowwhat.
So what kind of like a friendare you Like?
Okay, we talk about Issa, right, issa and her brother seemed
(08:16):
like they had a bit of acomplicated relationship, her
mom, they seemed like theyweren't very close but then kind
of got close to like values.
Right, if you talk about valueslike what's important, like
what would you say are yourvalues just in life?
Like family, friendships,connections, success, financial
(08:39):
freedom, you know all of thesekinds of things.
Like what's important to youReligion, I'm not gonna say that
Definitely not.
Jaylah (08:45):
But anyway, I know okay, I guess I would say like my
family is a very big part oflike who I am, just because we I
feel like, especially me andyou were like I know you hated
this when I was growing up, butlike we're like best friends
more than I felt like in thebeginning.
Like it was hard to kind ofcreate that like I don't know,
(09:08):
that balance between us wherewhat's like okay, yeah, we're
super close in age, so we aregonna have more like sisterly,
like best friend vibes than likemom and daughter.
But I mean, as we grew up andgrew older and matured a bit, it
became more like okay, likethis is our balance of like
(09:29):
you're my mom but you're alsosomeone I like go to for
everything, like there's nothingthat I feel, like I'm
uncomfortable to speak with you.
I hope so.
Caprie (09:38):
Now, I mean now, yeah, yes, yeah, she has shared some
things with me.
There's so many people like notso many people, because I have
a fairly small circle, but but,like boy, jaila told me all
kinds of stuff and I mean Icould never and I'm like I know
I thought I would feel the same,but I don't know.
(09:59):
And I was that one like I'm notyour friend, you know, like no,
I'm your mom because you knowthat's how I was raised.
It's like you show your parentsa certain I ain't even gonna
say I asked how I was raised.
That's kind of the assumptionthat was placed on me, Some form
of fashion that you show yourparents respect, and it's a very
fine line between being friendsand being your mother, because
(10:25):
you just don't cross those linesfor some reason.
I don't know.
It's like this unspokenunderstanding and so I took that
on because I had a limitedamount of parental examples and
so I was just like no, no, youknow, I'm your, I'm not your
friend, I'm not your friend, butit's like no, I value that
(10:46):
because I wanna know what'sgoing on, because all too often,
you know, you hear these thingson the news where it's like, oh
, this person's daughter wentmissing and like for a year she
was out on the corner doing herthing and like they, the parents
, had no idea that she wasliving that kind of life.
It's like just the dangers thatcome with it, Just, I mean just
being open, like why not?
(11:08):
I remember Jaila had told melike I would always keep my like
emotions like on guard, causelike nope, she don't need to
deal with this or she doesn'tneed to know about this.
It's my stress, it's not to dowith her.
And I think you said to me likeI can feel when you're stressed
out or I can tell whensomething's going on with you,
(11:30):
like something along the linesof and correct me if I'm wrong.
I was like I can learn from it,or like let me know, or like
tell me, because I have to oneday I'm gonna have to grow up
and who knows what, go throughthings and I can like like learn
from that experience orsomething like that.
It was just something she saidand it was like you know what
(11:52):
she write, like she could tellanyway, like why not share and
be vulnerable and not everything, because you know some things
do need?
They're a bit in it, but youknow, as far as life experiences
, it's like why not, you know?
And so I think that that, forme, is one of my values, is
being able to have opencommunication with your children
(12:15):
, just in general.
So because life is gonna happento them too, just as much or,
if not more, if not better,hopefully worse than the things
that happen to you.
So that's what I was thinking.
But so you mentioned likefamily and like how it shaped
(12:37):
you to be who you are.
Do you want to like talk aboutlike the dynamic of our family?
I mean?
Jaylah (12:49):
if they're listening, they're probably gonna realize
that I hate most of them.
Oh my God, they're gonna be likeJaila just got so much to say
about us.
I'm like, yeah, whatever I meanour dynamic, like really
honestly, truly, I think like inour entire family, I think like
(13:11):
who I live with is like whomatters the most to me.
I think everyone outside ofyeah, everyone that like is like
our extended family.
I genuinely do not care aboutthem.
Like half of them don't show upfor anything.
None of them ever texts to saylike how are you Nothing?
And I totally don't agree withthat whole like oh, the phone
(13:35):
works both ways.
Like, bro, you've been an adultmost of my life.
Like I've been a child.
Like I'm just like becoming anadult.
I'm only 22.
And for you know this, I don'tknow our family dynamic is
really like messed up andintense and I think that's
probably gonna be a wholeepisode on its own.
Caprie (13:55):
But I think with this podcast.
Jaylah (13:57):
I think one of my biggest goals really is to
create like a place where we canbe brutally honest and like
just kind of allow other peoplewho might be going through the
same thing to kind of understandlike it's okay to have these
like different perspectives andbeliefs on how you treat your
(14:17):
family.
Like I think you're the type ofperson where it's like oh, I
want to like kind of improvethis relationship or at least
salvage what is left of it, andI'm totally opposite where I'm
like you know what?
I genuinely don't care if wenever talk again.
I'm just not gonna keep puttingmyself in a situation where I
have to be the adult when I justbecame an adult.
Caprie (14:38):
Yeah, I understand that this is the uncomfortable thing
about it, because I am so muchof a I don't know if you've got
me a peacekeeper or conflictavoidant, that is the word of
the day.
It's words, but it's true.
(14:59):
And I think that that comeswhen you mention me being let's
salvage or let's repair and youbeing I don't care.
I think that changes withmaturity too, cause I could say,
if I think back to me at 22,this wasn't important to me, it
(15:21):
was.
What was important to me waskeeping bills paid, taking care
of my daughter and having fun.
I think like that was important, like I didn't even think about
relationships with family, whatmy friends doing, where we
going, like what were we aboutto do, not?
How is this person feelingabout something I said?
(15:43):
Or how can we get deep into theemotional complexities of this
trauma that we both livedthrough, or something like that.
I wasn't thinking about that at22.
I didn't really start thinkingabout this until Probably right
before I turned 30.
So I think that changes I meanit may or may not change for you
(16:05):
, but I think it does change andI actually had one of my
sisters there are seven of us,boys and girls, by the way, one
of my sisters mentioned you justfeel this way because you older
, and I was like you know what Ithink you're probably right
Like I didn't care, and I alsoam of the belief that so many
(16:31):
conversations well, the lack ofconversation is the reason for
so much, or so many of theissues that happen or that are
present in families andrelationships is because people
just won't talk, they just won'tsay it, they're too scared to
(16:53):
admit it, they're too scared toaddress it, and that's a problem
, because you have to talkthrough things.
What was Jaila was telling me?
We had a difference inperspective.
It's like I said.
I said you have to grow throughit to go through it, or
something like that, as you'llbe here.
No, it's, you have to gothrough it, to go through it.
(17:15):
Like I'm, like dude.
They mean the same, but forreal, though, you have to like
go through a thing.
You have to experience a thingand feel through a thing.
You have to process it andtruly like what does process
mean For you, jaila?
(17:35):
What does the word process mean?
What does that look like?
Jaylah (17:42):
Processing it?
I don't know.
I'm trying to understand it.
I'm trying to understand how itaffects me and those around me,
kind of jumping back tochanging or trying to fix the
relationship.
You could say that, like mysisters, we had a very strange
(18:02):
relationship and whatnot.
Things happened or whatever,and I kind of had to process how
it was not only affecting herone of my sisters but how our
situation was affecting me andhow I kind of had to step up and
be the bigger person in thatsituation and come to her and be
(18:24):
like, hey, I totally understand.
So processing it can take time.
It can mean I think it's verycomplex.
A lot of people process thingsdifferently.
Some people get angry.
I think me personally.
I sit in silence and I like tojust simmer in that feeling and
(18:44):
then kind of just say where do Igo from there once I feel it,
and whatnot.
Caprie (18:54):
Yeah, I see.
Okay, I think that's gonna bedifferent for everybody, because
I feel like processing to me apart of processing is therapy.
For me, a part of processing isacknowledgement, direct
acknowledgement, like you sayyou have, I don't know.
(19:17):
You said somebody, like saidsomething to you in the heat of
argument and it hit you deep.
And to process that would be tosay to that person hey, when
you said X, it made me feel Yand what we gonna do about this?
(19:40):
That's a part of processing tome.
But that doesn't happen.
Many people will bury it andmove forward.
Many people believe that itdidn't affect them or lead
themselves maybe even to believethat it didn't affect them and
go forward.
And then, as soon as somethinghappens that is similar to that
(20:03):
situation right, triggers theyget mad all over again, but this
time they're twice as madbecause they never processed or
dealt with that when it happenedthe first time, when they said
whatever they said.
So, but going back to you whenyou said I'm not gonna continue
(20:25):
to be the adult in the situationor feel like I have to be the
adult in the situation connectedto your dad, right, and your
grandmother, that was a lot ofthe same thing that you said.
You have to step in and do, andyou have to step in and be
(20:46):
because he didn't, because shedidn't, because of these things.
Is this cause and effect right?
So, like, do you feel that thatis related to how you feel
today as an adult, theresponsibility that was placed
on you at nine, 10, as far asyour siblings and the care of
(21:10):
your grandmother, you know?
Jaylah (21:13):
Yeah, I mean it's kind of like I'm not gonna say no
names yet but in certainsituations like I had not like
in every aspect of my life, butin the ones that mattered the
most to me, I didn't have like,oh, we're gonna go outside and
have fun, like no, I'm liketaking care of, you know, kids,
(21:35):
like I'm making sure thatthey're fed and bathed, and you
know that does like play a verybig part on how I respond.
Now it's like I've done so muchup to this point that if you can
just give me half of what I cangive, we would probably have a
better relationship, especiallyto the family members that like
(21:59):
kind of knew what we were, likewhat I was going through and
like what I was like having todeal with, you know, and for
them to kind of just kind offall into the shadows and you
know like it's kind of like whyeven try to work on that at all
Like I was a kid and now thatI'm, yeah, an adult, now it's
(22:21):
still that inner child in methat wants someone to be like
hey, you know, I'm here for you,understand what you're going
through, especially for myfamily like that's a really big
deal.
So I think that plays.
I mean with that, though Ican't sit here and say it was a
bunch of negatives that itcaused, because I feel like now
(22:42):
I'm mentally stronger, I canpersevere through almost
anything.
Like I'm going to get throughit regardless if there's no one
in my corner or everyone's in mycorner.
But yeah, that just comes withits goods and bads.
Caprie (22:58):
Yeah.
So I guess this is anotherplace for the perspective change
, because while I totallyunderstand what you're saying,
like especially from theperspective or the role of a
protector, right being your mom,I don't really know what this
(23:21):
means.
But people be like I'm going toplay devil's advocate here and
I think this might be the rightsituation.
I've done the same so, and whenI say that I mean there are
younger members of our familythat my presence in their lives
(23:45):
has fallen short, it has fallento the wayside, and when I think
about that, it makes me, youknow, that pit of the stomach
feeling like you're holding,like an emotion that's connected
to that, and I think that'sguilt and I think it's a little
bit of fear, because when youhave a situation, so one thing
(24:08):
that happens and I think youknow many people will probably
relate to this is that when twoadults have problems, the kids
suffer.
When two adults have tension,it changes the relationship
between said adults and thosechildren, and that's problematic
(24:33):
, and I think that's a piecethat I'd love to talk about on a
future episode, just how tocombat that and how to push
through that, you know.
So look forward to that, but Ithink it's almost easier when
you're coming from a place ofunresolved trauma in yourself
(24:57):
and you look at another person'sor group of people's situation
and it's like emotionallycomplex.
It's easier to and I'm speakingfor myself it's easier to avoid
because it's like I don't knowwhat to do, I don't know what to
say, I don't know how to showup.
(25:18):
And then for me, you know, I'mtotally, you know, on this
podcast, to be totallytransparent, I suffer from
neglect and abandonment.
And for people who suffer fromthings those things not alone or
specifically, or one or theother, but in any kind of
(25:38):
combination they tend to feellike a burden on everyone.
So it's like, will you rejectme if I come to you and say I
miss you?
I'm sorry, you know, will youget upset with me?
(26:01):
Will you think I'm doing toomuch?
Will you push me away?
And it's like it doesn't evenmatter with age, you know,
depending on where your traumawas based or, I guess, how old
you were when you experiencedyour greatest traumatic event,
whatever to say, I mean a 30year old to a 10 year old, you
know, if you have deep rootedtrauma and there's something
(26:24):
that happens in thatrelationship and that 10 year
old forget, you know, forgettinghow mentally and
developmentally different a 10year old is.
If they respond to you in acertain way, you're gonna be
like they hate me, I messed up,I did something wrong, and
you're gonna start to go inwardand it's like it's this whole
(26:44):
complicated process and I think,where I am in my big age, I
understand that more, not thatit's justifiable, not that it's
an excuse, but it is a factorand I think that we all get to
that point sometimes and so Iwould never, ever force or try
(27:08):
to force or make anythinguncomfortable for anyone else.
But I do think that when youget to that point, you
understand that it helps whenyou're looking at those
relationships and thoseperspectives.
So that's my perspective andlike I would love, of course
well, I don't know abouteverybody, but I would love if
(27:29):
we all what they say I don'tknow who said this on the show
Can't we all just get along Likethat's really what I want, like
that's really what I hope for,because we never really had that
.
If I look at all of the playersin my movie, everybody has some
(27:49):
kind of a trauma, everybody hassome kind of a pivotal point in
their lives that they haven'tfully healed from and that's a
stop gate for a lot of successin the relationships and in the
(28:11):
healing process.
So, yeah, that's my thoughts.
But the inner child work, though, I think is very important.
You mentioned that, j-lore.
You said your inner child wantsTalk more about that.
Jaylah (28:32):
On the introduction episode oh okay, you're right.
Caprie (28:37):
All right, you're right.
All right, you're right.
Okay, we can say that becauseyou probably did say that that
can be a whole episode If youeven if you didn't say it, it
can be a whole episode of it'sin itself.
So I think we definitely haveshared a lot and talked about a
(28:59):
lot, but I do want toacknowledge and look at a little
just a little bit more of thestory about what are your like
not even the goals for thispodcast, but like your hopes for
yourself.
Like looking at where you wereas a child when you finally
(29:23):
started to get in touch withyour emotions and how, what your
understanding of life was tonow, and then like what you see
for yourself in the future whenit comes to like this,
everything like goals and valuesand family dynamic and so on
and so forth.
Jaylah (29:42):
I think with this podcast for real, like it's an
outlet for you know us, but Ithink it'll also be a good
bridge, hopefully for some ofour family as well, to kind of
learn, because I really think,genuinely speaking, that me and
(30:04):
you are kind of the two bridgesfor, like you kind of have that
upper, older generation of ourfamily and then I- and I ain't
even older.
Caprie (30:14):
But we will talk about it.
Jaylah (30:15):
And then, obviously, I have more of a relationship with
, like, the younger people inour family and whatnot, and I
don't know.
I just really hope that youknow we don't I don't know, we
don't burn bridges more than wetry to build them, but I think
that, with us being transparentand super honest about how we
feel and the things that havehappened that potentially may be
(30:37):
, you know, what happens is thatpeople don't talk to us anymore
.
But hopefully, just having usall learn from each other and
just being honest, I think iswhat I'm really hoping for,
because I have been always knownto be the unfiltered voice.
(30:59):
And so hopefully it'll just, youknow, have people kind of
understand like, hey, we're allin this together, so let's try
to do something right, I agree.
Caprie (31:08):
I think, and just to reiterate, this is not a
slandering, bashing podcast.
That is not our goal, that isnot our intention.
The intention is this is thiswe hope that this spans far and
(31:30):
wide, not just across Tim, joe,bob and Bill and when I say that
I mean you know the players inour movie, like I said but to
other families out there in youknow our diverse communities,
right, who aren't havingconversations, who have tensions
(31:52):
between mom and dad and dad anddaughter and mom and daughter,
son, cousin, nephew, niece,grandpa, and we hope to inspire
those people through our ownstories and our perspectives and
our conversations to starthaving their own conversations,
(32:12):
to start talking to each other,to start listening to one
another.
Intentionally listening, that'sanother.
I'm gonna do a episode ofvocabulary because I feel like
people need to make sure theyhave the correct psychological
understanding and definition ofthese words.
(32:33):
Listening is not just I'mhearing what you saying, because
I'm preparing my response.
Listening is not just sittingthere staring at the person's
lips while they talk.
Listening involves so likeactive, intentional listening.
It involves so many more partsof your brain and your body, and
(32:54):
so we'll talk about that aswell.
We're really here to like tobreak down these barriers, to
really have these deep,necessary conversations.
I just wanted to reiterate that.
I might say it a thousand moretimes, but that's just very
important to remember andunderstand that this is for a.
This spans beyond our household, our families, our friends.
(33:18):
It spans way beyond that.
We seek change.
But back to you, jaila.
You kind of answered some ofthe question, but you didn't
talk about where you are versuswhere you are versus where
you've been versus where you'regoing.
Jaylah (33:39):
Looking back, I was like a really angry, disheveled
child who didn't know how tocommunicate, and now I think
that I'm extremely, extremelybetter at communicating, saying
what I need to say respectfullysometimes, and where I hope to
go is understanding myself alittle bit more.
(34:03):
Yeah, just really, I'm in thatphase right now in my life where
I'm just like, bro, who am I,what do I wanna be, what do I
wanna do, where am I gonna go?
And I don't know those answersyet.
Caprie (34:19):
Yeah, no, I would have to agree.
I don't know those answers formyself.
I know where I want to go, butwe ain't gonna know where we
gonna end up till we get there.
And that's okay.
I think that for myself.
So when I was little, I wantedto be a male person, right?
(34:43):
I don't know why, don't ask, Idon't know.
When I was like seven and I waswalking around the house and I
was like I'm gonna be a deliveryperson when I get older, and
somehow I fell into.
You know where I am now in humanresources, and I'm ready for
(35:07):
something else now, and I thinkso.
I'm saying all this to say thatwhere you end up is ever
changing, or even where you wantto end up is ever changing, and
that's all a part, I think, ofhow you, your experience and how
you develop in yourrelationships and so forth and
(35:28):
so on, and so it's always comeback to the human part, though,
and I think that's why I startedin HR, because it was like, oh,
human resources, I get to workwith people and I get to be a
part of something that impactsand affects the experiences of
others, but if any of you outthere in this field.
(35:50):
You'll know that it's verygeneral and it depends really,
really, really on where you arein the field, and I think Jaila
has.
I won't speak for you, butyou've always kind of said the
same thing as far as where youwant to end up in your career,
(36:13):
right?
Jaylah (36:14):
Yeah, helping people and stuff, yeah yeah, but I mean
even specifically.
Oh yeah, I wanna be a therapist.
I wanna like.
Well, my biggest career goal isto become a child psychiatrist,
but that changes every day.
I don't know exactly where Iwanna end up in the field of
(36:35):
psychiatry, but I know that Iwanna like give back to people
who are asking and looking forhelp.
Caprie (36:43):
Yeah, they say that that comes from where you started in
life, like if you come from achildhood where no one helped
you, you know, or no onelistened to you.
You have this desire intoadulthood to become the listener
(37:05):
, to become the helper, you know, and so I think that's true for
both of us as well, as I thinkthere are other people in our
family who have the sameambitions as to be some kind of,
you know, mental health orpsychology driven, be in a
psychology driven role in theirlife, and so that's all good man
(37:30):
, it's really all good, and Ithink everything's gonna keep
continue to change.
Things are gonna continue togrow and change and shift in our
lives, and that's actually kindof exciting.
I do wish, and my hope forJaila has always been to for her
to find her why and to followwhat she is passionate about,
(37:54):
because I feel like you know, asI mentioned earlier in the
episode, I just had to find ajob because I had to take care
of business.
You know I couldn't finishschool at the time.
I mean no, no, no, I couldn't.
I was gonna say I could have ifI really tried, but there was a
lot going on in my life at thattime that prevented me from
(38:18):
fulfilling the goal I had then,so I was like I couldn't do it.
She gonna do it.
If she's not gonna do it, I'mgonna at least give her the
opportunity to do it.
I'm gonna do everything I canto make sure that she has that
opportunity, because it'simportant, because you know it
at least decreases thelikelihood that you are at a big
(38:42):
age and you're like dang, Iwish I would have started this
10 years ago.
I wish I would have done thisback then.
That may or may not happenanyway, but it's still at least,
like I said, just gives theopportunity.
So, again, we will continue tofollow this journey and just see
where life takes us andhopefully, through this podcast
(39:05):
and other avenues like this andother spaces, we will heal other
areas of our lives and thelives of those around us and far
beyond our physical reach.
And so, with that, I thinkwe're gonna go ahead and close
up, and you know our plan andour another one of our plans and
(39:27):
our goals is to release moreepisodes and more content.
We plan to air every Wednesday,so be on the lookout for more
content from let's Talk.
Later we will be covering avariety of topics, such as
absent fathers, which we touchedon a little bit today addiction
(39:51):
in families and teenagepregnancy.
We hope to bring you guests andspeakers to give additional
perspective and outlook, becausediversity of thought is huge as
well in this space, and so beon the lookout.
(40:14):
We are excited to keep thisgoing and to talk to you all and
to hear from you as we havethese very important
conversations.
So, to all you good people, youtake care, make sure you
subscribe and leave a review.
Again, we wanna hear from youbecause you are a part of this
(40:39):
community that we're trying tobuild, and so a community is
nothing without connection andcommunication.
So until next time, be safe, bewell, take care.
Hello and welcome to let's Talk Later.
I am your host, Caprie, and I'myour other one.
Jaylah (00:05):
Jaylah.
Caprie (00:07):
And we are the unapologetic mom and daughter
duo behind this podcast.
We will be diving into thetaboo, the awkward and the
downright uncomfortable topicsthat many people tend to shy
away from.
What is our goal?
To create a safe and open spacefor conversations that need to
happen within our communities.
(00:28):
On today's episode, our very,very first episode, we want to
just talk about who we are whilewe're doing this, our goals,
and just share a little bitabout ourselves for our
listeners down the line.
I'm going to jump things off andJaila, you just jump in as you
(00:53):
see fit.
So who am I?
I'm a mom, I'm a workingprofessional, I'm a dancer, I'm
an artist, I'm a woman, and Ifeel very deeply and I feel like
that's why this podcast is anopportunity for me to express
(01:19):
and dive into the emotions.
I've just a lot of things inthe world, a lot of things in my
life, and so, as I mentioned,we are a mother-daughter duo.
So Jaila is the first of my twochildren.
I had her at a very young ageand we went through a lot and
(01:46):
are still learning and growingand figuring things out, and I
feel like a lot of people wouldbe able to relate to our story
would be able to add to it,contribute and, like we said
earlier, just have conversationsaround things like this,
especially being a young mom andworking through the
(02:09):
complexities of themother-daughter relationship and
then some right.
So my goal that is pretty muchmy goal is one to connect with
our community, with our family,with each other and build from
this and just kind of see wherelife continues to take us in
(02:30):
this new space that we arediscovering.
So when I say I had Jaila veryyoung, I got pregnant, I was 14
years old and that obviously Ithink is really big.
And I was in, obviously I wasin high school at the time and
(02:57):
had a lot of support in certainareas and in certain areas not
so much, and, as you can imagine, it was a very complicated time
where there were everybody hassomething to say, everybody has
something to feedback criticism,and I think one of the big
(03:21):
problems about criticism is thatyou don't look, you look at it
from the passenger seat,forgetting that you were a
driver at one point yourself,right.
So I finished high school, Iwent to college you know the
realities of being a parent,settled in a lot more and I
(03:41):
realized I needed to go and geta job right.
I needed to take care of mychild and I needed to get out of
the situation that I was inTalk about that later.
And so I left college and Istarted a job and I actually
have been at that same company15 years Talk about that later,
(04:10):
let's talk later, right?
And so throughout this time Ihave risen, I have fallen, I
have grown, I have changed, Ihave developed, and right now we
are here at 37, oh, my God, notyet 36 and 22 and figuring out
(04:32):
who we are, even in this space,because every year you change
and you learn and you grow.
And Jaila's father I will lether speak to that if she wants
to or not.
I think we should, because weare here to talk through all of
the stuff that's uncomfy andshaped and molded us into the
(04:57):
people that we are now and whowe will continue to be.
So, without giving anddivulging too much, I'm going to
hand it over to Jaila and lether tell a little bit of her
story and who she is.
Jaylah (05:11):
I don't even know, like I'm still like I don't know,
because I'm so young still thatit's like I don't really have
like a complete story.
Of course, like you know, Idon't know, like I don't know,
I'm in college, I'm in school.
Caprie (05:27):
College and school are the same.
Jaylah (05:28):
Yeah, but I don't know, like I don't, really I can't.
There's no way for me to likeput my life story or like where
I've come from, in like a fewwords.
Um, yeah, I mean you kind of.
The thing is that like yourstory is kind of my story.
Caprie (05:47):
So yeah, but you have a whole different perspective.
Jaylah (05:50):
For surely?
Yeah, I mean, we come from twodifferent like generations.
Obviously we were raised verydifferently.
Um, I guess I would say likeI'm the I don't even know.
Yeah, I'm still trying to like,like when people that's one of
my biggest things is like whenpeople are like, oh, like
explain yourself and like fourwords, I'm like, uh, it's just
(06:11):
automatically like awkward Cause, I'm like I don't know, like
I'm still like figuring thosethings out.
So Okay.
Caprie (06:20):
Well, what about this?
Okay, you love movies and showsand reality dramas and all of
that.
If there was any Character thatyou could relate to, that you
feel like man.
I see a lot of myself in thisperson.
Jaylah (06:37):
Bruh, Issa bruh from insecure mom.
Caprie (06:42):
It's funny, cause I say the same thing.
Jaylah (06:45):
Okay, um she's still trying to like figure things out
.
She's very supportive of thepeople around her, um,
especially like in the beginningof that like TV show, when you
see her like just really tryingto like figure her own stuff out
but also be there for her dude.
I guess I kind of would saythat like in the beginning of
(07:05):
like my journey, I guess, um, Iwas very much lost, especially
like after like grandma died andstuff.
Like I just felt like I had tojust be on like autopilot,
especially for like my siblings,and after a while that just
became too much for me to likehold on to by myself.
Um, you know, and instead oflike like what's that?
(07:30):
What I'm thinking about, liketrying to get through that like
head on, I kind of just ran fromit.
Um, and then that's when I leftout of state for college and
ended up on the other side ofAmerica, yeah, um.
So yeah, like I just I've beenreally lost, I guess, and now
(07:52):
I'm starting to kind of get ittogether and yeah.
Caprie (07:56):
Okay, I mean, that makes a lot of sense.
Um, I think, um, I think, uh,yeah, that speaks a little bit
to who you are, I mean, you knowwhat.
So what kind of like a friendare you Like?
Okay, we talk about Issa, right, issa and her brother seemed
(08:16):
like they had a bit of acomplicated relationship, her
mom, they seemed like theyweren't very close but then kind
of got close to like values.
Right, if you talk about valueslike what's important, like
what would you say are yourvalues just in life?
Like family, friendships,connections, success, financial
(08:39):
freedom, you know all of thesekinds of things.
Like what's important to youReligion, I'm not gonna say that
Definitely not.
Jaylah (08:45):
But anyway, I know okay, I guess I would say like my
family is a very big part oflike who I am, just because we I
feel like, especially me andyou were like I know you hated
this when I was growing up, butlike we're like best friends
more than I felt like in thebeginning.
Like it was hard to kind ofcreate that like I don't know,
(09:08):
that balance between us wherewhat's like okay, yeah, we're
super close in age, so we aregonna have more like sisterly,
like best friend vibes than likemom and daughter.
But I mean, as we grew up andgrew older and matured a bit, it
became more like okay, likethis is our balance of like
(09:29):
you're my mom but you're alsosomeone I like go to for
everything, like there's nothingthat I feel, like I'm
uncomfortable to speak with you.
I hope so.
Caprie (09:38):
Now, I mean now, yeah, yes, yeah, she has shared some
things with me.
There's so many people like notso many people, because I have
a fairly small circle, but but,like boy, jaila told me all
kinds of stuff and I mean Icould never and I'm like I know
I thought I would feel the same,but I don't know.
(09:59):
And I was that one like I'm notyour friend, you know, like no,
I'm your mom because you knowthat's how I was raised.
It's like you show your parentsa certain I ain't even gonna
say I asked how I was raised.
That's kind of the assumptionthat was placed on me, Some form
of fashion that you show yourparents respect, and it's a very
fine line between being friendsand being your mother, because
(10:25):
you just don't cross those linesfor some reason.
I don't know.
It's like this unspokenunderstanding and so I took that
on because I had a limitedamount of parental examples and
so I was just like no, no, youknow, I'm your, I'm not your
friend, I'm not your friend, butit's like no, I value that
(10:46):
because I wanna know what'sgoing on, because all too often,
you know, you hear these thingson the news where it's like, oh
, this person's daughter wentmissing and like for a year she
was out on the corner doing herthing and like they, the parents
, had no idea that she wasliving that kind of life.
It's like just the dangers thatcome with it, Just, I mean just
being open, like why not?
(11:08):
I remember Jaila had told melike I would always keep my like
emotions like on guard, causelike nope, she don't need to
deal with this or she doesn'tneed to know about this.
It's my stress, it's not to dowith her.
And I think you said to me likeI can feel when you're stressed
out or I can tell whensomething's going on with you,
(11:30):
like something along the linesof and correct me if I'm wrong.
I was like I can learn from it,or like let me know, or like
tell me, because I have to oneday I'm gonna have to grow up
and who knows what, go throughthings and I can like like learn
from that experience orsomething like that.
It was just something she saidand it was like you know what
(11:52):
she write, like she could tellanyway, like why not share and
be vulnerable and not everything, because you know some things
do need?
They're a bit in it, but youknow, as far as life experiences
, it's like why not, you know?
And so I think that that, forme, is one of my values, is
being able to have opencommunication with your children
(12:15):
, just in general.
So because life is gonna happento them too, just as much or,
if not more, if not better,hopefully worse than the things
that happen to you.
So that's what I was thinking.
But so you mentioned likefamily and like how it shaped
(12:37):
you to be who you are.
Do you want to like talk aboutlike the dynamic of our family?
I mean?
Jaylah (12:49):
if they're listening, they're probably gonna realize
that I hate most of them.
Oh my God, they're gonna be likeJaila just got so much to say
about us.
I'm like, yeah, whatever I meanour dynamic, like really
honestly, truly, I think like inour entire family, I think like
(13:11):
who I live with is like whomatters the most to me.
I think everyone outside ofyeah, everyone that like is like
our extended family.
I genuinely do not care aboutthem.
Like half of them don't show upfor anything.
None of them ever texts to saylike how are you Nothing?
And I totally don't agree withthat whole like oh, the phone
(13:35):
works both ways.
Like, bro, you've been an adultmost of my life.
Like I've been a child.
Like I'm just like becoming anadult.
I'm only 22.
And for you know this, I don'tknow our family dynamic is
really like messed up andintense and I think that's
probably gonna be a wholeepisode on its own.
Caprie (13:55):
But I think with this podcast.
Jaylah (13:57):
I think one of my biggest goals really is to
create like a place where we canbe brutally honest and like
just kind of allow other peoplewho might be going through the
same thing to kind of understandlike it's okay to have these
like different perspectives andbeliefs on how you treat your
(14:17):
family.
Like I think you're the type ofperson where it's like oh, I
want to like kind of improvethis relationship or at least
salvage what is left of it, andI'm totally opposite where I'm
like you know what?
I genuinely don't care if wenever talk again.
I'm just not gonna keep puttingmyself in a situation where I
have to be the adult when I justbecame an adult.
Caprie (14:38):
Yeah, I understand that this is the uncomfortable thing
about it, because I am so muchof a I don't know if you've got
me a peacekeeper or conflictavoidant, that is the word of
the day.
It's words, but it's true.
(14:59):
And I think that that comeswhen you mention me being let's
salvage or let's repair and youbeing I don't care.
I think that changes withmaturity too, cause I could say,
if I think back to me at 22,this wasn't important to me, it
(15:21):
was.
What was important to me waskeeping bills paid, taking care
of my daughter and having fun.
I think like that was important, like I didn't even think about
relationships with family, whatmy friends doing, where we
going, like what were we aboutto do, not?
How is this person feelingabout something I said?
(15:43):
Or how can we get deep into theemotional complexities of this
trauma that we both livedthrough, or something like that.
I wasn't thinking about that at22.
I didn't really start thinkingabout this until Probably right
before I turned 30.
So I think that changes I meanit may or may not change for you
(16:05):
, but I think it does change andI actually had one of my
sisters there are seven of us,boys and girls, by the way, one
of my sisters mentioned you justfeel this way because you older
, and I was like you know what Ithink you're probably right
Like I didn't care, and I alsoam of the belief that so many
(16:31):
conversations well, the lack ofconversation is the reason for
so much, or so many of theissues that happen or that are
present in families andrelationships is because people
just won't talk, they just won'tsay it, they're too scared to
(16:53):
admit it, they're too scared toaddress it, and that's a problem
, because you have to talkthrough things.
What was Jaila was telling me?
We had a difference inperspective.
It's like I said.
I said you have to grow throughit to go through it, or
something like that, as you'llbe here.
No, it's, you have to gothrough it, to go through it.
(17:15):
Like I'm, like dude.
They mean the same, but forreal, though, you have to like
go through a thing.
You have to experience a thingand feel through a thing.
You have to process it andtruly like what does process
mean For you, jaila?
(17:35):
What does the word process mean?
What does that look like?
Jaylah (17:42):
Processing it?
I don't know.
I'm trying to understand it.
I'm trying to understand how itaffects me and those around me,
kind of jumping back tochanging or trying to fix the
relationship.
You could say that, like mysisters, we had a very strange
(18:02):
relationship and whatnot.
Things happened or whatever,and I kind of had to process how
it was not only affecting herone of my sisters but how our
situation was affecting me andhow I kind of had to step up and
be the bigger person in thatsituation and come to her and be
(18:24):
like, hey, I totally understand.
So processing it can take time.
It can mean I think it's verycomplex.
A lot of people process thingsdifferently.
Some people get angry.
I think me personally.
I sit in silence and I like tojust simmer in that feeling and
(18:44):
then kind of just say where do Igo from there once I feel it,
and whatnot.
Caprie (18:54):
Yeah, I see.
Okay, I think that's gonna bedifferent for everybody, because
I feel like processing to me apart of processing is therapy.
For me, a part of processing isacknowledgement, direct
acknowledgement, like you sayyou have, I don't know.
(19:17):
You said somebody, like saidsomething to you in the heat of
argument and it hit you deep.
And to process that would be tosay to that person hey, when
you said X, it made me feel Yand what we gonna do about this?
(19:40):
That's a part of processing tome.
But that doesn't happen.
Many people will bury it andmove forward.
Many people believe that itdidn't affect them or lead
themselves maybe even to believethat it didn't affect them and
go forward.
And then, as soon as somethinghappens that is similar to that
(20:03):
situation right, triggers theyget mad all over again, but this
time they're twice as madbecause they never processed or
dealt with that when it happenedthe first time, when they said
whatever they said.
So, but going back to you whenyou said I'm not gonna continue
(20:25):
to be the adult in the situationor feel like I have to be the
adult in the situation connectedto your dad, right, and your
grandmother, that was a lot ofthe same thing that you said.
You have to step in and do, andyou have to step in and be
(20:46):
because he didn't, because shedidn't, because of these things.
Is this cause and effect right?
So, like, do you feel that thatis related to how you feel
today as an adult, theresponsibility that was placed
on you at nine, 10, as far asyour siblings and the care of
(21:10):
your grandmother, you know?
Jaylah (21:13):
Yeah, I mean it's kind of like I'm not gonna say no
names yet but in certainsituations like I had not like
in every aspect of my life, butin the ones that mattered the
most to me, I didn't have like,oh, we're gonna go outside and
have fun, like no, I'm liketaking care of, you know, kids,
(21:35):
like I'm making sure thatthey're fed and bathed, and you
know that does like play a verybig part on how I respond.
Now it's like I've done so muchup to this point that if you can
just give me half of what I cangive, we would probably have a
better relationship, especiallyto the family members that like
(21:59):
kind of knew what we were, likewhat I was going through and
like what I was like having todeal with, you know, and for
them to kind of just kind offall into the shadows and you
know like it's kind of like whyeven try to work on that at all
Like I was a kid and now thatI'm, yeah, an adult, now it's
(22:21):
still that inner child in methat wants someone to be like
hey, you know, I'm here for you,understand what you're going
through, especially for myfamily like that's a really big
deal.
So I think that plays.
I mean with that, though Ican't sit here and say it was a
bunch of negatives that itcaused, because I feel like now
(22:42):
I'm mentally stronger, I canpersevere through almost
anything.
Like I'm going to get throughit regardless if there's no one
in my corner or everyone's in mycorner.
But yeah, that just comes withits goods and bads.
Caprie (22:58):
Yeah.
So I guess this is anotherplace for the perspective change
, because while I totallyunderstand what you're saying,
like especially from theperspective or the role of a
protector, right being your mom,I don't really know what this
(23:21):
means.
But people be like I'm going toplay devil's advocate here and
I think this might be the rightsituation.
I've done the same so, and whenI say that I mean there are
younger members of our familythat my presence in their lives
(23:45):
has fallen short, it has fallento the wayside, and when I think
about that, it makes me, youknow, that pit of the stomach
feeling like you're holding,like an emotion that's connected
to that, and I think that'sguilt and I think it's a little
bit of fear, because when youhave a situation, so one thing
(24:08):
that happens and I think youknow many people will probably
relate to this is that when twoadults have problems, the kids
suffer.
When two adults have tension,it changes the relationship
between said adults and thosechildren, and that's problematic
(24:33):
, and I think that's a piecethat I'd love to talk about on a
future episode, just how tocombat that and how to push
through that, you know.
So look forward to that, but Ithink it's almost easier when
you're coming from a place ofunresolved trauma in yourself
(24:57):
and you look at another person'sor group of people's situation
and it's like emotionallycomplex.
It's easier to and I'm speakingfor myself it's easier to avoid
because it's like I don't knowwhat to do, I don't know what to
say, I don't know how to showup.
(25:18):
And then for me, you know, I'mtotally, you know, on this
podcast, to be totallytransparent, I suffer from
neglect and abandonment.
And for people who suffer fromthings those things not alone or
specifically, or one or theother, but in any kind of
(25:38):
combination they tend to feellike a burden on everyone.
So it's like, will you rejectme if I come to you and say I
miss you?
I'm sorry, you know, will youget upset with me?
(26:01):
Will you think I'm doing toomuch?
Will you push me away?
And it's like it doesn't evenmatter with age, you know,
depending on where your traumawas based or, I guess, how old
you were when you experiencedyour greatest traumatic event,
whatever to say, I mean a 30year old to a 10 year old, you
know, if you have deep rootedtrauma and there's something
(26:24):
that happens in thatrelationship and that 10 year
old forget, you know, forgettinghow mentally and
developmentally different a 10year old is.
If they respond to you in acertain way, you're gonna be
like they hate me, I messed up,I did something wrong, and
you're gonna start to go inwardand it's like it's this whole
(26:44):
complicated process and I think,where I am in my big age, I
understand that more, not thatit's justifiable, not that it's
an excuse, but it is a factorand I think that we all get to
that point sometimes and so Iwould never, ever force or try
(27:08):
to force or make anythinguncomfortable for anyone else.
But I do think that when youget to that point, you
understand that it helps whenyou're looking at those
relationships and thoseperspectives.
So that's my perspective andlike I would love, of course
well, I don't know abouteverybody, but I would love if
(27:29):
we all what they say I don'tknow who said this on the show
Can't we all just get along Likethat's really what I want, like
that's really what I hope for,because we never really had that
.
If I look at all of the playersin my movie, everybody has some
(27:49):
kind of a trauma, everybody hassome kind of a pivotal point in
their lives that they haven'tfully healed from and that's a
stop gate for a lot of successin the relationships and in the
(28:11):
healing process.
So, yeah, that's my thoughts.
But the inner child work, though, I think is very important.
You mentioned that, j-lore.
You said your inner child wantsTalk more about that.
Jaylah (28:32):
On the introduction episode oh okay, you're right.
Caprie (28:37):
All right, you're right.
All right, you're right.
Okay, we can say that becauseyou probably did say that that
can be a whole episode If youeven if you didn't say it, it
can be a whole episode of it'sin itself.
So I think we definitely haveshared a lot and talked about a
(28:59):
lot, but I do want toacknowledge and look at a little
just a little bit more of thestory about what are your like
not even the goals for thispodcast, but like your hopes for
yourself.
Like looking at where you wereas a child when you finally
(29:23):
started to get in touch withyour emotions and how, what your
understanding of life was tonow, and then like what you see
for yourself in the future whenit comes to like this,
everything like goals and valuesand family dynamic and so on
and so forth.
Jaylah (29:42):
I think with this podcast for real, like it's an
outlet for you know us, but Ithink it'll also be a good
bridge, hopefully for some ofour family as well, to kind of
learn, because I really think,genuinely speaking, that me and
(30:04):
you are kind of the two bridgesfor, like you kind of have that
upper, older generation of ourfamily and then I- and I ain't
even older.
Caprie (30:14):
But we will talk about it.
Jaylah (30:15):
And then, obviously, I have more of a relationship with
, like, the younger people inour family and whatnot, and I
don't know.
I just really hope that youknow we don't I don't know, we
don't burn bridges more than wetry to build them, but I think
that, with us being transparentand super honest about how we
feel and the things that havehappened that potentially may be
(30:37):
, you know, what happens is thatpeople don't talk to us anymore
.
But hopefully, just having usall learn from each other and
just being honest, I think iswhat I'm really hoping for,
because I have been always knownto be the unfiltered voice.
(30:59):
And so hopefully it'll just, youknow, have people kind of
understand like, hey, we're allin this together, so let's try
to do something right, I agree.
Caprie (31:08):
I think, and just to reiterate, this is not a
slandering, bashing podcast.
That is not our goal, that isnot our intention.
The intention is this is thiswe hope that this spans far and
(31:30):
wide, not just across Tim, joe,bob and Bill and when I say that
I mean you know the players inour movie, like I said but to
other families out there in youknow our diverse communities,
right, who aren't havingconversations, who have tensions
(31:52):
between mom and dad and dad anddaughter and mom and daughter,
son, cousin, nephew, niece,grandpa, and we hope to inspire
those people through our ownstories and our perspectives and
our conversations to starthaving their own conversations,
(32:12):
to start talking to each other,to start listening to one
another.
Intentionally listening, that'sanother.
I'm gonna do a episode ofvocabulary because I feel like
people need to make sure theyhave the correct psychological
understanding and definition ofthese words.
(32:33):
Listening is not just I'mhearing what you saying, because
I'm preparing my response.
Listening is not just sittingthere staring at the person's
lips while they talk.
Listening involves so likeactive, intentional listening.
It involves so many more partsof your brain and your body, and
(32:54):
so we'll talk about that aswell.
We're really here to like tobreak down these barriers, to
really have these deep,necessary conversations.
I just wanted to reiterate that.
I might say it a thousand moretimes, but that's just very
important to remember andunderstand that this is for a.
This spans beyond our household, our families, our friends.
(33:18):
It spans way beyond that.
We seek change.
But back to you, jaila.
You kind of answered some ofthe question, but you didn't
talk about where you are versuswhere you are versus where
you've been versus where you'regoing.
Jaylah (33:39):
Looking back, I was like a really angry, disheveled
child who didn't know how tocommunicate, and now I think
that I'm extremely, extremelybetter at communicating, saying
what I need to say respectfullysometimes, and where I hope to
go is understanding myself alittle bit more.
(34:03):
Yeah, just really, I'm in thatphase right now in my life where
I'm just like, bro, who am I,what do I wanna be, what do I
wanna do, where am I gonna go?
And I don't know those answersyet.
Caprie (34:19):
Yeah, no, I would have to agree.
I don't know those answers formyself.
I know where I want to go, butwe ain't gonna know where we
gonna end up till we get there.
And that's okay.
I think that for myself.
So when I was little, I wantedto be a male person, right?
(34:43):
I don't know why, don't ask, Idon't know.
When I was like seven and I waswalking around the house and I
was like I'm gonna be a deliveryperson when I get older, and
somehow I fell into.
You know where I am now in humanresources, and I'm ready for
(35:07):
something else now, and I thinkso.
I'm saying all this to say thatwhere you end up is ever
changing, or even where you wantto end up is ever changing, and
that's all a part, I think, ofhow you, your experience and how
you develop in yourrelationships and so forth and
(35:28):
so on, and so it's always comeback to the human part, though,
and I think that's why I startedin HR, because it was like, oh,
human resources, I get to workwith people and I get to be a
part of something that impactsand affects the experiences of
others, but if any of you outthere in this field.
(35:50):
You'll know that it's verygeneral and it depends really,
really, really on where you arein the field, and I think Jaila
has.
I won't speak for you, butyou've always kind of said the
same thing as far as where youwant to end up in your career,
(36:13):
right?
Jaylah (36:14):
Yeah, helping people and stuff, yeah yeah, but I mean
even specifically.
Oh yeah, I wanna be a therapist.
I wanna like.
Well, my biggest career goal isto become a child psychiatrist,
but that changes every day.
I don't know exactly where Iwanna end up in the field of
(36:35):
psychiatry, but I know that Iwanna like give back to people
who are asking and looking forhelp.
Caprie (36:43):
Yeah, they say that that comes from where you started in
life, like if you come from achildhood where no one helped
you, you know, or no onelistened to you.
You have this desire intoadulthood to become the listener
(37:05):
, to become the helper, you know, and so I think that's true for
both of us as well, as I thinkthere are other people in our
family who have the sameambitions as to be some kind of,
you know, mental health orpsychology driven, be in a
psychology driven role in theirlife, and so that's all good man
(37:30):
, it's really all good, and Ithink everything's gonna keep
continue to change.
Things are gonna continue togrow and change and shift in our
lives, and that's actually kindof exciting.
I do wish, and my hope forJaila has always been to for her
to find her why and to followwhat she is passionate about,
(37:54):
because I feel like you know, asI mentioned earlier in the
episode, I just had to find ajob because I had to take care
of business.
You know I couldn't finishschool at the time.
I mean no, no, no, I couldn't.
I was gonna say I could have ifI really tried, but there was a
lot going on in my life at thattime that prevented me from
(38:18):
fulfilling the goal I had then,so I was like I couldn't do it.
She gonna do it.
If she's not gonna do it, I'mgonna at least give her the
opportunity to do it.
I'm gonna do everything I canto make sure that she has that
opportunity, because it'simportant, because you know it
at least decreases thelikelihood that you are at a big
(38:42):
age and you're like dang, Iwish I would have started this
10 years ago.
I wish I would have done thisback then.
That may or may not happenanyway, but it's still at least,
like I said, just gives theopportunity.
So, again, we will continue tofollow this journey and just see
where life takes us andhopefully, through this podcast
(39:05):
and other avenues like this andother spaces, we will heal other
areas of our lives and thelives of those around us and far
beyond our physical reach.
And so, with that, I thinkwe're gonna go ahead and close
up, and you know our plan andour another one of our plans and
(39:27):
our goals is to release moreepisodes and more content.
We plan to air every Wednesday,so be on the lookout for more
content from let's Talk.
Later we will be covering avariety of topics, such as
absent fathers, which we touchedon a little bit today addiction
(39:51):
in families and teenagepregnancy.
We hope to bring you guests andspeakers to give additional
perspective and outlook, becausediversity of thought is huge as
well in this space, and so beon the lookout.
(40:14):
We are excited to keep thisgoing and to talk to you all and
to hear from you as we havethese very important
conversations.
So, to all you good people, youtake care, make sure you
subscribe and leave a review.
Again, we wanna hear from youbecause you are a part of this
(40:39):
community that we're trying tobuild, and so a community is
nothing without connection andcommunication.
So until next time, be safe, bewell, take care.
Popular Podcasts
Cold Case Files: Miami
Joyce Sapp, 76; Bryan Herrera, 16; and Laurance Webb, 32—three Miami residents whose lives were stolen in brutal, unsolved homicides.  Cold Case Files: Miami follows award‑winning radio host and City of Miami Police reserve officer  Enrique Santos as he partners with the department’s Cold Case Homicide Unit, determined family members, and the advocates who spend their lives fighting for justice for the victims who can no longer fight for themselves.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.