February 26, 2021 • 22 mins
This episode is all about how the paradigm of motherhood and fatherhood can obliterate "imposter syndrome" and bring about the greatest sense of fulfillment.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Matt Boettger (00:00):
What if I told you that I believe that every
single human being is hardwiredto be a mother or father.
Now, before you click stop,because you're saying this
doesn't pertain to me, I'msingle, I'm divorced.
I don't have children.
I don't want to have children.
I want to pause for a moment,say, no, this really does apply
(00:21):
to you.
Not like in the future sense,but really right here right now
that I really believe firmlythat everyone is called and
hardwired to live out of aconcept of being a mother and
father.
And this aha moment for me a fewweeks back, I wanted to share
with you in this episode, it hasbeen a long time since I've
(00:41):
published an episode and Iwanted to publish more.
I've been taking a slight pauseto reconsider how I can provide
more value in this living thereal podcast, because I do, I
love it.
And I'm trying to find the rightformat that gives me life and
gives you life and provides youexceptional value.
(01:02):
In one of my other podcasts,it's more of a conversational
style and I love that.
And I'd love to find a way tointegrate that into living the
real.
In the meantime, I still want toprovide episodes on a regular
basis because I have so much, Iwant to share with you about
what I've learned, what I'vepracticed, what I've read, what
I've seen about how we can livethe most real life possible.
(01:22):
In this episode, I want to talkto you about this idea.
Of being a mom being a dad.
And this is not just physicalmother or father, I'm talking
about.
Yes.
Physical, but also spiritual andeven metaphorical, which is what
we're going to focus on todaythat we're hardwired to live out
of this concept in this is whywe sometimes find our lives
(01:44):
incredibly frustrating.
That's because we're not livingthrough that lens of being a
mother or father, no matter whatage.
Whether you're 50, 40, 20, 15,we're all working towards being
the best father or mother.
We can be physically,spiritually, or oftentimes
(02:05):
metaphorically.
So let's get started.
I'm going to talk to you aboutwhat I've learned in the past
few weeks about how this concepthas changed.
The way I have looked, even atliving the real.
Not just as a concept, but as abusiness.
And how looking through the lensof being a father, a mother kind
of transformed the way youeither survive or thrive in your
(02:29):
career, in your profession.
In your job and all yourrelationships.
Okay.
So let's get started.
Are you living the most reallife possible?
I ask myself this question allthe time.
Most of the time, the answer is,I just don't know.
But sometimes the answer isdefinitely not.
This is why I have this podcast.
(02:51):
Hi, I'm Matt Bacher.
And welcome to the show.
Two small things.
If you get a chance, pleaseleave a review on Apple podcasts
and also check out my website,live in the real.com where I
offer lots of resources in howto live the most real life
possible.
Now on with the show.
Okay.
So let's get started about whatI've learned in the past few
weeks about this idea of being afather or mother, how to applies
(03:14):
to you.
Every one of you who waslistening, whether you're 15,
50, six, 70 single, married,divorce children, no children.
We are the wire to live out ofthis concept.
Now, for those of you who haveany kind of familiarity with
living the real.
So what I propose is this ideathat we live.
(03:34):
In the context of three bigrealities.
And that is life is gift.
Life is creation and life isdiscovery.
He's a really have strictconcepts.
And right now they may feel likeit doesn't provide any value to
you, but I.
Beg you to listen for a fewmoments, because I think this
will transform your life.
(03:55):
These are the fundamental, Ibelieve like tenants of what it
means to have a reallyfulfilling life, that life as
gift this idea that we are meantto be a gift to another, right.
Is it not to get anything back,but we're hardwired to be a gift
to another.
We're also hardwired to live inthis idea of wanting to create.
(04:17):
And we know this because when wewere in a dead end job,
oftentimes that means we'redoing things that doesn't allow
us to create anything.
We're, reduplicating things,we're duplicating processes, but
we're not given an Avenue tobring our creative genius to the
table.
And so we begin to atrophy, thenwe get frustrated and we get
angry and then we quit.
(04:39):
And then the third one is lifeas discovery.
This idea that we don't live alife trying to grasp at things
to hold tight and have this kindof sense of self-preservation.
But rather life is this idea ofdiscovery, kind of a sense of,
instead of grasping our handsare opened out and we're seeing
life around us as being ouradvocate and not our adversary,
(05:02):
even in those darker momentswhere a hard and difficult.
And I know I have been in them.
I haven't been in some recentlyand to really mind those moments
and asking myself, where is thegift in this for myself?
Where is the opportunity for meto grow, to be strengthened
Versus pointing the fingeroutward.
(05:23):
I point the finger back to mebecause that is a one person who
has control.
I have control over myself andnobody else.
These three areas really are themost important things by which
if we do them well, we thrive atlife.
And if we don't do them well, wemerely survive or worse.
We collapse.
(05:44):
So, what does this have to dowith motherhood and fatherhood?
Everything, because these arethese kind of abstract concepts
that bring down to a, like apoint, a practical point in
living out the context of beinga father and a mother.
Now I happened to be a physicalfather, as well as I would say,
a spiritual and metaphoricalone, all three.
(06:06):
But I learned this concept orI've seen this concept or
discovering this conceptprincipally by being a physical
father, because it is the mostvisceral thing in my life.
Right now, all three of thesethings, gift creation and
discovery come to a point in mebeing a physical father.
And it's my measure by which I'man effective father.
(06:27):
I am a good father or I'm aneglecting father where I could
have a lot of room forimprovement.
And I think these three thingsbeing brought into the concept
of being a father and mother isenormously applicable to
everyone listening.
And I think it will change theway you see yourself in
relationship, not only to otherpeople around you, your
(06:50):
profession, your career, andyour desires for your future
career as well.
Because when I look at my boys,the desires to be a gift to
them, to surrender everything tothem, it went nothing in return,
sheer gratuity.
And when I'm doing that, I'mthriving as a father or my wife
has a mother life has creationthat I not only want to give,
(07:12):
but I also want to facilitatesomething in their life.
We're at one point in time, theydid not have something.
And after they engage me, theyhave more life in them.
There are some that have beencreated in them, fostered in
them that helps them to growThis idea to want to create
something.
Right.
Well, first and foremost, Ico-created in some real
(07:34):
practical sense.
The boys I have That is uniqueto physical fatherhood, physical
motherhood.
But then there is the spirituallevel of trying to create
something in them.
Confidence, the ability to lovegreater, to be able to have
competence, to grow inknowledge, to facilitate growth
and creation in them that isoutside of myself.
(07:56):
And then third discovery.
Then not only is this, this isnot a one-way street.
This is not me going to them,but them coming to me and
transforming my life.
You guys, gals, I was neverready, ready to be a father,
never in a million years.
Thankfully they come out asinfants.
We're all they know how to do ispee and poo and sleep.
(08:19):
And you can deal with that whenthey get older, things become
more complicated.
And thankfully you have years tobegin to practice being a father
and mother were never ready tobe a father.
Being a father makes you ready.
In the same way it is for life,the things in our life, we
don't, aren't ready for it.
We go and we do it in it makesus ready by doing it.
If you're sitting around rightnow in waiting till you're ready
(08:42):
to do something, you're notengaging your fatherhood and
your motherhood because youdesire.
I know at the core of your heartto do three things, to be a gift
to someone, something else.
To be able to create somethingprofound outside of yourself to
bring value to other people intothe world.
And I know you want to grow andyou want to discover that life
(09:05):
is your advocate that allows youto grow into something profound.
And these three things areboiled down in the concept of
fatherhood and motherhood.
So how does this apply to thosewho are not fathers, who are not
mothers physically speaking?
Because I realize when I look atmy I'm gonna give my example,
(09:26):
that's all I have right now, butI think this would be easily be
able to be applied to your lifeas well.
Let's look at living the real.
I've had this concept for anumber of years now, and I'm
slowly beginning to roll it outbecause I believe it has
profound value that hastransformed my life.
And I know it can transform yourlife right now in this minute.
(09:48):
In this week now I've beenstruggling because I realized,
gosh, why am I not putting likethe gas down in this?
Oh.
And there's situations in life.
I have other clients I have todeal with.
I have a full-time job.
I'm a physical father andthere's family obligations.
So I don't maybe have as muchtime right now in my season of
life that I would like, butthere are other reasons as well
(10:10):
that I'm, I'm not putting thegas down.
One of them is this timidness,this insecurity.
This idea of imposter syndrome,this idea that, you know, the
concept of living the real.
When I talk about my 3mframework, if you haven't go
back to episode one, two, andthree, I helped to talk about
this idea of building margin andspace in your life.
(10:31):
Having a framework for momentumthat you actually move the
needle forward in things thatare.
Important in your life.
And then having a system ofmaintenance that keeps things
maintained so that you don't goin this vicious cycle of I'm on
a binge diet.
I lost 20 pounds.
This is awesome.
And then you gain it all backand now you have another big
project that could have beenjust maintained.
We know it's so much easier tomaintain something than it is to
(10:54):
actually build momentum.
Right.
That's why on January 1st, wehave all these news resolutions
and they're all momentum needleforward.
I'm going to start exercising.
I'm going to lose weight.
I'm gonna do all of thesethings.
And then it lasts three weekswas just too much.
And so I just go back to mydefault mode and next new
year's.
I redo the same resolutions andget nowhere.
(11:18):
So all is being applied to me.
I realized.
At the heart of my insecuritywas the imposter syndrome, which
has idea that living the real,as something other than myself
is better than me.
So why am I giving it to you?
I'm I shouldn't be the dude.
And then I realized, no, this iswhat it means to be a father
(11:38):
there's physical fatherhood.
There is spiritual and there'smetaphorical, right?
When we say, man, this is mybaby This project is my baby.
We're engaging art father andmother instincts by that
metaphor.
It's real.
We can't get away from it.
And then these three things,gift creation and discovery
changed how I view my wholepursue a living, the real,
(12:03):
because I want to be, I wantliving the real to be other than
myself and the same way that Iwant my three boys to be.
Other than me, I want them tohave my strengths.
I do, but I don't want them tohave my vices.
I want them to grow and bebeyond that and grow beyond that
and be better than me.
That's what I want.
I don't want a carbon copy inthe same way.
(12:24):
When I look to living the realor whatever, you're looking to
your job or your potentialcareer, or maybe you want to
branch out and do your ownthing, but you're afraid because
gosh, I don't actually practiceit fully.
That's not fully me, but I knowit's true.
Now you're engaging yourmotherhood or fatherhood.
And I want you to actuallydouble down on that because you
believe in it, you know,provides value.
(12:45):
And this released in me a hugetension when I realized, Oh my
gosh, I can really advocatethis.
I know that I do.
I follow it all the time.
No, because I get stucksometimes.
But when I do engage theconcepts around living the real,
I truly live a much morefulfilled life, a much more
intentional life.
I am more engaged with myself,my spouse, my children, my job,
(13:10):
my career, my side hustles,everything begins to work
better.
And then when I begin to chipaway and see, I just don't have
time for that.
So I re I, I neglected that areaof my living, the real
methodology.
And then I do begin to atrophyand it's okay because I want
this thing and I'm pursuing tobe bigger than myself because I
(13:32):
believe in it.
And I also, not only that I wantto shape it, but just like my
sons, I want it to shape me andit does.
And so that's why I'm playingeverything down on this living
the real.
Maybe for just selfishnessbecause I know it works.
And when I gauge themethodology, I feel way more
engaged with myself and thepeople around me and the desires
(13:56):
and the vision that I have forme and my family.
And I hope it does the samething for you.
So here's how I want to landthis episode.
I want to ask, I want you to aska couple of big questions about
your life right now.
But where you're at, whetheryou're employed unemployed,
thinking about a change to adifferent career, I want you to
think through the lens ofmotherhood and fatherhood.
(14:17):
So you engage that part of youthat is hardwired and will bring
you fulfillment to the questionsI want to ask you is what are
you nurturing right now?
What are you attending to forits own sake?
What are you being a gift to?
To grow it, to provide value tothe community around you.
(14:38):
What are the opportunitiesaround you to actually
facilitate a sense of creation?
Whether it's creatingopportunities for other people,
resources, for other people,confidence, for other people to
move forward, competence,skills, healing in their life,
or maybe equal opportunitygiving them a to eat, to, to be
able to be a part of a playingfield like everyone else.
(15:02):
What
are you trying to foster to create in something or
someone else?
Or are you not, and how couldyou begin to engage that part of
your fatherhood or your motherthat's ingrained?
And finally, how is your worktransforming you?
It's so easy to point thefinger.
When you go to your day-to-dayjob, you'd be like, man, if
these people weren't just thisway, they just saw it my way.
(15:24):
They just did things my way,this understood who I was.
It would be so much better.
I want to challenge you becauseI need to challenge myself not
to point the finger outward, butthe point of inner back to
myself, not in the sense of liketrying to build shame upon
myself or to be a doormat, butto realize in the end, the only
(15:48):
person that can really controlis myself.
And I can either use the worldas my advocate, or I can use the
world as my adversary.
And it just doesn't happen thatway by drifting and we have to
do something to engage it.
So how does our career, ourspouse, our relationships, our
profession, our job with ourschool.
How is it presenting us with anopportunity to transform
(16:10):
ourselves and grow, particularlyin the hard points in our life
discovery discovering theopportunity for ourselves and
there's hard moments.
We begin to grow by it, our job,our team, our career, our
vocation, our school, ourfamily.
Oh, you're constantly asking, Ohmy gosh.
(16:32):
Why, what is the opportunityhere for me?
How can I grow in the midst ofthis?
How can I change and make thissituation better by responding
better, but responding withgreater charity, but
understanding them more insteadof judging them, these three
things.
I want you to ask yourself inyour condition, in your
position, in life right now,where you're at, where do you
(16:54):
rate yourself in the ability todiscover.
Where you can grow in those hardmoments.
Do give yourselves a one at a 10that I just can't.
I just feel so vulnerable.
It's okay.
Give yourself a number, butdon't feel shame because there's
only way, but up 1% better everyday, I'm encouraging you.
Where are your opportunities tocreate?
Do you have none?
Well, then try to offer theopportunity to have an area, but
(17:17):
what you can create something,some value you may doing a job
that is a dead end job in youropinion, but you can facilitate
creation and someone else's lifenext to you in the cubicle next
to you.
Offer them an ear to providethem inspiration, encouragement
to do something great.
But don't just sit there andengage your instinct, create
(17:37):
something in someone else,greater confidence, competence,
resources, healing, equalopportunities.
And how are you being a gift tosomeone else or something else
going and giving to your team,to your career, to your job, to
your employment, to yourvocation, to your family, to
your education, and guess what?
(17:57):
And not asking anything inreturn.
So that when you give, and if itfalls flat, you know what I gave
for giving sake, now you'reliving the fatherhood, the
motherhood of life.
Now you're living fulfillmentbecause this is what it means to
be humans when means to reallylive in the real.
(18:19):
And I see all this to you.
And realize, man, I have a lotof growing to do so much growing
to do and it's painful, but Iknow this is true.
And I want to encourage you topractice these three questions
every day and moving the needleforward in these areas to engage
your ability to be a betterfather or mother, because this
(18:40):
is what we're hardwired to do.
For some physical, spiritual,and metaphorical for others,
just spiritual and metaphoricaland maybe others just
metaphorical.
We're all meant to engage it.
And this is where the area bywhich we thrive in, live out and
express the biggest clean of ourhumanity.
(19:01):
And that is to be a gift tosomeone else or something else
that's bigger than ourselves tocreate something in someone else
or something else that makesthem better.
That every time you engagesomeone in some small way, they
leave your midst in film, moreof themselves and less of
themselves.
(19:21):
How, how do we practice this?
I don't have all the answers.
I know that's true.
And when I do practice that,man, do I feel better?
Do I feel more?
Integrate it into my own person.
I feel like I'm living myhumanity.
I'm feeling I'm living the real,I'm living the real and finally
engaging the opportunities oflife, especially the hardships
and asking that difficultquestion.
(19:42):
Where is the opportunity inthis?
Discover the gift.
Stop determining, stop pointingthe finger and realize that in
the end, the buck stops withyou.
You can have the greatest changepossible.
Listen, allow the world to beyour advocate and not your
adversary.
I need this message as much asyou do.
I have not nailed this, but Iknow it to be true.
(20:04):
I'm not afraid to say it becauseit is something other than
myself and it is real.
So I hope this episode has beeninspiring, helpful.
And that you look at your nextcareer.
You look at your current careerand see opportunities to engage
this.
And I promise you, you do this alittle bit, ask these questions
and begin to, to fosteropportunities to engage these
(20:29):
three areas, gift creation,discovery, your life is going to
change pretty dramatically.
You're going to feel a lot morereal with yourself.
You're going to find yourself.
In a greater relationships andgreater connections to yourself
and to others and to creationand to God for those who
(20:49):
believe, I hope you guys have awonderful week.
My goal and my desire is tobring this back every week,
because I have so many of 1820episodes already lined up
wanting to here with you.
But I also want to make thisconversational because in the
end, those are my favoritepodcasts.
I love these, but I wanted toprovide this for you, have a
wonderful week and we'll seeyou.
(21:10):
Really soon take care.
And bye-bye you, you forlistening to this episode of
living the real, if you want tocheck out more information, go
to living the real.com and signup for my newsletter.
If you want to support thispodcast, you do that at
patrion.com/ltr, as well asone-time payments at Venmo and
PayPal in the show notes.
(21:31):
See you all next episode.
Take care.
Bye-bye.
What if I told you that I believe that every
single human being is hardwiredto be a mother or father.
Now, before you click stop,because you're saying this
doesn't pertain to me, I'msingle, I'm divorced.
I don't have children.
I don't want to have children.
I want to pause for a moment,say, no, this really does apply
(00:21):
to you.
Not like in the future sense,but really right here right now
that I really believe firmlythat everyone is called and
hardwired to live out of aconcept of being a mother and
father.
And this aha moment for me a fewweeks back, I wanted to share
with you in this episode, it hasbeen a long time since I've
(00:41):
published an episode and Iwanted to publish more.
I've been taking a slight pauseto reconsider how I can provide
more value in this living thereal podcast, because I do, I
love it.
And I'm trying to find the rightformat that gives me life and
gives you life and provides youexceptional value.
(01:02):
In one of my other podcasts,it's more of a conversational
style and I love that.
And I'd love to find a way tointegrate that into living the
real.
In the meantime, I still want toprovide episodes on a regular
basis because I have so much, Iwant to share with you about
what I've learned, what I'vepracticed, what I've read, what
I've seen about how we can livethe most real life possible.
(01:22):
In this episode, I want to talkto you about this idea.
Of being a mom being a dad.
And this is not just physicalmother or father, I'm talking
about.
Yes.
Physical, but also spiritual andeven metaphorical, which is what
we're going to focus on todaythat we're hardwired to live out
of this concept in this is whywe sometimes find our lives
(01:44):
incredibly frustrating.
That's because we're not livingthrough that lens of being a
mother or father, no matter whatage.
Whether you're 50, 40, 20, 15,we're all working towards being
the best father or mother.
We can be physically,spiritually, or oftentimes
(02:05):
metaphorically.
So let's get started.
I'm going to talk to you aboutwhat I've learned in the past
few weeks about how this concepthas changed.
The way I have looked, even atliving the real.
Not just as a concept, but as abusiness.
And how looking through the lensof being a father, a mother kind
of transformed the way youeither survive or thrive in your
(02:29):
career, in your profession.
In your job and all yourrelationships.
Okay.
So let's get started.
Are you living the most reallife possible?
I ask myself this question allthe time.
Most of the time, the answer is,I just don't know.
But sometimes the answer isdefinitely not.
This is why I have this podcast.
(02:51):
Hi, I'm Matt Bacher.
And welcome to the show.
Two small things.
If you get a chance, pleaseleave a review on Apple podcasts
and also check out my website,live in the real.com where I
offer lots of resources in howto live the most real life
possible.
Now on with the show.
Okay.
So let's get started about whatI've learned in the past few
weeks about this idea of being afather or mother, how to applies
(03:14):
to you.
Every one of you who waslistening, whether you're 15,
50, six, 70 single, married,divorce children, no children.
We are the wire to live out ofthis concept.
Now, for those of you who haveany kind of familiarity with
living the real.
So what I propose is this ideathat we live.
(03:34):
In the context of three bigrealities.
And that is life is gift.
Life is creation and life isdiscovery.
He's a really have strictconcepts.
And right now they may feel likeit doesn't provide any value to
you, but I.
Beg you to listen for a fewmoments, because I think this
will transform your life.
(03:55):
These are the fundamental, Ibelieve like tenants of what it
means to have a reallyfulfilling life, that life as
gift this idea that we are meantto be a gift to another, right.
Is it not to get anything back,but we're hardwired to be a gift
to another.
We're also hardwired to live inthis idea of wanting to create.
(04:17):
And we know this because when wewere in a dead end job,
oftentimes that means we'redoing things that doesn't allow
us to create anything.
We're, reduplicating things,we're duplicating processes, but
we're not given an Avenue tobring our creative genius to the
table.
And so we begin to atrophy, thenwe get frustrated and we get
angry and then we quit.
(04:39):
And then the third one is lifeas discovery.
This idea that we don't live alife trying to grasp at things
to hold tight and have this kindof sense of self-preservation.
But rather life is this idea ofdiscovery, kind of a sense of,
instead of grasping our handsare opened out and we're seeing
life around us as being ouradvocate and not our adversary,
(05:02):
even in those darker momentswhere a hard and difficult.
And I know I have been in them.
I haven't been in some recentlyand to really mind those moments
and asking myself, where is thegift in this for myself?
Where is the opportunity for meto grow, to be strengthened
Versus pointing the fingeroutward.
(05:23):
I point the finger back to mebecause that is a one person who
has control.
I have control over myself andnobody else.
These three areas really are themost important things by which
if we do them well, we thrive atlife.
And if we don't do them well, wemerely survive or worse.
We collapse.
(05:44):
So, what does this have to dowith motherhood and fatherhood?
Everything, because these arethese kind of abstract concepts
that bring down to a, like apoint, a practical point in
living out the context of beinga father and a mother.
Now I happened to be a physicalfather, as well as I would say,
a spiritual and metaphoricalone, all three.
(06:06):
But I learned this concept orI've seen this concept or
discovering this conceptprincipally by being a physical
father, because it is the mostvisceral thing in my life.
Right now, all three of thesethings, gift creation and
discovery come to a point in mebeing a physical father.
And it's my measure by which I'man effective father.
(06:27):
I am a good father or I'm aneglecting father where I could
have a lot of room forimprovement.
And I think these three thingsbeing brought into the concept
of being a father and mother isenormously applicable to
everyone listening.
And I think it will change theway you see yourself in
relationship, not only to otherpeople around you, your
(06:50):
profession, your career, andyour desires for your future
career as well.
Because when I look at my boys,the desires to be a gift to
them, to surrender everything tothem, it went nothing in return,
sheer gratuity.
And when I'm doing that, I'mthriving as a father or my wife
has a mother life has creationthat I not only want to give,
(07:12):
but I also want to facilitatesomething in their life.
We're at one point in time, theydid not have something.
And after they engage me, theyhave more life in them.
There are some that have beencreated in them, fostered in
them that helps them to growThis idea to want to create
something.
Right.
Well, first and foremost, Ico-created in some real
(07:34):
practical sense.
The boys I have That is uniqueto physical fatherhood, physical
motherhood.
But then there is the spirituallevel of trying to create
something in them.
Confidence, the ability to lovegreater, to be able to have
competence, to grow inknowledge, to facilitate growth
and creation in them that isoutside of myself.
(07:56):
And then third discovery.
Then not only is this, this isnot a one-way street.
This is not me going to them,but them coming to me and
transforming my life.
You guys, gals, I was neverready, ready to be a father,
never in a million years.
Thankfully they come out asinfants.
We're all they know how to do ispee and poo and sleep.
(08:19):
And you can deal with that whenthey get older, things become
more complicated.
And thankfully you have years tobegin to practice being a father
and mother were never ready tobe a father.
Being a father makes you ready.
In the same way it is for life,the things in our life, we
don't, aren't ready for it.
We go and we do it in it makesus ready by doing it.
If you're sitting around rightnow in waiting till you're ready
(08:42):
to do something, you're notengaging your fatherhood and
your motherhood because youdesire.
I know at the core of your heartto do three things, to be a gift
to someone, something else.
To be able to create somethingprofound outside of yourself to
bring value to other people intothe world.
And I know you want to grow andyou want to discover that life
(09:05):
is your advocate that allows youto grow into something profound.
And these three things areboiled down in the concept of
fatherhood and motherhood.
So how does this apply to thosewho are not fathers, who are not
mothers physically speaking?
Because I realize when I look atmy I'm gonna give my example,
(09:26):
that's all I have right now, butI think this would be easily be
able to be applied to your lifeas well.
Let's look at living the real.
I've had this concept for anumber of years now, and I'm
slowly beginning to roll it outbecause I believe it has
profound value that hastransformed my life.
And I know it can transform yourlife right now in this minute.
(09:48):
In this week now I've beenstruggling because I realized,
gosh, why am I not putting likethe gas down in this?
Oh.
And there's situations in life.
I have other clients I have todeal with.
I have a full-time job.
I'm a physical father andthere's family obligations.
So I don't maybe have as muchtime right now in my season of
life that I would like, butthere are other reasons as well
(10:10):
that I'm, I'm not putting thegas down.
One of them is this timidness,this insecurity.
This idea of imposter syndrome,this idea that, you know, the
concept of living the real.
When I talk about my 3mframework, if you haven't go
back to episode one, two, andthree, I helped to talk about
this idea of building margin andspace in your life.
(10:31):
Having a framework for momentumthat you actually move the
needle forward in things thatare.
Important in your life.
And then having a system ofmaintenance that keeps things
maintained so that you don't goin this vicious cycle of I'm on
a binge diet.
I lost 20 pounds.
This is awesome.
And then you gain it all backand now you have another big
project that could have beenjust maintained.
We know it's so much easier tomaintain something than it is to
(10:54):
actually build momentum.
Right.
That's why on January 1st, wehave all these news resolutions
and they're all momentum needleforward.
I'm going to start exercising.
I'm going to lose weight.
I'm gonna do all of thesethings.
And then it lasts three weekswas just too much.
And so I just go back to mydefault mode and next new
year's.
I redo the same resolutions andget nowhere.
(11:18):
So all is being applied to me.
I realized.
At the heart of my insecuritywas the imposter syndrome, which
has idea that living the real,as something other than myself
is better than me.
So why am I giving it to you?
I'm I shouldn't be the dude.
And then I realized, no, this iswhat it means to be a father
(11:38):
there's physical fatherhood.
There is spiritual and there'smetaphorical, right?
When we say, man, this is mybaby This project is my baby.
We're engaging art father andmother instincts by that
metaphor.
It's real.
We can't get away from it.
And then these three things,gift creation and discovery
changed how I view my wholepursue a living, the real,
(12:03):
because I want to be, I wantliving the real to be other than
myself and the same way that Iwant my three boys to be.
Other than me, I want them tohave my strengths.
I do, but I don't want them tohave my vices.
I want them to grow and bebeyond that and grow beyond that
and be better than me.
That's what I want.
I don't want a carbon copy inthe same way.
(12:24):
When I look to living the realor whatever, you're looking to
your job or your potentialcareer, or maybe you want to
branch out and do your ownthing, but you're afraid because
gosh, I don't actually practiceit fully.
That's not fully me, but I knowit's true.
Now you're engaging yourmotherhood or fatherhood.
And I want you to actuallydouble down on that because you
believe in it, you know,provides value.
(12:45):
And this released in me a hugetension when I realized, Oh my
gosh, I can really advocatethis.
I know that I do.
I follow it all the time.
No, because I get stucksometimes.
But when I do engage theconcepts around living the real,
I truly live a much morefulfilled life, a much more
intentional life.
I am more engaged with myself,my spouse, my children, my job,
(13:10):
my career, my side hustles,everything begins to work
better.
And then when I begin to chipaway and see, I just don't have
time for that.
So I re I, I neglected that areaof my living, the real
methodology.
And then I do begin to atrophyand it's okay because I want
this thing and I'm pursuing tobe bigger than myself because I
(13:32):
believe in it.
And I also, not only that I wantto shape it, but just like my
sons, I want it to shape me andit does.
And so that's why I'm playingeverything down on this living
the real.
Maybe for just selfishnessbecause I know it works.
And when I gauge themethodology, I feel way more
engaged with myself and thepeople around me and the desires
(13:56):
and the vision that I have forme and my family.
And I hope it does the samething for you.
So here's how I want to landthis episode.
I want to ask, I want you to aska couple of big questions about
your life right now.
But where you're at, whetheryou're employed unemployed,
thinking about a change to adifferent career, I want you to
think through the lens ofmotherhood and fatherhood.
(14:17):
So you engage that part of youthat is hardwired and will bring
you fulfillment to the questionsI want to ask you is what are
you nurturing right now?
What are you attending to forits own sake?
What are you being a gift to?
To grow it, to provide value tothe community around you.
(14:38):
What are the opportunitiesaround you to actually
facilitate a sense of creation?
Whether it's creatingopportunities for other people,
resources, for other people,confidence, for other people to
move forward, competence,skills, healing in their life,
or maybe equal opportunitygiving them a to eat, to, to be
able to be a part of a playingfield like everyone else.
(15:02):
What
are you trying to foster to create in something or
someone else?
Or are you not, and how couldyou begin to engage that part of
your fatherhood or your motherthat's ingrained?
And finally, how is your worktransforming you?
It's so easy to point thefinger.
When you go to your day-to-dayjob, you'd be like, man, if
these people weren't just thisway, they just saw it my way.
(15:24):
They just did things my way,this understood who I was.
It would be so much better.
I want to challenge you becauseI need to challenge myself not
to point the finger outward, butthe point of inner back to
myself, not in the sense of liketrying to build shame upon
myself or to be a doormat, butto realize in the end, the only
(15:48):
person that can really controlis myself.
And I can either use the worldas my advocate, or I can use the
world as my adversary.
And it just doesn't happen thatway by drifting and we have to
do something to engage it.
So how does our career, ourspouse, our relationships, our
profession, our job with ourschool.
How is it presenting us with anopportunity to transform
(16:10):
ourselves and grow, particularlyin the hard points in our life
discovery discovering theopportunity for ourselves and
there's hard moments.
We begin to grow by it, our job,our team, our career, our
vocation, our school, ourfamily.
Oh, you're constantly asking, Ohmy gosh.
(16:32):
Why, what is the opportunityhere for me?
How can I grow in the midst ofthis?
How can I change and make thissituation better by responding
better, but responding withgreater charity, but
understanding them more insteadof judging them, these three
things.
I want you to ask yourself inyour condition, in your
position, in life right now,where you're at, where do you
(16:54):
rate yourself in the ability todiscover.
Where you can grow in those hardmoments.
Do give yourselves a one at a 10that I just can't.
I just feel so vulnerable.
It's okay.
Give yourself a number, butdon't feel shame because there's
only way, but up 1% better everyday, I'm encouraging you.
Where are your opportunities tocreate?
Do you have none?
Well, then try to offer theopportunity to have an area, but
(17:17):
what you can create something,some value you may doing a job
that is a dead end job in youropinion, but you can facilitate
creation and someone else's lifenext to you in the cubicle next
to you.
Offer them an ear to providethem inspiration, encouragement
to do something great.
But don't just sit there andengage your instinct, create
(17:37):
something in someone else,greater confidence, competence,
resources, healing, equalopportunities.
And how are you being a gift tosomeone else or something else
going and giving to your team,to your career, to your job, to
your employment, to yourvocation, to your family, to
your education, and guess what?
(17:57):
And not asking anything inreturn.
So that when you give, and if itfalls flat, you know what I gave
for giving sake, now you'reliving the fatherhood, the
motherhood of life.
Now you're living fulfillmentbecause this is what it means to
be humans when means to reallylive in the real.
(18:19):
And I see all this to you.
And realize, man, I have a lotof growing to do so much growing
to do and it's painful, but Iknow this is true.
And I want to encourage you topractice these three questions
every day and moving the needleforward in these areas to engage
your ability to be a betterfather or mother, because this
(18:40):
is what we're hardwired to do.
For some physical, spiritual,and metaphorical for others,
just spiritual and metaphoricaland maybe others just
metaphorical.
We're all meant to engage it.
And this is where the area bywhich we thrive in, live out and
express the biggest clean of ourhumanity.
(19:01):
And that is to be a gift tosomeone else or something else
that's bigger than ourselves tocreate something in someone else
or something else that makesthem better.
That every time you engagesomeone in some small way, they
leave your midst in film, moreof themselves and less of
themselves.
(19:21):
How, how do we practice this?
I don't have all the answers.
I know that's true.
And when I do practice that,man, do I feel better?
Do I feel more?
Integrate it into my own person.
I feel like I'm living myhumanity.
I'm feeling I'm living the real,I'm living the real and finally
engaging the opportunities oflife, especially the hardships
and asking that difficultquestion.
(19:42):
Where is the opportunity inthis?
Discover the gift.
Stop determining, stop pointingthe finger and realize that in
the end, the buck stops withyou.
You can have the greatest changepossible.
Listen, allow the world to beyour advocate and not your
adversary.
I need this message as much asyou do.
I have not nailed this, but Iknow it to be true.
(20:04):
I'm not afraid to say it becauseit is something other than
myself and it is real.
So I hope this episode has beeninspiring, helpful.
And that you look at your nextcareer.
You look at your current careerand see opportunities to engage
this.
And I promise you, you do this alittle bit, ask these questions
and begin to, to fosteropportunities to engage these
(20:29):
three areas, gift creation,discovery, your life is going to
change pretty dramatically.
You're going to feel a lot morereal with yourself.
You're going to find yourself.
In a greater relationships andgreater connections to yourself
and to others and to creationand to God for those who
(20:49):
believe, I hope you guys have awonderful week.
My goal and my desire is tobring this back every week,
because I have so many of 1820episodes already lined up
wanting to here with you.
But I also want to make thisconversational because in the
end, those are my favoritepodcasts.
I love these, but I wanted toprovide this for you, have a
wonderful week and we'll seeyou.
(21:10):
Really soon take care.
And bye-bye you, you forlistening to this episode of
living the real, if you want tocheck out more information, go
to living the real.com and signup for my newsletter.
If you want to support thispodcast, you do that at
patrion.com/ltr, as well asone-time payments at Venmo and
PayPal in the show notes.
(21:31):
See you all next episode.
Take care.
Bye-bye.
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