In this episode, we talk about bringing spontaneity into our relationships to deepen connection.
Spontaneity in relationships adds excitement and depth, moving couples beyond their comfort zones and routines. We discuss the distinction between spontaneity and randomness, providing practical tips for integrating spontaneous moments into marriages, balancing comfort with novelty, and emphasizing the importance of staying engaged with each other as life evolves.
• Discussing the need for spontaneity in relationships
• Exploring the difference between spontaneity and randomness
• Overcoming the comfort zone in marriage
• Strategies for introducing spontaneous activities
• Encouragement to build intimacy through shared experiences
• Importance of spiritual spontaneity
• Practical brainstorming techniques for couples
• Emphasizing that comfort can lead to complacency
• Celebrating the value of breaking routines for growth
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
spontaneity in our relationships.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Let's just go do our normal thing.
What?
Speaker 1 (00:04):
do I need to change this up, for You're not caring
enough in your heart to do theseadventures that you dream of.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
So what can we tell couples with how to be
spontaneous.
We're not perfect people.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
By any means.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
But by trusting in God we learn what it takes to
build a friendship.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
A relationship.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
And marriage that has stood the test of time.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
With a Keeping it Real style.
We're going to talk to youabout everything everything that
we've been through, are goingthrough and have overcome all by
learning how to lean on God andeach other in order to help you
learn how to love by faith whata week, man, what a whirlwind
(00:57):
oh man your sermon was so great.
I was glad it was so good tohear you preaching and to hear
you like not just say preachingair quotes, but preaching like
the way, I know you can yeahit's such a gift you have thank
you like anytime I've ever hadthe opportunity to get in front
of people yeah
Speaker 2 (01:12):
I always go to more like teaching style yeah, it's
easier to teach, it's easier tolean on teaching.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
But that because they're facts that passion, that
fire from you, yeah it's justyou can't hide it.
Hide it, it's so God-given,it's not forced, it's not fake.
Thank you.
I know the church was blessed.
I bring this up because I hopeeveryone had a chance to go and
listen.
It's a great talk.
It's geared towards dating, butmarried people can definitely
(01:41):
take something away from it.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
It's been out for about a week now, so it should
be on our church's website andwe'll go ahead and link that in
the description.
And yeah, it was definitelyawesome.
I took a preaching course along time ago, a long time ago,
and the teacher told me if youare worried or nervous or
(02:08):
wondering if your sermon isenough by the time you go out
and preach your sermon, thenthat means you haven't spent
enough time with God, and so Itook that to heart.
I took that very literal.
So I think over the whole monthleading up to when I had to
preach a couple weekends ago, Ijust stayed in prayer, amen,
(02:31):
stayed in the word, stayed inthere, and every single day God
would give me something to say,something different, to say Tie
this in, tie that in.
You know, the revelation of Adamnot needing Eve that didn't
come until two days before thesermon, just from me being in
(02:51):
prayer.
The story of Ruth that came inat the very beginning when I
first got the topic, and thentying it to Genesis, that came
in.
It's just little bits andpieces.
If you make your heart and yourdesire to please God available
for God, then he will give youwhat you need to produce a good
(03:12):
sermon, including the energy andthe ump.
You know some people, somepeople are not as hype.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Some people aren't as hype, and God needs those
people to reach the people whoaren't as hype as well.
You know, some people need tostir the pot, some people just
need to add a little seasoning.
I'm a pot stirrer.
I get people going.
I know this, I've always havebeen, and God's using it so
(03:39):
glory to him.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Amen, that's a great tie-in to today's topic.
Amen, we're in the Love, sex,flowers and Chocolate series and
this is the chocolate episode.
Yes, so a lot of you areprobably wondering like how does
that?
Speaker 2 (03:51):
tie in.
What could it possibly be?
Speaker 1 (03:53):
What does the chocolate episode mean?
Sweets, it goes back to ForrestGump.
Life is like a box ofchocolates.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Life is like a box of chocolates.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
You never know what you're going to get.
It goes back to spontaneity inour relationships.
Yes, spontaneity.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
What does that mean?
Speaker 1 (04:10):
It means doing things out of the routine, breaking up
the routine breaking up theboring habits.
Yes, To get into new stuff tohave new adventures.
To get into new areas, maybe topush the boundaries on what
you're comfortable with in yourrelationship okay what does
spontaneity mean to you?
Speaker 2 (04:28):
it means that you're going to pop up with surprises
left and right and you know, oneday we are just like, wow, this
is such a great life.
And then I ask you aboutchickens okay and then I just
keep bringing it.
Or like that one time when youwanted a dog and I was like, bro
, we can't have a dog right now,as true as it is, you brought
(04:53):
the dog home the followingweekend.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
So when we were, that wasn't spontaneous, that wasn't
spontaneous.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
That was totally.
That was totally right.
We were in the middle of buyinga house.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Okay, and I said this is just not the right time to
get a pet and you totally got apet podcast time out.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Spontaneity is not randomness, right, selena?
Okay, if that's not spontaneity, if you randomly getting, if
randomness is not spontaneity,right then break down the
difference of the two.
Teach us, since you like toteach.
Teach us the difference betweenbeing random and being
spontaneous okay, random is giveme examples, because I'm a
visual okay, random isunstructured.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Okay, I come home from work, come out, we're going
out to.
We're going out to watch amovie, random, right okay it
sounds spontaneous, but it'srandom okay I'm talking
intention.
Spontaneity is has intentionbehind it.
Okay, you're rolling your eyesat me.
You just rolled your eyes superhard.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Give me the visual for spontaneity, as it shows the
difference in contrast withrandomness.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Okay, we talked about the random movie night, right?
Speaker 2 (05:59):
Right right.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Spontaneity would be when we're doing our weekly plan
to get ready for the week,planning our dinners, I say, hey
, we have nothing going onThursday, let's go to a movie
when it's very out of theordinary for us to go to a movie
on Thursdays.
That's spontaneity.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
So you're looking ahead and preparing to do
something different.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Versus random is right there in the moment.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Roll the dice.
Okay, throw a dart at the map.
Okay, throw a dart at the map.
Okay, that's random.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
But spontaneity can say hey, we're going to have a
date next month, let's dosomething we haven't done in a
while.
Let's look for something new todo, Okay.
Something new we've never done,okay.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
I don't know why great white sharks came to my
mind when you, when you saidthat something I would never do.
Don't plan it, don't bespontaneous, don't be random
I'll say no, but what?
That's just what came to mymind when you said we have some
time open.
Let's do something differentswimming with great white sharks
but we've swam with sharks.
Our honeymoon, yeah but theyweren't gray white no, they
weren't, they were like littlegray, little gray sharks not
gray white sharks.
That's so funny.
(07:05):
Okay, so let's talk about this.
We've we use the month ofFebruary to get very intentional
with relationships.
You know, bring the romanceback.
Be intentional with, you know,the the with the sex episode.
We talked about how to reviveflowers and all this stuff.
So what can we tell coupleswith?
How to be spontaneous, Becausethey could be in many different
stages of their life.
(07:26):
They could have small childrenand it's really hard to be
spontaneous.
They could be working reallyhard before children.
How can we make this work?
How can we make theirrelationship like a box of
chocolate?
Speaker 1 (07:40):
As a parenting couple of three kids, it is
challenging to be spontaneous,which is why we have to have a
schedule planned out but canstill drop in those spontaneous
events.
Spontaneity keeps it spicy,keeps it lively, keeps it
changing and growing.
When you do, those spontaneousthings get you outside of your
comfort zone.
It helps you to learn moreabout yourself, learn about your
(08:01):
partner and to grow closertogether.
So that's why we needspontaneity.
So, as a dad of three, how do Isprinkle in spontaneity?
Yes, a lot of times she's thespontaneity sprinkler in our
relationship.
She sends me all these likehere's a new playground to take
the kids to.
Here's a new restaurant that wehaven't tried.
That's in our area.
Here's a new like.
(08:21):
Here's a new adventure thing wehaven't done yet and we do it.
Here's the thing that the themetro parks are putting on.
Let's go check this out.
Oh, the library.
She's huge on doing librarystuff.
Right, we went to the libraryone time and watched an alpaca
farmer talk about his alpacasand the kids were freezing and I
was freezing and we everybodyhad a terrible time.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
We left 20 minutes early, but so upset, but we did
it, we did it, it wasspontaneous, it wasn't random.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
It was spontaneous and we did it.
We did it.
It was spontaneous, it wasn'trandom, it was spontaneous and
we did it.
And we went through theadventure.
One time she came to me.
She's like Kyle, do you know?
Our city has a fishing derby?
I love to fish and so now it'sa tradition.
It's spontaneous.
One time random thing hasturned into a tradition where
every summer we're in the cityfishing derby.
So we're going on.
(09:03):
This will be our fourth yeardoing it amen.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Uh, I think people have good intentions okay they
want to do something new.
It looks like it's fun.
But then a lot of times kyleand we do this too all the time.
A lot of times, when we finallyget to the date night, we're
like let's just go to a movieand let's just go to the hot
soup place and the ramen and thesushi place and let's just go
(09:29):
do our normal thing.
I think sometimes it's goodbecause it's like comfort.
It's comforting to just do thesame old thing over and over and
it's comfortable.
But then on the con to that isthat you're stuck in your
comfort zone and you got to getout of your comfort zone.
To that is that you're stuck inyour comfort zone and you got
to get out of your comfort zone,and there I feel like there
(09:51):
needs to be a healthy balance ofboth of them.
You know like sometimes you'reso tired in your season and
you're just so dead that it'slike you don't even have the
energy to think about doingsomething else that is new.
And so being in that comfortplace, like going back to that
comfort date, that would beideal.
That's something that it's anoldie but a goodie.
You're enjoying yourself, youare enjoying the feels of all
(10:13):
that.
But when you are toocomfortable and you become
complacent in your relationshipand it starts to get boring,
then this is when you reallyhave to step out of your comfort
zone and that is going torequire energy.
I think the reason why peoplearen't spontaneous is because
it's like I don't know, I'venever been to that area of town
(10:34):
before.
What about the parking?
You know?
you think about these thingslike it's for real like oh, what
if I don't like the food on themenu?
I'm gonna pay all this moneyand it's not gonna be enough.
And what if it the menu doesn'tfill me up?
I'm gonna pay all this moneyand it's not gonna be enough.
And what if the menu doesn'tfill me up?
I'm gonna go to the burger kingafterwards.
Like you start to think aboutthese things, and if you're in a
rut, you have to force yourselfto think past those things.
(10:54):
Right, it's going to require alittle bit of courage, it's
going to require a littleboldness.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
It's going to require you to get out of that comfort
zone together, you know you know, what stops me from being
spontaneous yes, I think is isthat pushing out of the comfort
zone.
So like I want to go to therestaurant where I know I'm
going to get what I want, whereI know I'm going to get full, so
I just get into that, to thatcomfort zone, yeah, and know
(11:20):
that.
Yeah, I know right where topark.
I got my parking spot rightgoing to that theater.
I got seats d3.
Yeah, I know right where topark.
I got my parking spot rightgoing to that theater.
I got seats d3 and 4.
That's where we sit every timeright, right, it's set well, you
don't have to.
What do I need to change thisup for?
Yeah, and so, breaking it upwith the, when you send me the
spontaneous stuff like, whileit's random in the moment, when
we plan it, it's spontaneouslike we've never done this
(11:42):
before that's the other thing isit requires planning, and if
people don't like to plan,they're not going to do it.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
They'll do more random than they will
spontaneous yeah, yeah, it'lljust be.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
Oh, it's tuesday, all right, we're going to taco
tuesday, right?
But then every tuesday becomesremember, we went to taco
tuesday last week.
We should do that again, againI some people are like that.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Some people like the routine.
There are some people I know.
I'm not going to say who, I'mjust going to say I know people
who will eat the same lunchevery single day for their
entire life.
Yeah, I can't do that, I can'tdo that, but some people do.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
And then they equate it into Are you subconsciously
pointing this finger at me?
Speaker 2 (12:28):
No, what are you talking about?
I'm not doing anything likethat.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Because that's me.
I like to keep the same lunchyou said it, not me.
I did keep the same lunch foryears at my old job and now,
with the situation being the wayit is, I can have a nice
variety of lunches and it worksout great, but the framework
around the lunch is still thesame.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Framework, yes, but the spontaneity comes when you
pick up different stuff for usto eat so it sounds like it
sounds like one person in thecouple is gonna have to be the
spontaneity leader and get theother.
I disagree with that.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
No, I disagree with that.
No, it definitely takes two.
It's a relationship, sure,right?
Yeah, if you just keep doingall the spontaneity stuff,
you're gonna be like all right,this dude never comes up with
anything, right this dude isalways leaning on me.
What are we doing tonight?
What?
Speaker 2 (13:21):
are we doing tonight?
What are we doing tonightdependency what are?
Speaker 1 (13:24):
what are you?
You know what new restaurantsare out?
No, it goes both ways, like atthe same time.
Yes, you're brainstorming ideas, but I'm also like, hey, this
sounds like a great idea, let'smake this happen yeah this
sounds like a great place.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
Let's make this happen yes, I love that key
phrase.
Let's make it happen.
Because how many of us saywe're going to do something and
then it never happens, and thenyou're just.
to me, it feels like I don'twant to bring stuff up anymore,
because you're going to say it,you're going to agree with me on
it, I'm going to trust thatstatement, and then you never go
(14:00):
through with it and it's goingto make me feel like I can't
trust you in your excitementanymore.
I can't trust you and yourintention, and so, therefore,
why am I even going to bother?
Speaker 1 (14:11):
oh, he talks about doing something new all the time
, but he never.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
You know that trip to europe okay, yeah, we're gonna
go to, you know, or that trip tothat one, you know fancy airbnb
that we've been talking aboutfor years.
We're never going to get there.
I'm sorry, but if you've had aplan, if you guys were excited
about one thing and it's takingyou years to do it, it's not a
money issue, bro, I promise you,because if it takes you five,
(14:34):
you could save $100 for a year,for five years to come up with
$500 to go to that place or tohowever long it takes.
Like you, can you figure thisout?
That's good, you know, and soit's.
It's not a money issue, it's a.
It's a, it's hard.
What would you call it?
I call it a heart issue.
It's a heart issue.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Yeah, Because you're not.
You're not caring enough inyour heart to do these
adventures that you dream of yesyou're not valuing the
adventure enough, you're notvaluing the outcome of the
spontaneity enough to make ithappen.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Yes, and then you know, heaven forbid.
Like something happens and themore you're letting stuff get in
the way.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Yes, you're letting barriers to to the growth just
fake barriers come up you know,spontaneity could even.
We're talking a lot about dates, but it could even be as simple
as like remodeling your kitchenoh yeah, I mean I started with
dates because it's superapplicable, super easy to just
jump in and make it happen yesso it talks about the modeling
(15:35):
the kitchen okay.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
So, um, remodeling the kitchen and maybe remodeling
is like too much, maybe that'slike remodeling a kitchen is a
lot more money than what folksare anticipating.
But I would go ahead and sayyou know, back in the day, my
fam like, I guess, the parentsgeneration from when I was a
child to me it felt like theynever updated anything.
(15:57):
Okay, they never got newfurniture.
The same pictures were on thewall, never painted the same
wallpaper even though it wasfrom the 70s, it's still there.
They never did anything tochange their environment.
And so I say all that to saythat we are home a lot.
I think the lockdown in 2020really shifted us into putting a
(16:20):
lot more interest in our spacesand in our homes.
And so now we are really mindfulof how we want things to look
and to be intentional and to bespontaneous in your relationship
.
Doesn't always have to be anexternal activity.
It could be something thatwould help edify your
environment just from where youare.
I mean even just buying new bedsheets, even just buying
(16:44):
something that would just bringyour space a little more light.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
I think of, like on the spontaneous side of
spirituality.
Okay, so going to that newchurch event, going to a new
church event that you wouldn'tusually go to, or volunteering
for the event that you wouldn'tusually go to, or volunteering
for the church ministry that youwouldn't usually do together,
yeah.
So go make the sandwiches forthe homeless that they do.
Go to the outreach night yeah.
(17:14):
Go to the Saturday morningprayer yes, and all these things
help your relationship growthrough spontaneous change.
Yes, we're so stuck in therelationship.
Grow through spontaneous change.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
Yes, we're so stuck in the way of like, well, we're
just going to read thisdevotional and it's okay, it has
its days, but yeah, Buy a newdevotional bro.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
That could be anything.
Go to your favorite place tobuy a book.
Buy the book.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
So we talked about dating, we talked about
environment, we talked aboutspirituality.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
In the bedroom.
Guys, guys, how can you bespontaneous in the bedroom?
Oh, make it more than justabout you, dudes.
Make it more than just aboutyou, because so many times I
fall into the trap if it's justabout me in there and stepping
outside of myself and making itabout you turns out really nice
a lot of the times, right, andI'm talking about the foot rubs,
the back rubs, okay, justchatting her up like you used to
(18:09):
and making her feel special.
I'm not talking about thephysical act, I'm talking about
the emotional connection therein the bedroom.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
Yeah, Okay.
And for women?
What can women do?
Speaker 1 (18:20):
What can you do?
Speaker 2 (18:21):
It can be more exciting.
Yeah, I think, yeah, yeah okay.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
And for women?
What can women do?
What can?
Speaker 2 (18:24):
you do, it can be more exciting.
Yeah, I think.
Yeah, you know, becausesometimes we're just so all
about us and our needs and whatwe want and don't want, what we
don't want and then what we'redoing, just because you know and
I think bring a little morezing yeah to.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
It could be spontaneous okay, but bring,
bring the zing, bring the zing,ladies.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
Selena's advice is we talked about emotional stuff.
Um, what are we missing?
How else can couples bespontaneous?
Speaker 1 (18:53):
the biggest thing couples are missing in
spontaneity is the drive for itright it's got to come from
somewhere yeah and it's it'sthrough, you won't know you need
it till you need it right.
So you get bored in therelationship, you get bored
doing the same old, same old.
But that's when you boom, hitthe spontaneity and plan it.
(19:15):
I feel like we've saidspontaneity 7 000 times.
I'm sorry listeners yeah, butit's just, it's the word of the
day.
I have an idea.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
I'm Pee Wee Herman.
I have an idea.
There is no wrong when it comesto building up a brainstorm
session on how you specificallyneed to add more spontaneity to
your relationship, to yourmarriage, you know.
(19:42):
So what do you do?
You got to brainstorm, you gotto get ideas.
Yeah, you can go on.
Chad gpt okay you a series realtalk.
So if I were to say all we dowriting chad gpt prompts now
you're writing.
Yeah, let me hear it.
Yeah, okay, do you guys usechad gpt if you?
If you don't, it is anexcellent tool to do some
(20:03):
thinking for you.
Okay, that's what I, you know,that's why I use it, for I use
it to help me think so that Ican execute it.
Okay, I wouldn't necessarilyhave chat GPT right, what I
would say to Kyle, you know butit could help for a really good
brainstorm.
So a good prompt Okay Would beand say I'm a couple where all
we do is go to the movies anddinner, like that's all we do.
(20:24):
We go to the same restaurant, wego to the same movie and we
come home.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
I'm doing this real time.
Let me hear it.
Go ahead, Selena.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
You're going to do it in real time.
Oh, he's going to pull it up.
Okay, see, this is good, thisis good, this being spontaneous,
let's hear your prompt, okay.
So I am a married woman.
I've been married for over 11years.
(20:50):
The only dates my husband and Igo on are the movies and a
restaurant.
We need to liven up ourmarriage.
Create for me three, hold on.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
I can't type that fast, bro.
I can't think Christian faith.
Okay Hold on, got toautocorrect.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
In our Christian faith.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
Okay and Hold on.
Got to autocorrect.
I need to fix.
You know how it goes In ourChristian faith and and in our
overall marriage.
Okay, send.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
Let's see what it says.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
I love that you're looking for ways to bring more
spontaneity into your marriage.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
That's good right.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Here are five ideas to help shake things up.
Okay, one, instead of the usualdinner, try a mystery date.
Write down five to ten ideas.
It sounds like what you justsaid.
Write down five to ten ideas.
Have a brainstorm session.
Yeah basically yeah, so good.
Uh, number two bedroom the drawa dare game.
Write different playful orintimate challenges on paper and
(22:01):
put them in a jar.
Some can be flirty, others canbe more adventurous okay before
bed, each of you picks one andcommits to it.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
Commits to it now, if you need to write like
boundaries, like we're not doingthis and we're not going there,
like I will do anything forlove, yeah, but I won't do make
sure you have those in placebefore you start writing stuff
down.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Okay, keep going okay , uh, number three the 24-hour
role reversal.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
For a day, probably a weekend, swap routines or
responsibilities in a fun way.
Fun way.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Wow, kyle, you're going to get so tackled all
weekend long.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
All right.
So it says maybe you take oversomething that he usually does,
or vice versa, or you bothpretend you're dating again,
dress up, flirt and leave littlenotes throughout the day.
Okay, that doesn't sound like arole reversal, though.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Stiffen ideas.
I like the idea yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
All right.
Four Christian faithSpontaneous acts of prayer and
worship.
Instead of just praying beforebetter meals, surprise each
other by suggesting spontaneousprayers during the day.
You could also plan a worshipdate where you listen to worship
music together, share favoritescriptures.
Dude, when we went to a coupleworship concerts, oh yeah,
visiting churches and doing that, yeah, that was enjoyable.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
It was fun that was good.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
We could do that some more.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Yeah, you could even just go to a different church's
Friday service.
If you're not normally goingsomewhere on Friday, dude, find
a Friday service or a Saturdayservice.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
That's a great idea.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
That's a great idea, and it's not cheating on your
church, because you'll still bein your church on Sunday, if
that's a thing for you guys.
Yeah, I don't worry aboutcheating on my church, I love my
church.
Okay, last one, number five,overall marriage the secret
mission game.
Each week, secretly plan oneunexpected kind or romantic
gesture for your spouse.
This is my favorite one so far.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
Really.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
It's easy, it's secret, it's on you.
You know what I mean.
She's got nothing to do with it.
He's got nothing to do with it.
A note in their wallet, a smallgift, a planned surprise At the
end of the week.
Guess what each other's missionwas?
Speaker 2 (23:58):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
So it keeps you.
It says this keeps both of youengaged and looking forward to
new ways to bless each other sothere you go chat gbt in real
time.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
And that was just one little prompt so you can go
back, you can tweak the prompt,you can add to the prompt if you
don't like those, if you don'tlike what chat gave you.
You could say I don't likethese answers, make them better
or add this to it or remove thatfrom that.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
Great you know, great tool, right?
Speaker 2 (24:25):
also, there's tons of you know date ideas that you
guys can go out and you canGoogle them if you want to you
can have books if you want to.
I'm a shameless plug right now.
I wrote a book that has 65different dating ideas
Everything from being from hometo being in public, everything
from having a zero budget tohaving a very expensive budget
(24:47):
and you guys can do everythingtogether to help you grow in
different settings withdifferent ideas to make it
happen.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Christian.
The title of the book isChristian Dating Adventures
right.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
Yep Christian Dating Adventures.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
Christian Dating Adventures, and you'll get the
links and all the.
It'll be in everything thisweek, yeah.
So keep your eyes out for it,yeah, and be spontaneous in your
relationship.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
What is the last takeaway that we can give these
people?
Why is it so?
Why does this matter?
Speaker 1 (25:13):
you asked me this three times really yeah, dang it
matters because it helps usgrow and helps us change.
It helps us get out of theroutine to experience new parts
of our partner and new parts ofourselves.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
That's why it's important I think it's very
important for people who arelistening to this episode and
watching.
It's so important to keepinvesting in your relationship.
You have to keep investing inyour relationship, just like
with God.
There are so many layers to youboth.
As you get older, as you guysgo through experiences, as
(25:48):
things happen, you change, youevolve, everything around you
changes and evolves and you haveto be willing to adapt to that
and be stay interested in that.
You don't want to be the couplewhere your kids finally go off
to college and you're aloneagain and you have no idea what
to do with each other becauseyou never put the time into
(26:11):
figuring out and stayinginterested in who that person is
, who your partner is, and youwant to remind yourselves that
this comes first your marriagecomes first.
This is the first ministry thatyou should be really focusing on
, beyond your love and yourrelationship with God himself,
and so being spontaneous helpsyou stay interested, it helps
(26:35):
you stay on top of things, ithelps you be mindful of who you
married and why you chose themand why you love them, and so
make sure you do that, make sureyou have your box and enjoy
your box of chocolates.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
That's right, that's right.
And if it's your first timehere and you're like, wow, this
is a lot, I don't know what,where to do.
Where to start?
Start small.
Start with with thereconnection.
Start with a spontaneous.
I always go back to this, butit's so good.
Start with a spontaneous walk.
Start with a spontaneous noscreen meal right start with a
spontaneous phone call to yourpartner.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
What would you like to do?
I don't know what I would liketo do.
Okay, well, what do you findfun?
Call them and talk to themabout our podcast.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
Hey, I was listening to this podcast and they were
talking about being spontaneous.
Do you think we're spontaneous?
Yeah, how can we be morespontaneous?
Speaker 2 (27:24):
Yes, I.
I think, kyle, if we had anickel for every time, should I
do a counter?
Speaker 1 (27:29):
Yeah, do the counter, do the counter of how many
times we've said this word yeah,definitely, it's all right.
And then take that counter andput the goal in your
relationship to be thatspontaneous this year.
Wow, because it's early in theyear, so you've got time.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
If we did that, I feel like we would have to track
it on social that's a bigproject.
It is a big project.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
Is that spontaneous or random?
Selena?
Speaker 2 (27:59):
This pop quiz, bro, I'm going to fail it.
It is random because I justthrew it out there.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
Right, but then it's spontaneous because we're going
to plan it.
So there it is.
I do?
Speaker 1 (28:10):
I think I got the clarity on this.
It's random when it's just anidea.
It's spontaneous when the ideais in action.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Okay, there we go.
See, that makes sense.
This whole time I was justfaking it I was like yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
Don't fake it, that makes sense you want
authenticity in here,genuineness.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
Yes, it's just words.
As ironic as this is, as anauthor, words confuse me
Sometimes.
There are words that you'd betelling me, kyle, and I'm like I
know, I'm not that, because Idon't even know what that is.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
I remember you saying that to me.
Oh, you're so silly.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
Thank you, guys, so much for watching.
We're wrapping up our love, sex, flowers and chocolate series
and I think, kyle, you would bea great person to wrap this
episode up with some prayer yeahif you can lead our people into
that, that would be awesomelord, we are grateful for this
time together.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
we are grateful that we have taken random ideas,
thoughts, and have turned theminto spontaneous actions,
actions with intention toreconnect, to recommit, to keep
our relationships growing andlively.
Lord, we pray that you continueto guide our hearts together,
guide our minds to be of likemind, to embrace that we each,
(29:26):
in our relationship, have thebest intentions for each other
and that we're willing to do thework to make it last, make it
work and to love by faith.
We give you glory, God, forthis episode and for the Love,
Sex, Flowers and Chocolateseries.
Lord, we pray that thisspontaneous episode would also
(29:47):
Sorry, I got distracted bysaying spontaneous.
Lord we pray that thisspontaneous episode would bless
couples and help them grow.
In Jesus' name, amen.
Amen, you're going to have a lotof stuff to cut out of this
episode.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
Thank you guys so much for watching and listening
and getting through anotherseries with us.
We will be back next week witha new series for you to enjoy.
Be sure, if you're watching uson youtube, to like, share,
subscribe.
If you're listening to us onapple or spotify or anywhere
else on your favorite listeningplatform, be sure to give us a
great review and a five-star uhstamp of approval so that other
(30:26):
people like you can learn how tolove by faith don't just think
by faith, love by faith love um.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
I did it wrong again I thought just let me do it
again no, you, you.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
Last time you said don't just think by faith or
live by faith, but love by faith.
So I was waiting for that thirdpoint you didn't do it, y'all
just love my faith okay justlove my faith and we'll see you
again next week.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
Take care god bless man spontaneous, spontaneous.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
I wish I had the time to make a reel where we just
say spontaneous, over and overand over and put like a trap
beat behind it.
Dude, why did you say it somuch?
Speaker 1 (31:20):
it was the topic.
What am I supposed to do?
Speaker 2 (31:22):
yeah, we didn't say that.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
With the sex that we over sex, this is because sex is
not a bad word, but it's notlike you don't want to say it 75
times we didn't say flowers, soI avoided saying sex a million
times.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
I love 75.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
I don't have to avoid saying spontaneous, a million
times.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
This is a random word they're all random.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
They're like that ted lasso episode where they said
the word too much.
He's like I said it too muchand now it sounds funny in my
head.
It's true it happens.
It's true, that was really good.
Oh man, yeah it's weird, now Ican't say it we're back in that
time of the week yeah you knowwhat time of the week it is the
time where I'm about to leavethe time where I gotta go no,
(32:05):
I'm leaving first.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
You do this to me every week, kyle do you want me
to like not go?
Yes, you want me to not have togo one day, give me one day
where you're just like.
I don't have to go anywhere I'mjust gonna stay here, I'm
staying dude, what if that'slike the last episode of our
podcast, like 20 years from now,and it's like I got nowhere to
go, and that's the thing.
Like that's the the whole endcredit bit.
(32:28):
It's like you finally stay andthen the people are leaving and
we're all like, oh, my god, Iwant to stay too.
Oh, that would be so fullcircle, bro, like I'm already
thinking 20 years ahead.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
All right I gotta go for real though good day to you.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
Bye, y'all bye.
spontaneity in our relationships.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Let's just go do our normal thing.
What?
Speaker 1 (00:04):
do I need to change this up, for You're not caring
enough in your heart to do theseadventures that you dream of.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
So what can we tell couples with how to be
spontaneous.
We're not perfect people.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
By any means.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
But by trusting in God we learn what it takes to
build a friendship.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
A relationship.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
And marriage that has stood the test of time.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
With a Keeping it Real style.
We're going to talk to youabout everything everything that
we've been through, are goingthrough and have overcome all by
learning how to lean on God andeach other in order to help you
learn how to love by faith whata week, man, what a whirlwind
(00:57):
oh man your sermon was so great.
I was glad it was so good tohear you preaching and to hear
you like not just say preachingair quotes, but preaching like
the way, I know you can yeahit's such a gift you have thank
you like anytime I've ever hadthe opportunity to get in front
of people yeah
Speaker 2 (01:12):
I always go to more like teaching style yeah, it's
easier to teach, it's easier tolean on teaching.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
But that because they're facts that passion, that
fire from you, yeah it's justyou can't hide it.
Hide it, it's so God-given,it's not forced, it's not fake.
Thank you.
I know the church was blessed.
I bring this up because I hopeeveryone had a chance to go and
listen.
It's a great talk.
It's geared towards dating, butmarried people can definitely
(01:41):
take something away from it.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
It's been out for about a week now, so it should
be on our church's website andwe'll go ahead and link that in
the description.
And yeah, it was definitelyawesome.
I took a preaching course along time ago, a long time ago,
and the teacher told me if youare worried or nervous or
(02:08):
wondering if your sermon isenough by the time you go out
and preach your sermon, thenthat means you haven't spent
enough time with God, and so Itook that to heart.
I took that very literal.
So I think over the whole monthleading up to when I had to
preach a couple weekends ago, Ijust stayed in prayer, amen,
(02:31):
stayed in the word, stayed inthere, and every single day God
would give me something to say,something different, to say Tie
this in, tie that in.
You know, the revelation of Adamnot needing Eve that didn't
come until two days before thesermon, just from me being in
(02:51):
prayer.
The story of Ruth that came inat the very beginning when I
first got the topic, and thentying it to Genesis, that came
in.
It's just little bits andpieces.
If you make your heart and yourdesire to please God available
for God, then he will give youwhat you need to produce a good
(03:12):
sermon, including the energy andthe ump.
You know some people, somepeople are not as hype.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Some people aren't as hype, and God needs those
people to reach the people whoaren't as hype as well.
You know, some people need tostir the pot, some people just
need to add a little seasoning.
I'm a pot stirrer.
I get people going.
I know this, I've always havebeen, and God's using it so
(03:39):
glory to him.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Amen, that's a great tie-in to today's topic.
Amen, we're in the Love, sex,flowers and Chocolate series and
this is the chocolate episode.
Yes, so a lot of you areprobably wondering like how does
that?
Speaker 2 (03:51):
tie in.
What could it possibly be?
Speaker 1 (03:53):
What does the chocolate episode mean?
Sweets, it goes back to ForrestGump.
Life is like a box ofchocolates.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Life is like a box of chocolates.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
You never know what you're going to get.
It goes back to spontaneity inour relationships.
Yes, spontaneity.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
What does that mean?
Speaker 1 (04:10):
It means doing things out of the routine, breaking up
the routine breaking up theboring habits.
Yes, To get into new stuff tohave new adventures.
To get into new areas, maybe topush the boundaries on what
you're comfortable with in yourrelationship okay what does
spontaneity mean to you?
Speaker 2 (04:28):
it means that you're going to pop up with surprises
left and right and you know, oneday we are just like, wow, this
is such a great life.
And then I ask you aboutchickens okay and then I just
keep bringing it.
Or like that one time when youwanted a dog and I was like, bro
, we can't have a dog right now,as true as it is, you brought
(04:53):
the dog home the followingweekend.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
So when we were, that wasn't spontaneous, that wasn't
spontaneous.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
That was totally.
That was totally right.
We were in the middle of buyinga house.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Okay, and I said this is just not the right time to
get a pet and you totally got apet podcast time out.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Spontaneity is not randomness, right, selena?
Okay, if that's not spontaneity, if you randomly getting, if
randomness is not spontaneity,right then break down the
difference of the two.
Teach us, since you like toteach.
Teach us the difference betweenbeing random and being
spontaneous okay, random is giveme examples, because I'm a
visual okay, random isunstructured.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Okay, I come home from work, come out, we're going
out to.
We're going out to watch amovie, random, right okay it
sounds spontaneous, but it'srandom okay I'm talking
intention.
Spontaneity is has intentionbehind it.
Okay, you're rolling your eyesat me.
You just rolled your eyes superhard.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Give me the visual for spontaneity, as it shows the
difference in contrast withrandomness.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Okay, we talked about the random movie night, right?
Speaker 2 (05:59):
Right right.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Spontaneity would be when we're doing our weekly plan
to get ready for the week,planning our dinners, I say, hey
, we have nothing going onThursday, let's go to a movie
when it's very out of theordinary for us to go to a movie
on Thursdays.
That's spontaneity.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
So you're looking ahead and preparing to do
something different.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Versus random is right there in the moment.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Roll the dice.
Okay, throw a dart at the map.
Okay, throw a dart at the map.
Okay, that's random.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
But spontaneity can say hey, we're going to have a
date next month, let's dosomething we haven't done in a
while.
Let's look for something new todo, Okay.
Something new we've never done,okay.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
I don't know why great white sharks came to my
mind when you, when you saidthat something I would never do.
Don't plan it, don't bespontaneous, don't be random
I'll say no, but what?
That's just what came to mymind when you said we have some
time open.
Let's do something differentswimming with great white sharks
but we've swam with sharks.
Our honeymoon, yeah but theyweren't gray white no, they
weren't, they were like littlegray, little gray sharks not
gray white sharks.
That's so funny.
(07:05):
Okay, so let's talk about this.
We've we use the month ofFebruary to get very intentional
with relationships.
You know, bring the romanceback.
Be intentional with, you know,the the with the sex episode.
We talked about how to reviveflowers and all this stuff.
So what can we tell coupleswith?
How to be spontaneous, Becausethey could be in many different
stages of their life.
(07:26):
They could have small childrenand it's really hard to be
spontaneous.
They could be working reallyhard before children.
How can we make this work?
How can we make theirrelationship like a box of
chocolate?
Speaker 1 (07:40):
As a parenting couple of three kids, it is
challenging to be spontaneous,which is why we have to have a
schedule planned out but canstill drop in those spontaneous
events.
Spontaneity keeps it spicy,keeps it lively, keeps it
changing and growing.
When you do, those spontaneousthings get you outside of your
comfort zone.
It helps you to learn moreabout yourself, learn about your
(08:01):
partner and to grow closertogether.
So that's why we needspontaneity.
So, as a dad of three, how do Isprinkle in spontaneity?
Yes, a lot of times she's thespontaneity sprinkler in our
relationship.
She sends me all these likehere's a new playground to take
the kids to.
Here's a new restaurant that wehaven't tried.
That's in our area.
Here's a new like.
(08:21):
Here's a new adventure thing wehaven't done yet and we do it.
Here's the thing that the themetro parks are putting on.
Let's go check this out.
Oh, the library.
She's huge on doing librarystuff.
Right, we went to the libraryone time and watched an alpaca
farmer talk about his alpacasand the kids were freezing and I
was freezing and we everybodyhad a terrible time.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
We left 20 minutes early, but so upset, but we did
it, we did it, it wasspontaneous, it wasn't random.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
It was spontaneous and we did it.
We did it.
It was spontaneous, it wasn'trandom, it was spontaneous and
we did it.
And we went through theadventure.
One time she came to me.
She's like Kyle, do you know?
Our city has a fishing derby?
I love to fish and so now it'sa tradition.
It's spontaneous.
One time random thing hasturned into a tradition where
every summer we're in the cityfishing derby.
So we're going on.
(09:03):
This will be our fourth yeardoing it amen.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Uh, I think people have good intentions okay they
want to do something new.
It looks like it's fun.
But then a lot of times kyleand we do this too all the time.
A lot of times, when we finallyget to the date night, we're
like let's just go to a movieand let's just go to the hot
soup place and the ramen and thesushi place and let's just go
(09:29):
do our normal thing.
I think sometimes it's goodbecause it's like comfort.
It's comforting to just do thesame old thing over and over and
it's comfortable.
But then on the con to that isthat you're stuck in your
comfort zone and you got to getout of your comfort zone.
To that is that you're stuck inyour comfort zone and you got
to get out of your comfort zone,and there I feel like there
(09:51):
needs to be a healthy balance ofboth of them.
You know like sometimes you'reso tired in your season and
you're just so dead that it'slike you don't even have the
energy to think about doingsomething else that is new.
And so being in that comfortplace, like going back to that
comfort date, that would beideal.
That's something that it's anoldie but a goodie.
You're enjoying yourself, youare enjoying the feels of all
(10:13):
that.
But when you are toocomfortable and you become
complacent in your relationshipand it starts to get boring,
then this is when you reallyhave to step out of your comfort
zone and that is going torequire energy.
I think the reason why peoplearen't spontaneous is because
it's like I don't know, I'venever been to that area of town
(10:34):
before.
What about the parking?
You know?
you think about these thingslike it's for real like oh, what
if I don't like the food on themenu?
I'm gonna pay all this moneyand it's not gonna be enough.
And what if it the menu doesn'tfill me up?
I'm gonna pay all this moneyand it's not gonna be enough.
And what if the menu doesn'tfill me up?
I'm gonna go to the burger kingafterwards.
Like you start to think aboutthese things, and if you're in a
rut, you have to force yourselfto think past those things.
(10:54):
Right, it's going to require alittle bit of courage, it's
going to require a littleboldness.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
It's going to require you to get out of that comfort
zone together, you know you know, what stops me from being
spontaneous yes, I think is isthat pushing out of the comfort
zone.
So like I want to go to therestaurant where I know I'm
going to get what I want, whereI know I'm going to get full, so
I just get into that, to thatcomfort zone, yeah, and know
(11:20):
that.
Yeah, I know right where topark.
I got my parking spot rightgoing to that theater.
I got seats d3.
Yeah, I know right where topark.
I got my parking spot rightgoing to that theater.
I got seats d3 and 4.
That's where we sit every timeright, right, it's set well, you
don't have to.
What do I need to change thisup for?
Yeah, and so, breaking it upwith the, when you send me the
spontaneous stuff like, whileit's random in the moment, when
we plan it, it's spontaneouslike we've never done this
(11:42):
before that's the other thing isit requires planning, and if
people don't like to plan,they're not going to do it.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
They'll do more random than they will
spontaneous yeah, yeah, it'lljust be.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
Oh, it's tuesday, all right, we're going to taco
tuesday, right?
But then every tuesday becomesremember, we went to taco
tuesday last week.
We should do that again, againI some people are like that.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Some people like the routine.
There are some people I know.
I'm not going to say who, I'mjust going to say I know people
who will eat the same lunchevery single day for their
entire life.
Yeah, I can't do that, I can'tdo that, but some people do.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
And then they equate it into Are you subconsciously
pointing this finger at me?
Speaker 2 (12:28):
No, what are you talking about?
I'm not doing anything likethat.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Because that's me.
I like to keep the same lunchyou said it, not me.
I did keep the same lunch foryears at my old job and now,
with the situation being the wayit is, I can have a nice
variety of lunches and it worksout great, but the framework
around the lunch is still thesame.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Framework, yes, but the spontaneity comes when you
pick up different stuff for usto eat so it sounds like it
sounds like one person in thecouple is gonna have to be the
spontaneity leader and get theother.
I disagree with that.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
No, I disagree with that.
No, it definitely takes two.
It's a relationship, sure,right?
Yeah, if you just keep doingall the spontaneity stuff,
you're gonna be like all right,this dude never comes up with
anything, right this dude isalways leaning on me.
What are we doing tonight?
What?
Speaker 2 (13:21):
are we doing tonight?
What are we doing tonightdependency what are?
Speaker 1 (13:24):
what are you?
You know what new restaurantsare out?
No, it goes both ways, like atthe same time.
Yes, you're brainstorming ideas, but I'm also like, hey, this
sounds like a great idea, let'smake this happen yeah this
sounds like a great place.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
Let's make this happen yes, I love that key
phrase.
Let's make it happen.
Because how many of us saywe're going to do something and
then it never happens, and thenyou're just.
to me, it feels like I don'twant to bring stuff up anymore,
because you're going to say it,you're going to agree with me on
it, I'm going to trust thatstatement, and then you never go
(14:00):
through with it and it's goingto make me feel like I can't
trust you in your excitementanymore.
I can't trust you and yourintention, and so, therefore,
why am I even going to bother?
Speaker 1 (14:11):
oh, he talks about doing something new all the time
, but he never.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
You know that trip to europe okay, yeah, we're gonna
go to, you know, or that trip tothat one, you know fancy airbnb
that we've been talking aboutfor years.
We're never going to get there.
I'm sorry, but if you've had aplan, if you guys were excited
about one thing and it's takingyou years to do it, it's not a
money issue, bro, I promise you,because if it takes you five,
(14:34):
you could save $100 for a year,for five years to come up with
$500 to go to that place or tohowever long it takes.
Like you, can you figure thisout?
That's good, you know, and soit's.
It's not a money issue, it's a.
It's a, it's hard.
What would you call it?
I call it a heart issue.
It's a heart issue.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Yeah, Because you're not.
You're not caring enough inyour heart to do these
adventures that you dream of yesyou're not valuing the
adventure enough, you're notvaluing the outcome of the
spontaneity enough to make ithappen.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Yes, and then you know, heaven forbid.
Like something happens and themore you're letting stuff get in
the way.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Yes, you're letting barriers to to the growth just
fake barriers come up you know,spontaneity could even.
We're talking a lot about dates, but it could even be as simple
as like remodeling your kitchenoh yeah, I mean I started with
dates because it's superapplicable, super easy to just
jump in and make it happen yesso it talks about the modeling
(15:35):
the kitchen okay.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
So, um, remodeling the kitchen and maybe remodeling
is like too much, maybe that'slike remodeling a kitchen is a
lot more money than what folksare anticipating.
But I would go ahead and sayyou know, back in the day, my
fam like, I guess, the parentsgeneration from when I was a
child to me it felt like theynever updated anything.
(15:57):
Okay, they never got newfurniture.
The same pictures were on thewall, never painted the same
wallpaper even though it wasfrom the 70s, it's still there.
They never did anything tochange their environment.
And so I say all that to saythat we are home a lot.
I think the lockdown in 2020really shifted us into putting a
(16:20):
lot more interest in our spacesand in our homes.
And so now we are really mindfulof how we want things to look
and to be intentional and to bespontaneous in your relationship
.
Doesn't always have to be anexternal activity.
It could be something thatwould help edify your
environment just from where youare.
I mean even just buying new bedsheets, even just buying
(16:44):
something that would just bringyour space a little more light.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
I think of, like on the spontaneous side of
spirituality.
Okay, so going to that newchurch event, going to a new
church event that you wouldn'tusually go to, or volunteering
for the event that you wouldn'tusually go to, or volunteering
for the church ministry that youwouldn't usually do together,
yeah.
So go make the sandwiches forthe homeless that they do.
Go to the outreach night yeah.
(17:14):
Go to the Saturday morningprayer yes, and all these things
help your relationship growthrough spontaneous change.
Yes, we're so stuck in therelationship.
Grow through spontaneous change.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
Yes, we're so stuck in the way of like, well, we're
just going to read thisdevotional and it's okay, it has
its days, but yeah, Buy a newdevotional bro.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
That could be anything.
Go to your favorite place tobuy a book.
Buy the book.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
So we talked about dating, we talked about
environment, we talked aboutspirituality.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
In the bedroom.
Guys, guys, how can you bespontaneous in the bedroom?
Oh, make it more than justabout you, dudes.
Make it more than just aboutyou, because so many times I
fall into the trap if it's justabout me in there and stepping
outside of myself and making itabout you turns out really nice
a lot of the times, right, andI'm talking about the foot rubs,
the back rubs, okay, justchatting her up like you used to
(18:09):
and making her feel special.
I'm not talking about thephysical act, I'm talking about
the emotional connection therein the bedroom.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
Yeah, Okay.
And for women?
What can women do?
Speaker 1 (18:20):
What can you do?
Speaker 2 (18:21):
It can be more exciting.
Yeah, I think, yeah, yeah okay.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
And for women?
What can women do?
What can?
Speaker 2 (18:24):
you do, it can be more exciting.
Yeah, I think.
Yeah, you know, becausesometimes we're just so all
about us and our needs and whatwe want and don't want, what we
don't want and then what we'redoing, just because you know and
I think bring a little morezing yeah to.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
It could be spontaneous okay, but bring,
bring the zing, bring the zing,ladies.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
Selena's advice is we talked about emotional stuff.
Um, what are we missing?
How else can couples bespontaneous?
Speaker 1 (18:53):
the biggest thing couples are missing in
spontaneity is the drive for itright it's got to come from
somewhere yeah and it's it'sthrough, you won't know you need
it till you need it right.
So you get bored in therelationship, you get bored
doing the same old, same old.
But that's when you boom, hitthe spontaneity and plan it.
(19:15):
I feel like we've saidspontaneity 7 000 times.
I'm sorry listeners yeah, butit's just, it's the word of the
day.
I have an idea.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
I'm Pee Wee Herman.
I have an idea.
There is no wrong when it comesto building up a brainstorm
session on how you specificallyneed to add more spontaneity to
your relationship, to yourmarriage, you know.
(19:42):
So what do you do?
You got to brainstorm, you gotto get ideas.
Yeah, you can go on.
Chad gpt okay you a series realtalk.
So if I were to say all we dowriting chad gpt prompts now
you're writing.
Yeah, let me hear it.
Yeah, okay, do you guys usechad gpt if you?
If you don't, it is anexcellent tool to do some
(20:03):
thinking for you.
Okay, that's what I, you know,that's why I use it, for I use
it to help me think so that Ican execute it.
Okay, I wouldn't necessarilyhave chat GPT right, what I
would say to Kyle, you know butit could help for a really good
brainstorm.
So a good prompt Okay Would beand say I'm a couple where all
we do is go to the movies anddinner, like that's all we do.
(20:24):
We go to the same restaurant, wego to the same movie and we
come home.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
I'm doing this real time.
Let me hear it.
Go ahead, Selena.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
You're going to do it in real time.
Oh, he's going to pull it up.
Okay, see, this is good, thisis good, this being spontaneous,
let's hear your prompt, okay.
So I am a married woman.
I've been married for over 11years.
(20:50):
The only dates my husband and Igo on are the movies and a
restaurant.
We need to liven up ourmarriage.
Create for me three, hold on.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
I can't type that fast, bro.
I can't think Christian faith.
Okay Hold on, got toautocorrect.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
In our Christian faith.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
Okay and Hold on.
Got to autocorrect.
I need to fix.
You know how it goes In ourChristian faith and and in our
overall marriage.
Okay, send.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
Let's see what it says.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
I love that you're looking for ways to bring more
spontaneity into your marriage.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
That's good right.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Here are five ideas to help shake things up.
Okay, one, instead of the usualdinner, try a mystery date.
Write down five to ten ideas.
It sounds like what you justsaid.
Write down five to ten ideas.
Have a brainstorm session.
Yeah basically yeah, so good.
Uh, number two bedroom the drawa dare game.
Write different playful orintimate challenges on paper and
(22:01):
put them in a jar.
Some can be flirty, others canbe more adventurous okay before
bed, each of you picks one andcommits to it.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
Commits to it now, if you need to write like
boundaries, like we're not doingthis and we're not going there,
like I will do anything forlove, yeah, but I won't do make
sure you have those in placebefore you start writing stuff
down.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Okay, keep going okay , uh, number three the 24-hour
role reversal.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
For a day, probably a weekend, swap routines or
responsibilities in a fun way.
Fun way.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Wow, kyle, you're going to get so tackled all
weekend long.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
All right.
So it says maybe you take oversomething that he usually does,
or vice versa, or you bothpretend you're dating again,
dress up, flirt and leave littlenotes throughout the day.
Okay, that doesn't sound like arole reversal, though.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Stiffen ideas.
I like the idea yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
All right.
Four Christian faithSpontaneous acts of prayer and
worship.
Instead of just praying beforebetter meals, surprise each
other by suggesting spontaneousprayers during the day.
You could also plan a worshipdate where you listen to worship
music together, share favoritescriptures.
Dude, when we went to a coupleworship concerts, oh yeah,
visiting churches and doing that, yeah, that was enjoyable.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
It was fun that was good.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
We could do that some more.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Yeah, you could even just go to a different church's
Friday service.
If you're not normally goingsomewhere on Friday, dude, find
a Friday service or a Saturdayservice.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
That's a great idea.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
That's a great idea, and it's not cheating on your
church, because you'll still bein your church on Sunday, if
that's a thing for you guys.
Yeah, I don't worry aboutcheating on my church, I love my
church.
Okay, last one, number five,overall marriage the secret
mission game.
Each week, secretly plan oneunexpected kind or romantic
gesture for your spouse.
This is my favorite one so far.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
Really.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
It's easy, it's secret, it's on you.
You know what I mean.
She's got nothing to do with it.
He's got nothing to do with it.
A note in their wallet, a smallgift, a planned surprise At the
end of the week.
Guess what each other's missionwas?
Speaker 2 (23:58):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
So it keeps you.
It says this keeps both of youengaged and looking forward to
new ways to bless each other sothere you go chat gbt in real
time.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
And that was just one little prompt so you can go
back, you can tweak the prompt,you can add to the prompt if you
don't like those, if you don'tlike what chat gave you.
You could say I don't likethese answers, make them better
or add this to it or remove thatfrom that.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
Great you know, great tool, right?
Speaker 2 (24:25):
also, there's tons of you know date ideas that you
guys can go out and you canGoogle them if you want to you
can have books if you want to.
I'm a shameless plug right now.
I wrote a book that has 65different dating ideas
Everything from being from hometo being in public, everything
from having a zero budget tohaving a very expensive budget
(24:47):
and you guys can do everythingtogether to help you grow in
different settings withdifferent ideas to make it
happen.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Christian.
The title of the book isChristian Dating Adventures
right.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
Yep Christian Dating Adventures.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
Christian Dating Adventures, and you'll get the
links and all the.
It'll be in everything thisweek, yeah.
So keep your eyes out for it,yeah, and be spontaneous in your
relationship.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
What is the last takeaway that we can give these
people?
Why is it so?
Why does this matter?
Speaker 1 (25:13):
you asked me this three times really yeah, dang it
matters because it helps usgrow and helps us change.
It helps us get out of theroutine to experience new parts
of our partner and new parts ofourselves.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
That's why it's important I think it's very
important for people who arelistening to this episode and
watching.
It's so important to keepinvesting in your relationship.
You have to keep investing inyour relationship, just like
with God.
There are so many layers to youboth.
As you get older, as you guysgo through experiences, as
(25:48):
things happen, you change, youevolve, everything around you
changes and evolves and you haveto be willing to adapt to that
and be stay interested in that.
You don't want to be the couplewhere your kids finally go off
to college and you're aloneagain and you have no idea what
to do with each other becauseyou never put the time into
(26:11):
figuring out and stayinginterested in who that person is
, who your partner is, and youwant to remind yourselves that
this comes first your marriagecomes first.
This is the first ministry thatyou should be really focusing on
, beyond your love and yourrelationship with God himself,
and so being spontaneous helpsyou stay interested, it helps
(26:35):
you stay on top of things, ithelps you be mindful of who you
married and why you chose themand why you love them, and so
make sure you do that, make sureyou have your box and enjoy
your box of chocolates.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
That's right, that's right.
And if it's your first timehere and you're like, wow, this
is a lot, I don't know what,where to do.
Where to start?
Start small.
Start with with thereconnection.
Start with a spontaneous.
I always go back to this, butit's so good.
Start with a spontaneous walk.
Start with a spontaneous noscreen meal right start with a
spontaneous phone call to yourpartner.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
What would you like to do?
I don't know what I would liketo do.
Okay, well, what do you findfun?
Call them and talk to themabout our podcast.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
Hey, I was listening to this podcast and they were
talking about being spontaneous.
Do you think we're spontaneous?
Yeah, how can we be morespontaneous?
Speaker 2 (27:24):
Yes, I.
I think, kyle, if we had anickel for every time, should I
do a counter?
Speaker 1 (27:29):
Yeah, do the counter, do the counter of how many
times we've said this word yeah,definitely, it's all right.
And then take that counter andput the goal in your
relationship to be thatspontaneous this year.
Wow, because it's early in theyear, so you've got time.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
If we did that, I feel like we would have to track
it on social that's a bigproject.
It is a big project.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
Is that spontaneous or random?
Selena?
Speaker 2 (27:59):
This pop quiz, bro, I'm going to fail it.
It is random because I justthrew it out there.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
Right, but then it's spontaneous because we're going
to plan it.
So there it is.
I do?
Speaker 1 (28:10):
I think I got the clarity on this.
It's random when it's just anidea.
It's spontaneous when the ideais in action.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Okay, there we go.
See, that makes sense.
This whole time I was justfaking it I was like yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
Don't fake it, that makes sense you want
authenticity in here,genuineness.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
Yes, it's just words.
As ironic as this is, as anauthor, words confuse me
Sometimes.
There are words that you'd betelling me, kyle, and I'm like I
know, I'm not that, because Idon't even know what that is.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
I remember you saying that to me.
Oh, you're so silly.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
Thank you, guys, so much for watching.
We're wrapping up our love, sex, flowers and chocolate series
and I think, kyle, you would bea great person to wrap this
episode up with some prayer yeahif you can lead our people into
that, that would be awesomelord, we are grateful for this
time together.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
we are grateful that we have taken random ideas,
thoughts, and have turned theminto spontaneous actions,
actions with intention toreconnect, to recommit, to keep
our relationships growing andlively.
Lord, we pray that you continueto guide our hearts together,
guide our minds to be of likemind, to embrace that we each,
(29:26):
in our relationship, have thebest intentions for each other
and that we're willing to do thework to make it last, make it
work and to love by faith.
We give you glory, God, forthis episode and for the Love,
Sex, Flowers and Chocolateseries.
Lord, we pray that thisspontaneous episode would also
(29:47):
Sorry, I got distracted bysaying spontaneous.
Lord we pray that thisspontaneous episode would bless
couples and help them grow.
In Jesus' name, amen.
Amen, you're going to have a lotof stuff to cut out of this
episode.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
Thank you guys so much for watching and listening
and getting through anotherseries with us.
We will be back next week witha new series for you to enjoy.
Be sure, if you're watching uson youtube, to like, share,
subscribe.
If you're listening to us onapple or spotify or anywhere
else on your favorite listeningplatform, be sure to give us a
great review and a five-star uhstamp of approval so that other
(30:26):
people like you can learn how tolove by faith don't just think
by faith, love by faith love um.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
I did it wrong again I thought just let me do it
again no, you, you.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
Last time you said don't just think by faith or
live by faith, but love by faith.
So I was waiting for that thirdpoint you didn't do it, y'all
just love my faith okay justlove my faith and we'll see you
again next week.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
Take care god bless man spontaneous, spontaneous.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
I wish I had the time to make a reel where we just
say spontaneous, over and overand over and put like a trap
beat behind it.
Dude, why did you say it somuch?
Speaker 1 (31:20):
it was the topic.
What am I supposed to do?
Speaker 2 (31:22):
yeah, we didn't say that.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
With the sex that we over sex, this is because sex is
not a bad word, but it's notlike you don't want to say it 75
times we didn't say flowers, soI avoided saying sex a million
times.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
I love 75.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
I don't have to avoid saying spontaneous, a million
times.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
This is a random word they're all random.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
They're like that ted lasso episode where they said
the word too much.
He's like I said it too muchand now it sounds funny in my
head.
It's true it happens.
It's true, that was really good.
Oh man, yeah it's weird, now Ican't say it we're back in that
time of the week yeah you knowwhat time of the week it is the
time where I'm about to leavethe time where I gotta go no,
(32:05):
I'm leaving first.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
You do this to me every week, kyle do you want me
to like not go?
Yes, you want me to not have togo one day, give me one day
where you're just like.
I don't have to go anywhere I'mjust gonna stay here, I'm
staying dude, what if that'slike the last episode of our
podcast, like 20 years from now,and it's like I got nowhere to
go, and that's the thing.
Like that's the the whole endcredit bit.
(32:28):
It's like you finally stay andthen the people are leaving and
we're all like, oh, my god, Iwant to stay too.
Oh, that would be so fullcircle, bro, like I'm already
thinking 20 years ahead.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
All right I gotta go for real though good day to you.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
Bye, y'all bye.
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