August 29, 2023 • 53 mins
Locker Room Talk & Shots Podcast guest, Paula Pardell, is a professional matchmaker and the mastermind behind Bloom Matchmaking. She established and magically found success with her matchmaking venture amidst a global pandemic, and in this episode, she gives my listeners valuable insights into the benefits of matchmaking services over conventional dating apps. If you're looking for a committed, long-term relationship or in need of some dating tips that will up your dating game, then this episode is a goldmine.
From the matchmaking process to a comprehensive timeline, Paula walks us through what quality dating should look like. For both the guys and the gals listening, we’re discussing crucial dating tips, addressing common pitfalls, and emphasizing the importance of balanced communication, appearance, confidence, and vulnerability.
With Paula's expertise, you'll understand why creating superficial qualifications for your dream bae might be killing your love life. And you'll want to listen all the way to the end for her best-kept secret to getting on the match-makers roster at almost no cost! You can find out more about Paula at: https://bloommatchmaking.com/
From the matchmaking process to a comprehensive timeline, Paula walks us through what quality dating should look like. For both the guys and the gals listening, we’re discussing crucial dating tips, addressing common pitfalls, and emphasizing the importance of balanced communication, appearance, confidence, and vulnerability.
With Paula's expertise, you'll understand why creating superficial qualifications for your dream bae might be killing your love life. And you'll want to listen all the way to the end for her best-kept secret to getting on the match-makers roster at almost no cost! You can find out more about Paula at: https://bloommatchmaking.com/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Annette Benedetti (00:01):
Do the sex.
Hi, this is Annette Benedetti,your hostess for a locker room
talk and chocks the podcast thatlikes to think of itself as the
queer NPR of raunchy women'ssex talk.
You are about to sit in on thekind of conversations women have
on their girls' nights out orbehind closed doors, while
enjoying delicious drinks anddishing about sex.
(00:24):
Think, fun, honest and feministas fuck, and always with the
goal of fighting the patriarchy.
One orgasm at a time.
Welcome to the locker room.
Paula Pardel (00:40):
Ring loop.
Annette Benedetti (00:43):
Today's locker room talk and chocks
topic is secrets of a matchmakeryour fast track to finding love
.
Dating is hard.
Dating is hard.
It does not matter what age youare.
If you are young and new to thedating game.
You've been in the dating game,out of the dating game and
you're back in it.
You're an old pro.
(01:05):
Look, most of us have beenthrough the dating app circus
Hinge, tinder, bumble.
We've gone on the first datesagain and again and again and
been disappointed.
We've had false starts and beenthrown back into the dating
game and we're sick of it.
Our hopes are low, but there isa new well, a old new approach
(01:30):
to dating that is reemerging andpeople who are using it are
claiming they're having success.
It is matchmaking.
So why are matchmakers sosuccessful at helping people
like you and me find love?
I don't know.
I don't have those answers foryou, but luckily, my guest today
(01:51):
does.
Paula Pardell is the managingdirector of Bloom Matchmaking.
She's also a master matchmaker.
Paula launched BloomMatchmaking in 2020.
Perhaps not the best timing,but throughout the pandemic and
the aftermath, bloom thrived, asdid many, many of the matches
(02:12):
she made.
So how the heck did she makethat happen?
Well, paula, I am going to handthe mic over to you.
I'd love for you to take amoment to introduce yourself to
my listeners.
Paula Pardel (02:22):
Hi Annette, thanks for having me.
I'm excited to explain howmodern matchmaking works.
My story is a little bitdifferent.
I've done many different thingsin the past.
I was a stay-at-home mom for awhile and it was time for me to
get back to work.
I came across the matchmakingposition, so I worked for them
(02:43):
for a bit.
They didn't turn out to be thebest company, but I took it and
I took it as an opportunity andI ran with it.
I formed my own company and Iwanted to be an ethical company
that truly helped people.
I've learned so much.
I've met so many other peoplein the industry since then and
it's just been a great ride ithas.
(03:05):
We were pivoting through COVIDand we made it.
Actually, covid was a littlegood for matchmaking because
people have realized that adeeper connection and healthy
relationships are important inyour life.
So many of us COVID hit.
We were in a toxic relationshipor we didn't have anyone at all
.
A lot of people went online andthey're trying to find that,
(03:30):
and then they were looking foralternatives and matchmaking is
something that is feeling a bitof a renaissance right now, I
guess you could say it is havinga renaissance, definitely
seeing more and more of it,hearing wonderful things about
it, so I'm excited to get intoit.
Annette Benedetti (03:48):
And, listener , if you're wondering what
you're going to get out of thisyou're not only going to learn
what matchmaking is about and alittle bit about the process
behind it.
Paula is going to grace us withsome tips so that when we kick
back tonight and start thinkingabout searching for our next
(04:09):
best match, or if you're in thekind of that heart of dating
right now, you're going to havesome real, solid information and
insight into finding your bestmatch in the least amount of
time.
Lots of great takeaways.
So, paula, I'm having coffeeand you are having tea, correct,
(04:30):
this is a morning conversationand cheers.
Let's talk about finding love.
I'm into it.
I love to talk about, I'mexcited, I'm excited about this
conversation.
But what I really want to startwith is look, I get sucked into
all of the matchmaking TV shows.
Love is blind, the ultimate.
(04:54):
All of these shows that are outthere about people finding love
and the process that reallyleads to long-term love, and I
think most of us now just watchit for entertainment.
We know it's mostly bull.
So what I want to know is thiswhat is matchmaking?
Paula Pardel (05:13):
Well, I guess it's people that are dating with
intention to find a long-term,committed relationship.
They're serious about dating,they're sick of the games and
they need a little help.
I'm like I like to say I'm likesomeone's wing woman.
You know I'm there with youevery step of the way, helping
you through the process, gettingfeedback from date and matching
(05:36):
you with people that are on thesame level as you and someone
that has compatibility with you.
Annette Benedetti (05:41):
Who do you work with?
Is this all age ranges?
What about genders and sexualorientation?
Paula Pardel (05:52):
I work with straight people, and the only
reason for that is that withinthe matchmaker community, people
have many different niches andthey're experts at those niches,
and that is not something thatI'm an expert at.
So I would refer people thatare LGBTQ plus to my matchmakers
that can help them better thanI can.
(06:13):
They're going to have moreavailability and more knowledge
of what they're looking for andhow things work in that world.
Generally, my clients are verysuccessful people.
They're doctors, they'relawyers, they're CEOs, they've
got their life together, theyhave their career.
But that one thing is missingand they need some help.
Maybe they don't have time andmaybe they're a high profile
(06:37):
person where they're not goingto put their face on an app.
So they like the personalizedattention, the guidance and the
privacy of working with amatchmaker maker also, and I
also have their best interest inmind.
You know, since these peopleare, you know, relatively
wealthy people, I have theirself interest in mind too,
(07:01):
because I want to find someonethat likes them for them and not
for who they are or what theyhave.
Annette Benedetti (07:08):
And what is the age range?
Paula Pardel (07:11):
Generally it is around middle age or so you know
I get some older people, butlately I'm getting a lot Some
younger people in their 30s thatare sick of the game and
everything too, so really allages.
Annette Benedetti (07:27):
So you primarily are seeing, let's say,
30 to maybe 50, 60?
Paula Pardel (07:33):
60, 65.
I know another matchmaker thathas a client that's 92.
Annette Benedetti (07:40):
Can you tell me a little bit about the
process?
When someone comes to you andthey're like I have been on the
apps or I don't have time to dothe apps and I don't have time
to go on billion dates, whathappens next?
Paula Pardel (07:56):
Well, first of all they fill out a profile on my
database so I can get to knowthem and I can get to know what
they, what they're looking for.
We schedule a call or zoom andsometimes I'll meet people for
coffee and then we talk about.
You know what's been going onin your dating world, what has
happened in your relationships.
What do you think is your blockof not?
(08:18):
You haven't found that person.
You know the dating apps can be.
They're challenging, they'regood in a lot of ways, but
they're bad in a lot of waysalso.
You know they've sort of madedating a bit superficial or
shallow.
You know people just think thatthere's an endless supply and
they're just going to keepswiping and swiping and one day
(08:39):
it's like low and behold, thatperson, perfect person, is going
to going to appear.
And you know and I also talkedto people about needs and wants
you know what is reallyimportant in a healthy
relationship.
You know we start with thefoundation of it and try to get
those things right.
And you know and telling peoplethat you know maybe you should
(09:00):
be a little more open mindedabout who you're looking for.
It's not that you want tosettle for someone or anything
like that.
But some things aren't thatimportant.
You know, some of thesuperficial things that people
say that they need to have,those things just aren't
important.
You know, profile and picturesare all one dimensional.
Annette Benedetti (09:21):
Can you explain or share some of what
you think are the sort of moreshallow, less important things
that people put out there firstwhen looking for a partner?
Paula Pardel (09:35):
Okay, not everyone , but a lot of times, you know,
men and women have theirdifferent things.
A lot of women are obsessedwith height and you know you
have to realize that only lessthan 15% of the population is
six foot and over.
So you're eliminating a lot ofpeople.
You've got to think about howmany people are single, how many
of them are good guys, how manyof them want a relationship,
(09:57):
and so on and so on and so on inyour area.
So that just really limits you.
And I've never had a couple youtalked to a happy couple that
said, gosh, I'm so happy Imarried a tall guy.
You know, that's just reallywhat made our relationship work.
You know you need somebody thatvibes with you.
You know that you can have funwith.
(10:19):
That makes you feel good aboutyourself, and you know.
And then there's also the menside of the things too.
You know some of them are hungup on age.
You know a lot of successfulmen believe that they need to
find, you know, some hot chickthat has arm candy, and you know
those send like a descriptionof someone you know.
(10:39):
I'm sure you can just imagine.
Annette Benedetti (10:41):
So older, successful men are wanting young
, pretty things or the way thatthey tend to look at it.
Paula Pardel (10:49):
Some you know not all of them, of course, but you
know there are people out thereand you know they have to
realize that women nowadaysaren't as likely there still are
, but there aren't as likely togo into a relationship like that
because women don't need toanymore.
Annette Benedetti (11:05):
I love that you said that.
Say it for the people in theback of the room, Paula.
Paula Pardel (11:11):
Women don't need a man.
I mean like need?
You know it's nice, but youknow we don't need someone to
take care of us.
Annette Benedetti (11:21):
I women don't need men anymore in the way
that we traditionally did and wedid because we didn't have
rights.
And now we have rights and wecan get jobs and we can support
ourselves and we don't have todo all of the hard stuff and
relationships that we had to dobefore.
And while I think younger menare just growing up knowing this
(11:41):
, I think that there is in myexperience, because I am, you
know, 49 and have been datingoff and on for quite a while,
and I am just shocked at howmany men just don't get it.
Like the landscape has changedin so many ways, and I think
(12:04):
that is a big thing.
I love that you mentioned theheight thing too, because I
think it's so silly.
I mean, I get you know, all ofus having our preferences and
wanting to feel small and daintybecause of exactly all of those
things that we should haveovercome by now.
Right, the idea that we need tobe small and dainty to be, you
(12:24):
know, attractive or whatever.
So I love that you point thoseshallow things out.
Now, do you find that yourclients are receptive when you
say, hey, I hear you want thisthing.
However, comma, maybe youshould throw that one out the
door.
Paula Pardel (12:43):
That's a case by case thing.
You know some people are.
You know if people put out toomany things like that, I won't
take them as a client.
You know it's just too hard andyou know neither of us are
going to be happy in thatrelationship, you know, with the
matchmaker and a client.
Annette Benedetti (13:00):
Yeah, I imagine, though it sounds to me
like you're promising, or tryingto promise, a true, authentic,
deep love between two people,which is never going to be had
when you're matching peoplebased on inauthentic you know
traits.
So what would you say are someof the most important things
(13:24):
that people need to be matchedon?
Like, when you're talking toyour client and they're like
well, I'd like her boobs to bethis big and I want him to be
this tall, and blah, blah, blah,what do you say to them?
Hey, here's what we really wantto look at when putting you
(13:45):
with a good match.
Paula Pardel (13:47):
Someone who's ready for a relationship, that's
open minded, someone that'sgoing to communicate with you,
understand you, someone that'son the.
You know it's important, youknow a lot of times to have
someone on the same level as you.
You know, and I think it's nice.
You know, personally, I thinksomeone that's in the same age
(14:07):
range is nice too, becauseyou're more compatible, you have
more things in common.
You get those little jokes Ithink I had said before.
You know, the profiles in thepictures are one dimensional.
You really have to get outthere and you have to meet the
person and just, you know, seeif that connection or that
chemistry is there.
Some people will say that, youknow, I don't want to date
anyone that has issues.
(14:28):
Well, you know, if you'remiddle age and you don't have
any issues or baggage yet, haveyou even been living?
Have you just been living in acloset?
You know, but it's how we dealwith those issues, how we work
on ourselves and how we moveforward in our attitude.
You know, a lot of men were andpeople were.
You know I would never see atherapist or a counselor or
(14:51):
anything like that.
But that's the new sexy isworking on yourself.
You know see someone talk aboutit.
Annette Benedetti (14:58):
The new sexy is being willing to work on
yourself.
Another great poly quote thenew sexy is being willing to
work on yourself.
And that is so true, Absolutelytrue.
I love that you point that out.
And do you actually find that alot of people are saying that
when your clients that come toyou like I don't do therapy,
(15:23):
blah, blah, blah?
Paula Pardel (15:24):
No, I don't hear that so much.
I think people are more openminded to that and you know
that's such a good thing that'scome about, and maybe COVID has
helped with that too, becausepeople realize.
You know you're sitting in yourhousehold and you're in your
head too much.
You know you need to talk tosomebody.
You know I think we all didthat and that's just not good
for anybody.
(15:44):
You know more and more men cometo me and they say that you
know I've worked on myself and Ireally think I'm ready to get
into a relationship now.
Annette Benedetti (15:54):
I love that.
Now here's a question becausewhen I went back into the dating
world after I had been marriedand separated, one thing that I
knew was so important for methat is a non-negotiable is
being sexually compatible, and Iknow that some of that you
can't find out until you're inthe sack, but I definitely have
(16:15):
questions.
I will ask you know before thefirst date is over, about sex
and interests and openness andadventure being adventurous.
Do you ask any questions aboutthat Is?
Does that come in like if I, ifI were to hire a matchmaker and
say, hey, I want to look forall these other things, but I
(16:37):
really need a partner who isinto X, y and Z or open to X, y
and Z.
Is that something that youfactor into your matchmaking?
Paula Pardel (16:48):
Yes, it is factored into to it A lot of
what I do.
We don't really talk about sexthe whole lot, but I do gauge,
like how important that is tothem, because some people just
not that important and you knowyou want to put somebody with
someone that you know has anequal puts an equal importance
on that, and I try to tellpeople actually don't talk about
(17:09):
sex for a while.
You know you want to get toknow the person without getting
all those the chemistry and thefeelings and the butterflies
going, because that clouds yourjudgment.
Annette Benedetti (17:21):
How long are you with your clients so you
match them up with someone.
They go on a date.
At what point, let's say, theyfind a date and they keep dating
?
How long do you stay with them?
Paula Pardel (17:35):
Everyone's a little different.
You know, some people require alittle more hand holding than
others, which is fine.
You know, a lot of times athird date and then they sort of
, you know, they fly away and gooff on their own.
But then, you know, I'll havepeople come back and ask me for
advice.
I had one client that I hadgotten to a relationship.
(17:58):
He called me four months laterand he's like you know, I really
feel like I love her.
You think I should tell her?
I'm like, yes, you should tellher.
So we told her and they'restill in love.
There's such a cute couplethat's, you know.
So just advice like that,because we're just unsure of
ourselves and you need someonethat you know is the on the
(18:21):
outside looking in.
I'm not your friend, I'm notyour family.
You know I'm going to give itto you straight and I do this
stuff every day that being said.
Annette Benedetti (18:31):
How long would you advise, and would it
be different for man versuswoman, someone to wait before?
Uh, let's start with the firstkiss.
Can the first kiss happen onthe first date?
It can.
Paula Pardel (18:45):
You know, if you're feeling it, you know, go
for it.
But, like I said, you know it.
Just when you get all thosebutterflies and everything I
like to say, you know, we startto put our rose colored glasses
on and we're not seeing thingsas clearly.
We all do it, it doesn't matterwho we are, I do it, you know,
and we're we're thinking aboutwho we want this person to be
(19:06):
and that's where we're seeing.
Annette Benedetti (19:08):
You would also suggest waiting a while for
sex.
I would love for you to give mylisteners like, just from your
perspective, I'm like what wouldyou say?
A timeline on that.
If someone were to say to youjust give me a timeline and I'll
follow it, what would you say?
Paula Pardel (19:25):
Seven dates, seven quality dates.
You know, if you feelcomfortable with that person, if
you trust that person and youjust can't wait anymore and you
gotta jump his bones, go for it.
You know.
Annette Benedetti (19:38):
I love it.
All right, seven dates, sevenquality dates.
I wanna make sure they heardwhat you said.
It's not seven like you met upfor, like you know, five minutes
to like high five or what.
Paula Pardel (19:51):
This is quality dates, so In person date, not
texting dates.
Annette Benedetti (19:58):
That's not a date.
I'm sorry, but that's not adate.
Or like I don't considervirtual dates.
A day really like not a thing.
In my opinion, I have to be insomeone's presence.
What would a quality date befrom your perspective?
Let's say you match two peopleand they go on a date and one of
(20:19):
them comes back and says thisis what my person came up with.
What would a quality date be?
Paula Pardel (20:26):
Well, as far as what you're doing, you know
something.
You know.
I do think you know we do goback to gender roles and I think
some traditional gender roleshave held up for the most part.
You know, a woman does like aman to take initiative and plan
a date and he should take intoconsideration who she is.
You know, what little he knowsabout her.
(20:47):
You know, and try to make it afun, interesting date where you
can get to know someone you know.
Maybe you know the traditionaldate of dinner in a movie A
movie's not a very good datebecause we're just sitting there
watching the movie.
We're not connecting with people.
You know, I like the dateswhere you're doing something,
like I had a singles event andan X throwing place and that was
(21:11):
just so much fun because nobodyreally knew what they were
doing so we could all laugh atourselves and it was just a
blast.
You know, with a littlecompetitive and you know you're
up and you're doing something,you really get to know someone.
But aside from where your dateis or what you do, a quality
date is a date where you learnabout someone.
(21:34):
That's what you're there for isto learn about that person, for
them to learn about you alittle bit at a time.
You know you just don't wannathrow it all out there at once,
but you know taking it slow andyou know peeling.
I like to say it's like peelingan onion.
You know you peel it slowly.
It's not as offensive.
(21:55):
You know, if you were to justpeel it all out at the same time
it could be a little offensive.
But just a little bit at a time.
Getting to know someone.
Annette Benedetti (22:05):
Yeah, now you get your male clients, you get
your female clients and theysend in their questionnaires.
How do you decide who you'regonna put together?
Do people just kind of pop upfor you right away, or do you
sometimes go dude, I don't knowwho I'm gonna match you with,
(22:27):
and how many dates do you try toget each of your clients, or
what is the typical requirementjust to get someone to someone
they like?
Paula Pardel (22:38):
Yeah, everybody's different.
Sometimes it's the first oneout of the gate, you know, and
I'm like, yes, that's nice, butsometimes it takes a little bit
because I'm not a magician, Ican't, you know, gauge chemistry
for someone.
But typically I would say, youknow, I try to get everyone at
(23:02):
least two dates a month at least, and I wouldn't take on someone
as a client unless I was prettysure that I already had matches
for them.
And one piece of advice is thatpretty much all matchmakers
have a free database that youcan get into If you Google
matchmaker in your area.
And if they have a freedatabase, get into all the
(23:24):
matchmakers' databases, evenacross the country, because
they're working with people whoare dating intentionally, for
real, and they need matches forthese people.
So if you come up as a matchfor one of their clients, you
know it doesn't guaranteeanything, but if you do come up
as a match for one of theirclients, they're reaching out to
(23:45):
you and that's free for youbecause we're recruiting for our
client.
Annette Benedetti (23:50):
Wait a second .
This is big, so you can there'stwo sides of it.
Yeah, Can you explain this tome?
So you can look up matchmakersin your area or across the
country and you can get intotheir database?
Is what you're saying?
Have yourself put in theirdatabase and then, if someone
(24:14):
they're trying to match sees youor you see a fit, then they're
gonna reach out to you.
Paula Pardel (24:22):
Right and it's private.
You know it's not somethingthat anyone's swiping through
and you'll get invited to.
You know a lot of us haveevents and things like that.
You'll get invited to eventsand I've matched a lot of my
free people to my paying clientsbecause we're you know, we're a
bit it looks like a recruiter.
We're recruiting for ourclients, so we need inventory
and it sounds sort of cold, butyou know we need people.
Annette Benedetti (24:46):
Do you find you need more women or men?
Paula Pardel (24:49):
So my marketing, where I spend my money on
marketing, is marketing towardsmen.
Mostly Women are open to thesesorts of things.
They get it.
Annette Benedetti (24:59):
Right, right, all right.
Well, so look up thematchmakers in your area and do
you just Google free database oryou go to their website, since
easy to find.
Paula Pardel (25:09):
Yeah, just Google matchmaker in your area and most
of us have a free database.
Some people will charge alittle bit to be in their
database, but they do offersomething along that with that,
like a coaching session, or ifthey do charge, they'll make you
like a premium database memberbecause they know a lot more
about you.
Annette Benedetti (25:30):
All right.
Well, that right there.
That's the golden tip.
All right, so someone pays youto do this and a good amount?
Is that for an unlimited amountof dates?
Have you found that some peopleneed more?
You know you send someone ontheir first date.
They find love great.
(25:50):
Have you ever found someonethat is like we're 10 dates in
and it's still not working out?
Paula Pardel (25:56):
Yeah, and we do.
We'll have a head to head.
You know I'm coaching them,talking to them.
You know what do you think isgoing on with these dates?
You know, and the feedback sohelpful because I get the
feedback from both sides.
A lot of times the story issomewhere in the middle, you
know, but you know, so helpingthem through that.
And generally when I do acontract, I sign it for an
(26:18):
amount of time six months a yearand it's not based on number of
matches, because that's justtough.
I don't wanna promise what Ican't deliver.
I'd rather under promise andover deliver.
Annette Benedetti (26:31):
Yeah, that's interesting.
So this is more into theprocess.
Someone goes on a date, theyget done with the date.
They come back.
You get the rundown on the datefrom both sides.
That is a goldmine ofinformation.
What have you learned?
What have you learned from that?
Paula Pardel (26:52):
I have an older gentleman who's very horny and
he talks about sex too soon andit turns women off.
And it's not that they're not.
I've already, you know, spokento them about these things and
they do like sex because I tellthem, you know that I don't
check for that, because I knowthat's what he wants, you know,
and but he just gets into it toosoon and it's just a big turn
(27:16):
off for women, you know.
And so we've had to go back andtalk about that and I think
he's realizing his mistakes andhe's not talking about that.
And it's not that he's hereally is looking for the one,
he's just he's had badexperiences in the past, I guess
you know.
And then what else?
Sometimes we don't listen, youknow, we talk over people.
(27:39):
Oh, we talk about our exes.
That's number one.
Oh my Lord, you cannot talkabout your exes or your past.
You're there to get you know,to move forward and to talk to
that person.
You can talk about all thatstuff, you know, once the
relationship proceeds a littlebit more.
Annette Benedetti (27:55):
That's great advice.
Don't talk about your exes, andI think also in my experience
like ask questions If you'rejust talking about yourself all
the way through the day.
That's bad, Bad.
Paula Pardel (28:11):
Asking open, asking open-ended questions.
You know questions that likethere's a lot of different
questions you can ask, but likewhat is your happiest memory?
What's your favorite place totravel to, for instance, because
that elicits joy into someoneand they want to talk about that
.
And then the you know you canfind commonalities throughout
(28:31):
the conversation and it carriesthe conversation into different
places.
Annette Benedetti (28:36):
Open-ended questions.
That's a great tip for dating.
Any other tips?
Let's say, what are some tipsfor going on dates that you
would give to men specifically,and then we'll do women.
Paula Pardel (28:48):
Listen, be a good communicator, complement her on
something other than the way shelooks.
I think it's a good idea,although we like to, we all, you
know.
We all know what we like to betold.
We look nice, but, you know,deeper compliments are always a
good thing to dress nice, looknice, get a haircut, shave, you
(29:14):
know, don't wear your, you know,long, long, long clothes and
things like that.
Annette Benedetti (29:21):
And that's for seven dates.
Guys, seven dates.
Do all of those things, please.
I want y'all to know I havebeen on dates with both men and
women, both men and women whohave shown up in what looked
like clothes they had beenwearing for a week and
unshowered, and I've just beenlike, are you kidding me?
(29:43):
Do you know how much effort Iput in to myself to go on a date
?
I start two hours ahead of time, two hours to make sure my
stuff is dialed in.
I would like to have a datethat looks at least like they
put you know, a solid 45.
Paula Pardel (30:03):
Yeah, they don't put it as an effort for a date
or they get to put effort intothe relationship.
I mean it makes them look lazyand slob and like for women and
men, when you look nice, youdon't just look nice for that
other person, you look nice foryourself and you feel good about
yourself.
Confidence is the best thingyou can wear to a date.
Annette Benedetti (30:23):
Confidence is definitely the best thing you
could wear to date.
So for women, what are the topdating tips for them?
Paula Pardel (30:33):
Well, you know they shouldn't be hung up on the
past.
You know the X talk.
You know they can't do that.
You know they have to embracetheir femininity a little bit
too.
You know we all have ourfeminine, masculine side, and
any more these days women haveto be more powerful at work.
(30:53):
You know we have.
You know we have to be moversand shakers at work or whatever.
But you have to dial that downa little bit once you go on a
date and embrace your femininity, because you know a lot of guys
, you know they appreciate thatand you know they want to take
care of a woman, you know.
So, just embracing thosedifference, and you know on the
(31:15):
other side, two men have toembrace their masculine and
their feminine sides also.
You know being open and beingcommunicative.
You know like it's a workingout yourself, because you know
traditionally men aren'tsupposed to show emotion.
You know they're supposed to bestrong and proud and you know
they're not supposed to do that.
But that's not good for arelationship.
Annette Benedetti (31:39):
Yeah, isn't that interesting.
Actually, what it kind of comesdown to on some level is
everybody needs to get a littlebit more feminine, right?
I mean, that's that is therelationship making stuff when
you can be soft and vulnerablewith each other and let down
like we live in this world thatis so demanding and asks for us
(32:00):
to be just so hard andaggressive.
And when we come into datingscenario, we want to be in our
fun, soft, vulnerable, openparts of ourselves and I don't
think traditionally that's wheremen went and now we're like hey
, we need you here because thisis the downtime side of us and
(32:22):
this is where we're going toreally enjoy our relationship,
right?
Paula Pardel (32:27):
And you brought up fun Dating should be fun.
You know you went on a date.
It was, it was okay or it wasterrible.
Just chalk it up to learning.
You know I learned somethingfrom that and I'm going to move
forward and I'm going to datesomeone else and maybe the next
time it'll be different, right?
Annette Benedetti (32:45):
right, all right.
Red flags on a first date.
What are for my listeners whenthey're on the date they planned
for this weekend?
What are your top three redflags?
Let's start with women.
If these things are happening,red flag it.
Paula Pardel (33:07):
A woman too needy, the X talk first too needy.
Annette Benedetti (33:16):
Can we talk about that for a second?
In my experience and it'sinteresting because this does,
of course I am bisexual.
I have dated both men and women.
I think how that's shown up inmy dates with women.
I've had women I've gone onfirst dates with who are
literally like they're just likeare you going to like want to
move in with someone soon, likethey get into this, like truly
(33:43):
you haul, if things go welltonight, I'm looking at when are
we going to move in together,when I want you to be monogamous
tomorrow, like you are mine,how many other dates do you have
lined up?
And for me, that's true, thatis too much.
I'm like I'm just trying todecide if I want date two right
now man.
Paula Pardel (34:05):
Yeah, you know talking about that, those things
too soon is going to freakanybody out.
You know you got to take itslow, you know, and just you
know moving forward, and youknow the purpose of a first date
is to close the deal and get asecond date.
Ask for that second date whileyou're on the first date.
Oh, I love that, if you'refeeling it.
Annette Benedetti (34:26):
That is a great tip.
So for women, don't be askingabout marriage yet, let's just
try to get date two.
So, and then talking about exes, and then maybe a third one.
What's a third red flag wethrow out?
Paula Pardel (34:40):
for the women not listening to him talking over
him, and it goes both ways Allright.
Annette Benedetti (34:47):
Men, I think I can think of a million red
flags, but I want you to give methe top, the top three red
flags, that men need to watchout for it's hard to break it
down to the top three, but wecan do it.
Paula Pardel (34:59):
I know, I think, gosh, my mind goes so many
different places.
But there we go.
The communication thing, youknow, listen to her Really,
you're there to get to know her.
You know, don't flirt withother people.
Oh God, pay the check, don't berude, can we?
Annette Benedetti (35:16):
go back to.
Don't flirt with other women,just look for one night.
You are with this person for alimited amount of time.
If it is so hard for you not tocheck out other and I'm not
look, we're all human Once youare in a relationship with
someone.
The reality is we do look atother people and we should all
like chill out about that stuff.
(35:37):
But on your first date, like befocused on the person in front
of you and ask her questions.
We will notice if you'rechecking out other women or
being too friendly.
Oh yes.
Paula Pardel (35:50):
We do notice that we, you know.
That is one thing about women.
We do pick up on a lot.
You know, when I get a brand,someone as a client, I'll take
them out to eat because I wantto see how they interact with
people.
You can learn a lot fromsomebody over a meal.
How they treat people, you know.
Are they, you know, picky?
Annette Benedetti (36:10):
And I imagine men do this more often than
women Bring up sex on the firstdate.
Paula Pardel (36:17):
Yeah, don't bring up sex, I mean don't sexualize
her right off the get go,because she's going to think
that you're just in it for onething.
Annette Benedetti (36:25):
Right, and you know, sometimes we all are
in it for one thing, and I wouldnot hire a matchmaker for that.
I would hit Tinder.
That's where you do that kindof thing.
Do not waste your money on amatchmaker if that's what you
want to do Right.
Paula Pardel (36:41):
If you're looking just to hit it with somebody,
that's fine.
You know, if everybody's all onboard for it, cool.
And if you can do that mentallycool, Good for you.
But yeah, that's not the kindof people I work with?
Annette Benedetti (36:54):
How long does it typically a contract with
someone?
How long does it typically takefor you to find them?
Paula Pardel (37:02):
I could like a six month contract.
I think three months isn'tenough.
I've done three month contracts.
I think six months is justabout right.
A year might be a little toomuch to work with someone, like
if it's taking you a year it's.
Annette Benedetti (37:17):
maybe it's you, Maybe you need to go back
to the therapist.
Paula Pardel (37:22):
And you know, sometimes you know their issues
are out of my scope of practice.
I guess you could say so I willrefer them.
One thing that's cool that Istarted doing is I'm working
with an autism coach.
He works with people who are onthe spectrum of having a social
(37:43):
life and dating.
So we're working together tohelp people that on the spectrum
find love too.
Annette Benedetti (37:50):
Oh my God, I love that.
I love that because I thinkmore and more people are finding
that they are Like they've beenmisdiagnosed and those have
been some of the barriers forthem to finding love.
And so maybe at some point inthe near future, you and I could
sit down and have aconversation and give people who
(38:14):
are on the spectrum some adviceon their dating life, because
I'm sure that looks a lotdifferent for them.
Paula Pardel (38:21):
Well, I would love to it does look for different
from them because they just havethey don't have those social
skills and they don't.
They don't read people as well.
Annette Benedetti (38:33):
Okay, Well then we will.
We will bookmark that and wewill get that out there for you
listeners.
So if you or someone you knowis on the spectrum, I'm going to
have Paula come back and giveus some answers about how to go
about dating it when you are onthe spectrum.
So before we go because we'reat that time, we're sending my
(38:56):
listeners off with some of yourbest dating advice.
What are some pieces of adviceyou can give them that they
probably haven't heard often ordon't want to hear, but that, in
your opinion, are some of themost important things when
dating to find love that youthink are going to be key to
(39:17):
getting them to that long-termrelationship.
Paula Pardel (39:20):
Being ready to move forward, having a positive
attitude about it.
No one wants to date someonethat is negative.
You know, as a Debbie Downer orwhatever, you know having that
positive attitude and generallywhat you put out there is what
you're going to get back.
So you know you have to carryyourself well, be open-minded,
(39:43):
and we had already mentioned,you know, working on yourself.
Annette Benedetti (39:47):
You need to be ready, not just wanting
someone because you want someone, but you need to actually be
ready and emotionally available.
And what benefits would you sayare offered through matchmaking
versus hitting the apps?
Paula Pardel (40:07):
Well, I guess the benefit is that you've got
someone you know working on yourbehalf advocating for you.
When I bring up a client, youknow I'm vouching for them.
They've had a background checkand I'm here vouching for that
client.
You know sort of like it'sabout marketing.
(40:28):
You know you do have to marketyourself.
It's not as that sounds, butyou do.
You know we're marketing you to.
You know whoever you want tofind and I'm doing that for you
on your behalf.
You know telling that personhow wonderful you are, what you
want and he's a great guy.
And you know he's dating withintention.
(40:50):
That's a big thing, you know.
I let people know that.
You know we're not playinggames, we're not looking for
hookups, we're not doing allthat ghosting and all that other
stuff.
We are looking for arelationship.
Annette Benedetti (41:02):
So a big benefit would be that you bypass
things like no one's going tobe ghosting each other.
They're not going to do thatwhile they're under you.
That's, I assume, unacceptablebehavior.
I am also assuming you do someof the curation of the photos
and the the profile that youshare, so you know that you make
(41:23):
sure they don't send or put upbad photos, right.
Paula Pardel (41:27):
No, we don't do that.
We don't do bathroom selfiesand fish pictures and stuff like
that.
You know you do have to putyour best foot forward and have
good photos.
I work with a wonderfulpersonal photographer.
We'll give you a make.
Women, you know, sometimes theywant to make over and that just
makes you feel good.
You know, whenever we get amakeover, we feel good.
(41:49):
We have good pictures, you know, and the pictures are going to
be real pictures.
You know you're someone thatcould show up on the date and be
a totally different person with10 year old pictures or
anything like that either.
Annette Benedetti (42:02):
So you bypass that.
Do you help them write aprofile or do you put the
profile together for them?
Paula Pardel (42:08):
I'll help them write the profile.
I will help people on the appsa little bit.
Sometimes they like to do likemore of a hybrid approach to
matchmaking, where I'm workingwith a matchmaker, also coaching
them on the apps.
You know, getting the photosright, writing your profile to
attract the kind of person youwant to attract.
Those first texts.
(42:29):
Oh, and you know the big thingin modern relationships I think
these texting relationships thatpeople think they can get into
with each other.
People text too much.
You can't text into arelationship.
You've got to.
If you know.
If you can't meet in person,get on the phone, make plans If
you feel comfortable, meet them.
You know if you're meeting them.
(42:50):
You know off of dating app,make sure you're.
Somebody knows where you'regoing, you're in a public place,
but you have to meet someone.
You can't just text arelationship.
We build a false sense of whatsomeone is over text Good or bad
.
You know I've got doctors thatdon't like to text and people
say, is he a literate?
(43:10):
I'm like, no, he's not aliterate, he's a doctor.
He just doesn't want to text.
You know people have differentstyle of texting.
You know just short and quicktexts and the other people want
to write a book and they getoffended.
If you know, one person is adifferent style of textors.
My God, it, just it goessideways in so many ways.
Annette Benedetti (43:27):
So you, you coach with the texting, you
coach them in their texting.
That is a big benefit tomatchmaking boy.
I've texted with people thatreally, really could have used
your help, and so here's aquestion that just popped into
my mind with you talking, Ididn't realize you do hybrid,
which is awesome.
What app out of all of themwould you recommend to people?
Paula Pardel (43:55):
A lot of people ask that and I wouldn't
recommend any one app over theother.
I would recommend the apps thatyou feel better with on how
they work.
You know just the way.
You know the batching works andthings like that, and the apps
are going to be different in anyarea that you're in.
You just have to be careful onthe app, you know.
(44:16):
Stay safe, have a little bit ofan open mind, you know, and I,
you know I coach them on.
You know being safe and how tocheck people out with a lot of
not a whole lot of information.
You know my job is a little bitof detective work.
You know we got to find outabout these people, but you know
the apps can work.
(44:36):
You know it's tough, though Alot of times by the time people
get to me they're like heck.
No, I don't want to be on theapps anymore at all.
I just want you to take care ofit for me.
Annette Benedetti (44:48):
Right, right.
So you're getting a lot ofextras with a matchmaker.
You're getting someone who'scurating your matches, who's
helping you create profile.
That isn't humiliating?
I have to tell you, I'mmortified, especially in my age
range, which, let's say, betweenthe ages of 40 and up.
(45:12):
Men do not, should not becreating their own profiles.
They just I don't know what youguys are doing, but it's, it's,
it's nightmarish, like I couldput some scary music behind me
while flipping through profilesand be like this is how I will
die if I go on on dates withthese guys.
So it's nice that you areoffering all of that help.
(45:37):
I also think for people whoespecially if you are not thick
skinned like ghosting happens alot in the dating world on apps
and when you don't have help,being treated poorly, being sent
dick pics, I mean like terriblethings said, I happen to have a
thick skin and it's like wateroff my back, but I know that a
(46:02):
lot of people are really trulytraumatized and deeply
emotionally affected by some ofthe treatment that takes place
on apps, and so I have to assumethat when you have a matchmaker
, you've got someone basicallyemotionally taking care of you
and making sure that you aren'treceiving this kind of treatment
(46:24):
that can be so damaging to yourability to connect.
Paula Pardel (46:29):
It's too bad.
People are like that, you know,and if they do get bad
responses, I'm there to you know.
Tell them that.
You know that he wasn't for you.
She wasn't for you, you know.
Let's move forward, put itbehind you.
In the age of social media, somany people hide behind their
screens and they feel like theycan say all these things that
they wouldn't necessarily say tosomeone's face, which is
(46:54):
unfortunate.
Annette Benedetti (46:56):
So I just assume that going to matchmaker
weeds out just most of that kindof stuff.
Paula Pardel (47:04):
Oh yeah, yeah, I can't weed out a lot.
If they're going to, you know,continue on the apps.
But you know, when you'reworking with me on a matchmaker,
know that those things are nothappening and if they do,
they're gone.
I don't put up with that at all.
Annette Benedetti (47:17):
There are things that you would cut
someone off for.
Just for my listeners lookingfor a safe option, something
that they're like, oh you know,a matchmaker is worth it just to
know that these are the thingsthat would be weeded out in her
screening process.
Paula Pardel (47:36):
I do a background check.
It's a comprehensive backgroundcheck.
You know we'll make sure theyaren't a criminal or acts murder
.
And especially women withchildren.
We want to make sure that theydon't have bad intentions with
them.
You know that would scare me todeath.
Dating, you know, with my kids,you know I'm there for you, you
know being, you know,supportive and your cheerleader
(48:00):
and you know wanting to make yousucceed.
Annette Benedetti (48:03):
If a woman goes on a date with a man and
something bad does happen, or hesays something rude, or he and
let's I don't want to just sayone way or the other If a man or
a woman goes on a date withsomeone and then they ghost them
or they do something reallyrude or awful at dinner or
whatever, what are some thingsthat would cause you to drop
(48:25):
someone as a client fortreatment of another person?
Paula Pardel (48:33):
Someone that's not open to criticism or someone
that doesn't take my advice,that keeps on doing the same
things over and over again.
That jeopardizes my reputationas a matchmaker.
Annette Benedetti (48:44):
So matchmakers keep you safe, weed
out the riffraff and on the sidethey're helping people on the
apps.
I hope I hope you know got toupgrade some of the game out
there.
So, after listening to this, ifsomeone is wanting to hire you,
how Can they find you where?
And I also know, on yourwebsite you actually also update
(49:09):
with articles with datingadvice and stuff like that.
So how can my listeners findyou?
Paula Pardel (49:15):
You can find me on my website, bloom B-L-O-O-M
matchmakingcom.
I'm on all the social mediaFacebook, instagram, linkedin.
Fred, yeah, finally, give me acall, my phone number.
I accept phone calls.
I got my phone number on mywebsite.
I'd love to talk to people.
Annette Benedetti (49:36):
Do check out, paula.
And Paula, we will be talkingto you soon.
I would love to talk aboutdating on the spectrum.
Thank you so much for joiningme today.
Thank you, it was a lot of fun.
Yeah, it was tons of fun.
I learned a lot.
So, listeners, until next timeI'll see you in the locker room.
(49:56):
Cheers, cheers.
Paula Pardel (50:05):
L懂.
Do the sex.
Hi, this is Annette Benedetti,your hostess for a locker room
talk and chocks the podcast thatlikes to think of itself as the
queer NPR of raunchy women'ssex talk.
You are about to sit in on thekind of conversations women have
on their girls' nights out orbehind closed doors, while
enjoying delicious drinks anddishing about sex.
(00:24):
Think, fun, honest and feministas fuck, and always with the
goal of fighting the patriarchy.
One orgasm at a time.
Welcome to the locker room.
Paula Pardel (00:40):
Ring loop.
Annette Benedetti (00:43):
Today's locker room talk and chocks
topic is secrets of a matchmakeryour fast track to finding love
.
Dating is hard.
Dating is hard.
It does not matter what age youare.
If you are young and new to thedating game.
You've been in the dating game,out of the dating game and
you're back in it.
You're an old pro.
(01:05):
Look, most of us have beenthrough the dating app circus
Hinge, tinder, bumble.
We've gone on the first datesagain and again and again and
been disappointed.
We've had false starts and beenthrown back into the dating
game and we're sick of it.
Our hopes are low, but there isa new well, a old new approach
(01:30):
to dating that is reemerging andpeople who are using it are
claiming they're having success.
It is matchmaking.
So why are matchmakers sosuccessful at helping people
like you and me find love?
I don't know.
I don't have those answers foryou, but luckily, my guest today
(01:51):
does.
Paula Pardell is the managingdirector of Bloom Matchmaking.
She's also a master matchmaker.
Paula launched BloomMatchmaking in 2020.
Perhaps not the best timing,but throughout the pandemic and
the aftermath, bloom thrived, asdid many, many of the matches
(02:12):
she made.
So how the heck did she makethat happen?
Well, paula, I am going to handthe mic over to you.
I'd love for you to take amoment to introduce yourself to
my listeners.
Paula Pardel (02:22):
Hi Annette, thanks for having me.
I'm excited to explain howmodern matchmaking works.
My story is a little bitdifferent.
I've done many different thingsin the past.
I was a stay-at-home mom for awhile and it was time for me to
get back to work.
I came across the matchmakingposition, so I worked for them
(02:43):
for a bit.
They didn't turn out to be thebest company, but I took it and
I took it as an opportunity andI ran with it.
I formed my own company and Iwanted to be an ethical company
that truly helped people.
I've learned so much.
I've met so many other peoplein the industry since then and
it's just been a great ride ithas.
(03:05):
We were pivoting through COVIDand we made it.
Actually, covid was a littlegood for matchmaking because
people have realized that adeeper connection and healthy
relationships are important inyour life.
So many of us COVID hit.
We were in a toxic relationshipor we didn't have anyone at all
.
A lot of people went online andthey're trying to find that,
(03:30):
and then they were looking foralternatives and matchmaking is
something that is feeling a bitof a renaissance right now, I
guess you could say it is havinga renaissance, definitely
seeing more and more of it,hearing wonderful things about
it, so I'm excited to get intoit.
Annette Benedetti (03:48):
And, listener , if you're wondering what
you're going to get out of thisyou're not only going to learn
what matchmaking is about and alittle bit about the process
behind it.
Paula is going to grace us withsome tips so that when we kick
back tonight and start thinkingabout searching for our next
(04:09):
best match, or if you're in thekind of that heart of dating
right now, you're going to havesome real, solid information and
insight into finding your bestmatch in the least amount of
time.
Lots of great takeaways.
So, paula, I'm having coffeeand you are having tea, correct,
(04:30):
this is a morning conversationand cheers.
Let's talk about finding love.
I'm into it.
I love to talk about, I'mexcited, I'm excited about this
conversation.
But what I really want to startwith is look, I get sucked into
all of the matchmaking TV shows.
Love is blind, the ultimate.
(04:54):
All of these shows that are outthere about people finding love
and the process that reallyleads to long-term love, and I
think most of us now just watchit for entertainment.
We know it's mostly bull.
So what I want to know is thiswhat is matchmaking?
Paula Pardel (05:13):
Well, I guess it's people that are dating with
intention to find a long-term,committed relationship.
They're serious about dating,they're sick of the games and
they need a little help.
I'm like I like to say I'm likesomeone's wing woman.
You know I'm there with youevery step of the way, helping
you through the process, gettingfeedback from date and matching
(05:36):
you with people that are on thesame level as you and someone
that has compatibility with you.
Annette Benedetti (05:41):
Who do you work with?
Is this all age ranges?
What about genders and sexualorientation?
Paula Pardel (05:52):
I work with straight people, and the only
reason for that is that withinthe matchmaker community, people
have many different niches andthey're experts at those niches,
and that is not something thatI'm an expert at.
So I would refer people thatare LGBTQ plus to my matchmakers
that can help them better thanI can.
(06:13):
They're going to have moreavailability and more knowledge
of what they're looking for andhow things work in that world.
Generally, my clients are verysuccessful people.
They're doctors, they'relawyers, they're CEOs, they've
got their life together, theyhave their career.
But that one thing is missingand they need some help.
Maybe they don't have time andmaybe they're a high profile
(06:37):
person where they're not goingto put their face on an app.
So they like the personalizedattention, the guidance and the
privacy of working with amatchmaker maker also, and I
also have their best interest inmind.
You know, since these peopleare, you know, relatively
wealthy people, I have theirself interest in mind too,
(07:01):
because I want to find someonethat likes them for them and not
for who they are or what theyhave.
Annette Benedetti (07:08):
And what is the age range?
Paula Pardel (07:11):
Generally it is around middle age or so you know
I get some older people, butlately I'm getting a lot Some
younger people in their 30s thatare sick of the game and
everything too, so really allages.
Annette Benedetti (07:27):
So you primarily are seeing, let's say,
30 to maybe 50, 60?
Paula Pardel (07:33):
60, 65.
I know another matchmaker thathas a client that's 92.
Annette Benedetti (07:40):
Can you tell me a little bit about the
process?
When someone comes to you andthey're like I have been on the
apps or I don't have time to dothe apps and I don't have time
to go on billion dates, whathappens next?
Paula Pardel (07:56):
Well, first of all they fill out a profile on my
database so I can get to knowthem and I can get to know what
they, what they're looking for.
We schedule a call or zoom andsometimes I'll meet people for
coffee and then we talk about.
You know what's been going onin your dating world, what has
happened in your relationships.
What do you think is your blockof not?
(08:18):
You haven't found that person.
You know the dating apps can be.
They're challenging, they'regood in a lot of ways, but
they're bad in a lot of waysalso.
You know they've sort of madedating a bit superficial or
shallow.
You know people just think thatthere's an endless supply and
they're just going to keepswiping and swiping and one day
(08:39):
it's like low and behold, thatperson, perfect person, is going
to going to appear.
And you know and I also talkedto people about needs and wants
you know what is reallyimportant in a healthy
relationship.
You know we start with thefoundation of it and try to get
those things right.
And you know and telling peoplethat you know maybe you should
(09:00):
be a little more open mindedabout who you're looking for.
It's not that you want tosettle for someone or anything
like that.
But some things aren't thatimportant.
You know, some of thesuperficial things that people
say that they need to have,those things just aren't
important.
You know, profile and picturesare all one dimensional.
Annette Benedetti (09:21):
Can you explain or share some of what
you think are the sort of moreshallow, less important things
that people put out there firstwhen looking for a partner?
Paula Pardel (09:35):
Okay, not everyone , but a lot of times, you know,
men and women have theirdifferent things.
A lot of women are obsessedwith height and you know you
have to realize that only lessthan 15% of the population is
six foot and over.
So you're eliminating a lot ofpeople.
You've got to think about howmany people are single, how many
of them are good guys, how manyof them want a relationship,
(09:57):
and so on and so on and so on inyour area.
So that just really limits you.
And I've never had a couple youtalked to a happy couple that
said, gosh, I'm so happy Imarried a tall guy.
You know, that's just reallywhat made our relationship work.
You know you need somebody thatvibes with you.
You know that you can have funwith.
(10:19):
That makes you feel good aboutyourself, and you know.
And then there's also the menside of the things too.
You know some of them are hungup on age.
You know a lot of successfulmen believe that they need to
find, you know, some hot chickthat has arm candy, and you know
those send like a descriptionof someone you know.
(10:39):
I'm sure you can just imagine.
Annette Benedetti (10:41):
So older, successful men are wanting young
, pretty things or the way thatthey tend to look at it.
Paula Pardel (10:49):
Some you know not all of them, of course, but you
know there are people out thereand you know they have to
realize that women nowadaysaren't as likely there still are
, but there aren't as likely togo into a relationship like that
because women don't need toanymore.
Annette Benedetti (11:05):
I love that you said that.
Say it for the people in theback of the room, Paula.
Paula Pardel (11:11):
Women don't need a man.
I mean like need?
You know it's nice, but youknow we don't need someone to
take care of us.
Annette Benedetti (11:21):
I women don't need men anymore in the way
that we traditionally did and wedid because we didn't have
rights.
And now we have rights and wecan get jobs and we can support
ourselves and we don't have todo all of the hard stuff and
relationships that we had to dobefore.
And while I think younger menare just growing up knowing this
(11:41):
, I think that there is in myexperience, because I am, you
know, 49 and have been datingoff and on for quite a while,
and I am just shocked at howmany men just don't get it.
Like the landscape has changedin so many ways, and I think
(12:04):
that is a big thing.
I love that you mentioned theheight thing too, because I
think it's so silly.
I mean, I get you know, all ofus having our preferences and
wanting to feel small and daintybecause of exactly all of those
things that we should haveovercome by now.
Right, the idea that we need tobe small and dainty to be, you
(12:24):
know, attractive or whatever.
So I love that you point thoseshallow things out.
Now, do you find that yourclients are receptive when you
say, hey, I hear you want thisthing.
However, comma, maybe youshould throw that one out the
door.
Paula Pardel (12:43):
That's a case by case thing.
You know some people are.
You know if people put out toomany things like that, I won't
take them as a client.
You know it's just too hard andyou know neither of us are
going to be happy in thatrelationship, you know, with the
matchmaker and a client.
Annette Benedetti (13:00):
Yeah, I imagine, though it sounds to me
like you're promising, or tryingto promise, a true, authentic,
deep love between two people,which is never going to be had
when you're matching peoplebased on inauthentic you know
traits.
So what would you say are someof the most important things
(13:24):
that people need to be matchedon?
Like, when you're talking toyour client and they're like
well, I'd like her boobs to bethis big and I want him to be
this tall, and blah, blah, blah,what do you say to them?
Hey, here's what we really wantto look at when putting you
(13:45):
with a good match.
Paula Pardel (13:47):
Someone who's ready for a relationship, that's
open minded, someone that'sgoing to communicate with you,
understand you, someone that'son the.
You know it's important, youknow a lot of times to have
someone on the same level as you.
You know, and I think it's nice.
You know, personally, I thinksomeone that's in the same age
(14:07):
range is nice too, becauseyou're more compatible, you have
more things in common.
You get those little jokes Ithink I had said before.
You know, the profiles in thepictures are one dimensional.
You really have to get outthere and you have to meet the
person and just, you know, seeif that connection or that
chemistry is there.
Some people will say that, youknow, I don't want to date
anyone that has issues.
(14:28):
Well, you know, if you'remiddle age and you don't have
any issues or baggage yet, haveyou even been living?
Have you just been living in acloset?
You know, but it's how we dealwith those issues, how we work
on ourselves and how we moveforward in our attitude.
You know, a lot of men were andpeople were.
You know I would never see atherapist or a counselor or
(14:51):
anything like that.
But that's the new sexy isworking on yourself.
You know see someone talk aboutit.
Annette Benedetti (14:58):
The new sexy is being willing to work on
yourself.
Another great poly quote thenew sexy is being willing to
work on yourself.
And that is so true, Absolutelytrue.
I love that you point that out.
And do you actually find that alot of people are saying that
when your clients that come toyou like I don't do therapy,
(15:23):
blah, blah, blah?
Paula Pardel (15:24):
No, I don't hear that so much.
I think people are more openminded to that and you know
that's such a good thing that'scome about, and maybe COVID has
helped with that too, becausepeople realize.
You know you're sitting in yourhousehold and you're in your
head too much.
You know you need to talk tosomebody.
You know I think we all didthat and that's just not good
for anybody.
(15:44):
You know more and more men cometo me and they say that you
know I've worked on myself and Ireally think I'm ready to get
into a relationship now.
Annette Benedetti (15:54):
I love that.
Now here's a question becausewhen I went back into the dating
world after I had been marriedand separated, one thing that I
knew was so important for methat is a non-negotiable is
being sexually compatible, and Iknow that some of that you
can't find out until you're inthe sack, but I definitely have
(16:15):
questions.
I will ask you know before thefirst date is over, about sex
and interests and openness andadventure being adventurous.
Do you ask any questions aboutthat Is?
Does that come in like if I, ifI were to hire a matchmaker and
say, hey, I want to look forall these other things, but I
(16:37):
really need a partner who isinto X, y and Z or open to X, y
and Z.
Is that something that youfactor into your matchmaking?
Paula Pardel (16:48):
Yes, it is factored into to it A lot of
what I do.
We don't really talk about sexthe whole lot, but I do gauge,
like how important that is tothem, because some people just
not that important and you knowyou want to put somebody with
someone that you know has anequal puts an equal importance
on that, and I try to tellpeople actually don't talk about
(17:09):
sex for a while.
You know you want to get toknow the person without getting
all those the chemistry and thefeelings and the butterflies
going, because that clouds yourjudgment.
Annette Benedetti (17:21):
How long are you with your clients so you
match them up with someone.
They go on a date.
At what point, let's say, theyfind a date and they keep dating
?
How long do you stay with them?
Paula Pardel (17:35):
Everyone's a little different.
You know, some people require alittle more hand holding than
others, which is fine.
You know, a lot of times athird date and then they sort of
, you know, they fly away and gooff on their own.
But then, you know, I'll havepeople come back and ask me for
advice.
I had one client that I hadgotten to a relationship.
(17:58):
He called me four months laterand he's like you know, I really
feel like I love her.
You think I should tell her?
I'm like, yes, you should tellher.
So we told her and they'restill in love.
There's such a cute couplethat's, you know.
So just advice like that,because we're just unsure of
ourselves and you need someonethat you know is the on the
(18:21):
outside looking in.
I'm not your friend, I'm notyour family.
You know I'm going to give itto you straight and I do this
stuff every day that being said.
Annette Benedetti (18:31):
How long would you advise, and would it
be different for man versuswoman, someone to wait before?
Uh, let's start with the firstkiss.
Can the first kiss happen onthe first date?
It can.
Paula Pardel (18:45):
You know, if you're feeling it, you know, go
for it.
But, like I said, you know it.
Just when you get all thosebutterflies and everything I
like to say, you know, we startto put our rose colored glasses
on and we're not seeing thingsas clearly.
We all do it, it doesn't matterwho we are, I do it, you know,
and we're we're thinking aboutwho we want this person to be
(19:06):
and that's where we're seeing.
Annette Benedetti (19:08):
You would also suggest waiting a while for
sex.
I would love for you to give mylisteners like, just from your
perspective, I'm like what wouldyou say?
A timeline on that.
If someone were to say to youjust give me a timeline and I'll
follow it, what would you say?
Paula Pardel (19:25):
Seven dates, seven quality dates.
You know, if you feelcomfortable with that person, if
you trust that person and youjust can't wait anymore and you
gotta jump his bones, go for it.
You know.
Annette Benedetti (19:38):
I love it.
All right, seven dates, sevenquality dates.
I wanna make sure they heardwhat you said.
It's not seven like you met upfor, like you know, five minutes
to like high five or what.
Paula Pardel (19:51):
This is quality dates, so In person date, not
texting dates.
Annette Benedetti (19:58):
That's not a date.
I'm sorry, but that's not adate.
Or like I don't considervirtual dates.
A day really like not a thing.
In my opinion, I have to be insomeone's presence.
What would a quality date befrom your perspective?
Let's say you match two peopleand they go on a date and one of
(20:19):
them comes back and says thisis what my person came up with.
What would a quality date be?
Paula Pardel (20:26):
Well, as far as what you're doing, you know
something.
You know.
I do think you know we do goback to gender roles and I think
some traditional gender roleshave held up for the most part.
You know, a woman does like aman to take initiative and plan
a date and he should take intoconsideration who she is.
You know, what little he knowsabout her.
(20:47):
You know, and try to make it afun, interesting date where you
can get to know someone you know.
Maybe you know the traditionaldate of dinner in a movie A
movie's not a very good datebecause we're just sitting there
watching the movie.
We're not connecting with people.
You know, I like the dateswhere you're doing something,
like I had a singles event andan X throwing place and that was
(21:11):
just so much fun because nobodyreally knew what they were
doing so we could all laugh atourselves and it was just a
blast.
You know, with a littlecompetitive and you know you're
up and you're doing something,you really get to know someone.
But aside from where your dateis or what you do, a quality
date is a date where you learnabout someone.
(21:34):
That's what you're there for isto learn about that person, for
them to learn about you alittle bit at a time.
You know you just don't wannathrow it all out there at once,
but you know taking it slow andyou know peeling.
I like to say it's like peelingan onion.
You know you peel it slowly.
It's not as offensive.
(21:55):
You know, if you were to justpeel it all out at the same time
it could be a little offensive.
But just a little bit at a time.
Getting to know someone.
Annette Benedetti (22:05):
Yeah, now you get your male clients, you get
your female clients and theysend in their questionnaires.
How do you decide who you'regonna put together?
Do people just kind of pop upfor you right away, or do you
sometimes go dude, I don't knowwho I'm gonna match you with,
(22:27):
and how many dates do you try toget each of your clients, or
what is the typical requirementjust to get someone to someone
they like?
Paula Pardel (22:38):
Yeah, everybody's different.
Sometimes it's the first oneout of the gate, you know, and
I'm like, yes, that's nice, butsometimes it takes a little bit
because I'm not a magician, Ican't, you know, gauge chemistry
for someone.
But typically I would say, youknow, I try to get everyone at
(23:02):
least two dates a month at least, and I wouldn't take on someone
as a client unless I was prettysure that I already had matches
for them.
And one piece of advice is thatpretty much all matchmakers
have a free database that youcan get into If you Google
matchmaker in your area.
And if they have a freedatabase, get into all the
(23:24):
matchmakers' databases, evenacross the country, because
they're working with people whoare dating intentionally, for
real, and they need matches forthese people.
So if you come up as a matchfor one of their clients, you
know it doesn't guaranteeanything, but if you do come up
as a match for one of theirclients, they're reaching out to
(23:45):
you and that's free for youbecause we're recruiting for our
client.
Annette Benedetti (23:50):
Wait a second .
This is big, so you can there'stwo sides of it.
Yeah, Can you explain this tome?
So you can look up matchmakersin your area or across the
country and you can get intotheir database?
Is what you're saying?
Have yourself put in theirdatabase and then, if someone
(24:14):
they're trying to match sees youor you see a fit, then they're
gonna reach out to you.
Paula Pardel (24:22):
Right and it's private.
You know it's not somethingthat anyone's swiping through
and you'll get invited to.
You know a lot of us haveevents and things like that.
You'll get invited to eventsand I've matched a lot of my
free people to my paying clientsbecause we're you know, we're a
bit it looks like a recruiter.
We're recruiting for ourclients, so we need inventory
and it sounds sort of cold, butyou know we need people.
Annette Benedetti (24:46):
Do you find you need more women or men?
Paula Pardel (24:49):
So my marketing, where I spend my money on
marketing, is marketing towardsmen.
Mostly Women are open to thesesorts of things.
They get it.
Annette Benedetti (24:59):
Right, right, all right.
Well, so look up thematchmakers in your area and do
you just Google free database oryou go to their website, since
easy to find.
Paula Pardel (25:09):
Yeah, just Google matchmaker in your area and most
of us have a free database.
Some people will charge alittle bit to be in their
database, but they do offersomething along that with that,
like a coaching session, or ifthey do charge, they'll make you
like a premium database memberbecause they know a lot more
about you.
Annette Benedetti (25:30):
All right.
Well, that right there.
That's the golden tip.
All right, so someone pays youto do this and a good amount?
Is that for an unlimited amountof dates?
Have you found that some peopleneed more?
You know you send someone ontheir first date.
They find love great.
(25:50):
Have you ever found someonethat is like we're 10 dates in
and it's still not working out?
Paula Pardel (25:56):
Yeah, and we do.
We'll have a head to head.
You know I'm coaching them,talking to them.
You know what do you think isgoing on with these dates?
You know, and the feedback sohelpful because I get the
feedback from both sides.
A lot of times the story issomewhere in the middle, you
know, but you know, so helpingthem through that.
And generally when I do acontract, I sign it for an
(26:18):
amount of time six months a yearand it's not based on number of
matches, because that's justtough.
I don't wanna promise what Ican't deliver.
I'd rather under promise andover deliver.
Annette Benedetti (26:31):
Yeah, that's interesting.
So this is more into theprocess.
Someone goes on a date, theyget done with the date.
They come back.
You get the rundown on the datefrom both sides.
That is a goldmine ofinformation.
What have you learned?
What have you learned from that?
Paula Pardel (26:52):
I have an older gentleman who's very horny and
he talks about sex too soon andit turns women off.
And it's not that they're not.
I've already, you know, spokento them about these things and
they do like sex because I tellthem, you know that I don't
check for that, because I knowthat's what he wants, you know,
and but he just gets into it toosoon and it's just a big turn
(27:16):
off for women, you know.
And so we've had to go back andtalk about that and I think
he's realizing his mistakes andhe's not talking about that.
And it's not that he's hereally is looking for the one,
he's just he's had badexperiences in the past, I guess
you know.
And then what else?
Sometimes we don't listen, youknow, we talk over people.
(27:39):
Oh, we talk about our exes.
That's number one.
Oh my Lord, you cannot talkabout your exes or your past.
You're there to get you know,to move forward and to talk to
that person.
You can talk about all thatstuff, you know, once the
relationship proceeds a littlebit more.
Annette Benedetti (27:55):
That's great advice.
Don't talk about your exes, andI think also in my experience
like ask questions If you'rejust talking about yourself all
the way through the day.
That's bad, Bad.
Paula Pardel (28:11):
Asking open, asking open-ended questions.
You know questions that likethere's a lot of different
questions you can ask, but likewhat is your happiest memory?
What's your favorite place totravel to, for instance, because
that elicits joy into someoneand they want to talk about that
.
And then the you know you canfind commonalities throughout
(28:31):
the conversation and it carriesthe conversation into different
places.
Annette Benedetti (28:36):
Open-ended questions.
That's a great tip for dating.
Any other tips?
Let's say, what are some tipsfor going on dates that you
would give to men specifically,and then we'll do women.
Paula Pardel (28:48):
Listen, be a good communicator, complement her on
something other than the way shelooks.
I think it's a good idea,although we like to, we all, you
know.
We all know what we like to betold.
We look nice, but, you know,deeper compliments are always a
good thing to dress nice, looknice, get a haircut, shave, you
(29:14):
know, don't wear your, you know,long, long, long clothes and
things like that.
Annette Benedetti (29:21):
And that's for seven dates.
Guys, seven dates.
Do all of those things, please.
I want y'all to know I havebeen on dates with both men and
women, both men and women whohave shown up in what looked
like clothes they had beenwearing for a week and
unshowered, and I've just beenlike, are you kidding me?
(29:43):
Do you know how much effort Iput in to myself to go on a date
?
I start two hours ahead of time, two hours to make sure my
stuff is dialed in.
I would like to have a datethat looks at least like they
put you know, a solid 45.
Paula Pardel (30:03):
Yeah, they don't put it as an effort for a date
or they get to put effort intothe relationship.
I mean it makes them look lazyand slob and like for women and
men, when you look nice, youdon't just look nice for that
other person, you look nice foryourself and you feel good about
yourself.
Confidence is the best thingyou can wear to a date.
Annette Benedetti (30:23):
Confidence is definitely the best thing you
could wear to date.
So for women, what are the topdating tips for them?
Paula Pardel (30:33):
Well, you know they shouldn't be hung up on the
past.
You know the X talk.
You know they can't do that.
You know they have to embracetheir femininity a little bit
too.
You know we all have ourfeminine, masculine side, and
any more these days women haveto be more powerful at work.
(30:53):
You know we have.
You know we have to be moversand shakers at work or whatever.
But you have to dial that downa little bit once you go on a
date and embrace your femininity, because you know a lot of guys
, you know they appreciate thatand you know they want to take
care of a woman, you know.
So, just embracing thosedifference, and you know on the
(31:15):
other side, two men have toembrace their masculine and
their feminine sides also.
You know being open and beingcommunicative.
You know like it's a workingout yourself, because you know
traditionally men aren'tsupposed to show emotion.
You know they're supposed to bestrong and proud and you know
they're not supposed to do that.
But that's not good for arelationship.
Annette Benedetti (31:39):
Yeah, isn't that interesting.
Actually, what it kind of comesdown to on some level is
everybody needs to get a littlebit more feminine, right?
I mean, that's that is therelationship making stuff when
you can be soft and vulnerablewith each other and let down
like we live in this world thatis so demanding and asks for us
(32:00):
to be just so hard andaggressive.
And when we come into datingscenario, we want to be in our
fun, soft, vulnerable, openparts of ourselves and I don't
think traditionally that's wheremen went and now we're like hey
, we need you here because thisis the downtime side of us and
(32:22):
this is where we're going toreally enjoy our relationship,
right?
Paula Pardel (32:27):
And you brought up fun Dating should be fun.
You know you went on a date.
It was, it was okay or it wasterrible.
Just chalk it up to learning.
You know I learned somethingfrom that and I'm going to move
forward and I'm going to datesomeone else and maybe the next
time it'll be different, right?
Annette Benedetti (32:45):
right, all right.
Red flags on a first date.
What are for my listeners whenthey're on the date they planned
for this weekend?
What are your top three redflags?
Let's start with women.
If these things are happening,red flag it.
Paula Pardel (33:07):
A woman too needy, the X talk first too needy.
Annette Benedetti (33:16):
Can we talk about that for a second?
In my experience and it'sinteresting because this does,
of course I am bisexual.
I have dated both men and women.
I think how that's shown up inmy dates with women.
I've had women I've gone onfirst dates with who are
literally like they're just likeare you going to like want to
move in with someone soon, likethey get into this, like truly
(33:43):
you haul, if things go welltonight, I'm looking at when are
we going to move in together,when I want you to be monogamous
tomorrow, like you are mine,how many other dates do you have
lined up?
And for me, that's true, thatis too much.
I'm like I'm just trying todecide if I want date two right
now man.
Paula Pardel (34:05):
Yeah, you know talking about that, those things
too soon is going to freakanybody out.
You know you got to take itslow, you know, and just you
know moving forward, and youknow the purpose of a first date
is to close the deal and get asecond date.
Ask for that second date whileyou're on the first date.
Oh, I love that, if you'refeeling it.
Annette Benedetti (34:26):
That is a great tip.
So for women, don't be askingabout marriage yet, let's just
try to get date two.
So, and then talking about exes, and then maybe a third one.
What's a third red flag wethrow out?
Paula Pardel (34:40):
for the women not listening to him talking over
him, and it goes both ways Allright.
Annette Benedetti (34:47):
Men, I think I can think of a million red
flags, but I want you to give methe top, the top three red
flags, that men need to watchout for it's hard to break it
down to the top three, but wecan do it.
Paula Pardel (34:59):
I know, I think, gosh, my mind goes so many
different places.
But there we go.
The communication thing, youknow, listen to her Really,
you're there to get to know her.
You know, don't flirt withother people.
Oh God, pay the check, don't berude, can we?
Annette Benedetti (35:16):
go back to.
Don't flirt with other women,just look for one night.
You are with this person for alimited amount of time.
If it is so hard for you not tocheck out other and I'm not
look, we're all human Once youare in a relationship with
someone.
The reality is we do look atother people and we should all
like chill out about that stuff.
(35:37):
But on your first date, like befocused on the person in front
of you and ask her questions.
We will notice if you'rechecking out other women or
being too friendly.
Oh yes.
Paula Pardel (35:50):
We do notice that we, you know.
That is one thing about women.
We do pick up on a lot.
You know, when I get a brand,someone as a client, I'll take
them out to eat because I wantto see how they interact with
people.
You can learn a lot fromsomebody over a meal.
How they treat people, you know.
Are they, you know, picky?
Annette Benedetti (36:10):
And I imagine men do this more often than
women Bring up sex on the firstdate.
Paula Pardel (36:17):
Yeah, don't bring up sex, I mean don't sexualize
her right off the get go,because she's going to think
that you're just in it for onething.
Annette Benedetti (36:25):
Right, and you know, sometimes we all are
in it for one thing, and I wouldnot hire a matchmaker for that.
I would hit Tinder.
That's where you do that kindof thing.
Do not waste your money on amatchmaker if that's what you
want to do Right.
Paula Pardel (36:41):
If you're looking just to hit it with somebody,
that's fine.
You know, if everybody's all onboard for it, cool.
And if you can do that mentallycool, Good for you.
But yeah, that's not the kindof people I work with?
Annette Benedetti (36:54):
How long does it typically a contract with
someone?
How long does it typically takefor you to find them?
Paula Pardel (37:02):
I could like a six month contract.
I think three months isn'tenough.
I've done three month contracts.
I think six months is justabout right.
A year might be a little toomuch to work with someone, like
if it's taking you a year it's.
Annette Benedetti (37:17):
maybe it's you, Maybe you need to go back
to the therapist.
Paula Pardel (37:22):
And you know, sometimes you know their issues
are out of my scope of practice.
I guess you could say so I willrefer them.
One thing that's cool that Istarted doing is I'm working
with an autism coach.
He works with people who are onthe spectrum of having a social
(37:43):
life and dating.
So we're working together tohelp people that on the spectrum
find love too.
Annette Benedetti (37:50):
Oh my God, I love that.
I love that because I thinkmore and more people are finding
that they are Like they've beenmisdiagnosed and those have
been some of the barriers forthem to finding love.
And so maybe at some point inthe near future, you and I could
sit down and have aconversation and give people who
(38:14):
are on the spectrum some adviceon their dating life, because
I'm sure that looks a lotdifferent for them.
Paula Pardel (38:21):
Well, I would love to it does look for different
from them because they just havethey don't have those social
skills and they don't.
They don't read people as well.
Annette Benedetti (38:33):
Okay, Well then we will.
We will bookmark that and wewill get that out there for you
listeners.
So if you or someone you knowis on the spectrum, I'm going to
have Paula come back and giveus some answers about how to go
about dating it when you are onthe spectrum.
So before we go because we'reat that time, we're sending my
(38:56):
listeners off with some of yourbest dating advice.
What are some pieces of adviceyou can give them that they
probably haven't heard often ordon't want to hear, but that, in
your opinion, are some of themost important things when
dating to find love that youthink are going to be key to
(39:17):
getting them to that long-termrelationship.
Paula Pardel (39:20):
Being ready to move forward, having a positive
attitude about it.
No one wants to date someonethat is negative.
You know, as a Debbie Downer orwhatever, you know having that
positive attitude and generallywhat you put out there is what
you're going to get back.
So you know you have to carryyourself well, be open-minded,
(39:43):
and we had already mentioned,you know, working on yourself.
Annette Benedetti (39:47):
You need to be ready, not just wanting
someone because you want someone, but you need to actually be
ready and emotionally available.
And what benefits would you sayare offered through matchmaking
versus hitting the apps?
Paula Pardel (40:07):
Well, I guess the benefit is that you've got
someone you know working on yourbehalf advocating for you.
When I bring up a client, youknow I'm vouching for them.
They've had a background checkand I'm here vouching for that
client.
You know sort of like it'sabout marketing.
(40:28):
You know you do have to marketyourself.
It's not as that sounds, butyou do.
You know we're marketing you to.
You know whoever you want tofind and I'm doing that for you
on your behalf.
You know telling that personhow wonderful you are, what you
want and he's a great guy.
And you know he's dating withintention.
(40:50):
That's a big thing, you know.
I let people know that.
You know we're not playinggames, we're not looking for
hookups, we're not doing allthat ghosting and all that other
stuff.
We are looking for arelationship.
Annette Benedetti (41:02):
So a big benefit would be that you bypass
things like no one's going tobe ghosting each other.
They're not going to do thatwhile they're under you.
That's, I assume, unacceptablebehavior.
I am also assuming you do someof the curation of the photos
and the the profile that youshare, so you know that you make
(41:23):
sure they don't send or put upbad photos, right.
Paula Pardel (41:27):
No, we don't do that.
We don't do bathroom selfiesand fish pictures and stuff like
that.
You know you do have to putyour best foot forward and have
good photos.
I work with a wonderfulpersonal photographer.
We'll give you a make.
Women, you know, sometimes theywant to make over and that just
makes you feel good.
You know, whenever we get amakeover, we feel good.
(41:49):
We have good pictures, you know, and the pictures are going to
be real pictures.
You know you're someone thatcould show up on the date and be
a totally different person with10 year old pictures or
anything like that either.
Annette Benedetti (42:02):
So you bypass that.
Do you help them write aprofile or do you put the
profile together for them?
Paula Pardel (42:08):
I'll help them write the profile.
I will help people on the appsa little bit.
Sometimes they like to do likemore of a hybrid approach to
matchmaking, where I'm workingwith a matchmaker, also coaching
them on the apps.
You know, getting the photosright, writing your profile to
attract the kind of person youwant to attract.
Those first texts.
(42:29):
Oh, and you know the big thingin modern relationships I think
these texting relationships thatpeople think they can get into
with each other.
People text too much.
You can't text into arelationship.
You've got to.
If you know.
If you can't meet in person,get on the phone, make plans If
you feel comfortable, meet them.
You know if you're meeting them.
(42:50):
You know off of dating app,make sure you're.
Somebody knows where you'regoing, you're in a public place,
but you have to meet someone.
You can't just text arelationship.
We build a false sense of whatsomeone is over text Good or bad
.
You know I've got doctors thatdon't like to text and people
say, is he a literate?
(43:10):
I'm like, no, he's not aliterate, he's a doctor.
He just doesn't want to text.
You know people have differentstyle of texting.
You know just short and quicktexts and the other people want
to write a book and they getoffended.
If you know, one person is adifferent style of textors.
My God, it, just it goessideways in so many ways.
Annette Benedetti (43:27):
So you, you coach with the texting, you
coach them in their texting.
That is a big benefit tomatchmaking boy.
I've texted with people thatreally, really could have used
your help, and so here's aquestion that just popped into
my mind with you talking, Ididn't realize you do hybrid,
which is awesome.
What app out of all of themwould you recommend to people?
Paula Pardel (43:55):
A lot of people ask that and I wouldn't
recommend any one app over theother.
I would recommend the apps thatyou feel better with on how
they work.
You know just the way.
You know the batching works andthings like that, and the apps
are going to be different in anyarea that you're in.
You just have to be careful onthe app, you know.
(44:16):
Stay safe, have a little bit ofan open mind, you know, and I,
you know I coach them on.
You know being safe and how tocheck people out with a lot of
not a whole lot of information.
You know my job is a little bitof detective work.
You know we got to find outabout these people, but you know
the apps can work.
(44:36):
You know it's tough, though Alot of times by the time people
get to me they're like heck.
No, I don't want to be on theapps anymore at all.
I just want you to take care ofit for me.
Annette Benedetti (44:48):
Right, right.
So you're getting a lot ofextras with a matchmaker.
You're getting someone who'scurating your matches, who's
helping you create profile.
That isn't humiliating?
I have to tell you, I'mmortified, especially in my age
range, which, let's say, betweenthe ages of 40 and up.
(45:12):
Men do not, should not becreating their own profiles.
They just I don't know what youguys are doing, but it's, it's,
it's nightmarish, like I couldput some scary music behind me
while flipping through profilesand be like this is how I will
die if I go on on dates withthese guys.
So it's nice that you areoffering all of that help.
(45:37):
I also think for people whoespecially if you are not thick
skinned like ghosting happens alot in the dating world on apps
and when you don't have help,being treated poorly, being sent
dick pics, I mean like terriblethings said, I happen to have a
thick skin and it's like wateroff my back, but I know that a
(46:02):
lot of people are really trulytraumatized and deeply
emotionally affected by some ofthe treatment that takes place
on apps, and so I have to assumethat when you have a matchmaker
, you've got someone basicallyemotionally taking care of you
and making sure that you aren'treceiving this kind of treatment
(46:24):
that can be so damaging to yourability to connect.
Paula Pardel (46:29):
It's too bad.
People are like that, you know,and if they do get bad
responses, I'm there to you know.
Tell them that.
You know that he wasn't for you.
She wasn't for you, you know.
Let's move forward, put itbehind you.
In the age of social media, somany people hide behind their
screens and they feel like theycan say all these things that
they wouldn't necessarily say tosomeone's face, which is
(46:54):
unfortunate.
Annette Benedetti (46:56):
So I just assume that going to matchmaker
weeds out just most of that kindof stuff.
Paula Pardel (47:04):
Oh yeah, yeah, I can't weed out a lot.
If they're going to, you know,continue on the apps.
But you know, when you'reworking with me on a matchmaker,
know that those things are nothappening and if they do,
they're gone.
I don't put up with that at all.
Annette Benedetti (47:17):
There are things that you would cut
someone off for.
Just for my listeners lookingfor a safe option, something
that they're like, oh you know,a matchmaker is worth it just to
know that these are the thingsthat would be weeded out in her
screening process.
Paula Pardel (47:36):
I do a background check.
It's a comprehensive backgroundcheck.
You know we'll make sure theyaren't a criminal or acts murder
.
And especially women withchildren.
We want to make sure that theydon't have bad intentions with
them.
You know that would scare me todeath.
Dating, you know, with my kids,you know I'm there for you, you
know being, you know,supportive and your cheerleader
(48:00):
and you know wanting to make yousucceed.
Annette Benedetti (48:03):
If a woman goes on a date with a man and
something bad does happen, or hesays something rude, or he and
let's I don't want to just sayone way or the other If a man or
a woman goes on a date withsomeone and then they ghost them
or they do something reallyrude or awful at dinner or
whatever, what are some thingsthat would cause you to drop
(48:25):
someone as a client fortreatment of another person?
Paula Pardel (48:33):
Someone that's not open to criticism or someone
that doesn't take my advice,that keeps on doing the same
things over and over again.
That jeopardizes my reputationas a matchmaker.
Annette Benedetti (48:44):
So matchmakers keep you safe, weed
out the riffraff and on the sidethey're helping people on the
apps.
I hope I hope you know got toupgrade some of the game out
there.
So, after listening to this, ifsomeone is wanting to hire you,
how Can they find you where?
And I also know, on yourwebsite you actually also update
(49:09):
with articles with datingadvice and stuff like that.
So how can my listeners findyou?
Paula Pardel (49:15):
You can find me on my website, bloom B-L-O-O-M
matchmakingcom.
I'm on all the social mediaFacebook, instagram, linkedin.
Fred, yeah, finally, give me acall, my phone number.
I accept phone calls.
I got my phone number on mywebsite.
I'd love to talk to people.
Annette Benedetti (49:36):
Do check out, paula.
And Paula, we will be talkingto you soon.
I would love to talk aboutdating on the spectrum.
Thank you so much for joiningme today.
Thank you, it was a lot of fun.
Yeah, it was tons of fun.
I learned a lot.
So, listeners, until next timeI'll see you in the locker room.
(49:56):
Cheers, cheers.
Paula Pardel (50:05):
L懂.
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