Episode Transcript
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emily-sander_1_09-25-2025_1 (00:25):
Our
listener question for today
comes from Catherine F and shesays, Emily, I've got a big
presentation coming up on ourcompany's new customer
engagement strategy, and mynatural style is to prepare by
writing everything out word forword.
I script it, I practice it.
I try to anticipate everypossible question so I don't get
(00:46):
caught off guard.
The problem is when I presentit, it feels like I'm on tracks.
If something throws me off, Icompletely lose my place.
It's stressful because I'mspending all this time
memorizing and controlling forevery scenario, and yet I still
feel shaky.
Part of it is that I'm trying tobe so exact with the words I
(01:06):
choose because I wanna make sureI'm conveying the meaning I
intend, but it ends up addingeven more pressure.
How do I prepare in a way thathelps me feel confident without
having to hold onto a script fordear life?
All right, Catherine, I feelyou.
I have been there.
I have been there.
I have prepared the exact sameway or very, very similar, and
it sucks.
(01:26):
It sucks.
There's so much anxiety andthere's so many like exact
words.
And if it goes this way, what doI say?
Let me prepare for every singlescenario and hope I don't get
caught on a scenario I haven'tprepared for.
And then of course, then ofcourse my experience has been
like, you get in there and stuffhas totally not gone to plan on
my script is like pretty muchuseless.
Okay, so good question.
(01:47):
This is gonna help a lot ofpeople.
Two things that I keyed in onwhen I was reading your
question.
Uh, thing number one is there'sa sense of exactitude, exactness
and precision.
And this is the right word, andthis is the right thing to say,
and here's the wrong thing tosay.
That's one lens to use, oneparadigm to use.
(02:11):
I think it's probably hurtingyou more than it's helping you
in this particular case.
So being methodical, beingprecise, being prepared are all
good things, like definitelygood things.
And if you take them too far, orif you apply them in the wrong
ways, it can hurt you more thanhelp you.
And I think what I'm hearing,and I think you're identifying
this as well, is you've gottento that point where it's like,
(02:31):
uh.
This is kind of a double-edgedsword now, and I'm kind of
impaling myself in certain ways,so I would just share that as an
observation and an awareness foryou.
Second thing I keyed in on wasthis sentence around, where is
it?
The sentence around meaning.
(02:51):
Um, because I wanna make sureI'm conveying the meaning.
I intend.
Okay.
Conveying the meaning you intendis great.
That's golden.
That's what I think.
Catherine, you should.
Center your prep around.
So you're talking about like,how do I prepare for
presentations?
I would center around that.
What is my main message here?
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What's my main message atdifferent levels?
So the biggest level is for myoverall presentation about new
customer engagement strategy.
What is the main message I wannaconvey to my audience?
Then there's probably.
Subsections within that.
So it might be, um, let's sayjust three sections, section
(03:35):
one, two, and three.
Within section one.
What's the key idea there?
What's the main message therefor section two?
Same thing for section three.
If they take nothing else awayfrom section three, what do I
want them to know?
What do they have to know by theend?
So you can go through thatexercise and that is a, a theme,
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a thought, a word, maybe aphrase, maybe a sentence, but no
more than that.
We're not writing out bulletpoints with, you know, sub
bullet points and sentences thatturn into paragraphs, and now
we're back into a script.
We're not doing that.
We're saying, okay, let me sitback and think about what is the
main message that I'm trying tointend trying to convey.
I'm intending to convey.
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For this whole presentation andthen for any distinct sections
or themes I have within that,how do I, how do I think about
those and inherent in that?
Are elements such as follows.
So you could say, look, I'm inthis every day.
So Catherine, you might begiving the new customer
engagement strategy presentationbecause you've come up with that
(04:41):
and you've been in that day today, you've looked at the
metrics, you've spoken withpeople, you've spoken with the.
Team leaders, you've spoken withthe team members, you've maybe
spoken with clients themselves.
You see all the reporting.
You're immersed in the data, andso you know this stuff like you,
you take for granted what youknow.
So you're saying, okay, how do Idistill this and bring the most
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relevant parts of this up thesurface and say, okay, I'm gonna
capture that as my main messagefor section two.
I need to key in on this.
They've gotta know this.
Okay, that's important.
And then you might marry that upwith, okay, what do I know about
my audience?
All right, so I've got a couplepeople I'm presenting to.
Uh, two of them were in aprevious meeting and that's
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where we identified someproblems in our original plan.
And that's why we had to revampthis thing and push it for six
months.
I'm making this stuff up, right?
But you might know that abouttwo or three people you're
presenting to these other folkswho you're presenting to are
coming in cold.
They have no context for this.
Okay?
So knowing my audience, knowingthat I'm immersed in the data,
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what's most relevant for them?
What's gonna be most importantfor them?
What questions do they have?
What biases do they have?
What context do they need?
What is my key message that Iwanna convey for this entire
presentation?
And then I'm gonna break it downfor them in three sections.
What's my key message and ideafor section one, two, and three?
Alright.
(06:10):
Now, once you have those, andagain, don't go crazy with it,
just a word, a theme.
If you wanna write it downmaybe, but just think through it
too.
You know it, and then you canspeak to those points in one of
a hundred different ways.
And that's the beauty of it,right?
You're not, you're not fixed to,I, I have these words in this
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script and I can't derail myselffrom that.
I can't go off track from that.
So instead of the exact words,instead of the quote unquote
right words, it's, I know my keypoint.
I can talk to that.
This way I can talk to it thatway.
I can use this example, I canuse that example.
Um, in the course of thisconversation, this dialogue with
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the audience, a new.
Thought path might come about,or a new example, or they're
talking about it like this.
They think about it like this.
Maybe I go with their analogyand go with the visual.
They just threw out there like,oh, okay.
Well if you're thinking about itlike a house, then think about
it like this type of house orwhatever it might be.
Oh, they think it's this.
That is actually not connectedto the root core issue.
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I've gotta connect those dots.
Okay.
Given what they just said, howcan I get them there?
And you're right with them inthe moment.
You're not on a script on yourown.
You're right with them andyou're, and you're listening and
you're, and you're payingattention to what they're
saying, what they're not saying,what they're picking up on, what
they're not picking up on.
All of this is more dynamic,right?
It's more dynamic, it's morealive, it's more engaging than
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just like.
Here's my script.
I'm reading it word for word.
I cannot do anything butverbatim the script, There's a
difference.
So I would key in on things likethat.
Okay?
The another thing you can do,and this is an exercise that you
can, that Catherine, you canapply and other listeners
listening.
This is just a goodcommunication tool.
This helps you get away fromwords, get away from the exact
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words you wanna use.
Sections one, two, and three.
You have the main bullet pointsand main messages for each one.
Now, apply the attitude thatgoes with those main messages.
and I don't, I don't mean sassby attitude, although you can be
sassy in your presentation if,if it, your presentation calls
for that.
What I mean is the, the emotionbehind it.
(08:24):
So the sentiment behind it.
Here's some examples.
Let's say that, um, I'm gonnamake, I'm gonna make some stuff
up here, Catherine, for your newcustomer engagement strategy,
section one might be.
Level setting on where we'vecome from and maybe where we've
come from is not great.
We had to push this thing sixmonths.
Remember we ran into some.
(08:46):
Unforeseen obstacles, stuffdidn't go our way.
We had to do hot, like whatever,like you, something bad
happened.
So the sentiment is like, Hey,like this wasn't great.
I'm gonna acknowledge it againand level set folks from how,
where we came from and, and talkabout how far we've come.
Okay.
The attitude for section twomight be, um.
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Hey, we figured it out.
You know, our team went to work.
It wasn't easy.
We had to investigate.
We had to throw out somehypothesis and guesses and
figure out like what actuallywas causing this thing.
Um, and that section two,section three might be, and then
we found it, and now we have theplan.
So now we're hopeful, and nowwe're excited.
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We end on a high note.
So it might be.
Layering the, you have themessaging, the key messages
across each section.
You have the information youwanna convey to back up your
message, and then you have thisstory arc that kind of develops.
And within a story you have,it's not a monotone story, it's,
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it's this dynamic story whereit's like, Hey, like people were
involved here and then welearned this, and then we did
this, and now we're happy.
So you apply the attitude andemotion to those key points you
have.
A fun game for this.
A fun exercise for this, andagain, anyone can use this, this
is a good exercise forcommunication in general, is,
um, here's, here's how the gameworks.
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You pick a topic, let's saywe're gonna pick a topic outside
of work that's more fun.
So something you do as a hobby,a pastime, something you know a
lot about, something you lookforward to, something that makes
you happy, any of those types ofthings.
So you pick a topic and then youpick three.
Opinions or stances or positionsaround that topic.
(10:33):
So let me just, um, make it reallife.
Emily.
Let's just pick, uh, somethingfun sports.
Let's just pick baseball, forexample.
Baseball is my main topic.
Then I'm gonna come up withthree kind of sections, so to
say, three opinions aboutbaseball.
Uh, baseball.
Baseball is boring.
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That's a boring sport, man.
Holy cow.
What?
What in the heck are we doing?
Baseball's boring.
That's number one.
Um, number two could be, butbaseball got a lot better when
they put the new rules in thatmade it go faster.
Okay, A third one can be, uh,baseball opinion on baseball
would be, uh, baseball isamazing.
It's the greatest sport everbecause it has such dynamic
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players to watch.
Okay, so those are main topicbaseball, three opinions on
baseball.
Now the exercise is timeyourself for a minute and you
can pick whatever time you want,but a minute's a good one.
The reason we time ourselves isto.
Know what a minute feels likewhen we're speaking.
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'cause when we're speaking timecan like do weird things.
You can be like, oh my gosh,that was, that was like only 10
seconds.
It felt like five hours.
Or it can be like, oh my gosh, Iwas speaking for like 90 minutes
and it was supposed to be 45.
Okay.
That's why everyone is glazingover and checking out and
actually like leaving themeeting.
Okay, got it.
So learning how to speak for acertain amount of time is good.
And just for this example, likeone minute.
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So what does speaking for 60seconds actually feel like?
Okay then, so we're, so we haveour three opinions on baseball.
We're gonna speak to each ofthem for a minute.
Let's take the first one.
Baseball is boring.
You can apply differentattitudes to that opinion.
And this is just for fun.
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This is just like a game to, tostretch our muscles and to
exercise those muscles.
So let me do a real lifeexample.
This might be, this might beweird for you, but here we go.
Um, baseball is boring.
Uh, what is an added, what's anemotion around that?
Um, anger.
I could be angry about that.
How dare baseball be boring?
Okay, so let me speak for abouta minute.
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I don't have a timer here, butjust I'll do my best here.
Um, okay, here we go.
Baseball is so fricking boring.
Like why do we have to havethis?
Why is this America's likefavorite pastime?
That's total bs.
Baseball is the slowest movingsport I've ever seen.
Give me basketball, give mehockey, give me football.
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Something's actually happening.
Fricking baseball, like someonewalks up to the plate.
Takes their sweet time to puttheir gloves on, taps their
cleats for good luck.
Is this like superstitious?
What are we doing here?
Pitcher is like doing theirthing up in the mound.
They pitch the ball.
Oh, he misses it.
Okay, guess what?
We're gonna wait here.
For several more minutes whilehe does his gloves again.
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What are we doing?
He misses again.
I'm sitting here.
I'm still sitting here.
All right.
Now he gets on base.
Okay.
Hallelujah.
Freaking a like that.
I'm asleep.
I'm already asleep by now.
Baseball is so boring.
All right.
That was my angry example.
Um, what is a different emotion?
What is the opposite of anger?
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Uh, what is the opposite ofanger?
Disinterest like.
Apathy.
Um, sad.
Okay.
I could be sad.
That's a good one.
Um, okay.
Same, same ap, same topic, samesection.
One.
Baseball is boring, but this isa different attitude.
Apply to it.
All right.
Here we go.
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Um, baseball is so boring.
I have to go to baseball everyweek with my family, and I wanna
cry tears of boredom.
Every time I'm sitting there inthe stands, I'm watching this
dude slowly walk up the plate.
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He's putting on his gloves likehe has not a care in the world.
Like we have all the time in theworld to watch you put on your
gloves and tap your cleats, andthen the pitcher's not in any
hurry.
He's doing his thing and hethrows the pitch and he misses
it.
Okay.
Oh my gosh.
Like people around me, I'll getall excited.
That was, that was a swing and amiss.
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I don't, I don't care.
I don't care.
I really don't wanna be here.
People are eating nachos.
I'm eating popcorn.
I had some bad popcorn and somebad peanuts and now I'm sick.
But mostly I'm sleepy'cause I'mbored and I'm sad and I'm bored.
'cause baseball is the mostboring sport ever.
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Okay.
So that was my best.
Sad, that was more like, justlike, I'm bored.
But anyway, you get the, youget, you get the gist, right?
So same thing I was talking to,but with a different attitude.
And it sounds different.
It comes out a little bitdifferently.
And so that's something you canjust play around with too, and
you can go through it kind oflike it.
Um, so baseball's boring withsection one.
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Um.
What was the, what was the lastone?
Uh, baseball is the most amazingsport ever because there's these
dynamic players.
So this could be like you'reexcited, like, oh my gosh, like
this is the best thing ever.
So.
Baseball is the best, mostamazing sport ever because it
has dynamic players.
Bri Bryce Harper is like in yourface, in the umpire's face.
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He gets ejected because like youdon't, you're a horrible umpire.
You called that wrong, andyou're a horrible umpire in
multiple games.
I'm gonna get in your face.
I'm gonna tell you how bad youare.
And he gets ejected, but hedoesn't.
He doesn't care.
Bryce Harper got injured.
He had to get surgery, but hecame back in record speed.
And you know what?
He had to switch positions tofirst base.
Now he's playing first base andhe is kicking ass there.
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So this is like the most dynamicplayer ever.
You watch these players, you getinvested in their storylines,
you know their personalities,and that's why baseball is the
most amazing sport ever becauseof these dynamic players.
Okay.
That was enthusiasm.
That was excited.
So hopefully you can hear littledifferences in the attitude that
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you apply.
And if you are applyingdifferent, different emotions to
your presentation, it helpsconvey that message, right?
The reason we apply these thingsis because it helps convey the
message we intend.
Back to your point, Catherine,like, I wanna con, I'm, I'm
conveying the meaning I intend.
(16:57):
Having the key point helps youdo that and be flexible and
fluid in the way you do thatApplying.
The attitude and emotion alsohelps your audience pick up on
what you're trying to lay down,right?
It's, it's a nonverbal cue, butit's like, oh, we pick up on the
emotion.
She's really excited about thatand therefore I am excited about
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that.
Oh, that was a sad part.
There was some challenges.
That was rough.
I'm picking up on that too.
Ah.
We talked about that six monthsago.
A lot has happened, but Iremember that.
I remember how tough that wasfor the team.
So you add the emotion to it andit helps convey your message.
Okay.
Now hopefully like the exerciseI just demonstrated, like to use
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the baseball analogy, whenpeople are on deck to go at bat,
they're swinging two batsbecause it's heavier than one.
They have those rings on'em, theweighted rings, they're, they're
swinging with a heavier bat.
So when they get up to.
To be actually at bat at theplate.
It's easy to swing.
So some of the reasons we dothese exercises, and we do it in
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an exaggerated way, are like,oh, I'm so sad, is because we're
swinging with two bats.
So when we get, when we get upto present, sorry, I'm super
excited.
My, my mouth is like movingfaster than my thoughts.
Or I think it's the other wayaround.
Anyway, when you get up to yourpresentation, it's easy.
It's like swinging one batinstead of two.
I just, I just knocked over themic.
I'm so excited about thisexercise.
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Um, my point is that youpractice harder than the game.
That's what I'm trying to say.
You practice harder than the atbat itself.
So when you get into yourpresentation, this is easy.
This is swinging one bat.
I'm like paying attention, ofcourse, but I just did my
exercises with two bats or witha weighted bat situation.
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So this is easy.
So that was what I was trying tosay there.
Holy cow.
Bring it in.
Emily.
Here we go.
Catherine, let me make sure I'manswering your question here.
Um, how do I prepare in a waythat helps me feel confident
without having to hold onto ascript for dear life?
Yes.
Okay.
So we've talked about the keypoints, not a script, the key
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points.
You can talk to them any one ofa hundred different ways to get
to that key point.
You know your stuff, you knowyour audience.
You can be flexible and fluidand dynamic within that
conversation and within thatpresentation itself.
Um, you know what it's like totalk for a minute.
You know what it's like to talkfor five minutes'cause you've
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been practicing and so you canbe like, oh, they have a
question.
I know my time slot here.
I know how much time we haveleft.
Let me talk to like this three apoint here in section three and
my first point here for about aminute.
Here we go, boom.
Okay.
You could deploy that, right?
You have confidence in that.
You've practiced that.
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That's what you center your preparound.
What are the key ideas I wannaconvey?
One other thing I would say hereto help me feel confident right
now, it seems like yourconfidence is derived from
having the exact words.
so your perceived confidence isderived from having the quote
unquote right words to say.
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I would tilt that and angle thatover to what we've been talking
about over to, having confidencethat you know your key points.
So instead of spending your timearound about, around finding the
exact right words, you spendyour prep time around sitting
back, zooming out, big picture,what do I know?
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What do I maybe take forgranted?
'cause I'm in it every day.
And the audience doesn't knowthat's actually, they want that
information, they need to knowthat information.
Maybe it's thinking through,okay, who is on.
This call that I'm gonna be on,who am I presenting to?
And understanding what'simportant to them.
Okay.
What's the best way to conveythat message to them?
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You wanna be centering yourpreparation around those types
of things instead of the exactwords to use here, here, here,
and here.
Right.
So I think.
Pointing your confidence towardslike, yep, I got my key messages
and I'm confident and I candeliver these in a hundred
different ways depending on howthe actual conversations go.
If you believe that, if youtruly believe like, yep, I know
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my key points and I can beflexible with anything that
comes up, I think you would, youwould truly be confident.
I think you would have trueconfidence walking into your
presentation, so.
All right.
I went a little crazy with thisone.
So hopefully that exercise is,is valuable to you, Catherine,
and also to other folks indifferent communication
scenarios.
But hopefully you have sometools and some tactical and
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practical takeaways, to apply toyour prep for this presentation
and for future presentations anda overarching framework, kind of
different mindset to have aroundconfidence going into these
types of things.
And with that, I will catch younext time on leveraging
leadership.