This episode focuses on reviving withering relationships. Using the metaphor of flowers and plants as representations, Kyle and Selina emphasize the importance of nurturing, communication, and faith in love.
Listeners are encouraged to assess their relationships, communicate openly, and seek God’s guidance for revitalization and healing.
• Exploring the connection between flowers and relationships
• Understanding the importance of communication in fixing issues
• Creating a safe space for expressing feelings
• The role of faith in navigating relationship challenges
• Practical steps for couples to assess and improve their connection
• Highlighting the need for patience and consistency in nurturing love
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Love, sex, flowers and chocolate.
Yes, we've talked about love.
We've talked about sex.
We're here to talk aboutflowers.
Yay, I want to share how I feel, but every time I do, you tell
me why I'm wrong.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
I think a lot of couples unfortunately see
themselves as being cut anddelivered in a package that
looks great but deep down theyknow it's not going to last.
We're not perfect people.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
By any means.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
But by trusting in God we learned what it takes to
build a friendship.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
A relationship.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
And marriage that has stood the test of time.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
With a keeping it real style.
We're going to talk to youabout everything.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Everything.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
That we've been through.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Are going through.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
And have overcome All by learning how to lean on God
and each other.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
In order to help you learn how to love by faith.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Yo, it's so fun.
Happy podcast recording day.
Happy podcast recording day.
This week has been much betterflow, so crazy than the last one
.
Yes, we just tried.
I think we stuffed too much in,not our episode, but in our
life.
Yeah, we had too much going onthat first half of February.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
It's not like we planned it that way, like just
kids and weather and sicknessesjust kind of took over.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Right, it's the natural rhythm of things.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
You know, I know we like to chit chat a little bit
before we get into it.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
A little teeny bit.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
It's the perfect spot to lead into what we're talking
about today.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Welcome to the podcast.
We're in the february serieslove, sex, flowers and chocolate
.
Yes, we've talked about love.
Yes, we talked about sex.
Yes, we're here to talk aboutflowers yay, I love flowers it's
funny because I was thinkingabout this, talking about
flowers.
Yes, we're talking aboutrelationships and resetting our
relationship.
When our relationship is out ofwhack, we really want to see it
(02:07):
bloom so we can take a stepback, reset, get that soil right
get that ground right and getto a new level of growth.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
It's giving flowers to your spouse and it's planting
flowers for your relationship.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
That's right.
Maybe Valentine's Day wasawesome Everything went awesome
to your spouse and it's plantingflowers for your relationship
that's right.
Maybe valentine's day wasawesome, everything went awesome
, and you're like let's keepthis ball rolling.
Yes, we'll get into some ofthat today maybe valentine's day
kind of sucked and you burn thesteak it happens or you bought
her the flowers that reminder ofher old aunt who used to just
not like every cleveland brownsfan always says there's always.
(02:44):
Next year there's always nextyear there's always next year,
guys, oh my gosh.
So I want to talk to you aboutflowers okay, yeah more about
plants okay, selena's a bigplant.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
I love house plants everywhere, all over the place.
I try to sneak them in everychance I get they've invaded
every space of my house.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
I'm okay with it.
They're great for the air.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
They're great for for the beauty of the place to the
point where I'm like we needmore windows.
Bro, what are you going to doabout this problem that we have?
Speaker 1 (03:13):
we don't need less plants we need more windows.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Yes, okay.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
So I bring up that because, okay, what do flowers
need?
Speaker 2 (03:23):
oh, at the very least they need water.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Okay, sunlight right at the very least they're just
gonna sit on the shelf with.
And then you need a vase withwater, okay.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
They need a cup, okay I've grown plants out of pepsi
cans okay, you know they need alord they need a container to
dwell in right they need thewater, they need the light
that's it at the very least atthe very once you get into deep
growth and deep nourishment,then you go into the soil, you
go into fertilizer, you go intoum shading areas.
(03:59):
You know.
You go into the chemistry andthe ph balances of things,
acidity and perfect, perfect.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Can I keep leading you in this thought?
Okay yeah, have you ever had aplant that was just like a mess?
Oh yeah, what does that looklike?
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Okay, so my grandmother I got this trait
from my grandmother.
She had plants everywhere allthe time.
When she passed away, wedivided up the plants and
everybody got to take a plant.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
And so I took a plant , but it was very malnourished,
underwatered, it was verytangled up with a different
plant.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Yeah, didn't it have like five plants in one?
Speaker 2 (04:33):
container.
Yeah, so it must've been likeone of those funeral plants that
just has the.
I'm serious Like that's theonly time you get a bunch of
plants in one pot is probablyone of those funeral plants and
it was just tangled.
Some were growing, some weren't.
There was a lot of root rotwhich was overwatering.
It was just really, really badshape.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
So what was the first step?
The?
Speaker 2 (04:54):
very first step I did was I took it apart you took it
apart.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
You took it out of the dirt.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
I took it out of the plant, the pot, I separated the
plants, I cut off any dead limbsor weak roots.
So good, um, I cleaned off theroots and then you put it in a
new small if, depending on thesize of the root ball yeah you
put it in a you know a potthat's half an inch bigger than
(05:20):
the root ball I hope all of yousee where I'm going with this,
because this is really perfectfor resetting our relationship.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
I'm interested in seeing where you're going with
this.
I have an office space in myhouse.
My office is in the basement.
I love my office, but I don'tlove everything about my office.
I am not the most organizedperson.
I am definitely a just put itdown when I'm done with it, not
a put it back kind of person.
(05:46):
Yes, and so it leads to thischaos, send prayers, environment
in my office yes, and itbothers me.
I don't like it, okay, I don'tlike the habit, but it just it
organically happens, right, okay, because I don't do anything to
stop it.
I don't do anything to stop it.
I don't do anything to fix it.
I don't do anything to preventit.
When I catch I don't catchmyself doing it Okay, and after
(06:07):
three months of it being cleanedup, it's right back to where it
started.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
And so so much of this is like like a relationship
, right?
Okay, I'm sorry, my hands aregoing everywhere today, it's
okay.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
I don't know what's going on for it in a
relationship.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Okay when they get to the point where they're
overwhelmed with the mess.
That is their relationshipcurrently.
Yes, right, what's their firststep?
Like we talked about, yourfirst step with the plant was
just to break it apart, figureout what's going on.
What's the first step acouple's gonna do when they're
feeling like this is out of syncand they gotta get like a bad
step or like what's the rightstep what is the first
correction step that a couplecan take to get their
relationship right?
talk, talk, talk.
Communication, yeah, okay, allright, selena, we're going to
(06:47):
role play.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Okay, I love role playing.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
We got a messed up relationship.
Okay, right, we need to talk.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Yes, can we talk.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Okay, Selena.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
I need to talk to you about our relationship.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Oh jeez, what now you ?
Speaker 1 (07:02):
about our relationship.
Oh geez, what now?
This is really.
This really sucks lately.
Tell me about it.
See, I come home, I bring upsomething important and you just
rolled your eyes.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
I'm just I'm very upset you already.
We should have had this talkmonths ago so how do we reset
this?
You tell me, because I've beentelling you for months and you
haven't picked up on what I wasputting down time out of the
role play here.
I'm really good at role play?
Speaker 1 (07:25):
no, you're not.
You're not playing along at all.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Oh, I didn't know you're supposed to be the coach
here.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Oh my bad okay what are we supposed to do with this,
with this beat downrelationship?
Speaker 2 (07:37):
that's not how you start it.
I wouldn't start it that wayokay, so we're talking about
communication.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
How do you break the ice of that communication that
we need to reset and repot?
Let me talk about the role play.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
That just happened.
So you came at me and juststraight up.
Here's the problem.
How are we going to fix it?
Okay, as a real man approachhere my head, like I've been
hinting and dropping that weneeded to fix it for a very long
time.
That's not a good way toapproach it, because we're both
saying, hey, there's a problem.
(08:09):
We need to fix it.
Hey, there's a problem, we needto fix it.
I think the best way to start aconversation like that, where
you know there's an issue andyou're trying to resolve that
issue, is you have to be veryopen about, you have to be
vulnerable, you have to be veryopen about how you're feeling
regarding this situation.
So if you were to have come atme and you were to have said
instead Slana, I know thatthings aren't well between us
(08:38):
and every time I think about it,it just really makes me upset,
it really hurts, because I knowthat there's something between
us that can solve this, andwhether you've been trying to
come at me to fix it, or whetherI've been trying to do it at
the wrong times, or I've triedand you didn't receive it, I
(08:58):
love you too much to just letthis fall to the wayside.
I know that there are thingsthat I've done and there are
things that I've said and I'mnot proud of it, and I do know
now that enough is enough and Iwant to try to do something to
make this work, by all means.
I know where you're at andyou're very angry, or you're
(09:20):
upset, or you're afraid, oryou're offended.
And if talking to me is not theright way to go about this
right now, then why don't westart with prayer and why don't
we invite God into thisconversation?
Because I am just at my endsand I feel like we can do better
(09:41):
.
I feel like this is not worth it.
I feel like my heart is reallyheavy on this and I don't want
to feel this.
I don't want to carry thisweight anymore.
I feel like you see what I'msaying.
So when you start bringing inyour feelings, instead of just
prepare man, let's go and fixthe problem.
Let's get to a place of groundzero and ground zero is
(10:05):
vulnerable, but ground zero istransparent.
And when I meet you at adisaster site, that's where we
are.
But if you're only you know,here's the blueprint let's start
building without even checkingout what ground zero looks like
or feels like, or come into anagreement that we're ready to
build together.
Then you're going to constantlybe at a distance, at a
(10:27):
separation, because it's likeyou still don't hear me, you
still don't feel me, you stilldon't acknowledge what's
happening here.
You're only trying to make itgo away so that you can feel
better.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
It's like taking that mess of a plant and just keep
watering it.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
You're just like adding more dirt to the top of
the plant, knowing there's rootrot.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Yeah, All right, that's great.
So we get in with thecommunication.
Yeah, we're taking inventory ofwhere we're at.
Yes, right, you used a lot of Ifeel statements.
Yes, that's so huge is justmaking it about your feelings?
Because, guys never talk abouttheir feelings.
We hold back on sharing ourfeelings or shut down that
(11:09):
should probably be included inthe conversation yes, I want to
share how I feel, but every timeI do, you tell me why I'm wrong
, right, and so this is a greatplace to have five good minutes
of.
She's got a five minute timereverything she needs to say.
He's got a five minute timereverything he wants to say.
Right, to get this reset going.
And then, even ahead of this,they each have have a homework
(11:32):
of what they feel is wrong, likea list what what's what's going
wrong, and then another sectionthat says what's going right
and then another section thatsays what I'm willing to do to
fix it that's a lot of homeworkI know, but it's.
It's a great handout for theplaybook oh, okay but doing
those, taking that inventory,yeah, is a huge first step to
(11:55):
like yeah it a it gets rid ofthe root rot right.
B it it's accountability andownership yeah of, hey, I did
this wrong, right.
And then c its vision for whatit looks like together.
Yes, as a couple.
Yes, and you can, you take,take steps forward.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
I I like what you said before.
This part is that we need to,as couples, we need to practice
and embrace having space forfeelings.
Yeah you know, repair mode orgo into what can be done better
(12:34):
next time mode, but, like, let'sjust create the space and hold
space for how you do feel, youknow, as a husband, without me
commenting or correcting ordefending my reason for why your
emotions are invalid in my eyes.
You know we need to practice.
Everyone does us included.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Us included.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
I feel like we need to just practice holding that
space and just allowing you tofeel that in a safe space where
you're not going to be judgedand you're not going to be
corrected, so that once we feelthat and we do feel validated in
what our because feelings arefeelings there's no right or
wrong feeling.
What you feel is what it is.
There's no yes or no to that.
There's no right or wrongfeeling.
What you feel is what it is.
(13:13):
There's no yes or no to that.
There's no right or wrong.
So to have that space, I thinkcreates a better place of
acceptance, to then have thatmotivation to move forward and
then we can do what you'resaying.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Love it.
That is awesome, awesome stuffto work full circle there
awesome stuff.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Yeah to, to work full circle there so we just went
through a whole analogy ofrepotting plants.
Okay, because this the the plantlooked bad.
It probably smelled bad.
When you took it out of the pot, you noticed that the roots
were rotten, and those are allreally great references to a
relationship that needs a majorreset.
Right, like that was your point, yeah, was.
We are trying to use thisanalogy to say, like, sometimes
(14:00):
your relationship looks bad onthe surface and sometimes there
are dying roots underneath thesurface that we need to look at
and take apart, and sometimesyou need to put your
relationship into a completelydifferent new environment, that
being the new pot.
You know, sometimes you need tonourish it a little more, that
being the soil and no matterwhat it needs.
(14:21):
The water and the sunlight tome would represent God's light
and God's living.
You know, like there's, there'sways to do that, but when I
think about flowers, okay.
Flowers can be in one or twoplaces.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Flowers can be in a garden where you're growing and
nourishing much like the potanalogy.
But then sometimes flowers getcut and given.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Okay, yeah, and so what ends up happening with
flowers that are cut and givenis they tend to die?
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Okay, even though you put them in water.
Even though you put them inwater, even though you put them
in water.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
You give them the light, you give them a little
packet of food.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
So I think there are a lot of couples out there who
do not see themselves as flowersthat are in a garden.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
I think a lot of couples unfortunately see
themselves as being cut anddelivered in a package that
looks great but deep down theyknow it's not going to last.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Wow, wow Okay.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
So for couples who need a reset completely, yeah.
Because I think as long as youare rooting your relationship in
Christ, you will always beabiding, you will always be a
part of his vine, you willalways be a part of the garden.
I don't necessarily think thatyou would be cut and therefore
passed off.
(15:44):
And there are couples whorealize it's not working for
them and then they peacefullypart ways working for them and
then they, peacefully, you know,part ways.
But what can we tell coupleswho feel like they have no root
system because they were pluckedand now they see themselves
going the opposite way?
Speaker 1 (16:05):
so they're just growing apart growing apart,
dying apart, yes, yeah, I thinkit goes back to just.
I think it goes back torekindling that fire, going back
to the basics the abcs of it goon a date talk what are the
abcs?
I mean like in the the basics,very basic, very basics.
(16:27):
I don't have a, an acronym oranything yeah but just the
basics of an acronym or anything.
Yeah, but just the basics oftalk.
Go for a walk, like call her onthe phone on your ride as like
talking to guys here yeah, holdher hand somewhere, you know,
yeah.
And to the girls, if, if you'renot about holding hands, like,
(16:48):
go out of your comfort zone alittle, just a hair, just a hair
, yeah, you know.
Yeah, find a show that you guyslike, right, find a show to, as
I know there's time, and thenblah, blah, blah.
Quit making excuses, yeah, toput some time in together, right
.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
You guys are both here.
Just because you're worriedabout it not working doesn't
mean that that's going to cometo happen.
God has a plan and a purposefor your marriage, for your
relationship.
He brought you guys togetherfor a reason.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
Amen.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
Right yeah, and though it may feel far off, the
more you put into those time,communication, energy, finding a
hobby to share, finding a, likeI said, just go for walks.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
That's such a easy thing to get 10 minutes of back
and forth it reminds me of andI'm dating myself here because
some people like it, some peopledon't.
We love it.
It reminds me of the broadwaymusical hamilton okay okay, yeah
, where?
Um, for those of you guys whodon't know about Hamilton, his
(17:52):
son died.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Spoiler alert.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
And well, they should see it.
By now, his son passed and hejust cheated on his wife.
His wife was done completely.
Don't talk to me.
I'm removing myself from yournarrative.
You cannot write about meanymore.
I'm burning everything you everhad written about me.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Like it's, we're done .
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Yeah, but they started going on walks.
Yeah, he started walking byhimself and then she started
joining him and they would nottalk because they were both
depressed about the sundaythey're both depressed and it
was just the way that their lifewas turning into.
You know they were.
They thought they were at thispinnacle and they fell.
Far yeah and hard, and so shestarted going on these walks
with him.
Didn't talk to him.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Didn't bring up the situation, but they walked, they
walked and, slowly but surely,walking and being present with
each other, yeah, started tosoften the heart.
I think it was just like you'resaying, just that commitment to
(18:59):
I'm going to walk by your side.
I'm not going to talk to youyet, I'm not going to share with
you yet, I'm not going toinvite you into myself yet, but
I'm committed enough to walk byyour side and to see where it
goes let's go, I'll walk my no,that was just such a such a
(19:24):
great way to.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
I just felt so encouraged and so connected to
you when you were saying thatwow I could feel the love in
your voice and that commitmentto just do something is huge.
It goes back to the.
We want the best for thisrelationship no matter where
it's at, no matter our worst day, no matter what long-term.
I want to work together to makethis work.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
I really feel in my heart right now that there are
Christian couples out there whofeel sincerely like there is no
other way but to leave thisthing.
There is no other way but tosplit.
The Bible teaches us that thereare reasons why a divorce would
(20:09):
be acceptable.
There's assault why a divorcewould be acceptable.
There's assault, there's idols,there's adultery and then
idolatry.
If you're putting things beforeyour marriage or if you're
making them turn away from God,then there's grounds for that.
But for everything else, Ibelieve that there is a way to
(20:33):
get back to a better foundation.
There is a way to get back toChrist healing it.
God is bigger than the problem.
God is bigger than the issueand we have to walk in that
faith, knowing that he could dothe impossible.
That's right.
And even if the impossiblelooks like your marriage
(20:55):
situation, he can still turnthose flowers into a blooming
season.
That's right.
He can still sprout them out and, you know, go from there.
I know you see.
You see, there are flowerpatches, there are.
You know, a flower can grow outof anywhere, Okay, yep, it can
grow out of anywhere.
Okay, it can grow out of themiddle of a crack, it can grow
(21:16):
out of a sidewalk.
It can grow out of any kind ofdry dirt, Even in the desert.
The flowers will grow on thecactus if the Lord allows it and
makes it so.
So the flowers that you cangive doesn't necessarily have to
be the end all be all.
I think it's just do you havethe faith?
(21:39):
Do you believe, like, do youwant it?
You know, because a lot of thetimes they're just like I don't
want this, I'm out.
You know, are you putting yourwants ahead of what you can do
to fix things?
And have faith that God can fixthings?
Because I believe that God willbring people together for a
greater good.
There's a reason why God bringsthis man and this woman
together for a greater purpose.
(22:02):
There's something that's goingto come out of them being one
versus them being twoindividuals, and so if you try
to remove that, if you try tosever that union because you
just don't want it anymore,because it's just too hard
anymore, then you really got todo a heart check and ask
yourself am I doing this for myown will or am I doing this
(22:24):
because God is calling me tothis?
Am I being obedient and havingfaith that we can make this work
for God's glory, or am Ichoosing to have my own way and
I'm going to take matters intomy own hands?
Where does that stand?
And again I said before, ifthere's an abuse or if there's
an assault, or if there'ssomething that is putting you in
(22:47):
danger and you have to leave,by all means, please do what you
need to do to keep yourselfsafe and to keep yourself
focused on God.
But for everything else, allthose little tit for tats, all
those little inconsistencies,all those little frustrations,
all of those things for a manand a woman, you got to look at
(23:10):
this from a God's point of view.
What is God trying to do withinboth of you and what is the
enemy fighting really hard to doto rip you apart?
Speaker 1 (23:19):
Yeah, I couldn't have said it better myself.
Selena, you're asking so manygood questions there that I just
it's just the perfect.
It's just the perfect way totake inventory on it.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
It's just.
God created marriage in theGarden of Eden.
Of course it's supposed tobloom, of course it's supposed
to recreate, of course it'smeant to be in a garden and we
have to be mindful of God's plan.
And it doesn't always look easyand it's not always roses and
(23:51):
rainbows, but there's somethingthere and we have to trust in it
as husband and wife when wewere at our lowest point and I
went in middle early 2020 yeahand we were struggling and not
really I wouldn't say we didn'tlike each other, but we were
(24:12):
just frustrated and just to thepoint where it was just
everything was just a.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
I wouldn't say we didn't like each other, but we
were just frustrated and just tothe point where everything was
just a job, everything was justwork.
We were able to just pause.
We paused ministry, we pausedfriendships, we paused our
hobbies.
Yeah, social media.
(24:34):
We just looked at each other.
Yeah, we removed all of thedistractions, put that time into
each other, and that was whatit took for us to reset this
relationship and to get thisthing right.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
Amen.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
And that's I encourage you guys.
All that is what I would tellany guy is strip away all the
frilly stuff.
Strip it away.
Get down to the roots.
Yeah, Get down to thefoundation.
Build back good habits, goodsoil, and make it work.
You want it to work, you canmake it work.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
So to kind of go back to your analogy of the plant,
yeah.
After I separated that plant andwe took care of the roots and I
potted it and I gave it thebest light of the house that the
house could offer, this plantstarted to take off.
Let's go.
These leaves were flourishingand then, out of nowhere, the
lilies started blooming out ofthis plant Three, four at a time
(25:35):
per stalk, and to this day itis my biggest plant.
I never seen the plant so big.
When I was going to mygrandmother's house my whole
childhood I never knew this iswhat she had.
She probably never knew this iswhat she had because it wasn't
given the right amount of careand treatment that it could have
(25:57):
had and the flowers came out ofa plant you know, and it was.
It was a.
It was a surprising thing,because I was never expecting to
see flowers come out of thisplant, you know.
And so wherever you guys are inyour relationship, wherever you
guys are struggling with, justfocus on the nourishment.
(26:18):
Focus on making sure that thereis constant light, being the
Lord that's right Pouring intothat relationship, pouring into
that specific area of yourrelationship that you guys are
struggling with.
Make sure that you arenourishing it.
The way Kyle said, remove andstrip away any of the things
that do not give your particularrelationship the light and the
(26:42):
strength and the nourishmentthat it needs.
If there is something trying totake out, you know prune.
It's just like the Bible saidprune the things right.
When you prune things,sometimes you're pruning flowers
, sometimes you're pruningleaves and you're pruning stuff
because you want to make surethat all of that energy is
getting poured into the rightplace, the right path, and so
(27:04):
when you prune it all and you dothat, you have no idea what
kind of flowers will come out ofthat as a result.
You have no idea what kind offlowers your relationship can
bloom as a result that's great.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
We've hit a whole bunch of stuff in this episode.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
It's a heavy episode it was a heavy episode but we
want to bring it real.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
We want to bring it so that you guys have building
blocks, you guys have tangiblethings, yes, that that are going
to help you, that are going tohelp your relationship flower in
due season, right?
The only thing I you didn't sayis that it takes time.
Yeah, that flower didn't popout the next week.
Flower didn't pop out the nextmonth.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
It was like a solid six to eight months Seasons For
a plant guys Seasons.
Right A plant.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
And so you guys didn't get to a place where you
needed to reset or rebuild inone season.
It's going to take time.
It's going to take the time yougot to be extra patient.
I know I've seen you withplants that you're growing roots
on and it takes weeks just forthe littlest root to pop out of
that plant that you're trying to.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
And so it will be the same in your relationship.
It's not going to be a one daything.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
I'm going to go ahead and call it out right now.
It's going to take.
It might take longer than ayear.
It might take longer than twoyears.
A lot of people they use thatyear timeline and they're like,
well, it's been so long, it'sstill not working.
It might be longer.
Okay, Like, let's just put itout there it might be longer.
Are you willing to wait thatlong?
Is it worth it to wait thatlong?
Speaker 1 (28:38):
40 years in the desert man, God can do anything.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
God can do anything.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
That's right.
I think we're at a great spotto pray for our couples, pray
for our listeners.
Speaker 2 (28:47):
Yes, you just seem so on fire today.
I want you to pray for thecouples and get us out of here.
(29:08):
Okay, yes, amen, lord, we thankyou for giving us the flowers
of the earth, because they aredaily reminders of what it takes
to plant, to sow, to nourish,to have faith, to have patience
and to see your fruits come outof it.
Lord, we pray that, as we lookall around us and we see flowers
everywhere we go, that you willremind us to remain steadfast
and to remain faithful and toremain hopeful in the
(29:31):
relationships that are out theretoday.
We pray, father God, that youwill help people meet at the
ground zero that they're at,that they would be willing to
hold space for their feelings,for their fears, for their
vulnerabilities.
Lord, I pray that you wouldcome into that space and that
you would pull out any rottenroots that are trying to bring
this relationship down.
(29:51):
I pray that you would pull outany rotten roots that are trying
to bring this relationship down.
I pray that you would give themthe right environment that they
need to build each other up.
And, father God, I pray that indue season, in due season,
these relationships will reap aharvest, will reap a blooming
season of floral pleasures thatonly you can provide.
(30:15):
We lean on you, we trust in you, we hope in you and we pray
that you would bless all of thecouples who are listening and
watching this episode right now,that they would receive your
power and your glory all overtheir relationship.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
In Jesus's name Amen.
Amen, amen, thanks for beinghere.
We got another episode in thebooks.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
Yay.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Love sex.
Flowers and chocolate series.
Next week is chocolate.
Yes Come back for dessert.
Yes, we'll be here, we'll beready.
We personally, we're lookingforward to Selena's birthday.
Yes, this week, next week.
Oh, we personally were lookingforward to Selena's birthday
this week.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
Can't wait.
It's gonna be.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
Selena's birthday this week is gonna be so good.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
I can't wait.
Speaker 1 (31:00):
I hope that you love all your birthday presents.
I hope that you love yourbirthday cake.
I hope that your birthday Isjust a blast Beyond all things.
My birthday is actually meblooming Into A new era let's go
I'm, I'm ready we'll see younext time on the podcast bye,
bye, take care I tried to saybirthday like 75 times why.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
For fun, that's fun.
That's good man that was.
I didn't think that thisepisode would be that deep.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
Relationship reset, bro.
That's a big one, man.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
I know, I know, but still I just I had so many more
notes.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
This could be a class .
Yeah, relationship reset is agood.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
That would be a great workshop.
Yeah, that would be a greatworkshop to do.
And then I can make all thefloral graphics that is so good
okay, I see wheels turning it is.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
It was a good one.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
Obviously it was powerful man because we talked
about what it looks like and wetalked about why it gets there,
how you know how it gets there,but then you have to talk about
the practical of like, and wetalked about why it gets there,
how it gets there, but then youhave to talk about the practical
of how do we?
Speaker 1 (32:17):
How do we facilitate this?
How do we set the garden?
Speaker 2 (32:19):
How do we set the plants?
How do we nurture the flowers?
Speaker 1 (32:23):
So good man.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
Amen.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
Grateful to God.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
Be on the lookout for that.
Let's go.
Am I going to get lots ofchocolate for my birthday Am?
I going to get lots ofchocolate for my birthday.
No comment.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
I can't wait.
No, I got to go.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
I'm tired of you saying it first Kyle, I got
things to do.
No, you're not going to leaveme on this couch by myself.
You do this every week.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
Good day to you.
Love, sex, flowers and chocolate.
Yes, we've talked about love.
We've talked about sex.
We're here to talk aboutflowers.
Yay, I want to share how I feel, but every time I do, you tell
me why I'm wrong.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
I think a lot of couples unfortunately see
themselves as being cut anddelivered in a package that
looks great but deep down theyknow it's not going to last.
We're not perfect people.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
By any means.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
But by trusting in God we learned what it takes to
build a friendship.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
A relationship.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
And marriage that has stood the test of time.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
With a keeping it real style.
We're going to talk to youabout everything.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Everything.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
That we've been through.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Are going through.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
And have overcome All by learning how to lean on God
and each other.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
In order to help you learn how to love by faith.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Yo, it's so fun.
Happy podcast recording day.
Happy podcast recording day.
This week has been much betterflow, so crazy than the last one
.
Yes, we just tried.
I think we stuffed too much in,not our episode, but in our
life.
Yeah, we had too much going onthat first half of February.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
It's not like we planned it that way, like just
kids and weather and sicknessesjust kind of took over.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Right, it's the natural rhythm of things.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
You know, I know we like to chit chat a little bit
before we get into it.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
A little teeny bit.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
It's the perfect spot to lead into what we're talking
about today.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Welcome to the podcast.
We're in the february serieslove, sex, flowers and chocolate
.
Yes, we've talked about love.
Yes, we talked about sex.
Yes, we're here to talk aboutflowers yay, I love flowers it's
funny because I was thinkingabout this, talking about
flowers.
Yes, we're talking aboutrelationships and resetting our
relationship.
When our relationship is out ofwhack, we really want to see it
(02:07):
bloom so we can take a stepback, reset, get that soil right
get that ground right and getto a new level of growth.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
It's giving flowers to your spouse and it's planting
flowers for your relationship.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
That's right.
Maybe Valentine's Day wasawesome Everything went awesome
to your spouse and it's plantingflowers for your relationship
that's right.
Maybe valentine's day wasawesome, everything went awesome
, and you're like let's keepthis ball rolling.
Yes, we'll get into some ofthat today maybe valentine's day
kind of sucked and you burn thesteak it happens or you bought
her the flowers that reminder ofher old aunt who used to just
not like every cleveland brownsfan always says there's always.
(02:44):
Next year there's always nextyear there's always next year,
guys, oh my gosh.
So I want to talk to you aboutflowers okay, yeah more about
plants okay, selena's a bigplant.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
I love house plants everywhere, all over the place.
I try to sneak them in everychance I get they've invaded
every space of my house.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
I'm okay with it.
They're great for the air.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
They're great for for the beauty of the place to the
point where I'm like we needmore windows.
Bro, what are you going to doabout this problem that we have?
Speaker 1 (03:13):
we don't need less plants we need more windows.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Yes, okay.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
So I bring up that because, okay, what do flowers
need?
Speaker 2 (03:23):
oh, at the very least they need water.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Okay, sunlight right at the very least they're just
gonna sit on the shelf with.
And then you need a vase withwater, okay.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
They need a cup, okay I've grown plants out of pepsi
cans okay, you know they need alord they need a container to
dwell in right they need thewater, they need the light
that's it at the very least atthe very once you get into deep
growth and deep nourishment,then you go into the soil, you
go into fertilizer, you go intoum shading areas.
(03:59):
You know.
You go into the chemistry andthe ph balances of things,
acidity and perfect, perfect.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Can I keep leading you in this thought?
Okay yeah, have you ever had aplant that was just like a mess?
Oh yeah, what does that looklike?
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Okay, so my grandmother I got this trait
from my grandmother.
She had plants everywhere allthe time.
When she passed away, wedivided up the plants and
everybody got to take a plant.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
And so I took a plant , but it was very malnourished,
underwatered, it was verytangled up with a different
plant.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Yeah, didn't it have like five plants in one?
Speaker 2 (04:33):
container.
Yeah, so it must've been likeone of those funeral plants that
just has the.
I'm serious Like that's theonly time you get a bunch of
plants in one pot is probablyone of those funeral plants and
it was just tangled.
Some were growing, some weren't.
There was a lot of root rotwhich was overwatering.
It was just really, really badshape.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
So what was the first step?
The?
Speaker 2 (04:54):
very first step I did was I took it apart you took it
apart.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
You took it out of the dirt.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
I took it out of the plant, the pot, I separated the
plants, I cut off any dead limbsor weak roots.
So good, um, I cleaned off theroots and then you put it in a
new small if, depending on thesize of the root ball yeah you
put it in a you know a potthat's half an inch bigger than
(05:20):
the root ball I hope all of yousee where I'm going with this,
because this is really perfectfor resetting our relationship.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
I'm interested in seeing where you're going with
this.
I have an office space in myhouse.
My office is in the basement.
I love my office, but I don'tlove everything about my office.
I am not the most organizedperson.
I am definitely a just put itdown when I'm done with it, not
a put it back kind of person.
(05:46):
Yes, and so it leads to thischaos, send prayers, environment
in my office yes, and itbothers me.
I don't like it, okay, I don'tlike the habit, but it just it
organically happens, right, okay, because I don't do anything to
stop it.
I don't do anything to stop it.
I don't do anything to fix it.
I don't do anything to preventit.
When I catch I don't catchmyself doing it Okay, and after
(06:07):
three months of it being cleanedup, it's right back to where it
started.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
And so so much of this is like like a relationship
, right?
Okay, I'm sorry, my hands aregoing everywhere today, it's
okay.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
I don't know what's going on for it in a
relationship.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Okay when they get to the point where they're
overwhelmed with the mess.
That is their relationshipcurrently.
Yes, right, what's their firststep?
Like we talked about, yourfirst step with the plant was
just to break it apart, figureout what's going on.
What's the first step acouple's gonna do when they're
feeling like this is out of syncand they gotta get like a bad
step or like what's the rightstep what is the first
correction step that a couplecan take to get their
relationship right?
talk, talk, talk.
Communication, yeah, okay, allright, selena, we're going to
(06:47):
role play.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Okay, I love role playing.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
We got a messed up relationship.
Okay, right, we need to talk.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Yes, can we talk.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Okay, Selena.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
I need to talk to you about our relationship.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Oh jeez, what now you ?
Speaker 1 (07:02):
about our relationship.
Oh geez, what now?
This is really.
This really sucks lately.
Tell me about it.
See, I come home, I bring upsomething important and you just
rolled your eyes.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
I'm just I'm very upset you already.
We should have had this talkmonths ago so how do we reset
this?
You tell me, because I've beentelling you for months and you
haven't picked up on what I wasputting down time out of the
role play here.
I'm really good at role play?
Speaker 1 (07:25):
no, you're not.
You're not playing along at all.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Oh, I didn't know you're supposed to be the coach
here.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Oh my bad okay what are we supposed to do with this,
with this beat downrelationship?
Speaker 2 (07:37):
that's not how you start it.
I wouldn't start it that wayokay, so we're talking about
communication.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
How do you break the ice of that communication that
we need to reset and repot?
Let me talk about the role play.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
That just happened.
So you came at me and juststraight up.
Here's the problem.
How are we going to fix it?
Okay, as a real man approachhere my head, like I've been
hinting and dropping that weneeded to fix it for a very long
time.
That's not a good way toapproach it, because we're both
saying, hey, there's a problem.
(08:09):
We need to fix it.
Hey, there's a problem, we needto fix it.
I think the best way to start aconversation like that, where
you know there's an issue andyou're trying to resolve that
issue, is you have to be veryopen about, you have to be
vulnerable, you have to be veryopen about how you're feeling
regarding this situation.
So if you were to have come atme and you were to have said
instead Slana, I know thatthings aren't well between us
(08:38):
and every time I think about it,it just really makes me upset,
it really hurts, because I knowthat there's something between
us that can solve this, andwhether you've been trying to
come at me to fix it, or whetherI've been trying to do it at
the wrong times, or I've triedand you didn't receive it, I
(08:58):
love you too much to just letthis fall to the wayside.
I know that there are thingsthat I've done and there are
things that I've said and I'mnot proud of it, and I do know
now that enough is enough and Iwant to try to do something to
make this work, by all means.
I know where you're at andyou're very angry, or you're
(09:20):
upset, or you're afraid, oryou're offended.
And if talking to me is not theright way to go about this
right now, then why don't westart with prayer and why don't
we invite God into thisconversation?
Because I am just at my endsand I feel like we can do better
(09:41):
.
I feel like this is not worth it.
I feel like my heart is reallyheavy on this and I don't want
to feel this.
I don't want to carry thisweight anymore.
I feel like you see what I'msaying.
So when you start bringing inyour feelings, instead of just
prepare man, let's go and fixthe problem.
Let's get to a place of groundzero and ground zero is
(10:05):
vulnerable, but ground zero istransparent.
And when I meet you at adisaster site, that's where we
are.
But if you're only you know,here's the blueprint let's start
building without even checkingout what ground zero looks like
or feels like, or come into anagreement that we're ready to
build together.
Then you're going to constantlybe at a distance, at a
(10:27):
separation, because it's likeyou still don't hear me, you
still don't feel me, you stilldon't acknowledge what's
happening here.
You're only trying to make itgo away so that you can feel
better.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
It's like taking that mess of a plant and just keep
watering it.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
You're just like adding more dirt to the top of
the plant, knowing there's rootrot.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Yeah, All right, that's great.
So we get in with thecommunication.
Yeah, we're taking inventory ofwhere we're at.
Yes, right, you used a lot of Ifeel statements.
Yes, that's so huge is justmaking it about your feelings?
Because, guys never talk abouttheir feelings.
We hold back on sharing ourfeelings or shut down that
(11:09):
should probably be included inthe conversation yes, I want to
share how I feel, but every timeI do, you tell me why I'm wrong
, right, and so this is a greatplace to have five good minutes
of.
She's got a five minute timereverything she needs to say.
He's got a five minute timereverything he wants to say.
Right, to get this reset going.
And then, even ahead of this,they each have have a homework
(11:32):
of what they feel is wrong, likea list what what's what's going
wrong, and then another sectionthat says what's going right
and then another section thatsays what I'm willing to do to
fix it that's a lot of homeworkI know, but it's.
It's a great handout for theplaybook oh, okay but doing
those, taking that inventory,yeah, is a huge first step to
(11:55):
like yeah it a it gets rid ofthe root rot right.
B it it's accountability andownership yeah of, hey, I did
this wrong, right.
And then c its vision for whatit looks like together.
Yes, as a couple.
Yes, and you can, you take,take steps forward.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
I I like what you said before.
This part is that we need to,as couples, we need to practice
and embrace having space forfeelings.
Yeah you know, repair mode orgo into what can be done better
(12:34):
next time mode, but, like, let'sjust create the space and hold
space for how you do feel, youknow, as a husband, without me
commenting or correcting ordefending my reason for why your
emotions are invalid in my eyes.
You know we need to practice.
Everyone does us included.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Us included.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
I feel like we need to just practice holding that
space and just allowing you tofeel that in a safe space where
you're not going to be judgedand you're not going to be
corrected, so that once we feelthat and we do feel validated in
what our because feelings arefeelings there's no right or
wrong feeling.
What you feel is what it is.
There's no yes or no to that.
There's no right or wrongfeeling.
What you feel is what it is.
(13:13):
There's no yes or no to that.
There's no right or wrong.
So to have that space, I thinkcreates a better place of
acceptance, to then have thatmotivation to move forward and
then we can do what you'resaying.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Love it.
That is awesome, awesome stuffto work full circle there
awesome stuff.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Yeah to, to work full circle there so we just went
through a whole analogy ofrepotting plants.
Okay, because this the the plantlooked bad.
It probably smelled bad.
When you took it out of the pot, you noticed that the roots
were rotten, and those are allreally great references to a
relationship that needs a majorreset.
Right, like that was your point, yeah, was.
We are trying to use thisanalogy to say, like, sometimes
(14:00):
your relationship looks bad onthe surface and sometimes there
are dying roots underneath thesurface that we need to look at
and take apart, and sometimesyou need to put your
relationship into a completelydifferent new environment, that
being the new pot.
You know, sometimes you need tonourish it a little more, that
being the soil and no matterwhat it needs.
(14:21):
The water and the sunlight tome would represent God's light
and God's living.
You know, like there's, there'sways to do that, but when I
think about flowers, okay.
Flowers can be in one or twoplaces.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Flowers can be in a garden where you're growing and
nourishing much like the potanalogy.
But then sometimes flowers getcut and given.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Okay, yeah, and so what ends up happening with
flowers that are cut and givenis they tend to die?
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Okay, even though you put them in water.
Even though you put them inwater, even though you put them
in water.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
You give them the light, you give them a little
packet of food.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
So I think there are a lot of couples out there who
do not see themselves as flowersthat are in a garden.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
I think a lot of couples unfortunately see
themselves as being cut anddelivered in a package that
looks great but deep down theyknow it's not going to last.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Wow, wow Okay.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
So for couples who need a reset completely, yeah.
Because I think as long as youare rooting your relationship in
Christ, you will always beabiding, you will always be a
part of his vine, you willalways be a part of the garden.
I don't necessarily think thatyou would be cut and therefore
passed off.
(15:44):
And there are couples whorealize it's not working for
them and then they peacefullypart ways working for them and
then they, peacefully, you know,part ways.
But what can we tell coupleswho feel like they have no root
system because they were pluckedand now they see themselves
going the opposite way?
Speaker 1 (16:05):
so they're just growing apart growing apart,
dying apart, yes, yeah, I thinkit goes back to just.
I think it goes back torekindling that fire, going back
to the basics the abcs of it goon a date talk what are the
abcs?
I mean like in the the basics,very basic, very basics.
(16:27):
I don't have a, an acronym oranything yeah but just the
basics of an acronym or anything.
Yeah, but just the basics oftalk.
Go for a walk, like call her onthe phone on your ride as like
talking to guys here yeah, holdher hand somewhere, you know,
yeah.
And to the girls, if, if you'renot about holding hands, like,
(16:48):
go out of your comfort zone alittle, just a hair, just a hair
, yeah, you know.
Yeah, find a show that you guyslike, right, find a show to, as
I know there's time, and thenblah, blah, blah.
Quit making excuses, yeah, toput some time in together, right
.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
You guys are both here.
Just because you're worriedabout it not working doesn't
mean that that's going to cometo happen.
God has a plan and a purposefor your marriage, for your
relationship.
He brought you guys togetherfor a reason.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
Amen.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
Right yeah, and though it may feel far off, the
more you put into those time,communication, energy, finding a
hobby to share, finding a, likeI said, just go for walks.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
That's such a easy thing to get 10 minutes of back
and forth it reminds me of andI'm dating myself here because
some people like it, some peopledon't.
We love it.
It reminds me of the broadwaymusical hamilton okay okay, yeah
, where?
Um, for those of you guys whodon't know about Hamilton, his
(17:52):
son died.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Spoiler alert.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
And well, they should see it.
By now, his son passed and hejust cheated on his wife.
His wife was done completely.
Don't talk to me.
I'm removing myself from yournarrative.
You cannot write about meanymore.
I'm burning everything you everhad written about me.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Like it's, we're done .
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Yeah, but they started going on walks.
Yeah, he started walking byhimself and then she started
joining him and they would nottalk because they were both
depressed about the sundaythey're both depressed and it
was just the way that their lifewas turning into.
You know they were.
They thought they were at thispinnacle and they fell.
Far yeah and hard, and so shestarted going on these walks
with him.
Didn't talk to him.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Didn't bring up the situation, but they walked, they
walked and, slowly but surely,walking and being present with
each other, yeah, started tosoften the heart.
I think it was just like you'resaying, just that commitment to
(18:59):
I'm going to walk by your side.
I'm not going to talk to youyet, I'm not going to share with
you yet, I'm not going toinvite you into myself yet, but
I'm committed enough to walk byyour side and to see where it
goes let's go, I'll walk my no,that was just such a such a
(19:24):
great way to.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
I just felt so encouraged and so connected to
you when you were saying thatwow I could feel the love in
your voice and that commitmentto just do something is huge.
It goes back to the.
We want the best for thisrelationship no matter where
it's at, no matter our worst day, no matter what long-term.
I want to work together to makethis work.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
I really feel in my heart right now that there are
Christian couples out there whofeel sincerely like there is no
other way but to leave thisthing.
There is no other way but tosplit.
The Bible teaches us that thereare reasons why a divorce would
(20:09):
be acceptable.
There's assault why a divorcewould be acceptable.
There's assault, there's idols,there's adultery and then
idolatry.
If you're putting things beforeyour marriage or if you're
making them turn away from God,then there's grounds for that.
But for everything else, Ibelieve that there is a way to
(20:33):
get back to a better foundation.
There is a way to get back toChrist healing it.
God is bigger than the problem.
God is bigger than the issueand we have to walk in that
faith, knowing that he could dothe impossible.
That's right.
And even if the impossiblelooks like your marriage
(20:55):
situation, he can still turnthose flowers into a blooming
season.
That's right.
He can still sprout them out and, you know, go from there.
I know you see.
You see, there are flowerpatches, there are.
You know, a flower can grow outof anywhere, Okay, yep, it can
grow out of anywhere.
Okay, it can grow out of themiddle of a crack, it can grow
(21:16):
out of a sidewalk.
It can grow out of any kind ofdry dirt, Even in the desert.
The flowers will grow on thecactus if the Lord allows it and
makes it so.
So the flowers that you cangive doesn't necessarily have to
be the end all be all.
I think it's just do you havethe faith?
(21:39):
Do you believe, like, do youwant it?
You know, because a lot of thetimes they're just like I don't
want this, I'm out.
You know, are you putting yourwants ahead of what you can do
to fix things?
And have faith that God can fixthings?
Because I believe that God willbring people together for a
greater good.
There's a reason why God bringsthis man and this woman
together for a greater purpose.
(22:02):
There's something that's goingto come out of them being one
versus them being twoindividuals, and so if you try
to remove that, if you try tosever that union because you
just don't want it anymore,because it's just too hard
anymore, then you really got todo a heart check and ask
yourself am I doing this for myown will or am I doing this
(22:24):
because God is calling me tothis?
Am I being obedient and havingfaith that we can make this work
for God's glory, or am Ichoosing to have my own way and
I'm going to take matters intomy own hands?
Where does that stand?
And again I said before, ifthere's an abuse or if there's
an assault, or if there'ssomething that is putting you in
(22:47):
danger and you have to leave,by all means, please do what you
need to do to keep yourselfsafe and to keep yourself
focused on God.
But for everything else, allthose little tit for tats, all
those little inconsistencies,all those little frustrations,
all of those things for a manand a woman, you got to look at
(23:10):
this from a God's point of view.
What is God trying to do withinboth of you and what is the
enemy fighting really hard to doto rip you apart?
Speaker 1 (23:19):
Yeah, I couldn't have said it better myself.
Selena, you're asking so manygood questions there that I just
it's just the perfect.
It's just the perfect way totake inventory on it.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
It's just.
God created marriage in theGarden of Eden.
Of course it's supposed tobloom, of course it's supposed
to recreate, of course it'smeant to be in a garden and we
have to be mindful of God's plan.
And it doesn't always look easyand it's not always roses and
(23:51):
rainbows, but there's somethingthere and we have to trust in it
as husband and wife when wewere at our lowest point and I
went in middle early 2020 yeahand we were struggling and not
really I wouldn't say we didn'tlike each other, but we were
(24:12):
just frustrated and just to thepoint where it was just
everything was just a.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
I wouldn't say we didn't like each other, but we
were just frustrated and just tothe point where everything was
just a job, everything was justwork.
We were able to just pause.
We paused ministry, we pausedfriendships, we paused our
hobbies.
Yeah, social media.
(24:34):
We just looked at each other.
Yeah, we removed all of thedistractions, put that time into
each other, and that was whatit took for us to reset this
relationship and to get thisthing right.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
Amen.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
And that's I encourage you guys.
All that is what I would tellany guy is strip away all the
frilly stuff.
Strip it away.
Get down to the roots.
Yeah, Get down to thefoundation.
Build back good habits, goodsoil, and make it work.
You want it to work, you canmake it work.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
So to kind of go back to your analogy of the plant,
yeah.
After I separated that plant andwe took care of the roots and I
potted it and I gave it thebest light of the house that the
house could offer, this plantstarted to take off.
Let's go.
These leaves were flourishingand then, out of nowhere, the
lilies started blooming out ofthis plant Three, four at a time
(25:35):
per stalk, and to this day itis my biggest plant.
I never seen the plant so big.
When I was going to mygrandmother's house my whole
childhood I never knew this iswhat she had.
She probably never knew this iswhat she had because it wasn't
given the right amount of careand treatment that it could have
(25:57):
had and the flowers came out ofa plant you know, and it was.
It was a.
It was a surprising thing,because I was never expecting to
see flowers come out of thisplant, you know.
And so wherever you guys are inyour relationship, wherever you
guys are struggling with, justfocus on the nourishment.
(26:18):
Focus on making sure that thereis constant light, being the
Lord that's right Pouring intothat relationship, pouring into
that specific area of yourrelationship that you guys are
struggling with.
Make sure that you arenourishing it.
The way Kyle said, remove andstrip away any of the things
that do not give your particularrelationship the light and the
(26:42):
strength and the nourishmentthat it needs.
If there is something trying totake out, you know prune.
It's just like the Bible saidprune the things right.
When you prune things,sometimes you're pruning flowers
, sometimes you're pruningleaves and you're pruning stuff
because you want to make surethat all of that energy is
getting poured into the rightplace, the right path, and so
(27:04):
when you prune it all and you dothat, you have no idea what
kind of flowers will come out ofthat as a result.
You have no idea what kind offlowers your relationship can
bloom as a result that's great.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
We've hit a whole bunch of stuff in this episode.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
It's a heavy episode it was a heavy episode but we
want to bring it real.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
We want to bring it so that you guys have building
blocks, you guys have tangiblethings, yes, that that are going
to help you, that are going tohelp your relationship flower in
due season, right?
The only thing I you didn't sayis that it takes time.
Yeah, that flower didn't popout the next week.
Flower didn't pop out the nextmonth.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
It was like a solid six to eight months Seasons For
a plant guys Seasons.
Right A plant.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
And so you guys didn't get to a place where you
needed to reset or rebuild inone season.
It's going to take time.
It's going to take the time yougot to be extra patient.
I know I've seen you withplants that you're growing roots
on and it takes weeks just forthe littlest root to pop out of
that plant that you're trying to.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
And so it will be the same in your relationship.
It's not going to be a one daything.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
I'm going to go ahead and call it out right now.
It's going to take.
It might take longer than ayear.
It might take longer than twoyears.
A lot of people they use thatyear timeline and they're like,
well, it's been so long, it'sstill not working.
It might be longer.
Okay, Like, let's just put itout there it might be longer.
Are you willing to wait thatlong?
Is it worth it to wait thatlong?
Speaker 1 (28:38):
40 years in the desert man, God can do anything.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
God can do anything.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
That's right.
I think we're at a great spotto pray for our couples, pray
for our listeners.
Speaker 2 (28:47):
Yes, you just seem so on fire today.
I want you to pray for thecouples and get us out of here.
(29:08):
Okay, yes, amen, lord, we thankyou for giving us the flowers
of the earth, because they aredaily reminders of what it takes
to plant, to sow, to nourish,to have faith, to have patience
and to see your fruits come outof it.
Lord, we pray that, as we lookall around us and we see flowers
everywhere we go, that you willremind us to remain steadfast
and to remain faithful and toremain hopeful in the
(29:31):
relationships that are out theretoday.
We pray, father God, that youwill help people meet at the
ground zero that they're at,that they would be willing to
hold space for their feelings,for their fears, for their
vulnerabilities.
Lord, I pray that you wouldcome into that space and that
you would pull out any rottenroots that are trying to bring
this relationship down.
(29:51):
I pray that you would pull outany rotten roots that are trying
to bring this relationship down.
I pray that you would give themthe right environment that they
need to build each other up.
And, father God, I pray that indue season, in due season,
these relationships will reap aharvest, will reap a blooming
season of floral pleasures thatonly you can provide.
(30:15):
We lean on you, we trust in you, we hope in you and we pray
that you would bless all of thecouples who are listening and
watching this episode right now,that they would receive your
power and your glory all overtheir relationship.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
In Jesus's name Amen.
Amen, amen, thanks for beinghere.
We got another episode in thebooks.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
Yay.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Love sex.
Flowers and chocolate series.
Next week is chocolate.
Yes Come back for dessert.
Yes, we'll be here, we'll beready.
We personally, we're lookingforward to Selena's birthday.
Yes, this week, next week.
Oh, we personally were lookingforward to Selena's birthday
this week.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
Can't wait.
It's gonna be.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
Selena's birthday this week is gonna be so good.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
I can't wait.
Speaker 1 (31:00):
I hope that you love all your birthday presents.
I hope that you love yourbirthday cake.
I hope that your birthday Isjust a blast Beyond all things.
My birthday is actually meblooming Into A new era let's go
I'm, I'm ready we'll see younext time on the podcast bye,
bye, take care I tried to saybirthday like 75 times why.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
For fun, that's fun.
That's good man that was.
I didn't think that thisepisode would be that deep.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
Relationship reset, bro.
That's a big one, man.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
I know, I know, but still I just I had so many more
notes.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
This could be a class .
Yeah, relationship reset is agood.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
That would be a great workshop.
Yeah, that would be a greatworkshop to do.
And then I can make all thefloral graphics that is so good
okay, I see wheels turning it is.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
It was a good one.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
Obviously it was powerful man because we talked
about what it looks like and wetalked about why it gets there,
how you know how it gets there,but then you have to talk about
the practical of like, and wetalked about why it gets there,
how it gets there, but then youhave to talk about the practical
of how do we?
Speaker 1 (32:17):
How do we facilitate this?
How do we set the garden?
Speaker 2 (32:19):
How do we set the plants?
How do we nurture the flowers?
Speaker 1 (32:23):
So good man.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
Amen.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
Grateful to God.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
Be on the lookout for that.
Let's go.
Am I going to get lots ofchocolate for my birthday Am?
I going to get lots ofchocolate for my birthday.
No comment.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
I can't wait.
No, I got to go.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
I'm tired of you saying it first Kyle, I got
things to do.
No, you're not going to leaveme on this couch by myself.
You do this every week.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
Good day to you.
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