May 20, 2025 • 20 mins
Ever wonder why your perfectly cared-for child seems inexplicably irritable, clingy, or defiant? The surprising truth is that children—even infants—experience significant stress through the same physiological mechanisms as adults, but express it in ways we often misinterpret or miss entirely.
This eye-opening exploration of childhood stress reveals how developing nervous systems respond to everything from separation anxiety to overstimulation. With cortisol levels rising just like in adults, children manifest stress through behavioral changes and physical symptoms that serve as important clues for attentive parents. For babies, it might appear as excessive crying, digestive issues, or sleep disturbances. Older children might develop mysterious headaches, regression behaviors, or academic struggles that have no obvious medical cause.
The modern childhood experience contains numerous stress triggers that previous generations didn't face in the same intensity. From excessive screen time creating harmful dopamine cycles to overscheduled days that mimic adult work environments, children today navigate a landscape that their nervous systems aren't evolutionarily equipped to handle. Research consistently shows that even normal separations from parents, especially in children under three, can create measurable stress responses that manifest as behavioral challenges. Family tensions, academic pressures, and social difficulties add additional layers to this complex picture.
Fortunately, simple yet powerful strategies can help children develop emotional resilience. Consistent routines provide the predictability children crave. Mindful approaches to screen management prevent overstimulation. Physical touch—from ordinary hugs to gentle pediatric chiropractic care—helps regulate the nervous system. Teaching children breathing techniques (like blowing up an imaginary balloon) gives them practical self-regulation tools they can use independently. Creating calm environments with appropriate sensory outlets allows their developing brains the space to process emotions safely.
What stress-management techniques have you found effective with your children? Share your experience and join a community of parents committed to raising emotionally resilient kids who can navigate life's inevitable challenges with confidence and calm.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Today we're talking about a topic that is often
missed stress in children andeven infants.
What does it look like, whatcauses it and how can we help
our kids feel seen, heard andsafe?
Thanks for tuning in to anotherepisode of Living a Full Life.
I'm Dr Enrico Bocicori andwe'll be going into stress in
children.
I had a patient come in a weekago that listened to our last
(00:25):
podcast about stress and said,hey, how do I know if my
five-year-old is stressed,outside of the typical
conversations that we have, andI said that's such a great
question, let's do a podcast onit.
Can children and infants reallybe stressed?
We always joke about food beingdelivered to them.
They get chauffeured everywherethey want to go.
They get their diapers changed.
Food being delivered to them,they get chauffeured everywhere
they want to go.
They get their diapers changed.
(00:46):
How could they possibly bestressed?
Being a kid has got to be thebest thing in the world, but
absolutely can infants andchildren be stressed?
These stress responses are justlike adults, but they show it
differently, often throughbehaviors and physical symptoms.
That's what kids do, but thescience behind stress for
infants and children is theexact same as it is in adults.
(01:08):
The stress response willactually cause an increase in
cortisol levels.
It will cause an increase instress response.
The nervous system is stilldeveloping at those ages and
these stresses that they gothrough can have long-term
effects if they become chronic.
And the younger the child, themore they feel stress without
(01:30):
being able to express it becausethey don't have the
communication skills as an olderchild.
So yeah, we absolutely canexperience stress at all levels
and all times in our lives.
But how do we see it?
So let's talk about infants andtoddlers first.
With their stress, they'll showcertain symptoms that may seem
obvious to some and maybe not toothers, but increased crying or
(01:53):
irritability.
As a parent, you typically knowthat crying usually means
something wrong.
Something is hurting, they'rein pain, they're in discomfort,
something's up or they'reirritable because they're
fighting something anddiscomfort.
A fever, whatever may beswelling, and that can cause
stress in itself and that'stheir response.
They may have things likedifficulty sleeping or
(02:13):
difficulty feeding.
That can be a stress responseas well.
Reflux, constipation anddigestive issues are stress as
well, and if they're overlyclingy or without withdrawn
behavior, they can be stressedas well.
So these are four differentcategories.
We always default to thinkingthat something's wrong or
they're hurting when it comes tolike reflux or constipation.
(02:36):
But these things are showing astress digestive system, a
stress nervous system and whatwe need to do is try and figure
out where the stress is comingfrom.
With infants, mothers are intune and they usually look at
the foods that they eat that maybe transferring through the
breast milk, causing thedigestion or constipation, the
reflex.
They become a little bit morein tune with their body and the
(02:57):
baby's body and try and figureout what's going on, because
those primitive times are verybasic Food, water, shelter,
temperature times are very basicFood, water, shelter,
temperature.
Those are the things you'relooking at to help an infant.
But as they become into atoddler or older child they may
get things like headaches orstomach aches with no medical
cause.
They may be sent for a scan.
(03:17):
Sometimes when kids haveheadaches, we rush them to MRIs
a little bit faster than we dowith adults, because headaches
in kids is not normal and thoseMRIs will come back.
Clear Tantrums, aggression,defiance, regression, sometimes
like bedwetting, may come back.
Thumb sucking may come back.
Trouble focusing or doing wellin school all of a sudden, and
(03:38):
then some social withdrawal.
You'll see this in the olderchildren, the four and above,
and these are clues as parentsto maybe look into and be like,
hey, what's going on?
Opening up a discussion andremembering that a child under
the age of eight may not havethe communication skills to
verbally express what it isthat's truly stressing them out,
but they may be able to expresshow they feel, which is
fantastic and a great steppingstone for many of the kids.
(04:00):
But under two, if they can'ttalk yet and they can't get full
sentences out, we have to be intune of what causes stress in
kids, to be more focal and adaptparents.
That's the whole point of this.
How can we help them as theadults in the relationship?
(04:21):
So you know what causes stressin kids.
The main things in our societyis separation from parents or
inconsistent caregiving.
A lot of research shows andthis does not put a blanket
statement or judgment on parentsthat do send their kids to
daycare, but Kids under the ageof three that are separated from
their kids and do spend moretime in daycare show more signs
of stress, defiance andbehavioral issues than kids who
(04:43):
don't.
We've documented this acrossmany different countries around
the world.
It's published, it's recorded,we know this, and especially in
child psychology.
They will agree on thatstatement that the separation
portion causes stress in itself.
How many of you remember takingyour two-year-old or your
three-year-old to an aunt or anuncle for the first time and
they showed that cleanliness,that attachment, because they're
(05:06):
treating the family as astranger and that's stranger
danger.
And that's a natural responsefor a child to protect itself.
It's like you're not my mom,you're not my dad, you're not my
sibling, you're scary.
And that's their response.
So they have the separationanxiety from that.
Overstimulation is probably themost common stress response
(05:26):
we're seeing in our societyright now with kids is that
they're overstimulated withscreens, noise and too many
changes, too fast, too rapidly.
Their life's not consistent.
They got to go run and do this,do that.
They're on this screen on thattablet.
They got to finish theirhomework.
They got to go run and do this,do that.
They're on this screen on thattablet.
They got to finish theirhomework.
They got to do all these things.
They're in an adult type workenvironment at a very young age
(05:47):
and we need to maybe regulatethe things that we can control.
Homework needs to get done.
Academia needs to get done.
However, screen time can becontrolled, don't need to have
screens.
We don't need to have screensat all under the age of five.
So really minimizing these canreally help your child overall.
With their stress response, yousee a lot of kids more anxious,
more stressed, more reserved,more socially declined and
(06:10):
taking them longer to getadaptable in social scenarios,
mainly because of the tech era,we'd say over the last 15 years
we've noticed the kids that areon their phones.
Started with my generation withvideo games, computers, I mean.
It all started with themillennials, but now, with the
Gen Zs and they having kids,we're seeing them on their
tablets a lot more.
(06:30):
So birth trauma birth trauma aswell.
What about the physical things?
Birth is traumatic.
That's a full sentence rightthere.
It's traumatic for mom, it'straumatic for the baby.
It's a tough process, no matterwhich way you want to look at
this, whether it's a naturaldelivery, cesarean section, an
emergency medical complications,whatever it is.
Even the most natural andbeautiful birth is a stressful
(06:52):
process to get through thatcanal.
So that can be traumatic orearly medical procedures they're
necessary but they do causestress.
Sometimes they can leave thechild with chronic stress
Tension in the home.
Kids feel this.
Kids are very empathetic.
At early stages of life.
Empathy is the first energetickind of feeling that the kids
(07:13):
are starting to understand isthe empathy of people around
them and how they're feeling andthey're testing to see.
Trying to understand is theempathy of people around them
and how they're feeling andthey're testing to see and
that's what builds theircharacter over time is by
sensing the empathy of otherpeople, sensing their emotions,
to determine how they shouldhave an emotion in that moment.
So really important.
If they're around people andtension all the time, they're
(07:34):
going to become more rockcharacteristics which may serve
them in the future in certainways but in other ways may make
them more reserved people asthey grow up.
So tension in the home.
Even if they don't understandit, they truly do feel it.
As we get into the olderchildren five and up, we'll say
school age children they startgetting into academic pressures.
(07:55):
We got third grade, fasttesting.
By third grade they're doinggovernment testing, bullying or
social struggles at school,starting to become making friend
groups.
Bullying is probably one of themost stressful things that can
happen to a child in their youngage and, as a parent, standing
(08:16):
up immediately to this and zerotolerance policy is really
important and going to theadministration at the school,
wherever they're being taught,and standing up for your child
and standing up for zerotolerance.
I mean, most schools follow azero tolerance bully guideline.
Now they're at state level andfederal levels on this.
(08:36):
They have to have some types ofpolicies in place.
All you need to do is juststand up nicely and go to the
administration and say my kid'sbeing bullied.
I'm standing up against this.
I say no right now.
What are we going to do to makethis change immediately today?
And that's what you would do.
I've done it myself.
Family conflict or divorcethat's very stressful for kids.
That's pretty, given.
(08:57):
Lack of routine, poor sleepbuilds up chronic stress in our
children as well, and physicalhealth issues and diet-related
imbalances.
Some of you may be listeningright now and be like, oh man,
we're going through a couple ofthose things ourselves.
That's tough and you feel sadfor your kids.
It's life, it's the reality.
What we're doing is bringingawareness and consciousness to
this to make ourselves betterhuman beings.
(09:18):
And as being a better humanbeing and understanding our
surroundings, we can be betterparents, we can be better
spouses, we can be betterneighbors, we can be better
people.
That's the whole point ofknowledge.
Don't make yourself feel bad Ifyou're going through any of
this stuff and your children'sgoing through any of this stuff.
Maybe they went to daycare atlike six months old and they've
been in daycare for the last fewyears.
You're not a bad parent but byknowing this, maybe cultivating
(09:41):
more love and more emotion.
You love your kids.
You always love your kids, butmore emotion when they come home
and say, hey, tell me aboutyour day, how was it?
Did you make any new friends?
What was the great stuff thathappened?
It was the funnest part of theday today.
And if they tell you somethingacknowledging it, like, wow, man
, that sounds like that was aton of fun.
You mean, you moved the truckin the sand, did you bury it?
(10:02):
Yeah, we buried it.
That was awesome.
And then just kind of engagingwith their experience of it
being something awesome.
So they are reinsured.
That was a good moment, thatwas a great day.
That's how they can feel,reinsured, even though they're
separated from you for a portionof the day.
That's a great way of doingthat.
So many ways we can help asparents.
(10:22):
This is the exciting portion ofthe podcast is you know,
recognize and acknowledge thestress, just like that, the
truck in the sandbox, and thenthey were bullied and the other
kid took the truck from them andthat made them feel sad.
Instead of minimizing thatyou're fine, don't worry about
it, Kids do that.
There's bullies sometimes.
Stand up for yourself.
What you want to do is validatetheir feelings instead.
(10:45):
It's okay to feel upset.
I'm here to listen to you.
How did that make you feel?
What do you think of that kid?
How have they been treating youso far?
And whatever they say about thatother kid, be like hey, how do
you treat other kids around thethe school?
How are you doing that?
And they may say somethingpositive and you want to
reinforce them.
That's I'm really proud of you.
I'm really proud of you.
Treat kids the way you want tobe treated.
(11:05):
So leave little johnny uh alone.
He might be going through somestuff.
Ask him how he's doing tomorrow.
Next time you guys play, if hedoes anything, or if you're just
playing with him, say hey,johnny, how are you today?
Even if they're four years old,they're going to try it.
They're pretty cool, or theymay not.
They may completely forgot whatyou said the night before, it
doesn't matter.
Create consistent routines.
(11:26):
This one's fantastic Kidsthrive in routine.
It decreases their stressimmediately because they can
almost predict what's happeningnext.
My kids now look at the clockat dinnertime like, oh, it's
7.10.
It's time for bedtime.
It was 7 o'clock.
We're trying to wrap it up, wewrap up the day, we wrap up
dinner and we're making our wayup for bedtime.
(11:47):
Routine Baths, brush teeth,bedtime stories and they know
that and it's been like thattheir whole lives.
My oldest is 10 and a half yearsold and she has not seen
another bedtime in her wholelife at seven, like her life is
like oh, the world ends, theworld stops, at seven o'clock pm
.
So she assumes that.
So if we're ever out later,she's like, wow, we're still out
(12:08):
.
We have people still out at8.30 too.
Yeah, but it's a consistentroutine that they have.
That's the reason why we keepit hard.
A hard line on that is becausewe want them to know.
And then by 8, we're fallingasleep.
We're wrapping up all thetalking and the books and we're
falling asleep.
It's time for bedtime becausewe want to get at least 10 hours
of sleep.
They know that If you ask them,you put my 8-year-old aside, my
(12:30):
6-year-old aside, or a10-year-old.
They're all going to say, yeah,I'm trying to get 10 hours or
more sleep.
That's the.
I wake up at six.
How many hours is that?
I'm like it's 10 hours.
They're like, oh good, good,good, I'm doing good because I
wake up at 6.15.
So that's what we do for ourkids is one little thing to make
a routine is bedtime.
That's one.
(12:50):
Two by knowing what to expect,their anxiety just naturally
goes down.
Number three reduceoverstimulation.
Screens, I know are at the topof the list as far as
stimulation.
Screen time is probably themost devastating thing that's
going on right now.
These kids are being suckedinto a dopamine flush.
(13:11):
A dopamine flush is bad.
For those of you before themillennials, gen X, baby boomers
, this would be like grabbing abag of candy sitting on the
couch and I don't know if youwould stare at your Lego set or
something, or your toy truck andeating the bag of candy, one
piece of candy at a time, everyfew seconds, every few seconds.
(13:35):
Aside from diabetes and obesity, what would that do to your
brain?
It just be a constant dopaminehit of sugar tooth.
Right, and it's the same thingthis generation.
Instead of the candy, they gotfiltered water and alkaline,
this and uh electro like that.
Um, they have these screens.
And the dopamine flush is soreal.
(13:56):
It is so real.
You can see a child change itsbehavior within weeks of
starting to use a screen.
We've noticed that personallywith our 10-year-old.
She got her first screen iPadfor Christmas and it's a few
months later and I'm alreadylike, oh, hang on a second, your
attitude and everything isalready changing.
They're saying cool, so we havelimits.
(14:17):
Now we have screen time limitsduring the week 45 minutes total
per day.
So you can break that up intothree 15 minute blocks or just
completely take it away and havedetox times as well.
So limit that screen time.
Noisy environments we need quietenvironments for our kids.
The bedroom should be a safeplace, wherever they sleep
(14:37):
should be a safe place, and wewant to make sure it's quiet
environment for that.
And then rushing from activityto activity this is more of a
family thing.
The rush of the family of justalways being late, always being
behind, come on, get into thecar all the time creates not
only stress for the parents, butit does rub off on the kids too
, cause now they're alwaysrushing around.
Sometimes you do that rushing.
They just do not move, theyjust want to keep playing.
But uh, always having that rush, rush lifestyle is tough for
(14:58):
everybody.
Always having that rushlifestyle is tough for everybody
.
Number four model healthy coping.
Some of you I got my hand up aswell don't cope well.
We get angry.
We have other things.
We got to teach our kids tobreathe, you know, let kids
breathe, stop and breathe, talkabout your own stress calmly and
prioritize self-care.
(15:19):
But breathe with your kids.
Teach them to breathe as wellonce they get tough, once things
get tough for them.
So healthy coping is reallysimple.
I'm going to leave one tip foryou is breathing, getting your
kid to stop, just breathe,breathe, calm down.
And then we move into physicaltouch and connection.
This is where we get into theempathy part of the brain to
physical touch and connection.
This is where we get into theempathy of part of the brain.
(15:41):
Hugs, baby wearing,co-regulation, gentle
chiropractic care for thenervous system these are all
physical touch modalities thathelp in connecting the nervous
system back to a homeostaticspace of less stress and less
anxiety.
So that touch comes a long way.
(16:03):
A hug can go such a long way.
If you've had a good hugrecently, I should say I'm sure
you've had a good hug.
But if you recently had thatgood hug, remember that Maybe
your spouse was there and giveyou that hug and immediately you
feel that stress come off yourshoulders, even if it's just for
a few minutes.
Well, how great is that?
Right, it's insurmountable foryour kids.
It's a huge, huge thing foryour kids to get that good hug
(16:25):
from mom and dad.
So it goes a long way.
And how easy is that?
To just breathe, get a hug.
And lastly, but probably one ofthe most important, is nutrition
and movement.
Diets high in sugar, artificialingredients can make anxiety
worse.
You guys have read theliterature.
You've listened to my otherpodcasts red dye, blue dyes,
yellow dyes and what happens tobehavior instantly?
(16:47):
High fructose, corn syrup, highsaturated sugars, high dense
sugars they're added everywherein our foods.
We've got to be careful withthis.
It's a dopamine flush when thathappens.
So what we need to do isencourage play, outdoor time,
sunshine and movement.
Whatever they find fine If it'sclimbing a tree, if it's
playing on the playground, ifit's being outside, if it's
(17:09):
pushing the bubble lawn sorry,whatever age they're at.
Getting them moving justreleases anxiety and stress for
them and it's good for you tooto see your kid riding their
bike and playing outside.
It's just, it's a great thing.
You've got to make time forthat and substitute that for
screens.
They're doing nothing on thescreens.
It's going to make anything ofany value for sure.
(17:30):
Bonus stuff too.
You know we got some breathingexercises for kids that you can
blow up an imaginary balloon.
So when people ask, I know thequestions will come.
You know what are you talkingabout.
Breathing for kids.
Blow up an imaginary balloon.
Just hold your hands up, blowinto your hand and pretend like
you're blowing up a balloon.
Big, deep breath in.
Blow one good breath out.
Big deep breath in.
(17:52):
Blow another one out.
Say how big do you think thisballoon is going to get, even
though it's imaginary?
That's a great way of teachingthem how to breathe, maybe in
anger, maybe even for fun.
Teaching them when they're in agood mood is a good way to get
them to learn the skill, ratherthan when they've already blown
up and need to calm down.
They're not going to listen toyou in that moment.
They're not going to pretend toblow up a balloon in their
hands.
So if you teach them that andit becomes a part, or maybe
(18:14):
something you even do.
They may do it too.
Picking books or readingstories that help kids identify
their emotions these are great.
Picking emotionally intelligentbooks can help kids at a young
age and there's never too earlyto start for that.
Those are great too.
Pediatric chiropractic care forcalming the nervous system
that's the number one thing wesee in our office by helping
(18:36):
people.
Chiropractic for kids by acertified pediatric chiropractor
is absolutely wonderful.
It's nothing like you see onthe YouTube channels.
As far as adjusting, usually weuse integrators, activators,
gentle touch.
I love adjusting the infants.
They're just second jello.
It's so fun and super gentleand we love doing that.
(18:59):
You can just see them melt inyour hands.
It's wonderful to be able tohelp them do that influence into
their nervous systems.
It's fantastic.
And then having safe sensorytools like a weighted blanket,
safe fidget toys, quiet spacesfor our kids those are wonderful
ways to help teach them oncoping and helping them with
their anxiety.
So children's stress is realand it's often silent.
(19:20):
When we understand how to spotit and respond, we give our kids
the best shot at emotionalresilience and long-term
well-being.
So I invite you to follow upwith us.
Let us know how you do yourfamily's de-stress routine.
Maybe it'll help other familiestoo.
Share, leave a review.
Leave a comment.
(19:40):
This is a great episode.
To leave a comment.
Tell us what you learned andwhat you may do in your home to
help with your children.
You're all great parents.
We're just giving you moretools to help you through these
stressful times, stressful life.
It's tough being a parent andmanaging all these things, but
you're doing great.
I know you are.
Hopefully that was helpful.
Stay well, stay healthy, takecare.
Today we're talking about a topic that is often
missed stress in children andeven infants.
What does it look like, whatcauses it and how can we help
our kids feel seen, heard andsafe?
Thanks for tuning in to anotherepisode of Living a Full Life.
I'm Dr Enrico Bocicori andwe'll be going into stress in
children.
I had a patient come in a weekago that listened to our last
(00:25):
podcast about stress and said,hey, how do I know if my
five-year-old is stressed,outside of the typical
conversations that we have, andI said that's such a great
question, let's do a podcast onit.
Can children and infants reallybe stressed?
We always joke about food beingdelivered to them.
They get chauffeured everywherethey want to go.
They get their diapers changed.
Food being delivered to them,they get chauffeured everywhere
they want to go.
They get their diapers changed.
(00:46):
How could they possibly bestressed?
Being a kid has got to be thebest thing in the world, but
absolutely can infants andchildren be stressed?
These stress responses are justlike adults, but they show it
differently, often throughbehaviors and physical symptoms.
That's what kids do, but thescience behind stress for
infants and children is theexact same as it is in adults.
(01:08):
The stress response willactually cause an increase in
cortisol levels.
It will cause an increase instress response.
The nervous system is stilldeveloping at those ages and
these stresses that they gothrough can have long-term
effects if they become chronic.
And the younger the child, themore they feel stress without
(01:30):
being able to express it becausethey don't have the
communication skills as an olderchild.
So yeah, we absolutely canexperience stress at all levels
and all times in our lives.
But how do we see it?
So let's talk about infants andtoddlers first.
With their stress, they'll showcertain symptoms that may seem
obvious to some and maybe not toothers, but increased crying or
(01:53):
irritability.
As a parent, you typically knowthat crying usually means
something wrong.
Something is hurting, they'rein pain, they're in discomfort,
something's up or they'reirritable because they're
fighting something anddiscomfort.
A fever, whatever may beswelling, and that can cause
stress in itself and that'stheir response.
They may have things likedifficulty sleeping or
(02:13):
difficulty feeding.
That can be a stress responseas well.
Reflux, constipation anddigestive issues are stress as
well, and if they're overlyclingy or without withdrawn
behavior, they can be stressedas well.
So these are four differentcategories.
We always default to thinkingthat something's wrong or
they're hurting when it comes tolike reflux or constipation.
(02:36):
But these things are showing astress digestive system, a
stress nervous system and whatwe need to do is try and figure
out where the stress is comingfrom.
With infants, mothers are intune and they usually look at
the foods that they eat that maybe transferring through the
breast milk, causing thedigestion or constipation, the
reflex.
They become a little bit morein tune with their body and the
(02:57):
baby's body and try and figureout what's going on, because
those primitive times are verybasic Food, water, shelter,
temperature times are very basicFood, water, shelter,
temperature.
Those are the things you'relooking at to help an infant.
But as they become into atoddler or older child they may
get things like headaches orstomach aches with no medical
cause.
They may be sent for a scan.
(03:17):
Sometimes when kids haveheadaches, we rush them to MRIs
a little bit faster than we dowith adults, because headaches
in kids is not normal and thoseMRIs will come back.
Clear Tantrums, aggression,defiance, regression, sometimes
like bedwetting, may come back.
Thumb sucking may come back.
Trouble focusing or doing wellin school all of a sudden, and
(03:38):
then some social withdrawal.
You'll see this in the olderchildren, the four and above,
and these are clues as parentsto maybe look into and be like,
hey, what's going on?
Opening up a discussion andremembering that a child under
the age of eight may not havethe communication skills to
verbally express what it isthat's truly stressing them out,
but they may be able to expresshow they feel, which is
fantastic and a great steppingstone for many of the kids.
(04:00):
But under two, if they can'ttalk yet and they can't get full
sentences out, we have to be intune of what causes stress in
kids, to be more focal and adaptparents.
That's the whole point of this.
How can we help them as theadults in the relationship?
(04:21):
So you know what causes stressin kids.
The main things in our societyis separation from parents or
inconsistent caregiving.
A lot of research shows andthis does not put a blanket
statement or judgment on parentsthat do send their kids to
daycare, but Kids under the ageof three that are separated from
their kids and do spend moretime in daycare show more signs
of stress, defiance andbehavioral issues than kids who
(04:43):
don't.
We've documented this acrossmany different countries around
the world.
It's published, it's recorded,we know this, and especially in
child psychology.
They will agree on thatstatement that the separation
portion causes stress in itself.
How many of you remember takingyour two-year-old or your
three-year-old to an aunt or anuncle for the first time and
they showed that cleanliness,that attachment, because they're
(05:06):
treating the family as astranger and that's stranger
danger.
And that's a natural responsefor a child to protect itself.
It's like you're not my mom,you're not my dad, you're not my
sibling, you're scary.
And that's their response.
So they have the separationanxiety from that.
Overstimulation is probably themost common stress response
(05:26):
we're seeing in our societyright now with kids is that
they're overstimulated withscreens, noise and too many
changes, too fast, too rapidly.
Their life's not consistent.
They got to go run and do this,do that.
They're on this screen on thattablet.
They got to finish theirhomework.
They got to go run and do this,do that.
They're on this screen on thattablet.
They got to finish theirhomework.
They got to do all these things.
They're in an adult type workenvironment at a very young age
(05:47):
and we need to maybe regulatethe things that we can control.
Homework needs to get done.
Academia needs to get done.
However, screen time can becontrolled, don't need to have
screens.
We don't need to have screensat all under the age of five.
So really minimizing these canreally help your child overall.
With their stress response, yousee a lot of kids more anxious,
more stressed, more reserved,more socially declined and
(06:10):
taking them longer to getadaptable in social scenarios,
mainly because of the tech era,we'd say over the last 15 years
we've noticed the kids that areon their phones.
Started with my generation withvideo games, computers, I mean.
It all started with themillennials, but now, with the
Gen Zs and they having kids,we're seeing them on their
tablets a lot more.
(06:30):
So birth trauma birth trauma aswell.
What about the physical things?
Birth is traumatic.
That's a full sentence rightthere.
It's traumatic for mom, it'straumatic for the baby.
It's a tough process, no matterwhich way you want to look at
this, whether it's a naturaldelivery, cesarean section, an
emergency medical complications,whatever it is.
Even the most natural andbeautiful birth is a stressful
(06:52):
process to get through thatcanal.
So that can be traumatic orearly medical procedures they're
necessary but they do causestress.
Sometimes they can leave thechild with chronic stress
Tension in the home.
Kids feel this.
Kids are very empathetic.
At early stages of life.
Empathy is the first energetickind of feeling that the kids
(07:13):
are starting to understand isthe empathy of people around
them and how they're feeling andthey're testing to see.
Trying to understand is theempathy of people around them
and how they're feeling andthey're testing to see and
that's what builds theircharacter over time is by
sensing the empathy of otherpeople, sensing their emotions,
to determine how they shouldhave an emotion in that moment.
So really important.
If they're around people andtension all the time, they're
(07:34):
going to become more rockcharacteristics which may serve
them in the future in certainways but in other ways may make
them more reserved people asthey grow up.
So tension in the home.
Even if they don't understandit, they truly do feel it.
As we get into the olderchildren five and up, we'll say
school age children they startgetting into academic pressures.
(07:55):
We got third grade, fasttesting.
By third grade they're doinggovernment testing, bullying or
social struggles at school,starting to become making friend
groups.
Bullying is probably one of themost stressful things that can
happen to a child in their youngage and, as a parent, standing
(08:16):
up immediately to this and zerotolerance policy is really
important and going to theadministration at the school,
wherever they're being taught,and standing up for your child
and standing up for zerotolerance.
I mean, most schools follow azero tolerance bully guideline.
Now they're at state level andfederal levels on this.
(08:36):
They have to have some types ofpolicies in place.
All you need to do is juststand up nicely and go to the
administration and say my kid'sbeing bullied.
I'm standing up against this.
I say no right now.
What are we going to do to makethis change immediately today?
And that's what you would do.
I've done it myself.
Family conflict or divorcethat's very stressful for kids.
That's pretty, given.
(08:57):
Lack of routine, poor sleepbuilds up chronic stress in our
children as well, and physicalhealth issues and diet-related
imbalances.
Some of you may be listeningright now and be like, oh man,
we're going through a couple ofthose things ourselves.
That's tough and you feel sadfor your kids.
It's life, it's the reality.
What we're doing is bringingawareness and consciousness to
this to make ourselves betterhuman beings.
(09:18):
And as being a better humanbeing and understanding our
surroundings, we can be betterparents, we can be better
spouses, we can be betterneighbors, we can be better
people.
That's the whole point ofknowledge.
Don't make yourself feel bad Ifyou're going through any of
this stuff and your children'sgoing through any of this stuff.
Maybe they went to daycare atlike six months old and they've
been in daycare for the last fewyears.
You're not a bad parent but byknowing this, maybe cultivating
(09:41):
more love and more emotion.
You love your kids.
You always love your kids, butmore emotion when they come home
and say, hey, tell me aboutyour day, how was it?
Did you make any new friends?
What was the great stuff thathappened?
It was the funnest part of theday today.
And if they tell you somethingacknowledging it, like, wow, man
, that sounds like that was aton of fun.
You mean, you moved the truckin the sand, did you bury it?
(10:02):
Yeah, we buried it.
That was awesome.
And then just kind of engagingwith their experience of it
being something awesome.
So they are reinsured.
That was a good moment, thatwas a great day.
That's how they can feel,reinsured, even though they're
separated from you for a portionof the day.
That's a great way of doingthat.
So many ways we can help asparents.
(10:22):
This is the exciting portion ofthe podcast is you know,
recognize and acknowledge thestress, just like that, the
truck in the sandbox, and thenthey were bullied and the other
kid took the truck from them andthat made them feel sad.
Instead of minimizing thatyou're fine, don't worry about
it, Kids do that.
There's bullies sometimes.
Stand up for yourself.
What you want to do is validatetheir feelings instead.
(10:45):
It's okay to feel upset.
I'm here to listen to you.
How did that make you feel?
What do you think of that kid?
How have they been treating youso far?
And whatever they say about thatother kid, be like hey, how do
you treat other kids around thethe school?
How are you doing that?
And they may say somethingpositive and you want to
reinforce them.
That's I'm really proud of you.
I'm really proud of you.
Treat kids the way you want tobe treated.
(11:05):
So leave little johnny uh alone.
He might be going through somestuff.
Ask him how he's doing tomorrow.
Next time you guys play, if hedoes anything, or if you're just
playing with him, say hey,johnny, how are you today?
Even if they're four years old,they're going to try it.
They're pretty cool, or theymay not.
They may completely forgot whatyou said the night before, it
doesn't matter.
Create consistent routines.
(11:26):
This one's fantastic Kidsthrive in routine.
It decreases their stressimmediately because they can
almost predict what's happeningnext.
My kids now look at the clockat dinnertime like, oh, it's
7.10.
It's time for bedtime.
It was 7 o'clock.
We're trying to wrap it up, wewrap up the day, we wrap up
dinner and we're making our wayup for bedtime.
(11:47):
Routine Baths, brush teeth,bedtime stories and they know
that and it's been like thattheir whole lives.
My oldest is 10 and a half yearsold and she has not seen
another bedtime in her wholelife at seven, like her life is
like oh, the world ends, theworld stops, at seven o'clock pm
.
So she assumes that.
So if we're ever out later,she's like, wow, we're still out
(12:08):
.
We have people still out at8.30 too.
Yeah, but it's a consistentroutine that they have.
That's the reason why we keepit hard.
A hard line on that is becausewe want them to know.
And then by 8, we're fallingasleep.
We're wrapping up all thetalking and the books and we're
falling asleep.
It's time for bedtime becausewe want to get at least 10 hours
of sleep.
They know that If you ask them,you put my 8-year-old aside, my
(12:30):
6-year-old aside, or a10-year-old.
They're all going to say, yeah,I'm trying to get 10 hours or
more sleep.
That's the.
I wake up at six.
How many hours is that?
I'm like it's 10 hours.
They're like, oh good, good,good, I'm doing good because I
wake up at 6.15.
So that's what we do for ourkids is one little thing to make
a routine is bedtime.
That's one.
(12:50):
Two by knowing what to expect,their anxiety just naturally
goes down.
Number three reduceoverstimulation.
Screens, I know are at the topof the list as far as
stimulation.
Screen time is probably themost devastating thing that's
going on right now.
These kids are being suckedinto a dopamine flush.
(13:11):
A dopamine flush is bad.
For those of you before themillennials, gen X, baby boomers
, this would be like grabbing abag of candy sitting on the
couch and I don't know if youwould stare at your Lego set or
something, or your toy truck andeating the bag of candy, one
piece of candy at a time, everyfew seconds, every few seconds.
(13:35):
Aside from diabetes and obesity, what would that do to your
brain?
It just be a constant dopaminehit of sugar tooth.
Right, and it's the same thingthis generation.
Instead of the candy, they gotfiltered water and alkaline,
this and uh electro like that.
Um, they have these screens.
And the dopamine flush is soreal.
(13:56):
It is so real.
You can see a child change itsbehavior within weeks of
starting to use a screen.
We've noticed that personallywith our 10-year-old.
She got her first screen iPadfor Christmas and it's a few
months later and I'm alreadylike, oh, hang on a second, your
attitude and everything isalready changing.
They're saying cool, so we havelimits.
(14:17):
Now we have screen time limitsduring the week 45 minutes total
per day.
So you can break that up intothree 15 minute blocks or just
completely take it away and havedetox times as well.
So limit that screen time.
Noisy environments we need quietenvironments for our kids.
The bedroom should be a safeplace, wherever they sleep
(14:37):
should be a safe place, and wewant to make sure it's quiet
environment for that.
And then rushing from activityto activity this is more of a
family thing.
The rush of the family of justalways being late, always being
behind, come on, get into thecar all the time creates not
only stress for the parents, butit does rub off on the kids too
, cause now they're alwaysrushing around.
Sometimes you do that rushing.
They just do not move, theyjust want to keep playing.
But uh, always having that rush, rush lifestyle is tough for
(14:58):
everybody.
Always having that rushlifestyle is tough for everybody
.
Number four model healthy coping.
Some of you I got my hand up aswell don't cope well.
We get angry.
We have other things.
We got to teach our kids tobreathe, you know, let kids
breathe, stop and breathe, talkabout your own stress calmly and
prioritize self-care.
(15:19):
But breathe with your kids.
Teach them to breathe as wellonce they get tough, once things
get tough for them.
So healthy coping is reallysimple.
I'm going to leave one tip foryou is breathing, getting your
kid to stop, just breathe,breathe, calm down.
And then we move into physicaltouch and connection.
This is where we get into theempathy part of the brain to
physical touch and connection.
This is where we get into theempathy of part of the brain.
(15:41):
Hugs, baby wearing,co-regulation, gentle
chiropractic care for thenervous system these are all
physical touch modalities thathelp in connecting the nervous
system back to a homeostaticspace of less stress and less
anxiety.
So that touch comes a long way.
(16:03):
A hug can go such a long way.
If you've had a good hugrecently, I should say I'm sure
you've had a good hug.
But if you recently had thatgood hug, remember that Maybe
your spouse was there and giveyou that hug and immediately you
feel that stress come off yourshoulders, even if it's just for
a few minutes.
Well, how great is that?
Right, it's insurmountable foryour kids.
It's a huge, huge thing foryour kids to get that good hug
(16:25):
from mom and dad.
So it goes a long way.
And how easy is that?
To just breathe, get a hug.
And lastly, but probably one ofthe most important, is nutrition
and movement.
Diets high in sugar, artificialingredients can make anxiety
worse.
You guys have read theliterature.
You've listened to my otherpodcasts red dye, blue dyes,
yellow dyes and what happens tobehavior instantly?
(16:47):
High fructose, corn syrup, highsaturated sugars, high dense
sugars they're added everywherein our foods.
We've got to be careful withthis.
It's a dopamine flush when thathappens.
So what we need to do isencourage play, outdoor time,
sunshine and movement.
Whatever they find fine If it'sclimbing a tree, if it's
playing on the playground, ifit's being outside, if it's
(17:09):
pushing the bubble lawn sorry,whatever age they're at.
Getting them moving justreleases anxiety and stress for
them and it's good for you tooto see your kid riding their
bike and playing outside.
It's just, it's a great thing.
You've got to make time forthat and substitute that for
screens.
They're doing nothing on thescreens.
It's going to make anything ofany value for sure.
(17:30):
Bonus stuff too.
You know we got some breathingexercises for kids that you can
blow up an imaginary balloon.
So when people ask, I know thequestions will come.
You know what are you talkingabout.
Breathing for kids.
Blow up an imaginary balloon.
Just hold your hands up, blowinto your hand and pretend like
you're blowing up a balloon.
Big, deep breath in.
Blow one good breath out.
Big deep breath in.
(17:52):
Blow another one out.
Say how big do you think thisballoon is going to get, even
though it's imaginary?
That's a great way of teachingthem how to breathe, maybe in
anger, maybe even for fun.
Teaching them when they're in agood mood is a good way to get
them to learn the skill, ratherthan when they've already blown
up and need to calm down.
They're not going to listen toyou in that moment.
They're not going to pretend toblow up a balloon in their
hands.
So if you teach them that andit becomes a part, or maybe
(18:14):
something you even do.
They may do it too.
Picking books or readingstories that help kids identify
their emotions these are great.
Picking emotionally intelligentbooks can help kids at a young
age and there's never too earlyto start for that.
Those are great too.
Pediatric chiropractic care forcalming the nervous system
that's the number one thing wesee in our office by helping
(18:36):
people.
Chiropractic for kids by acertified pediatric chiropractor
is absolutely wonderful.
It's nothing like you see onthe YouTube channels.
As far as adjusting, usually weuse integrators, activators,
gentle touch.
I love adjusting the infants.
They're just second jello.
It's so fun and super gentleand we love doing that.
(18:59):
You can just see them melt inyour hands.
It's wonderful to be able tohelp them do that influence into
their nervous systems.
It's fantastic.
And then having safe sensorytools like a weighted blanket,
safe fidget toys, quiet spacesfor our kids those are wonderful
ways to help teach them oncoping and helping them with
their anxiety.
So children's stress is realand it's often silent.
(19:20):
When we understand how to spotit and respond, we give our kids
the best shot at emotionalresilience and long-term
well-being.
So I invite you to follow upwith us.
Let us know how you do yourfamily's de-stress routine.
Maybe it'll help other familiestoo.
Share, leave a review.
Leave a comment.
(19:40):
This is a great episode.
To leave a comment.
Tell us what you learned andwhat you may do in your home to
help with your children.
You're all great parents.
We're just giving you moretools to help you through these
stressful times, stressful life.
It's tough being a parent andmanaging all these things, but
you're doing great.
I know you are.
Hopefully that was helpful.
Stay well, stay healthy, takecare.
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