Dan Stanley - Becoming Better Men
In a powerful discussion about masculinity, purpose, and self awareness, ex Army Commando Instructor Dan describes how, far from being a magical time, becoming a new dad led to a 8 month separation in his marriage.
We discover how a chance meeting with an ex premiership footballer, helped him drop his people pleaser mask and literally stop running from his problems.
We discuss the impact of a dad who wasn’t present in his life, running so much your dog gets injured, and seeking to normalise the conversation about modern masculinity. Dan talks about his business principles of creating space for men to develop great relationships with themselves.
Plus… is it sledding or sledging and other pressing questions in 2021.
Contents
01:00 Dan is purposeful, available and congruent
03:00 Ian and the “done” list
04:20 Sledding or Sledging? Snow days as a niche argument in favour of flexible working.
07:25 Birth of Dan’s daughter was the catalyst for “not only the breakdown of my marriage, but also for what was an identity crisis or midlife crisis for me.”
08:10 Dan was running (and avoiding) so much that his spaniel (running partner) actually developed an injury that needed an operation.
09:00 “We separated for about eight months and it was a lonely time.”
11:10 It's all about normalising the conversation for me. Unless you've got a great relationship yourself, you can't have a great relationship with anybody else.
12:30 My dad wasn't present in my life and at the time I never really gave it any significant thought, but…
13:30
Training all arms commandos from the army. Screaming in people's faces, that in my mind, is counterproductive.
15:30
“I was reading a book called Legacy about the psychology of the All Blacks and a man a few loungers down is reading Chimp Paradox. We must have been the only two guys in the Maldives with self help books”
He was an ex premiership footballer, he'd had a couple of the operations, which hadn't worked…
He said a phrase, which has changed the whole trajectory of my life. He said the only difference between a grave and a rut is the depth. I was like, wow. You know, it was straight in my heart.
17:30 Taking massive and immediate action
18:30 Reflecting on ego and masculinity
19:45 It's about creating that space for men to have the conversations they've never had before, to be heard and listened to in a nonjudgmental space.
21:30 I found myself in the Peak District for five days, on a vegan diet. No caffeine, morning meditation and yoga and spirituality and the men's circles. Craig White was a real, a real catalyst for who I became.
24:00: I stepped away from friendship groups that I felt no longer served who I wanted to become. I realised that my values were kind of just social traits that I'd adopted from other people.
26:30 My story is perhaps extreme in a sense, but lots of guys can relate to avoiding, to placing their head in the sand
Tips (27:00)
Bird watching for the soul
A selection of stoic maxims.
- Know thy self - develop yourself awareness.
- Nothing to excess.
- Surety brings ruin.
Listen to Tim Ferris podcast with Jerry Seinfeld
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