March 8, 2021 • 24 mins
This episode is one that you don't want to miss because it really gets to the heart of "living the real" and has the power to change the way you approach your week!
Things Discussed In the Episode:
- Living the Real Journal Template
- Susan Boyle on Britain's Got Talent
- The Second Mountain by David Brooks
- David Brooks speaks to the University of Colorado Boulder
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Matt Boettger (00:00):
On April 1st in 1961, a baby was born into the
world into a rather largefamily, actually have four older
brothers and five older sisters.
She was the last be born as hermom was 45 years old as she grew
up.
She, we learned that she had toquote a learning disability and
they didn't know how ithappened, but they just assumed
(00:20):
that maybe it happened through alack of oxygen during birth.
Well, that kind of paved awaytowards bullying.
And she was bullied as a childand growing up, which I would
imagine led to a lot of herintroversion as she grew up, she
stayed close to home, eventuallycaring for her mother and living
with her mom and tell her motherpassed away in 2007.
No one knew of this woman, notme, not the world until April
(00:43):
11th, 2009.
When this woman came on stagetwo, Britain's got talent and
saying for the first time infront of the biggest audience
ever in her life, I dreamed adream by Les Miserables.
I remember watching this for thefirst time in 2009 and being
drawn to tears because I saw inthis small audition of you have
two radically different worlds.
(01:05):
And I craved one of theseworlds, but I felt like I was
living in the other world.
And this began to percolate andturned into what I call living
the real.
Now I want to talk about livingthe real and a whole deeper and
concrete way in this episode tohopefully make you want to live
the same world that I want tolive in and how it was real to
me, partially on this episode ofBritain's got talent on April
(01:29):
11th, 2009, it was amazingbecause as she walked on the
stage, everyone saw and judgedher by her appearance.
She made claims of wanting to beas famous as some of the most
famous people in the world.
And she was laughed at.
But then she opened her mouthand the world changed.
They saw her for who she was.
They gave her a St ovation.
(01:50):
And from there she's become oneof the most world renowned
musical artists.
Everyone knows her by nameSuzanne Boyle.
She's an incredible singer.
She's had a hard life.
She's lived two differentworlds.
And I want to talk about today.
Exactly that, but living thereal really means getting down
and dirty with what it opposes.
And how the phrase expresses ourdeepest desire to see and be
(02:13):
seen like Susanne Boyle.
So welcome to this episode ofliving the real might as well
and hoping this week is yourmost real week.
Mm.
Are you living the most reallife possible?
I asked myself this question allthe time.
(02:35):
Most of the time, the answer is,I just don't know.
But sometimes the answer isdefinitely not.
This is why I have this podcast.
I'm Matt Buckner.
And welcome to the show.
Two small things.
If you get a chance, pleaseleave a review like on Apple
podcasts and also check out mywebsite, live in the real.com
where I offer lots of resourcesin how to live the most real
(02:56):
life possible.
Now on with the show.
Okay.
So when I typically mentionedthe phrase living the Rio, a lot
of times I get yes, a strongreaction, but oftentimes it is
simply sentimental because itbrings a lot of imagery to most
people here hear the phrase andit resonates deeply.
But in my mind, it was alwaysmeant to be in truly
(03:16):
provocative, not so muchsentimental, but challenging.
And so I realized that, youknow, today's episode, I wanted
to get into the challenge of thephrase, living the real, give it
some teeth.
Give it opportunity to changeyou in a deeper way.
So I'll talk about what itopposes and how I set the stage
was Suzanne boil is a perfectencapsulation of how I think
living the real is and what itexactly opposes.
(03:40):
So taking off that, I want totalk about these two worlds,
which I think are encapsulatedin the Britain's got talent
episode, Susanne Boyle aboutworld a.
And world B world a, thechallenging world by which
Suzanne Boyle grew up in and howshe tried with every ounce of
her being to make herself knownto the world, even into, to her
(04:02):
friends and her family.
And the result, oftentimes fromwhat I gather is bullying, but
then she walks on the stage,sing something tremendously, and
the world changes in her purseand their perception of her
world, a world a beforeBritain's got talent.
What did it consist of?
This world AIDS defined by logicin demonstration, stuck in one's
(04:25):
head.
The priority is rationality.
It's this movement from theinward to the outward via the
mind.
Right.
This idea that does he, she, itfit the formula I have come up
with in my own mind.
Does he, she must always be in aposition of proving themselves
to us, right.
That we had this preconceivednotion about the world, about
(04:48):
the individual, about thepeople.
And we're trying to validatethat and have them disprove it.
So now we become relationshipaverse.
We're very idealized in our headabout the world and about a
surroundings.
It becomes a narcissisticbecause we're so self-absorbed
because it is our way or thehighway.
Of course, this leads to egoismand utility use here is my mold.
(05:13):
I want you to fit into it is thecommon response.
And often times to be honest,the reason why I'm talking about
this today is good.
This is something I havesuffered with in the past.
And I still wrestle with today.
World a it's highly reactionary.
It's highly deterministic.
Oh my gosh.
It is incredibly narrow.
And it's very fixed in hisunderstanding of the world.
(05:35):
And we see that as a microcosmwith Susanne Boyle.
If you haven't watched it goGoogle, Susanne Boyle, B O Y L E
on on Britain's got talent andwatch it for yourself and see
this world unfold in your veryeyes and a palpable visual way
of their world, of what it meansto be successful, being imposed
upon her.
I can only imagine how sheprobably felt immediately when
(05:58):
she walked on that stage.
And then there's a world B worldB when she opens up her mouth
and the world changes and theway they see her, they see her
for who she truly is to seebeyond and through her body,
into her soul.
This one, this world be it'sdefined by not determinism.
(06:19):
Discovery.
The priority goes instead ofrationality to priority is
morality.
Now, before you put a big redflag, because some people just
don't like that word, it's adirty word morality.
I'm not talking aboutnecessarily, but all these arts
and sheds, I'm talking about thedeeper sense of morality.
This discovery of trust,obedience, love reciprocity,
(06:43):
attending to someone listening,genuinely listening to someone.
These are all moral pursuits.
They're not rational ones.
What, when it comes to world Bwhat is he?
She, it revealing to me aboutmyself.
That's the question?
How could I be changed by thisperson?
Not having to change them orhaving the fit, my mold and who,
(07:07):
what is the gift in front of me?
Constantly trying to discoverthis person before and in this
area, this world was sophenomenal, right?
after Suzanne boil opens herlips.
It's, relationship-focused, it'sa realist perspective.
It is value focused and it isother focused.
(07:29):
I'm always being molded assomething.
Great.
And this is yet anotheropportunity.
That's the world be I'm beingmolded and changed.
The world is my advocate, andit's constantly telling me who
and where I should be in life,either on a big scale or just on
an individual scale, the personin front of me, how that person
can change me to be a betterperson and world be it is highly
(07:51):
receptive.
It truly wants to receive theworld as gift not to determine
it, grasp it, control it.
As the beating part of this isAnne Boyle video.
It is highly discovery.
This idea of wanting to discoverwhat is lay hidden behind the
surface.
It is a wide lens that a narrowlens and is all about growth,
(08:15):
not to preserve ourselves, butinstead to try to promote, to
grow, to expand ourselves.
That's the purpose of world Bworld a.
Has an enormous gap between theworld and ourselves, the gap,
the gap between me and the worldbecomes larger and larger over
time.
As we build up our own ideasabout the world, they're not
(08:37):
actually being received, butbeing imposed by the world and
what happens the world becomesour adversary because now it is
so large, so distant from us.
So different from us.
Now we're suspicious.
Now we're in a bad spot to myrelationship with the world, we
become disconnected fromreality.
The more and more we enter intoworld a, we increase in fear and
(09:00):
anxiety and anger anddepression.
It would become tribalistic.
It is me against the world.
That's the shared community.
It's my friends around me whoall have an agreement that we
hate a different kind of groupof people.
Very tribal it's understandingthen there's world B, world B is
where the world between you andthe world, right?
(09:22):
The you and the world begins toshrink.
The world becomes accessible andmore accessible.
It becomes not only accessible,but your advocate now, your
adversary.
How do we respond in thiscontext, response, greater
courage and hope andinspiration.
And instead of tribalism, it isme or us against another group
of people against the world.
It is community we're all inthis together for a greater
(09:44):
purpose in life that iswonderful and noble and
virtuous.
For those of you who have readDavid Brooks, you haven't, I'll
put him in the show notes.
One of my, one of my favoritebooks by him is the second
mountain.
He talks about this idea abouttrying to get younger kids, not
to think about what they want todo in the world, but rather
asking what the world is askingof them to flip it around.
(10:08):
Don't look at the world as somebig grand things and what should
I do?
What should I do?
What should I accomplish?
But rather flip it in such a wayto say no, look in discover what
the world is asking of you,which I think fits perfectly in
the context.
Of world be looking at the worldand had informed us about
reality, about ourselves, aboutour friends, about the world
(10:29):
itself and about creation.
I love this.
Cause he goes down, there's atalk he gave to the university
of Colorado Boulder.
I'll put the video in the shownotes where I think he talks
about the best way to talk abouta niche.
Like if you're trying to dosomething and you're trying to
find some kind of smallest areaby what you want to insert
yourself into to provide valueto the world.
I think he has the best pursuitin this.
(10:51):
When he says when your deepesthappiness meets the world's
needs.
That I think is the ultimateplace by which we can provide
happiness and value to the worldwhen our deepest happiness meets
the world's need, which requiresus to see and view and ask the
world, what does it need?
And how does my deepesthappiness and passion can be
(11:13):
aligned to it.
It starts with discovery, notdetermination.
So this world B is in completeutter a stark contrast by which
the world we live in currentlytoday.
I'm not going to get intohistory of Francis bacon and the
Baconian project and how we'rean influence of this, but we
are, and you don't need to knowthat to see that.
(11:35):
And the ramifications that bigBaconian movement has been the
idea that life is will to power.
And we insert ourselves onto theworld, not have the world, teach
us about who we are and we'recalled to be.
And we need to change this.
If we truly want to live thereal, we got to invert all of
this because it's breakingrelationships.
It's breaking ourselves.
It's breaking society, lookedaround at the polemics around
(11:58):
you because we have a wrongparadigm to approach life by.
We need to go the other wayaround and go the outside in.
We discover the game of lifedown to its little intricacies.
We don't determine the game oflife down into its little
intricacies.
That is a huge difference.
We bring our creativity to play,to strive, to perfect.
(12:19):
The good ins of which wediscover, right.
Discovery is about seeing howthings behave and lib people,
things, and trying to perfectthem, not change them and use
them.
It's like eyesight.
Eyesight is a clear example bywhich the perfection of eyesight
is 2020 for us.
Right.
And when we don't have that, wedon't try to change our eyes
(12:39):
into ears or defeat.
That sounds ridiculous.
We try to perfect its endbecause we know the end and we
can use our creativity toperfect it.
I have terrible eyesight.
I'm so thankful I can wearglasses and contacts to see my
children and the things aroundme with clarity.
That's the goal of light todiscover and then perfect.
The ends that we discover.
So what is at the heart ofliving the real?
(13:01):
You've probably already heardit.
It is discovery this idea of arich discovery, which did which
in versus determination.
We need to build a life ofdiscovery and have it be at the
forefront of our mind at everymoment.
But of course, what is discoverypresuppose?
If you do try to live adiscovery, like where's the gift
(13:23):
in this?
Where's the opportunity thisthen, you know, you presupposed,
you don't believe that life issheer chaos and it's a
randomness to the life hasmeaning it has purpose.
This is a real, we believe thatwe feel it.
We experience it.
We believe that life itself is arational.
I mean, you can not, in thatsense, I mentioned above, but in
the general sense that the worldmakes sense.
(13:45):
We can generally make sense ofthat, where we can have an
ability to discover something.
And I dare say it presupposesreligiousness religiosity.
Now what I mean by that, beforewe get scared off, I mean, this
in the deepest sense, thisuniversal core of reality by
which humanity must learn tosurrender for fulfillment, that
(14:06):
exists.
That is real.
That is the most real thingpossible and it exists and we
need.
To have that as a largepresupposition, it's part of our
discovery of meaning andpurpose.
And that the world makes sense.
So why am I, it's so hard tobring this message to so many
people as possible, honestly,self-interest because I struggle
(14:31):
with this.
What is my tendency from time totime, or sometimes more than
time to time judgmentalism,critical nature.
People can be an inconvenienceto me.
These are all part of world a, Ithink, feel believe by which a
life should be run.
And when somebody throws insomething that goes against it,
(14:52):
I Amelie judge it and push itaway and determine my way or the
highway.
And how do I feel after this?
Like crap?
I don't know if I'm fulfilled.
I don't feel happy.
I don't feel energetic.
I don't feel connected tomyself, to my family, to my
spouse, to my friends, to mywork.
I don't feel grateful and Idon't even remotely feel
(15:12):
generous.
I just feel more inward.
Part of it is just self-interestbecause I know what works
because when I try and strive,actively strive for forward B
it's different.
I listened better.
I have empathy.
Believe it or not.
I have a little bit oftenderness.
Wholeheartedness like Brenda,Bernay Brown says, and I come
(15:36):
alive and I want you to be ableto come alive too, because I
know many of us wrestle withthis same issue at the core of
this again is all discovery.
And so we asked the genuinequestions of discovery did begin
to break out of thisdeterministic mold by which it
is my way or the highway.
And begin to receive the outsideworld into our world and allow
(15:57):
it to change us, to fight thecognitive bias, the confirmation
biases that are in our mind andour heart.
So I begin on the spouse levelof the person in front of me and
they say, Oh, to who is thisperson better question about
this?
A better question to ask is whatmakes this person in front of me
(16:18):
irresistible?
Right.
That breaks that cycle ofdeterminism, of judgmentalism,
of being critical, of beingsuspicious.
You're starting with anopen-ended genuine question of
value.
What makes this personirresistible?
Second one.
What does this make possible forme?
The situation that you're in,changing from determinism to
(16:39):
discovery, allowing the world toinform you about who you are to
help you grow.
What is God asking of me?
Where is the gift in thissituation?
What is the opportunity here?
I challenge you to begin tointentionally, not just in your
mind, but intentionally workevery day to move and transition
(17:01):
your life from one todeterminism, which we all
struggle with.
Good as part of our culture todiscovery.
So how do we do this?
The only way I propose is byhabitual change, not some
conference, not just a workshop,but a constant method of
realigning our minds to this newway.
Which is not really a new way.
(17:21):
It's a very, very old way, a newway, which is an old way of
living that truly bringstransformation, fulfillment,
success, intentionalityconnection.
So there are four things topractice daily.
I'm proposing to you right now.
Begin to change your world andlive a more genuine life of
discovery and feel connected toyourself, into your family, into
(17:42):
your spouse, into your work,into your world, into creation
itself.
The first one is I encourage youto practice what I call
permanence every day of yourlife, injuring to something that
is bigger than yourself, becausewe need to be grounded in
something particularly in thisday and age where everything is
changing so rapidly, that wedon't feel like we have a firm
foundation in anything then toput a pandemic on top of it and
(18:06):
realize just how difficult it isto stay grounded.
You need to have somethingpermanent in your life.
Was that a prayer meditation,something every day that you
enter into that expands yourability to go beyond yourself,
that doesn't have an ability to,to have an end to it.
There is no end game.
There is only an infinite gameby which you in concert go
(18:27):
deeper and deeper and deeper.
For me, it is both prayer andmeditation and once regretted,
permanents, and realize thatthere's something beyond
ourselves that has benevolentoverseeing us.
In a real way and caring for usin one way or another, then we
can go to the second practice.
And that is practicing discoverybecause you cannot practice that
(18:49):
if you believe your world issheer, chaos and disorder,
practicing discovery by askingthe questions every day, where's
the giftedness.
What does this make possible?
What is the opportunity in thissituation?
How can it be better in thesituation?
And then once we actually enterinto practicing discovery every
day and asking these open-endedreally good questions that
(19:10):
change our entire mind and souland heart, then we enter into
the third practice daily, whichis gratitude.
And that is if you grounded inpermanence, something powerfully
bigger than yourself, and you'reable to see the world of
discovery.
Has it been Evolent world, thenyou're truly grateful.
You're now you're authenticallygrateful to now.
We daily offer a series ofgratitudes in our life.
(19:33):
Become what we look at.
We think about who we hang outwith.
So grateful people make us moregrateful.
I'm grateful.
People make us less grateful andour ungrateful thoughts make us
ungrateful and it prevents usfrom seeing the real, so we need
to practice every day bypracticing moments of gratitude
(19:53):
and recalling vocally and withpen to paper, what we're
grateful for.
And finally, what I believe isthe highest Colleen of all of
humanity.
We are meant to be discover.
We're meant to be gift, todiscover the gift in all
situations, including ourselvesthat we're called to be a gift.
(20:14):
Someone else.
So we need to practice a fourthone generosity.
This is the peak in the summitof these four practices.
If we're granted permanence andwe practice discovery and we're
truly grateful, then really,truly grateful people desire to
want to give.
And they want to give withoutwanting to receive, because they
are so full.
(20:36):
I've been down this road andI've received from people who
actually give, because they endup wanting something from me
down the road.
And it makes me feel well,really icky to say the least,
and I can't stand it.
I love the capacity to receivefrom someone who can
authentically give, and I wantto do the same as well, but we
need to practice it every day.
(20:56):
Every day, before you go to bed,I want you to think about one
small act of generosity you cangive to someone tomorrow.
And tomorrow and tomorrow, butit has to be planned and
intentional and it has to besomething that's just not
already doing in your life.
It's got it, but it can besmall.
It can be paying for somebody'scoffee behind you.
It can be a small little letterto say, thank you.
(21:18):
Or just a word of encouragementor a hug or spending a few extra
moments with somebody who needsan ear, as simple as that, but
needs to be intentional and notjust, you just run into it.
Practice it, we need to practiceit.
Permanence, discovery, gratitudeand generosity.
If you want some help with this,I actually have a template that
(21:38):
I use every single day, everymorning of my life.
Now I should CA I should makethe caveat.
No, I don't do it every day.
I strive to every day and thereare days by which I just forget
about it, or life gets crazy andI don't get to it and I can feel
it when I don't do it.
When I don't practice thesethings.
I have a daily journal templatethat helps me.
To keep this practice alive thatI can reflect upon it.
(22:01):
So if you want this journal tohelp, to practice a begin, to
move your life in habitual way,from determination to discovery,
which we all need and actuallytastes the fulfillment and it's
different kind of life, which isa very old life.
Good of living thereal.com/journal template,
living the real.com and real isR E a L.
I just had a, somebody asked meabout, is it R E E L?
(22:24):
And I go, that's funny.
That's I didn't think aboutthat.
It's living the reels andreality living the
real.com/journal.
Template go snag that freetemplate.
I want to give it to you as youbegin practicing right here
right now, and cultivating adeeper sense of awareness of the
discovery and the gifts thatyou're in your life.
And if you're not ready for thatright now, but yet you want to
join me upcoming newsletter,which I give tips and tricks
(22:45):
about how to live the most reallife possible.
Just go to living the real.comscroll down to the bottom and is
joined.
The upcoming newsletter wouldgreatly appreciate that.
I hope this is helpful if theleast thing you do, I'll put a
shout out to watch the SusanneBoyle video from 2009.
And just that alone, I thinkwill actually make your life
begin to change and pivot andsee the two worlds in a palpable
(23:07):
way.
And I bet.
You're going to want the secondworld more than anything,
because more than anything Iwant to see and be seen for who
I am and my complexity of life,and then be received.
And I want you to feel the sameway and want the same, but we
all have to start with ourselvesby changing the way we live our
life and make it contagious toother people.
And then they'll want the samething to have a wonderful week.
(23:29):
I hope this week is one greatweek by what you do truly live
the most real life.
Possible take care and see younext week.
Thank you for listening to thisepisode of living the real.
If you want to check out moreinformation, go to living the
real.com and sign up for mynewsletter.
If you want to support thispodcast, you do that at
patrion.com/ltr as well asone-time payments at Venmo and
(23:54):
PayPal in the show notes.
See you all next episode.
Take care.
Bye-bye.
On April 1st in 1961, a baby was born into the
world into a rather largefamily, actually have four older
brothers and five older sisters.
She was the last be born as hermom was 45 years old as she grew
up.
She, we learned that she had toquote a learning disability and
they didn't know how ithappened, but they just assumed
(00:20):
that maybe it happened through alack of oxygen during birth.
Well, that kind of paved awaytowards bullying.
And she was bullied as a childand growing up, which I would
imagine led to a lot of herintroversion as she grew up, she
stayed close to home, eventuallycaring for her mother and living
with her mom and tell her motherpassed away in 2007.
No one knew of this woman, notme, not the world until April
(00:43):
11th, 2009.
When this woman came on stagetwo, Britain's got talent and
saying for the first time infront of the biggest audience
ever in her life, I dreamed adream by Les Miserables.
I remember watching this for thefirst time in 2009 and being
drawn to tears because I saw inthis small audition of you have
two radically different worlds.
(01:05):
And I craved one of theseworlds, but I felt like I was
living in the other world.
And this began to percolate andturned into what I call living
the real.
Now I want to talk about livingthe real and a whole deeper and
concrete way in this episode tohopefully make you want to live
the same world that I want tolive in and how it was real to
me, partially on this episode ofBritain's got talent on April
(01:29):
11th, 2009, it was amazingbecause as she walked on the
stage, everyone saw and judgedher by her appearance.
She made claims of wanting to beas famous as some of the most
famous people in the world.
And she was laughed at.
But then she opened her mouthand the world changed.
They saw her for who she was.
They gave her a St ovation.
(01:50):
And from there she's become oneof the most world renowned
musical artists.
Everyone knows her by nameSuzanne Boyle.
She's an incredible singer.
She's had a hard life.
She's lived two differentworlds.
And I want to talk about today.
Exactly that, but living thereal really means getting down
and dirty with what it opposes.
And how the phrase expresses ourdeepest desire to see and be
(02:13):
seen like Susanne Boyle.
So welcome to this episode ofliving the real might as well
and hoping this week is yourmost real week.
Mm.
Are you living the most reallife possible?
I asked myself this question allthe time.
(02:35):
Most of the time, the answer is,I just don't know.
But sometimes the answer isdefinitely not.
This is why I have this podcast.
I'm Matt Buckner.
And welcome to the show.
Two small things.
If you get a chance, pleaseleave a review like on Apple
podcasts and also check out mywebsite, live in the real.com
where I offer lots of resourcesin how to live the most real
(02:56):
life possible.
Now on with the show.
Okay.
So when I typically mentionedthe phrase living the Rio, a lot
of times I get yes, a strongreaction, but oftentimes it is
simply sentimental because itbrings a lot of imagery to most
people here hear the phrase andit resonates deeply.
But in my mind, it was alwaysmeant to be in truly
(03:16):
provocative, not so muchsentimental, but challenging.
And so I realized that, youknow, today's episode, I wanted
to get into the challenge of thephrase, living the real, give it
some teeth.
Give it opportunity to changeyou in a deeper way.
So I'll talk about what itopposes and how I set the stage
was Suzanne boil is a perfectencapsulation of how I think
living the real is and what itexactly opposes.
(03:40):
So taking off that, I want totalk about these two worlds,
which I think are encapsulatedin the Britain's got talent
episode, Susanne Boyle aboutworld a.
And world B world a, thechallenging world by which
Suzanne Boyle grew up in and howshe tried with every ounce of
her being to make herself knownto the world, even into, to her
(04:02):
friends and her family.
And the result, oftentimes fromwhat I gather is bullying, but
then she walks on the stage,sing something tremendously, and
the world changes in her purseand their perception of her
world, a world a beforeBritain's got talent.
What did it consist of?
This world AIDS defined by logicin demonstration, stuck in one's
(04:25):
head.
The priority is rationality.
It's this movement from theinward to the outward via the
mind.
Right.
This idea that does he, she, itfit the formula I have come up
with in my own mind.
Does he, she must always be in aposition of proving themselves
to us, right.
That we had this preconceivednotion about the world, about
(04:48):
the individual, about thepeople.
And we're trying to validatethat and have them disprove it.
So now we become relationshipaverse.
We're very idealized in our headabout the world and about a
surroundings.
It becomes a narcissisticbecause we're so self-absorbed
because it is our way or thehighway.
Of course, this leads to egoismand utility use here is my mold.
(05:13):
I want you to fit into it is thecommon response.
And often times to be honest,the reason why I'm talking about
this today is good.
This is something I havesuffered with in the past.
And I still wrestle with today.
World a it's highly reactionary.
It's highly deterministic.
Oh my gosh.
It is incredibly narrow.
And it's very fixed in hisunderstanding of the world.
(05:35):
And we see that as a microcosmwith Susanne Boyle.
If you haven't watched it goGoogle, Susanne Boyle, B O Y L E
on on Britain's got talent andwatch it for yourself and see
this world unfold in your veryeyes and a palpable visual way
of their world, of what it meansto be successful, being imposed
upon her.
I can only imagine how sheprobably felt immediately when
(05:58):
she walked on that stage.
And then there's a world B worldB when she opens up her mouth
and the world changes and theway they see her, they see her
for who she truly is to seebeyond and through her body,
into her soul.
This one, this world be it'sdefined by not determinism.
(06:19):
Discovery.
The priority goes instead ofrationality to priority is
morality.
Now, before you put a big redflag, because some people just
don't like that word, it's adirty word morality.
I'm not talking aboutnecessarily, but all these arts
and sheds, I'm talking about thedeeper sense of morality.
This discovery of trust,obedience, love reciprocity,
(06:43):
attending to someone listening,genuinely listening to someone.
These are all moral pursuits.
They're not rational ones.
What, when it comes to world Bwhat is he?
She, it revealing to me aboutmyself.
That's the question?
How could I be changed by thisperson?
Not having to change them orhaving the fit, my mold and who,
(07:07):
what is the gift in front of me?
Constantly trying to discoverthis person before and in this
area, this world was sophenomenal, right?
after Suzanne boil opens herlips.
It's, relationship-focused, it'sa realist perspective.
It is value focused and it isother focused.
(07:29):
I'm always being molded assomething.
Great.
And this is yet anotheropportunity.
That's the world be I'm beingmolded and changed.
The world is my advocate, andit's constantly telling me who
and where I should be in life,either on a big scale or just on
an individual scale, the personin front of me, how that person
can change me to be a betterperson and world be it is highly
(07:51):
receptive.
It truly wants to receive theworld as gift not to determine
it, grasp it, control it.
As the beating part of this isAnne Boyle video.
It is highly discovery.
This idea of wanting to discoverwhat is lay hidden behind the
surface.
It is a wide lens that a narrowlens and is all about growth,
(08:15):
not to preserve ourselves, butinstead to try to promote, to
grow, to expand ourselves.
That's the purpose of world Bworld a.
Has an enormous gap between theworld and ourselves, the gap,
the gap between me and the worldbecomes larger and larger over
time.
As we build up our own ideasabout the world, they're not
(08:37):
actually being received, butbeing imposed by the world and
what happens the world becomesour adversary because now it is
so large, so distant from us.
So different from us.
Now we're suspicious.
Now we're in a bad spot to myrelationship with the world, we
become disconnected fromreality.
The more and more we enter intoworld a, we increase in fear and
(09:00):
anxiety and anger anddepression.
It would become tribalistic.
It is me against the world.
That's the shared community.
It's my friends around me whoall have an agreement that we
hate a different kind of groupof people.
Very tribal it's understandingthen there's world B, world B is
where the world between you andthe world, right?
(09:22):
The you and the world begins toshrink.
The world becomes accessible andmore accessible.
It becomes not only accessible,but your advocate now, your
adversary.
How do we respond in thiscontext, response, greater
courage and hope andinspiration.
And instead of tribalism, it isme or us against another group
of people against the world.
It is community we're all inthis together for a greater
(09:44):
purpose in life that iswonderful and noble and
virtuous.
For those of you who have readDavid Brooks, you haven't, I'll
put him in the show notes.
One of my, one of my favoritebooks by him is the second
mountain.
He talks about this idea abouttrying to get younger kids, not
to think about what they want todo in the world, but rather
asking what the world is askingof them to flip it around.
(10:08):
Don't look at the world as somebig grand things and what should
I do?
What should I do?
What should I accomplish?
But rather flip it in such a wayto say no, look in discover what
the world is asking of you,which I think fits perfectly in
the context.
Of world be looking at the worldand had informed us about
reality, about ourselves, aboutour friends, about the world
(10:29):
itself and about creation.
I love this.
Cause he goes down, there's atalk he gave to the university
of Colorado Boulder.
I'll put the video in the shownotes where I think he talks
about the best way to talk abouta niche.
Like if you're trying to dosomething and you're trying to
find some kind of smallest areaby what you want to insert
yourself into to provide valueto the world.
I think he has the best pursuitin this.
(10:51):
When he says when your deepesthappiness meets the world's
needs.
That I think is the ultimateplace by which we can provide
happiness and value to the worldwhen our deepest happiness meets
the world's need, which requiresus to see and view and ask the
world, what does it need?
And how does my deepesthappiness and passion can be
(11:13):
aligned to it.
It starts with discovery, notdetermination.
So this world B is in completeutter a stark contrast by which
the world we live in currentlytoday.
I'm not going to get intohistory of Francis bacon and the
Baconian project and how we'rean influence of this, but we
are, and you don't need to knowthat to see that.
(11:35):
And the ramifications that bigBaconian movement has been the
idea that life is will to power.
And we insert ourselves onto theworld, not have the world, teach
us about who we are and we'recalled to be.
And we need to change this.
If we truly want to live thereal, we got to invert all of
this because it's breakingrelationships.
It's breaking ourselves.
It's breaking society, lookedaround at the polemics around
(11:58):
you because we have a wrongparadigm to approach life by.
We need to go the other wayaround and go the outside in.
We discover the game of lifedown to its little intricacies.
We don't determine the game oflife down into its little
intricacies.
That is a huge difference.
We bring our creativity to play,to strive, to perfect.
(12:19):
The good ins of which wediscover, right.
Discovery is about seeing howthings behave and lib people,
things, and trying to perfectthem, not change them and use
them.
It's like eyesight.
Eyesight is a clear example bywhich the perfection of eyesight
is 2020 for us.
Right.
And when we don't have that, wedon't try to change our eyes
(12:39):
into ears or defeat.
That sounds ridiculous.
We try to perfect its endbecause we know the end and we
can use our creativity toperfect it.
I have terrible eyesight.
I'm so thankful I can wearglasses and contacts to see my
children and the things aroundme with clarity.
That's the goal of light todiscover and then perfect.
The ends that we discover.
So what is at the heart ofliving the real?
(13:01):
You've probably already heardit.
It is discovery this idea of arich discovery, which did which
in versus determination.
We need to build a life ofdiscovery and have it be at the
forefront of our mind at everymoment.
But of course, what is discoverypresuppose?
If you do try to live adiscovery, like where's the gift
(13:23):
in this?
Where's the opportunity thisthen, you know, you presupposed,
you don't believe that life issheer chaos and it's a
randomness to the life hasmeaning it has purpose.
This is a real, we believe thatwe feel it.
We experience it.
We believe that life itself is arational.
I mean, you can not, in thatsense, I mentioned above, but in
the general sense that the worldmakes sense.
(13:45):
We can generally make sense ofthat, where we can have an
ability to discover something.
And I dare say it presupposesreligiousness religiosity.
Now what I mean by that, beforewe get scared off, I mean, this
in the deepest sense, thisuniversal core of reality by
which humanity must learn tosurrender for fulfillment, that
(14:06):
exists.
That is real.
That is the most real thingpossible and it exists and we
need.
To have that as a largepresupposition, it's part of our
discovery of meaning andpurpose.
And that the world makes sense.
So why am I, it's so hard tobring this message to so many
people as possible, honestly,self-interest because I struggle
(14:31):
with this.
What is my tendency from time totime, or sometimes more than
time to time judgmentalism,critical nature.
People can be an inconvenienceto me.
These are all part of world a, Ithink, feel believe by which a
life should be run.
And when somebody throws insomething that goes against it,
(14:52):
I Amelie judge it and push itaway and determine my way or the
highway.
And how do I feel after this?
Like crap?
I don't know if I'm fulfilled.
I don't feel happy.
I don't feel energetic.
I don't feel connected tomyself, to my family, to my
spouse, to my friends, to mywork.
I don't feel grateful and Idon't even remotely feel
(15:12):
generous.
I just feel more inward.
Part of it is just self-interestbecause I know what works
because when I try and strive,actively strive for forward B
it's different.
I listened better.
I have empathy.
Believe it or not.
I have a little bit oftenderness.
Wholeheartedness like Brenda,Bernay Brown says, and I come
(15:36):
alive and I want you to be ableto come alive too, because I
know many of us wrestle withthis same issue at the core of
this again is all discovery.
And so we asked the genuinequestions of discovery did begin
to break out of thisdeterministic mold by which it
is my way or the highway.
And begin to receive the outsideworld into our world and allow
(15:57):
it to change us, to fight thecognitive bias, the confirmation
biases that are in our mind andour heart.
So I begin on the spouse levelof the person in front of me and
they say, Oh, to who is thisperson better question about
this?
A better question to ask is whatmakes this person in front of me
(16:18):
irresistible?
Right.
That breaks that cycle ofdeterminism, of judgmentalism,
of being critical, of beingsuspicious.
You're starting with anopen-ended genuine question of
value.
What makes this personirresistible?
Second one.
What does this make possible forme?
The situation that you're in,changing from determinism to
(16:39):
discovery, allowing the world toinform you about who you are to
help you grow.
What is God asking of me?
Where is the gift in thissituation?
What is the opportunity here?
I challenge you to begin tointentionally, not just in your
mind, but intentionally workevery day to move and transition
(17:01):
your life from one todeterminism, which we all
struggle with.
Good as part of our culture todiscovery.
So how do we do this?
The only way I propose is byhabitual change, not some
conference, not just a workshop,but a constant method of
realigning our minds to this newway.
Which is not really a new way.
(17:21):
It's a very, very old way, a newway, which is an old way of
living that truly bringstransformation, fulfillment,
success, intentionalityconnection.
So there are four things topractice daily.
I'm proposing to you right now.
Begin to change your world andlive a more genuine life of
discovery and feel connected toyourself, into your family, into
(17:42):
your spouse, into your work,into your world, into creation
itself.
The first one is I encourage youto practice what I call
permanence every day of yourlife, injuring to something that
is bigger than yourself, becausewe need to be grounded in
something particularly in thisday and age where everything is
changing so rapidly, that wedon't feel like we have a firm
foundation in anything then toput a pandemic on top of it and
(18:06):
realize just how difficult it isto stay grounded.
You need to have somethingpermanent in your life.
Was that a prayer meditation,something every day that you
enter into that expands yourability to go beyond yourself,
that doesn't have an ability to,to have an end to it.
There is no end game.
There is only an infinite gameby which you in concert go
(18:27):
deeper and deeper and deeper.
For me, it is both prayer andmeditation and once regretted,
permanents, and realize thatthere's something beyond
ourselves that has benevolentoverseeing us.
In a real way and caring for usin one way or another, then we
can go to the second practice.
And that is practicing discoverybecause you cannot practice that
(18:49):
if you believe your world issheer, chaos and disorder,
practicing discovery by askingthe questions every day, where's
the giftedness.
What does this make possible?
What is the opportunity in thissituation?
How can it be better in thesituation?
And then once we actually enterinto practicing discovery every
day and asking these open-endedreally good questions that
(19:10):
change our entire mind and souland heart, then we enter into
the third practice daily, whichis gratitude.
And that is if you grounded inpermanence, something powerfully
bigger than yourself, and you'reable to see the world of
discovery.
Has it been Evolent world, thenyou're truly grateful.
You're now you're authenticallygrateful to now.
We daily offer a series ofgratitudes in our life.
(19:33):
Become what we look at.
We think about who we hang outwith.
So grateful people make us moregrateful.
I'm grateful.
People make us less grateful andour ungrateful thoughts make us
ungrateful and it prevents usfrom seeing the real, so we need
to practice every day bypracticing moments of gratitude
(19:53):
and recalling vocally and withpen to paper, what we're
grateful for.
And finally, what I believe isthe highest Colleen of all of
humanity.
We are meant to be discover.
We're meant to be gift, todiscover the gift in all
situations, including ourselvesthat we're called to be a gift.
(20:14):
Someone else.
So we need to practice a fourthone generosity.
This is the peak in the summitof these four practices.
If we're granted permanence andwe practice discovery and we're
truly grateful, then really,truly grateful people desire to
want to give.
And they want to give withoutwanting to receive, because they
are so full.
(20:36):
I've been down this road andI've received from people who
actually give, because they endup wanting something from me
down the road.
And it makes me feel well,really icky to say the least,
and I can't stand it.
I love the capacity to receivefrom someone who can
authentically give, and I wantto do the same as well, but we
need to practice it every day.
(20:56):
Every day, before you go to bed,I want you to think about one
small act of generosity you cangive to someone tomorrow.
And tomorrow and tomorrow, butit has to be planned and
intentional and it has to besomething that's just not
already doing in your life.
It's got it, but it can besmall.
It can be paying for somebody'scoffee behind you.
It can be a small little letterto say, thank you.
(21:18):
Or just a word of encouragementor a hug or spending a few extra
moments with somebody who needsan ear, as simple as that, but
needs to be intentional and notjust, you just run into it.
Practice it, we need to practiceit.
Permanence, discovery, gratitudeand generosity.
If you want some help with this,I actually have a template that
(21:38):
I use every single day, everymorning of my life.
Now I should CA I should makethe caveat.
No, I don't do it every day.
I strive to every day and thereare days by which I just forget
about it, or life gets crazy andI don't get to it and I can feel
it when I don't do it.
When I don't practice thesethings.
I have a daily journal templatethat helps me.
To keep this practice alive thatI can reflect upon it.
(22:01):
So if you want this journal tohelp, to practice a begin, to
move your life in habitual way,from determination to discovery,
which we all need and actuallytastes the fulfillment and it's
different kind of life, which isa very old life.
Good of living thereal.com/journal template,
living the real.com and real isR E a L.
I just had a, somebody asked meabout, is it R E E L?
(22:24):
And I go, that's funny.
That's I didn't think aboutthat.
It's living the reels andreality living the
real.com/journal.
Template go snag that freetemplate.
I want to give it to you as youbegin practicing right here
right now, and cultivating adeeper sense of awareness of the
discovery and the gifts thatyou're in your life.
And if you're not ready for thatright now, but yet you want to
join me upcoming newsletter,which I give tips and tricks
(22:45):
about how to live the most reallife possible.
Just go to living the real.comscroll down to the bottom and is
joined.
The upcoming newsletter wouldgreatly appreciate that.
I hope this is helpful if theleast thing you do, I'll put a
shout out to watch the SusanneBoyle video from 2009.
And just that alone, I thinkwill actually make your life
begin to change and pivot andsee the two worlds in a palpable
(23:07):
way.
And I bet.
You're going to want the secondworld more than anything,
because more than anything Iwant to see and be seen for who
I am and my complexity of life,and then be received.
And I want you to feel the sameway and want the same, but we
all have to start with ourselvesby changing the way we live our
life and make it contagious toother people.
And then they'll want the samething to have a wonderful week.
(23:29):
I hope this week is one greatweek by what you do truly live
the most real life.
Possible take care and see younext week.
Thank you for listening to thisepisode of living the real.
If you want to check out moreinformation, go to living the
real.com and sign up for mynewsletter.
If you want to support thispodcast, you do that at
patrion.com/ltr as well asone-time payments at Venmo and
(23:54):
PayPal in the show notes.
See you all next episode.
Take care.
Bye-bye.
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