You’ve opened up your relationship or decided to explore non-monogamy, and at first, you’re excited — until BOOM — you're hit with a wave of feelings: jealousy, insecurity, anger, hurt...
You pump the brakes and set up rules to try to protect yourself and your partners from all this discomfort.
But it doesn’t work.
The rules feel punitive, like you're on a leash (and not the fun, kinky kind), and you're still overwhelmed with emotions.
In this episode, we’re talking about the difference between rules, boundaries, and agreements — and why shifting from punitive rules to collaborative agreements is the real key to feeling secure.
We introduce the Values-Based Agreement™ Model we developed and teach our clients, and share what it looks like in our own relationship!
We also dive into:
- Common rules couples often try (like vetos, partner approvals, or “don’t fall in love” rules) and why they’re doomed to fail
- How to create Values-Based Agreements™ that everyone helps craft, consents to, and that truly support communication, reduce assumptions, and build trust
- Real examples of agreements from our own relationship and specific examples of agreements we've helped couples we work with create
As a bonus, we also dig into communication tools like active listening, plus tips for dealing with feedback, criticisms, and resentments — all key skills for creating stronger, more resilient relationships.
It’s a jam-packed episode full of practical tools, real talk, and real-world examples!
✨ If you want to dive even deeper into boundaries, check out our episode: Pardon Me But You’re Stepping On My Boundaries
Show Resources:
- Let’s Talk Polyamory Facebook Group & Community - https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpoly
- Mondays with Tara & André training on How to Free Myself From Resentments - in our private FB Group, Let’s Talk Polyamory - https://www.facebook.com/668591277/videos/671316904269389/
- Want to learn how to create agreements that work and have wildly successful, secure and sexy non-monogamous relationships? Join us for the Poly Newbies Digital Course - https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer
- Join the waitlist and be the first to find out when our Little Book of Poly Love is out with all the HOT words from A-Z! https://go.letstalkpolyamory.com/polylovebook-waitlist
- Looking for therapy? Reach out to host André Turcotte and book a consultation call at andreturcottepsych@gmail.com
- Looking for coaching support? Book a consultation call with Tara - https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
NFL Daily with Gregg Rosenthal
Gregg Rosenthal and a rotating crew of elite NFL Media co-hosts, including Patrick Claybon, Colleen Wolfe, Steve Wyche, Nick Shook and Jourdan Rodrigue of The Athletic get you caught up daily on all the NFL news and analysis you need to be smarter and funnier than your friends.