July 11, 2023 • 30 mins
Our past often haunts us even after Christ enters our lives. Shame and pain make us feel unworthy and prevents us from serving God and people. Childhood trauma can be especially damaging to our self-esteem and the choices we make in adulthood.
In this episode, host Helen Todd talks with Rachelle Neuenschwander, a nurse and a pastor's daughter. Rachelle shares her intense battle with sexual nightmares and night terrors that haunted her childhood. These experiences led her to depression and the brink of suicide. Her story is that of healing through Christ's love and a redemption through the newfound purpose that took her on a remarkable journey to Egypt.
We invite you to connect with us at World Missions Alliance rfwma.org, and embark on your own journey of faith and transformation. This episode will leave you with a sense of hope and awe at the power of faith and the life of purpose.
Thanks for listening! Visit our website rfwma.org and follow us on Facebook :https://www.facebook.com/limitlessspiritpodcast/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What if you had a guide who could tell you how to
bridge a gap between who you aretoday and who you are destined
to be?
What if, each week, you couldhear a story of someone who has
tried and succeeded, or perhapstried and failed but learned
something in the process?
Limitless Spirit is a weeklypodcast where host Helen Todd
interviews guests about topicsand personal stories on defining
(00:23):
life's purpose, pursuingpersonal growth and developing a
deeper faith in Christ.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
And one time I was like God, this is a mess, what
I'm looking at is a mess.
And he said think aboutrestoring houses When they're in
the middle of their restoration.
Do they look beautiful or doesit look like a mess?
And I was like it looks like amess.
He was like that's what I dowith people.
(00:51):
I take their mess and I restoreit, and so that's what I pray
for.
That boy still is that he wouldhave restoration for what was
taken from it.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Sometimes you are so ashamed of your past prior to
accepting Christ that itprevents you from even remotely
considering serving others inany capacity.
Childhood trauma can beespecially damaging to our
self-esteem and the choices wemake in adulthood.
The truth is your past, whethershameful or painful, and that
(01:30):
moment when God reached downinto your despair to give you a
new life makes you incrediblypowerful in building God's
kingdom.
My guest today is a nurse,rachelle Neuenschwander.
She was born into a family of apastor, but childhood and
adolescent trauma threw her intoa spiral of nightmares,
(01:51):
depression and even attempts ofsuicide.
Her story, though, is anencouraging example how not only
she was able to overcome all ofthis, but also fulfilled her
lifelong dream of visiting Egyptand watched God use her past
and give her everything sheneeded to help the people she
(02:13):
encountered there.
Hello, rachelle, welcome to theLimitless Spirit Podcast.
How are you today?
I'm doing good.
How about you?
Doing wonderful, actuallyexcited to meet you in person
for the first time.
I heard a lot about you sinceyour adventure with us in Egypt,
your mission adventure, but Iwant to talk to you about your
(02:38):
testimony before we starttalking about missions, because
you know the theme of ourministry.
The slogan of our ministry ischange lives, change lives, so I
always love to hear how Jesuschanged a person's life, and,
from what I heard, you have avery powerful story, so let's
dive right into it.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Okay, so no holds barred, Let's go for it.
So, as was introduced, i'mRachelle Neuenschwander, i grew
up as a pastor's kid, and soyou're looking for.
How did you come to know Jesus?
That wasn't something that wasforeign.
Jesus was somebody I grew upwith.
(03:21):
But how did he come and changemy life?
How did he alter my thoughtsand my dreams?
That's different, that'sanother story.
So, growing up, when, fromyoung to three years old to mid
teens, i was virtually tormentedby nightmares and night terrors
(03:46):
, and day terrors as well.
To the point, if I wanted tocome up with the worst
punishment in the world for asibling, it would be to send him
to bed without praying for him,just because that was the worst
thing that could happen tosomebody.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
In my mind, Can you give an example of some of those
things that you saw in yourdreams or visions?
Speaker 2 (04:11):
So when I would have the nightmares and night terrors
, they would be largely sexualin nature And then occasionally
there'd be people morphing intobeasts that would come and eat
me.
I had a couple, like a distantfamily member, who she was
(04:37):
abusive to her kids And I waswitness to that, And so
sometimes she would morph into abeast and come and attack me.
In my dreams.
That would be like thenightmare aspect.
Like I said before, my parentswere pastors so they would
frequently pray over people,stuff like that.
(04:59):
So sometimes, if the spiritdetermined it didn't quite want
to be done with the person thatthey had tried to pray it out of
, it would come, talk to me atnight and intermingle with the
dreams.
So there are dreams that havedemonic influence as well as
(05:23):
sexual influence, and that wasjust kind of a lot to go through
.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
That had to be absolutely terrifying.
Oh my goodness, i can't evenimagine.
So how long did this last?
Speaker 2 (05:36):
That would have been a period of several years, and
one of the things that the devilwould tell me is if you tell
people what you're dreaming,they're going to think that
you're gross and disgusting forthinking of these things.
They're going to think that yourimagination is terrible, and so
they won't believe that youhave these dreams, that you're
just making this stuff up.
(05:57):
And so my family was obliviousto the fact that I was having
these.
They just knew that I startledeasy, like I was hyper-vigilant
to the point where if someonecame up behind me, they'd get an
elbow, or one of the thingsthat was extremely terrible to
(06:17):
me as a child was if somebodywould play with my hair.
I would immediately go intopanic mode, and that's something
that even my family todaythey'll be like.
If somebody's coming to try tobraid my hair or play with my
hair, they're like don't do that, they'll protect me now,
because they didn't know backthen that it was such an issue,
(06:40):
and so they were oblivious tothis.
So I don't blame them for notrealizing that I was in need of
more prayer and more building up.
It was just because of where Iwas at that time.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
You never shared this with anyone.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
I never shared it, and so what happened?
So, as far as I was getting moreand more depressed and more and
more withdrawn, to the pointwhere I was virtually suicidal
and I will admit to a fewattempts on my life, i was not
(07:24):
successful.
It was definitely somethingthat was.
I don't even know why I was notsuccessful, like obviously God
had a bigger plan for me becausethat should have worked.
And I do apologize, laughter ismy coping mechanism, so if you
(07:44):
find me laughing at weirdopportune times, that is not
because I think the story isfunny, that is because that's
how I can keep myself together alittle bit.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
Well, you're sharing something very personal,
rochelle, so no apologies areneeded, but how were you able to
break out of this?
This seems like a very, verytraumatic season in your life.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Yes.
So it's actually kind ofincredible for as far as the
nightmares and night terrors.
So I was at church and we werevisiting a church It wasn't our
normal church.
The pastor had been praying andthen he goes there's somebody
(08:26):
in this audience who's beenstruggling with dreams for years
and they've been tormentednight and day and they need a
way out.
If that's, you, raise your hand.
Now I'm not the type of personthat I like to do that.
I'm the last person to raise myhand, the last And so I was
like you know what?
I'm going to give it a littlebit and see if somebody else
(08:47):
raises their hand And then if hetakes that, then I'm going to
be good enough.
I don't want to share all thisstory, blindside my family, that
sort of thing.
So somebody else did raisetheir hand and he prayed for him
and he goes nope, that wasn'tit.
God's still saying there'ssomebody out there that needs
(09:08):
prayer.
And so I raised my hand and inthat moment I felt something
break and I felt like this heavyweight of darkness was lifted
off of me, and that is when Istarted.
(09:36):
That was the end pretty much ofthose nightmares.
Now, occasionally they'll beused as a warning, like if I
don't trust somebody, often I'llhave a dream about them.
That will either tip them oneway or the other.
But that's how those stopped.
(09:58):
Now, that wasn't my onlyexperience with depression and
suicidal thoughts and nightmares.
That also happened again after,when I was older, in a friend's
dad tried to sexually assaultme And that started the spiral
(10:23):
again.
I was trying to decide if Iwanted to.
At that point I was older, so Iwas trying to decide if I
wanted to drink myself out of it, if I wanted to kill myself out
of it, or if I wanted to workmyself out of it.
I was working like a hundredhour weeks, never sleeping,
never doing anything, and Istarted therapy.
(10:49):
I discovered that some of mynightmares from before were
attached to an assault when Iwas younger.
Actually, some of the things Ihad dubbed as nightmares were
actual happenings, whichactually.
But with that one I actuallyhad a vision in which Jesus came
(11:10):
to my room and was laying outgrace and peace And he was
picking up shame andself-loathing and discussed with
the circumstances.
And that experience of seeinghim pick up what I had falsely
claimed and lay out hiseverlasting love was
(11:37):
life-changing, and that was themoment where things switched for
me again And I could see theplans he had for my life.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
This is very powerful , rochelle, and thank you for
being so transparent about this,but unfortunately it happens so
frequently to kids where theygo through these deeply
traumatic experiences thataffect them for the rest of
their lives.
Sometimes their memory doesn'thelp them to remember what
(12:11):
happened.
They just know that they'resuffering and struggling.
It's all grounded back in whathappened to them in their
childhood and them beingcompletely innocent of even
understanding what's happening.
And that's where your testimony, i feel, was so powerful,
because God knows.
God knows the depths of ourheart better than we even know
(12:33):
ourselves And in his infinitelove, he goes there and he
restores the brokenness.
And this is completelyastounding.
When you think of God and howdeeply he cares for his children
and how he made this journeyafter you to bring you back from
(12:53):
this torment of darkness Andthe testimony like this, i feel
like he also empowered you to bea dynamite, you know, as far as
sharing him with others, youknow who would not be enthralled
with a story like this.
Listening to this, if I werenot familiar with the gospel at
(13:19):
all, i would think, wow, i wantto know this God.
I want to know this God whosaved Rachelle, and so I think
it's not an accident that he puta desire for missions in your
heart, desire to go to the mostparts of the world to share him
(13:39):
and his love.
And so that's how we got toknow you is because you joined
our mission to Egypt, so can youshare.
How did the desire even come?
Why Egypt?
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Why Egypt?
That's a little bit interesting.
So I have had Egypt as a bucketlist just because I'm kind of a
giant nerd and I love history.
So for nothing else I wanted togo there for that reason.
And then I also have been drawnto like Muslim Islamic areas.
(14:15):
Islamic areas in fact, when Iwent to Southeast Asia even that
was because of the persecutionof the Muslim people in Myanmar
at that time.
So I've kind of been drawn tothat.
And then I have through a weird, a weird fate moment, god
(14:38):
moment.
My current boss is Egyptian Andso I had been talking about
Egypt And then I, when I sawthat you guys had a mission trip
to Egypt, i was like I have togo, that's I have to go, and I
(14:58):
had just I had returned fromlittle pieces came together.
Yeah, everything lined up and Iwas like this I am, i am going
to go.
But it seems like as soon as Isaw that you guys had a trip
there I had had a greatexperience with you in Serbia I
was like I am going on this trip.
It wasn't like I hope God wantsme to go on this trip, i just
(15:21):
felt it in my heart that God didwant me to go and I am going.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
So things seem to align for you to go.
You knew in your heart that youwere supposed to go.
So what did you experience whenyou got there?
Was Egypt a thing that youthought of, or did it surprise
you in some ways?
Speaker 2 (15:42):
One of the things that was a huge surprise for me.
So one part that made mineunique is I got I had gone a few
days earlier than the tripstarted, so I got a vast
experience.
I got to see the refugees and Igot to see the doctors who have
their own private drivers andstuff like that.
(16:06):
So the part that surprised methe most was how you have the
vast differences in areas forone and in the economy of
various people there.
That was one of the I hadn'tquite expected to see that much
of a jump between people.
(16:29):
As far as what I experienced, iwould say that my favorite part
about Egypt is that it's such awarm culture.
Everybody's looking out for you.
Everybody's your uncle, youraunt.
It's very friendly, even whenyou go among the brokenness.
(16:49):
when you're doing your ministry, when you're serving with the
refugees, if you look for thatdeep seated caring spirit, it
ends up making it so much better.
I find that's usually how Iapproach.
(17:09):
ministry is more from what arethe positives that you have that
I can help draw out.
and doing the medical trips,seeing the various people And
there are various ones you couldtell that they just wanted a
little bit of TLC.
They wanted somebody who cared,who saw them and didn't just
(17:31):
see them as another number,another person, another person
among the people.
The, i would say, probably someof my favorite was with the
Syrian refugees.
that day was fun andinteresting seeing how the
Syrian culture was differentfrom the Egyptian culture And
(17:55):
you could tell that just in howthey interacted in that brief
meeting.
And that's something that'salways.
that's always interesting to mehow you can be in areas that
are relatively close but thefeel and the sense of the people
can be so different.
Speaker 3 (18:14):
This is very true.
Do you feel like your personalstory and the way that Jesus
drew you out of your darknessequips you to relate to certain
people Like have you experiencedthat in Egypt?
Speaker 2 (18:32):
I would say that it definitely one thing that it
helps me see people in a newlight and be able to draw people
out.
Is that because God has givenme the ability to see the war
between the worlds, the lightand the darkness fighting.
I can see people rather thanseeing the enemy that's on them.
(19:00):
And specifically with Egypt, iwould say that would be.
There was a man he had come inand I'm sure you probably heard
this story, but some of youlistening probably have too is
that there was a man he came inand he didn't want any women to
(19:22):
touch him.
He was like I don't want anywomen around, don't even look at
me.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
Like the In the medical clinic and the medical
clinic.
Yeah, into the medical clinicIn the medical clinic.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
He did not want any of the women, so there was a
male provider there and hedidn't want the nurse assistant
to look at him, touch himanything, so the male provider
had to provide every aspect ofcare.
And then that was something Iwas told.
I was in the prayer room me andJack Sunny and a couple of us
(19:57):
were in there together and theygave us a heads up that this guy
would be coming in for prayerAnd we gathered around and
started praying for him And ofcourse we were like trying to
even be respectful of the factthat he didn't want women around
(20:17):
, and we prayed over him and wesaw that spirit leave And we saw
it get off of him And in thatmoment he opens his eyes, he
lifts his head up and Sunny'sstanding in front of him Sunny
is a girl, if you don't know Andhe reaches his hands to her And
in that moment it was like Godopened his heart to receive love
(20:42):
from a woman again.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
That is something that I think is So he didn't
share with you.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
He didn't share with us what was the underlying issue
.
But you could kind of like Isaid, the world is kind of a
thin veil.
But when he walked in, i feltthe Holy Spirit tell me that I
(21:09):
have no way of verifying this.
This was just the Holy Spiritand I.
I felt the Holy Spirit tell methat his mother had wounded him
And his mother had hurt him in away that was incomprehensible.
(21:29):
So I, in that, rather thaninteracting with the spirit,
when I did my prayer, when I wasstanding in my quarter away to
give the respect needed, iwhispered that I was gonna be
(21:51):
willing to stand in the gap inthat, even though his mother
couldn't say sorry, that God wassorry that that had happened to
him.
in that Jesus and the fact thatGod is gender fluid, in that
moment he needed the God thatcould heal the spot that a woman
(22:13):
had broken.
And so I felt in that momentthat God had embodied the spirit
of peace and went over to himto offer his peace and blessing
in areas of brokenness.
Speaker 3 (22:28):
See, i think this is powerful because I always feel
like when God calls us to dosomething, and particularly
since we're talking aboutmissions, you know, when God
calls us to a certain country ora certain place at a specific
time, our job is not to missthis opportunity, because God
(22:48):
uniquely selects us for certaindestinations, certain moments in
time And your story, you know.
I don't know that there wasanother person on that team who
was equipped to, like you said,stand in the gap for this man
and pray for his healing andrestoration And imagine if you
(23:12):
would have missed that.
You know, i feel like Godaccomplishes his plan regardless
of whether we're complicit withit or not.
He has a way of working thingsout.
But you would have missed outon something very special,
because your pain and thesuffering that you have gone
through equipped you to besensitive, to be in tune with
(23:35):
people who are maybe dealingwith something similar, and it
was just this perfect momentwhere you know everything that
you have gone through suddenlymakes sense, because God allows
you to bring something good outof that, and this is how I see
the whole Great Commissionworking.
You know, having done this forover 25 years and observing, you
(23:59):
know so many people that Godcalls on the mission field, and
how He uses every experience inour lives, both painful and good
, to bring something gloriousout of this.
It never ceases to amaze me,and you chose just the most
perfect moment.
I'm sure there were many momentsduring that trip, but this is
(24:21):
just the most perfect example.
And, wow, you may havecompletely changed this man's
life just by being obedient.
You know, who knows?
We don't know his story, but hemay have not been able to have
normal relationships, maybe noteven married, and this may have
(24:42):
completely changed the course ofhis life.
So, aside from this experience,what are some of your most
favorite moments of the Egypttrip?
Speaker 2 (24:54):
Let me see here.
One of the moments that made melike I would.
It's hard to call it a favorite, but it opened something up to
me that it broke me was when wewere working with the Sudanese
refugees.
There was a little boy.
(25:15):
His mom brought him in And hewas about roughly six And he had
been talking when he was twoand three years old and then
stopped And I was like askingquestions And I was trying to.
(25:38):
I was like did he get hit?
Did he?
Was there some sort of like?
obviously they're refugees.
So it felt dumb like asking wasthere some sort of trauma, was
there any of that?
And the mom was sitting there,just So you felt like he was in
extra pain.
(26:00):
Yeah, like it felt to me likemore than just inability to
speak.
It felt like there wassomething that caused this
inability to speak And so I wastrying to figure out a reason.
The mom's just telling me no,nothing ever happened.
He's fine, and I was likenothing ever happened to your
(26:23):
refugees, but I didn't pressthat at all.
But then the translator turnedto me and said she told me not
to tell you, but the speechstopped pretty soon after.
They were tortured, theirfamily was tortured, and it just
seemed like I don't have afeel-good story about that.
(26:44):
We didn't pray and God restoredhis speech.
We didn't.
We did pray for him, but thespeech was still missing.
But in that moment I can'timagine It broke me to the fear
that the mother must be feelingif, when you're being directly
asked, did something happen?
You have to have such a strongspirit of fear or feeling a fear
(27:06):
from past happenings to losesight of the fact that, oh, this
might actually be important AndI pray for that family still
that they would know That theywould have peace, that they
would have the ability of God'srestoration in their life.
That's one thing that God hasrevealed to me whenever I am
(27:31):
personally going through, or I'mhelping somebody else go
through a period of time whereit feels like they're having to
take apart their most brokenness, their biggest brokenness.
And one time I was like God,this is a mess, what I'm looking
at is a mess.
And he said think aboutrestoring houses When they're in
(27:55):
the middle of their restoration.
Did they look beautiful or doesit look like a mess?
And I was like it looks like amess.
He was like that's what I dowith people I take their mass
and I restore it, and so that'swhat I pray for.
that boy still is that he wouldhave restoration for what was
(28:17):
taken from it.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
This is very, very powerful.
Rochelle, thank you so much forsharing this And thank you for
being obedient to God's call andresponding when He calls you.
I look forward to many moremissions with you and watching
God use you for His glory, andthank you again for coming on
(28:38):
the interview.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
Thanks very much.
Speaker 3 (28:41):
Rochelle pointed out that our life looks like a mess
while we're in the process ofrestoration.
The beauty that comes out inthe end is always connected with
the fact that this very messequips us to feel the pain of
others and know how to connectwith them and offer help.
(29:02):
The Great Commission is thepath that Jesus laid before us
to experience this restorationand redemption of our past.
This is why, at World MissionsAlliance, we want to give you
and everyone else whose life hasbeen touched by Christ a chance
to help someone else.
Visit our website, rfwaorg, andfind out how you can have the
(29:29):
same experience as Rochelle, andif your life is still a mess
and you want to know how toinvite Jesus into your life, we
want to help you do this.
Simply visit our website,rfwaorg and send us an email and
we will reach out to you.
I hope you join next week tohear another exciting episode.
(29:53):
Until next time, i'm Helen Todd.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
Limitless Spirit Podcast is produced by World
Missions Alliance.
We believe that changed liveschange lives.
If you want to see your lifetransformed by Christ's love, or
if you want to help those whoare hurting and hopeless and
discover your greater purpose inserving Christ through
short-term missionary work,check out our website, rfwaorg,
(30:17):
and find out how to get involved.
What if you had a guide who could tell you how to
bridge a gap between who you aretoday and who you are destined
to be?
What if, each week, you couldhear a story of someone who has
tried and succeeded, or perhapstried and failed but learned
something in the process?
Limitless Spirit is a weeklypodcast where host Helen Todd
interviews guests about topicsand personal stories on defining
(00:23):
life's purpose, pursuingpersonal growth and developing a
deeper faith in Christ.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
And one time I was like God, this is a mess, what
I'm looking at is a mess.
And he said think aboutrestoring houses When they're in
the middle of their restoration.
Do they look beautiful or doesit look like a mess?
And I was like it looks like amess.
He was like that's what I dowith people.
(00:51):
I take their mess and I restoreit, and so that's what I pray
for.
That boy still is that he wouldhave restoration for what was
taken from it.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Sometimes you are so ashamed of your past prior to
accepting Christ that itprevents you from even remotely
considering serving others inany capacity.
Childhood trauma can beespecially damaging to our
self-esteem and the choices wemake in adulthood.
The truth is your past, whethershameful or painful, and that
(01:30):
moment when God reached downinto your despair to give you a
new life makes you incrediblypowerful in building God's
kingdom.
My guest today is a nurse,rachelle Neuenschwander.
She was born into a family of apastor, but childhood and
adolescent trauma threw her intoa spiral of nightmares,
(01:51):
depression and even attempts ofsuicide.
Her story, though, is anencouraging example how not only
she was able to overcome all ofthis, but also fulfilled her
lifelong dream of visiting Egyptand watched God use her past
and give her everything sheneeded to help the people she
(02:13):
encountered there.
Hello, rachelle, welcome to theLimitless Spirit Podcast.
How are you today?
I'm doing good.
How about you?
Doing wonderful, actuallyexcited to meet you in person
for the first time.
I heard a lot about you sinceyour adventure with us in Egypt,
your mission adventure, but Iwant to talk to you about your
(02:38):
testimony before we starttalking about missions, because
you know the theme of ourministry.
The slogan of our ministry ischange lives, change lives, so I
always love to hear how Jesuschanged a person's life, and,
from what I heard, you have avery powerful story, so let's
dive right into it.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Okay, so no holds barred, Let's go for it.
So, as was introduced, i'mRachelle Neuenschwander, i grew
up as a pastor's kid, and soyou're looking for.
How did you come to know Jesus?
That wasn't something that wasforeign.
Jesus was somebody I grew upwith.
(03:21):
But how did he come and changemy life?
How did he alter my thoughtsand my dreams?
That's different, that'sanother story.
So, growing up, when, fromyoung to three years old to mid
teens, i was virtually tormentedby nightmares and night terrors
(03:46):
, and day terrors as well.
To the point, if I wanted tocome up with the worst
punishment in the world for asibling, it would be to send him
to bed without praying for him,just because that was the worst
thing that could happen tosomebody.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
In my mind, Can you give an example of some of those
things that you saw in yourdreams or visions?
Speaker 2 (04:11):
So when I would have the nightmares and night terrors
, they would be largely sexualin nature And then occasionally
there'd be people morphing intobeasts that would come and eat
me.
I had a couple, like a distantfamily member, who she was
(04:37):
abusive to her kids And I waswitness to that, And so
sometimes she would morph into abeast and come and attack me.
In my dreams.
That would be like thenightmare aspect.
Like I said before, my parentswere pastors so they would
frequently pray over people,stuff like that.
(04:59):
So sometimes, if the spiritdetermined it didn't quite want
to be done with the person thatthey had tried to pray it out of
, it would come, talk to me atnight and intermingle with the
dreams.
So there are dreams that havedemonic influence as well as
(05:23):
sexual influence, and that wasjust kind of a lot to go through
.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
That had to be absolutely terrifying.
Oh my goodness, i can't evenimagine.
So how long did this last?
Speaker 2 (05:36):
That would have been a period of several years, and
one of the things that the devilwould tell me is if you tell
people what you're dreaming,they're going to think that
you're gross and disgusting forthinking of these things.
They're going to think that yourimagination is terrible, and so
they won't believe that youhave these dreams, that you're
just making this stuff up.
(05:57):
And so my family was obliviousto the fact that I was having
these.
They just knew that I startledeasy, like I was hyper-vigilant
to the point where if someonecame up behind me, they'd get an
elbow, or one of the thingsthat was extremely terrible to
(06:17):
me as a child was if somebodywould play with my hair.
I would immediately go intopanic mode, and that's something
that even my family todaythey'll be like.
If somebody's coming to try tobraid my hair or play with my
hair, they're like don't do that, they'll protect me now,
because they didn't know backthen that it was such an issue,
(06:40):
and so they were oblivious tothis.
So I don't blame them for notrealizing that I was in need of
more prayer and more building up.
It was just because of where Iwas at that time.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
You never shared this with anyone.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
I never shared it, and so what happened?
So, as far as I was getting moreand more depressed and more and
more withdrawn, to the pointwhere I was virtually suicidal
and I will admit to a fewattempts on my life, i was not
(07:24):
successful.
It was definitely somethingthat was.
I don't even know why I was notsuccessful, like obviously God
had a bigger plan for me becausethat should have worked.
And I do apologize, laughter ismy coping mechanism, so if you
(07:44):
find me laughing at weirdopportune times, that is not
because I think the story isfunny, that is because that's
how I can keep myself together alittle bit.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
Well, you're sharing something very personal,
rochelle, so no apologies areneeded, but how were you able to
break out of this?
This seems like a very, verytraumatic season in your life.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Yes.
So it's actually kind ofincredible for as far as the
nightmares and night terrors.
So I was at church and we werevisiting a church It wasn't our
normal church.
The pastor had been praying andthen he goes there's somebody
(08:26):
in this audience who's beenstruggling with dreams for years
and they've been tormentednight and day and they need a
way out.
If that's, you, raise your hand.
Now I'm not the type of personthat I like to do that.
I'm the last person to raise myhand, the last And so I was
like you know what?
I'm going to give it a littlebit and see if somebody else
(08:47):
raises their hand And then if hetakes that, then I'm going to
be good enough.
I don't want to share all thisstory, blindside my family, that
sort of thing.
So somebody else did raisetheir hand and he prayed for him
and he goes nope, that wasn'tit.
God's still saying there'ssomebody out there that needs
(09:08):
prayer.
And so I raised my hand and inthat moment I felt something
break and I felt like this heavyweight of darkness was lifted
off of me, and that is when Istarted.
(09:36):
That was the end pretty much ofthose nightmares.
Now, occasionally they'll beused as a warning, like if I
don't trust somebody, often I'llhave a dream about them.
That will either tip them oneway or the other.
But that's how those stopped.
(09:58):
Now, that wasn't my onlyexperience with depression and
suicidal thoughts and nightmares.
That also happened again after,when I was older, in a friend's
dad tried to sexually assaultme And that started the spiral
(10:23):
again.
I was trying to decide if Iwanted to.
At that point I was older, so Iwas trying to decide if I
wanted to drink myself out of it, if I wanted to kill myself out
of it, or if I wanted to workmyself out of it.
I was working like a hundredhour weeks, never sleeping,
never doing anything, and Istarted therapy.
(10:49):
I discovered that some of mynightmares from before were
attached to an assault when Iwas younger.
Actually, some of the things Ihad dubbed as nightmares were
actual happenings, whichactually.
But with that one I actuallyhad a vision in which Jesus came
(11:10):
to my room and was laying outgrace and peace And he was
picking up shame andself-loathing and discussed with
the circumstances.
And that experience of seeinghim pick up what I had falsely
claimed and lay out hiseverlasting love was
(11:37):
life-changing, and that was themoment where things switched for
me again And I could see theplans he had for my life.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
This is very powerful , rochelle, and thank you for
being so transparent about this,but unfortunately it happens so
frequently to kids where theygo through these deeply
traumatic experiences thataffect them for the rest of
their lives.
Sometimes their memory doesn'thelp them to remember what
(12:11):
happened.
They just know that they'resuffering and struggling.
It's all grounded back in whathappened to them in their
childhood and them beingcompletely innocent of even
understanding what's happening.
And that's where your testimony, i feel, was so powerful,
because God knows.
God knows the depths of ourheart better than we even know
(12:33):
ourselves And in his infinitelove, he goes there and he
restores the brokenness.
And this is completelyastounding.
When you think of God and howdeeply he cares for his children
and how he made this journeyafter you to bring you back from
(12:53):
this torment of darkness Andthe testimony like this, i feel
like he also empowered you to bea dynamite, you know, as far as
sharing him with others, youknow who would not be enthralled
with a story like this.
Listening to this, if I werenot familiar with the gospel at
(13:19):
all, i would think, wow, i wantto know this God.
I want to know this God whosaved Rachelle, and so I think
it's not an accident that he puta desire for missions in your
heart, desire to go to the mostparts of the world to share him
(13:39):
and his love.
And so that's how we got toknow you is because you joined
our mission to Egypt, so can youshare.
How did the desire even come?
Why Egypt?
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Why Egypt?
That's a little bit interesting.
So I have had Egypt as a bucketlist just because I'm kind of a
giant nerd and I love history.
So for nothing else I wanted togo there for that reason.
And then I also have been drawnto like Muslim Islamic areas.
(14:15):
Islamic areas in fact, when Iwent to Southeast Asia even that
was because of the persecutionof the Muslim people in Myanmar
at that time.
So I've kind of been drawn tothat.
And then I have through a weird, a weird fate moment, god
(14:38):
moment.
My current boss is Egyptian Andso I had been talking about
Egypt And then I, when I sawthat you guys had a mission trip
to Egypt, i was like I have togo, that's I have to go, and I
(14:58):
had just I had returned fromlittle pieces came together.
Yeah, everything lined up and Iwas like this I am, i am going
to go.
But it seems like as soon as Isaw that you guys had a trip
there I had had a greatexperience with you in Serbia I
was like I am going on this trip.
It wasn't like I hope God wantsme to go on this trip, i just
(15:21):
felt it in my heart that God didwant me to go and I am going.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
So things seem to align for you to go.
You knew in your heart that youwere supposed to go.
So what did you experience whenyou got there?
Was Egypt a thing that youthought of, or did it surprise
you in some ways?
Speaker 2 (15:42):
One of the things that was a huge surprise for me.
So one part that made mineunique is I got I had gone a few
days earlier than the tripstarted, so I got a vast
experience.
I got to see the refugees and Igot to see the doctors who have
their own private drivers andstuff like that.
(16:06):
So the part that surprised methe most was how you have the
vast differences in areas forone and in the economy of
various people there.
That was one of the I hadn'tquite expected to see that much
of a jump between people.
(16:29):
As far as what I experienced, iwould say that my favorite part
about Egypt is that it's such awarm culture.
Everybody's looking out for you.
Everybody's your uncle, youraunt.
It's very friendly, even whenyou go among the brokenness.
(16:49):
when you're doing your ministry, when you're serving with the
refugees, if you look for thatdeep seated caring spirit, it
ends up making it so much better.
I find that's usually how Iapproach.
(17:09):
ministry is more from what arethe positives that you have that
I can help draw out.
and doing the medical trips,seeing the various people And
there are various ones you couldtell that they just wanted a
little bit of TLC.
They wanted somebody who cared,who saw them and didn't just
(17:31):
see them as another number,another person, another person
among the people.
The, i would say, probably someof my favorite was with the
Syrian refugees.
that day was fun andinteresting seeing how the
Syrian culture was differentfrom the Egyptian culture And
(17:55):
you could tell that just in howthey interacted in that brief
meeting.
And that's something that'salways.
that's always interesting to mehow you can be in areas that
are relatively close but thefeel and the sense of the people
can be so different.
Speaker 3 (18:14):
This is very true.
Do you feel like your personalstory and the way that Jesus
drew you out of your darknessequips you to relate to certain
people Like have you experiencedthat in Egypt?
Speaker 2 (18:32):
I would say that it definitely one thing that it
helps me see people in a newlight and be able to draw people
out.
Is that because God has givenme the ability to see the war
between the worlds, the lightand the darkness fighting.
I can see people rather thanseeing the enemy that's on them.
(19:00):
And specifically with Egypt, iwould say that would be.
There was a man he had come inand I'm sure you probably heard
this story, but some of youlistening probably have too is
that there was a man he came inand he didn't want any women to
(19:22):
touch him.
He was like I don't want anywomen around, don't even look at
me.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
Like the In the medical clinic and the medical
clinic.
Yeah, into the medical clinicIn the medical clinic.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
He did not want any of the women, so there was a
male provider there and hedidn't want the nurse assistant
to look at him, touch himanything, so the male provider
had to provide every aspect ofcare.
And then that was something Iwas told.
I was in the prayer room me andJack Sunny and a couple of us
(19:57):
were in there together and theygave us a heads up that this guy
would be coming in for prayerAnd we gathered around and
started praying for him And ofcourse we were like trying to
even be respectful of the factthat he didn't want women around
(20:17):
, and we prayed over him and wesaw that spirit leave And we saw
it get off of him And in thatmoment he opens his eyes, he
lifts his head up and Sunny'sstanding in front of him Sunny
is a girl, if you don't know Andhe reaches his hands to her And
in that moment it was like Godopened his heart to receive love
(20:42):
from a woman again.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
That is something that I think is So he didn't
share with you.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
He didn't share with us what was the underlying issue
.
But you could kind of like Isaid, the world is kind of a
thin veil.
But when he walked in, i feltthe Holy Spirit tell me that I
(21:09):
have no way of verifying this.
This was just the Holy Spiritand I.
I felt the Holy Spirit tell methat his mother had wounded him
And his mother had hurt him in away that was incomprehensible.
(21:29):
So I, in that, rather thaninteracting with the spirit,
when I did my prayer, when I wasstanding in my quarter away to
give the respect needed, iwhispered that I was gonna be
(21:51):
willing to stand in the gap inthat, even though his mother
couldn't say sorry, that God wassorry that that had happened to
him.
in that Jesus and the fact thatGod is gender fluid, in that
moment he needed the God thatcould heal the spot that a woman
(22:13):
had broken.
And so I felt in that momentthat God had embodied the spirit
of peace and went over to himto offer his peace and blessing
in areas of brokenness.
Speaker 3 (22:28):
See, i think this is powerful because I always feel
like when God calls us to dosomething, and particularly
since we're talking aboutmissions, you know, when God
calls us to a certain country ora certain place at a specific
time, our job is not to missthis opportunity, because God
(22:48):
uniquely selects us for certaindestinations, certain moments in
time And your story, you know.
I don't know that there wasanother person on that team who
was equipped to, like you said,stand in the gap for this man
and pray for his healing andrestoration And imagine if you
(23:12):
would have missed that.
You know, i feel like Godaccomplishes his plan regardless
of whether we're complicit withit or not.
He has a way of working thingsout.
But you would have missed outon something very special,
because your pain and thesuffering that you have gone
through equipped you to besensitive, to be in tune with
(23:35):
people who are maybe dealingwith something similar, and it
was just this perfect momentwhere you know everything that
you have gone through suddenlymakes sense, because God allows
you to bring something good outof that, and this is how I see
the whole Great Commissionworking.
You know, having done this forover 25 years and observing, you
(23:59):
know so many people that Godcalls on the mission field, and
how He uses every experience inour lives, both painful and good
, to bring something gloriousout of this.
It never ceases to amaze me,and you chose just the most
perfect moment.
I'm sure there were many momentsduring that trip, but this is
(24:21):
just the most perfect example.
And, wow, you may havecompletely changed this man's
life just by being obedient.
You know, who knows?
We don't know his story, but hemay have not been able to have
normal relationships, maybe noteven married, and this may have
(24:42):
completely changed the course ofhis life.
So, aside from this experience,what are some of your most
favorite moments of the Egypttrip?
Speaker 2 (24:54):
Let me see here.
One of the moments that made melike I would.
It's hard to call it a favorite, but it opened something up to
me that it broke me was when wewere working with the Sudanese
refugees.
There was a little boy.
(25:15):
His mom brought him in And hewas about roughly six And he had
been talking when he was twoand three years old and then
stopped And I was like askingquestions And I was trying to.
(25:38):
I was like did he get hit?
Did he?
Was there some sort of like?
obviously they're refugees.
So it felt dumb like asking wasthere some sort of trauma, was
there any of that?
And the mom was sitting there,just So you felt like he was in
extra pain.
(26:00):
Yeah, like it felt to me likemore than just inability to
speak.
It felt like there wassomething that caused this
inability to speak And so I wastrying to figure out a reason.
The mom's just telling me no,nothing ever happened.
He's fine, and I was likenothing ever happened to your
(26:23):
refugees, but I didn't pressthat at all.
But then the translator turnedto me and said she told me not
to tell you, but the speechstopped pretty soon after.
They were tortured, theirfamily was tortured, and it just
seemed like I don't have afeel-good story about that.
(26:44):
We didn't pray and God restoredhis speech.
We didn't.
We did pray for him, but thespeech was still missing.
But in that moment I can'timagine It broke me to the fear
that the mother must be feelingif, when you're being directly
asked, did something happen?
You have to have such a strongspirit of fear or feeling a fear
(27:06):
from past happenings to losesight of the fact that, oh, this
might actually be important AndI pray for that family still
that they would know That theywould have peace, that they
would have the ability of God'srestoration in their life.
That's one thing that God hasrevealed to me whenever I am
(27:31):
personally going through, or I'mhelping somebody else go
through a period of time whereit feels like they're having to
take apart their most brokenness, their biggest brokenness.
And one time I was like God,this is a mess, what I'm looking
at is a mess.
And he said think aboutrestoring houses When they're in
(27:55):
the middle of their restoration.
Did they look beautiful or doesit look like a mess?
And I was like it looks like amess.
He was like that's what I dowith people I take their mass
and I restore it, and so that'swhat I pray for.
that boy still is that he wouldhave restoration for what was
(28:17):
taken from it.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
This is very, very powerful.
Rochelle, thank you so much forsharing this And thank you for
being obedient to God's call andresponding when He calls you.
I look forward to many moremissions with you and watching
God use you for His glory, andthank you again for coming on
(28:38):
the interview.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
Thanks very much.
Speaker 3 (28:41):
Rochelle pointed out that our life looks like a mess
while we're in the process ofrestoration.
The beauty that comes out inthe end is always connected with
the fact that this very messequips us to feel the pain of
others and know how to connectwith them and offer help.
(29:02):
The Great Commission is thepath that Jesus laid before us
to experience this restorationand redemption of our past.
This is why, at World MissionsAlliance, we want to give you
and everyone else whose life hasbeen touched by Christ a chance
to help someone else.
Visit our website, rfwaorg, andfind out how you can have the
(29:29):
same experience as Rochelle, andif your life is still a mess
and you want to know how toinvite Jesus into your life, we
want to help you do this.
Simply visit our website,rfwaorg and send us an email and
we will reach out to you.
I hope you join next week tohear another exciting episode.
(29:53):
Until next time, i'm Helen Todd.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
Limitless Spirit Podcast is produced by World
Missions Alliance.
We believe that changed liveschange lives.
If you want to see your lifetransformed by Christ's love, or
if you want to help those whoare hurting and hopeless and
discover your greater purpose inserving Christ through
short-term missionary work,check out our website, rfwaorg,
(30:17):
and find out how to get involved.
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