Ask Uncut - Can I bone my ex besties situationship? - Life Uncut

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country. We pay
our respects to their elders past and present.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
recorded on Drug Wallamuta Land.

Speaker 3 (00:31):
Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life.
I'm Kat, I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is it.

Speaker 4 (00:36):
We finally finished live shows. Feels like we really quickly
were at the same time.

Speaker 1 (00:41):
I feel like we've been talking about live shows forever.

Speaker 4 (00:44):
We actually have. It's been since of July.

Speaker 1 (00:47):
No, we drip fed it, but the last month we're
obviously talking about it a lot because it's happening. Then
we're there and then it's on Instagram, and then we
talk about the next day and how it went. But
it's been fucking phenomenal.

Speaker 2 (00:56):
It's honestly consumed every single part of our lives, every heart,
our waking life, my sleeping life, my like I go
to bed thinking about the live shows or unpacking, Like,
did I say this bit right? Could I have said
this better? I like rehash every show after.

Speaker 4 (01:11):
The Yeah, I don't think about it. You're fucking like dumb.
That top of stage.

Speaker 1 (01:15):
Doesn't not one thing from that night is in my head,
like I think about how cool it was and how
much fun I had and the adrenaline. I do not
go through the show. I do not analyze anything, do
not critique a thing. When people write to us after
and they say, like, my cheeks are hurting, I just
it was just such a great night with the girls.
Like for me, that is what I thrive on.

Speaker 2 (01:33):
I'm like, yes, Like, So last night, just so you
guys know, we did the Brisbane show. It was our
very last show. Brisbane was fucking unbelievable. Last night's crowd
was amazing.

Speaker 4 (01:45):
Brisbane was littly city.

Speaker 2 (01:46):
You were wild, not lily city in the same way
the Gold Coast was though, because you guys were like
litter litter city, which is you're a drunk city.

Speaker 4 (01:53):
Brisbane was lady city. That's the difference between Service Paradise
and Brisbane.

Speaker 1 (01:57):
Though.

Speaker 2 (01:58):
So last night, for those of you who there, you
would know this, but for everybody else, we interviewed Sam
Frost on stage, and I mean, I knew that it
was going to be great, and I love talking to Sam,
but I honestly think the interview with her was the
one out of all the interviews that we.

Speaker 4 (02:11):
Did that caught me completely by surprise. Was it?

Speaker 2 (02:14):
Yeah, like her vulnerability, her conversation around mental health, her
talking around what she has experienced, not just recently, but
what she has experienced from a little child. We're going
to get her on the podcast to have a proper
chat with her. So, Sam Frost, I mean, so many
of you know her from being back on The Bachelor,
you know her from her radio show Home and Away,
is her most recent accolade as an actress. But then

(02:36):
recently she's kind of turned away from the public life
and she has really leaned into her mental health advocacy.
And I honestly, like there were tears in my eyes,
There was tears in the audience. She spoke about how
dealing with mental health has been something that has been
a part of her family since she was a really
little kid. She also said that she grew up thinking

(02:58):
that her parents didn't love her, and I think for
me when she said that, I just, I honestly, I
can't believe how abandoned you would feel growing up feeling
as though your parents don't love you. And that was
because of the complex mental health issues that her mum had.
But then Sam also, and it was I was not
expecting her to go where she went to with the conversation,

(03:19):
but she spoke about how she had tried to end
her life, and it was something it took the wind
out of everyone in the audience, but it really was
this incredible reminder and this really humbling reminder that it
doesn't matter how beautiful someone is, it doesn't matter how
successful someone seems, it doesn't matter all the things that
we think are important that would be fulfilling to someone else.

(03:39):
If you were struggling with depression, if you were struggling
with bad mental health, then all those things don't matter.
And that's something that Sam really communicated on stage, and
it was fucking beautiful. She's an incredible person.

Speaker 1 (03:50):
Yeah. And I think the other thing that Sam spoke
about that must be so like, so frustrating and so
infuriating is that she got a lot of backlash about
being an anti vax and people were trying to cancel
her for being an anti vaxxer. And what she did
say is she's like, it's frustrating because those headlines keep
coming and coming and coming. She goes and guess what,
I am vaccinated. I am immunized. My son is immunized.

(04:12):
But people don't care about that. People care about outrage,
they don't care about the truth. They want to jump
on a bandwagon and drive someone to literally want to
leave the public eye, to move to a new city,
to go quiet, to go off social media, to need
to go to a psychologist, to someone that's experienced depression,
to make that tenfold.

Speaker 2 (04:30):
So Sam Frost was the most controversial, and I say
controversial loosely because she's absolutely not at all, but in
terms of the response that people had when we said that,
we were interviewing all different people, and so when we
put up her post on our Instagram, ninety percent of
people were like, Yeah, love san FROs. She's so amazing,
We love all the work that she's done with believe.
But then there was a small portion of people who
were like, oh my god, I can't believe you're having

(04:52):
the anti vaxer on which, if you guys know the story,
it was a big thing that blew up during COVID
and it really was taken out of context in a
lot of ways. And I mean, it was the first
time that I've heard Sam speak about it, speak about
what she experienced speak about it in terms of the
impact that I had on her, and I would love
to do an episode on her. But honestly, as much

(05:12):
as the live shows have been like fun, fun, silly, silly,
gag gag gag, it was just such a special conversation
to have on stage and the one that really will
stay with me forever.

Speaker 1 (05:21):
It's funny that you say Sam was the one guess
that shocked you the most and that you're most surprised about.
For me, it wasn't. And maybe that's because I know
a lot more about Sam's story, like in terms of
I followed her closely over the years, and I've spoken
to her a lot in the DMS because we've both
experienced very low points in our life and we connected
over it. But what shocked me the most, or who
shocked me the most, was Tones and I. For me,

(05:43):
that was the one Tones and I. Tones and I
doesn't really do interviews, she's not big on giving that information.
She doesn't love it. And we sort of dug a
little bit deeper into the why about that, and that's
what really impressed me. She said, people don't don't ask
me questions about me. They don't care about me. They

(06:04):
ask me questions about my music or my top hit
dance Monkey, and that's about it. And she said it
felt different for her at our live show with us
and the audience. She said, I've never felt safer in
an audience, and I've never felt more like now it's
the time to share some of my life. Maybe Tones
and I will come on an episode. She did say
she was keen, so hopefully we can lock that in.
But she opened up about some things in her life

(06:25):
that she has never spoken about ever, and she said
that she goes, I don't even know why I've got
the pull for it now, but you guys just feel
like a safe space for me. That was a moment
I was like, this is really cool.

Speaker 2 (06:35):
Yeah, and you know that it's like a it's such
an attribute of what you guys as the community create,
because I mean, it's such a reminder for us. We
do this podcast in silos. We're sitting I mean right now,
we're sitting in a tiny room by ourselves, producer to
each other. Poor thing is really unwell with which she's
on the ground, on the ground, but it's just the
three of us. And then when we got to go

(06:56):
and do these live shows, we saw thousands of you
in the audience, and it's just this incredible reminder that
we have honestly the most amazing community around us. You
life as are fucking phenomenal, and over the years, so
many of you are connected with different stories and that
you hold space for people to tell theirs, and for
that we are so so grateful. But honestly, seven shows

(07:18):
all around the country, part of me can't believe that
it's all done and that we even got to do it.
And then the other part of me is like, when
do we do the next one? The only thing is
this is the issue we have now, like how on
earth will we ever top these live shows?

Speaker 1 (07:30):
We can't, we can't. We have to go out a high. No,
next year's going to be different. I think they're gonna
be intimate chats, maybe smaller venues. We want to go,
maybe hit regional towns because we don't want to miss
you guys all the time. We've got to cook up
some ideas, but right now I'm too cooked to cook
the idea.

Speaker 2 (07:42):
Give us some time and we'll come up with something.
But also another conversation that we had off the back
of the live shows, and one that's going to be
dropping soon is We interviewed Sam Fisher. Now Sam's story
and it was another one that we kind of explored
and discovered whilst we were on the road just Morris friends.
We all became like family and friends, and he started
talk a lot about his life and we were like, wow, yeah,

(08:02):
but also his relationship with his parents and how he
doesn't speak to his dad at all anymore. And I
always find it so interesting when there is somebody who's
had the bravery and the confidence to cut contact with
their parents, when they reach a point in life where
they decide to choose themselves over choosing that like expectation,
or that relationship with their parent, and especially obviously when

(08:24):
that relationship is toxic. So Sam was really vulnerable. It's
a fucking amazing chart. But yeah, we have so many
good things coming in the pipeline off the back of
these live shows.

Speaker 1 (08:33):
Do you have a vibe for the week, Laura.

Speaker 4 (08:35):
I do have a vibe for the week.

Speaker 2 (08:37):
Okay, before we get into answering your deep dark questions,
my vibe is it's a podcast. It's a New Zealand
based podcast. Now I'm a couple of across the pond.
So it is called Dear Jane Now it is. The
story is from a woman named Jane. She's forty years old,
but she's reflecting back on a relationship she had when
she was thirteen. And this is a relationship that she

(08:57):
had with her youth group leader, like a pastor from
her church. And at the time, she didn't realize how
abusive this relationship was because he was in his twenties
and she was only thirteen years old.

Speaker 4 (09:08):
She thought that this was the love of her life.

Speaker 2 (09:10):
And it's her now as a forty year old, looking
back and working through all the trauma that she's lived
with and the realizations that what happened to her was
not something that was within her control and that she
was actually a victim in that situation. And I think
the storytelling of it is such a human story. You
feel so sorry for her and you hate that she
experienced this, but it's a very it's like it's a

(09:34):
real like understanding and self discovery of being able to
forgive yourself for the things that you might have carried
from your childhood.

Speaker 1 (09:41):
Well interesting, I'll like that to a list. Well, my
Vibe for the Week is on Disney Plus. If you
guys have Disney Plus it is the Wagatha Christie documentary.
Now I have spoken briefly we have about Wagatha Christie.
What do you call it wasn't a conundrum, it was
a It was probably the funniest but not funny, but

(10:03):
it was the funniest fight between two women that has
hit the public eye ever. So it's it's I mean,
if you guys know the Agatha Christie books, this is
a pun on that because these two women are wags.

Speaker 4 (10:16):
Why set up?

Speaker 2 (10:17):
Because I didn't know this story until like about three
months ago, and you said it a lot, which is
like so weird. I know, as someone who actually lives
in the world of media, I didn't know it.

Speaker 1 (10:25):
This has taken over the world of media for many,
many years, Like this has gone on for a couple
of years. And it's these two wags wives and girlfriends
of these footballers over in the UK, Rebecca Vardi and
Colleen Rooney. They're the two women. So both of their
husbands played for different teams, but they're very high profile.
So Wayne Rooney was one of the best footballers in

(10:48):
the UK and his wife is Colleen. Long story short,
Colleen had a private Instagram account in a public Instagram acount,
you know he can do like a close friend's kind
of a thing.

Speaker 4 (10:59):
I find it so fucking interesting.

Speaker 1 (11:01):
So all of her, all of a sudden, all these
stories that were very private about her and her family
she only had, like I don't know, five hundred followers
or something, they were all being leaked to huge media
outlets in the UK, and she's like, how how is
this happening? And then she clocked that every story that
was being leaked and sold to the papers was something

(11:22):
she hid in some capacity put on her private Instagram.
So I don't want to give it too much away,
but it turns out that she gets to the bottom
of who it was.

Speaker 4 (11:30):
It's this war of.

Speaker 1 (11:31):
The wags because she she accuses another wag of leaking it,
the other wag denies it. The other wag makes her
go to a trial, a huge trial, a trial that
costs five million pounds in legal fees. The husbands of
these footballers got dragged into it.

Speaker 4 (11:46):
But it's it's something.

Speaker 1 (11:47):
That everyone always laughs at over the years because it's
like it's so quote unquote stupid, right, so petty, but
actually it goes so much deeper into that it is problematic.
It's a level of online trolling and bullying. It caused
a lot of distress because these this woman's private life
was being plusted all over the sun paper and.

Speaker 2 (12:05):
She had no control of it, because someone in her
close network was actually just like trying to sabotage her,
basically was betraying her.

Speaker 1 (12:11):
Yes, And then when she called out the person was
betraying her, people came for her, saying, you shouldn't be
calling her out. Now you're publicly bullying. It was this
whole big thing. But this is the first time she
sat down and spoken about it. And so the documentary
is from Colleen's point of view. She talks you through
the three parts series and she's just so normal and
I really loved looking into her life and I'm like,

(12:31):
you are not what the meeting made you out to be.
And I just really loved it. I really liked her,
and I liked the way it was produced, and I
enjoyed It's only three parts.

Speaker 2 (12:40):
Disney plus is this it's Disney plus Disney okay, right,
and it's three episodes.

Speaker 4 (12:45):
Three parts? Yeah, easy quick watch, alrighty, it is time
to answer you deep your duck and you're burning questions.

Speaker 1 (12:53):
Question number one. My best friend and I have been
besties for about seven years. A couple of months ago,
we both went traveling separately.

Speaker 4 (13:00):
I went with my boyfriend and.

Speaker 1 (13:01):
She went on her own because she had just broken
up with her partner, so she went overseas to find herself.
Now she met a guy while she was over there
who she's now living with. So it has happened very quickly.
I never saw an issue with it. It didn't raise
that many red flags until she ran into some trouble
and needed help from me, her mum, and her ex
boyfriend back home. Now I'm guessing that's money trouble. This

(13:25):
is when it all unraveled for her. It turns out
she never broke up with her boyfriend from home, has
been lying and cheating on him for a couple of months.
She'd ghosted him back here. I was the one that
had to feel him in. I was the one that
told him she was cheating on him, told him that
she'd had another relationship overseas, that she was living with him,

(13:45):
amongst many other horrible things. She lied to everyone about
breaking up and going overseas, so we didn't think it
was weird that she was leaving. I broke her boyfriend's heart.
My question is, how can I go back to being
friends with her after she's lied, manipulated me, and put
me in a very uncomfortable position with her boyfriend? How

(14:06):
can I trust her again? Plus this is the second
time in our friendship I have been in a similar situation.

Speaker 4 (14:12):
Oh what a dog.

Speaker 1 (14:17):
So basically she was in a long term relationship. I
don't know. My imagination has gone to the point of, like,
I reckon, she's met someone online somehow overseas, because.

Speaker 4 (14:28):
Okay, you're filling in some blanks.

Speaker 1 (14:29):
Oh no, I am this is how I see this going, right,
I reckon, because it's a pretty big thing if you're
in a long term relationship to say to your boyfriend,
I'm going overseas completely alone. I gets that it happens,
But I reckon, she's met someone online, she's gone moved
quickly with him, and then probably falling in love with him,
not knowing how to deal with it, so just ghosted
him and stayed over there.

Speaker 2 (14:46):
When I see I think that I'm filling in different blanks.

Speaker 4 (14:49):
I reckon. The question wasn't fill in the blanks that
we're doing it color of my numbers.

Speaker 2 (14:55):
I get the feeling with this sort of messiness is
that when she left her current boyfriend or her boyfriend
that was in the country that she's from boyfriend, what
the boyfriend of origin, I would say that she left
with things being not good, like she had obviously said, oh,
maybe we'll stay together, like we'll work through it. But
I feel like there might have been some sort of

(15:15):
jeopardy there, right, So in her mind she's like, oh,
we're kind of together, we're not together. She's not been clear,
she's been very ambiguous because she's clearly someone who cannot
be completely on her own. So she's like half broken
up but not really broken up, just done enough to
like create a bit of distance but also keep him
there for when she wants him there. And then she's
gone overseas and she's had this whole other relationship. She's

(15:36):
told her friends that they've broken up, but she hasn't
actually broken up with him. She's just done a bit
of the groundwork of like, you know, I don't know
how I feel.

Speaker 4 (15:43):
I need to go and find myself. And no, she
broke up.

Speaker 1 (15:46):
With him in her mind, but that doesn't count.

Speaker 4 (15:48):
You don't sell the person breaking up with them totally.

Speaker 2 (15:50):
She hasn't said we're not together, but I think she's
done enough to kind of be like things are not good.
But the problem here is regardless of what she's done
in her relationships, regardless of like where she in life,
because it sounds like she's a bit of a mess.
She doesn't know what she wants. She sounds like she
is a hot mess. But that's now impacting your friendship
and your relationship and your ability to trust her and

(16:12):
to trust the things that she's saying. Because even if
she was doing all this, but she was at least
being honest with you and you knew about it, you
wouldn't feel so betrayed and feel like you don't know
who she is as a person. The problem is is
that she's living these lives that are not true, and
she's telling the people in her life what she needs
to to try and appease them, because she obviously doesn't
want you to think badly of her. She doesn't want

(16:32):
the guilt of having to be honest and own up
to the stuff that she's done or said, or how
she's treating these different men in different countries. But ultimately,
I would be questioning more why is this a relationship
that you want to salvage? Why is this a friendship
that you want to hold on to if you so
deeply don't agree with the person that she is and
how she's behaving, Because if you don't trust her, just

(16:53):
like trust is important in a romantic relationship, it's important
in a friendship as well. And so she's not showing
up to your friendship as the person that she says
she is, why do you want to keep being friends
with her?

Speaker 1 (17:04):
So to be clear, it was written here as well
boyfriend of origin one, he was actually waiting for her return,
so like he didn't think that were on the rocks.

Speaker 4 (17:16):
He wasn't unsure about the situation.

Speaker 1 (17:18):
He thought she was doing a thing alone, you know,
obviously when you're in a long term relationship. We've spoken
about this on the podcast before. Like I have always said,
I don't think it's the strangest thing in the world,
if you do want some time alone in a long
term relationship, going overseas on your own.

Speaker 4 (17:33):
It was weird.

Speaker 2 (17:33):
I mean, I'm not against it, but I know that
if I said to Matt, hey, honey, I need to
go overseas and find myself.

Speaker 4 (17:38):
He'd be like, what the fuck is wrong with what's different?
Now you're married with kids?

Speaker 1 (17:42):
If you were like bye, yeah, alarm. But if you've
been together from a young age for many years and
you're like, you know what, I want to just do
a trip on my own, I think that's great. But
I don't think that's quite what's happening here. I think,
well it is. I think she has said that to him,
and he obviously loves her and trusts her, and he's like, yeah,
go do your things, see in a month, seeing weeks whatever.
But in her mind, which doesn't count, she's broken up

(18:05):
with him in her mind. Now, everything you just said
I agree with, like that position. I don't envy the
position she has put you in because it's not cool.
And we all do have a level of grace for
our friends to make mistakes because we do love them
and they are our best friends. You've been best friends
with her for nearly a decade.

Speaker 2 (18:21):
And also, like you know, if your friend has been
in an affair or they've cheated on someone, they might
not tell you because they're ashamed and they're worried about
what you're going to think.

Speaker 1 (18:30):
Of them. Well, I don't think she'd I mean, I'm
feeling in the blanks again. I think it was more
she just didn't want it to come out right. I
don't think she was ashamed. I think she was like,
they're all too close back home, and I'm not ready
for it to come out for whatever reason. But the
situation she put you in is really shitty. But we
do have to have a level of grace for our friends.
I don't think they make one mistake and cut up
and you're like, fuck off, Like you know, the problem
here is she said, it's not the first time she's

(18:51):
done it. But I think what you need to do
is talk to her about it and be really blunt,
how could you have put me in this position? Like
I get that you're living your life, but you need
to understand what you did to him is really really
hurtful and wrong, and what you've done to your friends
and family, me included, is also really wrong. Let's talk
about why again. I say this a lot, but somebody's
response to a situation I think is everything and is

(19:14):
what will make or break the relationship, whether that is
in a romantic relationship or a friendship or family. When
you've gone to someone you said, this is how I feel,
this is how it's affected me. Their response to that
is really telltale accountability totally. So see what she says
about that. I don't think you need to diss a
friendship straight away. But having said that, friendships, I hate
that saying what is that really cool? He's saying for

(19:34):
a season or reason or a lifetime whatever, like I think,
or a grievance in this case. Yeah, we get to
the sunk cost fallacy, Like we get to this point
in relationships with friendships and stuff where we're like, oh,
we've been friends.

Speaker 4 (19:46):
For ten years, like we should always be friends.

Speaker 1 (19:48):
Yeah, like, you know, I don't want to throw that away,
but sometimes that is what happens with friendships. Like I
have had friends and people in the past where I'm like,
this is my soulmate friends, like we are how connection
is so insane, We're going to be best friends for
ever and the like a year light, I've never seen
him again because it's like you don't know the time,
but it becomes situational or life changes, and yeah, that's
totally fine. So I think at the end of the day,

(20:10):
you don't have to stay friends with her because you've
been friends with her for seven years. If you genuinely
don't agree with her morals and who she is, the
positions she's put you in multiple times, it's okay to
walk away, and you actually don't need that much of
an explanation. I also think there comes a point in
life when you say the X why she's her own
boyfriend she does.

Speaker 2 (20:28):
I also think when you've been in a situation she
said that this has happened twice now that there's been
two separate times where her friend has cheated and put
her into an awkward situation because she's not been honest,
And I mean, I don't know what her friend expected
to get out of trying to live these double lives
and lie to everyone. But there does come a point
where you have to assess your friendships and you have
to weigh up what am I getting out of this

(20:49):
person and what drama are they bringing into my life?
Because if the constant is that you're just getting drama,
that you're always being thrown into these situations that make
you uncomfortable, that are very taxing and time ring on
your mental health, on your other relationships that you're responsible
for the cleanup and the aftermath of your friend's X
or now you know, current boyfriend, whatever that mess is,

(21:09):
that you have to explain to them what's been going on.
I would be really considering what are the benefits that
I'm getting from that friendship, because you know, at the
end of the day, you only have x amount of
time in your life to dedicate it to the things
that are important to you. And so if you're constantly
dedicating it to relationships that are bringing in drama, that
are creating toxicity, that are putting you in situations that
are completely lacking in any sort of respect, I would

(21:32):
be saying that life's too short and you don't need
to have friends like this. But I understand why it
can be really hard to leave and to walk away
from a seven year friendship, especially when the things that
they've done aren't directly involving you. But in this instance,
it has involved you, and it has made your life
hell and it's really brought to the surface. Is this
the type of person that you want to be friends with?

(21:54):
And I think a lot of that comes back to
what you said, britt accountability. How has she reacted to this,
her response and what is she doing to show that
she isn't someone who feels like people's feelings are just
completely flippant and she doesn't care about them.

Speaker 1 (22:07):
Yeah, the end. Okay, bear with me here. I've just
decided did you'd fill some more blanks in no, this
is the next question, but I've decided to keep the
best friend theme.

Speaker 4 (22:15):
I'm gonna roll with that. Okay, cool. For the entire episode.

Speaker 1 (22:18):
We got a lot of best friend questions.

Speaker 2 (22:20):
And I understand this because we answer so many questions
on relationships, but I think we undervalue how important friendship
relationships are and how they can be just as tricky
to navigate.

Speaker 1 (22:29):
Well, listen to this one.

Speaker 4 (22:30):
Oh, I'm ready. My supposed best friend.

Speaker 1 (22:34):
That's my supposed best friend organized my twenty first birthday present.

Speaker 4 (22:39):
People paid her for it because.

Speaker 1 (22:40):
It was a group present. But it's been a year
now and I still haven't got it. It's like the
next birthday and she's like, eh. I've asked her multiple
times if she can drop it off or I could
pick it up, but she always has an excuse on
why I can't get it. It's a present. I really want.
I know this because she told me what it is.

(23:01):
But I'm also stressed that she didn't actually buy it
and she just kept the money. She's organized presents for
people in the past, and they've always got them on
the day of the party.

Speaker 4 (23:09):
I don't know what to do because it's something I
really want. So fucking stupid this is so how did
you think that this is just gonna go away?

Speaker 1 (23:17):
I don't know, everyone's giving you a hundred bucks.

Speaker 4 (23:19):
Who knows how much?

Speaker 1 (23:19):
She's just one thousand dollars? Is this two hundred? I
don't know, it's irrelevant, but like the bitch stole your present, okay.
I think that you text the other friends first and
you say, like, hey, Cindy, Sarah and Jemima.

Speaker 4 (23:31):
I don't know if you guys up my little pony.

Speaker 2 (23:33):
I don't know, but I don't know if you guys
know this, but I haven't got my present yet. Do
you mind saying something to Stephanie about it? I feel
like you use that you use that little in first
you go and text all the other friends who contributed money.

Speaker 4 (23:44):
But then if that.

Speaker 2 (23:45):
Fails, your next bet is next time that you're driving around,
you're doing something and you know your friend is home,
like you know she's at home, you say, oh, my god.

Speaker 4 (23:53):
I'm in the area. I'm gonna come by right now,
right this second. Well, she is stopping by.

Speaker 1 (23:59):
Yeah, she doesn't have the present. Like spoiler, she doesn't
have it. She's definitely spent the money. One hundred percent
what I would do. I would text the other friends
as well, because you've tried texting her multiple times and
she's made an excuse. I'd text the other friends, but
i'd probably say genuinely, this is what i'd say. Hey, question,
I know this was ages ago, and I actually don't care,

(24:20):
but I just want to make no I do care.
I would say, I don't care, but I just would
hate to think you guys passed on money that never
made it anywhere. I never got that present from Jemima,
but I know that you guys said you throw in,
so I just wanted to make sure that, like, did
you actually put that money in or not. I would
say that I would put it in, Like, look, it's
not for me. I don't care about the present, hynough
you really want it, You're more like taking the root

(24:40):
of I want to make sure my friends didn't throw
their money away.

Speaker 4 (24:42):
So well, she can go out party for a night.

Speaker 2 (24:44):
I like this be a little bit passive agress I
don't even care, but like you do care.

Speaker 1 (24:48):
No, it's just like it's not about me, it's about you,
Like it's about you. I care about your my friends,
your money. I want to make sure that you didn't
throw your money away. I would take that angle.

Speaker 4 (24:56):
Otherwise I would just be really directed with the girl.

Speaker 1 (24:59):
I'd be like, look, i'm getting the impression you didn't
actually buy the present. Let's talk about this.

Speaker 2 (25:04):
But also that you know, that's so awkward that like
having like, hey, I know you said you bought me
this thing, but I haven't got it yet.

Speaker 4 (25:11):
You need to get it for me. Like, that's fucking awkward.
You're never going to do that. That it's a year
on and she stole money from a friend.

Speaker 2 (25:16):
Totally totally, but also, let's give this other girl benefit
of the doubt for a second.

Speaker 4 (25:21):
No, yeah, I'm going to do it. No, I'm going there.

Speaker 1 (25:23):
She bought cokaine.

Speaker 4 (25:24):
She probably did.

Speaker 2 (25:25):
I'm joking, she probably did. Okay, let's say she had
like three hundred bucks or something. Let's say she had
three hundred and fifty dollars and she spent it on
something on.

Speaker 1 (25:32):
A night out.

Speaker 2 (25:33):
I think she has the intention of still getting you
the present.

Speaker 4 (25:37):
No I do I do birthdays come around. She hasn't
got the next birthdays present.

Speaker 2 (25:41):
So the reason I think that she's like it's something
that in her mind she's like, oh, I've got to
do that thing, and then she just keeps forgetting to
do it, and then you will send a message and
she'd be like, fuck, fuck, okay, I'll organize it for
next time. She's not going to get away with saying
that she doesn't have it for like the next five years,
because that's just going to be awkward if she knows
you're going to stop asking after five No, to stop asking,
and that's your job.

Speaker 4 (26:01):
Never stop asking, keep making it awkward.

Speaker 2 (26:04):
She's eventually going to go and get the present, but
she hasn't got it yet. I think that it's one
of those things where she's like, oh my god, so
much time has gone and now it's awkward. I do
think you need to text the friends, and I think
you can send a really honest message and be like, hey, Jemimah,
big Ted here, I would really love you.

Speaker 1 (26:21):
Know these names. I don't know it's big dead.

Speaker 2 (26:23):
I've been watching to much play school, Like, hey, Jemimah,
I know you said you picked up x y Z.

Speaker 1 (26:29):
I know the girls have put in for it. I
don't want it to be a big deal, but I
really really want it. I've been so excited about it.

Speaker 2 (26:34):
So if there's a time that I can come this
week or in the next two days to pick it up,
I would really love that.

Speaker 4 (26:40):
Ender a shared.

Speaker 1 (26:40):
Google calendar request, let me know when suit totally let
me know when suits you, because I'm going to come
and pick it up this week. And then that way
you've given her a couple more days that if she
hasn't got it, she can go and organize it. She
can go and get it sorted or give it to
her like open it up and say, like, you know,
if this is a problem, let me know why. And
then at last she can explain because it shouldn't be
about situational Oh I can't come get it all, you know,

(27:03):
I'm busy all blah blah blah. She can put it
in the fucking post, right, I just say send me
the money back. Then just say send me about child.
Then if you don't have it, yeah, but you took
up my friend's money. At the end of the day,
like we're laughing. But you took a bunch of people's money.
It's the step is reminded me. I actually owe my
girlfriend a present, which I organized. I didn't take anyone's money,
but my.

Speaker 4 (27:22):
Best friend Kaya.

Speaker 2 (27:22):
Sorry Kaya, she's still waiting on her dinner plates which
are for her birthday, which are coming.

Speaker 4 (27:26):
Is she listening?

Speaker 2 (27:27):
Yeah, but they just didn't have the and this guy
is good.

Speaker 4 (27:32):
She doesn't.

Speaker 2 (27:32):
Yeah, Kai wrote in, but she just like changed the
name Kaya. They didn't have the green ones available, just
so you know. And so I was waiting on the
stock to come in. But it's arrived now and I
just forgot about this. So now I'll organize them. And
it's awkward. It's awkward, but.

Speaker 1 (27:43):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (27:44):
I feel like that this No, yes, it's so awkward.
I agree, but I feel like that this doesn't have
to be an awkward thing.

Speaker 4 (27:50):
But I think you need to go through the friends. Well,
it's always awkward.

Speaker 1 (27:53):
It's not all awkward asking for something. The awkwardness comes
when you've asked for something four times. That's when it
gets awkward because you like, I don't know how else
to say it. The awkwardness isn't like, oh, my god,
you have my present the first time. That's easy. Hey babe, sorry,
I know you forgot, but let's get that present this week.

Speaker 4 (28:09):
I'm so pumped for it.

Speaker 1 (28:10):
But a year later and five, six, seven times of asking,
it starts to be like, I don't know how to
do it, And that's probably what.

Speaker 4 (28:17):
She's banking on.

Speaker 2 (28:17):
But I also think if your friend has managed to
go this long without getting it for you, and you've
brought it up one like, I think that she doesn't
think it's as awkward as you do. You think you've
brought it up enough. You think you've mentioned it enough times.
She obviously is just fucking cruising and like for her,
it's not really registered as an awkward thing yet.

Speaker 4 (28:35):
So I think you need to make it more awkward.
You need to send more messages.

Speaker 2 (28:38):
You need to be more direct, because maybe you're someone
here it is. Maybe you're someone who's really indirect, like
you're not an asker. So you've been like, oh, hey, han,
can I come pick blah blah blah up, and that's
been as forceful as you've been about this, whereas your
friend is someone who needs you to be more direct. Hey,
I'm coming to get that present on Tuesday. If that's
not good, let me know a day this week that

(28:59):
I can come. I think you need to be more
direct and then it will be a little kick up
her ass and she'll go, oh shit, like she's serious
she wants this present.

Speaker 1 (29:06):
I would also love to know two things. One, what
was the present? Yeah, well just let us know writing
what with the present on?

Speaker 4 (29:11):
She just had a curiosity. How much was it? Two?

Speaker 1 (29:15):
Does said friend listen to the podcast? Because that's brilliant
if she does so, here listening right now, give your
friend her present.

Speaker 2 (29:21):
Yeah, if you're listening right now and you've been holding
onto your friend's money for the last year and haven't
bought your best friend her birthday gift, stop being an
asshole and go and get it.

Speaker 4 (29:29):
Is that helpful? Yeah? Okay? Question number three?

Speaker 1 (29:31):
Have my ring? Oh?

Speaker 4 (29:32):
Yeah, fuck, I also have BRIT's ring? Britt? Are you
sure you didn't write this?

Speaker 1 (29:35):
Yere?

Speaker 4 (29:37):
Brimio and I have teamed up to get our presents.
Brinny gave me.

Speaker 2 (29:40):
Back her Tony May ring to be polished, and that
was two months ago.

Speaker 4 (29:43):
It's just sitting on my desk. Yeah, it's standard.

Speaker 1 (29:46):
Also, I bought Laura a present, This is like.

Speaker 4 (29:49):
Not that similar.

Speaker 1 (29:49):
I bought Laura three hundred dollars worth of massage vouchers
because because I.

Speaker 4 (29:54):
Was like this, she's so stressed.

Speaker 1 (29:56):
Stressed out all the time, I'm going to buy a
massage vouchers.

Speaker 2 (29:59):
And then I was like two years ago. It was no,
I think it was three years ago. It was when
we first it was my first birthday after we became friends.

Speaker 1 (30:05):
And then it came out that she hates. If you've
been to the live show, you'll know Laura hates nothing
more than a massage. So I'm like, well, I was
great to know that that money went down the gurgler.
You should have given it back to me so I
could spend my own money on my massages.

Speaker 4 (30:18):
I gave them to Matt. I got Matt three hundred dollars.

Speaker 2 (30:21):
Went to be fair, I went and had one of them,
and then Matt had two of them, which he enjoyed,
and then that brings me joy. So in turn, your
present was well joyed. Okay, I'm glad, well joyed, well joyed,
heaps of joy all around.

Speaker 1 (30:35):
Question number three staying on the friendship train, Oh more
friendship questions. Yeah, I thought we may as well, stay
with the thing. We got so many friendship questions this week,
and can it's crazy? Can we throw in the question
that we answered at the live show.

Speaker 4 (30:46):
I was having a few.

Speaker 1 (30:47):
Glasses of wine on Saturday night scrolling through Tinder when
I came across my ex bestes X situationship my ex
best is X situation. She had a best friend. Yeah,
I had a situation ship. The situationship ended.

Speaker 4 (31:03):
The best friend ship ended around the same time. Who knows?

Speaker 2 (31:06):
But yes, okay, well we don't go We're not privy
to You're not friends with her anymore. And she once
upon a time was dating this guy great situation shipping
not dating, I mean loosely dating. Who knows situationships can
be more to one person than they are.

Speaker 1 (31:18):
To the other. Okay, you'll let me finish the rest
of the sentence. She has always said it was just
purely sex and she didn't really like him that much.
So proper situation share.

Speaker 4 (31:27):
I swipe him. We like we match.

Speaker 1 (31:29):
He messages me very flirtily, asking am I still living
with my ex bestie? So they were best friends and
mats so it's like a double whammy. Wait, so when
they were living together, she was fucking this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
so she would have been here in them in the
room next door and stuff, bang bang, But he said, yeah,
I used to living with the expreste as. I'd love
to come over and see you. We moved things to Snapchat.

(31:53):
I don't know why people to stap them.

Speaker 4 (31:55):
We moved things of.

Speaker 1 (31:55):
Snapchat, I know, and things I deleted Snapchat last night
and things got hot. I no longer talked to my
ex Bessie, and it seems she is in a very
happy one year relationship from what I can see online.

Speaker 4 (32:07):
Should I feel bad.

Speaker 1 (32:08):
For wanting to have sex with her ex situationship? Because
I don't actually think I feel that much shame. He's
very cute and I'm very tempted to text him right
now to come over, but I won't until you answer
my question.

Speaker 4 (32:22):
I know it's going to lead to sex. What should
I do? I need girly advice.

Speaker 1 (32:27):
If you happen to read this, please creep it private.

Speaker 4 (32:29):
Of course, all I have a question.

Speaker 1 (32:32):
Magim not bang him.

Speaker 2 (32:34):
Oh, Brittany, let's unpack this a little bit more. I
think only you can answer this question, but I think
you need to ask yourself a very important one. Why
did your friendship end?

Speaker 1 (32:44):
Why him? No?

Speaker 2 (32:45):
Why are you no longer friends with your ex bestie?
Did you do something that ruined that friendship? Did she
do something that ruined that friendship? Did it just naturally
come to the end of its life cycle? Which is
weird because friendships don't usually just best friend friendships don't
usually peter out.

Speaker 4 (33:00):
There's usually a reason. Yeah, like why something happened.

Speaker 1 (33:03):
Don't get the present at their own Yeah, you didn't
get the present, and so you broke up with your friend. No.

Speaker 2 (33:07):
I think that's a really important question because if you were,
and that well might take some honest self reflection. If
you were the reason that that friendship decayed, then I
think it's a real see you next Tuesday, move to
go and also sleep with her ex situationship. But also
she's probably one never gonna know, especially if it doesn't

(33:30):
turn into anything that's important. So like, you can go
and live your best dreams and do whatever you want to, really.

Speaker 4 (33:35):
But will you feel guilty about it? Should you feel
any remorse for it? I don't know.

Speaker 1 (33:39):
I think that only you can kind of come up
with that answer. It's like just go bang him. Yeah,
irackon bangyim bang him banging banging, Get him over right now,
get him on WhatsApp, send him in disperop photo, get
him there. The reason I say that is it would
be different for me if they were in a relationship
and the friend had feelings for him like the ex friend,
if they had a proper relationship where she loved her

(34:00):
or yeah I really felt something. But she has said
I don't even like him, it's just sex. I think
he's hot, he thinks I'm hot.

Speaker 4 (34:07):
We bang.

Speaker 1 (34:08):
I think that's fine. I think you don't speak to anymore.
She is also in a relationship for a year, so
she's happy. And if she's been in a relationship for
a year, this situationship had to be a year plus, right,
so eighteen months two years, we don't know, but it's
longer than a year.

Speaker 2 (34:21):
But the question is do you want to ever restore? Okay,
it also comes down to the friendship, right, do you
want to ever restore the friendship?

Speaker 4 (34:27):
Do you have?

Speaker 2 (34:28):
You just had to have some time out from each other.
You miss the friendship. You want to spend time with
her again, you want to rekindle that at some point
down the track. I think if you want to still
be friends with her, then I would be prioritizing the
friendship over the hangs and bangs with this one guy.
But if you don't care about the friendship, if you
don't feel like it's going to be something that you
are going to resurrect in the future, if both of

(34:50):
you have come to a point where you're like, our
life is way easier not being in each other's lives,
then I think, do whatever the hell you want to do,
and if you don't feel guilty about it, if you
don't feel shameful about it, then that's okay, Like you're
allowed to do what you want to do. I get
it that we have kind of been almost like conditioned
to think that if one person has had some sort

(35:11):
of intimate relationship with a person of their interest, that
they're then completely out of bounds to all of their friends.
But the reality is is like, we don't own people,
We don't have DIBs on people, especially when it comes
to loose dating connections. So if you're happy to sleep
with someone who your ex has slept with, are your
ex best friend?

Speaker 1 (35:30):
Fuck?

Speaker 4 (35:30):
That got confusing.

Speaker 2 (35:31):
If you're happy to sleep with someone who your best
friend who is no longer your best friend once upon
a time was sleeping with Then I think you can
do whatever the hell you want to. You're not breaking
any rules. Would it upset her? Would she be mad
if she found out?

Speaker 4 (35:44):
Maybe? But the reality is you're not really friends with
her anymore, so do you care?

Speaker 1 (35:48):
Also, the other thing is we live in a world
where everyone has this loose connection, right, like social media
now means people are if you have met someone out
once in a group at a party and you follow
youa other on Instagram, all of a sudden, you quote
unquote know them right or you have a connection to them.
So there's so many loose connections in terms of, oh
my god, do you think I can hook up with
this guy knowing that like Sally's birth friend, I'm a

(36:09):
friends with an Instagram hooked up with him.

Speaker 2 (36:11):
Like, I mean, that's nice in theory, but I feel
like this connection is not that loose, Like he's been
inside her and being inside her old apartment totally.

Speaker 4 (36:18):
But I don't that's a tight connection.

Speaker 1 (36:21):
It doesn't, we hope, So it doesn't ring alarm bell
for me, and I really don't think it is because
it's been a long time and it meant nothing, and
you feel something now and you want to do it.
So I do think it's okay if you were still
friends with this girl. I really want to reiterate, this
would be different. If you were still friends with your friend.
You would have to sit down and have a conversation

(36:42):
with her before you went there, and I think you
would have to respect what she said. So if you
were like, hey, I know you were having sex with
Freddy for a year. I'm kind of vibing him now,
would that be weird for you? If she said yes,
then you have to respect that. But this is you're
not friends with her anymore. You don't talk to us,
she's moved on, she's happy. You want to bang a
guy that you've matched with a year two years later?

Speaker 4 (37:03):
Five, I have some fun.

Speaker 2 (37:05):
I have a question for you. How would you feel
if I was single and I.

Speaker 1 (37:09):
Were trying to bang Ben?

Speaker 4 (37:11):
That would be very wrong?

Speaker 1 (37:12):
Yuck.

Speaker 2 (37:13):
No, if I was single and I was trying to
bang someone who you had slept with in the past,
even though.

Speaker 1 (37:17):
You're happily in a relationship like Jordan. Also no, or
like the situationship before.

Speaker 2 (37:23):
My stomach is growling. Yeah, like the situation. Yeah, yeah,
the one.

Speaker 1 (37:27):
I'd let you do that, but would you think it's weird? Also,
we do all have to hang out. I'm fully thinking
about it.

Speaker 2 (37:32):
But I mean it like if I was like, hey,
I matched with him on Tinder. I match with him
knowing full well that you guys dated, but now I'm
gonna sleep with him.

Speaker 4 (37:40):
How do you feel about it? I would be.

Speaker 1 (37:41):
Fine, And I genuinely say that honestly, because I didn't
have the love for that person. Like that was a
bit of a situationship, like we were dating and he
definitely felt a lot for me.

Speaker 4 (37:54):
But for me, if I had loved Flaxpread, no am
I I wasn't my ex. You guys know that, So
it was like a hit different for me.

Speaker 1 (38:02):
But I think that it's okay because I have moved
on and I didn't. I wasn't like head over heels
in love with the person. I'd be like, you know what, Yeah,
he's actually a great guy. It just wasn't for me.

Speaker 2 (38:13):
Well, you guys probably, I mean, if you're new to
the podcast, we've spoken about it many years ago, but
you probably don't know about it.

Speaker 4 (38:17):
We did feel new, we Britt and I at the
same time, tried to fuck the same person. Okay, so
I make that sound so much worse. Not at the
same time.

Speaker 2 (38:28):
So I matched with this guy prior to obviously being
on The Bachelor and meeting Matt all that I matched
with this guy on Tinder. I liked him, he was great.
We hung out quite for a couple of I would say,
like a couple of months, nothing serious.

Speaker 4 (38:41):
It didn't really go anywhere.

Speaker 2 (38:43):
By the time we got to know each other, we
realized that we weren't really each other's person by any means,
but like we were sexually attracted to each other. So whatever,
because he's a smoke, because he's so he's so hot,
like he is, he's really nice, He's Mayor Mountain. So yeah,
climbed to that mare mountain. Anyway, Britt and I became friends,
we started the podcast, and then Britt one day was like,
oh my god, Laura, I've matched with the hottest guy

(39:05):
on Tinder and I've gone on a couple of dates
with him. And then I didn't like I didn't see
photos of him. Straight away, I was just like, yes,
get a girl about it.

Speaker 1 (39:13):
But we were talking about not specifics but loose loosely
like sort of a nickname, and like what we've been
doing and how I've been hanging out, and that he
was super hot, what he looks like yes, And then.

Speaker 2 (39:24):
Britt one day says something about him doing a specific
job and having a specific dog, and I was like,
I'm sorry, you want to show me a photo of
this guy that you're currently banging and she was like sure,
and she showed me a photo and I was like, wow, okay.

Speaker 4 (39:41):
I think we needn't know. You hadn't banged him yet.
I didn't bang it. Oh okay, well you didn't, all right,
Sorry I went too far.

Speaker 1 (39:46):
Well I couldn't then I going to banging that nine.
Then I was like great, now I've got an abort mission.
I can't bang my business partners ex bank.

Speaker 4 (39:54):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (39:54):
So she showed me a photo and I was like, wow,
this is too close to home. But anyway, did not care.
Once I was like you that is all yours. He's
a beautiful man. I hope you have a better time
than I did.

Speaker 1 (40:04):
And you didn't care because you'd had Matt.

Speaker 4 (40:06):
You're in love later, so like.

Speaker 2 (40:09):
It was years later, I was in love and the
relationship itself meant nothing to me, and I can also
appreciate that he he's a great person and would be
a great person for someone else.

Speaker 4 (40:18):
I still couldn't do it. I'm sorry. I ruined my
life from the Daily maun.

Speaker 2 (40:22):
You could be with him, If anything, I set you
up for bigger and better things, so I know.

Speaker 4 (40:28):
But I didn't even get to, like climb him.

Speaker 2 (40:31):
Yeah, I didn't even get to climb that Mountainnumber man
didn't go that far.

Speaker 1 (40:34):
Now we're just going to be friends, and we are friends,
and now he has a really hot girlfriend who's super hot. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (40:42):
Yeah, he did good, really good. He's not sad at all. Anyway.

Speaker 2 (40:47):
Okay, I have one more question for you guys. This
is a question that we answered at the Gold Coast
Live show, and it was saucy, and I want to
know how you will feel about it, because I mean,
we all agreed, we all had similar feelings. Produced a Keisha,
Brittany and I were on staf talking about it. Basically,
the summary of this was, this girl has started dating
a guy. They've been dating for five weeks. She's really

(41:07):
into the hym. It's going really well, it's heading in
the right direction, and she can see it being that
they're exclusive now. He has told her just casually one
day because he wanted to be honest. He said, Hey,
I want to let you know that a couple of
months ago, I slept with my housemate. It happened twice,
on two separate occasions. We were really drunk. She was

(41:28):
into me. I'm not into her at all. It meant
absolutely nothing to me, and it's never happened since now.
The question that she posed was when is it appropriate
for me to bring up with him? How uncomfortable it
makes me that they live together? And also is this
a situation that I should be worried about? And she
was really sort of talking about how she has this

(41:49):
real anxiety now around the fact that he lives with
this girl that he's had sex with, even though he
says it means nothing, and even though he says that
he would never do it again. How would you feel?
Do you think think she has the right to say anything?
And lastly, what should she do?

Speaker 4 (42:04):
I think this is.

Speaker 1 (42:05):
An unfortunate situation in terms of you've met a guy
you like and he happened to have banged his flat mate.
You've been within five weeks, It's very early. I do
not think that you can go into this relationship if
you are not okay with it. And I say that
because it's too early to put those limitations on someone.
It's too early to say, Hey, I'm not comfortable with

(42:27):
you living with her, so you're going to have to
move out. Because what happens, right, I'm not comfortable with
your leaving her. There's two options. She moves out or
he moves out. You're five weeks deep. You cannot have
that conversation. You have the knowledge now of what the
situation is. You can decide if you're okay with that
to enter the relationship, or if you have too much

(42:48):
wild anxiety.

Speaker 4 (42:49):
You've got to try and lack your crazy down. You
gotta lock your crates down.

Speaker 1 (42:52):
But of course it's warranted for you to have those feelings, Like,
let's not take that away from you. You like somebody
that literally spends all his spare time at home with
somebody that he has banged. Right, he might be coming
home drunk. You're going to know she's there. She might
come home drunk. You're gonna know she's there. You're not
gonna spend every day with him. You're gonna know that

(43:12):
they're living in the same house. It's something that you
just need to get your head around and accept. And
if you don't think you're going to be okay with it,
I wouldn't probably pursue the relationship. But you can have
that convo with him. You can be honest because he's
been honest with you. Hey, I've done this in the past.
It means nothing. You can be honest back and say, look,
I really like you, but I don't think I'm going

(43:35):
to be happy going forward not knowing what you're doing,
and it's not a trusting with you, but it's going
to be something in the back of my head. You
can say that he might not like it. He might
reassure you and make you feel great, but I think
you have to have that conversation. If you are actually
feel that unstable by their current situation, you have the conversation,
but decide do not. You can't go into it and

(43:56):
say you need to move out. You can't go into
a say she needs to move out. It's not your place.
It's just far, far too soon.

Speaker 2 (44:01):
This is why you don't ship where you eat. Just
don't fuck your housemates. No, you can't unless you're in
love with them. Don't fuck them because it never ends
well if you can't just like have like casual hangs
and bangs, because then even if it doesn't Yeah, but
then even if it doesn't cause an issue between you
and the housemate, it causes issues between you and anyone
else you want to date in the future.

Speaker 4 (44:20):
Who was your houseman?

Speaker 1 (44:23):
I've lived with someone overseas in Scotland. When I first
moved over there, I moved in with someoney.

Speaker 4 (44:29):
Just as a flow. But he was in love with you, No,
but not at the start.

Speaker 1 (44:32):
We just lived together for ages and then one night
we bang, and then we started dating, and then we
split up and then I had to move out.

Speaker 4 (44:40):
Yes, exactly.

Speaker 2 (44:40):
But the problem is is you weren't bringing home other
people after you banged.

Speaker 1 (44:44):
No, that's why I moved out exactly because I couldn't
break before.

Speaker 4 (44:48):
But that's what I mean, right.

Speaker 2 (44:49):
I think that it's he has created such a shitty
situation for himself now because he couldn't abstain and Helen
know what, he didn't need to because he was single
and he can do whatever the fuck he wants to.
He shouldn't be reprimanded for that. But the problem is,
I don't think that there is a single person out
there in the world who would not feel a little
bit anxious about the fact that the new person that
they're dating has fucked their housemate. I don't think that

(45:11):
there is and it's okay, And you are absolutely validated
in feeling insecure about this. When I first heard this question,
there was part of me that was like, I just
wouldn't want to know. I would never want him to
tell me that. But then you would be so angry,
you would feel so betrayed if he didn't tell you
and and you found out another way. So I guess like,
essentially he's done the right thing by being honest. He

(45:34):
knows that this is not an ideal situation, which is
why he's told you early on to be transparent. Now
you're never going to be able to find out through
other means, and he's given you all the tools exactly
like you said, Britt, He's given you all the tools
to make a decision that is right for yourself. And
I think in these moments sometimes we have to be
really honest with ourselves around what's going to inflame our crazy,

(45:55):
what's going to make us feel insecure and mad and
like we can't trust the other person. And if you
know that you're someone who is jealous, is insecure, and
this is going to absolutely inflame those feelings, then this
might not be the relationship for you, and five weeks
in you're not so invested that you have to continue
to pursue it. However, if you are someone who's like, Okay,

(46:17):
this isn't ideal, but let's see where this relationship is
going before I express to him how uncomfortable it makes me,
then I think you can kind of like take your
time and feel it out and you don't have to
make a decision either way. But definitely at five weeks
it's too soon for you to say I think you
need to move out so.

Speaker 1 (46:33):
That we can date. No, it's something that the conversation
can happen six months, eight months, a year in Like
when you guys are more serious. I think that's when
you say, Okay, let's let's take this to the next
level and be a bit more serious. Do you want
to move in together or like, now that we are
at this level, I don't know if I feel comfortable
with you being in the same house as her.

Speaker 4 (46:50):
I don't know if you have to wait six months.

Speaker 2 (46:51):
I was more thinking like when you do make it
to a point of being quote unquote exclusive, you know,
and you have those kinds of conversations around the fact
that you want to actually dedicate your time and everything
to each other. I think you can say, look, I
really want to be exclusive with you, I really want
to see where this goes. But I have to be
honest with you. This living situation makes me really uncomfortable,

(47:12):
and I just want to make you aware of that
so that you know that this is something I'm going
to really struggle with. If we are in a committed relationship,
that gives him them the opportunity to make the decision
because he might move out. He might go, Okay, well
I want to be with you. If this is going
to be fucked for you, I'll move out.

Speaker 4 (47:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (47:28):
I still don't think it's something that's going to land
with that person. If it happens too soon, it's not
he's going to feel like it's a level of control
or a lack of trust. The last thing that I
want to say is, and people might not agree with this.
If you don't trust the person you're about to go
into a relationship with, don't go into the relationship with them,

(47:48):
because you have to have complete trust in a relationship.
So if you are going to get into this relationship
and think that he's going to cheat on you with
his flatmatee again, don't go into the relationship.

Speaker 4 (47:58):
Why would you do it?

Speaker 1 (47:59):
It's the same as people say to me, like, why
would you do long distance when someone he could cheat
on you all the time? Of course he could, But
if I thought he was going to cheat on me
all the time, I wouldn't be in the relationship. I
have complete trust that he wouldn't, And I think trust
is the basis and the foundation of any relationship.

Speaker 4 (48:14):
So if you if you are actually worried, like I.

Speaker 1 (48:16):
Don't know if I can date him because he's probably
gonna fuck her one night, cool, don't date him? Then,
do you know what?

Speaker 2 (48:20):
Though, it may not be that she doesn't trust, It
may not be that she doesn't think he's going to
do it again. It could just be that it makes
her uncomfortable that she can't she doesn't feel like she
can be herself in the house because she feels like
there's this girl who's in love with her boyfriend who
lives with him. Because that's what she said. He said,
you know that she was really into him. He wasn't
into her. It's this like weird power play walking into

(48:43):
a space that's not her home, it's his home, and
it's the home of a girl who's got the hots
for her boyfriend.

Speaker 4 (48:48):
You won totally, You did win at the end of
the day, but it is.

Speaker 2 (48:52):
This like a very unique and uncomfortable power play that
happens in the home then, and you're not going to
feel comfortable and you're not going to feel like it's
a space where you can just be yourself and be
with your boyfriend and relax. So I understand why you
feel on edge by it, but I do think that
you can have this conversation with him in a non controlling,
non accusatory, non demanding way and still air the fact

(49:12):
that it makes you uncomfortable, because I think anybody in
your position would be uncomfortable by it.

Speaker 1 (49:17):
Also, Guys, I would love some aftermaths. I know we've
said that, but a lot of these questions today, I
genuinely am going to lose sleep over unless I know
what happened, Like, I need to know if you had
the conversation, Do you have the conversation with your boyfriend,
how does it go does he want to keep dating you?
Did you find out what the present was?

Speaker 4 (49:32):
Did they give it back?

Speaker 1 (49:33):
Like? Please ride in the aftermass so we can sleep easy.

Speaker 2 (49:36):
Slide into the DMS at Life Uncut podcast. Also, if
you just want to join our cute, little sweet community
of lifers who are absolutely the best people in the
entire fucking world, you can join that at Life Uncut
discussion group which is on Facebook.

Speaker 4 (49:50):
And you know what that is? It from us.

Speaker 2 (49:52):
Thanks to everyone who came to the live shows. We're
still in claud nine. Can't believe it's all over.

Speaker 1 (49:55):
Absolutely I know until next year though.

Speaker 4 (49:58):
Maybe we're going to do some regional talents to you.

Speaker 1 (50:00):
I think so, but like, I'm absolutely cooked, so let's
not look.

Speaker 4 (50:02):
That in yet. Yeah, regional, we're coming for you next week.
We'll be there. See us soon.

Speaker 1 (50:07):
Orange and don't forget tell your mum to your dad,
tea dog, tea friends who shared a love because we
love love

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Ask Uncut - Can I bone my ex besties situationship?

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