September 1, 2025 • 23 mins
Ever found yourself scrolling through social media, comparing your business journey to others and feeling like you're falling short? You're not alone. Comparison is hardwired into our psychology—it's how humans have assessed risks and opportunities since prehistoric times. But what if I told you this seemingly destructive habit could become your greatest business superpower?
In this thought-provoking episode, we dive deep into the psychology of comparison and how to transform it from a source of frustration into a strategic tool for growth. I share personal stories of how comparison nearly burned me out while growing my businesses at breakneck speed, and the valuable lessons I learned about sustainable success along the way.
The key distinction lies between external comparison (measuring yourself against others) and internal comparison (measuring against your past self). When you shift from envying others' highlight reels to using their success as a roadmap, everything changes. You'll discover practical strategies for "minding the gap" between where you are and where you want to be without falling into the trap of unrealistic timelines or paralyzing self-doubt.
We explore why setting personalized goals aligned with your authentic vision—not someone else's blueprint—is crucial for genuine fulfillment. Remember: your path is uniquely yours, with different resources, responsibilities, and divine guidance. Success isn't just about metrics; it's about building something that aligns with your values and supports your overall wellbeing.
Ready to transform comparison from your biggest business obstacle into your greatest asset? This episode provides the mindset shifts and practical tools you need to leverage comparison strategically while maintaining your sense of self-worth and direction. Share your thoughts with me at lightupyourbusinessllc@gmail.com and remember—in business and in life, it's progress over perfection.
Say goodbye to overwhelm and self-doubt, and hello to confidence and success. Join the Faith Filled Coaching family today and step into the abundant future you've always envisioned.
Visit FaithFilledCoach.com to schedule your free 30-minute consultation. Let's make your business dreams a reality, together.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tammy Hershberger (00:01):
Welcome to the Light Up your Business
podcast, the show where we divedeep into the world of small
businesses.
I'm your host, tammyHershberger, and each episode
will bring you inspiring stories, expert insights and practical
tips to help your small businessthrive.
Whether you're an entrepreneurjust starting out or a seasoned
business owner, this podcast isyour go-to source for success in
(00:21):
the small business world.
Let's get started to source forsuccess in the small business
world.
Let's get started.
Hi everyone, I want to welcomeyou back.
We're here for another episode.
I am Tammy Hershberger and I'mhere with Light Up your Business
podcast.
Today, I want to talk aboutminding the gap, turning
comparison into a businesssuperpower.
Typically, I don't lovecomparison because I think when
(00:44):
we compare ourselves to otherpeople, it's an unfair
comparison.
I'm not you, you're not me.
I don't have your life, youdon't have my life.
I don't have your time, youdon't have my time.
I don't have your finances, youdon't have mine.
But we're going to look at thisand we're going to kind of see
what we can do to help you outtoday if you're doing this.
So we're going to explore howto identify the gap between
(01:05):
where you are and where you wantto be.
I'm sure most of you are sayingto yourself I want this, I want
that, I want this for mybusiness, I want this for my
family, but you don't know howto get there.
So let's talk about how we alsocan recognize this gap.
Which kind of is what we justsaid, like, where are we going,
what is it we need to do to getto where we want to be?
And then how can we feel yoursuccess rather than holding you
(01:26):
back?
We'll discuss this topicthrough the lens of comparison.
Comparison isn't the enemy,it's the tool.
The key is to learning how touse it strategically to bridge
the gap between where you areand where you want to be.
We'll explore the psychologybehind comparison and how to use
(01:50):
it as a growth strategy and thepitfalls to avoid.
Plus, I want to share somepractical ways for you to shift
your mindset and leveragecomparison as a business
superpower.
Tune in and learn how to turnenvy and inspiration and
frustration into forwardmomentum.
So you may be saying why do wecompare?
I found this article.
It's written by Angela onFebruary 27th.
It's called why Do we CompareOurselves to Others, and she's
talking about why do we compare,and one of her comments.
(02:10):
She wrote is comparisons are anatural human tendency and
aren't inherently bad.
So the psychology of comparisonisn't so much that.
Basically, it's a built-inhuman instinct that helps us
assess progress andopportunities.
So comparison isn't necessarilybad.
It's evolutionary instinct ofours, designed to help us gauge
(02:33):
our standing in socialsituations and social groups,
assess risk, determine how toadapt and in early human
societies, comparing ourselvesto others helped with survival
and resource allocation.
Humans naturally seekvalidation from others and
comparison helps us tounderstand how we fit with
social norms.
(02:53):
Again, in this day and age,social media has amplified that.
We look on there and we thinkhow do we compare it to Jimmy
Jones?
Or how do we compare it to JohnHershberger?
Or how do we compare it toanyone else that we're seeing?
Because you see pictures, yousee trips they're taking, you
see all these things.
But reality is sometimes whatyou see on camera or on pictures
(03:13):
is not what is happening intheir homes, right?
So you want to pay attention tothe thoughts that arise when you
compare yourself to others.
For instance, you might bethinking how can I reach that
level of wealth?
How can I get a nice home likethat?
Or maybe you think I'll neverbe able to do that.
Well, you need to shift thosethoughts, because thinking about
what everybody else has and howyou're never going to get them
(03:35):
is not going to help you.
What you need to do is you needto think how can I improve my
finances, how can I improve myjob, how can I improve my family
right?
What steps can I take to reachthe levels that they're at?
And then maybe you kind of needto do a check of like do I even
really want what they have?
Because maybe they have thatnice house but in reality they
work 25, you know that's not agood example.
(03:57):
Maybe they work 70 hour weeksand you don't want to work that
much.
Maybe you want to sit at homeand eat your bonbons on the
couch.
Well then, you're probably notgoing to have what they have.
So the concept of the gap, whichis recognizing the difference
between your current state andwhere someone else may be or
where your aspirations are, ifyou use that effectively,
comparison can help to motivateus to be better than we were
(04:20):
yesterday.
We should never do it out ofenvy, we should never do it out
of jealousy.
That's not good, but we mightwant to say, okay, well, if you
know John can do it, why can't Ido it?
Right, I have the same ability,I have the same God, and if
it's something God's told youthat you can have or you can do,
or if his word says it, thenyou should go after it.
So if you look at comparisonand how it can create awareness
(04:41):
and opportunity, it's verynatural for us to observe others
, right?
Sometimes me and my husbandlike to go have coffee, we like
to people watch, as we call it,and we like to just sit there
and just watch people.
It's very fascinating the waypeople move, the things they're
doing, the way they talk to eachother, who they're hanging out
with.
You know that kind of stuff.
So you can look around and say,okay, what's what's everybody
else doing?
But you want to avoid comparingyourself to others and you
(05:04):
don't want to be like everyoneelse.
You want to be yourself.
God made you special.
He made you unique.
You want to stick with that.
You don't want to just go dowhat everybody else is doing.
Now, my ex-business partner usedto always tell me we can, um,
basically do what others aredoing if they're winning, so
like if we have another businessand they're killing it on
something, then we can maybecopy that, and copy in the sense
of, like we could do doorhangers.
Now, I'm not saying do exact toa T what they're doing, but
(05:26):
there's philosophies, there'sprinciples that you can use.
You can stand on, there's ideasand techniques that work, and
so then you can use them, butyou never want to like fully
just become somebody else.
That's not what this is about.
So then, when you're comparingyourself to others, you want to
basically take those comparisonsand use that as fuel to drive
(05:46):
your determination to create thelife that you deserve, the life
that you want to travel all thetime and do all these things.
But it's like that's going tobe a detriment maybe to your
(06:08):
marriage or your family, becausemaybe you're never home.
If you want that that office ina high rise building well,
you're probably going to beworking a lot to pay for that.
There's going to be a trade-offfor that.
So make sure you're not turningaround and throwing away your
values to get to these things.
That's not, that's not good.
And then you want to set yourbenchmark right.
You want to set that and focuson your unique journey rather
than simply following the pathof others, because life is never
(06:32):
like.
It's not just like straightline from here to there.
Right, it's, you're going to bezigzagging all over the place
and sometimes I end up in placesI never thought I would be.
But it's been a journey, right,and that's part of to me, as
I'm getting older.
The fun of life is it's ajourney you just you kind of
enjoy wherever you're going andwherever it's taking you to,
right?
So, instead of seeing the gapas a failure, viewed as a
roadmap for growth, it allows usto see what's possible and
(06:55):
leverage inspiration as fuel.
Success leaves clues.
Learn from those as you go.
So, as you do something andyou're like okay, I was
successful there and this thingI was not.
Maybe it's a clue on yourroadmap.
Right to like get you to whereyou're going.
So public speaking maybe issomething you're good at and
you're not super creative.
Well, maybe you're not supposedto be an artist, maybe you're
(07:15):
not supposed to be a graphicdesigner, but you may be a
public speaker.
Or maybe you're a leader orsomething like that.
So so kind of dig into thosethings.
Then you have the productiveside of comparison.
So you're saying like well,what does that mean?
Well, what that means.
It's basically the skill tomaster with comparison is to
begin asking the right questions.
So you're saying what are theright questions?
One question could be whatstrategies can I adopt, instead
(07:39):
of saying why am I not there yet?
So, for example, on my weightloss journey, I'm sitting here
complaining about my weight, buthave I been going to the gym?
No, have I been doing extraworkouts?
No, and so, like then I need tosay, well, why am I not getting
there?
The reality is I'm not doingthe work.
So then I have to get a plan of, like I'm going to go to the
gym three times a week, I'mgoing to do, you know, workouts
(08:08):
two nights a week, I'm going towalk at night, whatever that is.
You got to get that strategy.
And then you've got to keepasking the right questions so
that you can avoid the traps ofcomparison, which holds us back
due to the fear that we won't beable to do something as well as
others.
And then look at mentors, lookat coaching, look at learning
from those who've walked thepath before you.
Having someone you can rely onfor guidance can be a valuable
asset to both you and yourbusiness.
They can push you forward whencomparison starts to hold you
(08:29):
back and paralyze your progress.
And so, for example of that isI've done coaching programs.
I did one in the windowbusiness called conquer.
I've been in Dave Ramsey'ssummit programs where they teach
about leadership.
I was in his coaching program.
I do coaching with my clientsand I've had people in my life
that has poured into me throughbusiness and told me about
business and I mean even myother business partner.
(08:50):
He knew a lot about windowcleaning and he told me a lot
about people I should startlistening to.
And so I started listening tothese people and I learned so
much by doing that and then Icould stop comparing myself
because I'm learning, just likethey are Even the people way
ahead of you.
They're ahead of you for areason Maybe they're older than
you, but they've just been onthe path.
Longer They've been in business, longer They've been a parent,
(09:11):
longer Whatever it is they'vejust been doing it and that's
why you go to them, that's whythey're the best people to talk
to, because they've got theexperience.
And then you want to navigatecomparison on your own, which
can be challenging as it oftenleads to inaction.
So a coach like me, for example, or if you have one in your
area that you like, we canprovide encouragement, we can
hold you accountable and we cangive you the support that you
(09:33):
need to overcome the obstacles,to keep you moving forward.
I see that where people aretrying to do their own thing and
they're out there trying tostart their business, they're
trying to do art, they're tryingto whatever, they're trying to
start a nonprofit, and they'rejust stuck, and then when you
actually have someone holdingyou accountable and sometimes
your wife and siblings can dothat, but sometimes that's
(09:53):
frustrating and you don't wantyour wife nagging you, and so in
this case you come to yourcoach and for me in coaching,
I'll ask what did you do thisweek?
What did you get done?
Why did you not get it done?
What held you back?
And usually I can recognizethings that they don't see, such
as fear or resentment oruncertainty, and then we can
talk about it, we can pray aboutit, we can do these things to
(10:14):
get them through that.
So, to get them through that.
So let's talk for a second aboutinternal versus external
comparison.
It's crucial to understand thedifference between comparing
yourself to others, which isexternal, and comparing yourself
to your own past self, which isinternal.
The latter, your internal,tends to be more productive as
it focuses on personal progressrather than external validation.
(10:37):
So I'm telling you, it meansmore when you change your
internal self than just like I'mgoing to do this so I can get a
bigger house, I'm going to dothis and get a bigger car or
nicer car, that stuff in time itdoesn't really hold much value.
It's great at the moment, butin over you know time couple
months, three months when youstart making those payments it's
not so fun anymore.
When you start internallychanging your life changes.
(11:00):
Let's talk about pitfalls, whencomparison becomes a trap.
Right, and this is the one Ireally want you to watch out for
.
I see it a lot in my coachingclients where people are
comparing themselves to otherbusinesses, other artists, other
things that they're doing, andI'm like you are not them.
They are way further on thatjourney.
They don't have your path, theydon't.
Well, yeah, let me get throughthis and then I'll tell you a
couple of stories.
(11:20):
So the downside of this iscomparison becomes paralysis.
Right, you get self-doubt, youget that imposter syndrome, as
we just discussed.
Some comparison can createfeelings of self-doubt or
feelings like you can't.
You can't do it, you're animposter, it's not real, I have
nothing to offer and that keepsyou from moving forward.
You're an imposter, it's notreal, I have nothing to offer
(11:41):
and that keeps you from movingforward.
Comparing someone else'shighlights reel to your behind
the scenes real life situationis very misleading.
Again, like I said, you may seetheir highlight reel on
Facebook or social media of likethey went on this trip and they
own this car and they have thishome and they have all these
things, but in real life, you'renot seeing the struggles every
day, right?
You're only seeing what persona, if you will of what their
(12:05):
successes are.
They're not seeing this.
You're not seeing the struggles, you're not seeing the setbacks
, you're not seeing the years ofhard work that they put in.
It makes it then feel unfair toyou because it's like well, why
can't I have that?
I heard someone recently talkabout how these, this generation
of people in their 20s, theywant what their parents have,
(12:25):
but they forget that theirparents have worked 30, 40 years
for that.
They didn't have it in my 20s.
The things I have today, I didnot have in my 20s.
I had a crap car.
We had a tiny apartment, wedidn't own a business.
I mean we have all these thingsthat we didn't have that I have
today because we've put thetime in.
God's blessed us, we've donethe work, I've put more
education, I've read more booksright, and if that is you,
(12:46):
you've got to stop doing that.
The other thing is, in reality,it's like I talked to these
people about an example would bea coaching client I have and he
was saying well, how am I doingcompared to the business you
had?
And I'm like it's not the same.
You're not me.
You don't have the time that Ihave.
You have a family and I do not.
Right, I have a husband, but Idon't have children.
You don't have the samemotivation that I do.
(13:08):
Not everybody's as driven as Iam, right, and God's got a
different call for you.
So please stop comparingyourself to everybody else.
Now you can use it in ways, yes, as motivation, but I think too
much we let it become a trapand you don't want to do that.
You are not me, I am not you.
Like I said in the beginning,it is your path, it is your way,
and the way you do things isnot my way, and so that's just
(13:29):
something to really think about.
Um, in business, business isabout progress.
It's not about perfection, thedanger of unrealistic timelines
so I've seen this some happen.
Um, if you're wantingeverything to be perfect rather
than having progress, you know,leading up to the frustration of
, like I have, have triedeverything, it's not working,
(13:50):
I've put too many hours in, Iwant it to be perfect, I can't
launch it.
I just did a podcast the otherday about this.
You are putting unrealistictimelines on what you're trying
to do.
Okay, so it may even be likeI'm going to start this business
and in five years I'm going tobe at five million dollars.
Well, I mean, it's possible.
(14:12):
I'm not saying it's not, butmaybe that's unrealistic,
because if you've never ran abusiness before, it's
unrealistic Today for me to sayI'm going to have a jet in two
years for me to own it.
It's probably a littleunrealistic.
I would like to.
Maybe I'll start in first class, I want to start flying first
class.
Then maybe I'll start tobelieve that I can start
chartering jets and then maybesomeday I can own it.
It's just kind of unrealisticfor me to say by next year I'm
going to have that.
Not impossible, but probablyunrealistic, and I believe you
set yourself up for false hope.
(14:32):
You're going to destroy yourfaith because it's not going to
probably happen as fast as youthink it's going to happen.
And then you're going to blamesomebody and usually people
blame God, which is wrong.
But so watch yourself withunrealistic timelines.
You've got to make sure yourbusiness is sustainable and
that's something we we and mybusiness partner we double,
double, double, double everyyear.
We did it, but it burned me outand it about destroyed me.
(14:54):
I just, with all the businessesand stuff I was doing, it took
it, just it was not a good plan.
We made it happen, but at thedetriment of me, basically.
So let's talk about how torefocus your path when
comparison starts to become astruggle, and if you're getting
(15:16):
discouraged, so limit the noiseright.
Take a break from social mediamaybe unfollow accounts that are
frustrating you or that kind of.
Get you trapped up in that.
If somebody or somethingtriggers negative comparison
with you, that's probablysomething you need to stop
following.
Track your own progress.
Reflect on how far you've comeby reviewing past wins, the
lessons you've learned and thepersonal milestones, and then
shift your gratitude right.
Focus on what you'veaccomplished and what makes your
(15:36):
journey unique, rather thanwhat others are doing.
I think too often in my Bibleschool this morning they talked
about thankfulness and how weget so focused on the things we
don't have and how things youknow.
This person's not nice enoughto me and my car is not nice
enough and I want the biggerhouse and I want more children.
I want this, I want that,instead of saying I am thankful
for the home I have, I'mthankful for the child I have,
(15:57):
I'm thankful for the business Ihave we get.
The devil wants us thinkingbigger all the time, like I
gotta have more double, double,double million dollars here,
blah, blah, blah.
There.
I didn't never once was likeokay, let's actually really
celebrate that Once in a whileI'd get us to go out to dinner
to celebrate, but then mymindset shifted to like next
thing, next thing, next thing,and it was never.
(16:18):
It was honestly never enough.
The devil kept me so busypushing that I just couldn't
even enjoy the moments of thewins that I was having, which
then created more self-doubt,more concern for myself and I
just I lost it there.
So I just don't want you guysto do it because it happened to
me.
Okay, let's talk aboutpractical strategies in business
.
Audit your inputs.
(16:39):
So who and what are youcomparing yourself to?
So, are you comparing yourselfto people on social media?
Are you comparing yourself toindustry leaders, people you
admire in your personal life?
Make sure you're aware of thesources of your comparisons and
then remember that sometimesthose views of those people can
be distorted because you see thesuccesses, you don't see the
(17:00):
struggles.
Right, most people that areespecially industry leaders they
don't.
You may see them getting awards.
You may see them growing theirbusiness and tripling their
business and getting another van, but you don't see the
arguments and the fights andmaybe the business partner
problems and the money problems.
Like you don't see that becausewe don't show you that right.
We keep a good face, not apoker face.
But just keep in mind that weall have that struggle.
Shift your perspective.
(17:21):
Replace jealousy with curiosity.
So if you're feeling jealous orinsecure as it comes on, use
that as a trigger for curiosityInstead of saying, why can't I
have that?
Maybe you say what can I learnfrom their success?
What are they doing that I canlearn from right?
That's why I like biographies,because I'm not a fiction person
(17:42):
so much when I read.
I like non-fiction because Ilike to see people's lives and
what they've done, what they'veovercome, how they did it.
That interests me because thenI can use those things as
potential opportunities for meto change my life or do things
different or learn from them,and then that will kind of help
you shift your mindset so yousee others' achievements as
opportunities for growth right,rather than threats to your
(18:03):
self-worth.
Celebrate the progress right.
View real comparison inyesterday's version of you.
So again, I mean I look at thatand I'm like I don't know how
we doubled those businesses sofast, considering the fact that
mentally and emotionally I wasfalling apart but I somehow
managed to keep it together.
God's grace kept me there.
But if I had done it more in away of gratitude and slow it
(18:24):
down some and enjoy thosemoments, I think my businesses
for sure one of them would be ina different place today.
Make sure you focus on thatjourney.
We only get one life to liveright, and so, whether you're 20
years old, 30 years old, 40, 50, whatever age you are, enjoy
that, enjoy the path right, likethe roadmap, because there's so
(18:45):
much fun and amazing stuff thathappens on our journey and we
only get one here in this life.
Now, I understand if you'rebelieving you go to heaven.
That's a whole different thing.
But in this world that we livein, you get one life.
You're only going to be 20 once.
You're only going to be 30 once.
Right, you're only going to getthe opportunity that one
business once.
And there's so many things Iwish I could do different.
I can't change it now, but I'mjust learning today to really
(19:07):
smell the roses, right, Like getin there, enjoy the moment,
enjoy the situation you're inand just take that you know and
meditate on that more than thedesire for more.
You want to set personalizedgoals.
Align your business strategywith your vision, not someone
else's.
We get swept up in what othersare doing and maybe we say, oh,
(19:27):
that's their goal, that's goingto be my goal.
Well, that's not, that's notbiblical.
You need to be doing what God'stelling you to do, right.
Look at your situation whereyou are on the roadmap, because
maybe someone in the windowbusiness or in the shed building
business is $5 million.
Well, their problems are notgoing to be the same problems
you have because you're muchsmaller.
Maybe you just need to get yourfirst hire done.
Maybe you need to stop doingall the work yourself, right?
(19:48):
So kind of look at that and saywhat are the goals that I can
set for myself?
So that way it's going to keepme moving forward.
But I'm not going to haverealistic goals.
They're not going to be sodrastic that I can't hit them.
They should your goals shouldreflect your authentic self and
your personal journey, notsomeone else's blueprint for
your life.
There is no one business planthat's going to get you from
here to there perfectly, because, again, we're not.
(20:10):
I'm not saying someone doesn'tsell that.
I don't believe it'll workbecause we have our own
limitations, our own struggles,our own lives, our own moments
that we have to deal with right,our own traumas.
And so do what you're supposedto do.
That's what's most important.
And then find a network that issuccessfully well.
Let me rephrase that find anetwork that is doing similar
(20:31):
things to you.
They're business-minded,they're growth-minded, they're
family-oriented, whatever it isthat you're into.
And then find people and stickwith them, because you're going
to encourage each other, you'regoing to help each other, you're
going to build each other up,you're going to inspire each
other, you're going to challengeeach other's ideas.
Sometimes I need people tochallenge my ideas because I
can't see it from all directions, and then they're going to give
you that constructive feedback.
(20:51):
You don't want haters.
You don't want people thataren't doing anything telling
you what to do because they'renot even doing anything
themselves.
That's not going to work.
So find that network.
So the last three things I'mgoing to say before I wrap this
up is there's some takeaways foryou.
Comparison isn't aboutcompetition, it's about
direction.
Use the gap as the growth guide, not a reason to feel stuck.
Two, be mindful of both sidesof comparison.
(21:14):
Remember everyone has adifferent life, different
experience and different luck,different direction from God.
You are not supposed to do whateverybody else is doing.
Three, don't be so hard onyourselves.
People lighten up.
Just that's something I had tolearn, man.
I was very serious.
I took everything I did as myown self-worth.
That's not accurate.
My job is not me, my what, whatI am is the way I portray
(21:38):
myself, the spouse that I amright now.
I am a business owner.
That's not all of me.
I am a wife that's not all ofme.
I am a sister that's of me,right.
So you want to basically takewhat you can improve, work on it
and then give grace andcompassion to yourself if you're
not where you want to be yet,but you will get there.
If this episode helped shiftyour mindset, helped give you
(22:01):
perspective, make sure to like,subscribe, share, leave a review
, share with other entrepreneurs.
Again, I'm doing video now sohopefully you're enjoying that.
I want you to send an email tome at lightupyourbusinessllc at
gmailcom.
Appreciate you, have a greatday and remember in the world of
business, every success storybegins with a passionate dream
(22:25):
and ends with a strategicbillion-dollar handshake.
Stay ambitious, stay innovativeand keep making those deals
that reshape tomorrow.
Thank you all for tuning in anduntil next time, remember.
Proverbs 3.3 says let love andfaithfulness never leave you.
Bind them around your neck,write them on the tablet of your
heart.
That way you will win favor anda good name in the sight of God
(22:48):
and man.
And remember if you like whatyou heard today, click the
follow button so you never missan episode.
Welcome to the Light Up your Business
podcast, the show where we divedeep into the world of small
businesses.
I'm your host, tammyHershberger, and each episode
will bring you inspiring stories, expert insights and practical
tips to help your small businessthrive.
Whether you're an entrepreneurjust starting out or a seasoned
business owner, this podcast isyour go-to source for success in
(00:21):
the small business world.
Let's get started to source forsuccess in the small business
world.
Let's get started.
Hi everyone, I want to welcomeyou back.
We're here for another episode.
I am Tammy Hershberger and I'mhere with Light Up your Business
podcast.
Today, I want to talk aboutminding the gap, turning
comparison into a businesssuperpower.
Typically, I don't lovecomparison because I think when
(00:44):
we compare ourselves to otherpeople, it's an unfair
comparison.
I'm not you, you're not me.
I don't have your life, youdon't have my life.
I don't have your time, youdon't have my time.
I don't have your finances, youdon't have mine.
But we're going to look at thisand we're going to kind of see
what we can do to help you outtoday if you're doing this.
So we're going to explore howto identify the gap between
(01:05):
where you are and where you wantto be.
I'm sure most of you are sayingto yourself I want this, I want
that, I want this for mybusiness, I want this for my
family, but you don't know howto get there.
So let's talk about how we alsocan recognize this gap.
Which kind of is what we justsaid, like, where are we going,
what is it we need to do to getto where we want to be?
And then how can we feel yoursuccess rather than holding you
(01:26):
back?
We'll discuss this topicthrough the lens of comparison.
Comparison isn't the enemy,it's the tool.
The key is to learning how touse it strategically to bridge
the gap between where you areand where you want to be.
We'll explore the psychologybehind comparison and how to use
(01:50):
it as a growth strategy and thepitfalls to avoid.
Plus, I want to share somepractical ways for you to shift
your mindset and leveragecomparison as a business
superpower.
Tune in and learn how to turnenvy and inspiration and
frustration into forwardmomentum.
So you may be saying why do wecompare?
I found this article.
It's written by Angela onFebruary 27th.
It's called why Do we CompareOurselves to Others, and she's
talking about why do we compare,and one of her comments.
(02:10):
She wrote is comparisons are anatural human tendency and
aren't inherently bad.
So the psychology of comparisonisn't so much that.
Basically, it's a built-inhuman instinct that helps us
assess progress andopportunities.
So comparison isn't necessarilybad.
It's evolutionary instinct ofours, designed to help us gauge
(02:33):
our standing in socialsituations and social groups,
assess risk, determine how toadapt and in early human
societies, comparing ourselvesto others helped with survival
and resource allocation.
Humans naturally seekvalidation from others and
comparison helps us tounderstand how we fit with
social norms.
(02:53):
Again, in this day and age,social media has amplified that.
We look on there and we thinkhow do we compare it to Jimmy
Jones?
Or how do we compare it to JohnHershberger?
Or how do we compare it toanyone else that we're seeing?
Because you see pictures, yousee trips they're taking, you
see all these things.
But reality is sometimes whatyou see on camera or on pictures
(03:13):
is not what is happening intheir homes, right?
So you want to pay attention tothe thoughts that arise when you
compare yourself to others.
For instance, you might bethinking how can I reach that
level of wealth?
How can I get a nice home likethat?
Or maybe you think I'll neverbe able to do that.
Well, you need to shift thosethoughts, because thinking about
what everybody else has and howyou're never going to get them
(03:35):
is not going to help you.
What you need to do is you needto think how can I improve my
finances, how can I improve myjob, how can I improve my family
right?
What steps can I take to reachthe levels that they're at?
And then maybe you kind of needto do a check of like do I even
really want what they have?
Because maybe they have thatnice house but in reality they
work 25, you know that's not agood example.
(03:57):
Maybe they work 70 hour weeksand you don't want to work that
much.
Maybe you want to sit at homeand eat your bonbons on the
couch.
Well then, you're probably notgoing to have what they have.
So the concept of the gap, whichis recognizing the difference
between your current state andwhere someone else may be or
where your aspirations are, ifyou use that effectively,
comparison can help to motivateus to be better than we were
(04:20):
yesterday.
We should never do it out ofenvy, we should never do it out
of jealousy.
That's not good, but we mightwant to say, okay, well, if you
know John can do it, why can't Ido it?
Right, I have the same ability,I have the same God, and if
it's something God's told youthat you can have or you can do,
or if his word says it, thenyou should go after it.
So if you look at comparisonand how it can create awareness
(04:41):
and opportunity, it's verynatural for us to observe others
, right?
Sometimes me and my husbandlike to go have coffee, we like
to people watch, as we call it,and we like to just sit there
and just watch people.
It's very fascinating the waypeople move, the things they're
doing, the way they talk to eachother, who they're hanging out
with.
You know that kind of stuff.
So you can look around and say,okay, what's what's everybody
else doing?
But you want to avoid comparingyourself to others and you
(05:04):
don't want to be like everyoneelse.
You want to be yourself.
God made you special.
He made you unique.
You want to stick with that.
You don't want to just go dowhat everybody else is doing.
Now, my ex-business partner usedto always tell me we can, um,
basically do what others aredoing if they're winning, so
like if we have another businessand they're killing it on
something, then we can maybecopy that, and copy in the sense
of, like we could do doorhangers.
Now, I'm not saying do exact toa T what they're doing, but
(05:26):
there's philosophies, there'sprinciples that you can use.
You can stand on, there's ideasand techniques that work, and
so then you can use them, butyou never want to like fully
just become somebody else.
That's not what this is about.
So then, when you're comparingyourself to others, you want to
basically take those comparisonsand use that as fuel to drive
(05:46):
your determination to create thelife that you deserve, the life
that you want to travel all thetime and do all these things.
But it's like that's going tobe a detriment maybe to your
(06:08):
marriage or your family, becausemaybe you're never home.
If you want that that office ina high rise building well,
you're probably going to beworking a lot to pay for that.
There's going to be a trade-offfor that.
So make sure you're not turningaround and throwing away your
values to get to these things.
That's not, that's not good.
And then you want to set yourbenchmark right.
You want to set that and focuson your unique journey rather
than simply following the pathof others, because life is never
(06:32):
like.
It's not just like straightline from here to there.
Right, it's, you're going to bezigzagging all over the place
and sometimes I end up in placesI never thought I would be.
But it's been a journey, right,and that's part of to me, as
I'm getting older.
The fun of life is it's ajourney you just you kind of
enjoy wherever you're going andwherever it's taking you to,
right?
So, instead of seeing the gapas a failure, viewed as a
roadmap for growth, it allows usto see what's possible and
(06:55):
leverage inspiration as fuel.
Success leaves clues.
Learn from those as you go.
So, as you do something andyou're like okay, I was
successful there and this thingI was not.
Maybe it's a clue on yourroadmap.
Right to like get you to whereyou're going.
So public speaking maybe issomething you're good at and
you're not super creative.
Well, maybe you're not supposedto be an artist, maybe you're
(07:15):
not supposed to be a graphicdesigner, but you may be a
public speaker.
Or maybe you're a leader orsomething like that.
So so kind of dig into thosethings.
Then you have the productiveside of comparison.
So you're saying like well,what does that mean?
Well, what that means.
It's basically the skill tomaster with comparison is to
begin asking the right questions.
So you're saying what are theright questions?
One question could be whatstrategies can I adopt, instead
(07:39):
of saying why am I not there yet?
So, for example, on my weightloss journey, I'm sitting here
complaining about my weight, buthave I been going to the gym?
No, have I been doing extraworkouts?
No, and so, like then I need tosay, well, why am I not getting
there?
The reality is I'm not doingthe work.
So then I have to get a plan of, like I'm going to go to the
gym three times a week, I'mgoing to do, you know, workouts
(08:08):
two nights a week, I'm going towalk at night, whatever that is.
You got to get that strategy.
And then you've got to keepasking the right questions so
that you can avoid the traps ofcomparison, which holds us back
due to the fear that we won't beable to do something as well as
others.
And then look at mentors, lookat coaching, look at learning
from those who've walked thepath before you.
Having someone you can rely onfor guidance can be a valuable
asset to both you and yourbusiness.
They can push you forward whencomparison starts to hold you
(08:29):
back and paralyze your progress.
And so, for example of that isI've done coaching programs.
I did one in the windowbusiness called conquer.
I've been in Dave Ramsey'ssummit programs where they teach
about leadership.
I was in his coaching program.
I do coaching with my clientsand I've had people in my life
that has poured into me throughbusiness and told me about
business and I mean even myother business partner.
(08:50):
He knew a lot about windowcleaning and he told me a lot
about people I should startlistening to.
And so I started listening tothese people and I learned so
much by doing that and then Icould stop comparing myself
because I'm learning, just likethey are Even the people way
ahead of you.
They're ahead of you for areason Maybe they're older than
you, but they've just been onthe path.
Longer They've been in business, longer They've been a parent,
(09:11):
longer Whatever it is they'vejust been doing it and that's
why you go to them, that's whythey're the best people to talk
to, because they've got theexperience.
And then you want to navigatecomparison on your own, which
can be challenging as it oftenleads to inaction.
So a coach like me, for example, or if you have one in your
area that you like, we canprovide encouragement, we can
hold you accountable and we cangive you the support that you
(09:33):
need to overcome the obstacles,to keep you moving forward.
I see that where people aretrying to do their own thing and
they're out there trying tostart their business, they're
trying to do art, they're tryingto whatever, they're trying to
start a nonprofit, and they'rejust stuck, and then when you
actually have someone holdingyou accountable and sometimes
your wife and siblings can dothat, but sometimes that's
(09:53):
frustrating and you don't wantyour wife nagging you, and so in
this case you come to yourcoach and for me in coaching,
I'll ask what did you do thisweek?
What did you get done?
Why did you not get it done?
What held you back?
And usually I can recognizethings that they don't see, such
as fear or resentment oruncertainty, and then we can
talk about it, we can pray aboutit, we can do these things to
(10:14):
get them through that.
So, to get them through that.
So let's talk for a second aboutinternal versus external
comparison.
It's crucial to understand thedifference between comparing
yourself to others, which isexternal, and comparing yourself
to your own past self, which isinternal.
The latter, your internal,tends to be more productive as
it focuses on personal progressrather than external validation.
(10:37):
So I'm telling you, it meansmore when you change your
internal self than just like I'mgoing to do this so I can get a
bigger house, I'm going to dothis and get a bigger car or
nicer car, that stuff in time itdoesn't really hold much value.
It's great at the moment, butin over you know time couple
months, three months when youstart making those payments it's
not so fun anymore.
When you start internallychanging your life changes.
(11:00):
Let's talk about pitfalls, whencomparison becomes a trap.
Right, and this is the one Ireally want you to watch out for
.
I see it a lot in my coachingclients where people are
comparing themselves to otherbusinesses, other artists, other
things that they're doing, andI'm like you are not them.
They are way further on thatjourney.
They don't have your path, theydon't.
Well, yeah, let me get throughthis and then I'll tell you a
couple of stories.
(11:20):
So the downside of this iscomparison becomes paralysis.
Right, you get self-doubt, youget that imposter syndrome, as
we just discussed.
Some comparison can createfeelings of self-doubt or
feelings like you can't.
You can't do it, you're animposter, it's not real, I have
nothing to offer and that keepsyou from moving forward.
You're an imposter, it's notreal, I have nothing to offer
(11:41):
and that keeps you from movingforward.
Comparing someone else'shighlights reel to your behind
the scenes real life situationis very misleading.
Again, like I said, you may seetheir highlight reel on
Facebook or social media of likethey went on this trip and they
own this car and they have thishome and they have all these
things, but in real life, you'renot seeing the struggles every
day, right?
You're only seeing what persona, if you will of what their
(12:05):
successes are.
They're not seeing this.
You're not seeing the struggles, you're not seeing the setbacks
, you're not seeing the years ofhard work that they put in.
It makes it then feel unfair toyou because it's like well, why
can't I have that?
I heard someone recently talkabout how these, this generation
of people in their 20s, theywant what their parents have,
(12:25):
but they forget that theirparents have worked 30, 40 years
for that.
They didn't have it in my 20s.
The things I have today, I didnot have in my 20s.
I had a crap car.
We had a tiny apartment, wedidn't own a business.
I mean we have all these thingsthat we didn't have that I have
today because we've put thetime in.
God's blessed us, we've donethe work, I've put more
education, I've read more booksright, and if that is you,
(12:46):
you've got to stop doing that.
The other thing is, in reality,it's like I talked to these
people about an example would bea coaching client I have and he
was saying well, how am I doingcompared to the business you
had?
And I'm like it's not the same.
You're not me.
You don't have the time that Ihave.
You have a family and I do not.
Right, I have a husband, but Idon't have children.
You don't have the samemotivation that I do.
(13:08):
Not everybody's as driven as Iam, right, and God's got a
different call for you.
So please stop comparingyourself to everybody else.
Now you can use it in ways, yes, as motivation, but I think too
much we let it become a trapand you don't want to do that.
You are not me, I am not you.
Like I said in the beginning,it is your path, it is your way,
and the way you do things isnot my way, and so that's just
(13:29):
something to really think about.
Um, in business, business isabout progress.
It's not about perfection, thedanger of unrealistic timelines
so I've seen this some happen.
Um, if you're wantingeverything to be perfect rather
than having progress, you know,leading up to the frustration of
, like I have, have triedeverything, it's not working,
(13:50):
I've put too many hours in, Iwant it to be perfect, I can't
launch it.
I just did a podcast the otherday about this.
You are putting unrealistictimelines on what you're trying
to do.
Okay, so it may even be likeI'm going to start this business
and in five years I'm going tobe at five million dollars.
Well, I mean, it's possible.
(14:12):
I'm not saying it's not, butmaybe that's unrealistic,
because if you've never ran abusiness before, it's
unrealistic Today for me to sayI'm going to have a jet in two
years for me to own it.
It's probably a littleunrealistic.
I would like to.
Maybe I'll start in first class, I want to start flying first
class.
Then maybe I'll start tobelieve that I can start
chartering jets and then maybesomeday I can own it.
It's just kind of unrealisticfor me to say by next year I'm
going to have that.
Not impossible, but probablyunrealistic, and I believe you
set yourself up for false hope.
(14:32):
You're going to destroy yourfaith because it's not going to
probably happen as fast as youthink it's going to happen.
And then you're going to blamesomebody and usually people
blame God, which is wrong.
But so watch yourself withunrealistic timelines.
You've got to make sure yourbusiness is sustainable and
that's something we we and mybusiness partner we double,
double, double, double everyyear.
We did it, but it burned me outand it about destroyed me.
(14:54):
I just, with all the businessesand stuff I was doing, it took
it, just it was not a good plan.
We made it happen, but at thedetriment of me, basically.
So let's talk about how torefocus your path when
comparison starts to become astruggle, and if you're getting
(15:16):
discouraged, so limit the noiseright.
Take a break from social mediamaybe unfollow accounts that are
frustrating you or that kind of.
Get you trapped up in that.
If somebody or somethingtriggers negative comparison
with you, that's probablysomething you need to stop
following.
Track your own progress.
Reflect on how far you've comeby reviewing past wins, the
lessons you've learned and thepersonal milestones, and then
shift your gratitude right.
Focus on what you'veaccomplished and what makes your
(15:36):
journey unique, rather thanwhat others are doing.
I think too often in my Bibleschool this morning they talked
about thankfulness and how weget so focused on the things we
don't have and how things youknow.
This person's not nice enoughto me and my car is not nice
enough and I want the biggerhouse and I want more children.
I want this, I want that,instead of saying I am thankful
for the home I have, I'mthankful for the child I have,
(15:57):
I'm thankful for the business Ihave we get.
The devil wants us thinkingbigger all the time, like I
gotta have more double, double,double million dollars here,
blah, blah, blah.
There.
I didn't never once was likeokay, let's actually really
celebrate that Once in a whileI'd get us to go out to dinner
to celebrate, but then mymindset shifted to like next
thing, next thing, next thing,and it was never.
(16:18):
It was honestly never enough.
The devil kept me so busypushing that I just couldn't
even enjoy the moments of thewins that I was having, which
then created more self-doubt,more concern for myself and I
just I lost it there.
So I just don't want you guysto do it because it happened to
me.
Okay, let's talk aboutpractical strategies in business
.
Audit your inputs.
(16:39):
So who and what are youcomparing yourself to?
So, are you comparing yourselfto people on social media?
Are you comparing yourself toindustry leaders, people you
admire in your personal life?
Make sure you're aware of thesources of your comparisons and
then remember that sometimesthose views of those people can
be distorted because you see thesuccesses, you don't see the
(17:00):
struggles.
Right, most people that areespecially industry leaders they
don't.
You may see them getting awards.
You may see them growing theirbusiness and tripling their
business and getting another van, but you don't see the
arguments and the fights andmaybe the business partner
problems and the money problems.
Like you don't see that becausewe don't show you that right.
We keep a good face, not apoker face.
But just keep in mind that weall have that struggle.
Shift your perspective.
(17:21):
Replace jealousy with curiosity.
So if you're feeling jealous orinsecure as it comes on, use
that as a trigger for curiosityInstead of saying, why can't I
have that?
Maybe you say what can I learnfrom their success?
What are they doing that I canlearn from right?
That's why I like biographies,because I'm not a fiction person
(17:42):
so much when I read.
I like non-fiction because Ilike to see people's lives and
what they've done, what they'veovercome, how they did it.
That interests me because thenI can use those things as
potential opportunities for meto change my life or do things
different or learn from them,and then that will kind of help
you shift your mindset so yousee others' achievements as
opportunities for growth right,rather than threats to your
(18:03):
self-worth.
Celebrate the progress right.
View real comparison inyesterday's version of you.
So again, I mean I look at thatand I'm like I don't know how
we doubled those businesses sofast, considering the fact that
mentally and emotionally I wasfalling apart but I somehow
managed to keep it together.
God's grace kept me there.
But if I had done it more in away of gratitude and slow it
(18:24):
down some and enjoy thosemoments, I think my businesses
for sure one of them would be ina different place today.
Make sure you focus on thatjourney.
We only get one life to liveright, and so, whether you're 20
years old, 30 years old, 40, 50, whatever age you are, enjoy
that, enjoy the path right, likethe roadmap, because there's so
(18:45):
much fun and amazing stuff thathappens on our journey and we
only get one here in this life.
Now, I understand if you'rebelieving you go to heaven.
That's a whole different thing.
But in this world that we livein, you get one life.
You're only going to be 20 once.
You're only going to be 30 once.
Right, you're only going to getthe opportunity that one
business once.
And there's so many things Iwish I could do different.
I can't change it now, but I'mjust learning today to really
(19:07):
smell the roses, right, Like getin there, enjoy the moment,
enjoy the situation you're inand just take that you know and
meditate on that more than thedesire for more.
You want to set personalizedgoals.
Align your business strategywith your vision, not someone
else's.
We get swept up in what othersare doing and maybe we say, oh,
(19:27):
that's their goal, that's goingto be my goal.
Well, that's not, that's notbiblical.
You need to be doing what God'stelling you to do, right.
Look at your situation whereyou are on the roadmap, because
maybe someone in the windowbusiness or in the shed building
business is $5 million.
Well, their problems are notgoing to be the same problems
you have because you're muchsmaller.
Maybe you just need to get yourfirst hire done.
Maybe you need to stop doingall the work yourself, right?
(19:48):
So kind of look at that and saywhat are the goals that I can
set for myself?
So that way it's going to keepme moving forward.
But I'm not going to haverealistic goals.
They're not going to be sodrastic that I can't hit them.
They should your goals shouldreflect your authentic self and
your personal journey, notsomeone else's blueprint for
your life.
There is no one business planthat's going to get you from
here to there perfectly, because, again, we're not.
(20:10):
I'm not saying someone doesn'tsell that.
I don't believe it'll workbecause we have our own
limitations, our own struggles,our own lives, our own moments
that we have to deal with right,our own traumas.
And so do what you're supposedto do.
That's what's most important.
And then find a network that issuccessfully well.
Let me rephrase that find anetwork that is doing similar
(20:31):
things to you.
They're business-minded,they're growth-minded, they're
family-oriented, whatever it isthat you're into.
And then find people and stickwith them, because you're going
to encourage each other, you'regoing to help each other, you're
going to build each other up,you're going to inspire each
other, you're going to challengeeach other's ideas.
Sometimes I need people tochallenge my ideas because I
can't see it from all directions, and then they're going to give
you that constructive feedback.
(20:51):
You don't want haters.
You don't want people thataren't doing anything telling
you what to do because they'renot even doing anything
themselves.
That's not going to work.
So find that network.
So the last three things I'mgoing to say before I wrap this
up is there's some takeaways foryou.
Comparison isn't aboutcompetition, it's about
direction.
Use the gap as the growth guide, not a reason to feel stuck.
Two, be mindful of both sidesof comparison.
(21:14):
Remember everyone has adifferent life, different
experience and different luck,different direction from God.
You are not supposed to do whateverybody else is doing.
Three, don't be so hard onyourselves.
People lighten up.
Just that's something I had tolearn, man.
I was very serious.
I took everything I did as myown self-worth.
That's not accurate.
My job is not me, my what, whatI am is the way I portray
(21:38):
myself, the spouse that I amright now.
I am a business owner.
That's not all of me.
I am a wife that's not all ofme.
I am a sister that's of me,right.
So you want to basically takewhat you can improve, work on it
and then give grace andcompassion to yourself if you're
not where you want to be yet,but you will get there.
If this episode helped shiftyour mindset, helped give you
(22:01):
perspective, make sure to like,subscribe, share, leave a review
, share with other entrepreneurs.
Again, I'm doing video now sohopefully you're enjoying that.
I want you to send an email tome at lightupyourbusinessllc at
gmailcom.
Appreciate you, have a greatday and remember in the world of
business, every success storybegins with a passionate dream
(22:25):
and ends with a strategicbillion-dollar handshake.
Stay ambitious, stay innovativeand keep making those deals
that reshape tomorrow.
Thank you all for tuning in anduntil next time, remember.
Proverbs 3.3 says let love andfaithfulness never leave you.
Bind them around your neck,write them on the tablet of your
heart.
That way you will win favor anda good name in the sight of God
(22:48):
and man.
And remember if you like whatyou heard today, click the
follow button so you never missan episode.
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