This episode focuses on the unexpected damages of over-criticizing your partner!
Our words can either build up or tear down our partners, and constant criticism can transform from constructive feedback into relationship poison that leaves lasting damage on both people and their marriage.
• The issue isn't always about the specific complaint (like dishwashers or comforters) but what they represent—feeling disrespected or undervalued
• Criticism often stems from our own insecurities and desire for control when we feel other areas of life are chaotic
• Repeated criticism creates a fight-or-flight response where partners either withdraw emotionally or respond with hostility
• The person being criticized begins questioning their worth with thoughts like "Why did they even choose me?"
• Identifying the root cause of criticism helps address the real issue instead of attacking surface behaviors
• Prayer provides perspective and helps couples remember who the real enemy is (hint: it's not your spouse)
• Breaking cycles of criticism requires daily intentional effort—your edges will get sanded down and your heart will become tender
If you're struggling with criticism in your relationship, reach out to us. This is a daily battle that won't change overnight, but with God's help and consistent effort, you can work through it together.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Over-criticizing your partner.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Well, now it's just personal, because I already told
you about this.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
I know that you've been criticizing me a lot.
What's going on?
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Why is he even married to me?
Why did they even choose me?
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Where is the line where it goes from healthy to
over-criticizing?
Speaker 2 (00:15):
We're not perfect people.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
By any means.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
But by trusting in God we learn what it takes to
build a friendship.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
A relationship.
And marriage that has stood thetest of time With a Keeping it
Real style.
We're going to talk to youabout everything everything that
we've been through are goingthrough and have overcome all by
learning how to lean on God andeach other in order to help you
learn how to love by faith.
(00:43):
Happy spring, Selena.
We are in the spring cleaning.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
We're in spring, Well not yet.
It's planned.
It's on the calendar no, it'shere.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Got the birdhouses up , had a couple of shorts days.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
So nice, we finally get those.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
It's still pretty cold.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
It is, it does, it goes.
You know it's in that midlifecrisis part of the year.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Fake spring.
It's in fake spring mode, Right, right right man.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
the kids are all like can I?
Wear shorts today.
Can I wear shorts today?
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Yeah, shorts, crocs, it's Crocs season.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Right, we do let our kids wear Crocs.
I know that's kind ofcontroversial.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
This generation uses Crocs season for every season,
so I don't know what to sayabout that.
It's all right, Dude.
I remember when Crocs came outit was like when I was in
college and nobody wore them soI got my first first, I got my
first pair of crocs from thegrocery store they had them.
(01:53):
They weren't crocs, they werecrooks.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
No, they were totally crocs.
They were no, they were justlike trying to get their brand
okay established.
So crazy and they had, likethey had cleveland indians ones
and I was like these are sweet.
Yeah, they're better than opentoe sandals.
You don't have them anymore.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
No, I had a, they were, I mean, like you said it
was 20 years ago yeah, that'scrazy, that is crazy we should
change the subject now, but yeah, that was my first pair of
crocs, my first pair of crocs, Ithink was in 20 2006 yeah yeah
20.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Wow, dude, I know, I know well, we're part of that,
we're part of that generation.
Now, man, he's got to own itmary jane's.
I had some mary jane crocsthat's sweet I wore those things
everywhere yeah, I just sawthose new ones called the echoes
.
They look like regular shoes.
Those aren't those are notcrocs.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
They look, cozy man it's like saying is a hot dog a
sandwich, it's not a croc ifit's covered.
In my opinion, if it has lacesand it's covered, it's not a
croc it's a shoe, so is a hotdog, a taco so we're here in
spring and, uh, tell the peoplewhat the series is you know I
(03:06):
totally forgot you mentionedearly, in the very beginning of
this conversation, you mentionedspring cleaning yeah I thought
you were talking about literalme having to do the deep
cleaning that I do every sixmonths.
You were referring to today'sseries Spring Cleaning.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
Spring Cleaning.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Which is what we are in this month, guys, and what
does Spring Cleaning mean?
We are taking our idea book,we're taking our notes that we
have had planned, and there aresome things that just doesn't
fit in our type A series fashion, and so we just decided to
throw a bunch of topics togetherto spring clean out this book.
So this is it and today's topicI'm a little, I'm a little
(03:53):
nervous about yeah I'm a littlenervous about today's topic
because I feel like, uh, this isa topic that I struggle with,
even even to this day.
Like I, I, I work my hardest onthis topic selena's
vulnerability is coming outtoday comes out all the time.
When is kyle gonna getvulnerable?
(04:15):
I'm an open book yo I'm an openbook you are.
Thank you for yourvulnerability, but, uh, today's
topic is a little hard for meand and it might be a little
hard for you, which is why weare choosing to talk about it.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Yeah, man, I think when I get into the idea of this
topic, I tend to think about itthrough the lens of how would I
feel if this was coming at me?
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Right, how would I feel if someone was, if it just
kept pestering and pestering andpestering Without further ado?
This week we are talking aboutover-criticizing your partner.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
Over-criticizing your partner.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
And the fallout from that and how to handle that.
And so I tend to think like myapproach with you is usually
wait to check myself.
Is this a me problem first?
All right, she's making thisgoofy sound.
I'm just making up an example.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
What is the example you're talking about?
Speaker 1 (05:15):
Let me think of one from real life.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Real life example.
Guys, here we go.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Real heavy marriage topic.
Here's the bus.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
I'm about to get pushed under.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Let's go Loading the pushed under let's go loading
the dishwasher.
Okay, loading the dishwasher,okay, that's.
I go to it and I see all thisstuff and I'm like there is so
much more space available inthis dishwasher.
Like how does she not just putit all?
Speaker 2 (05:39):
then you do it.
No, okay, I'm sorry, that's whywe're here and so the I stopped
myself before.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
I'm like selena, come here, what are you doing with
this?
Why is this like this?
What's going on?
Because I don't want to get hit.
No, I'm kidding, she doesn'thit me I don't listen.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
I will never hurt my husband I will never murder my
husband, right, I will never uh,have to say this, okay, but
some people might be likethey're gonna take this and try
to cancel me in 20 years okay,when crocs are still good, okay.
When crocs are better, they'regonna try to cancel selena.
So I would never physicallyharm my husband unintentionally.
(06:19):
Emotionally harm that issomething I'm working on because
I would never want to harm him.
But we all have baggage.
When Kyle found me as a poorpup, I was very rigid around the
edges and we have been sandingthose down with the Holy Spirit
ever since.
Continue.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
Man.
So when it comes toover-criticizing, I go right
into thinking is this a meproblem, or is this a her
problem, or is this an usproblem?
Speaker 2 (06:44):
Okay, wow, you come up with that in your initial
thought, thinking is this a meproblem, or is this a her
problem, or is this an usproblem?
Okay, wow, that's.
You come up with that in yourinitial thought yeah, yeah, like
wait a second wow, before Istart talking.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Thank you.
What's going on here?
Speaker 2 (06:54):
man.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
I married a good one right, thanks huh so, and so I'm
like wait a second, just fix itright.
This is something that is nother problem.
She just put the stuff in thedishwasher, like she did a huge
help to us by putting the stuffin the dishwasher, all this when
, when, when this first happenedin our marriage and I was like,
wow, she has no clue how toload a dishwasher in my head I
(07:18):
never had a dishwasher, meeither, but in my head I thought
that and I'm like this type alady doesn't know how to get all
the stuff to fit no, I'mterrible at.
I'm terrible at approximationsand so I didn't like I didn't
didn't dump it on you, right?
okay, I didn't dump it on you,so, so this is one of those
things where I waited for you tobe like to ask me about it.
(07:40):
Or I just can't fix it, but Ijust fix it but you do I fix it,
but you okay I fix it.
This is a very beautiful.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
I reorganized your painting for the people, tell me
about it.
Okay, you do criticize me aboutputting the dishwasher out.
You like you.
It's almost condescending theway you do it, because you're
like you see this here, itshould go here.
You see this, it should go here.
And then you feed me words.
You're like say, okay, husband,and I'm like, okay, husband,
(08:11):
and you're like, okay, thanks,husband, for helping me with the
dishwasher.
And I'm like, thanks, husband,for helping me with the
dishwasher, I don't leave no, noway.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
So here's what I feel it may me being defensive I
feel like I don't bring up thistopic to you that while I'm
reorganizing, you come to me andyou get defensive and you're
like what's wrong with thedishwasher, why are you
reorganizing it?
And I'm like, and then I haveto explain it to you, and then
that's when I'm like she's notsaying any words to me.
(08:42):
She gave me the cold shoulder,so I got to encourage her to say
something.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
It's because if you go back a couple episodes, I
said at one point if I havenothing nice to say, I say
nothing.
It was one of those moments.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
So that's when I feed you the nice things to say, so
that you can remember.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
I think it's very.
We could go back and bickerabout a dishwasher back and
forth this entire episode.
It go back and bicker about adishwasher, back and forth this
entire episode.
But I think it's very evidentto say that even somebody of
kyle's stature, who is trying toprocess this on his own before
communicating his needs, thereis still a margin of error where
(09:21):
you do criticize.
Oh, yeah and you do bring it tomy attention and you do it in
such a way where I feel like fthis dishwasher, f this guy,
like all y'all could just havedirty dishes in the sink and you
can do it by hand from now on,like, remember where you came
from, like and just do one ofthose.
But I don't do that.
Obviously I'm still working onmyself and I respect my husband
(09:42):
and we're trying to, but in myhead, yeah, I'm like you could
do them dishes yourself, likeyou could figure that out.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
But I have no problem .
You make such delicious food.
I have no problem if you leavethat sink full of dishes that
would be in that washer beforethe end of the day you brought
up, you know, just a littletidbit of something right, and
if the something continues to berepeated, right if it turns
into this pattern, if it turnsinto this habit and it is
something that, like, reallygets to you under your skin,
(10:12):
then I feel like people start tocriticize and they start off
kyle's way.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
They start off.
I'm really trying to help here.
I really love person.
I don't know if this is like.
I don't even know if they knowthat this is a thing.
You start off really nice, butthen over time, if I continue to
load the dishwasher wrong, nowyou go from the Kyle spectrum to
the Selena spectrum and now I'mlike, well, now it's just
(10:39):
personal, because I already toldyou about this and I think
that's where me personally, myover criticism bug, starts to
itch.
Is I tell you things nicely?
okay, yeah and they don't getdone.
Okay, okay, and it could be foranything it could be.
(10:59):
Maybe you forgot, maybe youjust don't see it there, maybe
you don't think it's importantenough for you to handle in that
moment where, for me, the valueis a little higher.
And so I'm pressing on you todo this thing.
And it gets to the point whereI am starting to take it
personal and I'm just like whyare you not getting this thing
(11:21):
done?
Why are you doing it that way?
Why does it have to be this way?
And so I start to take itpersonal, and then my emotions
start to mix into this thingthat I want done.
And now I'm almost on thisattack mode because I'm like you
did it again.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Now it's not just the dishwasher, it's the clothes,
it's all the things.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
It's the clothes, it's the, it's all the things?
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Why are you chewing like that?
It's why are you putting onyour right shoe first instead of
your left?
Speaker 2 (11:51):
You got to be very careful with a fence, because a
fence can spread like wild, wild, wild fire.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Okay, and it will get to that where everything is
becoming annoying and everythingis becoming about you and
everything is just like anattack.
And then, once you're in thatkind of sense in your marriage,
it's like fight or flight.
So now you're either going toleave it alone and like, build
(12:19):
all this energy and keep itinside yourself until one day
you just blow up and you're likewhere did this all come from?
Or you're going to fight backand then you're going to be rude
or disrespectful or petty orcondescending or unloving to
your person.
It could get very bad veryquick.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Let me ask you this, because while you're talking,
I'm thinking about quick.
Let me ask you, uh, this,because while you're talking,
I'm thinking about where is theline where it goes from healthy
to over criticize, from healthycall a constructive discussion
to over criticize?
Speaker 2 (12:55):
it's so hard to determine the again.
This is something I'm workingthrough but you not only have a
repeated offense.
Okay, let's, let's call it that, for right now we're going to
label this kind of criticismrepeated offense okay, okay, but
then you have the other side ofcriticism okay where the person
themselves, the individualperson themselves, feels like
(13:20):
they have to criticize becausethey have to have some sense of
control over a situation.
Yeah, and these people you couldcall it the over control or out
of control situation becausethey feel like they don't have a
firm grasp of control in theirlife, in whatever, in parenting,
(13:42):
in marriage, in how they'representing themselves to the
rest of the world, in finances,right, like they feel like they
don't have a sense of controland so, therefore, they're
trying to grasp control by anymeans necessary.
Therefore, that carpet's notvacuumed right, those dishes
aren't put away right, thatbed's not made right, that
(14:03):
laundry shouldn't be there, youhave to pick this up.
You have to do this.
Why are you dressed like that?
Why are you?
Those dishes aren't put awayright, that bed's not made right
, that laundry shouldn't bethere, you have to pick this up.
You have to do this.
Why are you dressed like that?
Why are you slouching?
It's all because they're tryingto control the narrative and
they can't Not slouching.
You're great, you're great,you're great.
They're trying to control thenarrative and they can't.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
OK.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
And so it's desperately reaching for other
things.
And so, to answer your question, like, where does the line go?
I mean it depends.
Is it an external thing or aninternal thing, because the line
could be different for both.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
It comes back to what's at stake here.
What's at stake?
What am I planting this flagfor?
Right Like, if you think aboutcriticisms.
I used used to be a painterright at paint houses and every
once in a while we'd have ahomeowner we were working for
and they would bust out the bluetape and they would just blue
tape the mess out of the wholejob they would do it yeah, yeah,
(14:58):
like out of control, so thatthis is what's wrong.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
This is what's wrong.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
This is what's wrong and there they were at wrong and
there they were.
And sometimes they were likeglaring, obvious, like yeah,
there's a scuff there, we candefinitely fix that.
And sometimes it was likethat's just a shadow, bro.
We're like there's nothingwe're going to do here.
And so think about yourcriticisms, as planting your
flag or planting your blue tape,and ask yourself is this blue
(15:24):
tape really need to be here?
Do I really need to call herout on this right, or is this
just the me thing?
Speaker 2 (15:31):
is it?
Speaker 1 (15:31):
I just need to give her space to grow through.
I just need to trust it and letthe process happen like I just
got this awesome.
You got this flowery shirt onright and you accidentally
slipped and said wildflowersinstead of wildfire.
Okay, and think about it aslike are you going to criticize
a flower for not budding fastenough?
Are you going to criticize thisflower for not blooming on the
(15:53):
day you wanted it to bloom?
Speaker 2 (15:55):
No.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
It's going to bloom when it's ready.
Yeah, and even you've seen.
I know you've seen in mebecause you've told me that in
previous seasons you wouldn'thave done this, kyle.
And now you're there.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
And so when you see your partner course correct
instantly, it's an awesome place, right, yeah?
Or even over seasons notinstantly, but over seasons,
it's the patience to see itthrough and to let them
criticize themselves becausewe're already hard enough on
ourselves and figure out how tobe better at it, right?
(16:26):
And so seeing the line is,you're right, it's a huge
challenge, but seeing it cantake us to a place where we are
able to have the, the patiencelike god and, uh, you're making
a face I'm I'm trying reallyhard not to make a face you made
it, it's okay, okay.
(16:46):
So you had, like this, thisscrunch.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
I really, I really I really mustered all of the
energy to relax my muscles whileyou were talking.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
So what's going on in there, Selena?
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Kyle.
You make it sound so poetic,bro.
You make it sound like justgive them patience, let them
live their life, the Lord willwork through them.
But there have been seasons,bro, where patience is worn out
and you're still doing the thing.
Or you're still not doing thething, or you're not taking
(17:23):
initiative and it's likecompletely just over your head.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
I'm going to be vulnerable here.
Tell us a real life example.
What are you talking about?
Okay, Give it to me.
This is general but it's real.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Come on give it to me , honey do list.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
For those of you guys who don't know what a honey do
list is, it is a list of thingsthat you give to your honey to
do around the house, whatever,whatever.
Okay, whatever, whatever.
And so I'm just going to say um, honey do list, what is a
recent thing?
Speaker 1 (17:58):
Put it up to birdhouses.
No, you wanted me to do that.
You have a list.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
You have things that need to get done, things that
are around the house, thingsthat I have brought to your
attention on more than oneoccasion On more than one
occasion.
Okay, here's something Iremember.
Okay, I remember we have aking-size bed.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Right.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
We do not have a washer and dryer that can wash
king-size bed comforters.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Right, okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
So somebody has to take the comforter.
I mean we could wash all thesheets, but somebody has to take
the comforters each season.
To the laundry mat, to thelaundry mat, right.
Okay, kyle's in charge oflaundry.
We've discussed this sincebefore we were married.
It was our last kind of debatein our premarital counseling
(18:58):
session was who is doing thelaundry.
We made it abundantly clear thatKyle was going to do this,
because Selena sucks at laundry.
Okay, like that's just what itis.
Kyle was in charge of cleaninglinens.
Okay, linens don't get cleaned.
Okay, so I'm like, all right,cool, he doesn't have time.
I'm going to give him thebenefit of the doubt.
(19:20):
I'm doing it Kyle's way.
Maybe he just hasn't gottenaround to it, maybe that.
So I bring it up casually hey,when are we going to do these
linens?
When are we going to do anotherseason passes?
Comforter is now dirty, so nowwe have two comforters.
It got to the point where we hadlike six comforters, bro, six
comforters it's three no, bro, Ihad to carry that big old cart
(19:43):
that they have in the laundrymat.
That was all the way up to pastthe the basket level, trying to
hold the baby right, like, comeon, we have to go into this
laundromat.
It was, it was a, it was asight to see, okay, okay.
And I did it out of spitebecause I'm like this guy just
does not care about thesecomforters.
(20:04):
I me, I wanted to wash thecomforters, put them with the
matching bed sheets, I wanted tovacuum seal, throw it in the
attic for the following yearwhen we needed them again.
Kyle was just like shoving allof the dirty comforters in a
closet, just hoping.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
I didn't see them.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
They were what basket could hold six king size
comforters.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
There wasn't six.
Keep going, don't finish, wrapup your story.
I'm not criticizing right now.
I'm being vulnerable, right now.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
Okay, so we have a lot of comforters.
Obviously, because we I gothrough lots of like every two
months, I like to switch out theseasons, martha stewart over
here redecorating each tryingbut it's failing because my
comforters still need to bewashed.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
Did I just age, myself saying martha stewart,
anyways, keep going maybe itshould be megan markle no megan
sussex anyways.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
So I keep telling kyle about these comforters and
he keeps saying okay, that's allyou say is okay.
So, as your wife, yeah I takeyour okay, I take your
confirmation and I trust it thatsomething's gonna be be done.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
I'm just going to get the power washer out and power
wash them.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
Seriously, bro, we will hang them on outside.
I don't care how they get done,Just get it done.
And so I'm trusting that yourconfirmation of like okay, I
will take care of this, okay, Iwill do it, okay, I will change.
I'm trusting in that.
I'm putting trust into yourconfirmation because you're
saying it to give me thesecurity that this need is going
(21:35):
to be met.
So when I see a week, two weeks, a month later, that need is
not being met, you're notaddressing it.
Now I feel foolish to put mytrust in your confirmation.
I trust in your confirmation.
Now I feel like I can't trusthis confirmation.
I can't trust when he says okay, because I've waited for the
(21:56):
trust to play out and it hasn't.
And so I hear what you'resaying about like, oh, just let
them see their own mistake.
Ninja, you threw it in a closetwhere you couldn't see it, and
then it was just out of sight,out of mind.
But every time I opened up thiscloset I'm like, oh no,
comforters, it was terrible.
Yeah, to the point where I justsaid you know what?
(22:16):
I don't care how much moneythis costs, I'm going to take my
kid.
And it was a rainy day.
I had to go to three differentlaundromats because one wasn't
open, one didn't take a debitcard and the other one, like,
was you know, it was just a mess.
I went to like three differentcities.
I went to north ridgeville,north homestead and elyria.
(22:38):
I went to three differentcities, three different places
with my kid, with holding all ofthese comforters, taking them
and dumping them, and it wasjust a really terrible time for
me.
And was I doing it out of spite?
Was I doing it in offense?
Was I?
Speaker 1 (22:53):
I definitely didn't talk to you that day, but that
is an example of me criticizingso the over criticism comes from
from in this example and forprobably for many people, uh,
fear that this isn't never goingto change, yeah, that they're
never going to figure it out ontheir own.
Yeah, insecurity, insecurity.
(23:18):
That it's always going to leadto this weakness, whether it's a
weakness in our relationship,weakness in our home being dirty
, a weakness in our friendship,a weakness in our spiritual life
that we're not praying enoughtogether, and it comes from a
fear that we can't overcome thisRight, like we're never going
to figure this out.
He's never going to get better.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
I don't even ask you anymore about the comforters.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
She's never going to make this change, we're never
going to have this connectionthat we wanted to have, and so
the insecurity, the fear, theuncertainty that it's ever going
to get better are all thesethings that drive the
overcriticism.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
And we're talking about external criticisms Like
we haven't, like you said, usethe example of praying.
Like people criticize theirspouses about themselves, about
how they act, about engaging notengaging.
About serving not serving.
About how to be a leader, howto be more intimate in the
bedroom.
You're criticizing them andthat could get hard to overcome.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
And make them bitter.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Make them bitter, make them feel less than make
them feel unworthy, make themfeel insignificant.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
Withdraw.
Shame, you're going to talk tome.
Y'all like this.
Bye you know every time I lookat her.
Every time I want to chat withher.
She's telling me how I didsomething wrong.
Forget that, I'm going in myshed heaven forbid.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
A woman has children and her husband is now
criticizing how she looks orfeels how come you don't go to
the gym more?
Speaker 1 (24:50):
how come you're not doing push-ups?
Can't you just do push-?
Speaker 2 (24:53):
So I mean, we're talking about little things,
we're talking about comfortersand dishwashers, Right, but
there are people out there whoare really struggling with this
guy.
Why is he even married to me?
Why did they even choose me?
Speaker 1 (25:06):
All right, so let's role play.
I'm the over-criticizinghusband who keeps talking to you
about.
You can't criticize that withme, because my mouth is too
quick and I I will clap back.
I'm not like most people.
We're gonna need you to roleplay and be be the mature
christian woman we're out heretalking about.
Okay, we've got kids I hearmoving around the house.
(25:27):
Yes, what do you say when youfeel like he's over-criticizing?
But you want to say it in ahealthy way that helps him
understand how you're feeling.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
If I were not.
Me and I had anover-criticizing husband, and he
did it consistently.
It turns to emotional abuse.
Bro, she won't go to him shewon't go to him.
She'll go to someone else.
She'll go to her friends.
She might go to that workhusband we talked about last
week.
She might just bottle it up toherself because she's
(25:57):
embarrassed.
She might start to believe inthe things.
Remember what the word says.
The tongue has the power togive life and death, and he's
speaking death over her.
She's dying.
She doesn't have the energy totalk back.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
She's dying.
She doesn't have the energy totalk back.
She doesn't have the energy toreach out and try to correct it.
She's wounded.
You're wounding her body rightlike, just like the like the
christ in the body.
we are the one body yeah if I amstabbing and cutting and
stabbing and cutting my bodywith harmful criticizing words,
(26:42):
I'm is responsible to yourself.
Cutting to put the.
Put the ointment on the cut.
Yeah, put the band-aid on thecut, yeah.
I have to be the man and thebigger one and the leader to
step up and say, hey, I knowI've been doing this and I don't
mean to, or I know I've beendoing this and it's only because
I want you to be better, butI'm going to make an effort to
(27:04):
stop this.
As men, we have to take theownership on that that we're
leading.
If, if she's over criticizing,just like to comfort her, yeah,
if she's over criticizing, it'sbecause you're not getting
something done, man dude.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
Yes, but for the most part, for I can't even say for
the most part, kyle because,like you said before, there are
some women who just constantlyattack and attack, and attack
and attack.
And why?
Because there is something inthemselves and they're expecting
their leader to fix it and it'snot their job to fix what's
(27:38):
happening inside of you.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
So is this a sit down like?
Hey, I noticed you've beencriticizing me a lot.
What's going on is that that'san approach that is an approach,
yeah, I think.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
I think it has to be simpler than that, because some
people might not want to faceconflict with somebody like that
, and you know they could.
Someone can easily manipulateit.
You know somebody could eatwell, it's your fault, like you
know.
Yeah, what do you mean?
You don't know what I'm mad at.
Well then, I'm not going tofigure it out.
You know like it gets to thatpoint.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
But you never said that to me.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
No, never, never.
God is saved by grace.
Okay, sanctified is saved bygrace, that's right, but there
are.
I think the easiest thing youcan do is remind yourself to
keep talking.
You know, you have to remindyourself to keep talking.
You have to remind yourself tokeep talking because if you
(28:35):
start to hide away, if you startto shun away from that kind of
conversation, you're just goingto dig a deeper and deeper hole.
You're never going to come outof it.
It's very hard.
It's very hard because, like Isaid, a lot of the times, the
reason why people criticizeanything, whether it's external
or internal, whether it's thatperson themselves or what
(28:56):
they're doing I think a lot ofthe times it has to do with an
insecurity in yourself.
It's an insecurity in yourselfand you're trying to make things
right and you're trying tocontrol what you can, and you
think that by doing that it'sgoing to make things right and
you're trying to control whatyou can and you think that by
doing that it's going to makeyour life better.
You think that by doing thatit's going to make your marriage
better, it's going to make yourhouse better, it's going to
(29:18):
make your kids better, whenreally all it does is it pushes
everything away so to thehusband or wife who has just had
their partner.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
Tell them why do you keep criticizing me?
That's a sign to you to checkyourself internally.
Why do I keep criticizing her,why am I picking on him, why am
I so worried about how thedishwasher is?
And do some really self-diggingthere and then pray together.
(29:47):
I think my next step is gostraight to prayer, because that
spiritual unity helps to healthose wounds.
That's that ointment we weretalking about.
Just thinking practically here.
It's like how do I approachhealing?
I approach it with prayer, Iapproach it with saying nice
things.
Oh dude, I remember this greatexercise you catch yourself
(30:09):
over-criticizing your partner.
If your partner partner callsyou out, you got to be on the
same page about this.
If you, for each criticism, yougotta say two nice things, two
positive affirmations, and thenyou're gonna put salt and the
good, the good soul, goodseasoning, on that bad thing, is
that fun?
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Yeah, to go back to the comforter story.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
Sorry, yeah, okay, yes.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
This is good.
Think it practical there.
So let's practically workthrough this.
So why was Selena so bent upout of shape over the comforters
?
It was because I felt like Kylewasn't respecting me when I
asked him.
It felt like I was feeling likeKyle didn, didn't take this
serious.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
I didn't love you because I left your house a mess
it felt like you were notrespecting the house chores.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
It felt like you didn't care.
It felt like you didn't care.
So I took that as a form oflike you're disrespecting me and
you're disrespecting thisbecause you don't care about it.
So I took that as you doingsomething to me.
So, therefore, I went out of myway and I did it and it was a
(31:17):
terrible time doing it and Ifelt awful doing it, not like oh
, I wish Kyle would have done it.
No like.
I can't stand this dude and Ican't believe he did this to me
and I can't like everything wasgeared towards, towards me.
It was not a house thinganymore.
Now it's like.
I can't believe kyle did thisto me.
Look what kyle had.
Like now I'm in the rainbecause of kyle.
(31:38):
Like it was about me and Idon't necessarily think that
that's the way to do it likethat's not the way to go around
it, because now it's a it's a meissue when really like are,
when really like it's not evenabout the comforters at all at
this point.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
So that's part of the inventory is what is the reason
behind this?
Speaker 2 (31:56):
What is the?
Yeah, you got to understand,like, what is the root behind
the criticism?
And, like you said this, and soI think, before I went out of
my way and dragged my daughterand me into the rain to wash
these comforters once and forall, she was probably loving it
in her rain boots.
She had a great, she had anadventure of her life Like she
was all over the place.
But to I should have sat downwith you to talk about the root
(32:21):
of why this matters to me,instead of just constantly
saying when are you going to dothis?
When are you going to do this?
When are you going to do this?
How come you're to do this?
When are you going to do this?
When are you going to do this?
Speaker 1 (32:33):
How can we?
Speaker 2 (32:33):
not doing this?
What is wrong with you?
Why can't you do this?
I didn't say that, but it getsto that.
Yeah, we should have the sitdown talk of like Kyle.
The reason why I want thesedone is because I want my house
to be clean and I want to clearup this space and we're about to
head into holiday mode and Ijust want to prepare for
everything else that has to comeout of the attic.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
And I feel like every time you say you're going to do
it, you're not doing it.
Now it's a personal attacktowards me, because I feel like
you don't respect me.
You're not respecting me.
Like, try to level with them toshow them why I'm not going to
guarantee that your spouse isgoing to be on the receiving end
and is going to take it andactually do something with that,
because they might then feelattacked and it might turn into
something crazy.
(33:14):
Which is why what Kyle saidstart with the prayer part.
That's going to give you theright words.
That's going to give you theright timing to when you should
have this conversation.
That's going to give you theboldness to confront the
conflict.
That's going to show you whothe real enemy is.
Remember, like there's not yourpartner Spoiler alert.
(33:37):
It's, it's, it's that hungergames quote.
Remember who the real enemy is.
Let's go, you know, like theenemy could use laundry.
Right, the enemy can use adishwasher.
Right, the enemy can use adishwasher.
The enemy can use postpartumhormones to really get into your
head, to get into your home andto try to break your marriage,
to try to break the disconnectby any means necessary.
(34:00):
And so if you are in prayer andyou start to bring these
ventings and these frustrationsto God and you start talking to
God about your spouse, likeyou're okay to talk to God about
your spouse, it's almost likemy four-year-old.
She comes and tattletales onher brothers all the time.
Go tattletale to God.
Okay, go tattletale to God,because then he can show you
(34:24):
okay, selena, this is how you'refeeling.
Let's check your heart.
Here's the root, here's thecondition.
This is what you say, this iswhat you do.
Give me that burden, I'll holdon to it.
You know, god could start tominister in that and then you
guys can actually have an adultconversation about chores or
(34:45):
responsibilities or how you feel, and then it could, all you
know, work itself out, but God,just like you feel, and then it
could all work itself out.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
But God, just like you said, you saw, all that
stuff, the enemy can do this,the enemy can do that, but God,
god can bring peace, god canbring restoration, god can bring
healing.
God can bring inner peace,inner security to you, inner
peace when you let that HolySpirit flow through you like
that, when you bring in theprayer, when you bring in the
(35:12):
realness, the vulnerability, thevulnerability to just say yes,
lord, let me just step back andseek peace in this situation,
and God can work it out.
No relationship, norelationship is beyond repair.
If the two people are committedto figuring it out, if the two
people are committed to workingtogether to get it right, if the
(35:34):
two people are committed togetting better themselves so
that they can be better for eachother, then that relationship
is not so damaged, beyond repair.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
If they're committed to trusting and surrendering it
to god let's go if they'recommitted to placing this
marriage and this problem andthis offense on the altar of the
lord and letting god havecontrol over it rather than us
trying to control it right thennothing is impossible that's
(36:05):
right.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
Let's pray for the people.
Let's close.
This is too.
We're at the right spot.
I know you don't like me to gohard right into prayer, but we
need that.
It's the right time.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
Can I pray?
Speaker 1 (36:16):
Yeah, yes, that's what I just said.
I said you pray.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
Lord, we thank you for this episode.
We thank you for the people whoare listening to this episode
right now are not here by chance.
They needed to hear this, theyneeded to be ministered to and,
lord, we just pray that you usedour words to minister to their
hearts.
We pray that you would softenanybody's heart right now who
(36:40):
might feel a frustration, aninsecurity, a brokenness within
their relationship that causesthem to feel like they need to
control, to feel like they needto criticize, to feel like they
need to use words to attack whatyou have brought together, lord
, in their relationship.
(37:00):
We pray that you would nurturethis and that you would bring
them restoration.
We pray that you would givethem the right tools, the right
setting, the right mindset, theright heart, the right attitude,
lord, to shift the narrative sothat they can surrender these
things to you, so that criticismand help them nurture and grow
and bring out the blooms in theseason in your right timing.
(37:38):
And we give you the glory forall of these things In Jesus's
name Amen.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
Amen, amen.
If this is something you'regoing through and you want to
talk through, reach out to us.
We're open.
If you have questions oncriticisms or common offenses,
leave it in the comments andwe'll get back to you.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
We respond to all this stuff.
One thing I wanted to share is,if this is something that
you're struggling with, like me,this is a daily walk.
This is a daily battle, but itwon't change overnight.
It's going to take a daily walk.
This is a daily battle, but itwon't change overnight.
Okay, it's going to take a dailywalk.
It's going to take constantlychanging, constantly looking to
God, constantly talking to yourpartner about how you can make
(38:20):
this better.
So I just want to encourage youguys and couples out there, if
this is your battle, that you'refacing it can be one.
Your ridges will get sandeddown, your heart will get tender
, you guys can work together andyou can work through this and,
as Kyle just said, if you needhelp, we're right on the other
end.
Speaker 1 (38:38):
Do all the steps YouTube like share, subscribe,
right Spotify, apple podcastsget them five-star reviews.
Tell people how great it is toLove by Faith.
We appreciate you.
We'll see you next time.
Speaker 2 (38:56):
Love by Faith y'all.
Speaker 1 (38:57):
Love by Faith y'all.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
We'll see you, bye, bye.
Flowers are looking good thoughComing up, Get all the little
pokes in the in the garden I'mready to garden yeah I'm ready
to pull weeds and till groundand sprout some seeds and we got
(39:21):
that area all ready to goraised beds.
I'm not gonna add this to yourhoneydew list, it's already, but
I'm gonna politely remind youthat I would like raise beds
this season it's already onthere, I just gotta put it up
you just gotta put it up.
I gotta go out.
No, I gotta go out.
It's not just put it on theground.
Speaker 1 (39:38):
I gotta level it and put things so that it looks good
and then fill it with stuff.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
So do all the things to fill them up.
Speaker 1 (39:48):
And so that's on my agenda for this spring.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
This spring could be anywhere from March to June bro.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
Well, march is already out the window, so I'm
thinking like April Some.
Saturday or Sunday here soon,when we don't have a million
things to do.
Speaker 2 (40:03):
April 7th.
April 6th, april 6th.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
April 6th Coming up quick.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
It is, it is, and so are the blooms.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
It's going to look good.
I saw your seeds starting inall the spots.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
Looking good Trying.
Speaker 2 (40:22):
I got a sweet potato that's kind of like started
developing roots in the pantry,so I'm going to bust that and
put that in the.
I'm going to throw that in thedirt and see what happens.
Let's just see what happens.
That's us man.
We'll tell you guys about it ina couple months.
Gotta go.
Over-criticizing your partner.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
Well, now it's just personal, because I already told
you about this.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
I know that you've been criticizing me a lot.
What's going on?
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Why is he even married to me?
Why did they even choose me?
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Where is the line where it goes from healthy to
over-criticizing?
Speaker 2 (00:15):
We're not perfect people.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
By any means.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
But by trusting in God we learn what it takes to
build a friendship.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
A relationship.
And marriage that has stood thetest of time With a Keeping it
Real style.
We're going to talk to youabout everything everything that
we've been through are goingthrough and have overcome all by
learning how to lean on God andeach other in order to help you
learn how to love by faith.
(00:43):
Happy spring, Selena.
We are in the spring cleaning.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
We're in spring, Well not yet.
It's planned.
It's on the calendar no, it'shere.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Got the birdhouses up , had a couple of shorts days.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
So nice, we finally get those.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
It's still pretty cold.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
It is, it does, it goes.
You know it's in that midlifecrisis part of the year.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Fake spring.
It's in fake spring mode, Right, right right man.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
the kids are all like can I?
Wear shorts today.
Can I wear shorts today?
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Yeah, shorts, crocs, it's Crocs season.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Right, we do let our kids wear Crocs.
I know that's kind ofcontroversial.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
This generation uses Crocs season for every season,
so I don't know what to sayabout that.
It's all right, Dude.
I remember when Crocs came outit was like when I was in
college and nobody wore them soI got my first first, I got my
first pair of crocs from thegrocery store they had them.
(01:53):
They weren't crocs, they werecrooks.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
No, they were totally crocs.
They were no, they were justlike trying to get their brand
okay established.
So crazy and they had, likethey had cleveland indians ones
and I was like these are sweet.
Yeah, they're better than opentoe sandals.
You don't have them anymore.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
No, I had a, they were, I mean, like you said it
was 20 years ago yeah, that'scrazy, that is crazy we should
change the subject now, but yeah, that was my first pair of
crocs, my first pair of crocs, Ithink was in 20 2006 yeah yeah
20.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Wow, dude, I know, I know well, we're part of that,
we're part of that generation.
Now, man, he's got to own itmary jane's.
I had some mary jane crocsthat's sweet I wore those things
everywhere yeah, I just sawthose new ones called the echoes
.
They look like regular shoes.
Those aren't those are notcrocs.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
They look, cozy man it's like saying is a hot dog a
sandwich, it's not a croc ifit's covered.
In my opinion, if it has lacesand it's covered, it's not a
croc it's a shoe, so is a hotdog, a taco so we're here in
spring and, uh, tell the peoplewhat the series is you know I
(03:06):
totally forgot you mentionedearly, in the very beginning of
this conversation, you mentionedspring cleaning yeah I thought
you were talking about literalme having to do the deep
cleaning that I do every sixmonths.
You were referring to today'sseries Spring Cleaning.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
Spring Cleaning.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Which is what we are in this month, guys, and what
does Spring Cleaning mean?
We are taking our idea book,we're taking our notes that we
have had planned, and there aresome things that just doesn't
fit in our type A series fashion, and so we just decided to
throw a bunch of topics togetherto spring clean out this book.
So this is it and today's topicI'm a little, I'm a little
(03:53):
nervous about yeah I'm a littlenervous about today's topic
because I feel like, uh, this isa topic that I struggle with,
even even to this day.
Like I, I, I work my hardest onthis topic selena's
vulnerability is coming outtoday comes out all the time.
When is kyle gonna getvulnerable?
(04:15):
I'm an open book yo I'm an openbook you are.
Thank you for yourvulnerability, but, uh, today's
topic is a little hard for meand and it might be a little
hard for you, which is why weare choosing to talk about it.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Yeah, man, I think when I get into the idea of this
topic, I tend to think about itthrough the lens of how would I
feel if this was coming at me?
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Right, how would I feel if someone was, if it just
kept pestering and pestering andpestering Without further ado?
This week we are talking aboutover-criticizing your partner.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
Over-criticizing your partner.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
And the fallout from that and how to handle that.
And so I tend to think like myapproach with you is usually
wait to check myself.
Is this a me problem first?
All right, she's making thisgoofy sound.
I'm just making up an example.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
What is the example you're talking about?
Speaker 1 (05:15):
Let me think of one from real life.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Real life example.
Guys, here we go.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Real heavy marriage topic.
Here's the bus.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
I'm about to get pushed under.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Let's go Loading the pushed under let's go loading
the dishwasher.
Okay, loading the dishwasher,okay, that's.
I go to it and I see all thisstuff and I'm like there is so
much more space available inthis dishwasher.
Like how does she not just putit all?
Speaker 2 (05:39):
then you do it.
No, okay, I'm sorry, that's whywe're here and so the I stopped
myself before.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
I'm like selena, come here, what are you doing with
this?
Why is this like this?
What's going on?
Because I don't want to get hit.
No, I'm kidding, she doesn'thit me I don't listen.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
I will never hurt my husband I will never murder my
husband, right, I will never uh,have to say this, okay, but
some people might be likethey're gonna take this and try
to cancel me in 20 years okay,when crocs are still good, okay.
When crocs are better, they'regonna try to cancel selena.
So I would never physicallyharm my husband unintentionally.
(06:19):
Emotionally harm that issomething I'm working on because
I would never want to harm him.
But we all have baggage.
When Kyle found me as a poorpup, I was very rigid around the
edges and we have been sandingthose down with the Holy Spirit
ever since.
Continue.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
Man.
So when it comes toover-criticizing, I go right
into thinking is this a meproblem, or is this a her
problem, or is this an usproblem?
Speaker 2 (06:44):
Okay, wow, you come up with that in your initial
thought, thinking is this a meproblem, or is this a her
problem, or is this an usproblem?
Okay, wow, that's.
You come up with that in yourinitial thought yeah, yeah, like
wait a second wow, before Istart talking.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Thank you.
What's going on here?
Speaker 2 (06:54):
man.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
I married a good one right, thanks huh so, and so I'm
like wait a second, just fix itright.
This is something that is nother problem.
She just put the stuff in thedishwasher, like she did a huge
help to us by putting the stuffin the dishwasher, all this when
, when, when this first happenedin our marriage and I was like,
wow, she has no clue how toload a dishwasher in my head I
(07:18):
never had a dishwasher, meeither, but in my head I thought
that and I'm like this type alady doesn't know how to get all
the stuff to fit no, I'mterrible at.
I'm terrible at approximationsand so I didn't like I didn't
didn't dump it on you, right?
okay, I didn't dump it on you,so, so this is one of those
things where I waited for you tobe like to ask me about it.
(07:40):
Or I just can't fix it, but Ijust fix it but you do I fix it,
but you okay I fix it.
This is a very beautiful.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
I reorganized your painting for the people, tell me
about it.
Okay, you do criticize me aboutputting the dishwasher out.
You like you.
It's almost condescending theway you do it, because you're
like you see this here, itshould go here.
You see this, it should go here.
And then you feed me words.
You're like say, okay, husband,and I'm like, okay, husband,
(08:11):
and you're like, okay, thanks,husband, for helping me with the
dishwasher.
And I'm like, thanks, husband,for helping me with the
dishwasher, I don't leave no, noway.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
So here's what I feel it may me being defensive I
feel like I don't bring up thistopic to you that while I'm
reorganizing, you come to me andyou get defensive and you're
like what's wrong with thedishwasher, why are you
reorganizing it?
And I'm like, and then I haveto explain it to you, and then
that's when I'm like she's notsaying any words to me.
(08:42):
She gave me the cold shoulder,so I got to encourage her to say
something.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
It's because if you go back a couple episodes, I
said at one point if I havenothing nice to say, I say
nothing.
It was one of those moments.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
So that's when I feed you the nice things to say, so
that you can remember.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
I think it's very.
We could go back and bickerabout a dishwasher back and
forth this entire episode.
It go back and bicker about adishwasher, back and forth this
entire episode.
But I think it's very evidentto say that even somebody of
kyle's stature, who is trying toprocess this on his own before
communicating his needs, thereis still a margin of error where
(09:21):
you do criticize.
Oh, yeah and you do bring it tomy attention and you do it in
such a way where I feel like fthis dishwasher, f this guy,
like all y'all could just havedirty dishes in the sink and you
can do it by hand from now on,like, remember where you came
from, like and just do one ofthose.
But I don't do that.
Obviously I'm still working onmyself and I respect my husband
(09:42):
and we're trying to, but in myhead, yeah, I'm like you could
do them dishes yourself, likeyou could figure that out.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
But I have no problem .
You make such delicious food.
I have no problem if you leavethat sink full of dishes that
would be in that washer beforethe end of the day you brought
up, you know, just a littletidbit of something right, and
if the something continues to berepeated, right if it turns
into this pattern, if it turnsinto this habit and it is
something that, like, reallygets to you under your skin,
(10:12):
then I feel like people start tocriticize and they start off
kyle's way.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
They start off.
I'm really trying to help here.
I really love person.
I don't know if this is like.
I don't even know if they knowthat this is a thing.
You start off really nice, butthen over time, if I continue to
load the dishwasher wrong, nowyou go from the Kyle spectrum to
the Selena spectrum and now I'mlike, well, now it's just
(10:39):
personal, because I already toldyou about this and I think
that's where me personally, myover criticism bug, starts to
itch.
Is I tell you things nicely?
okay, yeah and they don't getdone.
Okay, okay, and it could be foranything it could be.
(10:59):
Maybe you forgot, maybe youjust don't see it there, maybe
you don't think it's importantenough for you to handle in that
moment where, for me, the valueis a little higher.
And so I'm pressing on you todo this thing.
And it gets to the point whereI am starting to take it
personal and I'm just like whyare you not getting this thing
(11:21):
done?
Why are you doing it that way?
Why does it have to be this way?
And so I start to take itpersonal, and then my emotions
start to mix into this thingthat I want done.
And now I'm almost on thisattack mode because I'm like you
did it again.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Now it's not just the dishwasher, it's the clothes,
it's all the things.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
It's the clothes, it's the, it's all the things?
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Why are you chewing like that?
It's why are you putting onyour right shoe first instead of
your left?
Speaker 2 (11:51):
You got to be very careful with a fence, because a
fence can spread like wild, wild, wild fire.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Okay, and it will get to that where everything is
becoming annoying and everythingis becoming about you and
everything is just like anattack.
And then, once you're in thatkind of sense in your marriage,
it's like fight or flight.
So now you're either going toleave it alone and like, build
(12:19):
all this energy and keep itinside yourself until one day
you just blow up and you're likewhere did this all come from?
Or you're going to fight backand then you're going to be rude
or disrespectful or petty orcondescending or unloving to
your person.
It could get very bad veryquick.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Let me ask you this, because while you're talking,
I'm thinking about quick.
Let me ask you, uh, this,because while you're talking,
I'm thinking about where is theline where it goes from healthy
to over criticize, from healthycall a constructive discussion
to over criticize?
Speaker 2 (12:55):
it's so hard to determine the again.
This is something I'm workingthrough but you not only have a
repeated offense.
Okay, let's, let's call it that, for right now we're going to
label this kind of criticismrepeated offense okay, okay, but
then you have the other side ofcriticism okay where the person
themselves, the individualperson themselves, feels like
(13:20):
they have to criticize becausethey have to have some sense of
control over a situation.
Yeah, and these people you couldcall it the over control or out
of control situation becausethey feel like they don't have a
firm grasp of control in theirlife, in whatever, in parenting,
(13:42):
in marriage, in how they'representing themselves to the
rest of the world, in finances,right, like they feel like they
don't have a sense of controland so, therefore, they're
trying to grasp control by anymeans necessary.
Therefore, that carpet's notvacuumed right, those dishes
aren't put away right, thatbed's not made right, that
(14:03):
laundry shouldn't be there, youhave to pick this up.
You have to do this.
Why are you dressed like that?
Why are you?
Those dishes aren't put awayright, that bed's not made right
, that laundry shouldn't bethere, you have to pick this up.
You have to do this.
Why are you dressed like that?
Why are you slouching?
It's all because they're tryingto control the narrative and
they can't Not slouching.
You're great, you're great,you're great.
They're trying to control thenarrative and they can't.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
OK.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
And so it's desperately reaching for other
things.
And so, to answer your question, like, where does the line go?
I mean it depends.
Is it an external thing or aninternal thing, because the line
could be different for both.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
It comes back to what's at stake here.
What's at stake?
What am I planting this flagfor?
Right Like, if you think aboutcriticisms.
I used used to be a painterright at paint houses and every
once in a while we'd have ahomeowner we were working for
and they would bust out the bluetape and they would just blue
tape the mess out of the wholejob they would do it yeah, yeah,
(14:58):
like out of control, so thatthis is what's wrong.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
This is what's wrong.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
This is what's wrong and there they were at wrong and
there they were.
And sometimes they were likeglaring, obvious, like yeah,
there's a scuff there, we candefinitely fix that.
And sometimes it was likethat's just a shadow, bro.
We're like there's nothingwe're going to do here.
And so think about yourcriticisms, as planting your
flag or planting your blue tape,and ask yourself is this blue
(15:24):
tape really need to be here?
Do I really need to call herout on this right, or is this
just the me thing?
Speaker 2 (15:31):
is it?
Speaker 1 (15:31):
I just need to give her space to grow through.
I just need to trust it and letthe process happen like I just
got this awesome.
You got this flowery shirt onright and you accidentally
slipped and said wildflowersinstead of wildfire.
Okay, and think about it aslike are you going to criticize
a flower for not budding fastenough?
Are you going to criticize thisflower for not blooming on the
(15:53):
day you wanted it to bloom?
Speaker 2 (15:55):
No.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
It's going to bloom when it's ready.
Yeah, and even you've seen.
I know you've seen in mebecause you've told me that in
previous seasons you wouldn'thave done this, kyle.
And now you're there.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
And so when you see your partner course correct
instantly, it's an awesome place, right, yeah?
Or even over seasons notinstantly, but over seasons,
it's the patience to see itthrough and to let them
criticize themselves becausewe're already hard enough on
ourselves and figure out how tobe better at it, right?
(16:26):
And so seeing the line is,you're right, it's a huge
challenge, but seeing it cantake us to a place where we are
able to have the, the patiencelike god and, uh, you're making
a face I'm I'm trying reallyhard not to make a face you made
it, it's okay, okay.
(16:46):
So you had, like this, thisscrunch.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
I really, I really I really mustered all of the
energy to relax my muscles whileyou were talking.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
So what's going on in there, Selena?
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Kyle.
You make it sound so poetic,bro.
You make it sound like justgive them patience, let them
live their life, the Lord willwork through them.
But there have been seasons,bro, where patience is worn out
and you're still doing the thing.
Or you're still not doing thething, or you're not taking
(17:23):
initiative and it's likecompletely just over your head.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
I'm going to be vulnerable here.
Tell us a real life example.
What are you talking about?
Okay, Give it to me.
This is general but it's real.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Come on give it to me , honey do list.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
For those of you guys who don't know what a honey do
list is, it is a list of thingsthat you give to your honey to
do around the house, whatever,whatever.
Okay, whatever, whatever.
And so I'm just going to say um, honey do list, what is a
recent thing?
Speaker 1 (17:58):
Put it up to birdhouses.
No, you wanted me to do that.
You have a list.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
You have things that need to get done, things that
are around the house, thingsthat I have brought to your
attention on more than oneoccasion On more than one
occasion.
Okay, here's something Iremember.
Okay, I remember we have aking-size bed.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Right.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
We do not have a washer and dryer that can wash
king-size bed comforters.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Right, okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
So somebody has to take the comforter.
I mean we could wash all thesheets, but somebody has to take
the comforters each season.
To the laundry mat, to thelaundry mat, right.
Okay, kyle's in charge oflaundry.
We've discussed this sincebefore we were married.
It was our last kind of debatein our premarital counseling
(18:58):
session was who is doing thelaundry.
We made it abundantly clear thatKyle was going to do this,
because Selena sucks at laundry.
Okay, like that's just what itis.
Kyle was in charge of cleaninglinens.
Okay, linens don't get cleaned.
Okay, so I'm like, all right,cool, he doesn't have time.
I'm going to give him thebenefit of the doubt.
(19:20):
I'm doing it Kyle's way.
Maybe he just hasn't gottenaround to it, maybe that.
So I bring it up casually hey,when are we going to do these
linens?
When are we going to do anotherseason passes?
Comforter is now dirty, so nowwe have two comforters.
It got to the point where we hadlike six comforters, bro, six
comforters it's three no, bro, Ihad to carry that big old cart
(19:43):
that they have in the laundrymat.
That was all the way up to pastthe the basket level, trying to
hold the baby right, like, comeon, we have to go into this
laundromat.
It was, it was a, it was asight to see, okay, okay.
And I did it out of spitebecause I'm like this guy just
does not care about thesecomforters.
(20:04):
I me, I wanted to wash thecomforters, put them with the
matching bed sheets, I wanted tovacuum seal, throw it in the
attic for the following yearwhen we needed them again.
Kyle was just like shoving allof the dirty comforters in a
closet, just hoping.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
I didn't see them.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
They were what basket could hold six king size
comforters.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
There wasn't six.
Keep going, don't finish, wrapup your story.
I'm not criticizing right now.
I'm being vulnerable, right now.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
Okay, so we have a lot of comforters.
Obviously, because we I gothrough lots of like every two
months, I like to switch out theseasons, martha stewart over
here redecorating each tryingbut it's failing because my
comforters still need to bewashed.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
Did I just age, myself saying martha stewart,
anyways, keep going maybe itshould be megan markle no megan
sussex anyways.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
So I keep telling kyle about these comforters and
he keeps saying okay, that's allyou say is okay.
So, as your wife, yeah I takeyour okay, I take your
confirmation and I trust it thatsomething's gonna be be done.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
I'm just going to get the power washer out and power
wash them.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
Seriously, bro, we will hang them on outside.
I don't care how they get done,Just get it done.
And so I'm trusting that yourconfirmation of like okay, I
will take care of this, okay, Iwill do it, okay, I will change.
I'm trusting in that.
I'm putting trust into yourconfirmation because you're
saying it to give me thesecurity that this need is going
(21:35):
to be met.
So when I see a week, two weeks, a month later, that need is
not being met, you're notaddressing it.
Now I feel foolish to put mytrust in your confirmation.
I trust in your confirmation.
Now I feel like I can't trusthis confirmation.
I can't trust when he says okay, because I've waited for the
(21:56):
trust to play out and it hasn't.
And so I hear what you'resaying about like, oh, just let
them see their own mistake.
Ninja, you threw it in a closetwhere you couldn't see it, and
then it was just out of sight,out of mind.
But every time I opened up thiscloset I'm like, oh no,
comforters, it was terrible.
Yeah, to the point where I justsaid you know what?
(22:16):
I don't care how much moneythis costs, I'm going to take my
kid.
And it was a rainy day.
I had to go to three differentlaundromats because one wasn't
open, one didn't take a debitcard and the other one, like,
was you know, it was just a mess.
I went to like three differentcities.
I went to north ridgeville,north homestead and elyria.
(22:38):
I went to three differentcities, three different places
with my kid, with holding all ofthese comforters, taking them
and dumping them, and it wasjust a really terrible time for
me.
And was I doing it out of spite?
Was I doing it in offense?
Was I?
Speaker 1 (22:53):
I definitely didn't talk to you that day, but that
is an example of me criticizingso the over criticism comes from
from in this example and forprobably for many people, uh,
fear that this isn't never goingto change, yeah, that they're
never going to figure it out ontheir own.
Yeah, insecurity, insecurity.
(23:18):
That it's always going to leadto this weakness, whether it's a
weakness in our relationship,weakness in our home being dirty
, a weakness in our friendship,a weakness in our spiritual life
that we're not praying enoughtogether, and it comes from a
fear that we can't overcome thisRight, like we're never going
to figure this out.
He's never going to get better.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
I don't even ask you anymore about the comforters.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
She's never going to make this change, we're never
going to have this connectionthat we wanted to have, and so
the insecurity, the fear, theuncertainty that it's ever going
to get better are all thesethings that drive the
overcriticism.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
And we're talking about external criticisms Like
we haven't, like you said, usethe example of praying.
Like people criticize theirspouses about themselves, about
how they act, about engaging notengaging.
About serving not serving.
About how to be a leader, howto be more intimate in the
bedroom.
You're criticizing them andthat could get hard to overcome.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
And make them bitter.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Make them bitter, make them feel less than make
them feel unworthy, make themfeel insignificant.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
Withdraw.
Shame, you're going to talk tome.
Y'all like this.
Bye you know every time I lookat her.
Every time I want to chat withher.
She's telling me how I didsomething wrong.
Forget that, I'm going in myshed heaven forbid.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
A woman has children and her husband is now
criticizing how she looks orfeels how come you don't go to
the gym more?
Speaker 1 (24:50):
how come you're not doing push-ups?
Can't you just do push-?
Speaker 2 (24:53):
So I mean, we're talking about little things,
we're talking about comfortersand dishwashers, Right, but
there are people out there whoare really struggling with this
guy.
Why is he even married to me?
Why did they even choose me?
Speaker 1 (25:06):
All right, so let's role play.
I'm the over-criticizinghusband who keeps talking to you
about.
You can't criticize that withme, because my mouth is too
quick and I I will clap back.
I'm not like most people.
We're gonna need you to roleplay and be be the mature
christian woman we're out heretalking about.
Okay, we've got kids I hearmoving around the house.
(25:27):
Yes, what do you say when youfeel like he's over-criticizing?
But you want to say it in ahealthy way that helps him
understand how you're feeling.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
If I were not.
Me and I had anover-criticizing husband, and he
did it consistently.
It turns to emotional abuse.
Bro, she won't go to him shewon't go to him.
She'll go to someone else.
She'll go to her friends.
She might go to that workhusband we talked about last
week.
She might just bottle it up toherself because she's
(25:57):
embarrassed.
She might start to believe inthe things.
Remember what the word says.
The tongue has the power togive life and death, and he's
speaking death over her.
She's dying.
She doesn't have the energy totalk back.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
She's dying.
She doesn't have the energy totalk back.
She doesn't have the energy toreach out and try to correct it.
She's wounded.
You're wounding her body rightlike, just like the like the
christ in the body.
we are the one body yeah if I amstabbing and cutting and
stabbing and cutting my bodywith harmful criticizing words,
(26:42):
I'm is responsible to yourself.
Cutting to put the.
Put the ointment on the cut.
Yeah, put the band-aid on thecut, yeah.
I have to be the man and thebigger one and the leader to
step up and say, hey, I knowI've been doing this and I don't
mean to, or I know I've beendoing this and it's only because
I want you to be better, butI'm going to make an effort to
(27:04):
stop this.
As men, we have to take theownership on that that we're
leading.
If, if she's over criticizing,just like to comfort her, yeah,
if she's over criticizing, it'sbecause you're not getting
something done, man dude.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
Yes, but for the most part, for I can't even say for
the most part, kyle because,like you said before, there are
some women who just constantlyattack and attack, and attack
and attack.
And why?
Because there is something inthemselves and they're expecting
their leader to fix it and it'snot their job to fix what's
(27:38):
happening inside of you.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
So is this a sit down like?
Hey, I noticed you've beencriticizing me a lot.
What's going on is that that'san approach that is an approach,
yeah, I think.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
I think it has to be simpler than that, because some
people might not want to faceconflict with somebody like that
, and you know they could.
Someone can easily manipulateit.
You know somebody could eatwell, it's your fault, like you
know.
Yeah, what do you mean?
You don't know what I'm mad at.
Well then, I'm not going tofigure it out.
You know like it gets to thatpoint.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
But you never said that to me.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
No, never, never.
God is saved by grace.
Okay, sanctified is saved bygrace, that's right, but there
are.
I think the easiest thing youcan do is remind yourself to
keep talking.
You know, you have to remindyourself to keep talking.
You have to remind yourself tokeep talking because if you
(28:35):
start to hide away, if you startto shun away from that kind of
conversation, you're just goingto dig a deeper and deeper hole.
You're never going to come outof it.
It's very hard.
It's very hard because, like Isaid, a lot of the times, the
reason why people criticizeanything, whether it's external
or internal, whether it's thatperson themselves or what
(28:56):
they're doing I think a lot ofthe times it has to do with an
insecurity in yourself.
It's an insecurity in yourselfand you're trying to make things
right and you're trying tocontrol what you can, and you
think that by doing that it'sgoing to make things right and
you're trying to control whatyou can and you think that by
doing that it's going to makeyour life better.
You think that by doing thatit's going to make your marriage
better, it's going to make yourhouse better, it's going to
(29:18):
make your kids better, whenreally all it does is it pushes
everything away so to thehusband or wife who has just had
their partner.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
Tell them why do you keep criticizing me?
That's a sign to you to checkyourself internally.
Why do I keep criticizing her,why am I picking on him, why am
I so worried about how thedishwasher is?
And do some really self-diggingthere and then pray together.
(29:47):
I think my next step is gostraight to prayer, because that
spiritual unity helps to healthose wounds.
That's that ointment we weretalking about.
Just thinking practically here.
It's like how do I approachhealing?
I approach it with prayer, Iapproach it with saying nice
things.
Oh dude, I remember this greatexercise you catch yourself
(30:09):
over-criticizing your partner.
If your partner partner callsyou out, you got to be on the
same page about this.
If you, for each criticism, yougotta say two nice things, two
positive affirmations, and thenyou're gonna put salt and the
good, the good soul, goodseasoning, on that bad thing, is
that fun?
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Yeah, to go back to the comforter story.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
Sorry, yeah, okay, yes.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
This is good.
Think it practical there.
So let's practically workthrough this.
So why was Selena so bent upout of shape over the comforters
?
It was because I felt like Kylewasn't respecting me when I
asked him.
It felt like I was feeling likeKyle didn, didn't take this
serious.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
I didn't love you because I left your house a mess
it felt like you were notrespecting the house chores.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
It felt like you didn't care.
It felt like you didn't care.
So I took that as a form oflike you're disrespecting me and
you're disrespecting thisbecause you don't care about it.
So I took that as you doingsomething to me.
So, therefore, I went out of myway and I did it and it was a
(31:17):
terrible time doing it and Ifelt awful doing it, not like oh
, I wish Kyle would have done it.
No like.
I can't stand this dude and Ican't believe he did this to me
and I can't like everything wasgeared towards, towards me.
It was not a house thinganymore.
Now it's like.
I can't believe kyle did thisto me.
Look what kyle had.
Like now I'm in the rainbecause of kyle.
(31:38):
Like it was about me and Idon't necessarily think that
that's the way to do it likethat's not the way to go around
it, because now it's a it's a meissue when really like are,
when really like it's not evenabout the comforters at all at
this point.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
So that's part of the inventory is what is the reason
behind this?
Speaker 2 (31:56):
What is the?
Yeah, you got to understand,like, what is the root behind
the criticism?
And, like you said this, and soI think, before I went out of
my way and dragged my daughterand me into the rain to wash
these comforters once and forall, she was probably loving it
in her rain boots.
She had a great, she had anadventure of her life Like she
was all over the place.
But to I should have sat downwith you to talk about the root
(32:21):
of why this matters to me,instead of just constantly
saying when are you going to dothis?
When are you going to do this?
When are you going to do this?
How come you're to do this?
When are you going to do this?
When are you going to do this?
Speaker 1 (32:33):
How can we?
Speaker 2 (32:33):
not doing this?
What is wrong with you?
Why can't you do this?
I didn't say that, but it getsto that.
Yeah, we should have the sitdown talk of like Kyle.
The reason why I want thesedone is because I want my house
to be clean and I want to clearup this space and we're about to
head into holiday mode and Ijust want to prepare for
everything else that has to comeout of the attic.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
And I feel like every time you say you're going to do
it, you're not doing it.
Now it's a personal attacktowards me, because I feel like
you don't respect me.
You're not respecting me.
Like, try to level with them toshow them why I'm not going to
guarantee that your spouse isgoing to be on the receiving end
and is going to take it andactually do something with that,
because they might then feelattacked and it might turn into
something crazy.
(33:14):
Which is why what Kyle saidstart with the prayer part.
That's going to give you theright words.
That's going to give you theright timing to when you should
have this conversation.
That's going to give you theboldness to confront the
conflict.
That's going to show you whothe real enemy is.
Remember, like there's not yourpartner Spoiler alert.
(33:37):
It's, it's, it's that hungergames quote.
Remember who the real enemy is.
Let's go, you know, like theenemy could use laundry.
Right, the enemy can use adishwasher.
Right, the enemy can use adishwasher.
The enemy can use postpartumhormones to really get into your
head, to get into your home andto try to break your marriage,
to try to break the disconnectby any means necessary.
(34:00):
And so if you are in prayer andyou start to bring these
ventings and these frustrationsto God and you start talking to
God about your spouse, likeyou're okay to talk to God about
your spouse, it's almost likemy four-year-old.
She comes and tattletales onher brothers all the time.
Go tattletale to God.
Okay, go tattletale to God,because then he can show you
(34:24):
okay, selena, this is how you'refeeling.
Let's check your heart.
Here's the root, here's thecondition.
This is what you say, this iswhat you do.
Give me that burden, I'll holdon to it.
You know, god could start tominister in that and then you
guys can actually have an adultconversation about chores or
(34:45):
responsibilities or how you feel, and then it could, all you
know, work itself out, but God,just like you feel, and then it
could all work itself out.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
But God, just like you said, you saw, all that
stuff, the enemy can do this,the enemy can do that, but God,
god can bring peace, god canbring restoration, god can bring
healing.
God can bring inner peace,inner security to you, inner
peace when you let that HolySpirit flow through you like
that, when you bring in theprayer, when you bring in the
(35:12):
realness, the vulnerability, thevulnerability to just say yes,
lord, let me just step back andseek peace in this situation,
and God can work it out.
No relationship, norelationship is beyond repair.
If the two people are committedto figuring it out, if the two
people are committed to workingtogether to get it right, if the
(35:34):
two people are committed togetting better themselves so
that they can be better for eachother, then that relationship
is not so damaged, beyond repair.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
If they're committed to trusting and surrendering it
to god let's go if they'recommitted to placing this
marriage and this problem andthis offense on the altar of the
lord and letting god havecontrol over it rather than us
trying to control it right thennothing is impossible that's
(36:05):
right.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
Let's pray for the people.
Let's close.
This is too.
We're at the right spot.
I know you don't like me to gohard right into prayer, but we
need that.
It's the right time.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
Can I pray?
Speaker 1 (36:16):
Yeah, yes, that's what I just said.
I said you pray.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
Lord, we thank you for this episode.
We thank you for the people whoare listening to this episode
right now are not here by chance.
They needed to hear this, theyneeded to be ministered to and,
lord, we just pray that you usedour words to minister to their
hearts.
We pray that you would softenanybody's heart right now who
(36:40):
might feel a frustration, aninsecurity, a brokenness within
their relationship that causesthem to feel like they need to
control, to feel like they needto criticize, to feel like they
need to use words to attack whatyou have brought together, lord
, in their relationship.
(37:00):
We pray that you would nurturethis and that you would bring
them restoration.
We pray that you would givethem the right tools, the right
setting, the right mindset, theright heart, the right attitude,
lord, to shift the narrative sothat they can surrender these
things to you, so that criticismand help them nurture and grow
and bring out the blooms in theseason in your right timing.
(37:38):
And we give you the glory forall of these things In Jesus's
name Amen.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
Amen, amen.
If this is something you'regoing through and you want to
talk through, reach out to us.
We're open.
If you have questions oncriticisms or common offenses,
leave it in the comments andwe'll get back to you.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
We respond to all this stuff.
One thing I wanted to share is,if this is something that
you're struggling with, like me,this is a daily walk.
This is a daily battle, but itwon't change overnight.
It's going to take a daily walk.
This is a daily battle, but itwon't change overnight.
Okay, it's going to take a dailywalk.
It's going to take constantlychanging, constantly looking to
God, constantly talking to yourpartner about how you can make
(38:20):
this better.
So I just want to encourage youguys and couples out there, if
this is your battle, that you'refacing it can be one.
Your ridges will get sandeddown, your heart will get tender
, you guys can work together andyou can work through this and,
as Kyle just said, if you needhelp, we're right on the other
end.
Speaker 1 (38:38):
Do all the steps YouTube like share, subscribe,
right Spotify, apple podcastsget them five-star reviews.
Tell people how great it is toLove by Faith.
We appreciate you.
We'll see you next time.
Speaker 2 (38:56):
Love by Faith y'all.
Speaker 1 (38:57):
Love by Faith y'all.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
We'll see you, bye, bye.
Flowers are looking good thoughComing up, Get all the little
pokes in the in the garden I'mready to garden yeah I'm ready
to pull weeds and till groundand sprout some seeds and we got
(39:21):
that area all ready to goraised beds.
I'm not gonna add this to yourhoneydew list, it's already, but
I'm gonna politely remind youthat I would like raise beds
this season it's already onthere, I just gotta put it up
you just gotta put it up.
I gotta go out.
No, I gotta go out.
It's not just put it on theground.
Speaker 1 (39:38):
I gotta level it and put things so that it looks good
and then fill it with stuff.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
So do all the things to fill them up.
Speaker 1 (39:48):
And so that's on my agenda for this spring.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
This spring could be anywhere from March to June bro.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
Well, march is already out the window, so I'm
thinking like April Some.
Saturday or Sunday here soon,when we don't have a million
things to do.
Speaker 2 (40:03):
April 7th.
April 6th, april 6th.
Speaker 1 (40:07):
April 6th Coming up quick.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
It is, it is, and so are the blooms.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
It's going to look good.
I saw your seeds starting inall the spots.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
Looking good Trying.
Speaker 2 (40:22):
I got a sweet potato that's kind of like started
developing roots in the pantry,so I'm going to bust that and
put that in the.
I'm going to throw that in thedirt and see what happens.
Let's just see what happens.
That's us man.
We'll tell you guys about it ina couple months.
Gotta go.
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