#141 - Mckayla Paranych - Surviving as a Single Mother - Long Term Podcast

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Like I genuinely was living so selfishly.
Like it was just have fun. Only worry about me.
I don't care who I hurt along the way.
And I had damaged so many relationships.
And when I found out I was pregnant, I was like, this is it
like I've either got to like fixeverything I've done or kill

(00:21):
myself and God's like, we got this.
We can fix it. I always worry that like I'll
get in a car crash and I like I won't be, I won't be capable
anymore and I. It's been a roller coaster.
I feel like pregnancy was probably the hardest thing
because you're dealing with all the hormones and morning

(00:41):
sickness. Cast your cares on the Lord and
He will sustain you. That He had a lot of struggles
with addiction and I didn't wantthat for my child.
So being a single mother is not something that I would want or
someone else like, Yeah. Because, like, for a country to
sustain itself, you need at least two.
And she was going through so many emotions that she didn't

(01:04):
know where to find kind of the next meal at the time.
And hello, You Beautiful people.Welcome back to the LONG Term
Podcast. I'm your host, Adrian Villa.
Today, we have a very brave person.
She is a single mom getting through the struggles of life

(01:26):
and building her faith Michaela Piranich We will discuss getting
outside movement and faith. Michaela is a very honest and
compassionate person who has gone through just unfortunate

(01:50):
circumstance and with an unplanned pregnancy and just not
knowing who she was at the time with partying lots and being in
a myriad of bad relationships. But you know what?
She has found meaning through being a mother and going through

(02:10):
all these tough things. She has really built her faith
up and she feels more connected to God and her family.
And it is an immensely powerful episode.
And yeah, this is a lot of, there's a lot of single moms out

(02:31):
there that need to hear this. And even if you're I know you're
not a single mom, you should definitely listen to this.
There's a lot of advice and there's a lot of kind of faith
mindset and just great things. And yeah, I am inspired by this
episode. It's awesome.

(02:52):
Everybody welcome. Right.
Welcome. Michaela Piranich, everyone.
Hi, Yeah. So yeah, tell me what it's like
being a single mom and how all of that unfolded.
It's been a roller coaster. I feel like pregnancy was

(03:14):
probably the hardest thing, 'cause you're dealing with all
the hormones and morning sickness.
That's a bunch of that's a lot. And after I ended up having my
baby, everything was so peaceful.
Like I think my son has been such a blessing in my life.

(03:36):
Being a mother is also so good because while he's growing and
I'm teaching him, he's also teaching me so much that I just
would not know. Like it's not natural for me to
know. Yeah, I I came upon this
revelation just like a year ago when I was babysitting my little

(04:00):
brother. He was 6 at the time.
And as much as I take care of him or the family takes care of
him, he takes care of us. You know what?
I. Mean like they bring so much
life. Yeah, like when you're a kid,
like just the the innocence of everything and just going about
your daily life and you don't have to hide anything.

(04:25):
You don't really have to hide much.
Because when you're angry, you're angry.
When you're happy, you're happy,right.
And there's no hidden agenda, asyou know, compared to when you
grow up. It's like all this like tricks,
and people have motives. But they're so honest and it's
nice there's no mask. Yeah, what you're saying, what's

(04:45):
kind of what's his personality been like, been like?
It's constantly evolving, so when he was a little baby, it
was kind of hard for me to know what he's thinking 'cause he's
so full of wonder now. But before he, everything was

(05:05):
new to him, like the entire world was new to him.
Smells, sights, colors. Like he's in my womb for so
long. So it's he's not used to the
real world and now his characteris coming out so he's playful
and super curious. Like he wants to get into
everything. Wow.
He loves exploring. He loves being outside.

(05:29):
What's that like being pregnant?Morning sickness is not fun.
So bad I could only eat like grapes and water for like a
month because morning sickness was horrible.
The hormones are pretty rough but I feel like what comes after
pregnancy is so rewarding. I heard the some women come out

(05:53):
of it with like but it's called post mortem.
Depression. Postpartum depression, yeah.
I've heard of that. I'm so lucky I did not have to
go through that. I feel like my pregnancy was
pretty crazy because I was a single mom, so I was feeling a
lot of like the shame of that and like doing it on my own,
even though I had my family. My family was amazing and they

(06:16):
were there for me, but I also felt like I needed that partner
to walk along with me in the journey and I just didn't have
that. So that was pretty hard for me.
But I feel like that kind of alljust faded away after pregnancy.
After I had my baby, it was like, I've got you and I'm going

(06:40):
to take care of you and I can dothis.
Like there was more of a confidence after having birth
so. I heard you don't fully mature
up until you have a child. You think that's true?
I think it's so true. Like I look at the way that I
was living my life before I had my son.

(07:00):
And like even the way that you treat people too, especially
like older people and just like people your age, it's so
different from when you have a child because when you have a
child, you want to protect them and preserve their innocence.
And like, you look at the world so much differently once you
have a child. Like you realize you need to be

(07:23):
choosing the next right thing todo because if you don't, it's
going to affect you and your child as well.
Yeah, you go about the world really only thinking about
yourself prior to that, I'm sureyou have your family, you have
your friends, right. But at the end of the day, it's
always like, what do I want to do?
Yeah, but now and. Anything goes.

(07:43):
Yeah, but now it's like, OK, what do I want to do and what
are the consequences in relationto my kid?
Yeah, exactly. And if you don't mind me asking,
why is the the dad not in the picture?
So. Is that, is that OK?
Yeah. No, that's good.
The relationship was extremely toxic and it was like an in and

(08:09):
out of relationship that wasn't good.
I know that he had a lot of struggles with addiction and I
didn't want that for my child. So he's not in the picture
because of it. And I think his mental state and
stability just wasn't there for a child.

(08:30):
And as a parent, it's my job to prioritize my kids safety
well-being and I want my son to grow up in a place that is safe
you. Think he could return in the
future if. It was a pretty intense
relationship. It was also really abusive

(08:52):
because of the addiction issues.I feel like no at the moment.
I do hope that he gets better onhis own and that he like finds
inner peace and finds a way to go about making his life better.
But I do think that him involving himself in our life

(09:17):
would just be so hurtful now andchaotic that I don't think it
would be a good idea. I'm being really like vague with
what I'm saying. No, it's not vague at all.
I've heard many stories like that where, you know, if the
person can't take care of themselves and it doesn't matter
if it's a father, a brother, a friend, and they start hurting

(09:40):
everyone around them, then of course you need to think about
the children that are surrounding that person, right?
Exactly. I do think that he will hurt
from this, but I do think that this will be something that he
can learn from too. Yeah, yeah, it's, it's tough,

(10:04):
Like some people just aren't ready to have kids, right.
And you're never going to be ready.
Yeah, exactly. It's if you have addiction in
your life, right? I know I can't even stand some
of the days, you know, and I don't have addiction, you know
what I mean? And it's like, life is already
so tough. Add drugs or behavioral issues

(10:27):
to the mix and, you know, you can't take care of kids that
way. Yeah.
Yeah. So as a single mom, I was
spending time outdoors because Iknow you're you're big into
that. Helped you find moments of peace
or clarity amidst the chaos of daily life.
So I love going for walks. I'll go for walks with my dog

(10:50):
and my son and it's nice. It helps you slow down.
I feel like life in the city is extremely faced, fast-paced.
You're constantly going and going and you want this or
you're on your phone or you're working or you're doing
something else. And being outside just kind of

(11:10):
gives you a moment to focus on like what's really important and
the creation around you and how beautiful that is.
It's really peaceful. Yeah, yeah, I've heard master
meditators just look at trees and like they they could just
like love trees. That's.
So funny. Yeah, yeah, I honestly probably
could too. Trees are beautiful.
Yeah, trees like, but then then again, if you, if you get really

(11:35):
good into like loving nature andthen that's all you do and then
it can be bad, you know well. Extremes with anything or not.
Yeah, that's true. That's really strange because
I'm like, I heard that and I went for a walk in nature and I
was looking at the trees. I'm like, yeah, they are.
They're just kind of looking toonice, you know, And I was
looking at it hugging the trees then, you know, I'm being all
weird. But nature's beautiful.

(11:55):
There's so much research onto the the benefits on to.
Well, it's good for your health,too.
Yeah, relief, stress, that's what they say.
Yeah. I read a book, it's called The
Stress Script Stress Prescription by Ellis Apple.
And just like she talks about just people walking into nature
and just how that relieves kind of the the inner system and that

(12:19):
just produces the overall stressand people feel happier.
Your nervous system down. Yeah, and I don't think we're
meant to just be cooped up inside the whole time, right?
Like just being in the. Well, back in the old days.
That's true, which isn't that long.
Like you, you, you think about like the grand scheme of kind
of, you know, I, I don't know ifyou believe in evolution, but

(12:42):
like, even like, you know, 1000 years ago, right.
And we wouldn't, it wasn't common to just be cooped up in
like a nine to five, you know, you're usually like a farmer,
you know, and all your like halfyour kids died.
But like you, you kept having them because it was good for
business, you know? Well, it's also really good
sensory play for my son, too, because he's at the age where he

(13:04):
needs to touch everything and make a mess.
And when I'm inside with him, there's a lot of things that he
wants to get into. Like he wants to go in the
cupboard under the sink or he wants to open the toilet lid or.
And I'm like, no, no, no, no. But if I'm outside with him,
he's free to pick up rocks, pickgrass, throw the stones around.

(13:25):
It's really good for him becausehe needs to feel the textures
and the colors and yeah. You like the sun?
He loves the sun. That sounds good.
Like, does he like the park? Oh my goodness, he loves the
park. Yeah, and what does he?
Does he know how to talk yet? He can say a few words.
He calls his stuffed animals babies, which is really.

(13:47):
Cute. Knows how to say Mama and no.
He's really good at saying no. Oh wow.
Like if he if I'm like, hey, let's go do this.
He's like, no, I'm like, OK, Sometimes that's OK Other times
that doesn't fly. You know, I don't, I don't trust
people that say yes all the time, you know, and it's good to

(14:08):
say no, but you shouldn't trust somebody who says yes all the
time because how do you know they actually want to do it?
Yeah, and they it's a level of disrespect to themselves too if
they don't. Want to?
Do that I could see what you mean.
Like I feel like they lack the self respect to say no to
something. I've struggled with that.
No, me too, me too. But it's like some of the my
best friends when they tell me no, they get, I kind of get sad,

(14:31):
but I'm so thankful in the long term that they're honest, like,
oh, do you want to go to the gymwith me?
And like, no, I'm just not feeling like it.
Versus if they actually, you know, now you know, if they
actually say yes, they actually mean it.
You know you want genuine relationships.
Yeah, that's true. He's he's learning from a young
age, you know, and they'll be listening to this like 10 years

(14:53):
later. That's so.
Funny. 20 years late. I wish there was a podcast with
my mom, you know? That'll be so cool.
Be like wow, like little Advent,you know?
And you can just see their growth as they go along.
I'll probably watch this back when I'm older and be like wow
some things have changed and some things are the same.

(15:14):
Yeah, no, it's, it's a long termpodcast.
That's the way I I'm going to structure it because like I want
people to keep coming back and just to kind of compare their
lives and just see how much better it got or worse, you
know, like, you know, but but yeah, that's the truth.
Like some, some lives do get worse, right?
That's. Just.
Just the way she goes. And it depends what season

(15:34):
you're into life, because life kind of goes up and then down.
Or coaster. But even today like I was just
so discombobulated at work. Like I just felt like so low.
I don't know why but for whatever reason I'm like huh?
Is it that dream? Was it I ate too much before
bed, but I didn't get lack of like enough sleep or all the

(15:55):
above, you know? But it's just OK, that happens.
I still have to show up to work.I still need to respect my
friends and be there for my family, you know, But at the
same time still, you know, pray and still do the things that I
need to do 'cause I could just use that as an excuse, like, oh,
I don't. Then life just gets worse.
That's why you need to keep moving your body 'cause like I

(16:18):
think there's this quote of treat the body rigorously so the
mind doesn't become disobedient,right?
That's good. Yeah, you just lay there the
whole time and you're just. You start when you think too
much you. Have to be able to say no to
certain things in your head. Even if like a thought comes
into your head, you have to be able to be like, OK, so no, I'm

(16:38):
not going to say yes to that thought and then go about with
what you choose to replace that with.
Do you trust your thoughts? No.
No. Absolutely not.
Because I feel like we absorb somuch throughout the day, right?
So you're getting opinions from other people, you're getting

(17:00):
opinions from the world and society.
And so your brain can just replay that at you.
Like it could be like, oh, you don't look very good.
Oh you don't act the way I want you to.
And like you can disagree with your thoughts.
It's OK to be like no to certainthings that come into your head

(17:21):
and replace that thought with something else.
Like choose what you want to think even though you have a ton
of thoughts coming into your head.
Yeah. And well, yeah, so we go through
so much throughout the day and certain things just pop up and
you don't even have control overit.

(17:42):
But it's, I think the Buddha says like the first arrow, which
is like things that are out of your control.
So when somebody says something mean to you or when, you know,
you trip and fall and you develop a scar, that's the first
arrow. The second arrow is when you
ruminate in your head like that's where the the true
suffering comes from, where, OK,you keep replaying it and you're

(18:05):
like, oh, am I really a loser? Or like, oh, that scar makes me
ugly. And then you keep and the next
thing you know, there's the third arrow, the 4th arrow.
And then it's just ruining your entire life.
Yeah, there's a really good bookthat my mom gave me to read and
she gave it to me like a few years ago, but I ended up
reading it while I was pregnant because I was dealing with so

(18:26):
much. Like I was just overthinking a
bunch. And the book is Battlefield of
the Mind by Joyce Meyer. It's really good.
And it basically just talks about like how you can take
control over your brain and the thoughts that come into your
head. And I just think that's so nice.
And I think people need to declare that over themselves

(18:47):
more. Really good book, I'd recommend
it. Yeah, mindset.
You should read Mindset by CarolDweck too.
I've actually seen that book a few times and I almost picked it
up and brought it home, but I did not.
Yeah. I'll have to.
Go to the library. I got it.
That's a good idea. Then I don't have to pay for the
book. Do you buy your books?
Usually, yes, because I feel like then I'm going to want to

(19:09):
read it more when I know that I haven't paid money for it.
It kind of just sits on my shelfand I'm like, I'll get to it,
I'll get to it. And then I'm like oh book return
time. But then there's like the time
constraint. It's like, oh, it's got to
return it in 2-3 weeks. But I just thought I was buying
so many books. I'm like, I could buy this.
Yeah, it's smarter to just get it from the library.

(19:31):
But I know if you, you know if that strategy, if it works for
you, you know well. Sometimes I read books and I'm
like, oh, I disagree with all the information in this.
And then I'm like, I have this book and I don't know what to do
with it now. Yeah.
You can return it if you got thereceipt.
And I probably will finish the book like that's the return
date. So that's.
Fair. Hey, 10 pages a day.

(19:53):
And then you'll finish it and before. 75 Five. 75 five, have
you done that? No, I wish I could.
I've tried. I could probably, but I feel
like I've definitely been lazy or like I've given up because.
And instead of like getting backinto it, I've kind of like had a

(20:14):
rough day and been like, I can'tdo this anymore but I think it
would be fun to try that again. Yeah, start today.
Oh. Goodness after this.
Starting 75 on my birthday. Yeah, that's awesome.
How's how's your birthday been? Good.
Went for a hike, went to go havebrunch with my friends, been

(20:37):
really good. Productive day Now we got on the
pod. Yeah.
This is exciting. Birthday podcast.
It's awesome. It's it's an honor.
Thank you. Yeah.
So do you have a favorite place in nature that feels like a
reset button when things feel overwhelming?
Yeah, if it's like I need a vacation, I'm going to the

(20:59):
mountains like. Like Banff or Jasper?
Field, you see, I used to work there and I loved it so much.
So I like going there. Clearwater is also beautiful.
I love Clearwater BC it's a little bit further out of Jasper
but it's just breathtaking. If I cannot afford to go to the

(21:21):
mountains or I'm like I just need to go outside, I'll just
honestly go to my backyard. I'll go for just any nature
walk. I have an app called All Trails
and it like shows you all the different nature trails in where
you're located. In short Park.
I've just been using that and it's great.

(21:42):
It'll even show you the off leash dog parks which are great.
Should Clarkdale? They've got some good trails
there. Yeah, no Lakeland bunch there.
I like I love shared park. Yeah, I like to go into
Edmonton. You wouldn't think that there's
like a lot of trails around there.

(22:03):
I'm not talking River Valley. River Valley is really beautiful
but I really like to go into thedifferent trails like White Mud
Park has some really nice trails.
They have like nature reserves too, just on the outskirts of
Sherwood Park which are beautiful if you want to be in
the trees and they have some like open wide spaces as well

(22:25):
which is really nice. Oh wow, I'll have to check it
out. I like trails.
Yeah, I like running just aroundbaseline.
Oh sweet I. Don't know.
I just, I don't know if it's like narcissism or like, 'cause
I like so spread positivity, youknow, like, yeah, you can hear
me running. Let's all run, you know that's.
Funny, I wouldn't say that's narcissism.

(22:47):
It's probably good for you too, because then you're like pushing
yourself in a way, and you're also showing others like what
you're doing. You're proud of it, which is
good. Yeah, I've had a couple guys
give me the finger though. That's funny.
Yeah, I don't know what. They're just like fitness.
No, really, they honk this couple trucks, they honked at me

(23:08):
and this is like a week apart and they just gave me the finger
and I was told my family, I'm like what did I do?
That's so funny. They're jealous.
I don't know. Maybe that maybe they're like
stop reminding me I need to workout.
Yeah, yeah, it could be I've gone through the mental
gymnastics and I'm like, OK, could be maybe they think I'm
cocky. Maybe maybe they're having a bad

(23:30):
day. Maybe they.
Just got prejudgment of you or? Maybe a prejudgment?
Maybe you have said something inthe past that reminded like.
Did you recognize them? No, no, Maybe I know their son
or daughter or something. And I was like, you know, a
degenerate in high school, and Iwas a bad influence.
I think we all were degenerate in high.
School, you ruminate on all these things and it's never

(23:51):
going to be, you know, you're never going to find an answer.
And even if you do, there's no point, you know?
As long as you're not breaking the law, as long as you're not
hurting anyone, then just run ordo something that you love,
regardless of if people eat on you, you know?
Also, hurt people will hurt people, so if they're hurting or
they have something internally going on with them, they're

(24:13):
going to project that on you andmake it your problem.
So they could hate you even whenyou're doing good.
And I feel like a lot of people hate you more when you're doing
good, which is weird because youset a standard that people don't
want when you're doing good and they feel like they have to meet
that standard, which is not necessarily true.

(24:36):
And also sometimes people have like it's jealousy or comparison
issues. Like I've even struggled with
those before. Like when I'm on my phone and
I'm looking at influencers, I'm like, and then I'm like, hey, I
have to get off my phone and like, why am I like getting cold
towards someone? I don't even know?
It's because I want to be in theposition that they're in.

(24:58):
And that's when you have to kindof like turn around and be like,
I have what I have and I'm happywith it.
Yeah, but then you also don't know those people.
You don't know what they're going through.
You don't know, like the mental kind of framework that they
operate in. For all we know, they could be
the saddest person who actually looks at the top and just keeps
looking there, and then they never get to see their

(25:18):
surroundings. I'm the same way, too, where I'm
scrolling like, oh, look at all these podcasts.
I want to be like Joe Rogan, Theo Von, all these big names.
But then it's like, OK, but at least you got a podcast, not
least you're alive. You know, a lot of people don't
get that. At least, you know, you can
speak. A lot of people can't speak.
I don't know whether it's just their minds, they won't let them

(25:42):
because they're so anxious or they have some sort of illness.
And it's just, it's always greener on the other side,
right? Because we're always just going
to. What we don't have?
Yeah, Once we have that thing, it's like just becomes normal
when we forget that before, like10 years ago, this is what we

(26:04):
prayed for, It's what we wished for.
Exactly. You're living in a answered
prayer right now. Yeah, no, exactly.
I think I, it just seems normal to me to right now to be in like
episode 141 right now. But like if I if somebody told
me three years ago that I was going to have a podcast, I would
have been like, what? No, no, like if somebody told

(26:25):
you that you were going to have like a A2 year old that you were
going to love and adore. I would have been like, ain't no
way because I said to everyone, I'm not having kids.
I am not having kids. I don't want to be a mom.
And I think God was like, oh honey, you're going to eat your
words. But also I made the choices that
ended up with me having a child so.

(26:48):
I think we don't know what we want.
You know what I mean? I'm, I'm such a, I'm a massive
believer in that because when I drove home from work today, I
wanted to just sleep and cancel the pod.
But I know from all the different iterations in the past
that I have to run, I have to shower and have to prepare for
the pod. That's what'll grant me

(27:08):
fulfillment. I'd at that moment, I didn't
want to do the things that I wanted to do.
But in retrospect, looking back onto the the times where I've
quit and the times where I've cancelled on plans where I
didn't show up or I could have been and I go, what if should
have could have ifs. It's like, OK, I'm going to take

(27:29):
the lessons I've met I've I've had in the past, the mistakes
I've made. I'm going to go, OK, maybe I
should take that risk. Maybe I should just go despite
my muscle and my body. Tell me if you're.
Just tired and your body's like,I don't want to do this or
you've been sitting for too long, that your body's just
like, I don't want to do anything physical.

(27:53):
But the second that you do it, you get the gratification of
being like. Yeah, or it's like.
And I did the hard thing, and you're training your brain while
you do that, too. You should be an influencer.
Oh gosh, like talk famous. But Caleb, you can imagine.
You ever see those moms on TikTok?
Yeah, I do. I've honestly, I love the idea

(28:14):
of being an influencer, but at the same time I feel like it
could probably get really overwhelming.
I like being able to move in silence a little bit and like
live my everyday life without eyes from every corner.
I think it's nice to have socialmedia and like post little
updates and like, this is what'sgoing on.

(28:35):
But I feel like when you become an influencer, people don't
understand the pressure that's on these people because council
culture is so horrible right now.
Like, and you're getting it fromlike every perspective in the
world. So if you say anything wrong,
you're going to have a ton of people coming at you.
And it's almost like you can't do anything right on social

(28:56):
media. So I feel like that would be
extremely destructive for my mental health.
Yeah. I don't think being famous is
healthy. No, I like back then we like
when we lived in little villages, little tribes, like we
knew like 150 people, you know? And like half of those people
were old. And then half of those, the

(29:18):
other half are like children. So you're only really like your
potential relationships or people that you hang out with a
bunch. They're like, there's like 20-30
of you and you guys grow up together.
But now you go on social media and there's this endless amounts
of comparison. Yeah.
Endless amounts of just information of all these things

(29:39):
that you could be doing, should be doing that you're not doing.
Yeah. You really have to be able to
discern like what you're going to actually absorb, what you're
going to throw away. Even sometimes when you're doom
scrolling, you see something you're like, I did not want to
see that. Yeah.
So yeah, it's almost like you need to know what you're going

(29:59):
to take home from your phone. Yeah.
I feel like if you're influencing with a purpose, like
I like what you're doing with this podcast, you're giving a
voice for people, which is really good.
I. Just think people's attention
spans are terrible and I think people don't actually get to

(30:21):
know people, you know what I mean?
Like feel like the interactions I've had here have been some of
the most meaningful conversations like I've had.
We're asking all the hard questions.
You're not just like, oh, the weather's nice today and.
How are you and what did? You do today.

(30:42):
Did you watch that new movie? It's like, yeah.
It's like I I've always really wanted to ask, like, you know,
what does Deja Vu feel like? Do you feel, like crying about
it? You know, like and then but then
I'm the weird guy, you know. But on the podcast, it's good.
To ask the deep questions, it's.Like the long term, right?
It's yeah, I've just. I really, really adore this

(31:03):
podcast and I don't I will neverstop.
Yeah, this is my baby. And I think that people should
have long form conversations with people.
And actually, cuz there's peoplethat I've worked with for five
years and I don't know anything about them.
Like there's people that I've known for a decade that I went

(31:24):
to school with and I've talked to them many times at the gym.
I've seen them at school, but I don't know them.
You know, this is I talked to one guest and I feel like I kind
of know where they're coming from.
I understand them more and I feel like that should be
normalized because it's just like weird, you know?
You don't ask the deep questionsbecause.

(31:46):
We don't really know who we're around anymore.
And that's kind of scary. Yeah.
Because you're also, like, a lotof people in friend groups don't
even know their friends, which is like, crazy to think,
especially because as a mom, I want to choose good people to be
around my son. Not saying that I know bad

(32:11):
people, but I feel like there are certain people that you
don't want influencing your children.
Yeah, there's a lot of bad people out there, you know what
I mean? And it's like, it's not in the
sense where it's like they're just criminals, you know?
But like people who want the worst for you, people just have
bad intentions or like. That's exactly what I mean.

(32:34):
Say they want the best for you, but their actions say otherwise.
Yeah. It's like they're you said this
thing about me which isn't true,but in my face you're telling me
you'd like me and we're friends.You know what I mean?
There's a lot of people like that and need to be able to
discern that. And through constant, like,
mistakes and errors, you get to weed out like, oh, that type of

(32:56):
person was too much. I don't quite trust that person.
And at times, I've had to trust my gut where it's like, OK,
that's right. But at times I've been wrong.
You know what I mean? Oh, that person is so
trustworthy. That person is somebody that I
want in my life 10 years later. I agree.
With that, yeah. And so how do you make time to

(33:20):
get outside even on the days when you feel mentally or
physically drained? And we touched up on that.
I will after work. I like basically have to because
I have a dog. So even when I'm like, I don't
want to do this. My son needs to go outside, my
dog needs to go outside and I know that I should be going

(33:42):
outside. So we'll go for a walk after
work or we'll just play in the backyard for a little bit.
It's. Basically just like prioritizing
it and it's become a need of mine to like go outside because
I do start to get like 4 wall syndrome.
I don't know if that's the correct. 4 wall syndrome would

(34:04):
feel trapped you feel like. When I'm in my house for too
long, I'm like, I need to get out.
I need to. Go outside.
Yeah, I could. I mean I kind of have 4 wall
syndrome kind of doesn't everyone?
Doesn't like a human? A human being, like, kind of
needs to be outside. And like when you see someone
that's, like, all pale and it's like they haven't seen the sun

(34:25):
in, like, decades, Yeah, it's like, that doesn't look healthy.
Yeah, well, I know too from likemy past when I was a teenager, I
would get home from high school and I would just scroll and
scroll and scroll and sit in my bed and scroll and I was
depressed and I could sleep until like 12 PM, 3:00 PM.
And I just can't do that now. Like not just because of my son,

(34:51):
but also because if I do that itjust it effects my mental
health. Yeah, no, I've been through
that. I used to take naps at school,
then I'd take a nap after and then it actually, it's not a
nap. It'd be like a three hours sleep
and then I wouldn't be able to sleep at night.
Next thing you know I got a chemtest that I need to study for
and I play one game and it's just, it's just one game and I

(35:14):
play 2 games and in between games I'm watch, I'm texting,
I'm snapping and next thing you know it's 2:00 AM.
I'm on my knees praying to God. That you can pass your test.
Miracle. I just skip.
I skip and I do it all over again the next day and it's like
it's just. One bad decision leads to
another. Yeah.

(35:35):
I think that comes back to like making the choice to do the hard
thing. If you get it over with, there
is such a reward at the end of that versus if you make the
decision to do the wrong thing, then you have to deal with the
consequences of that. Yeah, I think in most of life,
the hard thing is always the right choice.

(35:55):
They're always like they're likesynonymous sometimes because
like, yeah, it's easy not to have those tough talks because
like it's awkward with my dad, you know, we, he, he knows he we
love each other. Or that Co worker that I need to
hey, are we OK? Or, you know, going to the gym
where they're going for a run, but than reading that book where

(36:16):
you need to improve, but then not doing any of that because
OK, I just maybe I'll just stay.I'll I'll watch Netflix, right?
I'll I'll just scroll on my phone.
I will not talk that tough talk because it's uncomfortable.
You end up suffering in the longterm rather than getting it done

(36:37):
right now. I'm going to just go for a run.
And then you feel fulfilled versus prolonging it.
It's like the suffering just keeps on escalating up until you
look back and you go, I could have just, I could have just
done it. Why don't I just do it?
And you're on that task, right? And you're looking at the
answers. I could have just studied this.

(36:57):
I could have just put it in my memory, or I could have just
been there for that person. Now it's too late.
Yeah, I think our brain over complicates doing the right
thing too. Like it's almost like parent
asking you to do a chore when itcomes to like making decisions
in your head of like, OK, I'm going to do the next right
thing. Your brain will start to make

(37:18):
excuses like, oh, I don't want to do this because I'm tired or
I don't want to do this because I don't want to have to change
clothes to go for my workout anddrive all the way to the gym and
do this when I don't have to load everything into my car to
go for a walk. But sometimes you literally just
have to be like, no. And get up and do it.
And it's the easiest way to get things done, even with like

(37:43):
having conversations with hard people, like just do it.
Just do it, Nike. Yeah, just do it.
And like, you either suffer the the pain of regret or
discipline, right. And regret feels so much
heavier. It weighs tons.
And discipline weighs oz. Yeah, you know.
But yeah, just do it. Nike.
It's like that Shia LaBeouf. Remember when he that meme came

(38:04):
around? Yeah, just do it really.
That guy's been been enlightened.
Have you seen him? Have you seen quits of him?
Like he's, he's into, he's really into his faith now with
God and Jesus. Yeah.
That's awesome. Yeah, just like a lot of people
are turning into Christianity. Oh.
Yeah, it's awesome. I love that.
I feel like too there was such adry like period of Christians

(38:31):
because everything was really rituals and like people didn't
have real encounters with God and that made it really hard for
you to want to worship God when you don't even know who he is.
I honestly encountered God when I was like when I got pregnant

(38:53):
and I was like, I had no friends.
I was depressed. I was like, I can't do this.
And then I had a real encounter of like who Jesus was and it
just changed my you on like who I thought God was because I
thought God was like, if you don't follow my commands, then
bye, bye, you're going to hell. But it's like that's not what

(39:15):
he's like at all. He like in the middle of your
suffering when you've made stupid decisions, he's like, I'm
going to comfort you. I actually care about you.
And he cries with you, which is so crazy to think about.
Like he's so loving. And it's just so different from
what I feel like society teaches.

(39:36):
And I feel like people do a really bad job of representing
God. Like, we are imperfect people
and we fail each other. And so that's going to have
consequences. And people are going to like, if
you're a Christian, people are going to be like, well, she
thinks she's better than everyone else.

(39:57):
And a lot of blame goes towards God, but I feel like that's not
who he is. We make mistakes every day,
right? And it's just God's always going
to be there for us and he's always just going to shower us
with love. And there's this quote of love
is patient and kind. Love does not envy or boast love

(40:25):
it does not. It does not.
It's not rude and it does not follow insist in its own way.
It is not. It is not resentful or
resentful. At least.
Yeah, it is not resentful or andit doesn't rejoice in.

(40:49):
Evil. Yeah, it doesn't rejoice in
wrongdoing. It rejoices with the truth.
And I think I've missed some words there, but.
Yeah, you basically got the gistof it though.
Yeah, but like, love is the mostpowerful force, I'd say.
And I think in my darkest times,I think God was there to lend
his hand and to tell me, hey, everything is going to be OK and

(41:12):
you can do do it and you can getthrough this day.
And I feel like I want to be able to.
I know I feel my happiest. My faith is strong.
Yeah, like the feeling of running towards a bullet of fire
or a wall of bullets and feelingnot feeling untouchable, feeling

(41:36):
No Fear, right? I feel like I want to be able to
sacrifice just the way Jesus did, and I want to get closer to
God and kind of actually follow through with the teachings.
I don't know, It's just so much suffering out there, right?
Yeah, the world is a really uglyplace and we need to be
comforted. Like we're all going through so

(41:57):
much. And I feel like we live in a
society that's like, if you're not presenting your best self,
you're not really accepted. But when you have a relationship
with God, God wants you to be honest with him because he
already knows your heart more than you do, which is such a
crazy thought. But you can sit with him and

(42:18):
until you're ready to be honest with him, I think that's when
you have a really deep connection with him.
Like sometimes there are things in my heart that I don't want to
admit. Like I'll be like, oh, I'm
jealous of this person or this really made me mad.
Or sometimes I'll even be mad atGod.
And I'm like, I don't want to admit that.
But once I do, he's like, I already knew this and I want to

(42:42):
comfort you and I want to give you a way out of what you're
feeling. And I think that is so
important. Yeah, it's scary to to look in
the mirror and to really look atyour soul and to like talk to
God, to forget you down on your knees to, to actually give it

(43:03):
all out there unfiltered becauseyou get to see just how flawed
you are, right. And it's just, it's
uncomfortable. It's like I, I did that, I did
this, I'd let you down there. I send there.
I give in to temptation. There's so many temptations.
Yeah. Everyday.

(43:24):
Yeah, we make mistakes everyday and I've made so many mistakes
in my life. I could have been nicer to that
person. Why did I make that comment?
Why did I think that way about that person?
Why did I engage in that behavior?
Oh, I snapped too much of that person.
I think that only perfect being to walk on earth was Jesus.
No percent and he just and to beable to to be betrayed by the

(43:51):
people who he just wanted to help and to be able to walk with
like the well. There's also something that is
just so amazing about the fact that you have a perfect God and
he came down on earth and humbled himself to your level
and let people who were imperfect beat him up, put him

(44:15):
on a cross because he wanted to send the message that, hey, I
love you and I will do anything for you if you will just turn
me. I want to save you.
I want you to love me because I love you.
There's something that just likeblows my mind when I think about
that because he, there's no reason why he needed to come

(44:38):
down and do that. Like, if you think about it,
he's perfect. Yeah, yeah.
And. It just shows how much you're
loved. And I think that's so amazing.
And I think that's something that we can build hope on,
especially in a world that's really ugly, is that you have a
God that loves you no matter what you do.
And he's waiting for you to justbe like, hey, I need you.

(45:00):
Yeah, he's always going to be there for you no matter what.
And that's just so, so liberating, right?
Because, like, we play all thesegames, right?
OK. Like the hierarchy.
Am I doing better than this? I got to make more money.
I got to do this. But like at the end of the day,
like to be truly saved is to just give yourself the God.

(45:22):
And I think for people that sound so.
Crazy or like? Psychotic psycho, like, I'm not
saying, you know, like I'm just going to sit there and like
pretend that, you know, everything is going to just.
Be I'm not going to go to work because you're just going to
give me money, and I'm not goingto go to the grocery store
because food will magically appear in my fridge.

(45:43):
Yeah, yeah. It's like that story where the
the house is flooding and they're like, it was just
everything was caught up and it was people were drowning
everywhere. And there's this man on a
platform and a bunch of people came rowing the boats like, hey,
man, like come on. Or trying to help you.
It's like, I don't know, God's got me.

(46:04):
And then bunch of people came like a helicopter and like they
don't know God's got me. But people came and all these
different vehicles and then he finally, he finally died and
he's like God. Why don't you?
Send save me, you know, and likeI did, I sent so many people to
help you. And it's just like that, that

(46:25):
story blew my mind, 'cause there's so many people that have
gone in my life and I, I see them.
They're, they're the reasons whyI believe in God.
Yeah. Like, I think too, it's not
always easy to see the way that God is working in your life
because people don't look view life as a very spiritual thing
sometimes. So I think God works in a really

(46:48):
natural way that just kind of works itself out.
Like you could be praying for something to happen, praying
over and over again, and then all the sudden it happens.
But it's not in some like Big Bang that you're like, Oh yeah,
that was you, God. But a lot of the time he's
working and like finding ways for things to work out for your

(47:10):
good in such a natural way that it's so subtle.
That's why it's so important to be like, thank you.
Yeah, gratitude for every singleday.
Because you just don't know. Yeah, OK.
Welcome back. So what role has physical

(47:30):
movement played in helping you process emotions or cope with
stress as a mom and woman of faith?
It's really important to take care of your body.
I feel like that's kind of obvious, but if I have like a
lot of pent up anger or there's something going on that I kind

(47:50):
of need to just release, it is really good to move my body
because sometimes you just feel your emotions in your entire
body and I feel like working outcan be a really good way of
relieving you from that. It's also just good for your
health, like your physical health, depending on how you're

(48:15):
doing physically, it's going to affect your mental health.
Because I know for when I was younger, like I said, I was not
really active and I would just go home and scroll on my phone.
That really played on my mental health.
And yeah, I feel like the way you treat your body helps you

(48:36):
treat yourself better internally, if that makes any
sense. No, it does.
I think the mind kind of followsthe body at times.
And if you're just sitting down there and you're not, you
haven't really done anything throughout the day.
It's just you're tend to just overthink.

(48:57):
It's like less like like I said earlier, when you treat the body
rigorously so the mind doesn't become disobedient.
Like if you like the mind that you kind of have to control the
like you have to like. Yeah, the way you take care of
your body really plays on your mental health.
Like, if you don't brush your teeth, that's going to make you
feel disgusting. If you don't shower for a while,
you're going to be like, you feel gross, like those things

(49:19):
just naturally affect your mental health.
Yeah. And it builds up that you, you
like like we talked about earlier, the butterfly effect,
OK, you don't engage in that runand then, OK, what do you do in
that spare time? Maybe you take a nap and that
nap becomes two hours. You get into the you feel groggy

(49:40):
when you wake up, you have to cook dinner and you don't feel
relieved. And then next you know, you
can't sleep at night because youjust took a nap.
You come to work with a poopy pants attitude, discombobulated,
and it's just you take it out inyour Co worker and you get fired
and you get fired. Next thing you know, you can't
feed anyone. You can't feed yourself.
You end up in the streets. Next thing you know, you're
doing heroin and Oh my God. Dang, Yeah.

(50:04):
No, but like, that's the reality.
Yeah. It's a crazy list.
Yeah, no, that's always what I think about too.
I'm like, yeah, I do this. Let train you know just.
Gonna be doing. Consequences that come.
With it, yeah. Just be doing crack after this,
you know what I mean? Yeah, I I overthink like that
sometimes. Yeah, you know.
It makes sense. I do this one thing and next
thing you know I'm out in. The streets, yeah.

(50:25):
Yeah, but it's good. That's why I pray.
Meditate. Yeah.
Yeah. So has your relationship with
your body changed since becominga mom?
Cool, it's been up and down. I feel like you have no control
of your body during pregnancy. Like it grows, it shrinks.
So after birth my body's obviously changed a lot.

(50:47):
And right after I had my son, I was like, Kay, I'm not going to
let myself go because I feel like a lot of times it's easy
for people to just be like, well, I had a baby, so I'm not
going to take care of my body because I like they almost make
excuses for why they don't need to.

(51:08):
And I decided like, no, this is my son is the reason why I'm
going to take care of my body even more now.
Like before I had before I had gotten pregnant, I had a really
bad eating disorder and it was really affecting my life and I
was just unhealthy and it was spiraling and my mood was not

(51:31):
good. I couldn't focus.
I was angry, but once I had my son, I was like, hey, I'm going
to take care of myself so I can take care of him because I need
to be able to pour into his cup by having a full cup, and the
best way to do that is taking care of my body.

(51:53):
Yeah, it's like when you're out there running, walking, doing
things for you. That builds up more energy to be
able to give to others. And when you have, you know,
more water and it's overflowing,it's just, even if you don't
want to, it's just going to flood into other people.
Basically to answer your question, I feel like I am the

(52:17):
healthiest that I have ever beenin my life now compared to any
time in my life. Like I was not a super fit
child. Like even in high school I was
like, I hate gym class. I don't want to do this.
Like I just didn't see the purpose of it until I had my
son. And I think that kind of plays

(52:37):
into like how your brain maturesa little bit too.
Some people are just naturally born with like, I know what I
need to do. For me, it was more like I had
to figure it out the hard way. But fitness has changed my life
so much. And I think I am the healthiest
that I have ever been since having a baby, which is really

(52:59):
good. That's great.
I'm happy for you. That's awesome.
You're very blessed. And it's a.
Healthy body. Healthy body, healthy mind.
And it's phenomenal to see the trajectory to which you were
here, you know, being depressed,being with this eating disorder
and then not having any direction to now having that kid

(53:23):
hitting rock bottom and now having a sense of purpose and
meaning and getting up every dayand having all these a myriad of
tools that could help you upliftyourself.
And you're still not, it's nevergoing to be fully blissed out.
You're not going to be fully like enlightened where you're
just happy all the time. You still take the punches as
you go through life and then youstill kind of keep going.

(53:45):
And that's, that's great. Thank you.
Yeah. Yeah.
About the eating disorder, if you don't mind me asking, like
what what kind of develop was itlike you just over ate or you
stopped eating? I back to the toxic relationship
I was in with my son's baby daddy.
I guess that's the word for it, so it just sounds so weird to

(54:07):
say that. Baby daddy.
Sure, sure. It was really unhealthy and
there was a lot of expectations from him that were placed on me.
I think also the stress of like the relationship was also
extremely hard for me and I ended up literally wearing it so

(54:29):
I wouldn't eat. I couldn't like the thought of
eating grossed me out, which is so sad to think about now
because if you don't eat, you will eventually die.
And I was definitely on that road with my eating disorder.
And I, I honestly think that once pregnancy hit, it was like
a godsend because you have to eat or your baby's going to die

(54:53):
and you're going to die. And I was just hungry, like, you
can't not eat. So sorry.
I finally found freedom from that in my pregnancy.
And that is thanks to God. Thank you Jesus.
That's awesome. And yeah, like he was placing so

(55:15):
much stress on you to be a certain image, like to be.
Perfect. And I think he also struggled
himself with that as well. And he was projecting what he
was struggling with internally on me.
Like he had really high expectations for himself and he
pushed that on me. And that was something that was
really hard. Like in relationships, you wear

(55:35):
your partner's insecurities. True.
It's like. You share things, you carry
things together, and if they're not healthy, it can really
affect you. Yeah, like what is it like when
people are married long enough, they start to like, look like?
Each other mom always says that they look like siblings and

(55:56):
you're like. Yeah, it's kind of weird.
Yeah, that's what my, I see my my parents now and like my
stepmom, my dad, they're they, they have like no friends.
So they just, they just like, I feel like that.
Kind of happens sometimes when you get older.
But and then they just. But they have all of you guys,
Yeah, Family's huge. So family, very, very family

(56:17):
oriented, like my dad will do anything for the family.
It's always been for the family,for the family.
And he always talks. He never.
For the family. Yeah, for the family.
And then he always says, so is it the sun right in your your
face, in your eye? OK.
Does it look like it? Yeah, yeah, it is.
But it's not bad though, unless it's like.
Unless it's like obstructing your.

(56:38):
Like a dot. I'll just move over here.
OK. Yeah.
Is that good? Yeah.
It was good though I guess gold is.
Is it golden hour? It's golden hour.
But yeah, he, he always talks inlike a collective like, Oh yeah,
no, we, our drainage system, youknow, are, are like the water
heating our heating pump. It's not working or like, oh

(57:01):
man, our problem. It's always awesome.
I like like growing up here, you're kind of you're taught to
be like just think about yourself individual side.
And so I, like, I pushed my family away growing up being in
my teenage years because I wanted to be cool.

(57:21):
And it's not cool being around your family.
And I'd be in like the I'll be out with my family and I'd be
embarrassed anytime I would see people outside of school, like
hanging out amongst themselves and like, oh, he's with his
family. Like what?
Like I would think that. Yeah, I felt that way, too when
I was younger. And I was like, I even said to
my parents, I don't want to hangout with my siblings.

(57:42):
I want to hang out with my friends.
Yeah. And I think also, too, like, you
watch TV shows. Yeah, that, like, Hannah
Montana, for example, was what Igrew up on.
And she's always like, go away to her little brother, like
you're annoying. And I think those things you
absorb and then you just take them on, especially as a child

(58:03):
because you are so trusting withthe world when you're young.
So you just take everything in and you go with it.
And nothing's like you don't have discernment between what's
wrong and right. But now I'm like, I love being
with my family and I'm not embarrassed of them, except my
little brother's table manners at the restaurant.
I'm like, that's a little watch.But I love them though.

(58:27):
Yeah, no, now I'm like, I'm immensely proud to be with my
family and I'm outside with them.
I just feel so. They love you.
Yeah, connected. I'm like, oh, this is these
people love me for who I am, youknow?
It's like they really do and they're they're with you through
thick and thin, so. It's like no matter what

(58:47):
happens, they're, they like, I always worry that like I'll get
in a car crash and I like I won't be, I won't be capable
anymore and I won't be able to do the podcast.
I won't be able to work. I won't be able to go to school
at EU of AI won't be able to be what I do, you know, but it's, I
don't think my family likes me for what I do.

(59:09):
You know, like they like me for me.
They just love me and like I could become, you know, like a
burn victim and I wouldn't be able to call it Saturday Mark
'cause like maybe I there's scars lower over my face or like
all these things that I worry about, like all car crash and
I'll become a paraplegic. But it's like, as long as in my
family. Plus there's God and well.

(59:29):
You look at babies, for example,they can't do anything for
themselves. Like they basically they're
paralyzed. You have to teach them how to
eat. You have to teach them how to
move. It's crazy the amount of things
you have to teach them how to talk, how to walk, how to do
everything. Like they come out and they're
kind of just like hi, fill in. I miss those days, you know,

(59:51):
when I was in the room, like. Do you remember?
No, I don't remember, but I justfeel like it's a good time
there. Like I just feel like I'm just
like in there, you know, in likea cradle position, like my mom's
like I'm eating. Like I feel like it was a good
time. Like I I just, I'll probably.
Yeah, yeah. Free food.
Yeah, she, she said she ate a lot of mangoes.
Oh, yeah. In in the Philippines, they call

(01:00:14):
it alihi, which means that like when you eat a certain amount of
like most of the the food you that your cravings that becomes
like a representation of the child.
Oh, so like I'm amazing my. Son's a grape.
Oh wow, your son's a grape. Yeah.
Yeah, so funny. Or strawberries.
Strawberries. That's a great choice.

(01:00:35):
Yeah, yeah. He chose it, not me.
Yeah, and they're, I feel bad for the kids that are like
Pringles, you know what I mean? Dill pickle.
Chips. Yeah, dill pickle chips or like.
I did go through a little bit ofa phase, yeah, with dill pickle
chips. Yeah, I like the I always like
the oven baked dill pickle. I was.

(01:00:55):
I was a French fry baby. French fries.
Orange. Juice and French fries and I
still love potatoes. Potatoes, right?
Perogies. Like perogies?
I do like perogies. They're just potatoes.
Except like with extra steps, you know?
It depends how you make the. Pierogi.
OK, yeah, I'm not much of A cook, but I want to learn.

(01:01:16):
One day, though, I really want to learn.
Where were we? Next question.
What advice would you give to other single moms who feel who
feel disconnected from movement or struggle to make time for it?
I would say. Even if you can like bring your

(01:01:42):
child with you, I think that is so good.
Like for example, I go for walksand I bring my son with me.
Grab the wagon, grab the stroller, do what you got to do.
Get outside, even if it's just like a 5 minute walk because
you're just not in shape. Go to the mailbox and grab your
mail, come back inside. And then every day add a little
bit more and then do more and more and more.

(01:02:05):
And then it's like experiments. See what you're comfortable with
and what feels good. I'm not someone who's like doing
heavy lifting because. You sure they see the they see
the gains? I'm like, I'm not heavy lifting
because it just doesn't have thesame reward for me as going for

(01:02:32):
a run. Or like if I do like a low
intensity workout, I feel like that is more beneficial for my
body. And everyone's body is
different, so you have to find what's really good for you.
Yeah, I like, Yeah, small movements, small steps, like
when you just park farther down the road, you know, when you're

(01:02:54):
at the mall and then you get extra 100 steps or take the
stairs. Exactly, like it's little
things. You don't have to be super
crazy, especially if you're likea single mom.
Like I have the benefit of living with my family.
So if I'm like, if my son's asleep, I'm like, hey, can you
guys watch the baby monitor while I go for a run or go for a

(01:03:16):
walk? And they're like, yeah, we got
you. But if you're looking at a
single mom that has no one and it's just her in the house, it
can be exhausting because you'vegot a list of things you have to
get done before you can go to bed, and at some point, you're
just burnt out. Yeah.
And so like I said, it's the little things, like even what

(01:03:37):
you said, parking further away from the mall.
Just do it. Yeah, I know.
My mom, she went through a tumultuous time growing up.
Like I remember, like our electricity, you'd be cut off.
And like, I remember her crying every night.
I would be like 6-7 because, like, you know, she wasn't
treated nicely. She was treated poorly by a lot

(01:04:01):
of the people around her. And I'd be like playing with my
toy trucks. And she'd be like, ranting to
me, be like. I don't.
Understand what you're saying, Mom, but I just.
Hug her, Yeah. I know you're upset, but I just
give her a hug and you know, I just like I just saw her every
single day. She got up like she, we had no

(01:04:24):
help really. I guess my uncle was there a
little bit. But she was so strong, like
despite what she had gone through because like her parents
died early when she was like 16.So she would be all alone.
And then by the time she had me and my sister, like she was just
a single mom at that point and she had to provide and she was a

(01:04:46):
housewife before everything. Took place to take care of your
children. On top of that, and she was
going through so many emotions that she didn't know where
define kind of the next meal at the time.
And it was just we lived in a place kind of in this area where
there were some bad people, you know, and I'd be like at the
looking back like, wow, she did her very best.

(01:05:09):
And that's why I owe it to her to be able to get up every
single day, despite how I may befeeling.
Because you. Watched her do it.
She was going through hell. And then I would just wake up
and she'd be like 7:00 AM, turn on Cartoon Network.
Like, like, she'd kissed me in the forehead to be summer, like,
have a good day. You know, she'd go to work.
She'd come back exhausted. She'd still have food on the

(01:05:31):
table. She would still kind of tell me
stories about Jesus. She'd still try to make time for
me. And like looking back like she
only got like 4. Hours of sleep.
Yeah, yeah. And I'm just, I'm, I'm extremely
proud of her. She's in a great place now.
I didn't get to see her for like11 years because, like, she made

(01:05:52):
the sacrifice to bring me and mysister here, right?
There's so much like other stuffgoing on, but like, I don't want
to get into that. But all I know is just like, I
don't know. She just.
Yeah, single moms are some of the bravest people.
You know, some of the. Most like to figure things out.
Yeah. Which should be done between two
people. Yeah, on their own.

(01:06:13):
Yeah. Like they've got to figure out
how to do a two person job on their own.
And that might seem like, oh, it's not that big of a deal, but
the tasks add up. Like while someone's doing the
dishes, the other one can be putting the kid to bed.
But it's like now that you've got the kid to bed, you got to
do the dishes, you got to clean the house, you've got to do

(01:06:33):
this, you got to do that. And then you got to take care of
yourself on top of that. And it's just there's a long
list of things that have to be done.
I am blessed that I live with myfamily because dishes, it's like
a communal thing. I think I said that correctly.
So it's like if I don't want to do it one night, someone else

(01:06:54):
will, which is really great and I'm so thankful for my family.
Yeah, you're immensely blessed and God definitely favors you.
Yeah, that's that's awesome. I'm really happy to hear that
your family is there for you. And they're kind of I I hear a
lot of people who. Who get into a situation where

(01:07:15):
they they it's an unwanted pregnancy and they're they're
all alone right And it's like soheartbreaking because they.
They're scared, they don't know.What to do they don't want to do
and like like maybe their their family is not there because it's
like. Yeah.
It's not a given like family. It's like really not like I
always thinking about like a lotof people that I know in my
life, like some of them tell me that the relationships with

(01:07:37):
their siblings are just very, it's abysmal.
Like they, there's a lot of deeptension, like they have to move
out when it's just you save so much money being with the
family, you save so much time. You, you fight off diseases
because you're less lonely, lessstress and you come home and you

(01:08:03):
there's a face, there's somebodythere and I just nothing in this
life is a given right? I think the the things that we
have can all be taken away like just like that and it's great to
be able to keep that in mind that.

(01:08:24):
It really keeps you grateful forwhat you have, like even your
health, like you could become paralyzed in a second.
Yeah, a healthy person has 1000 problems, but the sick person
has one problem. Yeah.
Yeah, like you ever been like really sick and like the problem

(01:08:47):
you had yesterday with like I have to that that fight or like,
oh, that stress, that anxious thought that just dissipates
because all you can think of is that migraine.
All you can think of is that upset stomach that you just
can't get out of. Bed.
And I just wanna yeah. And then, yeah, then once it
goes away, you're so relieved. You're like, but some people

(01:09:09):
never get better. You know, I always think about
that. And like some people get like
the flu and they think it's the flu, but it's actually not the
flu. They have to go to the ER and
they have to, next thing you know, they get a diagnosis and
it's there with them and they get told you have two months to
live. I'm like, this actually is
somebody out there who just turned 23, they just got a

(01:09:30):
diagnosis, you know, for whatever it is.
Pregnancy is such a humbling experience in that way because
you're sick, you can't move. You don't really have control
over your body. It just does what it wants to.
And so it helps you have compassion for people that are
older that might have arthritis or people that might be
paralyzed or be like super ill. And it makes you feel really

(01:09:57):
grateful after the, like, periods of illness are gone or
like, you're unable to move yourbody because it hurts.
Like, like once I had my son, I was like, Oh my goodness, You
don't realize how lucky you are to have a healthy body.
Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah.
You get to learn from, you know,being confined to this like

(01:10:18):
stomach that's like extended andyou don't feel you, you're
discombobulated. You can't.
Even reach the dish. Yeah, you're.
And then you before that, you took that for granted.
Yeah. And now that after you've gone
through that, you go, oh wow, I can move my body around.
Yeah, there's no, you know, the kid in my stomach.
I yeah. And you can empathize more.

(01:10:41):
I think actually this is, I don't know if this is just me.
I I can't find anyone that's just like this too.
But I my heroes like, sure, there's like David Goggins and
there's like people that like run marathons, ultras that I
really aspire to be or like people with PhDs and I look up
to them. I know it's like a lot of work
and a lot of like some celebrities who are really

(01:11:01):
inspirational with high faith, but there's people, there's this
page on Snapchat and that's on YouTube too called like Shake My
Beauty and I, I love it. Because.
It's, it's people that like havegone through like many
afflictions and like have gone through like most of them that

(01:11:23):
have like physical kind of repercussions because of
something they did because of a disease or because of some
incident like a car crash. And they have to go about life
like with a chopped off leg or they have to with a disfigured
face because somebody, you know,poured gasoline in the fire and
it got over the face. And I view those people and they

(01:11:43):
go on about their day. They're still positive.
And I look up to it so much. I don't know.
I think those people are. Amazing, amazing.
They're so inspirational to me and like.
And they make you feel like yourproblems are smaller too.
Yeah. Or they also teach you how to
like, yeah, reroute your mind. Like there's this guy that was
on the podcast, he just had one arm.
Like he was born with it and he.Just Oh my goodness.

(01:12:06):
Yeah, he's so brave. Like, to him it's not bravery,
it's just like life. But to me, like I have both my
arms and I can't picture, no, not having one.
And here he is living his best life.
In fact, I think he's even happier than me than a lot of
people that I know. And then there's this guy with
ectodermal dysplasia, which makes it so that his like face

(01:12:28):
is kind of, it's constructed weird now, but he's still like a
great guy. And then he has like
complications with his health. He can't sweat properly, so he
overheats. And there's just like his teeth
don't come in and then they all like go out.
I don't know. It's called ectodermal

(01:12:50):
dysplasia. And like, the something with the
lips and he's just so, so strong.
And he's still so caring despiteall that.
Yeah. But I don't know, you know,
there's a lot of people that go on through their shit and they
still, they still find meaning. And I think I'm all about
meaning, you know, like, even when I'm washing dishes, like

(01:13:12):
this is for the family, you know, for the family.
It's. For the family, No.
Running for the family, Working for the family.
Yeah. You dad?
Yeah, Yeah, my dad. Yeah, I love my dad.
You know, it's like, yeah, it's.How has your faith helped you
navigate the ups and downs of single motherhood?

(01:13:34):
You're. Going to have to repeat the
question. I kind of zoned out a little
bit. How has your faith helped you
navigate the ups and downs of single motherhood?
Back to like choosing your own thoughts.
I wouldn't have known that I could do that if I didn't really
have my faith. God has been there to encourage

(01:13:57):
me when I'm feeling low, like He's there for me, like when I'm
at the lowest point or like I'm like, I don't believe in myself.
I can't do this. Like I'm weak when I need to be
refilled or I need rest. I can find that just in His
presence and spending time with Him because that's what He wants

(01:14:21):
to do. He wants to care for you.
He's a father who loves his children.
So the way that we want to care for our kids, we can find that
in God. So you just put your faith and
trust and. It's not always easy though.
Like there are times where you're feeling something so
strong and you're like, I just don't trust you.

(01:14:42):
But I saw this thing and it saysfaith it till you make it.
So kind of like fake it till youmake it except.
Instead of. Putting the like instead of
faking it till you make it and like believing in yourself,
believe in someone who wants thegreatest good for you and that's
God and he's got a way of working that out.

(01:15:02):
So put your cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain
you. Cast your cares on the Lord and
he will sustain you. I like that I.
Like that? That's awesome.
Faith it till you make it. I'm.
Gonna start using it. Yeah, it's good.
Wow, I like that. Title of this video.
Faith it till you make it. Faith it till you make it.

(01:15:24):
Just kidding, struggles. Faith it till you make it.
Yeah, I'm always thinking of thumbnail.
If you have any ideas of the title let me know.
The trials and tribulations. Depths of heavy depths of
despair and climbing your way out of it, no.
Life now change into this fulfilled nature walking.

(01:15:50):
Nature walking. That's hilarious.
Were there any moments where youquestioned your faith and how
did you find your back way back or through?
Yeah, I grew up in a Christian household, so like, I knew about
God when I was little. I was taught a lot about him.

(01:16:11):
I went to a Catholic school. Yes, middle school.
Went to middle school with Michaela.
Shout out to Sonia, we're on thesame yellow bus.
And so I always had my parents leading in their faith, but I
never really had my own personally.

(01:16:31):
And if I did, I didn't really care about it.
You know what I mean? Like, I was like, OK, yeah,
cool. How's it going?
God, Like I just didn't have respect for him because I never
had a real encounter with him where I could feel, feel the
relationship going on between usuntil I was at the like, rock

(01:16:51):
bottom. The depths of hell.
No, I'm serious. It was so bad.
I was at a point where my pregnancy where I was like, I'm
going to when I found out I was pregnant, I was like, I'm going
to kill myself or I'm going to have an abortion because I just
can't do this, which is crazy tothink.
And God was like, hey, it is OK that this is really hard and

(01:17:12):
overwhelming because you feel the judgement of everyone of
like, how could you go have a baby outside of marriage?
How could you go have, how couldyou be with someone who would be
such a terrible father and sleepwith them?
How could you make those decisions to put yourself in
this position? I was making a lot of poor

(01:17:33):
choices too. Like before I got pregnant, I
was partying really hard, which wasn't good.
I was in a lot of like bad relationships before I had met
Gabe's father. And I just was like making
choices that weren't good for myself.
So I had a lot of shame and I was like, I don't believe in
myself. I can't do this.
And I hit rock bottom. And that's when God was like,

(01:17:56):
you can do this. I love you.
We're going to get through this together.
Like give me your heart and I will hold on to it and heal you
and take care of you. And it was in the middle of like
being the person that I feel like everyone would have been
like, we don't accept you. Like we don't love you, but God

(01:18:17):
was like, I love you even if no one else does.
And he's like that with everyone.
Like there's no favoritism with God.
He loves everyone equally so. Yeah, went to the party phase
and you and then got into these all these relationships that
really didn't have the fulfilling aspect and we're just
kind of short term. Chasing feelings.

(01:18:39):
Yeah, chasing feelings, not fulfillment, say.
And then once you found out you were pregnant, must have been
just like a big shock, horror terror, like, oh, how can I
party now? You know, how can I keep this
lifestyle? You have to die to yourself a
little bit. Because I was.

(01:18:59):
Like living so selfishly, like Igenuinely was living so
selfishly. Like it was just have fun only
worry about me. I don't care who I hurt along
the way and I had damaged so many relationships.
And when I found out I was pregnant, I was like, this is it
like I've either got to like fixeverything I've done or kill

(01:19:25):
myself. And God's like, we got this.
We can fix it. And like the amount of
relationships I've seen come together and like be fixed are
so amazing. And it's all thanks to God
because he's like, we're going to change who you are first and
work on you, and then we're going to bring you back to

(01:19:47):
people's lives. And I'm like, my goodness, it's
just like he's fixed so much forme.
And I love my friends and I lovemy family and I took them for
granted in a way that I just, I will never do that again.
Like I love them so much. But you learned from it, and now

(01:20:07):
if you hadn't gone that you would have never known.
It was like a smack in the face,like, you know, when someone's
kind of being like a little bit like misbehaved and not doing
like not caring about anyone else, it's good to like, kind of
be like, hey, snap out of it. Like smack them.

(01:20:28):
Yeah, like even though I would be like, oh, the world doesn't
revolve around me, I think I didbelieve it a little bit because
that's all. I was the only person I had to
take care of. Yeah, it just woke you up.
From this it was like I'm not the only person I have to take
care of. Now there's another person
depending on me and all these feelings that I've felt, all the

(01:20:48):
pain and suffering. Now I, there's this life form,
you know, this, this from me, anextension of me.
And this is not just a friend, It's not just a boyfriend or a
brother. And this is actually this is my
child, you know, exactly to say that crazy.
But I don't know if like like for me personally, I've always

(01:21:12):
thought my barometer for like success was never like, yes, I
like, I want to be like successful.
I want to be able to have a house one day, like a like my
faith with God, but like just having a kid.
I think it's like, so I don't know, impressive.
Like I think it's, I think it's,I think it's the meaning of life

(01:21:32):
to be able to like pass it on, pass all the teachings and
lessons on to the next. Well, that's why you also have
to like be really cautious of the way you react when you have
a child to like, you don't get alot of alone time.
So you have to learn to respond rather than react.
And that's really hard because there's a lot of times where

(01:21:54):
things are going to be really frustrating and you got to be
like. Yeah.
Good. And then go on and like used to
respond rather than reacting to things.
And I feel like that's been the hardest thing for me.
I'm still learning in that department.
I feel like every parent is. But you grow along with the

(01:22:14):
child, yeah. You follow them.
Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, I think, I don't know.
I don't know if you've ever you've heard the statistics
globally for like people giving birth a woman, but it's like at
a decline, every single country is that like less than two,
which is very alarming because like for a country to sustain

(01:22:36):
itself, you need at least two toreplace male and female.
But like right now, it's like most countries are less than
two. I have heard that and I can get
into a pretty heavy conversationwhich could be taken the right
way or the wrong way. With that, I would say that

(01:22:58):
basically I feel like our society has told women that
being to feel the most like a woman is to avoid having kids.
And I feel like that's the exactopposite.
The second that you have a childis when you feel the most

(01:23:19):
empowered because you're like, Ijust brought a soul into the
world. Like I housed that thing for
eight months. And.
Now I'm going to raise somebody to be the next generation and
it's so important. And I think we can forget about
that. And society teaches us like be a
businesswoman. Like if you're a businesswoman,

(01:23:40):
that's awesome. But I feel like it's almost like
poo pooed on being a mom becausethere's just so many things also
that make women afraid now. Like the economy is not really
great. Yeah.

(01:24:03):
You look at people, like falselydiagnosing on the Internet.
They're like, if you have this symptom, you probably have ADHD
or you probably have anxiety. And then you just have all of
this, you're absorbing it. And you just start to have all
this lack of confidence in yourself.
And yeah, I think people need torealize that having kids is such

(01:24:29):
a beautiful thing. And even though you're you feel
like you're not able to do it, you can do it.
And I feel like the people that feel like they can't do it the
most are the ones that really can because that shows that they
like, are becoming aware of themselves a little bit, if that
makes any sense. Like for me, I was like, I can't

(01:24:51):
do this. I can't do this because you need
to be this kind of person. But it just really showed me the
standard that I need to have, that I needed to evolve into.
I don't know if that's what I'm looking for but.
Yeah, I think everyone should have kids, not their little
copies. Go buy some.
Babies just get a no, no no. One, there are some, there are

(01:25:12):
some people that shouldn't, Yeah.
Not everyone should have kids. The majority of people that are
working on themselves, that are wanting to be better should, I
think, be open. If you have a healthy marriage,
like you have that healthy covenant, then I think that's a

(01:25:33):
great opportunity for you to tryto have children.
Yeah, You know, my mom's been asking me like, like, when are
you going to have kids? And I'm like, Mom, I can't get a
girl. Once I find the right lady,
yeah, that's funny. I feel like for my situation
even like I wouldn't necessarilysay, alright ladies, go find any
man at the bar and go make thosebabies.

(01:25:55):
Like for me, I feel like I've been blessed with growth and
like God and my family through this and they've helped me to
grow, but being a single mother is not something that I would
want for someone else. Like I'm just being honest.
Like, I do believe that it is better to find the right partner

(01:26:20):
and get married first before youhave a kid.
And I'm saying that now from like the perspective of like
what I've gone through and I seethe purity and like a marriage
and how that is good for the children.
It's the people that have gone through tumultuous time, a

(01:26:40):
terrible event, and they feel all those feelings, the
discomfort, right where now. This actually builds credibility
for you to go. I don't recommend this.
Like a lot of like I don't. It's like unless you feel like
getting a bad Boo Boo and havingto learn how to heal, then I

(01:27:02):
wouldn't say just doing it this way.
I feel like they're like, I do believe that children are
supposed to be brought up in a marriage between a man and a
woman because it creates a structure and a wholeness and
safety for like the partner and for the child as well.

(01:27:24):
Yeah, you need the the two people to come together because
it's already so. Difficult.
I'm blessed with my family. Like I feel like they've been so
amazing and helping me, but I still crave the aspect of like
having someone for my son. And I know that he might
struggle with that when he's older and that weighs on me too.

(01:27:47):
But that is things that I'm learning to surrender to God.
Like, you know what, maybe in the future this will happen, but
I know that God's working everything out for my good, but
also my son's good. So no matter what happens, it's
going to help shape who my son is and really help him grow into

(01:28:07):
a strong leader. Yeah, it's just putting your
faith onto God that no matter what happens, you're just, you
know, it's for a reason. Yeah.
And it's, it's tough because you're in the dark, right.
But if you put it, if you look at it big picture, like things

(01:28:30):
make sense looking back in the past, like, oh, like if I didn't
go through that period of isolation of like pushing back
against my family, of partying too much, of getting into these
bad relationships, how would I know the value of my family?
How would I know the value of money if I wasn't broke?
How would I know the value of hard work when I've never tried

(01:28:53):
my life, You know, how would I know all these things?
And I feel like God puts it intoblocks for us, for us to, for it
to be palatable. Because if you're just given
everything you want, then what'sthe point?
Yeah. You know, yeah.
It's is it, is it tough and likemaking relationships with being
a single mom like. No, I wouldn't say so.

(01:29:14):
I feel like when it comes to having other parent friends, it
can be like there's not a lot ofpeople my age that have
children, which because I obviously had a surprise baby
like, so there's not a ton of people my age feel like that's
also an issue. And I feel like as a single mom,

(01:29:36):
you have personal struggles compared to struggles with
people that are in a relationship and have children.
And that can make it hard. I do think though, like it is
really easy for me to make friendships like on my own.
But when it comes to like, needing like parenting advice,

(01:30:01):
that comes from like my parents a little bit and like people who
are in marriages because I am doing it on my own and I just
have different struggles. So yeah, I would say it can be

(01:30:21):
hard. Some what spiritual practices or
scriptures help ground you on the days when everything feel
like feels like it's falling apart.
Prayer. There's a really big one.
I just need to be alone and talkto God.

(01:30:43):
Like whether that's like first thing in the morning before my
son wakes up. I'm like, I got to do this
because. And I have to sit there until I
can be honest with like how I'm feeling, like what I said, and
just let it all out. Reading my Bibles.
Really good going for walks. Love that.

(01:31:03):
Yeah. Yeah, in their hearts, humans
plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps in a
Proverbs 16 nine. It's like we have all these
plans, right? But then the, the God, the Lord
that comes in and they actually formulate kind of how your

(01:31:25):
life's going to shape up and like the walks and prayer for
you, scriptures, nature, like having family in there.
There's like all the blocks thatthe God has selected to be able
to help you, right? And like there's certain
hardships and it's never going to be perfect, but it's, it's
really inspiring to, you know, for you to never lose that hope,

(01:31:50):
to still remain positive. And it's great that you've
found. Not like I'm perfect with that
though, of course. Yeah, I'm up and down, but like.
Like a neat human being, right? But they compare it to where you
were. Yeah, five years back.
Oh, I had no hope. Yeah, yeah.
Now I can just tell like you, you seem like you're a person

(01:32:13):
that doesn't back down because your sons there and you feel the
love from your family and you feel connected to God.
And that takes a lot of work. Like there's no it's no
overnight success, you know, Andyeah, it I think you'll look
back even more and realize just all those times were like it'll

(01:32:38):
be keep getting reinforced more so than it already is.
Now that all like that was for areason, you know?
Yeah. That's great.
No, thank you. Thank you for coming on the
show. Yeah.
Yeah, this is. This is new for me, I've not
really ever talked in front of acamera this long, but hopefully

(01:32:59):
you guys enjoy. Yeah, this is this is awesome.
I think a lot of a lot of singlemoms, you know, if you if
somebody goes through a trouble with an unplanned pregnancy,
I'll definitely send them my way.
Yeah. Or send them to this episode,
right. Give some give some advice, give
some clarity. I think there's.
Just be a shoulder to cry on. Yeah, that too.

(01:33:21):
I got a shoulder. Because right now, I'm sure
there's a mom right now just reading up the and I'll just
that, what do you call it again?They'll stick the pregnancy
stick. And.
Yeah, that'll. Lie, I remember being that.
I remember being there. Is it the positive or a
negative? Positive.
Yeah, yeah. If it's negative, you're good.

(01:33:44):
Does it lie? Does it lie sometimes?
If it's positive, it's usually correct.
If it's negative, sometimes it can be wrong and it can be
positive. But if it says positive, very
rare that it's wrong. Yeah, that's such a that's and.
When I saw the yes with the plusI was like oh honey, wow, I.
Was. Like whoa.
Oh my goodness. Remember it?

(01:34:06):
Oh, I. Remember it like it was
yesterday, like my heart droppedto my stomach.
Yeah. Just a like, there's no feeling
like that. And it was like a bit of like
nervousness, scared excitement, like adrenaline, Everything just
hit me. I feel bad for men that we can't
experience that. They do usually experience that

(01:34:28):
after the baby's born. If they see their wife and labor
and they see the pain their wifeis going through, they're like.
Wow. They start to have that
compassion and realize like, Oh my goodness, at least that's
what I've heard from my father and my mom.
Yeah. So.
Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah.

(01:34:49):
Yeah. Do you have any last words for
the audience here for the singlemoms?
What do you have to say? Hasta La Vista.
Hasta La Vista. Bye, bye.
No, I'm just kidding. I would say this is something
that I was told a long time ago.God is working everything out
for your good and His glory. And I think that is something

(01:35:12):
you need to keep in mind, that no matter what you've done or
where you are in your life, it can all turn around for your
good and God's glory. Yeah.
Thank you, Michaela. It's been an honor.
And as always, to everyone listening and watching, there is
a place for you and this chaoticworld.

(01:35:34):
Never lose hope. Strengthen your faith and keep
it long term. Michaela Parenich Parenich.
Oh gosh, why am I so I'm so sorry.
I'm no you're. So close.
It's OK, don't be so hard. On yourself.
I should have practiced. I should have practiced.
OK, that's awesome. All right, sweet.

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#141 - Mckayla Paranych - Surviving as a Single Mother

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}#141 - Mckayla Paranych - Surviving as a Single Mother