#131 - Watch this if you Don't Love Yourself

KEEP IT LONG TERM!

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
So you're laying in bed doom scrolling, right?
You don't know what to do. I mean, you got responsibilities
and the more you avoid them, themore everything becomes painful.
It just builds up and you're always having a catch up on just
responsibilities and just chores.

(00:21):
And it's just so heavy, right? All you want to do is just just
binge that Netflix show, Just sleep all day.
But let me tell you from first hand experience that is crushing
you. I mean, I've been through so
much in the last year and it I always think that oh, after I

(00:45):
put in this much effort, then it's all gonna come together and
things are gonna you're gonna finally come into place and I'm
gonna have this euphoric bliss that's gonna last for eons.
But that's never the case. I mean, life comes and it just
cock slaps you right across the face, right?

(01:07):
And then sometimes there's nothing you can do about it.
But you know what? What can you do?
What can you do? You can hit the gym.
Maybe you could do the dishes, you could fold the laundry.
You can go about in the world, then be nice to your mom, but

(01:31):
it's just by action. You can slowly mold your life
into a life worth living becausethe more you're there sitting
down doing nothing, the more things get worse for you.
I mean, in action is what we do when we're paralyzed by anxiety,

(01:57):
by fear, but it's just constantly overriding this and
letting this flow through US. Yes, we got to understand where
this is coming from, but not letting it hold us back from
achieving victory throughout theday.
And that's that's going to differ for everyone.

(02:17):
For some, that may be just getting out of bed, if you have
chronic pain, if you are just going through through it all, a
breakup, a divorce, job loss, maybe that's all you can do
throughout the day. But you did something right.
Maybe for some it's studying forsix hours and that's it really
all boils down to what are your values, right?

(02:42):
I mean, for me, I think health'salways been a big priority.
And so when I don't have that, Ijust feel miserable.
Like I swear I'd be I'd be on SSR is if it wasn't for the gym,
for cardio. I mean, that's what makes me
feel whole, fulfilled. The connections, you know, doing
this podcast, I need some sort of creative outlet.

(03:05):
Whereas I know some of my buddies, they need that, you
know, high dopaminergic game of basketball, or maybe they need
to train piano or they need boxing, swimming, something to
get your body moving, something to put something where you can

(03:27):
succeed where you can, you know,build onto something.
Because I think what so many of us do, it's just destructive,
man. I see so many people, even I do
it. I'm I'm no St. myself, but we
give in to anger too many times.We, you know, let people sway us

(03:49):
from who we truly are. We let our resentment fuel us to
treat other people badly. And I'm a firm believer that we
know what is good and bad for us.
And it's the constant action, but also the constant reflection
because there's this grind set mentality within our society

(04:12):
where, oh, you have to, you haveto keep going.
Yeah, yeah, you have to just grind away no matter how you're
feeling. But nobody, you know, takes the
chance to or takes a a moment tojust step back and go, is this,
is this really right for me? You know, like, do you like,
yes, you're going to achieve that master's PhD or degree or

(04:34):
whatever it is, or you're training to be that incredible
athlete, but is, is that really for you?
Or are you just following what your parents or what society's
telling you? You know, take a step back, like
is this truly what you want? Is this truly how you want to go
about your life after decades? And what comes to mind to me

(04:56):
after just, you know, chasing money and wanting to be liked by
everyone, as the I think Jim Carrey said that, you know, a
lot of people, he he wishes a lot of people could achieve all
the success because it's not it right?

(05:19):
And it's not, you know, he he ordered it better.
If you search it up, Jim Carrey and even Will Smith's just said
this recently is there's a rock bottom, but then there's also a
Cliff top where you get everything you want and you
realize that's not really what it is because maybe he was
following a route that wasn't truly for him.

(05:40):
Like I really don't know what I want at the end of the day
sometimes. But through reflection, through
constant journaling, you could kind of gauge how you want to
live day-to-day, right? Like that interaction with your

(06:03):
mom, with your dad, with your brother, right?
How do you feel? Like, do you feel free?
Do you feel like somebody's making you do it?
And I've been really upset with myself this last last couple
months as I just have some resentment towards people and I
don't do anything about it. I just let it ruminate and I let

(06:23):
it build inside of me. Like I don't do anything about
it. And it's just this thing
bubbling up that just has no answer, you know, unless I I,
it's, it's tough, but I don't know, life is truly just

(06:43):
something that I don't totally get because the more I know
feels like the less I know, right?
The more I feel like, oh, I'm actually on to something like,
wait, I actually don't know much.
And throughout everything through just like reflection and
all this self improvement, it seems that maybe I just

(07:09):
overthink, right? Maybe it doesn't need to be that
deep and maybe, maybe we're justall on this floating rock,
right? And we're just, it just, it was
a matter of chance. Yes, I am a firm believer of
God. I mean, it's not for everyone,
but it's what empowers me. It's what instills meaning and

(07:31):
love and compassion in my heart.Meant to know that somebody out
there loves me unconditionally with all the flaws and all the
insecurities, anxieties, depression and errors I've made
in my life. All the guilt and shame to know
that I'm still accepted then I can I can still provide good.

(07:55):
And I think we we all have that in US, right?
We all have these insecurities. Like for me, I got this bald
spot left side of my head that I've I still am very insecure.
I got a birthmark on the side ofmy leg.
I've done some things in the past that I've I'm very ashamed
of. But you know what, that's just

(08:18):
what makes me human. That's what makes us human, you
know, and to be long term, we need to internalize that
perfection is unattainable and to be able to be this 6 feet,
just 180 lbs lean, making 100K6 rental properties just with the

(08:44):
hottest significant other, it's it's never going to be enough
with that mindset, guys. And it's just look, look in the
mirror. Look in the mirror right now,
you know, pull out your phone and just tell yourself I love
you, right, regardless of what they say and what anybody else
in the room thinks of you, you love yourself, right?

(09:08):
And it goes back to this question of would you rather
have the world love you and you hate yourself or would you
rather you hate yourself but theworld love you?
Or did I did I do that? But like the, the part where did
I say that? Right?
Did the, the part where you loveyourself while the world hates

(09:34):
you? I'll be it.
It may be like, it's never goingto be that scenario unless
you're some sort of dictator like top, you know, like of
course, you know, you should love yourself and that's the
only thing that matters because it doesn't matter how much your
friends and your girlfriend, boyfriend love you.

(09:58):
If you can't stand looking in the mirror, if you don't accept
you for who you are, then you'rejust going to be paralyzed and
you're going to be laying down your bread in your bed all day.
Because when things get quiet, our minds, they get really loud.

(10:18):
And that's when all the demons come out of who am I?
Who am I really? Who are you, right?
And that's just, if you don't love yourself, then you're going
to keep chipping away. Just layer after layer until
you're reduced to ashes. And you don't want that.
I, I still go through that, you know, no matter how many

(10:40):
psychedelic experiences and justconnection and exercise.
It's hard for me. That's why I need God.
That's why I need the constant reminder for my family and
friends. But I'm, I'm going to try to get
to loving myself, you know, and I, I encourage everyone to, to
get to that level. Just look in the mirror feel

(11:02):
like that's they call it being enlightened went like master
meditators. They say that and I'd say that's
that's a great goal to have. You don't want to be able to
just be comfortable your own skin.
That's something that as a society in the world you don't

(11:25):
have. I mean, with things progressing
so fast with ChatGPT, just Foreman and now, you know, a lot
of work places are threatened byit.
And just there's so many pressures in the economy,
politics, social media, like thedopamine doom scrolling and just

(11:51):
wanting to be a part of things and social anxiety.
It's just there's so many, so much negativity out there and
it's all coming right at you, right at us.
And and it's our job to be able to stomach them, you know, to to
be able to go about in this world and know how will come out

(12:15):
of it alive. I mean, there's this cliche
thing where, yeah, I don't want to, I don't want to just exist.
I want to start living right. Like there's a code of a lot of
people are, you know, alive or alot of people are existing, but

(12:36):
are they actually alive? That's that's the question I
keep asking myself, like, am I, am I just living a life that
accommodates for what other people believe in?
Or do I truly like what I'm doing?

(12:57):
Am I feeling fulfilled? And that's something that I, I
want to really, really own on, you know, just being there for
the things that do matter because you're going to be
stretched out in all these different ways.

(13:18):
There's going to be a point where, you know, maybe just art
or music is something that callsfor you, but then that takes
away from your relationships. Maybe that takes away from
school. Maybe you need to follow that
route to know that it's not for you.

(13:41):
But you can't make it all work. That's just impossible.
It's impossible to be a firefighter and an accountant.
You know, that just doesn't, doesn't work unless I'm I'm sure
it's probably been done before, but the chances of doing that is
super slim. You need to choose what's right
for you, what is right for you. And that's going back again to

(14:03):
the self reflection and just, you know, like we're all in this
together, guys. Like I'd, I've never met a
person, I've never had a guest on this podcast that was
completely just sane and blissedout by their own being.

(14:23):
They don't have any struggles. No, like we're all going through
pain. And that's something we got to
remind ourselves too, that we are not alone.
There are people out there, we're going through the same
circumstance as us. And yeah, you know what?
Maybe they believe in themselvesmore and they're getting shit
done. They're getting after it.

(14:47):
And it's just, I know it's tough, but it's that this is the
cards we're dealt with meant to bend reality to a point where
it's all going to be perfect andwe're all going to go kumbaya
like it's never going to be perfect.
Guys, How many times I got to remind you?

(15:09):
OK. How many times I got to remind
myself? And it's just, yeah, you have to
keep on going. There's no other way.
OK, You must believe. But even if you don't believe
since still some action because through action, that's when you

(15:32):
get the blood flowing. It's when you start thinking,
when you start getting some ideas.
You know, put yourself out there.
Do that thing because ruining ruminating on it, doing all
these things that are destructive, like just been
scrolling all day, just eating shitty food, doing things that

(15:55):
you shouldn't be doing. That's clawing in your inner
self. Like I, there's so many things
that I've done in the past that I knew deep down inside, I knew
I shouldn't have been going to the bar so much.
I knew I shouldn't have been, you know, been on my screen

(16:15):
while my family members and friends were there around me.
Like, why? Why was I thinking so much about
what other people think? It took away from the moments it
we all know what's good and right for us.
Just keep following that and keep reflecting.

(16:36):
Stop destroying yourselves. Stop, OK?
You're not alone. Like somebody out there loves
you for who you are. I mean, you're a long term.
I mean, if you got this far, you're long term, like, what can
I say? There's a niche for every single

(16:59):
person in this world. I mean, I've got a ton of
friends and a lot of them are these ultra high achievers and
it seems like they're unbreakable.
But then I come across this little bit of kind of

(17:21):
vulnerability from them and it'sjust, it actually bonds us
together. Hey, like like here I was
thinking that, oh, this person was so, so perfect, so
untouchable. But then again, going back to
it, it's everyone's got something no matter what it is.

(17:44):
But man, I recently started this.
I just, I just quit, but two weeks ago I started this sales
job for this door to door knocking.
And it was some pretty grueling hours.
It was, we knocked from like 2:00 PM to 9:00 PM, had a

(18:06):
meeting. It was my drive there was like
30 minutes. And yeah, so I woke up at 9:00
AM, did my real, did my morning routine and still had that in
control. Woke up without an alarm clock,
you know, got to keep it long term.
And yeah, drove there and I'd listen to Door to Door

(18:30):
Millionaire by Lenny Gray because that's what they
instructed us to do because it would really help.
And yeah, that was, it was pretty much my entire life for
the past two weeks. So I'd get there in the meeting
and it was, it was great. I love the culture that my
buddy, my my best friend, one ofmy best friends, Bryce Dick,

(18:53):
he's been on the podcast twice. He's the one that got me this
job. The culture.
And then yeah, the culture thereis actually amazing.
Like I love just being there, being surrounded by guys who
just in the in the hustle culture, you know, they get
after it. You don't let these miserable

(19:14):
thoughts just get to you. You get after it, right, no
matter how tough they may be at the door.
And of course, you have to be respectful too, but you have to
be pleasantly persistent, right?And I just, and near the end, I
just couldn't take it. Like it didn't align with my

(19:36):
values. And while I loved all the people
that were there and shout out tomy boy Ty.
Shout out to Kai Ryan, the goats, Brendan, it's just a lot
of good guys, but I just yeah, Ithere were there are no
solutions, only trade-offs like I was trading off like time with

(19:59):
my family time with podcasting as a live podcast.
I don't want to give this up time from running exercise
right. And like I wait out all the pros
and cons to staying but I just thought working on a Saturday.
It's just it, it would have beentoo much for my mental health
and just, I knew I could have done it.

(20:21):
I'm sure I would have done it well, but it, I just, I didn't
want to spend my summer like that, right?
And I, it was through constant journaling and reflection that I
came to realize this and asking my family what they really
think. And you know what, like maybe I,

(20:43):
I regret it a little bit. And there's still that side of
me that, oh, I'd be making a lotof good money, but it's just, it
wasn't for me. You know what, that's OK.
I could say, oh, I'm a failure. You know, I'm such a when I'll
cry about it. And yeah, you could, I could
look at it from a lens. But Tom Edison once said, I
didn't find, I didn't fail 10,000 times.

(21:08):
I found 10,000 ways that didn't work right.
And I expand this upon life and it's just we're constantly
trying to find who we are, what how we go about the world, who
are our friends going to be? And a lot of it, it's just
constant rejection. It's constant.

(21:28):
It's never going to be enough. It's constant like, oh, what I
thought this was going to work out, but it didn't.
I thought, I thought expectations are right here,
right? But then reality is so much
lower than that. We expect that things are going
to come out being great and being euphoric, but really

(21:50):
there's so much rejection. And we have to be able to
stomach that and to know that it's OK.
It's OK if the girl rejects you.It's OK if you knock on that
door and it's your hundredth time, as long as you keep
improving. You keep making little
iterations and you may not notice it consciously, but over
time your brain adapts and it molds you into who you are and

(22:15):
how you're going to go about in the world and you through
rejection. It's redirection, man, that's,
that's cheesy. But hey, you know, this is,
we're just keeping a long term here.
But yeah, it's just 'cause I always get this thought of what

(22:39):
could have life have been if I just, if I just stayed, you
know, like, say it's like if they can like in a multiverse,
right? Let's say there's a different
version of Advan that actually stayed with door to door.
Hey, maybe he he's going to turnout to be a millionaire.
Maybe he made the right decision, but I'll never know.

(23:02):
And you know what? I can ruminate on that.
It had all be useless thought because I would never know.
Maybe if they made a machine, ifit was possible to go back, I'd
know, but I wouldn't. So why obsess on that?
You know, it's cool to just like, you know, do some, some
experiments in your head just for fun, right.

(23:24):
But if you let that kind of takeyou over and let it submerge you
into a place of hell and just atrocities and pain, yeah, that
probably not good. Yeah.
Yeah. I, I don't regret it, but

(23:46):
there's still part of me that does.
Like I don't fully regret it, but I know I'm making the right
decision through resting myself.And I just know that working
that much wasn't really for me. And you know what?
A lot of those guys are going tosucceed and I'm really happy for

(24:07):
them. I'm really happy to have met
them. But yeah, sure, our paths will
meet. And I try to install in myself
that everything does happen for a reason.
And that, you know, Matthew McConaughey said that red light,
you know, could have been just the reason why you met that
person, why you got into the room with that teacher that

(24:35):
became your mentor, that, you know, you saw that poster or
remind you that book and then you started reading and then you
became an author, you know, or you just it was became a job
opportunity. Like all these setbacks, right?
They're they're not setbacks. They're ways that remind us of

(24:57):
or not remind, but that that teach us something.
Sure, somebody broke up with you, yes, cry about it.
But it opened you up to know what is right for you and what
you don't want. Got fired from a job?

(25:19):
Great. You find a new one and you now
know what kind of culture you'd like.
You know what? That maybe that, you know, line
of job isn't for you. Maybe it's time to switch it up.
You have not more time for your kids, more time to self reflect,
to go about in the world with their positivity.

(25:42):
Yeah, there is a lot of beautiful things in this world,
guys. We forget that.
I mean, 100 years ago did they have podcasts?
I don't think so. I mean, the way things are going
now, we're keep getting more andmore connected and it's our job

(26:03):
to be able to remain sane with the doom scrolling, with the
constant information and the news, the activity in the news.
We're bombarded with all these different modalities of
information access. And it's our job to relax and

(26:26):
choose a route with intent, not just let them all take us over.
We are in control. OK, You are in control.
Oh yeah, a good quote I found recently too, is if we're unduly

(26:49):
absorbed and improving our lives, we may forget all
together to live them. Alan Watts and it's yeah, we get
so caught up in making money, trying to make money and trying
to optimize bio hack, you know, to Max to look some hacks to put

(27:12):
that charisma on command. We forget to actually just like
live, bro, just like chill undera tree and have some yogurt or
something you know maybe watch the birds look at this look at
the sky look how blue it is playthe guitar right without this

(27:32):
goal in mind of Oh yeah, I got to I got to improve I got to
dial in like no, just live do what's fun.
There's so much pressure we putting on ourselves to want to
improve, but I even even if you don't improve, which is super
unlikely, you are still living, you're still going about the
world with enthusiasm and nobodycan take that away from you.

(27:55):
The joy that you feel like man is so, so we're so keen on
focusing on our on our failures.We don't focus on the joys,
right? It's, it's blinding.
It's really blinding, like I don't know, it's something that

(28:19):
I really, really struggle with is just wanting to like to be
grateful for it. And it takes conscious work,
'cause there, there was a time months ago where or where I was
just like super grateful for everything, the food that I made

(28:39):
and the food that my family madefor me in the gym and all the
interactions I've had, I felt them.
But then somewhere along the lines I stopped being
consciously aware of just enjoying the little things and
recognizing the beauty in life. It went away And I just, it

(29:01):
became really dark. And next thing you know, I'm in
my bed just doom scrolling, looking at the ceiling, going
again. Don't tell me again.
Really like no, you have to I find effort, actually effort to
enjoy the progress and to enjoy the little things to put

(29:21):
conscious thought into it, because if you let life do the
dictating good luck buddy. It's going to be insanely tough
to be whole. But yeah, there's a lot of self
perfection questions for today. I, I challenge you guys to just
you do not have any music and not drive while there's music,

(29:47):
maybe work out without music. Maybe just sit down and look at
the, the ceiling. You know, of course, get ready.
I know there's so many contradictions to what I've
said, but I hope you guys get it.
I've kind of just been I'm trying out this new unscripted
thing. Hopefully it makes sense.

(30:08):
Hopefully, hopefully your guys are deriving value from it.
Yeah, I it's a Sunday today. I am super grateful to be alive
to talk to you guys. You got got it this far.
You know, you're loved. You're very much loved.
I love you. And yes.

(30:31):
And as always, to everyone listening and watching, there is
a place for you in this chaotic world.
Never lose hope, strengthen yourfaith and keep it long term
peace.