April 25, 2025 • 26 mins
Grief doesn't follow a timeline. This powerful truth anchors our profound conversation with grief expert, author, and life transition coach Ligia Houben, who brings both professional expertise and personal experience to her work helping the bereaved navigate life's most challenging transitions.
Ligia shatters common misconceptions about grief, particularly the harmful belief that mourning should end after an arbitrary period. "Our love doesn't have a timeline," she explains, illuminating why grief naturally continues long after loss. Even years later, a special song or meaningful date can trigger powerful emotions – not because we're regressing, but because grief is recurrent, reflecting the eternal nature of love.
Drawing from her experience losing her father suddenly at age 12, Ligia developed the 11 Principles of Transformation, a comprehensive roadmap for those struggling with loss. These principles, which begin with "Accept your loss" and "Live your grief," emphasize the importance of acknowledging reality and validating emotions rather than suppressing them. The number 11 holds special significance – her father died on November 11th (11-11) – a synchronicity that confirmed for Ligia she was on the right path.
While discussing the famous stages of grief, Ligia offers a refreshing perspective: not everyone experiences all stages, and they rarely unfold linearly. Acceptance doesn't mean being "okay" with loss, but rather acknowledging reality and consciously choosing how to move forward. Through practical strategies like journaling and physical exercise, Ligia demonstrates how we can actively engage with grief, transforming overwhelming suffering into a place of honoring loved ones through love.
Ready to transform your relationship with grief? Visit LigiaHouben.com to discover Ligia's books, bilingual podcast, and programs designed to help you navigate loss with strength, hope, and profound love.
Want to be a guest on Living the Dream with Curveball? Send Curtis Jackson a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/1628631536976x919760049303001600
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Living the Dream Podcast with
Curveball, if you believe youcan achieve.
Welcome to the Living the Dreamwith Curveball Podcast, a show
where I interview guests thatteach, motivate and inspire, and
(00:25):
a few guests that teach,motivate and inspire.
Today, I am joined by griefexpert, author and life
transition coach, leah Huben.
Leah has four books focused onloss and healing, and she is the
(00:45):
creator of the 11 principles oftransformation.
So we're going to be talking toher about grief and about her
11 principles and everythingelse that she's up to.
So, leah, thank you so much forjoining me today.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Thank you so much, curtis.
It is an honor to be in yourprogram.
Why don't you start off bytelling everybody a little bit
about yourself?
Okay, my name is Ligia Ruben.
I am from Nicaragua, I live inMiami, florida, for a long time,
and my passion, my mission inlife is to help the bereaved, to
(01:30):
help the griever, that personthat is facing the loss of a
loved one and don't know what todo.
Because sometimes that happens,curtis, that we have this huge
pain, this huge loss, and wejust don't know how to continue.
And we just don't know how tocontinue.
(02:09):
We just don't know how to dealwith so many emotions.
And the reason that I do what Ido with so much love is because
I had the experience of losingmy father when I was 12 years
old.
I was living in Nicaragua andit was a sudden death.
So that's what inspired me toeventually study psychology and
specialize in grief, become athanatologist, which is the
study of death and dying, and itis so close to my heart.
That's why I say you know thatI do it with all my heart.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Well, you definitely do, and I was just going to ask
you about that thanatologist,but you answered that.
So, to start off, what is thebiggest misconception of grief
that people have that you hearwhen you meet with your clients?
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Thank you for that insightful question.
The greatest challenge that myclients have and that people
assume is that grief has atimeline, that, okay, we know
when we start grieving.
Well, actually, sometimes westart grieving before we lose
our loved one, because maybethat person is going through an
(03:08):
illness.
So we start having a griefbecause we're losing that person
the way we know them and we maystart experiencing what we call
anticipatory grief, that is,before the actual loss happens,
the person dies.
So we start even before.
So that is a huge misconceptionwith a timeline and, for
(03:32):
example, that after a certaintime you should be good by now,
you should be feeling this wayby now, you should be behaving
this way by now.
So the griever has a hugestress, has a huge challenge
because they say well, my family, they don't allow me to grieve,
(03:54):
they don't allow me to talkabout my loved one because they
say that now it's been a yearalready.
You know when we say like ayear already, and it couldn't be
farther from the truth, becauseour love doesn't have a
timeline, love is eternal.
(04:14):
When we lose a loved one, lovestays with us.
So grief is an expression thatwe are missing that person that
we love so much.
So that's why it does not havea timeline.
What happens with grief is thatit moves.
It's not static, it's at thebeginning.
(04:38):
It's, you know, those acute,acute expressions of grief when
we feel that huge tsunami.
You know that comes to us andthen we, little by little, start
navigating the process.
However, even after years thatwe have lost a loved one,
suddenly, maybe a special date,curtis, or maybe we are driving
(05:02):
and we hear a special song, andmaybe we lost a loved one 10
years before.
But that comes to our heart andwe remember and we long for
that person.
So that's why we say in myfield of grief that grief is
recurrent.
Dr Rosenblatt talks about that.
(05:23):
It is recurrent.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
It happens from time to time.
Well, you also are the creatorof the 11 principles of
transformation, so tell us whatthose principles are and why you
decided to create them.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Thank you, because those principles are so close to
my heart, are so sacred, andI'll tell you how they came to
be.
My first book it's written tothe memory of my father.
It's called Transform your Lossyour Guide to Strength and Hope
.
And when I wrote that book, Italk about what losses are,
(06:05):
because a loss is not only whenwe lose a loved one.
We may go through divorce, abreakup, we may have loss of
health, loss of hope, loss of ajob, transitions that are
painful.
Those are losses.
So I talk about what losses arethat are painful.
(06:27):
No, those are losses.
So I talk about what losses areand also I talk about the
manifestations of grief, becauseit's not only emotionally.
It is not only when we are sador we may feel guilty, which is
one of the most common emotionsin grief when we may be angry,
all those emotions.
So I talk about all that, howwe express grief.
We express it also physically,socially, emotionally and
(06:54):
spiritually.
And then that book, transformyour Loss your Guide to Strength
and Hope, which is the firstbook you know about grief, has
60 real stories of losses, Halfof them 30, are studies about
the loss of a loved one.
And the other ones, as I said,different losses, including the
(07:16):
loss of a pet, you know, ananimal companion that is so
strong as well.
So, but when I had all thosethings put together, I was like
I want to give something to thereader, I want to give them
tools to start, you know, helpthem process that loss.
And that's when I startedwriting the principles, started
(07:39):
writing, them writing, and thenI stopped and I counted them and
there were 11.
And that touched my hearttremendously because my father
died on 11-11, november 11th1971.
So I was so touched by thatbecause I didn't plan them, they
(08:00):
just happened to be and theprinciples are perennial.
Like I did not invent, you know, the principles, curtis, what I
did was I put them together asa roadmap.
If you will Remember that atthe beginning I told you that
sometimes people, when they aregoing through loss, people when
(08:21):
they are going through loss,sometimes they don't know what
to do, they may be confused,they may feel that it is so
surreal because it happened tobe, and I'll tell you a little
bit about that later.
And so that's how they came tobe.
So I introduced the system as Icall it, the system as I call
(08:41):
it, the methodology, the roadmap.
I introduced it in that book.
So that was the beginning, andthen those principles have
evolved, not only beingintroduced in the book.
I registered them as atrademark and I offered them as
(09:01):
seminars, workshops tofacilitate groups with them, and
that works beautiful with theprincipals.
I also offer it as an onlineprogram and I have it in English
and Spanish because that's mynative language, spanish.
So they are very close to meand what touches my heart is
(09:24):
that people who have come to theseminars to have, who know, you
know, p-e-s-i, that theyprovide continuing education
credits for mental healthprofessionals.
So I traveled with them and wewere in more than 100 cities
(09:57):
here and it was nationwide, andeach time that I presented it
was a seminar transforming griefand loss, and the seminar was
based on the principles.
So these mental healthprofessionals, they have used
them with their clients and Ihave received, you know, emails
and comments that how they arehelping their clients.
(10:20):
So for me, curtis, that thatmeans the world to me.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Absolutely, and congratulations on that.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
Thank you yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Can you go through the stages of grief for the
listeners?
Speaker 2 (10:37):
For the principals you mean.
No, the stages of grief and thestages of grief, very well known
and famous because ElizabethKubler-Ross, you know, she
introduced them.
And the thing is that in myfield we have come to realize,
(11:02):
because she even said it herself, you know, that the stages were
not supposed to be linear likehow people have taken them and
were not supposed.
You know, not everybodyexperiences the different stages
.
I would say, based on myexperience, that denial, which
(11:23):
is the first one, would be themost prominent.
You know that happens becausepeople they have a very, very
hard time accepting.
You know that the person died.
And now that we're talkingabout this, what do you think
(11:45):
about acceptance, curtis,because that's the last one?
You know we have anger,bargaining, depression.
But what do you think aboutdenial and about acceptance?
Because I don't know your storybut you know, if we can have it
like a conversation, what doyou think is the difference and
what is difficult from one andthe other?
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Well, I think denial, you know, once you first lose
something or somebody that youreally love, it's like this
isn't real.
I'm gonna wake up.
This is a joke.
This is a bad dream.
Somebody's gonna give me a calland say, oh, we were just
joking with you and we can justmove on.
But acceptance is okay.
Even though I don't want thisto be real, it is.
(12:27):
And now I just got to figureout how to pick up the pieces
and move forward from here.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
And now I just got to figure out how to pick up the
pieces and move forward fromhere.
Wow, you said it so beautifullyand it's amazing.
Thank you for that.
It's amazing how you made thedistinction between denial, move
on and acceptance.
Move forward, because, yes,denial is natural, is human, is
this kind of space that we have,you know, sometimes for our own
(12:54):
grasping, you know the reality,and when it's too painful,
denial is kind of a buffer, youknow, for us to then starting,
little by little, to graspingthe reality and when we are able
, well, but, for example, noteverybody bargains, you know,
(13:19):
not everybody gets depressed,you know, and that's the thing
that we want to make sure thatnot everybody experiences them.
However, when we come intoacceptance, acceptance itself
can be a process, and that isactually my first principle.
My first principle is acceptyour loss, and the reason that I
(13:39):
wanted that to be the firstprinciple is because it's called
you know the system, the 11principles of transformation, 11
Principles of Transformation,and if we want to transform
something, if we are goingthrough pain, if you stay in
denial, how are we going to evenconsider transforming that?
(14:03):
You know that process of grief?
No, so, because when we talkabout acceptance, it's not that.
Yeah, okay, you know ithappened, you're okay, you know
this doesn't matter.
No, it's grasping the reality.
This is what happened to me.
Now, what am I going to do withwhat happened to me?
(14:26):
So that's a decision we make.
What am I going to do now?
So that would a decision wemake.
What am I going to do now?
So that would be acceptance.
And in my principles, the secondprinciple is live your grief,
because when I say accept yourloss, I don't, my intention is
not that you're going to say,okay, accept your loss, okay,
(14:47):
that's it.
And then I continue.
No, you're accepting your loss,okay, that's it.
And then I continue.
No, you're accepting your loss.
Okay, this has happened, it ispainful, it happened.
So, because I believe so muchin processing grief that's why I
call my latest book Allow Me toLive my Grief and Heal from the
(15:09):
Inside Out Then the secondprinciple is precisely that one
Live your grief, so people canvalidate their emotions, they
can validate their pain.
They do not suppress it, theydo not ignore it, but they
validate it.
So I think that's extremelyimportant to validate how we
(15:33):
feel.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
So when you went through your personal story of
grief, you know how did you gothrough the stages and how did
you deal with everything thatyou had to deal with.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Well, yes, when I dealt with my father's death,
which was my most significantwhen I was young, when I was a
child, because I experienced theloss of Now, when my father
died, because it was sudden andhe died actually in Miami, at a
hospital, because he was notfeeling well and he was there,
but the day that he had beendischarged, you know, to leave
the hospital is when he died inhis heart.
So it was a surprise, curtis,and it was horrible, it was
(16:41):
really painful.
So, yes, denial, I remember, Iremember of the denial of I
cannot believe it he's leavingthe hospital today.
Because, in my case, I was inschool and I talk about my story
in the book Transforming Lawsbecause I told you it has 60
stories, one of them is mine andI was in school.
I was in a Catholic school, areligious school, with the nuns,
(17:02):
and Mother Superior gave me thenews, you know, that my father
had died and I remember tellingher cannot be, he's being
discharged today from thehospital.
But then, you know, she toldfather had died and I remember
telling her cannot be, he'sbeing discharged today from the
hospital.
But then you know she told methat it had happened.
So I experienced denial and noneof the rest.
You know, not bargaining oranger, no depression.
(17:24):
I was sad but not depressed,and at the end, of course,
acceptance.
Yeah, but again, it's becausenot everybody experienced this
status.
No, so, but that's whathappened back then.
Now, not on purpose, not sayingokay, I'm going to apply
(17:51):
principle one Now, principle two, no, it's just that they live
in me.
So when I experienced her loss,which was very painful as well
because we were super, veryclose she was my father and
mother for 48 years it wasreally painful.
Still, I was able.
(18:12):
You know, I have been able,because you know, as we talk
about grief, I have been able tonavigate it from a place of
peace, from a place of love.
That's huge, because that's whyI say so much and I believe it
that we can choose to move froma place of suffering to a place
(18:34):
of love.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
Okay, well, tell the listeners about any upcoming
projects that you're working onthat people need to be aware of.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Thank you.
Well, as I said, I have myonline program in English and
Spanish and right now isself-paced.
What I want to do is to doanother program that it will be
also with me.
You know, a 12-week program,curtis, that I will be with a
(19:06):
person, with a group.
It will be like you know theplatform.
(19:27):
The self-paced is thereincluded.
It will be like you know, totrain people to use, you know,
to certify them under theumbrella of the 11 principles so
they can also use them withtheir clients.
So I am creating this platform.
Also, I want to create an onlineprogram for the book.
(19:50):
Allow me to live my grief andheal from the inside out when
the person is in that acutestage of grief that is acute.
So I would love to do that.
First, you know the person that, to go deeper and then to move
forward into the transformationand move into the 11 principles.
(20:10):
So I have this, this ideas, inmind, and because I believe that
it's important that we have theconversation and that's why.
That's why you know being inyour podcast, which is amazing.
You know I love the name.
Do you want to share with me?
How did you come up with yourname, the name of your you want
(20:31):
to share with me.
How did you come up with yourname, the name of your podcast?
Speaker 1 (20:33):
Well, the name Curveball was given to me by my
best friend, Sean Davis, back injunior high and I used that as
my hip hop artist name and itstuck with me.
So I was like, hey, living thedream with Curveball.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
I love it.
I love it because it is so realright.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Yeah, absolutely yes.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Why don't you throw out your website contact info so
people can keep up witheverything that you're up to?
Speaker 2 (21:01):
Okay, thank you.
Well, I am present in socialmedia.
I am in Instagram and Facebook,tiktok, linkedin.
My website is I'm going tospell it out because of my name
it's LigiaHubencomL-I-G-I-A-H-O-U-B, as in boy
(21:24):
E-Ncom.
That's my website and Ligiaunderscore Huben.
Instagram, facebook, ligiaHuben, and I am very active.
Oh, I want to say somethingimportant for your public that I
have a podcast.
It's audio.
So soon, I hope, curtis, I'mgoing to be doing what you're
(21:47):
doing and I would love to haveyou as a guest.
I would like to start, you know, having interviews as well,
like videos, but right now it'sonly an audio and the name it's
bilingual Spanish and Englishand it's called Transformando el
Duelo Transforming Grief.
So it's the same messageEnglish and Spanish.
(22:11):
They are short messages, betweensix, seven, eight minutes to 15
.
So they are short, to the point.
So I have like the differenttitles and I already have more
than 100.
So I am super excited with that.
So it's like, based on thetopic that you want to dig in,
(22:32):
you can choose.
You know what I am talkingabout and then you just go in
because I have titled each oneof them so you can see them.
Okay, so that is something thatI have done for the community
and I am very, very happy to besharing with you.
And also I have a YouTubechannel where I give short
(22:53):
messages and about grief, ofcourse, and I also give some
messages about personal growth.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
All right, and yes, I would definitely love to be a
guest on your show.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Thank you Beautiful.
Appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
No problem, and listeners, that website will be
in the show notes.
Close us out with some finalthoughts.
Maybe, if that was something Iforgot to talk about, that you
would like to touch on, or anyfinal thoughts you have for the
listeners about grief, thatlet's remember that inside of us
(23:39):
we have those amazing resourcesthat can help us Be with your
grief.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
Let's connect with our grief.
Do not ignore it.
Stay present with it.
Write, you know, that'ssomething that helps a lot when
we put our thoughts to the paper, because, based on how we think
, we feel and based on how wefeel, we act.
So grief is active.
Grief is active Depends what wedo To talk about it, to express
(24:07):
, not to suppress, emotions.
Write about exercises.
It's a huge one.
It's a huge one, curtis.
It emotions.
Write about exercises.
It's a huge one.
It's a huge one, curtis.
It has helped me a lot becausewhen we move, when we change our
physical state, we also changeour emotional state.
So always remember that you cando something about your grief,
(24:29):
your loss, and keep in mind,always keep in mind you can
choose to move from a place ofsuffering to a place of honoring
with love.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
Absolutely, ladies and gentlemen.
So if you know of anybodythat's going through some grief
right now and can benefit fromLeah's message, please follow
share rate, you know.
Send this episode to as manypeople as possible.
Leahhubincom, the website tovisit to check out her books and
everything that she's up to.
(25:03):
I'll put that in the show notes.
Wwwcurveball337.com is theplace to go to keep up with
everything.
Living the dream with Curveball.
Thank you for listening andsupporting the show and, leah,
thank you for everything thatyou do and thank you for joining
(25:25):
me.
Thank you, curtis.
For more information on theLiving the Dream with Curveball
podcast, visitwwwcurveball337.com.
Until next time, keep livingthe dream.
Welcome to the Living the Dream Podcast with
Curveball, if you believe youcan achieve.
Welcome to the Living the Dreamwith Curveball Podcast, a show
where I interview guests thatteach, motivate and inspire, and
(00:25):
a few guests that teach,motivate and inspire.
Today, I am joined by griefexpert, author and life
transition coach, leah Huben.
Leah has four books focused onloss and healing, and she is the
(00:45):
creator of the 11 principles oftransformation.
So we're going to be talking toher about grief and about her
11 principles and everythingelse that she's up to.
So, leah, thank you so much forjoining me today.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Thank you so much, curtis.
It is an honor to be in yourprogram.
Why don't you start off bytelling everybody a little bit
about yourself?
Okay, my name is Ligia Ruben.
I am from Nicaragua, I live inMiami, florida, for a long time,
and my passion, my mission inlife is to help the bereaved, to
(01:30):
help the griever, that personthat is facing the loss of a
loved one and don't know what todo.
Because sometimes that happens,curtis, that we have this huge
pain, this huge loss, and wejust don't know how to continue.
And we just don't know how tocontinue.
(02:09):
We just don't know how to dealwith so many emotions.
And the reason that I do what Ido with so much love is because
I had the experience of losingmy father when I was 12 years
old.
I was living in Nicaragua andit was a sudden death.
So that's what inspired me toeventually study psychology and
specialize in grief, become athanatologist, which is the
study of death and dying, and itis so close to my heart.
That's why I say you know thatI do it with all my heart.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Well, you definitely do, and I was just going to ask
you about that thanatologist,but you answered that.
So, to start off, what is thebiggest misconception of grief
that people have that you hearwhen you meet with your clients?
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Thank you for that insightful question.
The greatest challenge that myclients have and that people
assume is that grief has atimeline, that, okay, we know
when we start grieving.
Well, actually, sometimes westart grieving before we lose
our loved one, because maybethat person is going through an
(03:08):
illness.
So we start having a griefbecause we're losing that person
the way we know them and we maystart experiencing what we call
anticipatory grief, that is,before the actual loss happens,
the person dies.
So we start even before.
So that is a huge misconceptionwith a timeline and, for
(03:32):
example, that after a certaintime you should be good by now,
you should be feeling this wayby now, you should be behaving
this way by now.
So the griever has a hugestress, has a huge challenge
because they say well, my family, they don't allow me to grieve,
(03:54):
they don't allow me to talkabout my loved one because they
say that now it's been a yearalready.
You know when we say like ayear already, and it couldn't be
farther from the truth, becauseour love doesn't have a
timeline, love is eternal.
(04:14):
When we lose a loved one, lovestays with us.
So grief is an expression thatwe are missing that person that
we love so much.
So that's why it does not havea timeline.
What happens with grief is thatit moves.
It's not static, it's at thebeginning.
(04:38):
It's, you know, those acute,acute expressions of grief when
we feel that huge tsunami.
You know that comes to us andthen we, little by little, start
navigating the process.
However, even after years thatwe have lost a loved one,
suddenly, maybe a special date,curtis, or maybe we are driving
(05:02):
and we hear a special song, andmaybe we lost a loved one 10
years before.
But that comes to our heart andwe remember and we long for
that person.
So that's why we say in myfield of grief that grief is
recurrent.
Dr Rosenblatt talks about that.
(05:23):
It is recurrent.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
It happens from time to time.
Well, you also are the creatorof the 11 principles of
transformation, so tell us whatthose principles are and why you
decided to create them.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Thank you, because those principles are so close to
my heart, are so sacred, andI'll tell you how they came to
be.
My first book it's written tothe memory of my father.
It's called Transform your Lossyour Guide to Strength and Hope
.
And when I wrote that book, Italk about what losses are,
(06:05):
because a loss is not only whenwe lose a loved one.
We may go through divorce, abreakup, we may have loss of
health, loss of hope, loss of ajob, transitions that are
painful.
Those are losses.
So I talk about what losses arethat are painful.
(06:27):
No, those are losses.
So I talk about what losses areand also I talk about the
manifestations of grief, becauseit's not only emotionally.
It is not only when we are sador we may feel guilty, which is
one of the most common emotionsin grief when we may be angry,
all those emotions.
So I talk about all that, howwe express grief.
We express it also physically,socially, emotionally and
(06:54):
spiritually.
And then that book, transformyour Loss your Guide to Strength
and Hope, which is the firstbook you know about grief, has
60 real stories of losses, Halfof them 30, are studies about
the loss of a loved one.
And the other ones, as I said,different losses, including the
(07:16):
loss of a pet, you know, ananimal companion that is so
strong as well.
So, but when I had all thosethings put together, I was like
I want to give something to thereader, I want to give them
tools to start, you know, helpthem process that loss.
And that's when I startedwriting the principles, started
(07:39):
writing, them writing, and thenI stopped and I counted them and
there were 11.
And that touched my hearttremendously because my father
died on 11-11, november 11th1971.
So I was so touched by thatbecause I didn't plan them, they
(08:00):
just happened to be and theprinciples are perennial.
Like I did not invent, you know, the principles, curtis, what I
did was I put them together asa roadmap.
If you will Remember that atthe beginning I told you that
sometimes people, when they aregoing through loss, people when
(08:21):
they are going through loss,sometimes they don't know what
to do, they may be confused,they may feel that it is so
surreal because it happened tobe, and I'll tell you a little
bit about that later.
And so that's how they came tobe.
So I introduced the system as Icall it, the system as I call
(08:41):
it, the methodology, the roadmap.
I introduced it in that book.
So that was the beginning, andthen those principles have
evolved, not only beingintroduced in the book.
I registered them as atrademark and I offered them as
(09:01):
seminars, workshops tofacilitate groups with them, and
that works beautiful with theprincipals.
I also offer it as an onlineprogram and I have it in English
and Spanish because that's mynative language, spanish.
So they are very close to meand what touches my heart is
(09:24):
that people who have come to theseminars to have, who know, you
know, p-e-s-i, that theyprovide continuing education
credits for mental healthprofessionals.
So I traveled with them and wewere in more than 100 cities
(09:57):
here and it was nationwide, andeach time that I presented it
was a seminar transforming griefand loss, and the seminar was
based on the principles.
So these mental healthprofessionals, they have used
them with their clients and Ihave received, you know, emails
and comments that how they arehelping their clients.
(10:20):
So for me, curtis, that thatmeans the world to me.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Absolutely, and congratulations on that.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
Thank you yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Can you go through the stages of grief for the
listeners?
Speaker 2 (10:37):
For the principals you mean.
No, the stages of grief and thestages of grief, very well known
and famous because ElizabethKubler-Ross, you know, she
introduced them.
And the thing is that in myfield we have come to realize,
(11:02):
because she even said it herself, you know, that the stages were
not supposed to be linear likehow people have taken them and
were not supposed.
You know, not everybodyexperiences the different stages
.
I would say, based on myexperience, that denial, which
(11:23):
is the first one, would be themost prominent.
You know that happens becausepeople they have a very, very
hard time accepting.
You know that the person died.
And now that we're talkingabout this, what do you think
(11:45):
about acceptance, curtis,because that's the last one?
You know we have anger,bargaining, depression.
But what do you think aboutdenial and about acceptance?
Because I don't know your storybut you know, if we can have it
like a conversation, what doyou think is the difference and
what is difficult from one andthe other?
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Well, I think denial, you know, once you first lose
something or somebody that youreally love, it's like this
isn't real.
I'm gonna wake up.
This is a joke.
This is a bad dream.
Somebody's gonna give me a calland say, oh, we were just
joking with you and we can justmove on.
But acceptance is okay.
Even though I don't want thisto be real, it is.
(12:27):
And now I just got to figureout how to pick up the pieces
and move forward from here.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
And now I just got to figure out how to pick up the
pieces and move forward fromhere.
Wow, you said it so beautifullyand it's amazing.
Thank you for that.
It's amazing how you made thedistinction between denial, move
on and acceptance.
Move forward, because, yes,denial is natural, is human, is
this kind of space that we have,you know, sometimes for our own
(12:54):
grasping, you know the reality,and when it's too painful,
denial is kind of a buffer, youknow, for us to then starting,
little by little, to graspingthe reality and when we are able
, well, but, for example, noteverybody bargains, you know,
(13:19):
not everybody gets depressed,you know, and that's the thing
that we want to make sure thatnot everybody experiences them.
However, when we come intoacceptance, acceptance itself
can be a process, and that isactually my first principle.
My first principle is acceptyour loss, and the reason that I
(13:39):
wanted that to be the firstprinciple is because it's called
you know the system, the 11principles of transformation, 11
Principles of Transformation,and if we want to transform
something, if we are goingthrough pain, if you stay in
denial, how are we going to evenconsider transforming that?
(14:03):
You know that process of grief?
No, so, because when we talkabout acceptance, it's not that.
Yeah, okay, you know ithappened, you're okay, you know
this doesn't matter.
No, it's grasping the reality.
This is what happened to me.
Now, what am I going to do withwhat happened to me?
(14:26):
So that's a decision we make.
What am I going to do now?
So that would a decision wemake.
What am I going to do now?
So that would be acceptance.
And in my principles, the secondprinciple is live your grief,
because when I say accept yourloss, I don't, my intention is
not that you're going to say,okay, accept your loss, okay,
(14:47):
that's it.
And then I continue.
No, you're accepting your loss,okay, that's it.
And then I continue.
No, you're accepting your loss.
Okay, this has happened, it ispainful, it happened.
So, because I believe so muchin processing grief that's why I
call my latest book Allow Me toLive my Grief and Heal from the
(15:09):
Inside Out Then the secondprinciple is precisely that one
Live your grief, so people canvalidate their emotions, they
can validate their pain.
They do not suppress it, theydo not ignore it, but they
validate it.
So I think that's extremelyimportant to validate how we
(15:33):
feel.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
So when you went through your personal story of
grief, you know how did you gothrough the stages and how did
you deal with everything thatyou had to deal with.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Well, yes, when I dealt with my father's death,
which was my most significantwhen I was young, when I was a
child, because I experienced theloss of Now, when my father
died, because it was sudden andhe died actually in Miami, at a
hospital, because he was notfeeling well and he was there,
but the day that he had beendischarged, you know, to leave
the hospital is when he died inhis heart.
So it was a surprise, curtis,and it was horrible, it was
(16:41):
really painful.
So, yes, denial, I remember, Iremember of the denial of I
cannot believe it he's leavingthe hospital today.
Because, in my case, I was inschool and I talk about my story
in the book Transforming Lawsbecause I told you it has 60
stories, one of them is mine andI was in school.
I was in a Catholic school, areligious school, with the nuns,
(17:02):
and Mother Superior gave me thenews, you know, that my father
had died and I remember tellingher cannot be, he's being
discharged today from thehospital.
But then, you know, she toldfather had died and I remember
telling her cannot be, he'sbeing discharged today from the
hospital.
But then you know she told methat it had happened.
So I experienced denial and noneof the rest.
You know, not bargaining oranger, no depression.
(17:24):
I was sad but not depressed,and at the end, of course,
acceptance.
Yeah, but again, it's becausenot everybody experienced this
status.
No, so, but that's whathappened back then.
Now, not on purpose, not sayingokay, I'm going to apply
(17:51):
principle one Now, principle two, no, it's just that they live
in me.
So when I experienced her loss,which was very painful as well
because we were super, veryclose she was my father and
mother for 48 years it wasreally painful.
Still, I was able.
(18:12):
You know, I have been able,because you know, as we talk
about grief, I have been able tonavigate it from a place of
peace, from a place of love.
That's huge, because that's whyI say so much and I believe it
that we can choose to move froma place of suffering to a place
(18:34):
of love.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
Okay, well, tell the listeners about any upcoming
projects that you're working onthat people need to be aware of.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Thank you.
Well, as I said, I have myonline program in English and
Spanish and right now isself-paced.
What I want to do is to doanother program that it will be
also with me.
You know, a 12-week program,curtis, that I will be with a
(19:06):
person, with a group.
It will be like you know theplatform.
(19:27):
The self-paced is thereincluded.
It will be like you know, totrain people to use, you know,
to certify them under theumbrella of the 11 principles so
they can also use them withtheir clients.
So I am creating this platform.
Also, I want to create an onlineprogram for the book.
(19:50):
Allow me to live my grief andheal from the inside out when
the person is in that acutestage of grief that is acute.
So I would love to do that.
First, you know the person that, to go deeper and then to move
forward into the transformationand move into the 11 principles.
(20:10):
So I have this, this ideas, inmind, and because I believe that
it's important that we have theconversation and that's why.
That's why you know being inyour podcast, which is amazing.
You know I love the name.
Do you want to share with me?
How did you come up with yourname, the name of your you want
(20:31):
to share with me.
How did you come up with yourname, the name of your podcast?
Speaker 1 (20:33):
Well, the name Curveball was given to me by my
best friend, Sean Davis, back injunior high and I used that as
my hip hop artist name and itstuck with me.
So I was like, hey, living thedream with Curveball.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
I love it.
I love it because it is so realright.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Yeah, absolutely yes.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Why don't you throw out your website contact info so
people can keep up witheverything that you're up to?
Speaker 2 (21:01):
Okay, thank you.
Well, I am present in socialmedia.
I am in Instagram and Facebook,tiktok, linkedin.
My website is I'm going tospell it out because of my name
it's LigiaHubencomL-I-G-I-A-H-O-U-B, as in boy
(21:24):
E-Ncom.
That's my website and Ligiaunderscore Huben.
Instagram, facebook, ligiaHuben, and I am very active.
Oh, I want to say somethingimportant for your public that I
have a podcast.
It's audio.
So soon, I hope, curtis, I'mgoing to be doing what you're
(21:47):
doing and I would love to haveyou as a guest.
I would like to start, you know, having interviews as well,
like videos, but right now it'sonly an audio and the name it's
bilingual Spanish and Englishand it's called Transformando el
Duelo Transforming Grief.
So it's the same messageEnglish and Spanish.
(22:11):
They are short messages, betweensix, seven, eight minutes to 15
.
So they are short, to the point.
So I have like the differenttitles and I already have more
than 100.
So I am super excited with that.
So it's like, based on thetopic that you want to dig in,
(22:32):
you can choose.
You know what I am talkingabout and then you just go in
because I have titled each oneof them so you can see them.
Okay, so that is something thatI have done for the community
and I am very, very happy to besharing with you.
And also I have a YouTubechannel where I give short
(22:53):
messages and about grief, ofcourse, and I also give some
messages about personal growth.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
All right, and yes, I would definitely love to be a
guest on your show.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Thank you Beautiful.
Appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
No problem, and listeners, that website will be
in the show notes.
Close us out with some finalthoughts.
Maybe, if that was something Iforgot to talk about, that you
would like to touch on, or anyfinal thoughts you have for the
listeners about grief, thatlet's remember that inside of us
(23:39):
we have those amazing resourcesthat can help us Be with your
grief.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
Let's connect with our grief.
Do not ignore it.
Stay present with it.
Write, you know, that'ssomething that helps a lot when
we put our thoughts to the paper, because, based on how we think
, we feel and based on how wefeel, we act.
So grief is active.
Grief is active Depends what wedo To talk about it, to express
(24:07):
, not to suppress, emotions.
Write about exercises.
It's a huge one.
It's a huge one, curtis.
It emotions.
Write about exercises.
It's a huge one.
It's a huge one, curtis.
It has helped me a lot becausewhen we move, when we change our
physical state, we also changeour emotional state.
So always remember that you cando something about your grief,
(24:29):
your loss, and keep in mind,always keep in mind you can
choose to move from a place ofsuffering to a place of honoring
with love.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
Absolutely, ladies and gentlemen.
So if you know of anybodythat's going through some grief
right now and can benefit fromLeah's message, please follow
share rate, you know.
Send this episode to as manypeople as possible.
Leahhubincom, the website tovisit to check out her books and
everything that she's up to.
(25:03):
I'll put that in the show notes.
Wwwcurveball337.com is theplace to go to keep up with
everything.
Living the dream with Curveball.
Thank you for listening andsupporting the show and, leah,
thank you for everything thatyou do and thank you for joining
(25:25):
me.
Thank you, curtis.
For more information on theLiving the Dream with Curveball
podcast, visitwwwcurveball337.com.
Until next time, keep livingthe dream.
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