July 28, 2025 • 38 mins
Have you ever felt like you were supposed to have all the answers as a parent, only to realize your children have plans of their own? That’s exactly where Carrie Lingenfelter found herself, despite her background as a teacher and speech therapist. In this raw, honest conversation, Carrie opens up about her journey from perfectionist parenting to embracing the beautiful, unpredictable mess of raising gifted, spirited, and highly sensitive children. She recounts a pivotal moment—bouncing on a ball in the closet, trying to get her son on a sleep schedule—when it hit her: "He’s going to tell me when he wants to sleep. I don’t need to be in control of this."Together, we explore what true connection looks like, especially in the messy moments of dysregulation and emotional storms. Carrie offers grounded tools for preserving your energy while being present, including her family’s “special playtime” ritual that brings intentional connection, even on chaotic days. Perhaps most powerfully, we talk about witnessing your child’s pain without rushing to fix it. For highly sensitive parents raising highly sensitive kids, this is no small feat.
Yet as Carrie gently reminds us: "Learning these pieces now is so beneficial for when they’re 40 years old."Whether you’re raising neurodiverse children or simply seeking a more conscious path through parenthood, this conversation offers a blend of soulful perspective and tangible strategy. Carrie’s words remind us: "You are right where you’re supposed to be right now."Tune in and take a breath—you’re not alone. And you’re doing better than you think.
🎧 Listen now and share this episode with someone who needs to hear it.
🌱 Connect with Carrie: https://hearttoheartlife.com/
💛 Support the Show
If you’ve been moved by this episode and want to support the work, you can do so here:
👉 buymeacoffee.com/liftoneself
Your support helps me keep sharing honest conversations, healing tools, and reminders that we are not alone.
Remember, the strongest thing you can do for yourself is to ask for help.
Please help us grow by subscribing to and sharing the Lift OneSelf podcast with others.
The podcast intends to dissolve the stigmas around Mental Health and create healing spaces.
I appreciate you, the listener, for tuning in and my guest for sharing.
Our website
LiftOneself.com
email: liftoneself@gmail.com
Find more conversations on our Social Media pages
www.facebook.com/liftoneself
www.instagram.com/liftoneself
Want to be a guest on the Lift OneSelf podcast message here on Podmatch:
https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/liftoneself
Music:
Palms by Text Me Records / Bobby Renz
Gemini by The Soundlings
Sunset n Beachz by Ofshane
Misdirection by The Grey Room / Density & Time
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (00:00):
Welcome to the Lift One Self podcast.
I'm your host, nat Nat, andtoday I have a listener.
I mean, that's one of thosemornings today, so that's why I
like to pre-record.
Okay, let's start again.
Welcome to the Lift One Selfpodcast.
(00:20):
I'm your host, nat Nat, andtoday we have a guest named
Carrie, and she and I are goingto get into the muck of
parenting and what that lookslike being conscious and being
honest and real and thehumanness of it, not just the
airy fluffy theory and spiritual, and really nicely, it's really
(00:41):
just meeting us where we areand having an open dialogue.
So hopefully you parents outthere and even the ones that
aren't you may hear someinsights and some aha moments.
And I'm going to be asvulnerable as I can without, you
know, divulging too much of mychildren's personal information.
Yet I'm going to make thisepisode worth.
(01:03):
You know you tuning into andlistening.
So, carrie, would you bewilling to introduce yourself to
the listeners and I and let usknow a little bit about yourself
?
Carrie Lingenfelter (01:14):
Yeah, definitely.
Thanks so much for having me,natnet.
I'm Carrie Lingenfelter and Ihost a conscious and spiritual
parenting podcast called Heartto Heart Parents.
I was a teacher before and aspeech therapist before becoming
a mom to gifted, highlysensitive and spirited kids,
(01:34):
which really changed my life.
So thanks so much for having me.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (01:37):
Before we get into this conversation, my
energy is scattered all over theplace because I tried doing
this intro a few timesbeforehand.
Will you join me in a mindfulmoment so we can ground
ourselves and meet each other inthis moment?
Definitely.
Carrie Lingenfelter (01:54):
Thank you.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (01:56):
For the listeners.
As you always hear, safetyfirst.
So if you're listening, pleasedon't close your eyes.
If you're driving, everythingelse you can do Okay.
So, carrie, I'll ask you to getcomfortable in your seating and
, if it's safe to do so, gentlyclose your eyes and you're going
to begin breathing in and outthrough your nose, bringing your
(02:19):
awareness to watching yourbreath go in and out.
You're not going to try andcontrol your breath, you're just
going to allow it to be in itsnatural state, allowing it to
guide you into your body.
There may be some sensations orfeelings coming up, and that's
okay.
(02:39):
Let them come up.
You're safe to feel.
You're safe to let go,surrender the need to control,
release the need to resist andjust be, be with your breath,
(02:59):
drop deeper into your body.
Now you may notice somethoughts or to-do lists, or
maybe even something popped upin your mind.
It's okay.
Gently, bring your awarenessback to your breath, creating
space between the awareness andthe thoughts and dropping deeper
(03:23):
into your body and the thoughtsand dropping deeper into your
body, being in the space ofpresence, being in the space of
being.
Again, more thoughts may havepopped up.
Gently, bring your awarenessback to your breath Beginning
(03:54):
again, creating even more spacebetween the awareness and the
thoughts and dropping completelyinto the body, being in the
space of presence, of being Nowcoming into your senses, into
the body, into this moment, atyour own time and at your own
(04:14):
pace.
You're going to gently openyour eyes while staying with
your breath.
How is your heart doing?
How is?
Carrie Lingenfelter (04:22):
your heart doing.
That was wonderful.
We are on a different scheduletoday so my mind is a little
racing and I can hear my familyabove me right now.
So it was nice to connect andcalm everything out.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (04:41):
Yeah, while I was doing that, I could
finally hear the birds outsideas soft as their chippers were.
It just allowed me to expandthe awareness and not be so
stuck in my head with all theto-do's and everything else,
because before we startedrecording this podcast, I was
editing my website and ifanybody knows?
anything about editing websites.
(05:02):
You can understand thefrustration when this isn't your
skill or craft.
So I was like, okay, let's dothis mindful moment.
I need it the most.
So you mentioned that you werean elementary teacher and now
you have two spirited, lovingchildren.
(05:22):
Tell us what you have learnedabout yourself when you were the
teacher to the parent now andhow have you bridged some things
together?
Carrie Lingenfelter (05:32):
Yeah, it's a totally different experience.
So I taught first grade andthen I also was an early
intervention speech therapist.
So I used to go into homes andwork with birth to
three-year-olds who were nottalking and it was really
interesting.
When I had my kids I thought Ibasically told my husband just
(05:53):
sit back, relax.
I'm a child expert, I know whatwe're doing, it's going to be
great.
And coming from it from aparenting side is such a
different perspective.
I feel like when I was ainterventionist and educator
there's so much more control youcan have on the situation.
It's your classroom, it's yoursetting, it's your environment
(06:16):
and you can.
I mean there's loss of controltoo in a classroom, sometimes
during the day, but being aparent is so different.
It's really about finding theflow, finding your own kid for
who they are and sometimesreleasing that control right.
We're like the facilitators,the guiders, here to help them,
(06:40):
but we cannot control theirlives.
They have their own missions,their own purposes, and my kids
are very spirited in that, forsure.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (06:51):
So what does a heart-to-heart really
feel like in your body,especially when your children
are spiraling or dysregulated?
What does that connection like?
Does that connection feel faraway, or do you know how to come
back to it?
Carrie Lingenfelter (07:06):
That's a beautiful question, I think,
when you know it's an ongoingpiece, working on that
connection each moment.
Because if you're not connectedin yourself, if you're not
grounded in yourself, if you'renot recharged in yourself,
you're not going to have theenergy to connect with somebody
else.
Recharged in yourself, you'renot going to have the energy to
connect with somebody else.
(07:27):
So, really keeping mindful ofwhat our own energy levels feel
like, what our own connectionswith ourselves feel like, if
we're noticing we're gettingshort with our kids, short with
ourselves, like looking in,tuning in, what do I need to
heal, grow, learn with thechallenges that are coming up?
Why am I being so short?
Why am I feeling like I need toheal, grow, learn with the
challenges that are coming up?
Why am I being so short?
Why am I feeling like I need tocontrol this?
(07:48):
There's so much inner pieces asa parent so that way we can be
present with our kids.
And then being present with ourkids and conscious with our
kids looks like no phones right,really sitting down, putting
down the dishes, stopping makingthe meals for 10 minutes and
being actively present, activelyconscious and connected with
(08:09):
them, which can be so hard inour society.
People want their emailsreplied right away.
People, you know it's hard.
We have so many activities withour kids that maybe we don't
have time to cook or clean thehouse, so all of this time
shortening.
As a modern parent can be hardto actively be present with your
(08:30):
kid.
But if you're not activelypresent, if you're hearing the
ding on your phone thinking Ihave to get to those emails, if
you're sitting there and you'rethinking about something else,
is that really being activelypresent?
So that's a huge piece.
Is really taking that time,even if it's 10 minutes?
We do special playtime at theend of the day every day so our
(08:50):
kids brush their teeth.
This is our motivator to getthem to brush their teeth and
into their pajamas is.
Each parent gets to spend fiveminutes with each kiddo.
We have two and we switch offwhere we're following what they
want to do, we're talking tothem and we're being actively
present, so we can make sure wecan get that each day.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (09:09):
So you often speak about raising
conscious children, but what'sone moment when you recognize
your inner child needs to beraised by a conscious parent?
Carrie Lingenfelter (09:22):
How do you?
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (09:22):
meet yourself with that.
Carrie Lingenfelter (09:24):
What was that?
I'm sorry.
How do I, how do you meetyourself with?
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (09:25):
that?
What was that?
I'm sorry.
How do I, how do you meetyourself with that?
Carrie Lingenfelter (09:28):
Yes, so definitely, I think looking for
patterns in my own behavior issomething that has come up for
myself and that I love to talkto other parents about is am I
overreacting when they have ameltdown and it makes us late
for school?
Is there something in me thatcomes out in that moment, like
(09:51):
maybe I don't have enoughpatience, maybe I feel angry or
upset?
And then when not in thatmoment, but later on journaling,
going for walks, being innature, doing all of these
self-care pieces to help us tunein and figure out, what is it
that's causing me to react inthat way, in that angry way, or
(10:12):
why am I feeling like that issuch a challenge?
Is there something?
I love this?
So I keep saying this because2025 has been my year of light
me up is my term and it'slooking at these challenges of
raising.
So my kids are both neurodiverse.
I'm raising, but I use gifted,spirited and highly sensitive.
So it's a little extrachallenging in our house If
(10:32):
things are not going a certainway.
If our schedule has changed,like this morning, things can
really bubble up for our kids.
So we're looking at thosechallenges as opportunities to
heal, grow, learn, and thatcomes with our self-care piece,
tuning in to see what is it thatI'm trying to do right now.
What am I feeling frustratedabout?
I'm trying to control.
(10:53):
Why am I trying to control?
Well, there were times when Iwas a child, for example, I
tried to control things.
As a little young person, Ithought I had to be in control
and had to be the parent earlyon.
So those are times where we canfigure out what am I lacking?
What was a piece of me and myinner child that I'm trying to
(11:14):
work on now or that's making mebubble up these emotions in me
that are coming up?
I'm not sure if that answersyour question.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (11:22):
Yeah, it does.
I want to ask, on the messypart, so the part where you're
having to show your humanity,you're having to show your grief
or even your fears how do youmodel that to your children, and
not the performative, consciousparent that has it all together
and I don't want to harm mychild that you actually allow.
(11:44):
You know the messiness ofnavigating through all of this.
How do you show them yourhumanity?
Carrie Lingenfelter (11:51):
Yeah, you know, sometimes it comes up
without you even wanting toreach that right, Crying in
front of your kids.
Or if you have a moment whereyou do react shorter than you
would want to, you've lost yourpatience in that moment, having
that humility to apologize toyour kids, not thinking that you
(12:15):
are above your kids, butconnecting with them in the soul
to soul level and showing themyes, I am a human and we talk
about energy a lot in our family.
We talk about being empaths, wetalk about being highly
sensitive, so we talk abouthaving a certain amount of
energy in the day and thenthings that can tax our energy
(12:38):
All things in life are energy,so other people are energy and
things that come up, situationsin our day can pull or take
energy from us.
So I'll describe to them.
Mom's energy is feeling reallylow right now.
I had a tough day.
I was trying to battle a webpage I was designing you get it
(13:00):
and so mom's energy was notwhere I would like it to be.
So I'm going to take fiveminutes.
I'm going to be right back.
You play with your um Barbiesfor five minutes.
When I come back, I'm going tobe fully present with you and
I'm going to be in that spacethat I would like to see myself
in.
So that's one where we talkabout, we use um, apologizing,
(13:21):
and talking about our energy andtalking about recharging our
souls so that way we can bethere for them and be the best
version of them.
But also I am very open aboutmy growing and developing into
the best version of the mom Ican be.
So going through this processwith heart-to-heart parents.
If I have something where Istumble in my profession, I'm
(13:44):
active with my kids and Idescribe it to them and I ask
them what should I do?
What do I do right now?
Do I retreat and go hide in thecloset, guys?
Or do I try it again?
Do I try to learn how I can dobetter at this and so showing my
failures to them?
I'm upfront with them, eventhough they're turning seven
just turned seven yesterday andturning 10.
(14:06):
So I love to show themexperiencing life in real life,
in real time.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (14:11):
I love that.
I love that to get their inputtoo, so that they can see what
it is to model choices andsometimes they have great
choices for us to use, becausethey don't have all the
experience of making me andexpectations and all that.
So they, you know, can bebewildered and go into that
unknown and uncertainty and justtry again.
(14:33):
Yeah, I want to ask, you know,I think, what I teach um my
clients and those that areparents the most challenging
thing is to witness pain in yourchildren and there's nothing
you can do about it because lifeexperiences will bring pain.
There's nothing you could tryto do.
(14:54):
All you want and some parentstry to do all they can to, you
know create these guardrails andthese soft cushions against
life, yet that robs them from,you know, the experience and the
learning.
How do you meet yourself whenyou have to witness that pain in
(15:15):
your children?
Carrie Lingenfelter (15:17):
Yeah, that's a huge one, especially
raising neurodiverse kids, whichI think is so common today.
There's so many of us parentsgoing through this right now and
I always like to talk aboutthese.
Kids are born with so manygifts, but also these heightened
sensitivities to life and beinga human can feel really painful
(15:38):
.
Sometimes.
For them, even something assimple as putting on socks can
feel really uncomfortable, andso for me also, as a highly
sensitive person, raising thesehighly sensitive kiddos it could
feel really painful at thebeginning, especially when I was
nursing my kiddos and myhormones were very up and down.
I just wanted to fix it, fix it, fix it because it felt so
(15:59):
painful.
So, learning how to calm myselfin those moments, the things
I'm teaching them to ground,calm, stay in their human body,
not want to escape, were thingsI'm also using as a parent right
Telling them to breathe.
I'm telling them to breathe,but I'm also breathing as well
because, being a highlysensitive person, you want to
(16:21):
fix it so quickly.
So, allowing our kids toexperience the pieces of being a
human.
Now they're getting all ofthese concepts and ideas of how
to ground, how to connect withthemselves, how to understand
their energy levels, how tounderstand emotions they're
going through, how to name it,to tame it.
(16:41):
I think with I'm trying toremember the name the whole
brain child, naming it to tameit with Dr Dan Siegel.
Those are amazing tools thatthey're developing now as
they're seven and 10 years old.
Can you imagine where thesekids are going to be when they
are parents one day, and highlysensitive parents like I am?
So learning these pieces rightnow for them as they're going
(17:04):
through those challenges is sobeneficial for when they're 40
years old, when they're in gradschool and they have a deadline
they have to meet and they'refeeling sick.
Learning how to put thesepieces in place now is so
beneficial for them later on.
I agree with you, we definitelyhad this era where the pendulum
swung into like the helicopterparent, the positive parenting,
(17:26):
the pieces where we wanted toprotect them from all of the
evils of being a human and notallow them to feel these
emotions.
And definitely it can be hardwith these neurodiverse kids who
feel things so deeply and sointensely at times.
Just teaching them all of thesetools that we can have in our
(17:48):
pockets right now.
I mean I'm talking aboutgetting, for example, a box of
crystals to take in my car withme, because when my kids for
pickup, when my kids come out ofthe school, I never know what
emotion is coming out from thatday.
I never know.
Are they going to be like, whoa, it was a great day, mom.
Or mom, get me out of here, putme in the car and take me home.
(18:08):
Right now, as I'm trying tohave a conversation with another
parent, you never know what iscoming out of the door.
So energetically preparingmyself and being prepared to
help them energetically wherethey're at as soon as they come
out.
That's just a little tip thatI'm working on right now.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (18:24):
Yeah, it's a difficult one, because when
you're in flow and everything'sconnected and they're
dysregulated and you still wantto have your time to connect,
like you said, talking toanother adult, another parent,
sharing something, and then theyjust come barging in, it's
about me and let's go, and it'slike your little inner child
starts to tuffle like I'mimportant too.
So it's finding that balance ofyou know, always having to
(18:48):
adjust and see the situation,but also recognize when you're
getting into patterns.
Just because they have bigemotions, it doesn't mean that
they're always supposed todominate the situation, because
then that becomes learnedbehavior too, that oh, I have
this, everything goes my way,everybody drops everything.
So it's learning to, you know,build on that, because I think
(19:09):
some of that positive parentingjust focused, hyper focused on
the child and then that, youknow, does a disservice of then
learning that well, when I havethese big emotions, everybody's
walking on eggshells andeverybody caters around me
rather than you know.
And then you have the otherextreme, where people isolate
(19:31):
and don't talk to me.
So it's finding that middlewhere we can still be connected
as humans.
Because, as you said, humaning Ialways say it all the time
humaning is very challenging,neurodiverse or atypical or
whatever you want to say.
It's just a challenge.
You had mentioned earlier thatwhen you know the children came,
(19:53):
that you were like telling yourhusband I got this, I'm the
expert, I know everything, I cando this.
So you know, I was hearing alittle bit of perfectionism and
also some fear of like control,like I will take care of this.
I know all this, which are sometrauma responses that can occur
when we're aware of it.
(20:13):
I want to ask did youexperience burnout from being in
this steady mode of doing itall, or feeling that you could
take it all on and you had theall knowing of being the parent?
Carrie Lingenfelter (20:27):
100% burnout yeah, even I.
So it was even just the firstcouple of weeks that my first
child was born.
I remember, and that's where Ihad, like my coming, my epiphany
for the conscious parent, thespiritual parenting that I
needed in my life.
I was in a closet on a bouncyball with my son trying to get
(20:48):
him on a sleep schedule, tryingto get him on an eating schedule
.
He had his pacifier and hiseight other sleep gadgets that I
thought that society wanted meto have as a parent right To get
him on this perfect schedule,this perfect idea of parenting.
So I was bouncing and I lookeddown at my son and he had these
bright blue eyes.
He was not going to go to sleep.
(21:09):
It was not his time and I hadthis realization like whoa wait,
he's going to tell me when hewants to sleep.
He's going to tell me when hewants to eat.
I do not need to be in controlof this.
Break free of the box, listento your heart and what you're
needing.
And that was really cool.
I also had spiritual peoplearound me that helped me to hear
(21:30):
my heart and connect in andhear my son's heart and what he
needed, and, it's true, my twokids, I swear, were put on this
earth to help me understand.
You are not in control, and themore you try to control us, the
more we're going to resist it.
So that was definitely alearning curve for me, and
(21:51):
there's been so much healing,growing, learning in that.
What is the cause of this?
As we mentioned that innerchild, it goes back to what were
you lacking as a child?
What do we need to heal?
What happened that you didn'tmean to happen or you weren't in
control of as a child thatyou're trying to control now?
There's definitely so manypieces of that.
(22:12):
And then also tuning in withthe husband too.
There's somebody else here thatalso has his own inner guidance
that can help you, and our kidsare so much like him in certain
ways that it's learning to tunein with your partner too.
What do they know that I didn'trealize that they knew?
And that grounding piece.
(22:33):
My husband is very grounded andhe brings in such a piece to
our home that helps us tobalance and feel in harmony.
So also, yeah, checking in withyourself.
Why did I feel I had to do itall when he has so many gifts to
bring to the table as well,there's a reason.
There's two of us here.
We're really lucky.
We have the two of us toconnect and heal, grow together
(22:54):
in this.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (22:55):
Yeah, you know, our inner work is really
challenging and what I believeto be true is the highest
spiritual practice you can haveis being a parent, because the
reflection children are showingback to you you don't always
want to see.
And then, if you're willing,then you can recognize certain
(23:18):
parts of your trait that justprickle you and you're like, oh
my gosh, I couldn't have beenlike that.
Yeah, you're like, oh yeah,there is some similarity or
there's something.
What is a reflection, right nowthat you're working through,
that your children are shiningback to you.
Carrie Lingenfelter (23:37):
Oof, I'm trying to think because you know
, right now I think I'm in thelearning stage.
Actually Not so much.
I did go through a lot ofhealing.
I just did Reiki level two.
I just opened that and did anattunement and with that comes a
lot of healing.
In your journey Sometimes thingsbubble up.
(23:58):
So I was working on previouslylast month not feeling seen as a
child and so there was a lot ofemotion that came up and it's
wonderful when you can pull outold pictures and really see
pieces of your life and workthrough that, and so it was
interesting because I know I didnot feel seen for who I truly
(24:21):
was.
I was a high maintenance child.
I think Brene Brown was termedthat.
Were you a high maintenance,were you allowed to be high
maintenance, and I did not allowmyself.
I don't think my parents reallywere open to me being a high
maintenance child.
So, working through that becausemy kids are very high
maintenance in themselves andthat's something that so many
people have said I love the wayyou see them for who they are.
(24:44):
You see their strengths and yousee their challenges and you
meet them where they need to beand so healing that in myself
because I wasn't allowed to dothat was a huge piece.
But right now I've transitionedinto learning about my kids and
learning about how sensitivethey truly are and how, right
now, we're going through thesewaves of energy that we just
(25:06):
feel in as a conscious, as aconnected human, and my kids
were born with that consciouspiece.
They're very connected, theyfeel the energy in the world
that we're all feeling.
And so just understanding thesephases and then giving my kids
room, extra room to breathe andbe not rushing them from place
(25:29):
to place, and understanding whenwe need to say no to activities
, when we need to just beoutside planting a garden
instead of running from soccergame to dance practice, to all
of these things, understandingthat maybe my kiddo is going
through a very sensitive momentand crying a lot and just cannot
(25:49):
handle extra demands on theirsystem.
And being okay with that, justbeing present and being a strong
parent that can say oh, I'msorry they can't come to the
birthday party this weekend.
Oh, I'm sorry they can't dothat, saying no to certain
things for them.
So that's a piece that we'reworking on right now is just
being present for them,understanding their energy
(26:10):
levels, our energy levels.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (26:12):
Nice, beautiful.
If you could whisper to aparent right now and they have
the thought that they're failing, what would you say to them?
Not mentally, what would youwant to say to them in their
body?
Carrie Lingenfelter (26:28):
sure I think I would tell them you are
(26:57):
right where you are supposed tobe right now, what you're doing
for yourself too, and giveyourself compassion, because
it's a learning journey.
Piece for ourselves is sohelpful because, even though we
may be in a really great placeright now, a really great phase,
something's going to come up.
(27:18):
Life is always transient, we'realways learning and growing and
when we can have those piecesfor ourselves that we can turn
in toward and find for ourselves, then we're better able to see
what the challenges are meant toteach us and we're better able
to adapt and and continue togrow Because, like you said, our
(27:42):
kids are our biggest teachers.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (27:44):
Yeah, they are.
If we're willing.
There's a lot of growth that wecan, you know, go through
within ourselves.
As I teach a workshop calledemotional sobriety.
It's really allowing thoseauthentic emotions to come up
that we never probably had spaceto actually feel.
Those energies come up and tocome back into the body.
(28:06):
You know, many of us don'trealize we're going from the
neck up and our mind is going,going, going.
Yet the body takes some time tocatch up.
That's why it's to slow downand listen to the cues of the
body.
Yet most of us are just like no, no, no, cognitive this, this,
this, this, this run, run, run,go, go, go.
And the body's like I can'tkeep up.
So that's why all these thingsstart to occur within ourselves.
(28:30):
Yet once we can start slowingit down and taking a breath and
allowing ourselves to feel like,you know, a lot of people are
get a little annoyed becausetheir mind goes so fast.
Yet it's, you know, honoringthat intelligence of the nervous
system, simply trying to findsafety for you.
(28:51):
It's trying to find protection.
So if you're not tuning intoyour body, how is it really
going to find that safety andprotection?
You just keep intellectuallytelling it, yet you're not
meeting it in the body.
Is this something that youexperience for yourself?
Carrie Lingenfelter (29:09):
Sure, I think it's really important to
acknowledge that if people aresaying that their brain is going
really fast, they've alreadytaken the first step in
acknowledging how their brain ismoving.
Because it took me a reallylong time to understand that my
brain is very active.
I didn't even realize thatbecause I would be washing
(29:29):
dishes and then hearing well,you, social pieces for myself
were really hard because I'm anintrovert, highly sensitive
person, so I'd be relivingsocial situations.
Why did you say that?
Why did you do that?
And it becomes such a patternthat you don't understand that
you're even doing it.
So I think when you say aperson acknowledges that their
(29:50):
brain is moving fast, wow,you've already cued in to
acknowledge when your brain andthen finding those cues of oh,
I'm spiraling.
Now's a good time to reallyjust be mindful and change to a
mindful pattern of, if I'mwashing dishes, seeing the soap
washing it, feeling thesmoothness of soap in my hands
(30:11):
being present, right, changingthat pattern.
And so that was something I wasdoing for a really long time
that I didn't even know.
I always thought, oh, I'm thisvery calm person, I'm very calm
with kids and connected withthem, but I didn't think about
what was going on in my ownbrain.
And as a parent, you introducethose hormones as well.
As a mom, it's even more sothat it's going on right.
(30:33):
They put this tiny person inyour arms and send you home and
you're like okay, great, what doI do?
And that anxiety just kicks in.
That brain goes and goes andgoes.
Add the hormones, it goes evenfaster.
So it's definitely thatmind-body connection,
mind-body-spirit connection, isso important to start
(30:53):
acknowledging those intensemoments where the brain is going
and then finding that bodyconnection too.
I love to teach the kids thatwhen we're outside, for example
drawing with chalk, I'll justuse an example.
I'll be the example like oh,I'm going to pick up this green.
When I hold this green in myhand, oh, it makes me think of
(31:16):
grass, it makes me think of thetrees, and I'm oh, what am I
going to draw?
I'm going to draw some treesbecause I'm thinking of trees
and the green.
Oh, I love it when my feet arein the grass.
I can feel the grass in my toes, it's kind of cold and I'll
just walk through like littleguided meditations, little
(31:37):
guided mind, body, spiritconnection moments.
And teaching them those piecesnow is so beneficial because I
think my brain is overactive.
My kids were born.
Their brains are twice as fast.
I can't even keep up with themmost of the time.
And my daughter just turnedseven and she's the fastest one
I know yet.
So I, you know, just teachingthem those moments.
Now imagine where they'll bewhen they're 40 again.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (31:58):
Yeah, exactly, exactly.
I want to ask you a reflectivequestion.
If you could go back to your 18year old self with this
awareness, what are three wordsyou would tell your 18 year old
self to carry you to the journeyof right now?
Carrie Lingenfelter (32:17):
I think patience, compassion and heart.
So patience, which mygrandmother who is 85 or such,
when I was that age, wouldalways say you don't have
patience.
I'm like, oh, grandma, I don'twant to hear it.
You know, you didn't have thepatience for it, you didn't want
to hear it.
I wanted things to happen rightnow, right now.
(32:39):
And so patience and that goeswith the heart word, which is
listening, tuning in mind-bodyconnection, mind-body-spirit
connection, hearing your heart,watching for signs from your
heart, from the, the universeand what is meant to be, and
then having the patience towatch for those signs instead of
trying to control it and makethings happen.
(33:01):
And then compassion definitelycompassion is one that I think I
need to write on my wall,because that's when, definitely
as an 18 year old, I was alwaysvery hard on myself and what I
needed myself to be, what Ineeded my world to look like,
how the world looks at me, justthose internal dialogues that I
(33:24):
had with myself.
I think compassion is one Iwould have loved to have given
myself.
You're giving me some greatinner child work to do tonight,
thank you great inner child workto do tonight.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (33:37):
Thank you.
Now the next question is whatwould your?
Past self thank you for, oractually no?
What would your past self sayto you right now?
The?
Carrie Lingenfelter (33:42):
18-year-old self.
No, just your past self.
Oh, okay, what would they sayto me right now?
Okay, I think they would say Ilove the way you parent your
kids.
Ooh, it's making me want to cry.
I love the way you parent them.
I love the way you see them forwho they are.
(34:03):
You're still hard on yourselfwith wanting to be perfect.
Even though you've learned allthese tools and tips, you're
still there and you're doing awonderful job.
Keep on this journey Like.
I see you, mama.
I see you.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (34:21):
Now, what would your future self tell you
about fear?
Carrie Lingenfelter (34:27):
About fear.
I think the future self wouldsay fear is always going to be a
piece.
Fear is something, and I lovethis.
Fear is something that yourbody has for a reason To run
from tigers back in the day,fear not tigers, but fear is
(34:48):
something that is always goingto be a piece of us and it's a
tool.
Your brain needs it in order tosurvive as a human, but it's
also something not to live inright.
Fear is something toacknowledge and then make a
change when you need it in yourlife.
So don't live in the fear.
Live in the love, for sure.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (35:10):
Now I know many listeners are where can I
find Keri?
So can you let the listenersknow where they can find you and
what you have to offer?
Carrie Lingenfelter (35:17):
Sure, so we have Heart to Heart Parents
Podcast on Apple, Spotify,YouTube and then on our website,
hearttoheartlifecom.
It has all the links foreverything.
I love to be active onInstagram and give tips and
tricks and affirmations forparents going through the
journey.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (35:37):
Now from your heart.
What is one intention you wantto leave with the listeners?
Carrie Lingenfelter (35:43):
I think, probably coming back to
compassion, finding momentswhere we can place our hand on
our heart, saying I see you inthe struggles or challenges.
I see you falling in love,falling into the love space and
staying in the love space foryourself, for your kids, for
your partner, having compassionfor all.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (36:04):
I want to thank you for being here and,
you know, holding space for mewhile I fumbled and mumbled and
came into this podcast with theenergy of web designing.
Yet I really appreciate yourvulnerability and showing the
human side of parenting and whatthe journey has looked like for
(36:25):
you, so that it's relatable toother parents that are finding
their way and still navigatingthrough it.
So I want to thank you foreverything that you're providing
in the podcast world and in thewebsite world for tips to allow
parents to feel good enough.
In a world that makes parentsfeel like they're not there or
they're not good or they'reharming their children, it's
(36:46):
great that you're reinforcingthat they are good enough and
just keep trying.
So thank you, carrie.
Carrie Lingenfelter (36:52):
Thank you so much.
I appreciate it.
Thank you for having us orhaving me today.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (36:57):
Please remember to be kind to yourself.
Oh no, no, I almost pushed theround.
Hey, you made it all the wayhere.
I appreciate you and your time.
If you found value in thisconversation, please share it
out.
If there was somebody thatpopped into your mind, take
(37:17):
action and share it out withthem.
It possibly may not be themthat will benefit.
It's that they know somebodythat will benefit from listening
to this conversation.
So please take action and shareout the podcast.
You can find us on social mediaon Facebook, instagram and
TikTok under Lift One Self, andif you want to inquire about the
(37:41):
work that I do and the servicesthat I provide to people, come
over on my website, come into adiscovery, call liftoneselfcom.
Until next time, pleaseremember to be kind and gentle
with yourself.
You matter.
Welcome to the Lift One Self podcast.
I'm your host, nat Nat, andtoday I have a listener.
I mean, that's one of thosemornings today, so that's why I
like to pre-record.
Okay, let's start again.
Welcome to the Lift One Selfpodcast.
(00:20):
I'm your host, nat Nat, andtoday we have a guest named
Carrie, and she and I are goingto get into the muck of
parenting and what that lookslike being conscious and being
honest and real and thehumanness of it, not just the
airy fluffy theory and spiritual, and really nicely, it's really
(00:41):
just meeting us where we areand having an open dialogue.
So hopefully you parents outthere and even the ones that
aren't you may hear someinsights and some aha moments.
And I'm going to be asvulnerable as I can without, you
know, divulging too much of mychildren's personal information.
Yet I'm going to make thisepisode worth.
(01:03):
You know you tuning into andlistening.
So, carrie, would you bewilling to introduce yourself to
the listeners and I and let usknow a little bit about yourself
?
Carrie Lingenfelter (01:14):
Yeah, definitely.
Thanks so much for having me,natnet.
I'm Carrie Lingenfelter and Ihost a conscious and spiritual
parenting podcast called Heartto Heart Parents.
I was a teacher before and aspeech therapist before becoming
a mom to gifted, highlysensitive and spirited kids,
(01:34):
which really changed my life.
So thanks so much for having me.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (01:37):
Before we get into this conversation, my
energy is scattered all over theplace because I tried doing
this intro a few timesbeforehand.
Will you join me in a mindfulmoment so we can ground
ourselves and meet each other inthis moment?
Definitely.
Carrie Lingenfelter (01:54):
Thank you.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (01:56):
For the listeners.
As you always hear, safetyfirst.
So if you're listening, pleasedon't close your eyes.
If you're driving, everythingelse you can do Okay.
So, carrie, I'll ask you to getcomfortable in your seating and
, if it's safe to do so, gentlyclose your eyes and you're going
to begin breathing in and outthrough your nose, bringing your
(02:19):
awareness to watching yourbreath go in and out.
You're not going to try andcontrol your breath, you're just
going to allow it to be in itsnatural state, allowing it to
guide you into your body.
There may be some sensations orfeelings coming up, and that's
okay.
(02:39):
Let them come up.
You're safe to feel.
You're safe to let go,surrender the need to control,
release the need to resist andjust be, be with your breath,
(02:59):
drop deeper into your body.
Now you may notice somethoughts or to-do lists, or
maybe even something popped upin your mind.
It's okay.
Gently, bring your awarenessback to your breath, creating
space between the awareness andthe thoughts and dropping deeper
(03:23):
into your body and the thoughtsand dropping deeper into your
body, being in the space ofpresence, being in the space of
being.
Again, more thoughts may havepopped up.
Gently, bring your awarenessback to your breath Beginning
(03:54):
again, creating even more spacebetween the awareness and the
thoughts and dropping completelyinto the body, being in the
space of presence, of being Nowcoming into your senses, into
the body, into this moment, atyour own time and at your own
(04:14):
pace.
You're going to gently openyour eyes while staying with
your breath.
How is your heart doing?
How is?
Carrie Lingenfelter (04:22):
your heart doing.
That was wonderful.
We are on a different scheduletoday so my mind is a little
racing and I can hear my familyabove me right now.
So it was nice to connect andcalm everything out.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (04:41):
Yeah, while I was doing that, I could
finally hear the birds outsideas soft as their chippers were.
It just allowed me to expandthe awareness and not be so
stuck in my head with all theto-do's and everything else,
because before we startedrecording this podcast, I was
editing my website and ifanybody knows?
anything about editing websites.
(05:02):
You can understand thefrustration when this isn't your
skill or craft.
So I was like, okay, let's dothis mindful moment.
I need it the most.
So you mentioned that you werean elementary teacher and now
you have two spirited, lovingchildren.
(05:22):
Tell us what you have learnedabout yourself when you were the
teacher to the parent now andhow have you bridged some things
together?
Carrie Lingenfelter (05:32):
Yeah, it's a totally different experience.
So I taught first grade andthen I also was an early
intervention speech therapist.
So I used to go into homes andwork with birth to
three-year-olds who were nottalking and it was really
interesting.
When I had my kids I thought Ibasically told my husband just
(05:53):
sit back, relax.
I'm a child expert, I know whatwe're doing, it's going to be
great.
And coming from it from aparenting side is such a
different perspective.
I feel like when I was ainterventionist and educator
there's so much more control youcan have on the situation.
It's your classroom, it's yoursetting, it's your environment
(06:16):
and you can.
I mean there's loss of controltoo in a classroom, sometimes
during the day, but being aparent is so different.
It's really about finding theflow, finding your own kid for
who they are and sometimesreleasing that control right.
We're like the facilitators,the guiders, here to help them,
(06:40):
but we cannot control theirlives.
They have their own missions,their own purposes, and my kids
are very spirited in that, forsure.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (06:51):
So what does a heart-to-heart really
feel like in your body,especially when your children
are spiraling or dysregulated?
What does that connection like?
Does that connection feel faraway, or do you know how to come
back to it?
Carrie Lingenfelter (07:06):
That's a beautiful question, I think,
when you know it's an ongoingpiece, working on that
connection each moment.
Because if you're not connectedin yourself, if you're not
grounded in yourself, if you'renot recharged in yourself,
you're not going to have theenergy to connect with somebody
else.
Recharged in yourself, you'renot going to have the energy to
connect with somebody else.
(07:27):
So, really keeping mindful ofwhat our own energy levels feel
like, what our own connectionswith ourselves feel like, if
we're noticing we're gettingshort with our kids, short with
ourselves, like looking in,tuning in, what do I need to
heal, grow, learn with thechallenges that are coming up?
Why am I being so short?
Why am I feeling like I need toheal, grow, learn with the
challenges that are coming up?
Why am I being so short?
Why am I feeling like I need tocontrol this?
(07:48):
There's so much inner pieces asa parent so that way we can be
present with our kids.
And then being present with ourkids and conscious with our
kids looks like no phones right,really sitting down, putting
down the dishes, stopping makingthe meals for 10 minutes and
being actively present, activelyconscious and connected with
(08:09):
them, which can be so hard inour society.
People want their emailsreplied right away.
People, you know it's hard.
We have so many activities withour kids that maybe we don't
have time to cook or clean thehouse, so all of this time
shortening.
As a modern parent can be hardto actively be present with your
(08:30):
kid.
But if you're not activelypresent, if you're hearing the
ding on your phone thinking Ihave to get to those emails, if
you're sitting there and you'rethinking about something else,
is that really being activelypresent?
So that's a huge piece.
Is really taking that time,even if it's 10 minutes?
We do special playtime at theend of the day every day so our
(08:50):
kids brush their teeth.
This is our motivator to getthem to brush their teeth and
into their pajamas is.
Each parent gets to spend fiveminutes with each kiddo.
We have two and we switch offwhere we're following what they
want to do, we're talking tothem and we're being actively
present, so we can make sure wecan get that each day.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (09:09):
So you often speak about raising
conscious children, but what'sone moment when you recognize
your inner child needs to beraised by a conscious parent?
Carrie Lingenfelter (09:22):
How do you?
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (09:22):
meet yourself with that.
Carrie Lingenfelter (09:24):
What was that?
I'm sorry.
How do I, how do you meetyourself with?
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (09:25):
that?
What was that?
I'm sorry.
How do I, how do you meetyourself with that?
Carrie Lingenfelter (09:28):
Yes, so definitely, I think looking for
patterns in my own behavior issomething that has come up for
myself and that I love to talkto other parents about is am I
overreacting when they have ameltdown and it makes us late
for school?
Is there something in me thatcomes out in that moment, like
(09:51):
maybe I don't have enoughpatience, maybe I feel angry or
upset?
And then when not in thatmoment, but later on journaling,
going for walks, being innature, doing all of these
self-care pieces to help us tunein and figure out, what is it
that's causing me to react inthat way, in that angry way, or
(10:12):
why am I feeling like that issuch a challenge?
Is there something?
I love this?
So I keep saying this because2025 has been my year of light
me up is my term and it'slooking at these challenges of
raising.
So my kids are both neurodiverse.
I'm raising, but I use gifted,spirited and highly sensitive.
So it's a little extrachallenging in our house If
(10:32):
things are not going a certainway.
If our schedule has changed,like this morning, things can
really bubble up for our kids.
So we're looking at thosechallenges as opportunities to
heal, grow, learn, and thatcomes with our self-care piece,
tuning in to see what is it thatI'm trying to do right now.
What am I feeling frustratedabout?
I'm trying to control.
(10:53):
Why am I trying to control?
Well, there were times when Iwas a child, for example, I
tried to control things.
As a little young person, Ithought I had to be in control
and had to be the parent earlyon.
So those are times where we canfigure out what am I lacking?
What was a piece of me and myinner child that I'm trying to
(11:14):
work on now or that's making mebubble up these emotions in me
that are coming up?
I'm not sure if that answersyour question.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (11:22):
Yeah, it does.
I want to ask, on the messypart, so the part where you're
having to show your humanity,you're having to show your grief
or even your fears how do youmodel that to your children, and
not the performative, consciousparent that has it all together
and I don't want to harm mychild that you actually allow.
(11:44):
You know the messiness ofnavigating through all of this.
How do you show them yourhumanity?
Carrie Lingenfelter (11:51):
Yeah, you know, sometimes it comes up
without you even wanting toreach that right, Crying in
front of your kids.
Or if you have a moment whereyou do react shorter than you
would want to, you've lost yourpatience in that moment, having
that humility to apologize toyour kids, not thinking that you
(12:15):
are above your kids, butconnecting with them in the soul
to soul level and showing themyes, I am a human and we talk
about energy a lot in our family.
We talk about being empaths, wetalk about being highly
sensitive, so we talk abouthaving a certain amount of
energy in the day and thenthings that can tax our energy
(12:38):
All things in life are energy,so other people are energy and
things that come up, situationsin our day can pull or take
energy from us.
So I'll describe to them.
Mom's energy is feeling reallylow right now.
I had a tough day.
I was trying to battle a webpage I was designing you get it
(13:00):
and so mom's energy was notwhere I would like it to be.
So I'm going to take fiveminutes.
I'm going to be right back.
You play with your um Barbiesfor five minutes.
When I come back, I'm going tobe fully present with you and
I'm going to be in that spacethat I would like to see myself
in.
So that's one where we talkabout, we use um, apologizing,
(13:21):
and talking about our energy andtalking about recharging our
souls so that way we can bethere for them and be the best
version of them.
But also I am very open aboutmy growing and developing into
the best version of the mom Ican be.
So going through this processwith heart-to-heart parents.
If I have something where Istumble in my profession, I'm
(13:44):
active with my kids and Idescribe it to them and I ask
them what should I do?
What do I do right now?
Do I retreat and go hide in thecloset, guys?
Or do I try it again?
Do I try to learn how I can dobetter at this and so showing my
failures to them?
I'm upfront with them, eventhough they're turning seven
just turned seven yesterday andturning 10.
(14:06):
So I love to show themexperiencing life in real life,
in real time.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (14:11):
I love that.
I love that to get their inputtoo, so that they can see what
it is to model choices andsometimes they have great
choices for us to use, becausethey don't have all the
experience of making me andexpectations and all that.
So they, you know, can bebewildered and go into that
unknown and uncertainty and justtry again.
(14:33):
Yeah, I want to ask, you know,I think, what I teach um my
clients and those that areparents the most challenging
thing is to witness pain in yourchildren and there's nothing
you can do about it because lifeexperiences will bring pain.
There's nothing you could tryto do.
(14:54):
All you want and some parentstry to do all they can to, you
know create these guardrails andthese soft cushions against
life, yet that robs them from,you know, the experience and the
learning.
How do you meet yourself whenyou have to witness that pain in
(15:15):
your children?
Carrie Lingenfelter (15:17):
Yeah, that's a huge one, especially
raising neurodiverse kids, whichI think is so common today.
There's so many of us parentsgoing through this right now and
I always like to talk aboutthese.
Kids are born with so manygifts, but also these heightened
sensitivities to life and beinga human can feel really painful
(15:38):
.
Sometimes.
For them, even something assimple as putting on socks can
feel really uncomfortable, andso for me also, as a highly
sensitive person, raising thesehighly sensitive kiddos it could
feel really painful at thebeginning, especially when I was
nursing my kiddos and myhormones were very up and down.
I just wanted to fix it, fix it, fix it because it felt so
(15:59):
painful.
So, learning how to calm myselfin those moments, the things
I'm teaching them to ground,calm, stay in their human body,
not want to escape, were thingsI'm also using as a parent right
Telling them to breathe.
I'm telling them to breathe,but I'm also breathing as well
because, being a highlysensitive person, you want to
(16:21):
fix it so quickly.
So, allowing our kids toexperience the pieces of being a
human.
Now they're getting all ofthese concepts and ideas of how
to ground, how to connect withthemselves, how to understand
their energy levels, how tounderstand emotions they're
going through, how to name it,to tame it.
(16:41):
I think with I'm trying toremember the name the whole
brain child, naming it to tameit with Dr Dan Siegel.
Those are amazing tools thatthey're developing now as
they're seven and 10 years old.
Can you imagine where thesekids are going to be when they
are parents one day, and highlysensitive parents like I am?
So learning these pieces rightnow for them as they're going
(17:04):
through those challenges is sobeneficial for when they're 40
years old, when they're in gradschool and they have a deadline
they have to meet and they'refeeling sick.
Learning how to put thesepieces in place now is so
beneficial for them later on.
I agree with you, we definitelyhad this era where the pendulum
swung into like the helicopterparent, the positive parenting,
(17:26):
the pieces where we wanted toprotect them from all of the
evils of being a human and notallow them to feel these
emotions.
And definitely it can be hardwith these neurodiverse kids who
feel things so deeply and sointensely at times.
Just teaching them all of thesetools that we can have in our
(17:48):
pockets right now.
I mean I'm talking aboutgetting, for example, a box of
crystals to take in my car withme, because when my kids for
pickup, when my kids come out ofthe school, I never know what
emotion is coming out from thatday.
I never know.
Are they going to be like, whoa, it was a great day, mom.
Or mom, get me out of here, putme in the car and take me home.
(18:08):
Right now, as I'm trying tohave a conversation with another
parent, you never know what iscoming out of the door.
So energetically preparingmyself and being prepared to
help them energetically wherethey're at as soon as they come
out.
That's just a little tip thatI'm working on right now.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (18:24):
Yeah, it's a difficult one, because when
you're in flow and everything'sconnected and they're
dysregulated and you still wantto have your time to connect,
like you said, talking toanother adult, another parent,
sharing something, and then theyjust come barging in, it's
about me and let's go, and it'slike your little inner child
starts to tuffle like I'mimportant too.
So it's finding that balance ofyou know, always having to
(18:48):
adjust and see the situation,but also recognize when you're
getting into patterns.
Just because they have bigemotions, it doesn't mean that
they're always supposed todominate the situation, because
then that becomes learnedbehavior too, that oh, I have
this, everything goes my way,everybody drops everything.
So it's learning to, you know,build on that, because I think
(19:09):
some of that positive parentingjust focused, hyper focused on
the child and then that, youknow, does a disservice of then
learning that well, when I havethese big emotions, everybody's
walking on eggshells andeverybody caters around me
rather than you know.
And then you have the otherextreme, where people isolate
(19:31):
and don't talk to me.
So it's finding that middlewhere we can still be connected
as humans.
Because, as you said, humaning Ialways say it all the time
humaning is very challenging,neurodiverse or atypical or
whatever you want to say.
It's just a challenge.
You had mentioned earlier thatwhen you know the children came,
(19:53):
that you were like telling yourhusband I got this, I'm the
expert, I know everything, I cando this.
So you know, I was hearing alittle bit of perfectionism and
also some fear of like control,like I will take care of this.
I know all this, which are sometrauma responses that can occur
when we're aware of it.
(20:13):
I want to ask did youexperience burnout from being in
this steady mode of doing itall, or feeling that you could
take it all on and you had theall knowing of being the parent?
Carrie Lingenfelter (20:27):
100% burnout yeah, even I.
So it was even just the firstcouple of weeks that my first
child was born.
I remember, and that's where Ihad, like my coming, my epiphany
for the conscious parent, thespiritual parenting that I
needed in my life.
I was in a closet on a bouncyball with my son trying to get
(20:48):
him on a sleep schedule, tryingto get him on an eating schedule
.
He had his pacifier and hiseight other sleep gadgets that I
thought that society wanted meto have as a parent right To get
him on this perfect schedule,this perfect idea of parenting.
So I was bouncing and I lookeddown at my son and he had these
bright blue eyes.
He was not going to go to sleep.
(21:09):
It was not his time and I hadthis realization like whoa wait,
he's going to tell me when hewants to sleep.
He's going to tell me when hewants to eat.
I do not need to be in controlof this.
Break free of the box, listento your heart and what you're
needing.
And that was really cool.
I also had spiritual peoplearound me that helped me to hear
(21:30):
my heart and connect in andhear my son's heart and what he
needed, and, it's true, my twokids, I swear, were put on this
earth to help me understand.
You are not in control, and themore you try to control us, the
more we're going to resist it.
So that was definitely alearning curve for me, and
(21:51):
there's been so much healing,growing, learning in that.
What is the cause of this?
As we mentioned that innerchild, it goes back to what were
you lacking as a child?
What do we need to heal?
What happened that you didn'tmean to happen or you weren't in
control of as a child thatyou're trying to control now?
There's definitely so manypieces of that.
(22:12):
And then also tuning in withthe husband too.
There's somebody else here thatalso has his own inner guidance
that can help you, and our kidsare so much like him in certain
ways that it's learning to tunein with your partner too.
What do they know that I didn'trealize that they knew?
And that grounding piece.
(22:33):
My husband is very grounded andhe brings in such a piece to
our home that helps us tobalance and feel in harmony.
So also, yeah, checking in withyourself.
Why did I feel I had to do itall when he has so many gifts to
bring to the table as well,there's a reason.
There's two of us here.
We're really lucky.
We have the two of us toconnect and heal, grow together
(22:54):
in this.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (22:55):
Yeah, you know, our inner work is really
challenging and what I believeto be true is the highest
spiritual practice you can haveis being a parent, because the
reflection children are showingback to you you don't always
want to see.
And then, if you're willing,then you can recognize certain
(23:18):
parts of your trait that justprickle you and you're like, oh
my gosh, I couldn't have beenlike that.
Yeah, you're like, oh yeah,there is some similarity or
there's something.
What is a reflection, right nowthat you're working through,
that your children are shiningback to you.
Carrie Lingenfelter (23:37):
Oof, I'm trying to think because you know
, right now I think I'm in thelearning stage.
Actually Not so much.
I did go through a lot ofhealing.
I just did Reiki level two.
I just opened that and did anattunement and with that comes a
lot of healing.
In your journey Sometimes thingsbubble up.
(23:58):
So I was working on previouslylast month not feeling seen as a
child and so there was a lot ofemotion that came up and it's
wonderful when you can pull outold pictures and really see
pieces of your life and workthrough that, and so it was
interesting because I know I didnot feel seen for who I truly
(24:21):
was.
I was a high maintenance child.
I think Brene Brown was termedthat.
Were you a high maintenance,were you allowed to be high
maintenance, and I did not allowmyself.
I don't think my parents reallywere open to me being a high
maintenance child.
So, working through that becausemy kids are very high
maintenance in themselves andthat's something that so many
people have said I love the wayyou see them for who they are.
(24:44):
You see their strengths and yousee their challenges and you
meet them where they need to beand so healing that in myself
because I wasn't allowed to dothat was a huge piece.
But right now I've transitionedinto learning about my kids and
learning about how sensitivethey truly are and how, right
now, we're going through thesewaves of energy that we just
(25:06):
feel in as a conscious, as aconnected human, and my kids
were born with that consciouspiece.
They're very connected, theyfeel the energy in the world
that we're all feeling.
And so just understanding thesephases and then giving my kids
room, extra room to breathe andbe not rushing them from place
(25:29):
to place, and understanding whenwe need to say no to activities
, when we need to just beoutside planting a garden
instead of running from soccergame to dance practice, to all
of these things, understandingthat maybe my kiddo is going
through a very sensitive momentand crying a lot and just cannot
(25:49):
handle extra demands on theirsystem.
And being okay with that, justbeing present and being a strong
parent that can say oh, I'msorry they can't come to the
birthday party this weekend.
Oh, I'm sorry they can't dothat, saying no to certain
things for them.
So that's a piece that we'reworking on right now is just
being present for them,understanding their energy
(26:10):
levels, our energy levels.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (26:12):
Nice, beautiful.
If you could whisper to aparent right now and they have
the thought that they're failing, what would you say to them?
Not mentally, what would youwant to say to them in their
body?
Carrie Lingenfelter (26:28):
sure I think I would tell them you are
(26:57):
right where you are supposed tobe right now, what you're doing
for yourself too, and giveyourself compassion, because
it's a learning journey.
Piece for ourselves is sohelpful because, even though we
may be in a really great placeright now, a really great phase,
something's going to come up.
(27:18):
Life is always transient, we'realways learning and growing and
when we can have those piecesfor ourselves that we can turn
in toward and find for ourselves, then we're better able to see
what the challenges are meant toteach us and we're better able
to adapt and and continue togrow Because, like you said, our
(27:42):
kids are our biggest teachers.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (27:44):
Yeah, they are.
If we're willing.
There's a lot of growth that wecan, you know, go through
within ourselves.
As I teach a workshop calledemotional sobriety.
It's really allowing thoseauthentic emotions to come up
that we never probably had spaceto actually feel.
Those energies come up and tocome back into the body.
(28:06):
You know, many of us don'trealize we're going from the
neck up and our mind is going,going, going.
Yet the body takes some time tocatch up.
That's why it's to slow downand listen to the cues of the
body.
Yet most of us are just like no, no, no, cognitive this, this,
this, this, this run, run, run,go, go, go.
And the body's like I can'tkeep up.
So that's why all these thingsstart to occur within ourselves.
(28:30):
Yet once we can start slowingit down and taking a breath and
allowing ourselves to feel like,you know, a lot of people are
get a little annoyed becausetheir mind goes so fast.
Yet it's, you know, honoringthat intelligence of the nervous
system, simply trying to findsafety for you.
(28:51):
It's trying to find protection.
So if you're not tuning intoyour body, how is it really
going to find that safety andprotection?
You just keep intellectuallytelling it, yet you're not
meeting it in the body.
Is this something that youexperience for yourself?
Carrie Lingenfelter (29:09):
Sure, I think it's really important to
acknowledge that if people aresaying that their brain is going
really fast, they've alreadytaken the first step in
acknowledging how their brain ismoving.
Because it took me a reallylong time to understand that my
brain is very active.
I didn't even realize thatbecause I would be washing
(29:29):
dishes and then hearing well,you, social pieces for myself
were really hard because I'm anintrovert, highly sensitive
person, so I'd be relivingsocial situations.
Why did you say that?
Why did you do that?
And it becomes such a patternthat you don't understand that
you're even doing it.
So I think when you say aperson acknowledges that their
(29:50):
brain is moving fast, wow,you've already cued in to
acknowledge when your brain andthen finding those cues of oh,
I'm spiraling.
Now's a good time to reallyjust be mindful and change to a
mindful pattern of, if I'mwashing dishes, seeing the soap
washing it, feeling thesmoothness of soap in my hands
(30:11):
being present, right, changingthat pattern.
And so that was something I wasdoing for a really long time
that I didn't even know.
I always thought, oh, I'm thisvery calm person, I'm very calm
with kids and connected withthem, but I didn't think about
what was going on in my ownbrain.
And as a parent, you introducethose hormones as well.
As a mom, it's even more sothat it's going on right.
(30:33):
They put this tiny person inyour arms and send you home and
you're like okay, great, what doI do?
And that anxiety just kicks in.
That brain goes and goes andgoes.
Add the hormones, it goes evenfaster.
So it's definitely thatmind-body connection,
mind-body-spirit connection, isso important to start
(30:53):
acknowledging those intensemoments where the brain is going
and then finding that bodyconnection too.
I love to teach the kids thatwhen we're outside, for example
drawing with chalk, I'll justuse an example.
I'll be the example like oh,I'm going to pick up this green.
When I hold this green in myhand, oh, it makes me think of
(31:16):
grass, it makes me think of thetrees, and I'm oh, what am I
going to draw?
I'm going to draw some treesbecause I'm thinking of trees
and the green.
Oh, I love it when my feet arein the grass.
I can feel the grass in my toes, it's kind of cold and I'll
just walk through like littleguided meditations, little
(31:37):
guided mind, body, spiritconnection moments.
And teaching them those piecesnow is so beneficial because I
think my brain is overactive.
My kids were born.
Their brains are twice as fast.
I can't even keep up with themmost of the time.
And my daughter just turnedseven and she's the fastest one
I know yet.
So I, you know, just teachingthem those moments.
Now imagine where they'll bewhen they're 40 again.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (31:58):
Yeah, exactly, exactly.
I want to ask you a reflectivequestion.
If you could go back to your 18year old self with this
awareness, what are three wordsyou would tell your 18 year old
self to carry you to the journeyof right now?
Carrie Lingenfelter (32:17):
I think patience, compassion and heart.
So patience, which mygrandmother who is 85 or such,
when I was that age, wouldalways say you don't have
patience.
I'm like, oh, grandma, I don'twant to hear it.
You know, you didn't have thepatience for it, you didn't want
to hear it.
I wanted things to happen rightnow, right now.
(32:39):
And so patience and that goeswith the heart word, which is
listening, tuning in mind-bodyconnection, mind-body-spirit
connection, hearing your heart,watching for signs from your
heart, from the, the universeand what is meant to be, and
then having the patience towatch for those signs instead of
trying to control it and makethings happen.
(33:01):
And then compassion definitelycompassion is one that I think I
need to write on my wall,because that's when, definitely
as an 18 year old, I was alwaysvery hard on myself and what I
needed myself to be, what Ineeded my world to look like,
how the world looks at me, justthose internal dialogues that I
(33:24):
had with myself.
I think compassion is one Iwould have loved to have given
myself.
You're giving me some greatinner child work to do tonight,
thank you great inner child workto do tonight.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (33:37):
Thank you.
Now the next question is whatwould your?
Past self thank you for, oractually no?
What would your past self sayto you right now?
The?
Carrie Lingenfelter (33:42):
18-year-old self.
No, just your past self.
Oh, okay, what would they sayto me right now?
Okay, I think they would say Ilove the way you parent your
kids.
Ooh, it's making me want to cry.
I love the way you parent them.
I love the way you see them forwho they are.
(34:03):
You're still hard on yourselfwith wanting to be perfect.
Even though you've learned allthese tools and tips, you're
still there and you're doing awonderful job.
Keep on this journey Like.
I see you, mama.
I see you.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (34:21):
Now, what would your future self tell you
about fear?
Carrie Lingenfelter (34:27):
About fear.
I think the future self wouldsay fear is always going to be a
piece.
Fear is something, and I lovethis.
Fear is something that yourbody has for a reason To run
from tigers back in the day,fear not tigers, but fear is
(34:48):
something that is always goingto be a piece of us and it's a
tool.
Your brain needs it in order tosurvive as a human, but it's
also something not to live inright.
Fear is something toacknowledge and then make a
change when you need it in yourlife.
So don't live in the fear.
Live in the love, for sure.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (35:10):
Now I know many listeners are where can I
find Keri?
So can you let the listenersknow where they can find you and
what you have to offer?
Carrie Lingenfelter (35:17):
Sure, so we have Heart to Heart Parents
Podcast on Apple, Spotify,YouTube and then on our website,
hearttoheartlifecom.
It has all the links foreverything.
I love to be active onInstagram and give tips and
tricks and affirmations forparents going through the
journey.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (35:37):
Now from your heart.
What is one intention you wantto leave with the listeners?
Carrie Lingenfelter (35:43):
I think, probably coming back to
compassion, finding momentswhere we can place our hand on
our heart, saying I see you inthe struggles or challenges.
I see you falling in love,falling into the love space and
staying in the love space foryourself, for your kids, for
your partner, having compassionfor all.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (36:04):
I want to thank you for being here and,
you know, holding space for mewhile I fumbled and mumbled and
came into this podcast with theenergy of web designing.
Yet I really appreciate yourvulnerability and showing the
human side of parenting and whatthe journey has looked like for
(36:25):
you, so that it's relatable toother parents that are finding
their way and still navigatingthrough it.
So I want to thank you foreverything that you're providing
in the podcast world and in thewebsite world for tips to allow
parents to feel good enough.
In a world that makes parentsfeel like they're not there or
they're not good or they'reharming their children, it's
(36:46):
great that you're reinforcingthat they are good enough and
just keep trying.
So thank you, carrie.
Carrie Lingenfelter (36:52):
Thank you so much.
I appreciate it.
Thank you for having us orhaving me today.
NatNat - LiftOneSelf (36:57):
Please remember to be kind to yourself.
Oh no, no, I almost pushed theround.
Hey, you made it all the wayhere.
I appreciate you and your time.
If you found value in thisconversation, please share it
out.
If there was somebody thatpopped into your mind, take
(37:17):
action and share it out withthem.
It possibly may not be themthat will benefit.
It's that they know somebodythat will benefit from listening
to this conversation.
So please take action and shareout the podcast.
You can find us on social mediaon Facebook, instagram and
TikTok under Lift One Self, andif you want to inquire about the
(37:41):
work that I do and the servicesthat I provide to people, come
over on my website, come into adiscovery, call liftoneselfcom.
Until next time, pleaseremember to be kind and gentle
with yourself.
You matter.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!