October 22, 2025 • 15 mins
Chief of Staff can be a lonely job, even when you're surrounded by people. Emily shares real ways to handle this, like joining Chief of Staff networks, leaning on trusted coworkers or friends outside the company, and working with a coach. She also talks about knowing when to just acknowledge the loneliness and when to actively address it.
Links Mentioned:
Episodes featuring founders of the following Chief of Staff communities and networks:
Free Resources:
- Strategic Planning Checklist
- Chief of Staff Skills Assessment Checklist
- A Day in the Life of a Chief of Staff
- Chief of Staff Toolkit
Get in Touch With Emily:
- Connect on LinkedIn
- Follow on YouTube
- Learn more about coaching
- Sign up for the newsletter
- Clarity Call with Emily
Who Am I?
If we haven’t yet before - Hi👋 I’m Emily, Chief of Staff turned Executive Leadership Coach. After a thrilling ride up the corporate ladder, I’m focusing on what I love - working with people to realize their professional and personal goals. Through my videos here on this channel, books, podcast guest spots, and newsletter, I share new ideas and practical and tactical tools to help you be more productive and build the career and life you want.
Time Stamps:
00:56 Acknowledging the Loneliness
01:36 The Unique Role of a Chief of Staff
05:12 Leveraging Internal Colleagues
07:07 Support from Family and Friends
09:23 The Value of a Coach
11:39 Self-Acknowledgment and Reflection
12:49 Addressing Confidentiality Challenges
14:02 Conclusion: Embracing the Unique Role
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
emily-sander_1_09-17-2025_ (00:25):
Have you ever been in a room full of
people, but still feltcompletely alone?
That's what it can be like Aschief of Staff, you are in the
inner room.
You're in the room where ithappens, and yet you are in your
own lane.
You are on your own island alittle bit, and very few people
fully understand theresponsibilities you carry.
(00:48):
What happens when you're a chiefof staff and you're feeling a
bit lonely in the job?
Chief of staff can be a lonelyjob.
What do you do?
First thing you do is know thatright now there is a chief of
staff somewhere in the world whois also feeling a little bit
lonely in the job.
So you are not alone.
And I try to harp on this in,uh, previous podcast episodes,
(01:09):
but I'll say it again and againbecause this theme keeps coming
up in conversations I hear somany times, Emily, I love my
chief of staff role.
It's so exciting.
It's so challenging.
I get to stretch myself, learnabout all parts of the business,
love working for my principal,and then, you know, the
conversation kind of gets to,but I mean, sometimes it can
kind of be a lonely role.
I mean, is that, and I was like,is that unreasonable?
(01:30):
Like, are you hearing that kindof stuff?
And yes, I hear that stuff.
It's not unreasonable, it's notunfounded.
it's because the role isdistinct.
The chief of staff role isdistinct.
It's different.
Than the other roles.
It's set apart almost soinherently in that role, just by
function of being in that role,you're gonna be a little bit
(01:50):
different than any other role inthe company.
Okay.
So if you're in that position,what do you do?
Here are some options toconsider.
First of all, there is aplethora of chief of staff
platforms out there, which arefantastic.
I have had the privilege andpleasure to have the founders
and CEOs of many of theseplatforms on this show, so I'll
(02:12):
make sure to have the links tothose previous episodes in the
show notes for you.
But things like.
Chief of Staff Association,chief of Staff Network, um,
chief of Staff Roundtable.
Ask a chief of staff, thesetypes of things.
You might have a 900 personSlack channel available to you.
You might have a, zoom meetingthat you go to.
(02:32):
You might have a workshop inperson that you go to.
These can be a asynchronouslearning modules.
They could be casual, mixers,drinks, you know, dinner with
other chiefs of staff.
But within all of these.
Is proof right in front of youon a Zoom call or right across
the table from you that I'm notthe only one.
(02:53):
I'm not the only chief of staffout there, and I'm not the only
chief of staff who feels thisway sometimes like, oh my gosh,
like you're dealing with thatwith your principal too, or
you're dealing with a weirddynamic with a C-suite officer
too.
Okay?
So you have that reinforcementand you have your, your people
and your tribe to lean on, and Ithink.
(03:13):
With that comes one, I'm notalone, and two, I'm not crazy
because we all know thatsometimes you get in these teams
and organizations and getentrenched and you're in it day
to day to day, and it's justlike you're looking around and
you're like.
Am I am, am I crazy?
Am I the crazy one?
Because everyone else seems tobe thinking this way, but I
(03:35):
thought it was that way.
And sometimes, especially inturnaround situations, you are
the sane one, but it's hard toremember.
It's kind of like with you're,if you get dropped into an
insane asylum and you're lookingaround going like, maybe, maybe
I am crazy, like maybe like I ammistaken here.
But no, oftentimes it's, you arethe change agent.
You are trying to move thisthing in a different direction
(03:58):
and you're getting a whole bunchof resistance and so you
question yourself.
So in all these platforms, youget to hang out with your
people.
You get to hang out with peoplewho know what a chief of staff
is and who know the value thatit brings and understand and can
commiserate almost that, youknow, some folks in my
organization don't get iteither.
They don't get what I do, theyquestion it and you can talk
(04:20):
about that sort of stuff.
So you feel less alone.
So platforms, go check thoseout.
I would, uh oh, I also wrote anarticle about this that did a
quick recap of each of thepodcast episodes I've had, and
they have links to the websitesand links to people's LinkedIn
profiles.
So if you want kind of an easyscannable thing that I'll make
sure that.
Is in the show notes as well.
(04:40):
But I would highly encourage youto check some of these platforms
out, especially if you've like,I've never heard of that one.
Go see what they offer and findthe solution or the area of that
platform that's like, oh, that'sgonna serve me really well now I
like that.
So there's anything from, again,slack channels, asynchronous
learning to full immersionin-person, multi-day events, but
(05:04):
whatever is gonna serve you bestnow in your role, I would
encourage you to use.
Some of these resources.
Okay, next one.
Another option here.
Sometimes you will have acolleague within your
organization that you can talkto, and there's kind of two
sides to this, kind of a flipside, but the first side is
sometimes you might have acolleague where I've seen it,
(05:25):
where the chief of staff knowsthis person beforehand, so
they've known this person.
Previously before they were inthe chief of staff role and they
just have like a really goodrelationship and a foundation
and trust and there's just thatunderstanding.
So while you still might not sayall of the things that you're
privy to, if it's notappropriate, confidentiality, HR
issues, et cetera, you stillhave that, Ugh, I can kind of
(05:49):
let my hair down.
I can kind of let my guard downa little bit and just have a
conversation where I'm.
I'm leaning on this person,they're leaning on me for
whatever role they're in type ofthing.
It might be a person that is, ison your same leadership team.
It might be a person in acompletely different department
or division or area of thebusiness that rarely interacts
(06:11):
with what you're doing.
It could be a, uh, a fellowchief of staff within the
organization.
That you're in.
I actually find it kind ofsurprising that a lot of
companies who have dozens, ifnot hundreds of chiefs of staff,
don't have an internal chief ofstaff cohort that people can
rely on.
But if that's you and you havethat situation, maybe start that
(06:33):
conversation or at least adialogue or at least a
relationship with one or twoother chiefs of staff who might
understand.
So that can be a thing, acolleague within the
organization you're in now.
And the flip side of that, ofcourse is be careful, right?
So tread lightly.
Don't jump in the deep end withsomeone you don't know, spill
all the information you have,and then go, oh, no, no, no, no.
(06:54):
Okay.
You aren't trustworthy.
You weren't the person I shouldtell.
It's that kind of stuff.
So be judicious, uh, movecautiously, but there might be
opportunities there where youcan rely on someone within your
own organization.
Next thing to consider would befamily and friends.
So, hey, they're not in myorganization.
I don't have to worry aboutthat.
Um, when I was chief of staff, Ihad, I always have had my best
(07:16):
friend Paige, but also when Iwas chief of staff, I had my
friend Paige who.
Has not been a chief of staffwho isn't in that role, but who
knows me very, very well sincethe time I was born.
Who knows business very, verywell.
She has a full career herselfand so we could absolutely.
Talk in a very unguarded way,and some of our text messages
(07:38):
and voice messages would bethings like, uh, Emily, you're
never gonna guess what crazysauce situation just happened
here, dah, dah, dah, dah.
And I would be like, I see yourcrazy sauce and I raise you this
shit storm that's going on rightnow.
And we would go back and forthin that way in like a humorous,
kind of fun way.
So just having someone who iswho, who gets you and who
(08:01):
understands.
The business apparatus you'reworking in but isn't in your
business, that can be anadvantage.
On the flip side of that, I'vehad, I've had some clients who I
remember this one, CEO, who atthe end of a session said,
Emily, I wanna thank you againbecause you're the only person I
can talk to about this kind ofstuff.
(08:21):
And that, that kind of took meby surprise and my head tilted.
And I was like, really?
And he said, yeah, I mean, um, Ican't talk to.
My direct reports and myleadership team in the same way.
And, you know, my, my friendsand family and even my spouse
doesn't, doesn't do business.
They don't quite, they, theylove me and we have a good
relationship and everything likethat, but they don't really get
(08:43):
the business world and theydon't get the intricacies and
the dynamics of my leadershipteam and of my industry.
And so you are the only person Ican talk to about that.
And that always I, that stuckwith me.
So in some cases you might nothave friends or family.
Who get what's going on?
Who, who get it, and notknocking them at all.
(09:03):
They could be perfectly finefamily and friends, but they
might not get it.
So kind of flip side there, ifyou do have someone you can lean
on who gets it, great.
And if you don't, then that'sjust something to be aware of
too.
Like, Hey, I don't have anyoneto talk to about this.
And that might be what iscontributing to some of my
feelings of being alone in thisrole.
All right, and a follow up tothat is having a coach.
(09:26):
So I would highly recommendhaving a coach.
When I was chief of staff, I hada coach, and it was awesome.
It was awesome.
So I would meet with my coachevery week, and it was just a
reliable person who was familiarwith the situation and knew all
the players.
In my organization, who knew allthe events that were happening,
(09:48):
who knew me very well, who knewwhere I was coming at, things
from my approach, my thinking,et cetera, et cetera, and I
think it was really the.
Familiarity.
That was reassuring to me.
And that was one of the biggestthings that helped me was just
like, Hey, someone who getsbusiness, who gets me, who is
for me, who is all for me, theirjob is to help me and make me
(10:10):
better.
Um, when I would say, you know,this colleague and this name and
this stuff that's going on, theywould get it.
They would be like, yep, yep, wetalked about that.
And like, yes, I know what'sgoing on.
They would be right there withme.
And that was super helpful.
I had a very close relationshipwith my principal.
I had worked with my principalbeforehand, so we had shorthand,
we had trust, we had afoundation, and that was great,
(10:33):
and I could talk to him about alot, almost everything, but not
everything.
I could talk to my coach aboutanything And my coach, a good
coach will.
Will make you the best playeryou can.
Meaning like if you think of,think of a sports coach.
Their job is to get as much asthey can outta their players and
(10:53):
to get their players to thehighest level of performance
they can.
Sometimes that takes support andencouragement and rah, rah, rah,
and picking their player backup.
And sometimes it's challenge andsaying, Hey Emily, you're not
seeing this.
Or there's some other optionsover here, or Emily, you're
stuck in black and whitethinking, here's this option
right here.
So I loved having thoseconversations and that dedicated
(11:15):
time and space to talk aboutthings.
So I'm obviously a coach, butI'm not saying come to me.
If you can get a coach and agood coach and the one that's
right for you and is a good fitfor you.
Huge resource.
Huge advantage.
I would highly encourage you todo that because then you have
someone to talk to on a regularbasis who's familiar, and you
can feel less like you're on anisland.
(11:38):
So those are some options there.
The last thing I leave you withis sometimes simply
acknowledging that you'refeeling lonely and it can be a
lonely job is helpful, and justbe like, yeah, like, okay.
They had that kind ofconversation and inherent in our
roles.
I was a little bit.
Not fully part of that.
(11:58):
I was kind of on the side.
Not anything they were doingwrong per se, they weren't being
mean.
It was just inherent in ourroles and what we had to do in
that situation.
But I kind of felt a little bit,you know, not part of the
in-crowd and that can get topeople.
A follow up to that would be,okay, do I need to address that?
So it might be like, hey, like,okay, I notice that.
I notice it, that I'm, this isthe way I'm feeling.
(12:21):
I acknowledge that.
Take a deep breath.
Maybe take a walk around theblock, maybe just go, yep,
that's kind of goes with theterritory sometimes and you move
along.
Maybe it's fine.
If it is, Hey, this happened.
Do I need to address this?
Yeah.
You know, this has been comingup more and more and I don't
(12:41):
think I'm at my best when I'm inthis state of mind, and this
isn't sustainable long term.
This isn't sustainable.
Let me go address this.
Okay.
I had a chief of staff who.
Basically, long story short, hadto keep something confidential
under wraps for about sixmonths.
Six months can be a long time.
And if you're like, I, I'mworking with these people, I
interact with these people everyday.
(13:02):
They don't know what's going onand they're saying stuff and I'm
like, Hmm, that's not, ugh,that's not gonna be a thing in
six months time.
But I can't say anything Thatcan grate on you on the inside,
right?
And that can make you feel alittle bit removed.
So it could be for.
A certain period of time youneed to address something and do
something differently, or inaddition to help you cope with
that for a temporary amount oftime.
(13:24):
So acknowledging it could behelpful in itself.
A follow-up question might be,do I need to do anything with
this?
Should I address this in someway?
Answer could be no, and you'reon your way.
Great.
The answer could be yes.
And if so, is this a temporarything?
Is this a long-term thing?
Um, and Then on top of that,like what should I do about
that?
So we've talked about someoptions here.
(13:45):
I would go explore all of thoseand if you're like, I don't
wanna do any of those options,Emily, but the thing you said
over here made me think of this.
I'm gonna go check that out.
Great.
Go do whatever helps you andwhatever is relevant and helpful
to you.
But I will re reinforce again.
The chief of staff role isunlike any other role in the
(14:06):
company.
It's not like being an accountmanager, so an account manager.
You might have dozens of accountmanagers and you're on the
account management team, whichmakes sense.
You have your people, it's, it'seven not like being a COO or A
CFO.
So if I'm a COO and I'm sayinglike there's CFO, while we have
functional groups, we're stillon the executive leadership
(14:29):
team.
We're still reporting to theCEO.
we're still together in thatsense.
Chief of staff is on the C-Suiteteam, but is a little bit
different than the COO, the CFO,the CTO, the CRO, et cetera, et
cetera.
So just understand that it, itis a distinct and unique role
(14:49):
and sometimes inherent in thatyou're just gonna have these
different things pop up for youinternally in terms of feeling
lonely or on an island.
So just understand that andunderstand yourself and figure
out what you need, if anything,And we've gone over some options
here that might be helpful toyou.
But figure out, figure out whatis gonna make you, the best
(15:10):
leader you can be and put you ingood position to be good for you
and feel good, but also betterserve those around you.
And with that, I will catch younext week on leveraging
Leadership.
Have you ever been in a room full of
people, but still feltcompletely alone?
That's what it can be like Aschief of Staff, you are in the
inner room.
You're in the room where ithappens, and yet you are in your
own lane.
You are on your own island alittle bit, and very few people
fully understand theresponsibilities you carry.
(00:48):
What happens when you're a chiefof staff and you're feeling a
bit lonely in the job?
Chief of staff can be a lonelyjob.
What do you do?
First thing you do is know thatright now there is a chief of
staff somewhere in the world whois also feeling a little bit
lonely in the job.
So you are not alone.
And I try to harp on this in,uh, previous podcast episodes,
(01:09):
but I'll say it again and againbecause this theme keeps coming
up in conversations I hear somany times, Emily, I love my
chief of staff role.
It's so exciting.
It's so challenging.
I get to stretch myself, learnabout all parts of the business,
love working for my principal,and then, you know, the
conversation kind of gets to,but I mean, sometimes it can
kind of be a lonely role.
I mean, is that, and I was like,is that unreasonable?
(01:30):
Like, are you hearing that kindof stuff?
And yes, I hear that stuff.
It's not unreasonable, it's notunfounded.
it's because the role isdistinct.
The chief of staff role isdistinct.
It's different.
Than the other roles.
It's set apart almost soinherently in that role, just by
function of being in that role,you're gonna be a little bit
(01:50):
different than any other role inthe company.
Okay.
So if you're in that position,what do you do?
Here are some options toconsider.
First of all, there is aplethora of chief of staff
platforms out there, which arefantastic.
I have had the privilege andpleasure to have the founders
and CEOs of many of theseplatforms on this show, so I'll
(02:12):
make sure to have the links tothose previous episodes in the
show notes for you.
But things like.
Chief of Staff Association,chief of Staff Network, um,
chief of Staff Roundtable.
Ask a chief of staff, thesetypes of things.
You might have a 900 personSlack channel available to you.
You might have a, zoom meetingthat you go to.
(02:32):
You might have a workshop inperson that you go to.
These can be a asynchronouslearning modules.
They could be casual, mixers,drinks, you know, dinner with
other chiefs of staff.
But within all of these.
Is proof right in front of youon a Zoom call or right across
the table from you that I'm notthe only one.
(02:53):
I'm not the only chief of staffout there, and I'm not the only
chief of staff who feels thisway sometimes like, oh my gosh,
like you're dealing with thatwith your principal too, or
you're dealing with a weirddynamic with a C-suite officer
too.
Okay?
So you have that reinforcementand you have your, your people
and your tribe to lean on, and Ithink.
(03:13):
With that comes one, I'm notalone, and two, I'm not crazy
because we all know thatsometimes you get in these teams
and organizations and getentrenched and you're in it day
to day to day, and it's justlike you're looking around and
you're like.
Am I am, am I crazy?
Am I the crazy one?
Because everyone else seems tobe thinking this way, but I
(03:35):
thought it was that way.
And sometimes, especially inturnaround situations, you are
the sane one, but it's hard toremember.
It's kind of like with you're,if you get dropped into an
insane asylum and you're lookingaround going like, maybe, maybe
I am crazy, like maybe like I ammistaken here.
But no, oftentimes it's, you arethe change agent.
You are trying to move thisthing in a different direction
(03:58):
and you're getting a whole bunchof resistance and so you
question yourself.
So in all these platforms, youget to hang out with your
people.
You get to hang out with peoplewho know what a chief of staff
is and who know the value thatit brings and understand and can
commiserate almost that, youknow, some folks in my
organization don't get iteither.
They don't get what I do, theyquestion it and you can talk
(04:20):
about that sort of stuff.
So you feel less alone.
So platforms, go check thoseout.
I would, uh oh, I also wrote anarticle about this that did a
quick recap of each of thepodcast episodes I've had, and
they have links to the websitesand links to people's LinkedIn
profiles.
So if you want kind of an easyscannable thing that I'll make
sure that.
Is in the show notes as well.
(04:40):
But I would highly encourage youto check some of these platforms
out, especially if you've like,I've never heard of that one.
Go see what they offer and findthe solution or the area of that
platform that's like, oh, that'sgonna serve me really well now I
like that.
So there's anything from, again,slack channels, asynchronous
learning to full immersionin-person, multi-day events, but
(05:04):
whatever is gonna serve you bestnow in your role, I would
encourage you to use.
Some of these resources.
Okay, next one.
Another option here.
Sometimes you will have acolleague within your
organization that you can talkto, and there's kind of two
sides to this, kind of a flipside, but the first side is
sometimes you might have acolleague where I've seen it,
(05:25):
where the chief of staff knowsthis person beforehand, so
they've known this person.
Previously before they were inthe chief of staff role and they
just have like a really goodrelationship and a foundation
and trust and there's just thatunderstanding.
So while you still might not sayall of the things that you're
privy to, if it's notappropriate, confidentiality, HR
issues, et cetera, you stillhave that, Ugh, I can kind of
(05:49):
let my hair down.
I can kind of let my guard downa little bit and just have a
conversation where I'm.
I'm leaning on this person,they're leaning on me for
whatever role they're in type ofthing.
It might be a person that is, ison your same leadership team.
It might be a person in acompletely different department
or division or area of thebusiness that rarely interacts
(06:11):
with what you're doing.
It could be a, uh, a fellowchief of staff within the
organization.
That you're in.
I actually find it kind ofsurprising that a lot of
companies who have dozens, ifnot hundreds of chiefs of staff,
don't have an internal chief ofstaff cohort that people can
rely on.
But if that's you and you havethat situation, maybe start that
(06:33):
conversation or at least adialogue or at least a
relationship with one or twoother chiefs of staff who might
understand.
So that can be a thing, acolleague within the
organization you're in now.
And the flip side of that, ofcourse is be careful, right?
So tread lightly.
Don't jump in the deep end withsomeone you don't know, spill
all the information you have,and then go, oh, no, no, no, no.
(06:54):
Okay.
You aren't trustworthy.
You weren't the person I shouldtell.
It's that kind of stuff.
So be judicious, uh, movecautiously, but there might be
opportunities there where youcan rely on someone within your
own organization.
Next thing to consider would befamily and friends.
So, hey, they're not in myorganization.
I don't have to worry aboutthat.
Um, when I was chief of staff, Ihad, I always have had my best
(07:16):
friend Paige, but also when Iwas chief of staff, I had my
friend Paige who.
Has not been a chief of staffwho isn't in that role, but who
knows me very, very well sincethe time I was born.
Who knows business very, verywell.
She has a full career herselfand so we could absolutely.
Talk in a very unguarded way,and some of our text messages
(07:38):
and voice messages would bethings like, uh, Emily, you're
never gonna guess what crazysauce situation just happened
here, dah, dah, dah, dah.
And I would be like, I see yourcrazy sauce and I raise you this
shit storm that's going on rightnow.
And we would go back and forthin that way in like a humorous,
kind of fun way.
So just having someone who iswho, who gets you and who
(08:01):
understands.
The business apparatus you'reworking in but isn't in your
business, that can be anadvantage.
On the flip side of that, I'vehad, I've had some clients who I
remember this one, CEO, who atthe end of a session said,
Emily, I wanna thank you againbecause you're the only person I
can talk to about this kind ofstuff.
(08:21):
And that, that kind of took meby surprise and my head tilted.
And I was like, really?
And he said, yeah, I mean, um, Ican't talk to.
My direct reports and myleadership team in the same way.
And, you know, my, my friendsand family and even my spouse
doesn't, doesn't do business.
They don't quite, they, theylove me and we have a good
relationship and everything likethat, but they don't really get
(08:43):
the business world and theydon't get the intricacies and
the dynamics of my leadershipteam and of my industry.
And so you are the only person Ican talk to about that.
And that always I, that stuckwith me.
So in some cases you might nothave friends or family.
Who get what's going on?
Who, who get it, and notknocking them at all.
(09:03):
They could be perfectly finefamily and friends, but they
might not get it.
So kind of flip side there, ifyou do have someone you can lean
on who gets it, great.
And if you don't, then that'sjust something to be aware of
too.
Like, Hey, I don't have anyoneto talk to about this.
And that might be what iscontributing to some of my
feelings of being alone in thisrole.
All right, and a follow up tothat is having a coach.
(09:26):
So I would highly recommendhaving a coach.
When I was chief of staff, I hada coach, and it was awesome.
It was awesome.
So I would meet with my coachevery week, and it was just a
reliable person who was familiarwith the situation and knew all
the players.
In my organization, who knew allthe events that were happening,
(09:48):
who knew me very well, who knewwhere I was coming at, things
from my approach, my thinking,et cetera, et cetera, and I
think it was really the.
Familiarity.
That was reassuring to me.
And that was one of the biggestthings that helped me was just
like, Hey, someone who getsbusiness, who gets me, who is
for me, who is all for me, theirjob is to help me and make me
(10:10):
better.
Um, when I would say, you know,this colleague and this name and
this stuff that's going on, theywould get it.
They would be like, yep, yep, wetalked about that.
And like, yes, I know what'sgoing on.
They would be right there withme.
And that was super helpful.
I had a very close relationshipwith my principal.
I had worked with my principalbeforehand, so we had shorthand,
we had trust, we had afoundation, and that was great,
(10:33):
and I could talk to him about alot, almost everything, but not
everything.
I could talk to my coach aboutanything And my coach, a good
coach will.
Will make you the best playeryou can.
Meaning like if you think of,think of a sports coach.
Their job is to get as much asthey can outta their players and
(10:53):
to get their players to thehighest level of performance
they can.
Sometimes that takes support andencouragement and rah, rah, rah,
and picking their player backup.
And sometimes it's challenge andsaying, Hey Emily, you're not
seeing this.
Or there's some other optionsover here, or Emily, you're
stuck in black and whitethinking, here's this option
right here.
So I loved having thoseconversations and that dedicated
(11:15):
time and space to talk aboutthings.
So I'm obviously a coach, butI'm not saying come to me.
If you can get a coach and agood coach and the one that's
right for you and is a good fitfor you.
Huge resource.
Huge advantage.
I would highly encourage you todo that because then you have
someone to talk to on a regularbasis who's familiar, and you
can feel less like you're on anisland.
(11:38):
So those are some options there.
The last thing I leave you withis sometimes simply
acknowledging that you'refeeling lonely and it can be a
lonely job is helpful, and justbe like, yeah, like, okay.
They had that kind ofconversation and inherent in our
roles.
I was a little bit.
Not fully part of that.
(11:58):
I was kind of on the side.
Not anything they were doingwrong per se, they weren't being
mean.
It was just inherent in ourroles and what we had to do in
that situation.
But I kind of felt a little bit,you know, not part of the
in-crowd and that can get topeople.
A follow up to that would be,okay, do I need to address that?
So it might be like, hey, like,okay, I notice that.
I notice it, that I'm, this isthe way I'm feeling.
(12:21):
I acknowledge that.
Take a deep breath.
Maybe take a walk around theblock, maybe just go, yep,
that's kind of goes with theterritory sometimes and you move
along.
Maybe it's fine.
If it is, Hey, this happened.
Do I need to address this?
Yeah.
You know, this has been comingup more and more and I don't
(12:41):
think I'm at my best when I'm inthis state of mind, and this
isn't sustainable long term.
This isn't sustainable.
Let me go address this.
Okay.
I had a chief of staff who.
Basically, long story short, hadto keep something confidential
under wraps for about sixmonths.
Six months can be a long time.
And if you're like, I, I'mworking with these people, I
interact with these people everyday.
(13:02):
They don't know what's going onand they're saying stuff and I'm
like, Hmm, that's not, ugh,that's not gonna be a thing in
six months time.
But I can't say anything Thatcan grate on you on the inside,
right?
And that can make you feel alittle bit removed.
So it could be for.
A certain period of time youneed to address something and do
something differently, or inaddition to help you cope with
that for a temporary amount oftime.
(13:24):
So acknowledging it could behelpful in itself.
A follow-up question might be,do I need to do anything with
this?
Should I address this in someway?
Answer could be no, and you'reon your way.
Great.
The answer could be yes.
And if so, is this a temporarything?
Is this a long-term thing?
Um, and Then on top of that,like what should I do about
that?
So we've talked about someoptions here.
(13:45):
I would go explore all of thoseand if you're like, I don't
wanna do any of those options,Emily, but the thing you said
over here made me think of this.
I'm gonna go check that out.
Great.
Go do whatever helps you andwhatever is relevant and helpful
to you.
But I will re reinforce again.
The chief of staff role isunlike any other role in the
(14:06):
company.
It's not like being an accountmanager, so an account manager.
You might have dozens of accountmanagers and you're on the
account management team, whichmakes sense.
You have your people, it's, it'seven not like being a COO or A
CFO.
So if I'm a COO and I'm sayinglike there's CFO, while we have
functional groups, we're stillon the executive leadership
(14:29):
team.
We're still reporting to theCEO.
we're still together in thatsense.
Chief of staff is on the C-Suiteteam, but is a little bit
different than the COO, the CFO,the CTO, the CRO, et cetera, et
cetera.
So just understand that it, itis a distinct and unique role
(14:49):
and sometimes inherent in thatyou're just gonna have these
different things pop up for youinternally in terms of feeling
lonely or on an island.
So just understand that andunderstand yourself and figure
out what you need, if anything,And we've gone over some options
here that might be helpful toyou.
But figure out, figure out whatis gonna make you, the best
(15:10):
leader you can be and put you ingood position to be good for you
and feel good, but also betterserve those around you.
And with that, I will catch younext week on leveraging
Leadership.
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